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CRAZY, STUPID, LOVE (2011)

2
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Oh, come on

3
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Save room for my love

4
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Save room for a moment to be with me

5
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Save room for my love

6
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Save a little

7
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Save a little for me

8
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Oh, I'm so full.

9
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You were right,
I shouldn't have eaten all that bread.

10
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Want to split a dessert?

11
00:01:03,286 --> 00:01:05,186
You okay? You seem a little off.

12
00:01:05,355 --> 00:01:08,791
Yeah, I'm just trying to think about
what I want.

13
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Yeah, me too.

14
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Why don't we just say it at the same time?
One, two, three...

15
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- I want a divorce.
- Crème brûlée.

16
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- You can't get away.
- Aah!

17
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It's okay, that's my fault.

18
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Come on, let's get you to bed
before your parents get home.

19
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No puppy eyes, you little maniac.

20
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Go brush your teeth.

21
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Aren't you gonna say anything?

22
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Almost 25 years of marriage
and you have nothing to say?

23
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Robbie.

24
00:02:34,511 --> 00:02:36,570
Hey, Robbie, have you seen
Molly's homework?

25
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Get out.
- Oh, my God.

26
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Close the door.
Um...

27
00:02:41,551 --> 00:02:45,851
Okay, Robbie, I'm really sorry,
and I didn't see anything.

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Oh, my God.

29
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You're not talking, and you know
that only makes me talk more.

30
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But maybe that's good, you know?
Because maybe I'll just say it.

31
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Maybe... Maybe I'll just tell you
I slept with someone.

32
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David Lindhagen. From work.

33
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- You met him at the Christmas party.
- Please stop.

34
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The last person in the world
I'd wanna hurt is you.

35
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If you keep talking, I'm gonna get out.

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I think the fact that I did it,
it just shows how broken we are.

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- Okay.
- How much we really... Cal.

38
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Oh, my God! Cal!

39
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Are you okay?

40
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I'll leave tonight. I'll sign whatever you want.
Just please stop talking about it.

41
00:03:46,849 --> 00:03:48,749
Okay.

42
00:04:07,170 --> 00:04:09,570
I'm sorry you had to see that.

43
00:04:09,739 --> 00:04:11,798
No, you know, I should have knocked.

44
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Just for the record,
I think about you while I do it.

45
00:04:23,753 --> 00:04:25,687
- Robbie.
- I have this picture of you...

46
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and I look at it the whole time.
- Stop it.

47
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I love you, Jessica.

48
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I am actually begging you to stop it.

49
00:04:34,397 --> 00:04:37,628
And I know you're 17,
and I know I just turned 13...

50
00:04:37,800 --> 00:04:40,064
which is the same age
as your little brother.

51
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But soon our age difference
won't even matter.

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Which is good, because I'm pretty sure
you're my soul mate.

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Okay, um...

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- Listen, Robbie...
We're home.

55
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- Shit.
- Hey.

56
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Hey, Mr. And Mrs. Weaver, how was...?

57
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Oh, my God. Uh, what happened?

58
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Mrs. Weaver said she wanted a divorce,
and I jumped out of the car.

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- Cal. Honey...
Well...

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- Kids good? Everybody good?
Dad?

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Oh.
- Oh. Hey, I didn't see you standing there.

62
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- You're getting a divorce?
Well, yes.

63
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Uh, so, Jess,
did Molly get through dinner okay?

64
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Yeah, yeah, she's...

65
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- You jumped out of a moving car?
- I jumped out of a moving car.

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Did she fight you on broccoli?
- No, she didn't.

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She always fights me.

68
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- Sorry you had to find out this way.
- Sorry you jumped out of a car.

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- I'm sorry if she fought you.
- It's okay.

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I don't have any money.

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Uh, sweetheart? Let's go to bed, okay?

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Listen, why don't you grab your coat?
I'll drive you home. All right.

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I don't care. I love him. I really do.

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And, given the opportunity...

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Yes, I would have his babies.

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Seriously? Conan O'Brien?
You would do Conan O'Brien?

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Oh, my God, yes.

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Ew. Friend to friend, ew.

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I don't know. Your life is so PG-13.

80
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- My life is not PG-13.
- Oh, it so is.

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- No, it's not.
Yes, it is.

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You've never left L.A. You pass the bar,
you're gonna be what, a patent lawyer?

83
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Probably married to that human Valium,
Richard. I just...

84
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Listen, I worry about you, is all.

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So much potential...

86
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and you've resorted to fantasizing
about Conan "Ginger Junk" O'Brien.

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- He's funny.
- He looks like a carrot, honey.

88
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Who looks like a carrot?

89
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Hi. Who looks like a carrot?

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Conan O'Brien.

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My friend Hannah here
thinks he's sexy.

92
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That's weird, I think that your friend
Hannah is sexy.

93
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Oh, my God. You did not just say that.

94
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How old are you?

95
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- What are you, a lawyer?
- Yeah. A little bit.

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Come on.
- I know.

97
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- You are? Is she?
- Gonna be.

98
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Don't you think you're a little old
to use cheesy pickup lines?

99
00:07:01,811 --> 00:07:04,678
- Objection. Leading the witness.
- Ha, ha.

100
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You're wearing that
like you're doing it a favor.

101
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- Oh, God.
- That's a line.

102
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Me sitting there for the past two hours not
being able to take my eyes off you is fact.

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I mean, there's lots of beautiful women
in this bar. Your friend included. Hi.

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I love you.

105
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But I can't take my eyes off of you.
That's a fact, it's not a line.

106
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I find you very attractive.

107
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Do you find me attractive?

108
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- She does.
- I don't.

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- Tsk. You do. She does.
- Yes, she does.

110
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- I don't.
- You do.

111
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- You do.
- I don't.

112
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- Hannah, can I buy you a drink?
- No.

113
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- You say no a lot, don't you?
- No.

114
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Oh, boy. Permission
to approach the bench?

115
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Seriously?

116
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Just, come on, let me deliver
my closing argument.

117
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Sure. Proceed.

118
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- Hannah, we live in a physical world, right?
Uh-huh.

119
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- And you're going to age, right?
- Mm-hm.

120
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I guarantee you this:

121
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You're never gonna regret going home
with that guy from the bar that one time...

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that was a total tomcat in the sack.

123
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But I can't guarantee
that you won't not regret it.

124
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- That was a double negative.
- You're a double negative.

125
00:08:07,376 --> 00:08:09,742
Okay. Hannah, can I buy you a drink?

126
00:08:09,912 --> 00:08:12,779
Okay. You know what?
It's time to go home.

127
00:08:12,949 --> 00:08:13,973
Really?
- Mm-hm.

128
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That's forward of you, but okay. I'll do it.

129
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I TiVoed Saw III.

130
00:08:18,154 --> 00:08:21,055
So should I get my car or yours?
Should I pull the car around?

131
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You been drinking? I'll drive.

132
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- Liz?
Coming.

133
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- I'll have to call Nanna.
- Huh?

134
00:09:03,199 --> 00:09:04,826
Oh. Noth...

135
00:09:10,873 --> 00:09:13,171
So Stanford, huh?

136
00:09:14,377 --> 00:09:17,904
Good for you. That's great.
I know your dad's really proud.

137
00:09:18,080 --> 00:09:20,446
Yeah. Yeah, he's...

138
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- Are you sure you're okay?
- David Lindhagen, God.

139
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Okay.

140
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I'm sorry. Sorry about that.

141
00:09:45,207 --> 00:09:47,107
It's okay.

142
00:09:48,077 --> 00:09:49,203
Um...

143
00:09:50,279 --> 00:09:52,839
- Mr. Weaver?
- Hmm?

144
00:09:53,015 --> 00:09:54,073
Um...

145
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You're the nicest dad that I babysit...

146
00:10:00,856 --> 00:10:02,721
Of all the, um...

147
00:10:03,225 --> 00:10:04,419
You're really nice.

148
00:10:04,860 --> 00:10:06,953
- That's very nice.
- And, um...

149
00:10:08,064 --> 00:10:12,228
I like Ms. Weaver,
I like her a lot. Okay?

150
00:10:12,401 --> 00:10:16,201
But if she wants to divorce you...

151
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then I think she's batshit crazy.

152
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Mm.

153
00:10:19,842 --> 00:10:23,505
- Sorry.
- Okay. Okay.

154
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I hope this doesn't make you
uncomfortable.

155
00:10:27,717 --> 00:10:30,709
- I've developed, like, a little crush...
- Could you do me a favor?

156
00:10:30,886 --> 00:10:36,381
Would you not mention to your parents
that Mrs. Weaver and I are, you know...

157
00:10:36,559 --> 00:10:39,585
It's something we wanna tell them
on our own, okay?

158
00:10:40,129 --> 00:10:41,596
Yeah.

159
00:10:42,064 --> 00:10:44,396
Thank you, I appreciate that.

160
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Have a good night.

161
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See you soon

162
00:11:05,888 --> 00:11:07,856
Another vodka cranberry?

163
00:11:08,257 --> 00:11:09,281
I'm sorry. What?

164
00:11:09,458 --> 00:11:12,291
Another vodka cranberry?
- Oh, yeah. Yes, thanks.

165
00:11:12,461 --> 00:11:15,225
It's no surprise

166
00:11:15,398 --> 00:11:18,561
I've been by this place
a million times, never come in.

167
00:11:18,734 --> 00:11:20,395
It's nice, lot of pretty girls.

168
00:11:20,569 --> 00:11:22,833
Nowhere

169
00:11:23,005 --> 00:11:24,734
This is my life

170
00:11:26,375 --> 00:11:30,072
- Hey, guess what.
- What?

171
00:11:30,246 --> 00:11:33,943
My wife is having intercourse
with someone who is not me.

172
00:11:35,518 --> 00:11:36,951
Um, I'm sorry to hear that.

173
00:11:37,119 --> 00:11:42,284
Oh. Thank you. That is very nice
of you to say. Very, very nice.

174
00:11:43,659 --> 00:11:47,755
She just told me.
I just found out, so I'm a little raw. It's...

175
00:11:48,297 --> 00:11:50,060
Ah, okay. Well, you're not listening.

176
00:11:51,634 --> 00:11:54,068
Okay.

177
00:11:55,204 --> 00:11:58,765
You wouldn't ignore me
if I were David Lindhagen.

178
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My wife doesn't ignore David Lindhagen.

179
00:12:03,512 --> 00:12:05,446
She screws him.

180
00:12:07,516 --> 00:12:08,676
Screws him.

181
00:12:10,252 --> 00:12:12,584
They make this, like, gurgling sound,
it's like:

182
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Gay.

183
00:12:24,133 --> 00:12:25,464
- Hey, Cal.
Hey.

184
00:12:25,634 --> 00:12:27,261
Hey.

185
00:12:28,437 --> 00:12:31,895
Oh, I just, uh... I got the report
on the end-of-year financials.

186
00:12:32,308 --> 00:12:35,072
- Good. Good, good. Really great.
- Oh, good.

187
00:12:35,244 --> 00:12:36,973
You killed this quarter.

188
00:12:37,146 --> 00:12:38,340
Okay.

189
00:12:38,514 --> 00:12:40,106
Cal, seriously.
- All right.

190
00:12:41,183 --> 00:12:43,174
- Okay.
Seriously.

191
00:12:43,452 --> 00:12:46,751
Who told you
that Emily and I are getting divorced?

192
00:12:47,590 --> 00:12:49,785
- You're getting a divorce?
- Yeah.

193
00:12:53,395 --> 00:12:56,455
Amy heard you crying in the bathroom.
We all thought it was cancer.

194
00:12:56,632 --> 00:12:58,827
- Oh.
- Thank God, man. Ha-ha-ha.

195
00:12:59,001 --> 00:13:00,332
Yeah, just my relationship.

196
00:13:03,272 --> 00:13:05,365
- Thank God.
- Oh...

197
00:13:05,541 --> 00:13:06,633
Divorce.

198
00:13:08,511 --> 00:13:10,206
- I'm so lucky.
- You are.

199
00:13:10,379 --> 00:13:14,475
- I have to go pick out furniture now.
Okay, okay. You go for it.

200
00:13:17,586 --> 00:13:19,349
It could have been cancer, buddy.

201
00:13:19,722 --> 00:13:21,952
Hey, everyone, it's just a divorce.

202
00:13:22,124 --> 00:13:23,421
All right, buddy.

203
00:13:23,592 --> 00:13:26,026
Thanks. Feels good.

204
00:13:42,278 --> 00:13:45,839
Cal? I just wanted to say...

205
00:13:46,015 --> 00:13:47,505
Shit.

206
00:13:51,453 --> 00:13:54,251
Can I back that thing
out of the driveway for you?

207
00:13:54,456 --> 00:13:57,220
- Oh, no. I'll be fine.
- You have trouble in reverse, is all.

208
00:13:57,893 --> 00:14:02,057
When I get settled, the kids can come
and take a look at my new place.

209
00:14:05,100 --> 00:14:07,967
I think I'm having a midlife crisis,
maybe.

210
00:14:08,137 --> 00:14:10,765
Can women have midlife crises?

211
00:14:11,273 --> 00:14:15,073
In the movies it's always men having them
and buying ridiculous yellow Porsches...

212
00:14:15,244 --> 00:14:16,768
but, you know, I'm not a man.

213
00:14:16,946 --> 00:14:18,345
Be sure to fertilize all this.

214
00:14:18,514 --> 00:14:23,247
We got married so young, Cal.
And now I'm 44.

215
00:14:23,485 --> 00:14:25,885
And it's so much older
than I thought I'd be.

216
00:14:26,222 --> 00:14:28,690
There's a turnoff valve
for the sprinklers over there.

217
00:14:28,858 --> 00:14:31,349
Last week, when I told you
that I had to work late...

218
00:14:31,527 --> 00:14:34,052
I went to see the new Twilight movie
by myself.

219
00:14:35,231 --> 00:14:37,461
I don't know why I did that.

220
00:14:37,633 --> 00:14:39,464
And it was so bad, Cal.

221
00:14:39,635 --> 00:14:42,763
It keeps raining, you might
wanna turn off the automatic setting.

222
00:14:42,938 --> 00:14:46,567
And we haven't been us.
Not for a long time.

223
00:14:46,742 --> 00:14:49,870
And I don't know when you and I
stopped being us.

224
00:14:50,045 --> 00:14:51,637
I mean, do you?

225
00:14:52,114 --> 00:14:54,605
Maybe it's when
you screwed David Lindhagen.

226
00:15:21,243 --> 00:15:23,177
Nobody wants to be alone

227
00:15:27,750 --> 00:15:31,652
The heart beats happy when it has a place

228
00:15:35,190 --> 00:15:38,853
And if it doesn't have a home

229
00:15:43,198 --> 00:15:47,066
It can come into my space

230
00:15:48,170 --> 00:15:52,038
So you can be the one I love

231
00:15:52,207 --> 00:15:55,836
I can be the one you long for

232
00:15:56,011 --> 00:15:59,879
You can be the one I want

233
00:16:01,150 --> 00:16:02,276
Hey.

234
00:16:02,551 --> 00:16:04,610
Sorry I'm late,
I had to pick something up at Macy's.

235
00:16:04,787 --> 00:16:07,051
Oh. Don't even worry about it.
- A chardonnay.

236
00:16:07,222 --> 00:16:08,621
I'm just glad you're here.

237
00:16:10,459 --> 00:16:11,653
Wow.

238
00:16:12,561 --> 00:16:16,122
I don't know. I don't know what happened.
Tough couple of days.

239
00:16:18,400 --> 00:16:21,335
You know
when you don't see something coming...

240
00:16:21,503 --> 00:16:24,063
Claire said I can't be friends
with you anymore.

241
00:16:24,239 --> 00:16:25,604
What?

242
00:16:25,774 --> 00:16:28,436
She said we had to choose
between you and Emily.

243
00:16:28,610 --> 00:16:31,010
I chose you.

244
00:16:31,180 --> 00:16:33,239
But she said no.

245
00:16:37,486 --> 00:16:39,215
It's cologne.

246
00:16:41,490 --> 00:16:43,048
Bernie?

247
00:16:44,526 --> 00:16:48,018
- Are you breaking up with me, Bernie?
- There's a gift receipt in there also.

248
00:16:48,897 --> 00:16:50,023
Bernie?

249
00:16:50,199 --> 00:16:52,861
Bernie. Bernie.

250
00:16:53,035 --> 00:16:56,801
I can be the one you long for

251
00:16:56,972 --> 00:16:58,837
You can be the one

252
00:17:01,577 --> 00:17:04,512
You know a word
that is not used very often anymore?

253
00:17:04,680 --> 00:17:06,170
"Cuckold. "

254
00:17:06,348 --> 00:17:07,940
I'm a cuckold.

255
00:17:08,117 --> 00:17:12,247
David Lindhagen cuckolded me.
He made a cuckold out of me.

256
00:17:12,421 --> 00:17:14,787
He slept with my wife.

257
00:17:14,957 --> 00:17:16,390
And I didn't know about it.

258
00:17:16,558 --> 00:17:20,187
And that is the definition of cuckoldom.

259
00:17:20,362 --> 00:17:23,957
David Lindhagen took my wife
and slept with her.

260
00:17:25,601 --> 00:17:30,038
Thought I did everything right.
Got married, had kids, the house.

261
00:17:30,205 --> 00:17:33,174
What do I get for it? I get cuckolded.

262
00:17:33,909 --> 00:17:37,675
David Lindhagen cuckolded me.
He made a cuckold out of me.

263
00:17:39,048 --> 00:17:40,606
Welcome to my spaceship

264
00:17:42,351 --> 00:17:45,548
It's beautiful forever

265
00:17:46,889 --> 00:17:48,322
Can you give me five minutes?

266
00:17:50,292 --> 00:17:53,159
The heart's a lonely hunter

267
00:17:53,328 --> 00:17:54,727
Interesting.

268
00:18:02,171 --> 00:18:03,832
Hey. Jacob Palmer.

269
00:18:04,006 --> 00:18:06,236
- Cal Weaver.
- Let me buy you a drink, Cal.

270
00:18:06,408 --> 00:18:09,275
- Thanks, I have a drink.
- Sit. I'd like to buy you a drink.

271
00:18:10,245 --> 00:18:11,269
Okay.

272
00:18:13,182 --> 00:18:14,206
Guess what.

273
00:18:14,383 --> 00:18:16,908
- My wife is having an affair with...
- David Lindhagen.

274
00:18:18,420 --> 00:18:20,251
David Lindhagen. I know.

275
00:18:20,422 --> 00:18:22,219
- How do I know that?
- I don't know.

276
00:18:22,391 --> 00:18:25,292
I'm a total stranger. How would I know
something so intimate?

277
00:18:25,461 --> 00:18:27,656
- Lindhagen screwing with your wife too?
No.

278
00:18:29,198 --> 00:18:31,462
- Hmm.
You wanna know why I know that?

279
00:18:32,968 --> 00:18:33,992
Okay.

280
00:18:34,169 --> 00:18:37,969
It's all that I've heard, Cal, for the past
two nights. It's all anybody's heard.

281
00:18:38,140 --> 00:18:42,702
You're going around and you're badgering
people with this sad-sack loser sob story.

282
00:18:42,878 --> 00:18:45,278
- I don't understand why.
- I don't need this crap.

283
00:18:45,447 --> 00:18:47,210
- Cal, sit down.
- All right.

284
00:18:48,016 --> 00:18:51,918
Look, I know that it sounds harsh,
but it's true.

285
00:18:52,087 --> 00:18:54,988
And you need to hear the truth. Okay?

286
00:18:55,157 --> 00:18:56,181
Okay.

287
00:18:56,358 --> 00:18:59,156
Cal, would you take that straw
out of your mouth? Please.

288
00:18:59,328 --> 00:19:01,796
That looks like
you're sucking on a tiny schwantz.

289
00:19:01,964 --> 00:19:05,058
Is that what you want?
Is that the message you wanna send?

290
00:19:05,234 --> 00:19:08,135
- No one's thinking that.
Really?

291
00:19:08,537 --> 00:19:12,906
- So permission to speak candidly, sir.
- Uh, think you've already gone there.

292
00:19:13,075 --> 00:19:15,270
You're sitting there
with a Supercuts haircut...

293
00:19:15,444 --> 00:19:19,039
getting drunk on watered-down
vodka cranberries like a 14-year-old girl...

294
00:19:19,214 --> 00:19:22,274
and you're wearing a 44
when you should be wearing a 42 regular.

295
00:19:22,451 --> 00:19:25,477
Honestly, I don't know if I should
help you or euthanize you.

296
00:19:26,421 --> 00:19:29,982
Cal, you got a kind face.

297
00:19:30,159 --> 00:19:32,923
You got a good head of hair.
You seem like a nice guy.

298
00:19:34,263 --> 00:19:37,858
I wanna help you. I'm gonna help you
rediscover your manhood.

299
00:19:39,835 --> 00:19:43,327
Do you have any idea,
like, where you lost it?

300
00:19:44,039 --> 00:19:46,837
- A strong case could be made for 1984.
Well.

301
00:19:50,546 --> 00:19:51,604
We're gonna find it.

302
00:19:52,514 --> 00:19:55,449
We are. I promise you.

303
00:19:55,984 --> 00:19:58,316
And I promise you this too, Cal:

304
00:19:58,487 --> 00:20:00,250
When we're done...

305
00:20:00,522 --> 00:20:02,717
this wife of yours...

306
00:20:03,225 --> 00:20:07,059
she's gonna rue the day
she ever decided to give up on you.

307
00:20:08,697 --> 00:20:10,824
That's my offer.

308
00:20:11,400 --> 00:20:13,265
You in or you out?

309
00:20:14,069 --> 00:20:16,060
Why are you doing this?

310
00:20:16,238 --> 00:20:17,796
Maybe you remind me of someone.

311
00:20:19,942 --> 00:20:21,807
You in or you out?

312
00:20:24,413 --> 00:20:26,142
I'm in.

313
00:20:31,720 --> 00:20:33,119
Hey, fancy face, you wanna go?

314
00:20:34,590 --> 00:20:36,319
Okay.

315
00:20:36,491 --> 00:20:40,052
Century City Mall, food court,
3:00, Thursday.

316
00:20:41,897 --> 00:20:43,660
After you, hon.

317
00:20:46,201 --> 00:20:48,465
Good night, fancy face.

318
00:20:52,874 --> 00:20:55,342
She will rue the day.

319
00:20:56,878 --> 00:20:59,745
Set you guys up with some snacks
over here. TV's already on.

320
00:21:05,621 --> 00:21:06,645
You okay?

321
00:21:07,189 --> 00:21:09,089
Mm. Yeah. You?

322
00:21:09,958 --> 00:21:11,186
Mm.

323
00:21:11,360 --> 00:21:12,520
Can I tell you something?

324
00:21:13,962 --> 00:21:15,361
Love sucks.

325
00:21:20,002 --> 00:21:21,333
Yeah.

326
00:21:21,503 --> 00:21:23,266
You in love, buddy?

327
00:21:23,438 --> 00:21:25,872
Well, if you must know...
- Ding-dong.

328
00:21:26,041 --> 00:21:28,441
- Oh, hey, Jess. Thanks for coming by.
- Hey. Yeah.

329
00:21:28,610 --> 00:21:29,975
What is she doing here?

330
00:21:30,145 --> 00:21:34,548
Guys, I have to step out for a couple
of minutes. Okay? All right? Okay.

331
00:21:34,716 --> 00:21:36,911
Mom wants you to stay
while she's out hooking.

332
00:21:37,085 --> 00:21:38,313
- What?
What?

333
00:21:38,487 --> 00:21:41,854
Oh. Um, the place is nice, Mr. Weaver.

334
00:21:42,024 --> 00:21:43,889
Thanks.
That's a very generous adjective.

335
00:21:44,059 --> 00:21:45,788
- Honey.
I don't need a babysitter.

336
00:21:45,961 --> 00:21:48,327
She's only four years older.
You need to know that.

337
00:21:48,497 --> 00:21:51,398
- She needs to know that.
- I know, I know, I know.

338
00:21:51,566 --> 00:21:53,295
Man, are you growing up.

339
00:21:53,468 --> 00:21:55,959
Look at him. It's unbelievable.
He's in love already.

340
00:21:56,138 --> 00:21:57,162
Oh.

341
00:21:58,740 --> 00:22:01,402
Molly. Say bye to Daddy.

342
00:22:01,576 --> 00:22:05,103
- Wait, where are you going?
- I'm taking a class.

343
00:22:05,447 --> 00:22:09,008
- That is great, Mr. Weaver.
- Thank you.

344
00:22:09,184 --> 00:22:13,280
This is a difficult time for you, right?
And it's important to try new things.

345
00:22:13,455 --> 00:22:17,255
Even things that you haven't
considered trying before.

346
00:22:17,426 --> 00:22:21,886
Mm-hm. Yup. Molly, I'm going.

347
00:22:22,064 --> 00:22:24,862
Okay. That's my princess. Bye. Thanks.

348
00:22:25,033 --> 00:22:28,093
- But wait. Dad.
Bye, guys. See you in a bit.

349
00:22:28,904 --> 00:22:31,998
Hey, Tiger.

350
00:22:36,078 --> 00:22:38,603
- I love you so, so much.
- Jeez, Robbie.

351
00:22:38,780 --> 00:22:40,680
I love you so much. Please?

352
00:22:43,685 --> 00:22:45,915
What the hell am I doing?

353
00:22:46,855 --> 00:22:48,914
What am I doing?

354
00:22:51,393 --> 00:22:53,054
Hey, uh, everybody.

355
00:22:53,228 --> 00:22:55,389
Everybody. Uh, if I could...

356
00:22:55,564 --> 00:22:57,623
Thank you. A little toast.

357
00:22:57,799 --> 00:23:01,701
I would like to thank you all for coming
to Hannah Banana's goodbye party.

358
00:23:02,504 --> 00:23:04,369
And to my...

359
00:23:04,539 --> 00:23:06,439
- ... Hannah Banana.
Ha, ha.

360
00:23:06,608 --> 00:23:09,270
You go into your cave
and you study your butt off.

361
00:23:09,444 --> 00:23:14,643
Because if you do, I just know
that you are gonna kick that bar's butt...

362
00:23:15,617 --> 00:23:18,484
out of here. You know?
- Yeah.

363
00:23:18,653 --> 00:23:21,247
It reminds me of an old story
my law professor told me...

364
00:23:21,423 --> 00:23:23,618
Oh, dear God. Cheers, everyone.

365
00:23:23,792 --> 00:23:25,885
Cheers.

366
00:23:26,061 --> 00:23:27,085
Hey, Liz.

367
00:23:27,262 --> 00:23:31,460
Listen, when my girl here passes...

368
00:23:32,033 --> 00:23:35,264
I'm gonna have another
little celebration right here...

369
00:23:35,437 --> 00:23:38,634
and I hope you can make it,
because it's gonna be a special night.

370
00:23:38,807 --> 00:23:40,365
Okay.

371
00:23:45,380 --> 00:23:47,678
- Did you hear that?
Hear what?

372
00:23:47,849 --> 00:23:52,047
- You heard that? "Special night"?
Yeah. Yeah.

373
00:23:53,255 --> 00:23:54,586
You think he's gonna propose?

374
00:23:56,258 --> 00:23:58,852
At the El Torito Grill? God, I hope not.

375
00:23:59,027 --> 00:24:00,153
Why, do you want him to?

376
00:24:02,397 --> 00:24:03,694
I don't know, he's nice.

377
00:24:03,865 --> 00:24:06,629
"He's ni... "? Hannah.

378
00:24:07,169 --> 00:24:08,761
He's a sweetheart. Look at him.

379
00:24:08,937 --> 00:24:10,199
- He bcc'd you?
- Right, yeah.

380
00:24:11,339 --> 00:24:14,934
All right. Hannah, look at you.
Look at you.

381
00:24:15,110 --> 00:24:18,238
If you end up with that,
what am I gonna end up with?

382
00:24:18,413 --> 00:24:21,541
- Shut up. Come on.
- That shit's depressing.

383
00:24:21,716 --> 00:24:25,743
All right. You know what?
I have to not big-sister you. It's fine if...

384
00:24:25,921 --> 00:24:26,945
Jesus, really?

385
00:24:27,122 --> 00:24:29,955
No. No. Not my life. Not my life.
I'm going. Okay?

386
00:24:30,125 --> 00:24:33,561
So call me if you need anything. Bye.

387
00:24:33,728 --> 00:24:35,195
You're awful. Bye.

388
00:24:35,363 --> 00:24:37,422
Thank you for coming.

389
00:25:08,897 --> 00:25:10,159
Um...

390
00:25:12,434 --> 00:25:14,334
- You're late.
- Yeah. Sorry.

391
00:25:14,503 --> 00:25:16,232
- Sbarro's?
- No, thanks.

392
00:25:16,404 --> 00:25:18,929
Let me ask a question.
How much you got for clothes?

393
00:25:19,107 --> 00:25:20,165
Um...

394
00:25:20,342 --> 00:25:22,742
- What happened to your feet?
- What do you mean?

395
00:25:22,911 --> 00:25:25,744
- These are my 407 s.
- Oh, they're 407 s.

396
00:25:25,914 --> 00:25:27,404
- Can I see them?
- Yeah.

397
00:25:27,582 --> 00:25:29,573
- These offer a lot of support.
- Right.

398
00:25:29,751 --> 00:25:31,241
Whoa. Come on.

399
00:25:31,887 --> 00:25:34,117
- What, are you in a fraternity?
- Are you insane?

400
00:25:34,289 --> 00:25:36,257
You could have hit somebody.
What was that?

401
00:25:36,424 --> 00:25:38,585
- I'm asking a question. You in a frat?
- No.

402
00:25:38,760 --> 00:25:40,284
- Are you Steve Jobs?
- What?

403
00:25:40,462 --> 00:25:43,522
Hold on a second. Are you the billionaire
owner of Apple Computers?

404
00:25:43,698 --> 00:25:44,790
- No.
Oh.

405
00:25:44,966 --> 00:25:48,527
Okay. Well, in that case, you got no right
to wear New Balance sneakers ever.

406
00:25:49,571 --> 00:25:51,766
- Come on.
- Mm... Oh...

407
00:25:55,744 --> 00:25:57,041
Okay. All right.

408
00:25:57,212 --> 00:25:59,680
One of the best parts
about being a guy your age...

409
00:25:59,848 --> 00:26:02,783
Frankly, there aren't many, so you
should really take full advantage of it.

410
00:26:02,951 --> 00:26:03,975
Uh-huh.

411
00:26:04,152 --> 00:26:07,144
- Is that you can rebuild your entire
wardrobe with like 16 items.

412
00:26:07,322 --> 00:26:08,448
Credit card.

413
00:26:20,268 --> 00:26:21,292
What?

414
00:26:26,942 --> 00:26:29,274
You see, the problem
is that your head has like...

415
00:26:29,444 --> 00:26:31,503
Like the proportions
of a Styrofoam peanut.

416
00:26:36,251 --> 00:26:39,243
The skin under your eyes is starting
to look like Hugh Hefner's ball sac.

417
00:26:42,791 --> 00:26:44,588
It does.

418
00:26:51,266 --> 00:26:52,324
Where are your wallets?

419
00:26:55,770 --> 00:26:57,931
- I'm set for jeans.
- You're not set for jeans.

420
00:26:58,106 --> 00:27:00,370
- These are fine.
They're not fine.

421
00:27:00,542 --> 00:27:03,102
- You have a mom butt.
- Why don't we just go to the Gap?

422
00:27:05,847 --> 00:27:07,781
You know what? They have a s... Okay.

423
00:27:07,949 --> 00:27:09,974
What are you doing?

424
00:27:13,822 --> 00:27:17,383
Cal, be better than the Gap.

425
00:27:17,826 --> 00:27:19,987
Be better than the Gap.

426
00:27:20,161 --> 00:27:21,685
Say it.

427
00:27:23,231 --> 00:27:24,630
I'm better than the Gap.

428
00:27:27,569 --> 00:27:28,695
- Come on.
- God.

429
00:27:28,870 --> 00:27:30,895
- Stop slapping me. Really.
Okay.

430
00:27:31,573 --> 00:27:33,097
You're beautiful.

431
00:27:34,009 --> 00:27:36,477
He likes to slap me in the face.

432
00:27:36,645 --> 00:27:38,613
- What are you doing later?
- Ha, ha. I don't know.

433
00:27:38,780 --> 00:27:40,304
- I do.
- Do you?

434
00:27:40,482 --> 00:27:42,313
- I know exactly what you're doing.
- Oh, ha, ha.

435
00:27:42,484 --> 00:27:43,712
Seriously? Seriously?

436
00:27:43,885 --> 00:27:45,409
- You ask her out like that?
- Yeah.

437
00:27:45,587 --> 00:27:47,680
And that worked?

438
00:27:48,523 --> 00:27:49,683
Yeah.

439
00:27:49,858 --> 00:27:52,520
Feeling kind of stupid, but...

440
00:27:53,962 --> 00:27:55,327
Wow.

441
00:27:55,497 --> 00:27:57,556
Look at you.

442
00:27:57,766 --> 00:27:59,063
Feel like I'm going skiing.

443
00:28:00,001 --> 00:28:02,731
- Would you sleep with him?
- Jesus. God.

444
00:28:02,904 --> 00:28:05,737
- Yeah, probably.
- Wha...?

445
00:28:06,441 --> 00:28:08,102
You would?

446
00:28:08,276 --> 00:28:11,109
That's... What?

447
00:28:13,348 --> 00:28:14,940
What are you even saying?

448
00:28:15,483 --> 00:28:17,144
You see what just happened, Cal?

449
00:28:17,318 --> 00:28:20,913
Soon as you opened your mouth, Tiffany
started doubting whether she wanted to.

450
00:28:21,089 --> 00:28:24,058
That's the meanest thing
anyone's ever said to me.

451
00:28:24,225 --> 00:28:25,817
No. This is.

452
00:28:28,830 --> 00:28:32,322
Your wife cheated on you because
you lost sight of who you are as a man...

453
00:28:32,500 --> 00:28:36,027
as a husband, and probably as a lover.

454
00:28:36,204 --> 00:28:38,331
You're right, that's meaner.

455
00:28:40,675 --> 00:28:42,643
Let's talk about how many women
you've been with.

456
00:28:43,278 --> 00:28:46,543
- Sexually?
- Yeah, no. I mean break-dance fighting.

457
00:28:48,750 --> 00:28:49,978
One.

458
00:28:51,886 --> 00:28:53,410
No. Not at one time.

459
00:28:55,824 --> 00:28:56,882
How many total?

460
00:28:58,893 --> 00:29:00,360
Don't say it. Don't say it.

461
00:29:00,528 --> 00:29:02,120
We met in high school, okay?

462
00:29:02,297 --> 00:29:04,424
Oh, boy. You're kidding me.

463
00:29:05,433 --> 00:29:06,957
One woman? That's great.

464
00:29:07,135 --> 00:29:08,864
- Emily is beautiful.
- I guess.

465
00:29:09,037 --> 00:29:11,164
She was gorgeous.
She was one of those women...

466
00:29:11,339 --> 00:29:15,105
that could be wildly sexy
and unbelievably cute all at the same time.

467
00:29:15,276 --> 00:29:16,903
We had a little blip senior year...

468
00:29:17,078 --> 00:29:19,478
I literally stopped listening at "Emily. "

469
00:29:19,647 --> 00:29:21,911
I think we should start approaching
women tonight.

470
00:29:22,083 --> 00:29:23,846
Are you ready to go?

471
00:29:25,286 --> 00:29:26,753
I miss my wife.

472
00:29:30,425 --> 00:29:31,824
Hi.
Hi.

473
00:29:31,993 --> 00:29:33,654
How are you?
- Good. How are you?

474
00:29:33,828 --> 00:29:35,762
I'm great. I'm Jacob. What's your name?

475
00:29:35,930 --> 00:29:38,330
- Oh. Amy Johnson.
- Amy Johnson.

476
00:29:39,768 --> 00:29:41,702
- I'm Jacob Palmer. How you doing?
- Uh, great.

477
00:29:41,870 --> 00:29:43,269
Good.
- I'm Cal.

478
00:29:43,438 --> 00:29:44,905
No. Not yet.

479
00:29:45,073 --> 00:29:48,372
- Sorry. Amy, can I buy you a drink?
- Uh-huh.

480
00:29:48,543 --> 00:29:49,635
Keep her company?

481
00:29:49,811 --> 00:29:52,279
- I'd be happy to.
- If he gets handsy, let me know.

482
00:29:53,982 --> 00:29:56,314
I wouldn't touch you
if my life depended on it.

483
00:30:00,221 --> 00:30:03,486
- Uh, what was your name?
- Cal Weaver.

484
00:30:03,658 --> 00:30:06,024
Cal Weaver.
- No relation to Dennis Weaver.

485
00:30:06,427 --> 00:30:09,453
- Uh... Uh...
- McCloud.

486
00:30:09,631 --> 00:30:12,225
McCloud was a show in the '70s
that...

487
00:30:12,400 --> 00:30:14,664
You're not talking about McCloud
again, are you?

488
00:30:14,836 --> 00:30:18,067
Here we go, huh?
To all of our fallen homeys.

489
00:30:18,239 --> 00:30:20,730
Well, I'm the fourth of five sisters.

490
00:30:20,909 --> 00:30:23,002
- No. That's boring.
- Oh.

491
00:30:23,178 --> 00:30:26,773
Not for your sisters,
but for my purposes, it's not gonna work.

492
00:30:26,948 --> 00:30:29,746
- Okay.
- I have this friend.

493
00:30:30,051 --> 00:30:34,351
And he thinks that you're way too pretty
to be interesting and that's hogwash.

494
00:30:34,522 --> 00:30:37,787
- All right. You wanna get out of here?
- Uh, sure.

495
00:30:37,959 --> 00:30:39,051
Giddyup.

496
00:30:39,227 --> 00:30:41,525
Am I boring you? I'm totally boring you.
I'm...

497
00:30:41,696 --> 00:30:43,163
How are you doing this, like...

498
00:30:43,331 --> 00:30:46,960
wildly sexy but unbelievably cute
thing that you're doing?

499
00:30:47,135 --> 00:30:48,898
Uh...
- It's weird.

500
00:30:49,070 --> 00:30:51,095
- You wanna get out of here?
- Yeah.

501
00:30:51,272 --> 00:30:53,399
- Okay.
Cool.

502
00:30:53,575 --> 00:30:56,772
So Molly, who's 6 at the time,
can't find Mr. Bobo.

503
00:30:56,945 --> 00:30:58,708
We're looking all over.

504
00:30:58,880 --> 00:31:02,543
It's in the kitchen.
Mr. Bobo was in the kitchen the whole time.

505
00:31:03,685 --> 00:31:05,619
Wanna get out of here?

506
00:31:05,787 --> 00:31:07,516
Have a good night.

507
00:31:09,023 --> 00:31:10,388
- Let's get out of here.
- Yeah.

508
00:31:10,558 --> 00:31:11,957
- Let's get out of here.
- Okay.

509
00:31:12,126 --> 00:31:14,151
- Let's get out of here.
Absolutely.

510
00:31:14,329 --> 00:31:15,694
- Let's get out of here.
- Okay.

511
00:31:15,864 --> 00:31:17,263
- Let's get out of here.
- Okay.

512
00:32:06,581 --> 00:32:07,605
Shit.

513
00:32:10,485 --> 00:32:14,444
- You have a second?
- Hey, David. No. Because I'm swamped.

514
00:32:14,622 --> 00:32:17,147
You've been avoiding me.
- No. I haven't.

515
00:32:17,325 --> 00:32:20,920
You ran in the other direction when you
saw me coming down the hall yesterday.

516
00:32:21,095 --> 00:32:23,791
- You're very fast, by the way.
- I ran track in high school.

517
00:32:23,965 --> 00:32:25,933
That must be it.

518
00:32:26,734 --> 00:32:30,101
Hey, listen, I'm sorry
about you and Cal.

519
00:32:30,271 --> 00:32:32,239
- No, you're not.
- No, I'm not.

520
00:32:32,407 --> 00:32:33,874
I like you, Emily.

521
00:32:34,042 --> 00:32:36,101
Do you have any idea
how much I like you?

522
00:32:36,277 --> 00:32:38,472
Hey, David, you know,
I really have a lot to do.

523
00:32:38,646 --> 00:32:41,046
I had no intention of falling
for a married woman...

524
00:32:41,215 --> 00:32:44,343
but all of a sudden we're having
lunch and I'm this accountant...

525
00:32:44,519 --> 00:32:47,044
who's waking up every morning
excited to go to work.

526
00:32:47,221 --> 00:32:50,850
And that just does not happen
for accountants. Ever.

527
00:32:51,025 --> 00:32:52,822
I checked with other accountants.

528
00:32:52,994 --> 00:32:55,258
David, you know what?
You've been a great friend.

529
00:32:55,430 --> 00:32:58,558
You noticed last month when I got
my hair trimmed and that was huge.

530
00:32:58,733 --> 00:33:00,200
But look, trust me. You know...

531
00:33:00,368 --> 00:33:03,963
I am saving you from disaster, because
you're asking to pre-board the Titanic.

532
00:33:04,138 --> 00:33:06,003
Do you really want any part of this?

533
00:33:06,174 --> 00:33:07,641
Do I really want any part of this?

534
00:33:09,010 --> 00:33:11,342
- Emily? Your report's ready.
- Okay.

535
00:33:14,015 --> 00:33:16,313
Okay, people. Here it is.

536
00:33:16,484 --> 00:33:20,250
The Scarlet Letter
by Nathaniel Hawthorne.

537
00:33:20,421 --> 00:33:25,222
A romance set in Salem in the 1600s.
It is about sin.

538
00:33:41,542 --> 00:33:45,808
Forced to wear the scarlet A
to punish her adulterous behavior.

539
00:33:45,980 --> 00:33:50,474
Dimmesdale's A is inflicted upon himself
in the form of a...

540
00:33:50,651 --> 00:33:52,278
Mr. Weaver.

541
00:33:52,453 --> 00:33:54,546
Mr. Weaver.

542
00:33:54,722 --> 00:33:57,452
Are we interrupting?

543
00:33:57,625 --> 00:34:01,061
You wanna talk about
The Scarlet Letter, Ms. Tafferty?

544
00:34:01,262 --> 00:34:02,524
All right.

545
00:34:02,697 --> 00:34:07,134
Well, the A they're both wearing...

546
00:34:07,301 --> 00:34:10,202
I think it stands for "asshole. "

547
00:34:10,371 --> 00:34:11,599
Wanna know why?

548
00:34:11,773 --> 00:34:13,934
Because they fell in love...

549
00:34:14,108 --> 00:34:16,941
and love is for stupid assholes.

550
00:34:17,111 --> 00:34:19,705
And this book is just about
a bunch of assholes...

551
00:34:19,881 --> 00:34:21,849
who fell in love, like assholes...

552
00:34:22,016 --> 00:34:24,712
then had to die, like assholes.

553
00:34:26,554 --> 00:34:29,216
I'm sorry about all the "assholes. "

554
00:34:29,624 --> 00:34:31,683
You know what else might work?
A swear jar.

555
00:34:31,859 --> 00:34:34,327
You know, a quarter per curse word.

556
00:34:34,495 --> 00:34:36,190
Yeah, we'll definitely try that.

557
00:34:36,364 --> 00:34:37,956
All right. Could help.

558
00:34:38,132 --> 00:34:40,259
- Take care.
- Thanks.

559
00:34:43,905 --> 00:34:46,772
- Seriously?
- Sorry.

560
00:34:46,941 --> 00:34:50,502
Hey, I have to go back to the office.
You're gonna have to wait for me there.

561
00:34:50,678 --> 00:34:52,043
Fine.

562
00:34:54,015 --> 00:34:56,882
They're still making kids read
The Scarlet Letter, huh?

563
00:34:57,318 --> 00:34:58,546
Yep.

564
00:34:58,719 --> 00:35:02,348
You'd think somebody would have
written something better by now.

565
00:35:17,572 --> 00:35:20,200
I guess I should take that down, huh?

566
00:35:20,975 --> 00:35:21,999
I guess.

567
00:35:29,951 --> 00:35:31,179
So how is he? You know.

568
00:35:32,353 --> 00:35:35,686
I mean, I...
Oh, no. I'm sorry. Forget it. Just ignore me.

569
00:35:35,857 --> 00:35:37,324
- Forget I ever...
- He's out a lot.

570
00:35:38,759 --> 00:35:40,886
- A lot?
- Yeah.

571
00:35:41,062 --> 00:35:42,586
Like...

572
00:35:43,764 --> 00:35:47,029
Like "a lot" a lot,
or just like a little?

573
00:35:47,635 --> 00:35:48,727
A lot.

574
00:35:50,104 --> 00:35:53,437
Well, that's good. That's really good.

575
00:35:58,212 --> 00:36:01,181
- Wanna get takeout tonight, honey?
- I mean, he's sad.

576
00:36:02,116 --> 00:36:05,517
I can tell that he's sad.
Even though he looks better...

577
00:36:05,686 --> 00:36:11,647
I can still tell that he's not happy,
you know?

578
00:36:13,027 --> 00:36:17,157
Yeah. Well, you know. Yeah.

579
00:36:20,735 --> 00:36:23,033
I guess I'm pretty sad too.

580
00:36:23,204 --> 00:36:24,831
I know.

581
00:36:25,006 --> 00:36:27,031
I heard you crying the other night.

582
00:36:28,442 --> 00:36:29,909
Didn't know what to do.

583
00:36:30,077 --> 00:36:34,878
Oh, Robbie, baby, you're 13,
you're not supposed to know what to do.

584
00:36:35,049 --> 00:36:36,073
I tried Googling it.

585
00:36:36,250 --> 00:36:38,582
- You did not.
- Yep. I did.

586
00:36:38,753 --> 00:36:42,245
- Well, what did you Google?
- I searched "Mom crying in bed. "

587
00:36:42,957 --> 00:36:45,084
What did Google say?

588
00:36:45,259 --> 00:36:50,287
Just a bunch of weird videos
of moms in bed.

589
00:36:50,464 --> 00:36:52,864
Ugh. Oh, God. Okay.
All right, that's enough. No more.

590
00:36:54,368 --> 00:36:56,302
Do those parental controls work at all?

591
00:36:56,904 --> 00:36:57,928
They work for me.

592
00:36:58,573 --> 00:37:02,236
Because you're a disgusting teenager,
that's why.

593
00:37:03,644 --> 00:37:04,668
Hey.
- Oh, hey.

594
00:37:04,845 --> 00:37:08,713
- Bill wants to see you before you take off.
- Oh. Uh, David, this is my son, Robbie.

595
00:37:08,883 --> 00:37:11,283
Robbie, this is David.

596
00:37:11,452 --> 00:37:14,979
- Um, we work together.
- How you doing, buddy?

597
00:37:19,026 --> 00:37:21,017
- You all right to wait a little bit?
- Yeah.

598
00:37:21,195 --> 00:37:23,891
Okay. Thanks, David.

599
00:37:36,777 --> 00:37:40,804
So, Robbie, I hear
you're quite the soccer player.

600
00:37:45,586 --> 00:37:48,180
So, David, I hear
you broke up my parents' marriage.

601
00:37:49,090 --> 00:37:52,856
- You are David Lindhagen, right?
- Lindhagen.

602
00:37:53,027 --> 00:37:56,224
- Yeah. Here's the thing, Lindhagen.
- Hagen.

603
00:37:56,397 --> 00:37:57,421
Whatever.

604
00:37:57,598 --> 00:38:00,362
In the end, she winds up
back with my dad.

605
00:38:00,534 --> 00:38:03,697
He's a better guy than you are
in every category.

606
00:38:03,871 --> 00:38:06,806
And she still loves him.
He's not gonna give up on my mom...

607
00:38:06,974 --> 00:38:09,442
like I'm not gonna stop
sending Jessica messages...

608
00:38:09,610 --> 00:38:11,510
that make her feel uncomfortable.

609
00:38:11,679 --> 00:38:13,670
Hey. You ready to go, honey?

610
00:38:13,848 --> 00:38:17,477
- Can we order Chinese for dinner tonight?
Yeah. Sure, honey.

611
00:38:18,486 --> 00:38:20,147
Hi, David. Get your stuff.

612
00:38:20,321 --> 00:38:21,982
- Bye, David.
See you.

613
00:38:30,164 --> 00:38:32,428
You're not gonna be able
to feel your arms.

614
00:38:32,600 --> 00:38:34,295
I'll be fine.

615
00:38:34,869 --> 00:38:36,097
Jesus Christ.

616
00:38:36,304 --> 00:38:38,704
Look, let's face it, Cal, all right?

617
00:38:38,873 --> 00:38:43,242
The war between the sexes is over,
and we won, okay?

618
00:38:44,578 --> 00:38:47,706
We won the second women started doing
pole dancing for exercise.

619
00:38:47,882 --> 00:38:50,407
But even though we won,
they still deserve our respect.

620
00:38:50,584 --> 00:38:54,213
Make them feel beautiful, listen to
their problems, open the door for them.

621
00:38:54,388 --> 00:38:56,185
Would you put on some clothes, please?

622
00:38:56,357 --> 00:38:58,621
- I'm sorry, is this bothering you?
- No, it's not.

623
00:38:58,826 --> 00:39:02,227
My schwantz is in your face.
If it's not bothering you, we got a problem.

624
00:39:02,730 --> 00:39:04,994
- Okay, it bothers me.
- I don't care.

625
00:39:05,166 --> 00:39:08,101
You gotta take control
of your manhood, pal. You know?

626
00:39:08,269 --> 00:39:10,066
You want something, you take it.

627
00:39:10,237 --> 00:39:12,933
You don't like something, you say it.
I take what I want.

628
00:39:13,107 --> 00:39:15,769
David Lindhagen certainly took
what he wanted, didn't he?

629
00:39:15,943 --> 00:39:17,410
And I can guarantee you this:

630
00:39:17,578 --> 00:39:21,241
He is opening the car door
for your wife right now.

631
00:39:21,415 --> 00:39:22,439
What, you passing out?

632
00:39:24,952 --> 00:39:26,419
Oh, boy.

633
00:39:38,366 --> 00:39:40,732
- I think you're ready, pal.
- For what?

634
00:39:40,901 --> 00:39:45,031
To talk to a pretty lady,
and take her home and show her your gift.

635
00:39:45,206 --> 00:39:46,730
No. No, I'm not.

636
00:39:46,907 --> 00:39:48,636
You're ready as you're ever gonna be.

637
00:39:48,809 --> 00:39:51,835
You play your strengths, pal.
That's all any of us can do.

638
00:39:52,012 --> 00:39:54,480
I'm mysterious.

639
00:39:54,882 --> 00:39:56,406
I'm, you know, good in bed.

640
00:39:57,685 --> 00:40:00,654
And you are a, uh...

641
00:40:00,821 --> 00:40:02,755
you know, stable and employed adult.

642
00:40:02,923 --> 00:40:04,322
Jesus.

643
00:40:04,492 --> 00:40:06,824
You see this lady over here at 9 o'clock?

644
00:40:08,963 --> 00:40:10,157
You want me to hit on her?

645
00:40:10,331 --> 00:40:12,299
No, I wanna hit on her.
The one behind her.

646
00:40:12,466 --> 00:40:13,490
Oh.

647
00:40:13,667 --> 00:40:15,100
She's a fox, right?
Mm-hm.

648
00:40:15,269 --> 00:40:18,932
You think she came to a crowded bar
to have a quiet drink alone? She's hunting.

649
00:40:19,106 --> 00:40:24,203
She's just looking for an opportunity
to settle for a responsible and stable adult.

650
00:40:24,412 --> 00:40:26,039
And I'd like her to settle for you.

651
00:40:26,213 --> 00:40:28,647
Oh. Well, thank you for the ego boost,
but you know what?

652
00:40:28,816 --> 00:40:30,579
Just because I've watched you
pick up women...

653
00:40:30,751 --> 00:40:32,582
doesn't mean I know how
to pick up women.

654
00:40:32,753 --> 00:40:35,654
- Ever see Karate Kid?
- What does that have to do with anything?

655
00:40:35,823 --> 00:40:38,587
When he's teaching him to wax on and off
but really to fight?

656
00:40:38,759 --> 00:40:40,021
You want me to fight someone?

657
00:40:40,194 --> 00:40:42,924
What's the first thing I do
when I go up to a girl? I buy her a drink.

658
00:40:43,097 --> 00:40:46,396
Yes, always. Without fail.
You buy her a drink.

659
00:40:46,567 --> 00:40:49,263
Even if she doesn't want one,
you insist.

660
00:40:49,437 --> 00:40:51,337
- And do I talk about myself?
- Never.

661
00:40:51,505 --> 00:40:53,029
Never about yourself, always her.

662
00:40:53,207 --> 00:40:55,072
- Because bar banter?
- Is boring.

663
00:40:55,242 --> 00:40:58,234
So you put the impetus on her.
She has to be the interesting one.

664
00:40:58,446 --> 00:41:01,108
"Impress me.
Impress me with how interesting you are. "

665
00:41:01,282 --> 00:41:04,308
It's a big game. Game.
Creepy, creepy little game you play.

666
00:41:04,485 --> 00:41:06,077
- That's judgmental, isn't it?
- Mm-hm.

667
00:41:06,253 --> 00:41:08,346
At the end of the night
do I ask them to come home?

668
00:41:08,522 --> 00:41:11,650
No, you tell them to come home.
They have no choice in the matter.

669
00:41:11,826 --> 00:41:16,160
It is your choice and they are so overjoyed
to have had the opportunity...

670
00:41:16,564 --> 00:41:20,500
to make sweet, sweet love to you.

671
00:41:21,001 --> 00:41:22,491
Oh, my God.

672
00:41:23,070 --> 00:41:25,004
You did, you Miyagi'd me.

673
00:41:25,606 --> 00:41:26,766
Honk.

674
00:41:27,007 --> 00:41:28,702
Take your ring off. Let's go.

675
00:41:34,215 --> 00:41:38,481
Just no talking about your kids, your job,
David Lindhagen, don't you dare.

676
00:41:38,652 --> 00:41:40,176
Shut up, shut up. Just shut up.

677
00:41:40,354 --> 00:41:41,378
- Hello.
Hi.

678
00:41:41,555 --> 00:41:42,749
Hi. Hi.

679
00:41:42,923 --> 00:41:45,084
- Who are you?
- Hey. I'm Kate.

680
00:41:45,259 --> 00:41:48,126
- Kate, you mind if I introduce you to my...?
- I'm Cal.

681
00:41:48,529 --> 00:41:50,497
- I got this. Pleased to meet you.
- Hi.

682
00:41:50,664 --> 00:41:53,155
And this is my friend Jacob.
He was just leaving.

683
00:41:53,667 --> 00:41:55,362
- Oh.
- Oh.

684
00:41:55,536 --> 00:41:58,096
So that's one way to treat people.

685
00:42:03,310 --> 00:42:04,641
So can I buy you a drink, Kate?

686
00:42:04,812 --> 00:42:08,111
- Oh. No, thank you.
- I'm gonna buy you a drink anyway.

687
00:42:10,317 --> 00:42:12,376
Grey Goose, right?

688
00:42:12,553 --> 00:42:15,021
Rocks. Two limes?

689
00:42:15,523 --> 00:42:16,547
I'm five years sober.

690
00:42:17,591 --> 00:42:19,923
- What can I get for you?
- Nothing. Nothing.

691
00:42:20,094 --> 00:42:22,528
Go away, we're good.
Please don't come back ever.

692
00:42:24,732 --> 00:42:29,396
- Ahem. So, what do you do, Cal?
- I don't know. What do you do, Kate?

693
00:42:30,104 --> 00:42:31,799
- I asked you first.
- I asked you second.

694
00:42:34,408 --> 00:42:35,807
Seriously, what do you do?

695
00:42:35,976 --> 00:42:37,534
Seriously, what do you do?

696
00:42:40,180 --> 00:42:42,045
Are you really not going to tell me
what you do?

697
00:42:42,216 --> 00:42:43,740
Ah...

698
00:42:45,486 --> 00:42:48,284
- Uh, okay, I'm a teacher.
- Boring.

699
00:42:49,490 --> 00:42:52,254
Come on, you gotta keep it interesting.
Interest me.

700
00:42:52,426 --> 00:42:53,723
Uh...

701
00:42:53,894 --> 00:42:56,795
- I studied at Oxford for five years.
- Boring!

702
00:42:56,964 --> 00:43:00,991
Wow. Teacher with an alcohol dependency
who studied at Oxford.

703
00:43:01,168 --> 00:43:03,728
Blah, blah, blah. Bleh.

704
00:43:03,904 --> 00:43:05,098
England. Yuck.

705
00:43:05,272 --> 00:43:06,899
I think my friends just got here.

706
00:43:07,074 --> 00:43:09,599
I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

707
00:43:09,777 --> 00:43:12,439
- Okay, I'm in corporate insurance.
- Oh, God.

708
00:43:12,613 --> 00:43:13,978
I have children, plural.

709
00:43:14,148 --> 00:43:16,139
My wife was cheating on me
with Lindhagen...

710
00:43:16,617 --> 00:43:19,450
which I wasn't supposed to tell you.
Nice to meet you.

711
00:43:19,620 --> 00:43:22,555
- What were you supposed to tell me?
- I don't know. I don't know.

712
00:43:22,723 --> 00:43:26,716
I was supposed to say that you are the
perfect combination of sexy and cute...

713
00:43:26,894 --> 00:43:29,829
which is actually something
that I used to say to my wife.

714
00:43:29,997 --> 00:43:32,158
But now it's become corrupted.

715
00:43:32,333 --> 00:43:35,302
And I have 18 layers of clothes on.

716
00:43:35,469 --> 00:43:38,700
I'm wearing a shirt and a tie
and a sweater and a suede jacket...

717
00:43:38,872 --> 00:43:41,033
that just seals in all the heat.

718
00:43:41,208 --> 00:43:42,800
Seals in all the juices.

719
00:43:42,977 --> 00:43:47,676
It's all sweat under here.
This is just sweat from here down.

720
00:43:47,848 --> 00:43:52,512
This sweater, this is called slim cut,
but it feels like a scuba suit.

721
00:43:52,686 --> 00:43:55,052
And I'm looking at your breasts.
What's that about?

722
00:43:56,256 --> 00:43:58,986
You think I'm the perfect combination
of sexy and cute?

723
00:43:59,159 --> 00:44:01,389
That's what you picked up
from what I just said?

724
00:44:01,562 --> 00:44:03,291
Mm, mm.

725
00:44:08,068 --> 00:44:10,263
- So this is my crappy apartment.
- Oh. Ooh.

726
00:44:10,471 --> 00:44:13,770
Dumpy. That I had to move into
after my wife left me.

727
00:44:13,941 --> 00:44:15,602
I love how you're being so honest.

728
00:44:15,776 --> 00:44:18,074
- You like that?
- It's so different. It's so hot.

729
00:44:18,679 --> 00:44:20,408
Okay. Okay.

730
00:44:20,581 --> 00:44:22,208
Aah! Ha, ha.
- Wow! Wow!

731
00:44:22,383 --> 00:44:23,748
- More.
- Okay.

732
00:44:23,917 --> 00:44:25,646
Wanna hear something really hot?
- Mm-hm.

733
00:44:25,819 --> 00:44:28,845
I've only had sex with one woman.
In my entire life.

734
00:44:29,023 --> 00:44:30,490
- Honest or not honest?
- That's honest.

735
00:44:32,092 --> 00:44:34,492
More! Tell me more.

736
00:44:34,662 --> 00:44:36,721
I'm a little worried you have AIDS.

737
00:44:39,333 --> 00:44:41,927
Just a little. Just a little bit.

738
00:44:42,102 --> 00:44:44,832
It's okay, I'm not worried.

739
00:44:47,875 --> 00:44:49,570
Oh, my God, this is so much fun.

740
00:44:51,712 --> 00:44:52,940
What do you wanna do with me?

741
00:44:53,747 --> 00:44:54,771
Oh...

742
00:44:54,948 --> 00:44:57,940
I wanna show you off to my ex-wife
and make her really jealous.

743
00:45:01,255 --> 00:45:03,018
Whoa, man.

744
00:45:03,190 --> 00:45:05,681
Phew. Ha, ha.

745
00:45:08,629 --> 00:45:10,221
You gonna call me?

746
00:45:10,397 --> 00:45:11,421
Okay.

747
00:45:11,598 --> 00:45:12,622
Yeah.

748
00:45:26,647 --> 00:45:29,480
Wow, that is a great dress.
Where'd you get that?

749
00:45:29,650 --> 00:45:31,777
Thank you. A store in Beverly Hills.

750
00:45:31,952 --> 00:45:33,385
Really? Beautiful.

751
00:45:33,554 --> 00:45:35,146
It was a gift from my grandmother.

752
00:45:35,322 --> 00:45:36,619
- Really?
It's a Krugerrand.

753
00:45:36,790 --> 00:45:37,950
It's from South Africa.

754
00:45:38,125 --> 00:45:39,683
I love it.

755
00:45:45,165 --> 00:45:47,156
And I told him never to assume
anything.

756
00:45:47,668 --> 00:45:52,037
And I've been to Maine, so that's a
sixth state. So I've been to six states.

757
00:45:52,239 --> 00:45:54,673
- Oh, I love Maine.
Oh, yeah, it's beautiful.

758
00:45:54,842 --> 00:45:57,003
- Have you been to Waterville?
- I have, yeah.

759
00:46:03,283 --> 00:46:04,477
Greece, Italy.

760
00:46:04,651 --> 00:46:05,845
Greece, Italy?

761
00:46:06,019 --> 00:46:07,213
Wanna get out of here?

762
00:46:07,387 --> 00:46:08,786
- You're driving.
- I am.

763
00:46:20,601 --> 00:46:22,660
I have never experienced that
in my life.

764
00:46:23,270 --> 00:46:26,000
- Pretty great.
- Are most women like that these days?

765
00:46:26,173 --> 00:46:28,505
- God bless technology.
- God bless it.

766
00:46:28,675 --> 00:46:32,702
I went and met this girl the other night.
She was heckling me the whole time we...

767
00:46:32,880 --> 00:46:36,145
I felt like I was doing it with the two
old guys from The Muppet Show.

768
00:46:36,316 --> 00:46:38,807
- Ha-ha-ha. Statler and Waldorf.
I was into it.

769
00:46:38,986 --> 00:46:42,786
And she was like, "Look at this frown
on your face. What is that?

770
00:46:42,956 --> 00:46:46,187
You're so serious. What, it's serious
to kiss me? It's supposed to be fun.

771
00:46:46,360 --> 00:46:48,885
Oh, my God, if it's gonna be hard work,
why don't you just stop?"

772
00:46:55,002 --> 00:46:56,026
Hello?

773
00:46:56,203 --> 00:46:58,671
Hey. Hot guy from the bar
who hit on you is here.

774
00:46:58,839 --> 00:47:00,238
Tsk. Liz, I'm studying.

775
00:47:00,407 --> 00:47:03,535
You should be studying the ceiling
of his bedroom.

776
00:47:03,710 --> 00:47:05,177
I am eating a caramel apple.

777
00:47:05,345 --> 00:47:08,143
In what world, honey?
Please, turn around. No.

778
00:47:08,315 --> 00:47:11,182
Come on, take a break.
It'll be good for you to get out.

779
00:47:11,351 --> 00:47:12,375
And by get out...

780
00:47:12,553 --> 00:47:16,421
I mean have hot guy from the bar knock
you into his headboard until you see God.

781
00:47:16,890 --> 00:47:18,050
What is wrong with you?

782
00:47:18,225 --> 00:47:19,920
You should be studying the curve
of his...

783
00:47:20,093 --> 00:47:21,321
Okay, goodbye, Liz.

784
00:47:21,495 --> 00:47:23,588
That too much? Hello?

785
00:47:24,431 --> 00:47:27,423
Look, I gave him the cologne
like you told me to...

786
00:47:27,601 --> 00:47:30,536
and I don't think we should really
just dance on his grave.

787
00:47:30,704 --> 00:47:34,538
I just thought you'd wanna know
what I heard about your old pal Cal.

788
00:47:35,375 --> 00:47:37,366
What about Mr. Weaver, Mom?

789
00:47:37,544 --> 00:47:43,414
Um, just, apparently, Mr. Weaver
has become a real ladies' man.

790
00:47:43,584 --> 00:47:45,074
- What?
- Claire.

791
00:47:45,252 --> 00:47:48,016
She should know. She babysits for him.

792
00:47:48,188 --> 00:47:52,056
She's almost an adult. Lots of young
women in and out of his apartment.

793
00:47:52,226 --> 00:47:53,488
She's too young for this.

794
00:47:53,660 --> 00:47:56,094
I don't like this S-E-X talk in front
of the K-I-D-S.

795
00:47:56,263 --> 00:47:59,391
First of all, they can spell.
Second of all, I'm just saying.

796
00:47:59,566 --> 00:48:01,431
I think we were right in choosing Emily.

797
00:48:21,755 --> 00:48:23,746
Oh, um...
- Why are you following me?

798
00:48:23,924 --> 00:48:26,484
Madison, I just had a question for you.

799
00:48:26,660 --> 00:48:28,321
Okay, Jessica, what's up?

800
00:48:28,495 --> 00:48:30,122
It's kind of on the personal side.

801
00:48:30,297 --> 00:48:31,355
Yep, my lips are:

802
00:48:36,303 --> 00:48:38,066
Seals. My lips are seals.

803
00:48:41,008 --> 00:48:42,339
Okay. Um...

804
00:48:42,509 --> 00:48:46,673
My question, and I don't mean to be blunt
or insulting, but let's just call it what it is.

805
00:48:46,847 --> 00:48:48,974
You're always sleeping
with older guys, right?

806
00:48:49,149 --> 00:48:51,276
- Always.
Oh, um...

807
00:48:51,451 --> 00:48:55,785
So my question for you, Madison,
is, um, how do you do that?

808
00:48:55,956 --> 00:48:59,687
I mean, how do you get them to see you
as not just a kid in high school, you know?

809
00:48:59,860 --> 00:49:02,351
But as someone that's mature,
and old, and that's...

810
00:49:02,529 --> 00:49:05,293
Well, first off, I have a huge rack.

811
00:49:05,465 --> 00:49:06,796
Uh, yes, you do.

812
00:49:06,967 --> 00:49:08,491
You don't have a huge rack.

813
00:49:09,202 --> 00:49:10,328
No.

814
00:49:10,504 --> 00:49:12,836
- Wait, how old is he?
- Old.

815
00:49:13,607 --> 00:49:15,165
Like really old?

816
00:49:16,543 --> 00:49:19,341
- Like parent-old.
- Nasty, Jessica.

817
00:49:19,513 --> 00:49:21,708
Yeah, because
that's what I was thinking, right?

818
00:49:21,882 --> 00:49:23,349
Rock on.
- Thank you.

819
00:49:23,517 --> 00:49:26,645
You are so dirty.
- Yes, I know.

820
00:49:26,820 --> 00:49:28,720
Oh, okay. You gotta force his hand.

821
00:49:28,889 --> 00:49:30,117
You know what I mean?

822
00:49:30,290 --> 00:49:31,780
Go TMZ on his ass.

823
00:49:32,826 --> 00:49:35,124
- Not following.
- A dirty picture.

824
00:49:35,329 --> 00:49:37,889
- Oh. Oh.
- Make this face:

825
00:49:39,766 --> 00:49:42,030
- Jeez, Madison. Stop.
What?

826
00:49:42,202 --> 00:49:47,640
You put that on his radar and he won't see
you as a little girl anymore, that's for sure.

827
00:50:02,689 --> 00:50:06,523
- Hey, what's going on?
- Hey. We don't know.

828
00:50:19,072 --> 00:50:20,369
Behold.

829
00:50:20,540 --> 00:50:23,168
Jessica Riley, you are my soul mate.

830
00:50:23,343 --> 00:50:25,174
- The love of my life.
Ha-ha-ha.

831
00:50:25,345 --> 00:50:28,746
I have marked myself with a scarlet J
for you, Jessica.

832
00:50:28,915 --> 00:50:30,177
Get down from there.

833
00:50:30,350 --> 00:50:34,946
Nathaniel Hawthorne... Are you mad?
- I am your babysitter. You get down.

834
00:50:35,122 --> 00:50:36,783
Oh, my God.

835
00:50:37,424 --> 00:50:39,415
- What are you thinking?
- Like the scaffold?

836
00:50:39,593 --> 00:50:42,084
Took me like four weeks to make it.
It has wheels.

837
00:50:42,262 --> 00:50:44,059
This has got to stop, Robbie.

838
00:50:44,231 --> 00:50:46,961
- You'll learn to love me, I promise.
- No, I won't.

839
00:50:47,134 --> 00:50:50,228
- Because I'm four years younger?
- Because I love somebody else.

840
00:50:52,172 --> 00:50:53,400
Who is he?

841
00:50:53,573 --> 00:50:54,835
He's older.

842
00:50:55,809 --> 00:50:58,243
And I didn't want my parents to find out.

843
00:51:00,113 --> 00:51:02,138
You know I'll kill him if he hurts you.

844
00:51:02,315 --> 00:51:04,283
Yeah, I know.

845
00:51:05,252 --> 00:51:07,117
Okay, Robbie, this has to stop.

846
00:51:07,554 --> 00:51:09,454
Okay? No more.

847
00:51:11,058 --> 00:51:12,320
Grow up.

848
00:51:12,492 --> 00:51:13,652
I'll see you around.

849
00:52:09,649 --> 00:52:11,344
Unh. Okay.

850
00:52:12,852 --> 00:52:13,910
Okay.

851
00:52:58,398 --> 00:53:01,492
So you're seeing Mom tomorrow
at my parent-teacher thing.

852
00:53:01,667 --> 00:53:03,396
Yeah, no biggie.

853
00:53:09,442 --> 00:53:10,773
What's with all the moping?

854
00:53:11,411 --> 00:53:14,312
Uh, nothing. It's just...

855
00:53:15,481 --> 00:53:16,880
There's a girl.

856
00:53:18,418 --> 00:53:20,579
- A girl, huh?
- Uh-huh.

857
00:53:20,753 --> 00:53:21,879
You like her?

858
00:53:23,623 --> 00:53:25,215
I like Pringles.

859
00:53:25,391 --> 00:53:27,086
I mean, this girl...

860
00:53:27,794 --> 00:53:29,091
she's incredible.

861
00:53:29,262 --> 00:53:31,355
She's my soul mate, you know?

862
00:53:31,531 --> 00:53:33,089
She doesn't even care.

863
00:53:33,566 --> 00:53:35,431
But she's your soul mate, right?

864
00:53:36,302 --> 00:53:37,428
Yeah.

865
00:53:38,004 --> 00:53:40,029
Well, you just don't give up on her,
right?

866
00:53:41,307 --> 00:53:43,298
Why not? You did.

867
00:53:46,012 --> 00:53:47,036
I didn't give up.

868
00:53:49,482 --> 00:53:51,916
Okay, it's more complicated than that.

869
00:53:52,218 --> 00:53:53,310
I'm a different guy now.

870
00:53:54,053 --> 00:53:56,317
You're not different.
You just have different clothes.

871
00:53:56,489 --> 00:53:57,820
It's not that simple, kiddo.

872
00:53:57,990 --> 00:53:59,924
- What kind of crap is that?
- Watch it.

873
00:54:00,093 --> 00:54:01,924
You love her or you don't. I know you do.

874
00:54:02,328 --> 00:54:07,197
I'm serious, Dad. I just need some
inspiration right now. All right?

875
00:54:07,366 --> 00:54:08,833
Go get her back.

876
00:54:12,939 --> 00:54:14,964
Wow, how old are you?

877
00:54:41,701 --> 00:54:43,464
Wow.

878
00:54:43,636 --> 00:54:45,661
You look great, Cal.

879
00:54:46,739 --> 00:54:49,105
Oh. Ha, ha.

880
00:54:49,275 --> 00:54:53,803
Well, it turns out I've been buying
the wrong size suit for like 20 years, so...

881
00:54:53,980 --> 00:54:57,507
Oh, well, whatever.
You, um... You look great.

882
00:54:57,884 --> 00:54:59,715
Thanks. You always look great.

883
00:54:59,886 --> 00:55:01,217
Oh, thanks.

884
00:55:16,802 --> 00:55:19,737
- So I spoke to Nanna yesterday.
- Yeah, me too. How'd she sound to you?

885
00:55:19,906 --> 00:55:23,842
Um... Like Nanna. She worries about us.

886
00:55:26,879 --> 00:55:27,937
What teacher is this?

887
00:55:28,114 --> 00:55:31,345
Ms. Tafferty. She's the one he pulled
the Scarlet Letter asshole routine on.

888
00:55:31,517 --> 00:55:33,781
Mm-hm.

889
00:55:33,953 --> 00:55:35,477
God, he's such a weird kid.

890
00:55:36,689 --> 00:55:38,054
- I kind of like him, though.
- Mm-hm.

891
00:55:38,224 --> 00:55:40,692
Yeah, me too.
Glad we switched babies at the hospital.

892
00:55:40,860 --> 00:55:43,658
Me too. That other one's in jail, probably.

893
00:55:54,207 --> 00:55:56,038
So how's it going with David?

894
00:55:56,209 --> 00:55:59,076
Oh, you know, it, um...

895
00:56:00,279 --> 00:56:01,712
It wasn't, um...

896
00:56:03,216 --> 00:56:06,344
That didn't mean anything.

897
00:56:06,519 --> 00:56:08,749
- I mean, you know, if...
- No. No, I know.

898
00:56:13,793 --> 00:56:14,851
You seeing anybody?

899
00:56:15,428 --> 00:56:16,554
Me?

900
00:56:16,729 --> 00:56:18,629
Mm-mm.

901
00:56:18,798 --> 00:56:21,596
Oh, you know. Well, you hear things,
you know, so...

902
00:56:22,068 --> 00:56:24,400
No. No. Not real...

903
00:56:24,570 --> 00:56:25,969
You know me.

904
00:56:27,974 --> 00:56:29,202
Yeah, well...

905
00:56:32,612 --> 00:56:33,772
No.

906
00:56:41,153 --> 00:56:42,643
I miss you, Em.

907
00:56:46,292 --> 00:56:49,125
I made an effort when we were younger,
didn't I?

908
00:56:49,495 --> 00:56:54,091
I mean, miniature golf and dancing.
You were such a great dancer.

909
00:56:54,267 --> 00:56:57,065
I had to be.
You were such a good miniature golfer.

910
00:56:58,337 --> 00:57:01,932
I just... I don't know. I guess I got lazy.
I got...

911
00:57:03,142 --> 00:57:05,508
I got boring, is what I got.

912
00:57:05,678 --> 00:57:06,770
No.

913
00:57:07,613 --> 00:57:09,478
And I'm so mad at you.

914
00:57:10,283 --> 00:57:12,410
I'm really mad at you for what you did.

915
00:57:13,152 --> 00:57:14,915
But I'm mad at myself too.

916
00:57:18,591 --> 00:57:22,925
Because I should not have jumped
out of that car. I should've fought for you.

917
00:57:26,532 --> 00:57:28,932
Because you fight for your soul mates.

918
00:57:30,736 --> 00:57:33,227
Least, that's what my 13-year-old son
tells me.

919
00:57:34,373 --> 00:57:35,931
He's a really strange kid.

920
00:57:36,108 --> 00:57:37,598
He scares the shit out of me.

921
00:57:39,945 --> 00:57:42,379
I miss you too.

922
00:57:45,851 --> 00:57:47,216
Mr. And Mrs. Weaver?

923
00:57:48,521 --> 00:57:51,046
No way in hell.

924
00:57:51,624 --> 00:57:55,458
- Cal, what are you doing here?
- Oh, you two know each other?

925
00:57:55,628 --> 00:57:58,893
Yes. Yeah, right. We've met before, yes.

926
00:57:59,265 --> 00:58:02,894
- "We have met before"? Seriously?
Mm-hm.

927
00:58:03,069 --> 00:58:06,095
So I'd like to introduce you
to my wife, Emily.

928
00:58:06,272 --> 00:58:08,206
Hi, I'm Robbie's mom.

929
00:58:09,508 --> 00:58:12,602
She's your wife again. How convenient.

930
00:58:13,512 --> 00:58:17,676
So shall we enter?

931
00:58:17,850 --> 00:58:19,283
- Okay.
- Why don't we?

932
00:58:19,485 --> 00:58:21,248
Yeah, let's do that.

933
00:58:25,191 --> 00:58:28,558
I'm sorry. I'm playing catch-up.
How do you two know each other, exactly?

934
00:58:28,728 --> 00:58:31,697
- Um...
- Um...

935
00:58:33,199 --> 00:58:34,860
Maybe your husband should tell you.

936
00:58:35,835 --> 00:58:42,502
We... I think we met at last year's
parent-teacher conference, wasn't it?

937
00:58:45,244 --> 00:58:49,146
Did I miss it? Did I miss the parent-teacher
conference thing last year?

938
00:58:49,315 --> 00:58:51,545
Yeah. I don't remember.

939
00:58:51,817 --> 00:58:53,910
Why don't we just, uh, focus on Robbie?

940
00:58:54,086 --> 00:58:55,451
Yes.

941
00:58:55,755 --> 00:58:59,782
Yes, let's do that. Let's...

942
00:59:01,627 --> 00:59:02,958
Let's focus on Robbie.

943
00:59:09,468 --> 00:59:11,493
As you know,
Robbie's shining moment...

944
00:59:11,670 --> 00:59:15,470
was when he set a school record for
cursing in an eighth-grade English class.

945
00:59:21,814 --> 00:59:23,611
Asshole. Ha-ha-ha.

946
00:59:23,783 --> 00:59:25,944
You're familiar with this word,
Mrs. Weaver.

947
00:59:26,118 --> 00:59:28,382
Yes, I am. And I've spoken to Principal...

948
00:59:28,554 --> 00:59:31,990
Asshole. As in someone who tells
a woman that he'll call and never does.

949
00:59:32,044 --> 00:59:33,068
Hmm.

950
00:59:33,245 --> 00:59:36,180
Asshole. As in someone who uses
honesty to get a woman into bed with him...

951
00:59:36,348 --> 00:59:38,714
but is actually full of shit
like the rest of them.

952
00:59:39,051 --> 00:59:41,451
- This is not about Robbie.
- Mm-mm.

953
00:59:41,620 --> 00:59:46,421
Asshole. As in someone who allows
a woman to go downtown for 45 minutes...

954
00:59:46,591 --> 00:59:48,024
because he's nervous.

955
00:59:48,193 --> 00:59:50,218
- All right, all right, all right.
- Ew. Ew. Oh.

956
00:59:50,395 --> 00:59:51,794
You know what? Know what? No.

957
00:59:51,963 --> 00:59:53,453
Here's the deal.

958
00:59:57,369 --> 00:59:59,132
- She's an alcoholic.
- Aah!

959
00:59:59,304 --> 01:00:01,363
Oh, God. Okay.
That's... I'm sorry.

960
01:00:01,540 --> 01:00:03,030
- I'm sorry. God.
I gotta go.

961
01:00:03,208 --> 01:00:04,869
Aah!
- Oh, my God. Emily. God.

962
01:00:05,677 --> 01:00:08,373
- Emily, Emily, wait.
- Leave me alone, Cal.

963
01:00:08,547 --> 01:00:13,177
I'm sober five years, asshole!

964
01:00:14,553 --> 01:00:16,987
Okay, yeah, I did. I did.

965
01:00:17,155 --> 01:00:20,147
I slept with our son's eighth-grade
English teacher.

966
01:00:20,325 --> 01:00:21,690
I know. I know.

967
01:00:21,860 --> 01:00:25,159
And I cheated,
so I have no right to be angry.

968
01:00:25,330 --> 01:00:28,197
Not the point. When we were
married you were the only woman...

969
01:00:28,367 --> 01:00:29,834
that I had ever slept with...

970
01:00:30,001 --> 01:00:32,868
and now I have had sex
with nine different women... God.

971
01:00:34,906 --> 01:00:36,806
Nine?

972
01:00:36,975 --> 01:00:37,999
Nine?

973
01:00:40,379 --> 01:00:41,676
Wow.

974
01:00:44,850 --> 01:00:47,045
You showed me.

975
01:00:52,023 --> 01:00:54,218
I wasn't trying to show you.

976
01:00:55,994 --> 01:00:57,291
I was trying to move on.

977
01:01:00,399 --> 01:01:02,299
But I don't want to.

978
01:01:07,939 --> 01:01:10,203
You've always been the only one.

979
01:01:13,245 --> 01:01:17,045
Tell her she's the perfect combination
of sexy and cute, asshole.

980
01:01:22,320 --> 01:01:23,844
You said that to her?

981
01:01:30,095 --> 01:01:31,960
I did, yes.

982
01:01:33,231 --> 01:01:35,028
Who are you?

983
01:01:42,908 --> 01:01:44,398
I'm your soul mate.

984
01:02:00,859 --> 01:02:02,656
What a cliché.

985
01:02:39,264 --> 01:02:40,731
You, get over here. Come on.

986
01:02:40,899 --> 01:02:43,026
Yeah, yeah, give it up. Give it up for her.

987
01:02:43,235 --> 01:02:44,634
Aw.

988
01:02:44,803 --> 01:02:46,202
I'm so proud of you, baby.

989
01:02:46,404 --> 01:02:48,133
I had my doubts, of course.

990
01:02:53,311 --> 01:02:58,442
Hannah, I did tell you that tonight would
be a special night if you passed the bar.

991
01:02:59,818 --> 01:03:00,842
So, Hannah...

992
01:03:01,920 --> 01:03:07,256
I would like to formally ask you...

993
01:03:07,425 --> 01:03:09,655
in front of all our friends
and colleagues...

994
01:03:10,195 --> 01:03:13,824
if you would like to become...

995
01:03:14,299 --> 01:03:18,497
a permanent lawyer at the firm
of Watkins, Goldberg and Schmidt? Huh?

996
01:03:18,670 --> 01:03:21,138
How about that? Ha, ha. To you.

997
01:03:22,040 --> 01:03:23,132
Whoo!

998
01:03:27,712 --> 01:03:29,509
What?

999
01:03:30,382 --> 01:03:33,283
- I ju... Um...
What, what is it?

1000
01:03:36,454 --> 01:03:40,857
I thought that you were gonna propose
for some reason.

1001
01:03:42,260 --> 01:03:44,922
What?
- Yeah. I know. I'm just...

1002
01:03:45,096 --> 01:03:46,654
It's just, uh, I'm a little thrown.

1003
01:03:46,831 --> 01:03:48,025
I'm sorry.

1004
01:03:48,867 --> 01:03:54,169
I didn't realize that you thought
that we were there.

1005
01:03:54,339 --> 01:03:57,604
Oh, no. God, no. Don't be silly. I just...

1006
01:03:57,776 --> 01:04:00,404
I need some time, I think...

1007
01:04:00,579 --> 01:04:05,278
to figure out how I feel about us,
you know?

1008
01:04:06,217 --> 01:04:09,209
Brrp. Long-term.

1009
01:04:10,889 --> 01:04:12,914
You need some time?

1010
01:04:14,125 --> 01:04:16,923
You need some time to figure out
how you feel about us? Okay.

1011
01:04:17,095 --> 01:04:18,119
Honey?

1012
01:04:22,067 --> 01:04:25,036
- Wow. Ha-ha-ha.
- Ha, ha. Wow.

1013
01:04:26,104 --> 01:04:29,096
- Ahem.
- Wow. Huh.

1014
01:04:29,274 --> 01:04:30,298
Wow.

1015
01:04:32,043 --> 01:04:34,568
This is actually really funny.
I'm just... Next level.

1016
01:04:34,746 --> 01:04:36,373
- Is this yours? Is this yours?
Yes.

1017
01:04:37,382 --> 01:04:39,612
Mm. Mm.

1018
01:04:39,784 --> 01:04:40,944
Honey?

1019
01:04:41,920 --> 01:04:43,581
- Is this gin?
Yes.

1020
01:04:46,257 --> 01:04:48,088
- There's, like, no water in that.
- Yeah.

1021
01:04:49,661 --> 01:04:51,959
Great.
- Mm. Aah, I hate gin.

1022
01:04:52,530 --> 01:04:54,623
Wow, you know what?
Thank you, Richard.

1023
01:04:54,799 --> 01:04:59,133
Honestly, thank you very much
for your job offer. I will consider it.

1024
01:04:59,871 --> 01:05:00,895
Hannah Banana.

1025
01:05:01,606 --> 01:05:04,268
Whoo! Ha, ha.
- Banana. Hannah.

1026
01:05:10,882 --> 01:05:13,112
Do you wanna buy me a drink?
Yes.

1027
01:05:13,284 --> 01:05:15,718
- It's nicer that way. Right?
You.

1028
01:05:41,746 --> 01:05:42,770
You remember me?

1029
01:05:44,115 --> 01:05:45,139
Yeah.

1030
01:05:45,316 --> 01:05:47,477
- You still find me attractive?
- Yes.

1031
01:05:47,652 --> 01:05:49,347
Still wanna take me home?

1032
01:05:50,822 --> 01:05:51,846
Yeah.

1033
01:05:54,626 --> 01:05:55,650
Let's go.

1034
01:06:30,328 --> 01:06:31,727
Just one look

1035
01:06:33,465 --> 01:06:35,797
And I fell so hard

1036
01:06:35,967 --> 01:06:37,127
Here.

1037
01:06:39,137 --> 01:06:41,662
I really like this song.
This was a good choice. Yeah.

1038
01:06:41,840 --> 01:06:44,172
- Good song. You never hear this song.
- Mm-hm. Mm-mm.

1039
01:06:44,342 --> 01:06:45,366
Love this song.

1040
01:06:48,413 --> 01:06:49,573
Cheers.

1041
01:06:51,583 --> 01:06:56,885
How good it feels

1042
01:06:57,055 --> 01:06:58,215
Ugh.

1043
01:07:00,058 --> 01:07:01,355
That's not my drink.

1044
01:07:01,526 --> 01:07:03,221
Your love

1045
01:07:03,394 --> 01:07:05,589
Mm. Mm.

1046
01:07:06,531 --> 01:07:07,555
Ugh.

1047
01:07:09,968 --> 01:07:12,163
It's not my favorite. Thank you.

1048
01:07:14,405 --> 01:07:16,168
Forever

1049
01:07:18,243 --> 01:07:21,576
And always

1050
01:07:21,746 --> 01:07:24,715
- So is this how it normally works?
- What?

1051
01:07:24,883 --> 01:07:27,511
You put on the perfect song,
you make them a drink.

1052
01:07:27,685 --> 01:07:31,018
And I knew

1053
01:07:31,189 --> 01:07:32,622
And then you sleep together.

1054
01:07:32,824 --> 01:07:34,121
That you

1055
01:07:35,260 --> 01:07:36,784
Um...

1056
01:07:36,961 --> 01:07:37,985
Yeah.

1057
01:07:39,964 --> 01:07:41,591
I'm very nervous.

1058
01:07:42,400 --> 01:07:43,833
I'm getting that.

1059
01:07:44,435 --> 01:07:47,131
Okay. Because I know I seemed confident
back at the bar...

1060
01:07:47,305 --> 01:07:51,742
but that was mostly just
because I was cold and wet...

1061
01:07:51,910 --> 01:07:54,401
and trying to be dramatic
a little bit.

1062
01:07:55,246 --> 01:07:56,270
You're adorable.

1063
01:07:57,448 --> 01:07:58,472
No.

1064
01:07:58,850 --> 01:08:00,112
I am sexy.

1065
01:08:00,285 --> 01:08:02,412
- I am R-rated sexy.
- Mm-hm.

1066
01:08:02,587 --> 01:08:06,023
Okay, I know what happens in the PG-13
version of tonight, all right? I know.

1067
01:08:06,191 --> 01:08:10,321
It's that I get really drunk
and then I pass out.

1068
01:08:10,495 --> 01:08:13,555
You cover me with a blanket,
kiss me on the cheek, nothing happens.

1069
01:08:13,731 --> 01:08:15,926
But that's not why I'm here.

1070
01:08:16,401 --> 01:08:20,963
I am here to bang the hot guy
that hit on me at the bar.

1071
01:08:22,607 --> 01:08:24,598
- Jacob.
- Jacob.

1072
01:08:25,877 --> 01:08:27,845
- Are people still saying "bang"?
- I do.

1073
01:08:28,012 --> 01:08:30,344
We are gonna bang. Hmm?

1074
01:08:30,515 --> 01:08:31,880
This is happening.

1075
01:08:32,650 --> 01:08:34,140
- Take off your shirt.
- Why?

1076
01:08:34,319 --> 01:08:37,914
Please, will you take off your shirt?
I can't stop thinking. I need to just...

1077
01:08:38,089 --> 01:08:40,353
- Okay, okay, okay.
- All right, okay, okay, okay.

1078
01:08:48,800 --> 01:08:49,960
Fuck.

1079
01:08:50,134 --> 01:08:53,126
Seriously? It's like you're Photoshopped.

1080
01:08:55,206 --> 01:08:56,298
Can I...?

1081
01:08:57,342 --> 01:08:59,310
Aah. You have cold hands.

1082
01:09:00,712 --> 01:09:02,236
- Now you take off your dress.
- No.

1083
01:09:02,413 --> 01:09:05,246
- Yes.
- No. Not with that going on. No, thank you.

1084
01:09:05,416 --> 01:09:07,907
Is there dim lighting somewhere?
Oh, God.

1085
01:09:09,320 --> 01:09:12,551
Okay, so then what do we do?
What happens now? Like, logistically?

1086
01:09:12,724 --> 01:09:15,591
- What's your move?
- What do you mean, what's my move?

1087
01:09:15,793 --> 01:09:18,421
- What's your move? Your big move?
- I got lots of moves.

1088
01:09:18,596 --> 01:09:20,427
- What's your big move?
- I'm not telling.

1089
01:09:20,598 --> 01:09:23,123
- Tell me your move.
- You're not ready for the big move.

1090
01:09:23,301 --> 01:09:25,531
- Yes, I am.
- You can't handle the big move.

1091
01:09:25,703 --> 01:09:29,070
- Tell me your big move.
- I work Dirty Dancing into the conversation.

1092
01:09:31,075 --> 01:09:32,940
Dirty Dancing?

1093
01:09:33,111 --> 01:09:35,204
- Can I sit down, please?
- Yeah.

1094
01:09:35,380 --> 01:09:37,109
- Can I put back on my shirt?
- No.

1095
01:09:37,282 --> 01:09:39,614
Why Dirty Dancing? What do we do?
Do we watch it?

1096
01:09:39,784 --> 01:09:43,982
You know the big move at the end where
Patrick Swayze picks up Jennifer Grey?

1097
01:09:44,155 --> 01:09:46,055
- Yeah.
- I can do that.

1098
01:09:47,425 --> 01:09:49,950
- Okay.
- So I tell girls I can do the move.

1099
01:09:50,128 --> 01:09:53,859
I put on the song "Time of Your Life. "
I do the big move.

1100
01:09:54,532 --> 01:09:56,295
And they always wanna have sex
with me.

1101
01:09:56,467 --> 01:09:59,459
Oh, my God. That's the most ridiculous
thing I've ever heard.

1102
01:09:59,637 --> 01:10:01,901
I agree. But it works every time.

1103
01:10:02,840 --> 01:10:04,137
That would not work on me.

1104
01:10:09,914 --> 01:10:12,610
Oh, God, this is ridiculous.
I don't wanna do it.

1105
01:10:12,784 --> 01:10:13,808
Come on.

1106
01:10:13,985 --> 01:10:15,885
This is beyond ridiculous.

1107
01:10:16,054 --> 01:10:17,544
- Run and jump.
- No.

1108
01:10:17,722 --> 01:10:19,383
- Yeah. Come on.
- No, thank you.

1109
01:10:20,591 --> 01:10:22,354
Thank God I'm drunk. Here we go.

1110
01:10:26,431 --> 01:10:32,836
'Cause I've had the time of my life

1111
01:10:33,004 --> 01:10:37,532
And I owe it all to you

1112
01:10:43,915 --> 01:10:45,906
I've been waiting for so long

1113
01:10:46,084 --> 01:10:50,612
Now I've finally found someone
To stand by me

1114
01:10:53,358 --> 01:10:55,986
Ahem. So do you prefer to do it here
or in the bedroom?

1115
01:10:56,160 --> 01:10:57,320
The bedroom is preferred.

1116
01:10:57,495 --> 01:11:00,259
Mm-hm. Yeah, okay. Let's go there.

1117
01:11:33,297 --> 01:11:34,992
This pillow...

1118
01:11:36,467 --> 01:11:39,732
forms perfectly
to the shape of my head.

1119
01:11:42,040 --> 01:11:43,200
Yeah.

1120
01:11:48,079 --> 01:11:50,673
Is this one of those foam pillows
from Brookstone?

1121
01:11:52,050 --> 01:11:53,142
Yeah.

1122
01:11:53,451 --> 01:11:55,646
- Yeah? Oh.
- Yeah.

1123
01:11:56,587 --> 01:11:59,215
I always wondered
who buys those kind of...

1124
01:11:59,724 --> 01:12:02,750
The hot guy from the bar buys these.
Of course.

1125
01:12:02,960 --> 01:12:04,484
- Jacob.
- Mm-hm, Jacob. Sorry about that.

1126
01:12:04,662 --> 01:12:05,686
Good.

1127
01:12:06,898 --> 01:12:08,763
I'm sorry, continue.

1128
01:12:28,086 --> 01:12:32,955
You don't have one of those ridiculous, um,
massage chairs, do you?

1129
01:12:37,528 --> 01:12:38,722
- You do?
- No.

1130
01:12:38,896 --> 01:12:40,523
- Yes, you do.
- Yeah, I do.

1131
01:12:40,698 --> 01:12:43,223
- Ha-ha-ha. Oh, my God.
- I don't. I don't. I do.

1132
01:12:43,401 --> 01:12:45,528
Who would have that?
I would. I have that.

1133
01:12:45,937 --> 01:12:47,529
- How much was it?
- Five thousand dollars.

1134
01:12:49,273 --> 01:12:50,900
Ask me how many times I've used it.

1135
01:12:51,075 --> 01:12:53,236
- How many times have you used it?
- Twice.

1136
01:12:54,045 --> 01:12:55,740
That's $2500 a massage.

1137
01:12:55,913 --> 01:12:57,540
Twice.

1138
01:12:57,882 --> 01:13:01,010
- Where is it?
- It's in the garage.

1139
01:13:01,853 --> 01:13:03,320
Can I sit in the massage chair?

1140
01:13:08,159 --> 01:13:09,649
I hate it.

1141
01:13:10,761 --> 01:13:14,219
The Home Shopping Network.
But I'm addic... I buy... I'm just the worst.

1142
01:13:14,398 --> 01:13:15,888
- Do you have a Slap Chop?
- Yes.

1143
01:13:16,067 --> 01:13:18,058
- The knife that cuts through the penny?
- Yes.

1144
01:13:18,236 --> 01:13:21,034
- Ha-ha-ha. What else do you have?
- Coin Bears.

1145
01:13:21,205 --> 01:13:23,571
Coin Bears?
You don't have Coin Bears.

1146
01:13:23,741 --> 01:13:25,504
I have a whole set from each state.

1147
01:13:25,676 --> 01:13:27,109
You have 50 Coin Bears?

1148
01:13:27,278 --> 01:13:29,712
- They have a coin in their foot.
- You stay up nights.

1149
01:13:29,881 --> 01:13:31,473
I am wildly unhappy.

1150
01:13:33,084 --> 01:13:36,451
I'm trying to buy it,
and it's not working.

1151
01:13:36,621 --> 01:13:38,953
- Were you smart in school?
- A little bossy, yeah.

1152
01:13:39,123 --> 01:13:43,685
But I won a spelling bee
and my dad cried at the spelling bee.

1153
01:13:43,861 --> 01:13:45,761
- No way. That's nice.
- Mm-hm.

1154
01:13:45,930 --> 01:13:47,989
- What word did you win on?
- It was so stupid.

1155
01:13:48,166 --> 01:13:51,260
I love curling up with a rich cup of coffee.

1156
01:13:51,802 --> 01:13:54,100
What, you think coffee and sleep
don't mix?

1157
01:13:54,272 --> 01:13:58,470
Well, they do if it's High Point.
It's decaffeinated.

1158
01:13:58,643 --> 01:14:01,009
And the flavor is marvelous.

1159
01:14:01,179 --> 01:14:03,579
Do you have that mold that makes cakes...?

1160
01:14:03,748 --> 01:14:04,806
I have calf pants.

1161
01:14:07,084 --> 01:14:09,644
I have pants just for my calves.
Calf pants.

1162
01:14:17,328 --> 01:14:18,795
Oh, my God.

1163
01:14:21,966 --> 01:14:23,866
Could you do me a favor?

1164
01:14:24,335 --> 01:14:25,859
- What?
- Will you do me a kindness?

1165
01:14:26,037 --> 01:14:27,470
Mm.

1166
01:14:27,638 --> 01:14:32,598
Will you ask me something personal
about myself?

1167
01:14:32,777 --> 01:14:35,803
Hmm. Okay, fine. I'll do it.
And then we bang.

1168
01:14:35,980 --> 01:14:37,242
Yes.

1169
01:14:37,415 --> 01:14:38,609
What's your mother like?

1170
01:14:39,517 --> 01:14:44,477
My mom is very beautiful.

1171
01:14:44,655 --> 01:14:47,818
Um... Very vain.

1172
01:14:48,659 --> 01:14:50,251
Very smart.

1173
01:14:51,062 --> 01:14:52,359
Cold.

1174
01:14:52,563 --> 01:14:54,053
And your dad?

1175
01:14:55,032 --> 01:14:56,056
Um...

1176
01:14:57,401 --> 01:15:00,063
He died a long time ago.

1177
01:15:01,505 --> 01:15:03,336
He was such a sweet guy.

1178
01:15:03,507 --> 01:15:05,338
He was probably too sweet.

1179
01:15:08,012 --> 01:15:10,776
Very successful in business.

1180
01:15:10,948 --> 01:15:16,215
He made a lot of money,
which is why I have all this stuff.

1181
01:15:16,387 --> 01:15:18,184
But he was soft.

1182
01:15:19,257 --> 01:15:21,953
Just too soft, too sensitive.

1183
01:15:22,159 --> 01:15:26,528
And, you know, Dad,
he couldn't really handle my mother...

1184
01:15:26,697 --> 01:15:29,461
and didn't really make an effort.

1185
01:16:00,831 --> 01:16:02,560
Hey, Jacob, it's Cal.

1186
01:16:02,833 --> 01:16:04,198
Where are you?

1187
01:16:04,402 --> 01:16:07,530
Remember the first woman I picked up,
that teacher?

1188
01:16:07,705 --> 01:16:09,366
Well, I have a story to tell you
about her.

1189
01:16:10,741 --> 01:16:13,608
It's been a week. I haven't heard
from you. Should I be concerned?

1190
01:16:13,778 --> 01:16:16,212
I am imagining you suffocating
under a pile of women. Call me.

1191
01:16:17,581 --> 01:16:19,742
Oh. Yeah, hey, it's me again.

1192
01:16:20,718 --> 01:16:23,118
Left like a hundred messages.

1193
01:16:25,756 --> 01:16:29,214
Listen, if this is a Miyagi thing,
I'm not getting it, so...

1194
01:16:30,261 --> 01:16:32,252
Call me back, please. Thanks.

1195
01:16:56,354 --> 01:16:59,187
Been to St. Louis?
No, I haven't.

1196
01:16:59,357 --> 01:17:03,316
I always dreamt of playing shortstop
for the St. Louis Cardinals, actually...

1197
01:17:03,494 --> 01:17:06,554
but I couldn't hit a curveball,
so I did the next best thing.

1198
01:17:06,764 --> 01:17:08,322
Yeah, you became an accountant.

1199
01:17:08,499 --> 01:17:09,727
Right. Exactly.

1200
01:17:09,900 --> 01:17:12,528
I mean, the money's not as good,
but there's less travel.

1201
01:17:12,703 --> 01:17:13,727
Mm. Ha, ha.

1202
01:17:13,904 --> 01:17:16,270
- I was gonna be a ballerina.
- Really?

1203
01:17:16,440 --> 01:17:18,704
So tell me, what is it with women
and ballerinas?

1204
01:17:18,876 --> 01:17:21,208
I just pictured myself in the ballet.

1205
01:17:21,379 --> 01:17:24,007
It's not like I had
a lot of training or anything.

1206
01:17:24,181 --> 01:17:26,843
I mean, I actually never really
had a lesson...

1207
01:17:27,017 --> 01:17:30,475
and, um, haven't seen a ballet.

1208
01:17:31,055 --> 01:17:32,545
You've never been to the ballet?

1209
01:17:32,723 --> 01:17:34,918
- Mm-mm.
Wow.

1210
01:17:35,092 --> 01:17:38,357
- I'd love to take you to the ballet.
- You'd love to go to the ballet?

1211
01:17:38,529 --> 01:17:41,896
I didn't say that. I'd love to take you
to the ballet. I'd drop you off.

1212
01:17:42,066 --> 01:17:45,035
Later on I'd pick you up
and we could go to a ball game.

1213
01:17:45,202 --> 01:17:46,294
Oh, I get it.

1214
01:17:49,540 --> 01:17:52,441
Ha, ha.
- I had a lot of fun tonight.

1215
01:17:54,178 --> 01:17:57,045
You like sushi?
I know this really great little sushi place...

1216
01:17:57,214 --> 01:17:58,238
I don't eat sushi.

1217
01:17:58,416 --> 01:18:00,816
- That we're never gonna go to
because I hate sushi.

1218
01:18:10,895 --> 01:18:12,829
Oh, hi. Hi, Jess.

1219
01:18:12,997 --> 01:18:15,522
Uh, this is my work friend, David.

1220
01:18:15,699 --> 01:18:17,223
David is an accountant.

1221
01:18:17,401 --> 01:18:19,528
David, this is Jessica, my babysitter.

1222
01:18:20,104 --> 01:18:21,162
Uh...

1223
01:18:22,473 --> 01:18:24,873
So, you know, everything looks great.

1224
01:18:25,042 --> 01:18:26,407
Spreadsheets.

1225
01:18:26,577 --> 01:18:28,067
Spreadsheets.

1226
01:18:31,615 --> 01:18:32,741
See you at work.

1227
01:18:32,917 --> 01:18:34,544
Yeah, see you at work.

1228
01:18:39,123 --> 01:18:40,818
So how was dinner?

1229
01:18:40,991 --> 01:18:43,289
- Oh, well, you know, it was just for work.
- Yeah.

1230
01:18:43,461 --> 01:18:46,988
- That's a really pretty dress.
- Thank you. What do I owe you?

1231
01:18:47,631 --> 01:18:50,828
Do you know that your kids
are the only ones that I babysit for...

1232
01:18:51,001 --> 01:18:54,630
that wanna stay awake so that they
can see their dad when he gets home?

1233
01:18:55,739 --> 01:19:00,301
Yeah, I mean, they fight with everything
they have to keep their eyes open.

1234
01:19:00,478 --> 01:19:02,105
And don't get me wrong...

1235
01:19:02,279 --> 01:19:06,978
no, your kids are really excited to see you
when you get home too, Ms. Weaver...

1236
01:19:08,118 --> 01:19:11,212
but not a lot wanna stay up for Dad.

1237
01:19:13,991 --> 01:19:16,118
Honey, what are you trying to say?

1238
01:19:16,293 --> 01:19:17,351
Batshit crazy.

1239
01:19:17,528 --> 01:19:19,359
Jessica, uh, what...?

1240
01:19:19,530 --> 01:19:22,124
- Let me give you...
- I don't want your slutty money.

1241
01:19:22,299 --> 01:19:26,030
Sweetheart, what's the pro...?
What's wrong?

1242
01:19:27,771 --> 01:19:31,036
"Slutty money"?

1243
01:21:27,291 --> 01:21:28,315
Kids.

1244
01:21:31,295 --> 01:21:34,492
Kids. Ice cream.

1245
01:21:44,108 --> 01:21:48,169
I knew it. I knew it.
- Yeah. I'll be right back.

1246
01:22:02,626 --> 01:22:04,423
Oh, shit. Oh, God.

1247
01:22:16,907 --> 01:22:17,931
Hello?

1248
01:22:18,108 --> 01:22:19,973
- Hi, Cal.
- Hi.

1249
01:22:20,644 --> 01:22:21,975
Um...

1250
01:22:23,280 --> 01:22:24,474
So...

1251
01:22:24,648 --> 01:22:28,311
I'm just calling, um...

1252
01:22:30,120 --> 01:22:32,953
because I'm in the basement...

1253
01:22:33,123 --> 01:22:35,921
and I'm trying to get
the water heater working, um...

1254
01:22:37,528 --> 01:22:41,157
because the pilot light's out
and I don't know how to relight it.

1255
01:22:41,965 --> 01:22:43,557
So I'm sorry to bother you.

1256
01:22:43,734 --> 01:22:47,261
No, no. It's fine. That's fine. Call me...

1257
01:22:48,138 --> 01:22:50,368
I'm glad you called about this.

1258
01:22:50,541 --> 01:22:52,839
- I'll just walk you through it, okay?
- Okay.

1259
01:22:54,311 --> 01:22:58,543
All right, so there's a gray door.
You see the gray door?

1260
01:22:58,716 --> 01:23:01,810
- Yeah.
- Okay, just slide that down.

1261
01:23:03,087 --> 01:23:04,111
Okay.

1262
01:23:04,288 --> 01:23:07,382
There's a red button
with the word "push" on it.

1263
01:23:07,558 --> 01:23:09,526
I wrote the word "push" on it?

1264
01:23:10,027 --> 01:23:14,123
So you push it.
And you turn it to the right.

1265
01:23:14,298 --> 01:23:15,629
I got it.

1266
01:23:16,133 --> 01:23:18,033
And then just put the match in.

1267
01:23:21,105 --> 01:23:22,834
Oh, there it goes.

1268
01:23:23,507 --> 01:23:27,034
Just have to slide the gray door
down again and you're good to go.

1269
01:23:28,445 --> 01:23:29,742
Oh.

1270
01:23:33,317 --> 01:23:36,184
Well, thanks, Cal. I appreciate your help.

1271
01:23:36,353 --> 01:23:40,084
Oh, you know what? Just call anytime
with stuff like that. That's...

1272
01:23:41,492 --> 01:23:43,756
Oh, yeah. Uh...

1273
01:23:43,927 --> 01:23:45,258
Yeah. Oh.

1274
01:23:45,896 --> 01:23:47,090
Sure.

1275
01:23:47,798 --> 01:23:49,493
So I'll talk to you soon.

1276
01:23:50,167 --> 01:23:51,998
Yeah, and, um...

1277
01:23:54,204 --> 01:23:55,569
Thanks again.

1278
01:23:55,739 --> 01:23:58,333
No, that's... My pleasure.

1279
01:24:01,245 --> 01:24:02,678
Don't want you to blow up the house.

1280
01:24:05,883 --> 01:24:06,941
Bye.

1281
01:24:07,117 --> 01:24:08,243
Bye.

1282
01:24:26,837 --> 01:24:29,067
Dad, can we go to McDonald's?
Uh, no.

1283
01:24:29,239 --> 01:24:30,331
Why not?

1284
01:24:31,842 --> 01:24:33,139
Check it out.

1285
01:24:33,310 --> 01:24:35,403
Only reason they play them
is they're catchy.

1286
01:24:35,579 --> 01:24:37,444
- Thank you.
Here you go, sir.

1287
01:24:37,614 --> 01:24:39,104
Now, does it come in sheets...?

1288
01:24:39,283 --> 01:24:42,480
Oh, yeah, it's a 4 by 8.
Standard 4 by 8, your 3/4 inch stock. Yeah.

1289
01:24:42,653 --> 01:24:45,554
- Now, this is for my wife.
- Oh. That's nice.

1290
01:24:45,722 --> 01:24:46,916
It has curtains.

1291
01:24:47,090 --> 01:24:48,352
- Oh, hey, Cal.
Hey, Bernie.

1292
01:24:48,525 --> 01:24:50,220
Hi, Mr. Riley.
Hi, Mr. Riley.

1293
01:24:50,394 --> 01:24:51,418
- How's it going?
- Oh, good.

1294
01:24:51,595 --> 01:24:54,587
I'd love to catch up,
but I'm doing something to the house later.

1295
01:24:54,765 --> 01:24:56,096
Kind of in a rush.

1296
01:24:56,266 --> 01:24:57,756
Thanks for the cologne.

1297
01:24:57,935 --> 01:24:59,562
Do you know if this is chintz?

1298
01:25:01,071 --> 01:25:02,504
Hello?
Cal.

1299
01:25:02,673 --> 01:25:04,538
- Jacob.
- Oh, my God, it's alive.

1300
01:25:04,708 --> 01:25:07,142
Hey, sorry I kind of dropped off
the grid there, pal.

1301
01:25:07,311 --> 01:25:09,802
You left me in my hour of need,
my friend.

1302
01:25:09,980 --> 01:25:11,004
Yeah, well...

1303
01:25:11,181 --> 01:25:14,241
I'm in a bit of a situation.

1304
01:25:14,418 --> 01:25:15,976
A pickle, if you will.

1305
01:25:16,153 --> 01:25:18,178
- I got no one else to call.
- Ha, ha.

1306
01:25:18,622 --> 01:25:20,590
- I met a girl.
- Oh, really?

1307
01:25:20,757 --> 01:25:24,022
I'm spending all this time with her
and she is a game changer.

1308
01:25:24,194 --> 01:25:26,219
She's a game changer? No way.

1309
01:25:26,396 --> 01:25:28,660
So much so I'm going to meet
her mother right now.

1310
01:25:28,832 --> 01:25:31,995
A mother and daughter. That's very
Wilt Chamberlain-esque, even for you.

1311
01:25:32,169 --> 01:25:33,659
- What is the matter with you?
- Ha, ha.

1312
01:25:33,837 --> 01:25:35,930
I don't know what to do.
I need some advice.

1313
01:25:36,106 --> 01:25:39,974
You might actually have to answer
some personal questions about yourself.

1314
01:25:40,143 --> 01:25:42,338
You gotta smile a lot.
You've gotta be charming.

1315
01:25:42,512 --> 01:25:43,638
Definitely don't be yourself.

1316
01:25:43,814 --> 01:25:45,645
That's what you've got for me,
don't be myself?

1317
01:25:45,816 --> 01:25:48,376
- Ha-ha-ha.
- Great. Thanks for nothing.

1318
01:25:48,552 --> 01:25:49,849
Do you wanna get a?

1319
01:25:50,787 --> 01:25:52,812
Do you wanna get a beer next week?

1320
01:25:52,990 --> 01:25:54,719
You have my number.

1321
01:25:54,892 --> 01:25:57,520
And, you know, don't worry about tonight.
You'll be fine.

1322
01:25:57,694 --> 01:26:00,219
- Good for you, by the way.
- See you, buddy.

1323
01:26:00,831 --> 01:26:03,857
Honk. You gotta get that fixed.

1324
01:26:05,636 --> 01:26:08,298
- Okay. All right.
- Let's go.

1325
01:26:31,395 --> 01:26:32,760
Va-jay-jay.

1326
01:26:49,279 --> 01:26:51,770
out of this fourth inning
with just one run in.

1327
01:26:51,949 --> 01:26:56,283
He's right on the verge of
a big hit knocking him out of the game here.

1328
01:26:56,486 --> 01:26:59,421
He's staying in there,
very competitive today.

1329
01:27:19,343 --> 01:27:22,141
No, no, no. Daddy, Daddy, Daddy.

1330
01:27:23,146 --> 01:27:25,740
No, leave him. Let him go.
He can handle it. Let him go.

1331
01:27:25,916 --> 01:27:28,214
Honey! Get out of my purse.
Stay out of my purse!

1332
01:27:28,385 --> 01:27:32,344
Do not take those keys! Do not take those
keys! I'm not letting you take those keys.

1333
01:27:32,522 --> 01:27:35,150
You're not following your father!
Stop it!

1334
01:27:35,325 --> 01:27:38,453
No! No! Let your father handle it.
You're not to see that man again!

1335
01:27:38,628 --> 01:27:39,754
That man's a pervert!

1336
01:27:39,930 --> 01:27:41,158
- Stay out of it!
- No!

1337
01:27:41,331 --> 01:27:42,923
Is that pervert sexting you?

1338
01:27:43,333 --> 01:27:44,357
Hey, baby.

1339
01:27:45,002 --> 01:27:46,094
What are you wearing?

1340
01:27:46,269 --> 01:27:49,397
Dad's here. I have to blindfold you.

1341
01:27:49,573 --> 01:27:52,167
- Why? What's he doing?
- Just come on.

1342
01:28:04,254 --> 01:28:05,551
Hate this. Bad.

1343
01:28:07,190 --> 01:28:09,158
Is this something
I'm gonna have to clean up?

1344
01:28:09,326 --> 01:28:11,260
Mom, no, don't worry about it. Keep going.

1345
01:28:11,428 --> 01:28:13,919
Honey, honey, I really can't see.
Mom, I got you.

1346
01:28:14,097 --> 01:28:16,622
Two. Right now we're on the ground.
One more step.

1347
01:28:16,800 --> 01:28:18,131
- Three.
- Three. Yay.

1348
01:28:18,301 --> 01:28:20,428
Mom, no more steps.
We're on the ground.

1349
01:28:20,604 --> 01:28:23,596
Mom, relax.
It's your husband, not al Qaeda.

1350
01:28:23,774 --> 01:28:24,798
Hi, Em.

1351
01:28:24,975 --> 01:28:27,443
Oh, hey. Can I take this off now, please?

1352
01:28:27,611 --> 01:28:29,442
- Nope, not yet.
- Oh, what's this?

1353
01:28:30,814 --> 01:28:32,475
- I hear you, gigglepuss.
- Do it.

1354
01:28:36,453 --> 01:28:38,853
May I have your attention?

1355
01:28:42,025 --> 01:28:46,792
Many years ago, in the hallway
of Woodside Middle School...

1356
01:28:46,963 --> 01:28:50,296
Cal Weaver saw Emily Boyle
for the first time.

1357
01:28:50,467 --> 01:28:53,436
Cal, are you seriously gonna do this
in front of the kids?

1358
01:28:53,603 --> 01:28:54,627
Mm-hm.

1359
01:28:54,805 --> 01:28:58,002
If anything goes wrong I'm supposed to
take her upstairs and put the TV on loud.

1360
01:28:58,408 --> 01:29:01,468
All right. Well, we may as well wait
for your daughter.

1361
01:29:01,645 --> 01:29:04,307
- She's right here.
- No, no, no. I mean our other daughter.

1362
01:29:04,481 --> 01:29:05,778
Hello?
- Nanna.

1363
01:29:05,949 --> 01:29:08,349
- Hi, guys.
Hi, sweetheart.

1364
01:29:08,518 --> 01:29:10,247
Hi.
What's going on?

1365
01:29:10,420 --> 01:29:14,151
Oh, I don't know. Some game.
He won't let me take this dumb blindfold off.

1366
01:29:14,324 --> 01:29:15,916
- Cal?
- Is that him?

1367
01:29:16,359 --> 01:29:17,519
What are you doing here?

1368
01:29:17,694 --> 01:29:20,629
- What are you doing here?
- Wait, do you guys know each other?

1369
01:29:20,797 --> 01:29:22,788
- What's going on?
- What are you doing here?

1370
01:29:22,966 --> 01:29:25,127
Hey, Nanna.
- Hi, Robbie.

1371
01:29:25,302 --> 01:29:26,735
- Hey, Nanna.
- Hi, cutie.

1372
01:29:26,903 --> 01:29:28,268
Jacob, it's so nice to meet you.

1373
01:29:28,438 --> 01:29:30,963
I've heard so many wonderful things
about you from Nanna.

1374
01:29:31,141 --> 01:29:32,836
- I'm sorry, what's a Nanna?
I am.

1375
01:29:33,009 --> 01:29:35,136
I couldn't say Hannah.
How do you know my dad?

1376
01:29:35,312 --> 01:29:37,507
She couldn't say her H's at all.

1377
01:29:37,681 --> 01:29:40,707
Okay. I'm having trouble understanding
what's going on right now.

1378
01:29:41,351 --> 01:29:45,310
- Dad, this is Jacob, my boyfriend.
No, it's not.

1379
01:29:45,489 --> 01:29:48,219
- I was bringing him over to meet Mom.
- No. No. No, no, no.

1380
01:29:48,391 --> 01:29:50,450
I wanna see the boyfriend.
- I can't breathe.

1381
01:29:50,627 --> 01:29:51,787
Can I take this off?

1382
01:29:51,962 --> 01:29:54,453
Cal, what are you doing
with a daughter that's grown up?

1383
01:29:54,664 --> 01:29:57,132
I was 17. That's why we had to get
married so young.

1384
01:29:57,300 --> 01:30:00,269
- You should have told me.
- Never wanted me to talk about my children.

1385
01:30:00,437 --> 01:30:03,838
- Um, I'm gonna go watch TV now.
- That's fine. Why don't you go do that?

1386
01:30:04,007 --> 01:30:05,372
- Yeah. Can I come?
- No.

1387
01:30:05,542 --> 01:30:07,840
So you guys, like,
really know each other, then.

1388
01:30:08,011 --> 01:30:10,639
Oh, screw it. This is ridiculous.

1389
01:30:10,814 --> 01:30:12,679
- Honey, he's really cute.
- No, he's not.

1390
01:30:12,849 --> 01:30:15,443
Look at you. You're really a mother?
I don't believe it, sister.

1391
01:30:15,952 --> 01:30:18,216
Let me get this straight.
So you guys are a thing.

1392
01:30:18,388 --> 01:30:20,788
You guys are a couple, right?
You guys are together?

1393
01:30:20,957 --> 01:30:22,948
- Yeah.
- No way. Break up right now.

1394
01:30:23,326 --> 01:30:25,089
- Daddy?
- Please don't call him that.

1395
01:30:25,896 --> 01:30:28,490
- Cal, that's not gonna happen.
- Then I will mess you up.

1396
01:30:28,698 --> 01:30:29,790
- Dad.
- Cal.

1397
01:30:29,966 --> 01:30:30,990
- Cal.
- Jessica?

1398
01:30:31,168 --> 01:30:32,192
Bernie?

1399
01:30:33,904 --> 01:30:35,030
Daddy, no.

1400
01:30:35,205 --> 01:30:38,140
I let her babysit for you,
you son of a bitch.

1401
01:30:38,909 --> 01:30:41,469
- She's only 17 years old.
- What are you talking about?

1402
01:30:41,645 --> 01:30:43,579
- Oh, God.
No idea what you're talking about.

1403
01:30:43,747 --> 01:30:44,873
- Aah!
Bernie.

1404
01:30:45,048 --> 01:30:48,176
Daddy, no. No, no, no. Stop it.

1405
01:30:50,320 --> 01:30:52,151
Dad.
Jacob! Oh, God.

1406
01:30:52,322 --> 01:30:53,880
Stop it. He didn't do anything.

1407
01:30:54,057 --> 01:30:55,820
- He doesn't know.
Is your back okay?

1408
01:30:55,992 --> 01:30:57,482
- Know what?
- Know what?

1409
01:30:57,661 --> 01:30:59,788
Is this some kind of a skit?
Because I'm lost.

1410
01:30:59,996 --> 01:31:01,020
- Argh!
No.

1411
01:31:01,198 --> 01:31:03,758
- Aah!
No, no, no. Daddy, Daddy.

1412
01:31:03,934 --> 01:31:05,697
He didn't even know
that I'm in love with him.

1413
01:31:06,603 --> 01:31:08,070
- With who?
With him.

1414
01:31:08,238 --> 01:31:10,172
- You pointing at me?
- You pointing at him?

1415
01:31:10,340 --> 01:31:12,103
She's pointing at him? Oh.

1416
01:31:12,275 --> 01:31:15,108
Wait. My dad is the older guy
you've been seeing?

1417
01:31:15,278 --> 01:31:18,372
- I knew it. You...
- He doesn't know about the naked photos.

1418
01:31:18,548 --> 01:31:20,277
- What?
- Jessica.

1419
01:31:20,450 --> 01:31:22,213
You made him naked photos? Seriously?

1420
01:31:22,385 --> 01:31:26,014
- I'm gonna beat you till your brains fall out.
- Timeout, timeout. Hold on.

1421
01:31:26,189 --> 01:31:29,181
- But I love her.
- Jessica's the one you're in love with?

1422
01:31:29,359 --> 01:31:31,156
Excuse me, Emily?

1423
01:31:31,928 --> 01:31:34,294
- You left your sweater in my car.
- Oh.

1424
01:31:34,464 --> 01:31:36,022
- Who are you?
- David Lindhagen.

1425
01:31:37,934 --> 01:31:39,993
- David Lindhagen?
- David Lindhagen.

1426
01:31:41,238 --> 01:31:42,796
Okay.

1427
01:31:42,973 --> 01:31:45,066
- Is this a bad time?
- Yeah.

1428
01:31:45,242 --> 01:31:46,869
- Unh.
- Jacob.

1429
01:31:47,410 --> 01:31:50,038
Know how much pain and suffering
you caused my friend?

1430
01:31:50,213 --> 01:31:52,044
- Stay the hell away from my daughter.
- Ow.

1431
01:31:52,215 --> 01:31:53,910
You stay away from my daughter.

1432
01:31:54,084 --> 01:31:56,143
- I don't even know you.
Stop it.

1433
01:31:56,319 --> 01:31:58,617
Oh, my God. That is not...
What are you grabbing?

1434
01:32:01,591 --> 01:32:03,525
Really? Really?
- Come on.

1435
01:32:03,693 --> 01:32:06,389
Let go of me! Let go of me! Let go of me!

1436
01:32:06,563 --> 01:32:08,827
Come on, she's my daughter.
Stop it. Stop it.

1437
01:32:08,999 --> 01:32:10,023
I'll kill you.

1438
01:32:12,369 --> 01:32:13,700
So...

1439
01:32:13,903 --> 01:32:16,235
Okay, wait. Which one of you
is Lindhagen again?

1440
01:32:16,406 --> 01:32:17,498
Hagen.

1441
01:32:18,441 --> 01:32:21,001
I'm just gonna write,
"Domestic disturbance, all clear. "

1442
01:32:21,177 --> 01:32:22,337
Thank you, officer.

1443
01:32:23,413 --> 01:32:26,610
Just simmer down, okay?
We all have arguments.

1444
01:32:26,816 --> 01:32:30,513
But if you're gonna fight, just do it inside.
Keep it in the family, okay?

1445
01:32:32,622 --> 01:32:33,748
I will kill you.

1446
01:32:44,734 --> 01:32:45,758
Let's go.

1447
01:32:45,935 --> 01:32:47,061
- Daddy?
Now.

1448
01:32:47,470 --> 01:32:49,404
- Daddy?
- Now.

1449
01:33:21,638 --> 01:33:22,798
Cal.

1450
01:33:23,006 --> 01:33:24,166
Come on.

1451
01:33:24,674 --> 01:33:25,698
Honey.

1452
01:33:28,445 --> 01:33:31,881
This guy is a lowlife,
he is a womanizer.

1453
01:33:32,048 --> 01:33:34,812
- That's ironic.
- Excuse me?

1454
01:33:38,888 --> 01:33:41,618
I know him.
I have witnessed him in action.

1455
01:33:41,791 --> 01:33:45,750
- And you are not to see him anymore.
- Dad, I'm not gonna stop seeing him.

1456
01:33:45,929 --> 01:33:49,092
Okay. Okay. Well, then we have
nothing more to talk about.

1457
01:33:52,769 --> 01:33:54,669
- You're being unreasonable.
- Get out of my house.

1458
01:33:54,838 --> 01:33:56,135
This is not your house anymore.

1459
01:33:56,306 --> 01:33:59,070
Well, you made damn sure of that,
didn't you, sweetheart?

1460
01:34:13,356 --> 01:34:15,620
- Bye, Nanna.
- Bye, cutie.

1461
01:34:26,870 --> 01:34:28,394
She's all yours, David.

1462
01:34:29,873 --> 01:34:33,240
- Fantastic.
- Nice.

1463
01:34:41,551 --> 01:34:43,451
Go big or go home, right, bud?

1464
01:34:45,555 --> 01:34:46,954
Go home, Dad.

1465
01:35:44,113 --> 01:35:46,104
Did you see the headline today?
What?

1466
01:35:46,282 --> 01:35:49,046
It says that you should call your dad.

1467
01:35:49,219 --> 01:35:51,551
No, it says,
"Let's move on child obesity. " Ha, ha.

1468
01:35:51,721 --> 01:35:53,382
No, it doesn't.

1469
01:35:53,556 --> 01:35:56,548
I'm not gonna call him.
- No, it says you really should.

1470
01:36:35,231 --> 01:36:37,256
Can I get you another?

1471
01:36:38,334 --> 01:36:40,427
- What time is it?
2:30.

1472
01:36:41,504 --> 01:36:43,062
In the afternoon.

1473
01:36:43,573 --> 01:36:45,541
"Two-thirty" would have been sufficient...

1474
01:36:45,708 --> 01:36:49,371
but thank you for the judgmental tone,
cocktail servant.

1475
01:36:50,179 --> 01:36:51,203
I'm sorry...

1476
01:36:53,316 --> 01:36:55,409
Sorry for being a dick.

1477
01:36:58,154 --> 01:36:59,712
Nice sweat suit.

1478
01:37:04,327 --> 01:37:05,351
What do you want?

1479
01:37:06,796 --> 01:37:09,390
- Uh, can I sit down?
- I don't know, can you?

1480
01:37:10,233 --> 01:37:13,828
Are we gonna be adults about this,
or we gonna...?

1481
01:37:14,003 --> 01:37:16,164
"Are we gonna be adults about this?"

1482
01:37:24,714 --> 01:37:28,741
- It would mean a lot to me if we could talk.
- Are you still seeing my daughter?

1483
01:37:31,020 --> 01:37:34,217
- Yes.
- Then I have nothing to say to you.

1484
01:37:35,325 --> 01:37:36,917
Been hanging out here a lot?

1485
01:37:37,360 --> 01:37:38,759
Sometimes.

1486
01:37:41,397 --> 01:37:44,389
You been missing a lot of work?
- I have a lot of vacation days.

1487
01:37:44,567 --> 01:37:46,831
You know what? You have a lot of nerve.

1488
01:37:57,981 --> 01:37:59,278
Do you wanna do your shot?

1489
01:37:59,449 --> 01:38:02,509
She probably spit in it,
so, no, thank you.

1490
01:38:05,855 --> 01:38:07,254
Your kids miss you, Cal.

1491
01:38:07,423 --> 01:38:10,085
You're hanging out with my kids?
That's great.

1492
01:38:10,259 --> 01:38:12,693
Teach Robbie how to objectify women.
He'll love that.

1493
01:38:16,399 --> 01:38:20,460
You know it's his eighth-grade graduation
next week.

1494
01:38:21,204 --> 01:38:22,466
You gonna go to that?

1495
01:38:22,672 --> 01:38:23,900
Of course I'm going.

1496
01:38:24,073 --> 01:38:28,203
I just didn't know. You haven't really been
around. I don't think he knows either.

1497
01:38:28,378 --> 01:38:31,370
I haven't been around for him?
That's what you're telling me?

1498
01:38:31,547 --> 01:38:33,606
You know,
he's not my biggest fan right now.

1499
01:38:33,783 --> 01:38:36,513
- He thinks I stole his soul mate.
- He worships you, Cal.

1500
01:38:36,686 --> 01:38:39,985
- Is the parental advice over? Because if so...
- I'm in love with her.

1501
01:38:42,625 --> 01:38:43,922
I love her.

1502
01:38:45,728 --> 01:38:48,595
I don't know what I was doing
before this.

1503
01:38:48,765 --> 01:38:53,828
And I don't know what to do about it.
It's not something I can really stop.

1504
01:38:54,337 --> 01:38:56,134
- Yeah?
Yeah.

1505
01:38:56,305 --> 01:38:58,034
- You love her? You love Hannah?
Yes.

1506
01:38:58,207 --> 01:39:01,734
Tell me about it.
Tell me how much you love her.

1507
01:39:02,178 --> 01:39:03,236
I'm just...

1508
01:39:04,247 --> 01:39:06,909
Look, Cal, it's not something
that I wanted, okay?

1509
01:39:07,083 --> 01:39:08,948
I looked at people who were in love...

1510
01:39:09,118 --> 01:39:11,518
and I thought
the way that they were behaving...

1511
01:39:11,688 --> 01:39:14,088
and the things that they were doing
and saying...

1512
01:39:14,257 --> 01:39:16,521
they appeared pathetic, honestly.

1513
01:39:16,726 --> 01:39:20,218
And I spent all this time with you,
I'm trying to make you more like me...

1514
01:39:20,396 --> 01:39:22,830
and it turns out I just wanna be...

1515
01:39:27,804 --> 01:39:29,135
I need that drink.

1516
01:39:29,305 --> 01:39:31,569
You gonna make me do this?
I gotta really do this?

1517
01:39:36,779 --> 01:39:39,771
I had Hannah when I was 17.

1518
01:39:40,383 --> 01:39:42,783
I taught her how to ride a bike.

1519
01:39:44,187 --> 01:39:46,621
I taught her how to drive a car.

1520
01:39:47,123 --> 01:39:49,785
And I'm glad for you.

1521
01:39:49,959 --> 01:39:53,918
I'm happy for you, that you've changed.

1522
01:39:54,330 --> 01:39:59,097
I think it's fantastic
that you're a better man.

1523
01:40:00,369 --> 01:40:02,394
But I've seen too much already.

1524
01:40:02,572 --> 01:40:07,066
- No. I know. I know too much.
I know. I know.

1525
01:40:08,711 --> 01:40:10,178
And it's Hannah.

1526
01:40:10,513 --> 01:40:12,481
And she's too good for you.

1527
01:40:13,216 --> 01:40:14,547
I agree.

1528
01:40:18,621 --> 01:40:21,181
I'm never gonna give you my approval.

1529
01:40:31,134 --> 01:40:33,227
You're a good dad, Cal.

1530
01:40:47,750 --> 01:40:48,944
Yep. Yep.

1531
01:40:49,118 --> 01:40:51,678
She spit. She spit in that.

1532
01:40:51,954 --> 01:40:53,751
Guys, I need you to pay attention.

1533
01:40:53,923 --> 01:40:58,223
Do not cut the line. I need everyone
to stay in your positions, okay?

1534
01:40:58,394 --> 01:41:02,728
Guys, check your ties.
Make sure everything is nice and neat.

1535
01:41:02,899 --> 01:41:04,594
Ladies, when you're on stage...

1536
01:41:14,777 --> 01:41:16,335
Mommy, look. Robbie's name.

1537
01:41:37,934 --> 01:41:39,868
Excuse me. Is this open?

1538
01:41:55,885 --> 01:41:57,614
How close?
- Yeah, that's fine.

1539
01:42:05,461 --> 01:42:06,985
Good afternoon.

1540
01:42:07,163 --> 01:42:10,257
Welcome, parents, family and friends.

1541
01:42:10,666 --> 01:42:14,625
We're so pleased to have you here
to celebrate this graduating class.

1542
01:42:15,471 --> 01:42:19,601
And now, to introduce
our first student speaker...

1543
01:42:19,775 --> 01:42:23,541
our very own Kate Tafferty.

1544
01:42:26,616 --> 01:42:28,413
- She's pretty.
- Ugh.

1545
01:42:31,354 --> 01:42:36,155
Our first speaker is not only
the class salutatorian...

1546
01:42:36,492 --> 01:42:39,586
but is also...

1547
01:42:41,097 --> 01:42:44,464
one of the most spirited young men...

1548
01:42:44,634 --> 01:42:47,364
I've ever had the pleasure of teaching.

1549
01:42:47,536 --> 01:42:51,233
Ladies and gentlemen, Robbie Weaver.

1550
01:42:53,876 --> 01:42:55,002
- Whoo!
- Robbie!

1551
01:43:03,853 --> 01:43:06,253
Welcome, class of 2011.

1552
01:43:07,123 --> 01:43:10,524
Our time as middle schoolers
has come to an end.

1553
01:43:10,693 --> 01:43:13,321
We can't fight it anymore.
We're getting old.

1554
01:43:19,635 --> 01:43:23,196
All my life I wanted to grow up.

1555
01:43:23,673 --> 01:43:28,042
I wanted to grow older
so people would take me seriously.

1556
01:43:28,711 --> 01:43:32,169
It all sounded so good to me.

1557
01:43:32,548 --> 01:43:36,985
Growing up, getting a job,
getting married.

1558
01:43:37,687 --> 01:43:39,052
But...

1559
01:43:40,022 --> 01:43:41,421
it's all a scam.

1560
01:43:42,358 --> 01:43:43,689
And love?

1561
01:43:45,061 --> 01:43:46,585
That's the biggest scam of all.

1562
01:43:49,165 --> 01:43:51,190
I was in love.

1563
01:43:51,867 --> 01:43:56,236
And I know that makes some of you laugh
because I'm only 13...

1564
01:43:57,406 --> 01:44:00,136
but whatever. I was.

1565
01:44:01,811 --> 01:44:05,178
And I used to think, and really believe...

1566
01:44:06,415 --> 01:44:09,213
that there was one true love
for everyone...

1567
01:44:09,719 --> 01:44:13,211
and if you fought hard enough
for that person...

1568
01:44:13,389 --> 01:44:15,380
your one true love
would always work out.

1569
01:44:16,425 --> 01:44:21,328
It sounded good to me when I was younger,
but it just doesn't work that way.

1570
01:44:23,032 --> 01:44:27,230
- There is no such thing as one true love...
- Stop.

1571
01:44:31,407 --> 01:44:33,875
Shit.

1572
01:44:34,043 --> 01:44:36,807
- Oh, boy.
- Okay.

1573
01:44:36,979 --> 01:44:39,311
All right. Ahem. Excuse me.

1574
01:44:52,194 --> 01:44:55,391
Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

1575
01:44:55,931 --> 01:44:58,491
- What are you doing?
- What are you doing?

1576
01:44:59,001 --> 01:45:01,094
I was wrong, Dad.
There's no such thing as...

1577
01:45:03,372 --> 01:45:04,634
I, uh...

1578
01:45:05,341 --> 01:45:06,467
Um...

1579
01:45:12,014 --> 01:45:15,848
Oh. Well, here's the thing:

1580
01:45:16,018 --> 01:45:18,612
My son's graduation speech sucks.

1581
01:45:20,122 --> 01:45:21,146
That's not a joke.

1582
01:45:22,258 --> 01:45:25,819
In fairness, I didn't know
where he was going with that.

1583
01:45:25,995 --> 01:45:27,656
But I think we can all agree...

1584
01:45:27,830 --> 01:45:33,427
it was headed
in a kind of depressing, um, way.

1585
01:45:35,304 --> 01:45:38,501
My son... Not him, my actual son.

1586
01:45:38,674 --> 01:45:41,199
- Believes in grand romantic gestures.

1587
01:45:41,410 --> 01:45:44,846
He believes in the existence...

1588
01:45:45,014 --> 01:45:47,312
of one's soul mate.

1589
01:45:48,684 --> 01:45:51,915
And it's easy to just look
at a 13-year-old and say:

1590
01:45:52,088 --> 01:45:56,286
"You don't know what you're talking about.
You are wrong. "

1591
01:45:56,459 --> 01:45:58,757
But I'm not so sure.

1592
01:46:02,798 --> 01:46:05,926
I met my soul mate
when I was 15 years old.

1593
01:46:06,502 --> 01:46:08,470
We went out for ice cream.

1594
01:46:08,637 --> 01:46:13,336
After, my dad started teasing me
about my first date, the way dads do.

1595
01:46:13,509 --> 01:46:16,376
And I told him, "Dad, it's no big deal.

1596
01:46:16,545 --> 01:46:21,915
I'm gonna be going out with a lot of
different girls on a lot of different dates. "

1597
01:46:22,084 --> 01:46:25,576
And that is the first time
that I ever lied to my father.

1598
01:46:28,991 --> 01:46:31,653
I met my soul mate
when I was 15 years old...

1599
01:46:31,827 --> 01:46:36,594
and I have loved her
every minute of every day...

1600
01:46:37,166 --> 01:46:41,000
since I first bought her
that mint chocolate chip cone.

1601
01:46:42,671 --> 01:46:47,438
I have loved her through the birth
of my three perfect children.

1602
01:46:48,577 --> 01:46:50,875
I have loved her
even when I've hated her.

1603
01:46:52,748 --> 01:46:54,875
Only married couples
will understand that one.

1604
01:47:00,422 --> 01:47:02,287
And I don't know if it's gonna work out.

1605
01:47:04,293 --> 01:47:06,318
I don't know what's gonna happen.

1606
01:47:08,364 --> 01:47:11,333
I'm sorry, Robbie, I can't give you that.

1607
01:47:12,268 --> 01:47:14,668
But I can promise you this:

1608
01:47:15,104 --> 01:47:17,163
I will never stop trying.

1609
01:47:18,541 --> 01:47:21,669
Because when you find the one...

1610
01:47:22,144 --> 01:47:23,668
you never give up.

1611
01:47:29,418 --> 01:47:31,318
Do you have anything you'd like to say?

1612
01:47:33,155 --> 01:47:34,850
I still love you, Jessica.

1613
01:47:38,060 --> 01:47:39,527
And I love you, Emily.

1614
01:47:41,597 --> 01:47:44,828
I loved you ever since you first
changed my sister's diaper.

1615
01:47:45,000 --> 01:47:48,936
I loved you when you came into
my bedroom and I was under the covers...

1616
01:47:49,104 --> 01:47:50,935
- Stop him.
No, no.

1617
01:47:51,106 --> 01:47:53,404
- What's he talking about?
- I'm not ashamed of it.

1618
01:47:53,576 --> 01:47:55,601
Okay, we're good, we're good.

1619
01:48:04,653 --> 01:48:07,918
Oh, there's your mom. Let's go say hi.

1620
01:48:08,257 --> 01:48:09,417
Hey.

1621
01:48:09,592 --> 01:48:12,026
Oh, I'm so proud of you.

1622
01:48:12,194 --> 01:48:14,355
There she is. My perfect girl.

1623
01:48:14,530 --> 01:48:16,054
Hi.

1624
01:48:20,936 --> 01:48:22,460
Okay.

1625
01:48:23,606 --> 01:48:25,039
So I bought a firearm...

1626
01:48:26,542 --> 01:48:27,839
from a shady Internet site...

1627
01:48:28,010 --> 01:48:30,103
and I am prepared to shoot you with it.

1628
01:48:32,314 --> 01:48:33,906
Come here.

1629
01:48:40,322 --> 01:48:41,619
Take care of her.

1630
01:48:46,629 --> 01:48:48,563
This is gonna be fun.

1631
01:48:48,731 --> 01:48:50,790
This is gonna be fun.

1632
01:48:55,070 --> 01:48:56,503
I'm gonna talk to my friends.

1633
01:48:56,672 --> 01:49:00,506
Go hang with the other high schoolers.
Go ahead, see if I care. I don't care.

1634
01:49:35,144 --> 01:49:37,476
I'm really glad you came.

1635
01:49:37,646 --> 01:49:39,136
So am I.

1636
01:49:40,516 --> 01:49:42,814
You were a really good babysitter,
Jessica.

1637
01:49:44,620 --> 01:49:46,713
I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable.

1638
01:49:48,023 --> 01:49:50,355
- I thought you weren't giving up.
I'm not.

1639
01:49:50,526 --> 01:49:51,959
But I just figure...

1640
01:49:52,161 --> 01:49:53,628
you like my dad...

1641
01:49:53,796 --> 01:49:55,889
and in a few years I'll look like him.

1642
01:49:56,065 --> 01:49:57,225
I'll come for you then.

1643
01:49:58,067 --> 01:49:59,534
That's not a bad plan.

1644
01:50:00,002 --> 01:50:01,060
But...

1645
01:50:01,804 --> 01:50:03,897
Well, until then...

1646
01:50:04,073 --> 01:50:08,203
just a little graduation gift
to get you through high school.

1647
01:50:09,211 --> 01:50:10,701
Thanks.

1648
01:50:19,188 --> 01:50:20,246
So...

1649
01:50:21,790 --> 01:50:23,883
Can you...?

1650
01:50:24,059 --> 01:50:26,084
- Why...?
- Take care, Robbie.

1651
01:50:52,020 --> 01:50:54,284
Holy crap.

1652
01:51:03,265 --> 01:51:06,928
- He looks pretty happy.
- Yeah.

1653
01:51:07,736 --> 01:51:09,670
- God, I hate that haircut, though.
- Ick.

1654
01:51:09,838 --> 01:51:13,035
- I know. He looks like a sheepdog.
- Mm-hm.

1655
01:51:18,147 --> 01:51:22,311
Oh, my eyes! My eyes! My eyes!

1656
01:51:27,156 --> 01:51:29,147
It's been a really hard year.

1657
01:51:30,759 --> 01:51:31,817
How so?

1658
01:51:37,132 --> 01:51:39,692
Yeah, there were a couple little blips,
I guess.

1659
01:51:39,868 --> 01:51:42,860
- I know.
- I guess I just, you know...

1660
01:51:43,572 --> 01:51:46,871
Really what I want to say...

1661
01:51:49,211 --> 01:51:52,146
is that I'm so glad you bought me
that ice cream.

1662
01:51:54,917 --> 01:51:57,181
Me too.