1
00:01:01,504 --> 00:01:05,174
Previously on 21 Jump Street

2
00:01:06,811 --> 00:01:08,010
You're a fucking nerd.

3
00:01:08,012 --> 00:01:10,112
Boy, you lucky
you even graduating.

4
00:01:10,114 --> 00:01:11,613
- Fuck!

5
00:01:11,615 --> 00:01:13,515
You're good at this?
Yeah.

6
00:01:13,517 --> 00:01:15,451
You're really good at this.
Yeah.

7
00:01:15,453 --> 00:01:16,573
Hey, you want to be friends?

8
00:01:19,222 --> 00:01:20,262
Yours isn't loaded, right?

9
00:01:22,259 --> 00:01:23,759
Just touch it.
I'm scared.

10
00:01:24,594 --> 00:01:26,028
Just touch it.

11
00:01:26,030 --> 00:01:27,710
Seriously. All right,
all right, all right.

12
00:01:29,099 --> 00:01:30,799
You took a bullet for me, man.

13
00:01:30,801 --> 00:01:31,801
You shot me in the dick!

14
00:01:33,803 --> 00:01:35,237
Boom, motherfuckers!

15
00:01:35,239 --> 00:01:37,473
You two sons of bitches
are going to college!

16
00:01:42,779 --> 00:01:47,282
Yin is characterized
as slow, soft, passive

17
00:01:47,284 --> 00:01:49,952
and is associated with
water and femininity.

18
00:01:49,954 --> 00:01:54,356
While, Yang, by contrast,
is fast and solid and...

19
00:01:54,358 --> 00:01:56,592
Man, this is BS.

20
00:01:56,594 --> 00:01:59,528
I thought we were going to actual
college, not online college.

21
00:01:59,530 --> 00:02:01,763
Listening for coded
messages in lectures.

22
00:02:01,765 --> 00:02:02,764
What are you talking about?

23
00:02:02,766 --> 00:02:03,766
Look around.

24
00:02:04,200 --> 00:02:05,834
This is our city.

25
00:02:05,836 --> 00:02:06,969
What do we want to
be in college for?

26
00:02:06,971 --> 00:02:08,203
You're right.

27
00:02:08,205 --> 00:02:10,772
Partners for life.

28
00:02:10,774 --> 00:02:13,775
At Metro city port, the
tide comes in at 10:30 A.M.

29
00:02:13,777 --> 00:02:15,444
Then it will return to the sea.

30
00:02:15,446 --> 00:02:17,479
Metro port.
One hour.

31
00:02:20,049 --> 00:02:21,416
Let's do this.

32
00:02:30,894 --> 00:02:32,494
Surprise.
There's two more arms.

33
00:02:51,315 --> 00:02:53,949
- Shit! That's the ghost.
- The ghost?

34
00:02:53,951 --> 00:02:55,450
Joste Nillsen,

35
00:02:55,452 --> 00:02:57,319
biggest trafficker of
illegal goods in Metro city.

36
00:02:57,321 --> 00:02:59,288
He teamed up with
a Mexican cartel

37
00:02:59,290 --> 00:03:01,023
and they're running all
this shit through the port.

38
00:03:01,025 --> 00:03:01,990
What the hell are we
supposed to be buying?

39
00:03:01,992 --> 00:03:02,992
I don't know.

40
00:03:04,928 --> 00:03:06,695
What are you doing?

41
00:03:06,697 --> 00:03:08,330
I got a new identity
that's gonna be killer.

42
00:03:08,332 --> 00:03:10,052
I'll be throwing it to you
to make it legit.

43
00:03:11,001 --> 00:03:12,634
Okay.

44
00:03:12,636 --> 00:03:14,403
I'm gonna need you
to improvise. Okay?

45
00:03:14,405 --> 00:03:15,604
I don't want to improvise.

46
00:03:15,606 --> 00:03:17,406
I'm gonna need you to improvise.

47
00:03:17,408 --> 00:03:19,141
I suck at improvising.
I don't want to do it.

48
00:03:19,143 --> 00:03:21,743
I need absolute silence
while I fall into character.

49
00:03:21,745 --> 00:03:24,613
I need absolute silence
while I fall into character.

50
00:03:26,115 --> 00:03:27,416
Can you give me
a head start on...

51
00:03:27,418 --> 00:03:29,885
I need absolute...
I need absolute silence.

52
00:03:29,887 --> 00:03:32,287
Can you please...
Absolute silence.

53
00:03:48,371 --> 00:03:49,972
Are you fucking
serious right now?

54
00:03:52,141 --> 00:03:54,376
All right.
I hate people who are late.

55
00:03:57,748 --> 00:03:59,481
We're trying to
see that product.

56
00:03:59,849 --> 00:04:00,849
Shit!

57
00:04:01,684 --> 00:04:03,952
Yo, sleepy!
What's up, homie?

58
00:04:03,954 --> 00:04:05,821
You know my cousin, sad boy.

59
00:04:05,823 --> 00:04:07,823
I think you got
the wrong guy, homes.

60
00:04:07,825 --> 00:04:10,125
That's bullshit, man!
You sleepy!

61
00:04:10,127 --> 00:04:11,660
Everyone say in the barrio,

62
00:04:11,662 --> 00:04:14,496
sleepy, he like
the Mexican Wolverine and shit.

63
00:04:14,498 --> 00:04:16,465
Hey, my partner here,
he want to see the product.

64
00:04:16,467 --> 00:04:17,599
Why ain't he talking?

65
00:04:21,437 --> 00:04:22,837
My name is Jeff.

66
00:04:23,506 --> 00:04:24,806
That's jeffe, man.

67
00:04:26,209 --> 00:04:28,210
Tell 'em about
mousie's quinceanera, man.

68
00:04:28,212 --> 00:04:31,613
Tell 'em about
that crazy adventure you guys had.

69
00:04:31,615 --> 00:04:34,950
I don't know what
you're talking about.

70
00:04:34,952 --> 00:04:37,519
Man, when you were
telling the story last night,

71
00:04:37,521 --> 00:04:39,521
you had so much detail!

72
00:04:39,523 --> 00:04:41,723
The detail was so rich! It was rich detail!

73
00:04:41,725 --> 00:04:44,393
Go into incredibly
descriptive details

74
00:04:44,395 --> 00:04:45,694
of the story, so we all know.

75
00:04:46,596 --> 00:04:47,963
Yes.

76
00:04:48,865 --> 00:04:51,767
It was Dora and Diego

77
00:04:52,268 --> 00:04:53,302
and swiper.

78
00:04:53,736 --> 00:04:55,003
Swiper?

79
00:04:55,005 --> 00:04:56,605
Who was that you
choked out, man?

80
00:04:56,607 --> 00:04:58,540
He had it coming!
Who was that?

81
00:05:00,410 --> 00:05:01,810
Boots.

82
00:05:01,812 --> 00:05:05,147
No, man, that wasn't boots!
Boots isn't a real name!

83
00:05:05,149 --> 00:05:06,315
You got to tell them
the real story, man.

84
00:05:06,317 --> 00:05:08,283
Start over from the top.

85
00:05:08,285 --> 00:05:11,386
That's a made-up name.

86
00:05:11,388 --> 00:05:15,057
I can't believe the punks
I have to deal with these days.

87
00:05:19,629 --> 00:05:22,698
It really makes me
miss the '90s,

88
00:05:23,966 --> 00:05:25,701
when we had
professionals around.

89
00:05:28,805 --> 00:05:30,085
You want to check out the goods?

90
00:05:31,407 --> 00:05:32,808
Check it out.

91
00:05:34,377 --> 00:05:37,045
And shut up. Right?

92
00:05:37,047 --> 00:05:38,780
Where'd you find
this gringo, man?

93
00:05:38,782 --> 00:05:41,550
At the fucking Mumford & sons concert
and shit?

94
00:05:51,694 --> 00:05:53,595
What is it?
Guns? Drugs?

95
00:05:55,065 --> 00:05:56,398
No! No!

96
00:05:57,133 --> 00:05:58,967
Dude!
It's gross!

97
00:05:58,969 --> 00:06:00,836
It's inking in my mouth!

98
00:06:01,604 --> 00:06:03,472
I'll get it off.

99
00:06:03,474 --> 00:06:06,575
Its tentacle is eating me!

100
00:06:06,577 --> 00:06:08,543
It's so strong!
It's really on there, man.

101
00:06:08,545 --> 00:06:09,678
It's biting my face!

102
00:06:12,682 --> 00:06:14,182
Shit!

103
00:06:14,184 --> 00:06:16,918
Black market exotic animals,
just like we expected to be in there.

104
00:06:16,920 --> 00:06:17,986
The accents are gone?

105
00:06:19,055 --> 00:06:20,856
Take them out, guys.
They're cops.

106
00:06:30,366 --> 00:06:32,326
What was that? I don't know!
I think we're moving.

107
00:06:33,336 --> 00:06:34,736
We're definitely moving!

108
00:06:34,738 --> 00:06:36,304
There's fucking
birds and shit in here!

109
00:06:36,306 --> 00:06:37,472
There's actual shit!

110
00:06:38,107 --> 00:06:39,441
What the fuck?

111
00:06:39,443 --> 00:06:41,877
There's a fucking
dragon in here!

112
00:06:41,879 --> 00:06:43,079
Shit!

113
00:06:45,882 --> 00:06:46,882
What was that?

114
00:06:49,485 --> 00:06:51,486
Dude, that was our car.

115
00:06:51,488 --> 00:06:53,722
We shared so much in that car!

116
00:06:53,724 --> 00:06:57,392
I'm going to shoot them in the face
for that! That was our fucking car!

117
00:06:57,394 --> 00:06:59,394
What are you doing?

118
00:06:59,396 --> 00:07:01,229
Don't teen wolf on the truck!

119
00:07:01,231 --> 00:07:02,364
Don't leave me here alone!

120
00:07:02,366 --> 00:07:03,398
Then get up here!

121
00:07:03,400 --> 00:07:04,833
I can't do that!

122
00:07:04,835 --> 00:07:07,769
Then fucking climb around.
Come on, climb around.

123
00:07:07,771 --> 00:07:09,805
Let's go. Come on, buddy.
You got it.

124
00:07:09,807 --> 00:07:10,839
This is so scary!

125
00:07:10,841 --> 00:07:11,907
Shoot him!

126
00:07:11,909 --> 00:07:13,475
Don't leave me out here!

127
00:07:13,477 --> 00:07:15,410
I'm all out.
You stupid moron!

128
00:07:15,412 --> 00:07:16,572
That's it. Come on.

129
00:07:18,648 --> 00:07:20,482
Fucking get up here.
Come on. Fuck!

130
00:07:20,484 --> 00:07:21,817
All right, you good?
Yeah!

131
00:07:21,819 --> 00:07:23,519
All you got to do is walk now, okay?
Okay.

132
00:07:25,788 --> 00:07:26,855
Shit!

133
00:07:28,858 --> 00:07:30,659
What the fuck are you doing?
Get up here!

134
00:07:30,661 --> 00:07:32,427
I can't!

135
00:07:32,429 --> 00:07:34,262
All right, fine,
I guess I'll just drag you.

136
00:07:34,264 --> 00:07:35,797
I'm gonna die!

137
00:07:35,799 --> 00:07:38,433
You're not gonna die.
Just get the fuck up here!

138
00:07:43,706 --> 00:07:44,706
Pull yourself up here.

139
00:07:45,174 --> 00:07:46,608
Use your core!

140
00:07:48,678 --> 00:07:50,912
You got it, you got it.
Come on, come on. Yeah!

141
00:07:50,914 --> 00:07:51,646
All right.
Think you can stand on your own now?

142
00:07:51,648 --> 00:07:53,048
Yes!

143
00:07:53,050 --> 00:07:54,050
I think we lost them.

144
00:07:54,951 --> 00:07:56,117
Shit!

145
00:07:57,420 --> 00:07:58,540
He's the fucking Terminator!

146
00:07:59,288 --> 00:08:00,288
That's fucking dangerous!

147
00:08:02,825 --> 00:08:05,794
You are under arrest!

148
00:08:05,796 --> 00:08:07,829
Pull the truck over!

149
00:08:07,831 --> 00:08:09,998
I said pull the fucking truck over
right fucking now!

150
00:08:11,334 --> 00:08:12,734
You owe me a car,

151
00:08:12,736 --> 00:08:14,236
and it'd better be a fucking Lamborghini,
you bitch!

152
00:08:14,238 --> 00:08:15,570
I did it!

153
00:08:15,572 --> 00:08:16,972
You have the right
to remain silent.

154
00:08:17,340 --> 00:08:18,340
Shit!

155
00:08:25,348 --> 00:08:27,415
Holy Moses!

156
00:08:27,417 --> 00:08:28,783
Shit.

157
00:08:30,153 --> 00:08:31,586
What happened?

158
00:08:31,588 --> 00:08:32,828
I think they got away.

159
00:08:36,425 --> 00:08:38,660
Is that a hickey?

160
00:08:38,662 --> 00:08:43,798
This was actually
an octopus-related incident.

161
00:08:43,800 --> 00:08:48,870
I'd opened a crate and the
octopus had leapt onto my face.

162
00:08:48,872 --> 00:08:51,673
Apparently, they have
many, many arms.

163
00:08:51,675 --> 00:08:53,108
They have eight tentacles.

164
00:08:53,110 --> 00:08:54,476
Yes, and...

165
00:08:54,478 --> 00:08:56,444
Look, ladies,

166
00:08:56,446 --> 00:09:00,882
nobody gave a shit about the jump
street reboot when you first came on.

167
00:09:00,884 --> 00:09:02,951
Anyone with half a brain,
myself included,

168
00:09:02,953 --> 00:09:05,754
thought it was destined
to fail spectacularly.

169
00:09:05,756 --> 00:09:07,322
But you got lucky.

170
00:09:07,324 --> 00:09:09,090
So now this department
has invested

171
00:09:09,092 --> 00:09:13,128
a lot of money to make sure
jump street keeps going.

172
00:09:13,130 --> 00:09:15,363
We've doubled their budget.

173
00:09:15,365 --> 00:09:18,199
As if spending twice the money
guaranteed twice the profit.

174
00:09:19,770 --> 00:09:21,603
Like that's going to work.

175
00:09:21,605 --> 00:09:25,874
Yeah. Well, the commissioner's
convinced this debacle happened

176
00:09:25,876 --> 00:09:28,610
because you weren't doing the
same undercover student thing

177
00:09:28,612 --> 00:09:30,011
you did the first time.

178
00:09:30,013 --> 00:09:32,347
She doesn't get
that it's always worse

179
00:09:32,349 --> 00:09:33,349
the second time around.

180
00:09:34,183 --> 00:09:36,217
You settle into
worn-out roles.

181
00:09:36,219 --> 00:09:38,887
One gets possessive,
the other runs away.

182
00:09:38,889 --> 00:09:41,089
You begin a slow,
painful unraveling,

183
00:09:41,091 --> 00:09:43,625
as all the good things
that came before

184
00:09:43,627 --> 00:09:47,062
begin to be crushed
by the trash compactor of sadness.

185
00:09:48,331 --> 00:09:50,231
That doesn't sound like us.
I mean...

186
00:09:50,233 --> 00:09:51,900
I'm getting a divorce.

187
00:09:53,903 --> 00:09:56,538
We don't want to
do the same thing.

188
00:09:56,540 --> 00:09:58,940
We want to burst
through our ceiling.

189
00:09:58,942 --> 00:10:00,275
And you're gonna
find another ceiling

190
00:10:00,277 --> 00:10:01,810
and you got to
bust through that one,

191
00:10:01,812 --> 00:10:02,611
and you just got to
keep hammering ceilings.

192
00:10:02,613 --> 00:10:04,512
Okay, okay, okay.

193
00:10:04,514 --> 00:10:07,182
What if we actually went
into the secret service

194
00:10:07,184 --> 00:10:08,650
and, like, tried to
protect the white house?

195
00:10:08,652 --> 00:10:10,819
I think...
I don't think that would work.

196
00:10:10,821 --> 00:10:12,554
I'm going to ask you
to stop talking.

197
00:10:12,556 --> 00:10:13,989
I thought it was
a pretty good idea.

198
00:10:13,991 --> 00:10:17,726
Do the same thing as last time,
everyone's happy.

199
00:10:21,263 --> 00:10:23,665
I can't believe the Koreans
bought their church back.

200
00:10:23,667 --> 00:10:25,433
Yeah. Good thing
there was an even bigger

201
00:10:25,435 --> 00:10:27,168
abandoned church
directly across the street.

202
00:10:27,170 --> 00:10:30,839
Yeah. That's convenient.
Yes, it is convenient.

203
00:10:30,841 --> 00:10:32,374
Next year, we'll probably
just be right back across the street.

204
00:10:32,376 --> 00:10:33,775
Just next door.

205
00:10:33,777 --> 00:10:35,610
Let's not get
ahead of ourselves.

206
00:10:35,612 --> 00:10:36,878
We're not ahead of ourselves.

207
00:10:36,880 --> 00:10:38,120
We're right next to each other.

208
00:10:40,783 --> 00:10:44,119
This is awesome.
Like, way more expensive for no reason.

209
00:10:44,887 --> 00:10:46,054
Look at dickson's office.

210
00:10:46,056 --> 00:10:49,257
Looks like a giant cube of ice.

211
00:10:49,259 --> 00:10:50,759
How you bitches
like jump street now?

212
00:10:51,060 --> 00:10:52,060
Hey!

213
00:10:52,795 --> 00:10:54,729
Y'all see this shit?

214
00:10:54,731 --> 00:10:57,699
22 jump street is the lick.

215
00:10:57,701 --> 00:10:59,234
And I got
a big-ass raise

216
00:10:59,236 --> 00:11:01,736
to babysit
you two fuckers again.

217
00:11:01,738 --> 00:11:04,172
Designed it myself.
We got an espresso bar.

218
00:11:04,174 --> 00:11:05,974
I'm thinking about
a shark tank over there.

219
00:11:05,976 --> 00:11:07,442
Ooh, I like sharks.

220
00:11:07,444 --> 00:11:11,212
Fuck a 21 jump street,
and fuck a Korean Jesus.

221
00:11:11,214 --> 00:11:13,114
Whoa! Cap, come on,
Korean Jesus is right there.

222
00:11:13,116 --> 00:11:14,749
That's Vietnamese Jesus.

223
00:11:14,751 --> 00:11:16,951
See, this a Vietnamese church.

224
00:11:16,953 --> 00:11:20,355
You racist,
sacrilegious sack of shit.

225
00:11:20,357 --> 00:11:25,126
Look at that.
Vietnamese Jesus just dripping swagoo.

226
00:11:25,128 --> 00:11:26,661
And we got some
new dumb-ass interns.

227
00:11:26,663 --> 00:11:28,129
Hey, hey! Look alive!

228
00:11:28,131 --> 00:11:30,331
Boys.
Yo, jenko.

229
00:11:33,936 --> 00:11:35,070
Hey, Schmidt!

230
00:11:38,374 --> 00:11:40,709
Don't do that.

231
00:11:40,711 --> 00:11:42,811
So, they want the same shit,
so here we go.

232
00:11:43,879 --> 00:11:45,180
Same identities.

233
00:11:46,449 --> 00:11:48,149
Same assignment.

234
00:11:48,151 --> 00:11:49,651
We're going back to high school?

235
00:11:49,653 --> 00:11:51,586
Your ass look like you about 50.

236
00:11:51,588 --> 00:11:53,121
You're going to MC state.

237
00:11:53,123 --> 00:11:54,756
We're going to college for real?

238
00:11:54,758 --> 00:11:58,226
Somebody's out there,
they're cooking up a new drug.

239
00:11:58,228 --> 00:12:01,262
It's Adderall mixed with ecstasy mixed
with God knows what else.

240
00:12:01,264 --> 00:12:03,898
Wipey?

241
00:12:03,900 --> 00:12:06,167
No, you dumb motherfucker.
Whyphy.

242
00:12:06,169 --> 00:12:09,637
Stands for work hard? Yes.
Play hard? Yes.

243
00:12:09,639 --> 00:12:11,406
Now, these kids take this shit,

244
00:12:11,408 --> 00:12:15,076
and they get laser-focused
for about four hours of studying,

245
00:12:15,078 --> 00:12:18,179
and then they party
like it's goddamn 1999.

246
00:12:18,948 --> 00:12:20,348
Who's this?

247
00:12:20,350 --> 00:12:21,916
That's Cynthia Watson.

248
00:12:21,918 --> 00:12:23,752
She was a student at MC state.

249
00:12:23,754 --> 00:12:24,986
She took some whyphy,

250
00:12:24,988 --> 00:12:26,254
got locked out of her dorm,

251
00:12:26,256 --> 00:12:27,489
ended up falling off the roof.

252
00:12:28,524 --> 00:12:29,524
And now she's dead.

253
00:12:32,828 --> 00:12:34,963
That's her buying drugs
on campus.

254
00:12:34,965 --> 00:12:36,664
And that's the dealer.

255
00:12:36,666 --> 00:12:38,867
Find him and we find
the supplier.

256
00:12:39,468 --> 00:12:41,736
Sir, can I just say,

257
00:12:41,738 --> 00:12:45,607
it is so refreshing to have
a case with a black victim.

258
00:12:45,609 --> 00:12:48,309
I mean, we care so much
more because she's black.

259
00:12:48,311 --> 00:12:50,578
I think what he's
really trying to say

260
00:12:50,580 --> 00:12:53,381
is that we care equally.

261
00:12:53,383 --> 00:12:56,551
It's a tie, really,
how much we care.

262
00:12:56,553 --> 00:13:00,088
No, we're not. If it was a
white person, I wouldn't even care.

263
00:13:00,090 --> 00:13:01,810
One less cracker-ass
cracker to worry about.

264
00:13:03,492 --> 00:13:06,494
Why every time you speak I
want to throw the fuck up?

265
00:13:06,496 --> 00:13:09,397
Infiltrate the dealer,
find the supplier.

266
00:13:19,341 --> 00:13:20,575
You all right?

267
00:13:21,610 --> 00:13:22,610
Yeah.

268
00:13:23,345 --> 00:13:24,412
It's just...

269
00:13:26,415 --> 00:13:30,285
I'm the first person in my family
to pretend to go to college.

270
00:13:30,287 --> 00:13:32,120
Best part is we get to
do it together.

271
00:13:33,656 --> 00:13:35,256
What's up, college?

272
00:13:35,258 --> 00:13:36,658
What's up, Bro?
We're 322.

273
00:13:36,660 --> 00:13:37,725
Fuck high school, right?

274
00:13:37,727 --> 00:13:38,860
Fuck high school.

275
00:13:39,528 --> 00:13:41,062
So tight!

276
00:13:41,064 --> 00:13:43,898
This is so baller!

277
00:13:43,900 --> 00:13:45,900
Beds... shit.

278
00:13:45,902 --> 00:13:48,169
Dope.
That looks like cum.

279
00:13:48,171 --> 00:13:49,838
That's cum.
Okay. All right.

280
00:13:49,840 --> 00:13:51,320
Already got cum on
the mattress, dawg.

281
00:13:52,741 --> 00:13:54,442
Welcome to college.
Fuck, yeah.

282
00:14:02,318 --> 00:14:04,319
Hilarious shirt that
signals we drink alcohol.

283
00:14:07,056 --> 00:14:09,257
Some bacon machine
that my mom got me.

284
00:14:09,259 --> 00:14:10,592
I do not understand
how it works.

285
00:14:19,602 --> 00:14:21,236
It's true.

286
00:14:21,238 --> 00:14:22,598
Super high-Tech
police gear.

287
00:14:23,672 --> 00:14:26,107
Carte Blanche with
the budget, motherfucker.

288
00:14:29,144 --> 00:14:30,879
I'm going to veto that poster.

289
00:14:30,881 --> 00:14:33,381
It's a touch childish.

290
00:14:33,383 --> 00:14:36,117
Okay. What do lambos have to
do with touching children?

291
00:14:36,119 --> 00:14:38,286
Lambos are lame.

292
00:14:38,288 --> 00:14:41,122
I get one choice. I get
one thing that I'm not...

293
00:14:41,124 --> 00:14:42,891
We have to agree.
You know what I mean?

294
00:14:42,893 --> 00:14:45,393
What up, fellas? We're your
across-the-hall neighbors.

295
00:14:45,395 --> 00:14:46,361
Hey, there's two of you.
You're twins.

296
00:14:46,363 --> 00:14:47,495
What's up, man?

297
00:14:47,497 --> 00:14:49,864
We're the yangs, man.
Kenny Yang. What's up?

298
00:14:49,866 --> 00:14:51,199
Keith Yang.

299
00:14:51,201 --> 00:14:52,533
What's going on?
What's going on?

300
00:14:52,535 --> 00:14:53,701
Did you say the yangs?

301
00:14:53,703 --> 00:14:55,303
Yeah, dad's Chinese, man.

302
00:14:55,305 --> 00:14:57,538
Our mom's not Chinese.
She's black.

303
00:14:57,540 --> 00:14:59,007
She's like real black.

304
00:14:59,009 --> 00:15:00,642
Like Wesley snipes black.
Exactly.

305
00:15:00,644 --> 00:15:01,676
We're brothers, too.

306
00:15:03,446 --> 00:15:04,779
No. He's not kidding.
He's serious.

307
00:15:04,781 --> 00:15:06,180
Really?

308
00:15:06,182 --> 00:15:07,615
What? Like, one of y'all older?

309
00:15:09,319 --> 00:15:10,184
Yeah, 'cause you got crow's
feet under your eyes, man.

310
00:15:10,186 --> 00:15:11,886
You specifically.

311
00:15:11,888 --> 00:15:14,656
We're actually just
normal college age.

312
00:15:14,658 --> 00:15:16,324
I mean, even if you're a little
older, that's cool, man,

313
00:15:16,326 --> 00:15:17,625
because, you know,
girls here love older dudes.

314
00:15:17,627 --> 00:15:18,927
That's true.

315
00:15:18,929 --> 00:15:20,795
Plus, there's mad
fuckable girls here.

316
00:15:20,797 --> 00:15:22,730
Mad fuckable. Especially
during spring break.

317
00:15:22,732 --> 00:15:24,933
I love spring break.
But I do have to say,

318
00:15:24,935 --> 00:15:26,434
I've fucked
a thousand girls by now

319
00:15:26,436 --> 00:15:27,702
and I don't know,
at the end of the day,

320
00:15:27,704 --> 00:15:28,970
you just kind of want something

321
00:15:28,972 --> 00:15:30,071
that's just
a little deeper really.

322
00:15:30,073 --> 00:15:33,942
Yeah, balls deeper.
Jinx. Buy me a coke.

323
00:15:33,944 --> 00:15:37,345
Snap, we're still saying the
same thing. This is amazing!

324
00:15:37,347 --> 00:15:40,281
Carrots. Pumpernickels.
Glow sticks. Twins!

325
00:15:40,283 --> 00:15:42,183
That's dope, dude.
That's so sick.

326
00:15:42,185 --> 00:15:45,453
That's crazy. We have that
brother connection, too.

327
00:15:45,455 --> 00:15:46,821
- You ready?
- Yeah.

328
00:15:46,823 --> 00:15:48,523
Pirates! Baby feet!
Paper clips! Bananas!

329
00:15:48,525 --> 00:15:50,491
Sun! Anger!
I don't know! Words!

330
00:15:50,493 --> 00:15:51,726
Quicksand!
Shoes!

331
00:15:51,728 --> 00:15:53,127
Boom!

332
00:15:53,129 --> 00:15:54,562
That's hip-hop, man.
Awesome.

333
00:15:54,564 --> 00:15:55,564
That's great.

334
00:15:56,098 --> 00:15:58,066
It's gonna be super fun.

335
00:15:58,068 --> 00:15:59,188
All right?
Same as last time.

336
00:16:00,169 --> 00:16:02,070
Dude, if it's like last time,

337
00:16:02,072 --> 00:16:03,938
you're gonna have an awesome time,
and it's gonna suck for me.

338
00:16:03,940 --> 00:16:05,606
No. You're gonna have
an awesome time, too,

339
00:16:05,608 --> 00:16:07,175
because I'm gonna
make sure of it.

340
00:16:07,177 --> 00:16:08,643
You took a bullet for me.

341
00:16:08,645 --> 00:16:11,212
That's right, I did, and it
sucked, but I'd do it again.

342
00:16:11,214 --> 00:16:13,414
No way. It's my turn.
I owe you a life debt.

343
00:16:13,416 --> 00:16:14,515
Co-Ed bathrooms.

344
00:16:14,517 --> 00:16:16,317
What? Shit.

345
00:16:17,820 --> 00:16:19,087
I'm not gonna take a shit

346
00:16:19,089 --> 00:16:19,954
the entire time I'm here.

347
00:16:19,956 --> 00:16:21,189
I know.

348
00:16:22,057 --> 00:16:23,624
Hey.
How you doing?

349
00:16:24,393 --> 00:16:25,960
Hey.

350
00:16:25,962 --> 00:16:28,696
What's up?
'Sup?

351
00:16:28,698 --> 00:16:30,798
Just exhausted from
inventing Facebook

352
00:16:30,800 --> 00:16:33,134
or whatever website
people our age use.

353
00:16:36,638 --> 00:16:38,139
They still have books?

354
00:16:38,141 --> 00:16:40,208
I thought they just put the
books inside the computers.

355
00:16:40,210 --> 00:16:42,744
Yeah, I guess the kids just use
the stacks to hide and have sex.

356
00:16:42,746 --> 00:16:44,746
So we'll go to all Cynthia's
classes and activities,

357
00:16:44,748 --> 00:16:46,147
ask around about the drug

358
00:16:46,149 --> 00:16:47,782
and find out who the dealer is.

359
00:16:47,784 --> 00:16:49,050
Yeah, it's just like last time.

360
00:16:49,052 --> 00:16:50,918
Exactly like last time.

361
00:16:50,920 --> 00:16:52,086
Dude, in human sexuality,

362
00:16:52,088 --> 00:16:53,654
do you get to fuck

363
00:16:53,656 --> 00:16:55,216
or do you just get
to watch people fuck?

364
00:16:55,724 --> 00:16:56,791
Neither.

365
00:16:58,160 --> 00:16:59,680
What the fuck am I
taking it for, then?

366
00:17:02,831 --> 00:17:04,999
Now, obviously, we've all
heard this statement before,

367
00:17:07,036 --> 00:17:08,736
I've got a first
impression for you.

368
00:17:11,473 --> 00:17:13,074
Y'all like psychology?

369
00:17:13,076 --> 00:17:14,409
Tracy Morgan.

370
00:17:18,147 --> 00:17:19,213
Nobody?

371
00:17:20,649 --> 00:17:22,650
Work hard,
play hard, am I right?

372
00:17:27,790 --> 00:17:28,956
You looking for some whyphy?

373
00:17:28,958 --> 00:17:30,058
Yeah, man, that'd be sick.

374
00:17:30,060 --> 00:17:31,692
Go to the police station,

375
00:17:31,694 --> 00:17:33,461
walk in and ask your captain
to see the evidence room

376
00:17:33,463 --> 00:17:34,623
'cause you're a fucking narc.

377
00:17:35,164 --> 00:17:37,365
I think you're mistaken.

378
00:17:37,367 --> 00:17:39,333
You're literally
wearing your badge.

379
00:17:39,335 --> 00:17:40,301
Did you really just check to see

380
00:17:40,303 --> 00:17:41,369
if you were wearing your badge?

381
00:17:41,371 --> 00:17:42,371
This guy's a fucking cop.

382
00:17:42,372 --> 00:17:44,138
I didn't look down.

383
00:17:47,509 --> 00:17:50,378
Wait, Professor Jacobs, doesn't
history happen a long time ago?

384
00:17:50,380 --> 00:17:52,213
Well, history happens...

385
00:17:52,215 --> 00:17:55,316
This class is such a gut.

386
00:17:55,318 --> 00:17:56,217
Hey, you guys play football?

387
00:17:56,219 --> 00:17:58,219
No, this is actually my laptop.

388
00:17:58,221 --> 00:17:59,501
Yeah, I'm taking
notes right now.

389
00:18:00,689 --> 00:18:02,323
I'm kidding.
It's a football.

390
00:18:02,325 --> 00:18:03,325
Mr. Mcquaid?

391
00:18:04,693 --> 00:18:05,693
Covalent bonds.

392
00:18:08,131 --> 00:18:12,433
What has been the result
of the war on drugs?

393
00:18:12,435 --> 00:18:14,602
Why would you ask me?
I'm not a cop.

394
00:18:16,004 --> 00:18:17,605
Because this is
a college seminar,

395
00:18:17,607 --> 00:18:20,074
and that's how
college seminars work.

396
00:18:20,076 --> 00:18:23,644
Professor gets into a lively
conversation with the student.

397
00:18:23,646 --> 00:18:26,781
Friction creates fire, and
that leads to lessons learned.

398
00:18:26,783 --> 00:18:28,049
Well, it's definitely
harder to get drugs.

399
00:18:28,051 --> 00:18:29,617
I can personally tell you that.

400
00:18:29,619 --> 00:18:31,586
The average price of cocaine

401
00:18:31,588 --> 00:18:34,555
has dropped 70%
in the last 30 years.

402
00:18:34,557 --> 00:18:37,237
Then your dealer's probably selling
you some pretty stepped-on shit.

403
00:18:38,161 --> 00:18:41,462
Mr. Mcquaid, college is
a wonderful place.

404
00:18:41,464 --> 00:18:45,032
This is where you get to
decide who you actually are,

405
00:18:45,034 --> 00:18:47,735
instead of the person that you're
clearly pretending to be right now,

406
00:18:47,737 --> 00:18:50,171
which everyone sees
through, by the way.

407
00:18:50,173 --> 00:18:53,674
You got to decide, do I just
keep doing the same thing,

408
00:18:53,676 --> 00:18:56,110
or am I gonna
choose a different path

409
00:18:56,112 --> 00:18:57,612
and question my convictions?

410
00:18:59,081 --> 00:19:00,715
I don't have any
prior convictions.

411
00:19:03,585 --> 00:19:05,319
Why are you saying this stuff?

412
00:19:07,456 --> 00:19:10,458
That's exactly the answer I wanted, Mr.
Mcquaid!

413
00:19:10,460 --> 00:19:12,894
I want you to question
what I'm saying.

414
00:19:12,896 --> 00:19:15,229
This is the basis
of this whole course,

415
00:19:15,231 --> 00:19:16,831
and that's the beauty
of college.

416
00:19:16,833 --> 00:19:18,399
You can say whatever you want.

417
00:19:18,401 --> 00:19:20,067
You can be whatever you want.

418
00:19:20,069 --> 00:19:22,904
I mean, I have tenure. I can
really say whatever I want.

419
00:19:22,906 --> 00:19:24,605
George Washington
was a black lesbian.

420
00:19:24,607 --> 00:19:26,440
The Eiffel tower
is made of dildos.

421
00:19:26,442 --> 00:19:28,209
They can't fire me.
I'm indestructible.

422
00:19:29,479 --> 00:19:30,811
I'm sleeping with
two of my students.

423
00:19:30,813 --> 00:19:32,079
Her and her.
I actually am.

424
00:19:32,081 --> 00:19:34,148
Now, just like you did before,

425
00:19:34,150 --> 00:19:37,752
I want you right now
to say whatever you want.

426
00:19:37,754 --> 00:19:39,387
Say whatever you want.

427
00:19:39,655 --> 00:19:41,923
Fieto.

428
00:19:41,925 --> 00:19:45,193
Fieto, not a word,
but I'm gonna accept it.

429
00:19:45,195 --> 00:19:48,162
You can do whatever you want
with your life, Mr. mcquaid.

430
00:19:48,164 --> 00:19:50,131
The only way you can
fail this class

431
00:19:50,133 --> 00:19:52,533
is by not becoming
who you truly are.

432
00:19:53,335 --> 00:19:54,802
Please respond to my text.

433
00:19:58,040 --> 00:20:00,808
Okay, we got time
for just one more improve game.

434
00:20:00,810 --> 00:20:02,810
For this one, we need a ton
of different suggestions.

435
00:20:02,812 --> 00:20:05,046
So, we just need you guys
to fill in the blank

436
00:20:05,048 --> 00:20:06,647
in a sentence that
we're gonna set up.

437
00:20:06,649 --> 00:20:09,383
So it'll go like this. I'm
so hungry, I wish I had a...

438
00:20:09,385 --> 00:20:11,352
Tampon!
Okay, but we want...

439
00:20:11,354 --> 00:20:12,720
We want it to be actual food

440
00:20:12,722 --> 00:20:14,155
so that it, like, makes
sense with the game.

441
00:20:14,157 --> 00:20:17,091
It's more fun that way. So,
let's try it one more time.

442
00:20:17,093 --> 00:20:19,126
I've got to get home
so I can feed my...

443
00:20:19,128 --> 00:20:20,661
Boner!

444
00:20:20,663 --> 00:20:21,963
You know what? Let's just
play the game, okay?

445
00:20:21,965 --> 00:20:24,398
All right, so what would you...

446
00:20:24,400 --> 00:20:25,866
Hey, that girl's
in my psych class.

447
00:20:25,868 --> 00:20:27,268
Damn, she's hot.
Go talk to her.

448
00:20:27,270 --> 00:20:28,769
You come talk to her with me.

449
00:20:28,771 --> 00:20:31,472
Stop being a pussy
and go talk to her. Go.

450
00:20:31,474 --> 00:20:32,773
All right, all right.

451
00:20:32,775 --> 00:20:34,842
Coming to the stage, we got...

452
00:20:37,479 --> 00:20:38,980
J. Bohnes, aka...

453
00:20:38,982 --> 00:20:41,082
Hey.
Hi.

454
00:20:41,084 --> 00:20:42,564
I think we're in
the same psych class.

455
00:20:43,118 --> 00:20:44,652
Yeah. Hi.

456
00:20:45,153 --> 00:20:46,254
Yeah.

457
00:20:47,322 --> 00:20:51,125
Pills! Pills!
Bills! Pills!

458
00:20:51,127 --> 00:20:54,629
Bills! A sign of
the times that rhymes

459
00:20:54,631 --> 00:20:56,497
Amanda Bynes

460
00:20:56,499 --> 00:20:59,166
drop that raggedy Andy circus

461
00:20:59,168 --> 00:21:01,068
circle jerkus...

462
00:21:01,070 --> 00:21:03,037
You guys are the improve
guys, right? Yeah.

463
00:21:03,039 --> 00:21:04,438
That's cool.

464
00:21:04,440 --> 00:21:06,240
You're the guy with
the terrible suggestions.

465
00:21:06,242 --> 00:21:08,943
Yeah, yeah. You're welcome, man.
Yeah.

466
00:21:08,945 --> 00:21:12,246
Thanks, guys. Um, lady J is
gonna be up next for you.

467
00:21:12,248 --> 00:21:14,649
Cynthia, that girl who died,

468
00:21:14,651 --> 00:21:16,291
she used to come here
all the time, right?

469
00:21:17,086 --> 00:21:19,887
This piece is called areolas.

470
00:21:19,889 --> 00:21:22,356
Did you know her?

471
00:21:22,358 --> 00:21:24,325
Yeah, she lived
across the hall from me.

472
00:21:24,327 --> 00:21:25,760
Yeah?
So why do you care so much?

473
00:21:26,361 --> 00:21:28,362
I'm... I'm writing a...

474
00:21:29,164 --> 00:21:30,598
Greedy man hands!

475
00:21:30,600 --> 00:21:33,167
a slam poem
in her honor.

476
00:21:33,169 --> 00:21:34,769
Early stages, very early stages.

477
00:21:34,771 --> 00:21:36,070
Really?
Yeah, yeah.

478
00:21:36,072 --> 00:21:37,571
Wouldn't it be better

479
00:21:37,573 --> 00:21:39,140
just to, like, plan the
stuff out ahead of time,

480
00:21:39,142 --> 00:21:42,810
and then not say it in front of
people and embarrass yourself?

481
00:21:42,812 --> 00:21:46,247
That's a thing that people do.
That's stand-up comedy.

482
00:21:46,249 --> 00:21:47,381
That's probably
what you should do,

483
00:21:47,383 --> 00:21:49,083
because that stuff's funny.

484
00:21:49,085 --> 00:21:53,020
My brown nipple will produce
white milk during lactation...

485
00:21:53,022 --> 00:21:54,622
What do you think of this?

486
00:21:54,624 --> 00:21:56,624
I actually think
it's really powerful.

487
00:21:56,626 --> 00:21:58,159
That's cool that you said that,

488
00:21:58,161 --> 00:22:00,361
'cause I actually thought it
was really powerful, too,

489
00:22:00,363 --> 00:22:03,030
when the one girl was talking
about her nips and shit.

490
00:22:04,767 --> 00:22:08,436
Okay, does anybody have
anything they want to share?

491
00:22:08,438 --> 00:22:09,770
Let's see what you got.

492
00:22:09,772 --> 00:22:11,405
Any more poets in the audience?

493
00:22:11,407 --> 00:22:12,847
I... I mean, do you
really do poetry?

494
00:22:13,141 --> 00:22:14,809
I do, and I will.

495
00:22:14,811 --> 00:22:16,177
I got somebody.
What?

496
00:22:16,179 --> 00:22:18,979
Okay, we got somebody.
All right, give it up, guys.

497
00:22:18,981 --> 00:22:20,381
Yeah!
Okay.

498
00:22:20,383 --> 00:22:21,649
Just go up there.
All right, okay.

499
00:22:21,651 --> 00:22:22,817
Okay.
No pressure.

500
00:22:22,819 --> 00:22:23,939
You'll see, it's good. Yeah!

501
00:22:29,524 --> 00:22:30,691
Um...

502
00:22:32,327 --> 00:22:34,762
This is a work in progress.

503
00:22:36,832 --> 00:22:37,832
So...

504
00:22:42,904 --> 00:22:44,572
Slam poetry!

505
00:22:45,273 --> 00:22:46,474
Yelling!

506
00:22:47,175 --> 00:22:48,175
Angry!

507
00:22:49,378 --> 00:22:52,780
Waving my hands a lot!

508
00:22:52,782 --> 00:22:54,982
Specific point of view on things

509
00:22:56,017 --> 00:22:57,017
Cynthia!

510
00:22:57,686 --> 00:23:00,488
Cynthia

511
00:23:00,490 --> 00:23:03,724
Jesus died for
our sin-thee-uhs

512
00:23:04,326 --> 00:23:05,626
Jesus cried

513
00:23:06,228 --> 00:23:07,595
runaway bride

514
00:23:08,663 --> 00:23:10,131
Julia Roberts!

515
00:23:10,966 --> 00:23:12,767
Julia rob

516
00:23:13,535 --> 00:23:14,535
hurts

517
00:23:16,506 --> 00:23:17,972
Cynthia!

518
00:23:20,143 --> 00:23:22,243
Cynthia

519
00:23:22,245 --> 00:23:23,944
you're dead you are dead

520
00:23:28,283 --> 00:23:29,283
You're dead

521
00:23:30,752 --> 00:23:33,154
that's for Cynthia, who's dead.

522
00:23:39,027 --> 00:23:40,027
Whoo!

523
00:23:46,468 --> 00:23:48,202
I don't have a single lead.

524
00:23:48,204 --> 00:23:51,038
I do. I hear you can get whyphy
on campus anywhere 24/7.

525
00:23:53,241 --> 00:23:54,909
Do you think they mean
whyphy the drug

526
00:23:54,911 --> 00:23:55,951
or WI-Fi like
the Internet?

527
00:23:57,345 --> 00:23:58,879
What...

528
00:24:00,248 --> 00:24:02,349
Fuck you, brain.

529
00:24:02,351 --> 00:24:05,519
How did we find the dealers
so easy the first time?

530
00:24:05,521 --> 00:24:07,021
Well, his number was
literally on a sticker.

531
00:24:07,023 --> 00:24:09,023
Well, let's go find
this guy's sticker.

532
00:24:09,025 --> 00:24:10,791
I don't think this guy
does stickers.

533
00:24:10,793 --> 00:24:13,727
Well, we need help. We
need to consult an expert.

534
00:24:13,729 --> 00:24:15,696
Yo, dude, you shot
him in the dick, dude.

535
00:24:15,698 --> 00:24:16,778
I got him in the dick. Yep.

536
00:24:17,799 --> 00:24:19,200
Shot him in the dick.

537
00:24:23,139 --> 00:24:25,539
If it isn't Turner and
hooch, in the flesh.

538
00:24:25,541 --> 00:24:28,008
Holy shit, you are looking fit.

539
00:24:29,479 --> 00:24:32,446
Hey, you should get
some tips from this guy.

540
00:24:32,448 --> 00:24:35,182
He's looking good. Look at
those pectoral muscles.

541
00:24:35,184 --> 00:24:37,251
That's the kind of definition
I want out of you, man.

542
00:24:37,253 --> 00:24:39,086
What's up, Eric?
Hey.

543
00:24:39,088 --> 00:24:41,655
Mr. Walters,
we should, um...

544
00:24:41,657 --> 00:24:43,190
Or I should apologize for...

545
00:24:45,627 --> 00:24:47,127
For shooting my penis off?

546
00:24:47,129 --> 00:24:48,496
Yeah.
Yeah.

547
00:24:48,498 --> 00:24:51,832
Don't sweat it, brother.
I'm liberated. Totally.

548
00:24:51,834 --> 00:24:53,074
You know they gave me a vagina?

549
00:24:53,768 --> 00:24:55,703
It's awesome. You
guys want to see it?

550
00:24:55,705 --> 00:24:57,771
No, no, no, no!
No, no, no.

551
00:24:57,773 --> 00:24:59,940
That's fine. All right.
Eric's seen it.

552
00:24:59,942 --> 00:25:02,276
Eric's been all up in that shit.
Isn't that right, Eric?

553
00:25:02,278 --> 00:25:03,744
You guys got to get me
the fuck out of here.

554
00:25:03,746 --> 00:25:04,778
Hey, guess what.

555
00:25:04,780 --> 00:25:05,780
I'm Eric's bitch.

556
00:25:06,281 --> 00:25:07,414
No, you're not.

557
00:25:07,416 --> 00:25:09,216
Yes! I am!

558
00:25:09,784 --> 00:25:10,885
I'm your bitch.

559
00:25:12,120 --> 00:25:14,555
My God.
I'm so sorry, honey.

560
00:25:14,557 --> 00:25:16,924
I didn't mean that.
You know that, right?

561
00:25:16,926 --> 00:25:18,893
I am such a bitch
when aunt Flo shows up.

562
00:25:18,895 --> 00:25:21,896
It bleeds so much, it's crazy.

563
00:25:21,898 --> 00:25:24,298
It's like the elevator doors
opening in the shining.

564
00:25:24,300 --> 00:25:26,967
Your vagina doesn't
fucking work, man.

565
00:25:26,969 --> 00:25:29,637
Worked for you last night.

566
00:25:29,639 --> 00:25:32,973
You are so clearly forcing
Eric into this relationship.

567
00:25:32,975 --> 00:25:35,042
Eric, am I forcing you
into anything?

568
00:25:35,044 --> 00:25:37,278
Yes.
See?

569
00:25:37,280 --> 00:25:38,679
Look, they sent us in
undercover at a college

570
00:25:38,681 --> 00:25:40,314
to find the dealer
of this new synthetic,

571
00:25:40,316 --> 00:25:42,349
and no one will
tell us anything.

572
00:25:42,351 --> 00:25:44,618
That's 'cause you guys look
like fucking narcs, all right?

573
00:25:44,620 --> 00:25:46,220
College kids
aren't dumb like Eric.

574
00:25:46,222 --> 00:25:47,855
I was supposed
to go to Berkeley.

575
00:25:47,857 --> 00:25:50,591
Well, they gave us a
picture, so we do have that.

576
00:25:50,593 --> 00:25:51,759
Well, that's your lead,
motherfucker!

577
00:25:51,761 --> 00:25:53,661
That's what you start with.

578
00:25:53,663 --> 00:25:55,629
I know, but we can't see his face,
so we don't know who it is.

579
00:25:55,631 --> 00:25:57,665
We don't know who it is.

580
00:25:57,667 --> 00:25:59,733
I'm Schmidt. My pants
are filled with doody.

581
00:25:59,735 --> 00:26:01,802
That's you.

582
00:26:01,804 --> 00:26:03,204
That doesn't sound
anything like me.

583
00:26:04,039 --> 00:26:05,606
You sort of sound like that.

584
00:26:05,608 --> 00:26:06,774
That doesn't sound
anything like me.

585
00:26:06,776 --> 00:26:07,841
That doesn't sound
anything like me.

586
00:26:07,843 --> 00:26:09,276
It's not not you.

587
00:26:09,278 --> 00:26:13,247
Eric! Close your eyes and tell
me who's talking right now.

588
00:26:14,984 --> 00:26:16,984
That's Schmidt
being a little bitch.

589
00:26:16,986 --> 00:26:18,552
That's just not
a good impression.

590
00:26:18,554 --> 00:26:19,753
Whoa!

591
00:26:19,755 --> 00:26:21,689
Nice job, super sleuths.

592
00:26:21,691 --> 00:26:23,467
Did you even bother to look
at the fucking picture?

593
00:26:23,491 --> 00:26:25,025
Yeah.

594
00:26:25,027 --> 00:26:26,307
There's a reflection right here.

595
00:26:27,829 --> 00:26:29,997
Your fucking guy's got a tattoo.

596
00:26:29,999 --> 00:26:33,567
Find the tattoo,
find the dealer.

597
00:26:33,569 --> 00:26:37,738
Fuck, man, I don't know. I do a lot
of stupid tattoos to drunk kids.

598
00:26:37,740 --> 00:26:39,073
Do you remember
that stupid tattoo?

599
00:26:39,075 --> 00:26:40,941
A bazooka?

600
00:26:40,943 --> 00:26:44,545
Think I might have did it
on a football player.

601
00:26:44,547 --> 00:26:45,913
Guy with a red Mohawk.
I don't know.

602
00:26:45,915 --> 00:26:47,781
They all start to
look the same to me.

603
00:26:47,783 --> 00:26:49,617
I think I know exactly
who he's talking about.

604
00:26:52,454 --> 00:26:54,388
Fuck you!

605
00:26:54,390 --> 00:26:56,991
Fuck you,
you little walk-on fuck!

606
00:26:56,993 --> 00:26:58,792
I can't, like, move around
in these things.

607
00:26:58,794 --> 00:27:00,461
God,
I love walk-on day!

608
00:27:00,463 --> 00:27:01,463
Fuck, yeah.

609
00:27:04,032 --> 00:27:05,499
That's a weird time
to be q-tipping.

610
00:27:05,501 --> 00:27:08,335
You're all fucking pussies!

611
00:27:08,337 --> 00:27:10,270
Dude, you don't have to do this.
What?

612
00:27:10,272 --> 00:27:11,839
I just don't want you to get hurt.
I'm not gonna get...

613
00:27:11,841 --> 00:27:12,973
Whoops.

614
00:27:12,975 --> 00:27:14,274
Shit. Whoa.

615
00:27:14,276 --> 00:27:15,843
Dude, I am so sorry.

616
00:27:15,845 --> 00:27:16,944
It's all right, man.
Don't worry about it, man.

617
00:27:16,946 --> 00:27:18,412
Are you sure? All right...
Yeah.

618
00:27:18,414 --> 00:27:20,481
Shit.
I got it.

619
00:27:20,483 --> 00:27:21,715
Okay, I got it, I got it.

620
00:27:21,717 --> 00:27:23,317
That's fine.

621
00:27:23,319 --> 00:27:24,885
I'll get it. No, no, let
me get it, let me get it.

622
00:27:24,887 --> 00:27:26,286
No, I got it. Let me just get it.
No, let me get it.

623
00:27:26,288 --> 00:27:28,322
I got it, I got it.
Let's just...

624
00:27:28,324 --> 00:27:31,058
Dude, I'm sorry. I got my
q-tip in your meat, Bro.

625
00:27:31,060 --> 00:27:33,060
No, man, I got my... I got
my meat in your q-tip.

626
00:27:33,062 --> 00:27:35,329
It's like a whole
new type of sandwich.

627
00:27:35,331 --> 00:27:37,297
Like, a meat q-tip.

628
00:27:37,299 --> 00:27:38,299
Like a meat-qute.

629
00:27:40,735 --> 00:27:42,136
That's funny.

630
00:27:42,138 --> 00:27:43,738
Hey, you guys want
some of this sandwich?

631
00:27:43,739 --> 00:27:45,139
It's a meat-qute
sandwich.

632
00:27:45,141 --> 00:27:47,408
Me and this guy are having a meat-qute.

633
00:27:49,277 --> 00:27:51,045
You're hilarious, dude.
What's your name?

634
00:27:51,047 --> 00:27:53,080
Brad. Wait...
Brad.

635
00:27:53,082 --> 00:27:54,415
Yeah, yeah, it's Brad.

636
00:27:54,417 --> 00:27:55,849
I'm Zook. Nice to meet you.
Zook.

637
00:27:55,851 --> 00:27:57,818
Nice to meet you, too, man.

638
00:27:58,620 --> 00:27:59,820
Blue 20!

639
00:28:01,256 --> 00:28:02,423
Blue 20!

640
00:28:03,258 --> 00:28:04,391
Set, hut!

641
00:28:26,614 --> 00:28:27,614
You love walk-on day now?

642
00:28:31,653 --> 00:28:33,733
Your arm all right? You want
to take that sleeve off?

643
00:28:35,223 --> 00:28:36,390
No, I'm good.

644
00:28:38,326 --> 00:28:40,694
Dude, holy shit, Bro.
Great fucking catch, dude.

645
00:28:40,696 --> 00:28:44,465
If you see that safety line up
that deep, though, hit me quicker.

646
00:28:44,467 --> 00:28:46,366
Yeah, I didn't know you
had wheels like that, Bro.

647
00:28:46,368 --> 00:28:48,068
It's funny, 'cause
he's my brother. So...

648
00:28:48,636 --> 00:28:50,204
Um...

649
00:28:50,206 --> 00:28:53,941
Hey, you know, we have
this rush party at zeta.

650
00:28:53,943 --> 00:28:56,810
But I thought, you know, you
could come by and meet the guys.

651
00:28:56,812 --> 00:28:58,312
It'd be really fun, I think.

652
00:28:58,314 --> 00:28:59,446
Great.
Yeah, maybe we will.

653
00:29:00,982 --> 00:29:02,616
Are you guys, like, together?

654
00:29:02,618 --> 00:29:04,518
Yeah.
Yeah, this is my Bro.

655
00:29:04,520 --> 00:29:07,054
That's...
Funny, dude. You're funny.

656
00:29:09,024 --> 00:29:10,724
Really?
Wow. Um, okay.

657
00:29:10,726 --> 00:29:12,493
Yeah, man, sure.
You, too, you can come, too.

658
00:29:12,495 --> 00:29:13,927
We'll see what we can do.

659
00:29:13,929 --> 00:29:15,062
Also, I said
a bunch of stuff earlier

660
00:29:15,064 --> 00:29:16,196
that you didn't acknowledge...

661
00:29:16,198 --> 00:29:18,065
Great catch.
Cool, yeah.

662
00:29:18,067 --> 00:29:19,166
See you then. So you
won't address that?

663
00:29:19,168 --> 00:29:20,634
What the fuck's up
with that guy?

664
00:29:20,636 --> 00:29:22,536
All we have to do now is
rush the frat long enough

665
00:29:22,538 --> 00:29:25,305
to confirm that rooster
has that bazooka tattoo.

666
00:29:25,307 --> 00:29:27,374
Look, man, do you think
it's cool if you come?

667
00:29:27,376 --> 00:29:29,543
'Cause, I mean, he kind of
really just asked me.

668
00:29:29,545 --> 00:29:30,611
I just don't want to start off

669
00:29:30,613 --> 00:29:31,893
on the wrong foot with this guy.

670
00:29:33,649 --> 00:29:36,216
Dude, you're tripping.
We do everything together.

671
00:29:36,218 --> 00:29:37,851
You should lose
the puka shells, though.

672
00:29:37,853 --> 00:29:40,220
Things are different since
you didn't go to college.

673
00:29:41,690 --> 00:29:43,357
Yo, Brad!
What's up, dude?

674
00:29:44,325 --> 00:29:45,726
Same puka, dude.

675
00:29:45,728 --> 00:29:47,027
You got the same...
Puka Bros.

676
00:29:47,029 --> 00:29:48,269
Holy shit!

677
00:29:49,364 --> 00:29:50,464
Look at him,
it's, like, all the same.

678
00:29:50,466 --> 00:29:51,965
Dude, you wear pants, too?

679
00:29:51,967 --> 00:29:54,034
What? Bros, man.
Dude.

680
00:29:54,036 --> 00:29:55,636
I knew we were gonna be
connected, just like that.

681
00:29:55,638 --> 00:29:57,104
Yeah, why don't you guys
just tie your dicks together

682
00:29:57,106 --> 00:29:57,905
and get married, right, rooster?

683
00:29:57,907 --> 00:29:59,940
Rooster. What's up, Bro?

684
00:29:59,942 --> 00:30:01,441
You look good, man.

685
00:30:01,443 --> 00:30:02,776
What's up, rooster?

686
00:30:02,778 --> 00:30:04,444
How you doing, man?
Digging the puka.

687
00:30:04,446 --> 00:30:05,779
Thanks, dude. I can't
believe it's the same...

688
00:30:05,781 --> 00:30:07,080
How you doing, rooster?

689
00:30:07,082 --> 00:30:08,215
Rooster is getting some pop.

690
00:30:08,217 --> 00:30:09,457
Why don't you go check him out?

691
00:30:13,488 --> 00:30:15,528
- You in the zone, Bro?
- In the fucking zone, dude.

692
00:30:19,561 --> 00:30:20,961
Hey. What's up?

693
00:30:21,729 --> 00:30:22,930
What's up? I'm rooster.

694
00:30:22,932 --> 00:30:24,765
Yeah, no.

695
00:30:24,767 --> 00:30:26,099
We've met before.

696
00:30:26,101 --> 00:30:27,534
Really? I don't
remember that at all.

697
00:30:27,536 --> 00:30:29,469
You must just have
a really plain face.

698
00:30:29,471 --> 00:30:31,271
Yeah. They call me
ol' plain face.

699
00:30:31,973 --> 00:30:33,574
They call you that?

700
00:30:33,576 --> 00:30:36,610
So, do you have any body art
or, like, any ink I could see?

701
00:30:36,612 --> 00:30:38,612
That's a pretty random question.

702
00:30:38,614 --> 00:30:41,081
Hey, anyway, it was so nice
chatting with you, man.

703
00:30:41,083 --> 00:30:42,416
Nice to meet you, man.

704
00:30:42,418 --> 00:30:43,450
Yo, what the fuck, Bro?

705
00:30:43,452 --> 00:30:44,651
Yo, what the fuck
are you doing, dude?

706
00:30:44,653 --> 00:30:45,686
You serious right now? You...

707
00:30:45,688 --> 00:30:47,054
You're being weird.

708
00:30:48,389 --> 00:30:49,389
You've been weird.

709
00:30:51,092 --> 00:30:53,694
It was just like,
what am I hearing?

710
00:30:53,696 --> 00:30:54,928
What am I hearing right now?

711
00:30:54,930 --> 00:30:55,929
And the psychic told you that?

712
00:30:55,931 --> 00:30:57,531
Yo.
That is so crazy, dude.

713
00:30:57,533 --> 00:30:59,199
Hey, dude, you want to
go see the roof?

714
00:30:59,201 --> 00:31:00,567
Fuck yeah, I want to
see the roof, dude.

715
00:31:00,569 --> 00:31:02,236
Come on, let's go,
let's go. Come on.

716
00:31:02,238 --> 00:31:04,238
Come on to the roof, come
on to the roof. Let's go.

717
00:31:08,543 --> 00:31:10,503
Come on, you can do it.
Come on, come on, come on!

718
00:31:13,014 --> 00:31:15,482
I miss climbing so much.
Come on, let's go. Come on.

719
00:31:15,484 --> 00:31:16,550
All right...

720
00:31:21,689 --> 00:31:23,090
One more time.

721
00:31:23,092 --> 00:31:25,025
I'm just gonna go home.

722
00:31:25,027 --> 00:31:26,293
I don't know parkour, so...

723
00:31:27,462 --> 00:31:28,462
All right.

724
00:31:33,501 --> 00:31:35,035
Hey, Maya Angelou!

725
00:31:36,972 --> 00:31:39,506
Poetry, okay.
I got it.

726
00:31:39,508 --> 00:31:40,668
Make fun of the poetry major.

727
00:31:42,043 --> 00:31:43,543
So, I guess you have no interest

728
00:31:43,545 --> 00:31:45,178
in having a real job
in the future.

729
00:31:45,180 --> 00:31:47,381
Absolutely not.
No, right?

730
00:31:47,383 --> 00:31:49,783
What about you?

731
00:31:49,785 --> 00:31:52,152
Um, I'm an art major.

732
00:31:52,154 --> 00:31:55,255
Okay. So you definitely cannot
talk any shit, 'cause...

733
00:31:55,257 --> 00:31:57,291
No, I can't. I cannot.

734
00:31:57,293 --> 00:31:58,191
you're never gonna
make any money.

735
00:31:58,193 --> 00:32:00,193
I'm never gonna make any money,

736
00:32:00,195 --> 00:32:02,129
so don't tell my parents, but...

737
00:32:02,131 --> 00:32:03,330
When I talk to
your parents tonight,

738
00:32:03,332 --> 00:32:05,165
I will not tell them
about your major.

739
00:32:05,167 --> 00:32:06,767
Okay, thank you.
You're welcome.

740
00:32:06,769 --> 00:32:08,201
All right, art major.

741
00:32:09,037 --> 00:32:10,971
What do you think about that?

742
00:32:12,941 --> 00:32:15,676
Um, I would say that

743
00:32:17,111 --> 00:32:20,080
it's these two beings

744
00:32:20,082 --> 00:32:22,950
leaning up against each
other in perfect balance.

745
00:32:22,952 --> 00:32:25,619
If one were to fall, they
would just lose each other.

746
00:32:26,587 --> 00:32:28,689
So it's just about support.

747
00:32:30,892 --> 00:32:33,493
You can't admit that it looks
exactly like testicles?

748
00:32:35,263 --> 00:32:37,130
That's exactly
what it looks like.

749
00:32:40,234 --> 00:32:42,903
So, is there someone
who supports you?

750
00:32:42,905 --> 00:32:44,404
No, I'm just one of those people

751
00:32:44,406 --> 00:32:46,573
that really likes to
spend time with myself.

752
00:32:47,675 --> 00:32:50,043
Tell me about it.

753
00:32:50,045 --> 00:32:53,380
I love to be alone. I am,
like, the best at it.

754
00:32:53,382 --> 00:32:56,383
I just love when you're
sitting there in a room,

755
00:32:56,385 --> 00:32:57,985
and you're just there
with your thoughts,

756
00:32:57,987 --> 00:33:00,053
and you're like,
my gosh, I'm alone.

757
00:33:00,055 --> 00:33:01,855
Would anyone ever
love me? Or whatever.

758
00:33:01,857 --> 00:33:04,624
And, like, do I know
anyone who would care

759
00:33:04,626 --> 00:33:06,727
if I just ever came out
of this room or not?

760
00:33:06,729 --> 00:33:08,362
Or whatever and, like...

761
00:33:08,364 --> 00:33:09,529
I don't know. It's just peaceful.
I just like it.

762
00:33:09,531 --> 00:33:11,164
Yeah.

763
00:33:11,166 --> 00:33:13,100
Well, if you don't want
to be alone tonight,

764
00:33:13,102 --> 00:33:14,862
we are gonna go hang out
at the art building,

765
00:33:14,969 --> 00:33:16,536
if you want to come.

766
00:33:17,105 --> 00:33:18,572
Okay, okay.

767
00:33:19,741 --> 00:33:21,641
Okay. Okay.

768
00:33:28,116 --> 00:33:30,117
I expected tonight would go in a
way that you wouldn't expect,

769
00:33:30,119 --> 00:33:31,518
but what I didn't expect
was tonight would go

770
00:33:31,520 --> 00:33:33,453
in the exact way
that you would expect.

771
00:33:33,455 --> 00:33:36,423
You know what I mean?
Totally.

772
00:33:36,425 --> 00:33:38,258
So you guys hang out here a lot?

773
00:33:38,260 --> 00:33:40,727
Yeah. I mean, we're not into the
whole frat party kind of stuff.

774
00:33:40,729 --> 00:33:42,462
We like to sit around,
just drink some good wine

775
00:33:42,464 --> 00:33:44,464
and talk about
some important stuff.

776
00:33:44,466 --> 00:33:48,568
Banging bitches and getting
wasted all fucking day.

777
00:33:48,570 --> 00:33:50,670
Those are, like, two of
my favorite things to do.

778
00:33:50,672 --> 00:33:53,306
You are, like, a slightly
less attractive version of...

779
00:33:53,308 --> 00:33:54,474
Picasso?
Picasso.

780
00:33:54,476 --> 00:33:55,542
Right? I've been
told that before.

781
00:33:55,544 --> 00:33:56,544
You read my mind.

782
00:33:58,079 --> 00:33:59,112
What?

783
00:34:18,333 --> 00:34:20,267
That's Cynthia Watson's room.

784
00:34:22,538 --> 00:34:26,073
It's only 2:00. I thought it was late.
Do you want to come in?

785
00:34:26,075 --> 00:34:29,342
It's only 2:00? I usually go to
dinner at, like, 2:00 A.M., so...

786
00:34:29,344 --> 00:34:30,844
Sure, yeah, why not?

787
00:34:34,215 --> 00:34:36,859
I'm gonna do it. I just
got to get it at the right angle.

788
00:34:38,387 --> 00:34:40,287
Dude, stop.
Stupid fucking goalpost!

789
00:34:40,289 --> 00:34:42,722
It's impossible.
You can't fucking do it.

790
00:34:42,724 --> 00:34:44,858
The fans used to rush the field

791
00:34:44,860 --> 00:34:46,493
after every win and tear
down the goalposts,

792
00:34:46,495 --> 00:34:49,062
and coach hated it. And
so he cemented them in.

793
00:34:49,064 --> 00:34:50,464
They storm the field,
and still do it,

794
00:34:50,466 --> 00:34:52,232
but they just bounce around.

795
00:34:52,234 --> 00:34:53,567
Fuck this goalpost, Bro!

796
00:34:53,569 --> 00:34:54,868
You guys might want to hold on,

797
00:34:54,870 --> 00:34:57,437
'cause this shit is coming down.

798
00:35:01,542 --> 00:35:04,544
Yo, what is that? The tattoo,
what's that right there?

799
00:35:04,546 --> 00:35:06,079
This?

800
00:35:06,081 --> 00:35:09,716
It's my old high school team.
The Plainview red herrings.

801
00:35:09,718 --> 00:35:10,718
Look at it swim.

802
00:35:12,353 --> 00:35:14,688
Shit.
What?

803
00:35:14,690 --> 00:35:16,590
Shit, that's a really
outside-of-the-box

804
00:35:17,725 --> 00:35:18,725
high school mascot.

805
00:35:18,926 --> 00:35:20,393
Hold on, guys.

806
00:35:23,464 --> 00:35:25,765
Hey, why don't you
come to practice today?

807
00:35:25,767 --> 00:35:28,007
I mean, you're obviously good
enough to play on the team.

808
00:35:28,870 --> 00:35:30,770
Look, I'm not supposed to
be here to play football.

809
00:35:30,772 --> 00:35:32,472
What?

810
00:35:32,474 --> 00:35:34,474
I'm just here to
do my assignments

811
00:35:34,476 --> 00:35:36,376
and get out, that's it.

812
00:35:36,378 --> 00:35:38,778
I mean, yeah, school's
important or whatever,

813
00:35:38,780 --> 00:35:41,715
but when I was
throwing you those passes,

814
00:35:41,717 --> 00:35:44,277
it was like I knew where you were
gonna be before you went there.

815
00:35:45,219 --> 00:35:47,354
You know, I had this,
like, vision of me

816
00:35:47,356 --> 00:35:50,557
throwing bullet TDS
to you, dude,

817
00:35:50,559 --> 00:35:52,926
and then all these fans
just started going, like...

818
00:35:54,329 --> 00:35:56,329
Zook! Mcquaid!
Zook! Mcquaid!

819
00:35:56,331 --> 00:35:58,365
And they were
chanting and chanting,

820
00:35:58,367 --> 00:36:00,300
and then
the goalposts came down.

821
00:36:00,801 --> 00:36:02,903
Dude?

822
00:36:02,905 --> 00:36:05,839
I have had that exact vision,
like, my entire life.

823
00:36:07,108 --> 00:36:09,109
Dude.
Dude.

824
00:36:09,111 --> 00:36:10,810
Bro?
Bro.

825
00:36:10,812 --> 00:36:12,379
Dude.
Bro.

826
00:36:12,381 --> 00:36:13,381
Dude.

827
00:36:14,715 --> 00:36:16,516
Like, well, we fucking can, Bro.

828
00:36:16,518 --> 00:36:17,838
All you gotta do
is join the team.

829
00:36:21,422 --> 00:36:22,856
Yeah. Why not?

830
00:36:22,858 --> 00:36:24,291
Yes!

831
00:36:24,293 --> 00:36:26,459
Fuck yeah, dude.
Fuck yeah, dude.

832
00:36:27,328 --> 00:36:28,495
What's that?

833
00:36:28,497 --> 00:36:29,462
My tattoo.

834
00:36:29,464 --> 00:36:31,264
Yeah, fuck, look.

835
00:36:31,266 --> 00:36:34,401
Look, it's me, Zook.

836
00:36:34,403 --> 00:36:37,304
Got a fucking bazooka for an arm.
Know what I mean?

837
00:36:42,009 --> 00:36:43,476
Dude, I'm so fucking pumped

838
00:36:43,478 --> 00:36:45,118
you're gonna be on
this fucking team, Bro.

839
00:36:45,914 --> 00:36:46,914
Yep.

840
00:36:52,386 --> 00:36:53,687
What's up with it?

841
00:36:54,790 --> 00:36:55,855
How you doing?

842
00:36:55,857 --> 00:36:57,224
Hi. Good.

843
00:36:57,892 --> 00:36:59,459
How was the, um...

844
00:37:01,396 --> 00:37:02,729
How was the sex for you?

845
00:37:02,731 --> 00:37:04,965
It was fun for me.
It was a good time.

846
00:37:06,200 --> 00:37:07,300
Yeah, right.

847
00:37:07,302 --> 00:37:08,235
I enjoyed it.

848
00:37:08,237 --> 00:37:09,436
Yeah.

849
00:37:10,605 --> 00:37:11,705
This is why I don't drink.

850
00:37:13,508 --> 00:37:15,308
Hey. How you doing?

851
00:37:15,310 --> 00:37:17,344
I'm fine.

852
00:37:17,346 --> 00:37:19,813
I mean, I'm not listening to you
guys fornicate all night long.

853
00:37:19,815 --> 00:37:20,914
Thrusting and pumping.

854
00:37:20,916 --> 00:37:22,616
Okay.

855
00:37:22,618 --> 00:37:24,851
I thought your hip
popped out at one point.

856
00:37:24,853 --> 00:37:26,686
I'm just saying, it's,
like, all fun and games,

857
00:37:26,688 --> 00:37:29,008
and then you wake up in bed
next to a 40-year-old freshman.

858
00:37:29,423 --> 00:37:31,424
I'm 19, so...

859
00:37:31,426 --> 00:37:34,060
Nineteen minutes late
to pinochle,

860
00:37:34,062 --> 00:37:35,662
where you're meeting your
old friends in the park?

861
00:37:35,664 --> 00:37:37,430
Yeah, that's what I meant.

862
00:37:37,432 --> 00:37:38,965
My gosh, Maya, look at him.

863
00:37:38,967 --> 00:37:41,334
He's still so sharp.
That's so inspiring.

864
00:37:41,336 --> 00:37:44,070
Tell us about the war,
any one of them.

865
00:37:44,072 --> 00:37:46,506
You're, like, the loudest
climaxer I've ever heard.

866
00:37:46,508 --> 00:37:49,676
It was, like, the sound of,
like, a 30-year-old sprinkler

867
00:37:49,678 --> 00:37:52,078
finally going off
for the first time.

868
00:37:52,080 --> 00:37:56,449
Okay, well, so lovely
talking with you.

869
00:37:56,451 --> 00:37:57,917
You're a lovely person.

870
00:37:58,953 --> 00:38:00,820
Nice to meet you.

871
00:38:00,822 --> 00:38:02,822
My God.

872
00:38:02,824 --> 00:38:04,524
She seems nice.

873
00:38:04,526 --> 00:38:05,959
She's horrible.

874
00:38:07,128 --> 00:38:08,328
God.

875
00:38:08,330 --> 00:38:10,030
She was Cynthia's roommate,

876
00:38:10,032 --> 00:38:12,042
and I felt bad for her, so I
told her I would room with her.

877
00:38:12,066 --> 00:38:13,066
So...

878
00:38:15,503 --> 00:38:17,404
So you probably
have a bunch of stuff

879
00:38:17,406 --> 00:38:18,446
that you have to do today.

880
00:38:19,140 --> 00:38:20,307
Right?
No.

881
00:38:20,309 --> 00:38:22,542
Okay.

882
00:38:22,544 --> 00:38:23,943
Look, I just want you to know

883
00:38:23,945 --> 00:38:27,480
I'm not, like, a hit it and
quit it type of fella.

884
00:38:27,482 --> 00:38:29,115
I'm, like, a hit it,

885
00:38:29,117 --> 00:38:33,186
continue to hit it both physically
and emotionally kind of guy, so...

886
00:38:33,188 --> 00:38:35,428
Hey, Doug, you're not gonna be
weird about this, are you?

887
00:38:35,990 --> 00:38:37,457
No.

888
00:38:37,459 --> 00:38:38,825
I mean, you're cool
with just hooking up?

889
00:38:38,827 --> 00:38:41,828
Yeah. I mean, no. I mean, I'm
glad you said something.

890
00:38:41,830 --> 00:38:43,263
'Cause I don't even know
if I like you when I'm sober.

891
00:38:43,265 --> 00:38:44,531
No, I know, and it's like,

892
00:38:44,533 --> 00:38:46,266
that doesn't even hurt,
like, at all.

893
00:38:46,268 --> 00:38:49,002
Okay, so, um...

894
00:38:49,004 --> 00:38:51,504
I'm gonna... I'm gonna split.
I'll text you later.

895
00:38:52,640 --> 00:38:56,009
Great, that was great sex.
You're good at it.

896
00:38:56,011 --> 00:38:57,410
And I'll text you, three to
five minutes or something?

897
00:38:57,412 --> 00:38:58,412
All right.

898
00:39:18,699 --> 00:39:19,733
What the fuck is this?

899
00:39:21,102 --> 00:39:23,236
This is bullshit.

900
00:39:23,238 --> 00:39:25,372
Are you two fucking
around at school again?

901
00:39:25,374 --> 00:39:26,840
Hey, we got to
pay for this shit.

902
00:39:26,842 --> 00:39:28,641
We need results!
No, no, no.

903
00:39:28,643 --> 00:39:31,244
Look, we are
looking aggressively

904
00:39:31,246 --> 00:39:33,113
for this very specific tattoo.

905
00:39:33,115 --> 00:39:34,714
Or the tattoo could
just be a dead end.

906
00:39:35,583 --> 00:39:37,784
What the fuck?
It's the same case!

907
00:39:38,519 --> 00:39:40,520
Do the same thing.

908
00:39:40,522 --> 00:39:42,989
Well, it's not exactly
the same case, 'cause

909
00:39:44,158 --> 00:39:45,392
one of us got laid last night.

910
00:39:46,026 --> 00:39:47,026
Schmidt?

911
00:39:47,028 --> 00:39:48,294
Shh.

912
00:39:48,296 --> 00:39:50,196
Don't wake up my dick.

913
00:39:50,198 --> 00:39:51,998
Flew in on the red-eye, hasn't
gotten a wink of sleep.

914
00:39:52,000 --> 00:39:53,299
Damn.

915
00:39:53,301 --> 00:39:54,801
We're talking missionary.

916
00:39:54,803 --> 00:39:57,337
We're talking missionary.

917
00:39:57,339 --> 00:40:00,407
We're talking when I'm on
top and she's on her back.

918
00:40:02,143 --> 00:40:04,210
She's smart, she's an art major.

919
00:40:04,212 --> 00:40:06,846
She can't be that smart.
She's a fucking art major.

920
00:40:06,848 --> 00:40:08,314
Come on.

921
00:40:08,316 --> 00:40:09,849
I will give you
some daps, Schmidt.

922
00:40:09,851 --> 00:40:10,850
Give me some
motherfucking daps, man!

923
00:40:10,852 --> 00:40:12,085
Come on, give me some.

924
00:40:12,087 --> 00:40:13,920
Give me some.
Come on!

925
00:40:13,922 --> 00:40:16,823
My human sexuality
class is blowing my mind.

926
00:40:16,825 --> 00:40:18,591
Did you know I used gay
slurs in high school?

927
00:40:18,593 --> 00:40:20,693
Yes, directed at me.

928
00:40:20,695 --> 00:40:24,030
Dude, I am so sorry
for being a homophone.

929
00:40:24,032 --> 00:40:26,366
Are we gonna talk about how weird
you were today with Dickson?

930
00:40:26,368 --> 00:40:29,202
Look, I don't think the tattoo
means what you think it means.

931
00:40:29,204 --> 00:40:31,438
I mean, for all we know, a lot of
people could have that tattoo.

932
00:40:31,440 --> 00:40:34,941
This tattoo? This
absurdly specific tattoo?

933
00:40:34,943 --> 00:40:36,303
Name one other person
who has this.

934
00:40:37,411 --> 00:40:39,612
For starters, Zook has it.

935
00:40:39,614 --> 00:40:41,047
Zook has the tattoo?

936
00:40:41,049 --> 00:40:46,252
What the fuck? We've been looking
for this tattoo for days!

937
00:40:46,254 --> 00:40:47,987
Do you understand this
means Zook is the dealer?

938
00:40:47,989 --> 00:40:49,656
I really want
you guys to hang out.

939
00:40:49,658 --> 00:40:52,792
We have hung out. He's
completely ignored me.

940
00:40:52,794 --> 00:40:55,595
I'm sorry, but we're gonna have
to investigate your new BFF.

941
00:40:55,597 --> 00:40:57,163
We're gonna put
cameras everywhere,

942
00:40:57,165 --> 00:40:58,898
and we're gonna monitor the
fuck out of what he's doing.

943
00:40:58,900 --> 00:41:00,233
We can't just walk
into zeta house

944
00:41:00,235 --> 00:41:02,535
and just put up a bunch of
fucking cameras, okay?

945
00:41:02,537 --> 00:41:04,270
There's dudes there everywhere.

946
00:41:04,272 --> 00:41:06,039
All right, your plan
is stupid. I'm sorry.

947
00:41:06,041 --> 00:41:08,508
My plan is stupid? That's interesting.
What... okay.

948
00:41:08,510 --> 00:41:09,843
I'm, like, basically done

949
00:41:09,845 --> 00:41:11,444
fucking watching your shit
all the fucking time.

950
00:41:11,446 --> 00:41:12,712
Okay, yeah, exactly. I'm the
fucking stupid one. Yeah.

951
00:41:12,714 --> 00:41:14,047
That's really fucking stupid.

952
00:41:14,049 --> 00:41:16,216
Man, it must be hard
being so different.

953
00:41:16,218 --> 00:41:19,452
We're exactly the same. It makes
everything so much easier.

954
00:41:19,454 --> 00:41:21,955
Guys, can you just
give us some space?

955
00:41:21,957 --> 00:41:23,056
We're really trying to
figure something out,

956
00:41:23,058 --> 00:41:24,290
and we need to focus, okay?

957
00:41:24,292 --> 00:41:26,326
You're not gonna have
trouble focusing, man.

958
00:41:26,328 --> 00:41:29,462
Yeah, man, those krispie
treats got mad whyphy in them.

959
00:41:29,464 --> 00:41:31,831
We made a batch
for the whole dorm, man.

960
00:41:33,534 --> 00:41:36,669
I've eaten six of these.

961
00:41:36,671 --> 00:41:38,705
- Then you're gonna be real focused.
- Be real focused.

962
00:41:38,707 --> 00:41:40,507
In about four hours,
you're gonna be tripping.

963
00:41:41,809 --> 00:41:43,176
You're fine. You're gonna
be all right, man.

964
00:41:43,178 --> 00:41:44,577
Who sold you whyphy?

965
00:41:44,579 --> 00:41:46,079
Nobody sold it to us.

966
00:41:46,081 --> 00:41:47,947
Yeah, man, Cynthia
gave us a butt load,

967
00:41:47,949 --> 00:41:50,316
and in exchange, we wrote
her logic paper for her.

968
00:41:50,318 --> 00:41:51,518
All right. All right, man,
we'll see you guys later.

969
00:41:51,520 --> 00:41:53,086
Enjoy the food.

970
00:41:53,088 --> 00:41:54,688
Maybe this is a good thing.

971
00:41:54,689 --> 00:41:59,158
Let's use that focus to figure out
a way to get into zook's house.

972
00:41:59,160 --> 00:42:01,160
You feel anything?
No. Do you feel anything?

973
00:42:01,162 --> 00:42:02,882
No, but I have a super
high tolerance for...

974
00:42:08,302 --> 00:42:09,769
I'm so focused.

975
00:42:09,771 --> 00:42:10,870
I'm so focused, too.

976
00:42:14,742 --> 00:42:15,441
You don't have to
be on top of me.

977
00:42:15,443 --> 00:42:16,743
Yes, I do.

978
00:42:16,745 --> 00:42:18,177
Why?
Camouflage.

979
00:42:18,179 --> 00:42:19,312
Go.

980
00:42:24,419 --> 00:42:25,685
Let's go.

981
00:42:27,288 --> 00:42:28,688
No fucking way.

982
00:42:28,690 --> 00:42:31,024
Okay, so no?
Dane? All right.

983
00:42:32,059 --> 00:42:33,059
Out, all right.

984
00:42:39,767 --> 00:42:40,767
Bull's-eye.
Bingo.

985
00:42:44,838 --> 00:42:46,573
That helmet looks kind of lame.

986
00:42:46,575 --> 00:42:48,441
You know what's not lame?

987
00:42:48,443 --> 00:42:49,443
Safety.

988
00:43:12,733 --> 00:43:13,733
What are you doing?

989
00:43:14,234 --> 00:43:15,668
I'm cutting glass.

990
00:43:15,670 --> 00:43:17,036
It's a laser pointer.

991
00:43:17,038 --> 00:43:18,705
It can't cut glass.
What?

992
00:43:22,409 --> 00:43:24,811
That's no fun at all.

993
00:43:24,813 --> 00:43:26,279
I'm so focused.
Let's do this.

994
00:43:26,281 --> 00:43:27,441
I'm so focused.
Let's do this.

995
00:43:39,560 --> 00:43:41,400
Give me another. I don't
have any more cameras.

996
00:43:46,967 --> 00:43:48,927
You don't need to drill so many holes.
Yeah, okay.

997
00:43:55,843 --> 00:43:57,944
Yeah, that one's perfect.
Okay, you can do that one.

998
00:43:57,946 --> 00:44:00,106
I don't have any more cameras.
I've said it five times.

999
00:44:02,216 --> 00:44:04,384
All right. Okay.
That's the last of 'em.

1000
00:44:05,687 --> 00:44:06,986
Time to prove that
zook's the dealer.

1001
00:44:06,988 --> 00:44:08,087
Or not the dealer.

1002
00:44:08,089 --> 00:44:10,923
Next up is Brad mcquaid.

1003
00:44:10,925 --> 00:44:12,525
Right? Yes.

1004
00:44:12,527 --> 00:44:13,960
Yes!

1005
00:44:13,962 --> 00:44:15,962
Obviously, right?
I mean, the guy's...

1006
00:44:15,964 --> 00:44:18,097
The guy's all-time.
You guys, let's be honest.

1007
00:44:18,099 --> 00:44:20,600
I mean, like, he was opening up
beer cans with his eyeballs.

1008
00:44:20,602 --> 00:44:21,634
That's so sweet of them.

1009
00:44:21,636 --> 00:44:23,503
So Brad... Brad's in.

1010
00:44:23,505 --> 00:44:24,704
Doug mcquaid.
No!

1011
00:44:25,406 --> 00:44:26,873
He's a bag of dicks!

1012
00:44:29,576 --> 00:44:31,044
He's Brad's brother.

1013
00:44:31,046 --> 00:44:33,079
He follows him
around everywhere,

1014
00:44:33,081 --> 00:44:35,581
so I doubt we get
Brad without Doug.

1015
00:44:35,583 --> 00:44:37,283
That's not true. I have
a serious girlfriend.

1016
00:44:37,285 --> 00:44:39,118
I got a bad feeling about
this guy, dude. Why? Why?

1017
00:44:39,120 --> 00:44:41,020
I was talking to him
for a second.

1018
00:44:41,022 --> 00:44:42,722
He's got a big mouth, okay?

1019
00:44:42,724 --> 00:44:44,891
I feel like he could fuck
this whole thing up for us.

1020
00:44:44,893 --> 00:44:47,360
See, you're fucking this up.
You talk way too much.

1021
00:44:47,362 --> 00:44:49,696
That guy is harmless, dude.
Look at him, he's nice.

1022
00:44:49,698 --> 00:44:51,931
He looks like a
30-year-old eighth grader.

1023
00:44:51,933 --> 00:44:53,132
He's gonna be fine.

1024
00:44:53,134 --> 00:44:55,301
I'm just saying, the kid sucks.

1025
00:44:55,303 --> 00:44:58,271
Okay, and Brad. Brad
could be, like, our guy.

1026
00:44:58,273 --> 00:45:01,074
He could, like,
be a part of our thing.

1027
00:45:01,076 --> 00:45:02,809
Our thing?
Yeah.

1028
00:45:02,811 --> 00:45:04,510
Shh. I'm trying to hear
them be nice about me.

1029
00:45:04,512 --> 00:45:05,912
This is fucking
bullshit. Shit!

1030
00:45:08,315 --> 00:45:09,716
Shit.

1031
00:45:09,718 --> 00:45:11,217
Is somebody up there?

1032
00:45:11,219 --> 00:45:12,652
Shit. We got to get out of here.

1033
00:45:12,654 --> 00:45:13,820
Did you lock the door?

1034
00:45:13,822 --> 00:45:14,954
I did, man.
I checked twice.

1035
00:45:32,339 --> 00:45:33,339
Go, go!

1036
00:45:33,907 --> 00:45:35,308
I'm so focused, dude.

1037
00:45:38,545 --> 00:45:39,779
Shit.

1038
00:45:44,052 --> 00:45:47,720
No, you're just paranoid because
we're about to trip balls.

1039
00:45:47,722 --> 00:45:49,088
No, I'm paranoid because
it could be dangerous.

1040
00:45:49,090 --> 00:45:50,022
No, we're fine.
Look, we made it.

1041
00:45:50,024 --> 00:45:51,024
We made it.
It's all good.

1042
00:45:52,359 --> 00:45:53,626
Shit!

1043
00:45:56,764 --> 00:45:57,930
Help! Help!

1044
00:45:57,932 --> 00:45:59,065
What's happening!

1045
00:45:59,067 --> 00:46:00,199
What the fuck?

1046
00:46:03,837 --> 00:46:06,439
I can't breathe.

1047
00:46:07,574 --> 00:46:09,509
They made us!

1048
00:46:09,511 --> 00:46:11,177
They're gonna kill us!

1049
00:46:13,280 --> 00:46:14,847
Jenko!

1050
00:46:14,849 --> 00:46:16,382
Where are you going?

1051
00:46:21,188 --> 00:46:24,090
Fuck! I'm having a bad trip!
We're having a bad trip!

1052
00:46:24,092 --> 00:46:26,025
I think we are tripping, but...

1053
00:46:26,027 --> 00:46:27,493
God, isn't this great?

1054
00:46:27,495 --> 00:46:29,395
My side's so much
scarier than yours.

1055
00:46:29,397 --> 00:46:31,564
Shit, your trip sucks.

1056
00:46:31,566 --> 00:46:33,199
You should come over here.
It's way better.

1057
00:46:33,201 --> 00:46:34,300
Okay.

1058
00:46:37,639 --> 00:46:39,472
It's some kind of
weird split screen!

1059
00:46:40,975 --> 00:46:42,408
Hello, football.

1060
00:46:42,410 --> 00:46:45,945
Jenko! Jenko!

1061
00:46:45,947 --> 00:46:47,814
I finally got my lambo!

1062
00:46:48,315 --> 00:46:50,516
Hey, Schmidt, look!

1063
00:46:50,518 --> 00:46:51,551
Look! Look!

1064
00:47:02,996 --> 00:47:04,530
My legs are tired.

1065
00:47:08,268 --> 00:47:10,002
Help! No more music!

1066
00:47:10,904 --> 00:47:12,238
You'll always be alone.

1067
00:47:13,708 --> 00:47:14,807
Hey, jenko.
What?

1068
00:47:14,809 --> 00:47:16,375
Where are you going?

1069
00:47:16,377 --> 00:47:17,476
I'm just gonna go up
for a little while, okay?

1070
00:47:17,478 --> 00:47:18,778
Stay, stay here.

1071
00:47:18,780 --> 00:47:20,580
No, I don't want to stay here.
I'm flying. This is amazing.

1072
00:47:20,582 --> 00:47:22,315
No. God. Don't go!

1073
00:47:22,317 --> 00:47:23,382
My God.

1074
00:47:23,384 --> 00:47:24,650
No!

1075
00:47:24,652 --> 00:47:26,619
Stay here!
No, no, stop it.

1076
00:47:26,621 --> 00:47:29,255
You're dragging me down!
Why would you drag me down?

1077
00:47:29,257 --> 00:47:30,257
Please stay!
I'm flying.

1078
00:47:31,291 --> 00:47:32,658
Stay!

1079
00:47:35,796 --> 00:47:37,697
Wake up! Get out of the car!
Shit.

1080
00:47:37,699 --> 00:47:39,565
Get out of the car!
Get on the ground!

1081
00:47:39,567 --> 00:47:40,766
On your fucking knees!

1082
00:47:40,768 --> 00:47:42,301
Get on your knees!

1083
00:47:42,303 --> 00:47:44,337
You already know, don't you?
What?

1084
00:47:44,339 --> 00:47:45,171
Do you have anything to say?

1085
00:47:45,173 --> 00:47:46,806
Please don't kill us.

1086
00:47:46,808 --> 00:47:48,841
If you don't have
anything to fucking say,

1087
00:47:48,843 --> 00:47:50,943
open your fucking mouth.

1088
00:47:56,516 --> 00:47:57,750
What the fuck?

1089
00:47:57,752 --> 00:47:59,185
Is that vodka?

1090
00:47:59,187 --> 00:48:01,821
Welcome to zeta, pledges!

1091
00:48:01,823 --> 00:48:03,356
Yeah, buddy!

1092
00:48:05,425 --> 00:48:11,097
Pledges, tonight, we separate
the weak from the strong.

1093
00:48:12,866 --> 00:48:15,668
If you don't make it
through tonight,

1094
00:48:15,670 --> 00:48:17,403
you're dead to all of us.

1095
00:48:18,205 --> 00:48:19,238
Rooster,

1096
00:48:19,806 --> 00:48:21,307
light the torch!

1097
00:48:22,476 --> 00:48:23,643
For zeta!

1098
00:48:29,016 --> 00:48:31,617
Drink, motherfucker!
Drink, motherfucker!

1099
00:48:31,619 --> 00:48:33,653
Drink, motherfucker!
Drink, motherfucker!

1100
00:48:39,793 --> 00:48:41,827
Look, whatever happens tonight,
you have to keep up, okay?

1101
00:48:41,829 --> 00:48:43,229
I'm gonna throw up.

1102
00:48:43,231 --> 00:48:44,497
I know. Shut up. Go.

1103
00:48:45,399 --> 00:48:46,933
Ready? Go!

1104
00:48:46,935 --> 00:48:49,135
Here we go, here we go.

1105
00:48:49,137 --> 00:48:51,437
One, two, three, four, five...

1106
00:48:51,439 --> 00:48:53,839
I can't do it anymore!
I can't do it anymore!

1107
00:48:53,841 --> 00:48:55,041
Twenty's the record!

1108
00:48:55,043 --> 00:48:57,109
Thirty-three, 34...

1109
00:48:57,678 --> 00:48:58,878
67...

1110
00:49:36,083 --> 00:49:37,216
You can do this,
you can do this.

1111
00:49:37,218 --> 00:49:38,317
I can't.
This is disgusting.

1112
00:49:38,319 --> 00:49:39,485
No, you got to.
I can't do this anymore!

1113
00:49:39,487 --> 00:49:41,554
And now, for my favorite event.

1114
00:49:43,023 --> 00:49:44,056
Fuck this.
I'm not doing this.

1115
00:49:44,058 --> 00:49:45,191
I'm not doing it.
What are... no!

1116
00:49:45,193 --> 00:49:47,226
I'm not doing this,
okay? All right?

1117
00:49:51,999 --> 00:49:53,299
Hey!

1118
00:49:53,301 --> 00:49:55,101
Schmidt!
What the fuck, man?

1119
00:49:55,103 --> 00:49:57,503
What is your problem? You said
you wanted to stick together.

1120
00:49:57,505 --> 00:50:00,272
This is what we have to do
to win their trust.

1121
00:50:00,274 --> 00:50:02,775
This is supposed to be fun. It's
just drinking and bonding games.

1122
00:50:02,777 --> 00:50:04,377
It's fun.

1123
00:50:04,379 --> 00:50:05,859
It's fun for you.
It's not fun for me.

1124
00:50:07,147 --> 00:50:09,348
I don't know.
Maybe we should just...

1125
00:50:11,151 --> 00:50:14,020
Maybe we should just
investigate different people.

1126
00:50:15,789 --> 00:50:18,457
Did you really just say that?

1127
00:50:18,459 --> 00:50:20,393
Did you really just say that you
want to investigate other people?

1128
00:50:20,395 --> 00:50:21,761
That's what you want?

1129
00:50:21,763 --> 00:50:23,662
I don't know, maybe.

1130
00:50:23,664 --> 00:50:26,365
Maybe we should just...
We should just branch out.

1131
00:50:26,367 --> 00:50:28,234
Okay, just sow
our oats a little.

1132
00:50:28,869 --> 00:50:30,403
Sow our cop oats.

1133
00:50:30,405 --> 00:50:32,071
Look, I have an in with Zook.

1134
00:50:32,073 --> 00:50:34,006
We have a thing
and it's good, and...

1135
00:50:34,008 --> 00:50:36,409
I don't know, maybe I should
just stay closer to him.

1136
00:50:36,411 --> 00:50:38,310
And you should do your thing

1137
00:50:38,312 --> 00:50:40,613
with your connections
and channels

1138
00:50:41,415 --> 00:50:42,948
with Cynthia's roommate.

1139
00:50:42,950 --> 00:50:45,084
You should see if she knows
who sold her drugs.

1140
00:50:45,786 --> 00:50:47,520
I just...
I just don't...

1141
00:50:49,089 --> 00:50:52,458
I don't like the idea
of us doing stuff separately.

1142
00:50:52,460 --> 00:50:54,527
No, look, we can
still investigate

1143
00:50:55,128 --> 00:50:57,229
together.

1144
00:50:57,231 --> 00:51:00,666
It's just, you know,
now it'll be an open thing.

1145
00:51:02,169 --> 00:51:03,903
You want an open investigation?

1146
00:51:03,905 --> 00:51:06,338
I don't know if
that's what I want.

1147
00:51:06,340 --> 00:51:09,508
All right? I just think it's healthy
right now for us to try it.

1148
00:51:12,179 --> 00:51:13,279
Okay.

1149
00:51:14,114 --> 00:51:17,049
Yeah?
Sure.

1150
00:51:17,051 --> 00:51:18,971
Okay, so I guess I'll just
catch you later, then.

1151
00:51:23,457 --> 00:51:25,491
You okay?

1152
00:51:25,493 --> 00:51:27,460
No, you can't hug me right now.

1153
00:51:27,462 --> 00:51:29,061
Do you need money
for a cab or anything?

1154
00:51:29,063 --> 00:51:31,597
No, I don't need money
for a cab.

1155
00:51:32,599 --> 00:51:33,599
Okay.

1156
00:51:42,709 --> 00:51:45,211
I don't know where
the fuck I am right now.

1157
00:51:50,150 --> 00:51:51,517
Hey, Lauren.

1158
00:51:52,853 --> 00:51:56,856
I just want to get in bed
and watch friends all day.

1159
00:51:56,858 --> 00:52:00,860
Let's hear it for your
metropolitan city state statesmen!

1160
00:52:02,363 --> 00:52:04,263
And the statesmen take the field

1161
00:52:04,265 --> 00:52:07,333
for the opening game against the
university of college generals.

1162
00:52:07,834 --> 00:52:09,068
Ready?

1163
00:52:09,070 --> 00:52:10,503
And a surprise start today

1164
00:52:10,505 --> 00:52:12,771
for walk-on freshman
Brad mcquaid.

1165
00:52:12,773 --> 00:52:14,173
Looks pretty old
to be a freshman.

1166
00:52:14,175 --> 00:52:15,074
It's the hormones
in the milk, Bob.

1167
00:52:15,076 --> 00:52:16,575
Ready? Set, hut!

1168
00:52:18,245 --> 00:52:19,645
Haythe drops back.

1169
00:52:21,248 --> 00:52:22,288
And connects with mcquaid!

1170
00:52:24,519 --> 00:52:27,887
Who beats safety will Glock like an egg
white in my famous meringue recipe.

1171
00:52:30,857 --> 00:52:32,424
Holy shit, he's good.

1172
00:52:32,426 --> 00:52:35,661
None of you tell mcquaid
that he's good, all right?

1173
00:52:35,663 --> 00:52:38,831
If you do, he'll leave
this shitty program.

1174
00:52:38,833 --> 00:52:41,734
And as the clock ticks down,
we've got time for one last play.

1175
00:52:45,572 --> 00:52:49,108
Another perfect hookup
between haythe and mcquaid.

1176
00:52:49,110 --> 00:52:51,377
Even their end zone
celebration is in perfect sync.

1177
00:52:51,379 --> 00:52:53,779
It's like these two
share a single brain, Bob.

1178
00:52:53,781 --> 00:52:56,315
That's right, Jim. They
both have one half a brain.

1179
00:52:56,317 --> 00:52:57,716
And the crowd rushes the field

1180
00:52:57,718 --> 00:52:59,385
to try and knock down
a goalpost.

1181
00:52:59,387 --> 00:53:00,519
It's not coming down!

1182
00:53:03,124 --> 00:53:04,456
Good luck, guys.

1183
00:53:04,458 --> 00:53:06,725
Looks like mc state's
got a new power couple.

1184
00:53:06,727 --> 00:53:08,194
Zook and mcquaid!

1185
00:53:11,031 --> 00:53:12,464
I got to get around you, man.

1186
00:53:12,466 --> 00:53:14,867
I can't jump up.
I got a broken ankle.

1187
00:53:19,940 --> 00:53:20,940
Yeah!

1188
00:53:22,108 --> 00:53:24,476
Fuck yes!

1189
00:53:24,478 --> 00:53:25,978
Yeah!
One more!

1190
00:53:28,114 --> 00:53:29,154
Shit.

1191
00:53:31,518 --> 00:53:32,651
Who is that?

1192
00:53:32,653 --> 00:53:33,653
Nothing.
All right, ready?

1193
00:53:34,988 --> 00:53:36,255
Come on!

1194
00:53:36,257 --> 00:53:37,489
Focus!

1195
00:53:47,100 --> 00:53:48,734
Come on!
Do it!

1196
00:53:48,736 --> 00:53:50,236
Fuck you, Arnold Schwarzenegger!

1197
00:53:50,238 --> 00:53:51,804
I'm so jammed!
Fuck you!

1198
00:53:51,806 --> 00:53:53,739
There's a
sock on the door! Don't come in!

1199
00:53:53,741 --> 00:53:55,174
Fuck, yeah!

1200
00:53:55,176 --> 00:53:56,675
I'm having sex
with a human woman.

1201
00:53:56,677 --> 00:53:58,277
My God! Fuck!

1202
00:54:03,383 --> 00:54:04,817
Hey!
Look at you!

1203
00:54:04,819 --> 00:54:05,985
What are you guys doing here?

1204
00:54:05,987 --> 00:54:07,987
What? Are you kidding?
It's parents weekend.

1205
00:54:07,989 --> 00:54:09,555
Fuck.

1206
00:54:09,557 --> 00:54:12,024
Wonderful.
You're dating someone.

1207
00:54:12,026 --> 00:54:15,060
Thanks, mom. Listen,
we're undercover, okay?

1208
00:54:15,062 --> 00:54:16,062
Thank you.
No problem.

1209
00:54:16,997 --> 00:54:17,997
Doug!

1210
00:54:18,265 --> 00:54:19,765
Maya!

1211
00:54:19,767 --> 00:54:20,767
Hey.
Hi.

1212
00:54:21,401 --> 00:54:22,635
These are my parents.

1213
00:54:22,637 --> 00:54:24,603
So this is the girl?

1214
00:54:24,605 --> 00:54:26,739
Hi. I'm Annie. I'm your new
mother-in-law.

1215
00:54:28,508 --> 00:54:30,109
Nice to meet you.
Worst thing to say.

1216
00:54:30,111 --> 00:54:31,410
Hi.
Hey. David.

1217
00:54:31,412 --> 00:54:32,412
My dad.
Nice to meet you.

1218
00:54:33,113 --> 00:54:34,546
Well, my parents are here, too.

1219
00:54:34,548 --> 00:54:36,749
Maya, hurry up!

1220
00:54:36,751 --> 00:54:39,018
Your mama done
found a table she want.

1221
00:54:45,992 --> 00:54:47,760
How do you know this person?

1222
00:54:47,762 --> 00:54:50,362
Dad, this is Doug,
a guy that I'm dating.

1223
00:54:50,364 --> 00:54:52,598
The fuck?
I...

1224
00:54:52,600 --> 00:54:54,733
How's your classes going, Doug?

1225
00:54:54,735 --> 00:54:57,469
You... we were just in
the neighborhood, and...

1226
00:54:57,471 --> 00:54:58,570
I have an idea. Why don't
we all sit together?

1227
00:54:58,572 --> 00:54:59,905
Would that be fun?

1228
00:54:59,907 --> 00:55:01,073
Yes, thank you.

1229
00:55:15,889 --> 00:55:17,289
So...

1230
00:55:17,291 --> 00:55:18,857
Do you like weather?

1231
00:55:20,427 --> 00:55:22,227
You two know each other?

1232
00:55:22,229 --> 00:55:23,696
No.

1233
00:55:23,698 --> 00:55:25,531
This is crazy, all these,

1234
00:55:26,800 --> 00:55:28,801
students and parents.

1235
00:55:30,103 --> 00:55:31,103
Potential witnesses.

1236
00:55:32,405 --> 00:55:33,605
How did you two meet?

1237
00:55:33,607 --> 00:55:35,708
I love
meet-cute stories.

1238
00:55:35,710 --> 00:55:37,676
We met at a poetry slam,

1239
00:55:37,678 --> 00:55:39,878
and then he stalked me
back to my dorm room.

1240
00:55:39,880 --> 00:55:42,014
Stalked her?
That's so beautiful.

1241
00:55:42,016 --> 00:55:43,315
Then what happened?

1242
00:55:43,317 --> 00:55:45,417
And then we hung out
and we watched a movie.

1243
00:55:46,386 --> 00:55:49,021
Actually, we watched
it a couple times.

1244
00:55:50,557 --> 00:55:52,558
This is bullshit!

1245
00:55:52,560 --> 00:55:54,293
This fucking... waiter!

1246
00:55:54,295 --> 00:55:56,895
What can a black man do to
get some water around here?

1247
00:55:56,897 --> 00:55:58,497
Give the fucking guy some water!

1248
00:55:58,499 --> 00:56:00,499
He's black!
He's been through a lot!

1249
00:56:00,501 --> 00:56:03,469
For the sake of your daughter,
please keep it together.

1250
00:56:03,471 --> 00:56:05,631
I'm gonna need a motherfucking
crepe before I go crazy.

1251
00:56:06,206 --> 00:56:08,540
I'll be right back.

1252
00:56:08,542 --> 00:56:11,643
So, where are you
from originally?

1253
00:56:11,645 --> 00:56:12,778
I'm straight outta Compton,

1254
00:56:14,381 --> 00:56:16,348
but my husband's
from northridge.

1255
00:56:16,350 --> 00:56:18,083
Come on, man, hook me up.

1256
00:56:20,320 --> 00:56:22,388
What the fuck y'all doing?
Y'all rationing around here?

1257
00:56:22,390 --> 00:56:24,223
Come on, hook me up. Two
little fucking string beans?

1258
00:56:24,225 --> 00:56:26,592
Give me the goddamn
string beans.

1259
00:56:26,594 --> 00:56:28,460
I want some
fucking deviled eggs.

1260
00:56:28,462 --> 00:56:29,828
I like fruit.
Don't you like fruit?

1261
00:56:30,363 --> 00:56:31,830
I like fruit.

1262
00:56:31,832 --> 00:56:33,999
But this pork shit?
Got to go!

1263
00:56:34,001 --> 00:56:35,434
He's really taking it out
on the omelet bar.

1264
00:56:35,436 --> 00:56:36,869
Shit was nasty!

1265
00:56:36,871 --> 00:56:38,604
He's under a lot
of pressure at work.

1266
00:56:38,606 --> 00:56:40,439
What's up, playa? Want
to go to the movies?

1267
00:56:40,441 --> 00:56:43,342
I'll break your motherfucking legs!
Break your legs!

1268
00:56:44,712 --> 00:56:46,345
What?

1269
00:56:46,347 --> 00:56:48,747
How you doing, Mr. nice plant?
Get your fucking ass in there.

1270
00:56:56,656 --> 00:56:58,090
Hey, you want another beer?
I'm gonna get another beer.

1271
00:56:58,092 --> 00:56:59,892
Yeah, yeah, I'll do another.

1272
00:57:17,010 --> 00:57:18,143
Hey, look, man,

1273
00:57:18,145 --> 00:57:19,678
you know you can
always tell me something

1274
00:57:19,680 --> 00:57:21,046
if you want to get
it off your chest.

1275
00:57:21,048 --> 00:57:22,608
You know I'm always
here for you, right?

1276
00:57:24,384 --> 00:57:25,384
What are you trying to say?

1277
00:57:25,386 --> 00:57:26,485
No, nothing.

1278
00:57:29,789 --> 00:57:32,357
All right, with everything
that happened

1279
00:57:32,359 --> 00:57:33,659
with Cynthia and whyphy,

1280
00:57:35,528 --> 00:57:36,848
I just don't want you
to screw up.

1281
00:57:37,664 --> 00:57:40,332
You don't think I know
what I'm doing?

1282
00:57:40,334 --> 00:57:42,067
What? I know exactly
what I'm doing here.

1283
00:57:44,804 --> 00:57:46,338
I'm gonna tell you
something, all right?

1284
00:57:46,340 --> 00:57:47,806
Can I trust you?
Yeah, of course.

1285
00:57:53,213 --> 00:57:56,648
I have a friend who
knows a guy at UMC.

1286
00:57:57,417 --> 00:57:59,384
He's a scout. It's D1.

1287
00:57:59,386 --> 00:58:01,053
Their QB, he's not playing well.

1288
00:58:01,055 --> 00:58:02,054
They're not happy
with the situation.

1289
00:58:02,056 --> 00:58:03,422
They want me to make a tape.

1290
00:58:03,424 --> 00:58:05,757
And I want you to
be on it with me.

1291
00:58:09,629 --> 00:58:11,697
Nothing else?

1292
00:58:11,699 --> 00:58:13,565
They had five guys in
the draft last year.

1293
00:58:13,567 --> 00:58:14,833
I mean, Brad,
this could be our shot.

1294
00:58:14,835 --> 00:58:16,869
We're like the dynamic duo, Bro.

1295
00:58:16,871 --> 00:58:19,304
We're like Batman and Robin.

1296
00:58:19,306 --> 00:58:21,206
But we're both Batman.

1297
00:58:21,208 --> 00:58:23,375
What do you want to be,
like, a stockbroker?

1298
00:58:23,377 --> 00:58:24,910
Or a cop?

1299
00:58:24,912 --> 00:58:26,778
Dude, your ceiling is, like,

1300
00:58:27,714 --> 00:58:29,181
so high.

1301
00:58:30,250 --> 00:58:34,019
You can just bust right...

1302
00:58:34,021 --> 00:58:36,154
Just break right through it.
Right through it.

1303
00:58:36,156 --> 00:58:38,924
Right through it.
Right through it.

1304
00:58:38,926 --> 00:58:40,893
You really think
I could make it at umc?

1305
00:58:40,895 --> 00:58:44,229
Dude, you could make it
into the hall of fame.

1306
00:58:44,231 --> 00:58:46,131
No, dude, come on, that's you.

1307
00:58:46,133 --> 00:58:48,600
You're gonna be in, like, the
anals of football history.

1308
00:58:48,602 --> 00:58:51,169
Dude, you could make it into the
anals of football history, too.

1309
00:58:52,205 --> 00:58:55,707
We're gonna have to
tear those anals up.

1310
00:58:55,709 --> 00:58:57,276
All right. We're gonna
fucking tear it up.

1311
00:58:57,278 --> 00:58:58,558
I mean, it's just a tape, right?

1312
00:58:59,445 --> 00:59:00,779
I fucking hate my dad so much.

1313
00:59:00,781 --> 00:59:02,180
Do you have any idea

1314
00:59:02,182 --> 00:59:03,415
what it's like to
have a guy like that

1315
00:59:03,417 --> 00:59:05,150
telling you what to do all the time?

1316
00:59:05,152 --> 00:59:06,585
I can only imagine.

1317
00:59:06,587 --> 00:59:09,988
I just don't understand what his
problem is with you specifically.

1318
00:59:09,990 --> 00:59:12,824
I don't... Jesus.
That makes no sense to me.

1319
00:59:12,826 --> 00:59:13,926
I mean, you are
a perfectly good guy.

1320
00:59:13,928 --> 00:59:15,027
You're very honest and nice.

1321
00:59:15,029 --> 00:59:17,629
Why does my dad
have your phone number?

1322
00:59:17,631 --> 00:59:20,198
I don't know. Maybe the school
directory or something.

1323
00:59:20,200 --> 00:59:21,567
Let's do something...

1324
00:59:21,569 --> 00:59:22,434
Let's do something
that would distract us.

1325
00:59:22,436 --> 00:59:24,069
Okay.

1326
00:59:24,071 --> 00:59:26,138
So we don't have to think
about him anymore.

1327
00:59:27,741 --> 00:59:28,981
All right. Um...

1328
00:59:29,475 --> 00:59:30,609
Maya.

1329
00:59:32,679 --> 00:59:34,012
Is it okay if we just talk?

1330
00:59:36,215 --> 00:59:37,215
Okay.

1331
00:59:37,483 --> 00:59:39,518
Let's talk.

1332
00:59:39,520 --> 00:59:41,286
No way.
Yeah.

1333
00:59:41,288 --> 00:59:43,288
I was Peter Pan, but
then I was, like, late.

1334
00:59:43,290 --> 00:59:45,010
You're really close
with your brother, then.

1335
00:59:45,525 --> 00:59:47,059
It seems like.
Yeah.

1336
00:59:47,860 --> 00:59:49,294
Yeah, you know...

1337
00:59:53,132 --> 00:59:54,833
You're a fucking genius, dude.

1338
00:59:54,835 --> 00:59:56,515
Are you sure it's not
too much, though? No!

1339
00:59:57,604 --> 00:59:59,605
Yeah!
Fuck, yeah!

1340
00:59:59,607 --> 01:00:01,907
All right? All right?
Yeah. Yeah.

1341
01:00:01,909 --> 01:00:03,342
All night, Bro. Come on. All night.
Yeah, I know.

1342
01:00:03,344 --> 01:00:04,810
It's gonna be so worth it, dude.

1343
01:00:04,812 --> 01:00:06,278
It's gonna be fucking worth
it, I promise, all right?

1344
01:00:06,280 --> 01:00:07,746
Dude, you know what this needs?

1345
01:00:07,748 --> 01:00:09,514
Another star wipe.

1346
01:00:09,516 --> 01:00:11,550
Jinx. Buy me a beer.

1347
01:00:11,552 --> 01:00:12,651
Nice twist.

1348
01:00:12,653 --> 01:00:13,752
On what?

1349
01:00:15,521 --> 01:00:17,322
I can't believe we've
been talking all night.

1350
01:00:17,324 --> 01:00:21,326
My God, it's 8:00.
I have class, actually.

1351
01:00:21,328 --> 01:00:23,428
Okay.
I...

1352
01:00:23,430 --> 01:00:26,298
Yeah, you can help yourself
to whatever you need, and...

1353
01:00:26,300 --> 01:00:27,633
All right.

1354
01:00:27,635 --> 01:00:29,534
Yeah, I'm so sorry, this...

1355
01:00:29,536 --> 01:00:31,003
I'll see you.

1356
01:00:31,005 --> 01:00:32,037
I'll see you later.

1357
01:00:32,039 --> 01:00:33,772
Okay.
Best night ever.

1358
01:00:33,774 --> 01:00:35,207
Okay. Bye.

1359
01:00:37,343 --> 01:00:38,377
Bye.

1360
01:00:42,849 --> 01:00:44,816
How long have you been there?

1361
01:00:44,818 --> 01:00:47,285
Like, the longest amount of time
you could think of right now.

1362
01:00:47,287 --> 01:00:48,687
This stuff wasn't meant for you.

1363
01:00:48,689 --> 01:00:50,255
It was meant to be private.

1364
01:00:50,257 --> 01:00:52,791
So, am I supposed to just
sit here and not act like

1365
01:00:52,793 --> 01:00:55,027
I hear every one
of your problems?

1366
01:00:55,029 --> 01:00:58,397
You got 99 problems,
but being young isn't one.

1367
01:00:58,399 --> 01:01:01,767
You're just jealous because Maya
and I have a real connection.

1368
01:01:01,769 --> 01:01:03,268
I'm pretty close
with my grandpa, too.

1369
01:01:04,971 --> 01:01:06,471
You're more messed up
than Cynthia was,

1370
01:01:06,473 --> 01:01:08,707
and she went to the school
shrink three times a week.

1371
01:01:08,709 --> 01:01:10,876
Why?
I don't know.

1372
01:01:10,878 --> 01:01:12,711
But he gave her a ton
of pills and shit.

1373
01:01:12,713 --> 01:01:15,113
Maybe he could give you something
for your weird old face.

1374
01:01:15,115 --> 01:01:16,115
Okay.

1375
01:01:19,919 --> 01:01:22,454
Hey.
You're late.

1376
01:01:22,456 --> 01:01:25,257
No, actually, I was busy
with the investigation.

1377
01:01:26,993 --> 01:01:30,195
This is Cynthia's therapist's office.
This is our investigation.

1378
01:01:31,731 --> 01:01:32,731
All right.

1379
01:01:40,273 --> 01:01:42,074
Watch the door.

1380
01:01:42,076 --> 01:01:45,310
Is that all I'm good for?
Just watching a fucking door?

1381
01:01:47,647 --> 01:01:48,847
Got it.

1382
01:01:50,450 --> 01:01:52,918
Patient exhibits
drug-induced paranoia.

1383
01:01:52,920 --> 01:01:55,353
Believes her life is in danger.

1384
01:01:55,355 --> 01:01:56,355
Door, door.

1385
01:01:58,424 --> 01:02:00,425
Hey.

1386
01:02:00,427 --> 01:02:02,861
I wasn't told that I had
a 9:00 A.M. session.

1387
01:02:02,863 --> 01:02:04,730
Yeah, no, we're your 9:00 A.M.
that's us.

1388
01:02:04,732 --> 01:02:07,332
And we're cured.

1389
01:02:07,334 --> 01:02:09,968
Thank you very much.
You're an amazing doctor.

1390
01:02:09,970 --> 01:02:11,737
Please. You think
you're the first partners

1391
01:02:11,739 --> 01:02:16,575
only to try to run when you're
first faced with talking with me?

1392
01:02:16,577 --> 01:02:18,009
How the fuck did you know
we were partners?

1393
01:02:18,011 --> 01:02:19,778
He doesn't know we're partners.

1394
01:02:19,780 --> 01:02:21,513
I suspect you're partners.

1395
01:02:21,515 --> 01:02:24,182
A relationship is something
that requires constant work.

1396
01:02:24,184 --> 01:02:25,684
Which is what I thought
we learned in high school.

1397
01:02:25,686 --> 01:02:27,652
So you are
high school sweethearts.

1398
01:02:27,654 --> 01:02:28,854
I picked up on that early.

1399
01:02:28,856 --> 01:02:30,056
Please, continue the dialogue.

1400
01:02:30,523 --> 01:02:31,523
Doc.

1401
01:02:32,992 --> 01:02:34,526
I just feel like sometimes

1402
01:02:34,528 --> 01:02:36,027
he's not even trying anymore.

1403
01:02:36,029 --> 01:02:38,396
Like this isn't
even worth saving.

1404
01:02:38,398 --> 01:02:39,731
Okay. Well,
sometimes I feel like

1405
01:02:39,733 --> 01:02:41,366
that we should be
more like the yangs.

1406
01:02:41,368 --> 01:02:43,068
Or maybe I should be more
like your beautiful zook.

1407
01:02:43,070 --> 01:02:44,636
Go fuck yourself!
You go fuck yourself.

1408
01:02:44,638 --> 01:02:46,638
Okay.
You're so selfish.

1409
01:02:46,640 --> 01:02:48,507
All right. That's a lot of fucking.
My God.

1410
01:02:48,509 --> 01:02:52,210
Sometimes I like to have the
participants make physical contact.

1411
01:02:52,212 --> 01:02:53,612
Why don't you hold hands?

1412
01:02:53,614 --> 01:02:55,013
Okay.
I'm not doing that.

1413
01:02:55,015 --> 01:02:56,882
Do you see?

1414
01:02:56,884 --> 01:02:58,049
Reach out your hand.

1415
01:02:58,051 --> 01:02:59,551
I'm...

1416
01:02:59,553 --> 01:03:01,353
He's literally
reaching out for you.

1417
01:03:01,355 --> 01:03:02,454
He won't hold my hand.

1418
01:03:02,456 --> 01:03:03,622
I'm not doing it.

1419
01:03:03,624 --> 01:03:05,023
I kind of need you to do it.

1420
01:03:05,025 --> 01:03:06,858
He won't hold my hand.
You...

1421
01:03:06,860 --> 01:03:08,326
You got to interlock it, though.

1422
01:03:08,328 --> 01:03:09,694
If you don't interlock it,
it's not hand-holding.

1423
01:03:09,696 --> 01:03:11,263
Fine.

1424
01:03:11,265 --> 01:03:12,430
We might as well just be friends

1425
01:03:12,432 --> 01:03:13,465
and not partners.

1426
01:03:13,467 --> 01:03:14,467
Nice, right?

1427
01:03:15,301 --> 01:03:17,402
Okay, you see this?
This is strong.

1428
01:03:17,404 --> 01:03:19,638
What I want to be
able to have is this.

1429
01:03:19,640 --> 01:03:22,307
Is this...

1430
01:03:22,309 --> 01:03:26,111
I want to be able to have that,
that same thing, in, like

1431
01:03:26,113 --> 01:03:28,280
without actually
having to do it.

1432
01:03:28,282 --> 01:03:29,481
Are you embarrassed
of your partner?

1433
01:03:29,483 --> 01:03:30,916
No, not at all. Okay?

1434
01:03:30,918 --> 01:03:32,684
And why the fuck are you
guys ganging up on me?

1435
01:03:32,686 --> 01:03:33,885
Gang up on him.
Okay, seriously.

1436
01:03:33,887 --> 01:03:35,654
Okay, okay.
He's clingy.

1437
01:03:35,656 --> 01:03:37,923
He literally is terrified
of being by himself.

1438
01:03:37,925 --> 01:03:39,524
Look, I know zook's your buddy

1439
01:03:39,526 --> 01:03:40,425
and you don't
want him to be guilty,

1440
01:03:40,427 --> 01:03:41,893
but he's our guy.

1441
01:03:41,895 --> 01:03:43,829
No, he's actually not our guy.
I would know.

1442
01:03:43,831 --> 01:03:46,364
Now, you know,
we sometimes cling to things

1443
01:03:46,366 --> 01:03:48,466
because they're
familiar and comfortable.

1444
01:03:48,468 --> 01:03:50,202
I teach about
a principle called embedding.

1445
01:03:50,204 --> 01:03:51,736
Look at the facts.
Matter of fact, I...

1446
01:03:51,738 --> 01:03:54,306
Zook has the tattoo.
He knew Cynthia.

1447
01:03:54,308 --> 01:03:55,607
I know the first time
he met you,

1448
01:03:55,609 --> 01:03:56,908
you dropped a fucking
sandwich on his foot

1449
01:03:56,910 --> 01:03:58,310
and he smiled at you,

1450
01:03:58,312 --> 01:04:01,379
but you are completely
blind to the fact...

1451
01:04:01,381 --> 01:04:03,315
What'd you say embedding was?
Embedding?

1452
01:04:03,317 --> 01:04:06,785
Embedding is our
tendency to latch on to

1453
01:04:06,787 --> 01:04:09,287
the first bit of information
that we're offered

1454
01:04:09,289 --> 01:04:11,923
and overlooking, or even ignoring,
contradictory information.

1455
01:04:11,925 --> 01:04:12,824
It's a fascinating principle...

1456
01:04:12,826 --> 01:04:14,593
Shut up. I'm thinking.

1457
01:04:15,661 --> 01:04:17,963
You think it's possible that

1458
01:04:17,965 --> 01:04:19,798
we embedded?

1459
01:04:19,800 --> 01:04:21,433
What, like when we were
drunk or something?

1460
01:04:21,435 --> 01:04:23,335
We embedded each other? Okay.
I'm gonna recommend...

1461
01:04:23,337 --> 01:04:24,102
Okay, you can leave the room.

1462
01:04:24,104 --> 01:04:25,170
Just get the fuck out.

1463
01:04:26,105 --> 01:04:27,472
Get the fuck out.
You heard him.

1464
01:04:27,474 --> 01:04:28,773
This took a turn.

1465
01:04:28,775 --> 01:04:30,275
One, two...

1466
01:04:30,277 --> 01:04:32,043
Okay. Yep. Good session.

1467
01:04:32,045 --> 01:04:33,311
The first time we saw the photo

1468
01:04:33,313 --> 01:04:34,679
of Cynthia buying whyphy,

1469
01:04:34,681 --> 01:04:37,349
Dickson said,
this guy's the dealer.

1470
01:04:37,351 --> 01:04:39,417
Everything we've done and thought
has been based on that fact,

1471
01:04:39,419 --> 01:04:41,119
but what if Dickson was wrong?

1472
01:04:41,121 --> 01:04:43,555
And we've ignored
all the other clues.

1473
01:04:43,557 --> 01:04:45,277
What if Cynthia
wasn't the buyer?

1474
01:04:45,791 --> 01:04:47,859
What if Cynthia was the dealer?

1475
01:04:47,861 --> 01:04:51,296
Captain, we have something really,
really important to tell you about.

1476
01:04:55,568 --> 01:04:57,068
Captain?

1477
01:04:57,070 --> 01:04:58,803
Are you wearing Kevlar?

1478
01:04:58,805 --> 01:05:03,341
Now, gentlemen, we're not
gonna sit here and pretend

1479
01:05:03,343 --> 01:05:05,844
there's not a big-ass
elephant in the room.

1480
01:05:05,846 --> 01:05:06,886
What the fuck is going on?

1481
01:05:08,014 --> 01:05:09,948
This is what
the fuck is going on.

1482
01:05:16,122 --> 01:05:18,957
Shit! Shit!

1483
01:05:22,194 --> 01:05:24,195
Shit! No!

1484
01:05:24,197 --> 01:05:27,766
That is not happening
right now! No!

1485
01:05:27,768 --> 01:05:31,169
Hey, y'all, he's fucking
the captain's daughter! Yo!

1486
01:05:31,171 --> 01:05:32,671
Every time he say that shit...

1487
01:05:32,673 --> 01:05:34,239
My fuck!

1488
01:05:34,241 --> 01:05:36,241
that's another
foot in your ass.

1489
01:05:36,243 --> 01:05:39,477
Schmidt, you clearly... Yo,
this is the best thing ever!

1490
01:05:41,681 --> 01:05:44,249
Schmidt fucked
the captain's daughter!

1491
01:05:44,251 --> 01:05:47,252
Schmidt fucked
the captain's daughter!

1492
01:05:47,254 --> 01:05:50,088
Schmidt fucked
the captain's daughter!

1493
01:05:50,090 --> 01:05:52,691
Shit! Fuck!

1494
01:05:52,693 --> 01:05:55,293
You fucked
captain dickson's daughter?

1495
01:05:55,962 --> 01:05:57,529
Captain, what the...

1496
01:05:57,531 --> 01:05:59,931
You bragged to him to his face.

1497
01:05:59,933 --> 01:06:01,599
To his actual face.
Captain...

1498
01:06:01,601 --> 01:06:05,403
Do you understand that this face right
here, you bragged to that face?

1499
01:06:05,405 --> 01:06:08,974
You actually high-fived Schmidt
for fucking your daughter.

1500
01:06:08,976 --> 01:06:10,041
Holy shit!

1501
01:06:10,810 --> 01:06:12,077
My God! This is...

1502
01:06:13,412 --> 01:06:14,980
It's really not that funny.

1503
01:06:16,048 --> 01:06:17,949
I just want to say that

1504
01:06:17,951 --> 01:06:22,354
it was bizarre not
to share the fact

1505
01:06:22,356 --> 01:06:24,889
that your daughter
went to mc state.

1506
01:06:24,891 --> 01:06:26,257
I think it's bizarre

1507
01:06:26,259 --> 01:06:28,626
that I haven't cut your
motherfucking nuts off.

1508
01:06:28,628 --> 01:06:31,963
What if captain gets to punch
you in the face one time,

1509
01:06:31,965 --> 01:06:33,698
really, really, really hard?

1510
01:06:33,700 --> 01:06:34,700
Nah.

1511
01:06:36,102 --> 01:06:38,269
I got something
way better than that.

1512
01:06:41,774 --> 01:06:44,743
You think Cynthia
was the dealer?

1513
01:06:44,745 --> 01:06:47,946
How the fuck we gonna infiltrate
the dealer if the dealer is dead?

1514
01:06:47,948 --> 01:06:49,381
We have to stop treating this

1515
01:06:49,383 --> 01:06:51,783
like it's exactly
the same as last time.

1516
01:06:51,785 --> 01:06:54,853
And we got a bigger problem.
No more money in the budget.

1517
01:06:54,855 --> 01:06:56,335
What? I thought
we had Cate Blanchett.

1518
01:06:56,956 --> 01:06:58,523
Cate Blanchett?

1519
01:06:58,525 --> 01:07:01,026
Yeah, I thought we had Cate
Blanchett with the budget.

1520
01:07:01,028 --> 01:07:02,560
You mean carte blanche.

1521
01:07:03,462 --> 01:07:04,696
That one.

1522
01:07:04,698 --> 01:07:06,498
Welcome back, dum-dum.

1523
01:07:06,500 --> 01:07:09,734
We did have carte blanche.
Not no more.

1524
01:07:09,736 --> 01:07:11,903
You got that expensive
chase in the beginning,

1525
01:07:11,905 --> 01:07:15,673
that expensive equipment,
this fucking office...

1526
01:07:15,675 --> 01:07:18,943
This look like some shit iron man
would have. Shit's expensive!

1527
01:07:18,945 --> 01:07:22,914
I got on $800 shoes, and you can't
even see the motherfuckers.

1528
01:07:22,916 --> 01:07:25,350
So now you two motherfuckers
is in the crosshairs.

1529
01:07:25,352 --> 01:07:26,818
I'm warning you,

1530
01:07:26,820 --> 01:07:28,720
find the supplier,

1531
01:07:28,722 --> 01:07:30,442
but don't cost the
department no more money.

1532
01:07:32,491 --> 01:07:36,027
Look, I apologize
about the zook thing.

1533
01:07:36,029 --> 01:07:38,363
You were right,
he's not the dealer.

1534
01:07:38,365 --> 01:07:39,831
Okay, great.
You apologized.

1535
01:07:39,833 --> 01:07:41,232
What's that worth, man?

1536
01:07:41,234 --> 01:07:44,536
Now we have no leads. What
are we supposed to do now?

1537
01:07:44,538 --> 01:07:45,538
Police work.

1538
01:07:52,912 --> 01:07:54,446
Fuck.

1539
01:07:58,218 --> 01:08:00,318
Don't throw a fucking
dead person's dildo at me.

1540
01:08:00,320 --> 01:08:02,487
We're at work right now, okay?

1541
01:08:02,489 --> 01:08:04,756
Kids don't check out
books anymore, right?

1542
01:08:05,858 --> 01:08:07,592
I don't even think
they know how to read.

1543
01:08:10,396 --> 01:08:12,197
Library.
Book place.

1544
01:08:12,199 --> 01:08:13,364
Library.

1545
01:08:13,366 --> 01:08:15,433
The supplier is putting drugs

1546
01:08:15,435 --> 01:08:16,534
inside the books in the library,

1547
01:08:16,536 --> 01:08:18,670
where literally no one
goes anymore, man.

1548
01:08:18,672 --> 01:08:20,438
And the dealers
check out the books.

1549
01:08:20,440 --> 01:08:22,307
We're going to catch the supplier.

1550
01:08:22,309 --> 01:08:23,608
Do you realize how cool...
Wait, one Sec, one Sec.

1551
01:08:23,610 --> 01:08:25,110
What's up, dude?

1552
01:08:25,112 --> 01:08:27,011
Hey, dude, where are you?

1553
01:08:27,013 --> 01:08:29,247
We're warming up.
The game's about to start.

1554
01:08:29,249 --> 01:08:30,849
All right, man.
Um, look, I'm just gonna...

1555
01:08:30,851 --> 01:08:32,117
I'm coming.

1556
01:08:32,119 --> 01:08:33,351
All right, later.

1557
01:08:33,353 --> 01:08:34,953
What are you doing?
Don't leave me hanging.

1558
01:08:34,955 --> 01:08:37,655
Dude, I got to go or I'm
gonna blow my cover, okay?

1559
01:08:37,657 --> 01:08:39,124
You can do this alone.
I'll be back in two hours.

1560
01:08:39,126 --> 01:08:40,325
You got this.

1561
01:08:50,937 --> 01:08:52,337
You scared me.

1562
01:09:03,115 --> 01:09:06,017
State name! Number!
State name! Number!

1563
01:09:06,019 --> 01:09:07,619
Color! Color! Number!

1564
01:09:08,387 --> 01:09:09,754
This is the place.

1565
01:09:09,756 --> 01:09:11,322
You'd think if somebody wants
to show us their operation,

1566
01:09:11,324 --> 01:09:12,757
they'd at least be on time.

1567
01:09:14,193 --> 01:09:16,594
Look at this crap.

1568
01:09:16,596 --> 01:09:18,663
I do miss the days...
Shit.

1569
01:09:18,665 --> 01:09:20,785
What's he doing here? When
people did normal drugs.

1570
01:09:21,233 --> 01:09:22,600
What is this?
Jelly beans?

1571
01:09:23,802 --> 01:09:24,969
Crap!

1572
01:09:24,971 --> 01:09:27,005
Set, hut!

1573
01:09:27,007 --> 01:09:29,941
Mcquaid crosses
in an end-around.

1574
01:09:29,943 --> 01:09:33,244
It's a trick play! These two are
practically interchangeable.

1575
01:09:33,246 --> 01:09:35,513
Mcquaid throws down
the field to haythe.

1576
01:09:40,219 --> 01:09:42,187
And he hangs on
for the touchdown!

1577
01:09:42,189 --> 01:09:43,755
These two are
peas in a pod, Bob,

1578
01:09:43,757 --> 01:09:45,157
but instead of
little green balls,

1579
01:09:45,158 --> 01:09:46,658
they are human football players.

1580
01:09:50,864 --> 01:09:54,766
Let's hear it once again,
mc state, for your dynamic duo.

1581
01:09:58,037 --> 01:09:59,571
Shit. My brother
needs me again.

1582
01:10:01,941 --> 01:10:04,342
Look, you know, loyalty's cool,

1583
01:10:04,344 --> 01:10:06,177
and I admire it,

1584
01:10:06,179 --> 01:10:07,345
and I know he's your brother.

1585
01:10:09,315 --> 01:10:10,982
But you can't allow yourself
to be held down by a guy

1586
01:10:10,984 --> 01:10:13,685
just because he won't let go.

1587
01:10:18,057 --> 01:10:19,257
Yeah. Um...

1588
01:10:21,527 --> 01:10:23,328
I gotta take a piss.

1589
01:10:25,965 --> 01:10:28,132
The kid's pretty rude
to make us wait like this.

1590
01:10:28,134 --> 01:10:29,801
Can you shut it?

1591
01:10:29,803 --> 01:10:32,003
What's wrong with those
classic drugs from the '90s?

1592
01:10:32,005 --> 01:10:33,805
Heroin, you know, cocaine...

1593
01:10:33,807 --> 01:10:35,573
Hey, hey.
Whoa. Shit.

1594
01:10:35,575 --> 01:10:36,641
I'm fucking here.
You happy? Shh!

1595
01:10:36,643 --> 01:10:38,309
The ghost is right there, okay?

1596
01:10:38,311 --> 01:10:39,777
He's about to meet up
with the supplier.

1597
01:10:39,779 --> 01:10:41,713
- Hey. Check that out.
- You shush.

1598
01:10:41,715 --> 01:10:43,414
You're the one fucking talking.
You're being so fucking loud.

1599
01:10:43,416 --> 01:10:44,582
You shut the fuck up.

1600
01:10:45,718 --> 01:10:46,718
- What's going on here?
- Shit!

1601
01:10:46,720 --> 01:10:48,253
Um...

1602
01:10:48,255 --> 01:10:51,456
You're interrupting
a really stellar blow job.

1603
01:10:51,458 --> 01:10:53,458
Fuck, I just came so hard!

1604
01:10:53,460 --> 01:10:54,692
What the hell is going on?

1605
01:10:54,694 --> 01:10:56,294
It's okay. It's just
a couple of faggots.

1606
01:10:56,795 --> 01:10:58,596
Hey, yo, what the fuck
did you just say?

1607
01:10:58,598 --> 01:10:59,998
Did you just call us faggots?

1608
01:11:00,000 --> 01:11:01,320
He said you were
sucking his dick.

1609
01:11:02,034 --> 01:11:03,601
It's 2014, asshole.

1610
01:11:03,603 --> 01:11:05,169
You can't fucking use faggot.

1611
01:11:05,171 --> 01:11:07,305
Gay is okay.
Homosexual, maybe.

1612
01:11:07,307 --> 01:11:09,807
And if you know the person, you
might be able to call them a queer.

1613
01:11:09,809 --> 01:11:11,709
If they have a great sense
of humor, but I don't.

1614
01:11:11,711 --> 01:11:13,244
I'm sorry, he took one
human sexuality class,

1615
01:11:13,246 --> 01:11:14,445
he thinks he's Harvey milk.

1616
01:11:14,447 --> 01:11:16,314
My God.
Will you please,

1617
01:11:16,316 --> 01:11:18,316
just for once, just back me up?

1618
01:11:18,318 --> 01:11:19,917
Why can't you just
use your head for once?

1619
01:11:19,919 --> 01:11:21,359
You want me
to use my head? Fine.

1620
01:11:23,656 --> 01:11:24,889
Yeah, what's up
now, motherfuckers?

1621
01:11:24,891 --> 01:11:25,891
You remember me?

1622
01:11:25,892 --> 01:11:27,158
I'm your best night...

1623
01:11:27,160 --> 01:11:28,526
I'm your worst nightmare.

1624
01:11:28,528 --> 01:11:30,695
Man, it's my memory.

1625
01:11:31,363 --> 01:11:32,930
It's getting worse lately.

1626
01:11:32,932 --> 01:11:34,666
Are you the police?

1627
01:11:34,668 --> 01:11:37,969
Yeah, that's right. And you
motherfuckers are all under arrest.

1628
01:11:39,204 --> 01:11:40,772
Where's your gun?

1629
01:11:40,774 --> 01:11:41,906
What?
Do you have guns?

1630
01:11:42,841 --> 01:11:44,275
No.

1631
01:11:44,277 --> 01:11:45,977
No, I don't.

1632
01:11:45,979 --> 01:11:48,746
'Cause we have guns.

1633
01:11:48,748 --> 01:11:52,850
Well, why don't you put your guns
down, and let's fight like men?

1634
01:11:55,220 --> 01:11:56,688
Because we have guns.

1635
01:11:56,690 --> 01:11:58,523
Schmidt, run!
Get him!

1636
01:11:58,525 --> 01:12:00,725
Go! Go, go.
Go!

1637
01:12:00,727 --> 01:12:01,727
Shit!

1638
01:12:02,628 --> 01:12:04,195
How hard
can it be? Shoot them!

1639
01:12:04,197 --> 01:12:05,430
Fuck, fuck, fuck!

1640
01:12:05,432 --> 01:12:06,432
Shoot them! Shoot them!

1641
01:12:08,200 --> 01:12:09,567
Come on, this way, it's faster.

1642
01:12:09,569 --> 01:12:11,089
No, just come this...
Schmidt! Schmidt!

1643
01:12:13,105 --> 01:12:14,105
Hurry up, okay?

1644
01:12:18,577 --> 01:12:19,911
Schmidt, will you hurry up!

1645
01:12:19,913 --> 01:12:21,553
Stop yelling at me!
You're distracting me!

1646
01:12:24,183 --> 01:12:25,650
Schmidt, come on!
Let's go!

1647
01:12:25,652 --> 01:12:27,485
I can't jump down! I'm not,
like, fucking spider-man!

1648
01:12:27,487 --> 01:12:29,354
I'm gonna get the car.

1649
01:12:33,325 --> 01:12:34,559
Stairs are so much faster.

1650
01:12:35,695 --> 01:12:37,395
That's the car you got?

1651
01:12:37,397 --> 01:12:38,963
I'm sorry it's not a fucking lambo.
Shut up and get in.

1652
01:12:38,965 --> 01:12:40,064
Are they even still chasing us?

1653
01:12:40,066 --> 01:12:41,266
Yes, they're still chasing us!

1654
01:12:48,874 --> 01:12:50,274
Why did you do that? We were
about to catch the supplier.

1655
01:12:50,276 --> 01:12:51,509
What's wrong with you?

1656
01:12:51,511 --> 01:12:52,777
Look, if you don't
say something,

1657
01:12:52,779 --> 01:12:54,545
people will never
stop discriminating.

1658
01:12:54,547 --> 01:12:56,147
Will you please do something

1659
01:12:56,149 --> 01:12:57,469
about how slow
this thing's going?

1660
01:13:01,554 --> 01:13:02,754
Shit!
Watch out, watch out!

1661
01:13:06,892 --> 01:13:08,693
That is just like
a little helmet machine.

1662
01:13:19,037 --> 01:13:20,972
We can't destroy any more stuff!

1663
01:13:20,974 --> 01:13:23,541
We can't waste any more
of the department's money!

1664
01:13:23,543 --> 01:13:24,876
Watch out for that cash machine!

1665
01:13:27,980 --> 01:13:29,614
Whoo!

1666
01:13:29,616 --> 01:13:30,782
Which way?
Which way? Which way?

1667
01:13:30,784 --> 01:13:32,104
Whichever way's cheaper!

1668
01:13:32,251 --> 01:13:34,118
Right? You went right?

1669
01:13:34,120 --> 01:13:35,553
You could've gone
in a parking lot,

1670
01:13:35,555 --> 01:13:36,888
you went to
the sculpture garden?

1671
01:13:36,890 --> 01:13:38,530
Do you know how expensive
that's gonna be?

1672
01:13:43,195 --> 01:13:44,662
Shit!

1673
01:13:44,664 --> 01:13:45,630
It's like they're trying
to hit 'em or something.

1674
01:13:45,632 --> 01:13:46,964
I mean, it looks cool,

1675
01:13:46,966 --> 01:13:48,326
but, I mean,
it's just so wasteful.

1676
01:13:50,969 --> 01:13:53,104
They're destroying everything!

1677
01:13:53,106 --> 01:13:55,339
Captain's gonna kill us!

1678
01:13:55,341 --> 01:13:56,908
What are we gonna do?

1679
01:13:56,910 --> 01:13:58,075
All right, we're gonna lose
'em in the robotics lab.

1680
01:13:58,077 --> 01:13:59,077
What?

1681
01:14:04,750 --> 01:14:07,084
No!
We broke everything!

1682
01:14:07,086 --> 01:14:08,853
There was a lot of
expensive stuff in there!

1683
01:14:10,289 --> 01:14:11,289
Shit!

1684
01:14:12,758 --> 01:14:13,998
They're going into the stadium!

1685
01:14:16,895 --> 01:14:18,615
Listen, Schmidt,
I gotta tell you something.

1686
01:14:19,398 --> 01:14:20,598
I got offered a scholarship

1687
01:14:20,600 --> 01:14:22,366
to play football here next year.

1688
01:14:22,368 --> 01:14:24,402
And zook said I could
room with him, you know,

1689
01:14:24,404 --> 01:14:28,339
so I was thinking that
I could do that, maybe.

1690
01:14:28,341 --> 01:14:30,341
What? You can't be a cop

1691
01:14:30,343 --> 01:14:32,109
and stay here and play
football with zook.

1692
01:14:32,111 --> 01:14:34,145
No, look, I know, okay?
It's just...

1693
01:14:34,147 --> 01:14:36,280
There's no friction with me and zook.
We're the same.

1694
01:14:36,282 --> 01:14:38,483
Do you want out?
If you want out, just say it.

1695
01:14:38,485 --> 01:14:40,284
No, I don't want out, okay?

1696
01:14:40,286 --> 01:14:41,953
It's just, when I'm
on the football field

1697
01:14:41,955 --> 01:14:44,489
and I'm diving for a pass,
I feel like I can fly.

1698
01:14:44,491 --> 01:14:45,790
All right?
And when I'm with you,

1699
01:14:45,792 --> 01:14:47,192
it just feels like
you hold me down.

1700
01:14:48,694 --> 01:14:50,561
I just wish you
could fly with me.

1701
01:14:50,563 --> 01:14:53,531
And the statesmen
win, 34-14.

1702
01:14:53,533 --> 01:14:55,433
And there
go the fans onto the field.

1703
01:15:02,508 --> 01:15:03,508
Jenko!

1704
01:15:04,376 --> 01:15:05,710
Jesus Christ!

1705
01:15:08,013 --> 01:15:09,347
Dude, the brakes are out. What?

1706
01:15:09,349 --> 01:15:10,882
Get the fuck out of the way!

1707
01:15:10,884 --> 01:15:12,564
You gotta jump. You
gotta jump, jump, jump!

1708
01:15:18,257 --> 01:15:19,257
No.

1709
01:15:28,700 --> 01:15:29,834
Fuck!

1710
01:15:41,847 --> 01:15:43,287
Let's go, boss. We gotta go.

1711
01:15:45,083 --> 01:15:47,118
You did it! Yeah!
Yeah! Yeah!

1712
01:15:49,488 --> 01:15:51,088
You're under arrest, sir.

1713
01:15:51,090 --> 01:15:52,723
Hey, I'm an officer, all right?

1714
01:15:52,725 --> 01:15:55,159
Just take me in.
I'll explain later.

1715
01:15:55,161 --> 01:15:57,228
No, no, no. Hey, he's a student.
He didn't do anything.

1716
01:15:57,230 --> 01:16:00,197
Wait, wait. What are you doing?
What are you doing?

1717
01:16:00,199 --> 01:16:01,199
I, um...

1718
01:16:01,833 --> 01:16:03,334
I decided for you.

1719
01:16:04,836 --> 01:16:08,139
Just stick with football.

1720
01:16:08,141 --> 01:16:11,375
I can't give you the same
feeling that these guys can.

1721
01:16:11,377 --> 01:16:12,410
Maybe we were only
supposed to do this once.

1722
01:16:12,412 --> 01:16:13,978
What?

1723
01:16:13,980 --> 01:16:14,946
Dude, this is the fucking
best moment of my life!

1724
01:16:14,948 --> 01:16:16,280
Let's go, man!

1725
01:16:19,451 --> 01:16:22,920
Mcquaid! Mcquaid! Mcquaid!

1726
01:16:37,970 --> 01:16:39,236
Hey, Maya Angelou.

1727
01:16:40,339 --> 01:16:41,639
Thanks for lying to me.

1728
01:16:48,280 --> 01:16:49,280
Aw.

1729
01:16:53,986 --> 01:16:56,220
Lam-Bros! Yes!

1730
01:16:56,222 --> 01:16:58,556
Brad mcquaid!
Brad mcquaid!

1731
01:16:58,558 --> 01:16:59,957
Brad mcquaid! Brad...

1732
01:17:07,032 --> 01:17:09,066
How are we doing tonight, sir?
Good, thanks.

1733
01:17:09,068 --> 01:17:11,002
Are we waiting on anybody
or you dining alone?

1734
01:17:11,004 --> 01:17:13,037
Someone may swing by,
but we can...

1735
01:17:13,039 --> 01:17:14,805
We can order without them.

1736
01:17:14,807 --> 01:17:19,110
We have identified and arrested one Dr.
Karl Murphy,

1737
01:17:19,112 --> 01:17:22,446
who was found with whyphy residue
throughout his office...

1738
01:17:22,448 --> 01:17:26,017
and had a close personal
relationship with the deceased.

1739
01:17:26,019 --> 01:17:28,719
Exactly like a case we had
recently at a high school.

1740
01:17:29,588 --> 01:17:31,756
Exactly the same.

1741
01:17:32,791 --> 01:17:34,959
The case is closed.

1742
01:17:34,961 --> 01:17:37,401
You know, like, what you're gonna
do after you're out of here?

1743
01:17:41,566 --> 01:17:43,801
You're not supposed
to throw rocks.

1744
01:17:45,303 --> 01:17:46,537
What?

1745
01:17:46,539 --> 01:17:49,040
You're not supposed
to throw rocks.

1746
01:17:58,251 --> 01:18:01,018
The lobster for one person.

1747
01:18:01,020 --> 01:18:03,154
Enough for one person only.

1748
01:18:06,859 --> 01:18:08,659
I found something in this whyphy
case that caught my attention.

1749
01:18:08,661 --> 01:18:10,361
Get the fuck out of my office.

1750
01:18:10,363 --> 01:18:11,829
Sir, you don't...
We caught the guy.

1751
01:18:12,999 --> 01:18:15,299
Yeah! Yeah!

1752
01:18:20,038 --> 01:18:23,140
Hey, you want to do anything
else other than work out today?

1753
01:18:23,142 --> 01:18:24,375
Like what?

1754
01:18:24,377 --> 01:18:26,010
Come on, dude. They're
just lobsters, dude.

1755
01:18:26,012 --> 01:18:27,478
Come on.
No, don't be afraid.

1756
01:18:27,480 --> 01:18:29,560
It's gonna claw your face.
It's gonna claw your face.

1757
01:18:36,154 --> 01:18:39,890
It's gonna be like this, dude,
for the rest of our lives.

1758
01:19:06,752 --> 01:19:07,885
Hey.
Hey.

1759
01:19:10,689 --> 01:19:12,523
What are you doing here?

1760
01:19:12,525 --> 01:19:14,492
Just came to see how you are.

1761
01:19:15,794 --> 01:19:17,595
I'm doing fucking great.

1762
01:19:17,597 --> 01:19:19,096
I'm the happiest I've ever been,

1763
01:19:19,098 --> 01:19:21,665
so I'm just having
a great time with myself.

1764
01:19:21,667 --> 01:19:23,467
I'm glad you're having a
good time with yourself.

1765
01:19:23,469 --> 01:19:26,771
I'm a solo artist now,
like Beyonce.

1766
01:19:26,773 --> 01:19:30,508
I used to have the other destiny's
children, but now I'm just,

1767
01:19:30,510 --> 01:19:31,709
a lone superstar.

1768
01:19:31,711 --> 01:19:33,444
Happy for you.

1769
01:19:33,446 --> 01:19:36,347
Just a light-skinned princess with
a dream and an amazing voice.

1770
01:19:36,349 --> 01:19:37,349
That's great.

1771
01:19:38,150 --> 01:19:39,150
How are you?

1772
01:19:39,718 --> 01:19:42,219
I'm pretty great.

1773
01:19:42,221 --> 01:19:44,922
I just chill and... You
know how chill zook is.

1774
01:19:44,924 --> 01:19:45,990
Zook's such a chill guy.

1775
01:19:45,992 --> 01:19:47,658
Just like ice.

1776
01:19:47,660 --> 01:19:49,493
That makes me so happy for you.

1777
01:19:52,564 --> 01:19:54,865
So, look, I just
wanted to say that, like,

1778
01:19:54,867 --> 01:19:56,934
I was thinking about the case,

1779
01:19:56,936 --> 01:19:59,203
and I was worried that they
got the wrong guy for it.

1780
01:20:00,972 --> 01:20:01,739
I don't think
he's the guy, either.

1781
01:20:01,741 --> 01:20:03,340
Yeah?

1782
01:20:03,342 --> 01:20:05,409
I looked into
the ghost's background,

1783
01:20:05,411 --> 01:20:08,479
and I saw that he pays tuition
for a student at mc state.

1784
01:20:08,481 --> 01:20:10,214
You think the ghost could
be the supplier's dad?

1785
01:20:10,216 --> 01:20:11,482
Maybe.

1786
01:20:11,484 --> 01:20:12,550
Okay, that's a pretty good
piece of information.

1787
01:20:12,552 --> 01:20:13,818
Thank you.

1788
01:20:13,820 --> 01:20:16,220
Well, I heard whyphy's
coming back in a big way.

1789
01:20:16,222 --> 01:20:17,721
Someone's bringing
a shit-ton of that stuff

1790
01:20:17,723 --> 01:20:19,557
down to puerto, Mexico,
for spring break.

1791
01:20:19,559 --> 01:20:22,593
And if that happens,
whyphy is going viral.

1792
01:20:22,595 --> 01:20:24,061
It's gonna be at every
college in the country.

1793
01:20:24,063 --> 01:20:26,297
I think my information
was stronger.

1794
01:20:26,299 --> 01:20:28,265
Look, if you...
If you want to,

1795
01:20:29,935 --> 01:20:30,968
we could go down there.

1796
01:20:32,070 --> 01:20:33,771
Like together?

1797
01:20:33,773 --> 01:20:35,406
We don't have to
put a label on it.

1798
01:20:35,408 --> 01:20:37,608
Just, like, one-time.
One-time thing.

1799
01:20:37,610 --> 01:20:39,743
No big commitment or
stress to each other.

1800
01:20:43,048 --> 01:20:45,549
What about school and football
and your wonderful new life?

1801
01:20:46,852 --> 01:20:47,852
I have time off.

1802
01:20:49,721 --> 01:20:51,222
I'm on spring break.

1803
01:21:05,905 --> 01:21:06,905
Cool tingling.

1804
01:21:08,039 --> 01:21:09,440
Got room for one
of these babies.

1805
01:21:09,442 --> 01:21:11,742
A grenade. Why you
gonna put it there?

1806
01:21:11,744 --> 01:21:13,177
That's just unsanitary.

1807
01:21:13,179 --> 01:21:14,179
Feels right.

1808
01:21:25,724 --> 01:21:27,191
Missed a spot.

1809
01:21:38,837 --> 01:21:40,637
You know this is just
a one-time thing, right?

1810
01:21:41,806 --> 01:21:42,940
I know.

1811
01:21:44,276 --> 01:21:46,477
So you're not gonna
be weird about this?

1812
01:21:50,782 --> 01:21:51,949
Okay.

1813
01:21:56,621 --> 01:21:57,621
Perfect.

1814
01:21:58,757 --> 01:22:00,491
Spring break, motherfucker.

1815
01:22:04,162 --> 01:22:05,596
Did you not see that I was going first?
Excuse you.

1816
01:22:05,598 --> 01:22:07,665
Excuse you.
You want to go first?

1817
01:22:07,667 --> 01:22:09,633
Spring break, motherfuckers!

1818
01:22:27,886 --> 01:22:29,019
Hey.

1819
01:23:02,821 --> 01:23:05,089
My gosh! I'm sweaty.

1820
01:23:05,091 --> 01:23:06,667
You guys are actually
eating stuff in here?

1821
01:23:06,691 --> 01:23:08,325
That's so crazy.

1822
01:23:08,327 --> 01:23:09,960
Come on, man,
put your dick away.

1823
01:23:09,962 --> 01:23:11,228
Put your fucking dick away.

1824
01:23:11,230 --> 01:23:12,730
Upstairs, upstairs.
Let's go.

1825
01:23:15,200 --> 01:23:16,967
Okay, so here's the plan.

1826
01:23:16,969 --> 01:23:21,071
We're gonna get all these kids at
spring break hooked on whyphy.

1827
01:23:21,073 --> 01:23:23,073
Then you're gonna bring
it back to your turf,

1828
01:23:23,075 --> 01:23:25,175
and you're gonna sell
the shit out of it.

1829
01:23:25,177 --> 01:23:27,911
Sell shit out of it.
Do you see that?

1830
01:23:27,913 --> 01:23:31,715
And if you rat me out, I framed my psych
prof just for giving me a b-minus.

1831
01:23:31,717 --> 01:23:34,218
He's in jail now,
so don't fuck with me.

1832
01:23:35,620 --> 01:23:36,754
We're gonna build
a nationwide network.

1833
01:23:36,756 --> 01:23:39,156
What? What the fuck are you doing?
Be quiet.

1834
01:23:39,158 --> 01:23:41,625
Why don't you sell
those old classic drugs

1835
01:23:41,627 --> 01:23:44,695
from the '90s, like
cocaine, heroin and...

1836
01:23:44,697 --> 01:23:47,398
Dad, those are, like,
old-people drugs.

1837
01:23:47,400 --> 01:23:49,266
That's, like, what they
did on the golden girls.

1838
01:23:49,268 --> 01:23:50,834
Like, blanche did heroin.

1839
01:23:50,836 --> 01:23:53,170
All right, I'll just sit
here and be silent.

1840
01:23:53,172 --> 01:23:55,773
Blanche never did heroin.

1841
01:23:55,775 --> 01:23:57,975
Okay, so, yangs, you'll take
my dead roommate's spot.

1842
01:23:57,977 --> 01:23:59,309
Cool.
Dope.

1843
01:23:59,311 --> 01:24:01,178
Are you kidding me, yangs?
Are you fucking high?

1844
01:24:01,180 --> 01:24:02,980
Of course.
Yeah, I am.

1845
01:24:02,982 --> 01:24:04,281
Jesus Christ,
have you ever heard of,

1846
01:24:04,283 --> 01:24:05,716
don't get high on
your own supply?

1847
01:24:05,718 --> 01:24:06,850
We didn't.
Nah.

1848
01:24:06,852 --> 01:24:08,085
I didn't do that.

1849
01:24:08,087 --> 01:24:09,686
Yeah, I used his
and he used mine.

1850
01:24:09,688 --> 01:24:12,048
Okay, well, now I have to make
a fucking example out of you.

1851
01:24:13,058 --> 01:24:13,857
That's a gun.
Yeah.

1852
01:24:13,859 --> 01:24:15,692
Who first?

1853
01:24:15,694 --> 01:24:17,394
You want to go first?
I don't want to die.

1854
01:24:17,396 --> 01:24:18,829
You die...
I don't want to die.

1855
01:24:18,831 --> 01:24:20,330
You want to do rock paper scissors?
Rock paper scissors?

1856
01:24:20,332 --> 01:24:22,043
That's how we'll do it.
That's how we'll do it.

1857
01:24:22,067 --> 01:24:23,200
Fuck.

1858
01:24:23,668 --> 01:24:24,868
Fuck.

1859
01:24:24,870 --> 01:24:26,270
Fuck.

1860
01:24:26,272 --> 01:24:27,638
Yeah, we won't figure this out.

1861
01:24:27,640 --> 01:24:29,239
- I'll shoot both of you.
- Darling.

1862
01:24:29,241 --> 01:24:31,608
If you're going into
the family business,

1863
01:24:31,610 --> 01:24:33,510
you will have to
have a clean record.

1864
01:24:33,512 --> 01:24:36,213
That's why we have
these guys to do it for us.

1865
01:24:37,715 --> 01:24:39,783
Fuck. Jinx.

1866
01:24:39,785 --> 01:24:40,751
We got to move right now.

1867
01:24:40,753 --> 01:24:43,420
Buy me a coke
in heaven. Jinx again.

1868
01:24:43,422 --> 01:24:44,902
Put your guns down!
Fucking guns down!

1869
01:24:45,156 --> 01:24:46,490
Doug?

1870
01:24:46,492 --> 01:24:48,959
My name's not Doug,
it's Schmidt.

1871
01:24:48,961 --> 01:24:50,761
And guess what, we're cops.
Boom.

1872
01:24:51,996 --> 01:24:53,464
My God.

1873
01:24:53,466 --> 01:24:55,699
Yeah, everybody knows.
Really?

1874
01:24:55,701 --> 01:24:59,136
You guys look like the stars of a
cop show called Hawaiian dads.

1875
01:24:59,138 --> 01:25:01,738
All right, enough is enough.
Boys, move in!

1876
01:25:01,740 --> 01:25:03,574
- Do we have company?
- Yeah!

1877
01:25:05,043 --> 01:25:06,844
Drop your guns.
Drop yours first.

1878
01:25:06,846 --> 01:25:09,179
We have way more guns than you.
Drop your fucking guns.

1879
01:25:09,181 --> 01:25:10,380
Okay, that's a good point.

1880
01:25:10,382 --> 01:25:12,116
Wow.

1881
01:25:12,118 --> 01:25:14,751
I mean, was this
really your entire plan?

1882
01:25:14,753 --> 01:25:16,186
Coming in here with no backup?

1883
01:25:16,188 --> 01:25:19,223
Or maybe we had a far more
elaborate plan.

1884
01:25:19,225 --> 01:25:21,558
Maybe my partner has a tracking
device in his pocket right now.

1885
01:25:21,560 --> 01:25:22,793
May... what?

1886
01:25:22,795 --> 01:25:24,461
You had the fucking tracking device.
I don't have it.

1887
01:25:24,463 --> 01:25:26,096
That's the one fucking thing
you were supposed to remember.

1888
01:25:26,098 --> 01:25:27,998
You're the smart person.
You do the tracking device shit.

1889
01:25:28,000 --> 01:25:29,733
That's your domain.
I do the physical shit.

1890
01:25:29,735 --> 01:25:31,835
You know what, I may
drag you down sometimes,

1891
01:25:31,837 --> 01:25:34,872
but every possible time
you can do something dumb,

1892
01:25:34,874 --> 01:25:36,340
you do the dumbest
possible thing.

1893
01:25:36,342 --> 01:25:38,008
No, the fucking
dumbest possible thing

1894
01:25:38,010 --> 01:25:39,843
is letting two cops
blah-blah-blah

1895
01:25:39,845 --> 01:25:42,412
while other cops are getting in
position to bust their shit in.

1896
01:25:42,414 --> 01:25:44,081
So you mean I brought
the tracking device.

1897
01:25:44,083 --> 01:25:46,150
Yeah.
What's up now?

1898
01:25:46,152 --> 01:25:47,684
That seemed like
such a real argument.

1899
01:25:47,686 --> 01:25:49,052
That's improv, bitch.

1900
01:25:49,054 --> 01:25:50,187
Move!

1901
01:25:51,956 --> 01:25:53,223
Spring break yourself, fool.

1902
01:25:55,126 --> 01:25:57,227
We shoot dicks off
here in jump street.

1903
01:26:00,398 --> 01:26:02,799
We're here, as well.

1904
01:26:02,801 --> 01:26:05,836
We jump street, and we
about to jump in yo' ass.

1905
01:26:06,938 --> 01:26:08,539
Right in the crack.

1906
01:26:08,541 --> 01:26:09,907
Don't do it, leatherface.

1907
01:26:16,347 --> 01:26:17,467
He's got the drugs!

1908
01:26:22,787 --> 01:26:25,122
This is so boring.
No one's getting shot.

1909
01:26:26,991 --> 01:26:28,425
My God.

1910
01:26:28,427 --> 01:26:31,795
Did you just get shot, like,
right after I fucking said that?

1911
01:26:34,332 --> 01:26:35,612
Can I have your gun?
It's bigger.

1912
01:26:36,869 --> 01:26:37,868
Stop! I'll shoot you
in the ass!

1913
01:26:37,870 --> 01:26:38,870
Dad!

1914
01:26:40,138 --> 01:26:42,206
Maya?

1915
01:26:42,208 --> 01:26:43,774
What are you doing here?

1916
01:26:43,776 --> 01:26:44,908
This is a shoot-out.

1917
01:26:44,910 --> 01:26:46,510
You know what happens
in a shoot-out.

1918
01:26:46,512 --> 01:26:48,378
They always kidnap the girl.

1919
01:26:48,380 --> 01:26:49,713
Not always.

1920
01:26:49,715 --> 01:26:51,448
Mercedes?
You're coming with me.

1921
01:26:51,450 --> 01:26:53,417
Bitch, please. I ain't
going nowhere with you.

1922
01:26:55,888 --> 01:26:57,120
Now.

1923
01:26:57,122 --> 01:26:58,222
Dad, what do I do?

1924
01:26:58,224 --> 01:26:59,224
Is that my bathing suit?

1925
01:27:02,161 --> 01:27:03,427
Just ask. It's polite.

1926
01:27:05,396 --> 01:27:06,830
You shot me in
my foot! Wait!

1927
01:27:06,832 --> 01:27:08,498
Move! Move faster now!

1928
01:27:08,500 --> 01:27:11,068
I'm taking my time. Shit, you
shot me in my goddamn foot.

1929
01:27:11,070 --> 01:27:12,269
Doug? Doug!

1930
01:27:12,271 --> 01:27:13,637
Maya!

1931
01:27:13,639 --> 01:27:15,105
Mercedes just took
my dad that way!

1932
01:27:15,107 --> 01:27:16,473
Okay, we're on it.

1933
01:27:18,409 --> 01:27:21,345
If I die, I'm gonna
kill both of you motherfuckers!

1934
01:27:21,347 --> 01:27:23,467
Fuck. How are we gonna catch him now?

1935
01:27:26,050 --> 01:27:27,417
Lambo.

1936
01:27:30,488 --> 01:27:31,989
Policia! Policia!
Fuck off.

1937
01:27:32,991 --> 01:27:33,991
Shit, there's ghost!

1938
01:27:34,959 --> 01:27:36,126
What? What do we do?

1939
01:27:36,128 --> 01:27:37,494
We need to split up.

1940
01:27:38,229 --> 01:27:40,163
Are you okay with that?

1941
01:27:40,165 --> 01:27:41,231
Yeah, I can do it.

1942
01:27:41,233 --> 01:27:42,566
Are you sure?

1943
01:27:42,568 --> 01:27:44,368
I need to drive, 'cause
you're faster on foot.

1944
01:27:44,370 --> 01:27:45,836
What? I don't get
to drive the lambo?

1945
01:27:45,838 --> 01:27:47,771
No, you don't.
Come on, let's go!

1946
01:27:47,773 --> 01:27:49,606
But I want... Who gives a shit
about the lambo? Just go!

1947
01:27:49,608 --> 01:27:50,707
Let go of the fucking keys!
I can't let 'em go.

1948
01:27:50,709 --> 01:27:51,909
You're gonna have to take 'em.

1949
01:27:51,910 --> 01:27:53,990
Take care of her, okay? It'll
be glorious, I promise.

1950
01:27:55,046 --> 01:27:56,166
How do you drive this thing?

1951
01:27:56,714 --> 01:27:58,282
You got to let
her drive you, Bro.

1952
01:28:01,019 --> 01:28:02,386
I can't get in.

1953
01:28:05,123 --> 01:28:06,290
Hey!

1954
01:28:06,292 --> 01:28:07,524
Look where you're going!

1955
01:28:10,395 --> 01:28:11,561
It's so confusing!

1956
01:28:18,436 --> 01:28:20,003
Easy, bitch.
My hands are hurting.

1957
01:28:22,674 --> 01:28:23,674
Whoa!

1958
01:28:27,712 --> 01:28:29,446
You know who's
behind us in that car?

1959
01:28:29,448 --> 01:28:31,381
That's one of the best
drivers that we got.

1960
01:28:32,083 --> 01:28:33,216
Fuck!

1961
01:28:33,218 --> 01:28:35,352
Shit.

1962
01:28:35,354 --> 01:28:37,034
Fucking complicated.
What is this?

1963
01:28:38,389 --> 01:28:39,656
Holy shit!

1964
01:28:41,659 --> 01:28:43,579
You fucked up me driving
a Lamborghini, you dick!

1965
01:28:45,997 --> 01:28:46,997
Fuck you, doves!

1966
01:28:55,473 --> 01:28:57,974
Puerto, Mexico,
let's hear you get crazy!

1967
01:29:03,381 --> 01:29:04,514
It's like a Batmobile.

1968
01:29:04,516 --> 01:29:05,549
Come on, Schmidt!

1969
01:29:08,419 --> 01:29:09,653
Old man coming through!

1970
01:29:12,090 --> 01:29:13,357
Excuse me, excuse me, excuse me.

1971
01:29:13,359 --> 01:29:16,426
Brad! Spring break!

1972
01:29:16,428 --> 01:29:17,668
Look, I can't, all right?

1973
01:29:18,596 --> 01:29:20,330
Dude, I got to go.
I got to go.

1974
01:29:20,332 --> 01:29:21,832
This is quite enough.

1975
01:29:21,834 --> 01:29:23,700
You need to let me go
and drop all this.

1976
01:29:25,436 --> 01:29:26,436
Get out of the way!

1977
01:29:30,808 --> 01:29:33,910
Tokyo drift!

1978
01:29:36,147 --> 01:29:38,615
That was way too fast
and pretty...

1979
01:29:38,617 --> 01:29:40,417
Way too...
A little bit too furious.

1980
01:29:40,419 --> 01:29:42,819
Schmidt! Get over here!
I'm handcuffed!

1981
01:29:44,456 --> 01:29:46,490
Give it up, asshole!
And nice parking job!

1982
01:29:46,492 --> 01:29:48,091
Fuck! I'll be right back.

1983
01:29:48,093 --> 01:29:49,459
I gotta go.
I'll be right back. Sorry.

1984
01:29:49,461 --> 01:29:51,501
That's a direct order, motherfucker!
Come over here!

1985
01:29:59,937 --> 01:30:01,805
You are so old and weak!

1986
01:30:01,807 --> 01:30:04,141
Drop the fucking gun!
Seriously!

1987
01:30:04,143 --> 01:30:05,703
Get your wrinkly hands off me!

1988
01:30:10,081 --> 01:30:11,214
Where the hell have you been?

1989
01:30:11,216 --> 01:30:12,549
Looking for you.

1990
01:30:12,551 --> 01:30:14,217
I've been running like crazy!

1991
01:30:14,219 --> 01:30:15,485
Hey! Hey.

1992
01:30:17,688 --> 01:30:19,556
Want to fight like a man?

1993
01:30:19,558 --> 01:30:21,391
Then you better
fight like two men.

1994
01:30:21,393 --> 01:30:22,393
Hey.
Hey.

1995
01:30:23,361 --> 01:30:25,562
Really? More twins?

1996
01:30:28,666 --> 01:30:30,033
Get up, old man river!

1997
01:30:30,768 --> 01:30:32,636
Come on!
Hey.

1998
01:30:32,638 --> 01:30:34,137
Get up and hit me,
you fucking pussy!

1999
01:30:34,139 --> 01:30:36,139
I'm not gonna fight
a girl, so just stop!

2000
01:30:36,141 --> 01:30:37,507
It shouldn't matter.

2001
01:30:37,509 --> 01:30:39,509
If you thought of me as a
person instead of a woman,

2002
01:30:39,511 --> 01:30:41,191
you would hit me and
not feel bad about it.

2003
01:30:42,914 --> 01:30:44,581
Okay.
Bring it!

2004
01:30:44,583 --> 01:30:46,116
I'm ready.

2005
01:30:46,118 --> 01:30:47,651
It's on now, dawg.

2006
01:30:48,152 --> 01:30:49,453
Girl fight.

2007
01:30:51,523 --> 01:30:53,857
My God.

2008
01:30:53,859 --> 01:30:55,425
Is there blood in my eye? My God.
Are you all right?

2009
01:30:55,427 --> 01:30:56,860
I think there's blood in my eye.

2010
01:30:56,862 --> 01:30:58,462
Fucking learn how to hit!

2011
01:31:00,398 --> 01:31:02,098
That's a little better!

2012
01:31:02,100 --> 01:31:04,260
That's a little better, motherfucker!
Come on! Come on!

2013
01:31:07,872 --> 01:31:09,973
No! No!
What?

2014
01:31:09,975 --> 01:31:11,908
What were you doing?
What am I doing?

2015
01:31:11,910 --> 01:31:13,176
Why'd you try to kiss me?

2016
01:31:13,178 --> 01:31:14,344
I didn't fucking
try and kiss you!

2017
01:31:14,346 --> 01:31:16,546
Yes, you did.
Ooh, you're so weird!

2018
01:31:16,548 --> 01:31:18,381
You're fucking
Mr. and Mrs. Smith-ing me.

2019
01:31:18,383 --> 01:31:19,883
I'm not
Mr. and Mrs. Smith-ing you.

2020
01:31:19,885 --> 01:31:21,251
This wasn't a sexy fight.

2021
01:31:21,253 --> 01:31:23,553
Like you haven't wanted
to kiss me the whole time.

2022
01:31:23,555 --> 01:31:25,889
I never once wanted to kiss you!

2023
01:31:25,891 --> 01:31:27,757
Never! No!

2024
01:31:27,759 --> 01:31:28,859
You just did it again!
Stop it! Stop!

2025
01:31:28,861 --> 01:31:30,393
You're making a face
that is sexy!

2026
01:31:30,395 --> 01:31:32,195
I don't even want to kiss you!

2027
01:31:32,197 --> 01:31:33,563
Then stop trying!

2028
01:31:33,565 --> 01:31:34,998
You keep trying!

2029
01:31:35,000 --> 01:31:36,633
I've never tried to kiss you.

2030
01:31:36,635 --> 01:31:37,567
You gave me kiss me eyes.

2031
01:31:37,569 --> 01:31:38,969
No, I didn't.

2032
01:31:38,971 --> 01:31:40,804
The eyes were I just got
punched in the face eyes.

2033
01:31:40,806 --> 01:31:42,072
They weren't kiss me eyes.

2034
01:31:42,074 --> 01:31:43,306
I don't even like you!

2035
01:31:43,308 --> 01:31:45,075
Neither do I,
so stop kissing me!

2036
01:31:45,077 --> 01:31:46,209
Okay!

2037
01:31:47,445 --> 01:31:49,212
No! You're leaning
in again!

2038
01:31:49,214 --> 01:31:50,747
I didn't know if we were
gonna punch or kiss!

2039
01:31:50,749 --> 01:31:52,249
You're making this
so uncomfortable.

2040
01:31:52,251 --> 01:31:55,118
This is the most uncomfortable
fistfight I've ever been in.

2041
01:31:55,120 --> 01:31:56,653
I'm gonna give you an out by
punching you in the face.

2042
01:31:56,655 --> 01:31:58,121
Okay?
Okay.

2043
01:31:58,123 --> 01:31:59,823
And then we're gonna
go back to fighting

2044
01:31:59,825 --> 01:32:01,091
and we'll pretend
this never happened,

2045
01:32:01,093 --> 01:32:02,158
'cause I feel so awkward.

2046
01:32:17,575 --> 01:32:18,942
I want to see you get crazy!

2047
01:32:24,348 --> 01:32:25,348
Whoo!

2048
01:32:50,908 --> 01:32:52,809
I fucking hate spring break!

2049
01:32:56,013 --> 01:32:57,280
Fuck!

2050
01:33:02,853 --> 01:33:04,354
Are you kidding me?
It's plastic.

2051
01:33:04,356 --> 01:33:05,989
Doesn't even hurt!
Okay...

2052
01:33:05,991 --> 01:33:07,591
This isn't the spring
break you imagined?

2053
01:33:08,092 --> 01:33:09,125
How about this?
You want a little fun?

2054
01:33:09,127 --> 01:33:10,226
What is that?

2055
01:33:10,228 --> 01:33:11,528
Get wet, baby!

2056
01:33:11,530 --> 01:33:13,196
So much lube in my face!

2057
01:33:15,601 --> 01:33:17,067
Lube on my face.

2058
01:33:20,171 --> 01:33:22,739
You're so violent!

2059
01:33:22,741 --> 01:33:24,841
Get off me unless
you're gonna fuck me!

2060
01:33:24,843 --> 01:33:26,109
I'm not gonna fuck you!

2061
01:33:26,111 --> 01:33:27,777
Are we gonna fuck?
No, we're not!

2062
01:33:27,779 --> 01:33:29,045
Is that what's happening?

2063
01:33:29,047 --> 01:33:30,647
No! I'm not gonna
fuck you, ever!

2064
01:33:30,649 --> 01:33:32,082
Get off!

2065
01:33:40,558 --> 01:33:41,725
Hey!

2066
01:33:42,493 --> 01:33:43,693
Hey!

2067
01:33:44,930 --> 01:33:46,463
What? What are
you gonna do?

2068
01:33:46,465 --> 01:33:48,665
Choke me with your
liver-spotted hands?

2069
01:33:48,667 --> 01:33:50,433
You gonna push me over
with your Walker?

2070
01:33:50,435 --> 01:33:52,035
I'm impressed you
caught up to me.

2071
01:33:52,037 --> 01:33:53,336
You probably
haven't run that fast

2072
01:33:53,338 --> 01:33:54,804
since you played
stickball in the field

2073
01:33:54,806 --> 01:33:56,706
behind old pop
Wiggleby's sweet shop.

2074
01:33:57,608 --> 01:33:59,376
Freeze, bitch.
Thank God.

2075
01:33:59,378 --> 01:34:01,945
Look who got off
the motherfucking leash.

2076
01:34:01,947 --> 01:34:03,380
- Now who's the damsel in distress?
- Fuck!

2077
01:34:03,382 --> 01:34:05,782
Well, I guess it's him.

2078
01:34:05,784 --> 01:34:06,950
I don't have
a clean shot, Schmidt.

2079
01:34:06,952 --> 01:34:08,218
Then don't take the shot!

2080
01:34:08,220 --> 01:34:10,286
Maybe I want to
take a dirty shot.

2081
01:34:10,288 --> 01:34:12,422
Kind of like the dirty shot
you took on my daughter.

2082
01:34:12,424 --> 01:34:15,659
I didn't take a dirty shot
on your daughter, okay?

2083
01:34:15,661 --> 01:34:18,395
We talked a lot, and we
care about each other.

2084
01:34:18,397 --> 01:34:20,063
All the good qualities you have,

2085
01:34:20,065 --> 01:34:21,998
I can feel inside of Maya.

2086
01:34:22,000 --> 01:34:23,233
I'm gonna take the shot.

2087
01:34:23,235 --> 01:34:24,934
Don't take the shot.

2088
01:34:24,936 --> 01:34:26,202
I can shoot right
through your shoulder,

2089
01:34:26,204 --> 01:34:27,804
hit the bitch
right in the chest.

2090
01:34:27,806 --> 01:34:29,639
Don't take the shot.
I'm taking the shot.

2091
01:34:29,641 --> 01:34:30,874
I'll take the fucking shot.

2092
01:34:30,876 --> 01:34:32,475
Nobody take the shot before me.

2093
01:34:32,477 --> 01:34:34,310
How about we take it at
the same time? No one take a shot.

2094
01:34:34,312 --> 01:34:35,912
Wait, wait, wait, wait!

2095
01:34:38,983 --> 01:34:41,051
Shit! You have the right
to remain silent...

2096
01:34:41,053 --> 01:34:42,385
No, no, no, I got this.

2097
01:34:42,387 --> 01:34:44,154
You go handle the ghost.
He's on the roof.

2098
01:34:44,156 --> 01:34:45,722
I'm on it.
I got it.

2099
01:34:45,724 --> 01:34:47,824
What you looking at?

2100
01:34:47,826 --> 01:34:49,325
Good job on the cuffs,
baby girl.

2101
01:34:57,402 --> 01:34:59,102
So many fucking stairs.

2102
01:35:04,809 --> 01:35:07,077
It's me! It's me!
Shit.

2103
01:35:07,079 --> 01:35:08,639
You made it, dude.
Did you get Mercedes?

2104
01:35:08,913 --> 01:35:10,413
Yeah. All by myself.

2105
01:35:10,415 --> 01:35:12,148
Really?

2106
01:35:12,150 --> 01:35:14,751
Mainly by myself.
Okay.

2107
01:35:14,753 --> 01:35:16,686
And, dude, you were right,
that lambo...

2108
01:35:16,688 --> 01:35:18,088
Just can't hear that right now.

2109
01:35:18,090 --> 01:35:19,622
It's a shitty-made car.
It's not good.

2110
01:35:19,624 --> 01:35:20,890
Hey, let's go.
We got to go.

2111
01:35:20,892 --> 01:35:22,092
How many bullets you got left?

2112
01:35:22,560 --> 01:35:24,360
None.

2113
01:35:24,362 --> 01:35:25,642
Act like you have bullets, then.

2114
01:35:36,707 --> 01:35:38,475
We gotta go!

2115
01:35:38,477 --> 01:35:39,597
We have to wait for pudding!

2116
01:35:46,450 --> 01:35:49,152
Jenko!

2117
01:36:01,132 --> 01:36:02,198
Go, go!

2118
01:36:05,570 --> 01:36:07,237
Here, take this.
Okay.

2119
01:36:07,239 --> 01:36:08,338
I tried to take
a bullet for you, man.

2120
01:36:08,340 --> 01:36:09,706
Yeah. But you didn't.

2121
01:36:09,708 --> 01:36:11,741
But I tried. It's the
thought that matters.

2122
01:36:11,743 --> 01:36:12,909
No, it's not
the thought that counts.

2123
01:36:12,911 --> 01:36:14,151
It's fucking taking the bullet.

2124
01:36:18,382 --> 01:36:19,516
Cover me.
I'm gonna go long.

2125
01:36:20,151 --> 01:36:21,251
Okay.

2126
01:36:45,342 --> 01:36:48,044
Bye-bye, Terminator!

2127
01:37:01,959 --> 01:37:03,593
Hey! Get off
of my chopper!

2128
01:37:04,628 --> 01:37:06,196
Can you shake him off?

2129
01:37:06,198 --> 01:37:08,565
I'm coming for you,
motherfucker!

2130
01:37:08,567 --> 01:37:10,647
Come on, just wiggle
the stick back and forth!

2131
01:37:12,036 --> 01:37:13,469
He's only got one arm!

2132
01:37:13,471 --> 01:37:15,305
I only need one arm to
punch you in the dick.

2133
01:37:16,974 --> 01:37:18,174
Shake him off! Shake him off!

2134
01:37:18,876 --> 01:37:20,376
Don't be a pussy!

2135
01:37:52,376 --> 01:37:53,943
Holy shit!

2136
01:37:53,945 --> 01:37:55,845
I did it!

2137
01:37:55,847 --> 01:37:57,614
I look so fucking badass!

2138
01:37:57,616 --> 01:37:58,715
My God, you flew!

2139
01:37:58,717 --> 01:37:59,782
This is crazy!

2140
01:37:59,784 --> 01:38:00,984
You made the leap, man!

2141
01:38:00,986 --> 01:38:02,352
Why'd you do that?

2142
01:38:02,354 --> 01:38:04,020
'Cause you did it!

2143
01:38:04,022 --> 01:38:05,421
I couldn't leave
you hanging, man!

2144
01:38:05,423 --> 01:38:06,756
What are you talking about?
I was fine. I had it.

2145
01:38:06,758 --> 01:38:07,758
You weren't...

2146
01:38:15,100 --> 01:38:17,033
I got you!
Shit! Schmidt!

2147
01:38:17,035 --> 01:38:18,201
I got you!

2148
01:38:18,203 --> 01:38:19,402
You saved my life!

2149
01:38:31,649 --> 01:38:33,917
I just realized something.

2150
01:38:33,919 --> 01:38:35,852
You don't hold me down, man.

2151
01:38:35,854 --> 01:38:37,086
You lift me up.

2152
01:38:37,088 --> 01:38:39,589
Literally and figuratively.

2153
01:38:39,591 --> 01:38:40,631
Yeah, I know.
I meant both.

2154
01:38:41,492 --> 01:38:43,359
You don't drag me down,
either, man.

2155
01:38:43,361 --> 01:38:44,994
I mean, except right now.

2156
01:38:44,996 --> 01:38:47,430
You're dragging me down.
You're really heavy.

2157
01:38:47,432 --> 01:38:49,465
Hey, listen, there's
a grenade in my shorts.

2158
01:38:49,467 --> 01:38:50,700
Can you reach it?

2159
01:38:50,702 --> 01:38:52,368
You gotta go in from underneath.

2160
01:38:52,370 --> 01:38:53,469
Shit!

2161
01:38:57,074 --> 01:38:58,508
Is that it?
That's my dick.

2162
01:38:58,510 --> 01:38:59,709
What about that?

2163
01:38:59,711 --> 01:39:00,711
That's my dick also.

2164
01:39:02,514 --> 01:39:04,347
Why is it hard?

2165
01:39:04,349 --> 01:39:06,416
I have so much
adrenaline right now!

2166
01:39:06,418 --> 01:39:08,151
Is that it?
You're tickling me.

2167
01:39:08,153 --> 01:39:09,419
I can't find it!

2168
01:39:09,421 --> 01:39:10,421
That's it! Grab it!

2169
01:39:12,056 --> 01:39:13,222
Yes!

2170
01:39:13,224 --> 01:39:14,924
No, I got it in my mouth.

2171
01:39:14,926 --> 01:39:16,225
Say something cool
when you throw it!

2172
01:39:16,227 --> 01:39:18,194
One, two, three!

2173
01:39:20,064 --> 01:39:22,231
Something cool!

2174
01:39:27,638 --> 01:39:28,638
They're gone!

2175
01:39:29,940 --> 01:39:31,574
I feel so...

2176
01:39:37,881 --> 01:39:39,148
Whoo-hoo!

2177
01:40:06,577 --> 01:40:07,877
We did it!

2178
01:40:07,879 --> 01:40:09,045
Dude, fuck, I'm...

2179
01:40:09,047 --> 01:40:11,080
Shit, sorry.

2180
01:40:11,082 --> 01:40:12,415
Dude, I miss you so much, man.

2181
01:40:12,417 --> 01:40:13,916
I miss you, too.

2182
01:40:13,918 --> 01:40:15,818
You were like a tiny
little flower seed

2183
01:40:15,820 --> 01:40:18,421
and I was clenching you
in my fist.

2184
01:40:18,423 --> 01:40:20,890
But a flower,
it can't grow in a fist.

2185
01:40:20,892 --> 01:40:24,227
A little seed needs to fly
away free and find its soil.

2186
01:40:24,229 --> 01:40:27,263
Yeah, I know. I tried to soil
myself and, dude, I didn't like it.

2187
01:40:27,265 --> 01:40:29,499
I wanted a relationship
without friction.

2188
01:40:29,501 --> 01:40:31,601
Dude, you need friction
to create fire.

2189
01:40:31,603 --> 01:40:34,370
And that's what we have,
we have fire.

2190
01:40:34,372 --> 01:40:36,606
Dude, I'm in.
I'm all in.

2191
01:40:36,608 --> 01:40:38,107
Thank God.

2192
01:40:38,109 --> 01:40:40,943
Dude, this is what I've always wanted.
Just me and you, buddy.

2193
01:40:40,945 --> 01:40:42,345
I love you.

2194
01:40:42,347 --> 01:40:43,713
Me, too, man.
I love you, man.

2195
01:40:46,650 --> 01:40:48,451
You know what?

2196
01:40:48,453 --> 01:40:49,773
That's who he should
be with, man.

2197
01:40:51,488 --> 01:40:53,756
What?

2198
01:40:53,758 --> 01:40:55,725
Hey, what'd you say when you
threw the grenade up there?

2199
01:40:55,727 --> 01:40:56,893
I said, something cool.

2200
01:40:56,895 --> 01:40:58,394
What did you say?

2201
01:40:58,396 --> 01:41:00,163
It was something cool.
No, but what'd you say?

2202
01:41:00,165 --> 01:41:01,645
Yeah, I know.
I said, something cool.

2203
01:41:04,501 --> 01:41:07,236
I didn't expect spring
break to be this stinky.

2204
01:41:07,238 --> 01:41:09,372
It's pretty gross.

2205
01:41:09,374 --> 01:41:12,075
Man, we're getting
too old for this shit.

2206
01:41:12,077 --> 01:41:14,677
We started off
too old for this shit.

2207
01:41:14,679 --> 01:41:16,679
You ain't lying about that.

2208
01:41:19,283 --> 01:41:23,186
Dude, we're even about the
arm thing, okay? Right?

2209
01:41:23,188 --> 01:41:24,287
What? What do you want to do?

2210
01:41:24,289 --> 01:41:25,555
Don't move.
Fuck. All right.

2211
01:41:25,557 --> 01:41:27,356
Just get it over with, all right?
Don't move.

2212
01:41:27,358 --> 01:41:28,791
One...
Just graze my arm.

2213
01:41:28,793 --> 01:41:30,426
I don't want you to hit the bone.
Two,

2214
01:41:30,428 --> 01:41:32,161
three.

2215
01:41:32,163 --> 01:41:34,130
Fuck! Fuck!
Shit!

2216
01:41:34,132 --> 01:41:35,698
My God, are you all right?
Shit!

2217
01:41:35,700 --> 01:41:37,733
Why, man? Why am I always
getting hurt around you?

2218
01:41:37,735 --> 01:41:38,835
- Jenko, what are you doing?
- Fuck you.

2219
01:41:38,837 --> 01:41:40,703
Fuck you, Schmidt.
Stop dicking around.

2220
01:41:40,705 --> 01:41:42,972
Hey, cap.
Congratulations, you two.

2221
01:41:42,974 --> 01:41:45,741
You managed to un-fuck up the
situation you originally fucked up.

2222
01:41:45,743 --> 01:41:47,243
Thanks.

2223
01:41:47,245 --> 01:41:48,611
I wish you can
un-fuck my daughter,

2224
01:41:48,613 --> 01:41:50,480
but I'm gonna let
that be the past.

2225
01:41:50,482 --> 01:41:52,949
Now, for your next mission,

2226
01:41:52,951 --> 01:41:56,018
you two sons of bitches
are going to medical school.

2227
01:41:56,020 --> 01:41:57,487
What?

2228
01:42:07,598 --> 01:42:09,765
This time,
foreign exchange students.

2229
01:42:09,767 --> 01:42:10,833
Awesome.
Yes!

2230
01:42:10,835 --> 01:42:11,835
In Russia.

2231
01:42:12,202 --> 01:42:13,236
What?

2232
01:42:15,139 --> 01:42:16,239
Do svidanya.

2233
01:42:16,241 --> 01:42:17,507
Vodka soda.

2234
01:42:22,746 --> 01:42:25,248
Next assignment.
A semester at sea.

2235
01:42:38,195 --> 01:42:41,497
You two sons of bitches
are going to culinary school.

2236
01:42:41,499 --> 01:42:42,832
There's a microchip
in this empanada.

2237
01:42:42,834 --> 01:42:44,867
Old family recipe.

2238
01:42:44,869 --> 01:42:46,235
Best to keep it a secret.

2239
01:42:48,438 --> 01:42:49,872
Shit!

2240
01:43:00,184 --> 01:43:01,851
New assignment...

2241
01:43:01,853 --> 01:43:03,573
Cap, does Schmidt look
any different to you?

2242
01:43:04,087 --> 01:43:05,788
No.
That's Schmidt.

2243
01:43:05,790 --> 01:43:07,290
I don't know what you're
talking about, man.

2244
01:43:07,292 --> 01:43:08,391
He look exactly the same to me.

2245
01:43:08,393 --> 01:43:09,959
I got new glasses.

2246
01:43:09,961 --> 01:43:12,628
Yeah, man, he just got some
new glasses, man. God damn.

2247
01:43:12,630 --> 01:43:14,310
No one's gonna fucking notice.

2248
01:43:16,099 --> 01:43:17,533
Let's do this, Schmidt.

2249
01:43:17,535 --> 01:43:20,536
Yeah. Just like we
always do, Jenkins.

2250
01:43:20,538 --> 01:43:22,271
It's jenko. Sorry.

2251
01:43:30,547 --> 01:43:33,015
I'm really, really glad
you're back, Schmidt.

2252
01:43:33,017 --> 01:43:34,750
What are you talking about?
What contract dispute?

2253
01:43:34,752 --> 01:43:36,886
I've been here the whole time.

2254
01:43:36,888 --> 01:43:37,887
Man, shut the fuck up.

2255
01:43:37,889 --> 01:43:39,455
How about a flight academy?

2256
01:43:50,567 --> 01:43:53,803
Undercover just got
a whole lot sexier.

2257
01:44:02,546 --> 01:44:03,846
You're jump street, right?

2258
01:44:03,848 --> 01:44:05,248
Yeah. How the fuck
do you know that?

2259
01:44:05,582 --> 01:44:07,116
I'm booker.

2260
01:44:07,118 --> 01:44:08,618
Shit.
Man, you're a legend.

2261
01:44:15,092 --> 01:44:16,092
Traffic school!

2262
01:44:16,827 --> 01:44:17,860
Military school.

2263
01:44:18,862 --> 01:44:19,862
Scuba class.

2264
01:44:20,764 --> 01:44:21,797
Dance academy.

2265
01:44:21,799 --> 01:44:23,266
Yes.

2266
01:44:23,268 --> 01:44:26,335
Finally something
I'm amazing at.

2267
01:44:33,578 --> 01:44:36,646
You sons of bitches
is gonna be in a video game.

2268
01:44:37,914 --> 01:44:39,115
Let's blow shit up.

2269
01:44:39,117 --> 01:44:40,750
Jump street style.

2270
01:44:46,524 --> 01:44:49,392
Get ready for a lifetime
of being badass motherfuckers.

2271
01:44:49,394 --> 01:44:52,028
It's inking in my mouth!

2272
01:44:52,030 --> 01:44:53,350
Don't fuck my daughter.

2273
01:45:16,054 --> 01:45:17,620
All right, new assignment.

2274
01:45:18,188 --> 01:45:19,789
Six hours of makeup?

2275
01:45:20,957 --> 01:45:22,358
We're getting too old
for this shit.

2276
01:45:22,360 --> 01:45:23,360
Nice.

2277
01:45:52,656 --> 01:45:54,457
Something cool!

2278
01:51:37,567 --> 01:51:38,734
Eric.

2279
01:51:40,036 --> 01:51:41,770
Eric, are you awake?

2280
01:51:43,206 --> 01:51:44,206
No.

2281
01:51:45,341 --> 01:51:46,341
I'm late.