1 00:03:34,720 --> 00:03:36,640 Oh, that's a big fella. 2 00:04:03,760 --> 00:04:05,840 - Looks great. - Thank you. 3 00:04:06,000 --> 00:04:07,960 Happy vacation, honey. 4 00:04:09,320 --> 00:04:12,000 Manchurian tung oil. Where did you get this? 5 00:04:12,160 --> 00:04:13,760 Helen got it for me in Oslo. 6 00:04:14,200 --> 00:04:18,400 Well, there's enough here to do the whole table and the bureau. 7 00:04:19,800 --> 00:04:21,480 I wonder what this could be. 8 00:04:21,640 --> 00:04:26,200 - Oh, honey, you got it. Thank you. - Enough to do the entire guest room. 9 00:04:26,360 --> 00:04:28,560 I'm so glad we're spending our vacation at home. 10 00:04:28,720 --> 00:04:31,400 - I'm gonna get started right away. - Well, hey, where are you going? 11 00:04:35,160 --> 00:04:37,280 - I'll get it. - Be my guest. 12 00:04:37,440 --> 00:04:38,600 I'll just get the… 13 00:04:41,680 --> 00:04:43,040 - Maybe you should get it. - I'll go. 14 00:04:43,200 --> 00:04:44,560 Okay. No! 15 00:04:50,000 --> 00:04:51,320 Oh, no. 16 00:04:55,720 --> 00:04:58,760 Ugh, Jane. 17 00:05:00,040 --> 00:05:01,920 It's your turn, honey. 18 00:05:14,160 --> 00:05:16,400 - Good luck. - Thanks. 19 00:05:18,240 --> 00:05:19,240 - Hi, Barbara. - Hi. 20 00:05:19,400 --> 00:05:21,200 Glad I caught you. Heard you were on vacation. 21 00:05:21,320 --> 00:05:22,720 That's right. Complete vacation. 22 00:05:22,880 --> 00:05:26,560 - Honey, today I'm $260,000. - No, Jane. 23 00:05:26,720 --> 00:05:29,480 - It's 6:45 in the morning. - This offer is real. 24 00:05:29,640 --> 00:05:32,800 From a man in New York City who only saw a photograph. 25 00:05:32,960 --> 00:05:35,520 Jane, don't send people photos of our house. 26 00:05:35,680 --> 00:05:39,760 He wants to bring the wife and family up here for some peace and quiet. 27 00:05:39,920 --> 00:05:41,560 That's exactly what we're looking for. 28 00:05:41,720 --> 00:05:43,480 But, Barbara, this house is too big for you. 29 00:05:43,640 --> 00:05:46,080 It really ought to be for a couple with a family, you know…? 30 00:05:47,600 --> 00:05:50,960 Oh, pumpkin, I didn't mean anything. It's just that this house is too big. 31 00:05:51,120 --> 00:05:53,080 - I'll see you in a few weeks. Okay? - Okay. 32 00:05:53,240 --> 00:05:54,360 - All right. - Think about it. 33 00:05:54,520 --> 00:05:55,520 Take care. 34 00:06:06,040 --> 00:06:07,040 Boo! 35 00:06:07,520 --> 00:06:10,240 - I was telling Barbara about this offer… - No, Jane. 36 00:06:10,400 --> 00:06:12,080 Adam. 37 00:06:18,760 --> 00:06:20,920 Barbara, come with me down to the store. 38 00:06:21,080 --> 00:06:23,840 - What for? - I need a new brush for this tung oil. 39 00:06:24,000 --> 00:06:27,520 - And I want to get a part for the model. - Well, you just run in, okay? 40 00:06:45,440 --> 00:06:48,560 Two weeks at home. The perfect vacation. 41 00:06:48,720 --> 00:06:51,680 Jane says we should sell the house to someone with a family. 42 00:06:51,840 --> 00:06:55,240 Well, I don't think that it's any of Jane's business. 43 00:06:55,640 --> 00:06:58,440 Besides, we could try again on this vacation, you know. 44 00:06:58,600 --> 00:07:01,120 Oh, really? What are you saying? 45 00:07:17,640 --> 00:07:20,200 - How are you doing, Ernie? - Hi, how are you? 46 00:07:29,040 --> 00:07:30,080 Morning, Adam. 47 00:07:30,240 --> 00:07:32,480 - Need a haircut before your vacation? - No, thanks, Bill. 48 00:07:32,640 --> 00:07:34,280 - How's the model coming? - Oh, it's great. 49 00:07:34,440 --> 00:07:39,800 You know, you said Bozman built that foundation in 1835. But his grandson… 50 00:07:48,560 --> 00:07:51,600 He got hair right down to his goddamn shoulders. 51 00:07:51,760 --> 00:07:54,760 He says to me, "Just trim it a little." 52 00:07:54,920 --> 00:07:58,120 - I took the scissors to him so fast… - See you later, huh, Bill? 53 00:08:00,240 --> 00:08:02,000 Right. 54 00:08:11,400 --> 00:08:12,520 This is gonna be great. 55 00:08:12,680 --> 00:08:15,680 Are you sure you wouldn't rather go to Jamaica or someplace like that? 56 00:08:15,840 --> 00:08:18,360 - No way. There's no place like home. - Hey, look out for that…! 57 00:09:02,080 --> 00:09:04,320 Perfect start to our vacation. 58 00:09:04,480 --> 00:09:07,280 Well, you'll feel better when you're dry, honey. 59 00:09:09,040 --> 00:09:11,680 That fire wasn't burning when we left. 60 00:09:12,560 --> 00:09:16,040 - How's your arm? - I don't know. It feels frozen. 61 00:09:32,640 --> 00:09:34,960 I'll make some coffee and you get wood for the fire. 62 00:09:35,120 --> 00:09:37,760 Maybe we should just take things extra slow. 63 00:09:37,920 --> 00:09:40,760 Do you remember how we got back up here? 64 00:09:42,600 --> 00:09:45,880 I'm gonna go back down to the bridge and retrace our steps. 65 00:10:00,080 --> 00:10:01,520 - You saved my… - Two hours. 66 00:10:01,680 --> 00:10:05,120 - Barbara, you won't believe… What? - That's how long you were gone. 67 00:10:06,320 --> 00:10:09,040 - What is going on? - I have to show you something. 68 00:10:10,520 --> 00:10:11,640 Look. 69 00:10:19,280 --> 00:10:20,720 There's that. 70 00:10:21,080 --> 00:10:22,840 And there's that. 71 00:10:30,160 --> 00:10:33,280 - "Handbook for the Recently Diseased." - Deceased. 72 00:10:35,760 --> 00:10:37,080 "Deceased." 73 00:10:37,240 --> 00:10:40,760 I don't know where it came from. Look at the publisher. 74 00:10:44,600 --> 00:10:47,680 "Handbook for the Recently Deceased Press." 75 00:10:47,840 --> 00:10:51,600 You know what? I don't think we survived the crash. 76 00:10:55,720 --> 00:10:56,800 I hate this. 77 00:10:57,200 --> 00:10:59,760 Just… Can you give me the basics? 78 00:10:59,920 --> 00:11:02,600 Well, this book isn't arranged that way. What do you wanna know? 79 00:11:02,760 --> 00:11:06,080 Well, why did you disappear when you stepped off the porch? 80 00:11:06,240 --> 00:11:08,600 Are we halfway to heaven, are we halfway to hell? 81 00:11:08,760 --> 00:11:10,680 And how long is this gonna last? 82 00:11:10,840 --> 00:11:12,800 I don't see anything about heaven or hell. 83 00:11:12,960 --> 00:11:15,680 This book reads like stereo instructions. Listen to this: 84 00:11:15,840 --> 00:11:17,640 "Geographical and Temporal Perimeters. 85 00:11:17,800 --> 00:11:21,280 Functional perimeters vary from manifestation to manifestation." 86 00:11:22,880 --> 00:11:24,480 Oh, this is gonna take some time, honey. 87 00:11:47,200 --> 00:11:50,120 Damn sandworms. Thirteen percent, huh? 88 00:11:50,280 --> 00:11:53,600 Well, I better find a job. Let's see. Business section. 89 00:11:58,120 --> 00:11:59,120 Ooh-la-la. 90 00:11:59,280 --> 00:12:01,760 What do we got here? The Maitlands, huh? 91 00:12:03,680 --> 00:12:07,040 Cute couple. Look nice and stupid too. 92 00:12:13,560 --> 00:12:16,240 I wish I had a better view of the cemetery from here. 93 00:12:16,400 --> 00:12:19,200 I can't tell which is the best placement for us. 94 00:12:24,240 --> 00:12:25,920 Cabin fever, hon? 95 00:12:26,080 --> 00:12:27,640 Well, I can't clean anything properly. 96 00:12:27,800 --> 00:12:30,640 The vacuum's out in the garage and we can't leave the house. 97 00:12:30,800 --> 00:12:33,760 Why don't they tell us something? Where are all the other dead people? 98 00:12:33,920 --> 00:12:35,840 Why is it just you and me? 99 00:12:36,920 --> 00:12:38,080 Maybe this is heaven. 100 00:12:39,360 --> 00:12:41,440 In heaven there wouldn't be dust on everything. 101 00:12:50,480 --> 00:12:51,520 It's Jane. 102 00:12:55,360 --> 00:12:59,920 - God, what's she doing here? - I don't know. Hey, Jane, up here. Jane. 103 00:13:05,400 --> 00:13:07,920 Can't see you, right? 104 00:13:09,480 --> 00:13:12,640 In the book, rule number two: "The living usually won't see the dead." 105 00:13:14,840 --> 00:13:17,160 - Won't or can't? - It just says "won't." 106 00:13:17,320 --> 00:13:21,160 God, this book is so stupid. I can't understand anything in there. 107 00:13:22,560 --> 00:13:24,080 Barb, honey… 108 00:13:24,640 --> 00:13:26,240 …we're dead. 109 00:13:26,400 --> 00:13:29,720 I don't think we have very much to worry about anymore. 110 00:13:52,960 --> 00:13:54,240 Aah! 111 00:14:01,200 --> 00:14:04,480 Ah, this is great. This is just what the doctor ordered. 112 00:14:09,840 --> 00:14:11,440 Sorry, ma'am. 113 00:14:13,760 --> 00:14:16,640 Delia Deetz, welcome home. 114 00:14:16,800 --> 00:14:18,120 Charles. 115 00:14:18,600 --> 00:14:20,800 It's okay, there's no damage. Look, see? It's okay. 116 00:14:20,960 --> 00:14:23,200 Good, sturdy, country craftsmanship. 117 00:14:23,360 --> 00:14:24,960 And look at that kitchen. 118 00:14:25,120 --> 00:14:27,840 You're finally gonna be able to cook a decent meal. 119 00:14:30,000 --> 00:14:31,880 Come and have a look. 120 00:14:40,320 --> 00:14:44,440 A little gasoline. Blowtorch. No problem. 121 00:14:44,600 --> 00:14:46,840 Excuse me. Down we go. 122 00:14:57,600 --> 00:14:59,520 We'll have to rip out all the plumbing. 123 00:14:59,680 --> 00:15:02,680 But other than that, it's perfect. Just perfect. 124 00:15:03,680 --> 00:15:06,520 - What do you think, honey? - Delia hates it. 125 00:15:10,040 --> 00:15:11,160 I could live here. 126 00:15:11,680 --> 00:15:13,080 Careful. That's my sculpture. 127 00:15:13,240 --> 00:15:17,160 I don't mean "my" as in "I bought it." I mean I made it. It's my sculpture. 128 00:15:18,240 --> 00:15:20,160 Put it on the table. 129 00:15:28,120 --> 00:15:31,120 Ten minutes. I'm already perfectly at ease. 130 00:15:31,720 --> 00:15:32,720 It's perfect. 131 00:15:34,040 --> 00:15:36,760 - Help! - It's Otho. 132 00:15:37,160 --> 00:15:39,920 Otho, why don't you just come in the front? 133 00:15:40,640 --> 00:15:41,760 It's bad luck. 134 00:15:41,920 --> 00:15:44,720 Otho, you left the city for me. I am so happy. 135 00:15:44,880 --> 00:15:46,760 Of course you are. 136 00:15:48,160 --> 00:15:49,200 - Delia. - You're right. 137 00:15:49,360 --> 00:15:51,200 - Let's get one thing straight. - You're right. 138 00:15:51,360 --> 00:15:53,400 We're here to enjoy the country setting… 139 00:15:53,560 --> 00:15:55,200 - …not to trash the place. - You're right. 140 00:15:55,360 --> 00:15:57,840 Charles, you're lucky the yuppies are buying condos… 141 00:15:58,000 --> 00:16:01,280 …so you can afford what I'm going to have to do to this place. 142 00:16:01,440 --> 00:16:06,320 Otho, I'm here to relax and clip coupons, and, damn it, I mean to do it. 143 00:16:06,480 --> 00:16:08,960 Then go do it quietly, dear, and let Otho and I think. 144 00:16:09,120 --> 00:16:11,120 Is the rest of the house as bad as this? 145 00:16:11,520 --> 00:16:14,040 Is this a punishment or something? 146 00:16:14,200 --> 00:16:15,520 What are we gonna do? 147 00:16:16,560 --> 00:16:18,880 We're not completely helpless, Barbara. 148 00:16:19,040 --> 00:16:22,840 I've been reading that book and there's a word for people in our situation. 149 00:16:23,520 --> 00:16:25,080 Ghosts. 150 00:16:26,440 --> 00:16:29,080 Delia, let's get this show on the road. 151 00:16:31,720 --> 00:16:33,800 We're dealing with negative entertainment potential. 152 00:16:33,960 --> 00:16:36,560 I mean, there's absolutely no organic flow-through. 153 00:16:36,720 --> 00:16:40,200 I noticed that too. It's like a giant ant farm. 154 00:16:42,560 --> 00:16:45,080 - What? - I thought I saw something. 155 00:16:56,080 --> 00:16:58,360 You've read my mind. 156 00:16:58,520 --> 00:17:01,240 - I did? - So few clients are able to read my mind. 157 00:17:01,400 --> 00:17:03,840 They're just not open to the experience. 158 00:17:12,240 --> 00:17:13,240 My God. 159 00:17:13,400 --> 00:17:16,680 We just have to pray the other closets are bigger than this one. 160 00:17:16,840 --> 00:17:18,920 Ooh, look. 161 00:17:20,120 --> 00:17:21,720 Ozzie and Harriet. 162 00:17:23,800 --> 00:17:25,680 - What happened to these people? - They died. 163 00:17:25,840 --> 00:17:27,800 Oh, look, an indoor outhouse. 164 00:17:31,520 --> 00:17:33,680 - Otho. - Viridian. 165 00:17:33,840 --> 00:17:36,160 Viridian. Now, why do I know that name? 166 00:17:36,320 --> 00:17:38,080 Blue-green. 167 00:17:38,240 --> 00:17:40,480 Hydrated chromic oxide. 168 00:17:40,640 --> 00:17:43,920 Remember, I'm schooled in chemistry. I was a hair analyst. 169 00:17:44,080 --> 00:17:46,280 - What? - Briefly. 170 00:17:50,600 --> 00:17:53,760 Yuck. Deliver me from L.L. Bean. 171 00:17:54,320 --> 00:17:55,640 - Boo! - Aah! 172 00:17:55,800 --> 00:17:58,480 I know what you two are up to and you're not gonna get away with it. 173 00:17:58,640 --> 00:18:00,640 Oh, honey, this is not working out at all. 174 00:18:00,800 --> 00:18:04,320 Charles, I won't stop living and breathing art just because you need to relax. 175 00:18:04,480 --> 00:18:05,480 Ha. 176 00:18:05,640 --> 00:18:07,920 I'm here. I will live with you in this hellhole. 177 00:18:08,080 --> 00:18:11,880 But I must express myself. If you don't let me gut out this house… 178 00:18:12,040 --> 00:18:16,560 …and make it my own, I will go insane and I will take you with me! 179 00:18:18,400 --> 00:18:21,600 Yeah. Well, you know, maybe the house could use a little remodeling. 180 00:18:21,760 --> 00:18:25,520 Uh, but why don't you just leave this room alone, okay? 181 00:18:26,080 --> 00:18:27,240 Okay. 182 00:18:32,880 --> 00:18:34,200 I'm gonna get her. 183 00:18:34,720 --> 00:18:35,720 So? 184 00:18:35,880 --> 00:18:38,560 Once you cover up the wallpaper, knock down a few walls… 185 00:18:38,720 --> 00:18:40,200 …this place might just be livable. 186 00:18:40,360 --> 00:18:43,160 - What's on the third floor? - Attic space. 187 00:18:43,320 --> 00:18:45,320 Oh, I forgot to lock the attic door. 188 00:18:53,280 --> 00:18:54,880 - Did you feel something? - When? 189 00:19:03,840 --> 00:19:06,680 - You don't have a key? - Maybe Charles does. 190 00:19:06,840 --> 00:19:10,720 I have a feeling there's something very interesting behind this door. 191 00:19:10,880 --> 00:19:14,520 Yeah, ghosts of the people who died in this house, and they want us out of here. 192 00:19:14,680 --> 00:19:16,800 So let's do them a favor. 193 00:19:32,920 --> 00:19:35,520 My God, that was close. 194 00:19:36,560 --> 00:19:38,880 I cannot watch this. 195 00:19:39,040 --> 00:19:41,840 What's the good of being a ghost if you can't frighten people away? 196 00:19:42,000 --> 00:19:44,720 - Honey. - No, I'm not putting up with this. 197 00:19:54,160 --> 00:19:56,880 - You don't know what's out there. - I don't care. 198 00:19:58,120 --> 00:20:00,000 Barbara! 199 00:20:03,280 --> 00:20:04,440 Adam. 200 00:20:04,840 --> 00:20:07,120 - Adam? - Barbara. 201 00:20:07,280 --> 00:20:09,120 Adam! 202 00:20:09,880 --> 00:20:11,520 - Adam. Oh, help. - Barbara. 203 00:20:11,680 --> 00:20:13,120 Help, I'm getting all yellow. 204 00:20:40,720 --> 00:20:42,000 Adam! 205 00:20:49,040 --> 00:20:50,680 Oh, Adam. 206 00:20:51,560 --> 00:20:54,360 We're trapped in this house with those people. 207 00:20:59,200 --> 00:21:02,080 I can't believe we're eating Cantonese. Is there no Sichuan up here? 208 00:21:02,800 --> 00:21:06,400 Plan to have a stroke from the amount of MSG that's in this food. 209 00:21:07,080 --> 00:21:08,680 This is our first meal in this house… 210 00:21:08,840 --> 00:21:12,240 so why don't we all do our little private parts to make it a pleasant one? 211 00:21:12,400 --> 00:21:14,440 Don't bait your mother, pumpkin. 212 00:21:14,600 --> 00:21:18,400 Soon as we get settled, we'll build you a darkroom in the basement, okay? 213 00:21:18,560 --> 00:21:20,640 My whole life is a darkroom. 214 00:21:21,360 --> 00:21:24,760 One big dark room. 215 00:21:24,920 --> 00:21:26,520 So you were miserable in New York City… 216 00:21:26,680 --> 00:21:29,280 …and now you're going to be miserable out here in the sticks. 217 00:21:29,440 --> 00:21:31,360 At least someone's life hasn't been upheaved. 218 00:21:31,520 --> 00:21:33,760 I'm perfectly happy here. Those people in New York… 219 00:21:33,920 --> 00:21:35,840 …they just don't know what they're missing. 220 00:21:40,120 --> 00:21:42,520 You know, we could become The Summer Art Center of New York. 221 00:21:42,680 --> 00:21:45,560 I could start sculpting again. I'm only truly happy when I'm sculpting. 222 00:21:45,720 --> 00:21:49,440 That's a very good idea. That'll be, um, ahem, very time-consuming. 223 00:21:49,600 --> 00:21:51,920 First the house. Otho and I have some great plans. 224 00:21:52,080 --> 00:21:53,920 I think we should keep it the way it is. 225 00:21:54,080 --> 00:21:55,920 Good idea. 226 00:22:00,320 --> 00:22:03,520 Furniture truck is coming. We have to decide what goes and what stays. 227 00:22:03,680 --> 00:22:06,000 Everything goes, along with whatever's in the attic. 228 00:22:20,880 --> 00:22:23,200 Put it up. Come on. 229 00:22:23,360 --> 00:22:24,800 Careful. 230 00:22:24,960 --> 00:22:28,480 You see, if you tell me what you do I'll tell you why my husband will fire you. 231 00:22:29,720 --> 00:22:32,400 - Isn't there an index or something? - No, nothing. 232 00:22:32,560 --> 00:22:33,720 All right, now. 233 00:22:34,400 --> 00:22:35,920 What's this? 234 00:22:39,520 --> 00:22:41,560 No, no, I'm sorry. That does not go there. 235 00:22:41,720 --> 00:22:44,320 Do you know where that's going? Did anyone tell you where to…? 236 00:22:44,480 --> 00:22:47,360 Why are there only three sculptures? There were four sculptures here. 237 00:22:47,520 --> 00:22:49,360 Where's the fourth sculpture? No! 238 00:22:49,880 --> 00:22:51,440 No, what are you doing? 239 00:22:51,600 --> 00:22:53,680 Excuse me. Put it down. 240 00:22:56,200 --> 00:22:59,520 "Betelgeuse, the bio-exorcist. Troubled by the living? 241 00:22:59,680 --> 00:23:02,240 Is death a problem and not the solution? Unhappy with eternity? 242 00:23:02,400 --> 00:23:05,120 Having difficulty adjusting? Call Betelgeuse." 243 00:23:06,720 --> 00:23:08,280 - Put it down. - Betelgeu… Betel… 244 00:23:08,440 --> 00:23:10,400 That's it? There's no number or instructions? 245 00:23:10,560 --> 00:23:12,960 Nothing. The "bio-exorcist." I don't get it. 246 00:23:16,840 --> 00:23:18,680 - Would you put that down? - Straight back. 247 00:23:18,840 --> 00:23:20,320 Why is that still up there? 248 00:23:21,360 --> 00:23:23,840 Why don't you guys take a break for about half an hour, okay? 249 00:23:42,440 --> 00:23:43,640 Jesus Christ! 250 00:23:43,800 --> 00:23:45,480 What are you doing? Put that down. 251 00:23:45,640 --> 00:23:47,640 What the hell are you doing out there? 252 00:23:47,800 --> 00:23:50,080 - Listen to me. No! - Jesus. 253 00:23:51,040 --> 00:23:54,480 Why are you doing this to me? This is my art and it is dangerous. 254 00:23:54,640 --> 00:23:56,440 Do you think I want to die like this? 255 00:24:09,920 --> 00:24:12,800 - No, no. - Hi. How are you? 256 00:24:20,800 --> 00:24:22,880 That little girl saw us. 257 00:24:23,360 --> 00:24:26,000 - Honey, nobody can see us. - But she did. 258 00:24:28,120 --> 00:24:30,600 - What happened to the previous owners? - They drowned. 259 00:24:30,760 --> 00:24:33,600 Yes, they were family. I was devastated. 260 00:24:33,760 --> 00:24:35,960 - Here, take that. - Is this the key to the attic? 261 00:24:36,120 --> 00:24:39,040 That's a skeleton key. That key will open any door in the house. 262 00:24:39,200 --> 00:24:40,400 Give that to your father. 263 00:24:40,560 --> 00:24:43,600 And you might mention that I single-handedly decorated that house. 264 00:24:43,760 --> 00:24:47,800 In case he needs any advice in that arena, have him come see me. 265 00:25:07,600 --> 00:25:09,080 Don't worry. I locked the door. 266 00:25:26,520 --> 00:25:29,920 Having trouble with the living? You tired of having your home violated? 267 00:25:30,080 --> 00:25:32,240 You want to get rid of them pesky living critters? 268 00:25:32,400 --> 00:25:36,160 Well, come on down and see me, folks, I'm the afterlife's leading bio-exorcist. 269 00:25:36,320 --> 00:25:40,240 Yes, sirree. Come on down here and I want to tell you, I'll do anything. 270 00:25:42,400 --> 00:25:43,560 I'll scare them real bad. 271 00:25:43,640 --> 00:25:46,360 The point is, I'm gonna do anything to get your business. 272 00:25:46,520 --> 00:25:48,640 Hell, I'll possess myself if I gotta. 273 00:25:48,800 --> 00:25:51,840 Wow! Yo, I got demons running all through me. 274 00:25:52,000 --> 00:25:54,120 All through me. Come on down here and see it. 275 00:25:54,280 --> 00:25:57,920 And hey, if you act now, you get a free demon possession with every exorcism. 276 00:25:58,080 --> 00:25:59,520 You can't beat that, can you? 277 00:25:59,680 --> 00:26:00,960 And bring the little pards down. 278 00:26:01,120 --> 00:26:05,080 Hell, we got plenty of snakes and lizards for them to play with. No problem at all. 279 00:26:05,240 --> 00:26:08,960 So say it once, say it twice, third time's the charm. And remember: 280 00:26:09,120 --> 00:26:10,640 I'll eat anything You want me to eat 281 00:26:10,800 --> 00:26:12,480 Swallow anything You want me to swallow 282 00:26:12,640 --> 00:26:15,520 So come on down, I'll chew on the dog 283 00:26:42,440 --> 00:26:43,680 We need some help. 284 00:26:43,840 --> 00:26:47,160 I read something in this book this morning about emergencies. 285 00:26:47,320 --> 00:26:51,360 All right, here it is. "In case of emergency, draw a door." 286 00:26:55,280 --> 00:26:58,400 "Draw a door"? I don't know why we keep looking in that stupid book. 287 00:27:01,720 --> 00:27:04,200 Hey, maybe we should try that "Beetle" guy. 288 00:27:06,760 --> 00:27:08,040 Oh. 289 00:27:19,000 --> 00:27:21,560 You didn't actually think that was gonna work, did you? 290 00:27:22,000 --> 00:27:23,280 Aha! 291 00:27:24,560 --> 00:27:26,240 "Knock three times." 292 00:28:05,280 --> 00:28:07,200 Blugh. 293 00:28:25,880 --> 00:28:27,240 Birdies. 294 00:28:35,800 --> 00:28:36,880 Get it. 295 00:28:37,520 --> 00:28:38,920 Dad. 296 00:28:39,080 --> 00:28:42,080 - Can't you see I'm relaxing in here? - Well, I wanna tell you what I saw. 297 00:28:42,240 --> 00:28:45,680 What is the point of my coming up here if you people won't let me relax? 298 00:28:45,840 --> 00:28:47,800 Pumpkin, sweetheart… 299 00:28:48,880 --> 00:28:50,640 …go help your mother. 300 00:28:50,800 --> 00:28:53,400 Maybe you can relax in a haunted house, but I can't. 301 00:28:59,920 --> 00:29:04,120 Nice building. Bad roof. Good parking. 302 00:29:33,160 --> 00:29:35,240 - Adam? - This way, honey. 303 00:29:47,080 --> 00:29:48,960 You don't have an appointment, do you? 304 00:29:49,120 --> 00:29:50,600 Well, we didn't know how to make one. 305 00:29:50,720 --> 00:29:52,320 - Appointment for what? - What do you want? 306 00:29:52,480 --> 00:29:54,400 - We need some help. - Ha! Already? 307 00:29:54,560 --> 00:29:57,040 You just bit the big one two months ago and you want help. 308 00:29:57,520 --> 00:29:59,280 What does that have to do with anything? 309 00:29:59,440 --> 00:30:03,000 You're gonna use up all your help vouchers: D-90s. 310 00:30:03,160 --> 00:30:06,400 You spend 125 years on Earth actually in that house… 311 00:30:06,560 --> 00:30:10,560 …during which you get only three class-one D-90 intercessions with Juno. 312 00:30:10,720 --> 00:30:13,560 You probably haven't even read through the manual completely yet. 313 00:30:13,720 --> 00:30:16,440 You'll have to wait if you don't have an appointment. 314 00:30:16,600 --> 00:30:21,120 - An appointment with whom? - For Juno, your caseworker. 315 00:30:23,400 --> 00:30:27,200 Number 54,000,601. Ferndock. 316 00:31:30,200 --> 00:31:32,680 - Want a cigarette? - Uh, no, thank you. 317 00:31:33,840 --> 00:31:36,120 Trying to cut down myself. 318 00:31:52,400 --> 00:31:56,000 Adam, is this what happens when you die? 319 00:31:56,160 --> 00:31:57,760 This is what happens when you die. 320 00:31:57,920 --> 00:32:01,600 That is what happens when he dies. And that is what happens when they die. 321 00:32:01,760 --> 00:32:04,480 It's all very personal. And I'll tell you something. 322 00:32:04,640 --> 00:32:08,640 If I knew then what I know now, I wouldn't have had my little accident. 323 00:32:14,080 --> 00:32:15,840 Maitland. Party of two. 324 00:32:16,000 --> 00:32:18,520 Take the handbook and go to the sixth door. 325 00:32:18,960 --> 00:32:21,520 Oh, we forgot our handbook. 326 00:32:24,920 --> 00:32:26,320 Come on. 327 00:32:31,360 --> 00:32:34,840 All new arrivals, report to Waiting Room Number 8. 328 00:32:37,280 --> 00:32:40,640 Flight 409 is arriving at Gate 3. 329 00:32:40,800 --> 00:32:43,240 How do I look? There are no mirrors on this side. 330 00:32:43,400 --> 00:32:44,920 - Fine. You look fine. - Yeah? 331 00:32:45,080 --> 00:32:46,960 - Fine. - Thanks. I've been feeling a little flat. 332 00:32:52,520 --> 00:32:55,560 Will the Peterson party report to Door Number 9? 333 00:32:56,960 --> 00:33:00,400 Peterson party, please report to Door Number 9. 334 00:33:01,200 --> 00:33:04,440 All new arrivals, report to Waiting Room Number 8. 335 00:33:10,680 --> 00:33:13,600 A hundred and 25 years. I can't believe this. 336 00:33:13,760 --> 00:33:15,920 I can't believe they didn't tell us. 337 00:33:18,720 --> 00:33:21,040 Oh, Adam, what is this? 338 00:33:24,680 --> 00:33:27,360 That's the Lost Souls' Room. 339 00:33:27,520 --> 00:33:30,160 A room for ghosts that have been exorcised. 340 00:33:31,200 --> 00:33:32,760 Poor devils. 341 00:33:32,920 --> 00:33:34,960 That's death for the dead. 342 00:33:36,120 --> 00:33:38,120 It's all in the handbook. 343 00:33:38,320 --> 00:33:39,760 Keep moving. 344 00:33:44,640 --> 00:33:45,920 Five. 345 00:33:46,880 --> 00:33:48,880 This is the sixth door. 346 00:33:55,360 --> 00:33:58,480 Boy, oh, boy, this place just gets weirder and weirder. 347 00:34:04,560 --> 00:34:06,160 Barbara. 348 00:34:08,960 --> 00:34:10,480 We're home. 349 00:34:11,360 --> 00:34:15,040 Look at this place. Everything's different. 350 00:34:16,040 --> 00:34:18,160 All our furniture's gone. 351 00:34:18,720 --> 00:34:21,240 How long do you suppose we were waiting there? 352 00:34:21,400 --> 00:34:22,840 Three months. 353 00:34:23,960 --> 00:34:26,720 I'd almost given up on you. I was about to leave. 354 00:34:26,880 --> 00:34:29,080 I do have other clients. 355 00:34:29,240 --> 00:34:31,720 - Are you Juno, our caseworker? - Yes. 356 00:34:31,880 --> 00:34:34,920 I evaluate individual cases and determine… 357 00:34:35,080 --> 00:34:38,160 …if help is needed, deserved and available. 358 00:34:38,320 --> 00:34:40,000 - Are you available? - No. 359 00:34:41,400 --> 00:34:44,480 - What's wrong? - We're very unhappy. 360 00:34:44,640 --> 00:34:46,320 What did you expect? You're dead. 361 00:34:46,480 --> 00:34:48,480 We want to get rid of the people who moved in here. 362 00:34:48,640 --> 00:34:50,960 Barbara and I worked very hard on this house. 363 00:34:51,120 --> 00:34:54,080 We probably wouldn't mind sharing the house with people who were… 364 00:34:54,240 --> 00:34:56,400 - More like you used to be. - Yes. 365 00:34:56,560 --> 00:34:58,080 But these people… 366 00:34:59,960 --> 00:35:02,040 Things seem pretty quiet here. 367 00:35:03,000 --> 00:35:06,080 You should thank God you didn't die in Italy. 368 00:35:06,520 --> 00:35:07,760 The Deetzes. 369 00:35:07,920 --> 00:35:11,680 - Have you been studying the manual? - Well, we tried. 370 00:35:11,840 --> 00:35:15,520 The intermediate interface chapter on haunting says it all. 371 00:35:15,680 --> 00:35:18,640 Get them out yourselves. It's your house. 372 00:35:19,760 --> 00:35:22,240 Haunted houses aren't easy to come by. 373 00:35:22,400 --> 00:35:24,640 - Well, we don't quite get it. - I heard. 374 00:35:24,800 --> 00:35:26,560 Tore your faces right off. 375 00:35:26,720 --> 00:35:29,560 It doesn't do any good to pull your heads off in front of people… 376 00:35:29,720 --> 00:35:30,880 …if they can't see you. 377 00:35:31,040 --> 00:35:33,120 - We should start more simply? - Start simply. 378 00:35:33,280 --> 00:35:35,960 Do what you know. Use your talents. Practice. 379 00:35:37,680 --> 00:35:41,400 You should have been studying those lessons since day one. 380 00:35:43,440 --> 00:35:44,640 I've got to go. 381 00:35:44,720 --> 00:35:47,360 What about the guy in the flyer, Betel…? 382 00:35:48,680 --> 00:35:51,800 Don't even say his name. You don't want his help. 383 00:35:52,320 --> 00:35:53,760 - Well… - We might. 384 00:35:53,920 --> 00:35:57,440 No, you don't. He does not work well with others. 385 00:35:58,520 --> 00:36:00,200 What do you mean? 386 00:36:04,200 --> 00:36:05,920 I didn't want to bring it up. 387 00:36:06,080 --> 00:36:10,480 But rather than have you stumble onto it and make another mistake, I'll tell you. 388 00:36:11,040 --> 00:36:12,880 He was my assistant. 389 00:36:13,280 --> 00:36:16,240 But he was a troublemaker. He went out on his own… 390 00:36:16,400 --> 00:36:19,360 …as a freelance bio-exorcist. 391 00:36:19,520 --> 00:36:23,360 Claimed he could get rid of the living. Got into more trouble. 392 00:36:27,240 --> 00:36:31,080 In fact, I believe he's been sleazing around your cemetery lately. 393 00:36:32,560 --> 00:36:35,200 The only way he can be brought back… 394 00:36:35,360 --> 00:36:38,360 …is by calling his name three times. 395 00:36:39,120 --> 00:36:41,240 But I strongly suggest… 396 00:36:41,400 --> 00:36:44,160 …that you remove the Deetzes yourselves. 397 00:36:44,920 --> 00:36:47,720 Well, how do we contact you if we need you again? 398 00:36:57,560 --> 00:37:00,680 Oh, Adam, that guy's in our cemetery. 399 00:37:00,840 --> 00:37:04,320 She's right, honey. We just have to keep this simple. We can do this. Come on. 400 00:37:27,280 --> 00:37:29,880 Hey, you. Hey, come here. 401 00:37:30,280 --> 00:37:31,800 Hungry? 402 00:37:31,960 --> 00:37:33,880 Come on. Hey, come here. 403 00:37:35,200 --> 00:37:37,920 I got something good for you. Come on. Come on over. 404 00:37:38,080 --> 00:37:40,760 We'll have a little bite, you'll have something to nosh. 405 00:37:42,160 --> 00:37:46,560 - Come here. - Help me. Help me. Help me. 406 00:37:48,880 --> 00:37:50,600 Maxie, have I not always made you money? 407 00:37:50,760 --> 00:37:52,640 I think that's the only real question here. 408 00:37:52,800 --> 00:37:55,200 Well, Charles, nobody made me money like you. 409 00:37:55,360 --> 00:37:57,440 I mean, before your nerves went, you were a demon. 410 00:37:57,920 --> 00:38:02,840 It's just that Winter River, Connecticut is, if you'll forgive me, nowhere. 411 00:38:03,000 --> 00:38:06,080 Why would I wanna invest that kind of money in an old building… 412 00:38:06,240 --> 00:38:08,360 - …way the hell up there? - It's not a building. 413 00:38:08,520 --> 00:38:09,680 That's the beauty of it. 414 00:38:09,840 --> 00:38:13,560 These people don't know the value of their property. I can buy the whole town. 415 00:38:13,720 --> 00:38:16,200 Oh, then we own a whole town in the middle of nowhere. 416 00:38:16,360 --> 00:38:18,320 Max, you've got to come up here and see. 417 00:38:18,480 --> 00:38:20,560 And, uh, bring Sarah. 418 00:38:20,720 --> 00:38:24,160 Yeah, all right, Charles. It's just that I am kind of busy here. 419 00:38:25,480 --> 00:38:26,800 Uh, just a minute, Maxie. 420 00:38:26,960 --> 00:38:30,000 Now, listen. Enough of this talk about visiting, okay? I gotta go. 421 00:38:30,160 --> 00:38:32,600 You take it easy up there, big fellow. 422 00:38:32,760 --> 00:38:35,360 - Goodbye. - Uh, Max, wait, wait, wait. 423 00:38:39,280 --> 00:38:40,280 Putz. 424 00:39:00,280 --> 00:39:04,320 Jeez, Lydia, is Connecticut so boring? I had Maxie Dean on the phone, honey. 425 00:39:04,480 --> 00:39:08,080 Dad's found a way of making money while I relax, so would you scram? 426 00:39:10,400 --> 00:39:13,760 Your mother's gonna kill you when she sees you cut holes in her $300 sheets. 427 00:39:16,520 --> 00:39:20,000 This is so corny. Is this what we've been reduced to? Sheets? 428 00:39:20,160 --> 00:39:21,760 Think of them as death shrouds. 429 00:39:21,920 --> 00:39:24,320 And the moaning is important. Really moan. 430 00:39:42,080 --> 00:39:44,440 God, how can he stand that woman? 431 00:39:50,760 --> 00:39:54,200 Cut it out. I'm a child, for God's sakes. 432 00:40:01,800 --> 00:40:05,440 - I feel so stupid. - It's not stupid. We're ghosts. 433 00:40:05,600 --> 00:40:08,520 Do you want to spend the next 125 years having breakfast with this woman? 434 00:40:08,680 --> 00:40:10,160 Moan louder. 435 00:40:18,240 --> 00:40:19,800 Oh, God. 436 00:40:27,280 --> 00:40:29,240 Sick. Sexual perversion. 437 00:40:29,400 --> 00:40:32,960 If you guys are gonna do that weird sexual stuff, do it in your own bedroom. 438 00:40:39,600 --> 00:40:40,600 No feet. 439 00:40:51,520 --> 00:40:53,640 Are you the guys hiding out in the attic? 440 00:40:53,800 --> 00:40:56,000 We're ghosts. 441 00:40:56,160 --> 00:40:57,160 Whoo! 442 00:40:57,320 --> 00:40:59,840 - What do you look like under there? - Aren't you scared? 443 00:41:00,000 --> 00:41:02,920 I'm not scared of sheets. Are you gross under there? 444 00:41:03,080 --> 00:41:05,520 Are youNight of the Living Dead under there? 445 00:41:05,680 --> 00:41:08,000 Like all bloody veins and pus? 446 00:41:08,160 --> 00:41:10,720 - Night of the what? - Living Dead. It's a movie. 447 00:41:10,880 --> 00:41:14,200 If I had seen a ghost at your age, I would've been scared out of my wits. 448 00:41:14,840 --> 00:41:17,840 You're not gross. Why are you wearing sheets? 449 00:41:18,000 --> 00:41:19,280 We're practicing. 450 00:41:19,440 --> 00:41:22,880 - You can see us without the sheets? - Of course I can see you. 451 00:41:23,040 --> 00:41:25,360 Well, how is it that you see us and nobody else can? 452 00:41:26,760 --> 00:41:30,240 Well, I read through that Handbook for the Recently Deceased. 453 00:41:30,400 --> 00:41:34,880 It says, "Live people ignore the strange and unusual." 454 00:41:35,480 --> 00:41:39,520 I myself am strange and unusual. 455 00:41:40,160 --> 00:41:42,480 You look like a regular girl to me. 456 00:41:42,640 --> 00:41:44,800 - You read our book? - Yeah. 457 00:41:44,960 --> 00:41:47,680 - You could follow it? - Yeah. Why were you in Delia's bedroom? 458 00:41:47,840 --> 00:41:50,680 - We were trying to scare your mother. - Stepmother. 459 00:41:50,840 --> 00:41:54,160 Anyway, you can't scare her. She's sleeping with Prince Valium tonight. 460 00:41:57,440 --> 00:42:00,920 You did this? You carved all these little houses and things? 461 00:42:02,400 --> 00:42:04,200 And this used to be your house. 462 00:42:05,120 --> 00:42:07,320 Why do you want to scare everybody? 463 00:42:07,480 --> 00:42:10,200 Well, we wanted to frighten you so you would move out. 464 00:42:12,040 --> 00:42:13,800 You don't know the Deetzes very well. 465 00:42:13,960 --> 00:42:17,480 My father bought this place. He never walks away from equity. 466 00:42:17,840 --> 00:42:19,720 - Why don't you leave? - We can't. 467 00:42:19,880 --> 00:42:21,720 We haven't left the house since the funeral. 468 00:42:22,720 --> 00:42:24,320 Funeral. 469 00:42:24,480 --> 00:42:27,040 God. You guys really are dead. 470 00:42:29,360 --> 00:42:30,560 This is amazing. 471 00:42:31,160 --> 00:42:32,720 Lydia. 472 00:42:32,880 --> 00:42:34,480 - I better go. - Wait. 473 00:42:34,640 --> 00:42:36,960 Don't tell your parents we're up here. 474 00:42:37,120 --> 00:42:39,040 Unless you think it'll frighten them away. 475 00:42:39,680 --> 00:42:41,360 You tell them that we are horrible… 476 00:42:41,520 --> 00:42:45,760 …desperate, ghoulish creatures who will stop at nothing to get our house back. 477 00:42:47,960 --> 00:42:52,000 What if this is a dream? Can you guys do any tricks to prove I'm not dreaming? 478 00:42:55,840 --> 00:43:00,480 If you are real ghosts, you better get another routine because those sheets… 479 00:43:00,640 --> 00:43:02,560 …they don't work. 480 00:43:11,640 --> 00:43:12,800 Ghosts. 481 00:43:12,960 --> 00:43:15,160 You're telling me we have ghosts in this house. 482 00:43:15,320 --> 00:43:17,760 Those pictures are of ghosts. Are they? 483 00:43:17,920 --> 00:43:19,120 Ghosts. 484 00:43:20,200 --> 00:43:23,080 Lydia, I am giving a dinner party tonight for seven people. 485 00:43:23,240 --> 00:43:26,640 My agent, Bernard, is bringing a woman who writes forArt in America. 486 00:43:26,800 --> 00:43:30,880 In fact, no one dining here this evening has not been inVanity Fair except you. 487 00:43:31,040 --> 00:43:32,960 I told them you were too mean to be afraid. 488 00:43:33,120 --> 00:43:34,880 Don't you dare speak to others about me. 489 00:43:35,040 --> 00:43:38,200 Being embarrassed in front of the few people who will set foot in here… 490 00:43:38,360 --> 00:43:41,400 …scares me. So let's play family just for tonight? 491 00:43:47,040 --> 00:43:48,960 Lydia's trying, but they don't believe her. 492 00:43:49,120 --> 00:43:51,120 She's got photos, Barbara. 493 00:43:51,280 --> 00:43:53,920 Adam, you had a photo of Bigfoot. 494 00:43:54,560 --> 00:43:57,440 My photo of Bigfoot is a different story. 495 00:43:57,600 --> 00:43:59,200 Anyhow, we've gotta get some help here. 496 00:43:59,360 --> 00:44:01,920 We've gotta contact this guy, Betelmeyer, or something. 497 00:44:09,160 --> 00:44:10,680 Adam. 498 00:44:14,840 --> 00:44:15,840 Look. 499 00:44:20,480 --> 00:44:22,240 It's him. Betelgeuse. 500 00:44:23,960 --> 00:44:25,400 Betelgeuse. 501 00:44:27,080 --> 00:44:29,240 Go ahead, Barbara, say it. 502 00:44:30,040 --> 00:44:31,680 Betelgeuse. 503 00:44:35,480 --> 00:44:37,120 What happened? 504 00:44:38,200 --> 00:44:40,280 I think we're in the model. 505 00:44:43,520 --> 00:44:44,800 Hey, look at that. 506 00:45:07,520 --> 00:45:09,080 Well, where is he? What do we do? 507 00:45:12,960 --> 00:45:14,200 Looks like we dig, Barbara. 508 00:45:44,000 --> 00:45:45,720 Oh, it's about time. 509 00:45:53,800 --> 00:45:56,560 - I say we open it. - Maybe we should knock first. 510 00:46:06,560 --> 00:46:07,840 Yeah. 511 00:46:14,320 --> 00:46:16,760 Adam. Babs. 512 00:46:23,480 --> 00:46:24,880 Boy, do you know how to pick them. 513 00:46:25,040 --> 00:46:27,200 Is this relationship solid? Do I have a shot at her? 514 00:46:27,360 --> 00:46:29,440 - Excuse me. - Sure. Am I overstepping my bounds? 515 00:46:29,600 --> 00:46:32,160 Just tell me. Come on. Know what's beautiful about this? 516 00:46:32,320 --> 00:46:34,840 You two kids picked me. You didn't have to, but you picked me. 517 00:46:35,000 --> 00:46:37,520 It makes me want to kiss you guys. Come on, give me one. 518 00:46:37,680 --> 00:46:39,600 - No! - I beg your pardon. 519 00:46:39,760 --> 00:46:41,440 All right, let's get down to business. 520 00:46:41,600 --> 00:46:44,440 I've got a card here somewhere. Here. Who do I have to kill? 521 00:46:44,600 --> 00:46:46,440 Here, hold that for me, will you? 522 00:46:47,760 --> 00:46:49,880 - There you go. - You don't have to kill anybody. 523 00:46:50,040 --> 00:46:51,200 Ah, possession. Good. 524 00:46:51,360 --> 00:46:54,400 Learn to throw your voice. Fool your friends. Fun at parties. 525 00:46:54,560 --> 00:46:57,480 No. We just wanna get some people out of our house. 526 00:46:57,640 --> 00:46:59,880 I understand. Well, look, in order to do that… 527 00:47:00,040 --> 00:47:02,040 …I'm gonna have to get to know you guys. 528 00:47:02,200 --> 00:47:04,600 We've got to get closer. Move in with you for a while. 529 00:47:04,760 --> 00:47:07,000 Get to be real pals. You know what I'm saying? In… 530 00:47:08,600 --> 00:47:09,920 Save that guy for later, huh? 531 00:47:10,080 --> 00:47:12,200 My wife and I would like to ask a couple of questions. 532 00:47:12,320 --> 00:47:14,040 Sure, sure, sure. Go ahead. Shoot. 533 00:47:14,200 --> 00:47:16,440 For instance, what are your qualifications? 534 00:47:16,600 --> 00:47:18,720 Ah. Well, I attended Juilliard. 535 00:47:18,880 --> 00:47:20,760 I'm a graduate of the Harvard Business School. 536 00:47:20,920 --> 00:47:23,880 I lived through the Black Plague. And I had a pretty good time during that. 537 00:47:24,040 --> 00:47:26,480 I've seenThe Exorcist about 167 times… 538 00:47:26,640 --> 00:47:30,120 …and it keeps getting funnier every single time I see it. 539 00:47:30,280 --> 00:47:32,880 Not to mention the fact that you're talking to a dead guy. 540 00:47:33,040 --> 00:47:36,000 Now, what do you think? You think I'm qualified? 541 00:47:37,080 --> 00:47:38,880 What I mean is, can you be scary? 542 00:47:39,040 --> 00:47:40,080 Oh! Oh. 543 00:47:40,240 --> 00:47:42,880 I know what you're asking me. Can I be scary? 544 00:47:43,760 --> 00:47:45,240 What do you think of this? 545 00:47:46,560 --> 00:47:47,920 You like it? 546 00:47:48,960 --> 00:47:52,280 - Will you excuse us, please? - Sure. Talk amongst yourself. 547 00:47:52,440 --> 00:47:53,800 - Adam, let's go. - I know… 548 00:47:53,960 --> 00:47:55,520 …but I think he can be useful later. 549 00:47:55,680 --> 00:47:58,080 - We can work something out. - Oh, yeah. 550 00:47:58,240 --> 00:47:59,840 - Hey, hey, hey. - Excuse me. 551 00:48:00,000 --> 00:48:03,040 - What? - Excuse me. We are leaving now. 552 00:48:03,200 --> 00:48:05,120 Oh, come on. Don't go yet. 553 00:48:05,280 --> 00:48:07,520 Hey, guy, come on. We're simpatico here. 554 00:48:07,680 --> 00:48:09,680 Look at us, huh? We even shop at the same store. 555 00:48:09,840 --> 00:48:11,440 Hey, hermano. 556 00:48:11,600 --> 00:48:13,160 Yeah, there you go. 557 00:48:14,320 --> 00:48:17,480 Hey, come on. We're like peas in a pod, the three of us. Let's face it. 558 00:48:17,640 --> 00:48:19,400 You want somebody out of the house. 559 00:48:19,560 --> 00:48:21,680 I want to get somebody out of your house. 560 00:48:21,840 --> 00:48:25,120 Look. We've been to Saturn. Hey, I've been to Saturn. 561 00:48:25,280 --> 00:48:27,600 Whoa. Sandworms. 562 00:48:27,760 --> 00:48:30,800 You hate them, right? I hate them myself. 563 00:48:30,960 --> 00:48:34,520 Come on, kids, what do I have to do to strike a deal with you two, huh? 564 00:48:41,480 --> 00:48:43,600 - Don't you hate it when that happens? - Let's go. 565 00:48:43,760 --> 00:48:47,680 Wait a minute. Just come up for a while. We'll talk inside. Come on. Come on. 566 00:48:47,840 --> 00:48:50,080 - I'm not staying here. - The place is a mess. 567 00:48:50,240 --> 00:48:52,720 - We have to get out of here. - I'll fix you something to eat. 568 00:48:52,880 --> 00:48:54,200 Home. Home. Home. 569 00:48:55,920 --> 00:48:59,200 - Barbara, how did you do that? - Hope you like Italian. 570 00:48:59,360 --> 00:49:02,440 Where'd you go? Hey, come on. Hey, where'd you go? 571 00:49:02,600 --> 00:49:04,640 Hey. Come on. You've got to work with me here. 572 00:49:04,800 --> 00:49:07,360 I'm just trying to cut a deal. What do you want me to do? 573 00:49:07,520 --> 00:49:08,800 Where are you? 574 00:49:08,960 --> 00:49:11,200 You bunch of losers! 575 00:49:11,360 --> 00:49:14,080 You're working with a professional here. 576 00:49:18,280 --> 00:49:19,320 Nice fucking model. 577 00:49:20,640 --> 00:49:22,920 See, we can do this stuff on our own. 578 00:49:23,080 --> 00:49:26,000 Besides, I'm not exposing that little girl to that pervert down there. 579 00:49:26,160 --> 00:49:28,920 Barbara, we did call him, and he seemed awfully pissed off. 580 00:49:29,080 --> 00:49:30,560 I don't care. I've changed my mind. 581 00:49:30,720 --> 00:49:34,120 Listen, I think we can scare them off ourselves, tonight. 582 00:49:34,280 --> 00:49:35,720 I have an idea. 583 00:49:43,040 --> 00:49:44,960 I think what you did with the place is wonderful. 584 00:49:45,120 --> 00:49:47,040 Not me. Them. 585 00:49:48,000 --> 00:49:50,000 - So? - Oh. Um… 586 00:49:53,800 --> 00:49:55,440 You like them. 587 00:49:56,480 --> 00:49:59,840 I just hope it wasn't yet another of your dreary suicide attempts. 588 00:50:00,000 --> 00:50:02,560 You know what they say about people who commit suicide? 589 00:50:02,720 --> 00:50:05,400 In the afterlife, they become civil servants. 590 00:50:07,920 --> 00:50:10,560 Otho, I didn't realize you were into the supernatural. 591 00:50:10,720 --> 00:50:12,640 Well, of course. You remember. 592 00:50:12,800 --> 00:50:15,440 After my stint with The Living Theatre… 593 00:50:15,760 --> 00:50:18,960 …I was one of New York City's leading paranormal researchers… 594 00:50:19,120 --> 00:50:20,880 …until the bottom dropped out in '72. 595 00:50:21,040 --> 00:50:24,440 Paranormal? Is that what they're calling your kind these days? 596 00:50:24,680 --> 00:50:29,120 Don't mind her. She's still upset because somebody dropped a house on her sister. 597 00:50:32,280 --> 00:50:34,720 Well, this looks really good. 598 00:50:36,040 --> 00:50:37,360 I saw some ghosts. 599 00:50:43,720 --> 00:50:47,120 - A little private joke Lydia and I share. - It's not a joke. 600 00:50:47,280 --> 00:50:51,360 Yes, it is. Just today she tried to convince me that this house is haunted. 601 00:50:53,520 --> 00:50:55,960 Kids. You know, I love them. 602 00:50:57,280 --> 00:51:00,360 - By ghosts? - In designer sheets, no less. 603 00:51:01,360 --> 00:51:04,120 I'd like to propose a toast to our intrepid friends… 604 00:51:04,280 --> 00:51:07,360 …who braved the expressway and two dozen tollbooths to be with us. 605 00:51:07,520 --> 00:51:09,120 May your buildings go condo. 606 00:51:10,680 --> 00:51:13,560 Now, Lydia, favor us about your ghosts. 607 00:51:13,720 --> 00:51:16,000 No. I am sick of that subject. 608 00:51:16,160 --> 00:51:18,240 Oh, Delia, lighten up. 609 00:51:18,400 --> 00:51:20,520 I would rather talk about… 610 00:51:35,000 --> 00:51:36,640 That's cute, Delia. 611 00:51:48,560 --> 00:51:50,560 Otho, are you doing this? 612 00:53:14,640 --> 00:53:15,960 We did it. 613 00:53:17,520 --> 00:53:19,200 Let's watch them scatter. 614 00:53:19,360 --> 00:53:22,720 Any minute now they're gonna come running out of that door screaming. 615 00:53:25,960 --> 00:53:27,400 Any minute now. 616 00:53:34,200 --> 00:53:35,840 It's me, Lydia. 617 00:53:39,080 --> 00:53:40,800 They want you to come downstairs. 618 00:53:41,280 --> 00:53:44,320 Delia says you can wear any sheets you want. 619 00:53:45,160 --> 00:53:47,520 It was like being in an amusement park. 620 00:53:47,680 --> 00:53:48,800 Wham! 621 00:53:48,960 --> 00:53:51,200 I didn't even know I could do the Calypso. 622 00:53:51,360 --> 00:53:52,640 Who has more fun than us? 623 00:53:52,800 --> 00:53:55,360 We're dealing with Tracy and Hepburn here. 624 00:53:55,520 --> 00:53:59,000 A very sophisticated pair. I mean, they even appear in sheets. 625 00:54:00,480 --> 00:54:04,160 Charles, what I wanna know is why didn't you tell us about this before? 626 00:54:04,320 --> 00:54:06,400 Well, we're not even sure we want our secret out. 627 00:54:06,560 --> 00:54:09,440 I mean, everyone's gonna want them for their parties, ha, ha. 628 00:54:09,600 --> 00:54:11,240 People will pay big money for this, Grace. 629 00:54:11,840 --> 00:54:15,200 TheEnquirer is offering $50,000 for proof of life after death. 630 00:54:15,360 --> 00:54:16,800 Fifty thousand? 631 00:54:16,960 --> 00:54:19,840 This is it, Charles. You can get Maxie Dean up here now. 632 00:54:20,240 --> 00:54:23,400 - You think so? - Sarah loves the supernatural. 633 00:54:23,560 --> 00:54:25,800 She'll have him sprint up here in his helicopter… 634 00:54:25,960 --> 00:54:27,880 …if you can produce ghosts for her. 635 00:54:29,760 --> 00:54:30,880 Oh, Charles. 636 00:54:31,760 --> 00:54:34,320 I should remind you all that I am Delia's agent. 637 00:54:34,480 --> 00:54:36,960 I have consistently lost money on her work for years. 638 00:54:37,120 --> 00:54:39,520 If anything actually happened here, I shall handle it. 639 00:54:39,680 --> 00:54:41,880 But not until I've seen some real proof. 640 00:54:42,040 --> 00:54:45,720 - But, Bernard, what about this table? - What just happened, what was that? 641 00:54:45,880 --> 00:54:47,680 And what money? Don't you believe in my work? 642 00:54:49,200 --> 00:54:50,680 Here's Lydia. 643 00:54:51,440 --> 00:54:54,240 - Well? - They don't want to come down. 644 00:54:55,400 --> 00:54:57,040 Charles. 645 00:55:01,280 --> 00:55:03,040 Why not? 646 00:55:03,800 --> 00:55:06,760 I think the reason is that they were trying to scare you away… 647 00:55:06,920 --> 00:55:08,240 …and you didn't get scared. 648 00:55:08,880 --> 00:55:11,920 Please, they're dead. It's a little late to be neurotic. 649 00:55:15,200 --> 00:55:16,520 All right. 650 00:55:22,280 --> 00:55:26,200 This was not a hallucination. This was real. 651 00:55:26,360 --> 00:55:27,680 We all just experienced… 652 00:55:27,840 --> 00:55:31,280 …a very super-powerful paranormal experience and it was real. 653 00:55:31,440 --> 00:55:35,320 Delia, you are a flake. You have always been a flake. 654 00:55:35,480 --> 00:55:39,000 If you insist on frightening people, do it with your sculpture. 655 00:55:40,840 --> 00:55:42,160 Drive carefully. 656 00:55:42,320 --> 00:55:44,160 - I'm dead. - Where do they hide out? 657 00:55:44,720 --> 00:55:47,280 - The attic. - The attic's locked. 658 00:55:47,720 --> 00:55:49,840 They're ghosts, Dad. They can do what they want. 659 00:55:50,000 --> 00:55:53,520 Yeah, they do whatever they want. Lydia, you take us up there right now. 660 00:55:59,040 --> 00:56:02,240 Fabulous. Otho Fenlock's "Locked Door Ghosts." 661 00:56:02,400 --> 00:56:03,920 Probably committed suicide up there. 662 00:56:04,080 --> 00:56:06,160 - I'm totally enchanted. - They're in there? 663 00:56:06,320 --> 00:56:09,120 - They must live like animals. - It's locked. How did they get in? 664 00:56:09,280 --> 00:56:11,960 Open this door, you dead people, or we'll bust it down… 665 00:56:12,120 --> 00:56:14,680 …and drag you out by the ropes you hanged yourself with. 666 00:56:14,840 --> 00:56:16,960 - They didn't commit suicide. - It doesn't matter. 667 00:56:17,120 --> 00:56:20,400 I have a chance to teach you something. Take the upper hand in all situations… 668 00:56:20,560 --> 00:56:23,120 …or people, whether dead or alive, will walk all over you. 669 00:56:23,280 --> 00:56:25,200 Open up! 670 00:56:36,440 --> 00:56:37,960 So where are they? 671 00:56:38,120 --> 00:56:40,560 Listen, you guys, these ghosts are really nice people. 672 00:56:40,720 --> 00:56:43,920 I think we scared them away, so let's just leave them alone, all right? 673 00:56:44,200 --> 00:56:47,480 It's the whole damn town. 674 00:56:48,200 --> 00:56:52,640 I have never been so embarrassed. They haven't gone for good, have they? 675 00:56:58,800 --> 00:57:02,880 - Beep, beep. - Dad, don't. Mom, let's just go. 676 00:57:14,240 --> 00:57:15,760 No ghosts here. 677 00:57:18,440 --> 00:57:21,240 Come on. If they are in here, I don't want to scare them away. 678 00:57:23,680 --> 00:57:26,600 Well, we're leaving now. You can go about your business. 679 00:57:28,880 --> 00:57:31,600 - What are we doing? - Quick, quick, quick. 680 00:57:38,640 --> 00:57:42,320 Oh, boy. You guys are really a couple of spooksters, aren't you? 681 00:57:42,480 --> 00:57:46,000 Now, let's turn on the juice and see what shakes loose. 682 00:57:48,640 --> 00:57:51,960 Otho, you get Maxie on the phone. We've really got something here. 683 00:57:52,120 --> 00:57:56,080 We can turn this place into the world's leading supernatural research center. 684 00:57:56,240 --> 00:57:59,280 An amusement park. I'll do a presentation. Lydia will bring the ghosts. 685 00:57:59,440 --> 00:58:02,120 I can't bring the ghosts, Dad. They're not here. 686 00:58:02,280 --> 00:58:06,520 - Otho, can't you do something? - Perhaps. If I'm properly motivated. 687 00:58:08,480 --> 00:58:11,120 Just what type of motivation do you require, Otho? 688 00:58:11,280 --> 00:58:14,720 Why don't you leave them alone? They didn't do anything to you. 689 00:58:24,800 --> 00:58:26,360 Hi. 690 00:59:00,720 --> 00:59:02,840 We've come for your daughter, Chuck. 691 00:59:03,960 --> 00:59:05,240 Stop. Stop. 692 00:59:10,240 --> 00:59:11,360 Yeah. 693 00:59:16,480 --> 00:59:19,160 - Betelgeuse, Betelgeuse, Betelgeuse. - Oh, no. 694 00:59:21,800 --> 00:59:23,320 Why are you doing this? 695 00:59:24,480 --> 00:59:26,640 Leave me alone, all of you. 696 00:59:30,360 --> 00:59:32,720 Great choice we got here. We spend the next century… 697 00:59:32,880 --> 00:59:35,240 …either hanging out the window or doing parlor tricks. 698 00:59:35,400 --> 00:59:37,920 Maybe they'll leave now. That snake was a nasty customer. 699 00:59:38,080 --> 00:59:40,000 - Well, he could've hurt somebody. - But he didn't. 700 00:59:40,160 --> 00:59:42,520 We've got them right where we want them. 701 00:59:46,440 --> 00:59:47,800 You bunch of losers. 702 00:59:47,960 --> 00:59:50,320 How dare you interrupt a professional while he's working? 703 00:59:50,480 --> 00:59:52,960 I'm not fond of Charles Deetz, but you could've killed him. 704 00:59:53,120 --> 00:59:56,160 Hey, I'm just doing my job. Besides, I thought we had a deal. 705 00:59:56,960 --> 00:59:59,320 Hey, it's okay. You know why? 706 00:59:59,480 --> 01:00:02,920 I don't wanna do business with you deadbeats anyway, thank you. 707 01:00:03,080 --> 01:00:06,720 The only one I think I can deal with is Edgar Allan Poe's daughter. 708 01:00:06,880 --> 01:00:09,120 - I think she understands me. - You leave her alone, you… 709 01:00:21,000 --> 01:00:23,200 Go ahead, make my millennium. 710 01:00:28,960 --> 01:00:30,280 Yeah. 711 01:00:30,440 --> 01:00:34,200 I'm feeling a little, uh, ooh, anxious, if you know what I mean. 712 01:00:34,360 --> 01:00:36,640 It's been about 600 years, after all. 713 01:00:36,800 --> 01:00:40,320 I wonder where a guy, an everyday Joe like myself… 714 01:00:40,480 --> 01:00:42,400 …can find a little action. 715 01:00:42,560 --> 01:00:43,840 Hi. 716 01:00:44,680 --> 01:00:46,080 Yeah. 717 01:00:49,960 --> 01:00:51,680 Come on. Come on in. 718 01:00:58,760 --> 01:01:00,800 Oh, yeah. Here I come, baby. 719 01:01:04,320 --> 01:01:06,840 Oh, yeah. Hey, Adam, nice move. 720 01:01:08,240 --> 01:01:10,680 - Adam, why did you build that? - I didn't. 721 01:01:16,240 --> 01:01:19,440 All new arrivals report to Waiting Room Number 8. 722 01:01:20,400 --> 01:01:22,720 Will you guys shut up and leave me alone? 723 01:01:22,880 --> 01:01:24,960 I've got all this paperwork to do. 724 01:01:27,320 --> 01:01:29,200 You two, come in here. Sit down. 725 01:01:29,360 --> 01:01:31,200 Get in here, both of you. 726 01:01:34,680 --> 01:01:39,040 The whorehouse was my idea. I want Betelgeuse out of the picture. 727 01:01:39,760 --> 01:01:42,200 You two have really screwed up. 728 01:01:42,360 --> 01:01:45,120 I received word you allowed yourselves to be photographed. 729 01:01:45,280 --> 01:01:48,000 And you let Betelgeuse out and didn't put him back. 730 01:01:48,160 --> 01:01:50,360 And you let Otho get hold of the handbook. 731 01:01:50,520 --> 01:01:51,760 The handbook? When? 732 01:01:52,720 --> 01:01:55,120 Never trust the living. 733 01:01:55,280 --> 01:01:57,840 We cannot have a routine haunting like yours… 734 01:01:58,000 --> 01:02:01,920 …provide proof that there is existence beyond death. 735 01:02:02,080 --> 01:02:05,320 - Coach. Coach, where's the men's room? - Yeah. 736 01:02:05,480 --> 01:02:08,000 I'm not your coach. He survived. 737 01:02:08,160 --> 01:02:10,680 Coach, let me get something straight. 738 01:02:10,840 --> 01:02:13,600 - What's our curfew around here? - Will you get out of here? 739 01:02:14,480 --> 01:02:16,640 Go on, get downstairs. "Men's room." 740 01:02:16,800 --> 01:02:19,200 Are you kidding? Can't you read signs? 741 01:02:19,600 --> 01:02:21,280 I'll be right back. 742 01:02:21,760 --> 01:02:23,720 Come on. Get out of my way. 743 01:02:32,680 --> 01:02:34,840 Maybe this was all a bad idea. 744 01:02:35,000 --> 01:02:36,920 I didn't say anything. 745 01:02:38,800 --> 01:02:41,720 Oh, who are we kidding, Charles? You've never had a bad idea. 746 01:02:41,880 --> 01:02:43,000 Yeah? 747 01:02:45,160 --> 01:02:47,240 Yeah, this could all work out. 748 01:02:48,800 --> 01:02:50,040 Home. 749 01:02:51,560 --> 01:02:52,640 Though… 750 01:02:53,360 --> 01:02:55,920 …I'm not sure that this is the right environment for Lydia. 751 01:02:56,080 --> 01:02:58,520 - Snakes. Ghosts. - Shrimp. 752 01:02:59,680 --> 01:03:01,200 You family types. 753 01:03:01,360 --> 01:03:05,000 You've got other things to worry about. Maxie Dean's coming up here tonight. 754 01:03:05,160 --> 01:03:08,800 You've got to figure out a way to sell these ghosts. I can only do so much. 755 01:03:08,960 --> 01:03:11,960 What are you gonna do, Otho? Viciously rearrange their environment? 756 01:03:12,120 --> 01:03:14,400 I know just as much about the supernatural… 757 01:03:14,560 --> 01:03:16,280 …as I do about interior design. 758 01:03:23,640 --> 01:03:25,120 "I am… 759 01:03:25,280 --> 01:03:26,920 …alone." 760 01:03:36,480 --> 01:03:38,280 "I am… 761 01:03:38,440 --> 01:03:40,120 …utterly… 762 01:03:40,280 --> 01:03:41,440 …alone. 763 01:03:42,840 --> 01:03:44,800 By the time… 764 01:03:46,080 --> 01:03:47,160 …you read this… 765 01:03:48,240 --> 01:03:49,920 …I will… 766 01:03:50,080 --> 01:03:51,840 …be gone… 767 01:03:52,800 --> 01:03:55,480 …having jumped… 768 01:03:56,680 --> 01:04:00,000 Having plummeted… 769 01:04:00,160 --> 01:04:02,000 …off… 770 01:04:02,160 --> 01:04:06,480 …the Winter River Bridge." 771 01:04:06,640 --> 01:04:09,200 So I don't care what it takes. 772 01:04:09,360 --> 01:04:11,920 You get the Deetzes out of there now. 773 01:04:12,080 --> 01:04:15,200 - Flight 409 arriving. - Whoa, wait a minute. 774 01:04:15,640 --> 01:04:18,320 - Flight 409's arriving. - What are you going to do? 775 01:04:18,880 --> 01:04:20,600 To scare them. 776 01:04:20,760 --> 01:04:23,440 I want to make sure it's not some silly parlor trick. 777 01:04:24,680 --> 01:04:25,680 I'll go first, honey. 778 01:04:47,520 --> 01:04:50,560 Not bad. Not bad. Now you. 779 01:04:51,680 --> 01:04:52,960 Go ahead. 780 01:05:06,120 --> 01:05:08,720 Okay, you look great. 781 01:05:08,880 --> 01:05:10,600 Now, go clean house… 782 01:05:10,760 --> 01:05:14,120 …and don't forget the photographs and the damned handbook. 783 01:05:14,360 --> 01:05:16,920 Please report to Door Number 9. 784 01:05:17,320 --> 01:05:20,760 All new arrivals, report to Waiting Room Number 8. 785 01:05:21,920 --> 01:05:24,720 - Coach? - What? 786 01:05:24,880 --> 01:05:27,160 I don't think we survived that crash. 787 01:05:27,560 --> 01:05:29,000 How did you guess? 788 01:05:32,240 --> 01:05:34,080 Mr. and Mrs. Maitland? 789 01:05:38,640 --> 01:05:40,200 Hello? 790 01:05:40,920 --> 01:05:43,680 - Where are you? - Dead. 791 01:05:44,320 --> 01:05:46,440 Dead, dead, deadski. 792 01:05:47,480 --> 01:05:49,360 Of course they're dead. They're ghosts. 793 01:05:49,520 --> 01:05:53,760 No, I mean they're gone. Split. Out of here. Afterlife kids. 794 01:05:53,920 --> 01:05:57,120 - Deceased. - Are you a ghost too? 795 01:05:58,000 --> 01:06:00,440 I'm the ghost with the most, babe. 796 01:06:02,680 --> 01:06:06,040 You know, you look like somebody I can relate to. 797 01:06:07,040 --> 01:06:10,080 Maybe you could help me get out of here, you know, because… 798 01:06:10,240 --> 01:06:12,800 …I gotta tell you, this death thing… 799 01:06:16,120 --> 01:06:17,240 It's just too creepy. 800 01:06:17,640 --> 01:06:19,360 See, here's my problem. 801 01:06:19,520 --> 01:06:22,320 I got these friends on the outside that I said I'd meet. 802 01:06:22,480 --> 01:06:24,680 You know, I have to be there in person, you know. 803 01:06:24,840 --> 01:06:28,000 So I was just wondering, could you help me get out of here? 804 01:06:28,400 --> 01:06:29,400 I wanna get in. 805 01:06:31,160 --> 01:06:32,160 Why? 806 01:06:32,680 --> 01:06:33,680 Well, you know… 807 01:06:33,840 --> 01:06:37,240 …hey, you've probably got your reasons, but I can't do anything from over here. 808 01:06:37,400 --> 01:06:41,920 If you could get me out, over there, then maybe we could talk or something. 809 01:06:42,080 --> 01:06:45,600 But, you know, in order to do that you've gotta say my name three times. 810 01:06:45,760 --> 01:06:47,560 What's your name? 811 01:06:47,720 --> 01:06:50,880 - Well, uh, I can't tell you. - Why not? 812 01:06:51,040 --> 01:06:53,120 Because if I tell you, you'll tell your friend… 813 01:06:53,280 --> 01:06:55,320 …they're calling me on the horn all the time. 814 01:06:55,480 --> 01:06:59,040 I've gotta show up at shopping center openings, sign autographs, shit like that. 815 01:06:59,200 --> 01:07:02,560 And it makes my life a hell, okay? A living hell. 816 01:07:02,720 --> 01:07:05,480 But maybe if you have a pen, maybe we can… 817 01:07:05,640 --> 01:07:07,200 I know. You ever play charades? 818 01:07:07,360 --> 01:07:09,080 - Yeah. - Good. Good. 819 01:07:09,240 --> 01:07:10,800 Ahh, here we go then. Ready? 820 01:07:11,120 --> 01:07:14,480 - Um, two words. - Right. 821 01:07:16,000 --> 01:07:18,280 First word, two syllables. 822 01:07:18,520 --> 01:07:20,240 Look. 823 01:07:20,400 --> 01:07:22,560 You know, just turn around. 824 01:07:23,480 --> 01:07:25,120 I don't know what your signal means. 825 01:07:25,280 --> 01:07:27,000 Turn around and look behind you. 826 01:07:28,200 --> 01:07:29,760 Hi. How are you? 827 01:07:30,560 --> 01:07:33,200 - Beetle. - Got it. Okay, now, two. 828 01:07:36,320 --> 01:07:38,560 Breakfast? Orange? Orange beetle? 829 01:07:38,720 --> 01:07:40,480 Beetle fruit? 830 01:07:41,120 --> 01:07:42,400 Beetle breakfast? 831 01:07:43,160 --> 01:07:44,480 Beetle drink? 832 01:07:45,280 --> 01:07:46,480 Beetle… 833 01:07:47,200 --> 01:07:48,760 Beetle juice? 834 01:07:48,920 --> 01:07:51,320 - Yes. That's it. - Your name's Betelgeuse? 835 01:07:51,480 --> 01:07:54,200 You said it twice. Just say it once more. Come on. 836 01:07:54,360 --> 01:07:56,000 It was you, wasn't it? 837 01:07:56,160 --> 01:07:57,880 - Wha…? Me? - The snake. 838 01:07:58,040 --> 01:08:00,760 No, what snake? You kids and your imagination. 839 01:08:00,920 --> 01:08:02,320 Just say it. 840 01:08:03,000 --> 01:08:04,400 No. 841 01:08:04,960 --> 01:08:06,240 I want to talk to Barbara. 842 01:08:06,400 --> 01:08:09,760 No, you don't need to talk to Barbara. Just say it. 843 01:08:13,120 --> 01:08:16,600 Oh, Adam, I can't go through with it. I like that little girl. 844 01:08:16,760 --> 01:08:20,160 But, Barbara, honey, it's too late. We have to go through with this. 845 01:08:20,320 --> 01:08:24,160 No, we don't. I mean, can't we rebel or something? 846 01:08:26,720 --> 01:08:28,440 Barbara. 847 01:08:29,280 --> 01:08:31,480 Adam, I want to be with Lydia. 848 01:08:41,920 --> 01:08:44,400 Come on. Just say it. 849 01:08:45,280 --> 01:08:47,520 - No! - No! Lydia, don't say it. 850 01:08:47,680 --> 01:08:50,400 You. Say it. 851 01:08:50,560 --> 01:08:53,320 It's okay. It's okay. It's us. What's going on? 852 01:08:54,400 --> 01:08:55,840 Betel… 853 01:08:56,000 --> 01:08:59,600 He told me that if I let him out he would take me to the other side to find you. 854 01:09:00,120 --> 01:09:02,840 No, Lydia, we're dead. 855 01:09:03,880 --> 01:09:06,760 - I wanna be dead too. - No. 856 01:09:08,120 --> 01:09:09,680 Lydia… 857 01:09:14,080 --> 01:09:16,960 …being dead really doesn't make things any easier. 858 01:09:17,400 --> 01:09:21,760 Listen to her on this, Lydia. This is something we know a lot about. 859 01:09:21,920 --> 01:09:25,280 And you can come up here and visit us anytime you want. 860 01:09:25,960 --> 01:09:29,160 I have a feeling things are going to be a little better around here from now on. 861 01:09:31,120 --> 01:09:32,720 What do you mean, better? 862 01:09:32,880 --> 01:09:37,480 Well, we've decided that we're going to invite you and your family to stay. 863 01:09:38,160 --> 01:09:39,200 That's right, Lydia. 864 01:09:44,400 --> 01:09:47,680 - Why can't we bring Maxie here? - You've got a stake in this too. 865 01:09:47,840 --> 01:09:52,160 This is a presentation. It requires a sense of occasion, a sense of style. 866 01:09:52,320 --> 01:09:54,720 - It's so big. How will we get it out? - It's sectional. 867 01:09:54,880 --> 01:09:56,440 - Wait, there are plugs. - Careful. 868 01:09:56,600 --> 01:09:58,000 Okay, go. 869 01:09:59,840 --> 01:10:02,720 - What's going on? - I don't know. I'll go find out. 870 01:10:02,880 --> 01:10:04,640 Be careful. 871 01:10:05,720 --> 01:10:07,840 We've got Ed Cornwall to head the wax museum… 872 01:10:08,000 --> 01:10:11,960 …dedicated to 50 great moments of the paranormal here in Thanksgiving Park. 873 01:10:12,120 --> 01:10:14,680 Now, you must remember Ed, Maxie. 874 01:10:15,080 --> 01:10:17,560 He's the genius who gave us the talking Marcel Marceau statue. 875 01:10:17,720 --> 01:10:19,240 It was a sensation. 876 01:10:19,920 --> 01:10:24,360 And d-CON is on its knees to sponsor the insect zoo… 877 01:10:24,520 --> 01:10:27,040 …here in the old hardware store. 878 01:10:27,200 --> 01:10:28,480 We can't lose. 879 01:10:34,440 --> 01:10:36,400 Lydia, you finally decided to join us. 880 01:10:36,560 --> 01:10:38,640 Honey, I just, uh, finished the initial presentation. 881 01:10:38,800 --> 01:10:41,520 And now I think it's time to have a stretch… 882 01:10:41,680 --> 01:10:45,120 …and to invite our friends to meet your friends, okay? 883 01:10:46,080 --> 01:10:47,520 Are they here yet? 884 01:10:48,160 --> 01:10:51,280 Charles, we're here to see some ghosts. 885 01:10:52,200 --> 01:10:54,480 They're not here anymore. 886 01:10:58,520 --> 01:11:00,800 Every time she says that, the paint peels… 887 01:11:00,960 --> 01:11:03,840 …and, uh, some wild creature tries to kill us. 888 01:11:05,320 --> 01:11:07,480 But we have these pictures, Lydia. 889 01:11:07,640 --> 01:11:10,560 No, really. They said they might come back and we could all live here… 890 01:11:10,720 --> 01:11:15,120 …if you agreed not to tease them or make them do stupid tricks. 891 01:11:15,960 --> 01:11:18,240 She has such a tendency to overreact. 892 01:11:18,400 --> 01:11:22,880 Don't worry, we're not relying on her. We have Otho. 893 01:11:25,120 --> 01:11:28,160 - Are they still here, Otho? - Otho, are they still here? 894 01:11:28,320 --> 01:11:31,840 Oh, they're still here. They're just hiding out. 895 01:11:32,640 --> 01:11:34,480 Probably feel guilty about what they did to me. 896 01:11:34,640 --> 01:11:36,200 They're sorry they didn't kill you. 897 01:11:36,360 --> 01:11:39,600 Well, I don't know from guilt. I just wanna see them. 898 01:11:40,440 --> 01:11:42,120 Otho, can you do it? 899 01:11:42,280 --> 01:11:46,040 - It'll be tricky, but I can handle it. - No. 900 01:11:50,000 --> 01:11:53,360 Wait. What am I worried about? Otho, you can't even change a tire. 901 01:11:56,120 --> 01:11:58,840 I'll be needing something personal of theirs. 902 01:11:59,000 --> 01:12:00,920 You'll have to go to the Goodwill. 903 01:12:04,000 --> 01:12:05,120 Excuse me. 904 01:12:17,000 --> 01:12:18,760 The wedding clothes. 905 01:12:20,360 --> 01:12:21,680 The words: 906 01:12:29,640 --> 01:12:31,240 Hands vermilion 907 01:12:31,680 --> 01:12:33,880 Start of five 908 01:12:34,040 --> 01:12:35,520 Bright cotillion 909 01:12:36,560 --> 01:12:38,760 Raven's dive 910 01:12:38,920 --> 01:12:40,480 Nightshade's promise 911 01:12:41,200 --> 01:12:43,800 Spirits strive 912 01:12:43,960 --> 01:12:49,000 To the living Let now the dead come alive 913 01:13:01,360 --> 01:13:02,720 Barbara? 914 01:13:03,520 --> 01:13:04,600 Barbara? 915 01:13:04,760 --> 01:13:07,840 As sudden thunder pierces night 916 01:13:08,000 --> 01:13:10,680 As magic wonder mad affright 917 01:13:11,000 --> 01:13:13,920 Rives asunder man's delight 918 01:13:14,080 --> 01:13:17,000 Our ghost, our corpse 919 01:13:17,160 --> 01:13:18,880 And we rise to be 920 01:13:22,000 --> 01:13:23,160 Oh, no. 921 01:13:28,640 --> 01:13:29,760 Help. 922 01:13:29,920 --> 01:13:31,400 Barbara? 923 01:13:37,920 --> 01:13:39,600 Stop it. 924 01:13:40,480 --> 01:13:41,480 No. 925 01:13:41,640 --> 01:13:43,320 As flies the lizard 926 01:13:43,480 --> 01:13:44,960 Serpent fell 927 01:13:45,120 --> 01:13:48,480 As goblin vizard at the spell 928 01:13:48,640 --> 01:13:52,520 The buried, dead and slain rise again 929 01:14:23,080 --> 01:14:25,000 Barbara? 930 01:14:37,080 --> 01:14:38,240 What's happening to them? 931 01:14:39,640 --> 01:14:41,200 I don't know. 932 01:14:42,560 --> 01:14:43,560 They're dying. 933 01:14:43,720 --> 01:14:46,520 No, they're not. They're already dead. They can't feel a thing. 934 01:14:47,560 --> 01:14:50,480 - That's not true. Look at them. - All right, that's enough now. 935 01:14:50,840 --> 01:14:52,560 Can you stop this? 936 01:14:53,600 --> 01:14:54,640 Otho. 937 01:14:54,800 --> 01:14:57,040 It's too late, Charles. I'm sorry. 938 01:15:04,080 --> 01:15:07,800 Where are you? Help them, please. 939 01:15:10,480 --> 01:15:13,760 Sure, I can help them. But you've gotta help me. 940 01:15:13,920 --> 01:15:16,760 - What? - Look, I'm what you call an illegal alien. 941 01:15:17,080 --> 01:15:21,120 I want out for good. In order for me to do that, hey, I gotta get married. 942 01:15:22,040 --> 01:15:23,320 Hey, these aren't my rules. 943 01:15:23,480 --> 01:15:25,640 Come to think of it, I don't have any rules. 944 01:15:27,480 --> 01:15:28,800 Come on. Come on. 945 01:15:28,960 --> 01:15:30,720 Think of it as a marriage of inconvenience. 946 01:15:30,880 --> 01:15:32,480 Okay? We both get something. I get out. 947 01:15:32,640 --> 01:15:35,920 You get to say you're hitched with the most eligible bachelor since Valentino. 948 01:15:36,080 --> 01:15:39,280 - We're even, babe. - Okay, just help them. 949 01:15:41,440 --> 01:15:42,920 Sure. 950 01:15:52,720 --> 01:15:53,760 Betelgeuse. 951 01:15:55,640 --> 01:15:56,760 Betelgeuse. 952 01:16:00,240 --> 01:16:01,240 Betelgeuse. 953 01:16:02,080 --> 01:16:03,600 It's showtime. 954 01:16:20,760 --> 01:16:22,520 Attention, Kmart shoppers. 955 01:16:33,040 --> 01:16:37,720 Well, I'm back. I feel real good about myself. You know what I mean? So… 956 01:16:37,880 --> 01:16:39,480 …without further delay… 957 01:16:40,800 --> 01:16:44,960 …welcome to Winter River Museum of Natural Greed. 958 01:16:45,120 --> 01:16:46,960 A monument to the bored businessman. 959 01:16:47,120 --> 01:16:51,120 Come on, a little closer. Step right up. Test your strength. 960 01:17:11,960 --> 01:17:13,440 Thank you. 961 01:17:13,600 --> 01:17:15,040 Thank you. 962 01:17:16,560 --> 01:17:20,160 That is why I won't do two shows a night anymore, babe. 963 01:17:20,320 --> 01:17:21,760 I won't. I won't do them. 964 01:17:21,920 --> 01:17:25,880 Well, what have we got here tonight, kids? 965 01:17:27,440 --> 01:17:29,640 Well, we've got the, uh, Maitlands. 966 01:17:29,800 --> 01:17:32,480 I think they've had enough exercise for tonight. 967 01:17:39,440 --> 01:17:42,280 Not so fast, Round Boy. We're gonna have some laughs. 968 01:17:45,920 --> 01:17:47,360 Otho. 969 01:17:57,760 --> 01:17:59,640 Come on, come on, come on. 970 01:18:00,040 --> 01:18:01,320 Yeah. 971 01:18:02,240 --> 01:18:03,920 Mom, Dad: 972 01:18:06,200 --> 01:18:08,920 I just want you two to know you're welcome in our house… 973 01:18:09,080 --> 01:18:11,200 …anytime you want to come over. 974 01:18:11,360 --> 01:18:14,880 In the meantime, the dowry's on me, Dad. 975 01:18:17,280 --> 01:18:19,960 Well, the Maitlands are taken care of. 976 01:18:20,120 --> 01:18:23,160 Everything seems to be pretty much back to normal, I think. 977 01:18:27,680 --> 01:18:28,920 Shall we? 978 01:18:38,600 --> 01:18:41,080 Called the caterer. He's got a great band. 979 01:18:41,240 --> 01:18:44,360 We're gonna need witnesses. Would you? 980 01:19:32,280 --> 01:19:34,240 Come on. Let's go. Let's get on with the ceremony. 981 01:19:34,400 --> 01:19:35,920 Do you, Betel… 982 01:19:36,080 --> 01:19:37,280 Aah! Uh-uh! 983 01:19:37,440 --> 01:19:41,360 - Nobody says the "B" word. Come on. - Do you take this woman… 984 01:19:41,520 --> 01:19:43,880 …to be your wedded wife? 985 01:19:44,040 --> 01:19:46,560 Oh, jeez, I don't know. I mean, it's kind of a big decision. 986 01:19:46,720 --> 01:19:50,440 I always said if I ever did it, I was gonna do it once and that was it. 987 01:19:51,600 --> 01:19:52,880 Sure. Yeah. Go ahead. 988 01:19:53,040 --> 01:19:55,960 And you, do you, Lydia, take this man… 989 01:19:56,120 --> 01:19:57,280 No. Betel… 990 01:19:58,960 --> 01:20:02,320 She's a little bit nervous. Uh, maybe I should answer for her, okay? 991 01:20:02,480 --> 01:20:04,560 I'm Lydia and I'm of sound mind. 992 01:20:04,720 --> 01:20:07,800 The man next to me is the one I want. You asked me. I'm answering. 993 01:20:07,960 --> 01:20:10,120 Yes, I love that man of mine. 994 01:20:10,280 --> 01:20:12,320 - Come on. - Then by the… 995 01:20:12,480 --> 01:20:14,240 Betel… 996 01:20:15,760 --> 01:20:17,840 Come on. Come on. 997 01:20:18,040 --> 01:20:19,400 Betelgeu… 998 01:20:20,400 --> 01:20:22,880 Hey. Hey. Hey. 999 01:20:24,800 --> 01:20:26,000 Scram. 1000 01:20:27,720 --> 01:20:28,920 Come on. 1001 01:20:30,720 --> 01:20:32,480 Take a hike. 1002 01:20:35,160 --> 01:20:37,760 May we continue with the ceremony? 1003 01:20:39,480 --> 01:20:41,440 - Then by… - Betelgeuse. 1004 01:20:45,920 --> 01:20:48,840 - Betelgeuse. - Oh, gee. 1005 01:20:51,120 --> 01:20:52,320 Strike. 1006 01:20:55,360 --> 01:20:56,800 Come on, let's get rolling now, rev. 1007 01:20:56,960 --> 01:20:59,840 Then by the authority vested in me… 1008 01:21:00,000 --> 01:21:02,560 - The ring, please. - The ring. Oh, no. 1009 01:21:05,680 --> 01:21:07,680 Jewelry store. Here. 1010 01:21:07,840 --> 01:21:08,960 That's not it. 1011 01:21:10,400 --> 01:21:12,200 You know I got it, honey. 1012 01:21:27,320 --> 01:21:29,840 Here it is. Here you go. 1013 01:21:30,000 --> 01:21:33,680 I'm telling you, honey, she meant nothing to me. Nothing at all. 1014 01:21:39,120 --> 01:21:41,240 - I now pronounce you… - Yeah, yeah, come on. 1015 01:21:42,920 --> 01:21:44,320 Man and… 1016 01:22:30,720 --> 01:22:33,120 - Bye. - Bye. 1017 01:22:33,280 --> 01:22:35,040 Bye. 1018 01:22:35,200 --> 01:22:37,240 - Bye, you guys. - Bye. 1019 01:22:41,400 --> 01:22:44,800 - What time is it, honey? - It's about 3:30, I guess. 1020 01:22:44,960 --> 01:22:46,680 Give or take a year. 1021 01:22:49,000 --> 01:22:50,080 Hello? 1022 01:22:53,360 --> 01:22:54,680 Well? 1023 01:22:55,320 --> 01:22:56,320 Did you get the paints? 1024 01:22:56,480 --> 01:22:59,920 Yes. And I took pictures of the new town hall for you too. 1025 01:23:00,080 --> 01:23:01,760 How'd you do on that Science test? 1026 01:23:01,920 --> 01:23:04,720 It was gross. They wanted me to dissect a frog. 1027 01:23:04,880 --> 01:23:08,280 I told them no way. I said it was against my religion. So I got a C. 1028 01:23:09,000 --> 01:23:10,200 And how about the Math test? 1029 01:23:11,760 --> 01:23:15,840 You've got to be kidding me. We spent the whole week studying for that test. 1030 01:23:16,000 --> 01:23:17,600 I got an A. 1031 01:23:17,760 --> 01:23:19,640 So can I? 1032 01:23:20,160 --> 01:23:23,200 Well, I don't know. Got a C on the Science test. 1033 01:23:24,160 --> 01:23:26,640 Adam, don't tease her. You never got on A in Science… 1034 01:23:31,640 --> 01:23:32,800 Come on. 1035 01:23:34,320 --> 01:23:35,960 Well… 1036 01:23:36,800 --> 01:23:38,040 …I suppose. 1037 01:23:53,320 --> 01:23:55,720 This thing reads like stereo instructions. 1038 01:23:55,880 --> 01:23:58,880 Sounds like Lydia got an A on the Math test. Jeez! 1039 01:24:00,800 --> 01:24:02,560 He likes it. 1040 01:24:38,920 --> 01:24:40,200 Hey! 1041 01:24:41,160 --> 01:24:43,400 Sorry. Didn't see you sitting there. 1042 01:24:45,880 --> 01:24:47,360 Women. 1043 01:24:47,520 --> 01:24:49,800 I don't know what her problem is. 1044 01:24:50,560 --> 01:24:51,920 Normally, chicks… 1045 01:25:05,960 --> 01:25:07,960 Pardon me. Did you do that? 1046 01:25:08,480 --> 01:25:11,520 That's very nice work. Let me ask, how do you get them so sm…? 1047 01:25:11,680 --> 01:25:13,520 Hey, there goes Elvis. Yo, King. 1048 01:25:15,880 --> 01:25:19,320 Well, looks like I'm next. 1049 01:25:20,240 --> 01:25:25,440 Good thing too. I gotta do a photo shoot forGQ in about an hour and a half. 1050 01:25:25,600 --> 01:25:27,000 They've been after me for months. 1051 01:25:27,160 --> 01:25:29,280 Doing some kind of underwear deal, I don't know… 1052 01:25:30,800 --> 01:25:33,600 Hey, what are you doing? Stop it. You're messing up my hair. 1053 01:25:33,760 --> 01:25:36,480 Come on! Whoa! Whoa! Stop it! 1054 01:25:39,280 --> 01:25:41,880 Hey, this might be a good look for me. 1055 01:29:10,680 --> 01:29:12,680 Subtitles by SDI Media Group