1 00:00:29,315 --> 00:00:34,320 Subtitles by explosiveskull Resync by GoldenBeard 2 00:02:12,771 --> 00:02:16,140 Fuck Wolverine. 3 00:02:16,142 --> 00:02:18,942 First, he rides my coattails with the R rating. 4 00:02:18,944 --> 00:02:23,480 Then the hairy motherfucker ups the ante by dying. 5 00:02:23,482 --> 00:02:25,649 What a dick. 6 00:02:25,651 --> 00:02:28,052 Well, guess what, Wolvie? 7 00:02:28,054 --> 00:02:30,553 I'm dying in this one, too. 8 00:02:33,725 --> 00:02:35,759 To understand why I took a cat-nap 9 00:02:35,761 --> 00:02:38,162 on 1,200 gallons of high-test fuel... 10 00:02:38,164 --> 00:02:39,397 I need to take you back 11 00:02:39,399 --> 00:02:41,965 to the dewy slopes of six weeks ago. 12 00:02:41,967 --> 00:02:43,367 I'd gone international, 13 00:02:43,369 --> 00:02:45,269 taking out mass murderers, gangsters, 14 00:02:45,271 --> 00:02:46,871 unspeakable monsters. 15 00:02:46,873 --> 00:02:49,807 People nobody would touch. Except me. 16 00:02:49,809 --> 00:02:52,676 I'm gonna touch them all over. 17 00:02:55,547 --> 00:02:57,514 Hey, it's Gail calling. 18 00:02:57,516 --> 00:02:58,916 Love the shiny suit. 19 00:02:58,918 --> 00:02:59,784 Really brings out 20 00:02:59,786 --> 00:03:01,451 the sex trafficker in your eyes. 21 00:03:03,622 --> 00:03:07,757 I don't speak Cantonese, Mister... 22 00:03:07,759 --> 00:03:09,827 Well, I'm not even gonna attempt that. 23 00:03:09,829 --> 00:03:12,662 But I did take 8th grade Spanish, so... 24 00:03:14,733 --> 00:03:17,734 Which literally translates to... 25 00:03:17,736 --> 00:03:21,005 I don't bargain, pumpkin fucker. 26 00:03:30,083 --> 00:03:31,315 Uno, dos, tres, cuatro... 27 00:03:43,930 --> 00:03:46,596 I'll take a cranberry-grapefruit vodka. 28 00:03:46,598 --> 00:03:48,065 I know it's called a Sea Breeze. 29 00:03:48,067 --> 00:03:49,532 Don't make me say it. 30 00:03:49,534 --> 00:03:51,135 Hit it, Dolly. 31 00:04:08,087 --> 00:04:10,956 Taking the hands out of the guns of the criminals! 32 00:04:19,098 --> 00:04:20,299 Whoo! Do not go in there! 33 00:04:30,575 --> 00:04:33,676 Oh, God! Oh, God, time out! Time out! 34 00:04:33,678 --> 00:04:37,381 Cut. Got bad guy blood, right in my open eye. 35 00:04:37,383 --> 00:04:39,316 Oh, that's so gross. 36 00:04:40,386 --> 00:04:41,953 Fuck. 37 00:04:42,687 --> 00:04:44,791 Scoutmaster Kevin? 38 00:04:50,997 --> 00:04:52,697 Too exotic? 39 00:04:55,068 --> 00:04:56,801 My world tour brought me home 40 00:04:56,803 --> 00:04:59,437 to this guy, Sergei Valishnikov. 41 00:04:59,439 --> 00:05:00,871 But we'll get to him in a moment. 42 00:05:00,873 --> 00:05:02,173 'Cause I know what you're thinking. 43 00:05:02,175 --> 00:05:05,409 "I'm so glad I left the kiddos at home." 44 00:05:05,411 --> 00:05:06,811 But that's where you'd be wrong. 45 00:05:06,813 --> 00:05:09,814 That babysitter of yours is high as fuck right now... 46 00:05:09,816 --> 00:05:14,285 and, believe it or not, Deadpool 2 is a family film. 47 00:05:14,287 --> 00:05:15,553 True story. 48 00:05:15,555 --> 00:05:19,323 And every good family film starts with a vicious murder. 49 00:05:19,325 --> 00:05:22,193 Bambi, The Lion King, Saw 7. 50 00:05:22,195 --> 00:05:25,662 Holy shit pickles! That guy's on fire. 51 00:05:25,664 --> 00:05:28,399 That's not CGI, folks. He's actually on fire. 52 00:05:28,401 --> 00:05:32,103 Yeah. You know I get paid to take out bad guys, right? 53 00:05:32,105 --> 00:05:33,104 But this guy? 54 00:05:33,106 --> 00:05:35,674 He was one of the worst of 'em. 55 00:05:37,910 --> 00:05:39,642 Hurry up and open this fucking door, 56 00:05:39,644 --> 00:05:40,924 and let's kill this motherfucker! 57 00:05:48,187 --> 00:05:50,254 Ugh. So gross. 58 00:05:50,256 --> 00:05:52,956 A panic room? Really? 59 00:05:52,958 --> 00:05:55,159 Can you come out? 60 00:05:55,161 --> 00:05:58,630 I really have to go. It's my anniversary. 61 00:06:04,003 --> 00:06:05,503 Over and over, I hear people say, 62 00:06:05,505 --> 00:06:07,004 "I just don't have enough confidence." 63 00:06:07,006 --> 00:06:09,140 Listen, confidence is not something you have. 64 00:06:09,142 --> 00:06:10,673 It's something you create. 65 00:06:10,675 --> 00:06:12,776 And you can create it at any moment in time. 66 00:06:12,778 --> 00:06:14,578 A sense of confidence is nothing 67 00:06:14,580 --> 00:06:16,013 but a sense of power within yourself... 68 00:06:16,015 --> 00:06:18,015 a sense of certainty that you can pull something off. 69 00:06:18,017 --> 00:06:19,949 Start the car! Start the fucking car! 70 00:06:19,951 --> 00:06:20,818 Dopinder! 71 00:06:20,820 --> 00:06:22,822 Start the fucking car! 72 00:06:29,862 --> 00:06:31,595 - Whoo! - Oh, I shit my pants. 73 00:06:31,597 --> 00:06:33,864 Actually, that may have been me. 74 00:06:33,866 --> 00:06:35,332 Oh, mission accomplished? 75 00:06:35,334 --> 00:06:37,034 Well, in a George W. sort of way. 76 00:06:37,036 --> 00:06:39,036 Fucker can't stay in a panic room forever. 77 00:06:39,038 --> 00:06:40,670 Oh, you're living the dreams, DP. 78 00:06:40,672 --> 00:06:42,573 It has been quite the run, Dopinder, 79 00:06:42,575 --> 00:06:43,841 and who'da thought? 80 00:06:43,843 --> 00:06:46,577 Now I'm talked about in the same sentence as Jesus. 81 00:06:46,579 --> 00:06:48,512 Passion of the Christ, then me. 82 00:06:48,514 --> 00:06:49,746 At least domestically. 83 00:06:49,748 --> 00:06:50,947 We beat them overseas, 84 00:06:50,949 --> 00:06:53,017 where there's no such thing as religion. 85 00:06:53,019 --> 00:06:55,186 I do want to live the dreams, Pool Boy. 86 00:06:55,188 --> 00:06:57,687 Taxiing is not as sexy as it looks. 87 00:06:57,689 --> 00:06:59,356 - I want to fill my... - Pockets? 88 00:06:59,358 --> 00:07:02,660 What's your poison? A little, uh, cokey cokey? 89 00:07:02,662 --> 00:07:04,094 Can't maintain an erection 90 00:07:04,096 --> 00:07:05,762 without buying shoes online? 91 00:07:05,764 --> 00:07:07,764 I've never experienced that last one. 92 00:07:07,766 --> 00:07:09,066 Talk to me, Goose. 93 00:07:09,068 --> 00:07:11,869 I was going to say "soul". I want to fill my soul. 94 00:07:11,871 --> 00:07:15,272 I want to belong to something, like you, Pool, sir. 95 00:07:15,274 --> 00:07:16,874 - Dopinder... - Hmm? 96 00:07:16,876 --> 00:07:18,944 You never cease to surprise me. 97 00:07:20,146 --> 00:07:23,080 You know, the depth of your heart is extraordinary. 98 00:07:23,082 --> 00:07:24,848 We all need a sense of belonging. 99 00:07:24,850 --> 00:07:26,716 We all need a genuine sense of home. 100 00:07:26,718 --> 00:07:27,785 A place in this world. 101 00:07:27,787 --> 00:07:29,153 I want to become a contract killer. 102 00:07:29,155 --> 00:07:30,854 I'm sorry. What did you say? 103 00:07:30,856 --> 00:07:32,890 Remember when I kidnapped Bandhu 104 00:07:32,892 --> 00:07:34,458 and threatened him with great violence? 105 00:07:34,460 --> 00:07:35,859 You kind of killed him. 106 00:07:35,861 --> 00:07:37,828 And then remember the movie Interview with the Vampire? 107 00:07:37,830 --> 00:07:38,962 Don't want to. 108 00:07:38,964 --> 00:07:40,030 When Tom Cruise fed 109 00:07:40,032 --> 00:07:41,931 10-year-old Kirsten Dunst blood 110 00:07:41,933 --> 00:07:43,167 for the first time... 111 00:07:43,169 --> 00:07:45,703 and she looked up at his smooth, 112 00:07:45,705 --> 00:07:48,174 handsome face and said... 113 00:07:48,641 --> 00:07:50,341 "I want some more." 114 00:07:50,343 --> 00:07:54,380 Oh, Pool, picture me, a 10-year-old Kirsten Dunst. 115 00:07:55,314 --> 00:07:57,848 I'll never not picture that. 116 00:07:57,850 --> 00:07:59,683 But I can't wait to never speak of this, 117 00:07:59,685 --> 00:08:01,585 as soon as possible. 118 00:08:01,587 --> 00:08:04,257 We're here. 119 00:08:06,392 --> 00:08:07,291 You're my Tom Cruise! 120 00:08:07,293 --> 00:08:09,260 And you're my Kristen Dunst! 121 00:08:09,262 --> 00:08:10,830 Kristen? Kirsten? 122 00:08:15,701 --> 00:08:17,401 Sorry I'm late. 123 00:08:17,403 --> 00:08:18,902 There was a bunch of 124 00:08:18,904 --> 00:08:21,005 handicapable children stuck in a tree... 125 00:08:21,007 --> 00:08:22,473 - and I had to, uh... - Uh-uh. 126 00:08:22,475 --> 00:08:25,309 You're right. I was fighting a caped badass. 127 00:08:25,311 --> 00:08:28,078 But then we discovered his mom is named Martha, too. 128 00:08:28,080 --> 00:08:29,380 No. 129 00:08:29,382 --> 00:08:30,383 Traffic? 130 00:08:31,083 --> 00:08:32,118 Hmm? 131 00:08:32,985 --> 00:08:34,585 Kiss me like you miss me, Red. 132 00:08:34,587 --> 00:08:35,888 Well, come here. 133 00:08:47,366 --> 00:08:49,966 I'm gonna shower and get out of this suit. 134 00:08:49,968 --> 00:08:51,135 Don't you want your surprise? 135 00:08:51,137 --> 00:08:53,205 Do I look like a patient burn victim? 136 00:08:53,839 --> 00:08:55,241 I got one for you, too. 137 00:08:56,375 --> 00:08:57,808 Happy anniversary, baby. 138 00:08:57,810 --> 00:08:59,478 Open, open, open. 139 00:09:01,480 --> 00:09:03,314 Skee-Ball token. 140 00:09:03,316 --> 00:09:04,648 Our first date. 141 00:09:04,650 --> 00:09:05,983 Yup. 142 00:09:05,985 --> 00:09:09,088 That's genuine, high-grade lead. 143 00:09:11,792 --> 00:09:14,291 I'll keep it forever. 144 00:09:14,293 --> 00:09:15,828 Thank you, baby. 145 00:09:17,096 --> 00:09:19,065 - Open yours. - All right, all right. 146 00:09:19,765 --> 00:09:21,233 Oh... 147 00:09:22,335 --> 00:09:24,468 That's just the most beautiful thing that I've... 148 00:09:24,470 --> 00:09:25,869 I don't know what this is. 149 00:09:25,871 --> 00:09:27,705 My IUD. 150 00:09:27,707 --> 00:09:28,906 A bomb? 151 00:09:28,908 --> 00:09:32,009 No, dick for brains. My birth control device. 152 00:09:32,011 --> 00:09:33,077 What, you mean that your... 153 00:09:33,079 --> 00:09:34,944 Baby factory's open for business. 154 00:09:34,946 --> 00:09:36,213 Oh, my God! 155 00:09:36,215 --> 00:09:39,483 Oh, my God! I want a boy! 156 00:09:39,485 --> 00:09:42,553 Or a little girl! Definitely one or the other! 157 00:09:42,555 --> 00:09:45,624 Oh! And I want our kid to have only one name. 158 00:09:46,292 --> 00:09:49,326 Like Cher or Todd. 159 00:09:49,328 --> 00:09:51,295 You gotta pump a baby in me first, cowboy. 160 00:09:51,297 --> 00:09:52,363 Yes, I do. 161 00:09:52,365 --> 00:09:54,331 Let's watch some porn and show that bed who's boss. 162 00:09:54,333 --> 00:09:55,334 Let's do that. 163 00:10:04,845 --> 00:10:07,246 Does this song sound familiar to you? 164 00:10:09,482 --> 00:10:11,448 May. 165 00:10:11,450 --> 00:10:15,421 Connor, if it's a boy. May, if it's a girl. 166 00:10:17,956 --> 00:10:20,324 So weird. 167 00:10:20,326 --> 00:10:23,062 Family was always an F-word to me. 168 00:10:24,263 --> 00:10:28,665 My pile of shit father took off and bailed. 169 00:10:28,667 --> 00:10:31,068 I mean, it's not like I have a lot of strong role models 170 00:10:31,070 --> 00:10:33,372 to draw off of for Todd. 171 00:10:34,407 --> 00:10:37,109 Hey. Look at me. 172 00:10:38,043 --> 00:10:40,379 You are not your father. 173 00:10:41,914 --> 00:10:43,213 Besides... 174 00:10:43,215 --> 00:10:48,287 I will never, ever let our child be named Todd. 175 00:10:49,088 --> 00:10:50,154 But here's the thing, 176 00:10:50,156 --> 00:10:51,557 isn't that how it always works? 177 00:10:52,091 --> 00:10:53,524 Like in Star Wars, 178 00:10:53,526 --> 00:10:56,326 men are destined to become their father... 179 00:10:56,328 --> 00:10:59,430 and then have consensual sex with their sister? 180 00:10:59,432 --> 00:11:02,932 I think you missed big, big chunks of that movie. 181 00:11:02,934 --> 00:11:05,202 No, I'm pretty sure Luke nailed her. 182 00:11:05,204 --> 00:11:07,471 Baby, that's Empire. 183 00:11:07,473 --> 00:11:10,142 The point is, kids... 184 00:11:11,343 --> 00:11:14,246 they give us a chance to be better than we are. 185 00:11:14,915 --> 00:11:17,681 Better than we used to be. 186 00:11:17,683 --> 00:11:20,186 You're a lot smarter than I look. 187 00:11:21,020 --> 00:11:22,854 I'm gonna go make dessert. 188 00:11:22,856 --> 00:11:27,224 You get the strap-on. Let's make a super baby. 189 00:11:27,226 --> 00:11:29,695 Pretty sure it doesn't work that way, but we can try. 190 00:11:30,930 --> 00:11:34,364 What about Krystal? But with a "K"? 191 00:11:34,366 --> 00:11:36,433 It's too stripper-y. 192 00:11:36,435 --> 00:11:37,869 Kevin with a "K"! 193 00:11:37,871 --> 00:11:40,139 No, too stripper-y, too. 194 00:11:40,606 --> 00:11:42,372 Uh, Earl! 195 00:11:42,374 --> 00:11:44,876 He's gonna go straight to jail 196 00:11:44,878 --> 00:11:47,077 if we name him Earl. 197 00:11:47,079 --> 00:11:49,181 What about Bruce? 198 00:11:50,182 --> 00:11:51,515 No. 199 00:11:51,517 --> 00:11:52,749 Get down. 200 00:11:52,751 --> 00:11:54,153 What? 201 00:12:22,715 --> 00:12:24,816 Baby? Baby? 202 00:12:27,988 --> 00:12:29,586 I'm okay. 203 00:12:29,588 --> 00:12:32,389 Thank God I didn't have to use the cream cheese spreader. 204 00:13:06,959 --> 00:13:08,394 Please. 205 00:13:13,465 --> 00:13:15,165 Please. Please. 206 00:13:15,167 --> 00:13:18,535 Baby, I'm so sorry. 207 00:13:18,537 --> 00:13:22,408 No! 208 00:16:30,830 --> 00:16:31,996 Is it just me, or does 209 00:16:31,998 --> 00:16:34,132 Do You Want to Build a Snowman? from Frozen... 210 00:16:34,134 --> 00:16:35,532 sound suspiciously like 211 00:16:35,534 --> 00:16:37,734 Papa, Can You Hear Me? from Yentl? 212 00:16:42,641 --> 00:16:45,042 And nobody fucking realizes it. 213 00:16:45,044 --> 00:16:48,278 Go home. You've been here for three days, okay? 214 00:16:48,280 --> 00:16:50,514 You smell like somebody shit in a Civil War wound... 215 00:16:50,516 --> 00:16:52,016 after it had become gangrenous. 216 00:16:52,018 --> 00:16:54,351 They should've just amputated it. Why shit in it? 217 00:16:54,353 --> 00:16:55,987 Doesn't make any sense. 218 00:16:55,989 --> 00:16:57,587 I love Frozen. 219 00:16:57,589 --> 00:17:01,125 I loved her. I loved her like an ocean loves water. 220 00:17:01,127 --> 00:17:02,526 An ocean is water. 221 00:17:02,528 --> 00:17:07,564 More importantly, I liked her. I really liked her, you know? 222 00:17:07,566 --> 00:17:08,732 George Michael was right. 223 00:17:08,734 --> 00:17:11,202 I'm never gonna dance again. Fuck! 224 00:17:11,204 --> 00:17:12,404 He's dead, too. 225 00:17:13,505 --> 00:17:15,505 At least we still have Bowie. 226 00:17:15,507 --> 00:17:19,578 Yeah. We still have Bowie. 227 00:17:20,046 --> 00:17:21,311 I'm sorry. 228 00:17:21,313 --> 00:17:22,646 Shot after shot, 229 00:17:22,648 --> 00:17:24,648 it's not gonna change the fact that I think you're... 230 00:17:24,650 --> 00:17:26,050 Are you pissing? Are you urinating right now? 231 00:17:26,052 --> 00:17:29,086 You're making the face that you make when you urinate. 232 00:17:29,088 --> 00:17:30,988 - Is he pissing? - I'm on it! 233 00:17:30,990 --> 00:17:32,322 There you go, Dopinder. 234 00:17:32,324 --> 00:17:34,292 If you want to be a contract killer... 235 00:17:34,294 --> 00:17:36,760 you gotta handle a mop before you handle a gun. 236 00:17:36,762 --> 00:17:38,029 Although I don't quite understand 237 00:17:38,031 --> 00:17:39,329 how they are at all similar. 238 00:17:39,331 --> 00:17:41,767 Well, they both have handles. Now, leave me. 239 00:17:42,802 --> 00:17:44,367 Go home, Wade. 240 00:17:44,369 --> 00:17:47,271 I don't have a home, Weas, you know. I got a... 241 00:17:47,273 --> 00:17:49,774 Fuck! Okay, I'm fine. 242 00:17:49,776 --> 00:17:50,640 I'm fine. 243 00:17:50,642 --> 00:17:52,542 You know what "fine" stands for, Wade? 244 00:17:52,544 --> 00:17:56,346 Fucked up, insecure, needy, and emotional. 245 00:17:56,348 --> 00:17:57,749 According to the... 246 00:17:59,018 --> 00:18:00,417 - Kubler-Ross. - Yeah. 247 00:18:00,419 --> 00:18:02,385 According to the Kubler-Ross model... 248 00:18:02,387 --> 00:18:05,223 denial is just one of the five stages of grief. 249 00:18:05,225 --> 00:18:07,524 Jesus Christ, Buck! 250 00:18:07,526 --> 00:18:09,661 No more speaking lines for you. 251 00:18:45,664 --> 00:18:47,164 "I'm thinking it over!" 252 00:18:47,166 --> 00:18:48,632 Motherfuck! 253 00:18:48,634 --> 00:18:49,635 Fuck! 254 00:18:52,437 --> 00:18:54,138 The hell you doin' here? 255 00:18:54,140 --> 00:18:56,007 Don't you know how to knock? 256 00:18:56,009 --> 00:18:58,042 I thought you saw me... 257 00:18:58,044 --> 00:18:59,442 with your ears. 258 00:18:59,444 --> 00:19:00,811 You're lucky I didn't shoot you in the... 259 00:19:00,813 --> 00:19:01,745 The wall? 260 00:19:01,747 --> 00:19:05,450 The refrigerator? I'm in so much pain. 261 00:19:07,854 --> 00:19:09,653 I heard the news, sweetie. 262 00:19:09,655 --> 00:19:11,955 I'm very sorry. I am. 263 00:19:11,957 --> 00:19:13,757 What am I gonna do, Al? 264 00:19:13,759 --> 00:19:15,694 Probably something terrible. 265 00:19:16,829 --> 00:19:18,162 Knowing you. 266 00:19:18,164 --> 00:19:19,799 It was my fault. 267 00:19:20,966 --> 00:19:23,566 I fucking did this. 268 00:19:23,568 --> 00:19:25,635 And all I wanna do is grab her and see her 269 00:19:25,637 --> 00:19:27,673 and tell her that I'm sorry, and I can't. 270 00:19:29,842 --> 00:19:31,574 She's gone. 271 00:19:31,576 --> 00:19:35,279 Sweetheart, can you speak up? 272 00:19:35,281 --> 00:19:36,680 It's a little hard to hear you 273 00:19:36,682 --> 00:19:38,149 with that pity dick in your mouth. 274 00:19:38,151 --> 00:19:41,352 Now, look, sugar. You need to just keep living. 275 00:19:41,354 --> 00:19:42,585 Thank you... 276 00:19:42,587 --> 00:19:45,655 Matthew McConaughey, your words are a treasure. 277 00:19:45,657 --> 00:19:47,757 Listen to the pain. 278 00:19:47,759 --> 00:19:50,593 It's both history teacher and fortune teller. 279 00:19:50,595 --> 00:19:54,131 Pain teaches us who we are, Wade. 280 00:19:54,133 --> 00:19:58,069 Sometimes, it's so bad, we feel like we're dying. 281 00:19:58,071 --> 00:20:01,040 But we can't really live till we've died a little, can we? 282 00:20:03,443 --> 00:20:04,811 Wade? 283 00:20:07,180 --> 00:20:09,246 - Wade? - I'm right here, Althea. 284 00:20:09,248 --> 00:20:12,083 And that is the most beautiful thing 285 00:20:12,085 --> 00:20:13,985 I've ever heard. 286 00:20:13,987 --> 00:20:15,620 You're absolutely right. 287 00:20:19,359 --> 00:20:21,861 I'm about to do something terrible. 288 00:20:25,564 --> 00:20:27,865 There. All caught up. 289 00:20:27,867 --> 00:20:30,801 You can't really live until you've died a little. 290 00:20:30,803 --> 00:20:32,771 Let's test that theory, shall we? 291 00:20:45,051 --> 00:20:47,617 Baby factory's open for business. 292 00:20:51,057 --> 00:20:53,224 Your crazy matches my crazy. 293 00:20:53,226 --> 00:20:55,493 I will never, ever let our child be named Todd. 294 00:20:55,495 --> 00:20:57,261 Skee-Ball token. 295 00:20:58,865 --> 00:21:01,999 Happy International Women's Day. 296 00:21:02,001 --> 00:21:03,334 Listen, I've been thinking a lot. 297 00:21:03,336 --> 00:21:04,502 Really? 298 00:21:04,504 --> 00:21:05,568 About why we're so good together. 299 00:21:05,570 --> 00:21:07,004 I love you, Wade Wilson. 300 00:21:09,342 --> 00:21:10,877 Ness? 301 00:21:12,278 --> 00:21:13,545 Ness? 302 00:21:14,213 --> 00:21:15,780 Ness. 303 00:21:15,782 --> 00:21:18,650 Ness, there's something here. I can't get to you. 304 00:21:20,086 --> 00:21:22,752 Your heart's not in the right place. 305 00:21:22,754 --> 00:21:25,489 Wait, hold on. What? 306 00:21:25,491 --> 00:21:27,557 Your heart's not in the right place. 307 00:21:27,559 --> 00:21:28,793 Wait. What do you mean 308 00:21:28,795 --> 00:21:30,756 my heart's not in the right place? What does it... 309 00:21:49,982 --> 00:21:52,682 I'm terribly sorry for your loss, Wade. 310 00:21:52,684 --> 00:21:54,385 You're broken. 311 00:21:54,387 --> 00:21:57,857 Oh, God. I know that voice. 312 00:22:01,527 --> 00:22:03,027 "Heart's in the right place." 313 00:22:03,029 --> 00:22:04,627 "Heart's in the right..." What does that mean? 314 00:22:04,629 --> 00:22:06,497 You've been sleep for three days. 315 00:22:06,499 --> 00:22:08,365 I took the liberty of dressing you. 316 00:22:08,367 --> 00:22:09,632 No shit. 317 00:22:09,634 --> 00:22:11,601 Why can't I fucking die? 318 00:22:11,603 --> 00:22:13,237 Take your mask off, Wade. 319 00:22:13,239 --> 00:22:14,805 We must talk. 320 00:22:14,807 --> 00:22:17,341 You need fresh start. 321 00:22:17,343 --> 00:22:19,742 With training, you can be X-Man. 322 00:22:19,744 --> 00:22:21,879 You're wasting your time, Shiny Jesus. 323 00:22:21,881 --> 00:22:23,347 I'm not X-Man material. 324 00:22:23,349 --> 00:22:25,017 Understatement of the year. 325 00:22:25,384 --> 00:22:26,385 Wade, Yukio. 326 00:22:26,952 --> 00:22:28,718 Yukio, Wade. 327 00:22:28,720 --> 00:22:30,954 What in the fuck knuckles is this? 328 00:22:30,956 --> 00:22:33,591 She's my girlfriend, you intolerant shit. 329 00:22:33,593 --> 00:22:35,559 Whoa! Pump the hate brakes, Fox & Friends. 330 00:22:35,561 --> 00:22:37,561 I'm just surprised anyone would date you. 331 00:22:37,563 --> 00:22:40,297 Especially Pinkie Pie from My Little Pony. 332 00:22:40,299 --> 00:22:42,199 I like this guy. 333 00:22:42,201 --> 00:22:44,101 Give him a chance. 334 00:22:44,103 --> 00:22:45,402 It's great seeing you like this. 335 00:22:45,404 --> 00:22:47,739 Yeah. 336 00:22:48,107 --> 00:22:49,206 Bye, Wade! 337 00:22:49,208 --> 00:22:51,809 Now, some ground rules while under our roof. 338 00:22:51,811 --> 00:22:54,677 "Rule number one. No killing... 339 00:22:54,679 --> 00:22:58,048 "anyone ever, no matter how bad. 340 00:22:58,050 --> 00:23:00,985 "Rule two. Label everything in refrigerator." 341 00:23:00,987 --> 00:23:01,988 Wade? 342 00:23:02,889 --> 00:23:04,054 Wade? 343 00:23:04,056 --> 00:23:05,222 Wade! 344 00:23:05,224 --> 00:23:06,857 Don't try to chase me. 345 00:23:06,859 --> 00:23:09,226 I'm not ready to be touched again. 346 00:23:09,228 --> 00:23:11,562 All these elderly white men on the walls... 347 00:23:11,564 --> 00:23:13,397 Should have brought my rape whistle. 348 00:23:13,399 --> 00:23:14,664 Hi. 349 00:23:14,666 --> 00:23:17,334 Those were already damaged after they fell there! 350 00:23:17,336 --> 00:23:19,270 What am I supposed to do around here, anyway? 351 00:23:19,272 --> 00:23:21,671 Sit in a share circle, talk about my feelings? 352 00:23:21,673 --> 00:23:24,475 And how would I do that exactly? 353 00:23:24,477 --> 00:23:27,244 'Cause where the fuck is everyone? 354 00:23:27,246 --> 00:23:28,245 It's always just you 355 00:23:28,247 --> 00:23:29,679 and Negasonic Teenage Longest Name Ever... 356 00:23:29,681 --> 00:23:30,947 Enough! 357 00:23:30,949 --> 00:23:32,985 I said no touching! 358 00:23:34,587 --> 00:23:37,855 What the fuck? 359 00:23:37,857 --> 00:23:40,224 You'd think the studio would throw us a bone. 360 00:23:40,226 --> 00:23:42,725 They can't just dust off one of the famous X-Men? 361 00:23:42,727 --> 00:23:44,862 How 'bout that putz with the giant pigeon wings? 362 00:23:44,864 --> 00:23:46,030 What do those do anyway, huh? 363 00:23:46,032 --> 00:23:47,565 Carry him three feet off the ground 364 00:23:47,567 --> 00:23:49,633 to snatch up the nearest muffin crumb? 365 00:23:49,635 --> 00:23:51,802 No, no, no! 366 00:23:51,804 --> 00:23:54,772 I am not X-Man material at all. 367 00:23:54,774 --> 00:23:57,174 First off... 368 00:23:57,176 --> 00:23:59,445 I'm not even a virgin. Second and more... 369 00:24:01,581 --> 00:24:02,680 I should have left you 370 00:24:02,682 --> 00:24:04,548 in the self-pitying mess I found you in. 371 00:24:04,550 --> 00:24:07,585 But this is what friends do. They show up! 372 00:24:07,587 --> 00:24:09,620 Not when convenient or easy. 373 00:24:09,622 --> 00:24:13,957 When hard, and you always make it hard. 374 00:24:13,959 --> 00:24:16,393 You are unwell. 375 00:24:16,395 --> 00:24:18,696 I'm sticking my neck out bringing you here. 376 00:24:18,698 --> 00:24:20,564 Wait. One of the assholes 377 00:24:20,566 --> 00:24:22,168 who killed Vanessa got away. 378 00:24:24,637 --> 00:24:27,004 Oh, Jesus Christ! 379 00:24:27,006 --> 00:24:29,173 Wade, whoever they are... 380 00:24:29,175 --> 00:24:32,211 we track them down and bring them to justice. 381 00:24:32,545 --> 00:24:34,013 It was me. 382 00:24:36,882 --> 00:24:39,450 I'm the asshole who got away. 383 00:24:39,452 --> 00:24:42,653 I killed every last one of them, except me. 384 00:24:42,655 --> 00:24:44,423 Couldn't kill me. 385 00:24:47,660 --> 00:24:49,862 We were gonna start a family. 386 00:24:51,497 --> 00:24:53,497 We were, uh... 387 00:24:54,667 --> 00:24:57,268 We were gonna be a family. 388 00:24:57,270 --> 00:24:58,202 Wade... 389 00:24:58,204 --> 00:25:01,207 Vanessa is gone. She's not coming back. 390 00:25:02,675 --> 00:25:04,974 This may not be family you want... 391 00:25:04,976 --> 00:25:07,544 but it's family you need. 392 00:25:07,546 --> 00:25:08,812 You have a good heart. 393 00:25:08,814 --> 00:25:10,449 It belongs here where it can grow. 394 00:25:12,285 --> 00:25:13,319 What did you say? 395 00:25:15,321 --> 00:25:16,789 About my heart? 396 00:25:21,994 --> 00:25:24,196 I think I'm in the right place. 397 00:26:38,571 --> 00:26:39,572 Wade. 398 00:26:40,172 --> 00:26:41,572 Wade! 399 00:26:41,574 --> 00:26:44,708 Hey, I was just taking Cerebro for a spin here... 400 00:26:44,710 --> 00:26:46,510 looking deep into the future. 401 00:26:46,512 --> 00:26:47,812 Phew. This thing... 402 00:26:47,814 --> 00:26:49,713 - That's not how Cerebro works. - That's not how Cerebro works. 403 00:26:49,715 --> 00:26:51,715 Yes. Yes, it is. 404 00:26:51,717 --> 00:26:53,484 - We have mission. - We have mission. 405 00:26:53,486 --> 00:26:55,452 We do. You do. 406 00:26:55,454 --> 00:26:56,553 You guys be safe out there. 407 00:26:56,555 --> 00:26:59,525 - No, I want you to join. - No, you want me to join. 408 00:27:01,026 --> 00:27:02,459 I'm sorry, what? 409 00:27:02,461 --> 00:27:03,927 You are ready. 410 00:27:03,929 --> 00:27:05,462 That's a terrible idea, and it's gonna end badly. 411 00:27:05,464 --> 00:27:07,731 You wanna know how I know? I'll give you a hint. 412 00:27:07,733 --> 00:27:08,867 It's on my head 413 00:27:08,869 --> 00:27:10,967 and smells like Patrick Stewart. 414 00:27:10,969 --> 00:27:12,871 Be at the X-Jet in five. 415 00:27:15,842 --> 00:27:18,375 Irene Merryweather, News. 416 00:27:18,377 --> 00:27:20,344 Live here at a breaking news situation 417 00:27:20,346 --> 00:27:23,147 at the Essex House for Mutant Rehabilitation. 418 00:27:23,149 --> 00:27:25,115 A mutant boy is appearing to have 419 00:27:25,117 --> 00:27:26,483 some sort of an incident... 420 00:27:26,485 --> 00:27:28,252 - with police here behind me. - Get away from me! 421 00:27:28,254 --> 00:27:30,789 There are two police vehicles that are overturned. 422 00:27:30,791 --> 00:27:32,156 - There are open fires. - Fuck off! Stay back! 423 00:27:32,158 --> 00:27:33,424 A scene of absolute chaos here. 424 00:27:33,426 --> 00:27:34,324 Calm down. 425 00:27:34,326 --> 00:27:37,296 I'll burn you! You stay back! 426 00:27:37,864 --> 00:27:39,530 Get away from me! 427 00:27:39,532 --> 00:27:42,301 You wanna fucking die? 428 00:27:57,049 --> 00:28:00,451 And it appears as if the X-Men are arriving... 429 00:28:00,453 --> 00:28:01,920 Scatter! 430 00:28:01,922 --> 00:28:03,754 with what appears to be a trainee. 431 00:28:03,756 --> 00:28:06,990 Everyone, calm down! The pros are here. I... 432 00:28:06,992 --> 00:28:08,258 We're the X-Men! 433 00:28:08,260 --> 00:28:10,829 A dated metaphor for racism in the '60s. 434 00:28:10,831 --> 00:28:12,731 So, respect. 435 00:28:13,499 --> 00:28:14,700 At ease, Officer. 436 00:28:16,168 --> 00:28:18,003 What are you doing? 437 00:28:18,370 --> 00:28:19,436 My job! 438 00:28:19,438 --> 00:28:21,004 You're the one who said I was ready, 439 00:28:21,006 --> 00:28:22,439 and I frankly disagreed with you. 440 00:28:22,441 --> 00:28:25,008 But here we are, trying to overcome our differences. 441 00:28:25,010 --> 00:28:27,546 Like Beyonce says, "Please... 442 00:28:28,214 --> 00:28:29,713 "Please, stop cheating on me." 443 00:28:29,715 --> 00:28:30,849 Hey! 444 00:28:30,851 --> 00:28:32,182 This is the fifth incident. 445 00:28:32,184 --> 00:28:34,585 This kid needs to be in the Ice Box, not here. 446 00:28:34,587 --> 00:28:36,220 Russell belongs in our care. 447 00:28:36,222 --> 00:28:38,021 Not in prison. I assure you... 448 00:28:38,023 --> 00:28:39,156 we have everything under control. 449 00:28:39,158 --> 00:28:40,457 Stay back! I'll burn you! 450 00:28:40,459 --> 00:28:41,492 Not getting a real 451 00:28:41,494 --> 00:28:43,760 "under control" vibe here, Marty. 452 00:28:43,762 --> 00:28:45,629 - It is Glen, isn't it? - Daniel. 453 00:28:45,631 --> 00:28:48,165 I'll ask the questions. Let me talk to the kid. 454 00:28:48,167 --> 00:28:52,505 You stay here with your weird, secret sex lips. 455 00:28:54,573 --> 00:28:55,706 You wanna die? 456 00:28:55,708 --> 00:28:56,640 This kid's adorable. 457 00:28:56,642 --> 00:28:57,909 I don't know why I packed the hollow points. 458 00:28:57,911 --> 00:28:59,309 I'll burn your balls off! 459 00:28:59,311 --> 00:29:02,814 First day. I'm so nervous! 460 00:29:02,816 --> 00:29:04,615 Did you just say "hollow points"? 461 00:29:04,617 --> 00:29:05,817 Yeah, probably should've 462 00:29:05,819 --> 00:29:08,053 brought a Super Soaker. 463 00:29:08,554 --> 00:29:09,555 Hi, there! 464 00:29:10,756 --> 00:29:13,190 Stay back or Justin Bieber dies! 465 00:29:13,192 --> 00:29:16,762 Justin Bieber. He called you Justin Bieber. 466 00:29:18,030 --> 00:29:19,864 Hold on! Wait, wait, wait! 467 00:29:19,866 --> 00:29:22,966 Okay, let's not do whatever that is. 468 00:29:22,968 --> 00:29:24,568 Okay? Let's just talk! 469 00:29:24,570 --> 00:29:26,136 It's Russell, right? 470 00:29:26,138 --> 00:29:28,372 - Firefist. - Firefist. 471 00:29:28,374 --> 00:29:30,607 Ooh, that's a great name. Where does it burn? 472 00:29:30,609 --> 00:29:32,410 Just the fist, or all the way up to the elbow? 473 00:29:37,316 --> 00:29:39,950 Definitely all the way up to the elbow. 474 00:29:39,952 --> 00:29:42,619 Come quietly, or there will be trouble. 475 00:29:42,621 --> 00:29:45,689 - You stole that from Robocop! - That's from Robocop! 476 00:29:45,691 --> 00:29:47,224 Just stand down! 477 00:29:47,226 --> 00:29:49,526 You're embarrassing me. Look, Fire... 478 00:29:50,596 --> 00:29:53,397 Oh, my God! I can't say it! I'm so sorry! 479 00:29:57,804 --> 00:30:01,839 Oh, shit! That fucking does it! 480 00:30:01,841 --> 00:30:03,173 Put your hands behind your knees 481 00:30:03,175 --> 00:30:04,876 and get down on your head! Now! 482 00:30:04,878 --> 00:30:07,077 Wade! What was first rule? 483 00:30:07,079 --> 00:30:08,880 Label everything in the refrigerator! 484 00:30:08,882 --> 00:30:11,648 - Do not escalate! - Rules are meant to be broken! 485 00:30:11,650 --> 00:30:13,216 That's the exact opposite 486 00:30:13,218 --> 00:30:14,720 of what they're meant for! 487 00:30:15,654 --> 00:30:17,454 Fuck! Fine! 488 00:30:17,456 --> 00:30:19,189 I'll start from the beginning. 489 00:30:19,191 --> 00:30:21,758 My name is Deadpool, and I'm an X-Man. 490 00:30:21,760 --> 00:30:23,696 - Trainee! - Shut it! 491 00:30:24,630 --> 00:30:26,866 Look, I get it. 492 00:30:28,001 --> 00:30:29,702 All right, you're scared. 493 00:30:30,336 --> 00:30:31,234 Alone. 494 00:30:31,236 --> 00:30:32,336 You got no family. 495 00:30:32,338 --> 00:30:33,403 I didn't have a family, either. 496 00:30:33,405 --> 00:30:35,205 You live in this dump. Guess what? 497 00:30:35,207 --> 00:30:37,708 I used to live in a shithole just like it. 498 00:30:37,710 --> 00:30:40,444 But you know something? To make matters worse... 499 00:30:40,446 --> 00:30:42,312 it's a confusing time in your life right now. 500 00:30:42,314 --> 00:30:46,050 Your body is going through some fiery changes. 501 00:30:46,052 --> 00:30:48,019 Too far? I went too far, didn't I? 502 00:30:55,194 --> 00:30:57,227 That was effervescent. 503 00:30:57,229 --> 00:30:59,663 Stay in school, kid. 504 00:30:59,665 --> 00:31:01,465 Or don't. I didn't. 505 00:31:01,467 --> 00:31:03,367 And I'm an X-Man. 506 00:31:03,369 --> 00:31:04,501 Trainee. 507 00:31:04,503 --> 00:31:05,736 Fuck it! 508 00:31:05,738 --> 00:31:07,539 Superhero landing coming up! 509 00:31:11,176 --> 00:31:12,844 Ah, fuck, fuck, fuck! 510 00:31:12,846 --> 00:31:14,879 That is so not practical. 511 00:31:35,467 --> 00:31:37,467 I could get used to this X-Man shit. 512 00:31:37,469 --> 00:31:38,769 Trainee! 513 00:31:38,771 --> 00:31:39,736 Trainee! 514 00:31:39,738 --> 00:31:41,672 Get a power restraint on him. Now! 515 00:31:41,674 --> 00:31:44,943 Calm down, squirt. It's over. We got ya. 516 00:31:46,880 --> 00:31:48,345 What's that do? 517 00:31:48,347 --> 00:31:49,981 Power-dampening collar. 518 00:31:49,983 --> 00:31:51,281 Shuts down all mutant abilities. 519 00:31:51,283 --> 00:31:53,918 You can't get it off. Unless you've got a grenade. 520 00:31:53,920 --> 00:31:57,220 Huh. Could've used one of those in the first act. 521 00:31:57,222 --> 00:31:58,590 Thank you! 522 00:32:00,192 --> 00:32:02,693 That was absolutely thrilling. 523 00:32:02,695 --> 00:32:04,829 True heroism in action. 524 00:32:04,831 --> 00:32:06,565 We are in your debt. 525 00:32:07,199 --> 00:32:09,000 We can take it from here. 526 00:32:09,002 --> 00:32:11,201 Take me to the Ice Box, please! 527 00:32:11,203 --> 00:32:12,469 Anywhere's better than here. 528 00:32:12,471 --> 00:32:13,637 Believe me, son, 529 00:32:13,639 --> 00:32:15,305 you do not wanna go to the Ice Box. 530 00:32:15,307 --> 00:32:17,340 Let's get you inside, young man. 531 00:32:17,342 --> 00:32:19,342 No, wait, wait. Wait. 532 00:32:19,344 --> 00:32:20,946 You guys stay there. 533 00:32:30,956 --> 00:32:32,658 Those guys hurt you? 534 00:32:33,993 --> 00:32:35,227 Who? 535 00:32:37,063 --> 00:32:39,799 Baldilocks? Jared Kushner? 536 00:32:41,167 --> 00:32:42,768 Both of 'em? 537 00:32:46,873 --> 00:32:48,139 Oh, fuck it. 538 00:32:48,141 --> 00:32:49,807 Four or five moments! 539 00:32:49,809 --> 00:32:50,875 I'm sorry? 540 00:32:50,877 --> 00:32:54,246 Four or five moments! 541 00:32:55,247 --> 00:32:58,250 That's all it takes to be a hero. 542 00:32:59,085 --> 00:33:01,351 People think you wake up a hero... 543 00:33:01,353 --> 00:33:03,520 brush your teeth a hero... 544 00:33:03,522 --> 00:33:06,690 ejaculate into a soap dispenser a hero. 545 00:33:07,760 --> 00:33:11,764 But, no, being a hero takes only a few moments! 546 00:33:13,032 --> 00:33:14,664 A few moments... 547 00:33:14,666 --> 00:33:17,567 doing the ugly stuff no one else will do. 548 00:33:20,907 --> 00:33:22,008 No! 549 00:33:24,543 --> 00:33:26,043 Stand down! Hold your fire! 550 00:33:26,045 --> 00:33:28,278 - Wade, what did you do? - Colossus, no! 551 00:33:28,280 --> 00:33:29,713 That kid was abused! You can tell. 552 00:33:29,715 --> 00:33:31,414 - You can always tell! - We have rules! 553 00:33:31,416 --> 00:33:34,284 You are not judge, jury or executioner! 554 00:33:34,286 --> 00:33:37,287 Fuck your rules! I fight for what's right! 555 00:33:37,289 --> 00:33:38,890 And sometimes you gotta fight dirty! 556 00:33:38,892 --> 00:33:42,427 You let me down for the last time, Wade. 557 00:33:45,330 --> 00:33:47,597 Okay, get these guys in the pod. 558 00:33:47,599 --> 00:33:50,201 Take them to the Ice Box. 559 00:34:10,824 --> 00:34:11,825 Hey, baby! 560 00:34:12,691 --> 00:34:15,126 I wonder what gang I'll be in. 561 00:34:15,128 --> 00:34:16,526 Yeah! 562 00:34:16,528 --> 00:34:18,931 - Is there, like, a Sorting Hat? - Hi. 563 00:34:20,834 --> 00:34:21,835 Go! 564 00:34:25,004 --> 00:34:26,405 Hard left, douchebag. 565 00:34:30,542 --> 00:34:32,777 Please, after you. 566 00:34:32,779 --> 00:34:35,179 Another disgusting mutant off the streets. 567 00:34:35,181 --> 00:34:36,314 God bless America. 568 00:34:36,316 --> 00:34:37,581 Let's get a taco. 569 00:34:41,187 --> 00:34:43,857 Nighty-night, you annoying prick! 570 00:35:15,889 --> 00:35:19,156 I'mma tell you what the big lie is. 571 00:35:19,158 --> 00:35:20,825 Toilet paper. 572 00:35:20,827 --> 00:35:24,228 Toilet paper is a plenty fine appetizer. 573 00:35:24,230 --> 00:35:26,429 But, then... 574 00:35:26,431 --> 00:35:29,000 Huggies Natural Care wet wipes. 575 00:35:29,002 --> 00:35:30,400 That's your main course. 576 00:35:30,402 --> 00:35:34,038 They're soft, they're moist. They're for babies. 577 00:35:34,040 --> 00:35:37,341 Finally, one more pass with the toilet paper, 578 00:35:37,343 --> 00:35:38,942 maybe clear out that excess moisture. 579 00:35:38,944 --> 00:35:40,644 Maybe treat yourself to a blow and go, 580 00:35:40,646 --> 00:35:41,913 if you can get you a hair dryer. 581 00:35:41,915 --> 00:35:44,583 Just about 30 seconds will do you good. 582 00:35:48,154 --> 00:35:49,155 The fuck? 583 00:35:50,356 --> 00:35:51,590 Year? 584 00:35:52,392 --> 00:35:53,592 What? 585 00:35:54,526 --> 00:35:56,360 What year is it? 586 00:35:56,362 --> 00:35:58,428 What kind of dumb-ass question is that to ask? 587 00:36:17,649 --> 00:36:20,151 You're a long way from your superpowers. 588 00:36:20,153 --> 00:36:21,319 Yeah. 589 00:36:24,991 --> 00:36:26,123 Fuck! 590 00:36:26,125 --> 00:36:27,892 I wanted to be a superhero. 591 00:36:27,894 --> 00:36:30,161 Always wanted a real super suit. 592 00:36:30,163 --> 00:36:31,829 What happened? 593 00:36:31,831 --> 00:36:33,951 When was the last time you saw a plus-sized superhero? 594 00:36:34,466 --> 00:36:36,100 Never. 595 00:36:36,102 --> 00:36:38,501 The industry discriminates. 596 00:36:38,503 --> 00:36:40,239 Fuck superheroes. 597 00:36:40,907 --> 00:36:42,106 Fuck everyone. 598 00:36:42,108 --> 00:36:45,209 The first thing I wanna do when I get out of here... 599 00:36:45,211 --> 00:36:47,278 burn the headmaster alive... 600 00:36:47,280 --> 00:36:50,781 and then take a selfie with his smoldering corpse. 601 00:36:50,783 --> 00:36:53,050 Who says prison isn't reformative? 602 00:36:53,052 --> 00:36:54,854 Fucker hates mutants. 603 00:36:55,654 --> 00:36:57,221 Blessed are the wicked 604 00:36:57,223 --> 00:36:59,491 who are healed by my hand. 605 00:36:59,926 --> 00:37:01,160 Your abilities. 606 00:37:02,561 --> 00:37:04,961 I know how seductive they are. 607 00:37:07,166 --> 00:37:08,498 Now, please don't cry. 608 00:37:15,208 --> 00:37:19,112 Tomorrow, we'll find the biggest guy in here... 609 00:37:19,711 --> 00:37:21,045 and we'll make him our... 610 00:37:24,817 --> 00:37:26,317 What was that? 611 00:37:26,319 --> 00:37:28,819 That is the biggest guy in here. 612 00:37:28,821 --> 00:37:31,122 Fun fact about the Ice Box... 613 00:37:31,124 --> 00:37:32,823 though no one's ever seen it, 614 00:37:32,825 --> 00:37:35,226 they keep a monster in the basement. 615 00:37:35,228 --> 00:37:36,861 Right next to a huge, 616 00:37:36,863 --> 00:37:38,697 steaming bowl of foreshadowing. 617 00:37:39,198 --> 00:37:40,199 Look. 618 00:37:41,200 --> 00:37:43,434 I can't protect you. 619 00:37:43,436 --> 00:37:44,601 With this collar on, 620 00:37:44,603 --> 00:37:47,737 my superpower is just unbridled cancer. 621 00:37:47,739 --> 00:37:51,342 Give me a bow and arrow, I'm basically Hawkeye. 622 00:37:51,344 --> 00:37:53,444 Now, if you'll excuse me... 623 00:37:53,446 --> 00:37:56,713 I've got tumors to grow. Vanessa awaits. 624 00:37:56,715 --> 00:37:59,016 I'll start by making us a shank. 625 00:37:59,018 --> 00:38:01,018 - Good listening. - I stole that guard's pen... 626 00:38:01,020 --> 00:38:03,287 and stashed it in the old prison wallet, 627 00:38:03,289 --> 00:38:05,322 if you know what I'm saying. 628 00:38:05,324 --> 00:38:07,825 Prison wallet? 629 00:38:07,827 --> 00:38:10,263 I really hope I don't know what you're saying. 630 00:38:12,498 --> 00:38:15,399 I can hear you rummaging around in there. 631 00:38:19,771 --> 00:38:21,305 And to update you 632 00:38:21,307 --> 00:38:22,705 on the story reported earlier, 633 00:38:22,707 --> 00:38:24,141 after a lengthy standoff 634 00:38:24,143 --> 00:38:26,943 outside the Essex House for Mutant Rehabilitation... 635 00:38:26,945 --> 00:38:28,446 two mutants were arrested 636 00:38:28,448 --> 00:38:30,081 and transported to the Ice Box... 637 00:38:30,083 --> 00:38:31,784 Entering repair mode. 638 00:38:35,954 --> 00:38:37,288 several police cars were destroyed 639 00:38:37,290 --> 00:38:39,691 and the X-Men were called in to restore order. 640 00:39:00,645 --> 00:39:02,679 Cells seven and nine 641 00:39:02,681 --> 00:39:06,217 now off-limits for medical personnel. 642 00:39:06,219 --> 00:39:07,650 Cells seven and nine 643 00:39:07,652 --> 00:39:10,289 now off-limits for medical personnel. 644 00:39:12,258 --> 00:39:13,758 Psst! 645 00:39:16,129 --> 00:39:18,095 Don't do that. 646 00:39:18,097 --> 00:39:21,265 What? Why are you winking at me? 647 00:39:25,138 --> 00:39:26,437 I got your back. 648 00:39:26,439 --> 00:39:27,637 Oh, my God. 649 00:39:27,639 --> 00:39:29,140 You're sick, I gotta protect you. 650 00:39:29,142 --> 00:39:31,244 Just leave me alone, kid. 651 00:39:32,245 --> 00:39:33,312 Oh, great. 652 00:39:34,981 --> 00:39:37,647 Well, hello there, new fish. 653 00:39:37,649 --> 00:39:40,717 It's nice to see some fresh faces around here. 654 00:39:40,719 --> 00:39:42,952 I've done some light catalog work... 655 00:39:42,954 --> 00:39:45,589 but, really, modeling is just a stepping stone to acting. 656 00:39:45,591 --> 00:39:48,259 - I was talking to him. - Oh. 657 00:39:48,261 --> 00:39:51,795 Have we met? I can't place your mustache. 658 00:39:51,797 --> 00:39:54,365 - Black Tom Cassidy. - White Wade Wilson. 659 00:39:54,367 --> 00:39:57,902 What's your superpower? Cultural appropriation? 660 00:39:57,904 --> 00:40:00,638 You're supposed to be the toughest cunt in here. 661 00:40:00,640 --> 00:40:03,040 You don't look like much to me. 662 00:40:03,042 --> 00:40:05,742 First rule of the yard, fuckface... 663 00:40:05,744 --> 00:40:07,744 find the biggest guy and make him your... 664 00:40:11,683 --> 00:40:13,884 Second biggest guy. 665 00:40:13,886 --> 00:40:16,187 The last thing I need is more hepatitis. 666 00:40:16,189 --> 00:40:19,756 Oh, it's slippery, too. This table needs a wipe down! 667 00:40:19,758 --> 00:40:21,758 Can we get a wipe down on the table? 668 00:40:22,929 --> 00:40:25,129 Kid, I think you picked the wrong side. 669 00:40:25,131 --> 00:40:27,730 No, I didn't! He's my friend! 670 00:40:27,732 --> 00:40:30,036 Zip it. We're not friends. 671 00:40:31,604 --> 00:40:32,884 You're about to get dick-slapped. 672 00:40:45,251 --> 00:40:47,151 I had so much fun! You were like... 673 00:40:47,153 --> 00:40:49,386 And I was like, "Take a seat, shit dick." 674 00:40:49,388 --> 00:40:51,021 Just let me die in peace. 675 00:40:51,023 --> 00:40:53,257 We make a great team! 676 00:40:53,259 --> 00:40:55,893 Oh, God! We're not a team. 677 00:40:55,895 --> 00:41:00,064 Why'd you say that back there? We're friends, partners. 678 00:41:00,066 --> 00:41:02,902 We're not partners or friends. 679 00:41:04,036 --> 00:41:06,237 This doesn't end with us riding into the sunset. 680 00:41:06,239 --> 00:41:08,405 It ends with me dying of cancer... 681 00:41:08,407 --> 00:41:12,443 and you winning the Ice Box award for softest mouth. 682 00:41:13,779 --> 00:41:15,546 There's only one person in this world 683 00:41:15,548 --> 00:41:17,316 that I care about, and she's gone. 684 00:41:18,950 --> 00:41:22,119 You wanna survive? 685 00:41:22,121 --> 00:41:25,489 Stop trying to shank the biggest guys in here... 686 00:41:25,491 --> 00:41:27,493 and make friends with them. 687 00:41:28,728 --> 00:41:30,396 Make friends with someone. 688 00:41:31,364 --> 00:41:33,532 Anyone but me. 689 00:41:34,400 --> 00:41:36,869 Maybe even Black Tim. 690 00:41:37,603 --> 00:41:39,103 Black Evan, I don't know. 691 00:41:39,105 --> 00:41:41,907 All I remember is he was African-American. 692 00:42:27,053 --> 00:42:29,353 System malfunctioning. 693 00:42:29,355 --> 00:42:32,389 Cells 7, 12, 14, 27. 694 00:42:32,391 --> 00:42:34,992 Back in your cells, you filthy mutants! Get in there! 695 00:42:34,994 --> 00:42:38,364 Cells 1, 3, 7, 8. 696 00:42:39,332 --> 00:42:41,033 Searching. 697 00:42:42,401 --> 00:42:45,004 Cell 04 located. 698 00:42:46,272 --> 00:42:48,205 Door won't open! 699 00:42:48,207 --> 00:42:50,109 On your fucking knees! 700 00:43:26,847 --> 00:43:28,614 That was our cell. 701 00:43:30,516 --> 00:43:32,949 What did I do to piss off a grumpy old fucker 702 00:43:32,951 --> 00:43:34,286 with a Winter Soldier arm? 703 00:43:43,864 --> 00:43:45,464 Get away from me, kid! 704 00:43:52,839 --> 00:43:54,306 Listen to me! Go! 705 00:43:59,545 --> 00:44:01,147 Hello, Russell. 706 00:45:24,663 --> 00:45:26,131 Hello, superpowers. 707 00:45:44,049 --> 00:45:45,251 Who are you? 708 00:45:45,986 --> 00:45:47,353 I'm Batman. 709 00:45:58,631 --> 00:45:59,632 Ooh! 710 00:46:04,270 --> 00:46:07,373 Oh. That's got some zip. 711 00:46:15,314 --> 00:46:18,883 Don't feel bad. Even I can't kill me. 712 00:46:18,885 --> 00:46:20,350 Talk! 713 00:46:20,352 --> 00:46:22,219 What kind of spineless shit stick 714 00:46:22,221 --> 00:46:24,056 tries to kill a 14-year-old boy? 715 00:46:24,957 --> 00:46:26,290 You might wanna start talking! 716 00:46:26,292 --> 00:46:29,161 'Cause I got a long history of firing at times like this! 717 00:46:30,229 --> 00:46:32,229 The name's Cable. 718 00:46:32,231 --> 00:46:35,699 I'm from the future. Just walk away. 719 00:46:35,701 --> 00:46:37,001 Oh! 720 00:46:37,003 --> 00:46:39,003 So, you're from the future. 721 00:46:39,005 --> 00:46:41,005 I have three questions then. 722 00:46:41,007 --> 00:46:44,508 One, is dubstep still a thing? 723 00:46:44,510 --> 00:46:47,544 Two, which Sharknado are we on? 724 00:46:47,546 --> 00:46:50,514 And three, at what point do audiences say... 725 00:46:50,516 --> 00:46:51,851 "Enough with the robotic arms"? 726 00:47:35,194 --> 00:47:37,260 Dubstep's for pussies. 727 00:47:37,262 --> 00:47:38,528 You're so dark! 728 00:47:38,530 --> 00:47:40,699 Are you sure you're not from the DC universe? 729 00:47:41,600 --> 00:47:43,101 I love dubstep! 730 00:48:09,129 --> 00:48:10,560 Is that a fanny pack? 731 00:48:10,562 --> 00:48:14,231 I used to have one of those in 1990-never. 732 00:48:14,233 --> 00:48:16,366 Something to remember you by. 733 00:48:16,368 --> 00:48:20,203 Give me that back! That goes with me everywhere. 734 00:48:20,205 --> 00:48:22,708 Like the memory of your fucking fanny pack! 735 00:48:32,251 --> 00:48:34,584 Why are you protecting the kid? 736 00:48:35,587 --> 00:48:38,056 I don't give a fuck about him... 737 00:48:38,058 --> 00:48:40,592 and his Are You My Mother? complex! 738 00:48:43,063 --> 00:48:44,463 What's this one do? 739 00:48:58,210 --> 00:48:59,743 In every film, there's a moment 740 00:48:59,745 --> 00:49:02,279 when the hero hits rock bottom. 741 00:49:02,281 --> 00:49:04,281 In Cool Runnings, it was when John Candy's 742 00:49:04,283 --> 00:49:05,983 prized bobsled broke. 743 00:49:05,985 --> 00:49:09,252 In Human Centipede, it was when those people... 744 00:49:09,254 --> 00:49:11,055 signed on to be in that movie. 745 00:49:11,057 --> 00:49:13,091 But in this film, well... 746 00:49:13,093 --> 00:49:14,424 you're looking at it. 747 00:49:14,426 --> 00:49:16,428 On your fucking knees, mutant. 748 00:49:19,099 --> 00:49:20,299 Rock... 749 00:49:24,137 --> 00:49:25,738 meet bottom. 750 00:49:36,216 --> 00:49:37,614 I love you, Wade Wilson. 751 00:49:37,616 --> 00:49:38,818 Ness? 752 00:49:39,819 --> 00:49:41,386 Hey, Ness! 753 00:49:42,088 --> 00:49:43,921 Ness, can you let me in? 754 00:49:43,923 --> 00:49:46,258 Please! Please. 755 00:49:48,094 --> 00:49:49,227 Jesus. 756 00:49:52,132 --> 00:49:53,964 You're not giving me a lot of direction here. 757 00:49:53,966 --> 00:49:55,867 I'm at the end of my rope. 758 00:49:58,204 --> 00:50:00,537 Then I joined the X-Men. 759 00:50:00,539 --> 00:50:02,608 I went to prison. I, uh... 760 00:50:06,678 --> 00:50:08,280 Is it the kid? 761 00:50:09,916 --> 00:50:13,052 Kids give us a chance to be better than we used to be. 762 00:50:14,386 --> 00:50:15,587 The kid! 763 00:50:29,102 --> 00:50:30,667 That's exactly what she meant. 764 00:50:30,669 --> 00:50:32,203 Your heart needs to be in the right place. 765 00:50:32,205 --> 00:50:34,005 I'm not gonna abandon this kid. 766 00:50:34,007 --> 00:50:36,808 He's never had anyone, ever. 767 00:50:36,810 --> 00:50:38,109 I need to be selfless. 768 00:50:38,111 --> 00:50:40,111 Yeah, but what does that mean? 769 00:50:40,113 --> 00:50:43,413 It means I'm gonna save Russell. 770 00:50:43,415 --> 00:50:44,882 Maybe I couldn't save Vanessa... 771 00:50:44,884 --> 00:50:47,985 but maybe I can save a robust teenager from New Zealand. 772 00:50:47,987 --> 00:50:50,188 Yeah, but what I mean is, like, the world "selfless." 773 00:50:50,190 --> 00:50:51,856 I literally don't know what that means. 774 00:50:51,858 --> 00:50:52,824 Jesus Christ. 775 00:50:52,826 --> 00:50:55,659 Okay, look. According to my guy, okay... 776 00:50:55,661 --> 00:50:57,761 those muties are being transferred 777 00:50:57,763 --> 00:50:59,429 to a supermax, 80 miles away. 778 00:50:59,431 --> 00:51:01,331 Great, I'll pick 'em off along the way. 779 00:51:01,333 --> 00:51:03,500 Hold your testicles there, buddy, okay? 780 00:51:03,502 --> 00:51:05,535 We're talking about an armored convoy... 781 00:51:05,537 --> 00:51:07,737 and a vicious super soldier from the future... 782 00:51:07,739 --> 00:51:10,607 that is looking to turn your skull into a fuckable ashtray. 783 00:51:10,609 --> 00:51:12,176 You know what we need to do? 784 00:51:12,178 --> 00:51:14,111 We need to build a fucking team. 785 00:51:14,113 --> 00:51:16,280 We need 'em tough, morally flexible... 786 00:51:16,282 --> 00:51:17,581 and young enough so they can carry 787 00:51:17,583 --> 00:51:19,050 this franchise 10 to 12 years. 788 00:51:19,052 --> 00:51:20,787 My body is an instrument of death. 789 00:51:21,954 --> 00:51:23,453 Not now, Dopinder. 790 00:51:23,455 --> 00:51:25,522 I could be of great use. 791 00:51:25,524 --> 00:51:27,392 What's your superpower? 792 00:51:28,660 --> 00:51:30,460 - Courage. - That's adorable. 793 00:51:30,462 --> 00:51:32,063 Do you have the courage to check and see... 794 00:51:32,065 --> 00:51:34,799 if there are enough sanitary napkins in the dispenser? 795 00:51:34,801 --> 00:51:35,665 Yes, sir. 796 00:51:35,667 --> 00:51:37,134 I'm sorry you had to see that, 797 00:51:37,136 --> 00:51:39,436 although I'm glad you heard it. 798 00:51:39,438 --> 00:51:41,404 All right, I'll put out a call for resumes. 799 00:51:41,406 --> 00:51:43,640 But we're not paying medical or dental. 800 00:51:43,642 --> 00:51:45,879 It's time to get back on Linkedln. 801 00:52:23,715 --> 00:52:27,251 Transport will begin at 0800 hours... 802 00:52:27,253 --> 00:52:28,352 Oi. 803 00:52:28,354 --> 00:52:29,753 What the fuck do you want? 804 00:52:29,755 --> 00:52:31,721 That's my fucking pudding. 805 00:52:31,723 --> 00:52:33,623 - Fuck your pudding! - You like pudding? 806 00:52:55,014 --> 00:52:56,015 Hello? 807 00:52:58,251 --> 00:53:00,719 I know you're in there. 808 00:53:16,202 --> 00:53:18,805 Must be hard being the biggest guy in here. 809 00:53:19,705 --> 00:53:22,173 Lonely at the top, eh? 810 00:53:22,175 --> 00:53:24,143 They're moving us tomorrow. 811 00:53:26,511 --> 00:53:29,512 Maybe I can get you out of here. 812 00:53:29,514 --> 00:53:32,852 And we can make the whole world our bitch. 813 00:53:34,519 --> 00:53:36,521 We need a secret code. 814 00:53:39,392 --> 00:53:42,195 No, that's stupid, Russell. Idiot. 815 00:53:49,268 --> 00:53:50,734 We're a team. 816 00:53:50,736 --> 00:53:52,736 We're like thugs, we're like gangsters. 817 00:53:52,738 --> 00:53:56,706 I'm like Tupac, and you're like Ice Cube. 818 00:53:56,708 --> 00:53:59,143 Supposedly, she can rap, too. 819 00:53:59,145 --> 00:54:00,011 I like that. 820 00:54:00,013 --> 00:54:01,879 Terrific, these are all terrific. 821 00:54:01,881 --> 00:54:03,513 Meet Bedlam. 822 00:54:03,515 --> 00:54:05,983 Cool name! Superpowers? 823 00:54:05,985 --> 00:54:07,018 I can distort 824 00:54:07,020 --> 00:54:08,551 electrical fields. 825 00:54:08,553 --> 00:54:10,754 Including the one inside your brain... 826 00:54:10,756 --> 00:54:13,457 causing anxiety, confusion... 827 00:54:13,459 --> 00:54:14,760 pain. 828 00:54:15,594 --> 00:54:17,727 So, basically, you're Dave Matthews. 829 00:54:17,729 --> 00:54:19,032 We can use him. 830 00:54:20,632 --> 00:54:22,400 I'm Zeitgeist. 831 00:54:22,402 --> 00:54:23,666 Cool. I like it. 832 00:54:23,668 --> 00:54:24,934 So you have the power 833 00:54:24,936 --> 00:54:27,572 to put your finger on the pulse of society? 834 00:54:28,408 --> 00:54:29,572 No. 835 00:54:29,574 --> 00:54:31,275 No, I spit acidic vomit. 836 00:54:31,277 --> 00:54:32,410 - Oh. - Do you want me 837 00:54:32,412 --> 00:54:33,743 - to demonstrate? - No! 838 00:54:33,745 --> 00:54:35,112 We'll take your word for it. 839 00:54:35,114 --> 00:54:37,354 Thank you. Yeah. Listen, we've all eaten at Arby's, okay? 840 00:54:37,517 --> 00:54:40,219 And this is the Vanisher. 841 00:54:43,489 --> 00:54:44,689 But... 842 00:54:45,624 --> 00:54:47,258 Vanisher! 843 00:54:49,628 --> 00:54:51,563 Nice! Right? 844 00:54:52,597 --> 00:54:53,730 He's not here, is he? 845 00:54:53,732 --> 00:54:55,567 He may be running late. 846 00:54:56,735 --> 00:54:59,636 My name's Rusty, but I go by Shatterstar. 847 00:54:59,638 --> 00:55:00,937 That's good, yeah. 848 00:55:00,939 --> 00:55:03,007 - "Rusty" is terrible. - Toughie. 849 00:55:03,009 --> 00:55:05,910 - So, uh, where are you from? - The planet Mojo World. 850 00:55:05,912 --> 00:55:08,145 - So you're an alien, I guess. - Bad name. 851 00:55:08,147 --> 00:55:09,712 How does that, uh, help us? 852 00:55:09,714 --> 00:55:12,682 I'm basically better than you at everything. 853 00:55:12,684 --> 00:55:14,485 Just once, I'm gonna find a planet of people 854 00:55:14,487 --> 00:55:15,986 that are worse than me at everything. 855 00:55:15,988 --> 00:55:18,189 A whole bunch of functional idiots. 856 00:55:18,191 --> 00:55:20,424 I'm gonna go there, and I'm gonna be their Superman. 857 00:55:20,426 --> 00:55:21,492 Isn't that Canada? 858 00:55:21,494 --> 00:55:24,030 You shut your goddamn trash mouth! 859 00:55:25,364 --> 00:55:26,797 - Meet... - Domino. 860 00:55:26,799 --> 00:55:29,033 - What's your shtick? - I'm lucky. 861 00:55:29,035 --> 00:55:31,168 If you're so lucky, then what are you doing here with us? 862 00:55:31,170 --> 00:55:32,369 I don't know yet. 863 00:55:32,371 --> 00:55:33,504 What's that supposed to mean? 864 00:55:33,506 --> 00:55:34,971 It means that I don't know yet. 865 00:55:34,973 --> 00:55:36,574 But there's a reason why I'm here, 866 00:55:36,576 --> 00:55:37,707 and I'll know when I know. 867 00:55:37,709 --> 00:55:39,343 Everything usually works out for me. 868 00:55:39,345 --> 00:55:41,045 Luck isn't a superpower. 869 00:55:41,047 --> 00:55:42,580 - Yes, it is. - No, it isn't. 870 00:55:42,582 --> 00:55:43,848 - Yes, it is. - No, ma'am. 871 00:55:43,850 --> 00:55:45,282 Mmm-hmm. - Mario No-pez. 872 00:55:45,284 --> 00:55:46,417 - Yeah. - Nacho cheese. 873 00:55:46,419 --> 00:55:47,518 No, it definitely is. I really... 874 00:55:47,520 --> 00:55:48,586 There's no way that it... 875 00:55:48,588 --> 00:55:50,121 Sorry, I was interrupting you. 876 00:55:50,123 --> 00:55:51,654 - Sorry. No, I interrupted you. - No, no, no. You can go first. 877 00:55:51,656 --> 00:55:53,124 Oh, I was just gonna say, "No, it isn't." 878 00:55:53,126 --> 00:55:55,893 I was gonna just bring it back to that yes, it is. 879 00:55:55,895 --> 00:55:57,660 Let's meet in the middle and say, "No, it isn't." 880 00:55:57,662 --> 00:56:00,798 - But it is. - Okay. 881 00:56:00,800 --> 00:56:02,533 - You're hired! - You're hired. 882 00:56:02,535 --> 00:56:03,868 Oh, lucky me. 883 00:56:03,870 --> 00:56:05,071 She's great. 884 00:56:06,339 --> 00:56:07,905 And last, but not least... 885 00:56:07,907 --> 00:56:09,008 Peter. 886 00:56:10,042 --> 00:56:12,709 Am I getting catfished here or...? 887 00:56:12,711 --> 00:56:14,545 Any powers you wanna tell us about? 888 00:56:14,547 --> 00:56:16,380 No. 889 00:56:16,382 --> 00:56:17,982 I don't have one. 890 00:56:17,984 --> 00:56:21,254 Um, I just saw the ad and thought it looked fun. 891 00:56:22,188 --> 00:56:23,354 You're in. 892 00:56:23,356 --> 00:56:25,024 - Yeah. - Fuck! 893 00:56:27,560 --> 00:56:29,295 It's fulfilling work. 894 00:56:33,633 --> 00:56:35,067 Let's go! 895 00:56:48,281 --> 00:56:51,382 This is Convoy 17 departing the Ice Box. 896 00:56:51,384 --> 00:56:52,885 We are en route. 897 00:57:00,159 --> 00:57:02,862 Peacetime makes people soft. 898 00:57:04,330 --> 00:57:06,165 I was born into war. 899 00:57:07,600 --> 00:57:08,934 Bred into it. 900 00:57:09,669 --> 00:57:10,767 Okay. 901 00:57:10,769 --> 00:57:12,471 People think they understand pain. 902 00:57:13,673 --> 00:57:16,042 What's the most pain you've ever felt? 903 00:57:18,010 --> 00:57:19,276 These restraints are pretty... 904 00:57:19,278 --> 00:57:20,279 I've got a list. 905 00:57:21,614 --> 00:57:23,783 We're gonna work down it. 906 00:57:24,350 --> 00:57:25,351 Together. 907 00:57:26,485 --> 00:57:29,553 Number one, I'm gonna bend something. 908 00:57:29,555 --> 00:57:31,855 Something that was not meant to bend. 909 00:57:31,857 --> 00:57:32,956 I'm gonna stop you right there 910 00:57:32,958 --> 00:57:34,325 because I'm not gonna make it to two. 911 00:57:34,327 --> 00:57:35,659 I won't even make it to one. 912 00:57:35,661 --> 00:57:37,094 I don't do well with pain, you know. 913 00:57:37,096 --> 00:57:39,897 If I stub my toe, I'm done for the day. 914 00:57:39,899 --> 00:57:42,499 I cried when they canceled Felicity. 915 00:57:42,501 --> 00:57:44,001 When I get really scared, I get nervous erections. 916 00:57:44,003 --> 00:57:45,603 I have one right now. 917 00:57:45,605 --> 00:57:47,404 Don't look. It'll only make it worse. 918 00:57:47,406 --> 00:57:48,305 I don't want you to hurt me, 919 00:57:48,307 --> 00:57:50,876 and I'll tell you anything you wanna know. 920 00:57:51,644 --> 00:57:53,943 Except for where they are. 921 00:57:53,945 --> 00:57:55,346 Russell's in a convoy heading southbound 922 00:57:55,348 --> 00:57:56,480 on Gerry Duggan Parkway. 923 00:57:56,482 --> 00:57:58,215 The monster's with them. I wouldn't fuck with him. 924 00:57:58,217 --> 00:57:59,583 You all know the plan. 925 00:57:59,585 --> 00:58:01,218 Intercept the convoy, 926 00:58:01,220 --> 00:58:03,520 grab the boy. But not inappropriately! 927 00:58:03,522 --> 00:58:04,655 You know what, 928 00:58:04,657 --> 00:58:05,923 I wouldn't fuck with Deadpool either. 929 00:58:05,925 --> 00:58:08,359 Because he's built a team. He's unstoppable. 930 00:58:08,361 --> 00:58:11,061 He has an ass pen. He'll stab you with it. 931 00:58:11,063 --> 00:58:13,763 Watch out for this guy, Cable! 932 00:58:13,765 --> 00:58:17,001 He's very short, 5'11". Not like in the comics. 933 00:58:17,003 --> 00:58:20,037 And if we succeed, we all go home early. 934 00:58:20,039 --> 00:58:22,119 So if you go after them, Cable, I warn you... 935 00:58:22,941 --> 00:58:24,910 there's a wind advisory in effect. 936 00:58:35,855 --> 00:58:37,523 A little turbulent up here. 937 00:58:44,897 --> 00:58:46,797 I don't know much about this Cable fella... 938 00:58:46,799 --> 00:58:48,065 but I guarantee he hasn't killed 939 00:58:48,067 --> 00:58:50,069 as many people as melanoma has. 940 00:58:51,370 --> 00:58:52,736 We're getting close! 941 00:58:52,738 --> 00:58:54,505 As a former X-Man... 942 00:58:54,507 --> 00:58:56,340 - Trainee. - Thank you, Bedlam. 943 00:58:56,342 --> 00:58:58,809 I was always appalled by the blatant sexism 944 00:58:58,811 --> 00:59:00,511 in the group's name. 945 00:59:00,513 --> 00:59:02,379 X-Men! Men! 946 00:59:02,381 --> 00:59:05,616 The point is, our group will be forward thinking. 947 00:59:05,618 --> 00:59:06,984 Gender neutral. 948 00:59:06,986 --> 00:59:09,322 From now on, we'll be known as... 949 00:59:11,557 --> 00:59:12,990 X-Force. 950 00:59:12,992 --> 00:59:14,725 Isn't that a little derivative? 951 00:59:14,727 --> 00:59:17,263 I don't recall asking your opinion, Peter! 952 00:59:18,431 --> 00:59:19,999 That wasn't me. 953 00:59:26,839 --> 00:59:29,206 Hang the laundry out at 1,300 feet... 954 00:59:29,208 --> 00:59:31,041 intercept the convoy, and grab the boy. 955 00:59:31,043 --> 00:59:32,209 Let's bring on the carnage, baby! 956 00:59:32,211 --> 00:59:34,211 Get me on the ground, watch me go! 957 00:59:34,213 --> 00:59:35,279 Yeah! 958 00:59:35,281 --> 00:59:37,214 I can't wait to kill! 959 00:59:37,216 --> 00:59:39,850 Hey! Hey! Hey! 960 00:59:39,852 --> 00:59:42,619 I just wanna say how proud I am of this team. 961 00:59:42,621 --> 00:59:45,356 You know, you guys look amazing! 962 00:59:45,358 --> 00:59:48,492 Vanisher, I have no doubt you look amazing too. 963 00:59:48,494 --> 00:59:49,393 This is the family 964 00:59:49,395 --> 00:59:51,163 that I've always dreamed of having and I... 965 00:59:52,198 --> 00:59:53,297 Ah, shit. 966 00:59:54,734 --> 00:59:56,300 I just get a little choked up sometimes. 967 00:59:56,302 --> 00:59:58,402 I hate to interrupt, but is anybody nervous 968 00:59:58,404 --> 00:59:59,737 about the high winds? 969 00:59:59,739 --> 01:00:01,105 - Gary. - My name's Peter. 970 01:00:01,107 --> 01:00:03,006 I realize that you're new to this, but relax. 971 01:00:03,008 --> 01:00:04,575 You've been chosen by a higher power. 972 01:00:04,577 --> 01:00:07,044 - Did he just call himself God? - I think he did. 973 01:00:07,046 --> 01:00:08,813 - I'd like to go home. - And I'd like... 974 01:00:08,815 --> 01:00:11,181 the McRib to be available year round, 975 01:00:11,183 --> 01:00:13,150 but sometimes dreams don't come true. 976 01:00:13,152 --> 01:00:15,252 I spent 10 years in Special Forces. 977 01:00:15,254 --> 01:00:16,587 You think we didn't jump out of the plane 978 01:00:16,589 --> 01:00:18,021 because of a light breeze? 979 01:00:18,023 --> 01:00:20,657 You're in this shit now, Mustache! 980 01:00:20,659 --> 01:00:22,861 I'm only yelling to impress the other guys. 981 01:00:22,863 --> 01:00:25,396 I'd never let anything happen to you, Sugarbear. 982 01:00:25,398 --> 01:00:27,564 Leonard, hit it! 983 01:00:36,275 --> 01:00:38,310 Go! Go! Go! 984 01:01:13,847 --> 01:01:15,412 Let's get some! 985 01:01:15,414 --> 01:01:16,580 Whoo! 986 01:01:16,582 --> 01:01:17,816 Oh, yeah! 987 01:01:17,818 --> 01:01:20,686 Convoy, 12 o'clock! On my command! 988 01:01:21,654 --> 01:01:23,320 Deploy! Oh, hey now! 989 01:01:23,322 --> 01:01:24,457 Whoa! 990 01:01:29,662 --> 01:01:31,597 Little off course here. 991 01:01:33,834 --> 01:01:36,335 Holy mommy fucking shit! 992 01:01:37,503 --> 01:01:38,635 Ah, there they are. 993 01:01:38,637 --> 01:01:42,306 Look at these gorgeous sons of bitches. 994 01:01:42,308 --> 01:01:44,443 Oh, yeah! That's right, Bedlam! 995 01:01:49,315 --> 01:01:53,785 No! Tripping motherfucking billies! 996 01:01:53,787 --> 01:01:56,655 Shatterstar. Okay, you got this. 997 01:01:57,590 --> 01:01:58,689 Left! 998 01:01:58,691 --> 01:02:00,023 Left! 999 01:02:00,025 --> 01:02:02,394 No, stage left, you idiot! 1000 01:02:06,098 --> 01:02:07,764 Well, I guess we found something 1001 01:02:07,766 --> 01:02:09,034 you're not better at. 1002 01:02:10,871 --> 01:02:12,302 Vanisher. 1003 01:02:12,304 --> 01:02:14,306 Maybe the wind can't blow what it can't see. 1004 01:02:17,409 --> 01:02:18,609 Oh! Really? 1005 01:02:18,611 --> 01:02:21,111 All right, we could do this with four. 1006 01:02:21,113 --> 01:02:24,147 Sugarbear. You got this, buddy! 1007 01:02:24,149 --> 01:02:26,452 That's the stuff! That's the X-Force spirit! 1008 01:02:27,419 --> 01:02:29,787 Never underestimate a man with a mustache! 1009 01:02:29,789 --> 01:02:31,522 Just ask anyone in Brooklyn. 1010 01:02:31,524 --> 01:02:32,689 We did it! 1011 01:02:32,691 --> 01:02:34,424 You're a goddamn superhero, you! 1012 01:02:34,426 --> 01:02:35,461 X-Force! 1013 01:02:35,929 --> 01:02:37,129 X-Force. 1014 01:02:41,500 --> 01:02:43,402 Oh! 1015 01:02:46,939 --> 01:02:48,071 Peter. 1016 01:02:48,073 --> 01:02:49,339 I got you, buddy! 1017 01:02:49,341 --> 01:02:50,474 - You're gonna be fine! - This is not good, man! 1018 01:02:50,476 --> 01:02:52,943 You got this, big guy! Here we go, Peter! 1019 01:02:52,945 --> 01:02:54,411 Look at me. We're X-Force, right? 1020 01:02:54,413 --> 01:02:56,715 - Yeah, we're X-Force. - We're X-Force. 1021 01:03:00,686 --> 01:03:02,553 Oh, my God! What the fuck? 1022 01:03:02,555 --> 01:03:04,121 Fucking acidic vomit! 1023 01:03:06,258 --> 01:03:09,059 Oh, God! I'm gonna throw up in my mask. 1024 01:03:12,131 --> 01:03:14,464 Okay, I'm over the convoy. 1025 01:03:14,466 --> 01:03:16,535 Where did the rest of the team land? 1026 01:03:17,202 --> 01:03:18,969 Good news and bad news. 1027 01:03:18,971 --> 01:03:22,172 Bad news is the whole team is dead. 1028 01:03:22,174 --> 01:03:23,407 The good news is, 1029 01:03:23,409 --> 01:03:25,342 I don't think anyone's gonna miss Shatterstar. 1030 01:03:25,344 --> 01:03:28,745 He was a bit of a prick. Oh, but Paul! 1031 01:03:28,747 --> 01:03:29,814 Peter! 1032 01:03:29,816 --> 01:03:31,214 Peter, I'm gonna miss him most. 1033 01:03:31,216 --> 01:03:32,349 But there is a slight chance 1034 01:03:32,351 --> 01:03:33,785 Vanisher could make it. 1035 01:03:33,787 --> 01:03:36,620 —Nope, no chance. He's dead. 1036 01:03:36,622 --> 01:03:37,588 The whole team? 1037 01:03:37,590 --> 01:03:39,824 Only the main ones. We're still good. 1038 01:03:39,826 --> 01:03:41,124 Fuck, you are dumb. 1039 01:03:41,126 --> 01:03:43,527 Even after all this time, I still can't talk about it. 1040 01:03:43,529 --> 01:03:45,662 Who knew these winds would be so strong? 1041 01:03:45,664 --> 01:03:48,365 Everyone! Everyone on the helicopter! 1042 01:03:48,367 --> 01:03:50,169 And everyone not on the helicopter! 1043 01:03:59,244 --> 01:04:01,347 They're headed into the tunnel. 1044 01:04:02,147 --> 01:04:03,547 I'm that kid's only hope, 1045 01:04:03,549 --> 01:04:05,651 so sit tight and wait for my word. 1046 01:04:06,251 --> 01:04:07,351 Whatever. 1047 01:04:07,353 --> 01:04:08,652 We're gonna lose 'em. I'm dropping in. 1048 01:04:08,654 --> 01:04:11,488 Uh, that's a negative, sole survivor. 1049 01:04:11,490 --> 01:04:14,157 Luck is not a superpower! We are so fucked! 1050 01:04:14,159 --> 01:04:17,260 No, we most certainly are not fucked. 1051 01:04:20,299 --> 01:04:22,867 Seriously, I don't get it! 1052 01:04:22,869 --> 01:04:25,638 What, you shoot luck lasers out of your eyes? 1053 01:04:27,573 --> 01:04:29,473 It's just it's hard to picture. 1054 01:04:29,475 --> 01:04:31,778 And certainly not very cinematic. 1055 01:04:34,313 --> 01:04:36,047 I mean, luck? 1056 01:04:36,049 --> 01:04:38,515 What coked out, glass pipe-sucking 1057 01:04:38,517 --> 01:04:40,051 freakshow comic book artist... 1058 01:04:40,053 --> 01:04:41,652 came up with that little chestnut? 1059 01:04:41,654 --> 01:04:44,223 Probably a guy who can't draw feet! 1060 01:04:54,868 --> 01:04:58,335 Once again, it all falls on my shoulders. 1061 01:04:58,337 --> 01:04:59,536 It's why I'm cursed to be a solo act. 1062 01:04:59,538 --> 01:05:00,805 - Wander the Earth... - I'm in. 1063 01:05:00,807 --> 01:05:02,506 I'm sorry, what did you say? 1064 01:05:02,508 --> 01:05:03,373 I'm in. 1065 01:05:03,375 --> 01:05:05,477 How in the fuck are you in already? 1066 01:05:05,845 --> 01:05:07,711 Oh, shit. 1067 01:05:07,713 --> 01:05:08,945 It's Cable. 12 o'clock. 1068 01:05:08,947 --> 01:05:10,048 Okay. 1069 01:05:10,050 --> 01:05:12,449 New plan. Use all of your imaginary powers 1070 01:05:12,451 --> 01:05:15,285 to stop Cable from killing that kid. 1071 01:05:15,287 --> 01:05:17,189 I'm coming up on your six. 1072 01:05:25,230 --> 01:05:27,264 That gun is amazing! 1073 01:05:36,308 --> 01:05:38,375 Hey! Asshole! 1074 01:05:38,377 --> 01:05:40,111 Where is he? I can't see him. 1075 01:05:40,113 --> 01:05:41,714 He's on top of you. 1076 01:05:43,682 --> 01:05:45,850 He's going in through the back! 1077 01:05:45,852 --> 01:05:47,051 Oh, God, he's inside! 1078 01:05:47,053 --> 01:05:48,318 You hear yourself, right? 1079 01:05:48,320 --> 01:05:49,953 Accidental double entendres! 1080 01:05:49,955 --> 01:05:52,289 Russell! Russell Collins! 1081 01:05:52,291 --> 01:05:54,426 Hands off that kid, John Connor! 1082 01:05:59,732 --> 01:06:00,933 No, no, no! 1083 01:06:04,703 --> 01:06:05,805 Shit! 1084 01:06:27,526 --> 01:06:29,661 Two can play that game! 1085 01:06:31,764 --> 01:06:33,632 Got it! No, I don't. 1086 01:06:34,433 --> 01:06:35,499 Showtime, mama! 1087 01:06:35,501 --> 01:06:37,402 Lady Luck, take the wheel. 1088 01:07:14,773 --> 01:07:16,908 I'd ask who you are, but you'll be dead in a second. 1089 01:07:16,910 --> 01:07:19,010 I'm Domino, and doubtful. 1090 01:07:35,427 --> 01:07:36,628 Hang in there, Doms! 1091 01:07:37,897 --> 01:07:39,462 Oh, this is really hard. 1092 01:07:51,577 --> 01:07:53,112 And give me back my Skee-Ball token. 1093 01:07:56,548 --> 01:07:58,383 - You're doing great. - X-Force. 1094 01:08:00,153 --> 01:08:02,220 I guess dubstep never dies. 1095 01:08:06,592 --> 01:08:07,626 Whoo! 1096 01:08:14,533 --> 01:08:17,369 You killed Black Tom, you racist son of a bitch! 1097 01:08:19,972 --> 01:08:21,074 That's unfortunate. 1098 01:08:24,344 --> 01:08:25,675 We got no brakes! 1099 01:08:25,677 --> 01:08:27,080 Figure it out! 1100 01:08:31,383 --> 01:08:33,019 There's nothing I can't kill. 1101 01:08:35,255 --> 01:08:36,519 Ooh. 1102 01:08:36,521 --> 01:08:39,958 Somebody knows karate. 1103 01:08:42,362 --> 01:08:44,030 Give me your best shot, One-Eyed Willy. 1104 01:08:59,279 --> 01:09:00,479 Ow. 1105 01:09:01,314 --> 01:09:02,514 Here we go. 1106 01:09:03,349 --> 01:09:05,649 Domino, mind slowing us down? 1107 01:09:05,651 --> 01:09:07,951 Here goes nothing. 1108 01:09:38,650 --> 01:09:40,820 Knock, knock. 1109 01:09:47,226 --> 01:09:48,326 That's my boy. 1110 01:09:54,766 --> 01:09:55,966 Holy... 1111 01:10:06,045 --> 01:10:07,778 I'll be first to admit... 1112 01:10:07,780 --> 01:10:10,183 this did not go according to plan. 1113 01:10:11,550 --> 01:10:13,050 I'll also be the first to admit that 1114 01:10:13,052 --> 01:10:14,986 that plan was written in crayon. 1115 01:10:14,988 --> 01:10:18,122 Looks like Russell found a new friend. Jelly. 1116 01:10:18,124 --> 01:10:19,924 Turns out Domino's a bit of a badass, 1117 01:10:19,926 --> 01:10:23,060 and maybe, possibly mildly lucky. 1118 01:10:23,062 --> 01:10:26,464 But Cable? Ugh. That guy's in a mood. 1119 01:10:26,466 --> 01:10:27,530 A mood that is 1120 01:10:27,532 --> 01:10:29,568 about to get significantly worse. 1121 01:10:52,992 --> 01:10:55,527 Something is so terribly, terribly wrong. 1122 01:10:58,498 --> 01:11:00,066 Oh. 1123 01:11:01,700 --> 01:11:03,302 Oh, God, that hurt. 1124 01:11:08,573 --> 01:11:09,842 Russell. 1125 01:11:12,412 --> 01:11:13,678 Russell! 1126 01:11:14,180 --> 01:11:16,249 Russ, where are ya? 1127 01:11:19,751 --> 01:11:21,951 Russell. Russell, you're okay! 1128 01:11:21,953 --> 01:11:25,523 Oh, thank God. Oh, my God! 1129 01:11:25,525 --> 01:11:26,956 Juggernaut! 1130 01:11:28,094 --> 01:11:29,959 I thought that was you! 1131 01:11:29,961 --> 01:11:32,863 I should've worn my white pants. 1132 01:11:32,865 --> 01:11:36,733 You probably get this a lot, but I am a huge fan. 1133 01:11:36,735 --> 01:11:40,237 Uncanny X-Men 183. Thor 411. 1134 01:11:40,239 --> 01:11:41,505 X-Men Unlimited 12. 1135 01:11:41,507 --> 01:11:43,673 You know, it has always been a dream of mine... 1136 01:11:43,675 --> 01:11:45,608 to see my face reflected in your helmet... 1137 01:11:45,610 --> 01:11:47,710 as you charge at me with murderous intent. 1138 01:11:47,712 --> 01:11:49,579 I don't mean right now. 1139 01:11:49,581 --> 01:11:51,648 I'm gonna rip you in half now. 1140 01:11:51,650 --> 01:11:54,452 That is such a Juggernaut thing to say. 1141 01:11:57,890 --> 01:12:02,159 Oh, my God! I can't feel my legs. 1142 01:12:02,161 --> 01:12:03,595 I can't feel... 1143 01:12:04,397 --> 01:12:06,464 Oh, no, they're right here. 1144 01:12:06,466 --> 01:12:08,332 Got 'em. God, Russell. 1145 01:12:08,334 --> 01:12:10,203 I have a mission. 1146 01:12:10,803 --> 01:12:12,602 To get my revenge. 1147 01:12:12,604 --> 01:12:14,872 I'm going to burn that headmaster alive. 1148 01:12:14,874 --> 01:12:17,208 You're not the revenge type. 1149 01:12:17,210 --> 01:12:18,741 Take it from a friend. 1150 01:12:18,743 --> 01:12:22,645 Friend? You were sick, and I protected you. 1151 01:12:22,647 --> 01:12:24,815 You said it yourself. 1152 01:12:24,817 --> 01:12:27,617 "I'm not your friend. Find someone stronger." 1153 01:12:27,619 --> 01:12:29,186 So I did. 1154 01:12:30,523 --> 01:12:32,689 Russell, I couldn't protect you back then. 1155 01:12:32,691 --> 01:12:36,726 But I can now. What do you want me to say, huh? 1156 01:12:36,728 --> 01:12:38,661 "I care about you"? 'Cause goddamn it, 1157 01:12:38,663 --> 01:12:41,031 I care about you, Russell. 1158 01:12:41,033 --> 01:12:43,167 What's Juggernaut got that I don't have? 1159 01:12:43,169 --> 01:12:46,936 Don't you say legs! I know you're gonna say legs! 1160 01:12:46,938 --> 01:12:49,975 - Legs! - Still hurts to hear out loud! 1161 01:12:51,911 --> 01:12:54,912 What is that? That's not a real rope! 1162 01:12:54,914 --> 01:12:57,316 You get back here, young man! 1163 01:12:58,351 --> 01:12:59,749 Doms! 1164 01:12:59,751 --> 01:13:01,951 Doms, get me out of here, please. 1165 01:13:01,953 --> 01:13:05,091 Use my arms as backpack straps. 1166 01:13:07,260 --> 01:13:08,192 I think we may have found 1167 01:13:08,194 --> 01:13:10,561 your cosmic reason for being here. 1168 01:13:10,563 --> 01:13:12,463 I'm pretty sure this isn't it. 1169 01:13:12,465 --> 01:13:13,866 X-Force. 1170 01:13:27,013 --> 01:13:28,879 No child is hopeless. 1171 01:13:28,881 --> 01:13:30,281 Don't give up on the boy. 1172 01:13:30,283 --> 01:13:32,550 How could he just walk away? 1173 01:13:32,552 --> 01:13:35,352 It was the coldness in his eyes. 1174 01:13:35,354 --> 01:13:37,023 You should've heard it. 1175 01:13:38,757 --> 01:13:41,160 I guess family really is an F-word. 1176 01:13:41,894 --> 01:13:44,094 Rub my legs, Mama. 1177 01:13:44,096 --> 01:13:45,663 Why would I rub your legs? 1178 01:13:45,665 --> 01:13:48,632 Please, they hurt. I have growing pains. 1179 01:13:51,703 --> 01:13:53,470 What in the... 1180 01:13:53,472 --> 01:13:56,273 Why is your hand so tiny again? 1181 01:13:56,275 --> 01:13:57,974 That's not my hand. 1182 01:13:57,976 --> 01:14:00,311 Oh! Mary, mother of Joseph! 1183 01:14:00,313 --> 01:14:02,279 That was nice for me. 1184 01:14:02,281 --> 01:14:05,349 Wade! I heard what happened with the convoy and... 1185 01:14:09,689 --> 01:14:11,955 Why wouldn't you cover that up? 1186 01:14:11,957 --> 01:14:14,158 A warrior has nothing to be ashamed of. 1187 01:14:14,160 --> 01:14:16,160 Yeah, but you do. Look at you. 1188 01:14:16,162 --> 01:14:18,429 You're just straight shirt-cocking it, 1189 01:14:18,431 --> 01:14:19,863 toddler-style. 1190 01:14:19,865 --> 01:14:21,799 Oh, yeah. Full Winnie the Pooh. 1191 01:14:21,801 --> 01:14:23,834 The hell's happening? Describe it. 1192 01:14:23,836 --> 01:14:25,135 I wouldn't ask him to do that, if I were you. 1193 01:14:25,137 --> 01:14:26,804 - It's like, um... - Here we go. 1194 01:14:26,806 --> 01:14:28,038 It's like he was giving birth anally, 1195 01:14:28,040 --> 01:14:29,707 but they quit halfway through. 1196 01:14:29,709 --> 01:14:30,841 They got the legs out, and they said, 1197 01:14:30,843 --> 01:14:32,209 "You know what, I'm done." 1198 01:14:32,211 --> 01:14:33,210 Happy? 1199 01:14:33,212 --> 01:14:34,478 It's like he's a Muppet from the waist down. 1200 01:14:34,480 --> 01:14:35,813 But this time, you can see 1201 01:14:35,815 --> 01:14:37,214 the Muppet's dick. 1202 01:14:37,216 --> 01:14:38,616 Grover's got a cock the size of a twig. 1203 01:14:38,618 --> 01:14:39,949 Mr. Weasel, I can no longer be double-parked. 1204 01:14:39,951 --> 01:14:41,887 I've had three tickets already. 1205 01:14:43,122 --> 01:14:45,955 No, no, no, DP, not again! 1206 01:14:45,957 --> 01:14:48,492 This has happened before? 1207 01:14:48,494 --> 01:14:50,094 —Jesus! Either vomit or don't. 1208 01:14:50,096 --> 01:14:51,595 The indecision is killing me. 1209 01:14:51,597 --> 01:14:53,499 Why couldn't God take my hearing? 1210 01:14:55,167 --> 01:14:57,167 Oh. Wow! 1211 01:14:57,169 --> 01:14:58,935 Cool your pits. They're growing back. 1212 01:14:58,937 --> 01:15:00,937 I'm talking about your face. 1213 01:15:00,939 --> 01:15:02,873 I've never seen you without your mask before. 1214 01:15:02,875 --> 01:15:05,075 - Jesus Christ! - Looks like an avocado. 1215 01:15:05,077 --> 01:15:07,044 Your legs, though, they're cute. 1216 01:15:07,046 --> 01:15:09,081 You wanna borrow a pair of pants? 1217 01:15:10,549 --> 01:15:12,049 I'm glad everybody dropped by. 1218 01:15:12,051 --> 01:15:14,951 You must be wondering why I didn't call you here. 1219 01:15:14,953 --> 01:15:16,687 I'll tell you why I'm here. 1220 01:15:16,689 --> 01:15:19,056 "The Time Traveler's Wife's" husband... 1221 01:15:19,058 --> 01:15:20,391 beat me within an inch of my life. 1222 01:15:20,393 --> 01:15:21,525 He was torturing me! 1223 01:15:21,527 --> 01:15:24,662 But all I told him was everything he wanted to know. 1224 01:15:24,664 --> 01:15:27,231 So, I'm here to help us gear up. 1225 01:15:27,233 --> 01:15:28,565 So we can go after him without me. 1226 01:15:28,567 --> 01:15:29,900 No! 1227 01:15:29,902 --> 01:15:31,502 I'm doing this alone. 1228 01:15:31,504 --> 01:15:32,569 The Juggernaut 1229 01:15:32,571 --> 01:15:33,904 - will kill you all. - Fair enough. 1230 01:15:33,906 --> 01:15:35,873 I just need a couple of hours to get some legs 1231 01:15:35,875 --> 01:15:37,007 - under me. - What will you do? 1232 01:15:37,009 --> 01:15:38,575 I don't care what the kid did to me. 1233 01:15:38,577 --> 01:15:39,810 I ain't letting Cable get to him, 1234 01:15:39,812 --> 01:15:41,178 even if I have to teabag him to death. 1235 01:15:41,180 --> 01:15:43,180 It's really just a sip of tea at this point. 1236 01:15:43,182 --> 01:15:45,015 Zip it, black Black Widow! I'm flowing. 1237 01:15:45,017 --> 01:15:46,083 The first order of business is 1238 01:15:46,085 --> 01:15:47,384 to get me in front of Cable... 1239 01:15:47,386 --> 01:15:49,053 so I can pull all the fucking blood out of his body... 1240 01:15:49,055 --> 01:15:51,522 and fashion his bones into holiday jewelry. 1241 01:15:51,524 --> 01:15:53,190 Then, I'm gonna take his skin... 1242 01:15:53,192 --> 01:15:56,462 and stretch it out over a homemade mating drum. 1243 01:15:57,930 --> 01:15:59,598 He's standing right behind you, isn't he? 1244 01:16:08,341 --> 01:16:10,174 What in the ass? 1245 01:16:10,176 --> 01:16:13,477 Is this apartment listed on Tinder? Grindr? 1246 01:16:13,479 --> 01:16:15,881 You picked the wrong shithole to fuck, future boy. 1247 01:16:16,749 --> 01:16:19,385 Ugh. Is that really necessary? 1248 01:16:21,587 --> 01:16:24,488 No. It's his "Basic Instinct." 1249 01:16:24,490 --> 01:16:26,056 What can we help you with? 1250 01:16:26,058 --> 01:16:27,959 I'm here to proposition you. 1251 01:16:29,362 --> 01:16:30,294 Oh, boy! 1252 01:16:30,296 --> 01:16:31,628 He's really teeing it up, isn't he? 1253 01:16:31,630 --> 01:16:33,530 Who gets to make the first joke? 1254 01:16:33,532 --> 01:16:35,199 I think we should all do it at the same time. 1255 01:16:35,201 --> 01:16:36,100 Good call. 1256 01:16:36,102 --> 01:16:37,568 For $45, you get sucky-suck. 1257 01:16:37,570 --> 01:16:39,169 I only do over the pants, mouth stuff. 1258 01:16:39,171 --> 01:16:40,104 Fuck! 1259 01:16:40,106 --> 01:16:41,405 The Proposition has a wonderful 1260 01:16:41,407 --> 01:16:42,439 Guy Pearce performance. 1261 01:16:42,441 --> 01:16:44,341 Wait, wait, wait! I wanna do mine over. 1262 01:16:44,343 --> 01:16:47,044 - Give us the line again. - I need your help! 1263 01:16:47,046 --> 01:16:49,346 Trust me, I'm even less happy about this than you are... 1264 01:16:49,348 --> 01:16:52,683 but you unleashed the Juggernaut, you dumb cunt! 1265 01:16:52,685 --> 01:16:55,018 I can't bring him down alone. 1266 01:16:55,020 --> 01:16:56,655 So here we are. 1267 01:16:57,923 --> 01:16:59,791 We're no longer accepting applications 1268 01:16:59,793 --> 01:17:01,358 for X-Force, unfortunately. 1269 01:17:01,360 --> 01:17:02,559 Even if we were... 1270 01:17:02,561 --> 01:17:04,328 there's a wind advisory in effect until at least... 1271 01:17:04,330 --> 01:17:05,529 We don't have a lot of time. 1272 01:17:05,531 --> 01:17:07,498 Your friend's about to make his first kill. 1273 01:17:07,500 --> 01:17:09,066 No offense, but if you know so much... 1274 01:17:09,068 --> 01:17:12,002 why not travel back to when he was a baby, kill him then? 1275 01:17:12,004 --> 01:17:13,070 Or better yet, head back a little further, 1276 01:17:13,072 --> 01:17:14,138 kill baby Hitler. 1277 01:17:14,140 --> 01:17:16,173 I use a device to slide through time. 1278 01:17:16,175 --> 01:17:18,941 The longer I travel, the harder it is to control. 1279 01:17:18,943 --> 01:17:21,678 I got two charges: one to get me here, 1280 01:17:21,680 --> 01:17:22,847 one to get me home. 1281 01:17:22,849 --> 01:17:24,014 Well. 1282 01:17:24,016 --> 01:17:25,983 That's just lazy writing. 1283 01:17:25,985 --> 01:17:27,217 Your boy's gonna kill the headmaster 1284 01:17:27,219 --> 01:17:28,919 of the orphanage tonight. 1285 01:17:28,921 --> 01:17:31,054 After that, he gets a real taste for it. 1286 01:17:31,056 --> 01:17:33,892 Like 10-year-old Kirsten Dunst, motherfucker! 1287 01:17:33,894 --> 01:17:35,860 So he keeps killing... 1288 01:17:35,862 --> 01:17:37,294 and killing, and killing, 1289 01:17:37,296 --> 01:17:38,729 and killing. 1290 01:17:38,731 --> 01:17:42,301 Until one day, he kills the wrong fucking people. 1291 01:17:44,770 --> 01:17:46,272 My people. 1292 01:17:50,176 --> 01:17:51,175 Relax. 1293 01:17:51,177 --> 01:17:53,778 I'm retrieving something from my utility bag. 1294 01:17:53,780 --> 01:17:56,280 It's a goddamn fanny pack... 1295 01:17:56,282 --> 01:17:58,982 and you know it, you sick son of a bitch! 1296 01:17:58,984 --> 01:18:00,719 The difference is night and day. 1297 01:18:02,588 --> 01:18:04,823 You remind me of my wife. 1298 01:18:04,825 --> 01:18:06,256 I'm sorry. 1299 01:18:06,258 --> 01:18:07,357 I said, "You remind me of my wife." 1300 01:18:07,359 --> 01:18:08,659 No, I'm sorry that you said that... 1301 01:18:08,661 --> 01:18:11,728 while making heavy eye contact and applying lip balm. 1302 01:18:11,730 --> 01:18:13,065 She always struggled. 1303 01:18:13,999 --> 01:18:15,432 But she was funny... 1304 01:18:15,434 --> 01:18:18,870 and filtered her pain through the prism of humor. 1305 01:18:18,872 --> 01:18:21,240 Something I could never master. 1306 01:18:21,973 --> 01:18:24,343 It was my fault she died. 1307 01:18:25,846 --> 01:18:29,413 It was my job to stop people like him. 1308 01:18:29,415 --> 01:18:31,550 I came close a few times. 1309 01:18:35,521 --> 01:18:37,456 He wasn't too happy about that. 1310 01:18:39,024 --> 01:18:40,357 He was trying to hurt me... 1311 01:18:40,359 --> 01:18:42,661 and he knew exactly how to do it. 1312 01:18:46,800 --> 01:18:48,599 Blessed are the wicked 1313 01:18:48,601 --> 01:18:50,269 who are healed by my hand. 1314 01:18:52,938 --> 01:18:55,339 He came into my home... 1315 01:18:55,341 --> 01:18:58,444 and took the only thing that made it a home. 1316 01:19:02,515 --> 01:19:04,016 Sound familiar? 1317 01:19:04,950 --> 01:19:06,683 - I'm sorry. - Uh-huh. 1318 01:19:06,685 --> 01:19:08,420 No, I'm really sorry. 1319 01:19:10,589 --> 01:19:12,556 But that isn't Russell. 1320 01:19:12,558 --> 01:19:14,725 - It doesn't have to be him. - If you knew what I knew... 1321 01:19:14,727 --> 01:19:16,527 Yeah, he's got anger issues... 1322 01:19:16,529 --> 01:19:18,195 maybe a small learning disability... 1323 01:19:18,197 --> 01:19:19,763 splash of diabetes... 1324 01:19:19,765 --> 01:19:21,064 but nothing that can't be fixed. 1325 01:19:21,066 --> 01:19:22,633 If you could go back... 1326 01:19:22,635 --> 01:19:25,702 and stop the people that took your girl, would you? 1327 01:19:25,704 --> 01:19:27,506 Of course I fucking would! 1328 01:19:28,107 --> 01:19:29,973 But I wouldn't kill a kid. 1329 01:19:29,975 --> 01:19:31,508 I'm not asking you to kill a kid! 1330 01:19:31,510 --> 01:19:32,676 I'll kill the kid. 1331 01:19:32,678 --> 01:19:36,313 I'm asking you to save hundreds of other kids. 1332 01:19:36,315 --> 01:19:38,615 Russell's gonna burn down that orphanage. 1333 01:19:38,617 --> 01:19:40,684 And I can imagine your dead girlfriend... 1334 01:19:40,686 --> 01:19:44,087 would want you to do the right thing, wouldn't she? 1335 01:19:44,089 --> 01:19:47,291 So, what's it gonna be, handsome? 1336 01:19:47,293 --> 01:19:49,092 Give me a chance to save him. 1337 01:19:49,094 --> 01:19:50,494 - What? - You said... 1338 01:19:50,496 --> 01:19:52,229 once he kills someone, he gets a taste for it. 1339 01:19:52,231 --> 01:19:54,765 If we can get to him before that happens... 1340 01:19:54,767 --> 01:19:56,300 promise you'll give me a chance 1341 01:19:56,302 --> 01:19:58,201 to put him on a different path. 1342 01:19:58,203 --> 01:19:59,469 Define "chance." 1343 01:19:59,471 --> 01:20:00,604 I don't know. How long does it take 1344 01:20:00,606 --> 01:20:02,105 to save someone's soul? That's not... 1345 01:20:02,107 --> 01:20:03,440 I'll give you 30 seconds. 1346 01:20:03,442 --> 01:20:05,642 - What? No! - Best I can do. 1347 01:20:05,644 --> 01:20:07,079 Take it or leave it. 1348 01:20:17,256 --> 01:20:18,722 He's doing it! 1349 01:20:18,724 --> 01:20:20,390 Look at the little fella. He's doing it. 1350 01:20:20,392 --> 01:20:22,593 There he goes. 1351 01:20:22,595 --> 01:20:24,062 Jesus Christ! 1352 01:20:24,064 --> 01:20:25,629 Just shirt-cocking it. 1353 01:20:25,631 --> 01:20:27,431 Ugh. 1354 01:20:27,433 --> 01:20:28,868 There you go, little fella. 1355 01:20:29,668 --> 01:20:31,268 Go on, you're doing it! 1356 01:20:31,270 --> 01:20:34,340 My beautiful, hairless, Twizzler-legged baby boy. 1357 01:20:36,508 --> 01:20:37,674 Christ! 1358 01:20:37,676 --> 01:20:39,443 That's disturbing. 1359 01:20:39,445 --> 01:20:40,713 30 seconds. 1360 01:20:46,019 --> 01:20:47,620 - Deal. - Deal. 1361 01:20:50,090 --> 01:20:52,589 I have no idea what's happening. 1362 01:20:52,591 --> 01:20:55,860 Probably for the best. 1363 01:20:55,862 --> 01:20:59,630 And that is why you never eat a raw starfish. 1364 01:20:59,632 --> 01:21:01,866 It's just common sense. 1365 01:21:01,868 --> 01:21:03,266 Where the hell are we going? 1366 01:21:03,268 --> 01:21:04,601 You said it yourself. 1367 01:21:04,603 --> 01:21:07,537 Nothing can stop the Juggernaut. We need backup. 1368 01:21:07,539 --> 01:21:10,540 I will bathe in the blood of your enemies. 1369 01:21:14,814 --> 01:21:16,515 Can you turn off the music? 1370 01:21:17,316 --> 01:21:19,416 You'll do no such thing. 1371 01:21:19,418 --> 01:21:21,786 Why don't you just say it in an Indian accent? 1372 01:21:21,788 --> 01:21:22,753 What the hell are you...? 1373 01:21:22,755 --> 01:21:24,955 Once again, intolerance rears its ugly head. 1374 01:21:24,957 --> 01:21:26,556 I am so sorry. It gets better. 1375 01:21:26,558 --> 01:21:28,458 I'm not a fucking racist, moron! 1376 01:21:28,460 --> 01:21:31,495 Tell that to Black Tom. He was like a brother to me. 1377 01:21:31,497 --> 01:21:33,263 I'm with the old white guy on this one. 1378 01:21:33,265 --> 01:21:34,965 And that's a twist. 1379 01:21:34,967 --> 01:21:36,134 So what exactly do you 1380 01:21:36,136 --> 01:21:37,200 do in the future, anyway, huh? 1381 01:21:37,202 --> 01:21:38,935 Some kind of soldier? 1382 01:21:38,937 --> 01:21:40,637 Yeah, something like that. 1383 01:21:40,639 --> 01:21:43,074 I was a soldier. Special Forces. 1384 01:21:43,076 --> 01:21:45,542 I bet 50 years from now, we're bestest buddies. 1385 01:21:45,544 --> 01:21:47,644 50 years from now, you're very dead. 1386 01:21:47,646 --> 01:21:50,447 Your entire generation fucked this planet into a coma. 1387 01:21:50,449 --> 01:21:51,916 Boom! 1388 01:21:51,918 --> 01:21:53,183 Spoiler alert. 1389 01:21:54,687 --> 01:21:55,820 Planets. 1390 01:21:55,822 --> 01:21:57,254 Next time, Uber. 1391 01:21:57,256 --> 01:21:58,757 Here's a spoiler alert. 1392 01:21:59,893 --> 01:22:01,793 You're not a fucking hero. 1393 01:22:01,795 --> 01:22:05,929 You're just an annoying clown dressed up as a sex toy. 1394 01:22:05,931 --> 01:22:07,131 Well, I got news for you. 1395 01:22:07,133 --> 01:22:08,432 My heart is in the right place. 1396 01:22:08,434 --> 01:22:09,901 Russell's not gonna kill anyone. 1397 01:22:09,903 --> 01:22:12,402 Because of me, he's gonna know what real love looks like. 1398 01:22:12,404 --> 01:22:13,838 Because of you, I'll always know 1399 01:22:13,840 --> 01:22:16,174 what a grown man with baby balls looks like. 1400 01:22:16,176 --> 01:22:18,608 I'm a grower, not a shower. 1401 01:22:18,610 --> 01:22:20,078 I should've finished college. 1402 01:22:20,080 --> 01:22:21,311 Right here! 1403 01:22:39,364 --> 01:22:41,398 I made mistakes! 1404 01:22:41,400 --> 01:22:43,300 I wanna take them back! 1405 01:22:43,302 --> 01:22:46,303 You trusted me. I took that trust... 1406 01:22:46,305 --> 01:22:47,839 and turned it into a glory hole 1407 01:22:47,841 --> 01:22:49,239 in an airport bathroom. 1408 01:22:49,241 --> 01:22:52,011 The one in Minneapolis. You know the one. 1409 01:22:52,978 --> 01:22:54,311 Colossus! 1410 01:22:54,313 --> 01:22:56,413 I wouldn't ask for your help unless it was life or death! 1411 01:22:56,415 --> 01:22:58,482 That kid needs our help! 1412 01:22:58,484 --> 01:23:00,650 I know you're listening! 1413 01:23:00,652 --> 01:23:02,053 He's teamed up with the Juggernaut! 1414 01:23:02,055 --> 01:23:03,353 The Juggernaut! 1415 01:23:03,355 --> 01:23:04,822 That's like my favorite Marvel character ever, 1416 01:23:04,824 --> 01:23:06,490 but you should never meet your heroes... 1417 01:23:06,492 --> 01:23:09,459 because, honestly, he's a bit of a dick! 1418 01:23:09,461 --> 01:23:12,096 And like a lot of dicks, he's as hard as a rock... 1419 01:23:12,098 --> 01:23:13,898 and causes nothing but problems! 1420 01:23:13,900 --> 01:23:15,632 - Hi, Wade! - Hi, Yukio! 1421 01:23:15,634 --> 01:23:16,500 Please don't. 1422 01:23:16,502 --> 01:23:17,869 You guys make a super cute couple. 1423 01:23:17,871 --> 01:23:19,770 Yeah. Where was I? Oh, yeah! 1424 01:23:19,772 --> 01:23:21,938 Colossus! Look, I don't deserve 1425 01:23:21,940 --> 01:23:24,075 your friendship or your help. 1426 01:23:24,077 --> 01:23:25,777 But this kid does. 1427 01:23:25,779 --> 01:23:28,747 And I'm not gonna bail on him like everyone else. 1428 01:23:30,349 --> 01:23:32,518 Oh, come on! 1429 01:23:36,488 --> 01:23:39,589 Any chance Pigeon Wings is available? 1430 01:23:39,591 --> 01:23:42,160 That's just fine! That's fine! 1431 01:23:42,162 --> 01:23:43,627 No! You know what? 1432 01:23:43,629 --> 01:23:46,530 Doing the right thing is sometimes messy... 1433 01:23:46,532 --> 01:23:49,801 and fucked up, and not particularly convenient! 1434 01:23:49,803 --> 01:23:53,271 So stay here in Chateau de Virgin... 1435 01:23:53,273 --> 01:23:55,574 while we go get our fuck on! 1436 01:23:58,377 --> 01:23:59,879 You're doing great. 1437 01:24:05,350 --> 01:24:06,784 So you wear that helmet because 1438 01:24:06,786 --> 01:24:08,618 your brother tries to read your mind? 1439 01:24:08,620 --> 01:24:11,856 Yeah, but he's in a wheelchair, so even-steven. 1440 01:24:11,858 --> 01:24:14,457 Someone's coming. It's Russell, sir. 1441 01:24:14,459 --> 01:24:16,459 He's not alone. 1442 01:24:16,461 --> 01:24:18,430 Secure the children. 1443 01:24:22,668 --> 01:24:25,535 What do you say we go fuck some shit up? 1444 01:24:25,537 --> 01:24:29,608 "Let's fuck some shit up" is my legal middle name. 1445 01:24:32,678 --> 01:24:35,412 Watch my back. I've got the old man. 1446 01:24:35,414 --> 01:24:37,851 Amen, brother. 1447 01:24:43,488 --> 01:24:45,223 Time to make the chimichangas. 1448 01:24:45,225 --> 01:24:47,390 30 seconds. 1449 01:24:47,392 --> 01:24:50,027 I finally know why I'm here. 1450 01:24:50,029 --> 01:24:51,829 I was raised in this place. 1451 01:24:51,831 --> 01:24:54,265 Well, not raised. I was tortured. 1452 01:24:54,267 --> 01:24:57,201 Wow! It's your cosmic reason for being here. 1453 01:24:57,203 --> 01:24:58,501 - Shall we? - This is gonna be fun. 1454 01:24:58,503 --> 01:24:59,669 Yeah! 1455 01:24:59,671 --> 01:25:01,305 Hey! Been meaning to ask you... 1456 01:25:01,307 --> 01:25:04,876 what's with the creepy, dirty hobo bear? 1457 01:25:04,878 --> 01:25:08,547 It's not dirt. It's the blood of my dead daughter. 1458 01:25:10,616 --> 01:25:12,549 I have a gluten sensitivity. 1459 01:25:12,551 --> 01:25:14,218 So one glass of wine, I just... 1460 01:25:15,654 --> 01:25:16,655 Yeah. 1461 01:25:20,193 --> 01:25:21,359 Wish we could head back in time, 1462 01:25:21,361 --> 01:25:23,194 and I could take all that back. 1463 01:25:23,196 --> 01:25:25,096 We should just cue the music. 1464 01:25:49,588 --> 01:25:52,557 Welcome home, Russell. We missed you. 1465 01:25:53,725 --> 01:25:54,658 Russell! 1466 01:25:54,660 --> 01:25:57,130 You don't need to do this! Let's talk! 1467 01:25:57,963 --> 01:25:59,729 Why are you dressed like the Unabomber? 1468 01:26:04,003 --> 01:26:05,002 That's why! 1469 01:26:05,004 --> 01:26:06,503 Told you this little fucker's too far gone. 1470 01:26:06,505 --> 01:26:08,339 Zip it, Thanos! We have a deal and you fuck... 1471 01:26:08,341 --> 01:26:10,707 Hey! 1472 01:26:10,709 --> 01:26:14,013 I'm gonna shove that cab driver right up your ass. 1473 01:26:15,114 --> 01:26:17,381 My body and my hands are so soft. 1474 01:26:17,383 --> 01:26:18,515 You should probably head back to the car. 1475 01:26:18,517 --> 01:26:20,485 I think I'll head back to the car. 1476 01:26:21,421 --> 01:26:24,157 It works best when you pull the trigger. 1477 01:26:27,093 --> 01:26:28,527 That gun is amazing! 1478 01:26:29,594 --> 01:26:30,963 Say it! 1479 01:26:33,099 --> 01:26:36,167 You are an abomination! 1480 01:26:43,176 --> 01:26:46,643 Now, I'm gonna shove the red guy up the old guy. 1481 01:26:46,645 --> 01:26:49,182 I believe him! Every man for themselves! 1482 01:26:53,518 --> 01:26:55,353 Gotcha! 1483 01:26:55,355 --> 01:26:56,688 Beat it, midget! 1484 01:26:59,491 --> 01:27:02,592 Hey, big guy, the sun's getting real low! 1485 01:27:02,594 --> 01:27:03,863 Oh, shit fuck! 1486 01:27:17,576 --> 01:27:19,245 Come here, beautiful. 1487 01:27:21,347 --> 01:27:22,614 Say it! 1488 01:28:21,973 --> 01:28:23,240 You came for me. 1489 01:28:23,242 --> 01:28:24,641 I'm not giving up on you, 1490 01:28:24,643 --> 01:28:26,844 and you are not giving up on that boy. 1491 01:28:26,846 --> 01:28:28,846 Who says that rules aren't meant to be broken? 1492 01:28:28,848 --> 01:28:31,382 It's time to fight dirty. 1493 01:28:31,384 --> 01:28:32,783 Time to sweep the leg, Johnny. 1494 01:28:32,785 --> 01:28:35,585 Hey! Pick on someone your own size! 1495 01:28:35,587 --> 01:28:37,687 That's such a you thing to say! 1496 01:28:37,689 --> 01:28:39,689 Go get him, tiger! 1497 01:28:39,691 --> 01:28:41,593 Big CGI fight coming up! 1498 01:29:04,616 --> 01:29:06,150 He's doing great. 1499 01:29:06,152 --> 01:29:07,320 Say it! 1500 01:29:11,457 --> 01:29:12,992 - Russell. - Bingo! 1501 01:29:24,804 --> 01:29:26,972 That's right! I'm fighting dirty! 1502 01:29:27,706 --> 01:29:28,771 Oh, great! 1503 01:29:28,773 --> 01:29:30,074 There they are! Those freaks! 1504 01:29:30,076 --> 01:29:32,476 A bunch of armed pedophiles in nursing shoes. 1505 01:29:32,478 --> 01:29:34,578 Can I have one of those guns? 1506 01:29:34,580 --> 01:29:36,447 - No. - That's fine. 1507 01:29:36,449 --> 01:29:38,382 Get off this property, mutant scum! 1508 01:29:38,384 --> 01:29:39,544 I'm just gonna use this brick. 1509 01:29:40,219 --> 01:29:41,318 Maximum effort. 1510 01:29:47,126 --> 01:29:49,128 Who says you can't go home again? 1511 01:29:57,769 --> 01:29:59,305 Oh! 1512 01:30:06,245 --> 01:30:07,246 Yeah! 1513 01:30:09,415 --> 01:30:10,981 Say it. 1514 01:30:10,983 --> 01:30:14,220 Say what you said every time you tortured me! 1515 01:30:14,654 --> 01:30:15,920 Say it! 1516 01:30:15,922 --> 01:30:18,925 Blessed are the wicked who are healed by my hand! 1517 01:30:19,892 --> 01:30:22,193 Blessed are the wicked... 1518 01:30:22,195 --> 01:30:23,362 who are healed... 1519 01:30:23,762 --> 01:30:25,364 by my hand. 1520 01:30:43,416 --> 01:30:45,818 You commie motherfucker! 1521 01:31:12,011 --> 01:31:14,678 Oh, my God. Did you feel that, too? 1522 01:31:14,680 --> 01:31:17,049 Only best buddies execute pedophiles together. 1523 01:31:19,885 --> 01:31:22,519 You got 30 seconds, you jabbering butt plug! 1524 01:31:22,521 --> 01:31:23,889 Now we're getting it. 1525 01:31:28,261 --> 01:31:30,661 I need a bus to get you all out of here. 1526 01:31:36,068 --> 01:31:37,103 Orphans. 1527 01:31:38,237 --> 01:31:39,405 Oh, geez. 1528 01:31:40,740 --> 01:31:43,340 It's time to burn for what you've done! 1529 01:31:43,342 --> 01:31:46,145 A child should not be burdened with such power! 1530 01:31:54,720 --> 01:31:55,988 Russell! Wait! 1531 01:32:01,861 --> 01:32:03,195 Oh! 1532 01:32:10,269 --> 01:32:12,369 Wait! He hasn't killed anyone yet! 1533 01:32:12,371 --> 01:32:14,605 - What more do you need to see? - Don't you fucking dare! 1534 01:32:14,607 --> 01:32:15,806 He's just a kid! 1535 01:32:15,808 --> 01:32:17,910 Tick, tock. Meter's running! 1536 01:32:30,256 --> 01:32:33,492 I'm gonna melt you down and make a cock ring. 1537 01:32:53,780 --> 01:32:56,547 - I told you! Leave me alone! - Come on! 1538 01:32:56,549 --> 01:32:57,850 Listen to me! 1539 01:33:21,006 --> 01:33:22,972 That's how we do it 1540 01:33:22,974 --> 01:33:24,543 in Mother Russia. 1541 01:33:26,379 --> 01:33:29,215 They say millennials are the hardest to reach. 1542 01:33:30,449 --> 01:33:33,884 Oh, no. You're doing amazing. 1543 01:33:35,054 --> 01:33:37,988 Damn, it feels good to be a gangsta! 1544 01:33:37,990 --> 01:33:39,890 Go home, Wade! 1545 01:33:39,892 --> 01:33:41,960 You're ruining everything! 1546 01:33:47,032 --> 01:33:48,532 I'm getting good at this shit. 1547 01:33:48,534 --> 01:33:49,568 Go, go, go! 1548 01:33:53,005 --> 01:33:55,005 He dies tonight, Wade. 1549 01:33:55,007 --> 01:33:57,374 You can't stop me! 1550 01:33:57,376 --> 01:33:59,309 He even runs like a fucking pervert. 1551 01:33:59,311 --> 01:34:02,314 Like an online predator who lost his laptop. 1552 01:34:03,449 --> 01:34:05,082 There's one bullet left in that gun. 1553 01:34:05,084 --> 01:34:07,317 Wait, wait, wait! Please, just give me a second! 1554 01:34:07,319 --> 01:34:08,719 I got this. 1555 01:34:08,721 --> 01:34:10,953 - Russell! - Stay back! Go home, Wade! 1556 01:34:10,955 --> 01:34:13,724 Let's talk. It doesn't have to go this way! 1557 01:34:13,726 --> 01:34:15,292 That piece of shit... 1558 01:34:15,294 --> 01:34:17,094 he deserves to die for what he did to you. 1559 01:34:17,096 --> 01:34:20,599 He hurt you badly. Makes you wanna hurt others. 1560 01:34:21,300 --> 01:34:23,167 But if you kill him, he wins. 1561 01:34:23,169 --> 01:34:27,104 You become everything he says you are, but worse. 1562 01:34:27,106 --> 01:34:29,139 You're just a kid. 1563 01:34:29,141 --> 01:34:30,973 You don't wanna hurt anyone. 1564 01:34:30,975 --> 01:34:32,209 How do you know what I want? 1565 01:34:32,211 --> 01:34:34,113 Because I've been inside you. 1566 01:34:34,647 --> 01:34:36,580 That came out wrong. 1567 01:34:36,582 --> 01:34:38,182 I've been inside your shoes. 1568 01:34:38,184 --> 01:34:40,117 Which is also off-putting. 1569 01:34:40,119 --> 01:34:41,718 It's not a great analogy. 1570 01:34:41,720 --> 01:34:43,620 The point is... 1571 01:34:43,622 --> 01:34:45,222 there are people... 1572 01:34:45,224 --> 01:34:48,292 There are people in this fucking world... 1573 01:34:48,294 --> 01:34:51,094 besides him, who will treat you right. 1574 01:34:51,096 --> 01:34:53,999 It isn't too late. Don't do it. 1575 01:34:59,205 --> 01:35:01,707 I never should've left you there. 1576 01:35:03,309 --> 01:35:05,411 I never should've left you in that prison. 1577 01:35:12,485 --> 01:35:13,719 I can't trust you. 1578 01:35:15,488 --> 01:35:17,990 I can't trust anybody! 1579 01:35:26,966 --> 01:35:28,265 Wonderful kid. 1580 01:35:28,267 --> 01:35:30,067 You can't stop me, Wade! 1581 01:35:32,204 --> 01:35:34,438 I got one more idea. 1582 01:35:34,440 --> 01:35:37,608 It's just a really bad one, even for me. 1583 01:35:37,610 --> 01:35:38,609 Wade, what are you doing? 1584 01:35:38,611 --> 01:35:41,111 All right. This is for all the marbles, kid! 1585 01:35:41,113 --> 01:35:43,213 You're gonna kill someone today... 1586 01:35:43,215 --> 01:35:44,782 Blessed are the wicked... 1587 01:35:44,784 --> 01:35:46,719 then it's gotta be me. 1588 01:35:47,787 --> 01:35:49,722 who are healed by my hand! 1589 01:35:52,826 --> 01:35:55,361 Fuck this! 1590 01:36:55,922 --> 01:36:59,091 Tell me they got that in slow motion. 1591 01:37:04,064 --> 01:37:05,464 Oh, that's not good. 1592 01:37:06,932 --> 01:37:08,667 No, sir. 1593 01:37:15,975 --> 01:37:19,111 You sacrificed yourself for me. 1594 01:37:19,445 --> 01:37:20,410 Yeah. 1595 01:37:20,412 --> 01:37:22,914 And it was the best thing I ever did. 1596 01:37:24,550 --> 01:37:26,884 I told you I care about you. 1597 01:37:26,886 --> 01:37:28,687 You're a good kid, Russell. 1598 01:37:30,456 --> 01:37:31,523 Hey. 1599 01:37:32,758 --> 01:37:34,058 The bear. 1600 01:37:34,060 --> 01:37:35,494 It worked. 1601 01:37:42,068 --> 01:37:44,002 Because of you. 1602 01:37:44,004 --> 01:37:46,405 No, Wade, because of you. 1603 01:37:47,107 --> 01:37:49,406 Stop, stop, stop! 1604 01:37:49,408 --> 01:37:50,542 Stop! 1605 01:37:51,477 --> 01:37:54,478 Just let it happen, okay? 1606 01:37:54,480 --> 01:37:58,281 I guess my heart was finally in the right place. 1607 01:37:58,283 --> 01:38:00,820 That riddle is so fucked up. 1608 01:38:05,724 --> 01:38:08,258 I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. 1609 01:38:08,260 --> 01:38:09,459 Don't be. Don't be. 1610 01:38:09,461 --> 01:38:11,962 I've been trying to make this happen for a while. 1611 01:38:11,964 --> 01:38:13,530 Please, just don't leave me. 1612 01:38:13,532 --> 01:38:15,265 I don't wanna die without an audience. 1613 01:38:15,267 --> 01:38:16,834 We are not going anywhere. 1614 01:38:16,836 --> 01:38:19,202 Oh, God, I hope the Academy is watching. 1615 01:38:19,204 --> 01:38:20,439 Just rest, okay? 1616 01:38:22,108 --> 01:38:23,375 Papa. 1617 01:38:56,910 --> 01:38:58,542 Before I go... 1618 01:38:58,544 --> 01:39:00,512 Sorry, I got a bit more in me. 1619 01:39:00,979 --> 01:39:02,212 Domino. 1620 01:39:02,214 --> 01:39:07,085 I want you to have my Adventure Time watch. 1621 01:39:09,254 --> 01:39:12,357 Turns out that I'm the lucky one. 1622 01:39:12,958 --> 01:39:14,259 Thank you. 1623 01:39:15,327 --> 01:39:18,962 Hey, Sabrina, the Teenage Witch. 1624 01:39:18,964 --> 01:39:21,233 It has been a pleasure. 1625 01:39:22,568 --> 01:39:25,702 - Hi, Yukio. - Hi, Wade! 1626 01:39:27,239 --> 01:39:28,607 And you... 1627 01:39:29,042 --> 01:39:30,875 Chrome Bone. 1628 01:39:30,877 --> 01:39:34,045 I haven't always been the best friend to you. 1629 01:39:34,047 --> 01:39:36,379 But you've always been that to me. 1630 01:39:36,381 --> 01:39:37,817 So thank you. 1631 01:39:39,952 --> 01:39:41,620 Say "fuck" for me. 1632 01:39:42,287 --> 01:39:43,553 Just once. Come on, 1633 01:39:43,555 --> 01:39:45,288 we'll do it together. It's no big deal. 1634 01:39:45,290 --> 01:39:48,558 Here we go. One, two, three. F... F... F... 1635 01:39:48,560 --> 01:39:49,493 Fuck. 1636 01:39:49,495 --> 01:39:52,931 Wow! Enjoy hell, swamp mouth. 1637 01:39:54,200 --> 01:39:57,300 And you, Cable. 1638 01:39:57,302 --> 01:40:01,738 You get back to your family. You tell 'em Wade says hi. 1639 01:40:01,740 --> 01:40:05,475 And promise me. Promise me one thing. 1640 01:40:05,477 --> 01:40:07,044 That you'll start judging people... 1641 01:40:07,046 --> 01:40:08,378 not by the color of their skin, 1642 01:40:08,380 --> 01:40:10,482 but by the content of their character. 1643 01:40:11,084 --> 01:40:12,751 - Jesus. - R-Dog? 1644 01:40:13,920 --> 01:40:16,319 There you are. Hey! 1645 01:40:16,321 --> 01:40:18,323 You're a superhero now, bubba. 1646 01:40:19,725 --> 01:40:21,025 Look. 1647 01:40:21,027 --> 01:40:23,729 Family is not an F-word. 1648 01:40:24,329 --> 01:40:25,629 All right? 1649 01:40:25,631 --> 01:40:28,199 There's one out there for you. 1650 01:40:28,201 --> 01:40:29,968 Just keep looking, okay? 1651 01:40:33,338 --> 01:40:36,341 Guys, for a second there... 1652 01:40:37,010 --> 01:40:39,745 we made a pretty good team. 1653 01:40:54,160 --> 01:40:56,361 Oh, it's so hard to go. 1654 01:40:57,596 --> 01:41:00,066 I just love being around you guys so much. 1655 01:41:01,134 --> 01:41:02,534 So, so much. 1656 01:41:03,102 --> 01:41:04,434 Mmm. 1657 01:41:04,436 --> 01:41:07,337 No, I can feel it now. Here it comes, yeah. 1658 01:41:07,339 --> 01:41:11,275 I feel the soul exiting the husk. 1659 01:41:11,277 --> 01:41:12,477 Yeah. 1660 01:41:14,080 --> 01:41:16,513 Can you see it? 1661 01:41:16,515 --> 01:41:18,852 Do you see that beautiful bright light? 1662 01:41:20,220 --> 01:41:21,553 There it is. 1663 01:41:27,559 --> 01:41:28,793 Oh, that's the sun. 1664 01:41:28,795 --> 01:41:31,062 Don't stare directly into that. 1665 01:41:31,064 --> 01:41:32,395 I just have a few final words. 1666 01:41:34,733 --> 01:41:36,035 Woodpecker. 1667 01:41:36,870 --> 01:41:38,137 Gingivitis. 1668 01:41:40,173 --> 01:41:41,673 Codswallop. 1669 01:41:45,744 --> 01:41:47,914 Do You Want to Build a Snowman? 1670 01:43:02,855 --> 01:43:04,188 Sorry I'm late. 1671 01:43:04,190 --> 01:43:05,655 There was a bunch 1672 01:43:05,657 --> 01:43:07,158 of handicapable children who were stuck in a tree. 1673 01:43:07,160 --> 01:43:08,527 - No. - No. 1674 01:43:09,395 --> 01:43:12,495 - But I did have to help a kid. - Yeah. 1675 01:43:12,497 --> 01:43:14,464 - He's got a terrible name. - It's just awful. 1676 01:43:14,466 --> 01:43:15,667 - Ugh. - I tried to tell him. 1677 01:43:17,936 --> 01:43:19,238 Is this heaven? 1678 01:43:20,139 --> 01:43:21,506 It is now. 1679 01:43:24,877 --> 01:43:26,779 I am so sorry. 1680 01:43:27,447 --> 01:43:29,679 It's okay. 1681 01:43:48,600 --> 01:43:50,702 I missed you so much. 1682 01:43:56,175 --> 01:43:57,910 What is it? What's wrong? 1683 01:43:59,644 --> 01:44:01,711 It's not time. 1684 01:44:01,713 --> 01:44:03,747 What do you mean it's not time? 1685 01:44:03,749 --> 01:44:05,483 I'm here, I made it. 1686 01:44:05,485 --> 01:44:07,084 - You can't stay. - No, no, no. 1687 01:44:07,086 --> 01:44:10,054 I'm staying. I'm not going anywhere without you. 1688 01:44:10,056 --> 01:44:11,455 It's okay. 1689 01:44:11,457 --> 01:44:14,526 There's a time for us. It's just not now. 1690 01:44:15,328 --> 01:44:17,897 - They need you. - Who? 1691 01:44:19,731 --> 01:44:21,167 Your F-word. 1692 01:44:22,368 --> 01:44:23,700 Why? 1693 01:44:23,702 --> 01:44:25,704 You'll find out. 1694 01:44:26,472 --> 01:44:28,607 It's all right. I'll be here. 1695 01:44:29,641 --> 01:44:31,044 I love you. 1696 01:44:33,446 --> 01:44:35,982 I know. I love you, too. 1697 01:44:36,581 --> 01:44:37,784 Now, go. 1698 01:44:38,818 --> 01:44:41,020 Go on. Go, get out of here. 1699 01:44:42,055 --> 01:44:43,056 Go. 1700 01:44:46,125 --> 01:44:47,126 Hey! 1701 01:44:49,929 --> 01:44:52,265 Kiss me like you miss me, Red. 1702 01:44:52,964 --> 01:44:54,067 Well, come here. 1703 01:45:13,386 --> 01:45:14,785 Don't fuck Elvis. 1704 01:45:14,787 --> 01:45:16,955 - Don't fuck Colossus. - What? 1705 01:45:26,665 --> 01:45:28,099 Time to make the chimichangas. 1706 01:45:28,101 --> 01:45:29,033 30 seconds. 1707 01:45:29,035 --> 01:45:30,468 Hey. Been meaning to ask you... 1708 01:45:30,470 --> 01:45:32,903 what's with the creepy, dirty hobo bear? 1709 01:45:32,905 --> 01:45:34,771 It's my daughter's teddy bear. 1710 01:45:34,773 --> 01:45:36,207 Her name's Hope. 1711 01:45:36,209 --> 01:45:37,310 Well... 1712 01:45:38,478 --> 01:45:40,411 What are you doing? 1713 01:45:40,413 --> 01:45:42,279 Somebody swiped right. 1714 01:45:54,594 --> 01:45:57,394 Tell me they got that in slow motion. 1715 01:46:00,133 --> 01:46:02,266 You sacrificed yourself for me. 1716 01:46:02,268 --> 01:46:03,870 It would seem I... 1717 01:46:05,905 --> 01:46:07,140 Huh? 1718 01:46:08,241 --> 01:46:10,709 Genuine, high-grade lead. 1719 01:46:12,445 --> 01:46:15,513 You time-sliding son of a bitch! 1720 01:46:15,515 --> 01:46:17,183 You did this for me? 1721 01:46:18,885 --> 01:46:21,986 Wait. You can't go back. 1722 01:46:21,988 --> 01:46:23,454 You used the last of your fuel. 1723 01:46:23,456 --> 01:46:25,089 What about your girl, your wife? 1724 01:46:25,091 --> 01:46:28,693 Now, my family's safe. And I didn't do it for you. 1725 01:46:29,862 --> 01:46:32,463 No, I'm gonna stick around for a while... 1726 01:46:32,465 --> 01:46:33,696 and make sure the world 1727 01:46:33,698 --> 01:46:35,667 doesn't shit itself into oblivion. 1728 01:46:36,235 --> 01:46:39,138 No. You did it for me. 1729 01:46:39,738 --> 01:46:41,338 No, I didn't. 1730 01:46:41,340 --> 01:46:42,705 - You did. - I really didn't. 1731 01:46:42,707 --> 01:46:44,608 - Pretty sure you did. - No, I'm positive I didn't. 1732 01:46:44,610 --> 01:46:46,277 Fine. All right, let's flip a coin. Okay? 1733 01:46:46,279 --> 01:46:49,046 Heads, you did it for me. Tails, you did it for me. 1734 01:46:49,048 --> 01:46:51,817 I'm not even gonna look, because you did it for me. 1735 01:46:52,218 --> 01:46:53,083 Say it again. 1736 01:46:53,085 --> 01:46:54,852 - He did it for me. - Jesus. 1737 01:46:54,854 --> 01:46:56,820 - We must get the collar off. - Forget it. It's no use. 1738 01:46:56,822 --> 01:46:58,889 These collars don't just come off. 1739 01:46:58,891 --> 01:46:59,892 Wade. 1740 01:47:00,326 --> 01:47:02,092 I have an idea. 1741 01:47:02,094 --> 01:47:04,228 No, no, no! Let's not do that. Please! 1742 01:47:04,230 --> 01:47:06,797 I'd rather die of cancer. Let's just... 1743 01:47:06,799 --> 01:47:10,067 Oh, God! They do say the pen is grosser than the sword. 1744 01:47:10,069 --> 01:47:12,436 We need the code. 1745 01:47:12,438 --> 01:47:14,205 Try, uh, seven? 1746 01:47:14,207 --> 01:47:15,906 Settle down, Captain Lucky. 1747 01:47:15,908 --> 01:47:17,508 It's not gonna be one number. 1748 01:47:17,510 --> 01:47:18,777 Oh, God, that's lazy writing. 1749 01:47:19,579 --> 01:47:21,047 I still got it. 1750 01:47:23,883 --> 01:47:26,052 Put that back in your prison wallet. 1751 01:47:27,620 --> 01:47:29,553 I don't know how to thank you. 1752 01:47:29,555 --> 01:47:31,522 But I do know how to hug you. 1753 01:47:31,524 --> 01:47:32,790 - No. - Yes. 1754 01:47:32,792 --> 01:47:34,425 Here we go. Bring it in. 1755 01:47:34,427 --> 01:47:35,526 Come on. 1756 01:47:35,528 --> 01:47:36,894 Pelvis to pelvis. 1757 01:47:36,896 --> 01:47:38,229 Let's go tip to tip. 1758 01:47:38,231 --> 01:47:41,165 There we go. The kids call this docking. 1759 01:47:42,635 --> 01:47:44,168 Is there a knife in my dick? 1760 01:47:44,170 --> 01:47:46,070 - There's a knife in your dick. - I'm just gonna back up now. 1761 01:47:46,072 --> 01:47:47,937 - Yeah, yeah. - No need to go full Yentl. 1762 01:47:47,939 --> 01:47:50,808 Gonna pretend like that never happened. 1763 01:47:50,810 --> 01:47:52,944 Let's go home, Russell. 1764 01:47:56,482 --> 01:47:58,716 All you dirty mutants 1765 01:47:58,718 --> 01:48:00,818 are gonna rot in hell with the boy! 1766 01:48:00,820 --> 01:48:03,921 Your souls are beyond redemption! 1767 01:48:03,923 --> 01:48:05,189 Let's see your soul, perv! 1768 01:48:05,191 --> 01:48:08,292 No, no! No! No more! We're better than that! 1769 01:48:08,294 --> 01:48:09,326 We're better than him! 1770 01:48:09,328 --> 01:48:12,062 No more senseless violence! No more bloodshed! 1771 01:48:12,064 --> 01:48:13,763 We'll let karma take care of him. 1772 01:48:13,765 --> 01:48:16,968 The day of reckoning is here! 1773 01:48:26,045 --> 01:48:28,345 I'm gonna miss him. He seemed great. 1774 01:48:28,347 --> 01:48:29,546 Whoo! 1775 01:48:29,548 --> 01:48:31,282 Courage, motherfuckers! 1776 01:48:31,284 --> 01:48:32,449 And karma, motherfucker. 1777 01:48:32,451 --> 01:48:34,118 I could hear you coming the last 30 seconds. 1778 01:48:34,120 --> 01:48:36,353 I could barely keep a straight face. 1779 01:48:36,355 --> 01:48:38,055 I want some more. 1780 01:48:38,057 --> 01:48:39,857 I bet you do, Brown Panther. 1781 01:48:39,859 --> 01:48:43,327 We should leave before Fuckernaut wakes up. 1782 01:48:43,329 --> 01:48:45,763 Good call. You guys coming with us? 1783 01:48:45,765 --> 01:48:47,765 No, we'll get the kids back to the mansion. 1784 01:48:47,767 --> 01:48:49,433 Besides, we're X-Men. 1785 01:48:49,435 --> 01:48:52,002 No, you're X-People. 1786 01:48:52,004 --> 01:48:53,270 You're exhausting. 1787 01:48:53,272 --> 01:48:55,873 I see what you did there. Puns. 1788 01:48:55,875 --> 01:48:58,375 - Bye, Wade! - Bye, Yukio! 1789 01:49:00,680 --> 01:49:01,780 What do you get 1790 01:49:01,782 --> 01:49:02,913 when you take eight feet of chrome... 1791 01:49:02,915 --> 01:49:04,081 one pinch of courage... 1792 01:49:04,083 --> 01:49:05,516 a cup of good luck... 1793 01:49:05,518 --> 01:49:06,984 a dab of racism... 1794 01:49:06,986 --> 01:49:08,252 a splash of diabetes... 1795 01:49:08,254 --> 01:49:10,988 and a wheelbarrow full of stage four cancer? 1796 01:49:10,990 --> 01:49:13,590 a family. 1797 01:49:13,592 --> 01:49:16,927 See? I didn't lie what kind of film this was. 1798 01:49:16,929 --> 01:49:18,329 If there's anything you take away today... 1799 01:49:18,331 --> 01:49:21,398 other than the need to Google, "What the fuck is dubstep?"... 1800 01:49:21,400 --> 01:49:24,437 it's that we all need to belong to someone. 1801 01:49:27,130 --> 01:49:32,135 Subtitles by explosiveskull Resync by GoldenBeard 1802 01:51:21,187 --> 01:51:23,053 How something so small generates 1803 01:51:23,055 --> 01:51:25,055 enough energy to reverse time is... 1804 01:51:25,057 --> 01:51:27,090 Oh, just fix it, Eleven, 1805 01:51:27,092 --> 01:51:29,259 or I'll take it to the Genius Bar. 1806 01:51:29,261 --> 01:51:30,661 Cable's gonna kill you when he finds out. 1807 01:51:30,663 --> 01:51:31,728 Never heard of him. 1808 01:51:31,730 --> 01:51:33,299 Why do you think I'm helping him? 1809 01:51:34,333 --> 01:51:36,767 The Lord works in mysterious ways, 1810 01:51:36,769 --> 01:51:38,970 don't I? A good day. 1811 01:51:39,738 --> 01:51:40,739 Bye, Wade! 1812 01:51:41,340 --> 01:51:42,341 Bye, Yukio! 1813 01:51:43,609 --> 01:51:46,043 That was probably a bad idea. 1814 01:51:46,045 --> 01:51:47,977 What have we done? 1815 01:52:05,998 --> 01:52:07,965 I hope we sharpened the cream cheese spreader. 1816 01:52:18,110 --> 01:52:19,678 I'll be right back! 1817 01:52:21,447 --> 01:52:24,283 We're definitely naming our kid Cher! 1818 01:52:24,583 --> 01:52:25,584 Whoo! 1819 01:52:27,453 --> 01:52:28,786 Peter! 1820 01:52:28,788 --> 01:52:30,220 Whoo! X-Force! 1821 01:52:30,222 --> 01:52:32,591 Walk away! Just walk away! 1822 01:52:33,492 --> 01:52:34,591 But we're X-Force! 1823 01:52:34,593 --> 01:52:36,293 Nope! We're not, there's no X-Force! 1824 01:52:36,295 --> 01:52:39,797 All right, well, this has been pretty scary! 1825 01:52:39,799 --> 01:52:42,466 Go home, Sugarbear. Go home. 1826 01:52:42,468 --> 01:52:45,371 Okay. Will you give Domino my email? 1827 01:52:54,580 --> 01:52:56,415 Wade, is that you? 1828 01:52:58,684 --> 01:53:00,018 I guess Stryker finally 1829 01:53:00,020 --> 01:53:01,453 figured out how to shut you up. 1830 01:53:07,994 --> 01:53:11,128 Hey! It's me! Don't scratch! 1831 01:53:11,130 --> 01:53:13,564 Just cleaning up the timelines! 1832 01:53:18,103 --> 01:53:19,505 Love you! 1833 01:53:21,875 --> 01:53:23,309 Welcome to the big leagues, kid. 1834 01:53:30,716 --> 01:53:32,585 You're welcome, Canada.