1 00:00:41,205 --> 00:00:45,291 - Ally, recap? - Remember the Kowolskis? 2 00:00:45,334 --> 00:00:49,629 They want to set a record by making Buffalo's largest cookie. 3 00:00:49,713 --> 00:00:51,965 - You have to wear this. - A hair net? 4 00:00:52,049 --> 00:00:56,010 Health Department. If you're near the cookie, you have to wear it. 5 00:00:56,095 --> 00:00:58,972 I just did the hair. The hair is perfect. 6 00:00:59,056 --> 00:01:00,598 All right, give it to me. 7 00:01:03,352 --> 00:01:07,021 God... Why do you hate me? 8 00:01:07,106 --> 00:01:09,732 We're rolling. And speed. 9 00:01:09,817 --> 00:01:12,652 For three decades, the Kowolski Bakery 10 00:01:12,736 --> 00:01:15,488 has been a mainstay in Buffalo, 11 00:01:15,573 --> 00:01:19,659 known for their sweet, cream-filled Polski pierogies, 12 00:01:19,743 --> 00:01:22,412 and the sugar-induced coma that follows. 13 00:01:24,123 --> 00:01:28,668 In honour of their 30th anniversary, they've invited us to ride along 14 00:01:28,711 --> 00:01:34,924 as they go for the record on Buffalo's biggest cookie. 15 00:01:36,010 --> 00:01:40,013 Vol? Do you need a tissue or something? 16 00:01:40,097 --> 00:01:42,724 Can we get Vol a tissue? Or a spoon? 17 00:01:42,808 --> 00:01:44,601 Good thing we're wearing these. 18 00:01:44,685 --> 00:01:48,187 I wouldn't want stray hairs to fall into the booger. 19 00:01:48,230 --> 00:01:50,940 - We doing this again? - No. We'll cut to B roll. 20 00:01:51,025 --> 00:01:52,400 Moving on! 21 00:01:52,484 --> 00:01:57,238 Tell me, Mama, why make Buffalo's biggest cookie? 22 00:01:57,323 --> 00:02:04,370 Man from Health Department say he find rat pellet in our pastry. 23 00:02:04,455 --> 00:02:11,711 But I say, no, is big chocolate sprinkle. But he shut store down. 24 00:02:11,795 --> 00:02:19,886 So, we clean up, make big cookie to bring customers back. 25 00:02:19,970 --> 00:02:24,057 I admire your candour. Let's try that again, shall we? 26 00:02:24,141 --> 00:02:28,811 Tell me, Mama, why make Buffalo's biggest cookie? 27 00:02:28,896 --> 00:02:33,399 So the children of the neighbourhood will be happy? 28 00:02:33,484 --> 00:02:38,321 It must be wonderful seeing the smiles on their little faces. 29 00:02:38,405 --> 00:02:42,742 I work in back. I see no smiles. 30 00:02:43,786 --> 00:02:48,247 The previous record was 8 feet, 7 inches, baked by Gladys Pelsnick. 31 00:02:48,290 --> 00:02:51,584 If this cookie is larger, it will prove 32 00:02:51,627 --> 00:02:53,878 the Kowolskis have much more free time. 33 00:02:53,921 --> 00:02:57,757 And the cookie is... 10 feet, 4 inches! 34 00:02:57,800 --> 00:03:00,468 We have a new record! 35 00:03:00,552 --> 00:03:04,263 Cue the cheesy inspirational music! 36 00:03:21,323 --> 00:03:24,075 But what are we really looking at here? 37 00:03:24,118 --> 00:03:25,993 Is it just a big cookie? 38 00:03:26,078 --> 00:03:29,288 Or does this cookie represent the pride of Buffalo? 39 00:03:29,331 --> 00:03:32,959 Its hardworking citizens the key ingredient, 40 00:03:33,001 --> 00:03:35,753 with a few nuts thrown in. 41 00:03:35,796 --> 00:03:38,297 And finally, the love of our families, 42 00:03:38,340 --> 00:03:40,800 which provides the warm centre, 43 00:03:40,884 --> 00:03:42,969 making our beloved Buffalo 44 00:03:43,053 --> 00:03:45,304 the sweetest place to live. 45 00:03:45,347 --> 00:03:48,307 And that's the way the cookie crumbles. 46 00:03:48,392 --> 00:03:52,145 I'm Bruce Nolan, Eyewitness News. 47 00:03:52,187 --> 00:03:54,814 And cut. 48 00:03:54,898 --> 00:03:57,275 So, what do you think? 49 00:03:57,317 --> 00:03:58,651 It's really good. 50 00:03:58,736 --> 00:04:01,320 It sucks. It's a story about a cookie. 51 00:04:01,405 --> 00:04:04,949 The Pillsbury Doughboy will be riveted. 52 00:04:04,992 --> 00:04:09,662 It made me laugh. Nothing wrong with making people laugh. 53 00:04:09,705 --> 00:04:14,041 I'll never be an anchorman. The job's there, but I can't reach it. 54 00:04:14,126 --> 00:04:18,504 They make me do this kind of stuff and I have to act like a goof. 55 00:04:18,589 --> 00:04:22,008 I have no credibility. Not good. 56 00:04:22,092 --> 00:04:24,510 - Now you just sound silly. - Forget it. 57 00:04:24,553 --> 00:04:28,181 It's not important. Let's watch it once more. 58 00:04:28,265 --> 00:04:30,349 - No. - Once more? Please? 59 00:04:30,434 --> 00:04:33,936 No! You promised to help me with this photo album. 60 00:04:35,063 --> 00:04:37,356 Get your goofy butt over here. 61 00:04:45,532 --> 00:04:50,244 Go through this stack and pick your favourites. 62 00:04:54,541 --> 00:04:59,879 Come on, this is fun, right? It's nice. 63 00:04:59,922 --> 00:05:01,839 I bet Evan gets the anchor job. 64 00:05:01,882 --> 00:05:03,966 - Bruce! - He's the favourite. 65 00:05:04,051 --> 00:05:07,428 Just forget it. This is just our life. 66 00:05:07,513 --> 00:05:10,640 We can always have some kid do it for us. 67 00:05:11,350 --> 00:05:13,351 Hold the phone. 68 00:05:13,393 --> 00:05:15,937 I like this one. Our weekend at the lake. 69 00:05:16,021 --> 00:05:18,314 That should be in our private stash. 70 00:05:18,398 --> 00:05:21,776 - Perky. Must have been cold. - Give it to me. 71 00:05:21,860 --> 00:05:24,862 I can use this as wallpaper on my computer. 72 00:05:24,905 --> 00:05:27,240 - Give it to me. Come on. - No! 73 00:05:27,282 --> 00:05:31,118 Fine. Do with it what you will. I don't care. 74 00:05:31,203 --> 00:05:33,120 I will do with it what I will. 75 00:05:35,624 --> 00:05:40,419 I may send it in to Playboy. I hear their layouts are quite tasteful. 76 00:05:40,462 --> 00:05:43,256 Give that to me right now! 77 00:05:43,298 --> 00:05:46,425 - Rough stuff. - I will hurt you. 78 00:05:51,098 --> 00:05:53,641 Sweetie? Time to get up. 79 00:05:55,727 --> 00:05:58,479 Good dream. No. 80 00:06:07,698 --> 00:06:12,201 The Buffalo Sabres lost again last night to the Toronto Maple Leafs. 81 00:06:12,286 --> 00:06:15,204 Of course they did. They're my team. 82 00:06:15,289 --> 00:06:17,373 And that's the way the cookie crumbles. 83 00:06:17,457 --> 00:06:20,376 There might be something to this cookie line. 84 00:06:20,460 --> 00:06:23,504 All the greatest anchors had a signature sign-off. 85 00:06:23,589 --> 00:06:27,967 Like Walter Cronkite. 86 00:06:28,051 --> 00:06:30,386 "And that's the way it was." 87 00:06:30,470 --> 00:06:33,472 And that's the way the cookie crumbles. 88 00:06:33,515 --> 00:06:39,562 That's the way, uh-huh, uh-huh, I like it. 89 00:06:40,647 --> 00:06:44,525 - The dog! - I'm in the shower! 90 00:06:47,863 --> 00:06:50,489 No, Sam. Bad dog. 91 00:06:50,532 --> 00:06:55,369 Inside, bad. Outside, good. 92 00:06:59,750 --> 00:07:03,002 You're done now. Great. 93 00:07:03,086 --> 00:07:06,672 B-E-A-utiful. 94 00:07:07,549 --> 00:07:10,509 Let's go back in and have a shit. 95 00:07:15,682 --> 00:07:19,185 - What is the dillio? - We are having a blood drive. 96 00:07:19,227 --> 00:07:22,605 - Creepy. Needles. - They need my blood. 97 00:07:22,689 --> 00:07:25,858 I have a very rare blood type. I'm AB positive. 98 00:07:25,943 --> 00:07:28,194 Really? I'm IB positive. 99 00:07:28,236 --> 00:07:32,448 "I be" positive they ain't touching me with no needle. It's just so... 100 00:07:32,532 --> 00:07:35,576 - Helpful and life-saving? - No. It's blood. 101 00:07:35,661 --> 00:07:39,080 Blood is supposed to stay inside the body, where it belongs. 102 00:07:39,164 --> 00:07:44,502 They stockpile it in a warehouse and tell everyone there's a shortage. 103 00:07:44,544 --> 00:07:47,171 Not true. Where did you hear that? 104 00:07:47,214 --> 00:07:49,215 From a friend of a friend 105 00:07:49,299 --> 00:07:52,843 of a girl whose sister is dating someone in government. 106 00:07:52,886 --> 00:07:55,221 For your protection, I cannot discuss it. 107 00:07:55,305 --> 00:07:57,640 Get out, before they see us together. 108 00:08:01,561 --> 00:08:04,730 Here. You need these more than I do. 109 00:08:04,773 --> 00:08:06,232 What is these? 110 00:08:06,316 --> 00:08:08,609 Prayer beads. The kids made them for me. 111 00:08:08,694 --> 00:08:12,697 - They will keep you safe. - I hope they're powerful. 112 00:08:12,739 --> 00:08:16,784 I'll need a friggin' miracle to get to work on time. 113 00:08:26,753 --> 00:08:30,673 This isn't happening. Not during sweeps week. 114 00:08:30,757 --> 00:08:33,884 Not during sweeps week! 115 00:08:34,928 --> 00:08:36,804 God. 116 00:08:36,888 --> 00:08:40,099 Yup, meeting started without me. 117 00:08:40,142 --> 00:08:43,310 This is my luck! 118 00:08:49,317 --> 00:08:51,193 Come on! 119 00:08:55,240 --> 00:08:57,575 Jesus. 120 00:08:57,617 --> 00:09:00,036 Get out of there! 121 00:09:04,082 --> 00:09:08,044 "Are you blind?" No, but I'm late. 122 00:09:08,962 --> 00:09:12,131 Is your child in dire jeopardy? 123 00:09:12,174 --> 00:09:14,383 Find out tonight after the game. 124 00:09:14,468 --> 00:09:16,427 Promos are approved. 125 00:09:16,470 --> 00:09:19,472 Jack? Shouldn't we be focusing on Pete's retirement? 126 00:09:19,556 --> 00:09:23,142 - This is his last week. - Any word on the anchor position? 127 00:09:23,185 --> 00:09:26,562 Evan, when I know something, you'll know something. 128 00:09:26,646 --> 00:09:27,855 Sorry I'm late. 129 00:09:28,732 --> 00:09:30,775 The traffic was... 130 00:09:30,859 --> 00:09:32,735 Did you already play the spots? 131 00:09:32,819 --> 00:09:35,863 Nice story, but we're going with Evan's piece. 132 00:09:35,947 --> 00:09:38,115 The mayoral sex scandal, for sweeps. 133 00:09:39,534 --> 00:09:42,078 Yeah... 134 00:09:42,162 --> 00:09:43,579 Sweeps. 135 00:09:43,663 --> 00:09:46,499 And that's the way the cookie crumbles. 136 00:09:48,168 --> 00:09:50,086 Just messing with you, Bruce. 137 00:09:50,170 --> 00:09:56,759 You just gotta remember that the newsroom is like a big cookie. 138 00:09:58,428 --> 00:10:02,181 Do you like jazz, Evan? Let me play something for you. 139 00:10:09,523 --> 00:10:12,233 - I can hold that note all day. - Knock it off. 140 00:10:12,317 --> 00:10:15,027 Bruce, we'll keep your story in reserve. 141 00:10:15,070 --> 00:10:19,198 Can we work on getting something to put on the air today? 142 00:10:19,282 --> 00:10:23,285 Great choice, Jack. The Cadillac of bolognas. 143 00:10:23,370 --> 00:10:25,079 Jack, can I talk to you? 144 00:10:25,163 --> 00:10:28,207 - Sure. What do you need? - Sweeps. 145 00:10:28,250 --> 00:10:31,669 Jack, hear me out. I'm getting desperate. 146 00:10:31,711 --> 00:10:36,006 I'm pushing 40 and what have I got to show for it? I've hit a ceiling. 147 00:10:36,049 --> 00:10:38,759 There's an anti-Bruce barrier I can't get past. 148 00:10:38,844 --> 00:10:42,096 And Evan is loving it. 149 00:10:42,180 --> 00:10:45,724 He gets the stories. Maybe I should be more like Evan. 150 00:10:45,767 --> 00:10:48,602 Don't be like Evan. He's an asshole. 151 00:10:48,687 --> 00:10:51,522 - I can be an asshole. - No, Bruce. You can't. 152 00:10:56,236 --> 00:10:58,612 - You going to pick that up? - Yeah, I'm sorry. 153 00:10:59,197 --> 00:11:02,992 This anchor thing opening up has got me nuts. 154 00:11:03,076 --> 00:11:04,451 - Hey, Susan. - Hi, Susan. 155 00:11:04,536 --> 00:11:06,787 Hi, Jack. 156 00:11:07,539 --> 00:11:10,875 You're a good reporter. You make people laugh. 157 00:11:12,627 --> 00:11:14,295 I'll tell you what. 158 00:11:14,421 --> 00:11:17,715 Today is the 156th anniversary of the "Maid of the Mist". 159 00:11:17,757 --> 00:11:19,675 Be in Niagara Falls in an hour. 160 00:11:19,759 --> 00:11:22,178 The "Maid of the Mist" is always live. 161 00:11:23,763 --> 00:11:28,184 - Evan does the live feeds. - Now you and Evan do them. 162 00:11:28,268 --> 00:11:30,603 I'm going live? During sweeps? 163 00:11:30,687 --> 00:11:32,771 Watch it. I've seen your outtakes. 164 00:11:32,814 --> 00:11:35,024 Jack, you will not regret this. 165 00:11:36,026 --> 00:11:38,694 I won't forget you when I go national. 166 00:11:38,778 --> 00:11:40,487 Can you...? 167 00:11:41,489 --> 00:11:43,616 Thanks, pal. 168 00:11:43,658 --> 00:11:47,620 Can I have your wish now? I'll put it in the wish jar. 169 00:11:47,662 --> 00:11:49,121 Put your wish in. 170 00:11:49,164 --> 00:11:51,165 - Me, too. - Put it in. 171 00:11:51,708 --> 00:11:53,626 That looks like a big wish. 172 00:11:53,752 --> 00:11:56,086 No, Martin, don't eat that. 173 00:11:56,922 --> 00:11:59,965 Don't put that in your mouth. That's paste, honey. 174 00:12:02,219 --> 00:12:05,304 - That must have tasted awful. - Mommy! 175 00:12:07,641 --> 00:12:10,809 Did you have fun with Aunt Gracie today? 176 00:12:10,894 --> 00:12:12,978 See how nice this is? Baby on hip. 177 00:12:13,063 --> 00:12:17,691 It's amazing. You've become Mom. The transformation is complete. 178 00:12:18,985 --> 00:12:20,152 I'll get it. 179 00:12:20,237 --> 00:12:22,154 - Small Wonders Day Care. - Grace? 180 00:12:22,197 --> 00:12:25,908 No, Debbie, the sister whose life you're not wasting. 181 00:12:27,702 --> 00:12:32,873 Sorry. Debbie forgot to take her meds today. Where are you? 182 00:12:32,958 --> 00:12:37,836 A little place called the winner's circle. I'm at the falls, doing a live report. 183 00:12:37,879 --> 00:12:39,880 Live? That's great! 184 00:12:39,965 --> 00:12:43,050 It's happening. I got sweeps and I'm live. 185 00:12:43,134 --> 00:12:45,427 They're seeing if I can think on my feet. 186 00:12:45,512 --> 00:12:48,389 Like I might have to do in a live anchor situation. 187 00:12:48,473 --> 00:12:50,140 My gosh. 188 00:12:50,183 --> 00:12:54,061 Yeah! Jack practically came out and told me. 189 00:12:54,145 --> 00:12:55,437 Practically? 190 00:12:55,522 --> 00:12:58,440 He didn't spell it out. Legally, he can't. 191 00:12:58,525 --> 00:13:03,070 This happened to Susan before they bumped her up to the desk. 192 00:13:03,196 --> 00:13:05,322 It's good. 193 00:13:05,365 --> 00:13:09,535 Honey, I don't want you to get too ahead of yourself. 194 00:13:10,412 --> 00:13:14,039 - I gotta go! They're calling me. - Good luck, honey. I love you. 195 00:13:14,124 --> 00:13:15,958 Love, love, love. 196 00:13:17,043 --> 00:13:18,585 Let's do it. 197 00:13:18,670 --> 00:13:22,881 - They want you close to the falls. - I'll get soaked. 198 00:13:22,924 --> 00:13:25,384 That's the point. Put this on. 199 00:13:25,468 --> 00:13:28,554 A condition for us getting the exclusive. 200 00:13:28,638 --> 00:13:32,725 You know what? Nothing can bother me today. 201 00:13:32,809 --> 00:13:36,478 Remember, it's their 156th-year anniversary. 202 00:13:36,563 --> 00:13:40,607 149 capacity. They cater to tourists, honeymooners... 203 00:13:40,692 --> 00:13:42,776 And insanely thirsty people. 204 00:13:43,653 --> 00:13:46,280 You'll be interviewing Irene Dansfield. 205 00:13:46,364 --> 00:13:50,743 Irene, a pleasure to meet you. You look beautiful. 206 00:13:50,827 --> 00:13:53,787 Her mother rode the maiden voyage. 207 00:13:53,872 --> 00:13:56,582 - 90 seconds! - 90 seconds? Holy hell. 208 00:13:56,666 --> 00:13:58,792 OK. 90 seconds. 209 00:13:58,877 --> 00:14:00,961 because of the fast response, 210 00:14:01,046 --> 00:14:04,631 the chemicals were cleaned up without incident. Susan? 211 00:14:04,716 --> 00:14:07,468 Bruce Nolan is standing by at Niagara Falls. 212 00:14:07,594 --> 00:14:10,471 But first, we have an announcement. 213 00:14:10,555 --> 00:14:16,268 As everyone knows, after 33 years, our beloved Pete Fineman is retiring. 214 00:14:16,311 --> 00:14:21,607 Pete's shoes are virtually impossible to fill, but the show must go on. 215 00:14:21,691 --> 00:14:26,612 And we could think of no one better than our very own Evan Baxter. 216 00:14:30,825 --> 00:14:33,952 - Congratulations, Evan. - I'm thrilled and honoured. 217 00:14:33,995 --> 00:14:38,624 As you said, no one can replace Pete, but I'll do my best. 218 00:14:38,666 --> 00:14:43,337 I am so proud to be a part of our community of Buffalo. 219 00:14:43,421 --> 00:14:48,634 I think, in a lot of ways, a great city is like a great recipe. 220 00:14:48,676 --> 00:14:52,304 You take hard-working citizens, add some care givers, 221 00:14:52,347 --> 00:14:54,056 maybe a few nuts! 222 00:14:57,394 --> 00:15:01,146 All sprinkled with the love and support of our families. 223 00:15:01,231 --> 00:15:05,317 Ultimately, that makes one sweet place to live. 224 00:15:05,360 --> 00:15:08,987 - That was amazing. - I wish I'd written something. 225 00:15:09,030 --> 00:15:12,741 And now let's go live to that wacky Bruce Nolan at Niagara Falls. 226 00:15:12,826 --> 00:15:14,576 Wacky Bruce! 227 00:15:18,832 --> 00:15:22,167 - Talk, Bruce. Hello. - Talk, honey. 228 00:15:22,252 --> 00:15:24,002 - What is it? - A Walt Disney. 229 00:15:24,045 --> 00:15:26,672 - He's frozen solid. - Check the audio feed. 230 00:15:26,756 --> 00:15:29,007 We may be having technical difficulty. 231 00:15:29,092 --> 00:15:31,051 - The feed's good. - Come on. 232 00:15:31,136 --> 00:15:32,845 Talk, Bruce, dammit. 233 00:15:32,929 --> 00:15:34,930 Get ready to pull the plug. 234 00:15:35,014 --> 00:15:37,599 Come on, baby. Say something! 235 00:15:38,518 --> 00:15:39,685 Talk. 236 00:15:42,730 --> 00:15:44,356 Hi, Susan. 237 00:15:44,441 --> 00:15:45,858 Bruce Nolan here, 238 00:15:45,942 --> 00:15:49,528 aboard the "Maid of the Mist" in fabulous Niagara Falls, New York. 239 00:15:49,612 --> 00:15:54,366 First, let me add my congratulations to Evan Backstabber. 240 00:15:54,492 --> 00:15:56,702 Pardon me, Bastard... Baxter. 241 00:15:56,786 --> 00:15:59,580 It is good to see what someone can do 242 00:15:59,664 --> 00:16:04,418 when opportunities are given to him instead of me. 243 00:16:04,502 --> 00:16:06,920 I'm here with Katharine Hepburn's mom. 244 00:16:07,046 --> 00:16:12,176 Why did you throw the Heart of the Ocean jewel over the rail of the Titanic? 245 00:16:13,178 --> 00:16:15,679 Did you feel bad letting Leo DiCaprio drown 246 00:16:15,722 --> 00:16:18,140 while you were safe on the big door? 247 00:16:18,224 --> 00:16:19,850 Could you have taken turns? 248 00:16:19,893 --> 00:16:23,270 Or were you too afraid to freeze your fat ass off? 249 00:16:23,646 --> 00:16:25,731 I guess that's how life is. 250 00:16:26,191 --> 00:16:30,777 Some people are drenched, freezing on a stupid boat in a stupid hat, 251 00:16:30,862 --> 00:16:34,364 while others are in a comfy news studio, sucking up the glory. 252 00:16:34,449 --> 00:16:36,533 No big deal. 253 00:16:37,911 --> 00:16:41,455 It's the owner of the "Maid of the Mist". Let's talk to him. 254 00:16:41,539 --> 00:16:44,458 Come here, Bill. No, let's have a talk. 255 00:16:44,542 --> 00:16:46,627 What are you doing? 256 00:16:46,711 --> 00:16:49,838 You've been running the "Maid of the Mist" for 23 years. 257 00:16:49,923 --> 00:16:52,132 Why didn't I get the anchor job? 258 00:16:52,217 --> 00:16:54,760 - I don't want problems. - Is it my hair? 259 00:16:54,802 --> 00:16:56,220 Are my teeth not white? 260 00:16:56,262 --> 00:17:02,976 Or, like the falls, is the bedrock of my life eroding beneath me? 261 00:17:03,436 --> 00:17:05,270 Eroding! 262 00:17:10,109 --> 00:17:12,861 - Cut the feed. Go to black. - I'm on it. 263 00:17:14,531 --> 00:17:18,450 I'm Bruce Nolan, for Eyewitness News. Back to you, fuckers! 264 00:17:20,453 --> 00:17:21,870 My God. 265 00:17:26,918 --> 00:17:28,502 That is perfect. 266 00:17:28,586 --> 00:17:33,924 That is the motivation I needed! Right there! Thank you! 267 00:17:35,093 --> 00:17:38,470 Thank you, WKBW. 268 00:17:38,555 --> 00:17:42,182 Wimpy... Kitty Baby Whiners! 269 00:17:42,267 --> 00:17:44,351 That's what that stands for! 270 00:17:45,812 --> 00:17:50,399 I'll see you on Channel 5, where they do the real news! 271 00:17:51,693 --> 00:17:53,777 Do I look blind to you? 272 00:17:57,073 --> 00:17:59,157 Let's go, man. Come on. 273 00:17:59,242 --> 00:18:01,743 What are you doing? 274 00:18:01,828 --> 00:18:04,079 Come on. Leave the poor guy alone! 275 00:18:05,039 --> 00:18:07,249 You OK, man? 276 00:18:08,543 --> 00:18:10,502 You'd better keep walking. 277 00:18:10,587 --> 00:18:14,047 - What'd you say? - Run, man! 278 00:18:14,132 --> 00:18:16,216 Run! 279 00:18:21,556 --> 00:18:23,599 I didn't mean it! 280 00:18:23,683 --> 00:18:25,684 I was kidding! 281 00:18:25,768 --> 00:18:27,853 You forgot your things. 282 00:18:31,649 --> 00:18:33,900 Say something now! 283 00:18:37,280 --> 00:18:40,365 B-E-A... 284 00:18:41,492 --> 00:18:43,910 utiful. 285 00:18:46,998 --> 00:18:49,082 That's what I get. 286 00:18:50,043 --> 00:18:53,211 That's what I get for trying to help someone. 287 00:18:55,089 --> 00:18:57,549 Don't look at me, Walter. 288 00:19:03,681 --> 00:19:09,853 That's my payment, I guess. That is my reward. 289 00:19:13,524 --> 00:19:16,902 Just? Just get a clue! 290 00:19:18,237 --> 00:19:19,905 Thank God you're all right. 291 00:19:19,989 --> 00:19:25,035 Let's thank God, shall we? His blessings rain down on me. 292 00:19:25,078 --> 00:19:28,121 - Wait! That's not rain! - Bruce, don't do that. 293 00:19:28,247 --> 00:19:30,874 Everything happens for a reason. 294 00:19:30,917 --> 00:19:34,127 That I don't need. That is a cliché. That is not helpful. 295 00:19:34,253 --> 00:19:36,713 "A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush." 296 00:19:36,756 --> 00:19:39,925 I have no bird! No bush! God took my bird and my bush. 297 00:19:40,051 --> 00:19:43,220 I see. So God is picking on you. 298 00:19:43,262 --> 00:19:45,722 No! He's ignoring me completely. 299 00:19:46,683 --> 00:19:50,018 He's too busy giving Evan everything he wants. 300 00:19:50,103 --> 00:19:53,188 Great, Sam. But you missed your target. I'm over here! 301 00:19:53,272 --> 00:19:56,066 Don't get mad at the dog. It's not his fault. 302 00:19:56,109 --> 00:19:59,319 It's God's. He gave him the wrong coordinates. 303 00:19:59,404 --> 00:20:01,947 Enough! Will you stop being such a martyr? 304 00:20:02,031 --> 00:20:04,658 I am not being a martyr! I'm a victim! 305 00:20:04,742 --> 00:20:08,620 God's a mean kid with a magnifying glass, and I'm the ant. 306 00:20:08,705 --> 00:20:10,956 He could fix my life if He wanted, 307 00:20:10,998 --> 00:20:14,376 but He'd rather burn off my feelers and watch me squirm. 308 00:20:14,460 --> 00:20:19,339 I know you're mad. What Evan did was slimy and wrong. 309 00:20:20,466 --> 00:20:24,052 But today could have been much worse. I'm glad you're OK. 310 00:20:24,137 --> 00:20:27,597 News flash! I'm not OK. 311 00:20:27,640 --> 00:20:31,143 I'm not OK with a mediocre job! Or a mediocre apartment! 312 00:20:31,227 --> 00:20:33,895 I am not OK with a mediocre life! 313 00:20:42,280 --> 00:20:45,532 Is that what you think we have? A mediocre life? 314 00:20:45,616 --> 00:20:47,659 Don't make this about you. 315 00:20:47,702 --> 00:20:51,329 About me? How could I make this about me? 316 00:20:51,372 --> 00:20:54,624 It's about you. It's always about you. 317 00:20:54,667 --> 00:20:57,002 Perfect! 318 00:20:57,086 --> 00:21:01,590 I'll have the worst day of my life with a side order of guilt, please! 319 00:21:07,346 --> 00:21:10,849 OK, God. You want me to talk to you? 320 00:21:10,933 --> 00:21:14,269 Then talk back. Tell me what's going on. 321 00:21:14,353 --> 00:21:17,272 What should I do? Give me a signal. 322 00:21:19,776 --> 00:21:23,320 I need your guidance, Lord. Send me a sign. 323 00:21:27,492 --> 00:21:29,826 What's this joker doing? 324 00:21:35,541 --> 00:21:38,043 OK. All right. I'll try it your way. 325 00:21:39,212 --> 00:21:43,715 All right. Lord... I need a miracle. 326 00:21:45,551 --> 00:21:47,302 I'm desperate. 327 00:21:47,386 --> 00:21:49,095 I need your help. 328 00:21:49,222 --> 00:21:51,556 Please, reach into my life... 329 00:21:54,393 --> 00:21:56,937 What the...? Where are you? 330 00:21:57,021 --> 00:21:59,105 Got you! 331 00:22:42,358 --> 00:22:45,777 Fine! The gloves are off, pal! 332 00:22:45,820 --> 00:22:48,154 Come on! Show me some wrath! 333 00:22:48,239 --> 00:22:52,242 Smite me, O mighty smiter! 334 00:22:53,202 --> 00:22:55,537 You're the one who should be fired! 335 00:22:55,621 --> 00:23:00,125 The only one around here not doing his job is you! 336 00:23:01,127 --> 00:23:03,295 Answer me! 337 00:23:18,311 --> 00:23:20,395 Sorry. Don't know you. 338 00:23:21,314 --> 00:23:23,481 Wouldn't call you if I did. 339 00:23:36,287 --> 00:23:38,330 God! 340 00:23:44,712 --> 00:23:47,380 Hello, 5550123. 341 00:24:12,448 --> 00:24:15,492 Sam! This has got to stop! 342 00:24:18,537 --> 00:24:22,207 Get it straight. That's the house. This is the bathroom. 343 00:24:22,249 --> 00:24:26,378 House, bathroom. Bathroom, house. 344 00:24:29,006 --> 00:24:31,716 What's the point? 345 00:24:55,282 --> 00:24:58,034 5550123. 346 00:25:00,579 --> 00:25:03,581 Denied that promotion at work? Is life unfair? 347 00:25:03,666 --> 00:25:06,793 Is someone less talented than you reaping the benefits? 348 00:25:06,877 --> 00:25:08,586 Is your name Bruce? 349 00:25:08,629 --> 00:25:10,922 Then do we have the job for you! 350 00:25:11,007 --> 00:25:14,259 We're located at 7725623rd Street. 351 00:25:14,343 --> 00:25:17,929 Come on down. Or we'll just keep beeping you. 352 00:25:34,864 --> 00:25:36,448 "Omni Presents." 353 00:25:39,618 --> 00:25:42,287 The glass is half-full. 354 00:25:44,665 --> 00:25:47,834 Come on! Look! What is that? 355 00:25:47,918 --> 00:25:49,878 What is that? 356 00:25:53,257 --> 00:25:54,758 Thank you! 357 00:26:02,183 --> 00:26:04,309 What the...? 358 00:26:11,650 --> 00:26:13,735 You're looking for room 7. 359 00:26:16,447 --> 00:26:19,657 - I figured. - Want me to even those up for you? 360 00:26:24,205 --> 00:26:27,665 - Where is room 7? - On the 7th floor. 361 00:26:27,708 --> 00:26:31,377 - Stairs are over there. - I'll take the elevator. 362 00:26:31,462 --> 00:26:35,090 - Out of order. - I love stairs. My second choice. 363 00:26:35,174 --> 00:26:37,383 Mind giving me a hand with this floor? 364 00:26:39,345 --> 00:26:41,888 That's good. 365 00:26:42,014 --> 00:26:43,515 Are you serious? 366 00:26:43,599 --> 00:26:46,392 I'm kind of busy. 367 00:26:47,603 --> 00:26:49,687 Rain check. 368 00:26:49,772 --> 00:26:51,564 I'll hold you to it. 369 00:26:52,233 --> 00:26:54,567 I'm free on the 7th at 7:00. 370 00:26:58,114 --> 00:27:00,365 The 7th at 7:00 it is. 371 00:27:03,369 --> 00:27:05,537 This looks promising. 372 00:27:10,918 --> 00:27:12,919 Hello? 373 00:27:13,003 --> 00:27:16,756 Another hugantic, ginormic waste of my life. 374 00:27:20,719 --> 00:27:23,138 I'm looking for whoever runs this joint! 375 00:27:23,222 --> 00:27:28,184 Be right with you. I'm fixing a light. Tell me if it's working. 376 00:27:28,227 --> 00:27:30,353 Yeah. Seems to be. 377 00:27:30,396 --> 00:27:34,440 - Kind of bright, though. - It is for most people, 378 00:27:34,525 --> 00:27:38,528 who spend their lives in the dark, trying to hide from me. 379 00:27:40,447 --> 00:27:42,740 The elevator's broken? 380 00:27:42,783 --> 00:27:45,577 Yeah, but I'll get around to it. 381 00:27:47,121 --> 00:27:50,498 - You installed a clapper? - No, but catchy jingle. 382 00:27:51,500 --> 00:27:53,418 Clap on, clap off 383 00:27:53,502 --> 00:27:55,587 Clap on, clap off The Clapper 384 00:27:57,423 --> 00:28:00,008 Just can't get it out of my head. 385 00:28:00,092 --> 00:28:02,468 Good luck with that. 386 00:28:02,553 --> 00:28:04,429 I'm going to go now. 387 00:28:04,513 --> 00:28:06,764 But the boss will be right out. 388 00:28:14,815 --> 00:28:19,110 You must be Bruce. I've been expecting you. 389 00:28:21,405 --> 00:28:23,114 This is hilarious. 390 00:28:23,199 --> 00:28:25,992 You're the boss, electrician and janitor. 391 00:28:26,076 --> 00:28:28,286 Must be a killer Christmas party. 392 00:28:28,370 --> 00:28:31,789 Don't get drunk. One of you might need a ride home. 393 00:28:33,042 --> 00:28:36,461 You always were funny, Bruce. Just like your father. 394 00:28:37,296 --> 00:28:40,089 He didn't mind rolling up his sleeves. 395 00:28:40,132 --> 00:28:43,218 People underestimate the benefit of manual labour. 396 00:28:43,302 --> 00:28:45,094 There's freedom in it. 397 00:28:45,137 --> 00:28:49,349 Some of the happiest people smell to high heaven at day's end. 398 00:28:50,517 --> 00:28:55,313 How do you know my father and how did you get my pager number? 399 00:28:55,397 --> 00:28:57,523 I know quite a lot about you. 400 00:28:59,318 --> 00:29:02,278 Just about everything there is to know. 401 00:29:02,321 --> 00:29:06,950 Everything you've ever said or done or thought about doing... 402 00:29:08,327 --> 00:29:10,995 Right there in that file cabinet. 403 00:29:11,705 --> 00:29:15,333 - A whole drawer, just for me. - Yeah. 404 00:29:15,417 --> 00:29:17,752 Mind if I take a look? 405 00:29:17,836 --> 00:29:20,588 It's your life. 406 00:29:20,673 --> 00:29:23,341 This oughta be good. 407 00:29:36,814 --> 00:29:39,816 This last entry was a little disturbing. 408 00:29:51,120 --> 00:29:56,249 "The gloves are off. God took my bird and my bush." 409 00:29:56,333 --> 00:29:59,752 "God is a mean kid with a magnifying glass." 410 00:29:59,837 --> 00:30:03,214 "Smite me, O mighty smiter." 411 00:30:03,299 --> 00:30:07,385 I'm not much for blaspheming, but that last one made me laugh. 412 00:30:07,469 --> 00:30:09,846 Are you spying on me? 413 00:30:13,017 --> 00:30:15,601 Who are you? 414 00:30:15,686 --> 00:30:17,645 I am the One. 415 00:30:17,730 --> 00:30:21,065 Creator of the heavens and the earth. Alpha and Omega. 416 00:30:22,484 --> 00:30:24,819 I see where this is going. 417 00:30:24,903 --> 00:30:27,780 Bruce... I am God. 418 00:30:27,865 --> 00:30:31,117 Bingo! Yahtzee! Is that your final answer? 419 00:30:31,201 --> 00:30:34,120 Our survey says, "God!" 420 00:30:35,831 --> 00:30:37,582 It was nice to meet you, God. 421 00:30:37,666 --> 00:30:41,294 Thanks for the Grand Canyon. Good luck with the Apocalypse. 422 00:30:41,378 --> 00:30:43,921 And by the way, you suck! 423 00:30:45,257 --> 00:30:47,133 It would have been impressive 424 00:30:47,217 --> 00:30:50,720 if you hadn't used the cheesy file cabinet illusion. 425 00:30:50,763 --> 00:30:53,097 Anyone with a brain stem can see the drawer 426 00:30:53,182 --> 00:30:55,558 is fed through the wall from the other side. 427 00:30:55,601 --> 00:30:59,062 All you have to do is find the crease right here. 428 00:30:59,104 --> 00:31:02,857 There is a seam here, or a hollow spot. 429 00:31:07,279 --> 00:31:09,155 Where? 430 00:31:09,239 --> 00:31:12,575 Through the dry wall and concrete? 431 00:31:14,370 --> 00:31:17,455 That is a good one. 432 00:31:18,165 --> 00:31:22,627 - How many fingers am I holding up? - Thou shalt not tempt the Lord. 433 00:31:22,711 --> 00:31:24,587 - If you can't do it... - Three. 434 00:31:24,630 --> 00:31:26,756 Two... four... nine. 435 00:31:26,799 --> 00:31:28,633 Six... eight... one. 436 00:31:33,430 --> 00:31:35,306 How many now? 437 00:31:35,349 --> 00:31:36,641 Seven. 438 00:31:41,772 --> 00:31:45,566 - How? - You've been complaining about me. 439 00:31:45,651 --> 00:31:48,736 - I'm tired of it. - Don't come near me. 440 00:31:48,821 --> 00:31:52,031 I don't want to hurt you, but I will out of instinct. 441 00:31:52,116 --> 00:31:55,910 You haven't won a fight since grade 5, and that was against a girl. 442 00:31:57,371 --> 00:32:00,373 She was huge. She had been held back. 443 00:32:00,457 --> 00:32:02,667 And the sun was in your eyes. 444 00:32:02,751 --> 00:32:04,710 The ego. 445 00:32:04,795 --> 00:32:07,463 Anyway, I want to offer you a job. 446 00:32:07,548 --> 00:32:10,174 - What job? - My job. 447 00:32:10,217 --> 00:32:13,594 You think you can do it better, so here's your chance. 448 00:32:13,679 --> 00:32:17,849 When you leave here, you will be endowed with my powers. 449 00:32:18,767 --> 00:32:20,685 Whatever you say, pal. 450 00:32:23,730 --> 00:32:27,775 That did not happen. No one needs to hear about it. 451 00:32:27,860 --> 00:32:30,403 I'm deleting the program. 452 00:32:31,780 --> 00:32:33,406 No. 453 00:32:33,490 --> 00:32:35,366 I'm having a breakdown. 454 00:32:35,451 --> 00:32:39,036 Everyday psychotic episode, caused by a tumour. 455 00:32:39,872 --> 00:32:42,039 Come on. Start! 456 00:32:44,042 --> 00:32:46,085 That was lucky. 457 00:32:50,716 --> 00:32:52,258 Calm down. 458 00:32:52,342 --> 00:32:56,387 You did not meet God. You do not have his powers. 459 00:32:56,430 --> 00:32:58,848 If that was God, I'm Clint Eastwood. 460 00:32:58,891 --> 00:33:00,975 Holy hell! 461 00:33:06,773 --> 00:33:11,402 - Be careful what you wish for, punk. - Nope! 462 00:33:12,362 --> 00:33:16,073 I am a reasonable, sane human being... 463 00:33:16,742 --> 00:33:18,659 with a.44 Magnum. 464 00:33:18,744 --> 00:33:21,245 The most powerful handgun in the... 465 00:33:22,080 --> 00:33:24,749 I'm not Clint Eastwood. I'm Bruce Nolan. 466 00:33:42,309 --> 00:33:44,769 That was not real. 467 00:33:47,022 --> 00:33:49,565 - Coffee? - Yeah. 468 00:33:49,608 --> 00:33:51,651 We have a special on soup. 469 00:33:51,735 --> 00:33:55,821 - No, thank you. - It's tomato. I made it myself. 470 00:34:33,151 --> 00:34:35,278 Excuse me, I need a spoo... 471 00:34:42,494 --> 00:34:44,078 I found one. 472 00:34:51,962 --> 00:34:53,713 Your soup. 473 00:34:53,839 --> 00:34:55,673 Soup, right. 474 00:35:47,017 --> 00:35:49,226 Having fun? 475 00:35:51,313 --> 00:35:52,730 Thy... Thou... 476 00:35:53,065 --> 00:35:56,108 Come, take a closer walk with me. 477 00:35:57,736 --> 00:36:00,112 - Let me explain the rules. - Rules? 478 00:36:00,197 --> 00:36:03,449 You left in a rush, I didn't get to explain. 479 00:36:05,160 --> 00:36:10,748 - The two extra fingers freaked me out. - I figured I'd get your attention. 480 00:36:10,832 --> 00:36:15,378 I did the same thing to Gandhi. He didn't eat for three weeks. 481 00:36:15,420 --> 00:36:20,257 Here's the deal. You have my powers. Use them any way you choose. 482 00:36:20,342 --> 00:36:23,678 There are two rules. Tell no one you're God. 483 00:36:23,762 --> 00:36:26,055 You don't want the attention. 484 00:36:26,098 --> 00:36:28,599 And you can't mess with free will. 485 00:36:31,853 --> 00:36:34,689 - Can I ask why? - You can! 486 00:36:35,399 --> 00:36:37,608 That's the beauty of it. 487 00:36:44,658 --> 00:36:48,035 - Amazing. - Speaking of amazing, excuse me. 488 00:36:51,957 --> 00:36:54,792 Holy sh... cow. 489 00:36:55,711 --> 00:37:00,381 Since you're through with these, I'll keep them. Might come in handy. 490 00:37:02,259 --> 00:37:04,468 See you around, kid. 491 00:37:04,970 --> 00:37:08,514 - Where are you going? - I'm taking a vacation. 492 00:37:08,598 --> 00:37:12,476 God doesn't take vacations. Does he? Do... ye? 493 00:37:12,519 --> 00:37:14,311 Heard of the Dark Ages? 494 00:37:15,313 --> 00:37:20,443 I'm covered. You can clear everything up in five minutes. Right? 495 00:38:07,657 --> 00:38:10,034 And He saw that it was good. 496 00:38:34,559 --> 00:38:38,562 B-E-A-utiful! 497 00:38:43,777 --> 00:38:47,112 Check it out. 498 00:38:47,572 --> 00:38:49,365 It's the hero. 499 00:38:49,407 --> 00:38:52,785 - Whassup, homie? - Brethren, what up with thee? 500 00:38:53,745 --> 00:38:57,456 - Blessings on your alley. - Want another beating? 501 00:38:57,541 --> 00:39:00,835 - You didn't get enough? - He wants more! 502 00:39:00,919 --> 00:39:04,964 Surely, I say unto you dudes, I do not wish to fight. 503 00:39:05,048 --> 00:39:08,759 As soon as you apologise and admit your transgressions, 504 00:39:08,844 --> 00:39:13,472 I shall absolve you and continue along the path of righteousness. 505 00:39:13,557 --> 00:39:16,267 What are you talking about? 506 00:39:19,229 --> 00:39:22,231 I don't know if you lost it up here. 507 00:39:22,274 --> 00:39:25,484 You want me and the homies to apologise? Cool. 508 00:39:25,569 --> 00:39:30,614 We'll apologise the day a monkey comes out of my butt. 509 00:39:33,785 --> 00:39:37,037 What a coincidence! Because that's today. 510 00:39:55,015 --> 00:39:57,516 Did that monkey come out your crack? 511 00:40:02,439 --> 00:40:06,150 This is some voodoo shit! 512 00:40:06,234 --> 00:40:08,027 You guys leaving? 513 00:40:09,779 --> 00:40:12,114 Don't forget your parting gifts! 514 00:40:39,017 --> 00:40:41,685 Little anal-dwelling butt monkey. 515 00:40:41,728 --> 00:40:44,521 Time for you to go home. 516 00:40:57,327 --> 00:41:00,204 I am Bruce Almighty. 517 00:41:00,246 --> 00:41:02,414 My will be done! 518 00:41:30,151 --> 00:41:32,236 - My God. - Call me Bruce. 519 00:41:32,278 --> 00:41:34,655 What happened to you? You seem so... 520 00:41:39,411 --> 00:41:40,828 happy. 521 00:41:40,912 --> 00:41:43,580 Why not? On a night like this. 522 00:41:43,665 --> 00:41:46,083 They're amazing. What are these? 523 00:41:46,167 --> 00:41:50,212 A cross-pollination between tulips and daisies. 524 00:41:50,255 --> 00:41:52,923 I call them todayzees. 525 00:42:02,475 --> 00:42:06,270 These flowers are beautiful, but last night... 526 00:42:06,354 --> 00:42:08,647 Last night, I was only human. 527 00:42:14,029 --> 00:42:16,238 Barry, help me out. 528 00:43:17,050 --> 00:43:19,718 I've never seen the moon that big. 529 00:43:21,387 --> 00:43:23,347 We shouldn't waste it. 530 00:43:34,025 --> 00:43:36,026 Bedroom? 531 00:43:36,069 --> 00:43:38,153 Five minutes. 532 00:43:47,163 --> 00:43:49,790 Let there be light. 533 00:43:52,585 --> 00:43:54,628 Be out in a minute! 534 00:43:55,213 --> 00:43:57,047 Don't rush. 535 00:43:57,090 --> 00:44:01,135 Sometimes anticipation can heighten the pleasure. 536 00:44:05,723 --> 00:44:08,225 It's a funny thing about pleasure. 537 00:44:09,769 --> 00:44:14,064 It can be quite... pleasurable! 538 00:44:16,901 --> 00:44:19,069 My God. 539 00:44:19,737 --> 00:44:22,156 Pleasuring, pleasurable. 540 00:44:25,076 --> 00:44:26,493 Good God! 541 00:44:36,212 --> 00:44:41,967 In Japan, relief workers are trying to rescue hundreds of people, 542 00:44:42,051 --> 00:44:46,096 stranded by a freak tidal wave that hit Kitamoto City. 543 00:44:46,139 --> 00:44:48,932 Scientists say the tsunami may have been caused 544 00:44:48,975 --> 00:44:52,519 by what they are describing as unusual lunar activity. 545 00:44:52,604 --> 00:44:54,730 More on this as it develops. 546 00:44:59,027 --> 00:45:03,280 Bless my mommy, my daddy, and especially my little sister. 547 00:45:07,243 --> 00:45:09,786 Help me get through this, Lord. 548 00:45:11,789 --> 00:45:13,916 I'm asking for your help. 549 00:45:16,252 --> 00:45:19,630 Thank you for everything else in my life. Amen. 550 00:45:45,240 --> 00:45:47,491 Good boy. 551 00:45:48,910 --> 00:45:50,994 Forget something? 552 00:45:54,415 --> 00:45:57,542 Good boy! There are girls in the house. 553 00:46:01,798 --> 00:46:04,007 - Morning. - Good morning. 554 00:46:04,092 --> 00:46:07,302 - I made you grilled cheese. - My fave. 555 00:46:08,054 --> 00:46:11,556 - Last night was... - Heavenly. I know. 556 00:46:11,641 --> 00:46:16,311 I woke up and I felt like my boobs were bigger. 557 00:46:16,354 --> 00:46:21,650 - Do they look bigger to you? - What? 558 00:46:21,693 --> 00:46:26,196 - Bigger? - Come on! Look at them. 559 00:46:26,281 --> 00:46:31,493 They are definitely bigger. Look. They feel huge to me. 560 00:46:31,536 --> 00:46:33,203 I have to go. 561 00:46:33,288 --> 00:46:39,084 But this has been the breast bek... Breast... Thank you. 562 00:46:39,168 --> 00:46:42,963 - Where are you going? - To get my job back. 563 00:46:46,426 --> 00:46:48,719 I am great 564 00:46:50,972 --> 00:46:52,222 I am... 565 00:46:52,265 --> 00:46:54,558 Good grief! Is that what I'm driving? 566 00:47:05,987 --> 00:47:10,198 - Nice car, man. - It gets me from A to B. 567 00:47:23,629 --> 00:47:26,923 Darn. All this horsepower and no room to gallop! 568 00:47:30,428 --> 00:47:33,638 Hi-yo, Silver. Away! 569 00:47:41,939 --> 00:47:44,858 I wouldn't want to be a fugitive with Hank, 570 00:47:44,942 --> 00:47:47,944 Buffalo's number one police dog, on the job. 571 00:47:47,987 --> 00:47:52,616 Phil Sidleman, at the police canine training centre, Channel 5 News. 572 00:47:52,700 --> 00:47:54,951 Cut. 573 00:48:00,208 --> 00:48:04,461 Look what the cat coughed up! Channel 7. The guy that went crazy. 574 00:48:05,171 --> 00:48:07,464 - I had a bad moment. - Why are you here? 575 00:48:08,508 --> 00:48:10,759 - Looking for a story. - No story here. 576 00:48:10,802 --> 00:48:15,347 This pond is all fished out. Pretty standard stuff, anyway. 577 00:48:15,431 --> 00:48:18,600 My instinct tells me there's something more. 578 00:48:18,643 --> 00:48:22,145 Go with that. It served you well in the past. 579 00:48:30,321 --> 00:48:32,155 Hank found something! 580 00:48:33,699 --> 00:48:36,159 We got a body! 581 00:48:37,120 --> 00:48:39,621 Get the camera! Now! 582 00:48:39,664 --> 00:48:44,000 - The keys are inside! - Every dog has his day. 583 00:48:44,043 --> 00:48:46,503 Want to make $10? 584 00:48:46,546 --> 00:48:49,214 - Know how to use one of these? - Duh. 585 00:48:51,008 --> 00:48:53,468 Seems to be in tune. Let's do this. 586 00:48:53,511 --> 00:48:56,680 The body of Jimmy Hoffa was uncovered in a field today, 587 00:48:56,764 --> 00:48:59,933 outside a canine training centre in Buffalo. 588 00:49:00,017 --> 00:49:03,687 - Bruce Nolan was first on the scene. - Thank you, Jane. 589 00:49:03,729 --> 00:49:07,023 The body is being carefully exhumed 590 00:49:07,108 --> 00:49:11,570 for transportation to a facility where DNA can confirm the identity. 591 00:49:11,654 --> 00:49:14,573 That, however, is merely a formality, 592 00:49:14,657 --> 00:49:20,412 as the body was found with a birth certificate and dental records. 593 00:49:20,538 --> 00:49:23,248 A red-letter day for any canine unit. 594 00:49:23,332 --> 00:49:26,084 Was that enough for Hank? No, sirree. 595 00:49:26,210 --> 00:49:32,466 Moments later, he busted a news crew with 220 pounds of marijuana. 596 00:49:32,925 --> 00:49:35,510 I never saw it before! I swear! 597 00:49:38,806 --> 00:49:40,891 I'm Bruce Nolan... 598 00:49:40,975 --> 00:49:43,935 and that's the way the cookie crumbles! 599 00:49:57,116 --> 00:49:59,284 Good work. I'm impressed. 600 00:50:03,831 --> 00:50:05,916 Need me for something? 601 00:50:06,834 --> 00:50:10,712 Just the man I want to see. Hoffa? What are the odds? 602 00:50:10,796 --> 00:50:13,215 What are the odds? 603 00:50:13,257 --> 00:50:15,425 Sit down. 604 00:50:15,551 --> 00:50:19,346 I'll be straight with you. We want you back. 605 00:50:19,430 --> 00:50:22,933 It was not my decision to let you go. 606 00:50:23,559 --> 00:50:26,811 - When the big guy gives an order... - No harm, no foul. 607 00:50:26,896 --> 00:50:30,023 I needed to reassess and get in touch with myself. 608 00:50:30,149 --> 00:50:33,485 - In a day? - Imagine what I could do with seven. 609 00:50:34,737 --> 00:50:37,614 It's not in my power to give you anchor. 610 00:50:37,782 --> 00:50:40,825 But as far as field reporting goes... 611 00:50:40,910 --> 00:50:44,287 Cut the crap and get down to brass tacks. 612 00:50:49,293 --> 00:50:51,294 I had you going. 613 00:50:51,379 --> 00:50:54,089 Don't worry about it, my old friend. 614 00:50:54,632 --> 00:50:57,467 Give me a camera. I'll give you the news. 615 00:51:06,060 --> 00:51:11,982 I let the jalapenos marinate in a spicy sauce 616 00:51:12,024 --> 00:51:16,319 for 24 hours before I stir it into the chilli. 617 00:51:16,362 --> 00:51:19,197 Then I let it all come to a simmer. 618 00:51:24,078 --> 00:51:25,495 Hold that thought. 619 00:51:25,538 --> 00:51:28,999 It seems as if an asteroid or meteorite 620 00:51:29,041 --> 00:51:33,211 has hit ground outside the Mark Twain Chilli Cook-Off! 621 00:51:34,171 --> 00:51:36,840 This should spice things up! 622 00:51:36,882 --> 00:51:39,175 His stories are all over town. 623 00:51:39,218 --> 00:51:40,677 From unearthing Hoffa... 624 00:51:40,720 --> 00:51:42,721 to a meteor crashing... 625 00:51:42,805 --> 00:51:46,182 Bruce Nolan is becoming known as... 626 00:52:00,948 --> 00:52:04,618 That's the way the cookie crumbles! 627 00:52:09,248 --> 00:52:11,583 This was Bruce's idea? 628 00:52:11,667 --> 00:52:16,379 He wanted me to have a day of beauty and luxurious serenity. 629 00:52:17,965 --> 00:52:21,176 He is impressing me lately. 630 00:52:21,218 --> 00:52:23,553 Know where he's taking me to dinner? 631 00:52:23,596 --> 00:52:25,764 Where? 632 00:52:28,476 --> 00:52:30,101 The Blue Palm? 633 00:52:32,021 --> 00:52:35,065 - I just got chills. - I know. 634 00:52:35,107 --> 00:52:39,402 He told me to prepare for the most memorable night of our lives. 635 00:52:40,363 --> 00:52:44,157 - He's going to propose. - Stop it. No. He's... 636 00:52:44,241 --> 00:52:46,910 - Really? - Yeah, really. 637 00:52:46,994 --> 00:52:49,954 He sends you to a spa, 638 00:52:50,039 --> 00:52:54,209 takes you to a romantic restaurant, where you had your first date. 639 00:52:54,335 --> 00:52:59,547 I never thought I'd say it, Bruce is right. This is your night. Enjoy it. 640 00:53:05,888 --> 00:53:11,017 Welcome to Eyewitness News at Six, with Susan Ortega, Evan Baxter, 641 00:53:11,102 --> 00:53:13,812 Fred Donohue, sports, Dallas Coleman, weather. 642 00:53:13,896 --> 00:53:16,356 Now, Buffalo's number one news team. 643 00:53:16,440 --> 00:53:19,526 Welcome to Eyewitness News at Six. I'm Susan Ortega. 644 00:53:19,610 --> 00:53:22,112 I'm Evan Baxter. Here's what's making news. 645 00:53:22,196 --> 00:53:26,116 A potential scandal with the Buffalo PD surfaced today, 646 00:53:26,158 --> 00:53:28,868 when the mayor demanded... 647 00:53:28,953 --> 00:53:34,165 When the mayor demanded the chief... When the mayor demanded... 648 00:53:34,625 --> 00:53:37,210 issued a response to... 649 00:53:37,294 --> 00:53:41,131 - I seem to have something stuck in... - Get him some water. 650 00:53:41,215 --> 00:53:43,883 My new co-anchor needs water. 651 00:53:49,849 --> 00:53:51,725 There we go. Sorry. 652 00:53:51,809 --> 00:53:56,604 In other news, the prime minister of Sweden visited Washington today, 653 00:53:56,647 --> 00:53:59,816 and my tiny little nipples went to France. 654 00:54:00,693 --> 00:54:02,902 What did he say? Check the prompter. 655 00:54:06,490 --> 00:54:11,161 - It's fine. - Evan, read the copy. It's good. 656 00:54:11,996 --> 00:54:15,415 The White House received the prime rib roast minister, 657 00:54:15,499 --> 00:54:19,043 and I do the cha-cha like a sissy girl. 658 00:54:20,880 --> 00:54:23,673 I lika do 659 00:54:23,758 --> 00:54:26,134 da cha-cha. 660 00:54:30,097 --> 00:54:33,767 I'm sorry. We seem to be having technical difficulties. 661 00:54:34,268 --> 00:54:36,019 In other news... 662 00:54:39,064 --> 00:54:41,608 My apologies. 663 00:56:05,234 --> 00:56:07,652 May I? 664 00:56:12,741 --> 00:56:15,159 It's perfect. She'll love it. 665 00:56:22,793 --> 00:56:26,087 I was going to wait until after the meal, 666 00:56:27,089 --> 00:56:30,800 but it'll burst out of me like an alien if I don't do it now. 667 00:56:34,263 --> 00:56:39,058 This is it, isn't it? I don't know if I'm ready for this. 668 00:56:39,143 --> 00:56:44,230 I'm ready. I didn't know if I would... I'm sorry, go on. 669 00:56:44,315 --> 00:56:47,775 - I didn't know it mattered to you. - Me, neither. 670 00:57:01,707 --> 00:57:04,042 I got anchor. 671 00:57:08,839 --> 00:57:11,507 It wasn't working out with Evan, 672 00:57:11,550 --> 00:57:16,095 so he's going to finish the week and I go live on Monday. 673 00:57:18,057 --> 00:57:22,143 - That's great, honey. - I know. 674 00:57:26,023 --> 00:57:29,192 - So that's what this is about. - Yeah. 675 00:57:30,569 --> 00:57:35,907 Jack's throwing me a party Friday at the Vanderbilt estate to celebrate. 676 00:57:35,991 --> 00:57:38,034 - What's wrong? - Nothing. 677 00:57:38,661 --> 00:57:41,704 Now I lay me down to sleep I pray the Lord my soul... 678 00:57:41,747 --> 00:57:43,957 I feel stupid. 679 00:57:44,041 --> 00:57:46,876 - It's loud in here. - It's not loud. 680 00:57:48,253 --> 00:57:50,338 Keep it down to a dull roar. 681 00:57:50,381 --> 00:57:52,882 - Thank you! - Is that supposed to be funny? 682 00:57:52,925 --> 00:57:55,385 Because it's not. 683 00:57:55,803 --> 00:57:59,639 - What are you saying? - What is wrong? Stop yelling. 684 00:58:01,892 --> 00:58:05,311 Can you excuse me? I'll take a trip to the... 685 00:58:06,939 --> 00:58:09,732 The wine is going right through me. 686 00:58:09,858 --> 00:58:12,735 I'm so sorry. 687 00:58:12,778 --> 00:58:14,904 Keep going, Tony! You're great! 688 00:58:18,033 --> 00:58:21,994 What is going on here? What is this? 689 00:58:22,079 --> 00:58:24,163 Give me a break! 690 00:58:29,169 --> 00:58:31,254 Really something, isn't it? 691 00:58:33,924 --> 00:58:38,469 - Is this heaven? - No, this is Mount Everest. 692 00:58:38,554 --> 00:58:41,514 You should watch the Discovery Channel sometimes. 693 00:58:41,890 --> 00:58:45,518 But I guess you can't now, being dead and all. 694 00:58:46,687 --> 00:58:49,689 - I'm dead? - No, I'm messing with you. 695 00:58:49,815 --> 00:58:52,817 That's not funny, man! 696 00:58:54,528 --> 00:58:58,740 And the voices in my head? Is that part of the hilarity? 697 00:58:58,824 --> 00:59:03,161 Those are prayers. You keep ignoring them, they'll build up. 698 00:59:03,203 --> 00:59:06,038 It's just noise. I can't understand them. 699 00:59:06,874 --> 00:59:08,916 You're not listening, son. 700 00:59:09,543 --> 00:59:11,753 Let's see. 701 00:59:11,837 --> 00:59:17,133 You've had my powers a week. How many people have you helped? 702 00:59:20,429 --> 00:59:22,388 I took care of a few things. 703 00:59:22,431 --> 00:59:25,600 I righted a few wrongs in my own life first. 704 00:59:25,684 --> 00:59:28,060 I was going to help the others. 705 00:59:28,145 --> 00:59:33,399 - I could help the world. - That wasn't the world. 706 00:59:33,484 --> 00:59:37,570 That was Buffalo, between 57th Street and Commonwealth. 707 00:59:39,490 --> 00:59:43,075 I didn't want to start you with more than you could handle. 708 00:59:43,160 --> 00:59:46,788 You took the job. I suggest you get to it. 709 00:59:51,168 --> 00:59:53,544 Prayers, prayers. 710 00:59:54,797 --> 00:59:59,050 This whisper thing has to end. I need organisation and management. 711 00:59:59,092 --> 01:00:03,137 I need a system. Something concrete. Concentrate. 712 01:00:04,556 --> 01:00:09,060 Files. Let all prayers be organised into files. 713 01:00:13,941 --> 01:00:17,693 That takes care of the voices. Not exactly a space-saver, though. 714 01:00:18,695 --> 01:00:20,863 Grace might notice. 715 01:00:21,156 --> 01:00:23,491 I know. Prayer Post-its! 716 01:00:38,674 --> 01:00:43,970 I need something with a lock. Security. A password. 717 01:00:44,304 --> 01:00:45,972 A password. 718 01:00:46,014 --> 01:00:49,642 Yahweh! 719 01:00:49,685 --> 01:00:51,811 You've got prayers. 720 01:00:52,479 --> 01:00:55,690 Welcome to the revelation superhighway. 721 01:00:55,774 --> 01:00:58,860 We bless, no mess. Downloading now. 722 01:01:02,406 --> 01:01:03,990 It's good! 723 01:01:06,743 --> 01:01:09,120 This is going to take a while. 724 01:01:21,925 --> 01:01:24,135 I'd better manifest some coffee. 725 01:01:44,114 --> 01:01:48,534 That's fresh, mountain-grown coffee from the hills of Colombia. 726 01:02:16,396 --> 01:02:20,483 I have to have made some kind of a dent by now. 727 01:02:22,819 --> 01:02:25,071 Come on! 728 01:02:26,239 --> 01:02:29,992 What a bunch of whiners. This will suck up my life. 729 01:02:35,958 --> 01:02:38,250 Yes. To all. 730 01:02:39,962 --> 01:02:43,339 There you go. Now everybody's happy. 731 01:02:51,848 --> 01:02:55,935 I'll drink to that. My tech stocks tripled in five days. 732 01:02:55,978 --> 01:02:58,229 Joe, you seem taller. 733 01:02:58,271 --> 01:03:00,940 - I am. - My daughter pitched a no-hitter. 734 01:03:01,066 --> 01:03:04,110 I lost 47 pounds on the Krispy Kreme diet. 735 01:03:04,194 --> 01:03:07,363 There he is! The man of the hour! 736 01:03:07,447 --> 01:03:11,367 Bless you! Bless all of you! 737 01:03:11,451 --> 01:03:15,621 Be fruitful, and do long division or something! 738 01:03:16,623 --> 01:03:19,458 Try that. It's an excellent year. 739 01:03:20,460 --> 01:03:24,755 - Who do you like in the game? - The Sabres. Coach prays a lot. 740 01:03:46,403 --> 01:03:49,613 This is Bruce, Grace and Sam. Leave a message. 741 01:03:50,115 --> 01:03:52,658 Are you there? It's me. 742 01:03:55,662 --> 01:03:58,372 Come on, Grace. Come to the party. 743 01:03:58,915 --> 01:04:01,167 I'll call you later, OK? 744 01:04:03,420 --> 01:04:05,838 Come on, Sam. 745 01:04:08,341 --> 01:04:10,468 Help me out. 746 01:04:12,429 --> 01:04:14,764 Sam, don't. Come on. 747 01:04:14,848 --> 01:04:17,475 - Tell me. - If I do, it might not come true. 748 01:04:17,517 --> 01:04:21,979 What do you want, Mary? You want the moon? 749 01:04:22,189 --> 01:04:25,691 I'll throw a lasso around it and pull it down. 750 01:04:25,734 --> 01:04:29,570 That's a good idea. I'll give you the moon. 751 01:04:29,654 --> 01:04:31,530 I'll take it. 752 01:04:31,573 --> 01:04:34,700 - Then what? - Then you could swallow it. 753 01:04:34,743 --> 01:04:36,869 And it'd all dissolve. 754 01:04:36,953 --> 01:04:41,665 Moonbeams would shoot out of your fingers and the ends of your hair. 755 01:04:54,221 --> 01:04:56,472 This is Bruce, Grace and Sam. 756 01:05:02,354 --> 01:05:06,565 - Why are you in here all alone? - I was going to... 757 01:05:10,904 --> 01:05:13,489 I was going to give Grace a call. 758 01:05:13,573 --> 01:05:18,285 I didn't see her here. So how are you and Grace doing? 759 01:05:19,037 --> 01:05:24,750 Actually, we had a bit of a fight. I'm not sure if she's... 760 01:05:24,835 --> 01:05:27,128 You're on fire, Bruce. 761 01:05:27,212 --> 01:05:29,755 Some women can't handle fire. 762 01:05:30,632 --> 01:05:33,134 Some can. 763 01:05:33,218 --> 01:05:37,388 That's interesting, cos I never thought we would ever talk... 764 01:05:58,243 --> 01:06:00,953 You might want to stop touching me now. 765 01:06:05,125 --> 01:06:07,793 Come here! 766 01:06:08,420 --> 01:06:10,421 This is weird. I was just calling you. 767 01:06:10,463 --> 01:06:13,966 You thought Susan's mouth was the phone? 768 01:06:14,050 --> 01:06:16,802 She kissed me. 769 01:06:16,845 --> 01:06:21,473 - You put up a big fight. - I tried to stop her, but she's strong. 770 01:06:21,558 --> 01:06:24,810 I screwed up. Can I make it up to you? 771 01:06:24,895 --> 01:06:27,479 Why don't you get me a boat? 772 01:06:27,564 --> 01:06:30,441 A big boat. And two big bags of cash. 773 01:06:30,483 --> 01:06:32,484 Then I'll be happy. 774 01:06:32,527 --> 01:06:34,695 Lots of money and lots of stuff! 775 01:06:34,779 --> 01:06:40,034 Other people wanna get married or have babies with the man they love. 776 01:06:40,118 --> 01:06:42,953 But not me. Just give me the boat. 777 01:06:43,371 --> 01:06:45,956 No wonder you stayed single! 778 01:06:45,999 --> 01:06:49,877 - Don't do this. - I'm not doing this. I'm undoing it. 779 01:06:49,961 --> 01:06:54,298 I'll be at Debbie's. Keep Sam until I make arrangements. 780 01:06:55,884 --> 01:06:58,302 You can't leave me. 781 01:06:59,471 --> 01:07:01,597 I'm the Alpha, lady! 782 01:07:01,681 --> 01:07:03,849 I'm the Omega, baby! 783 01:07:05,185 --> 01:07:06,977 Fine! I don't need you! 784 01:07:13,818 --> 01:07:17,947 What's wrong? She can't handle a little competition? 785 01:07:19,282 --> 01:07:21,617 Game's been called on account of rain. 786 01:07:37,259 --> 01:07:41,637 An unusually high number of lottery winners has officials concerned. 787 01:07:41,721 --> 01:07:44,431 1100 winning tickets have been turned in, 788 01:07:44,516 --> 01:07:46,809 all, strangely, from the Buffalo area. 789 01:07:48,561 --> 01:07:50,813 More on this story as it develops. 790 01:07:51,856 --> 01:07:56,360 Enjoying your party? Nothing like spending quality time with friends. 791 01:07:58,947 --> 01:08:02,741 - Grace left me. - Yeah, I know. 792 01:08:03,243 --> 01:08:05,327 She'll take me back. 793 01:08:07,914 --> 01:08:11,250 - She'll take me back, right? - Would you take you back? 794 01:08:17,590 --> 01:08:21,593 How do you make somebody love you without affecting free will? 795 01:08:22,095 --> 01:08:24,221 Welcome to my world. 796 01:08:24,264 --> 01:08:28,183 If you come up with an answer to that one, let me know. 797 01:08:37,652 --> 01:08:39,403 Rise and shine, Buffalo. 798 01:08:39,446 --> 01:08:43,449 It's 70 and sunny and the perfect day to forgive Bruce. 799 01:08:53,626 --> 01:08:55,753 - Bye. - Have fun. 800 01:09:21,821 --> 01:09:24,615 - Can I get a coffee to go? - Sure. 801 01:09:24,657 --> 01:09:29,745 K-Tel Records brings you the 100 greatest love songs of all time. 802 01:09:29,829 --> 01:09:33,165 You'll hear such classics as "All You Need Is Bruce", 803 01:09:33,208 --> 01:09:36,877 "If You Can't Be With The One You Love, Then Love Bruce", 804 01:09:36,961 --> 01:09:39,463 "Do That To Bruce One More Time". 805 01:09:39,506 --> 01:09:44,426 And who can forget, "Bruce So Horny ? 806 01:09:44,511 --> 01:09:49,681 Order today and we'll throw in the video Sweatin' to Bruce. 807 01:09:49,724 --> 01:09:52,810 Just dial 1900-4 GIV HIM. 808 01:09:52,852 --> 01:09:56,313 That's 1900-4 GIV HIM. Do it now. 809 01:10:26,052 --> 01:10:29,263 Don't put that in your mouth. That's not food. 810 01:10:29,347 --> 01:10:33,142 Go to the bathroom. Wash your mouth and your hands. 811 01:10:33,977 --> 01:10:36,687 That kid is gonna poop an ornament. 812 01:10:36,771 --> 01:10:38,856 Do it, you're in a lot of trouble. 813 01:10:41,317 --> 01:10:43,402 All right, that's it! 814 01:10:46,406 --> 01:10:48,407 I surrender! 815 01:10:59,919 --> 01:11:03,088 I'm doing my first anchor tonight. 816 01:11:04,674 --> 01:11:06,091 That's great. 817 01:11:06,134 --> 01:11:09,678 - How have you been? - Good. 818 01:11:11,431 --> 01:11:15,184 - Debbie won the lottery. - You're kidding. 819 01:11:15,268 --> 01:11:19,980 But so did 400,000 other people, so she only won $17. 820 01:11:23,651 --> 01:11:25,027 I miss you. 821 01:11:30,700 --> 01:11:34,995 I took the first step. Jumped out on a ledge. 822 01:11:35,955 --> 01:11:37,915 Feeling pretty vulnerable. 823 01:11:37,957 --> 01:11:40,834 - What do you want me to say? - You want me back. 824 01:11:40,919 --> 01:11:44,129 - No. - What about all the signs? 825 01:11:44,172 --> 01:11:48,342 How did you know about that? Did you talk to Debbie? 826 01:11:48,426 --> 01:11:51,762 Would it help if I said I was a complete ass? 827 01:11:51,804 --> 01:11:53,222 You said "ass"! 828 01:11:53,306 --> 01:11:58,143 It's OK if I'm talking about a donkey. I didn't say "hole". If I said "ass..." 829 01:11:58,186 --> 01:12:01,104 No, wait. Honey, let's go inside. 830 01:12:01,147 --> 01:12:04,149 Kids! Everybody inside. Time to go in. 831 01:12:06,194 --> 01:12:09,238 Please. None of this seems right without you. 832 01:12:13,535 --> 01:12:15,577 I have to go. 833 01:12:15,662 --> 01:12:18,038 Wait! 834 01:12:24,045 --> 01:12:26,129 How do you feel now? 835 01:12:28,841 --> 01:12:31,677 Have you completely lost your mind? 836 01:12:31,761 --> 01:12:34,763 - Are you drunk? - Drunk with power. 837 01:12:40,687 --> 01:12:42,396 Love me. 838 01:12:42,480 --> 01:12:45,399 Love me. Love me. 839 01:12:46,484 --> 01:12:48,485 Love me! 840 01:12:49,737 --> 01:12:51,822 I did. 841 01:13:03,876 --> 01:13:05,961 Yeah, I know. Free will. 842 01:13:07,130 --> 01:13:11,758 More power outages reported today from last week's meteorite strike. 843 01:13:11,843 --> 01:13:15,262 Officials are trying to repair transformers 844 01:13:15,346 --> 01:13:18,056 damaged by the electrical surge. 845 01:13:18,141 --> 01:13:19,725 It nearly turned violent 846 01:13:19,809 --> 01:13:25,105 when Buffalo residents protested last week's lottery results. 847 01:13:25,189 --> 01:13:28,650 Doomsayers are saying last week's strange celestial events 848 01:13:28,735 --> 01:13:31,612 are signs that prophecy is being fulfilled, 849 01:13:31,696 --> 01:13:34,364 and the world is coming to an end. 850 01:13:35,575 --> 01:13:37,075 The world's gone mad. 851 01:13:37,118 --> 01:13:39,286 30 seconds to air. 852 01:13:39,370 --> 01:13:42,456 There you are. Your big debut. How do you feel? 853 01:13:42,582 --> 01:13:47,544 You know what? I'm fine. Never better. The show must go on. 854 01:13:51,257 --> 01:13:54,885 - The Sabres won the Stanley Cup. - You're kidding! 855 01:13:55,428 --> 01:13:57,763 Was that tonight? That's great. 856 01:13:57,805 --> 01:14:02,225 It's crazy out there. We're going to kick live to Fred at the stadium. 857 01:14:02,268 --> 01:14:03,935 Five seconds. 858 01:14:04,020 --> 01:14:07,481 - You ready? - Born that way. 859 01:14:07,565 --> 01:14:12,402 Welcome to Eyewitness News at Six, with Susan Ortega, Bruce Nolan, 860 01:14:12,487 --> 01:14:15,781 Fred Donohue and Dallas Coleman. 861 01:14:15,948 --> 01:14:18,116 Buffalo's number one news team. 862 01:14:18,201 --> 01:14:20,202 - I'm Susan Ortega. - I'm Bruce Nolan. 863 01:14:20,286 --> 01:14:22,329 And here's what's making news. 864 01:14:23,456 --> 01:14:26,208 - What happened? - We lost power. 865 01:14:26,292 --> 01:14:28,377 Transformer's down. 866 01:14:28,461 --> 01:14:30,629 Ever since that damn meteorite hit. 867 01:14:32,590 --> 01:14:35,467 - It's OK. - We apologise for the interruption. 868 01:14:35,510 --> 01:14:37,761 - Back to the news. Bruce? - Thank you. 869 01:14:37,804 --> 01:14:40,972 I'm sorry. We're going live to HSBC Arena, 870 01:14:41,015 --> 01:14:44,142 where the Buffalo Sabres have won the Stanley Cup. 871 01:14:44,227 --> 01:14:45,602 Great. 872 01:14:45,645 --> 01:14:47,396 We're uncorking champagne 873 01:14:47,480 --> 01:14:52,984 because the Sabres have won their first championship in 22 years! 874 01:14:55,655 --> 01:14:57,155 What in the blue blazes? 875 01:14:57,198 --> 01:15:01,993 We'll be back with the Sabres' victory in a hot second. 876 01:15:02,036 --> 01:15:03,912 In other news... 877 01:15:03,996 --> 01:15:06,581 - Bloody hell! - What is it now? 878 01:15:06,666 --> 01:15:09,167 - The booth is down. - It's not! 879 01:15:09,252 --> 01:15:14,798 In other news, fighting erupted in the Gaza Strip today, 880 01:15:14,841 --> 01:15:17,008 as Israelis and Palestinians... 881 01:15:17,093 --> 01:15:19,594 - Bruce. - What? 882 01:15:19,679 --> 01:15:21,680 They're rioting outside. 883 01:15:21,764 --> 01:15:24,766 - You're kidding. - The town's gone crazy. 884 01:15:29,856 --> 01:15:31,773 Go on, Bruce. Say something. 885 01:15:32,775 --> 01:15:35,694 Ladies and gentlemen, this just in. 886 01:15:36,696 --> 01:15:41,992 Possibly the biggest breaking news story this town has ever seen. 887 01:15:49,500 --> 01:15:51,543 And I gotta go. 888 01:15:52,712 --> 01:15:54,921 I'm sorry, Jack. 889 01:15:55,256 --> 01:15:57,883 Susan, it's all yours. 890 01:16:01,012 --> 01:16:03,305 Sabres! 891 01:16:03,389 --> 01:16:05,640 Sabres rule! 892 01:16:05,725 --> 01:16:08,143 Down with the lottery! 893 01:16:08,227 --> 01:16:12,647 Repent! The end is near! 894 01:16:23,868 --> 01:16:28,997 The lottery sucks! I only won 17 bucks! 895 01:16:31,250 --> 01:16:33,251 Channel 7 blows! 896 01:16:48,768 --> 01:16:51,603 God! 897 01:16:53,606 --> 01:16:55,565 God? 898 01:16:56,567 --> 01:16:58,777 Are you here? 899 01:17:01,447 --> 01:17:03,990 Hello? I need your help! 900 01:17:04,534 --> 01:17:07,327 Clap on! Clap on! 901 01:17:15,253 --> 01:17:17,504 Figures! 902 01:17:19,966 --> 01:17:23,009 Hello there, Bruce Almighty. 903 01:17:26,180 --> 01:17:30,100 Not as easy as it looks, is it, son? This God business. 904 01:17:30,643 --> 01:17:32,727 They're all out of control. 905 01:17:33,521 --> 01:17:36,106 It's mayhem. I don't know what to do. 906 01:17:36,148 --> 01:17:38,984 You're right on time. Seven o'clock. 907 01:17:42,446 --> 01:17:44,781 The 7th at 7:00. 908 01:17:58,796 --> 01:18:00,839 All righty, then. 909 01:18:03,384 --> 01:18:06,595 - There we are. - It's good. 910 01:18:08,681 --> 01:18:10,515 It's a wonderful thing. 911 01:18:10,600 --> 01:18:15,395 No matter how filthy something gets, you can always clean it right up. 912 01:18:16,522 --> 01:18:19,649 There were so many. I gave them what they wanted. 913 01:18:22,320 --> 01:18:25,780 Since when does anyone have a clue about what they want? 914 01:18:28,618 --> 01:18:30,410 So what do I do? 915 01:18:33,873 --> 01:18:37,876 Parting your soup is not a miracle. It's a magic trick. 916 01:18:38,878 --> 01:18:41,546 A single mom working two jobs, 917 01:18:41,631 --> 01:18:45,675 who finds time to take her kid to soccer practice, that's a miracle. 918 01:18:46,093 --> 01:18:50,221 A teenager who says no to drugs and yes to an education, 919 01:18:50,306 --> 01:18:51,932 that's a miracle. 920 01:18:53,517 --> 01:18:59,189 People want me to do everything. They don't realise they have the power. 921 01:19:00,191 --> 01:19:02,943 You want to see a miracle, son? 922 01:19:03,069 --> 01:19:05,111 Be the miracle. 923 01:19:08,407 --> 01:19:10,575 Are you leaving? 924 01:19:11,202 --> 01:19:13,411 I figure you can handle things now. 925 01:19:13,913 --> 01:19:16,873 But what if I need you? What if I have questions? 926 01:19:16,916 --> 01:19:21,461 That's your problem. That's everybody's problem. 927 01:19:21,545 --> 01:19:23,880 You keep looking up. 928 01:19:27,426 --> 01:19:31,721 Order has been restored after this evening's downtown riot. 929 01:19:31,806 --> 01:19:36,726 Officials have suspended lottery sales pending an investigation. 930 01:19:36,811 --> 01:19:41,064 No injuries were reported, but there were dozens of arrests. 931 01:20:32,366 --> 01:20:34,492 - Thanks a million. - No problem. 932 01:20:34,535 --> 01:20:36,661 God bless. 933 01:20:41,167 --> 01:20:44,002 Bruce giveth, and Bruce... 934 01:20:44,045 --> 01:20:45,420 taketh away. 935 01:20:45,504 --> 01:20:49,049 If you don't like it... mega-bite me. 936 01:21:02,063 --> 01:21:07,192 I suppose you're here to gloat about the anchor position. Go ahead. 937 01:21:07,276 --> 01:21:09,527 Actually, I... 938 01:21:10,613 --> 01:21:13,865 I came to tell you I've been a royal prick. 939 01:21:13,908 --> 01:21:17,660 The anchor position is yours. I turned down the job. 940 01:21:17,703 --> 01:21:20,288 I never really congratulated you. 941 01:21:21,874 --> 01:21:24,167 Congratulations. 942 01:21:26,170 --> 01:21:27,921 Thanks, Bruce. 943 01:21:28,005 --> 01:21:33,635 In the financial world, things are back to normal, after a fluke market fluctuation. 944 01:21:34,428 --> 01:21:39,474 - You made the right move. - You ready to go back out there? 945 01:21:40,392 --> 01:21:43,186 Do the cutesy stuff? The lighter side of the news? 946 01:21:43,229 --> 01:21:47,190 Lower and debase myself for the amusement of strangers? 947 01:21:47,233 --> 01:21:49,651 I could do that. Sounds like fun. 948 01:21:49,735 --> 01:21:51,361 Good. 949 01:21:52,905 --> 01:21:55,448 Let's do it like the other dogs. 950 01:21:55,533 --> 01:21:59,202 Not to make you feel bad, but they're laughing at you. 951 01:21:59,245 --> 01:22:01,579 Come on. Concentrate. 952 01:22:01,664 --> 01:22:03,915 Pump it out, if you have to. 953 01:22:03,958 --> 01:22:06,584 What am I going to do with you? 954 01:22:08,671 --> 01:22:11,589 I know this seems crazy, 955 01:22:11,674 --> 01:22:15,593 but desperate times call for desperate measures. 956 01:22:19,765 --> 01:22:21,641 Do your thing. 957 01:22:21,725 --> 01:22:24,853 That's it. Good boy! 958 01:22:27,022 --> 01:22:28,022 Training my dog. 959 01:22:48,752 --> 01:22:51,796 Yes! We did it! 960 01:22:54,466 --> 01:22:59,095 We're doing it doggy style! 961 01:22:59,138 --> 01:23:01,055 I'll alert Penthouse Forum. 962 01:23:01,140 --> 01:23:03,474 Hi, Deb. How are you? 963 01:23:04,727 --> 01:23:05,810 How's Grace? 964 01:23:05,895 --> 01:23:08,771 I didn't come to chat. I came for Grace's stuff. 965 01:23:14,904 --> 01:23:17,822 - You need a...? - That's OK. I've got it. 966 01:23:25,247 --> 01:23:29,959 I don't know if she... I don't know if she wants that or not. 967 01:23:33,505 --> 01:23:36,216 This is full. You did all this? 968 01:23:47,686 --> 01:23:50,063 Know what I do before I go to bed? 969 01:23:50,189 --> 01:23:54,025 I tuck my kids in, maybe have some ice cream and watch Conan. 970 01:23:55,527 --> 01:23:57,904 Know what Grace does? 971 01:23:59,031 --> 01:24:01,199 She prays. 972 01:24:02,284 --> 01:24:04,244 Most of the time for you. 973 01:24:26,058 --> 01:24:29,185 Find Grace Connelly. 974 01:24:32,398 --> 01:24:34,565 The woman does pray a lot. 975 01:24:36,318 --> 01:24:39,320 Find... Grace and Bruce. 976 01:24:40,364 --> 01:24:45,034 "Dear God, help Bruce find himself, find contentment, find you." 977 01:24:45,077 --> 01:24:47,912 "Dear God, help Bruce. He's struggling." 978 01:24:48,664 --> 01:24:52,667 "Dear God, give Bruce strength. Dear God, bless Bruce." 979 01:24:57,339 --> 01:24:59,465 It's her. 980 01:24:59,550 --> 01:25:03,386 Sammy, she's logging on. She's praying right now. 981 01:25:10,561 --> 01:25:12,437 Please, God. 982 01:25:14,023 --> 01:25:15,481 Please. 983 01:25:15,566 --> 01:25:17,567 I still love him. 984 01:25:19,862 --> 01:25:22,947 But I don't want to love him any more. 985 01:25:23,032 --> 01:25:27,785 I don't want to hurt any more. Please. Help me forget. 986 01:25:28,829 --> 01:25:34,709 Please help me let him go. 987 01:25:55,731 --> 01:25:57,857 You win! 988 01:25:58,609 --> 01:26:00,318 I'm done! 989 01:26:00,361 --> 01:26:03,404 Please! I don't want to do this any more! 990 01:26:05,324 --> 01:26:07,492 I don't want to be God. 991 01:26:07,993 --> 01:26:11,371 I want you to decide what's right for me! 992 01:26:11,455 --> 01:26:13,956 I surrender to your will! 993 01:26:44,696 --> 01:26:45,738 Am I...? 994 01:26:45,823 --> 01:26:50,159 You can't kneel down in the highway and live to talk about it. 995 01:26:50,202 --> 01:26:52,453 But why? 996 01:26:53,414 --> 01:26:55,373 Why now? 997 01:26:57,751 --> 01:26:59,877 You have the divine spark. 998 01:27:00,712 --> 01:27:04,924 You have the gift for bringing joy and laughter to the world. 999 01:27:05,884 --> 01:27:08,177 I know. I created you. 1000 01:27:09,471 --> 01:27:14,183 - Quit bragging. - See? That's what I'm talking about. 1001 01:27:14,226 --> 01:27:16,519 That's the spark. 1002 01:27:21,108 --> 01:27:23,568 What do you want me to do? 1003 01:27:24,361 --> 01:27:26,320 I want you to pray, son. 1004 01:27:26,822 --> 01:27:30,074 Go ahead. Use them. 1005 01:27:35,789 --> 01:27:39,208 Lord, feed the hungry, 1006 01:27:39,251 --> 01:27:43,004 and bring peace to... 1007 01:27:44,006 --> 01:27:46,257 all of mankind. 1008 01:27:47,759 --> 01:27:50,344 - How's that? - Great. 1009 01:27:50,429 --> 01:27:53,431 If you want to be Miss America. 1010 01:27:53,474 --> 01:27:57,059 Come on. What do you really care about? 1011 01:28:06,612 --> 01:28:08,946 You want her back? 1012 01:28:13,285 --> 01:28:15,578 No. 1013 01:28:16,246 --> 01:28:18,789 I want her to be happy. 1014 01:28:20,876 --> 01:28:22,710 No matter what that means. 1015 01:28:22,794 --> 01:28:25,338 I want her to find someone... 1016 01:28:25,881 --> 01:28:28,132 who'll treat her... 1017 01:28:28,800 --> 01:28:33,304 with all the love she deserved from me. 1018 01:28:36,141 --> 01:28:38,559 I want her to meet someone... 1019 01:28:43,565 --> 01:28:45,942 who'll see her always... 1020 01:28:46,985 --> 01:28:49,153 as I do now. 1021 01:28:53,492 --> 01:28:56,327 Through your eyes. 1022 01:28:56,411 --> 01:28:59,455 - Now that's a prayer. - Yeah? 1023 01:29:00,165 --> 01:29:01,624 Yeah. 1024 01:29:02,626 --> 01:29:05,378 - It's good. - It's good? 1025 01:29:05,462 --> 01:29:08,089 It's good! 1026 01:29:09,007 --> 01:29:11,467 I'm going to get right on it. 1027 01:29:12,094 --> 01:29:13,844 Clear! 1028 01:29:13,887 --> 01:29:15,930 - That didn't feel good. - Clear! 1029 01:29:17,683 --> 01:29:20,393 - Got a rhythm. - Got a pulse. 1030 01:29:20,477 --> 01:29:23,521 - Get him up. - Get the backboard and brace. 1031 01:29:34,074 --> 01:29:38,536 Welcome back. You're lucky to be alive. 1032 01:29:38,620 --> 01:29:40,955 Someone up there likes you. 1033 01:29:55,846 --> 01:29:58,723 I hear that stuff's in a warehouse somewhere. 1034 01:30:06,106 --> 01:30:08,399 Hi, baby. 1035 01:30:10,235 --> 01:30:12,945 My God, look at you. 1036 01:30:14,281 --> 01:30:17,241 - I was such an idiot. - It's OK. 1037 01:30:24,625 --> 01:30:27,418 I don't know what I would have done. 1038 01:30:29,838 --> 01:30:32,882 I wanted to be mad at you forever. 1039 01:30:44,853 --> 01:30:47,521 Now you're just showing off. 1040 01:30:58,367 --> 01:31:02,495 This is Bruce Nolan at Buffalo's first "Be the Miracle" blood drive. 1041 01:31:02,579 --> 01:31:05,456 It's a B-E-A-utiful day. 1042 01:31:05,540 --> 01:31:08,959 So come on down, because the life you save could be mine. 1043 01:31:09,002 --> 01:31:14,215 The Kowolskis have baked a special cookie just for this occasion. 1044 01:31:14,299 --> 01:31:17,468 It's creepy and a shameless plug, but we love them. 1045 01:31:17,511 --> 01:31:20,680 Thank you, Mama. Vol, finger, nose! 1046 01:31:21,890 --> 01:31:24,225 I will have given blood twice this week. 1047 01:31:24,309 --> 01:31:26,644 For those of you who haven't heard, 1048 01:31:26,687 --> 01:31:30,523 I'd like to introduce you to the future Mrs Exclusive. 1049 01:31:30,607 --> 01:31:33,609 Grace Connelly. There she is. 1050 01:31:33,652 --> 01:31:38,072 Look at her! Isn't she beautiful? 1051 01:31:38,156 --> 01:31:42,326 She just gave blood and she still has enough to fill up her face. 1052 01:31:42,369 --> 01:31:46,372 Behind every great man, there's a woman rolling her eyes. 1053 01:31:46,456 --> 01:31:51,043 I'm Bruce Nolan for Eyewitness News reminding you to... 1054 01:31:51,128 --> 01:31:53,129 Be the miracle! 1055 01:31:55,006 --> 01:31:56,549 You heard them. 1056 01:31:56,633 --> 01:31:58,759 Cut. Thank you, Bruce. 1057 01:32:03,265 --> 01:32:06,726 - How was that? - That was really great. 1058 01:32:06,810 --> 01:32:09,270 Go over there. The nurse is waiting. 1059 01:32:09,354 --> 01:32:11,647 - Do I have to? - It won't hurt. 1060 01:32:11,690 --> 01:32:14,191 I think you'll find it pleasurable. 1061 01:33:33,313 --> 01:33:34,605 I'm sorry. 1062 01:33:34,689 --> 01:33:38,818 I have a rare blood type. I'm AB positive. 1063 01:33:39,528 --> 01:33:41,821 Sounds delicious. 1064 01:33:44,616 --> 01:33:47,576 There are storehouses all over the world, 1065 01:33:47,619 --> 01:33:51,789 with tons of stuff on ice, and... 1066 01:33:51,873 --> 01:33:54,208 - Sorry. - You're like this. 1067 01:33:56,211 --> 01:33:58,963 Positive, IB positive... Sorry. 1068 01:33:59,005 --> 01:34:01,090 I have a rary... 1069 01:34:02,300 --> 01:34:04,718 She has a rary! 1070 01:34:04,803 --> 01:34:08,848 I have a very rare blood type. I'm AB negative. 1071 01:34:08,932 --> 01:34:11,517 - I'm IB positive. - Am I AB negative? 1072 01:34:11,601 --> 01:34:13,352 I don't know any more. 1073 01:34:13,895 --> 01:34:17,064 I need a frickin' miracle to get to work on time. 1074 01:34:34,833 --> 01:34:36,208 Shit! 1075 01:34:40,422 --> 01:34:41,755 That'll work. 1076 01:34:42,132 --> 01:34:46,468 Other stories in the... 1077 01:34:50,223 --> 01:34:55,311 The prime minister of Sweden visited Washington, and in other... 1078 01:34:58,690 --> 01:35:01,483 In other news... 1079 01:35:08,366 --> 01:35:11,535 I'm Bruce Nolan for Eyewitness No... 1080 01:35:13,496 --> 01:35:15,247 Eyewitness Nose. 1081 01:35:16,333 --> 01:35:18,709 And clear! 1082 01:35:18,793 --> 01:35:20,961 Be the miracle!