1 00:00:32,602 --> 00:00:36,564 I need a father who's a role model, not some horny geek boy... 2 00:00:36,648 --> 00:00:41,319 who's going to spray his shorts whenever I bring a girlfriend home from school. 3 00:00:42,904 --> 00:00:45,323 What a lame-o. 4 00:00:47,617 --> 00:00:51,663 Someone really should just put him out of his misery. 5 00:00:53,957 --> 00:00:57,168 You want me to kill him for you? 6 00:01:04,175 --> 00:01:06,678 Yeah. Would you? 7 00:01:19,357 --> 00:01:22,485 My name is Lester Burnham. 8 00:01:22,569 --> 00:01:25,738 This is my neighborhood. 9 00:01:25,822 --> 00:01:28,741 This is my street. 10 00:01:28,825 --> 00:01:31,661 This is my life. 11 00:01:31,744 --> 00:01:36,749 I'm 42 years old. In less than a year, I'll be dead. 12 00:01:43,840 --> 00:01:47,093 Of course, I don't know that yet. 13 00:01:50,388 --> 00:01:54,684 And in a way, I'm dead already. 14 00:02:04,360 --> 00:02:07,989 Look at me: jerking off in the shower. 15 00:02:09,574 --> 00:02:14,871 This will be the high point of my day. It's all downhill from here. 16 00:02:19,375 --> 00:02:22,504 That's my wife, Carolyn. 17 00:02:22,587 --> 00:02:27,592 See the way the handle on those pruning shears matches her gardening clogs? 18 00:02:27,675 --> 00:02:30,720 That's not an accident. 19 00:02:30,804 --> 00:02:33,348 Hush, Bitsy! 20 00:02:33,431 --> 00:02:37,310 - Hush. What is wrong with you? - That's our next-door neighbor, Jim. 21 00:02:37,393 --> 00:02:41,314 And that's his lover, Jim. 22 00:02:41,397 --> 00:02:44,859 - You spoil her. Bitsy, no bark. Come inside now. - Me? 23 00:02:44,943 --> 00:02:47,904 - Come on. Yes. Inside. - Good morning, Jim! 24 00:02:47,987 --> 00:02:50,156 Good morning, Carolyn. 25 00:02:50,240 --> 00:02:54,452 I love your tie! That color! 26 00:02:54,536 --> 00:02:59,040 I just love your roses. How do you get them to flourish like this? 27 00:02:59,124 --> 00:03:02,836 Well, I'll tell you: eggshells and Miracle-Gro. 28 00:03:02,919 --> 00:03:07,423 - I've never heard that. - Man, I get exhausted just watching her. 29 00:03:07,507 --> 00:03:11,594 She wasn't always like this. She used to be happy. 30 00:03:14,097 --> 00:03:17,392 We used to be happy. 31 00:03:17,475 --> 00:03:21,646 My daughter Jane. Only child. 32 00:03:24,149 --> 00:03:27,402 Janie's a pretty typical teenager: 33 00:03:27,485 --> 00:03:31,739 angry, insecure, confused. 34 00:03:31,823 --> 00:03:37,036 I wish I could tell her that's all going to pass, but I don't want to lie to her. 35 00:03:40,915 --> 00:03:44,127 Jane, honey, are you trying to look unattractive? 36 00:03:44,210 --> 00:03:48,381 - Yes. - Congratulations. You've succeeded admirably. 37 00:03:48,465 --> 00:03:52,927 Lester, could you make me a little later, please, because I'm not quite late enough. 38 00:03:56,181 --> 00:03:58,600 Nice going, Dad. 39 00:03:58,683 --> 00:04:02,937 Both my wife and daughter think I'm this gigantic loser. 40 00:04:03,021 --> 00:04:05,982 And they're right. 41 00:04:06,065 --> 00:04:09,444 I have lost something. 42 00:04:09,527 --> 00:04:12,614 I'm not exactly sure what it is, 43 00:04:12,697 --> 00:04:16,242 but I know I didn't always feel this... 44 00:04:16,326 --> 00:04:18,244 sedated. 45 00:04:18,328 --> 00:04:21,039 But you know what? 46 00:04:21,122 --> 00:04:25,627 It's never too late to get it back. 47 00:04:25,752 --> 00:04:29,005 Hello. This is Lester Burnham from Media Monthly magazine. 48 00:04:29,088 --> 00:04:32,133 I'm calling for Mr. Tamblin, please. 49 00:04:32,217 --> 00:04:35,804 Well, we're all under a deadline here. You see, there's some basic information... 50 00:04:35,887 --> 00:04:40,308 about your product launch that isn't even covered in your press release, and I'd... 51 00:04:40,391 --> 00:04:43,269 Yeah, c... can I ask you a question? 52 00:04:43,353 --> 00:04:47,816 Who is Tamblin? Does he exist? 'Cause he doesn't ever seem to come in. 53 00:04:47,899 --> 00:04:50,693 Yeah. Okay. I'll leave my number. 54 00:04:50,777 --> 00:04:55,198 It's 555-0199. 55 00:04:55,281 --> 00:04:58,827 Lester Burnham. Thank you! 56 00:05:00,286 --> 00:05:04,374 Hey, Les. You got a minute? 57 00:05:04,457 --> 00:05:08,169 For you, Brad, I got five! 58 00:05:08,253 --> 00:05:12,715 So, yeah, I'm sure you can understand our need to cut corners around here. 59 00:05:12,799 --> 00:05:14,926 Oh, sure. Times are tight. 60 00:05:15,009 --> 00:05:18,388 You got to free up some cash. You got to spend money to make money. 61 00:05:18,471 --> 00:05:21,349 - Right? - Exactly. 62 00:05:21,432 --> 00:05:25,353 Like the time that Mr. Flournoy used the company MasterCard to pay for that hooker, 63 00:05:25,436 --> 00:05:29,566 and she used the card numbers and stayed at the St. Regis for, what was it, three months? 64 00:05:29,649 --> 00:05:33,695 - That's unsubstantiated gossip. - That's $50,000. That's somebody's salary. 65 00:05:33,778 --> 00:05:36,865 That's somebody who's going to get fired because Craig has to pay women to fuck him! 66 00:05:36,948 --> 00:05:38,950 Jesus! 67 00:05:39,033 --> 00:05:42,704 I mean, calm down. Nobody's getting fired yet. 68 00:05:42,787 --> 00:05:45,248 That's why we're having everyone... 69 00:05:45,331 --> 00:05:49,836 write out a job description mapping out in detail how they contribute. 70 00:05:49,919 --> 00:05:53,673 That way management can assess who's valuable... 71 00:05:53,756 --> 00:05:56,468 And who's expendable. 72 00:05:56,551 --> 00:05:59,220 It's just business. 73 00:05:59,304 --> 00:06:02,557 I've been writing for this magazine for 14 years. 74 00:06:02,640 --> 00:06:06,895 - You've been here how long? A whole month? - I'm one of the good guys, Les. 75 00:06:06,978 --> 00:06:09,814 I'm trying to level with you. 76 00:06:09,898 --> 00:06:13,401 This is your one chance to save your job. 77 00:06:14,986 --> 00:06:17,697 There is no decision. You just write the damn thing. 78 00:06:17,781 --> 00:06:20,784 - You don't think it's weird and kind of fascist? - Possibly. 79 00:06:20,867 --> 00:06:22,827 - But you don't want to be unemployed. - All right. 80 00:06:22,911 --> 00:06:25,622 Let's just all sell our souls and work for Satan 'cause it's more convenient that way. 81 00:06:25,705 --> 00:06:28,750 Oh, could you be a little bit more dramatic, please, huh? 82 00:06:28,833 --> 00:06:31,044 So, we finally got new neighbors. 83 00:06:31,127 --> 00:06:35,715 You know, if the Lomans had let me represent them instead of the Real Estate King, 84 00:06:35,799 --> 00:06:38,301 that house would never have sat on the market for six months. 85 00:06:38,384 --> 00:06:41,137 Well, they were still mad at you for cutting down their sycamore. 86 00:06:41,221 --> 00:06:43,807 Their sycamore? Come on. 87 00:06:43,890 --> 00:06:46,601 A substantial portion of the root structure was on our property. 88 00:06:46,684 --> 00:06:49,646 You know that. How can you call it their sycamore? 89 00:06:49,729 --> 00:06:54,818 I wouldn't have the heart to just cut down something if it wasn't partially mine, which, of course, it was. 90 00:07:04,035 --> 00:07:09,040 Mom, do we always have to listen to this elevator music? 91 00:07:10,500 --> 00:07:12,836 No. No, we don't. 92 00:07:12,919 --> 00:07:16,840 And as soon you've prepared a nutritious yet savory meal that I'm about to eat, 93 00:07:16,923 --> 00:07:19,884 you can listen to whatever you like. 94 00:07:22,929 --> 00:07:26,808 So, Janie, how was school? 95 00:07:26,891 --> 00:07:29,269 It was okay. 96 00:07:29,352 --> 00:07:31,771 Just okay? 97 00:07:31,855 --> 00:07:35,942 No, Dad. It was spectacular. 98 00:07:38,903 --> 00:07:41,823 Well, you want to know how things went in my job today? 99 00:07:41,906 --> 00:07:44,325 They've hired this efficiency expert, 100 00:07:44,409 --> 00:07:47,120 this really friendly guy named Brad... 101 00:07:47,203 --> 00:07:51,624 How perfect is that? And he's basically there to make it seem they're justified... 102 00:07:51,708 --> 00:07:55,170 in firing somebody, because they couldn't just come out and say that, could they? 103 00:07:55,253 --> 00:07:58,548 No, no. That would just be too honest. So they've asked us... 104 00:07:58,631 --> 00:08:02,135 You couldn't possibly care less, could you? 105 00:08:02,218 --> 00:08:04,345 What do you expect? 106 00:08:04,429 --> 00:08:08,683 You can't all of a sudden be my best friend just because you had a bad day. 107 00:08:10,351 --> 00:08:14,522 I mean, hello, you've barely even spoken to me for months. 108 00:08:20,111 --> 00:08:23,615 Oh, what? You're "Mother of the Year"? 109 00:08:23,698 --> 00:08:27,160 You treat her like an employee. - What? 110 00:08:29,078 --> 00:08:31,873 What? 111 00:08:31,956 --> 00:08:34,626 I'm going to get some ice cream. 112 00:08:43,301 --> 00:08:45,261 Janie... 113 00:08:46,471 --> 00:08:51,392 I'm sorry I haven't been more available. 114 00:08:51,476 --> 00:08:53,728 I'm just... I... 115 00:08:56,022 --> 00:08:59,943 You know, you don't always have to wait for me to come to you. 116 00:09:00,026 --> 00:09:03,071 Oh, great. So now it's my fault? 117 00:09:03,154 --> 00:09:06,574 I didn't say that. It's nobody's fault. It... 118 00:09:07,784 --> 00:09:11,037 Janie, what happened? We used to be pals. 119 00:10:50,929 --> 00:10:53,973 I will sell this house today. 120 00:11:04,400 --> 00:11:09,364 I will sell this house today. I will sell this house today. 121 00:11:23,294 --> 00:11:26,297 I will sell this house today. 122 00:11:34,389 --> 00:11:37,183 Welcome. I'm Carolyn Burnham. 123 00:11:37,267 --> 00:11:40,311 This living room is very dramatic. 124 00:11:40,395 --> 00:11:43,273 Wait till you see the native stone fireplace! 125 00:11:43,356 --> 00:11:48,862 A simple cream could really lighten things up. You could even put in a skylight. 126 00:11:51,614 --> 00:11:53,741 Well, why don't we go into the kitchen? 127 00:11:53,825 --> 00:11:57,203 It's a dream come true for any cook. 128 00:11:57,287 --> 00:12:00,623 Just filled with positive energy, huh? 129 00:12:00,707 --> 00:12:06,212 And you'll be surprised how much a ceiling fan can cut down on your energy costs. 130 00:12:09,174 --> 00:12:13,803 You know, you could have some fun backyard get-togethers out here. 131 00:12:13,887 --> 00:12:17,265 The ad said this pool was lagoon-like. There's nothing lagoon-like about it. 132 00:12:17,348 --> 00:12:21,811 Except for maybe the bugs. There aren't even any plants out here. 133 00:12:21,895 --> 00:12:24,814 What do you call this? Is this not a plant? 134 00:12:24,898 --> 00:12:28,318 If you have a problem with the plants, I can always call my landscape architect. 135 00:12:28,401 --> 00:12:32,989 - Solved. - I mean, I think "lagoon," I think waterfall, tropical. 136 00:12:33,072 --> 00:12:36,034 This is a cement hole. 137 00:12:37,160 --> 00:12:39,078 Uh... 138 00:12:39,162 --> 00:12:42,290 I have some tiki torches in the garage. 139 00:13:13,822 --> 00:13:17,575 Shut up! Stop it! You weak... You baby! 140 00:13:17,659 --> 00:13:20,620 Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! 141 00:14:05,748 --> 00:14:07,876 Who are you looking for? 142 00:14:07,959 --> 00:14:10,587 My parents are coming tonight. 143 00:14:10,670 --> 00:14:14,340 They're trying to, you know, take an active interest in me. 144 00:14:14,424 --> 00:14:17,385 Gross. I hate it when my mom does that. 145 00:14:17,469 --> 00:14:21,473 They're such assholes. Why can't they just have their own lives? 146 00:14:24,434 --> 00:14:28,563 What makes you sure she wants us to be there? Did she ask us to come? 147 00:14:28,646 --> 00:14:32,025 Of course not. She doesn't want us to know how important this is to her. 148 00:14:32,108 --> 00:14:34,235 But she's been practicing for weeks. 149 00:14:34,319 --> 00:14:38,615 I'll bet she's going to resent it, and I'm missing the James Bond marathon on T.N.T. 150 00:14:38,698 --> 00:14:43,745 Lester, this is important. I'm sensing a real distance growing between you and Jane. 151 00:14:43,828 --> 00:14:46,623 "Growing"? She hates me. 152 00:14:46,706 --> 00:14:50,710 - She's just willful. - She hates you too. 153 00:14:58,635 --> 00:15:01,721 - Excuse me. Sorry. I'm sorry. - Pardon me. 154 00:15:01,805 --> 00:15:04,265 Hi! Patty! 155 00:15:04,349 --> 00:15:07,310 Now, for your halftime entertainment, 156 00:15:07,393 --> 00:15:11,731 Rockwell High's award-winning Dancing Spartanettes! 157 00:15:11,815 --> 00:15:14,442 We can leave right after this, right? 158 00:17:27,992 --> 00:17:30,578 Shit. They're still here. 159 00:17:30,662 --> 00:17:32,747 Janie! 160 00:17:32,831 --> 00:17:35,041 Hey, I really enjoyed that. 161 00:17:35,125 --> 00:17:38,086 - Congratulations, honey. You were great. - I didn't win anything. 162 00:17:38,169 --> 00:17:41,840 - Hi. I'm Lester, Janie's dad. - Oh, hi. 163 00:17:44,467 --> 00:17:47,095 This is my friend, Angela Hayes. 164 00:17:47,178 --> 00:17:50,557 Okay. Good to meet you. 165 00:17:50,640 --> 00:17:55,937 You were also good tonight, very... precise. 166 00:17:56,020 --> 00:17:58,940 - Thanks. - Nice to meet you, Angela. 167 00:17:59,023 --> 00:18:01,734 Honey... I am so proud of you. 168 00:18:01,818 --> 00:18:05,613 You know, I watched you very closely. You didn't screw up once. 169 00:18:06,698 --> 00:18:09,868 Okay, uh, we have to go. 170 00:18:09,951 --> 00:18:12,495 - So what are you girls doing now? - Dad. 171 00:18:12,579 --> 00:18:15,832 - We're going out for pizza. - Really? Do you need a ride? We can give you a ride. 172 00:18:15,915 --> 00:18:19,627 - I have a car. You want to come with us? - Thanks, but I have a car. 173 00:18:19,711 --> 00:18:23,506 You have a car. That's great. That's great. 174 00:18:23,590 --> 00:18:26,468 Janie's thinking about getting a car, too, soon, aren't you? 175 00:18:26,551 --> 00:18:29,888 Dad, Mom's waiting for you. 176 00:18:31,890 --> 00:18:34,476 Well, it was very nice meeting you, Angela. 177 00:18:34,559 --> 00:18:37,020 Any friend of Janie's... 178 00:18:37,103 --> 00:18:41,608 is a... friend of mine. 179 00:18:44,778 --> 00:18:48,740 Well... I'll be seeing you around, then. 180 00:18:52,577 --> 00:18:57,207 Could he be any more... pathetic? 181 00:18:57,290 --> 00:19:00,251 I think he's sweet. 182 00:19:00,335 --> 00:19:05,548 And I think he and your mother have not had sex in a long time. 183 00:19:22,023 --> 00:19:25,110 It's the weirdest thing. 184 00:19:25,193 --> 00:19:28,655 I feel like I've been in a coma for about 20 years... 185 00:19:28,738 --> 00:19:31,908 and I'm just now waking up. 186 00:20:02,272 --> 00:20:05,650 Spec-tacular. 187 00:20:14,492 --> 00:20:17,871 I'm so sorry my dad was weird tonight. 188 00:20:19,831 --> 00:20:21,791 That's okay. 189 00:20:21,875 --> 00:20:24,210 I'm used to guys drooling over me. 190 00:20:25,295 --> 00:20:27,755 It started when I was about 12. 191 00:20:27,839 --> 00:20:30,925 I'd go to dinner with my parents. 192 00:20:31,009 --> 00:20:34,137 Every Thursday night: Red Lobster. 193 00:20:34,220 --> 00:20:37,182 Every guy there would stare at me when I walked in. 194 00:20:37,265 --> 00:20:39,434 And I knew what they were thinking, 195 00:20:39,517 --> 00:20:43,438 just like I knew guys at school thought about me when they jerked off. 196 00:20:43,521 --> 00:20:46,274 - Vomit. - No. I liked it. 197 00:20:46,357 --> 00:20:50,945 I still like it. If people I don't even know look at me and want to fuck me, 198 00:20:51,029 --> 00:20:55,200 it means I really have a shot at being a model. 199 00:20:55,283 --> 00:20:57,577 Which is great, 200 00:20:57,660 --> 00:21:01,706 because there's nothing worse in life than being ordinary. 201 00:21:06,002 --> 00:21:08,421 I really think it'll happen for you. 202 00:21:09,506 --> 00:21:11,424 I know. 203 00:21:11,508 --> 00:21:16,179 Because everything that was meant to happen, does... eventually. 204 00:21:40,787 --> 00:21:43,331 Asshole. 205 00:22:48,521 --> 00:22:51,983 Hello? Hello? 206 00:23:08,208 --> 00:23:10,460 - Hello? - Why'd you call me? 207 00:23:10,543 --> 00:23:12,462 I didn't. 208 00:23:12,545 --> 00:23:15,089 Well, my phone just rang and I answered it, and somebody hung up. 209 00:23:15,173 --> 00:23:19,803 - And I star-69'ed, and I called you back. - Well, I was in the shower. 210 00:23:23,681 --> 00:23:25,809 Oh, gross! 211 00:23:41,658 --> 00:23:44,285 Ricky! Breakfast! 212 00:23:45,954 --> 00:23:48,373 Be right there. 213 00:23:56,589 --> 00:23:58,466 - Mom. - Hello. 214 00:23:58,550 --> 00:24:01,886 I don't eat bacon, remember? 215 00:24:03,054 --> 00:24:06,015 I'm sorry. I must've forgotten. 216 00:24:16,109 --> 00:24:19,070 What's new in the world, Dad? 217 00:24:19,154 --> 00:24:22,949 This country is going straight to hell. 218 00:24:29,956 --> 00:24:32,834 - Are you expecting anyone? - No. 219 00:24:35,837 --> 00:24:38,173 No. 220 00:24:45,013 --> 00:24:47,182 - Hi. - Welcome to the neighborhood. 221 00:24:47,265 --> 00:24:49,476 - It's just a little something from our garden. - Except for the pasta. 222 00:24:49,559 --> 00:24:52,187 - We got that at Fallaci's. - Right. It's unbelievably fresh. 223 00:24:52,270 --> 00:24:55,857 You just... You drop it in the water, and it's done. 224 00:24:55,940 --> 00:24:59,778 Jim Olmeyer. Two doors down. Welcome to the neighborhood. 225 00:24:59,861 --> 00:25:02,197 Colonel Frank Fitts, U.S. Marine Corps. 226 00:25:02,280 --> 00:25:05,909 - It's nice to meet you. This is my partner... - Jim Berkley, but call me J.B. 227 00:25:05,992 --> 00:25:09,287 Let's cut to chase, okay? What are you guys selling? 228 00:25:09,370 --> 00:25:13,458 - We... - Nothing. We just wanted to say hi to our new neighbors. 229 00:25:13,541 --> 00:25:19,088 Yeah, yeah, yeah. You said you're partners, so what's your business? 230 00:25:20,715 --> 00:25:24,719 Well... he is a tax attorney. 231 00:25:24,803 --> 00:25:27,806 And he's an anesthesiologist. 232 00:25:36,481 --> 00:25:40,944 How come these faggots always have to rub it in your face? 233 00:25:41,027 --> 00:25:44,114 How can they be so shameless? 234 00:25:45,573 --> 00:25:48,785 That's the whole thing, Dad. 235 00:25:48,868 --> 00:25:52,163 They don't feel that's anything to be ashamed of. 236 00:25:53,289 --> 00:25:55,792 Well, it is. 237 00:25:57,502 --> 00:26:01,840 - Yeah, you're right. - Don't placate me like I'm your mother, boy. 238 00:26:04,801 --> 00:26:07,637 Forgive me, sir, for speaking so bluntly, 239 00:26:07,720 --> 00:26:10,765 but those fags make me want to puke my fucking guts out. 240 00:26:18,523 --> 00:26:23,695 Well, me too, son. Yeah. Me too. 241 00:26:28,741 --> 00:26:32,704 I'm serious. He just pulled down his pants and yanked it out. 242 00:26:32,787 --> 00:26:36,458 - You know, like, "Say hello to Mr. Happy." - Gross! 243 00:26:36,541 --> 00:26:41,379 - It wasn't gross. It was kind of cool. - So did you do it with him? 244 00:26:41,463 --> 00:26:45,800 Of course. He's a really well-known photographer. 245 00:26:45,884 --> 00:26:48,636 He shoots for Elle on, like, a regular basis. 246 00:26:48,720 --> 00:26:53,475 - It would've been majorly stupid of me to turn him down. - You are a total prostitute. 247 00:26:53,558 --> 00:26:57,687 Hey, that's how things really are. 248 00:26:57,771 --> 00:27:01,608 You just don't know because you're this pampered little suburban chick. 249 00:27:01,691 --> 00:27:05,278 So are you. You've only been in Seventeen once, and you looked fat. 250 00:27:05,361 --> 00:27:09,032 So stop acting like you're goddamn Christy Turlington! 251 00:27:11,367 --> 00:27:13,286 Cunt! 252 00:27:14,746 --> 00:27:18,249 I am so sick of people taking their insecurities out on me. 253 00:27:19,959 --> 00:27:24,255 - Oh, my God. That's the pervert who filmed me last night. - Him? 254 00:27:24,339 --> 00:27:27,383 Jane. No way. He's a total lunatic. 255 00:27:27,467 --> 00:27:29,385 - Do you know him? - Yeah. 256 00:27:29,469 --> 00:27:31,679 We were on the same lunch shift when I was in ninth grade, 257 00:27:31,763 --> 00:27:35,308 and he would always save the most random, weird things. 258 00:27:35,391 --> 00:27:39,771 And then one day, he was just, like, gone. 259 00:27:39,854 --> 00:27:45,693 And then Connie Cardullo told me that his parents had to put him in a mental institution. 260 00:27:45,777 --> 00:27:47,904 Why? What did he do? 261 00:27:47,987 --> 00:27:50,865 What do you mean? 262 00:27:50,949 --> 00:27:55,078 Well, they can't put you away just for saying weird things. 263 00:27:57,497 --> 00:28:02,627 You total slut. You've got a crush on him. 264 00:28:02,710 --> 00:28:05,505 - What? Please! - You are defending him. You love him. 265 00:28:05,588 --> 00:28:08,883 - You want to have, like, 10,000 of his babies. - Shut up. 266 00:28:08,967 --> 00:28:13,221 Hi. My name's Ricky. I just moved next door to you. 267 00:28:13,304 --> 00:28:15,348 I know. 268 00:28:15,431 --> 00:28:19,561 I kind of remember this creepy incident where you were filming me last night? 269 00:28:19,644 --> 00:28:23,731 - I didn't mean to scare you. I just think you're interesting. - Thanks. 270 00:28:23,815 --> 00:28:28,445 But I really don't need to have some psycho obsessing about me right now. 271 00:28:29,487 --> 00:28:33,491 I'm not obsessing. I'm just curious. 272 00:28:48,631 --> 00:28:50,592 What a freak. 273 00:28:50,675 --> 00:28:53,970 And why does he dress like a Bible salesman? 274 00:28:54,053 --> 00:28:57,182 He's, like, so confident. 275 00:28:57,265 --> 00:29:00,310 That can't be real. 276 00:29:00,393 --> 00:29:02,937 I don't believe him. 277 00:29:03,021 --> 00:29:07,108 I mean, he didn't even, like, look at me once. 278 00:29:12,238 --> 00:29:16,326 - How'd you get in the Army? - Sergeant, I got three reasons for being in the Army. 279 00:29:16,409 --> 00:29:20,455 First, I'm patriotic. Second, I love my country. And third, they nailed me. 280 00:29:34,886 --> 00:29:36,805 Hey. 281 00:29:39,891 --> 00:29:43,561 - What's going on here? - Bend all the way down. Here comes the Bull of the Woods. 282 00:29:46,481 --> 00:29:49,067 I'm sorry. What? 283 00:29:50,151 --> 00:29:52,529 Mom, nobody said anything. 284 00:29:52,612 --> 00:29:55,073 Oh. I'm sorry. 285 00:30:01,579 --> 00:30:03,623 Everyone here is with their spouse or significant other. 286 00:30:03,706 --> 00:30:06,751 - How would it look if I showed up with no one? - You always end up ignoring me. 287 00:30:06,835 --> 00:30:10,338 Now, listen to me. This is an important business function. 288 00:30:10,421 --> 00:30:13,591 As you know, my business is selling an image, 289 00:30:13,675 --> 00:30:16,010 and part of my job is to live that image. 290 00:30:16,094 --> 00:30:20,557 Honey, do me a favor and say whatever you want to say and spare me the propaganda. 291 00:30:20,640 --> 00:30:23,560 All right. Hi, Shirley! 292 00:30:25,103 --> 00:30:27,981 Listen. Just do me a favor. Act happy tonight. 293 00:30:28,064 --> 00:30:32,861 - I am happy, honey! - You're not... Oh, that's Buddy! 294 00:30:32,944 --> 00:30:36,406 - Buddy! Buddy! Hi! - Hi. 295 00:30:36,489 --> 00:30:38,950 Good to see you again. 296 00:30:39,033 --> 00:30:42,537 - It's so good to see you too, Catherine. - Carolyn. 297 00:30:42,620 --> 00:30:45,582 Oh, Carolyn! Of course. How are you? 298 00:30:45,665 --> 00:30:49,627 - Very well, thank you. Hello, Christy. - Hello. 299 00:30:50,795 --> 00:30:53,673 - My husband, Lester. - It's a pleasure. 300 00:30:53,756 --> 00:30:58,887 Oh, we've met before, actually. This thing last year. Christmas at the Sheraton. 301 00:30:58,970 --> 00:31:01,222 Oh, yeah! 302 00:31:01,306 --> 00:31:04,434 Oh, it's okay. I wouldn't remember me either. 303 00:31:08,480 --> 00:31:10,982 Honey, don't be weird. 304 00:31:11,065 --> 00:31:13,902 - All right, honey. I won't be weird. - Okay. 305 00:31:13,985 --> 00:31:17,238 I'll be whatever you want me to be. 306 00:31:17,322 --> 00:31:19,824 Well, oka... 307 00:31:29,667 --> 00:31:33,755 - We have a very healthy relationship. - I see. 308 00:31:37,175 --> 00:31:40,303 Well, I don't know about you guys, but I need a drink. 309 00:31:40,386 --> 00:31:43,097 Ohh. 310 00:31:45,600 --> 00:31:48,686 Whoa, whoa, whoa. Put a little more in there, cowboy. 311 00:32:04,536 --> 00:32:09,833 Excuse me. Don't you live on Robin Hood Trail? The house with the red door? 312 00:32:09,916 --> 00:32:14,838 - Yeah. - I'm Ricky Fitts. I just moved in the house next to you. 313 00:32:14,921 --> 00:32:19,175 Oh. Hi, Ricky Fitts. I'm Lester Burnham. 314 00:32:19,259 --> 00:32:21,803 Hi, Lester Burnham. 315 00:32:31,896 --> 00:32:35,316 - Do you party? - Excuse me? 316 00:32:35,400 --> 00:32:38,611 Do you get high? 317 00:32:41,156 --> 00:32:45,910 You know, I probably wouldn't even tell you this if I weren't a little tipsy, but... 318 00:32:47,412 --> 00:32:50,248 I'm in complete awe of you. 319 00:32:50,331 --> 00:32:52,750 I mean, your firm... 320 00:32:52,834 --> 00:32:56,838 is hands-down the Rolls-Royce of local real estate firms, 321 00:32:56,921 --> 00:33:00,425 and your personal sales record is... 322 00:33:00,508 --> 00:33:04,554 It's very intimidating. 323 00:33:04,637 --> 00:33:09,642 You know, I'd love to sit down with you and just pick your brain, 324 00:33:09,726 --> 00:33:12,604 if you'd ever be willing. 325 00:33:14,189 --> 00:33:17,692 You know, I suppose technically I'm the competition, 326 00:33:17,776 --> 00:33:21,488 but I mean, hey, I don't flatter myself... 327 00:33:21,571 --> 00:33:25,074 that I'm even in the same league as you. 328 00:33:25,158 --> 00:33:27,368 I don't. 329 00:33:27,452 --> 00:33:29,412 I'd love to. 330 00:33:30,997 --> 00:33:33,917 - Really? - Absolutely. 331 00:33:34,000 --> 00:33:37,295 Call my secretary. Have her schedule a lunch. 332 00:33:38,838 --> 00:33:41,633 I'll do that. Thank you. 333 00:33:47,806 --> 00:33:51,309 Did you ever see that movie where the body is walking around... 334 00:33:51,392 --> 00:33:54,604 carrying its own head, and then the head goes down on that babe? 335 00:33:54,687 --> 00:33:57,565 Re-Animator. 336 00:33:59,818 --> 00:34:01,778 Look. 337 00:34:01,861 --> 00:34:05,240 I'm not paying you to do whatever it is you're doing out here. 338 00:34:05,323 --> 00:34:08,243 Fine. So don't pay me. 339 00:34:08,326 --> 00:34:10,411 Excuse me? 340 00:34:10,495 --> 00:34:15,416 I quit, so you don't have to pay me. Now leave me alone. 341 00:34:17,669 --> 00:34:19,921 Asshole. 342 00:34:24,551 --> 00:34:27,762 I think you just became my personal hero. 343 00:34:27,846 --> 00:34:31,307 Doesn't that make you nervous, just quitting your job like that? 344 00:34:33,017 --> 00:34:36,229 Well, I guess when you're all of, what, 16... 345 00:34:36,312 --> 00:34:40,775 Eighteen. I just do these gigs as a cover. 346 00:34:40,859 --> 00:34:43,945 I have other sources of income. 347 00:34:44,028 --> 00:34:46,656 But my dad interferes less in my life when I pretend... 348 00:34:46,739 --> 00:34:50,076 to be an upstanding young citizen with a respectable job. 349 00:34:50,160 --> 00:34:52,245 Lester? 350 00:34:55,081 --> 00:34:59,294 - What are you doing? - Honey, this is... Ricky Fitts. 351 00:34:59,377 --> 00:35:03,214 This is Ricky Fitts. 352 00:35:05,633 --> 00:35:08,636 I'm Ricky Fitts. I just moved into the house next to you. 353 00:35:08,720 --> 00:35:11,723 I go to school with your daughter. 354 00:35:11,806 --> 00:35:14,434 - With Jane? - Yeah. 355 00:35:14,517 --> 00:35:17,228 - Really? - Jane. 356 00:35:17,312 --> 00:35:21,900 Hi. I'm ready to go. I'll meet you out front. 357 00:35:25,945 --> 00:35:29,908 Oh, I'm in trouble. 358 00:35:31,284 --> 00:35:34,370 Nice meeting you, Ricky. Thanks for the thing. 359 00:35:34,454 --> 00:35:37,332 Anytime. Lester? 360 00:35:37,415 --> 00:35:41,002 If you want any more, you know where I live. 361 00:35:54,432 --> 00:35:58,812 Oh, shit. They're home. Quick. Let's go up to my room. 362 00:35:58,895 --> 00:36:01,356 I should say hi to your dad. 363 00:36:01,439 --> 00:36:04,567 I don't want to be rude. 364 00:36:16,287 --> 00:36:18,498 Nice suit. 365 00:36:19,624 --> 00:36:21,626 You're looking good, Mr. Burnham. 366 00:36:21,709 --> 00:36:25,463 Last time I saw you, you looked kind of wound up. 367 00:36:29,175 --> 00:36:31,469 Ooh, is that root beer? 368 00:37:31,029 --> 00:37:33,114 I love root beer, don't you? 369 00:37:35,575 --> 00:37:37,494 - Hey. - Hi, Mom. 370 00:37:37,577 --> 00:37:39,788 - Hi. - Remember Angela? 371 00:37:39,871 --> 00:37:41,956 Yes, of course. 372 00:37:42,040 --> 00:37:45,794 I forgot to tell you. She's going to spend the night. Is that okay? 373 00:37:53,718 --> 00:37:57,305 - Sorry about my dad. - Don't be. I think it's funny. 374 00:37:57,388 --> 00:38:02,435 Yeah, to you he's just another guy who wants to jump your bones. 375 00:38:02,519 --> 00:38:07,357 But to me, he's just... too embarrassing to live. 376 00:38:08,817 --> 00:38:12,570 Well, your mom's the one who's embarrassing. What a phony. 377 00:38:12,654 --> 00:38:15,907 - But your dad's actually kind of cute. - Shut up. 378 00:38:15,990 --> 00:38:19,744 He is. If he just worked out a little, he'd be hot. 379 00:38:19,828 --> 00:38:21,788 - Shut up! - Come on. 380 00:38:21,871 --> 00:38:26,751 Like you've never sneaked a peek at him in his underwear? I bet he's got a big dick. 381 00:38:26,835 --> 00:38:29,170 You are so grossing me out right now. 382 00:38:29,254 --> 00:38:32,507 If he built up his chest and arms, I would totally fuck him. 383 00:38:32,590 --> 00:38:36,845 I would. I would suck your dad's big fat dick, 384 00:38:36,928 --> 00:38:40,014 and then I'd fuck him until his eyes rolled back in his head. 385 00:38:40,098 --> 00:38:43,768 Jane, shh. What was that noise? 386 00:38:46,438 --> 00:38:49,107 - I swear I heard something. - Yeah. 387 00:38:49,190 --> 00:38:52,152 That was the sound of you being a huge, disgusting pig. 388 00:38:52,235 --> 00:38:54,696 No, I'm serious. 389 00:38:54,779 --> 00:38:57,532 See? 390 00:38:57,615 --> 00:39:00,910 - Oh, my God. Jane. - What is it? 391 00:39:03,997 --> 00:39:07,417 It's that psycho next door. 392 00:39:07,500 --> 00:39:09,669 Jane, what if he worships you? 393 00:39:09,752 --> 00:39:14,883 What if he's got a shrine with pictures of you surrounded by dead people's heads and stuff? 394 00:39:14,966 --> 00:39:18,428 Shit. I bet he's filming us right now. 395 00:39:18,511 --> 00:39:20,472 Really? 396 00:40:51,062 --> 00:40:54,983 Welcome to America's Weirdest Home Videos. 397 00:41:19,424 --> 00:41:22,635 Ricky? 398 00:41:22,719 --> 00:41:25,054 Coming, Dad. 399 00:41:25,138 --> 00:41:28,683 You know I don't like locked doors in my house, boy. 400 00:41:34,272 --> 00:41:37,859 - I'm sorry. I must've locked it by accident. - Mm. 401 00:41:38,943 --> 00:41:41,571 So what's up? 402 00:41:43,656 --> 00:41:46,409 I... I need a urine sample. 403 00:41:46,493 --> 00:41:48,411 Wow. 404 00:41:48,495 --> 00:41:51,206 It's been six months already. 405 00:41:51,289 --> 00:41:54,375 Can I give it to you in the morning? I just took a whiz. 406 00:41:54,459 --> 00:41:56,586 Yeah. I suppose. 407 00:42:00,507 --> 00:42:03,301 Y-You know... 408 00:42:10,809 --> 00:42:14,646 Well, good night, son. 409 00:43:20,920 --> 00:43:23,006 I've been waiting for you. 410 00:43:43,777 --> 00:43:46,321 You've been working out, haven't you? 411 00:43:46,404 --> 00:43:48,573 I can tell. 412 00:43:50,074 --> 00:43:53,161 I was hoping you could give me a bath. 413 00:43:53,244 --> 00:43:55,789 I'm very, very dirty. 414 00:44:28,738 --> 00:44:30,990 What are you doing? 415 00:44:32,325 --> 00:44:34,369 Nothing. 416 00:44:34,452 --> 00:44:37,038 - You were masturbating. - I was not. 417 00:44:37,122 --> 00:44:39,916 Yes, you were. 418 00:44:39,999 --> 00:44:43,753 Oh, all right. So shoot me. I was whacking off. 419 00:44:43,837 --> 00:44:47,423 That's right. I was choking the bishop, chafing the carrot. 420 00:44:47,507 --> 00:44:50,426 You know, saying "hi" to my monster. 421 00:44:50,510 --> 00:44:52,429 That's disgusting. 422 00:44:52,512 --> 00:44:55,640 Well, excuse me, but some of us still have blood pumping through our veins. 423 00:44:55,723 --> 00:44:57,976 - So do I. - Really? 424 00:44:58,059 --> 00:45:02,397 Well, I'm the only one who seems to be doing anything about it. 425 00:45:02,480 --> 00:45:06,067 Lester, I refuse to live like this! 426 00:45:06,151 --> 00:45:08,111 This is not a marriage. 427 00:45:08,194 --> 00:45:11,281 This hasn't been a marriage for years, 428 00:45:11,364 --> 00:45:14,325 but you were happy as long as I kept my mouth shut. 429 00:45:14,409 --> 00:45:16,453 Well, guess what. I've changed. 430 00:45:16,536 --> 00:45:19,122 And the new me whacks off when he feels horny... 431 00:45:19,205 --> 00:45:22,000 'cause you're obviously not going to help me out in that department. 432 00:45:22,083 --> 00:45:24,752 I see. You think you're the only one who's sexually frustrated. 433 00:45:24,836 --> 00:45:27,964 I'm not? Well, then, come on, baby. I'm ready. 434 00:45:28,047 --> 00:45:30,216 Don't you mess with me, mister. 435 00:45:30,300 --> 00:45:33,428 I will divorce you so fast, it'll make your head spin. 436 00:45:33,511 --> 00:45:35,680 On what grounds? 437 00:45:35,764 --> 00:45:38,349 I'm not a drunk. I don't fuck other women. 438 00:45:38,433 --> 00:45:40,852 I don't mistreat you. I've never hit you. 439 00:45:40,935 --> 00:45:43,521 I don't even try to touch you, since you made it so abundantly clear... 440 00:45:43,605 --> 00:45:45,899 just how unnecessary you consider me to be! 441 00:45:47,901 --> 00:45:51,321 But... I did support you when you got your license. 442 00:45:51,404 --> 00:45:55,492 And some people might think that entitles me to half of what's yours. 443 00:45:55,575 --> 00:45:58,411 Oh! 444 00:45:58,495 --> 00:46:02,248 So, turn out the light when you come back to bed, okay? 445 00:46:13,718 --> 00:46:16,638 It's a great thing when you realize you still have... 446 00:46:16,721 --> 00:46:19,307 the ability to surprise yourself. 447 00:46:19,390 --> 00:46:23,353 Makes you wonder what else you can do that you've forgotten about. 448 00:46:23,436 --> 00:46:25,396 Hey, guys. 449 00:46:25,480 --> 00:46:27,899 Lester. I didn't know you ran. 450 00:46:27,982 --> 00:46:30,318 - I just started. - Good for you. 451 00:46:30,401 --> 00:46:34,489 I figured you guys might be able to give me some pointers. I need to shape up, fast. 452 00:46:34,572 --> 00:46:37,367 Are you looking to just lose weight, or do you want to have... 453 00:46:37,450 --> 00:46:40,370 increased strength and flexibility as well? 454 00:46:40,453 --> 00:46:43,915 I... I want to look good naked. 455 00:46:58,805 --> 00:47:03,518 Oh, what is this? Fuckin' gay pride parade? 456 00:47:03,601 --> 00:47:05,687 Hey! Yo, Ricky. 457 00:47:09,107 --> 00:47:13,862 My entire life is passing before my eyes, and those two have barely broken a sweat. 458 00:47:13,945 --> 00:47:17,198 Sorry. Hi. Lester Burnham. I live next door. We haven't met. 459 00:47:17,282 --> 00:47:19,284 Colonel Frank Fitts, U.S. Marine Corps. 460 00:47:19,367 --> 00:47:22,454 Oh, whoa. Well. 461 00:47:22,537 --> 00:47:24,789 Welcome to the neighborhood, sir. 462 00:47:28,751 --> 00:47:31,713 Ricky, uh... 463 00:47:31,796 --> 00:47:35,383 I was thinking about the, uh... I was gonna... The movie we talked about. 464 00:47:35,467 --> 00:47:37,385 - Re-Animator. - Yeah! 465 00:47:37,469 --> 00:47:41,222 You want to borrow it? Okay. It's up in my room. Come on. 466 00:47:52,233 --> 00:47:54,819 - Can you hold this for a sec? - Sure. 467 00:47:54,903 --> 00:47:58,990 I don't think my dad would try to come in while someone else is here, but you never know. 468 00:47:59,073 --> 00:48:02,118 - What is this? - Urine. 469 00:48:02,202 --> 00:48:06,581 I have to take a drug test every six months just to make sure I'm clean. 470 00:48:06,664 --> 00:48:09,584 Are you kidding? You just smoked with me last night. 471 00:48:09,667 --> 00:48:11,753 It's not mine. 472 00:48:11,836 --> 00:48:15,590 One of my clients is a nurse in a pediatrician's office. 473 00:48:15,673 --> 00:48:19,260 Cut her a deal, she keeps me in clean piss. 474 00:48:21,346 --> 00:48:23,348 You like Pink Floyd? 475 00:48:24,891 --> 00:48:27,352 I like a lot of music. 476 00:48:28,561 --> 00:48:32,941 Man, I haven't listened to this album in years. 477 00:48:33,024 --> 00:48:35,443 How much do you want? 478 00:48:35,527 --> 00:48:39,447 I don't know. It's been a while. Um, how much is an ounce? 479 00:48:43,118 --> 00:48:46,037 This is totally decent, and it's 300. 480 00:48:47,288 --> 00:48:49,290 Wow! 481 00:48:49,374 --> 00:48:51,960 This shit is top of the line. 482 00:48:52,043 --> 00:48:55,672 It's called G-13. It's genetically engineered by the U.S. government. 483 00:48:55,755 --> 00:48:59,551 It's extremely potent, but a completely mellow high. No paranoia. 484 00:49:00,593 --> 00:49:03,513 Is that what we smoked last night? 485 00:49:03,596 --> 00:49:06,224 This is all I ever smoke. 486 00:49:10,061 --> 00:49:13,565 - How much? - Two grand. 487 00:49:13,648 --> 00:49:15,900 Jesus! 488 00:49:15,984 --> 00:49:18,820 Things have changed since 1973. 489 00:49:18,903 --> 00:49:22,657 - You don't have to pay now. I know you're good for it. - Thanks. 490 00:49:22,740 --> 00:49:25,076 There's a card in there with my beeper number. 491 00:49:25,160 --> 00:49:28,496 Beep me anytime, day or night. 492 00:49:28,580 --> 00:49:30,790 And I only accept cash. 493 00:49:30,874 --> 00:49:34,669 Now I know how you can afford all this equipment. 494 00:49:34,752 --> 00:49:39,674 God. When I was your age, I flipped burgers all summer just to buy an eight-track. 495 00:49:39,757 --> 00:49:43,803 - That sucks. - No, actually it was great. 496 00:49:45,430 --> 00:49:48,391 All I did was party and get laid. 497 00:49:50,018 --> 00:49:53,104 I had my whole life ahead of me. 498 00:49:54,981 --> 00:49:59,319 My dad thinks I pay for all this with catering jobs. 499 00:49:59,402 --> 00:50:02,363 Never underestimate the power of denial. 500 00:50:35,438 --> 00:50:39,526 What the hell do you think you're doing? 501 00:50:39,609 --> 00:50:42,445 Uh-oh. Mom's mad. 502 00:50:42,529 --> 00:50:44,572 Bench presses. 503 00:50:44,656 --> 00:50:49,285 I'm going to whale on my pecks, and then I'm going to do my back. 504 00:50:49,369 --> 00:50:53,248 I see you're smoking pot now. I... I'm so glad. 505 00:50:53,331 --> 00:50:55,792 I think using illegal psychotropic substances... 506 00:50:55,875 --> 00:50:58,378 is a very positive example to set for our daughter. 507 00:50:58,461 --> 00:51:02,715 You're one to talk, you bloodless, money-grubbing freak. 508 00:51:03,925 --> 00:51:05,927 Uh... Lester! 509 00:51:06,010 --> 00:51:08,054 You have such hostility in you. 510 00:51:08,138 --> 00:51:12,392 Do you mind? I'm trying to work out here. Unless... you want to spot me. 511 00:51:12,475 --> 00:51:16,062 Lester, you will not get away with this. 512 00:51:16,146 --> 00:51:19,274 You can be sure of that. 513 00:51:19,357 --> 00:51:22,944 That's... what... 514 00:51:23,027 --> 00:51:25,113 you... think. 515 00:51:25,363 --> 00:51:28,825 "My job consists of basically masking... 516 00:51:28,908 --> 00:51:32,620 "my contempt for the assholes in charge... 517 00:51:32,704 --> 00:51:36,332 "and at least once a day retiring to the men's room... 518 00:51:36,416 --> 00:51:38,585 "so I can jerk off... 519 00:51:38,668 --> 00:51:41,296 "while I fantasize about a life... 520 00:51:41,379 --> 00:51:44,799 that doesn't so closely resemble hell." 521 00:51:44,883 --> 00:51:48,595 Well, you obviously have no interest in saving yourself. 522 00:51:48,678 --> 00:51:52,849 Brad, for 14 years, I've been a whore for the advertising industry. 523 00:51:52,932 --> 00:51:56,644 The only way I could save myself now is if I start firebombing. 524 00:51:56,728 --> 00:52:00,440 Whatever. Management wants you gone by the end of the day. 525 00:52:00,523 --> 00:52:03,651 Just what sort of severance package is management prepared to offer me, 526 00:52:03,735 --> 00:52:06,279 considering the information I have about our editorial director... 527 00:52:06,362 --> 00:52:08,281 buying pussy with company money? 528 00:52:08,364 --> 00:52:11,075 Which I think would interest the I.R.S., 529 00:52:11,159 --> 00:52:13,203 since it technically constitutes fraud. 530 00:52:13,286 --> 00:52:16,206 And I'm sure that some of our advertisers and rival publications... 531 00:52:16,289 --> 00:52:20,585 might like to know about it as well, not to mention... Craig's wife. 532 00:52:22,670 --> 00:52:26,883 - What do you want? - One year's salary with benefits. 533 00:52:26,966 --> 00:52:30,136 That's not going to happen. 534 00:52:30,220 --> 00:52:33,556 What do you say I throw in a little sexual harassment charge to boot? 535 00:52:33,640 --> 00:52:37,393 Against who? 536 00:52:37,477 --> 00:52:39,312 Against you. 537 00:52:39,395 --> 00:52:42,899 Can you prove that you didn't offer to save my job... 538 00:52:42,982 --> 00:52:45,527 if I let you blow me? 539 00:52:50,615 --> 00:52:54,035 Man... you are one twisted fuck. 540 00:52:55,453 --> 00:52:58,665 Nope. I'm just an ordinary guy... 541 00:52:58,748 --> 00:53:01,459 with nothing to lose. 542 00:53:06,422 --> 00:53:08,383 Yeah. 543 00:53:13,888 --> 00:53:16,516 - Carolyn. - Buddy. 544 00:53:16,599 --> 00:53:20,812 - I am so sorry to have kept you waiting. - Oh. 545 00:53:20,895 --> 00:53:23,273 Christy left for New York this morning. 546 00:53:23,356 --> 00:53:26,818 Let's just say things were a little... hectic around the house. 547 00:53:26,901 --> 00:53:30,405 - What's she doing in New York? - She's moving there. 548 00:53:30,488 --> 00:53:32,490 Yes, we are splitting up. 549 00:53:32,574 --> 00:53:35,160 Buddy. I'm so sorry. 550 00:53:35,243 --> 00:53:38,913 Yes. According to her, I'm... 551 00:53:38,997 --> 00:53:40,999 too focused on my career. 552 00:53:41,082 --> 00:53:44,085 As if being driven to succeed is... 553 00:53:44,169 --> 00:53:47,881 some sort of a character flaw. 554 00:53:47,964 --> 00:53:51,926 Well, she certainly did take advantage of the lifestyle my success afforded her. 555 00:53:52,010 --> 00:53:54,512 Ooh! Ha. Wow. 556 00:53:56,347 --> 00:53:59,517 - Ah, it's for the best. - Mm-hmm. 557 00:53:59,601 --> 00:54:04,105 When I saw you two at the party the other night, you seemed perfectly happy. 558 00:54:04,189 --> 00:54:06,858 Well, call me crazy, 559 00:54:06,941 --> 00:54:11,446 but it is my philosophy that in order to be successful, 560 00:54:11,529 --> 00:54:14,282 one must project an image of success... 561 00:54:14,365 --> 00:54:16,451 at all times. 562 00:54:35,929 --> 00:54:38,932 What are you doing? 563 00:54:39,015 --> 00:54:42,644 - I was filming this dead bird. - Why? 564 00:54:42,727 --> 00:54:44,938 Because it's beautiful. 565 00:54:47,440 --> 00:54:51,111 I think maybe you forgot your medication today, mental boy. 566 00:54:53,071 --> 00:54:55,031 Hi, Jane. 567 00:54:55,115 --> 00:54:57,534 I want you to stop filming me. 568 00:54:59,536 --> 00:55:01,454 Okay. 569 00:55:01,538 --> 00:55:04,082 Well, whatever. This is boring. 570 00:55:04,165 --> 00:55:06,876 Let's go. 571 00:55:06,960 --> 00:55:10,338 - Do you need a ride? - Are you crazy? 572 00:55:10,422 --> 00:55:13,717 I don't want to end up hacked to pieces in a Dumpster somewhere. 573 00:55:13,800 --> 00:55:17,262 It's okay. I'll walk. But thanks. 574 00:55:17,345 --> 00:55:19,723 He doesn't want to go anyway. Let's go. 575 00:55:21,057 --> 00:55:24,728 - Come on, Jane. - I think I'm going to walk too. 576 00:55:24,811 --> 00:55:26,938 What? 577 00:55:27,022 --> 00:55:30,942 Jane, that's, like, almost a mile. 578 00:55:43,330 --> 00:55:47,000 Oh, God! 579 00:55:47,083 --> 00:55:49,502 I love it! Oh! Oh! 580 00:55:49,586 --> 00:55:52,839 - You like getting nailed by the King? - Oh, yes, I love it! 581 00:55:52,923 --> 00:55:55,717 - Fuck me, Your Majesty! Aah! - Ohh! 582 00:55:55,800 --> 00:55:57,844 - Who's the King? - Oh! You are! 583 00:56:41,346 --> 00:56:43,682 Smile. You're at Mr. Smiley's. 584 00:56:43,765 --> 00:56:45,684 What? 585 00:56:45,767 --> 00:56:50,021 Would you like to try our new bacon and egg fajita for $1.29 for a limited time only? 586 00:56:50,105 --> 00:56:53,024 Uh, no, but thank you. 587 00:56:53,108 --> 00:56:57,112 I'd like the Big Barn Burger, Smiley Fries and an orange soda. 588 00:56:57,195 --> 00:56:59,656 Please drive up to the window. Thank you. 589 00:57:01,533 --> 00:57:05,161 Smile. You're at Mr. Smiley's. That'll be 4.98, please. 590 00:57:07,497 --> 00:57:09,749 - Would you like some Smiley sauce? - No, no... 591 00:57:09,833 --> 00:57:12,502 Actually, I'd like to fill out an application. 592 00:57:12,586 --> 00:57:16,548 - There's no jobs for manager. It's just for counter. - Good. 593 00:57:16,631 --> 00:57:21,678 I'm looking for the least possible amount of responsibility. 594 00:57:23,805 --> 00:57:26,099 I don't think you'd fit in here. 595 00:57:26,182 --> 00:57:29,311 I have fast food experience. 596 00:57:29,394 --> 00:57:31,688 Yeah, like 20 years ago. 597 00:57:31,771 --> 00:57:35,650 I'm sure there've been amazing technological advances in the industry, 598 00:57:35,734 --> 00:57:38,320 but surely you must have some sort of training program. 599 00:57:38,403 --> 00:57:41,197 It seems unfair to presume I won't be able to learn. 600 00:57:45,577 --> 00:57:48,872 - That was exactly what I needed... - Mm. 601 00:57:51,833 --> 00:57:54,878 the "royal treatment," so to speak. 602 00:57:57,255 --> 00:58:00,508 I was so stressed out. Ah! 603 00:58:00,592 --> 00:58:03,261 - Ah! Ah. - Mm. 604 00:58:06,556 --> 00:58:09,309 Know what I do when I feel like that? 605 00:58:09,392 --> 00:58:11,686 What? 606 00:58:11,770 --> 00:58:14,689 - I fire a gun. - Really? 607 00:58:14,773 --> 00:58:17,651 Oh, yeah. I go to this little firing range downtown, 608 00:58:17,734 --> 00:58:22,072 and I... just pop off a few rounds. 609 00:58:22,155 --> 00:58:26,076 - I've never fired a gun before. - Well, you've gotta try it. 610 00:58:26,159 --> 00:58:29,079 Nothing makes you feel more powerful. 611 00:58:31,164 --> 00:58:33,500 Well... 612 00:58:33,583 --> 00:58:35,752 almost nothing. 613 00:58:40,131 --> 00:58:43,635 - So, do you like your new house? - I like it. 614 00:58:43,718 --> 00:58:47,222 The people who used to live there fed these stray cats, so they were always around, 615 00:58:47,305 --> 00:58:49,975 and it drove my mother nuts. 616 00:58:50,058 --> 00:58:54,020 And then she cut down their tree. 617 00:58:54,104 --> 00:58:56,189 Is that a funeral? 618 00:58:56,273 --> 00:59:00,568 Yeah. Have you ever known anybody who died? 619 00:59:00,652 --> 00:59:03,571 No. Have you? 620 00:59:03,655 --> 00:59:05,740 No. 621 00:59:05,824 --> 00:59:08,660 But I did see this homeless woman who froze to death once... 622 00:59:08,743 --> 00:59:11,162 just laying there on the sidewalk. 623 00:59:11,246 --> 00:59:13,498 She looked really sad. 624 00:59:26,511 --> 00:59:29,598 I got that homeless woman on videotape. 625 00:59:29,681 --> 00:59:31,766 Why would you film that? 626 00:59:31,850 --> 00:59:35,604 - Because it was amazing. - What's amazing about it? 627 00:59:35,687 --> 00:59:39,816 When you see something like that, it's like God is looking right at you, 628 00:59:39,899 --> 00:59:41,901 just for a second, 629 00:59:41,985 --> 00:59:44,821 and if you're careful, you can look right back. 630 00:59:44,904 --> 00:59:47,741 And what do you see? 631 00:59:47,824 --> 00:59:49,826 Beauty. 632 01:00:05,675 --> 01:00:08,803 Mom, I want you to meet somebody. 633 01:00:12,641 --> 01:00:15,560 - Mom. - Yes? 634 01:00:17,812 --> 01:00:21,942 I want you to meet somebody. This is Jane. 635 01:00:22,025 --> 01:00:24,319 - Hi. - Oh, my. 636 01:00:24,402 --> 01:00:27,906 I apologize for the way things look around here. 637 01:00:37,916 --> 01:00:40,460 This is where my dad hides out. 638 01:00:40,543 --> 01:00:43,004 I take it he's got a thing for guns. 639 01:00:44,547 --> 01:00:48,510 You gotta see this one thing. 640 01:00:48,593 --> 01:00:52,013 My dad would kill me if he knew I was in here. 641 01:00:52,097 --> 01:00:54,099 Did you steal his keys? 642 01:00:54,182 --> 01:00:57,102 No. One of my clients is a locksmith. 643 01:00:57,185 --> 01:01:01,147 He was short on cash one night, so I let him pay me in trade. 644 01:01:14,369 --> 01:01:16,538 Turn it over. 645 01:01:19,791 --> 01:01:22,460 Oh, my God. 646 01:01:22,544 --> 01:01:24,963 It's, like, official state china of the Third Reich. 647 01:01:25,046 --> 01:01:28,967 There's a whole subculture of people who collect this Nazi shit. 648 01:01:29,050 --> 01:01:31,553 But my dad just has this one thing. 649 01:01:43,690 --> 01:01:46,985 - What's wrong? - Nothing. 650 01:01:47,068 --> 01:01:50,071 No, you're scared of me. 651 01:01:51,156 --> 01:01:53,325 No, I'm not. 652 01:01:53,408 --> 01:01:57,912 You want to see the most beautiful thing I've ever filmed? 653 01:02:20,644 --> 01:02:23,063 It was one of those days... 654 01:02:23,146 --> 01:02:26,107 where it's a minute away from snowing, 655 01:02:28,318 --> 01:02:31,279 and there was this electricity in the air. 656 01:02:33,740 --> 01:02:36,326 You can almost hear it. 657 01:02:36,409 --> 01:02:38,495 Right? 658 01:02:42,249 --> 01:02:46,086 And this bag was just... 659 01:02:46,169 --> 01:02:48,964 dancing with me, 660 01:02:50,966 --> 01:02:55,845 like a little kid begging me to play with it, 661 01:02:55,929 --> 01:02:58,515 for 15 minutes. 662 01:03:01,977 --> 01:03:06,064 That's the day I realized that there was this... 663 01:03:06,147 --> 01:03:10,068 entire life behind things... 664 01:03:13,196 --> 01:03:17,284 and this incredibly benevolent force... 665 01:03:17,367 --> 01:03:21,663 that wanted me to know that there was no reason to be afraid... 666 01:03:23,248 --> 01:03:25,458 ever. 667 01:03:27,669 --> 01:03:30,297 Video's a poor excuse, I know, 668 01:03:33,049 --> 01:03:35,552 but it helps me remember. 669 01:03:39,264 --> 01:03:41,683 I need to remember. 670 01:03:48,565 --> 01:03:51,818 Sometimes there's so much... 671 01:03:51,901 --> 01:03:54,779 beauty... 672 01:03:54,863 --> 01:03:57,282 in the world. 673 01:03:58,700 --> 01:04:02,162 I feel like I can't take it... 674 01:04:05,332 --> 01:04:08,168 and my heart... 675 01:04:08,251 --> 01:04:10,795 is just going to... 676 01:04:10,879 --> 01:04:13,214 cave in. 677 01:04:59,719 --> 01:05:03,306 Oh, my God. What time is it? 678 01:05:10,272 --> 01:05:12,899 - Sorry I'm late. - No, that's quite all right, dear. 679 01:05:12,983 --> 01:05:15,860 Your father and I were just discussing his day at work. 680 01:05:15,944 --> 01:05:18,363 Why don't you tell our daughter about it, honey? 681 01:05:18,446 --> 01:05:21,491 Janie, today I quit my job. 682 01:05:21,574 --> 01:05:24,494 Then I told my boss to go fuck himself, and then I blackmailed him for almost $60,000. 683 01:05:24,577 --> 01:05:26,413 - Pass the asparagus. - Your father seems to think... 684 01:05:26,496 --> 01:05:28,957 this kind of behavior is something to be proud of. 685 01:05:29,040 --> 01:05:31,793 And your mother seems to prefer that I go through life like a fucking prisoner... 686 01:05:31,876 --> 01:05:34,129 while she keeps my dick in a Mason jar under the sink. 687 01:05:34,212 --> 01:05:36,798 How dare you speak to me that way in front of her? 688 01:05:36,881 --> 01:05:39,467 And I marvel that you can be so contemptuous of me... 689 01:05:39,551 --> 01:05:42,053 on the same day that you lose your job! 690 01:05:42,137 --> 01:05:44,306 I didn't lose it. It's not like, "Whoops, where did my job go?" 691 01:05:44,389 --> 01:05:46,308 I quit! Pass the asparagus. 692 01:05:46,391 --> 01:05:49,644 Oh, oh, oh! And I want to thank you for putting me under the added pressure... 693 01:05:49,728 --> 01:05:51,771 of being the sole breadwinner now. 694 01:05:51,855 --> 01:05:53,773 - I already have a job. - No, no! 695 01:05:53,857 --> 01:05:56,443 Don't give a second thought as to who's going to pay the mortgage. 696 01:05:56,526 --> 01:05:58,778 We'll leave it up to Carolyn. "You're going to take care of everything now, Carolyn?" 697 01:05:58,862 --> 01:06:00,614 "Yes. I don't mind." 698 01:06:00,697 --> 01:06:03,325 "Everything? You don't mind having the sole responsibility? 699 01:06:03,408 --> 01:06:05,994 Your husband feels he can just quit his job, and you don't..." 700 01:06:06,077 --> 01:06:08,288 Will someone please pass me the fucking asparagus? 701 01:06:08,371 --> 01:06:10,957 - I'm not going to be a part of this. - Sit down! 702 01:06:31,353 --> 01:06:34,689 I am sick and tired of being treated like I don't exist. 703 01:06:34,773 --> 01:06:38,860 You two do whatever you want to do whenever you want to do it, and I don't complain. 704 01:06:38,944 --> 01:06:42,197 - All I want... - Oh, you don't complain? Oh, please! Excuse me! 705 01:06:42,280 --> 01:06:45,200 I must be psychotic then! If you don't complain, what is this? 706 01:06:45,283 --> 01:06:49,663 Yeah, let's bring in the laugh meter and see how loud it gets on that one. 707 01:07:00,382 --> 01:07:02,676 Don't interrupt me, honey. 708 01:07:16,648 --> 01:07:18,650 And another thing. 709 01:07:18,733 --> 01:07:21,319 From now on, we're going to alternate our dinner music, 710 01:07:21,403 --> 01:07:23,989 because, frankly... and I don't think I'm alone here... 711 01:07:24,072 --> 01:07:27,450 I am really tired of this Lawrence Welk shit. 712 01:07:36,042 --> 01:07:38,712 - Go away. - Please. 713 01:07:38,795 --> 01:07:40,922 Please let me in. 714 01:07:49,556 --> 01:07:52,601 Look, I wish that you hadn't witnessed that awful scene tonight, 715 01:07:52,684 --> 01:07:54,603 but in a way, I'm glad. 716 01:07:54,686 --> 01:07:58,315 Why? So I could see what freaks you and Dad really are? 717 01:07:58,398 --> 01:08:00,483 Me? 718 01:08:02,068 --> 01:08:04,821 Tsk. God. 719 01:08:04,904 --> 01:08:07,532 Oh, Christ. Mom. 720 01:08:07,616 --> 01:08:10,493 No, I'm glad because, uh... 721 01:08:12,746 --> 01:08:18,209 because you're old enough now to learn the most important lesson in life: 722 01:08:18,293 --> 01:08:22,464 You cannot count on anyone except yourself. 723 01:08:27,302 --> 01:08:30,472 You cannot count on anyone except yourself. 724 01:08:31,932 --> 01:08:34,768 You know, it's sad but true, 725 01:08:34,851 --> 01:08:37,228 and the sooner you learn it, the better. 726 01:08:37,312 --> 01:08:41,232 Look, Mom, I really don't feel like having a Kodak moment here. 727 01:08:41,316 --> 01:08:44,152 You ungrateful little brat! 728 01:08:44,235 --> 01:08:47,280 Just look at everything you have! 729 01:08:47,364 --> 01:08:49,950 When I was your age, I lived in a duplex! 730 01:08:50,033 --> 01:08:53,995 We didn't even have our own house. 731 01:10:53,615 --> 01:10:55,533 You little bastard! 732 01:10:55,617 --> 01:10:57,535 Dad, no, I just... 733 01:10:57,619 --> 01:10:59,704 How did you get in there? 734 01:10:59,788 --> 01:11:01,623 How? How? 735 01:11:03,583 --> 01:11:05,919 Come on! Get up! Come on! 736 01:11:06,002 --> 01:11:07,837 Get up! 737 01:11:07,921 --> 01:11:09,923 Fight back, you little pussy! 738 01:11:10,006 --> 01:11:12,717 - No, sir, I won't fight you. - How? 739 01:11:12,801 --> 01:11:15,762 - How did you get in there? - I picked the lock, sir. 740 01:11:15,845 --> 01:11:19,516 What were you looking for, huh? Money? Are you on dope again? 741 01:11:19,599 --> 01:11:23,395 No, sir. I wanted to show my girlfriend your Nazi plate. 742 01:11:23,478 --> 01:11:25,272 A girlfriend? 743 01:11:25,355 --> 01:11:28,024 Yes, sir. She lives next door. 744 01:11:40,954 --> 01:11:43,623 Her name's Jane. 745 01:12:02,601 --> 01:12:05,520 This is for your own good, boy. 746 01:12:07,856 --> 01:12:12,527 You have no respect for other people's things and for authority... 747 01:12:12,611 --> 01:12:14,654 Yes, sir. I'm sorry. 748 01:12:14,738 --> 01:12:18,908 Can't just go around doing whatever you feel like. 749 01:12:18,992 --> 01:12:21,411 You can't. There are rules in life. 750 01:12:21,494 --> 01:12:24,247 Yes, sir. 751 01:12:26,207 --> 01:12:29,628 You need structure, yeah. You need... 752 01:12:29,711 --> 01:12:32,631 - Discipline. - Yes, sir. Thank you for trying to teach me. 753 01:12:32,714 --> 01:12:35,050 Don't give up on me, Dad. 754 01:12:39,846 --> 01:12:41,765 Oh, Ricky. 755 01:12:46,728 --> 01:12:49,397 You stay out of there. 756 01:13:36,903 --> 01:13:39,155 - Whoo! - I gotta say, Mrs. Burnham, 757 01:13:39,239 --> 01:13:43,201 when you first came here, I thought you would be hopeless, but you're a natural. 758 01:13:43,285 --> 01:13:46,830 Well, all I know is I love shooting this gun. 759 01:15:00,028 --> 01:15:01,947 What? 760 01:15:02,030 --> 01:15:04,658 Uh, whose car is that out front? 761 01:15:04,741 --> 01:15:07,244 Mine. 1970 Pontiac Firebird, 762 01:15:07,327 --> 01:15:10,163 the car I've always wanted, and now I have it. 763 01:15:10,247 --> 01:15:12,958 - I rule! - Uh-huh. Where's the Camry? 764 01:15:13,041 --> 01:15:15,126 I traded it in. 765 01:15:15,210 --> 01:15:19,506 - Shouldn't you have consulted me first? - Hm, let me think. 766 01:15:19,589 --> 01:15:21,841 No. You never drove it. 767 01:15:23,635 --> 01:15:26,638 Have you done something different? You look great. 768 01:15:31,768 --> 01:15:33,687 Where's Jane? 769 01:15:33,770 --> 01:15:35,981 Jane not home. 770 01:15:42,529 --> 01:15:44,447 We have... 771 01:15:47,075 --> 01:15:50,120 the whole house... 772 01:15:50,203 --> 01:15:52,747 to ourselves. 773 01:15:54,916 --> 01:15:57,752 Christ, Carolyn. 774 01:15:57,836 --> 01:16:00,255 When did you become so... 775 01:16:01,923 --> 01:16:04,968 joyless? 776 01:16:05,051 --> 01:16:07,637 Joyless? 777 01:16:07,721 --> 01:16:10,265 I am not joyless. 778 01:16:10,348 --> 01:16:12,934 There happens to be a lot about me... 779 01:16:13,018 --> 01:16:16,938 that you don't know, Mr. Smarty Man. 780 01:16:17,022 --> 01:16:20,358 There's plenty of joy in my life. 781 01:16:22,777 --> 01:16:25,280 Whatever happened to that girl... 782 01:16:28,283 --> 01:16:34,039 who used to fake seizures at frat parties when she got bored? 783 01:16:34,122 --> 01:16:38,960 Who used to run up to the roof of our first apartment building... 784 01:16:39,044 --> 01:16:41,796 to flash the traffic helicopters? 785 01:16:41,880 --> 01:16:46,551 Have you totally forgotten about her? 786 01:16:46,635 --> 01:16:48,803 Because I haven't. 787 01:17:01,900 --> 01:17:05,153 Lester, you're going to spill beer on the couch. 788 01:17:12,244 --> 01:17:14,162 So what? It's just a couch. 789 01:17:16,498 --> 01:17:18,792 This is a $4,000 sofa, 790 01:17:18,875 --> 01:17:20,794 upholstered in Italian silk. 791 01:17:20,877 --> 01:17:22,963 This is not just a couch. 792 01:17:23,046 --> 01:17:26,800 It's just... a... couch! 793 01:17:26,883 --> 01:17:29,094 This isn't life! 794 01:17:29,177 --> 01:17:31,346 This is just stuff, 795 01:17:31,429 --> 01:17:34,015 and it's become more important to you than living. 796 01:17:34,099 --> 01:17:36,309 Well, honey, that's just nuts. 797 01:17:45,360 --> 01:17:47,862 I'm only trying to help you! 798 01:17:52,993 --> 01:17:55,787 Don't. 799 01:17:55,870 --> 01:17:57,956 Why? 800 01:18:00,709 --> 01:18:03,211 It's weird watching myself. 801 01:18:03,295 --> 01:18:05,714 I don't like how I look. 802 01:18:08,300 --> 01:18:11,219 I can't believe you don't know how beautiful you are. 803 01:18:11,303 --> 01:18:15,307 Look. I'm not going to sit here for that shit. 804 01:18:23,732 --> 01:18:26,651 Ha! How does it feel now? 805 01:18:26,735 --> 01:18:28,695 Fine. 806 01:18:28,778 --> 01:18:30,780 You don't feel naked? 807 01:18:32,157 --> 01:18:34,409 I am naked. 808 01:18:34,492 --> 01:18:36,912 You know what I mean. 809 01:18:46,004 --> 01:18:49,090 So tell me about being in the hospital. 810 01:18:52,093 --> 01:18:56,097 When I was 15, my dad caught me smoking dope. 811 01:18:56,181 --> 01:19:01,353 He totally freaked and decided to send me to military school. 812 01:19:01,436 --> 01:19:04,940 I told you this whole thing about structure and discipline, right? 813 01:19:05,023 --> 01:19:08,610 Of course, I got kicked out. 814 01:19:08,693 --> 01:19:11,112 Dad and I had this huge fight. 815 01:19:11,196 --> 01:19:14,324 He hit me. 816 01:19:14,407 --> 01:19:18,370 And the next day at school, some kid made a crack about my haircut, 817 01:19:20,163 --> 01:19:22,290 and I just snapped. 818 01:19:25,961 --> 01:19:29,339 I wanted to kill him. 819 01:19:29,422 --> 01:19:31,800 I would've... killed him... 820 01:19:33,802 --> 01:19:36,388 if they hadn't pulled me off. 821 01:19:39,474 --> 01:19:43,520 That's when my dad put me in the hospital. 822 01:19:43,603 --> 01:19:47,440 They drugged me up and left me in there for two years. 823 01:19:48,900 --> 01:19:51,236 Wow. 824 01:19:51,319 --> 01:19:54,364 You must really hate him. 825 01:19:54,447 --> 01:19:57,117 No. 826 01:19:57,200 --> 01:19:59,369 He's not a bad man. 827 01:19:59,452 --> 01:20:04,082 Well, you'd better believe I'd hate my dad if he did something like that to me. 828 01:20:04,165 --> 01:20:05,959 Wait. 829 01:20:06,042 --> 01:20:08,336 I already do hate my dad. 830 01:20:10,171 --> 01:20:12,299 Why? 831 01:20:14,301 --> 01:20:17,887 He's a total asshole; he's got this crush on my friend Angela, 832 01:20:17,971 --> 01:20:20,181 and it's disgusting. 833 01:20:20,265 --> 01:20:23,810 You'd rather he had the crush on you. 834 01:20:23,893 --> 01:20:26,187 Gross. No. 835 01:20:29,566 --> 01:20:34,070 But it'd be nice if I was anywhere near as important to him as she is. 836 01:20:37,157 --> 01:20:42,078 I know you think my dad's harmless, but you're wrong. 837 01:20:42,162 --> 01:20:45,415 He's doing massive psychological damage to me. 838 01:20:45,498 --> 01:20:47,667 How? 839 01:20:47,751 --> 01:20:51,296 Well, now I, too, need structure, 840 01:20:51,379 --> 01:20:54,549 a little fucking discipline. 841 01:21:05,101 --> 01:21:07,771 I'm serious, though. 842 01:21:07,854 --> 01:21:10,774 How could he not be damaging me? 843 01:21:12,734 --> 01:21:15,654 I need a father who's a role model, 844 01:21:15,737 --> 01:21:18,323 not some horny geek boy who's going to spray his shorts... 845 01:21:18,406 --> 01:21:23,119 whenever I bring a girlfriend home from school. 846 01:21:23,203 --> 01:21:25,455 What a lame-o. 847 01:21:27,916 --> 01:21:31,086 Someone really should just... put him out of his misery. 848 01:21:34,547 --> 01:21:37,259 Want me to kill him for you? 849 01:21:45,934 --> 01:21:48,103 Yeah. Would you? 850 01:21:49,854 --> 01:21:51,815 It'll cost you. 851 01:21:51,898 --> 01:21:54,567 I've been baby-sitting since I was about ten. 852 01:21:54,651 --> 01:21:57,195 I've got almost $3,000. 853 01:21:59,781 --> 01:22:02,534 Of course I was saving it up for a boob job. 854 01:22:04,035 --> 01:22:06,204 But... 855 01:22:19,718 --> 01:22:23,138 You know, that's not a very nice thing to do... 856 01:22:25,515 --> 01:22:27,976 hiring someone to kill your dad. 857 01:22:30,687 --> 01:22:35,358 Well, I guess I'm not a very nice girl then, am I? 858 01:22:57,839 --> 01:23:00,550 You know I'm not serious, right? 859 01:23:01,635 --> 01:23:03,678 Of course. 860 01:23:18,318 --> 01:23:22,197 You know how lucky we are to have found each other? 861 01:23:26,952 --> 01:23:29,412 Remember those posters that said... 862 01:23:29,496 --> 01:23:33,875 "Today is the first day of the rest of your life"? 863 01:23:33,959 --> 01:23:38,546 Well, that's true with every day except one... 864 01:23:38,630 --> 01:23:40,840 the day you die. 865 01:24:19,879 --> 01:24:21,673 Jane, hurry up. 866 01:24:21,756 --> 01:24:24,843 I've got a very important appointment. 867 01:24:24,926 --> 01:24:29,097 - Is it okay if Angela sleeps over tonight? - She's always welcome. 868 01:24:29,180 --> 01:24:33,560 I thought you two had a fight. I haven't seen her around here in a while. 869 01:24:40,525 --> 01:24:42,485 What? 870 01:24:42,569 --> 01:24:45,655 I've been too embarrassed to bring her over, 871 01:24:45,739 --> 01:24:48,325 because of you and that way that you behave. 872 01:24:48,408 --> 01:24:51,745 - What are you talking about? I've barely even spoken to her. - Dad! 873 01:24:51,828 --> 01:24:55,165 You stare at her all the time like you're drunk! 874 01:24:55,248 --> 01:24:57,500 - It's disgusting! - You better watch yourself, 875 01:24:57,584 --> 01:25:02,255 or you're going to turn into a real bitch just like your mother! 876 01:25:04,507 --> 01:25:06,426 Oh, fuck. 877 01:25:14,351 --> 01:25:16,853 You ready to go? 878 01:25:16,937 --> 01:25:19,105 Oh, I-I don't need a ride. 879 01:25:19,189 --> 01:25:21,608 I'm going with Jane and her mom. 880 01:25:28,615 --> 01:25:30,533 Oh, morning! 881 01:25:30,617 --> 01:25:32,577 Yo, Ricky! 882 01:25:32,661 --> 01:25:35,580 - How's it going? - Pretty decent, Mr. Burnham. 883 01:25:35,664 --> 01:25:37,791 Hey. Wait. 884 01:26:56,369 --> 01:26:59,289 I need that Super Smiley with cheese ASAP! 885 01:26:59,372 --> 01:27:02,250 - You need more than that, my little hombre. - May I take your order? 886 01:27:02,334 --> 01:27:05,337 - Oh, yeah! What's good here? - Nothing. 887 01:27:05,420 --> 01:27:08,465 Oh, well, then I guess we'll just have to be bad, won't we? 888 01:27:08,548 --> 01:27:11,885 I'll have a Double Smiley sandwich, 889 01:27:11,968 --> 01:27:14,471 - curly fries and a vanilla shake. - Make that two. 890 01:27:14,554 --> 01:27:18,391 That'll be 7.98. Please drive up to the window. Thank you. 891 01:27:18,475 --> 01:27:22,896 I think we deserve a little junk food after the workout we had this morning. 892 01:27:24,898 --> 01:27:28,401 - Did you know that? - Thank you. I'm flattered. 893 01:27:28,485 --> 01:27:31,112 Smile! You're at Mr. Smiley's! 894 01:27:32,739 --> 01:27:35,825 Would you like to try our new beef and cheese pot pie on a stick? 895 01:27:35,909 --> 01:27:38,370 Just $1.99 for a limited time only. 896 01:27:38,453 --> 01:27:43,416 - We were just at a seminar. Buddy, this is my... - Her husband. 897 01:27:43,500 --> 01:27:45,919 We've met before, but something tells me... 898 01:27:46,002 --> 01:27:48,380 you're going to remember me this time. 899 01:27:48,463 --> 01:27:50,507 Whoa! 900 01:27:50,590 --> 01:27:53,593 You are so busted. 901 01:27:53,677 --> 01:27:55,720 This really doesn't concern you. 902 01:27:55,804 --> 01:28:00,517 Well, actually, Janine is senior drive-thru manager, so you are on her turf. 903 01:28:02,811 --> 01:28:07,357 So, this makes sense. 904 01:28:07,440 --> 01:28:09,901 - Oh, Lester... - Honey, it's okay. 905 01:28:09,985 --> 01:28:13,738 I want you to be happy. Would you like Smiley Sauce with that? 906 01:28:13,822 --> 01:28:15,740 - Lester, just stop it! - No, no. 907 01:28:15,824 --> 01:28:17,909 You... 908 01:28:17,993 --> 01:28:21,079 don't get to tell me what to do... 909 01:28:21,162 --> 01:28:23,540 ever again. 910 01:28:37,470 --> 01:28:39,472 I'm sorry. 911 01:28:40,932 --> 01:28:43,852 I guess we should cool it for a while. 912 01:28:45,937 --> 01:28:49,065 I'm facing a potentially very expensive divorce. 913 01:28:49,149 --> 01:28:52,068 No, no, I understand completely. 914 01:28:52,152 --> 01:28:54,487 It's... 915 01:28:54,571 --> 01:28:59,784 "In order to be successful, one must project an image of success at all times." 916 01:29:26,102 --> 01:29:28,355 Stop it. Stop it. 917 01:30:07,060 --> 01:30:10,355 Shit. 918 01:30:17,320 --> 01:30:19,406 I have to run next door. 919 01:30:19,489 --> 01:30:23,577 Jane left her geometry book in my bag, and she needs it to do her homework. 920 01:30:32,335 --> 01:30:37,090 So you and psycho boy are fucking on, like, a regular basis now, right? 921 01:30:37,173 --> 01:30:39,175 No. 922 01:30:39,259 --> 01:30:42,345 Come on. You can tell me. Does he have a big dick? 923 01:30:42,429 --> 01:30:46,850 I'm not going to talk about his dick with you, okay? It's not like that. 924 01:30:46,933 --> 01:30:50,270 Not like what? Doesn't he have one? 925 01:30:50,353 --> 01:30:52,606 Why don't you want to talk about it? 926 01:30:52,689 --> 01:30:56,067 - I tell you every detail about every guy that I fuck. - Yeah. 927 01:30:56,151 --> 01:31:00,989 Maybe you shouldn't, all right? Maybe I really don't want to hear about all that. 928 01:31:01,072 --> 01:31:04,784 So now that you have a boyfriend, you're, like, above it? 929 01:31:04,868 --> 01:31:08,872 We got to get you a real man. 930 01:31:28,808 --> 01:31:32,395 - You got any papers? - Yeah, in the cigar box right over there. 931 01:31:32,479 --> 01:31:36,066 Put up a fight, dude. You are such a pushover. "No, I can't, really. Okay." 932 01:31:36,149 --> 01:31:38,401 You should learn to roll a joint. 933 01:32:42,549 --> 01:32:44,718 Oh! Hi. 934 01:32:44,801 --> 01:32:47,804 - Where's Mom? - Don't know. 935 01:32:47,887 --> 01:32:51,141 - Hi, Mr. Burnham. - Hi. 936 01:32:51,224 --> 01:32:55,645 Wow, look at you. Have you been working out? 937 01:32:55,729 --> 01:32:58,398 Some. 938 01:33:01,943 --> 01:33:04,237 You can really tell. 939 01:33:06,656 --> 01:33:08,742 Look at those arms. 940 01:33:13,204 --> 01:33:15,415 You like... muscles? 941 01:33:17,000 --> 01:33:21,922 I should probably go see what Jane's up to. 942 01:33:33,058 --> 01:33:35,310 Where did you get that? 943 01:33:37,270 --> 01:33:40,357 - From my job. - Don't lie to me. 944 01:33:42,984 --> 01:33:45,946 Now, I saw you with him. 945 01:33:46,029 --> 01:33:48,448 You were watching me? 946 01:33:49,616 --> 01:33:51,868 What does he make you do? 947 01:33:51,952 --> 01:33:54,412 Oh. 948 01:33:54,496 --> 01:33:57,249 Dad, you don't really think me and Mr. Burnham... 949 01:33:57,332 --> 01:34:00,543 Don't you laugh at me! 950 01:34:00,627 --> 01:34:05,548 I will not sit back and watch my only son become a cock sucker! 951 01:34:05,632 --> 01:34:07,550 Jesus, what is it with you? 952 01:34:10,303 --> 01:34:12,639 I swear to God... 953 01:34:12,722 --> 01:34:15,433 I'll throw you out of this house and never look at you again! 954 01:34:15,517 --> 01:34:19,562 - You mean that. - You're damn straight I do! 955 01:34:19,646 --> 01:34:23,566 I'd rather you were dead than be a fuckin' faggot! 956 01:34:34,744 --> 01:34:36,997 You're right. 957 01:34:40,333 --> 01:34:43,295 - I suck dick for money. - Boy, don't start. 958 01:34:43,378 --> 01:34:47,257 - Two thousand dollars. I'm that good. - Get out! 959 01:34:47,340 --> 01:34:51,803 You should see me fuck. I'm the best piece of ass in three states. 960 01:34:51,886 --> 01:34:55,682 Damn it, get out! I don't ever want to see you again. 961 01:35:01,605 --> 01:35:05,609 What a sad... old man you are. 962 01:35:06,860 --> 01:35:08,778 Get out. 963 01:35:34,679 --> 01:35:38,308 Mom... I'm leaving. 964 01:35:38,391 --> 01:35:40,560 Okay. 965 01:35:43,229 --> 01:35:45,231 Wear a raincoat. 966 01:35:52,322 --> 01:35:55,242 I wish things would have been better for you. 967 01:35:59,246 --> 01:36:01,248 Take care of Dad. 968 01:36:33,196 --> 01:36:35,740 disinvesting problems of power... 969 01:36:35,824 --> 01:36:38,660 and removing their ability to make us afraid. 970 01:36:38,743 --> 01:36:42,080 This is the secret to "Me-Centered Living." 971 01:36:42,163 --> 01:36:44,874 Only by taking full responsibility... 972 01:36:44,958 --> 01:36:47,335 for your actions and their solutions... 973 01:36:47,419 --> 01:36:51,381 will you ever break free from the constant cycle of victimhood. 974 01:36:51,464 --> 01:36:56,886 You are only a victim if you choose to be a victim. We all have the power... 975 01:36:56,970 --> 01:36:59,598 I don't think we can be friends any more! 976 01:36:59,681 --> 01:37:01,600 You're too uptight about sex. 977 01:37:01,683 --> 01:37:05,020 Just don't fuck my dad, all right? 978 01:37:05,103 --> 01:37:07,230 - Please? - Why not? 979 01:37:07,314 --> 01:37:10,734 Dad, leave us alone! 980 01:37:10,817 --> 01:37:13,278 It's me. 981 01:37:13,361 --> 01:37:16,656 - If I had to leave tonight, would you come with me? - What? 982 01:37:16,740 --> 01:37:20,327 If I had to go to New York to live, tonight, would you come with me? 983 01:37:21,995 --> 01:37:24,039 Yes. 984 01:37:24,122 --> 01:37:28,585 You guys can't be serious. You're just a kid, and he's, like, a mental case. 985 01:37:28,668 --> 01:37:32,589 - You'll end up living in a box on the street. - I'm no more a kid than you are. 986 01:37:32,672 --> 01:37:35,884 - We can use my plastic surgery money. - We won't have to. 987 01:37:35,967 --> 01:37:39,679 I have over $40,000. I know people in the city that can help us get set up. 988 01:37:39,763 --> 01:37:42,933 - What, other drug dealers? - Yes. 989 01:37:43,016 --> 01:37:46,019 - You'd be out of your mind to go with him. - Why do you even care? 990 01:37:46,102 --> 01:37:49,105 - Because you're my friend. - She's not your friend. 991 01:37:49,189 --> 01:37:51,441 She's someone you use to feel better about yourself. 992 01:37:51,524 --> 01:37:54,945 - Go fuck yourself, psycho! - Hey, shut up, bitch! 993 01:37:55,028 --> 01:37:58,114 - Jane, he's a freak! - Well, then so am I! 994 01:37:58,198 --> 01:38:01,534 We'll always be freaks, and we'll never be like other people! 995 01:38:01,618 --> 01:38:05,330 And you'll never be a freak 'cause you're just... too perfect! 996 01:38:05,413 --> 01:38:09,709 Yeah, well, at least I'm not ugly. 997 01:38:11,544 --> 01:38:13,672 Yes, you are. 998 01:38:13,755 --> 01:38:17,300 And you're boring, and you're totally ordinary, 999 01:38:17,384 --> 01:38:19,970 and you know it. 1000 01:38:22,347 --> 01:38:24,516 You two deserve each other. 1001 01:39:25,201 --> 01:39:27,621 Jesus, man, you're soaked. 1002 01:39:38,214 --> 01:39:42,135 You want me to get Ricky? He's in Jane's room. 1003 01:39:43,470 --> 01:39:45,597 Are you okay? 1004 01:39:45,680 --> 01:39:47,641 Where's your wife? 1005 01:39:49,184 --> 01:39:51,269 Uh, I don't know. 1006 01:39:51,353 --> 01:39:55,315 Probably out fucking that dorky Prince of Real Estate asshole. 1007 01:39:56,650 --> 01:39:59,236 And you know what? 1008 01:39:59,319 --> 01:40:01,279 I don't care. 1009 01:40:11,665 --> 01:40:14,584 Your wife is with another man, and... 1010 01:40:14,668 --> 01:40:16,753 you don't care? 1011 01:40:19,005 --> 01:40:21,424 Nope. 1012 01:40:21,508 --> 01:40:24,261 Our marriage is just for show. 1013 01:40:24,344 --> 01:40:27,514 A commercial for how normal we are... 1014 01:40:27,597 --> 01:40:29,808 when we're anything but. 1015 01:40:37,440 --> 01:40:39,609 Jesus, man, you are shaking. 1016 01:40:39,693 --> 01:40:43,530 We really ought to get you out of these clothes. 1017 01:40:43,613 --> 01:40:46,449 Yeah. 1018 01:40:46,533 --> 01:40:49,619 It's okay. 1019 01:40:52,038 --> 01:40:55,292 I... am... 1020 01:40:55,375 --> 01:40:58,378 You just tell me what you need. 1021 01:41:01,590 --> 01:41:04,134 It's okay. 1022 01:41:19,482 --> 01:41:21,735 Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa. 1023 01:41:25,322 --> 01:41:27,782 I'm sorry. 1024 01:41:27,866 --> 01:41:30,368 Y-You got the wrong idea. 1025 01:42:07,280 --> 01:42:09,783 "I refuse to be a victim." 1026 01:42:09,866 --> 01:42:12,118 When this becomes your mantra, 1027 01:42:12,202 --> 01:42:15,163 constantly reinforcing your new non... 1028 01:42:17,874 --> 01:42:21,294 I refuse to be a victim! 1029 01:43:05,046 --> 01:43:08,300 I hope you don't mind if I play the stereo. 1030 01:43:08,383 --> 01:43:10,635 Not at all. 1031 01:43:10,719 --> 01:43:13,388 Bad night? 1032 01:43:13,471 --> 01:43:16,558 Not really bad, just... 1033 01:43:16,641 --> 01:43:18,643 strange. 1034 01:43:18,727 --> 01:43:23,440 Believe me, it couldn't possibly be any stranger than mine. 1035 01:43:30,572 --> 01:43:34,492 Jane and I had a fight. 1036 01:43:34,576 --> 01:43:36,703 It was about you. 1037 01:43:39,331 --> 01:43:42,459 She's mad at me because... 1038 01:43:42,542 --> 01:43:44,836 I said I think you're sexy. 1039 01:43:46,922 --> 01:43:49,007 Do you want a sip? 1040 01:43:49,090 --> 01:43:51,676 Sure. 1041 01:44:19,371 --> 01:44:22,874 So. 1042 01:44:22,958 --> 01:44:26,169 You gonna tell me? 1043 01:44:29,631 --> 01:44:32,175 What do you want? 1044 01:44:35,136 --> 01:44:38,890 I don't know. 1045 01:44:38,974 --> 01:44:43,520 You... don't know? 1046 01:44:43,603 --> 01:44:47,065 What do you want? 1047 01:44:47,148 --> 01:44:50,151 Are you kidding? 1048 01:44:50,235 --> 01:44:53,446 I want you. 1049 01:44:56,116 --> 01:44:59,828 I've wanted you since the first moment I saw you. 1050 01:45:02,247 --> 01:45:05,792 You are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. 1051 01:45:13,425 --> 01:45:16,761 You don't think I'm ordinary? 1052 01:45:18,638 --> 01:45:22,559 You couldn't be ordinary if you tried. 1053 01:45:24,978 --> 01:45:27,731 Thank you. 1054 01:45:27,814 --> 01:45:32,402 I don't think there's anything worse than being ordinary. 1055 01:45:49,920 --> 01:45:52,422 I refuse to be a victim. 1056 01:45:52,505 --> 01:45:55,926 I refuse to be a victim. I refuse to be a victim. 1057 01:45:56,009 --> 01:45:58,094 Lester, 1058 01:45:58,178 --> 01:46:00,972 I have something I have to say to you. 1059 01:46:49,896 --> 01:46:53,149 Are you scared? 1060 01:46:53,233 --> 01:46:55,694 I don't get scared. 1061 01:46:58,321 --> 01:47:01,074 My parents will try to find me. 1062 01:47:01,157 --> 01:47:04,202 Mine won't. 1063 01:47:24,431 --> 01:47:27,392 This is my first time. 1064 01:47:29,894 --> 01:47:32,022 You're kidding. 1065 01:47:32,105 --> 01:47:34,107 I'm sorry. 1066 01:47:34,190 --> 01:47:36,818 I still want to do it. 1067 01:47:36,902 --> 01:47:40,196 I just... thought I should tell you... 1068 01:47:40,280 --> 01:47:42,490 in case you wondered why I... 1069 01:47:42,574 --> 01:47:45,410 I wasn't... better. 1070 01:47:58,590 --> 01:48:00,842 What's wrong? 1071 01:48:06,890 --> 01:48:10,685 I thought you said I was beautiful. 1072 01:48:10,769 --> 01:48:12,812 You are beautiful. 1073 01:48:15,523 --> 01:48:19,152 You are so... beautiful. 1074 01:48:22,489 --> 01:48:24,950 And I would be a very... 1075 01:48:25,033 --> 01:48:26,993 lucky man. 1076 01:48:28,328 --> 01:48:30,956 I feel so stupid. 1077 01:48:31,039 --> 01:48:33,541 Don't. 1078 01:48:33,625 --> 01:48:36,670 - Shh. - I'm sorry. 1079 01:48:36,753 --> 01:48:40,757 You have nothing to be sorry about. 1080 01:48:40,840 --> 01:48:43,760 It's okay. 1081 01:48:43,843 --> 01:48:47,138 Everything's okay. 1082 01:49:02,195 --> 01:49:04,948 Wow, I was starving. 1083 01:49:05,031 --> 01:49:09,536 - Do you want me to make you another one? - No, no, no. I'm fine. 1084 01:49:09,619 --> 01:49:11,955 You sure? 1085 01:49:12,038 --> 01:49:17,043 I'm still a little weirded out, but I feel better. Thanks. 1086 01:49:20,505 --> 01:49:24,217 - How's Jane? - What do you mean? 1087 01:49:25,719 --> 01:49:28,179 I mean, 1088 01:49:28,263 --> 01:49:30,640 how's her life? 1089 01:49:30,724 --> 01:49:32,851 Is she happy? 1090 01:49:32,934 --> 01:49:36,104 Is she miserable? 1091 01:49:36,187 --> 01:49:40,734 I'd really like to know, and she'd die before she'd ever tell me about it. 1092 01:49:43,069 --> 01:49:46,323 She's, uh... 1093 01:49:46,406 --> 01:49:49,451 She's really happy. 1094 01:49:49,534 --> 01:49:53,079 She thinks she's in love. 1095 01:50:03,798 --> 01:50:07,093 Good for her. 1096 01:50:08,929 --> 01:50:10,847 How are you? 1097 01:50:18,813 --> 01:50:22,275 It's been a long time since anybody asked me that. 1098 01:50:28,698 --> 01:50:31,409 I'm great. 1099 01:50:37,123 --> 01:50:40,126 I've gotta go to the bathroom. 1100 01:50:52,889 --> 01:50:55,225 I'm great. 1101 01:51:29,509 --> 01:51:32,596 Man, oh man. 1102 01:51:34,472 --> 01:51:37,309 Man, oh man, oh man. 1103 01:52:12,552 --> 01:52:15,013 Oh, my God. 1104 01:52:56,930 --> 01:52:59,057 Wow. 1105 01:53:00,642 --> 01:53:03,395 I had always heard your entire life flashes... 1106 01:53:03,478 --> 01:53:07,357 in front of your eyes the second before you die. 1107 01:53:07,440 --> 01:53:10,193 First of all, that one second... 1108 01:53:10,277 --> 01:53:13,029 isn't a second at all. 1109 01:53:13,113 --> 01:53:15,198 It stretches on forever, 1110 01:53:15,282 --> 01:53:18,118 like an ocean of time. 1111 01:53:20,078 --> 01:53:23,081 For me, it was lying on my back... 1112 01:53:23,164 --> 01:53:27,043 at Boy Scout camp, watching falling stars. 1113 01:53:35,427 --> 01:53:38,680 And yellow leaves from the maple trees... 1114 01:53:38,763 --> 01:53:41,182 that lined our street. 1115 01:53:49,983 --> 01:53:53,236 Or my grandmother's hands and the way her skin... 1116 01:53:53,320 --> 01:53:55,655 seemed like paper. 1117 01:54:02,913 --> 01:54:06,666 And the first time I saw my cousin Tony's... 1118 01:54:06,750 --> 01:54:09,711 brand-new Firebird. 1119 01:54:21,431 --> 01:54:23,516 And Janie. 1120 01:54:24,935 --> 01:54:26,853 And Janie. 1121 01:54:58,843 --> 01:55:01,221 And... Carolyn. 1122 01:55:06,226 --> 01:55:09,980 I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me, 1123 01:55:10,063 --> 01:55:15,569 but it's hard to stay mad when there's so much beauty in the world. 1124 01:55:15,652 --> 01:55:20,824 Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once and it's too much. 1125 01:55:20,907 --> 01:55:25,996 My heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst. 1126 01:55:26,079 --> 01:55:30,166 And then I remember to relax... 1127 01:55:30,250 --> 01:55:33,336 and stop trying to hold on to it. 1128 01:55:33,420 --> 01:55:37,007 And then it flows through me like rain, 1129 01:55:37,090 --> 01:55:40,760 and I can't feel anything but gratitude... 1130 01:55:40,844 --> 01:55:43,013 for every single moment... 1131 01:55:43,096 --> 01:55:47,017 of my stupid little life. 1132 01:55:47,100 --> 01:55:50,520 You have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm sure. 1133 01:55:50,604 --> 01:55:52,606 But don't worry. 1134 01:55:53,690 --> 01:55:56,026 You will someday. 1135 01:55:57,690 --> 01:56:07,690 Hope, you enjoyed the movie! regards, shock...