1
00:00:49,090 --> 00:00:51,010
± May I have your attention please?

2
00:00:51,890 --> 00:00:54,680
± Will the real Slim Shady please stand up?

3
00:00:57,270 --> 00:00:58,690
± Feminist women love Eminem

4
00:00:58,770 --> 00:01:01,020
± Chigga chigga chigga "Slim Shady, I'm sick of him"

5
00:01:01,100 --> 00:01:03,650
± "Look at him, walkin' around grabbin' his you-know-what"

6
00:01:03,730 --> 00:01:06,150
± "Flippin' the you-know-who'Yeah, but he's so cute though!"

7
00:01:06,230 --> 00:01:08,190
± Yeah, so will the real Shady please stand up?

8
00:01:08,280 --> 00:01:10,490
± And put one of those fingers on each hand up

9
00:01:10,570 --> 00:01:12,320
± And be proud to be out of your mind

10
00:01:12,410 --> 00:01:13,950
± And out of control and one more time

11
00:01:14,030 --> 00:01:15,580
± Loud as you can, how does it go?

12
00:01:15,660 --> 00:01:17,330
± I'm Slim Shady, yes, I'm the real Shady

13
00:01:17,410 --> 00:01:19,620
± All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating

14
00:01:19,710 --> 00:01:21,080
± So won't the real Slim Shady

15
00:01:21,170 --> 00:01:22,530
± Please stand up Please stand up Please stand up

16
00:01:25,750 --> 00:01:26,960
± Please stand up ±

17
00:01:31,250 --> 00:01:33,760
Hey. Um, look, I know

18
00:01:34,970 --> 00:01:37,400
we've known each other for a really long time.

19
00:01:39,650 --> 00:01:41,840
And we live across the street from each other and stuff.

20
00:01:41,970 --> 00:01:43,160
And...

21
00:01:44,970 --> 00:01:47,080
I know, like, in four days,

22
00:01:48,170 --> 00:01:49,800
I'm sure, if...

23
00:01:49,890 --> 00:01:52,280
You know, prom's, like, in four days... Oh, my God.

24
00:01:52,370 --> 00:01:54,200
You're not asking me to prom, are you?

25
00:02:00,130 --> 00:02:01,840
Fuck, no.

26
00:02:01,930 --> 00:02:03,800
No, I... No, I just...

27
00:02:03,890 --> 00:02:07,380
You're probably going with someone. I'm sorry.

28
00:02:07,450 --> 00:02:09,200
I don't know how to put this nicely.

29
00:02:09,290 --> 00:02:10,760
There's not a nice way to put it.

30
00:02:10,850 --> 00:02:12,280
You're a fucking nerd.

31
00:02:12,370 --> 00:02:15,160
And, you know... I don't know. She's hot.

32
00:02:16,530 --> 00:02:18,160
Look at her. Look at her.

33
00:02:18,330 --> 00:02:20,680
Look at her. Look at her. Look at her. I'll see you later.

34
00:02:21,090 --> 00:02:23,000
Bye. All right, buddy, good talk.

35
00:02:23,090 --> 00:02:24,600
Dude, classic.

36
00:02:25,850 --> 00:02:29,120
Greg Jenko to the principal's office. Greg Jenko to the principal's office.

37
00:02:29,210 --> 00:02:30,880
Shit. Good luck, bro.

38
00:02:31,250 --> 00:02:33,120
I said loud and clear,

39
00:02:33,210 --> 00:02:36,520
if you didn't get your grades up, you weren't going to the prom.

40
00:02:37,010 --> 00:02:39,390
You, my friend, are about to pay the piper.

41
00:02:40,050 --> 00:02:41,360
I should pay who?

42
00:02:41,450 --> 00:02:43,600
You're not going to the prom.

43
00:02:43,730 --> 00:02:45,960
Boy, you lucky you even graduating.

44
00:02:47,450 --> 00:02:49,400
But I'm going to be prom king.

45
00:02:49,490 --> 00:02:51,440
I'm glad you had a great time in school.

46
00:02:51,730 --> 00:02:54,160
'Cause you ain't learned nothing.

47
00:03:14,010 --> 00:03:16,520
Fuck! Fuck!

48
00:03:28,810 --> 00:03:30,120
Welcome to the Police Academy.

49
00:03:30,210 --> 00:03:33,600
Make sure your form is completely filled out, then move along.

50
00:03:36,490 --> 00:03:39,600
Not-so-slim Shady, what's up? Holy shit!

51
00:03:44,170 --> 00:03:46,280
Jenko, Schmidt, you're up.

52
00:03:47,050 --> 00:03:48,030
Oh, fuck!

53
00:03:48,730 --> 00:03:49,690
Oh!

54
00:03:50,970 --> 00:03:53,240
You're good at this, huh? Yeah, I am.

55
00:03:53,330 --> 00:03:54,310
Thank you.

56
00:03:57,090 --> 00:03:58,070
Such bullshit.

57
00:04:01,330 --> 00:04:02,680
You're really good at this.

58
00:04:03,210 --> 00:04:04,720
Yeah, I am.

59
00:04:05,850 --> 00:04:07,320
Hey, you want to be friends?

60
00:04:10,970 --> 00:04:13,000
Come on. Come on, let's go.

61
00:04:13,650 --> 00:04:15,840
Come on, pick your knees up. Pick your knees up.

62
00:04:16,170 --> 00:04:18,920
I'm telling you right now, it's not a felony.

63
00:04:19,010 --> 00:04:22,440
Chill, all right? Look, if it has intent, it's a felony.

64
00:04:27,450 --> 00:04:29,320
What did I tell you? Come on, let's go, let's go, let's go!

65
00:04:29,410 --> 00:04:31,320
Let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go.

66
00:04:31,810 --> 00:04:32,920
Faster. Let's go.

67
00:04:37,290 --> 00:04:38,430
Clear!

68
00:04:40,010 --> 00:04:41,230
Clear!

69
00:04:41,330 --> 00:04:43,320
- Come on, come on, come on! - Stop.

70
00:04:43,410 --> 00:04:44,960
Yes! Yes!

71
00:04:48,290 --> 00:04:50,400
Let me see. Let me see.

72
00:04:52,490 --> 00:04:53,680
Nice.

73
00:04:55,730 --> 00:04:57,600
Ten-hut! Ladies and gentlemen,

74
00:04:57,690 --> 00:05:01,440
I present to you the graduates of Class 137.

75
00:05:01,530 --> 00:05:04,760
Get ready for a lifetime of being badass motherfuckers.

76
00:05:04,850 --> 00:05:06,160
Oh, lam.

77
00:05:15,010 --> 00:05:18,570
I really thought this job would have more car chases and explosions,

78
00:05:18,650 --> 00:05:20,760
and less homeless people doo-dooing everywhere.

79
00:05:21,570 --> 00:05:23,120
Do you guys really think this is a police matter?

80
00:05:23,210 --> 00:05:24,350
To get your Frisbee back?

81
00:05:26,090 --> 00:05:27,880
Get your own fucking Frisbee.

82
00:05:28,290 --> 00:05:29,510
Shit.

83
00:05:31,210 --> 00:05:32,680
Shit! Shit!

84
00:05:32,890 --> 00:05:35,120
Yours isn't loaded, right? Huh?

85
00:05:35,210 --> 00:05:37,320
We're supposed to unload them first, right?

86
00:05:37,410 --> 00:05:38,800
What, you... No.

87
00:05:38,890 --> 00:05:40,480
That's no fun. Come on.

88
00:05:40,570 --> 00:05:42,120
Sign says, "Do not feed the ducks."

89
00:05:42,210 --> 00:05:43,400
It's right there.

90
00:05:43,490 --> 00:05:45,520
Don't you... Don't... Don't. Stop it.

91
00:05:45,610 --> 00:05:48,560
Don't. You did it. You fed the ducks.

92
00:05:49,010 --> 00:05:50,440
You feel like a big shot?

93
00:05:51,370 --> 00:05:52,880
No fucking way.

94
00:05:53,690 --> 00:05:54,880
One Percenters?

95
00:05:55,650 --> 00:05:57,080
These guys are, like, big-time drug dealers.

96
00:05:57,170 --> 00:06:01,160
If we could take them down as our first bust, we'd be off park duty for sure.

97
00:06:01,730 --> 00:06:03,440
You see what I see?

98
00:06:03,530 --> 00:06:05,400
Cannabis sativa.

99
00:06:06,450 --> 00:06:07,640
Chaka Khan.

100
00:06:09,730 --> 00:06:10,870
Chaka Khan?

101
00:06:26,410 --> 00:06:29,560
Gentlemen. We having a little party?

102
00:06:29,650 --> 00:06:32,000
Have we forgotten that the use of marijuana is illegal?

103
00:06:32,170 --> 00:06:34,630
I have glaucoma.

104
00:06:34,730 --> 00:06:36,080
I get nervous in crowds.

105
00:06:36,210 --> 00:06:37,400
Herpes.

106
00:06:39,450 --> 00:06:41,560
Then you won't mind if I search your bike, now, would you?

107
00:06:41,930 --> 00:06:44,040
Go ahead. You won't find shit.

108
00:06:44,690 --> 00:06:46,920
Clmate, gringo. Get up.

109
00:06:47,010 --> 00:06:51,520
Man, you guys even real cops? You look like the kids on Halloween.

110
00:06:53,130 --> 00:06:56,160
If those boys is cops, I'm DEA.

111
00:06:56,530 --> 00:06:58,640
I know, right? I know.

112
00:06:59,490 --> 00:07:00,470
It's hilarious.

113
00:07:00,610 --> 00:07:02,040
So why don't you show us a little respect?

114
00:07:02,130 --> 00:07:03,600
Fuck you, pig- Hey.

115
00:07:04,050 --> 00:07:05,270
You want me to beat your dick off?

116
00:07:05,370 --> 00:07:07,440
You want to beat my dick off?

117
00:07:07,530 --> 00:07:09,360
I'll beat your dick off with both hands. What's up? Let's go.

118
00:07:09,450 --> 00:07:11,400
That's weird, man.I think what he was trying to say was,

119
00:07:11,490 --> 00:07:14,050
he's going to punch you so many times around the genital area

120
00:07:14,130 --> 00:07:16,280
that your dick's just going to fall off.

121
00:07:16,370 --> 00:07:17,680
Why do you have salt in your...

122
00:07:17,770 --> 00:07:19,680
That's actual drugs. Oh, my God.

123
00:07:19,770 --> 00:07:21,400
Get on the ground! Hey!

124
00:07:21,490 --> 00:07:23,120
- Come here now! - What do I do?

125
00:07:23,210 --> 00:07:24,920
- Chase someone! - Chase someone?

126
00:07:25,050 --> 00:07:27,800
Are you leaving your bike here?

127
00:07:27,970 --> 00:07:29,400
Okay. All right.

128
00:07:31,250 --> 00:07:33,120
Don't run from me! You're making it worse for yourself!

129
00:07:33,210 --> 00:07:34,520
No! Get out of the way!

130
00:07:34,610 --> 00:07:35,880
Stop!

131
00:07:36,610 --> 00:07:40,150
I'm going to shoot you if you don't slow down, man! Come on!

132
00:07:42,170 --> 00:07:43,720
Hey! Come here!

133
00:07:43,810 --> 00:07:46,270
I'm not playing any more! I'm so not kidding!

134
00:07:46,370 --> 00:07:48,240
I got him. I got him.

135
00:07:54,170 --> 00:07:55,560
Freeze! Freeze!

136
00:07:57,210 --> 00:07:58,760
Hands up or I shoot you! Freeze!

137
00:07:59,010 --> 00:08:00,480
That's it! Come here!

138
00:08:05,850 --> 00:08:08,000
Freeze! Stop it!

139
00:08:10,730 --> 00:08:12,360
You're a pussy!

140
00:08:14,050 --> 00:08:18,250
You got the right to... Give me that! You got the right to...

141
00:08:18,570 --> 00:08:20,680
to suck my dick, motherfucker!

142
00:08:21,010 --> 00:08:22,360
Oh, my elbow.

143
00:08:22,770 --> 00:08:24,400
You got nothing. How's my dick feel in your ass, huh?

144
00:08:24,490 --> 00:08:26,360
Hey! Hey! How's it feel? How's it feel now?

145
00:08:26,450 --> 00:08:29,080
That's right. Schmidt! Schmidt, we got one!

146
00:08:29,210 --> 00:08:30,600
We got one! I got him!

147
00:08:30,690 --> 00:08:33,360
Yes! Yes!

148
00:08:33,450 --> 00:08:35,000
Yeah! We got an arrest!

149
00:08:35,090 --> 00:08:37,440
Yeah! We got him! Yes!

150
00:08:38,730 --> 00:08:41,000
Yeah! Fuck you! Yeah! Fuck you! Yeah!

151
00:08:41,090 --> 00:08:42,150
What's up?

152
00:08:42,250 --> 00:08:48,590
Drop my nuts on your motherfucking forehead!

153
00:08:48,690 --> 00:08:50,960
That's right. Fuck you, park!

154
00:08:51,050 --> 00:08:52,800
We arrest people now! What up, park?

155
00:08:52,930 --> 00:08:55,520
What's up? What's up? What up, park? Who wants one?

156
00:09:02,050 --> 00:09:04,640
Congratulations on the bust, boys. It sounds great.

157
00:09:04,730 --> 00:09:06,400
- Thank you, Cinnamon. - Are those new?

158
00:09:06,690 --> 00:09:08,990
The department was forced to drop the charges

159
00:09:09,090 --> 00:09:11,800
because you forgot to read him his Miranda rights.

160
00:09:11,890 --> 00:09:16,160
What possible reason is there for not doing the only thing

161
00:09:16,250 --> 00:09:18,440
you have to do when arresting someone?

162
00:09:18,930 --> 00:09:22,440
I did read him his right... I did a version of that.

163
00:09:22,610 --> 00:09:26,150
Do you even know the Miranda rights? Yes.

164
00:09:26,250 --> 00:09:27,600
Let's hear them, then.

165
00:09:28,090 --> 00:09:29,720
You got a lot of stuff to do.

166
00:09:29,810 --> 00:09:31,760
No, go ahead. You going anywhere, Schmidt?

167
00:09:31,850 --> 00:09:32,960
We got time.

168
00:09:33,090 --> 00:09:35,520
I had a thing, but I can probably push it back.

169
00:09:35,610 --> 00:09:38,880
Go ahead. It's four declamatory sentences, followed by a question,

170
00:09:38,970 --> 00:09:40,520
for a total of 57 words.

171
00:09:40,610 --> 00:09:44,880
Okay. Look, it obviously starts with, "You have the right to remain silent."

172
00:09:44,970 --> 00:09:47,960
I know you've heard this before. And then,

173
00:09:48,050 --> 00:09:51,560
I think it sounds something like...

174
00:09:51,650 --> 00:09:54,930
"You have the right to an attorney." Well, the thing... Yeah, right.

175
00:09:55,010 --> 00:09:57,600
"You have the right to remain an attorney."

176
00:09:57,690 --> 00:10:00,720
Did you say that you have the right to be an attorney?

177
00:10:00,810 --> 00:10:04,430
You do have the right to be an attorney, if you want to.

178
00:10:04,530 --> 00:10:05,640
Where were you?

179
00:10:06,290 --> 00:10:09,240
I was chasing my perp, sir.

180
00:10:09,330 --> 00:10:11,160
And how did that go for you?

181
00:10:12,610 --> 00:10:13,800
Honestly, he did get away,

182
00:10:14,010 --> 00:10:15,720
and he threw me down pretty hard.

183
00:10:15,810 --> 00:10:18,000
Actually fucked up my elbow pretty bad.

184
00:10:18,090 --> 00:10:19,200
Can I see that?

185
00:10:19,290 --> 00:10:22,760
Yeah, actually, it hurts 'cause the dirt gets mushed into it.

186
00:10:24,170 --> 00:10:25,280
Wow.

187
00:10:25,730 --> 00:10:26,950
Fortunately for you two,

188
00:10:27,050 --> 00:10:30,800
we're reviving a canceled undercover police program from the '80s

189
00:10:30,890 --> 00:10:32,560
and revamping it for modern times.

190
00:10:32,650 --> 00:10:33,920
You see, the guys in charge of this stuff

191
00:10:34,010 --> 00:10:37,200
lack creativity and are completely out of ideas,

192
00:10:37,370 --> 00:10:41,070
so all they do now is recycle shit from the past

193
00:10:41,170 --> 00:10:43,000
and expect us all not to notice.

194
00:10:43,130 --> 00:10:47,320
One of these programs involves the use of young,

195
00:10:47,410 --> 00:10:49,120
immature-seeming officers.

196
00:10:49,210 --> 00:10:52,780
Sir, are you saying that you're going to send us into, like,

197
00:10:52,850 --> 00:10:55,720
a child sex slavery ring or something?

198
00:10:55,810 --> 00:10:59,400
Sir, if I have to suck somebody's dick, I will.

199
00:11:00,570 --> 00:11:03,240
It's just... I'd prefer not to.

200
00:11:03,570 --> 00:11:05,400
I think you idiots are perfect.

201
00:11:05,530 --> 00:11:06,960
You're officially transferred.

202
00:11:07,050 --> 00:11:08,560
All right. Yeah. That's great.

203
00:11:08,690 --> 00:11:10,360
Where should we report to?

204
00:11:10,450 --> 00:11:12,080
Down on Jump Street.

205
00:11:12,170 --> 00:11:14,040
37 Jump Street.

206
00:11:15,050 --> 00:11:17,240
No, that doesn't sound right.

207
00:11:17,410 --> 00:11:18,550
Is it...

208
00:11:21,410 --> 00:11:23,360
This has got to be a joke.

209
00:11:23,770 --> 00:11:25,280
This is it.

210
00:11:32,490 --> 00:11:34,600
Aroma of Christ Church?

211
00:11:52,090 --> 00:11:53,640
How's it going?

212
00:11:57,090 --> 00:11:58,840
This place is weird.

213
00:12:09,450 --> 00:12:10,670
Everybody comfortable?

214
00:12:11,330 --> 00:12:12,440
Yeah.

215
00:12:14,970 --> 00:12:18,320
Get your motherfucking ass up when I'm talking!

216
00:12:19,130 --> 00:12:22,600
You will be going undercover as high school students.

217
00:12:23,090 --> 00:12:26,680
You are here simply because you look young.

218
00:12:27,090 --> 00:12:28,800
You some Justin Beaver,

219
00:12:28,890 --> 00:12:31,720
Miley Cyrus-looking motherfuckers.

220
00:12:31,850 --> 00:12:33,240
Captain Sassy.

221
00:12:33,530 --> 00:12:35,000
I know what you're thinking,

222
00:12:35,330 --> 00:12:37,710
"Angry Black Captain."

223
00:12:37,810 --> 00:12:40,400
It ain't nothing but a stupid stereotype.

224
00:12:40,490 --> 00:12:42,840
Well, guess what, motherfuckers.

225
00:12:42,930 --> 00:12:44,150
I'm black.

226
00:12:44,530 --> 00:12:47,360
And I worked my ass off to be the captain!

227
00:12:49,850 --> 00:12:52,000
And sometimes I get angry.

228
00:12:52,130 --> 00:12:53,640
So suck a dick!

229
00:12:54,250 --> 00:12:55,880
What I'm trying to show you is,

230
00:12:56,050 --> 00:12:58,080
embrace your stereotypes.

231
00:12:59,250 --> 00:13:02,160
Like this guy right here. Handsome.

232
00:13:02,330 --> 00:13:03,840
And he's probably a dummy.

233
00:13:05,050 --> 00:13:06,080
And then this guy.

234
00:13:06,530 --> 00:13:09,200
He's short and insecure.

235
00:13:09,290 --> 00:13:10,840
And he's probably good with money.

236
00:13:10,930 --> 00:13:13,250
You are good with money. What the fuck?

237
00:13:13,330 --> 00:13:15,760
Didn't somebody tell you guys this was an undercover unit?

238
00:13:16,090 --> 00:13:17,360
I don't... I actually didn't...

239
00:13:17,450 --> 00:13:18,670
I didn't get a letter or anything.

240
00:13:18,890 --> 00:13:21,480
Yeah, like, a start time... With a dress code or anything like that.

241
00:13:21,570 --> 00:13:23,320
Teenage the fuck up!

242
00:13:25,490 --> 00:13:28,720
Rule number one at Jump Street. Fugazy.

243
00:13:28,970 --> 00:13:30,480
Do not get expelled.

244
00:13:30,570 --> 00:13:33,600
Nobody in the system knows you're here. All right? Nobody.

245
00:13:33,690 --> 00:13:35,280
You get kicked out of school,

246
00:13:35,370 --> 00:13:39,040
your monkey ass is getting kicked out of Jump Street.

247
00:13:39,130 --> 00:13:40,840
Rule number two Burns.

248
00:13:41,690 --> 00:13:45,520
Do not have sexual relations with students or teachers, sir.

249
00:13:45,890 --> 00:13:48,240
You hear that? That's you.

250
00:13:48,490 --> 00:13:50,040
Don't do it, man. Why...

251
00:13:50,130 --> 00:13:52,760
Keep that dirty dick in your pants. Dirty?

252
00:13:52,850 --> 00:13:54,520
Don't fuck no students.

253
00:13:54,930 --> 00:13:56,200
Don't fuck no teachers.

254
00:13:56,530 --> 00:13:59,760
Sir, I know we come off as a couple of lady-killers,

255
00:13:59,850 --> 00:14:03,000
but I promise you we will be super professional on the job.

256
00:14:03,090 --> 00:14:05,550
Clearly, I wasn't talking to you, Big Titties.

257
00:14:05,850 --> 00:14:07,880
You cherub-looking motherfucker.

258
00:14:07,970 --> 00:14:10,320
I was talking to your partner over here.

259
00:14:10,410 --> 00:14:12,360
Fake-ass Handsome McGee.

260
00:14:12,690 --> 00:14:14,400
When I'm talking to him, I'm talking to him.

261
00:14:14,490 --> 00:14:15,630
When I say, "Shut the fuck up,"

262
00:14:15,730 --> 00:14:17,200
I'm talking to you. Cool.

263
00:14:17,330 --> 00:14:20,820
Now, you two sons of bitches, in my office now.

264
00:14:20,890 --> 00:14:22,080
Right now!

265
00:14:22,770 --> 00:14:24,720
Hi. I am Billiam Willingham.

266
00:14:24,850 --> 00:14:26,400
So I bought these,

267
00:14:27,010 --> 00:14:29,720
which is all anybody seems to be talking about right now.

268
00:14:30,370 --> 00:14:31,400
Cheers.

269
00:14:32,250 --> 00:14:33,800
It's a new synthetic drug.

270
00:14:33,890 --> 00:14:37,040
Goes by the street name H.F.S.

271
00:14:37,130 --> 00:14:39,080
Holy fucking shit.

272
00:14:39,490 --> 00:14:40,760
Holy...

273
00:14:40,850 --> 00:14:42,920
They put this on the Internet for everybody to see?

274
00:14:43,010 --> 00:14:45,680
They're teenagers, man. They're really stupid.

275
00:14:45,770 --> 00:14:47,600
So you should blend right in.

276
00:15:03,970 --> 00:15:06,960
Jessica, will you go to prom with me? But I already know the answer. It's yes.

277
00:15:19,840 --> 00:15:20,960
Whoo!

278
00:15:21,130 --> 00:15:22,840
I could watch this kid all day.

279
00:15:23,130 --> 00:15:24,520
Man, this kid rules.

280
00:15:24,690 --> 00:15:25,960
Ruled.

281
00:15:26,050 --> 00:15:29,280
His parents found him OD'd in his room a few days ago.

282
00:15:29,410 --> 00:15:30,680
He's dead.

283
00:15:32,410 --> 00:15:35,320
Whatever he took, the lab has never seen it before.

284
00:15:35,530 --> 00:15:38,480
And as you can see, this kid is white.

285
00:15:38,610 --> 00:15:41,320
That means people actually give a shit.

286
00:15:41,970 --> 00:15:45,360
Sir, I just want to throw out to you that I would give a shit if he was black.

287
00:15:48,250 --> 00:15:52,200
Right now, H.F.S. is contained right there at Sagan High.

288
00:15:52,330 --> 00:15:56,560
Now, once this drug breaks containment, it goes viral in a few days.

289
00:15:56,770 --> 00:16:00,360
Jenko, I looked at your old transcript.

290
00:16:00,850 --> 00:16:03,410
I enrolled you in a bunch of bullshit courses

291
00:16:03,490 --> 00:16:05,560
like photography and drama.

292
00:16:05,650 --> 00:16:08,030
Get in with the burnouts and the cool kids.

293
00:16:08,130 --> 00:16:09,880
Find out who's slinging this shit.

294
00:16:09,970 --> 00:16:12,200
Schmidt, says you were a virgin

295
00:16:12,330 --> 00:16:13,840
through high school. It says that?

296
00:16:14,090 --> 00:16:15,680
No. I just assumed it,

297
00:16:15,770 --> 00:16:21,060
due to your many years on the honor roll and your membership to the juggling squad.

298
00:16:21,450 --> 00:16:24,480
It's the Juggling Society, but it's fine. It's fine.

299
00:16:24,570 --> 00:16:26,920
They're stealing equipment from the chemistry lab.

300
00:16:27,050 --> 00:16:29,160
That's what we think they're cooking the dope with.

301
00:16:29,290 --> 00:16:31,750
I enrolled you into honors chemistry.

302
00:16:31,890 --> 00:16:34,840
Here's your new identities, all right?

303
00:16:34,930 --> 00:16:36,760
Brad and Doug McQuaid.

304
00:16:37,250 --> 00:16:38,600
The mission is this.

305
00:16:38,730 --> 00:16:41,110
Infiltrate the dealers, find the supplier.

306
00:16:41,210 --> 00:16:43,040
We get to be brothers?

307
00:16:43,130 --> 00:16:46,200
Infiltrate the dealers, find the supplier.

308
00:16:46,290 --> 00:16:48,930
But if we find the supplier first, we don't have to worry about the dealers.

309
00:16:49,010 --> 00:16:51,760
God damn. Infiltrate the dealers, find the supplier.

310
00:17:08,170 --> 00:17:09,800
Hey, Korean Jesus.

311
00:17:10,610 --> 00:17:14,560
I don't know if you only cater to Korean Christians

312
00:17:14,690 --> 00:17:18,840
or if you even exist. No offense.

313
00:17:21,930 --> 00:17:23,320
I just...

314
00:17:25,170 --> 00:17:28,120
I'm really freaked out about going back to high school.

315
00:17:31,530 --> 00:17:34,600
It was just so fucking hard the first time.

316
00:17:36,210 --> 00:17:40,600
I know we haven't made our first arrest, or maybe I'm not the best cop.

317
00:17:41,650 --> 00:17:44,280
Korean Jesus, I just really don't want to fuck this up.

318
00:17:44,650 --> 00:17:46,920
I'm sorry for swearing so much.

319
00:17:48,410 --> 00:17:49,600
The end?

320
00:17:50,450 --> 00:17:53,080
I don't really know how to end a prayer. The end?

321
00:17:53,170 --> 00:17:54,310
Yeah.

322
00:17:59,890 --> 00:18:01,000
Hey! Hey!

323
00:18:01,410 --> 00:18:03,440
Stop fucking with Korean Jesus!

324
00:18:03,570 --> 00:18:05,950
He ain't got time for your problems. He busy!

325
00:18:06,170 --> 00:18:07,600
With Korean shit.

326
00:18:07,690 --> 00:18:10,170
You two get to your mama house ASAP. What?

327
00:18:10,610 --> 00:18:12,910
You're teenagers now, all right?

328
00:18:13,010 --> 00:18:15,200
You two are staying at Schmidt's parents' house

329
00:18:15,290 --> 00:18:17,000
for the duration of this assignment.

330
00:18:17,090 --> 00:18:18,480
Oh, fuck me.

331
00:18:19,050 --> 00:18:21,160
This house is adorable.

332
00:18:22,250 --> 00:18:23,880
My baby's home! Come here.

333
00:18:23,970 --> 00:18:25,600
You will always be my infant angel baby child.

334
00:18:25,690 --> 00:18:27,400
There's my guy.

335
00:18:27,490 --> 00:18:29,080
It's great to see you guys.

336
00:18:29,170 --> 00:18:32,520
Hey. Schmidt family! Up top, Papa Schmidt.

337
00:18:32,610 --> 00:18:34,720
Oh, my God. Mama Schmidt, did you do all this yourself?

338
00:18:34,810 --> 00:18:36,960
This is unbelievable. Well, yeah.

339
00:18:37,050 --> 00:18:39,240
I guess I did. It's gorgeous!

340
00:18:39,330 --> 00:18:40,840
So are you.

341
00:18:41,090 --> 00:18:44,370
Honey, listen, I want to tell you, we did blow up the air mattress in your room

342
00:18:44,450 --> 00:18:45,670
'cause we're kind of using that as a workout area,

343
00:18:45,810 --> 00:18:47,400
so I hope you don't mind the elliptical.

344
00:18:47,690 --> 00:18:50,200
No, no! Jenko, Jenko, oh, my God, please. No, no.

345
00:18:50,290 --> 00:18:52,160
Don't touch that. We just brought it back from Sedona.

346
00:18:52,250 --> 00:18:54,760
Guys, can we get rid of this stuff?

347
00:18:54,850 --> 00:18:56,280
I mean, it looks like I died in a car crash

348
00:18:56,410 --> 00:18:58,600
and you guys haven't moved on. Rid of it?

349
00:18:58,690 --> 00:19:01,200
If we take it down, we have to stop bragging about you.

350
00:19:01,330 --> 00:19:03,560
I look like Fred Savage from The Wonder Years,

351
00:19:03,730 --> 00:19:06,520
but completely naked, wearing Indian friendship bracelets.

352
00:19:06,610 --> 00:19:08,600
That is a great picture, Morton. Mmm-hmm.

353
00:19:08,690 --> 00:19:10,000
You look like a young Jay Leno.

354
00:19:10,130 --> 00:19:12,720
Am I even wearing underwear in this picture?

355
00:19:12,780 --> 00:19:13,820
Umm...

356
00:19:14,050 --> 00:19:15,110
No.

357
00:19:15,210 --> 00:19:16,920
I remember. You know why?

358
00:19:17,010 --> 00:19:19,760
Because I've told it to a therapist about 8,000 times.

359
00:19:19,890 --> 00:19:22,160
I mean, this is a fourth grade

360
00:19:22,160 --> 00:19:24,210
participation medal for soccer.

361
00:19:24,290 --> 00:19:25,840
It's literally a medal for sucking.

362
00:19:25,930 --> 00:19:27,840
No, that is a medal for trying. Yes.

363
00:19:27,930 --> 00:19:31,800
Let me tell you something. This guy was always a great tryer.

364
00:19:32,890 --> 00:19:35,000
That must be Phyllis. She is just dying to see you.

365
00:19:35,090 --> 00:19:38,140
What? Mom, you told Phyllis I was here? She's going to tell the whole neighborhood.

366
00:19:38,210 --> 00:19:41,200
I told you, it's an undercover assignment. It's super secretive.

367
00:19:41,410 --> 00:19:43,600
"Undercover." That's so cute.

368
00:19:43,850 --> 00:19:47,360
I'm going upstairs. Okay, honey. I want you to know

369
00:19:47,450 --> 00:19:48,840
we are so glad you're here. Okay.

370
00:19:48,930 --> 00:19:50,880
That's great. Thank you.

371
00:19:50,970 --> 00:19:53,240
All right. Where is he? He's upstairs.

372
00:19:53,330 --> 00:19:56,120
He just needs to take a little rest, and then he's dying to see you, too.

373
00:19:56,210 --> 00:19:58,490
Bye-bye. I baked muffins!

374
00:19:58,850 --> 00:20:00,960
If you don't know your identity, we're screwed tomorrow.

375
00:20:01,090 --> 00:20:02,310
You got to study this stuff.

376
00:20:02,410 --> 00:20:05,290
Forget those identities. They're bullshit. They said I was held back a year.

377
00:20:05,370 --> 00:20:07,080
You were. You were held back two years.

378
00:20:07,170 --> 00:20:10,250
Just 'cause it's a fake backstory doesn't mean it doesn't hurt my feelings.

379
00:20:10,330 --> 00:20:12,600
Fuck! Socks don't match.

380
00:20:12,690 --> 00:20:14,080
I got to start all over.

381
00:20:14,410 --> 00:20:16,200
It's the first day of school, dude. I got to look awesome.

382
00:20:17,370 --> 00:20:19,080
You know, back in the day, you were super popular,

383
00:20:19,170 --> 00:20:21,200
and I wasn't as much.

384
00:20:23,090 --> 00:20:25,470
We didn't really get along in high school.

385
00:20:26,690 --> 00:20:28,600
You don't think that's going to happen again, do you?

386
00:20:28,930 --> 00:20:32,630
No. Come on, man. We're adults now. We're best buds.

387
00:20:32,730 --> 00:20:34,120
It's definitely not going to happen again.

388
00:20:34,210 --> 00:20:35,760
We're good. Cool.

389
00:20:42,690 --> 00:20:44,800
Beautiful day out there, boys.

390
00:20:45,570 --> 00:20:47,000
Just shut up.

391
00:20:47,810 --> 00:20:50,840
"Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law."

392
00:20:50,930 --> 00:20:52,120
"You have the right to an attorney."

393
00:20:52,210 --> 00:20:55,240
"If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be appointed..."

394
00:20:55,330 --> 00:20:58,720
Dude, do you still not know the Miranda rights? You're a cop.

395
00:20:58,810 --> 00:21:02,800
Come on, man. They always cutaway on TV before they finish them.

396
00:21:05,730 --> 00:21:07,160
All right, let's do it.

397
00:21:07,370 --> 00:21:09,040
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What?

398
00:21:09,130 --> 00:21:10,110
What are you doing?

399
00:21:10,250 --> 00:21:12,160
What? What are you talking about? Are you two-strapping?

400
00:21:13,610 --> 00:21:15,860
My backpack? Yeah. Yeah, I got to be seen with you.

401
00:21:16,210 --> 00:21:17,720
You got to one-strap it.

402
00:21:17,810 --> 00:21:20,400
Seriously, I would no-strap it if that would even be possible.

403
00:21:20,490 --> 00:21:21,840
Okay, what makes you the expert?

404
00:21:21,970 --> 00:21:24,270
I was cool in high school, and you weren't.

405
00:21:24,650 --> 00:21:26,320
Okay, that makes sense. Continue.

406
00:21:27,330 --> 00:21:31,920
The Three Keys of Coolness in High School, by Jenko.

407
00:21:32,010 --> 00:21:35,360
One, don't try hard at anything.

408
00:21:35,450 --> 00:21:38,760
Okay? Two, make fun of people who do try.

409
00:21:38,850 --> 00:21:40,760
Three, be handsome.

410
00:21:40,850 --> 00:21:43,080
Four, if anyone steps to you on the first day of school,

411
00:21:43,170 --> 00:21:45,200
you punch them directly in the face.

412
00:21:45,290 --> 00:21:47,670
Five, drive a kick-ass car.

413
00:21:48,850 --> 00:21:49,990
Shit.

414
00:21:54,610 --> 00:21:56,480
All right, but just don't be driving it like teenagers,

415
00:21:56,570 --> 00:21:59,400
revving up the engine and shit, okay?

416
00:21:59,490 --> 00:22:01,040
We would never.

417
00:22:01,570 --> 00:22:03,360
Come on, Hoffs. Give us a little credit.

418
00:22:06,130 --> 00:22:07,880
Hey, you ready? Go!

419
00:22:15,210 --> 00:22:17,360
That was awesome! That was amazing.

420
00:22:17,610 --> 00:22:19,560
Was I flying? That was amazing.

421
00:22:19,650 --> 00:22:20,920
All right, do mine, do mine.

422
00:22:21,010 --> 00:22:23,570
Okay, ready? Here I go. Yeah, yeah.

423
00:22:29,730 --> 00:22:31,240
You Okay?

424
00:22:32,290 --> 00:22:34,040
I think I shit my pants.

425
00:22:41,650 --> 00:22:42,710
Hey, park in that handicapped spot.

426
00:22:42,810 --> 00:22:45,620
It'll make us look cool. That's awesome.

427
00:23:00,930 --> 00:23:02,070
Dude?

428
00:23:02,170 --> 00:23:05,050
Everybody's two-strapping it. Just stay with the one-strap.

429
00:23:05,370 --> 00:23:07,000
I can't. I can't. I can't right now.

430
00:23:07,090 --> 00:23:09,720
What are you doing? What are you doing? Don't succumb to the peer pressure.

431
00:23:09,770 --> 00:23:11,360
What are you doing? You're supposed to use two straps.

432
00:23:11,450 --> 00:23:14,020
One strap is peer pressure. No. No. You're fucking up right now.

433
00:23:14,330 --> 00:23:16,040
Okay, those are Goths.

434
00:23:17,650 --> 00:23:19,120
Those are nerds.

435
00:23:21,130 --> 00:23:22,560
I don't know what they are.

436
00:23:24,290 --> 00:23:26,800
What the fuck are those things?

437
00:23:26,930 --> 00:23:28,280
I'm so confused right now.

438
00:23:35,970 --> 00:23:36,950
Whoa.

439
00:23:39,170 --> 00:23:41,250
Hi. Hey.

440
00:23:41,330 --> 00:23:43,080
Hey. Good morning.

441
00:23:44,290 --> 00:23:46,560
Hey, yo. Hey.

442
00:23:47,970 --> 00:23:49,680
Is that your car? Yeah.

443
00:23:49,770 --> 00:23:51,360
What's that thing get, 10 miles to the gallon?

444
00:23:51,450 --> 00:23:53,160
No, try, like, seven.

445
00:23:54,330 --> 00:23:56,200
What about you? Biodiesel, dawg.

446
00:23:56,410 --> 00:23:57,630
Smells like egg rolls.

447
00:23:57,730 --> 00:24:01,520
Yeah, it does. Runs on leftover fry oil from Hunan Palace.

448
00:24:01,610 --> 00:24:04,820
But we try to ride bikes when we can. Global crisis and whatnot.

449
00:24:05,330 --> 00:24:07,780
Whatever, man. I don't care about anything.

450
00:24:07,850 --> 00:24:10,580
You don't care about the environment? That's kind of fucked up, man.

451
00:24:10,650 --> 00:24:12,240
Hey, hey, will y'all shut the hell up?

452
00:24:12,330 --> 00:24:14,040
I'm trying to study. Thanks.

453
00:24:14,650 --> 00:24:17,720
Look at him. He's trying.

454
00:24:17,930 --> 00:24:19,640
He's actually trying. What a nerd.

455
00:24:19,730 --> 00:24:21,600
Look at the nerd. Look at the nerd.

456
00:24:21,690 --> 00:24:23,920
Look at him. Look at the nerd. Who you calling a nerd, man?

457
00:24:24,010 --> 00:24:25,320
I'm sorry. What...

458
00:24:26,490 --> 00:24:28,080
Shit! Shit, dude.

459
00:24:28,170 --> 00:24:30,240
Are you okay, man? Hey, what the hell? Are you serious?

460
00:24:30,330 --> 00:24:32,000
Well, turn that gay-ass music off.

461
00:24:32,090 --> 00:24:33,960
You punched me because I'm gay? What?

462
00:24:34,170 --> 00:24:36,760
No. Oh, Come on.

463
00:24:36,850 --> 00:24:37,990
That's not cool, man.

464
00:24:38,090 --> 00:24:39,310
That is really insensitive.

465
00:24:39,410 --> 00:24:40,720
I didn't punch him because he's gay.

466
00:24:40,810 --> 00:24:44,940
I punched him, and then he happened to turn out to be gay afterwards.

467
00:24:45,050 --> 00:24:47,080
I was gay when you punched me! In a weird way,

468
00:24:47,170 --> 00:24:49,470
it might have been homophobic not to punch you

469
00:24:49,570 --> 00:24:51,400
just because you were gay. Right.

470
00:24:51,490 --> 00:24:53,480
You punched a little gay black kid in the face,

471
00:24:53,570 --> 00:24:55,920
and it's not even second period. How do you explain that?

472
00:24:56,210 --> 00:24:58,720
Mr. Dadier, I'm so sorry about that. I just...

473
00:24:58,810 --> 00:25:00,320
Look, guys, I'm going to relate to you, okay?

474
00:25:00,530 --> 00:25:03,160
A kid died the other day from drugs,

475
00:25:03,250 --> 00:25:06,600
and nobody, including me, is doing anything about it.

476
00:25:07,370 --> 00:25:09,080
That's weird, guys.

477
00:25:09,690 --> 00:25:12,150
And then you two show up, with 30 days left,

478
00:25:12,250 --> 00:25:14,480
causing trouble in my school.

479
00:25:14,570 --> 00:25:17,400
I am one more black gay kid getting punched in the face

480
00:25:17,490 --> 00:25:20,900
away from a nervous breakdown. Do I make myself clear?

481
00:25:20,970 --> 00:25:22,240
You guys cross my line again,

482
00:25:22,410 --> 00:25:26,820
and you walk into this office, I'm going to expel you. You got me?

483
00:25:26,890 --> 00:25:30,240
All right, let's do this. Which one of you is Doug?

484
00:25:31,810 --> 00:25:33,720
Let's do that again and pretend you guys aren't weird.

485
00:25:33,970 --> 00:25:36,240
Which one of you is named Doug?

486
00:25:36,530 --> 00:25:38,400
No, dude, I'm Brad. Okay, good.

487
00:25:38,530 --> 00:25:40,720
So that means your name is Doug, son.

488
00:25:40,810 --> 00:25:42,280
Yeah, I'm Doug. Great.

489
00:25:42,410 --> 00:25:43,720
Here are your class schedules.

490
00:25:43,810 --> 00:25:46,400
Funny, I wouldn't have taken you for the brainy type.

491
00:25:46,490 --> 00:25:49,200
I wouldn't. But you as a drama geek, far less surprising.

492
00:25:49,290 --> 00:25:50,680
Thank you.

493
00:25:50,770 --> 00:25:52,360
Now we have the wrong identities, you dumb-ass.

494
00:25:52,490 --> 00:25:55,600
I'm in drama. I suck at drama. It's girly and embarrassing.

495
00:25:55,690 --> 00:25:58,070
Oh, my God. Relax, dude. Who cares?

496
00:25:58,210 --> 00:26:01,480
I can fake my way through band practice and app chemistry for a few weeks.

497
00:26:01,570 --> 00:26:04,840
AP Chemistry. AP Chemistry. And, no, you can't,

498
00:26:04,930 --> 00:26:06,840
because you don't even know what it's actually fucking called!

499
00:26:07,290 --> 00:26:10,570
It's going to be fine. You go to my classes, and I'm going to go to yours.

500
00:26:10,650 --> 00:26:12,740
Okay, now, chemistry's the one with the shapes and shit, right?

501
00:26:13,170 --> 00:26:14,150
Fuck.

502
00:26:14,650 --> 00:26:18,920
So, we are going to hold auditions for the Peter Pan part today.

503
00:26:19,850 --> 00:26:23,280
Billiam would've wanted the show to go on.

504
00:26:23,850 --> 00:26:27,390
When I was a young actor just starting out in New York state,

505
00:26:27,490 --> 00:26:28,920
Albany, to be exact,

506
00:26:29,010 --> 00:26:31,220
I booked a local television commercial... Hey.

507
00:26:31,290 --> 00:26:33,280
In which I had to play a young man...

508
00:26:33,370 --> 00:26:36,280
It's really sad about that kid. He was talented.

509
00:26:36,570 --> 00:26:40,400
So are you saying if he wasn't talented, it would be less sad?

510
00:26:40,810 --> 00:26:44,000
No. No, no, no, that's not what I meant.

511
00:26:45,370 --> 00:26:47,480
I was just busting your balls.

512
00:26:49,490 --> 00:26:51,480
Okay. Good.

513
00:26:52,210 --> 00:26:56,720
I remember, one time, doing cocaine with Willie Nelson's horse,

514
00:26:58,490 --> 00:27:00,480
and we were having so much fun.

515
00:27:00,570 --> 00:27:03,800
And then I realized that she was dead.

516
00:27:05,810 --> 00:27:06,920
I remember one summer...

517
00:27:07,090 --> 00:27:09,000
Do kids still do this stuff?

518
00:27:09,130 --> 00:27:10,880
Even after what happened to him?

519
00:27:11,810 --> 00:27:14,480
Everyone's saying that Billiam had a heart murmur.

520
00:27:14,570 --> 00:27:17,640
Pretty much everyone I know does it, but it's not my thing.

521
00:27:18,010 --> 00:27:20,000
It's not really my thing, either,

522
00:27:20,090 --> 00:27:22,880
but a buddy of mine really wants it.

523
00:27:22,970 --> 00:27:25,880
Who would he call if he wanted it?

524
00:27:25,970 --> 00:27:28,120
Well, you can tell your friend

525
00:27:28,210 --> 00:27:30,510
that if he really wanted it,

526
00:27:30,610 --> 00:27:32,600
it's not so hard to find.

527
00:27:32,690 --> 00:27:35,120
When to take it. He shouldn't have been taking it at all.

528
00:27:35,210 --> 00:27:37,000
Drugs are bad.

529
00:27:37,530 --> 00:27:41,280
But they can have their place in the life of a professional actor.

530
00:27:41,370 --> 00:27:43,320
Thank you. Oh, you're welcome.

531
00:27:43,410 --> 00:27:45,360
Notice the distinction. I said "professional actor."

532
00:27:50,050 --> 00:27:52,880
New person. Mr. Texty Texty.

533
00:27:52,970 --> 00:27:55,840
Since you have so much to say to Molly,

534
00:27:55,970 --> 00:27:58,400
let's see if you can be Peter to our Wendy.

535
00:27:58,490 --> 00:28:01,360
You look like you might have a little Peter inside of you.

536
00:28:02,810 --> 00:28:05,920
Uh, I can't. I'm fine just being a tree or something.

537
00:28:06,050 --> 00:28:08,160
Doug, you never won't know

538
00:28:08,250 --> 00:28:11,720
what you can't achieve before you don't achieve it.

539
00:28:11,810 --> 00:28:12,920
My point is,

540
00:28:13,050 --> 00:28:15,800
you have to. Everyone auditions for Peter.

541
00:28:17,170 --> 00:28:18,720
Yeah, sure.

542
00:28:19,210 --> 00:28:20,880
My favorite molecule is water.

543
00:28:20,970 --> 00:28:23,240
I'd marry it, unless it was my daughter.

544
00:28:23,530 --> 00:28:27,880
Its solid form floats on its liquid form, which makes it far outside the norm.

545
00:28:27,970 --> 00:28:32,250
It allowed life to form on ancient Mars, and we use it to wash our cars.

546
00:28:33,010 --> 00:28:34,150
H2O.

547
00:28:34,410 --> 00:28:36,920
H2O. H2O.

548
00:28:37,690 --> 00:28:39,240
H2O It's okay. Thank you.

549
00:28:40,650 --> 00:28:43,080
Thank you, Zack. Whoo! So good.

550
00:28:43,170 --> 00:28:45,960
All right, anybody else for Molecule Mondays? Anyone?

551
00:28:46,850 --> 00:28:48,680
Okay. Time for a pop Quiznos.

552
00:28:49,050 --> 00:28:50,030
A What?

553
00:28:50,690 --> 00:28:51,960
Oh, I'm sorry.

554
00:28:52,050 --> 00:28:53,560
What is your name? Brad?

555
00:28:53,810 --> 00:28:55,520
Brad. Yes, ma'am. Wow. Look at you,

556
00:28:55,610 --> 00:28:57,240
Brad. Big.

557
00:28:58,070 --> 00:28:59,070
Uh...

558
00:28:59,170 --> 00:29:00,800
What is a pop Quiznos?

559
00:29:01,010 --> 00:29:07,290
It's a quiz, and the first person who finishes gets a $10 gift certificate to Quiznos.

560
00:29:07,850 --> 00:29:10,460
Today's quiz is on... You look really old.

561
00:29:10,810 --> 00:29:14,640
Were you held back or something or... No. You look super young.

562
00:29:14,730 --> 00:29:16,600
Were you held forward?

563
00:29:17,970 --> 00:29:19,760
I went to school in France, so...

564
00:29:19,850 --> 00:29:23,300
And they do, like, two extra years of middle school there. It's so lame.

565
00:29:23,490 --> 00:29:26,200
French, the language of love.

566
00:29:26,650 --> 00:29:28,920
That's cool, man. It's nice to meet you also.

567
00:29:29,890 --> 00:29:30,950
Hey.

568
00:29:33,170 --> 00:29:34,480
Good luck.

569
00:29:49,540 --> 00:29:51,460
± I've gotta crow

570
00:29:53,460 --> 00:29:54,750
± I'm just the cleverest... ±

571
00:29:55,130 --> 00:29:56,190
Okay.

572
00:29:56,340 --> 00:29:57,510
Um...

573
00:29:58,130 --> 00:30:00,720
Maybe try one cooler.

574
00:30:01,730 --> 00:30:03,080
And faster.

575
00:30:04,050 --> 00:30:06,680
And louder. And better.

576
00:30:07,130 --> 00:30:10,520
And less insecure and more just cool.

577
00:30:16,130 --> 00:30:18,120
Okay, yeah, those are great notes.

578
00:30:18,210 --> 00:30:19,350
I'm going to run outside,

579
00:30:19,450 --> 00:30:22,240
and I'm going to utilize those, and I'm going to come back.

580
00:30:33,530 --> 00:30:34,510
It's such bullshit.

581
00:30:41,300 --> 00:30:42,590
Oh.

582
00:30:42,690 --> 00:30:44,080
Wow. You're fast.

583
00:30:44,690 --> 00:30:46,920
Not like that. Just, let me check you out.

584
00:30:47,250 --> 00:30:49,320
Let me check out your chest.

585
00:30:49,410 --> 00:30:51,080
Check out your test... Let me...

586
00:30:51,170 --> 00:30:52,720
Let me grade your quiz.

587
00:30:57,290 --> 00:30:59,120
Um, can I go take a dump?

588
00:31:00,530 --> 00:31:02,480
Yeah, okay. That's cool.

589
00:31:03,610 --> 00:31:06,280
Oh. We have this "hurry back" rule,

590
00:31:06,370 --> 00:31:09,410
so if you're not back in six minutes, I have to send you to the principal.

591
00:31:10,250 --> 00:31:11,920
Rules are rules, so,

592
00:31:12,490 --> 00:31:15,160
I guess this will have to be a quickie.

593
00:31:15,570 --> 00:31:17,000
Which way is yearbook? I don't know.

594
00:31:17,090 --> 00:31:18,120
Is it this way? I don't know!

595
00:31:33,810 --> 00:31:36,190
Yo. Hey.

596
00:31:36,290 --> 00:31:37,270
You guys, huh?

597
00:31:37,440 --> 00:31:38,650
Um...

598
00:31:39,010 --> 00:31:41,720
That was a total mix-up, what happened earlier.

599
00:31:41,810 --> 00:31:42,920
Yeah. He feels awful. He feels...

600
00:31:43,050 --> 00:31:44,840
Totally, very nervous.

601
00:31:45,130 --> 00:31:47,240
You're the dealer?

602
00:31:47,330 --> 00:31:48,360
You're the dealer guy? Is that you?

603
00:31:49,050 --> 00:31:50,080
Yep.

604
00:31:50,170 --> 00:31:51,280
So do you make the stuff or...

605
00:31:51,370 --> 00:31:54,120
Do I look like a fucking scientist? No, I just sell it.

606
00:31:54,450 --> 00:31:56,750
Yeah, he just sells it Come on. Yeah, no, I'm sorry.

607
00:31:56,850 --> 00:31:58,800
I meant I just... How many you guys want?

608
00:31:59,010 --> 00:32:00,520
20 bucks a pop.

609
00:32:01,570 --> 00:32:04,520
One each? One pop each of drugs.

610
00:32:05,090 --> 00:32:06,120
You guys aren't narcs, are you?

611
00:32:06,410 --> 00:32:07,440
Whoa!

612
00:32:08,650 --> 00:32:10,360
Dude, come on. No! Maybe you're a narc.

613
00:32:10,610 --> 00:32:12,320
You know who calls people narcs?

614
00:32:12,410 --> 00:32:13,960
Narcs, narc.

615
00:32:14,650 --> 00:32:17,280
First of all, your argument kind of just collapsed on itself,

616
00:32:17,370 --> 00:32:19,040
because if you call us narcs,

617
00:32:19,850 --> 00:32:22,880
if narcs call people narcs, and you call us narcs, then that's kind of...

618
00:32:22,970 --> 00:32:24,800
'Cause you just said that. They call people...

619
00:32:24,890 --> 00:32:27,200
Look, I don't have time for this shit. You guys want to do this or not?

620
00:32:27,290 --> 00:32:28,350
Jesus. Yes.

621
00:32:28,450 --> 00:32:30,320
Yes, yes. No problem.

622
00:32:32,090 --> 00:32:33,960
All right, take it here so I know you're cool.

623
00:32:34,050 --> 00:32:35,110
I'm sorry. What?

624
00:32:36,130 --> 00:32:38,250
We were going to take it home. I gotta go back to class,

625
00:32:38,330 --> 00:32:40,710
is the only thing. I was thinking that I was going to go home,

626
00:32:40,850 --> 00:32:42,280
maybe turn down the lights,

627
00:32:42,370 --> 00:32:43,760
getting snuggy, get a little weird.

628
00:32:43,850 --> 00:32:45,600
I was going to take it, and then masturbate later.

629
00:32:45,690 --> 00:32:48,520
Okay, I'm not asking. Take it now or get the fuck out.

630
00:32:48,610 --> 00:32:50,560
I got to finish the girls' volleyball page by lunch.

631
00:32:52,650 --> 00:32:53,710
Yeah?

632
00:32:55,890 --> 00:32:57,840
Yeah, no, it's all good.

633
00:32:57,930 --> 00:33:01,610
I love doing drugs at school. I'll just take the drugs right here,

634
00:33:01,930 --> 00:33:03,280
in our mouths.

635
00:33:03,490 --> 00:33:05,040
There you go. That's it.

636
00:33:09,660 --> 00:33:10,990
Mmm. Mmm.

637
00:33:11,130 --> 00:33:13,640
What is that? Barbecue? Cool Ranch?

638
00:33:13,890 --> 00:33:15,110
Have fun.

639
00:33:16,530 --> 00:33:17,920
You got to pull the trigger! Okay.

640
00:33:18,010 --> 00:33:19,600
You got to pull the trigger!

641
00:33:19,730 --> 00:33:21,480
We got to throw up, man. I can't.

642
00:33:21,570 --> 00:33:23,640
We gotta throw up. That kid, Billiam, died. We got to throw up.

643
00:33:23,730 --> 00:33:25,400
Just think of something gross. Think of something gross.

644
00:33:25,490 --> 00:33:28,130
You fucking think of something. Okay, all right, all right.

645
00:33:28,210 --> 00:33:30,720
Your grandma's vagina, and there's a dick going into it.

646
00:33:30,770 --> 00:33:32,640
What the fuck are you saying? I don't know! I'm just trying!

647
00:33:32,730 --> 00:33:34,440
I'm trying my best! I'm just trying! Fuck! Come on, man!

648
00:33:34,530 --> 00:33:36,400
Dude, let's just finger each other's mouths.

649
00:33:36,890 --> 00:33:38,030
No! Yeah.

650
00:33:38,130 --> 00:33:39,270
No, you're not fingering my mouth.

651
00:33:39,370 --> 00:33:42,060
Do you wanna die? Do you wanna die? Okay, fine!

652
00:33:42,170 --> 00:33:44,840
Let's go. Come on. Come on! Come on!

653
00:33:52,290 --> 00:33:54,200
What are you doing? Are you trying to find my G-spot?

654
00:33:54,290 --> 00:33:56,280
Just stick it in! I don't know. I've never done this before!

655
00:33:56,370 --> 00:33:57,480
Just stick it in! Go!

656
00:34:03,130 --> 00:34:04,520
Cut your fucking fingernails!

657
00:34:06,530 --> 00:34:07,750
Oh, God!

658
00:34:09,370 --> 00:34:10,880
Is it me?

659
00:34:10,970 --> 00:34:12,280
I'm sorry.

660
00:34:12,370 --> 00:34:13,480
I just can't sometimes.

661
00:34:14,530 --> 00:34:16,280
Think we're going to be fine. I don't feel anything.

662
00:34:16,410 --> 00:34:17,800
Me, neither.

663
00:34:17,930 --> 00:34:19,480
Hey! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

664
00:34:20,130 --> 00:34:22,900
You got a pass for running around the hallways like a couple of ding-a-lings?

665
00:34:23,010 --> 00:34:24,680
Pass, in your hand.

666
00:34:24,770 --> 00:34:25,910
Hello.

667
00:34:26,490 --> 00:34:28,690
Oh, damn. You guys are late.

668
00:34:28,770 --> 00:34:30,520
Now I'm going to have to take you to the principal's office.

669
00:34:30,610 --> 00:34:34,720
No, no, no, man. Come on, please. Sorry. Come on, please.

670
00:34:34,810 --> 00:34:36,840
You have exceptional muscle tone there, young man.

671
00:34:37,130 --> 00:34:39,400
When'd you go through puberty? Like, at seven or something?

672
00:34:39,730 --> 00:34:41,720
You look like you're in your mid-20s, for crying out loud.

673
00:34:42,170 --> 00:34:44,600
McQuaid, huh? Doug McQuaid.

674
00:34:44,730 --> 00:34:45,760
I read your file.

675
00:34:46,010 --> 00:34:48,960
You got a lot of something special going on there, young man.

676
00:34:49,050 --> 00:34:51,200
What the hell was that? God damn it, son!

677
00:34:51,290 --> 00:34:53,120
Don't ever raise your hand to me like that again, all right?

678
00:34:53,210 --> 00:34:54,350
I consider that a threat.

679
00:34:54,490 --> 00:34:56,200
I was just saying that I'm Doug.

680
00:34:56,290 --> 00:34:59,140
I'm Doug McQuaid. See, that's Brad.

681
00:34:59,970 --> 00:35:00,950
That's Brad.

682
00:35:01,050 --> 00:35:03,560
You're the new kid who's All County in track?

683
00:35:03,650 --> 00:35:05,440
Yes, I'm Doug McQuaid,

684
00:35:06,330 --> 00:35:10,800
the track star, and this is Brad, the science prodigy.

685
00:35:13,330 --> 00:35:15,440
He's really fast.

686
00:35:19,090 --> 00:35:20,150
Is this funny to you guys?

687
00:35:27,970 --> 00:35:29,170
So you're Doug.

688
00:35:29,170 --> 00:35:31,670
You're Doug. You're Doug.

689
00:35:31,970 --> 00:35:33,320
Here's the deal.

690
00:35:33,490 --> 00:35:36,240
My track team is full of physically incapable rejects.

691
00:35:36,690 --> 00:35:39,400
I mean, if I wasn't the coach, I'd be laughing my ass off

692
00:35:39,490 --> 00:35:42,840
at how spastic they are, but I am the coach,

693
00:35:43,170 --> 00:35:44,880
so I need you.

694
00:35:45,530 --> 00:35:47,280
I need me some Doug McQuaid.

695
00:35:47,370 --> 00:35:48,480
Understand?

696
00:35:48,970 --> 00:35:52,670
I need you to run anchor on the 4 X 400 at today's track meet.

697
00:35:52,770 --> 00:35:55,360
You do that, and I'll sign this pass.

698
00:35:56,050 --> 00:35:57,480
Don't blow on me, son.

699
00:35:58,210 --> 00:36:00,320
I haven't trained.

700
00:36:00,570 --> 00:36:04,040
Guys, don't make me take you to the principal's office.

701
00:36:04,530 --> 00:36:06,200
Do we have a deal?

702
00:36:07,890 --> 00:36:09,000
Yes.

703
00:36:10,010 --> 00:36:11,200
Nice.

704
00:36:13,850 --> 00:36:16,840
I don't like that. Put your tongue back in your mouth.

705
00:36:17,010 --> 00:36:18,560
Put your tongue in your mouth, and close it.

706
00:36:19,210 --> 00:36:21,360
What are you doing? Stop it.

707
00:36:21,730 --> 00:36:23,720
Actually, that's not bad.

708
00:36:23,810 --> 00:36:25,720
All right, here you go.

709
00:36:27,730 --> 00:36:29,600
Are you guys on drugs?

710
00:36:35,370 --> 00:36:36,350
Okay.

711
00:36:36,450 --> 00:36:39,120
One particle of Unobtainium has a nuclear reaction with a flux capacitor.

712
00:36:39,250 --> 00:36:42,740
Carry the two, changing its atomic isotoner into a radioactive spider.

713
00:36:44,970 --> 00:36:46,560
Fuck you, science!

714
00:36:53,050 --> 00:36:54,840
All right, all right, we're good. Whoo!

715
00:36:54,930 --> 00:36:56,840
We're good. We're good, man. We're good.

716
00:36:56,930 --> 00:36:58,600
We're good, baby. Whoo!

717
00:36:59,250 --> 00:37:01,080
Good work. Hit that shit.

718
00:37:08,690 --> 00:37:11,860
± I've gotta crow

719
00:37:12,190 --> 00:37:12,210
± I'm just the cleverest fellow

720
00:37:14,530 --> 00:37:18,150
± 'Twas ever my fortune to know

721
00:37:18,990 --> 00:37:19,010
± I taught a trick to my shadow

722
00:37:21,320 --> 00:37:21,330
± To stick to the tip of my toe

723
00:37:25,120 --> 00:37:25,130
± I've gotta crow

724
00:37:29,620 --> 00:37:33,340
± I've gotta

725
00:37:33,420 --> 00:37:38,550
± Crow! ±

726
00:37:39,570 --> 00:37:41,280
Christoph, did you feel that?

727
00:37:41,370 --> 00:37:42,800
Who are you?

728
00:37:46,530 --> 00:37:48,680
Welcome aboard, Peter.

729
00:37:59,370 --> 00:38:00,800
Whoo! No, keep it going!

730
00:38:00,970 --> 00:38:03,040
Keep it going. That was so tight!

731
00:38:03,170 --> 00:38:04,360
No, no, no, keep it going. Keep it going.

732
00:38:08,930 --> 00:38:11,120
All right, let's go, McQuaid!

733
00:38:11,370 --> 00:38:12,920
All right! Yeah!

734
00:38:13,410 --> 00:38:15,320
I like it! I like the confidence, son!

735
00:38:16,490 --> 00:38:20,480
I know y'all seen this shit before. I know you've seen this shit before.

736
00:38:20,610 --> 00:38:23,200
Huge lead! Huge lead! We got this. All right.

737
00:38:23,330 --> 00:38:25,160
You're looking amped!

738
00:38:27,370 --> 00:38:28,510
Here we go.

739
00:38:28,610 --> 00:38:29,920
Here we go! Here we go!

740
00:38:30,970 --> 00:38:32,190
Hey, pick it up!

741
00:38:32,290 --> 00:38:35,360
Hey, no, McQuaid, pick it up. What are you doing?

742
00:38:37,410 --> 00:38:38,470
What are you doing? Pick it...

743
00:38:38,850 --> 00:38:40,720
What? McQuaid!

744
00:38:41,610 --> 00:38:44,240
Don't throw the baton, you jackass!

745
00:38:44,850 --> 00:38:46,120
Come on!

746
00:38:46,210 --> 00:38:47,880
McQuaid!

747
00:38:47,970 --> 00:38:50,080
Run that way!

748
00:38:50,210 --> 00:38:53,280
Spike that! Fuck you, Miles Davis!

749
00:38:55,730 --> 00:38:58,240
Let's go, God damn it! Let's do this!

750
00:38:58,370 --> 00:38:59,640
Let's go! Come on!

751
00:38:59,970 --> 00:39:01,280
Oh, my God.

752
00:39:02,290 --> 00:39:03,510
No, no.

753
00:39:04,050 --> 00:39:05,400
No, stop.

754
00:39:05,690 --> 00:39:06,960
Come here. Come here.

755
00:39:07,050 --> 00:39:08,480
Don't make a...

756
00:39:08,570 --> 00:39:10,040
That is a baton penis.

757
00:39:19,570 --> 00:39:21,640
Oh, speak of the devil!

758
00:39:21,730 --> 00:39:24,400
Dude, that was awesome how you sabotaged that track meet, man.

759
00:39:24,490 --> 00:39:26,720
Organized sports are so fascist. It makes me sick.

760
00:39:27,210 --> 00:39:28,680
That's just what I do.

761
00:39:28,930 --> 00:39:30,720
Okay. Shit, man. See you around, all right?

762
00:39:34,090 --> 00:39:36,080
I don't get this school.

763
00:39:37,090 --> 00:39:38,560
That was awesome.

764
00:39:40,410 --> 00:39:42,240
Okay, so we stayed up all night making this.

765
00:39:42,330 --> 00:39:43,720
It's awesome. You're really going to like it.

766
00:39:43,810 --> 00:39:45,600
All yarn work was done by Jenko.

767
00:39:45,690 --> 00:39:47,720
Okay, Captain, look, the dealers are the popular kids,

768
00:39:47,810 --> 00:39:49,000
but they're not normal popular.

769
00:39:49,090 --> 00:39:51,550
They're these crunchy granola dudes that have convinced everyone

770
00:39:51,650 --> 00:39:52,960
that they're cool, and they're not cool.

771
00:39:53,290 --> 00:39:55,120
It's backwards and unnatural, and it's got to be stopped.

772
00:39:55,490 --> 00:39:57,920
Lead dealer, Eric Moison. Alpha dog.

773
00:39:58,010 --> 00:40:00,120
Sick chicks, killer steeze.

774
00:40:00,250 --> 00:40:01,390
Did the AIDS run this year.

775
00:40:01,770 --> 00:40:04,040
He's getting into Berkeley, early admish,

776
00:40:04,130 --> 00:40:05,480
and he totally gets me.

777
00:40:05,570 --> 00:40:07,840
Who put this together? Are you autistic?

778
00:40:07,970 --> 00:40:09,800
It is artistic, sir, because the thing is,

779
00:40:09,930 --> 00:40:12,240
the yarn actually indicates... We're compiling a list

780
00:40:12,330 --> 00:40:14,360
of suspicious types at school. The users are here.

781
00:40:14,450 --> 00:40:16,750
This kid was actually talking to a tree this morning.

782
00:40:16,850 --> 00:40:17,910
Cut the bullshit!

783
00:40:18,130 --> 00:40:20,590
I want to know who's the supplier.

784
00:40:21,090 --> 00:40:23,600
We don't know. That's why there's a question mark on his face.

785
00:40:23,690 --> 00:40:25,840
That's not the way his face looks. That's just a question mark.

786
00:40:25,930 --> 00:40:28,560
Infiltrate the dealers, find the supplier.

787
00:40:28,690 --> 00:40:29,830
Simple.

788
00:40:30,090 --> 00:40:33,120
Sounds like you guys really cracked the whole case.

789
00:40:33,250 --> 00:40:34,680
Great job. You guys are on fire.

790
00:40:35,090 --> 00:40:37,190
So proud. Like you could do any better?

791
00:40:37,290 --> 00:40:39,040
We just brought down a group of wannabe thugs

792
00:40:39,170 --> 00:40:41,470
stripping down cars in the Garfield High metal shop.

793
00:40:41,810 --> 00:40:44,690
What? Meanwhile, you two were standing around

794
00:40:44,770 --> 00:40:46,640
finger-popping each other's assholes.

795
00:40:46,730 --> 00:40:49,320
We're not finger-popping each other's assholes.

796
00:40:49,410 --> 00:40:51,920
What we're doing is getting shit done.

797
00:40:52,330 --> 00:40:53,390
Yeah, as a matter of fact,

798
00:40:53,490 --> 00:40:55,120
I'm about to infiltrate a super high-tech

799
00:40:55,210 --> 00:40:58,520
drug manufacturing ring in the chemistry classroom.

800
00:41:05,890 --> 00:41:07,240
Password! Open the door!

801
00:41:07,730 --> 00:41:09,280
You have to say the password. I'm sorry. What?

802
00:41:09,370 --> 00:41:10,760
What are you...

803
00:41:12,370 --> 00:41:13,510
Geez.

804
00:41:17,370 --> 00:41:19,360
What are y'all doing? How'd you get a key in here?

805
00:41:19,450 --> 00:41:22,680
Ms. Griggs gave us one so we could work, tutor, deal Bakugan.

806
00:41:23,210 --> 00:41:25,120
Bakugan? You dealing drugs?

807
00:41:25,410 --> 00:41:26,760
Let me see. You dealing drugs? No.

808
00:41:26,850 --> 00:41:28,680
It's just a card game. It's, like, a hybrid card game.

809
00:41:28,890 --> 00:41:30,600
See? They open up. Battle Brawlers.

810
00:41:30,690 --> 00:41:32,520
You're not doing anything illegal? No.

811
00:41:32,770 --> 00:41:36,160
What are you doing in here? I'm here to study.

812
00:41:36,650 --> 00:41:38,760
Good. You could use it. You're pretty far behind, so...

813
00:41:39,050 --> 00:41:40,920
You're behind. I'm ahead.

814
00:41:41,170 --> 00:41:43,200
I know everything. Really?

815
00:41:43,330 --> 00:41:45,040
What's a covalent bond?

816
00:41:45,130 --> 00:41:47,120
Fuck you, man. I don't need to tell you.

817
00:41:47,210 --> 00:41:49,670
I wasn't trying to be rude. Sorry.

818
00:41:49,890 --> 00:41:52,480
I just... I don't think you know everything.

819
00:41:52,770 --> 00:41:53,830
I know everything.

820
00:41:54,450 --> 00:41:55,590
Okay.

821
00:42:02,850 --> 00:42:06,400
What kind of bullshit do they say about a covalent bond in this school?

822
00:42:06,730 --> 00:42:10,800
They say it's when two atoms share both their electrons.

823
00:42:10,890 --> 00:42:12,480
It helps them to stick together.

824
00:42:13,250 --> 00:42:15,760
I could help you out if you want, tutor you for the test.

825
00:42:16,490 --> 00:42:18,870
What are you doing with all those phones anyway?

826
00:42:19,490 --> 00:42:22,000
I crack and jailbreak kids' phones to try and save for college.

827
00:42:22,090 --> 00:42:24,840
You know, I switch their wireless carriers, get them restricted apps.

828
00:42:24,930 --> 00:42:26,120
Can you listen in on phone calls and stuff?

829
00:42:26,210 --> 00:42:30,080
No, no, I can't install a spyware to remotely monitor calls

830
00:42:30,170 --> 00:42:31,560
or anything that the mic picks up.

831
00:42:31,850 --> 00:42:34,050
I can't do that at all. Wait, you can't do it?

832
00:42:34,250 --> 00:42:35,680
No, I can't.

833
00:42:37,090 --> 00:42:38,840
Is he being sarcastic? I don't know.

834
00:42:40,090 --> 00:42:41,230
So you can.

835
00:42:45,610 --> 00:42:47,400
Liking comic books is popular.

836
00:42:47,490 --> 00:42:50,240
Environmental awareness, being tolerant.

837
00:42:50,330 --> 00:42:53,490
If I was just born 10 years later, I would have been the coolest person ever.

838
00:42:53,610 --> 00:42:55,480
I know. It's bullshit.

839
00:42:56,930 --> 00:42:58,040
You know what?

840
00:42:58,130 --> 00:43:00,430
I totally know the cause.

841
00:43:00,530 --> 00:43:02,960
Glee. Fuck you, Glee.

842
00:43:04,130 --> 00:43:05,960
Man, I got to say, this is kind of awesome.

843
00:43:06,130 --> 00:43:10,160
I might become popular. I might get in with the popular kids.

844
00:43:11,090 --> 00:43:14,520
We just have to do something wildly irresponsible to earn their trust.

845
00:43:14,650 --> 00:43:15,760
You saying we should throw a party?

846
00:43:16,010 --> 00:43:18,720
I'll invite Molly, and then Molly will invite Eric,

847
00:43:19,050 --> 00:43:20,840
and that'll be the quickest way for me to bro down with him.

848
00:43:20,930 --> 00:43:23,310
Wouldn't it be better if we both infiltrated the cool kids' group?

849
00:43:23,410 --> 00:43:24,760
I think it would be better if you get in

850
00:43:24,850 --> 00:43:26,400
with the nerdy kids and see what's going on over there.

851
00:43:26,490 --> 00:43:27,960
That'd be the best thing for the case.

852
00:43:28,450 --> 00:43:31,120
Yeah. I mean, I guess that makes sense.

853
00:43:40,570 --> 00:43:42,640
Hello? Hey. Is this Molly?

854
00:43:43,130 --> 00:43:44,240
Speaking.

855
00:43:44,330 --> 00:43:45,800
Hey. It's Schmidt.

856
00:43:46,330 --> 00:43:49,680
It's Doug Schmug McQuaid.

857
00:43:49,890 --> 00:43:52,040
Oh. Hey, man.

858
00:43:52,130 --> 00:43:54,080
It's so weird that you're calling me.

859
00:43:54,170 --> 00:43:58,280
I pretty much text except for when a random old relative calls.

860
00:43:58,690 --> 00:44:02,160
Uh I was just calling 'cause we're costarring in this play together,

861
00:44:02,290 --> 00:44:03,350
- and... - Hello?

862
00:44:03,490 --> 00:44:04,630
Mom, get off the phone!

863
00:44:05,010 --> 00:44:06,760
Oh. Sorry, Doug,

864
00:44:06,850 --> 00:44:08,520
my teen son. Mom!

865
00:44:08,690 --> 00:44:10,960
I love you, honey, Dougie Doug, Douglas McQuaid.

866
00:44:11,090 --> 00:44:12,880
Mom, so serious right now! Stop!

867
00:44:16,850 --> 00:44:19,560
I'm sorry. My mom's such a dick.

868
00:44:19,690 --> 00:44:23,750
Ugh! She just, like, smothers me with affection and makes me feel like I'm five years old.

869
00:44:23,850 --> 00:44:27,080
Wow. You're a sharer. I dig that.

870
00:44:27,370 --> 00:44:30,590
Well, I'm 18 years old, and my mom still packs a lunch for me every day.

871
00:44:30,730 --> 00:44:33,920
There was this one month where she bought me 43 stuffed animals.

872
00:44:34,210 --> 00:44:36,800
The doctor thought I was gonna spontaneously grow a vagina.

873
00:44:37,330 --> 00:44:38,840
I didn't, though, just to be clear.

874
00:44:39,570 --> 00:44:40,710
Yeah, because you already had one.

875
00:44:40,890 --> 00:44:42,320
Exactly. I already had one.

876
00:44:42,410 --> 00:44:44,120
And you don't need two vaginas. You just don't.

877
00:44:44,210 --> 00:44:46,240
Although you could use one as a coin purse.

878
00:44:47,170 --> 00:44:48,800
I never got any stuffed animals growing up.

879
00:44:48,890 --> 00:44:51,160
Oh, wait, actually, that's not true. I did.

880
00:44:51,250 --> 00:44:53,080
My dad gave me a stuffed puppy the day he bailed on us.

881
00:44:55,170 --> 00:44:56,520
I'm just fucking with you.

882
00:44:57,090 --> 00:44:58,600
That is a weird joke.

883
00:44:58,730 --> 00:45:00,320
I thought your dad abandoned your family.

884
00:45:00,410 --> 00:45:02,000
No, he did walk out on us, though. Oh.

885
00:45:02,610 --> 00:45:04,990
But he didn't even leave me a stuffed puppy.

886
00:45:05,090 --> 00:45:06,150
Just broken dreams.

887
00:45:06,250 --> 00:45:09,560
Oh, man. Well, I guess, to that, I would say,

888
00:45:09,770 --> 00:45:10,750
well, uh,

889
00:45:12,130 --> 00:45:14,240
that there are some good guys out there,

890
00:45:14,330 --> 00:45:17,920
and I wouldn't let, you know, one experience

891
00:45:18,010 --> 00:45:20,310
taint your memory.

892
00:45:20,610 --> 00:45:21,920
Oh, my God.

893
00:45:22,010 --> 00:45:24,840
Are you getting choked up? I'm sorry if I made you upset.

894
00:45:25,170 --> 00:45:28,760
No, it's just, you know, I don't like when guys are mean to girls.

895
00:45:28,850 --> 00:45:31,200
Yeah. Well, thanks.

896
00:45:31,770 --> 00:45:33,680
Normal transition here.

897
00:45:34,890 --> 00:45:38,040
Actually, I'm having a party next weekend. You should come!

898
00:45:38,130 --> 00:45:39,960
You and Eric and Juario, whatever.

899
00:45:40,250 --> 00:45:43,200
Do you mind if I just put, like, a posting on Facebook?

900
00:45:43,290 --> 00:45:45,280
Okay. Yeah, yeah!

901
00:45:45,970 --> 00:45:47,000
I should call you back.

902
00:45:47,090 --> 00:45:49,320
Well, all right, I'll see you at school. You're a great person.

903
00:45:49,410 --> 00:45:50,360
Bye-bye. Bye, Bye.

904
00:45:50,450 --> 00:45:52,000
What the fuck are you...

905
00:46:02,850 --> 00:46:04,160
Are y'all throwing a party?

906
00:46:05,170 --> 00:46:09,100
What? There's rumors in the Twittersphere.

907
00:46:09,970 --> 00:46:11,720
And if any of my officers

908
00:46:11,810 --> 00:46:14,880
are caught giving alcohol to minors,

909
00:46:15,330 --> 00:46:17,280
they'll find theyself in prison

910
00:46:18,290 --> 00:46:21,680
with a snorkel duct-taped to they mouth

911
00:46:21,810 --> 00:46:25,000
and me shitting down that snorkel.

912
00:46:26,970 --> 00:46:28,840
That's extremely vivid. Thank you.

913
00:46:29,330 --> 00:46:31,890
You're the best. You are the best.

914
00:46:32,210 --> 00:46:33,560
Oh, my God. We love you.

915
00:46:33,690 --> 00:46:34,750
Enjoy the vineyard. You boys be good, now.

916
00:46:34,850 --> 00:46:37,120
Yeah, I can't believe you guys did this for us.

917
00:46:37,410 --> 00:46:38,600
Bye!

918
00:46:38,690 --> 00:46:41,170
"We love you"? What are you doing? Why you saying "I love you" to my mom?

919
00:46:41,250 --> 00:46:42,600
I'm in character. Shut up. It's weird.

920
00:46:44,170 --> 00:46:46,840
Look, dude, it's kind of like we're brothers.

921
00:46:47,370 --> 00:46:49,080
Wait, how are we going to buy alcohol?

922
00:46:49,730 --> 00:46:51,440
Dude, I don't have a fake ID.

923
00:46:59,010 --> 00:47:01,120
How are we going to get drugs for the party?

924
00:47:02,010 --> 00:47:03,280
Oh, no.

925
00:47:10,050 --> 00:47:11,080
We got a pound of coke.

926
00:47:11,170 --> 00:47:13,520
We're trying to show them a good time, not ruin their fucking lives.

927
00:47:13,610 --> 00:47:14,720
Pound of marijuana?

928
00:47:15,210 --> 00:47:16,800
Best party ever. Boo-yah!

929
00:47:31,130 --> 00:47:34,600
To a brilliant idea

930
00:47:34,690 --> 00:47:36,560
from my brilliant brother

931
00:47:36,690 --> 00:47:38,680
that I love so very much.

932
00:47:38,770 --> 00:47:41,400
And this is going to fucking rock.

933
00:47:41,530 --> 00:47:43,320
Cheers, man. Cheers.

934
00:47:49,970 --> 00:47:51,840
Who invited you guys? I did!

935
00:47:51,930 --> 00:47:52,910
The party's here!

936
00:47:53,570 --> 00:47:55,160
What's up, Zack? Hey, buddy.

937
00:47:55,250 --> 00:47:56,280
What's up, Roman?

938
00:47:56,370 --> 00:47:59,760
This is crazy. This is, like, the craziest thing I've ever been a part of.

939
00:48:03,730 --> 00:48:05,520
Where is Eric, man? He said he'd be here.

940
00:48:05,610 --> 00:48:07,120
Do we have enough chips?

941
00:48:07,210 --> 00:48:09,120
Is this playlist too dance-y?

942
00:48:09,210 --> 00:48:10,350
Feels too dance-y. Too dance-y?

943
00:48:10,450 --> 00:48:13,840
What are you talking about? I don't know, it just feels dance-y.

944
00:48:18,450 --> 00:48:19,760
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What are you doing?

945
00:48:19,850 --> 00:48:21,980
That's my mom's Kokopelli vase. I got it, I got it.

946
00:48:22,090 --> 00:48:23,520
Doug, Doug, hey!

947
00:48:23,610 --> 00:48:26,760
Hey, Paul Blart: Molly Cop.

948
00:48:27,770 --> 00:48:28,990
Such a bad joke.

949
00:48:29,090 --> 00:48:30,200
Terrible, terrible.

950
00:48:30,290 --> 00:48:31,430
You guys know each other, right? Yeah.

951
00:48:31,570 --> 00:48:34,370
Get ready, get ready, there's Eric. Wait for the signal.

952
00:48:34,450 --> 00:48:36,360
And then you come in here looking like a rock-solid 10.

953
00:48:36,450 --> 00:48:37,560
What?

954
00:48:38,330 --> 00:48:39,520
What's up, man, how you doing?

955
00:48:39,890 --> 00:48:41,400
Eco Suave.

956
00:48:41,970 --> 00:48:42,950
Whoa.

957
00:48:43,410 --> 00:48:46,200
Wow, so I'm really digging this decor.

958
00:48:46,570 --> 00:48:48,480
Very Native American.

959
00:48:49,010 --> 00:48:50,320
Yeah, our parents are actually

960
00:48:50,450 --> 00:48:52,880
really into Native American... Let's rock and roll.

961
00:48:54,650 --> 00:48:56,160
- Sorry. - What are y'all doing?

962
00:48:56,650 --> 00:48:58,360
Come on. Did you guys even see Eric?

963
00:48:58,650 --> 00:49:00,480
Seriously, did you not see Eric?

964
00:49:01,010 --> 00:49:02,720
No offense, man, but your brother sucks.

965
00:49:02,810 --> 00:49:05,560
Yo, this is butt. There's, like, no hot dudes here.

966
00:49:05,650 --> 00:49:07,400
Man, let's bounce. We're out of here, man.

967
00:49:07,490 --> 00:49:10,320
No, no, no, come on, you guys just got here, you just got here.

968
00:49:10,410 --> 00:49:12,560
Come on, let me at least give you a tour.

969
00:49:12,650 --> 00:49:15,030
Okay, boys, come on, we did it, we can do this, just go,

970
00:49:15,130 --> 00:49:16,640
just go as fast as you possibly can.

971
00:49:16,810 --> 00:49:20,380
Taking out the SIM card. Taking out the SIM card.

972
00:49:20,460 --> 00:49:22,420
± Taking down Eric with the SIM card information ±

973
00:49:22,490 --> 00:49:24,240
Come on, CSI the shit out of this thing.

974
00:49:24,330 --> 00:49:25,960
Are you drunk? No.

975
00:49:26,050 --> 00:49:27,400
Have you even been drunk before?

976
00:49:27,530 --> 00:49:29,040
No, but? Give me this.

977
00:49:29,130 --> 00:49:30,760
What? Can we get some bitches up in here?

978
00:49:30,850 --> 00:49:32,640
'Cause it's just boys right now.

979
00:49:32,730 --> 00:49:34,440
No, you can't get any bitches up here.

980
00:49:34,730 --> 00:49:36,200
This is my parents' bedroom.

981
00:49:38,370 --> 00:49:39,640
What the fuck, bro? Some privacy! Shit, shit, shit!

982
00:49:39,730 --> 00:49:42,160
And that is a really gross three-way.

983
00:49:43,690 --> 00:49:45,240
But what was the girl in the back doing?

984
00:49:45,330 --> 00:49:47,320
Warehouse rave in Ellsworth.

985
00:49:47,410 --> 00:49:49,160
Cool, yeah.

986
00:49:49,250 --> 00:49:51,240
Hey, man, thank you for the hospitality,

987
00:49:51,330 --> 00:49:53,400
but we got to get going. You know how it is, yeah?

988
00:49:53,490 --> 00:49:55,120
Dude, tell me about it.

989
00:49:56,250 --> 00:49:57,760
Is it ready? He's gonna leave right now.

990
00:49:57,890 --> 00:49:59,280
It's extracting right now.

991
00:49:59,370 --> 00:50:01,280
Dude, it's now or never! Is it ready or not?

992
00:50:01,370 --> 00:50:03,120
Read this. "Please wait. Extracting data from SIM card."

993
00:50:03,210 --> 00:50:05,360
Shit! It's a bust.

994
00:50:09,570 --> 00:50:10,760
- Keep it casual. - Yeah.

995
00:50:10,890 --> 00:50:11,840
Go with the flow, dude. Cool, man.

996
00:50:11,930 --> 00:50:13,280
I don't like to make plans or whatever. You got it.

997
00:50:13,410 --> 00:50:14,470
Thank you again, though, man. All right.

998
00:50:14,570 --> 00:50:17,960
Eric, Eric, Eric. Hey, man, what's up?

999
00:50:18,570 --> 00:50:20,120
Hey, why you here, Scott?

1000
00:50:20,250 --> 00:50:22,630
What, Kennedy High isn't having any parties tonight?

1001
00:50:22,730 --> 00:50:24,720
No, I heard you guys were partying with some new stuff.

1002
00:50:24,970 --> 00:50:27,320
Wanted to know your hookup so me and my boys can get in on it.

1003
00:50:27,410 --> 00:50:29,320
Got other commitments on that front, so, you know...

1004
00:50:29,410 --> 00:50:30,470
I wasn't asking.

1005
00:50:32,050 --> 00:50:33,400
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

1006
00:50:33,690 --> 00:50:36,150
Take five, take five, man, let me get this. I got this.

1007
00:50:36,250 --> 00:50:38,550
Yeah? You sure? I got this one.

1008
00:50:39,490 --> 00:50:41,480
Hey, big player, I don't know who you are.

1009
00:50:41,570 --> 00:50:43,480
Don't worry about who I am. I'm worried about it.

1010
00:50:43,570 --> 00:50:45,560
Why? 'Cause you're at my party right now, dude.

1011
00:50:45,730 --> 00:50:48,080
This is my temple, this is where I come to find peace, dawg,

1012
00:50:48,290 --> 00:50:51,010
and you're coming in here like an emotional bull in a china shop,

1013
00:50:51,090 --> 00:50:53,600
metaphorically knocking over vases, messing with my crew,

1014
00:50:53,690 --> 00:50:57,760
and I'm like, "What, Scott, what, Scott, what, what, what, what, Scott?"

1015
00:50:57,850 --> 00:50:59,200
It's that kind of party? Yeah, dude.

1016
00:50:59,330 --> 00:51:01,280
Matter of fact, it's getting hot in here, huh?

1017
00:51:01,370 --> 00:51:03,360
No, it's getting real. It's getting very real.

1018
00:51:03,450 --> 00:51:06,240
Yeah. It's like seven strangers living in one house. True story.

1019
00:51:06,330 --> 00:51:07,680
You want Real World? Yeah, let's do it, man.

1020
00:51:07,770 --> 00:51:09,360
Come on. What's your Real... Here's Real World.

1021
00:51:10,090 --> 00:51:11,360
What was that? Did you hear that?

1022
00:51:11,450 --> 00:51:12,880
Real enough for you?

1023
00:51:13,010 --> 00:51:14,440
Schmidt. Doug.

1024
00:51:14,530 --> 00:51:16,120
What do I do? Hit him!

1025
00:51:18,130 --> 00:51:19,640
Shit! That hurt worse than when he hit me!

1026
00:51:26,370 --> 00:51:27,560
Fight normal.

1027
00:51:27,690 --> 00:51:29,080
Yo, I'm serious.

1028
00:51:29,170 --> 00:51:30,280
Sorry.

1029
00:51:34,450 --> 00:51:37,010
I'll fucking kill you! I'm sorry! I'm very sorry!

1030
00:51:38,210 --> 00:51:41,400
Seriously, use your words, use your words!

1031
00:51:44,130 --> 00:51:45,190
I kicked him in the nuts.

1032
00:51:50,650 --> 00:51:53,000
Fight's over, dude! Fight's over! Fight's over!

1033
00:51:57,410 --> 00:51:58,550
No, watch my mom's shit, man!

1034
00:51:58,650 --> 00:52:00,520
I'm gonna fucking kill you! You'll knock over my mom's vase!

1035
00:52:00,610 --> 00:52:02,870
Fuck your mom's vase! Fuck this!

1036
00:52:07,930 --> 00:52:08,990
Oh, shit!

1037
00:52:09,770 --> 00:52:11,040
Yeah!

1038
00:52:15,210 --> 00:52:16,960
That's my brother!

1039
00:52:22,010 --> 00:52:24,390
That was insane! You're so cool!

1040
00:52:25,850 --> 00:52:28,360
Did you see that shit? That was crazy.

1041
00:52:32,770 --> 00:52:33,830
Oh, shit,

1042
00:52:34,490 --> 00:52:35,840
when did I get stabbed?

1043
00:52:37,410 --> 00:52:38,550
That's awesome.

1044
00:52:40,690 --> 00:52:41,670
Yeah!

1045
00:52:45,090 --> 00:52:46,720
Is that a cop?

1046
00:52:46,810 --> 00:52:48,030
Where?

1047
00:52:48,170 --> 00:52:50,360
No, it's not. Here.

1048
00:52:51,050 --> 00:52:53,120
Oh, I'm so glad we're going back to get my phone.

1049
00:52:53,210 --> 00:52:55,040
I just hope we don't wake up Schmidty.

1050
00:52:55,170 --> 00:52:56,560
Oh, my God, he's a policeman now.

1051
00:52:56,650 --> 00:52:58,720
It's like we're living with a narc.

1052
00:52:59,450 --> 00:53:00,760
The boy is an angel.

1053
00:53:01,290 --> 00:53:02,430
Pull it out!

1054
00:53:02,770 --> 00:53:06,470
Pull it out! Pull it out! Pull it out!

1055
00:53:06,570 --> 00:53:07,680
Sorry!

1056
00:53:15,400 --> 00:53:16,440
Aw...

1057
00:53:17,690 --> 00:53:18,960
Okay, let's take some shots.

1058
00:53:19,050 --> 00:53:20,400
Shots, shots!

1059
00:53:25,570 --> 00:53:27,870
That's like us fucking Mother Earth without a condom.

1060
00:53:31,420 --> 00:53:33,090
± In the club, party rock

1061
00:53:33,170 --> 00:53:34,800
± Lookin' for your girl? She on my jock

1062
00:53:34,880 --> 00:53:36,920
± Huh, nonstop when we in the spot

1063
00:53:37,010 --> 00:53:38,840
± Booty move away like she on the block

1064
00:53:40,260 --> 00:53:42,430
± Tight jeans, tattoo 'cause I'm rock and roll

1065
00:53:43,930 --> 00:53:47,270
± Hey ± Party rock is in the house tonight

1066
00:53:47,390 --> 00:53:50,980
± Whoo! ± Everybody just have a good time

1067
00:53:51,060 --> 00:53:52,060
± Yeah

1068
00:53:52,150 --> 00:53:55,190
± And we gonna make you lose your mind

1069
00:53:55,280 --> 00:53:57,990
± Everybody just have a good time

1070
00:53:58,070 --> 00:53:59,150
± Let's go

1071
00:53:59,240 --> 00:54:02,740
± Party rock is in the house tonight

1072
00:54:02,820 --> 00:54:04,450
± Everybody just have a good time... ±

1073
00:54:04,690 --> 00:54:06,320
What the fuck is going on?

1074
00:54:06,450 --> 00:54:08,280
Annie, hang on.

1075
00:54:11,290 --> 00:54:13,000
Are you fucking kidding me?

1076
00:54:13,130 --> 00:54:16,040
Get out of my house. I said get out! The party's over!

1077
00:54:16,130 --> 00:54:17,600
I'm sorry, Mom, I'm sorry!

1078
00:54:17,890 --> 00:54:19,440
The mom is coming!

1079
00:54:19,770 --> 00:54:21,640
Listen to me! Chill out! Chill out!

1080
00:54:22,130 --> 00:54:23,440
Let go of me! You're embarrassing me

1081
00:54:23,530 --> 00:54:25,480
in front of my friends! Get back here, you shit!

1082
00:54:28,770 --> 00:54:30,600
Dude, that was so crazy, man.

1083
00:54:30,690 --> 00:54:32,880
I swear, best party I've been to in years.

1084
00:54:32,970 --> 00:54:34,600
Dude, I'm doing crazy stuff like that,

1085
00:54:34,690 --> 00:54:36,360
like, all the time, man. I bet you are.

1086
00:54:36,490 --> 00:54:38,870
Dude, I'm so amped right now, God!

1087
00:54:40,370 --> 00:54:41,960
You, dude, I like you, man.

1088
00:54:42,050 --> 00:54:43,600
How do you feel about making a little extra money?

1089
00:54:43,730 --> 00:54:45,760
Whatever it is, I'm in.

1090
00:54:45,890 --> 00:54:47,110
All right, here's the deal.

1091
00:54:47,210 --> 00:54:51,120
Okay, I can't sell all this shit on my own, but I only bring in people I like.

1092
00:54:51,850 --> 00:54:54,150
Okay, you do good, maybe we bring you in on what we're doing,

1093
00:54:54,290 --> 00:54:56,320
I introduce you to my hookup. How's that sound?

1094
00:54:57,290 --> 00:54:58,600
Cool with me. My man.

1095
00:54:58,690 --> 00:55:00,560
That is my man...

1096
00:55:00,890 --> 00:55:02,520
That was nuts. I lost you guys.

1097
00:55:05,090 --> 00:55:07,280
Um... Hey, thank you again for the party, man.

1098
00:55:07,410 --> 00:55:08,760
Yo, yo.

1099
00:55:13,010 --> 00:55:14,360
Come on!

1100
00:55:17,010 --> 00:55:18,440
I love dick"?

1101
00:55:18,530 --> 00:55:20,040
You think that's funny?

1102
00:55:20,130 --> 00:55:21,600
"Wonder Years douche"?

1103
00:55:21,690 --> 00:55:23,880
What kind of a sick animal draws

1104
00:55:24,010 --> 00:55:27,440
an ejaculating penis into an 8-year-old's mouth?

1105
00:55:27,530 --> 00:55:30,560
It's arguably, like, an airplane throwing up.

1106
00:55:31,370 --> 00:55:33,040
You think I don't know that's a dick and balls?

1107
00:55:33,170 --> 00:55:35,040
I know all about dick and balls!

1108
00:55:35,130 --> 00:55:37,480
I partied with Robert Downey Jr. Before he got sober,

1109
00:55:37,570 --> 00:55:39,840
when he was really fucked up and a lot of fun!

1110
00:55:40,050 --> 00:55:41,960
You know what? From now on, you're gonna do some chores.

1111
00:55:42,050 --> 00:55:44,320
You're gonna wash the laundry, you're gonna fold it,

1112
00:55:44,410 --> 00:55:48,030
you're gonna do the dishes, you're gonna mow the lawn...

1113
00:55:53,970 --> 00:55:55,400
Dude, I have a surprise for you.

1114
00:55:55,490 --> 00:55:57,280
Last night at the party, I took Eric's phone

1115
00:55:57,410 --> 00:56:00,080
and I had Zack put this monitoring device in it,

1116
00:56:00,210 --> 00:56:03,320
so we're gonna get to hear every single thing that little prick is up to.

1117
00:56:03,570 --> 00:56:05,320
Dude, I don't know if that was a good idea.

1118
00:56:05,410 --> 00:56:06,360
What?

1119
00:56:06,450 --> 00:56:08,400
What if you had gotten found out? But it worked.

1120
00:56:08,490 --> 00:56:10,360
This is, like, the smartest move I've ever pulled,

1121
00:56:10,450 --> 00:56:13,080
so, I'm sorry, what are you getting mad at me for?

1122
00:56:13,170 --> 00:56:16,080
I'm not getting mad at you. I'm glad you have something to do.

1123
00:56:18,570 --> 00:56:19,630
Good.

1124
00:56:20,960 --> 00:56:22,760
± Straight outta Compton, Crazy motherfucker named Ice Cube

1125
00:56:22,850 --> 00:56:24,160
What's up?

1126
00:56:24,260 --> 00:56:25,340
± From the gang called Niggaz with Attitudes

1127
00:56:25,430 --> 00:56:27,640
± When I'm called off, I got a sawed-off

1128
00:56:27,720 --> 00:56:29,890
± Squeeze the trigger and bodies are hauled off

1129
00:56:29,970 --> 00:56:31,160
Great job, Schmidt.

1130
00:56:36,480 --> 00:56:37,520
± Straight outta Compton

1131
00:56:37,600 --> 00:56:38,900
± Another crazy-ass nigga

1132
00:56:38,980 --> 00:56:41,400
± More punks I smoke, yo, my rep gets bigger

1133
00:56:41,480 --> 00:56:43,440
± I'm a bad motherfucker and you know this

1134
00:56:43,530 --> 00:56:45,780
± But the pussy-ass niggas won't show this ±

1135
00:56:46,970 --> 00:56:49,160
Password! Kneel before Zod!

1136
00:56:49,250 --> 00:56:50,520
You may enter.

1137
00:56:50,610 --> 00:56:52,200
Thank you, Zod.

1138
00:57:00,290 --> 00:57:01,400
Let's tap that wire, huh?

1139
00:57:01,490 --> 00:57:03,240
We were just about to go outside with a bunch of chemicals.

1140
00:57:03,330 --> 00:57:05,120
We were going to test what blows up.

1141
00:57:05,650 --> 00:57:08,480
There's no reason the wiretap is super urgent, right?

1142
00:57:09,650 --> 00:57:11,760
Not that I can think of that would make sense.

1143
00:57:11,970 --> 00:57:13,760
Go for it, go for it.

1144
00:57:13,850 --> 00:57:15,640
Look out. Go, go, go!

1145
00:57:18,690 --> 00:57:19,670
Yes!

1146
00:57:20,050 --> 00:57:21,960
Yes, that's what I'm talking about!

1147
00:57:22,050 --> 00:57:23,480
That's what I'm talking about!

1148
00:57:23,570 --> 00:57:25,040
I love this science shit!

1149
00:57:25,130 --> 00:57:27,510
This is what you guys do all day? Let's do it again.

1150
00:57:44,050 --> 00:57:45,360
Are you texting Molly?

1151
00:57:45,850 --> 00:57:46,880
Uh, what?

1152
00:57:47,330 --> 00:57:48,800
I don't... Molly, uh...

1153
00:57:49,490 --> 00:57:50,760
Maybe. Is that...

1154
00:57:50,850 --> 00:57:53,480
Whoa, it's cool, man, come on.

1155
00:57:53,570 --> 00:57:56,720
I'm not some, like, '50s letterman who pins a girl.

1156
00:57:56,810 --> 00:57:59,440
I mean, yeah, we blow each other sometimes, but it's not a thing.

1157
00:57:59,530 --> 00:58:02,650
I just, like... I don't know, I don't believe in possessions, ja feel?

1158
00:58:03,410 --> 00:58:05,520
Ja feel, ja definitely feel.

1159
00:58:05,810 --> 00:58:07,600
Yeah. Schmidty?

1160
00:58:09,210 --> 00:58:10,350
Schmidty.

1161
00:58:11,530 --> 00:58:12,510
Phyllis.

1162
00:58:13,810 --> 00:58:15,200
I'll be right back, dude. Okay.

1163
00:58:17,170 --> 00:58:19,470
Hey. How are you?

1164
00:58:19,570 --> 00:58:21,800
How is my favorite police officer? Okay.

1165
00:58:21,890 --> 00:58:24,400
Your mother told me that you are undercover.

1166
00:58:24,490 --> 00:58:26,000
Listen, now is not a really good time.

1167
00:58:26,330 --> 00:58:28,040
Are you undercover right now?

1168
00:58:28,130 --> 00:58:29,600
Yes, it means I'm undercover right now.

1169
00:58:29,690 --> 00:58:31,360
Are those the bad guys over there?

1170
00:58:31,490 --> 00:58:34,280
Do they have guns? Oh, my God. Oh, God, this is so exciting.

1171
00:58:34,410 --> 00:58:36,200
I have got to call Annie. She is gonna die.

1172
00:58:36,370 --> 00:58:39,200
I heard that that Jenko boy is your partner.

1173
00:58:39,330 --> 00:58:40,920
Where is my phone? Okay, okay.

1174
00:58:41,010 --> 00:58:42,320
Shut your fucking mouth.

1175
00:58:42,410 --> 00:58:44,520
Shut your fucking mouth, you understand me? Shh...

1176
00:58:44,610 --> 00:58:46,440
Let's go check this out.

1177
00:58:46,530 --> 00:58:48,640
I will straight-up punch you in the face if you do not shut up.

1178
00:58:48,730 --> 00:58:50,820
There is no... A straight-up face punch.

1179
00:58:50,890 --> 00:58:52,030
I swear to God, you're gonna get me killed.

1180
00:58:52,130 --> 00:58:53,520
Hey, yo. That is...

1181
00:58:55,450 --> 00:58:57,240
Shit! She just tried to grab my dick, dude!

1182
00:58:57,330 --> 00:58:59,540
What? You tried to grab his... She tried to grab my junk.

1183
00:58:59,610 --> 00:59:01,160
She was like, "Oh, my God, I have arthritis,"

1184
00:59:01,250 --> 00:59:02,920
"it hurts my hand, I need to grab a handful of that dick."

1185
00:59:03,010 --> 00:59:04,120
I was like, "Get the fuck off me!"

1186
00:59:04,210 --> 00:59:05,560
She said, "I need to grab a handful of that dick"?

1187
00:59:05,690 --> 00:59:07,280
And it felt good, but then it felt weird for a second,

1188
00:59:07,370 --> 00:59:09,440
so I pushed her. We got to get out of here.

1189
00:59:09,570 --> 00:59:10,550
All right, cool, let's get the...

1190
00:59:26,850 --> 00:59:30,650
Ah, so your parents are just cool with having people over whenever?

1191
00:59:30,770 --> 00:59:32,480
Yeah, you know, they're out most nights.

1192
00:59:32,610 --> 00:59:34,280
Pretty laissez-faire about the whole thing.

1193
00:59:34,810 --> 00:59:37,080
You're so lucky your parents don't give a shit about you.

1194
00:59:37,170 --> 00:59:38,360
Right?

1195
00:59:38,450 --> 00:59:40,280
This place is awesome. Yeah.

1196
00:59:40,450 --> 00:59:41,560
Hey.

1197
00:59:42,050 --> 00:59:43,030
Hey, what's up?

1198
00:59:43,130 --> 00:59:44,560
How's it going?

1199
00:59:44,650 --> 00:59:47,560
Wow, that's a bigger hug than I was expecting.

1200
00:59:48,370 --> 00:59:49,760
Sorry. I'm happy to see you.

1201
00:59:49,850 --> 00:59:51,400
Yeah. Yeah, me, too.

1202
00:59:51,490 --> 00:59:53,080
Hey. Oh, hey.

1203
00:59:55,290 --> 00:59:56,510
Good? Mmm-hmm.

1204
00:59:56,810 --> 00:59:58,120
All right, come on. Yeah, let's...

1205
00:59:58,210 --> 01:00:00,480
I brought tacos, so that's cool.

1206
01:00:00,720 --> 01:00:00,730
± Try to turn it, try to turn it, spoiler alert

1207
01:00:03,480 --> 01:00:03,490
± Spoiler alert, spoiler alert! ±

1208
01:00:06,330 --> 01:00:11,080
Hey, boys, this eco-pussy is going down today.

1209
01:00:11,150 --> 01:00:11,170
± Take down eco-pussy

1210
01:00:13,900 --> 01:00:16,660
± Take down eco-pussy!

1211
01:00:17,110 --> 01:00:17,130
± Mother Earth, Mother Earth is dying

1212
01:00:21,870 --> 01:00:21,890
± And when it rains

1213
01:00:24,120 --> 01:00:24,130
± It means that beautiful bitch is crying ±

1214
01:00:26,210 --> 01:00:28,040
It's really not a planet. It's for sure a planet.

1215
01:00:28,490 --> 01:00:29,920
Pluto is a planet.

1216
01:00:30,010 --> 01:00:31,040
It's ready! It used to be a planet.

1217
01:00:31,130 --> 01:00:32,160
It's ready. Not any more.

1218
01:00:32,260 --> 01:00:35,420
± Reduce, reuse

1219
01:00:36,630 --> 01:00:36,650
± Recycle ±

1220
01:00:37,770 --> 01:00:38,880
I'm embarrassed.

1221
01:00:38,970 --> 01:00:41,350
I always feel exposed after playing. Do not feel exposed.

1222
01:00:41,490 --> 01:00:42,520
I got to use the bathroom.

1223
01:00:42,650 --> 01:00:44,520
Is it in there? Yeah, yeah, right up there, dude.

1224
01:00:44,610 --> 01:00:46,600
All right, all right, all right, all right. God damn that.

1225
01:00:46,690 --> 01:00:49,150
The mic is live and we can hear how the other half lives.

1226
01:01:04,210 --> 01:01:05,600
What are you doing?

1227
01:01:05,690 --> 01:01:07,240
I heard something.

1228
01:01:07,330 --> 01:01:09,440
Hey, can I ask you something? Sit down.

1229
01:01:09,530 --> 01:01:10,720
Okay.

1230
01:01:11,290 --> 01:01:14,280
I just want to make sure that you and Eric are going to be careful

1231
01:01:14,370 --> 01:01:17,990
with whatever it is that you're getting involved in.

1232
01:01:19,130 --> 01:01:21,040
Yeah, I promise we will.

1233
01:01:21,130 --> 01:01:23,510
It would just suck if something bad happened,

1234
01:01:25,010 --> 01:01:26,680
because you're a good guy.

1235
01:01:26,890 --> 01:01:29,960
Yeah, no, I feel the same way about you,

1236
01:01:30,050 --> 01:01:31,880
except girl version.

1237
01:01:32,250 --> 01:01:33,720
You're a girl.

1238
01:01:34,170 --> 01:01:35,560
I am. Yeah.

1239
01:01:36,290 --> 01:01:37,640
That's why I put this dress on,

1240
01:01:37,730 --> 01:01:39,160
to remind you. Exactly.

1241
01:01:39,370 --> 01:01:42,240
Are you excited about the play? Yes.

1242
01:01:42,330 --> 01:01:43,390
Yeah, you were just

1243
01:01:43,490 --> 01:01:44,520
right in there with excitement. Yes.

1244
01:01:44,610 --> 01:01:46,000
No hesitash. I'm very excited.

1245
01:01:46,090 --> 01:01:47,600
Yeah.

1246
01:01:47,770 --> 01:01:49,320
Does that make me a super nerd?

1247
01:01:49,410 --> 01:01:51,040
No, not at all.

1248
01:01:51,250 --> 01:01:52,520
We get to act together.

1249
01:01:52,650 --> 01:01:55,480
What a vagina. He has no chance with her.

1250
01:01:55,610 --> 01:01:56,670
So...

1251
01:01:56,770 --> 01:01:57,990
Shit. Sorry.

1252
01:01:58,090 --> 01:01:59,880
You're on the prom committee. Mmm-hmm.

1253
01:01:59,970 --> 01:02:01,480
Do you think it's going to be fun?

1254
01:02:01,730 --> 01:02:02,870
Did she just bring up prom on her own?

1255
01:02:02,970 --> 01:02:04,760
She did, she just brought up prom. What is she doing?

1256
01:02:04,850 --> 01:02:06,480
I think it's going to be awesome.

1257
01:02:06,650 --> 01:02:07,960
Prom eats a dong. Multiple dongs.

1258
01:02:08,050 --> 01:02:09,110
All right, anyone who says

1259
01:02:09,250 --> 01:02:12,000
they don't care about prom actually secretly does.

1260
01:02:12,090 --> 01:02:14,200
Who we gonna take to the prom? No one's going to prom with us.

1261
01:02:14,290 --> 01:02:17,530
Come on, picture it. You pull up in a white stallion of a limo.

1262
01:02:17,610 --> 01:02:19,240
You got fine-ass honeys with you.

1263
01:02:19,330 --> 01:02:21,480
You're dressed to the nines with your best buds.

1264
01:02:21,570 --> 01:02:23,560
Doves fly out behind you, slow motion.

1265
01:02:23,650 --> 01:02:25,360
Doves. Why doves?

1266
01:02:25,970 --> 01:02:29,080
'Cause doves make you look like a badass, that's why.

1267
01:02:29,170 --> 01:02:30,880
I am pretty skeptical,

1268
01:02:31,610 --> 01:02:36,130
but maybe, if someone fun asked me, I would go.

1269
01:02:37,850 --> 01:02:40,200
Aren't... Isn't... Aren't you and Eric...

1270
01:02:40,290 --> 01:02:41,880
Wouldn't you and Eric go together?

1271
01:02:43,170 --> 01:02:44,840
Not that I know of.

1272
01:02:50,850 --> 01:02:51,980
Uh...

1273
01:02:53,210 --> 01:02:54,320
Would you...

1274
01:02:54,410 --> 01:02:55,440
He's going to choke.

1275
01:02:55,650 --> 01:02:58,210
He always chokes. He's going to choke, wait for it.

1276
01:02:58,650 --> 01:03:01,560
So would...

1277
01:03:01,810 --> 01:03:03,360
So would...

1278
01:03:04,490 --> 01:03:06,120
Would you...

1279
01:03:07,850 --> 01:03:09,070
Mayb...

1280
01:03:10,010 --> 01:03:12,370
Oh, my God. Are you okay? Yeah.

1281
01:03:12,570 --> 01:03:15,520
That is the actual sound of choking.

1282
01:03:16,410 --> 01:03:19,480
I was wondering if you...

1283
01:03:20,930 --> 01:03:22,360
Would you

1284
01:03:24,010 --> 01:03:25,680
maybe want to go

1285
01:03:27,690 --> 01:03:28,800
with me to prom?

1286
01:03:28,890 --> 01:03:31,140
Would you want to go to me... Maybe with me to prom?

1287
01:03:31,650 --> 01:03:32,680
Yes.

1288
01:03:33,850 --> 01:03:35,800
I would love to go to prom with you.

1289
01:03:36,530 --> 01:03:38,600
What? She just said yes!

1290
01:03:38,690 --> 01:03:40,160
Whoa. Wow.

1291
01:03:40,330 --> 01:03:42,320
Good for you, Doug.

1292
01:03:42,650 --> 01:03:44,520
Thank you for asking.

1293
01:03:52,850 --> 01:03:53,880
Put her there, man.

1294
01:03:53,970 --> 01:03:55,880
Just put... Put it right there.

1295
01:03:56,170 --> 01:03:59,440
I'm putting it right there.

1296
01:03:59,770 --> 01:04:01,440
Yeah. There you guys are.

1297
01:04:01,570 --> 01:04:03,080
What's up, my man?

1298
01:04:03,170 --> 01:04:04,150
Hi. How you doing?

1299
01:04:04,250 --> 01:04:05,920
Whazzup? Yeah.

1300
01:04:06,530 --> 01:04:09,360
Doug... Okay, settle an argument.

1301
01:04:09,490 --> 01:04:11,160
You and your brother aren't related, right?

1302
01:04:11,250 --> 01:04:12,470
'Cause you look totally different.

1303
01:04:12,570 --> 01:04:13,880
He's adopted.

1304
01:04:13,970 --> 01:04:16,240
We all suspect from a very lame family.

1305
01:04:17,690 --> 01:04:18,910
Where is he tonight?

1306
01:04:19,050 --> 01:04:22,820
Probably at home with those lame tools he hangs outwith. I don't know.

1307
01:04:22,890 --> 01:04:25,480
You know how Tom Cruise is always pissed off at Rain Man?

1308
01:04:25,570 --> 01:04:29,110
That's like my life, except Brad is really shitty at math.

1309
01:04:31,570 --> 01:04:33,040
Your brother's kind of a dick.

1310
01:04:33,130 --> 01:04:34,640
Well, yeah

1311
01:04:36,210 --> 01:04:37,560
he kind of is, isn't he?

1312
01:04:37,730 --> 01:04:38,920
Don't listen to that.

1313
01:04:39,250 --> 01:04:41,000
I don't give a fuck.

1314
01:04:47,090 --> 01:04:49,520
Dude, Eric is the funniest IM-er.

1315
01:04:56,410 --> 01:04:57,800
Oh, fuck.

1316
01:04:59,610 --> 01:05:01,910
Oh, hey, guys. It's so funny seeing you here.

1317
01:05:02,010 --> 01:05:03,680
How are you? Guess what, I don't care.

1318
01:05:03,770 --> 01:05:06,230
We just closed our third high school operation.

1319
01:05:06,330 --> 01:05:08,240
And check what we found at Kennedy.

1320
01:05:08,330 --> 01:05:10,920
Looks like we're going to have to do your job for you.

1321
01:05:11,010 --> 01:05:14,280
Your drugs is spreading to different schools now, sucker.

1322
01:05:16,530 --> 01:05:20,480
You failed to stop the outbreak, and you have no leads!

1323
01:05:20,810 --> 01:05:22,640
We are running out of time!

1324
01:05:22,730 --> 01:05:24,440
You either find the supplier,

1325
01:05:24,570 --> 01:05:27,030
or I'm gonna jump your asses off Jump Street!

1326
01:05:27,130 --> 01:05:29,080
I totally understand where you're coming from, sir,

1327
01:05:29,170 --> 01:05:31,600
but, look, I heard Eric talking on the phone yesterday

1328
01:05:31,690 --> 01:05:33,840
with somebody that sounded very suspect

1329
01:05:33,930 --> 01:05:36,080
with a stuffed piata. About meeting up

1330
01:05:37,730 --> 01:05:39,840
Is that a code for sex?

1331
01:05:42,530 --> 01:05:44,400
Piata? Really? Yep.

1332
01:05:44,690 --> 01:05:46,360
Remember that wiretap I put on Eric's phone?

1333
01:05:46,490 --> 01:05:49,160
While you were having the time of your life last night, I was listening.

1334
01:05:49,290 --> 01:05:52,080
I overheard a phone call between Eric and some dude about a piata.

1335
01:05:54,210 --> 01:05:55,320
That's all you heard?

1336
01:05:55,930 --> 01:05:56,990
Yep.

1337
01:06:00,570 --> 01:06:02,160
I am so nervous.

1338
01:06:02,290 --> 01:06:05,320
We are about to premiere in front of the whole school.

1339
01:06:05,410 --> 01:06:07,870
I apologize in advance if I throw up on you onstage.

1340
01:06:08,530 --> 01:06:10,080
Serious question, though.

1341
01:06:10,890 --> 01:06:12,400
How do I look?

1342
01:06:13,090 --> 01:06:14,400
Ravishing.

1343
01:06:14,530 --> 01:06:16,910
Is it too sexy of an outfit?

1344
01:06:17,010 --> 01:06:18,320
Bend the knee a little bit.

1345
01:06:18,410 --> 01:06:19,760
Yep, it is.

1346
01:06:22,010 --> 01:06:25,200
Oh, it's going to be so much easier having you onstage with me.

1347
01:06:25,290 --> 01:06:26,760
I am so happy that I met you.

1348
01:06:26,850 --> 01:06:30,160
You're, like, the only guy that I can really trust.

1349
01:06:30,250 --> 01:06:32,680
Yep. That's me.

1350
01:06:33,530 --> 01:06:34,590
Doug.

1351
01:06:40,050 --> 01:06:41,720
Potassium nitrate.

1352
01:06:42,570 --> 01:06:45,600
Don't hate. It's great.

1353
01:06:45,690 --> 01:06:47,440
It can act as an oxidizer.

1354
01:06:47,570 --> 01:06:49,360
I didn't know that, but now I'm wiser.

1355
01:06:50,890 --> 01:06:53,160
It has a crystalline structure.

1356
01:06:53,250 --> 01:06:56,040
If you can't respect that, you're a butt muncher.

1357
01:06:56,730 --> 01:06:59,000
It's a key ingredient in gunpowder.

1358
01:06:59,410 --> 01:07:02,120
K-NO-three, don't give no grief.

1359
01:07:02,770 --> 01:07:05,440
It can be used to make corned beef.

1360
01:07:07,250 --> 01:07:09,280
It's also known as saltpeter.

1361
01:07:15,290 --> 01:07:16,400
Brad? Shit.

1362
01:07:16,490 --> 01:07:18,160
Where are you going?

1363
01:07:18,250 --> 01:07:20,400
I don't want to look like it's like I'm wearing makeup.

1364
01:07:20,490 --> 01:07:22,200
Right. Doug! HL

1365
01:07:22,290 --> 01:07:23,680
Brad!

1366
01:07:23,770 --> 01:07:24,960
Whoa. What are you wearing?

1367
01:07:25,050 --> 01:07:26,640
Potassium nitrate. Thanks for noticing.

1368
01:07:26,890 --> 01:07:27,920
I need to borrow you.

1369
01:07:28,010 --> 01:07:29,680
Now's not a good time, Brad.

1370
01:07:30,250 --> 01:07:31,520
Mmm-hmm. It's a really good time.

1371
01:07:32,090 --> 01:07:35,760
'Cause my piata is killing me.

1372
01:07:36,010 --> 01:07:37,840
Is that code for a sex thing?

1373
01:07:37,930 --> 01:07:39,560
It's leaving the parking lot.

1374
01:07:39,650 --> 01:07:40,790
Mmm-hmm. Piata?

1375
01:07:42,610 --> 01:07:44,880
Molly, uh,

1376
01:07:44,970 --> 01:07:46,920
I will be right back. I need to help Brad with something, okay?

1377
01:07:47,010 --> 01:07:48,600
I just need to help Brad with something real quick.

1378
01:07:48,690 --> 01:07:49,800
What? No. What? I promise you...

1379
01:07:49,890 --> 01:07:51,640
Do you understand how soon the show is starting?

1380
01:07:51,730 --> 01:07:53,320
I swear to you I will be back in time for curtain.

1381
01:07:53,410 --> 01:07:55,240
I swear. I swear to you. Tell me you understand how soon...

1382
01:07:55,330 --> 01:07:57,280
What? Are you kidding me?

1383
01:07:59,450 --> 01:08:01,040
What did I say? What did I say?

1384
01:08:01,130 --> 01:08:04,000
See? Whose wiretap is working for him now, huh?

1385
01:08:13,730 --> 01:08:14,870
Shit.

1386
01:08:15,130 --> 01:08:16,270
Fuck!

1387
01:08:16,810 --> 01:08:18,760
You told me not to worry about the tickets!

1388
01:08:18,850 --> 01:08:21,000
I thought they made us look cool.

1389
01:08:21,090 --> 01:08:23,230
Cones, cones... Driver's ed car.

1390
01:08:23,330 --> 01:08:24,360
I'm driving. No, you're not.

1391
01:08:24,490 --> 01:08:27,360
I never get to drive. I'm driving this time. Fine! Drive!

1392
01:08:27,490 --> 01:08:29,400
Hey, guys. Just borrowing this for one sec.

1393
01:08:29,490 --> 01:08:31,650
Sure. Go. Go, go, go, go.

1394
01:08:32,170 --> 01:08:33,720
Guys, hey, wait. Guys, you're not on the list.

1395
01:08:33,810 --> 01:08:36,110
Hey, guys, wait! Ah, who cares?

1396
01:08:51,930 --> 01:08:53,880
Holy fucking shit. No fucking way.

1397
01:08:54,530 --> 01:08:55,840
Those are the guys from the park.

1398
01:08:55,930 --> 01:08:57,200
That's just too crazy.

1399
01:08:58,530 --> 01:09:00,600
What do you think's in that thing?

1400
01:09:00,690 --> 01:09:02,360
I don't know, money, drugs.

1401
01:09:02,450 --> 01:09:04,880
They could be a new buyer, or they could be the supplier.

1402
01:09:04,970 --> 01:09:06,840
If it's good, you'll hear from me.

1403
01:09:06,930 --> 01:09:10,440
If it's not good, you'll hear from me about telling you how it's not good.

1404
01:09:10,530 --> 01:09:11,590
Makes sense.

1405
01:09:11,690 --> 01:09:14,120
Get the fuck out of here. Yeah, no worries, man.

1406
01:09:14,210 --> 01:09:15,840
I'll see you guys.

1407
01:09:15,930 --> 01:09:18,200
We definitely got to follow them and find out, though.

1408
01:09:20,690 --> 01:09:22,600
Get down! Get down! Get down! Get down!

1409
01:09:26,170 --> 01:09:27,310
What are you doing? If they see us,

1410
01:09:27,410 --> 01:09:28,630
just pretend like you're sucking my dick.

1411
01:09:28,770 --> 01:09:30,240
What? No! Yes. Stop.

1412
01:09:30,330 --> 01:09:31,920
You pretend like you're sucking my dick.

1413
01:09:32,050 --> 01:09:33,640
No, just pretend like you're sucking my dick.

1414
01:09:33,730 --> 01:09:35,040
Why am I automatically blowing you?

1415
01:09:35,130 --> 01:09:37,240
'Cause you're in a fucking Peter Pan costume!

1416
01:09:37,330 --> 01:09:38,390
Okay.

1417
01:09:44,570 --> 01:09:45,630
Okay, let's go. Let's go, let's go.

1418
01:09:45,730 --> 01:09:47,160
Go, go, go. Okay, fine, we'll follow them.

1419
01:09:47,290 --> 01:09:49,240
But we need to be back in 30 minutes for curtain.

1420
01:09:55,370 --> 01:09:56,640
Dude, did you just hit the teacher brake?

1421
01:09:56,730 --> 01:09:57,760
Yeah, you're following too close, dude.

1422
01:09:57,890 --> 01:09:59,560
They're going to make us. Well, if I go too far back,

1423
01:09:59,650 --> 01:10:01,480
it's going to look even more suspicious, so just stop.

1424
01:10:01,570 --> 01:10:02,710
God, just let me do my thing.

1425
01:10:02,890 --> 01:10:04,440
I know what I'm doing.

1426
01:10:06,570 --> 01:10:09,210
Seriously, if you do that again, I'm going to Whac-A-Mole you in the balls.

1427
01:10:09,290 --> 01:10:10,320
Just stay back.

1428
01:10:10,410 --> 01:10:13,290
I could not be more serious. Take your foot off the brake.

1429
01:10:13,370 --> 01:10:15,750
No. I'm not... No. Take your foot off the brake!

1430
01:10:23,690 --> 01:10:25,120
Oh, shit! Oh, shit!

1431
01:10:25,210 --> 01:10:26,520
Look what you did! Look what you did!

1432
01:10:26,610 --> 01:10:29,520
What the fuck? You non-driving motherfuckers!

1433
01:10:29,610 --> 01:10:31,400
Get the fuck out of the car!

1434
01:10:31,490 --> 01:10:34,060
Oh, fuck. Lock the door! Lock the door!

1435
01:10:34,170 --> 01:10:35,280
What do I do? Go away!

1436
01:10:35,370 --> 01:10:36,590
What are you, a fucking Keebler Elf?

1437
01:10:37,610 --> 01:10:39,120
Get him out of that car!

1438
01:10:41,050 --> 01:10:42,800
No, no! It's fucking ZZ Top!

1439
01:10:42,970 --> 01:10:44,600
No, no! No, no, no! It's fucking ZZ Top!

1440
01:10:44,690 --> 01:10:45,670
Like an angry walrus!

1441
01:10:45,770 --> 01:10:48,370
I stomp the car now! Oh, my God!

1442
01:10:49,810 --> 01:10:51,800
Stomp! Stomp! Oh, shit.

1443
01:10:51,930 --> 01:10:54,160
Okay. Okay. Oh, my God! Stop, dude! Go!

1444
01:10:57,650 --> 01:10:59,640
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

1445
01:11:02,850 --> 01:11:05,220
Just let me drive! Stop hitting me!

1446
01:11:13,570 --> 01:11:15,040
Dude, watch out!

1447
01:11:16,330 --> 01:11:18,860
Will you stop front-seat driving? Get your hands off the wheel!

1448
01:11:18,970 --> 01:11:20,720
Man, you just hit two people back there!

1449
01:11:20,810 --> 01:11:22,800
You stop. I'm not... Take your hands off. Shit!

1450
01:11:27,450 --> 01:11:28,720
We're stuck in traffic! Oh, shit.

1451
01:11:28,850 --> 01:11:31,120
Shit, they're coming! They're coming! What?

1452
01:11:31,650 --> 01:11:32,960
Oh, my God, dude.

1453
01:11:33,050 --> 01:11:34,110
What do we do?

1454
01:11:34,210 --> 01:11:35,400
What the... What the...

1455
01:11:35,490 --> 01:11:37,280
Oh, shit. Oh, shit.

1456
01:11:37,370 --> 01:11:38,760
Oh, shit.

1457
01:11:38,850 --> 01:11:40,200
Oh, shit. What's wrong with you? Run!

1458
01:11:40,290 --> 01:11:42,160
I can't! I'm wearing tights!

1459
01:11:42,250 --> 01:11:44,630
I got skinny jeans on! It's the same fucking thing!

1460
01:11:46,690 --> 01:11:48,680
They're going to make us, or kill us.

1461
01:11:50,010 --> 01:11:51,920
Porsche! Porsche! Police! Get out of the car, douche!

1462
01:11:52,010 --> 01:11:53,600
I'm on a call here, jackass.

1463
01:11:53,690 --> 01:11:56,980
That's right. Go to sleep, bitch. You just got head-butted, motherfucker!

1464
01:11:57,050 --> 01:11:58,320
Go, go, go, go, go, go! Shit.

1465
01:12:02,290 --> 01:12:04,200
Check around for a gun or something, all right?

1466
01:12:04,290 --> 01:12:05,600
Where? Where? There's no glove compartment

1467
01:12:05,690 --> 01:12:08,800
in this shitty-ass car! There's golf balls and this.

1468
01:12:08,930 --> 01:12:10,800
What am I supposed to do with this? I don't know, man!

1469
01:12:10,890 --> 01:12:12,480
I've never been in a freeway chase before!

1470
01:12:27,090 --> 01:12:30,120
Watch out! It's going to explode! It's going to go!

1471
01:12:31,010 --> 01:12:32,800
What happened? I don't know.

1472
01:12:32,890 --> 01:12:34,110
It just didn't explode. That's weird.

1473
01:12:36,850 --> 01:12:39,520
Can anybody tell me where my Peter is?

1474
01:12:40,170 --> 01:12:43,650
French! You're not my first choice, but I need you to go on as Peter.

1475
01:12:43,730 --> 01:12:45,840
Oh, gosh. And I've been in character for months now.

1476
01:12:45,970 --> 01:12:47,680
Great. Nobody cares.

1477
01:12:48,250 --> 01:12:50,080
Come on! Another traffic jam?

1478
01:12:51,170 --> 01:12:53,160
I'm sorry I didn't check the traffic report

1479
01:12:53,250 --> 01:12:55,080
before we got in a car chase! Let's go! Come on!

1480
01:12:55,170 --> 01:12:57,440
Come on. Let's go, let's go, let's go!

1481
01:12:57,530 --> 01:12:59,000
Shit!

1482
01:12:59,890 --> 01:13:02,000
Are you texting? No, I'm not texting!

1483
01:13:02,090 --> 01:13:04,260
Yes, you are! You're texting! No, I'm not!

1484
01:13:04,330 --> 01:13:05,310
Okay, almost done.

1485
01:13:07,130 --> 01:13:08,240
"LOL."

1486
01:13:10,490 --> 01:13:11,840
I'm driving!

1487
01:13:11,930 --> 01:13:13,760
Why do you always jump over the car like that?

1488
01:13:13,850 --> 01:13:15,040
Hi. Hi. How are you?

1489
01:13:15,130 --> 01:13:16,520
Hi. God damn, you are beautiful.

1490
01:13:16,610 --> 01:13:18,840
Oh. Hi. You are fine as shit.

1491
01:13:18,930 --> 01:13:20,240
Don't worry. Someone will pick you up.

1492
01:13:20,330 --> 01:13:22,160
Wow. Hurry. Just drive.

1493
01:13:22,290 --> 01:13:23,760
Wait. Pick me up?

1494
01:13:27,210 --> 01:13:28,840
They're coming! They're coming! I got an idea.

1495
01:13:28,970 --> 01:13:31,120
Why don't you text them and ask them to stop chasing us?

1496
01:13:36,930 --> 01:13:38,320
Oh, shit!

1497
01:13:40,810 --> 01:13:41,870
He's got a gun!

1498
01:13:41,970 --> 01:13:42,920
I'm going to throw this thing at him!

1499
01:13:43,010 --> 01:13:44,070
Okay, you don't have to narrate everything!

1500
01:13:44,170 --> 01:13:45,560
Just throw it! Okay! Okay, okay!

1501
01:14:01,930 --> 01:14:03,560
It's going to explode! Oh, my God! Roll up the windows!

1502
01:14:03,650 --> 01:14:04,790
What the fuck is that going to do? Roll it up!

1503
01:14:04,890 --> 01:14:06,030
I don't fucking care! Just do it! Oh, God!

1504
01:14:10,490 --> 01:14:11,620
Huh?

1505
01:14:12,730 --> 01:14:15,360
I really thought that one was going to explode.

1506
01:14:21,730 --> 01:14:22,950
Oh, shit!

1507
01:14:25,410 --> 01:14:26,760
Look in the glove compartment for a gun.

1508
01:14:26,850 --> 01:14:28,440
What are you talking about? We're in a pink Bug!

1509
01:14:28,570 --> 01:14:31,560
I don't care. Look in the goddamn glove compartment!

1510
01:14:31,650 --> 01:14:33,120
What the hell?

1511
01:14:37,530 --> 01:14:39,360
Shoot Oh, my God. Okay! Okay!

1512
01:14:39,450 --> 01:14:41,320
Shoot the gun! Shoot the gun!

1513
01:14:41,410 --> 01:14:43,520
Can't get a good shot, man! I can't get a good shot!

1514
01:14:43,610 --> 01:14:45,200
Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit. Take the shot!

1515
01:14:45,370 --> 01:14:46,590
Take the shot! Just shoot him! Let's go!

1516
01:14:46,690 --> 01:14:48,040
Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.

1517
01:14:48,170 --> 01:14:49,480
Shoot! Shoot! Shit, shit...

1518
01:15:05,690 --> 01:15:08,040
That's what exploded? Holy shit. That was crazy.

1519
01:15:08,130 --> 01:15:09,560
Why did you shoot for me?

1520
01:15:09,890 --> 01:15:11,280
You weren't shooting, you were choking,

1521
01:15:11,370 --> 01:15:12,880
so I had to save us. I was going to shoot.

1522
01:15:13,010 --> 01:15:15,350
You always do this, every single time. What?

1523
01:15:15,450 --> 01:15:17,120
Seriously, just take me back to school, man.

1524
01:15:17,210 --> 01:15:20,640
If I miss this play, Molly's going to freak out and she's not going to go to prom with me.

1525
01:15:20,730 --> 01:15:22,720
Are you fucking serious right now? Fuck, yes, I'm serious!

1526
01:15:26,210 --> 01:15:29,280
Can't believe you made me late. You're so selfish.

1527
01:15:29,410 --> 01:15:31,280
I'm selfish? Yes, you're selfish!

1528
01:15:31,410 --> 01:15:32,470
Are you fucking kidding me?

1529
01:15:32,570 --> 01:15:34,000
Look at yourself!

1530
01:15:35,090 --> 01:15:36,920
You're in too deep, man.

1531
01:15:37,490 --> 01:15:39,790
Yesterday, I found a college application on your desk!

1532
01:15:39,930 --> 01:15:42,080
I don't know how long this case is going to last.

1533
01:15:42,210 --> 01:15:45,750
And Eric's going to get into Berkeley, and, honestly, I can get in, too.

1534
01:15:45,850 --> 01:15:48,500
Who knows? I could ride this thing out. I could be a doctor or something.

1535
01:15:48,610 --> 01:15:49,920
Have you lost your fucking mind?

1536
01:15:50,050 --> 01:15:52,240
You screwed this investigation all up.

1537
01:15:52,850 --> 01:15:54,880
At least I know my Miranda rights, you idiot.

1538
01:16:00,130 --> 01:16:02,430
You are a very silly man indeed.

1539
01:16:02,530 --> 01:16:04,640
Boys, squaws, come quickly.

1540
01:16:04,730 --> 01:16:08,240
Hey! Sorry! It's okay. I'm here.

1541
01:16:08,770 --> 01:16:10,480
I know I missed the first few scenes.

1542
01:16:10,570 --> 01:16:12,920
I want to thank... Give it up to French Samuels

1543
01:16:13,050 --> 01:16:16,360
for ably backing me up. Fuck you, Doug! What?

1544
01:16:16,450 --> 01:16:18,440
I say we just roll right into this thing, huh?

1545
01:16:21,090 --> 01:16:23,120
This is my twin. We're together in...

1546
01:16:23,250 --> 01:16:24,440
Get the fuck out of here.

1547
01:16:25,610 --> 01:16:28,120
What are you doing? Have you completely lost your mind?

1548
01:16:28,450 --> 01:16:29,670
What is this?

1549
01:16:29,770 --> 01:16:32,040
I don't know, but it's already more exciting.

1550
01:16:32,130 --> 01:16:33,600
You're embarrassing me.

1551
01:16:33,690 --> 01:16:34,910
It's okay. I'll make it up to you.

1552
01:16:35,570 --> 01:16:38,130
And... Let's fly!

1553
01:16:41,890 --> 01:16:43,960
- Such bullshit! - Get off of me!

1554
01:16:46,290 --> 01:16:48,560
I'm not dumb! I'm smart!

1555
01:16:48,650 --> 01:16:50,600
You think I'm stupid? You're stupid!

1556
01:16:50,690 --> 01:16:53,440
Go, Doug! I guess I should do something.

1557
01:16:53,530 --> 01:16:55,240
I should probably not just stand here watching.

1558
01:16:55,330 --> 01:16:56,680
I should take action.

1559
01:16:56,770 --> 01:16:58,160
Worst best friend ever!

1560
01:17:03,930 --> 01:17:05,070
Molly, I'm sorry!

1561
01:17:05,410 --> 01:17:07,080
I don't want to talk to you ever again.

1562
01:17:07,170 --> 01:17:08,310
I'm sorry.

1563
01:17:14,290 --> 01:17:15,350
You stupid idiot!

1564
01:17:21,010 --> 01:17:22,760
Come here! Come on!

1565
01:17:29,330 --> 01:17:32,000
Make fun of me behind my back and everybody laughs at me?

1566
01:17:32,170 --> 01:17:35,440
I was a loser for four years! You couldn't handle it for five minutes!

1567
01:17:35,530 --> 01:17:37,640
Have some fairy dust, motherfucker!

1568
01:17:40,850 --> 01:17:41,960
Hey, guys, no!

1569
01:17:43,410 --> 01:17:46,360
I heard you call me Rain Man, you asshole!

1570
01:17:46,450 --> 01:17:48,640
Principal Dadier sucks dick!

1571
01:17:51,530 --> 01:17:53,000
You're supposed to be my friend!

1572
01:17:53,090 --> 01:17:56,760
Stop! Stop it. You're expelled. Both of you are expelled.

1573
01:18:00,170 --> 01:18:02,120
And that's the end of Act Two.

1574
01:18:22,090 --> 01:18:25,080
Is that it? You're not going to scream at us?

1575
01:18:25,730 --> 01:18:26,920
Nope.

1576
01:18:28,050 --> 01:18:29,600
I'm gonna just fire you.

1577
01:19:19,050 --> 01:19:20,600
Moving out?

1578
01:19:20,690 --> 01:19:21,880
Yep.

1579
01:19:24,490 --> 01:19:26,560
You know what's crazy to me

1580
01:19:27,090 --> 01:19:29,440
is that I think that I actually thought that we were brothers.

1581
01:19:31,450 --> 01:19:33,800
I would've tooken a bullet for you.

1582
01:19:40,650 --> 01:19:43,080
Get in now. Both of you.

1583
01:19:43,170 --> 01:19:44,280
Why should I?

1584
01:19:45,290 --> 01:19:46,270
Just get in the car, man.

1585
01:19:46,650 --> 01:19:48,720
Get in the fucking car.

1586
01:19:48,850 --> 01:19:50,280
Nope, not until you ask nicely.

1587
01:19:52,130 --> 01:19:53,760
Please get in the car.

1588
01:19:58,530 --> 01:20:01,040
Come on, you guys. Come on. Please. Jesus.

1589
01:20:03,050 --> 01:20:05,240
Some messed up shit went down yesterday.

1590
01:20:05,610 --> 01:20:07,240
Yeah, after we made the exchange,

1591
01:20:07,330 --> 01:20:10,850
our potential business partners got followed by some fucking cops.

1592
01:20:10,930 --> 01:20:12,360
That's insane, man.

1593
01:20:12,490 --> 01:20:13,760
Are you serious?

1594
01:20:13,850 --> 01:20:15,960
Okay, it's just I don't want to go to jail!

1595
01:20:16,050 --> 01:20:18,430
You know what happens to a handsome guy like me in jail?

1596
01:20:18,530 --> 01:20:20,280
It rhymes with "grape"!

1597
01:20:20,930 --> 01:20:22,400
It rhymes with "grape."

1598
01:20:23,370 --> 01:20:24,640
I can't let that happen.

1599
01:20:24,730 --> 01:20:25,840
So I got these from my dad's gun cabinet.

1600
01:20:25,970 --> 01:20:27,600
Eric, Eric, Eric, Eric. Whoa. Come on. Whoa.

1601
01:20:27,690 --> 01:20:31,470
Springfield.45s, police issue. Very powerful guns.

1602
01:20:32,130 --> 01:20:33,760
You ever use one?

1603
01:20:34,530 --> 01:20:37,120
We're not really gun people, man. No. No?

1604
01:20:38,650 --> 01:20:40,480
A lot of things have made me wonder about you.

1605
01:20:40,610 --> 01:20:41,640
Come on.

1606
01:20:42,170 --> 01:20:44,120
Your taste in music.

1607
01:20:44,210 --> 01:20:46,880
The fact that you look like a fucking 40-year-old man.

1608
01:20:47,530 --> 01:20:50,800
Then after that shit at the play, I realized

1609
01:20:53,530 --> 01:20:56,120
there's no way you guys could be cops.

1610
01:20:57,310 --> 01:20:58,480
Oh.

1611
01:20:58,570 --> 01:21:01,160
Yeah, I got this deal going down. The supplier's going to be there.

1612
01:21:01,250 --> 01:21:03,440
I need people I can trust.

1613
01:21:05,250 --> 01:21:06,680
All right. All right, come on.

1614
01:21:06,770 --> 01:21:08,440
Okay, right over here, we're going to shoot these bottles.

1615
01:21:08,570 --> 01:21:09,920
We're going to practice, okay? Okay.

1616
01:21:20,410 --> 01:21:23,360
That was... That was actually really fuckin' awesome.

1617
01:21:23,450 --> 01:21:24,720
Beginner's luck.

1618
01:21:24,810 --> 01:21:26,120
All right.

1619
01:21:26,210 --> 01:21:27,840
The supplier wants the deal to go down at prom.

1620
01:21:27,930 --> 01:21:29,440
All right, there's going to be all these heavies there,

1621
01:21:29,570 --> 01:21:31,040
but as long as you guys have my back...

1622
01:21:31,130 --> 01:21:32,960
Yeah? Yeah? Shit.

1623
01:21:33,050 --> 01:21:34,800
I always got your back.

1624
01:21:35,810 --> 01:21:37,840
Time to get our jobs back.

1625
01:21:40,210 --> 01:21:41,480
Let's get ready for prom.

1626
01:21:56,450 --> 01:21:58,640
Schmidty! Chore time!

1627
01:21:58,810 --> 01:22:01,080
Mom, we don't have time for chores right now!

1628
01:22:01,170 --> 01:22:05,000
If you stay in this house, you have time for chores!

1629
01:22:05,090 --> 01:22:06,360
Mom! Ugh!

1630
01:22:22,090 --> 01:22:23,920
Fuck this thing.

1631
01:22:29,530 --> 01:22:30,670
Here. Huh?

1632
01:22:30,810 --> 01:22:32,840
It'll be quicker if I help.

1633
01:22:35,050 --> 01:22:36,110
There you go.

1634
01:22:37,690 --> 01:22:38,960
Thanks.

1635
01:22:45,010 --> 01:22:47,200
Your shotgun's hanging too low.

1636
01:22:47,290 --> 01:22:48,920
They're gonna see it.

1637
01:22:52,170 --> 01:22:53,310
Thanks.

1638
01:23:00,970 --> 01:23:02,440
Jenko, uh...

1639
01:23:07,850 --> 01:23:10,000
Will you go to prom with me?

1640
01:23:14,170 --> 01:23:15,480
I guess.

1641
01:23:17,690 --> 01:23:21,330
Are we really going to take down a whole drug operation by ourselves?

1642
01:23:23,530 --> 01:23:26,240
I got some contacts that'll help us.

1643
01:23:27,590 --> 01:23:28,960
± Fly like a condor, fly like a eagle

1644
01:23:29,050 --> 01:23:31,800
± Flyer than the '85 candy-painted Regal

1645
01:23:31,880 --> 01:23:33,090
± Fly like a dove, I come from up above

1646
01:23:34,300 --> 01:23:37,390
± I'm rappin' on the mic and you can call me Murs Love

1647
01:23:37,470 --> 01:23:39,770
± I run this house, I'm dumbin' out

1648
01:23:39,850 --> 01:23:42,480
± I can make your girl come, keep my tongue in my mouth

1649
01:23:42,560 --> 01:23:45,730
± Whoa, I'm that cold with it, 23 below with it

1650
01:23:45,810 --> 01:23:48,320
± Snowball effect, I suggest that y'all roll with it

1651
01:23:48,400 --> 01:23:50,690
± Fly, ooh, I'm 'bout to spread my wings

1652
01:23:50,780 --> 01:23:53,250
± I'm lookin' fly, ooh, I'm 'bout to spread my wings

1653
01:23:53,570 --> 01:23:54,570
± I'm lookin' fly

1654
01:23:54,660 --> 01:23:56,280
± Watch a nigga spread his wings

1655
01:23:56,370 --> 01:23:57,370
± I'm lookin' fly

1656
01:23:57,450 --> 01:23:58,620
± Lookin', lookin', lookin'

1657
01:24:04,710 --> 01:24:05,920
± I'm lookin' fly ±

1658
01:24:08,010 --> 01:24:10,310
Brad, what are you doing here? You can't be here.

1659
01:24:10,410 --> 01:24:11,520
What if the principal sees you?

1660
01:24:11,610 --> 01:24:13,800
This is wrong, yet so right. What?

1661
01:24:13,930 --> 01:24:16,160
I am so happy you're willing to get in trouble for me.

1662
01:24:16,250 --> 01:24:18,810
You have to go. Please, don't leave me ever.

1663
01:24:18,930 --> 01:24:20,120
Ms. Griggs, stop. Stop.

1664
01:24:20,210 --> 01:24:21,600
Stay! Stay. Stop.

1665
01:24:21,730 --> 01:24:23,360
What? Stay.

1666
01:24:23,730 --> 01:24:24,710
Go! Okay.

1667
01:24:24,810 --> 01:24:26,030
Stay. Stop. Stop.

1668
01:24:26,130 --> 01:24:27,840
I'm lost without you. What?

1669
01:24:29,450 --> 01:24:30,920
Get out of me. I'm going to throw up.

1670
01:24:31,610 --> 01:24:33,240
You are so hot!

1671
01:24:35,170 --> 01:24:36,230
All right.

1672
01:24:41,850 --> 01:24:43,360
Hey, pumpkin head.

1673
01:24:43,450 --> 01:24:45,800
I'm very mad at you. Dance with me.

1674
01:24:45,890 --> 01:24:47,840
Are you on that shit? So what if I am?

1675
01:24:47,970 --> 01:24:50,880
Look, Molly, some serious stuff is about to go down,

1676
01:24:50,970 --> 01:24:53,160
and I don't want you to get hurt.

1677
01:24:53,250 --> 01:24:55,680
I've already been hurt, Doug. I don't care.

1678
01:24:55,810 --> 01:24:59,720
You need to leave. You need to leave. You need to get out of here right now.

1679
01:24:59,810 --> 01:25:01,560
Making a lot of hand gestures!

1680
01:25:03,210 --> 01:25:04,350
Okay, my name's not Doug.

1681
01:25:04,450 --> 01:25:05,720
It's Schmidt. What?

1682
01:25:05,810 --> 01:25:07,400
And I'm a cop. What?

1683
01:25:07,490 --> 01:25:11,190
Okay, and I care about you, and I don't want you to get busted,

1684
01:25:11,290 --> 01:25:13,400
so you have to leave right now.

1685
01:25:13,490 --> 01:25:15,160
Leave the prom right now, Molly.

1686
01:25:15,250 --> 01:25:16,720
I'm serious. Hey. Hey.

1687
01:25:16,810 --> 01:25:18,120
Penthouse now. Supplier's waiting.

1688
01:25:18,210 --> 01:25:19,400
What are you? Come on. Hey, come on.

1689
01:25:19,490 --> 01:25:21,000
Supplier's waiting. Is that Eric?

1690
01:25:21,090 --> 01:25:23,120
Molly, leave right now. What are you...

1691
01:25:23,210 --> 01:25:25,620
Just leave right now! What is this?

1692
01:25:39,850 --> 01:25:40,910
Mr. Walters?

1693
01:25:41,810 --> 01:25:42,790
Hey!

1694
01:25:42,890 --> 01:25:45,400
Beautiful Brad, and his brother.

1695
01:25:45,490 --> 01:25:46,800
Wow. You look great.

1696
01:25:46,890 --> 01:25:48,400
You're the supplier? You're a teacher.

1697
01:25:48,490 --> 01:25:50,080
And I was stuck on a teacher's salary, bro.

1698
01:25:50,210 --> 01:25:53,020
Could barely pay my alimony. What are you gonna do? Ha!

1699
01:25:53,690 --> 01:25:54,670
Oh, yeah.

1700
01:25:54,810 --> 01:25:56,600
You boys are so good at this.

1701
01:25:56,690 --> 01:25:58,280
Oh, yeah, Cinnamon!

1702
01:25:58,370 --> 01:26:00,960
Oh, my God, we're getting such good evidence.

1703
01:26:01,050 --> 01:26:02,760
I stole some of that Bunsen burner crap

1704
01:26:02,890 --> 01:26:05,160
from the chem lab, threw in some of my Cool Deets,

1705
01:26:05,250 --> 01:26:07,200
and it was muy delicioso!

1706
01:26:07,290 --> 01:26:09,520
Then one day I catch Eco Butt-munch over here

1707
01:26:09,610 --> 01:26:11,360
smoking a J.J. behind the field house,

1708
01:26:11,450 --> 01:26:13,320
and I'm like, "Hey, you want to make some coin?"

1709
01:26:13,410 --> 01:26:15,360
What a green penis that guy is, huh?

1710
01:26:17,250 --> 01:26:18,390
There's my quesadilla.

1711
01:26:19,890 --> 01:26:21,560
I hurt my hands!

1712
01:26:22,570 --> 01:26:23,550
Bitch.

1713
01:26:30,890 --> 01:26:32,030
Oh, shit.

1714
01:26:32,170 --> 01:26:34,470
You guys look crazy scary.

1715
01:26:34,570 --> 01:26:35,630
How many of you are there?

1716
01:26:35,930 --> 01:26:36,960
A lot.

1717
01:26:37,090 --> 01:26:38,230
Karl.

1718
01:26:38,730 --> 01:26:40,000
Patch looks pimp, man.

1719
01:26:40,570 --> 01:26:41,920
Thank you.

1720
01:26:42,650 --> 01:26:44,160
He's gonna recognize us, man.

1721
01:26:44,250 --> 01:26:45,680
I'm freaking out.

1722
01:26:45,770 --> 01:26:47,400
This is Walters, he made the stuff.

1723
01:26:47,890 --> 01:26:50,000
Real pleasure to meet you. Fuck what his name is.

1724
01:26:50,090 --> 01:26:51,310
Your shit's good.

1725
01:26:51,410 --> 01:26:53,360
Thank you.

1726
01:26:53,450 --> 01:26:54,670
That means a lot coming from you. What, you having a party now?

1727
01:26:54,770 --> 01:26:56,600
Who are these two motherfuckers?

1728
01:26:56,690 --> 01:26:57,670
Fuck!

1729
01:26:59,450 --> 01:27:01,280
Hey. Hey. How's it going?

1730
01:27:02,290 --> 01:27:04,120
Nah, nah, it's cool, man, they're my boys, so...

1731
01:27:04,610 --> 01:27:05,590
Are they? Yeah.

1732
01:27:05,730 --> 01:27:07,080
I don't like strangers.

1733
01:27:07,410 --> 01:27:10,100
How do you ever expect to make any new friends with that attitude?

1734
01:27:10,170 --> 01:27:13,020
It's, like, everyone's a stranger till you give them a chance, man.

1735
01:27:13,090 --> 01:27:14,520
What the fuck are you talking about?

1736
01:27:14,610 --> 01:27:15,590
I don't even...

1737
01:27:15,690 --> 01:27:17,280
Just fuckin' around.

1738
01:27:17,730 --> 01:27:19,320
Do your thing, man. Proceed.

1739
01:27:21,330 --> 01:27:22,600
Hey, kid, come here.

1740
01:27:22,730 --> 01:27:24,760
You, you look familiar.

1741
01:27:25,490 --> 01:27:26,760
Me? Yeah.

1742
01:27:27,690 --> 01:27:31,280
I was in a French fry commercial when I was a kid,

1743
01:27:31,370 --> 01:27:33,750
so people are like, you know, often say, "Oh, I think I know you,"

1744
01:27:33,850 --> 01:27:35,960
but I don't think we've ever met before.

1745
01:27:36,050 --> 01:27:38,240
Do I look like I eat French fries?

1746
01:27:38,330 --> 01:27:40,360
I don't know, you look like you're in great shape,

1747
01:27:40,450 --> 01:27:44,760
but maybe you have, like, one cheat day, like a carb blowout, you know? I don't know.

1748
01:27:44,850 --> 01:27:45,990
Nah.

1749
01:27:46,130 --> 01:27:47,520
Yeah, the theme song was, like...

1750
01:27:48,470 --> 01:27:48,490
± Come to Andrew's French Fry Emporium

1751
01:27:53,440 --> 01:27:53,450
± Where friendship and French fries

1752
01:27:56,270 --> 01:27:56,290
± Go hand in hand ±

1753
01:28:02,730 --> 01:28:04,160
That's my quesadilla!

1754
01:28:04,250 --> 01:28:05,360
Who wants a piece? Huh?

1755
01:28:05,450 --> 01:28:07,280
I know you're in there, Doug, or whatever your name is!

1756
01:28:07,370 --> 01:28:08,400
You lied to me!

1757
01:28:10,730 --> 01:28:14,000
I'm gonna kill you, you stupid fucking cop!

1758
01:28:14,090 --> 01:28:16,840
Hey, you guys, she just called me a stupid fucking cock. That's rude.

1759
01:28:16,970 --> 01:28:19,320
Dickhead narc motherfucker!

1760
01:28:19,410 --> 01:28:22,320
Did she just say "nickhead dark motherfucker"?

1761
01:28:22,410 --> 01:28:23,760
That's just racist.

1762
01:28:23,850 --> 01:28:25,280
I know these two.

1763
01:28:25,370 --> 01:28:27,040
Your boys are cops! They're cops!

1764
01:28:27,170 --> 01:28:28,360
Police! Get on the ground!

1765
01:28:28,450 --> 01:28:30,360
You get on the fuckin' ground!

1766
01:28:30,450 --> 01:28:32,400
We asked you first! I don't give a damn!

1767
01:28:32,490 --> 01:28:34,120
You're fucking cops?

1768
01:28:34,250 --> 01:28:36,040
But we partied together, man.

1769
01:28:36,890 --> 01:28:38,680
You bought us Taco Bell.

1770
01:28:38,810 --> 01:28:41,110
Eric, honestly, that was a sincere gesture.

1771
01:28:41,210 --> 01:28:42,680
You made me this friendship bracelet.

1772
01:28:42,810 --> 01:28:45,610
Well, he's not really your friend. He was pretending the whole time.

1773
01:28:45,690 --> 01:28:47,680
I'm gonna cut this the fuck off later, all right?

1774
01:28:48,570 --> 01:28:50,680
What the fuck is going on?

1775
01:28:50,770 --> 01:28:52,400
Shut this kid up!

1776
01:28:54,010 --> 01:28:55,560
Him, too. No, no! Hey, wait!

1777
01:28:55,650 --> 01:28:56,840
No, no, no. Listen, I'm with you guys!

1778
01:28:56,930 --> 01:28:58,040
I didn't know these guys were cops!

1779
01:28:58,130 --> 01:28:59,350
I'm getting out of here.

1780
01:28:59,450 --> 01:29:00,880
I fucking hate you!

1781
01:29:01,010 --> 01:29:02,200
Get that out of my face!

1782
01:29:02,290 --> 01:29:04,200
Molly! Oh, there you are!

1783
01:29:05,290 --> 01:29:06,270
What the fuck!

1784
01:29:06,370 --> 01:29:08,830
Drop your guns, or I'll spray her brains all over the room!

1785
01:29:08,930 --> 01:29:11,280
Trying to take a hostage, some goddamn TV show shit?

1786
01:29:11,410 --> 01:29:14,440
I don't know! I'm trying to help, all right? I've never done this shit before.

1787
01:29:14,530 --> 01:29:15,560
Well, you're fucking up.

1788
01:29:15,650 --> 01:29:18,320
Drop the guns or she's dead! She looks dead already.

1789
01:29:18,690 --> 01:29:19,910
What? No.

1790
01:29:20,650 --> 01:29:21,630
Oh, Jesus.

1791
01:29:22,610 --> 01:29:24,160
Yeah, I can hear her breathing.

1792
01:29:24,250 --> 01:29:26,440
She just passed out from the drugs. We're good.

1793
01:29:26,530 --> 01:29:27,590
Drop the guns or...

1794
01:29:27,690 --> 01:29:29,280
All right, all right, just chill out.

1795
01:29:29,370 --> 01:29:31,080
We're gonna drop our guns.

1796
01:29:31,170 --> 01:29:34,320
You got to let the kids go, and no one's gonna die, okay?

1797
01:29:34,410 --> 01:29:36,480
Just drop the guns, and kick them over here.

1798
01:29:37,850 --> 01:29:40,200
D.B., shoot these motherfuckers.

1799
01:29:40,290 --> 01:29:42,670
Oh, come on, that's unfair! We put our guns down in good faith.

1800
01:29:42,770 --> 01:29:44,400
You're a liar, and you're mean!

1801
01:29:45,170 --> 01:29:47,000
That's unfair. We're all friends here.

1802
01:29:47,330 --> 01:29:49,480
Let's just relax, and we can all leave here as friends.

1803
01:29:49,570 --> 01:29:51,850
Yeah, let's do that. Y'all boys are stupid.

1804
01:29:52,290 --> 01:29:55,560
Oh, my God, we're gonna die. We're gonna die.

1805
01:29:56,290 --> 01:29:57,400
God damn it!

1806
01:29:57,730 --> 01:29:59,600
Tom Hanson, DEA! On your knees!

1807
01:29:59,690 --> 01:30:00,720
What the fuck?

1808
01:30:00,810 --> 01:30:02,680
Now! Fuck!

1809
01:30:02,770 --> 01:30:04,840
Doug Penhall, DEA! You're under arrest!

1810
01:30:04,930 --> 01:30:07,080
Guns down, all of you! Domingo, tell them!

1811
01:30:07,370 --> 01:30:08,840
Put them down.

1812
01:30:10,090 --> 01:30:11,560
Nice! Yes!

1813
01:30:12,010 --> 01:30:13,640
Shut the fuck up!

1814
01:30:14,370 --> 01:30:17,000
You little dweebs just ruined a five-year investigation.

1815
01:30:17,090 --> 01:30:18,200
We had no idea.

1816
01:30:18,290 --> 01:30:19,640
You're, like, an amazing actor, man.

1817
01:30:19,930 --> 01:30:22,230
You played saxophone at my sister's wedding, man!

1818
01:30:22,330 --> 01:30:23,840
Tough titty. I fucked her, too.

1819
01:30:24,170 --> 01:30:25,310
What?

1820
01:30:25,410 --> 01:30:26,720
You little turds.

1821
01:30:26,810 --> 01:30:29,600
Do you have any idea how difficult it is to infiltrate a gang like this?

1822
01:30:32,970 --> 01:30:34,360
Do you see this nose?

1823
01:30:34,690 --> 01:30:36,000
That is a fake nose.

1824
01:30:36,130 --> 01:30:38,040
Do you want to wear a fake nose on your fuckin' head

1825
01:30:38,130 --> 01:30:39,960
for, like, months on end? Glue and shit?

1826
01:30:41,130 --> 01:30:42,400
Worse things in the world.

1827
01:30:42,490 --> 01:30:44,720
We had to get fuckin' tattoos on our dicks, man.

1828
01:30:44,810 --> 01:30:46,680
Hey, actually, I just said that

1829
01:30:46,770 --> 01:30:48,440
to mess with you. What?

1830
01:30:48,530 --> 01:30:49,880
Looks tough.

1831
01:30:50,010 --> 01:30:52,640
Look, we know what it's like being undercover.

1832
01:30:52,730 --> 01:30:53,950
Metro Police, Jump Street Division.

1833
01:30:54,050 --> 01:30:55,110
Come on, you guys are Jump Street?

1834
01:30:55,210 --> 01:30:56,240
Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

1835
01:30:56,330 --> 01:30:58,280
That's funny, because we were actually Jump Street.

1836
01:30:58,370 --> 01:30:59,840
What? Yeah. Oh, yeah.

1837
01:31:00,370 --> 01:31:01,400
Oh, shit!

1838
01:31:01,490 --> 01:31:03,320
Oh, my God! Oh, shit.

1839
01:31:03,410 --> 01:31:04,390
Oh, my God, dude!

1840
01:31:04,490 --> 01:31:05,760
Get them!

1841
01:31:05,850 --> 01:31:07,440
Motherfucker!

1842
01:31:09,650 --> 01:31:11,000
Shoot them!

1843
01:31:12,450 --> 01:31:13,430
Fuck that.

1844
01:31:24,850 --> 01:31:25,830
That was a gun.

1845
01:31:25,970 --> 01:31:27,190
Somebody definitely got shot.

1846
01:31:31,210 --> 01:31:32,190
All right.

1847
01:31:33,250 --> 01:31:35,680
Here, take the money, all right? We're getting out of here.

1848
01:31:45,330 --> 01:31:46,310
Did I hit anything?

1849
01:31:46,650 --> 01:31:48,040
You were shooting at the fuckin' ceiling.

1850
01:31:49,010 --> 01:31:50,070
Doug.

1851
01:31:51,170 --> 01:31:54,080
I know sometimes I was a jerk to you

1852
01:31:54,690 --> 01:31:56,080
when we were undercover.

1853
01:32:01,450 --> 01:32:04,400
It's just... I didn't feel good about myself.

1854
01:32:05,090 --> 01:32:10,240
All that stuff I wore, like the bracelets, the rings, the tight pants,

1855
01:32:11,690 --> 01:32:13,000
was just so

1856
01:32:13,090 --> 01:32:15,470
that people would think I'm cool.

1857
01:32:16,250 --> 01:32:17,640
The only approval

1858
01:32:18,730 --> 01:32:20,440
that I ever needed

1859
01:32:22,690 --> 01:32:23,800
was my best friend.

1860
01:32:24,330 --> 01:32:26,080
Thanks, man.

1861
01:32:45,090 --> 01:32:46,680
The money's gone!

1862
01:32:46,770 --> 01:32:48,160
Come on, let's roll.

1863
01:32:48,290 --> 01:32:49,560
We gotta get out of here, man.

1864
01:32:49,650 --> 01:32:50,870
Are you telling me it's on?

1865
01:32:51,370 --> 01:32:53,120
Let's do this. Let's make a baby.

1866
01:32:53,490 --> 01:32:54,920
What? What are you talking about? I don't know.

1867
01:32:55,090 --> 01:32:56,600
I was trying to sound cool. Sorry.

1868
01:33:47,810 --> 01:33:50,520
That was crazy! You killed a guy!

1869
01:33:51,570 --> 01:33:53,320
Oh, fuckin' shit!

1870
01:33:55,290 --> 01:33:57,120
Hey, hey, we'll lose them in the prom! Go!

1871
01:33:58,340 --> 01:33:59,640
± We remember

1872
01:34:00,510 --> 01:34:02,430
± All the times we

1873
01:34:03,390 --> 01:34:05,600
± Had together

1874
01:34:06,270 --> 01:34:08,390
± And as our lives changed

1875
01:34:09,440 --> 01:34:11,440
± Come whatever

1876
01:34:12,730 --> 01:34:14,690
± We Will still be

1877
01:34:15,360 --> 01:34:17,490
± Friends forever ±

1878
01:34:18,530 --> 01:34:19,670
Go, go, go, go!

1879
01:34:21,810 --> 01:34:23,000
Where'd they go?

1880
01:34:25,530 --> 01:34:26,510
Molly!

1881
01:34:31,570 --> 01:34:32,630
Shit!

1882
01:34:36,650 --> 01:34:38,120
You want to drive? Yeah, I do, actually.

1883
01:34:38,210 --> 01:34:39,350
Okay, cool.

1884
01:34:40,450 --> 01:34:42,560
Nice! Did it look cool when I did it?

1885
01:34:42,650 --> 01:34:44,560
That's what I'm talking about! Yeah!

1886
01:34:47,050 --> 01:34:48,680
How you guys doing back there, huh?

1887
01:34:48,850 --> 01:34:50,240
God, I love high school!

1888
01:34:50,410 --> 01:34:51,550
Best prom night ever!

1889
01:34:57,290 --> 01:34:58,880
Shoot them! Stay on them!

1890
01:34:59,170 --> 01:35:00,720
I'm on them! I'm on them!

1891
01:35:00,810 --> 01:35:03,370
Oh, good, you guys, come hang out with me back here.

1892
01:35:03,450 --> 01:35:05,880
Oh, fuck, dude. Lisa, what are you doing? Did she pass out back there?

1893
01:35:10,010 --> 01:35:12,280
Hey, you got a gun. Why don't you shoot back there?

1894
01:35:12,410 --> 01:35:13,880
Shoot that gun, shoot that gun!

1895
01:35:13,970 --> 01:35:15,280
All right, one second!

1896
01:35:15,410 --> 01:35:16,680
Just shoot someone, you bitch!

1897
01:35:19,170 --> 01:35:20,390
Peek-a-boo!

1898
01:35:20,610 --> 01:35:21,750
Give me my money!

1899
01:35:22,650 --> 01:35:24,800
Fuck that! Fuck that! No! No!

1900
01:35:24,890 --> 01:35:27,520
I can't do this! I'm supposed to go to Berkeley!

1901
01:35:29,010 --> 01:35:30,070
I'm gonna get the party started!

1902
01:35:30,290 --> 01:35:31,680
I'm gonna get the party started! No! No! Lisa, no!

1903
01:35:31,770 --> 01:35:34,880
Hey, I'm living my dream of standing in a limo!

1904
01:35:34,970 --> 01:35:36,110
What?

1905
01:35:38,690 --> 01:35:40,280
You're killing my dream! Come in.

1906
01:35:40,450 --> 01:35:41,480
What? I'm trying to party. Down!

1907
01:35:41,730 --> 01:35:42,760
Bitch!

1908
01:35:44,290 --> 01:35:46,200
What? Fuck!

1909
01:35:46,290 --> 01:35:47,600
I'll kill you!

1910
01:35:47,850 --> 01:35:48,830
Kill you!

1911
01:35:49,930 --> 01:35:51,680
No! No! Stay where you are.

1912
01:35:51,930 --> 01:35:52,960
Go! Go, go!

1913
01:35:56,410 --> 01:35:57,760
No! Stop!

1914
01:35:57,850 --> 01:36:00,040
I'm not fucking kidding! Look, I'm trying to shoot people!

1915
01:36:00,130 --> 01:36:01,440
Will you stop! Just for two seconds!

1916
01:36:01,570 --> 01:36:03,360
You're really hot and you're really slutty and it's awesome,

1917
01:36:03,490 --> 01:36:04,760
but I got to shoot people right now!

1918
01:36:04,850 --> 01:36:06,240
You think I'm hot?

1919
01:36:20,730 --> 01:36:22,560
I wanna... Oh, my God!

1920
01:36:23,570 --> 01:36:25,280
Wait, guys! Call me!

1921
01:36:25,370 --> 01:36:27,080
Let me know where you're ending up later.

1922
01:36:31,490 --> 01:36:32,920
I'm almost out of ammo.

1923
01:36:33,010 --> 01:36:34,120
We're fucked.

1924
01:36:35,090 --> 01:36:36,150
Give me my money!

1925
01:36:36,690 --> 01:36:37,830
I got an idea.

1926
01:36:37,930 --> 01:36:39,640
You still got those shotgun shells? Yeah.

1927
01:36:40,410 --> 01:36:41,440
Pop Quiznos.

1928
01:36:41,970 --> 01:36:46,480
What do you get when lithium batteries react to potassium nitrate?

1929
01:36:46,690 --> 01:36:49,070
That would be a covalent bond, brother.

1930
01:36:49,170 --> 01:36:51,680
That's when two atoms, they share electrons.

1931
01:36:51,770 --> 01:36:53,760
You see, they both need what the other one has.

1932
01:36:53,850 --> 01:36:55,320
That makes them stick together.

1933
01:36:55,410 --> 01:36:56,630
Are you saying we're covalent bonds?

1934
01:36:57,290 --> 01:36:58,800
What? No.

1935
01:36:59,570 --> 01:37:00,920
We're not atoms, dude.

1936
01:37:19,090 --> 01:37:20,720
What's this? Tequila?

1937
01:37:21,370 --> 01:37:22,960
I don't know, it was supposed to explode.

1938
01:37:24,010 --> 01:37:26,160
Oh, shit!

1939
01:37:31,050 --> 01:37:32,560
Where'd you learn how to do that, man?

1940
01:37:32,650 --> 01:37:33,870
App chemistry, bitch.

1941
01:37:40,050 --> 01:37:41,240
Come on, blondie.

1942
01:37:43,130 --> 01:37:44,160
Molly!

1943
01:37:46,930 --> 01:37:48,360
Drop your weapon!

1944
01:37:48,730 --> 01:37:50,080
Don't you fuckin' pull that arm up.

1945
01:37:50,370 --> 01:37:51,430
Don't.

1946
01:37:51,810 --> 01:37:55,160
Oh-ho! Looks like you're out of ammo, asshole!

1947
01:37:55,410 --> 01:37:56,470
Come on! Get out here!

1948
01:37:56,570 --> 01:37:58,280
What? What's going on? All right.

1949
01:37:58,370 --> 01:38:01,560
All right, here's the deal. Nobody moves, or she's gonna get hurt.

1950
01:38:01,690 --> 01:38:03,990
Do you understand? Nobody move!

1951
01:38:04,090 --> 01:38:05,880
All right. Eric, help me.

1952
01:38:06,610 --> 01:38:08,000
Don't you have a gun?

1953
01:38:09,050 --> 01:38:10,320
All right, don't move!

1954
01:38:11,250 --> 01:38:13,440
Come on, let's go. Let's go. No!

1955
01:38:13,570 --> 01:38:15,770
Hey! Hey, hey! Hey, no, no, I said don't move!

1956
01:38:19,730 --> 01:38:22,190
Oh, fuck, you shot him! Oh, God!

1957
01:38:22,290 --> 01:38:23,400
Are you okay?

1958
01:38:23,490 --> 01:38:25,120
You shot my partner, you motherfucker!

1959
01:38:25,290 --> 01:38:27,280
I didn't mean to shoot you! I meant to shoot him!

1960
01:38:27,410 --> 01:38:30,320
Are you alive, buddy? You okay? You took a bullet for me, man.

1961
01:38:30,410 --> 01:38:32,790
Yeah, I'm feeling a little ambivalent about that right now.

1962
01:38:32,930 --> 01:38:36,000
Didn't you hear me? I said don't move! I said that! You heard, right?

1963
01:38:36,090 --> 01:38:37,200
Eric, you heard me!

1964
01:38:37,290 --> 01:38:38,600
- I said don't move! - Eric, help me!

1965
01:38:38,690 --> 01:38:40,160
- You got this. - Hey, hold still.

1966
01:38:47,290 --> 01:38:48,430
Freeze!

1967
01:38:48,610 --> 01:38:49,800
Shoot!

1968
01:38:52,810 --> 01:38:53,870
Come on.

1969
01:38:55,290 --> 01:38:57,520
You peaked in high school, motherfucker.

1970
01:38:59,890 --> 01:39:01,000
Oh, shit.

1971
01:39:01,290 --> 01:39:02,320
I shot him in the dick.

1972
01:39:02,410 --> 01:39:04,790
You shot me in the dick!

1973
01:39:04,930 --> 01:39:06,070
Oh, my God!

1974
01:39:06,290 --> 01:39:07,270
Yes!

1975
01:39:07,490 --> 01:39:09,240
Yes! Yes!

1976
01:39:09,450 --> 01:39:10,480
Yes!

1977
01:39:10,650 --> 01:39:12,480
You are under arrest!

1978
01:39:12,610 --> 01:39:16,080
It definitely came out my asshole! You have the right to remain silent!

1979
01:39:16,170 --> 01:39:19,240
Anything you say can and will be used against you

1980
01:39:19,330 --> 01:39:20,390
in a court of law!

1981
01:39:20,490 --> 01:39:22,000
You have the right to an attorney!

1982
01:39:22,090 --> 01:39:25,520
If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be appointed for you!

1983
01:39:25,850 --> 01:39:28,680
Do you understand these rights as they have been read to you?

1984
01:39:28,770 --> 01:39:30,560
Fuck you! Bitch!

1985
01:39:30,690 --> 01:39:32,320
Yes! Yes!

1986
01:39:32,650 --> 01:39:34,240
We did it, man!

1987
01:39:34,330 --> 01:39:35,440
We did it.

1988
01:39:35,530 --> 01:39:36,670
God, I feel so good.

1989
01:39:36,770 --> 01:39:38,160
We did it, man!

1990
01:39:39,010 --> 01:39:40,680
You're a goddamn rock star.

1991
01:39:42,170 --> 01:39:43,480
Do you feel that?

1992
01:39:43,570 --> 01:39:44,550
God damn, you're so cool.

1993
01:39:45,250 --> 01:39:46,440
You just shot him in the dick.

1994
01:39:47,130 --> 01:39:49,080
I've never seen that. Who does that?

1995
01:39:49,850 --> 01:39:51,520
Look, I'm sorry I called you Rain Man.

1996
01:39:51,650 --> 01:39:54,080
I know I didn't say you were, but you're smart.

1997
01:39:54,210 --> 01:39:56,770
You're a smart guy, and you're thoughtful,

1998
01:39:56,890 --> 01:40:01,080
and you're sincere and you're sweet and you're loyal...

1999
01:40:02,170 --> 01:40:03,920
And I fuckin' cherish you.

2000
01:40:06,890 --> 01:40:07,870
Should we high-five?

2001
01:40:13,930 --> 01:40:15,480
Ow! My hand!

2002
01:40:16,770 --> 01:40:18,480
Are you all right? Should we get you to the hospital, man?

2003
01:40:18,570 --> 01:40:20,400
Yeah, I think we need to call somebody. Hey, call somebody!

2004
01:40:20,570 --> 01:40:22,480
I got to get my dick sewn back on.

2005
01:40:22,570 --> 01:40:24,080
You shut the fuck up. Hey, you shut up.

2006
01:40:24,330 --> 01:40:25,880
That's not funny. Is that it?

2007
01:40:26,170 --> 01:40:27,280
What?

2008
01:40:28,770 --> 01:40:30,200
That's my dick!

2009
01:40:30,890 --> 01:40:31,920
Pick up my dick! Please!

2010
01:40:32,050 --> 01:40:33,320
No, we're not picking up your dick.

2011
01:40:33,410 --> 01:40:34,800
Fuckin' pick my dick up!

2012
01:40:38,130 --> 01:40:39,110
Oh, fuck!

2013
01:40:44,610 --> 01:40:45,800
He's my friend.

2014
01:40:46,610 --> 01:40:48,760
They don't serve vegan in jail, bitch.

2015
01:40:56,450 --> 01:40:57,640
Hey.

2016
01:40:59,210 --> 01:41:00,600
Molly...

2017
01:41:02,010 --> 01:41:02,990
I'm really sorry.

2018
01:41:04,290 --> 01:41:07,940
I know you wanted a guy to trust, and I wanted to be that person so badly.

2019
01:41:08,970 --> 01:41:11,120
And I let you down in a lot of ways.

2020
01:41:11,770 --> 01:41:12,910
And...

2021
01:41:15,330 --> 01:41:17,000
It's good that you're mad at me.

2022
01:41:17,610 --> 01:41:20,320
I think it's good. I think you should be mad at more guys,

2023
01:41:20,410 --> 01:41:25,430
because you deserve a guy who's good and who doesn't lie to you.

2024
01:41:25,810 --> 01:41:28,270
And you should never settle for less than that.

2025
01:41:28,610 --> 01:41:30,560
There are good guys out there

2026
01:41:32,450 --> 01:41:34,120
who aren't assholes like me.

2027
01:41:36,810 --> 01:41:38,720
Thanks for saving my life,

2028
01:41:38,810 --> 01:41:40,560
asshole.

2029
01:41:43,130 --> 01:41:45,120
Put her there, partner.

2030
01:41:58,490 --> 01:42:00,120
I'll come back later.

2031
01:42:04,850 --> 01:42:08,040
We're, like, in the end of Die Hard right now, but it's our actual life.

2032
01:42:08,370 --> 01:42:09,400
It's crazy.

2033
01:42:09,490 --> 01:42:11,840
Number one or two? Three.

2034
01:42:12,690 --> 01:42:14,480
Sam Jackson one. Yeah! Sam Jackson style.

2035
01:42:16,130 --> 01:42:19,280
Boom, motherfuckers! What's going on? Come on!

2036
01:42:24,130 --> 01:42:25,680
Where is he? There's my guy!

2037
01:42:25,810 --> 01:42:28,110
There he is! That's him. That's him.

2038
01:42:28,530 --> 01:42:29,510
Enough. Too long on the hug.

2039
01:42:30,010 --> 01:42:33,790
Congratulations, you crazy, sick, vigilante motherfuckers.

2040
01:42:33,890 --> 01:42:35,640
You got your first arrest, huh?

2041
01:42:36,650 --> 01:42:38,600
- Look. Got something made for you. - You didn't!

2042
01:42:38,690 --> 01:42:40,920
Come on. All right, all right. Enough. Enough.

2043
01:42:41,090 --> 01:42:42,360
New assignment.

2044
01:42:42,810 --> 01:42:45,480
Since you two cowboys love to drink booze,

2045
01:42:45,730 --> 01:42:49,800
smoke weed with kids, and fuck anything with a big ass in jeans

2046
01:42:49,890 --> 01:42:51,200
with low self-esteem,

2047
01:42:51,290 --> 01:42:55,240
I'm gonna send you to a place where all that shit is allowed.

2048
01:42:55,330 --> 01:42:56,550
Oh, I love Disneyland!

2049
01:42:56,890 --> 01:42:59,960
You two sons of bitches are going to college!

2050
01:43:00,050 --> 01:43:01,640
No! Yes!

2051
01:43:42,930 --> 01:43:43,910
Boo-yah!

2052
01:44:20,770 --> 01:44:22,800
Oh, my God! You're like two Hardy Boys in one!

2053
01:44:37,650 --> 01:44:38,630
Oh, fuck!

2054
01:46:28,290 --> 01:46:29,560
Hey, why are you here, Scott?

2055
01:46:29,650 --> 01:46:32,080
What, Kennedy High isn't having any parties tonight?