1 00:00:30,966 --> 00:00:32,134 Greg? 2 00:00:35,470 --> 00:00:38,390 - Greg? - What? 3 00:00:38,890 --> 00:00:41,602 - Greg! - What? 4 00:00:41,685 --> 00:00:42,728 What are you doing? Get up! 5 00:00:42,811 --> 00:00:44,146 Mom and Dad have been calling you for an hour. 6 00:00:44,229 --> 00:00:46,064 You're about to be late for your first day of middle school. 7 00:00:46,148 --> 00:00:47,482 What? 8 00:00:48,400 --> 00:00:50,110 Oh, geez! How did that happen? 9 00:00:50,193 --> 00:00:51,737 Go, go, go! Mom's about to flip out! 10 00:00:51,820 --> 00:00:54,323 She sent me to get you while she waits in the car! 11 00:01:34,821 --> 00:01:37,658 What are you doing? What's going on? 12 00:01:37,741 --> 00:01:39,910 Getting ready for... 13 00:01:45,332 --> 00:01:46,959 school. 14 00:01:47,042 --> 00:01:49,962 Are you insane? School doesn't start till next week. 15 00:01:50,045 --> 00:01:54,049 And, FYI, school doesn't start at 4:00 in the morning! 16 00:01:54,132 --> 00:01:57,552 You woke up Manny. And if he doesn't go back down... 17 00:01:57,636 --> 00:01:58,679 Good morning! 18 00:01:58,762 --> 00:02:01,556 There is no way he is going back down. 19 00:02:01,640 --> 00:02:03,183 I just wanted to sleep till 6:00. 20 00:02:03,267 --> 00:02:05,435 - Bubby! - Go to bed. I got him. 21 00:02:05,519 --> 00:02:08,063 Greg, what are you doing up making all this noise? 22 00:02:08,146 --> 00:02:10,566 It was Rodrick! He woke me up! 23 00:02:10,649 --> 00:02:12,693 He changed my clock! 24 00:02:14,903 --> 00:02:17,906 - But I swear, he was just... - Go to bed. 25 00:02:19,700 --> 00:02:23,370 What is that smell? I can't even identify it. 26 00:02:39,094 --> 00:02:40,470 Bubby! 27 00:02:50,814 --> 00:02:52,149 Happy Birthday! 28 00:02:52,232 --> 00:02:53,650 Here, Bubby. 29 00:02:53,817 --> 00:02:55,903 Wow! Look at the size of that flamethrower! 30 00:03:05,537 --> 00:03:08,707 Okay, first of all, let me get something straight. 31 00:03:08,790 --> 00:03:11,293 This is a journal, not a diary. 32 00:03:12,586 --> 00:03:14,630 Yeah, I know what it says on the cover. 33 00:03:14,713 --> 00:03:17,090 But when my mom went out to buy this thing, 34 00:03:17,174 --> 00:03:20,636 I specifically told her not to buy one that said "diary" on it. 35 00:03:20,719 --> 00:03:24,973 This just proves Mom doesn't understand anything about kids my age. 36 00:03:26,141 --> 00:03:27,476 Sissy! 37 00:03:29,102 --> 00:03:31,605 The only reason I agreed to write in this thing is because 38 00:03:31,688 --> 00:03:34,066 when I'm rich and famous I'll have better things to do 39 00:03:34,149 --> 00:03:36,652 than answer people's stupid questions all day long. 40 00:03:36,735 --> 00:03:38,612 Gregory, tell us about your childhood! 41 00:03:38,695 --> 00:03:40,989 Were you always so smart and handsome? 42 00:03:41,073 --> 00:03:43,367 Here's my journal. Now, shoo, shoo. 43 00:03:46,203 --> 00:03:48,413 That's our boy up there. 44 00:03:48,497 --> 00:03:50,540 Why did I ever say no to him? 45 00:03:50,624 --> 00:03:51,708 Mom got me this thing 46 00:03:51,792 --> 00:03:54,544 so I could write down my feelings about starting middle school. 47 00:03:54,920 --> 00:03:56,630 But I'm gonna be fine. 48 00:03:56,713 --> 00:03:59,549 It's my best friend, Rowley Jefferson, I'm worried about. 49 00:03:59,633 --> 00:04:01,843 He's definitely not middle school ready. 50 00:04:01,927 --> 00:04:03,887 Geronimo! 51 00:04:07,724 --> 00:04:10,894 He's not quite clear on the concept of growing up. 52 00:04:10,978 --> 00:04:14,856 I want a puppy, a kitty, a gumball machine... 53 00:04:14,940 --> 00:04:17,859 But anyway, this is about me, not Rowley. 54 00:04:17,943 --> 00:04:20,696 I always figured they'd make a movie about my life. 55 00:04:20,779 --> 00:04:23,865 But I didn't think they'd start the story here. 56 00:04:23,949 --> 00:04:27,119 Because, seriously, who wants to see a movie about a kid 57 00:04:27,202 --> 00:04:30,080 who's stuck in middle school with a bunch of morons? 58 00:04:54,313 --> 00:04:57,274 Three days, no shower. Smell the love! 59 00:04:57,357 --> 00:04:59,318 Let me go, Rodrick! 60 00:05:01,028 --> 00:05:03,906 Come on. We're just having some fun, right? 61 00:05:03,989 --> 00:05:05,782 No, okay. So, look. 62 00:05:05,866 --> 00:05:09,453 Mom asked me to give you some advice about middle school. 63 00:05:10,203 --> 00:05:12,372 It's real simple. 64 00:05:12,456 --> 00:05:15,709 Don't talk to anyone. Don't look at anyone. Don't go anywhere. 65 00:05:15,792 --> 00:05:20,088 Don't sit down. Don't raise your hand. Don't go to the bathroom. 66 00:05:20,172 --> 00:05:24,259 Don't get noticed. Don't choose the wrong locker. Don't... 67 00:05:25,677 --> 00:05:26,887 Who am I kidding? 68 00:05:26,970 --> 00:05:29,848 You'll be dead or homeschooled by the end of the year, anyway. 69 00:05:29,932 --> 00:05:32,267 And don't be seen with Rowley. 70 00:05:44,238 --> 00:05:45,989 Manny, stop it! Mom! 71 00:05:46,073 --> 00:05:47,157 Thanks for the eggs, Mom. 72 00:05:47,241 --> 00:05:48,659 - Frank? - Greg? 73 00:05:48,742 --> 00:05:50,327 I think it's gross and undignified 74 00:05:50,410 --> 00:05:53,247 that I have to eat breakfast next to him on the potty. 75 00:05:53,330 --> 00:05:55,707 Okay, well, it's your fault he's still potty training. 76 00:05:56,250 --> 00:05:57,584 Don't look down, Manny. 77 00:05:57,668 --> 00:06:01,213 The potty monster doesn't like it when you look at him. 78 00:06:02,756 --> 00:06:04,341 I was just joking with him. 79 00:06:04,424 --> 00:06:07,678 Okay. Kiss him you're sorry and then let's get a move on. 80 00:06:07,761 --> 00:06:10,430 Can't be late for your first day of school. 81 00:06:26,154 --> 00:06:29,283 Let me just say for the record that I think middle school may be 82 00:06:29,366 --> 00:06:31,410 the dumbest idea ever invented. 83 00:06:31,493 --> 00:06:33,870 You got kids like me who haven't hit their growth spurt yet 84 00:06:33,954 --> 00:06:37,040 mixed in with gorillas who have to shave twice a day. 85 00:06:37,958 --> 00:06:42,129 There's juvenile delinquents and weirdos. 86 00:06:42,462 --> 00:06:44,590 I'm smaller than about 95% of the kids at my school... 87 00:06:44,673 --> 00:06:45,966 Give it back! Stop! 88 00:06:46,049 --> 00:06:49,136 so thank God for Chirag Gupta. 89 00:06:49,219 --> 00:06:51,305 - It's mine! Stop! - Can I have the backpack? 90 00:06:51,388 --> 00:06:52,681 - You got to jump higher. - It's not yours! 91 00:06:52,764 --> 00:06:55,058 He's an excellent buffer between me and these morons. 92 00:06:55,142 --> 00:06:56,768 Hey, Greg. 93 00:06:56,852 --> 00:06:59,646 Hey, fella! 94 00:06:59,980 --> 00:07:03,442 Seriously, I don't know what happened to these kids over the summer. 95 00:07:05,319 --> 00:07:07,154 Was there a nuclear accident? 96 00:07:08,322 --> 00:07:10,782 Science experiment gone bad? 97 00:07:10,866 --> 00:07:15,329 Thank God there are a few normal people or this place would be a total freak show. 98 00:07:19,291 --> 00:07:21,084 If you're as discriminating as I am, 99 00:07:21,168 --> 00:07:25,297 it can be tough to figure out where to sit on your first day of middle school. 100 00:07:25,380 --> 00:07:26,632 One bad move 101 00:07:26,715 --> 00:07:30,719 and you're stuck next to some idiot for the rest of the year. 102 00:07:37,476 --> 00:07:38,644 Greg! 103 00:07:39,561 --> 00:07:42,731 Remember how I said Rowley wasn't middle school ready? 104 00:07:44,358 --> 00:07:46,068 Well, there you go. 105 00:07:51,323 --> 00:07:52,783 What are you wearing? 106 00:07:52,866 --> 00:07:57,079 My family just got back from Guatemala! It's my serape! 107 00:07:59,206 --> 00:08:00,582 Nice, huh? 108 00:08:00,666 --> 00:08:05,045 All right, class, I'm Mrs. Flint. Everybody take your seats! 109 00:08:08,548 --> 00:08:11,468 Welcome to your first day of middle school. 110 00:08:11,551 --> 00:08:14,221 Remember your seats. You'll be sitting here every day. 111 00:08:15,472 --> 00:08:18,016 Rowley, if you had to say where you were ranked 112 00:08:18,100 --> 00:08:20,852 in terms of popularity from one to 200, 113 00:08:20,936 --> 00:08:22,521 where would you put yourself? 114 00:08:23,397 --> 00:08:25,524 Is 200 good or bad? 115 00:08:27,067 --> 00:08:29,403 I'd say you're somewhere around the 154 mark. 116 00:08:30,529 --> 00:08:33,240 I'd put myself around number 19 or 20. 117 00:08:34,825 --> 00:08:37,286 I might even have a shot at the top spot by the end of the year, 118 00:08:37,369 --> 00:08:39,371 if things go the way I think they will. 119 00:08:39,454 --> 00:08:41,498 Well, who's at the bottom? 120 00:08:42,040 --> 00:08:45,043 Hey, guys, wanna see my secret freckle? 121 00:08:46,253 --> 00:08:50,007 Fregley. Sent home for hy giene issues at least once a month. 122 00:08:54,845 --> 00:08:57,848 Check it out. It's got a hair in it! 123 00:08:57,931 --> 00:09:00,601 What color is that? 124 00:09:03,770 --> 00:09:05,522 You wanna help me name it? 125 00:09:05,606 --> 00:09:08,191 All right, ladies! Gather around! 126 00:09:08,275 --> 00:09:11,028 Come on, put the knitting down! Let's go! 127 00:09:13,989 --> 00:09:15,866 All right, everybody. 128 00:09:15,949 --> 00:09:18,869 I'm Coach Malone and I am your gym teacher. 129 00:09:18,952 --> 00:09:20,662 P.E. is as much a part of my life 130 00:09:20,746 --> 00:09:23,874 as waking up in the morning and going to the bathroom. 131 00:09:23,957 --> 00:09:27,502 I live and breathe Physical Education. 132 00:09:28,462 --> 00:09:29,713 Now, who's with me? 133 00:09:29,796 --> 00:09:31,048 Are you ready to have some fun out there? 134 00:09:31,131 --> 00:09:32,215 Yeah! 135 00:09:32,299 --> 00:09:34,051 All right, outstanding! 136 00:09:34,134 --> 00:09:35,510 So we're gonna divide you up into two teams. 137 00:09:35,594 --> 00:09:38,639 So you two, over here. You, you, you, this way. 138 00:09:38,722 --> 00:09:40,974 Yeah, you three, this side. Good. 139 00:09:41,141 --> 00:09:43,977 You guys are going to be Shirts! 140 00:09:44,686 --> 00:09:47,898 And you will be Skins. 141 00:09:51,235 --> 00:09:53,904 Why are we Skins? I hate this. 142 00:09:53,987 --> 00:09:56,823 He's just trying to make kids like us feel bad. 143 00:09:56,907 --> 00:09:58,450 What do you mean, kids like us? 144 00:09:58,533 --> 00:10:00,369 I just don't want to get a sunburn, right, Rowley? 145 00:10:00,452 --> 00:10:03,580 My name is Bell E. Button. 146 00:10:03,664 --> 00:10:04,957 What's yours? 147 00:10:05,499 --> 00:10:10,629 Okay, let's start off with a little game I like to call Gladiator. 148 00:10:12,339 --> 00:10:13,840 - I got this one! - No! 149 00:10:14,591 --> 00:10:16,093 Take that! 150 00:10:24,518 --> 00:10:26,061 Cover me! 151 00:10:30,816 --> 00:10:32,484 Oh, God. 152 00:10:38,407 --> 00:10:39,783 Not good! 153 00:10:39,866 --> 00:10:42,744 We're never going to be able to outrun these guys! 154 00:10:42,828 --> 00:10:43,954 We don't have to outrun them! 155 00:10:44,037 --> 00:10:45,872 We just have to outrun Chirag! 156 00:10:59,761 --> 00:11:01,847 - Think they saw us? - No way. 157 00:11:01,930 --> 00:11:04,182 They were focused on getting that kid with the limp. 158 00:11:04,266 --> 00:11:08,353 We'll hide here for the rest of the class because I'm not playing that game. 159 00:11:08,437 --> 00:11:09,646 It's not fair. 160 00:11:09,730 --> 00:11:13,150 He's got all the Neanderthals on the same team. It's barbaric! 161 00:11:13,233 --> 00:11:15,402 It's completely barbaric. 162 00:11:17,487 --> 00:11:19,990 This place is an intellectual wasteland. 163 00:11:20,073 --> 00:11:21,742 But, you know, it's nice to meet someone 164 00:11:21,825 --> 00:11:24,745 more interested in his mind than in his body. 165 00:11:25,120 --> 00:11:28,540 You girls get to jump rope. What are you doing hiding? 166 00:11:28,624 --> 00:11:30,417 Avoiding the pain. 167 00:11:31,501 --> 00:11:33,795 It all starts in middle school, you know? 168 00:11:33,879 --> 00:11:36,381 You're not a kid anymore. The coddling has stopped. 169 00:11:36,465 --> 00:11:40,677 Kids are now separated by intelligence. The weak are picked on. 170 00:11:40,761 --> 00:11:45,807 And girls you've known since kindergarten won't even talk to you anymore. 171 00:11:46,516 --> 00:11:49,436 Okay, well, sounds like you got it all figured out, 172 00:11:49,519 --> 00:11:51,688 so go back to your book. 173 00:11:51,772 --> 00:11:53,982 This place is a glorified holding pen. 174 00:11:54,066 --> 00:11:57,736 All the way! All the way! You're like a machine! 175 00:11:57,819 --> 00:11:58,987 It's where adults put you 176 00:11:59,071 --> 00:12:03,158 as you make that awkward transition between child and teenager 177 00:12:03,242 --> 00:12:05,744 so they don't even have to look at you. 178 00:12:06,870 --> 00:12:08,789 Hi. I'm Angie. 179 00:12:09,414 --> 00:12:12,042 Great story. We're gonna go now. 180 00:12:12,125 --> 00:12:14,670 Why? This is a good spot. 181 00:12:14,753 --> 00:12:16,922 It's a perfect spot. 182 00:12:17,005 --> 00:12:19,258 I survived all of the sixth grade here. 183 00:12:19,341 --> 00:12:21,760 And I would enjoy some like-minded company 184 00:12:21,843 --> 00:12:23,887 to get me through the seventh. 185 00:12:23,971 --> 00:12:27,182 Is that the whistle? I think I hear the whistle. 186 00:12:27,266 --> 00:12:28,308 We need to go. 187 00:12:28,392 --> 00:12:30,811 No showboating, all right? 188 00:12:30,894 --> 00:12:32,396 Why are we leaving? 189 00:12:32,479 --> 00:12:34,439 We could get killed out here in the open! 190 00:12:34,523 --> 00:12:37,442 Put your shirt on. They'll think we're on their team. 191 00:12:37,526 --> 00:12:41,572 Besides, getting crushed is better than being seen with that freak job. 192 00:12:41,905 --> 00:12:44,575 Trust me, you can't recover from social suicide. 193 00:12:44,950 --> 00:12:47,953 I never talked to a girl that long before. 194 00:12:49,329 --> 00:12:50,539 Whoa. 195 00:12:51,582 --> 00:12:53,500 Check that out. 196 00:13:03,218 --> 00:13:06,096 Is that cheese? 197 00:13:12,519 --> 00:13:13,937 Stop! 198 00:13:14,354 --> 00:13:18,233 Good God, man! You almost got the Cheese Touch. 199 00:13:18,442 --> 00:13:21,486 - The what? - The Cheese Touch. 200 00:13:21,570 --> 00:13:23,739 Nobody knows when or how, 201 00:13:23,822 --> 00:13:28,493 but one day that cheese mysteriously appeared on the blacktop. 202 00:13:29,494 --> 00:13:31,788 Nobody knew who it belonged to. 203 00:13:31,872 --> 00:13:35,667 Nobody touched it. Nobody threw it away. 204 00:13:35,751 --> 00:13:37,294 And so there it sat, 205 00:13:37,377 --> 00:13:40,797 growing more foul and powerful by the day. 206 00:13:40,881 --> 00:13:46,595 Then one day, a kid named Darren Walsh made the biggest mistake of his life. 207 00:13:47,179 --> 00:13:49,264 Darren touched the cheese! 208 00:13:49,348 --> 00:13:52,434 No, I didn't! I just looked at it! Really! 209 00:13:52,517 --> 00:13:55,270 Darren had the Cheese Touch! 210 00:13:55,354 --> 00:13:58,148 It was worse than nuclear cooties. 211 00:13:59,233 --> 00:14:01,276 He became an outcast. 212 00:14:03,070 --> 00:14:05,822 The only way to get rid of the Cheese Touch 213 00:14:05,906 --> 00:14:08,700 was by passing it on to someone else. 214 00:14:13,372 --> 00:14:16,792 And so began the Cheese Touch Frenzy. 215 00:14:16,875 --> 00:14:18,961 Friend turning on friend. 216 00:14:19,044 --> 00:14:20,712 Brother turning on sister. 217 00:14:20,796 --> 00:14:22,673 It was madness. 218 00:14:23,507 --> 00:14:28,720 Until a German exchange student named Dieter Muller took it away. 219 00:14:28,929 --> 00:14:30,597 Dieter has the Cheese Touch! 220 00:14:30,681 --> 00:14:32,349 Ze Cheese Touch? 221 00:14:32,432 --> 00:14:34,017 Vat is it? 222 00:14:34,101 --> 00:14:36,478 Vat does it mean, ze Cheese Touch? 223 00:14:36,562 --> 00:14:40,524 Sadly for Dieter, that fact was lost in translation. 224 00:14:41,233 --> 00:14:42,276 Nooooooooo...! 225 00:14:42,359 --> 00:14:45,445 Thankfully, he moved back to Düsseldorf and took the Cheese Touch with him. 226 00:14:48,699 --> 00:14:53,662 And so the cheese sits, patiently waiting for its next victim. 227 00:14:56,498 --> 00:14:59,126 This is a terrible place. 228 00:15:19,187 --> 00:15:21,565 - No doors? - None. 229 00:15:21,648 --> 00:15:24,318 I'm not pooping until I'm in high school. 230 00:15:25,402 --> 00:15:29,489 The cafeteria, possibly the cruelest place on Earth. 231 00:15:29,990 --> 00:15:33,827 But I was about to make some kid's day by sitting next to him. 232 00:15:33,911 --> 00:15:35,245 That seat's saved. 233 00:15:35,829 --> 00:15:37,331 For who? 234 00:15:37,497 --> 00:15:38,916 It's saved. 235 00:15:42,127 --> 00:15:43,462 That one's saved, too. 236 00:15:45,213 --> 00:15:46,465 So not happening. 237 00:15:48,467 --> 00:15:49,676 Taken. 238 00:15:51,553 --> 00:15:53,680 Where are we supposed to eat? 239 00:16:05,025 --> 00:16:07,819 I guess this is where all the cool guys hang out. 240 00:16:13,617 --> 00:16:18,205 Fregley must have bumped his head when he was little, like, really hard. 241 00:16:27,381 --> 00:16:29,633 Okay, okay, 242 00:16:29,716 --> 00:16:32,594 so my first day could have gone better, 243 00:16:32,678 --> 00:16:34,638 but at least I wasn't humiliated. 244 00:16:34,721 --> 00:16:38,559 Hey, Greg! You want to come over and play? 245 00:16:44,731 --> 00:16:47,067 What did he just say to you? 246 00:16:48,485 --> 00:16:49,778 I think my ride's here. 247 00:16:49,861 --> 00:16:53,532 Hey, guys. So this guy says to that guy, 248 00:16:53,615 --> 00:16:56,868 "You wanna come over and play?" 249 00:16:56,952 --> 00:16:59,580 Yeah! Do you guys wanna play with us? 250 00:17:00,163 --> 00:17:02,165 See? This is the problem. 251 00:17:02,249 --> 00:17:05,168 Right now I have to take abuse from these morons. 252 00:17:05,252 --> 00:17:08,672 But in 20 years, Quentin here will be working for me. 253 00:17:08,755 --> 00:17:11,842 Greg, please don't fire me. 254 00:17:11,925 --> 00:17:15,721 I really need my measly, pathetic job scooping your dog's poop. 255 00:17:15,804 --> 00:17:17,598 Whatever. I'll think about it. 256 00:17:18,849 --> 00:17:22,436 No, no, no. Vanilla on the bottom and chocolate on the top! 257 00:17:22,519 --> 00:17:24,229 I can't eat this! 258 00:17:24,605 --> 00:17:26,732 "Play," Rowley? "Play"? 259 00:17:26,815 --> 00:17:31,194 I've told you, like, a billion times that guys our age say "hang out," not "play." 260 00:17:33,113 --> 00:17:35,657 Seriously, if you're not gonna listen to me, just tell me, 261 00:17:35,741 --> 00:17:38,035 'cause if you pull another stunt like that, 262 00:17:38,118 --> 00:17:41,997 we'll be stuck on the cafeteria floor for the rest of middle school. 263 00:17:42,080 --> 00:17:44,374 I found half a Snickers bar down there. 264 00:17:44,917 --> 00:17:48,045 I can't be the guy who eats off his lap in the cafeteria. 265 00:17:48,128 --> 00:17:50,631 I should be at the top of the food chain by now. 266 00:17:50,714 --> 00:17:53,383 Something's got to change, fast. 267 00:17:53,467 --> 00:17:56,470 My mom told me to just be myself and people would like me. 268 00:18:00,974 --> 00:18:04,353 That would be good advice if you were somebody else. 269 00:18:20,619 --> 00:18:22,412 Hey, little brother. 270 00:18:22,537 --> 00:18:25,082 Was your first day as crappy as I said it would be? 271 00:18:25,165 --> 00:18:28,460 No. Not at all. You were wrong. 272 00:18:28,543 --> 00:18:31,046 - It was actually better than I... - Worse. 273 00:18:32,756 --> 00:18:34,591 You didn't listen to me, did you? 274 00:18:34,675 --> 00:18:38,595 I told you not to talk, look or go anywhere, and what happened? 275 00:18:38,679 --> 00:18:41,098 He had to eat his lunch on the floor. 276 00:18:41,181 --> 00:18:43,225 - Rowley. - Perfect. 277 00:18:43,767 --> 00:18:45,310 And if nobody wants you sitting at their table, 278 00:18:45,394 --> 00:18:47,938 you think they want Chummy Buttons over here? 279 00:18:48,021 --> 00:18:51,775 I was right. You're not even gonna make it out of there alive. 280 00:18:51,858 --> 00:18:53,777 The only chance you have of making the yearbook is 281 00:18:53,860 --> 00:18:56,238 when they dedicate it to your memory. 282 00:19:00,701 --> 00:19:04,037 So you wanna play Twisted Wizard? 283 00:19:04,913 --> 00:19:07,833 No. I have a better idea. 284 00:19:09,876 --> 00:19:13,213 If he catches you in here, he will kill you. 285 00:19:13,297 --> 00:19:14,965 Literally, kill you. 286 00:19:15,048 --> 00:19:18,218 Don't worry. As long as we hear the music, we're okay. 287 00:19:19,177 --> 00:19:21,805 Whoa. Yeah. Wow. 288 00:19:21,889 --> 00:19:24,808 I didn't know Rodrick was into motorcycles. 289 00:19:24,892 --> 00:19:27,394 - I found it. - Found what? 290 00:19:27,477 --> 00:19:29,813 Rodrick's middle school yearbook. 291 00:19:31,732 --> 00:19:33,817 This thing holds all the answers. 292 00:19:33,901 --> 00:19:36,028 Rowley, this thing is like a bible. 293 00:19:36,111 --> 00:19:39,615 See this? This is where a person like me needs to be. 294 00:19:42,743 --> 00:19:44,953 The class favorites. 295 00:19:46,371 --> 00:19:48,665 They're the best in their class. 296 00:19:48,749 --> 00:19:52,294 These people aren't nobodies. They're famous. 297 00:19:52,377 --> 00:19:55,839 They don't have to worry about getting a seat in the cafeteria, either. 298 00:19:55,923 --> 00:19:59,009 Check this out. There's tons of things I qualify for. 299 00:19:59,092 --> 00:20:02,596 "Most Likely To Succeed,"Best Looking," "Class Clown." 300 00:20:02,930 --> 00:20:04,973 They should just give that to me right now. 301 00:20:05,057 --> 00:20:07,017 Don't you have to be funny for that? 302 00:20:07,976 --> 00:20:10,604 Hey! We could try for cutest friends! 303 00:20:10,687 --> 00:20:14,024 What did I tell you would happen if you ever went in my room again? 304 00:20:14,107 --> 00:20:16,443 But your band is still playing. 305 00:20:16,526 --> 00:20:20,322 It's the bass solo, Turd Burglar! Don't you know anything about music? 306 00:20:20,405 --> 00:20:23,659 Now, I came up here to get a new drumstick, 307 00:20:23,742 --> 00:20:27,204 and now, Greg, since Mom and Dad are gone, 308 00:20:27,287 --> 00:20:31,124 I'm going to kill you. Literally, kill you! 309 00:20:31,333 --> 00:20:32,709 I told you. 310 00:20:32,793 --> 00:20:33,835 Beat it. 311 00:20:33,919 --> 00:20:38,006 Okay, but I just want to say one thing! 312 00:20:38,090 --> 00:20:39,841 - Run, Greg, run! - What? 313 00:20:41,969 --> 00:20:43,303 Let go, Baby Hippo! 314 00:20:50,185 --> 00:20:51,770 You're gonna have to come out sometime, loser! 315 00:20:51,853 --> 00:20:54,398 I'll wait here as long as it takes. 316 00:20:54,481 --> 00:20:56,650 And then, you're dead. 317 00:21:10,330 --> 00:21:12,708 Time out, Rodrick. I have to pee. 318 00:21:12,791 --> 00:21:15,210 No time outs. Only death! 319 00:21:15,836 --> 00:21:18,213 - But I really have to go. - Don't care. 320 00:22:07,179 --> 00:22:08,847 Move over! I'm dying. 321 00:22:16,021 --> 00:22:17,522 Got you! 322 00:22:19,650 --> 00:22:22,152 Greg, did you throw Manny off his... 323 00:22:22,236 --> 00:22:23,862 What is going on? 324 00:22:23,946 --> 00:22:26,698 Greg started it. I just came in here to take a shower. 325 00:22:26,782 --> 00:22:29,368 He's lying! He was gonna kill me 'cause I was in his room! 326 00:22:29,451 --> 00:22:31,745 And so you peed on him? 327 00:22:31,828 --> 00:22:34,915 Yes. I mean, no. I mean... 328 00:22:35,290 --> 00:22:36,416 Yes. 329 00:22:58,230 --> 00:23:00,190 There's a lot to sign up for. 330 00:23:00,274 --> 00:23:03,068 You could be class favorite in a bunch of things. 331 00:23:03,151 --> 00:23:04,570 Jazz dancing! 332 00:23:04,653 --> 00:23:06,196 We could do that one together! 333 00:23:06,280 --> 00:23:10,117 I can't believe all these activities. They're all so much work. 334 00:23:10,200 --> 00:23:14,371 Staying after school, meeting before school, on weekends. 335 00:23:14,454 --> 00:23:16,790 What kind of extracurricular activities are these? 336 00:23:16,873 --> 00:23:18,917 Out of my way. 337 00:23:19,751 --> 00:23:22,129 Who let you into this school, Greg Heffley? 338 00:23:22,379 --> 00:23:24,840 I was thinking the same thing about you, Patty Farrell. 339 00:23:24,923 --> 00:23:27,009 You listen to me, Greg Heffley. 340 00:23:27,092 --> 00:23:29,761 I'm running for student council president and I'm warning you, 341 00:23:29,845 --> 00:23:32,180 if you get in my way, I will beat you up, 342 00:23:32,264 --> 00:23:35,142 just like I did in kindergarten and fourth grade. 343 00:23:38,020 --> 00:23:41,231 Fourth grade? That one was ugly. 344 00:23:42,232 --> 00:23:45,444 What's her problem? What did I ever do to her? 345 00:23:45,652 --> 00:23:50,991 Patty, Patty is a fatty, has a face just like a ratty! 346 00:23:55,162 --> 00:23:59,791 Come on, that was pretty funny. She needs to get a sense of humor. 347 00:23:59,875 --> 00:24:03,170 And I need something to make me a class favorite. 348 00:24:03,253 --> 00:24:05,297 What about class favorites? 349 00:24:06,715 --> 00:24:09,968 Don't you ever say hi or hello before you start talking? 350 00:24:10,052 --> 00:24:11,845 - Hi. - Hello. 351 00:24:12,471 --> 00:24:14,473 Greg's only here because he really wants to be something... 352 00:24:14,556 --> 00:24:15,807 Rowley! 353 00:24:16,475 --> 00:24:19,770 I was just saying that I would really like to nail these people 354 00:24:19,853 --> 00:24:21,772 because it's so obvious that 355 00:24:21,855 --> 00:24:24,441 they're only doing these activities to get in the yearbook. 356 00:24:24,524 --> 00:24:26,818 You know, I like your point of view. 357 00:24:26,902 --> 00:24:30,155 You should sign up for the school paper. We're the voice of the people. 358 00:24:31,281 --> 00:24:34,743 Well, the people are mostly idiots, so I guess, technically speaking, 359 00:24:34,826 --> 00:24:37,788 we're the voice of the people making fun of the people. 360 00:24:37,871 --> 00:24:42,501 Thanks, but I can't be on the paper because I'm gonna be in the paper a lot. 361 00:24:42,584 --> 00:24:45,712 So that would be a conflict of interest. 362 00:24:47,256 --> 00:24:50,133 You're the people. Got it. 363 00:24:52,553 --> 00:24:55,347 Do you believe me now? That girl is crazy town. 364 00:24:55,430 --> 00:24:57,724 Look! They have wrestling! 365 00:24:58,850 --> 00:25:01,562 That's it! I'm great at wrestling. 366 00:25:01,645 --> 00:25:04,898 I've watched it for years, I know all the moves. 367 00:25:05,649 --> 00:25:07,025 Tombstone piledriver. 368 00:25:09,027 --> 00:25:10,237 Chair shot. 369 00:25:12,739 --> 00:25:13,782 Vader Bomb. 370 00:25:14,700 --> 00:25:18,579 Heffley! Heffley! Heffley! Heffley! 371 00:25:18,662 --> 00:25:21,582 Heffley! Heffley! Heffley! 372 00:25:24,418 --> 00:25:28,589 Okay. Something is very wrong here. 373 00:25:29,214 --> 00:25:31,341 These don't look like wrestling costumes to me. 374 00:25:31,425 --> 00:25:35,137 Welcome to wrestling, you future Olympians! 375 00:25:35,929 --> 00:25:37,931 So, just to make sure we all get off on the right foot 376 00:25:38,015 --> 00:25:40,767 and nobody gets seriously injured, 377 00:25:40,851 --> 00:25:42,561 we're gonna teach you a few basic moves. 378 00:25:42,644 --> 00:25:48,442 Remember, this is about learning the sport and having fun! 379 00:25:48,525 --> 00:25:50,027 All right. It's not a competition 380 00:25:50,110 --> 00:25:55,824 because everyone here is already a superstar to me. 381 00:25:56,825 --> 00:25:58,285 Coach Brewer, can you step over here for a moment, 382 00:25:58,368 --> 00:26:00,579 please, give me a hand? Thanks. 383 00:26:04,207 --> 00:26:06,627 That's known as a speed takedown. 384 00:26:06,710 --> 00:26:08,211 Nice job, Coach Brewer. 385 00:26:08,295 --> 00:26:10,547 Can you get up and come behind me? 386 00:26:10,631 --> 00:26:12,966 Put one arm over my shoulder? Let's go, yeah. 387 00:26:13,091 --> 00:26:15,219 You got it, walk it off, come on. 388 00:26:17,971 --> 00:26:20,057 That was known as the arm drag. 389 00:26:20,140 --> 00:26:22,809 Let's give Coach Brewer a hand, everybody! 390 00:26:24,603 --> 00:26:25,687 He's fine. 391 00:26:27,648 --> 00:26:29,149 Yeah, Heffley. 392 00:26:29,566 --> 00:26:32,277 What about piledrivers and Vader bombs? 393 00:26:32,361 --> 00:26:34,863 That is fake wrestling. 394 00:26:36,657 --> 00:26:39,368 This is real wrestling! Let's go! 395 00:26:40,410 --> 00:26:43,038 If I have to wrestle Benny Wells, he'll kill me! 396 00:26:43,121 --> 00:26:44,873 Let's move! Come on! 397 00:26:45,499 --> 00:26:49,086 Okay, to keep things fair, I've divided you into weight categories by your size, 398 00:26:49,169 --> 00:26:52,089 so Rottweilers over here. 399 00:26:52,172 --> 00:26:54,049 Bulldogs, you stay right there. 400 00:26:54,132 --> 00:26:55,801 And we got two 401 00:26:57,469 --> 00:26:59,179 Chihuahuas. Yeah. 402 00:26:59,471 --> 00:27:01,056 Nice head gear. 403 00:27:01,139 --> 00:27:03,433 Thanks. My mom let me borrow it. 404 00:27:04,351 --> 00:27:06,562 All right, let's see what you got. 405 00:27:06,645 --> 00:27:09,565 Don't worry, Fregley, I'll take it easy on you. 406 00:27:11,441 --> 00:27:12,818 Hey, I wasn't ready! 407 00:27:12,901 --> 00:27:17,155 Nobody's keeping score, but that was a sweet speed takedown, Fregley! 408 00:27:20,867 --> 00:27:22,744 This is fun, Greg Heffley! 409 00:27:24,830 --> 00:27:26,206 Get off me! 410 00:27:29,126 --> 00:27:31,461 - Fregley! Fregley! Fregley! - Fregley! Fregley! Fregley! 411 00:27:33,171 --> 00:27:35,257 Blow the whistle, blow the whistle! 412 00:27:35,465 --> 00:27:37,593 All right! Fregley! 413 00:27:40,220 --> 00:27:42,389 Outstanding! 414 00:27:44,516 --> 00:27:47,728 And let's... Let's hear it for our other winner. 415 00:27:49,479 --> 00:27:51,148 Yay, Greg! 416 00:27:52,399 --> 00:27:54,026 I can't lose to Fregley again. 417 00:27:54,109 --> 00:27:56,153 If I get beat by the weirdest kid in school, 418 00:27:56,236 --> 00:27:58,697 nobody's ever gonna let me sit at their table. 419 00:27:58,780 --> 00:28:02,367 How are you going to beat him? It's like he had superhuman strength! 420 00:28:02,743 --> 00:28:05,245 I'm not gonna beat him. I'm gonna gain 10 pounds this week 421 00:28:05,329 --> 00:28:07,372 so I can move up to the Bulldog weight class. 422 00:28:07,456 --> 00:28:10,167 And then you and I can wrestle each other. 423 00:28:10,250 --> 00:28:11,627 Ready? 424 00:28:11,710 --> 00:28:13,712 - Can I throw at you now? - Later. 425 00:28:13,795 --> 00:28:17,007 You're better at riding than I am, and I'm a better thrower. 426 00:28:30,103 --> 00:28:32,606 Greg, save some for everybody else, honey. 427 00:28:32,689 --> 00:28:34,650 Can't. I need to bulk up. 428 00:28:34,733 --> 00:28:35,776 Why? 429 00:28:36,360 --> 00:28:39,363 I think your body looks beautiful just the way it is. 430 00:28:39,488 --> 00:28:43,116 I heard he got his butt kicked at wrestling. Now what is wrong with you? 431 00:28:43,200 --> 00:28:46,578 Why would you sign up for something you don't have to do? 432 00:28:46,787 --> 00:28:48,997 You signed up for wrestling? 433 00:28:49,122 --> 00:28:50,207 Kind of. 434 00:28:50,290 --> 00:28:52,876 You never sign up for anything at school. 435 00:28:52,960 --> 00:28:54,878 You fly below the radar. 436 00:28:54,962 --> 00:28:58,006 That way you never raise anyone's expectations. 437 00:28:58,090 --> 00:29:01,051 Thank you, Rodrick, for those words of motivational wisdom, 438 00:29:01,134 --> 00:29:03,136 but perhaps a better way to look at it is that 439 00:29:03,220 --> 00:29:06,390 it's a chance to learn to excel at something. 440 00:29:06,473 --> 00:29:09,810 Well, what could I learn at school that I can't teach myself? 441 00:29:11,103 --> 00:29:12,437 Well, Greg, I think it's great that 442 00:29:12,521 --> 00:29:14,815 you took the initiative to learn something new. 443 00:29:14,898 --> 00:29:18,068 This is like the first step to responsibility! 444 00:29:18,151 --> 00:29:21,738 My boss's son Will was smaller than you, 445 00:29:21,822 --> 00:29:24,575 but he built himself up with the weights! 446 00:29:24,658 --> 00:29:26,827 Yeah. We could get you the same equipment. 447 00:29:26,910 --> 00:29:31,331 You could train, get the right nutrition, cardio. 448 00:29:31,665 --> 00:29:35,294 You'd be in tip-top shape just like Will. 449 00:29:37,796 --> 00:29:40,340 And it would only take, like, three months. 450 00:29:45,220 --> 00:29:47,139 - Three months? - Yeah. 451 00:29:48,682 --> 00:29:50,726 I'll just stick to eating. 452 00:29:56,523 --> 00:29:57,774 Well, I don't know where you put it, Heffley, 453 00:29:57,858 --> 00:30:00,402 but you gained 10 pounds and joined the Bulldog class. 454 00:30:00,485 --> 00:30:01,612 Yes. 455 00:30:08,201 --> 00:30:10,787 I thought you didn't gain any weight this week. 456 00:30:10,871 --> 00:30:12,623 My mom's ankle weights. 457 00:30:15,042 --> 00:30:18,712 All right, bulldog Heffley. Meet your new opponent. 458 00:30:21,089 --> 00:30:23,550 What? But this is boys' wrestling. 459 00:30:23,717 --> 00:30:25,844 Ever hear of Title IX? 460 00:30:26,053 --> 00:30:27,638 Her parents threatened to sue, 461 00:30:27,721 --> 00:30:31,558 so you show her what it's like to wrestle a real live boy. 462 00:30:38,565 --> 00:30:42,319 Come on! What you waiting for? Don't be such a wuss, Heffley. 463 00:30:42,402 --> 00:30:45,906 - Make your move! - She's a girl! Where do I grab her? 464 00:30:49,493 --> 00:30:51,703 - Stay down! - Patty, over here! 465 00:30:55,582 --> 00:30:58,543 - Get off of me! - Can I wrestle somebody good now? 466 00:31:08,804 --> 00:31:11,139 Well, look who's in the paper. 467 00:31:12,057 --> 00:31:17,020 Greg! You're famous! Right on the front page! 468 00:31:25,946 --> 00:31:28,824 And if I would have pinned her, which I could have done easily, 469 00:31:28,907 --> 00:31:31,368 you know I would have gotten in trouble for hurting a girl. 470 00:31:31,451 --> 00:31:33,704 Why does she even want to wrestle? 471 00:31:33,787 --> 00:31:35,914 Who knows? Girls are very confusing. 472 00:31:35,998 --> 00:31:37,541 Like today, I heard someone in the hallway say 473 00:31:37,624 --> 00:31:41,628 that Bryce Anderson has a cute butt. What does that even mean? 474 00:31:41,712 --> 00:31:44,131 A butt can't be cute. It's a butt. 475 00:31:44,798 --> 00:31:47,384 I know, but that's what they were saying. 476 00:31:47,467 --> 00:31:50,304 I don't see why girls our age can't talk just like regular people. 477 00:31:56,143 --> 00:31:59,104 So how are you gonna become a class favorite now? 478 00:31:59,187 --> 00:32:02,900 - Two words. Best Dressed. - How are you going to do that? 479 00:32:03,191 --> 00:32:06,945 Fashion is easy. You wear a shirt and a tie, and kids are impressed. 480 00:32:07,029 --> 00:32:09,573 I'm telling you, this is gonna work. 481 00:32:32,763 --> 00:32:35,265 - I told you I was wearing this. - I know! 482 00:32:35,349 --> 00:32:37,976 - I wanted to be matchers! - Check them out! 483 00:32:39,853 --> 00:32:43,273 Greg and Rowley sitting in a tree 484 00:32:43,357 --> 00:32:46,693 K- l-S-S-l-N-G 485 00:32:47,361 --> 00:32:49,071 First comes love... 486 00:32:49,154 --> 00:32:52,199 You know, maybe Rodrick was right about Rowley. 487 00:32:53,075 --> 00:32:55,577 Maybe I do need a new best friend. 488 00:32:55,661 --> 00:32:58,372 But I can't just ditch him. 489 00:32:58,455 --> 00:33:01,917 I mean, if anybody has a better idea, I'd love to hear it. 490 00:33:03,460 --> 00:33:05,420 In this school, much like your own, 491 00:33:05,504 --> 00:33:08,173 one boy is about to learn an important lesson 492 00:33:08,257 --> 00:33:10,133 about self-worth and esteem. 493 00:33:10,801 --> 00:33:12,386 Gag me with a spoon. 494 00:33:12,469 --> 00:33:15,556 That guy is so unpopular, I'd hate to be him. 495 00:33:18,308 --> 00:33:19,935 Why doesn't anybody like me? 496 00:33:20,018 --> 00:33:23,605 Maybe because they don't know how awesome you really are. 497 00:33:24,481 --> 00:33:27,901 Brock Branigan P.I.! What are you doing here? 498 00:33:28,318 --> 00:33:31,822 I'm here to solve the case of the boy who just needed to be himself. 499 00:33:31,905 --> 00:33:35,409 So go for it! Show them how awesome you really are! 500 00:33:38,787 --> 00:33:41,456 Hey, guys. Do you like break dancing? 501 00:33:57,514 --> 00:33:59,808 That is totally rad! 502 00:33:59,892 --> 00:34:03,228 Wicked. You should sit with us at lunch, friend. 503 00:34:07,316 --> 00:34:08,525 Sweet! 504 00:34:09,818 --> 00:34:12,738 It really is awesome to be me! Thanks, Brock. 505 00:34:25,500 --> 00:34:28,253 Okay. Let's talk about what we've learned. 506 00:34:28,337 --> 00:34:31,423 I don't know about anyone else, but I know what I learned. 507 00:34:31,506 --> 00:34:33,508 It is awesome to be me. 508 00:34:33,842 --> 00:34:37,429 The problem with Rowley is that he's not enough like me. 509 00:34:37,512 --> 00:34:40,390 I can't ditch him 'cause he'd be lost without me. 510 00:34:41,934 --> 00:34:44,102 But maybe I can fix him. 511 00:34:46,521 --> 00:34:49,274 Because that's the kind of friend I am. 512 00:34:49,441 --> 00:34:50,984 What are you doing? 513 00:34:51,068 --> 00:34:53,403 Making your clothes more middle-school friendly. 514 00:34:53,487 --> 00:34:57,032 Look at this stuff. Too babyish and weird. 515 00:34:57,449 --> 00:35:00,369 Too "Why don't you just punch me now?" 516 00:35:01,703 --> 00:35:04,498 What are you, a foreign exchange student? 517 00:35:05,540 --> 00:35:08,377 Man. This one we burn. 518 00:35:08,752 --> 00:35:10,796 That was a present from my mom. 519 00:35:10,879 --> 00:35:13,715 Well, then your mom is trying to get you killed. 520 00:35:13,799 --> 00:35:15,551 Ready? Steady. Go. 521 00:35:19,263 --> 00:35:22,182 No, no, no. You look like one of the Seven Dwarfs. 522 00:35:22,266 --> 00:35:26,061 You only need one strap. One strap is cool. 523 00:35:26,436 --> 00:35:27,646 But there's two straps. 524 00:35:27,729 --> 00:35:30,816 Why would they put on two straps if you're only supposed to use one? 525 00:35:30,899 --> 00:35:33,527 Because the guys who make backpacks aren't cool. 526 00:35:33,610 --> 00:35:37,698 If they were cool, they'd give it one strap, like the cool one-strap guys do. 527 00:35:37,781 --> 00:35:40,576 You know what has one strap? Machine guns. 528 00:35:40,659 --> 00:35:43,537 You know what else? Electric guitars. 529 00:35:43,620 --> 00:35:46,081 - You know what else? - Purses? 530 00:35:47,040 --> 00:35:50,419 - But Joshie is cool. - Rowley, Joshie is not cool. 531 00:35:50,502 --> 00:35:53,171 He's a lip-synching pop star whose fans are eight-year-old girls. 532 00:35:53,255 --> 00:35:56,216 You're just jealous that I was the one who discovered him. 533 00:35:56,300 --> 00:35:59,303 Who are you gonna listen to, Rowley? Me or Joshie? 534 00:35:59,386 --> 00:36:02,931 Joshie says to respect your parents and follow your dreams. 535 00:36:03,265 --> 00:36:05,642 Then Joshie must get beaten up a lot. 536 00:36:13,650 --> 00:36:15,777 You actually almost look as good as me. 537 00:36:15,861 --> 00:36:17,946 Am I great at this or what? 538 00:36:19,406 --> 00:36:22,409 There's Bryce Anderson. Just be cool. 539 00:36:23,493 --> 00:36:27,456 - Hey, Bryce. - Yeah, hey, Bryce! 540 00:36:28,457 --> 00:36:29,833 Cute butt! 541 00:36:33,754 --> 00:36:35,756 You're killing me, you know that? 542 00:36:35,839 --> 00:36:39,092 Look, Rowley, tonight's Halloween, our favorite night of the year, 543 00:36:39,176 --> 00:36:43,388 so, just promise me you won't wear, do or say anything weird. 544 00:36:48,060 --> 00:36:50,062 You're kidding me, right? 545 00:36:50,812 --> 00:36:53,732 My mom wanted me to be visible at night. 546 00:36:55,025 --> 00:36:56,735 From space? 547 00:36:57,653 --> 00:37:00,822 So, we'll hit a few houses on the way to the North Side, 548 00:37:00,906 --> 00:37:03,242 which is where we'll do most of our trick-or-treating. 549 00:37:03,325 --> 00:37:05,786 Why are we going all the way over there? 550 00:37:05,869 --> 00:37:07,496 It's where the rich people live. 551 00:37:07,579 --> 00:37:11,458 They hand out, like, two, three pieces of big candy to each kid. 552 00:37:11,541 --> 00:37:13,585 Not that candy corn crap. 553 00:37:14,378 --> 00:37:17,923 I'm talking about full-size Milky Ways and Nutter Butters. 554 00:37:18,006 --> 00:37:19,675 Plus, if we time it right, 555 00:37:19,758 --> 00:37:23,929 rich people get tired of answering their doors and just leave the bowl out. 556 00:37:24,012 --> 00:37:25,597 We can clean up. 557 00:37:28,058 --> 00:37:29,226 You're lucky. 558 00:37:29,309 --> 00:37:32,229 My mom doesn't let me play with makeup anymore. 559 00:37:32,312 --> 00:37:35,983 Shut up, tool. Löded Diper's got a gig tonight. 560 00:37:42,114 --> 00:37:44,241 Going to the North Side, huh? 561 00:37:44,324 --> 00:37:46,868 Takes you right past the Devil Worshiper Woods. 562 00:37:46,952 --> 00:37:48,537 The Devil Worshiper Woods? 563 00:37:49,454 --> 00:37:51,123 You know about that story, right? 564 00:37:52,457 --> 00:37:57,045 Well, there used to be this house right here where these woods are. 565 00:37:57,671 --> 00:38:01,300 They had to tear it down because what happened there was so terrible. 566 00:38:01,383 --> 00:38:02,885 What happened there? 567 00:38:02,968 --> 00:38:07,347 Well, a long time ago, two kids who were, I don't know, 568 00:38:08,140 --> 00:38:10,142 maybe in middle school, 569 00:38:10,684 --> 00:38:13,896 they trick-or-treated at that house on Halloween night. 570 00:38:13,979 --> 00:38:20,235 But the house was full of devil worshipers 571 00:38:20,944 --> 00:38:24,615 who put the kids in these giant pizza ovens. 572 00:38:24,740 --> 00:38:28,160 And they cooked them and they ate them. 573 00:38:29,036 --> 00:38:31,455 But they forgot to turn off the ovens. 574 00:38:31,538 --> 00:38:34,791 So the house burned down with everyone in it. 575 00:38:35,667 --> 00:38:37,711 How'd the trees get there? 576 00:38:38,128 --> 00:38:41,089 And then they planted trees. 577 00:38:42,883 --> 00:38:46,261 And to this day, on Halloween night, 578 00:38:46,929 --> 00:38:51,516 you can still hear the demonic laughter of the devil worshiper ghosts 579 00:38:51,600 --> 00:38:56,939 as they roam the woods, looking for more kids to sacrifice! 580 00:38:57,189 --> 00:39:00,359 Hey, Rodrick. I need you to help me out. Like... 581 00:39:02,945 --> 00:39:05,447 Are you wearing eyeliner? 582 00:39:05,948 --> 00:39:07,866 - Trick or treat. - Susan! 583 00:39:08,116 --> 00:39:10,661 - I'm on door duty! - Thank you. 584 00:39:12,120 --> 00:39:13,622 Bubby! 585 00:39:13,789 --> 00:39:16,083 Mom, can you tell him to stop calling me that? 586 00:39:16,166 --> 00:39:17,751 What if somebody hears? 587 00:39:17,834 --> 00:39:20,629 Then they'll know how much he loves you. 588 00:39:21,755 --> 00:39:25,008 Frank, Frank, honey, honey, can you go with them? 589 00:39:25,092 --> 00:39:28,303 No, I can't. I got to guard the house in case someone tries to T.P. us. 590 00:39:28,387 --> 00:39:31,265 They're gonna get drenched from the roof. 591 00:39:31,515 --> 00:39:34,184 Honey, for goodness sakes, don't do that again. 592 00:39:34,268 --> 00:39:35,811 Remember what happened last year? 593 00:39:36,645 --> 00:39:38,272 I got you! 594 00:39:42,651 --> 00:39:43,777 Hi. 595 00:39:46,697 --> 00:39:48,448 I thought they were teenagers. 596 00:39:48,532 --> 00:39:52,160 And I couldn't see through the bushes. My legs, they hurt from the squatting. 597 00:39:52,244 --> 00:39:55,581 So, that's why I'm doing it from the roof this year. 598 00:39:56,081 --> 00:39:58,709 So I can see when they're coming. 599 00:40:01,837 --> 00:40:05,090 - Can we go now? - Yes, go. 600 00:40:05,173 --> 00:40:08,719 - But stay in the neighborhood. - Trick or treat. 601 00:40:08,802 --> 00:40:11,513 - And no North Side! - We promise! 602 00:40:27,779 --> 00:40:29,823 We got to stay in this neighborhood the rest of the night. 603 00:40:29,907 --> 00:40:32,784 That guy gave me two full-size Snickers! 604 00:40:32,868 --> 00:40:36,997 Did I tell you or did I tell you? These people have money to burn! 605 00:40:38,165 --> 00:40:40,250 I can't believe we got this much candy. 606 00:40:40,834 --> 00:40:42,127 This is, like, the best day ever. 607 00:40:42,211 --> 00:40:45,214 Hey, reflector dude, nice costume! 608 00:40:45,714 --> 00:40:47,132 Thanks! My mom made it... 609 00:40:54,223 --> 00:40:58,060 - That was awesome! - I saw your plates! We're calling the cops! 610 00:41:03,148 --> 00:41:04,399 Oh, boy. 611 00:41:06,568 --> 00:41:07,736 Run! 612 00:41:11,823 --> 00:41:13,742 Hey, they're going through the yard! 613 00:41:13,825 --> 00:41:15,953 Go, go, go, go, go, go, go! 614 00:41:18,247 --> 00:41:21,083 Where are we going? We're totally exposed! 615 00:41:23,961 --> 00:41:26,338 - My grandma's house! - Quickly! 616 00:41:27,130 --> 00:41:28,715 They're coming! 617 00:41:31,760 --> 00:41:34,054 - Hello? - That's not helping! She's not home! 618 00:41:34,137 --> 00:41:35,806 - Bingo night. - Okay, you guys are dead. 619 00:41:35,889 --> 00:41:37,849 - Open the door! Get the key! - Okay. Okay. 620 00:41:37,933 --> 00:41:39,560 - Open the door! Get it! - Come on, let's get them, boys. 621 00:41:39,643 --> 00:41:41,186 They're coming! 622 00:41:42,062 --> 00:41:43,855 - Now! - I got you now! 623 00:41:43,939 --> 00:41:45,190 Hey, hey! 624 00:41:47,526 --> 00:41:49,486 Come on, you babies! 625 00:41:51,863 --> 00:41:52,948 I'm gonna kick your butts! 626 00:41:54,992 --> 00:41:58,245 - Yeah? You and what army? - Whatever. 627 00:42:04,084 --> 00:42:07,129 You guys are so lucky you can hide in there behind your mommy! 628 00:42:07,212 --> 00:42:09,047 No, we aren't! It's not our house! 629 00:42:09,131 --> 00:42:11,967 It's his grandma's and she's not even home! 630 00:42:15,512 --> 00:42:18,223 What? Why would you tell them that? 631 00:42:18,307 --> 00:42:19,516 Did he just say that? 632 00:42:24,980 --> 00:42:28,191 Now they're never gonna leave. You need to call your mom to come get us. 633 00:42:28,275 --> 00:42:30,736 Mine'll kill me if she knows we're here. 634 00:42:30,819 --> 00:42:34,031 Mine will, too. She thinks you're a bad influence. 635 00:42:35,490 --> 00:42:36,950 She's right. 636 00:42:38,201 --> 00:42:40,162 Then we're gonna have to bust out of here. 637 00:42:40,996 --> 00:42:44,249 - You have any threes? - Go fish. 638 00:42:48,503 --> 00:42:50,380 Hey, what's that? 639 00:43:14,196 --> 00:43:16,615 Just back off! I don't want to hurt anybody, 640 00:43:16,698 --> 00:43:19,743 we just want to walk away and forget this ever happened. 641 00:43:19,826 --> 00:43:22,162 Nobody needs to be a hero! Whoa! 642 00:43:31,046 --> 00:43:32,381 Are you kidding me? 643 00:43:32,464 --> 00:43:37,052 I'm gonna rip off your arms and punch you in the face with your own fists! 644 00:43:42,474 --> 00:43:44,434 - They're gaining! - This way! 645 00:43:50,440 --> 00:43:53,235 The Devil Worshiper Woods! No way! 646 00:43:53,569 --> 00:43:57,489 Hey! Stay right there! We're gonna get you! 647 00:44:00,242 --> 00:44:02,327 They're going into the woods. 648 00:44:02,411 --> 00:44:05,247 No, no way I go into Devil Worshiper Woods. 649 00:44:07,082 --> 00:44:08,750 This isn't over! 650 00:44:12,296 --> 00:44:15,173 - I'm really scared! - Just keep running! 651 00:44:22,973 --> 00:44:25,934 Did you hear that? It's the devil worshipers. 652 00:44:45,662 --> 00:44:46,830 Guys? 653 00:44:55,297 --> 00:44:56,798 - Are we safe? - Yeah. 654 00:44:56,965 --> 00:44:59,801 And we made it with still a ton of candy. 655 00:45:02,429 --> 00:45:06,016 Sorry. I was... I thought you were teenagers. 656 00:45:09,311 --> 00:45:11,813 - Maybe next year, Pops! - Hey! 657 00:45:26,161 --> 00:45:29,373 So anyone else exhibiting symptoms of pink eye 658 00:45:29,456 --> 00:45:31,792 should contact the nurse immediately. 659 00:45:31,875 --> 00:45:34,920 In field trip news, consent forms are going out today 660 00:45:35,003 --> 00:45:38,298 for our annual History of Plumbing excursion. 661 00:45:38,382 --> 00:45:39,591 In sports news... 662 00:45:40,592 --> 00:45:45,639 I think Shelly is looking hot today. 663 00:45:46,348 --> 00:45:49,017 - Yeah. - Are they talking about me? 664 00:45:49,768 --> 00:45:52,396 I don't know. I don't speak Russian. 665 00:45:52,563 --> 00:45:57,776 And finally, some positions have opened up for the Safety Patrol. 666 00:45:57,859 --> 00:46:01,655 If anyone is interested, see Mr. Winsky after homeroom. 667 00:46:01,738 --> 00:46:03,907 Now that's what I'm talking about. 668 00:46:05,158 --> 00:46:08,453 Safety Patrol. The cops of middle school. 669 00:46:09,204 --> 00:46:15,335 You boss people around, report the jerks, and miss class three times a week. 670 00:46:20,215 --> 00:46:21,592 Safety Patrol is a sacred trust. 671 00:46:21,675 --> 00:46:25,721 When you put on this vest and that badge you become a protector of the weak. 672 00:46:25,804 --> 00:46:29,391 You become an enforcer of the laws of this school, 673 00:46:29,474 --> 00:46:32,603 because today's litterer and jaywalker 674 00:46:32,686 --> 00:46:35,230 is tomorrow's window breaker and graffiti vandal, 675 00:46:35,314 --> 00:46:37,482 and it's our job to stop it. 676 00:46:37,566 --> 00:46:40,569 So I ask you, are you up for the job? 677 00:46:41,570 --> 00:46:42,946 - Yes! - Yes! 678 00:46:43,780 --> 00:46:46,033 Then welcome to Safety Patrol. 679 00:46:46,116 --> 00:46:49,161 Just remember, with great power... 680 00:46:49,244 --> 00:46:51,872 - Whoa. comes great responsibility. 681 00:46:53,332 --> 00:46:55,959 Now, you get your first assignment just after lunch, 682 00:46:56,043 --> 00:46:58,128 so you'll be excused from the first 20 minutes of sixth period. 683 00:46:58,212 --> 00:47:01,048 But that means we'll miss Algebra... 684 00:47:01,131 --> 00:47:02,633 Do we get free stuff? 685 00:47:03,675 --> 00:47:06,303 - Free hot cocoa. - Could this day get any better? 686 00:47:07,054 --> 00:47:08,722 Whoa, is that cocoa? 687 00:47:08,805 --> 00:47:11,600 - Sorry, Safety Patrol only. - Sorry. 688 00:47:15,103 --> 00:47:19,316 You rejected the school paper, but you joined the Safety Patrol? 689 00:47:19,399 --> 00:47:21,485 Look, are you working your way down the evolutionary ladder? 690 00:47:21,568 --> 00:47:22,653 What? 691 00:47:22,736 --> 00:47:26,156 Look, Safety Patrol is the lowest of the low, 692 00:47:26,240 --> 00:47:29,326 the geekiest of the geeky, the Island of Misfit Toys. 693 00:47:29,409 --> 00:47:32,287 You're just jealous they don't trust you to keep our school safe. 694 00:47:32,371 --> 00:47:35,999 Now if you'll excuse me, I need to secure the perimeter. 695 00:47:40,128 --> 00:47:42,881 - I'm hungry. - Keep it straight, people. 696 00:47:42,965 --> 00:47:45,634 Single-file line, one by one. 697 00:47:53,559 --> 00:47:56,562 Greg! It's those guys from Halloween! 698 00:47:57,688 --> 00:47:59,231 What do we do? 699 00:48:02,234 --> 00:48:05,612 Come on, man, just pull my finger. I swear to God, I'm not gonna do anything. 700 00:48:05,696 --> 00:48:08,407 Everybody, shoulder to shoulder. Shoulder to shoulder. 701 00:48:08,490 --> 00:48:10,576 - Go. Go! - Whoa, whoa. 702 00:48:23,171 --> 00:48:26,300 - That was close. - Too close. 703 00:48:30,178 --> 00:48:33,181 It's times like these that make me realize 704 00:48:33,348 --> 00:48:36,351 Rowley's pretty lucky to have me as a friend. 705 00:48:38,937 --> 00:48:42,190 And I got Twisted Wizard Two, and a new bike! 706 00:48:42,983 --> 00:48:47,154 And we're going to take a family trip to New York City for New Year's Eve! 707 00:48:47,237 --> 00:48:51,241 - What did you get? - My dad got me a weight-lifting set. 708 00:48:51,325 --> 00:48:54,286 Do you know how many video games I could've gotten instead? 709 00:48:54,369 --> 00:48:58,373 I had to get out of there before he expected me to, like, use it. 710 00:48:58,665 --> 00:49:01,793 Anyway, let's play some Twisted Wizard Two at your house. 711 00:49:01,877 --> 00:49:05,547 Probably not a good idea. My dad's still annoyed at you. 712 00:49:05,964 --> 00:49:07,132 For what? 713 00:49:07,341 --> 00:49:10,052 Remember that secret language we made up last week? 714 00:49:11,053 --> 00:49:14,848 Your-pa dad-pa smells-pa like-pa a woman-pa. 715 00:49:17,935 --> 00:49:20,187 I think he cracked our code. 716 00:49:20,270 --> 00:49:22,314 We should probably do something outside. 717 00:49:24,441 --> 00:49:27,361 Why can't you ride and I throw at you first? 718 00:49:27,778 --> 00:49:30,197 My legs kind of hurt from walking over here. 719 00:49:47,089 --> 00:49:50,217 Okay, Rowley. Come on. Get up. 720 00:49:51,426 --> 00:49:53,053 Shake it off. 721 00:49:54,388 --> 00:49:58,350 Are you sure the doctor was right? It really didn't look that broken to me. 722 00:49:58,433 --> 00:50:02,938 Yeah, it's broken. The X-ray never lies. 723 00:50:05,107 --> 00:50:09,111 - Oh, my gosh. What happened? - I broke it. 724 00:50:09,194 --> 00:50:11,321 - How? - Big Wheel accident. 725 00:50:12,948 --> 00:50:14,616 You're funny. 726 00:50:14,700 --> 00:50:16,535 - Can I sign your cast? - Me, too. 727 00:50:16,618 --> 00:50:19,037 - I wanna sign it, too. - Why, sure. 728 00:50:19,371 --> 00:50:21,915 Hey, I'm the one who broke his hand. 729 00:50:22,624 --> 00:50:24,376 Then you're a jerk. 730 00:50:25,210 --> 00:50:26,962 - Sorry. - Does it hurt? 731 00:50:30,632 --> 00:50:32,634 Rowley, you're so funny. 732 00:50:34,219 --> 00:50:36,513 - After I stood... - I couldn't believe it! 733 00:50:36,597 --> 00:50:41,143 Rowley was eating at an actual table because of something I did! 734 00:50:41,935 --> 00:50:43,645 Where's my credit? 735 00:50:44,021 --> 00:50:47,649 And he's right handed! He can feed himself just fine. 736 00:50:50,569 --> 00:50:53,697 So, how's that class favorite thing working out for you? 737 00:50:53,780 --> 00:50:55,032 Great. 738 00:51:12,007 --> 00:51:15,677 I realized Rowley's injury thing was a pretty good racket. 739 00:51:19,765 --> 00:51:23,185 - It's gonna be so much fun. - Hey, guys. Check it out. 740 00:51:23,685 --> 00:51:25,437 Oh, my gosh, what happened? 741 00:51:25,520 --> 00:51:29,816 It's a raging infection caused by a splinter that was left untreated. 742 00:51:30,192 --> 00:51:33,278 Want to be the first to sign my sympathy sheet? 743 00:51:33,612 --> 00:51:34,655 No. 744 00:51:37,950 --> 00:51:42,079 I'll sign it, Greg Heffley, if you'd let me look at your infection. 745 00:51:46,458 --> 00:51:50,045 And on the X-ray, you could see where the bone just snapped right in half. 746 00:51:50,128 --> 00:51:53,840 I had the exact same break last year, and it got all purple! 747 00:51:53,966 --> 00:51:57,719 - Cool! Mine, too! - Hey, Gregory, want to sign the card? 748 00:51:58,136 --> 00:52:00,097 You got Rowley a card? 749 00:52:00,264 --> 00:52:02,891 What? No, it's for Bryan Little. 750 00:52:02,975 --> 00:52:05,310 You know, the guy who writes the Wacky Dawg cartoons 751 00:52:05,394 --> 00:52:07,145 for the school paper? 752 00:52:07,229 --> 00:52:10,732 He has mono and he's going to be out for three months. 753 00:52:11,233 --> 00:52:13,235 That really stinks. 754 00:52:13,318 --> 00:52:17,072 So, just out of curiosity, who's gonna do the cartoon? 755 00:52:17,406 --> 00:52:21,618 They're having tryouts, but the important thing is Bryan gets better. 756 00:52:21,910 --> 00:52:23,287 Absolutely. 757 00:52:25,372 --> 00:52:27,916 Bryan Little getting mono was destiny. 758 00:52:28,083 --> 00:52:31,545 I draw cartoons all the time. I'm gonna win this. 759 00:52:41,763 --> 00:52:45,976 I decided to go ahead and forgive Rowley for milking the broken hand so hard 760 00:52:46,059 --> 00:52:49,021 and I told him he could work on the cartoon with me. 761 00:52:49,897 --> 00:52:53,150 So, I was thinking we could do something like this! 762 00:52:53,442 --> 00:52:55,652 Oops, I stepped in a puddle! 763 00:52:55,736 --> 00:52:58,155 At least it's not an acid puddle. 764 00:52:59,239 --> 00:53:00,699 It is an acid puddle! 765 00:53:00,782 --> 00:53:02,367 Zoo-wee Mama! 766 00:53:04,119 --> 00:53:05,913 Zoo-wee Mama! 767 00:53:07,623 --> 00:53:10,000 It's the same joke every time. 768 00:53:10,083 --> 00:53:12,628 Yeah! Zoo-wee Mama! 769 00:53:13,587 --> 00:53:16,048 We can't just do the same thing over and over. 770 00:53:16,131 --> 00:53:17,883 We can if it's Zoo-wee Mama. 771 00:53:17,966 --> 00:53:20,969 It has to be a little more sophisticated. 772 00:53:21,303 --> 00:53:24,181 I wonder what is in this cute little box. 773 00:53:24,306 --> 00:53:26,808 It's not a box, it's a brick, you dumb moron. 774 00:53:26,892 --> 00:53:29,937 Oops! I've been trying to open it all day! 775 00:53:32,814 --> 00:53:36,985 - Can he say, "Zoo-wee Mama"? - No, it's not funny. 776 00:53:37,069 --> 00:53:39,988 Well, I think it is. I like Zoo-wee Mama. 777 00:53:40,113 --> 00:53:44,743 You know what? If you like it so much, then why don't you go do it yourself? 778 00:53:47,955 --> 00:53:51,250 Okay. I will. 779 00:53:52,626 --> 00:53:53,835 See you. 780 00:54:04,805 --> 00:54:08,725 Hey, I forgot my raincoat, so I'm gonna need you to walk the kids home today. 781 00:54:08,809 --> 00:54:13,480 I can't. I can't get my cast wet. You can borrow my coat. 782 00:54:17,776 --> 00:54:19,778 Where's Rowley? 783 00:54:19,987 --> 00:54:23,532 - He couldn't get his cast wet! - He walks us better! 784 00:54:30,539 --> 00:54:31,707 Oh, no. 785 00:54:37,337 --> 00:54:39,548 Oh, my gosh! Space monsters! 786 00:54:39,756 --> 00:54:43,844 They're going to eat us, unless we can get into that hole! 787 00:54:44,011 --> 00:54:47,306 Come on, people, move it! Now, people! We're gonna get eaten! 788 00:54:47,389 --> 00:54:50,142 Come on! Don't worry! I'm right behind you! 789 00:54:50,225 --> 00:54:51,602 - Whoa! - Go! 790 00:55:03,906 --> 00:55:05,032 Hey! 791 00:55:05,949 --> 00:55:08,410 Rowley Jefferson, is that you? 792 00:55:09,620 --> 00:55:12,122 Yes, Mrs. Irvine! 793 00:55:15,918 --> 00:55:17,419 Sorry, kids! 794 00:55:25,594 --> 00:55:27,596 Are you going to eat us? 795 00:55:28,639 --> 00:55:33,018 And though doctors assure us that Mrs. Cheznik is no longer contagious, 796 00:55:33,101 --> 00:55:37,481 the cafeteria nachos bar will be closed for the remainder of the week. 797 00:55:37,856 --> 00:55:40,234 And now, what you've all been waiting for. 798 00:55:40,400 --> 00:55:44,363 The faculty, Student Council and editors have all met 799 00:55:44,446 --> 00:55:47,866 and selected the new cartoonist for the school paper. 800 00:55:48,784 --> 00:55:54,122 And the winner is "Zoo-wee Mama" by Rowley Jefferson! 801 00:55:59,002 --> 00:56:01,421 - What? - That is funny! 802 00:56:02,297 --> 00:56:03,674 Great job. 803 00:56:05,008 --> 00:56:07,636 - Zoo-wee Mama. - I couldn't believe it. 804 00:56:08,971 --> 00:56:11,306 Am I the only one who gets comedy? 805 00:56:11,390 --> 00:56:14,226 - Rowley, will you put me in your cartoon? - Sure. 806 00:56:14,309 --> 00:56:17,312 And me, too. I want to be the one who says, "Zoo-wee Mama." 807 00:56:17,396 --> 00:56:20,190 - You got it! - Hey, Rowley, congratulations. 808 00:56:20,274 --> 00:56:21,400 - Thanks. - No problem. 809 00:56:21,483 --> 00:56:24,319 You know, I read all the submissions and yours was by far the best. 810 00:56:24,403 --> 00:56:26,154 I read yours, too. 811 00:56:26,655 --> 00:56:28,615 - Hey, Rowley. - Hey, Bryce. 812 00:56:28,949 --> 00:56:32,661 - Yeah, hey, Bryce. - Hey, fella. 813 00:56:33,495 --> 00:56:36,456 Wow. Everyone knows me now. 814 00:56:36,999 --> 00:56:41,753 - It's like I'm famous! Isn't this great? - Yeah. 815 00:56:42,004 --> 00:56:46,008 Rowley Jefferson? I need to see you in my office, now. 816 00:56:57,686 --> 00:56:59,688 I just took a call from a Mrs. Irvine 817 00:56:59,771 --> 00:57:02,441 about what happened to the kindergarteners last week. 818 00:57:02,524 --> 00:57:05,277 She was very upset. And so am I. 819 00:57:06,153 --> 00:57:09,239 - What? - You violated the sacred trust. 820 00:57:10,490 --> 00:57:11,742 This... 821 00:57:14,119 --> 00:57:18,040 This badge is supposed to mean something, and you just spat on it. 822 00:57:18,123 --> 00:57:20,125 I can barely even look at you. 823 00:57:20,209 --> 00:57:22,544 - I really don't... - Just save it. 824 00:57:22,753 --> 00:57:25,881 You are officially suspended from Safety Patrol. 825 00:57:26,298 --> 00:57:29,593 And I expect a full apology to the kindergarteners. 826 00:57:30,385 --> 00:57:31,678 Yes, sir. 827 00:57:40,604 --> 00:57:45,025 - Hey. What did he have to say? - I'm kicked off. 828 00:57:45,609 --> 00:57:47,778 I don't even know what he's talking about. 829 00:57:50,906 --> 00:57:52,115 Rowley? 830 00:57:54,201 --> 00:57:57,162 - What? - Nothing. 831 00:58:13,345 --> 00:58:17,391 You've been home for an hour and haven't badgered me for any snacks. 832 00:58:17,474 --> 00:58:19,268 Are you feeling okay? 833 00:58:20,477 --> 00:58:24,189 Well, I'm kind of in a tough situation. 834 00:58:25,148 --> 00:58:26,733 I know something 835 00:58:26,817 --> 00:58:29,903 and if I tell the truth about it, it could hurt somebody. 836 00:58:29,987 --> 00:58:33,073 But if I don't, it could hurt somebody else. 837 00:58:33,156 --> 00:58:38,495 Well, you have to trust your gut and try to do the right thing, 838 00:58:40,122 --> 00:58:44,793 because it's our choices that make us who we are. 839 00:58:47,337 --> 00:58:48,505 Okay. 840 00:58:52,426 --> 00:58:56,305 I was up all night, tossing and turning, thinking about my mom's advice. 841 00:58:56,388 --> 00:58:59,349 And I finally decided to do the right thing. 842 00:59:00,642 --> 00:59:03,353 I'm sorry I terrorized you, children. 843 00:59:04,062 --> 00:59:05,230 What? 844 00:59:05,981 --> 00:59:09,359 I decided to let Rowley take one for the team. 845 00:59:12,571 --> 00:59:16,742 But I'm not entirely sure that was the right call. 846 00:59:25,292 --> 00:59:26,752 Hey, how's it going? 847 00:59:26,835 --> 00:59:30,881 Well, I was pretty upset about being suspended from Safety Patrol, 848 00:59:30,964 --> 00:59:35,010 but then I just started drawing a bunch of Zoo-wee Mamas and I felt better. 849 00:59:35,093 --> 00:59:38,055 Look. I put you in this week's cartoon. 850 00:59:38,222 --> 00:59:41,016 And you even get to say, "Zoo-wee Mama." 851 00:59:41,600 --> 00:59:44,144 Wow. That's really 852 00:59:47,064 --> 00:59:48,232 nice. 853 00:59:49,566 --> 00:59:51,401 So, listen. 854 00:59:51,485 --> 00:59:54,988 It's kind of funny, you know, the whole Safety Patrol thing. 855 00:59:55,072 --> 00:59:56,198 Yeah? 856 00:59:56,865 --> 00:59:58,659 Ready for the funny part? 857 00:59:58,742 --> 01:00:02,162 Well, I'm the one who terrorized those kids! 858 01:00:04,998 --> 01:00:06,750 - What? - Yeah, 859 01:00:06,833 --> 01:00:09,670 and I think we can both learn some valuable lessons from this. 860 01:00:09,753 --> 01:00:14,132 Like, I should be more careful what I do in front of Mrs. Irvine's house. 861 01:00:14,216 --> 01:00:16,260 And you, well, 862 01:00:17,386 --> 01:00:19,763 you should be more careful who you lend your coat to. 863 01:00:23,267 --> 01:00:26,770 You know what, Greg? You're not a good friend. 864 01:00:27,437 --> 01:00:31,400 Whoa. How could you even say that? I'm a great friend. 865 01:00:31,483 --> 01:00:34,653 If you were a great friend, you would have told Mr. Winsky the truth. 866 01:00:34,736 --> 01:00:37,447 Okay, one thing. You can't get mad about just... 867 01:00:37,531 --> 01:00:40,117 You only care about yourself. 868 01:00:40,450 --> 01:00:42,369 You hated my cartoon. 869 01:00:43,453 --> 01:00:47,124 You made fun of my clothes. You disrespected Joshie. 870 01:00:47,374 --> 01:00:50,794 You broke my hand and you didn't even seem sorry. 871 01:00:50,878 --> 01:00:53,589 That broken hand was the best thing that ever happened to you! 872 01:00:55,340 --> 01:00:56,967 Don't call me. 873 01:00:57,676 --> 01:01:01,013 Don't come by my house. We're done. 874 01:01:19,114 --> 01:01:21,199 I thought the whole thing would blow over. 875 01:01:21,283 --> 01:01:24,286 But Rowley was still giving me the silent treatment. 876 01:01:24,369 --> 01:01:27,581 - Even when I tried to make the first move. - Yeah. 877 01:01:32,002 --> 01:01:34,546 So, anyway, I was so angry at him... 878 01:01:36,965 --> 01:01:41,261 One of the kindergarteners finally told their parents the whole story. 879 01:01:42,346 --> 01:01:46,850 Greg? You're relieved of your Safety Patrol duties, effective immediately. 880 01:01:48,060 --> 01:01:49,436 Rowley, 881 01:01:50,646 --> 01:01:54,608 for showing dignity under false suspicion, I am promoting you 882 01:01:55,484 --> 01:01:56,610 to team captain. 883 01:01:58,779 --> 01:02:03,283 Now, that's a position that I held for two years. I know you'll honor it. 884 01:02:39,319 --> 01:02:42,573 Hey, Rowley, my mom says it's okay for me to sleep over tonight. 885 01:02:42,656 --> 01:02:43,991 Awesome! 886 01:02:45,200 --> 01:02:49,162 The whole thing with Rowley is, I was willing to let by gones be by gones. 887 01:02:49,246 --> 01:02:51,790 But then he made friends with Collin just to mess with me. 888 01:02:51,874 --> 01:02:53,417 As if I even care if he... 889 01:02:56,545 --> 01:02:58,589 Well, you know what? 890 01:02:58,922 --> 01:03:00,591 Two can play at that game. 891 01:03:01,884 --> 01:03:05,304 There's no going back, Sergeant. I need to board the helicopter. 892 01:03:05,387 --> 01:03:07,264 Do you have my back? 893 01:03:07,347 --> 01:03:10,100 I will always have your back, Captain. 894 01:03:30,662 --> 01:03:33,123 - Hey. - Hey, Greg Heffley. 895 01:03:35,834 --> 01:03:40,088 So, I was thinking maybe you might want to have a sleepover? 896 01:03:41,256 --> 01:03:43,300 Yeah. With who? 897 01:03:44,426 --> 01:03:45,636 Me. 898 01:03:45,969 --> 01:03:49,640 - Yeah, when? - Now. 899 01:03:50,807 --> 01:03:52,851 Greg Heffley, I love you! 900 01:03:52,935 --> 01:03:55,062 We are going to be best friends forever! 901 01:03:56,605 --> 01:03:58,982 Wanna have a tickle fight? 902 01:04:03,153 --> 01:04:05,656 Okay. Let's get inside. 903 01:04:08,325 --> 01:04:10,077 I can't believe it! 904 01:04:10,369 --> 01:04:14,456 Greg Heffley's in my room! Greg Heffley's in my room, Rebecca. 905 01:04:14,748 --> 01:04:17,668 What do you want to do, Greg Heffley? How about Twister? 906 01:04:17,751 --> 01:04:20,629 I'm not really that much of a Twister guy. 907 01:04:21,588 --> 01:04:22,839 - Candy! - Wait! 908 01:04:22,923 --> 01:04:25,300 No, no, no! Fregley, come on! Really! 909 01:04:25,509 --> 01:04:27,302 I really think we should save those for later! 910 01:04:27,386 --> 01:04:30,514 - Maybe we should go outside and... - My mom doesn't let me have sugar. 911 01:04:30,597 --> 01:04:34,226 She says high glucose in my diet induces hyperactivity. 912 01:04:35,644 --> 01:04:37,479 But it's so good! 913 01:04:37,980 --> 01:04:39,606 Greg Heffley, you want to jumpety-jump? 914 01:04:39,690 --> 01:04:41,441 Yeah, you know what, Fregley? I just remembered, 915 01:04:41,525 --> 01:04:43,986 I have an appointment, a really important appointment. 916 01:04:44,069 --> 01:04:48,031 It's a homework appointment. Yeah, and I really should be going. 917 01:04:51,243 --> 01:04:52,703 Get away from me! 918 01:04:55,372 --> 01:04:58,083 I can fly! Whoa. 919 01:04:58,333 --> 01:05:00,335 How fun, Greg Heffley! 920 01:05:00,794 --> 01:05:05,257 Greg? Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg? Greg? Greg? 921 01:05:06,884 --> 01:05:09,511 I hear you breathing, Greg Heffley. 922 01:05:36,163 --> 01:05:37,748 Dear Gregory, 923 01:05:37,915 --> 01:05:41,418 I'm very sorry I chased you with a booger on my finger. 924 01:05:41,919 --> 01:05:45,214 Here, I put it on this paper so you can get me back. 925 01:05:58,936 --> 01:06:00,103 What? 926 01:06:04,566 --> 01:06:05,943 All right. 927 01:06:07,069 --> 01:06:11,698 Okay, enough. I'll show Rowley I don't need him. 928 01:06:11,782 --> 01:06:14,368 When he sees me in the yearbook as Most Talented, 929 01:06:14,451 --> 01:06:16,161 he's gonna come running back. 930 01:06:18,664 --> 01:06:22,584 Okay, since there are so many of you here auditioning, 931 01:06:22,668 --> 01:06:27,464 to save time, we're gonna do a group sing of one of my favorite songs. 932 01:06:27,548 --> 01:06:30,342 Please refer to the lyrics on this handout. 933 01:06:30,425 --> 01:06:34,054 I will pick out the best voices and place you accordingly. 934 01:07:36,575 --> 01:07:41,747 Greg Heffley, what a lovely soprano voice you have. I'm stunned! 935 01:07:42,706 --> 01:07:44,583 Maybe you should be Dorothy! 936 01:07:48,545 --> 01:07:50,589 - No, no, I can't be... - No! 937 01:07:50,964 --> 01:07:54,218 Greg Heffley was suspended from the school Safety Patrol! 938 01:07:54,301 --> 01:07:57,930 How can you trust him with the lead role in the play? 939 01:07:58,013 --> 01:08:00,182 He can't be Dorothy! I'm Dorothy! 940 01:08:00,265 --> 01:08:03,518 - All right, Patty, calm down. - I'm Dorothy! I am! 941 01:08:03,769 --> 01:08:07,105 My mother is the president of the P.T.A. 942 01:08:07,189 --> 01:08:09,399 She can ruin your life! 943 01:08:10,108 --> 01:08:11,693 Just an idea. 944 01:08:12,903 --> 01:08:17,324 All right, well, Greg, your voice is too high for any of the other male roles. 945 01:08:17,407 --> 01:08:19,451 Perhaps you can be a tree! 946 01:08:19,701 --> 01:08:22,788 A tree? No way. 947 01:08:29,586 --> 01:08:32,714 The trees get to throw apples at Patty Farrell. 948 01:08:33,549 --> 01:08:35,634 Haven't you seen the movie? 949 01:08:45,644 --> 01:08:47,938 Wait, we don't get arm holes? 950 01:08:48,021 --> 01:08:50,399 How are we gonna throw apples at Dorothy without arm holes? 951 01:08:50,482 --> 01:08:53,735 You don't need arm holes because nobody's throwing any apples. 952 01:08:53,819 --> 01:08:57,573 We're not doing the movie. In my version, the trees sing. 953 01:08:57,656 --> 01:08:59,324 These, my dear. 954 01:08:59,449 --> 01:09:03,495 Down the winding yellow road 955 01:09:03,579 --> 01:09:07,624 Doth she know to where it goes 956 01:09:07,708 --> 01:09:11,253 With her dog so small and true 957 01:09:11,336 --> 01:09:13,922 We hope she fares well 958 01:09:14,006 --> 01:09:18,176 Yes, we do 959 01:09:23,849 --> 01:09:26,935 My tooth! I think I knocked out my tooth! 960 01:09:27,019 --> 01:09:29,521 Perhaps we should cut out some arm holes. 961 01:09:29,605 --> 01:09:31,523 - Is he okay? - You think? 962 01:09:44,912 --> 01:09:48,457 Isn't this exciting? Your son's in a play. 963 01:09:48,540 --> 01:09:52,169 Yeah, sure. It's not wrestling, but... 964 01:09:55,047 --> 01:09:56,882 - But at least it's something. - Come on, Toto. 965 01:09:56,965 --> 01:10:00,844 Let us explore this magical path! 966 01:10:08,185 --> 01:10:09,561 Bubby! 967 01:10:10,604 --> 01:10:13,065 Bubby! Bubby! 968 01:10:13,148 --> 01:10:14,733 Bubby. 969 01:10:17,486 --> 01:10:20,739 Hey, Bubby, I think you dropped an apple. 970 01:10:25,285 --> 01:10:28,956 We three trees from yonder glen 971 01:10:29,039 --> 01:10:33,627 Do spy a fair and sweet maiden 972 01:10:33,710 --> 01:10:37,256 Whilst we're rooted to our spots 973 01:10:37,339 --> 01:10:41,927 In silver slippers she doth trot 974 01:10:42,052 --> 01:10:45,556 Down the winding yellow road 975 01:10:45,639 --> 01:10:46,682 Oh, yes. 976 01:10:46,765 --> 01:10:50,060 Doth she know to where it goes 977 01:10:50,143 --> 01:10:51,270 You're dead. 978 01:10:51,353 --> 01:10:54,022 With her dog so small and true 979 01:10:54,106 --> 01:10:56,358 We hope she fares well 980 01:10:56,441 --> 01:11:00,529 Yes, we do 981 01:11:00,612 --> 01:11:03,282 We three trees from... 982 01:11:08,829 --> 01:11:10,539 From yonder glen! 983 01:11:10,622 --> 01:11:14,084 Wish her joy through journey's end! 984 01:11:17,337 --> 01:11:18,755 Sing! 985 01:11:20,257 --> 01:11:21,592 Sing! 986 01:11:23,051 --> 01:11:25,470 - Sing! - This bites! 987 01:11:26,138 --> 01:11:27,681 Come on, Greg Heffley! 988 01:11:27,764 --> 01:11:31,184 Stop ruining the play like you ruin everything else! 989 01:11:32,185 --> 01:11:36,023 Don't make me come over there and beat you up again! 990 01:11:49,620 --> 01:11:50,913 Eat this! 991 01:11:51,663 --> 01:11:53,332 Eat this! 992 01:12:13,727 --> 01:12:15,562 What'd you think? I thought he was the best one up there. 993 01:12:15,646 --> 01:12:18,440 - Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad. - You know, I'm... 994 01:12:25,322 --> 01:12:27,533 I thought Dorothy deserved it. 995 01:12:29,535 --> 01:12:31,078 Thanks, Dad. 996 01:12:32,120 --> 01:12:34,581 You got some good shots in there. 997 01:12:41,255 --> 01:12:43,507 Look what I found in the trash. 998 01:12:43,590 --> 01:12:45,259 Guess you threw it away by accident. 999 01:12:45,884 --> 01:12:47,094 Give it back, Rodrick! 1000 01:12:47,177 --> 01:12:49,054 No way! You want it? 1001 01:12:49,137 --> 01:12:51,014 Come and get it then! Come on. 1002 01:12:51,098 --> 01:12:52,808 - Give it! - Come on! 1003 01:12:52,891 --> 01:12:55,143 Use your muscular legs! No, you can't have it. 1004 01:12:55,227 --> 01:12:56,687 - Okay, okay, boys! - Give it back! 1005 01:12:56,770 --> 01:12:58,021 - Hold on, don't you want it? - Okay! 1006 01:12:58,105 --> 01:12:59,565 It's for you. 1007 01:13:01,441 --> 01:13:05,070 It's an invitation for the Mother and Son Sweetheart Dance. 1008 01:13:05,696 --> 01:13:07,656 I knew you didn't want to miss that. 1009 01:13:07,739 --> 01:13:09,324 It looks like a lot of fun. 1010 01:13:09,408 --> 01:13:12,369 I think you should go. I think it'd be a lot of fun. 1011 01:13:12,452 --> 01:13:15,664 Fun? That's the exact opposite of fun! 1012 01:13:16,832 --> 01:13:20,627 This entire year has been terrible and nobody even cares! 1013 01:13:20,711 --> 01:13:23,088 My family, my best friend. 1014 01:13:23,672 --> 01:13:26,925 Well, I'm sick of it. Somebody needs to pay. 1015 01:13:32,014 --> 01:13:36,351 Okay, Manny, I'm putting this Tootsie Roll in Rodrick's backpack. 1016 01:13:36,935 --> 01:13:41,607 It's for Rodrick, so whatever you do, don't touch the Tootsie Roll. 1017 01:13:46,987 --> 01:13:50,115 Greg? Coaster. Where's he... 1018 01:13:52,284 --> 01:13:55,412 Manny? Where did you get that? 1019 01:14:02,586 --> 01:14:05,047 Oh, my. That's offensive. 1020 01:14:13,555 --> 01:14:15,849 Rodrick? Rodrick! 1021 01:14:17,267 --> 01:14:19,811 I need to talk to you inside! Now! 1022 01:14:20,479 --> 01:14:24,024 Go ahead and talk. We're a band and we have no secrets. 1023 01:14:24,107 --> 01:14:26,818 Okay, fine. What is this? 1024 01:14:29,488 --> 01:14:31,990 - It's not mine. - It was in your backpack. 1025 01:14:32,157 --> 01:14:34,284 No, it was in my room. 1026 01:14:36,912 --> 01:14:40,165 Does owning this magazine make you a better person? 1027 01:14:41,375 --> 01:14:44,127 - No. - Did it make you more popular at school? 1028 01:14:44,211 --> 01:14:45,504 Yes! 1029 01:14:46,213 --> 01:14:47,506 No. 1030 01:14:47,589 --> 01:14:52,386 How do you feel about having owned this type of magazine? 1031 01:14:54,012 --> 01:14:55,847 - Ashamed! - Nice. 1032 01:14:59,351 --> 01:15:02,896 Do you have anything you wanna say to women 1033 01:15:02,980 --> 01:15:06,858 for having owned this offensive magazine? 1034 01:15:08,443 --> 01:15:09,820 I'm sorry, women. 1035 01:15:09,987 --> 01:15:12,656 - Yeah, women. - Yeah. 1036 01:15:15,284 --> 01:15:18,495 You're grounded for two weeks. 1037 01:15:18,787 --> 01:15:21,915 Okay, settle down, Susan! I think one week is plenty! 1038 01:15:21,999 --> 01:15:25,711 Make it four weeks and I'm gonna need the keys to your van! 1039 01:15:26,211 --> 01:15:27,379 My van? 1040 01:15:28,463 --> 01:15:31,049 Yeah! Yeah. 1041 01:15:32,885 --> 01:15:34,052 Yeah. 1042 01:15:36,221 --> 01:15:37,514 Hello? 1043 01:15:38,891 --> 01:15:40,142 Hello? 1044 01:15:53,488 --> 01:15:55,282 All right, smile. 1045 01:15:55,616 --> 01:15:58,577 Look at this place! Wanna dance? 1046 01:15:59,244 --> 01:16:01,830 Mom, stop dancing. You're embarrassing me. 1047 01:16:01,914 --> 01:16:05,042 Come on. I'm just keeping time to the music. 1048 01:16:05,125 --> 01:16:07,669 I'm begging you, please stop it. 1049 01:16:07,753 --> 01:16:09,713 Okay, okay, okay. 1050 01:16:11,798 --> 01:16:13,008 Thanks, honey. 1051 01:16:14,218 --> 01:16:15,469 Hi! 1052 01:16:15,552 --> 01:16:20,098 Well, if we're not here to dance, maybe you should go talk to Rowley. 1053 01:16:20,933 --> 01:16:23,435 I think it's time you two made up. 1054 01:16:23,894 --> 01:16:25,145 I can't. 1055 01:16:25,938 --> 01:16:30,108 Sweetheart, he's your best friend. 1056 01:16:30,859 --> 01:16:34,363 And sometimes, when somebody's worth it, 1057 01:16:34,446 --> 01:16:36,907 you just have to put yourself out there. 1058 01:16:39,535 --> 01:16:41,662 I wouldn't know what to say. 1059 01:16:42,079 --> 01:16:45,290 Well, I could go for an ice cream after the dance. 1060 01:16:45,374 --> 01:16:47,960 Maybe you could invite him to join us. 1061 01:16:48,126 --> 01:16:49,211 Yeah. 1062 01:16:55,509 --> 01:16:56,969 Hey, Rowley. 1063 01:16:58,887 --> 01:17:00,013 Hey. 1064 01:17:00,347 --> 01:17:04,017 So you want to go get some ice cream after? 1065 01:17:04,351 --> 01:17:07,312 I'm sorry. We already have plans. 1066 01:17:08,855 --> 01:17:11,483 Yeah. We do. 1067 01:17:14,194 --> 01:17:18,156 Fine. My mom wanted me to ask. So I did. 1068 01:17:18,365 --> 01:17:20,450 I didn't even want to go. 1069 01:17:29,418 --> 01:17:30,627 Well? 1070 01:17:34,464 --> 01:17:36,425 Honey, I'm sorry. 1071 01:17:41,096 --> 01:17:42,347 Yeah! 1072 01:18:42,908 --> 01:18:45,160 You have got to be kidding me. 1073 01:18:58,549 --> 01:19:00,759 - Hey, what's up? - Hey. 1074 01:19:10,394 --> 01:19:11,478 Hey. 1075 01:19:12,980 --> 01:19:14,147 Hey. 1076 01:19:14,940 --> 01:19:19,903 So, I left my racing game at your house and Collin's sleeping over tonight. 1077 01:19:19,987 --> 01:19:21,613 So I need it back. 1078 01:19:22,406 --> 01:19:24,700 What? No way. 1079 01:19:24,783 --> 01:19:26,326 Finders, keepers. 1080 01:19:26,451 --> 01:19:28,662 You didn't find it, I left it. 1081 01:19:29,663 --> 01:19:32,833 Fine, then leavers, losers. 1082 01:19:33,959 --> 01:19:36,044 That's not even a real thing. 1083 01:19:36,128 --> 01:19:37,588 It is if I say it is. 1084 01:19:37,671 --> 01:19:39,214 It's my game. 1085 01:19:39,298 --> 01:19:40,424 Do you know what? 1086 01:19:40,507 --> 01:19:43,552 You wouldn't even have that game if I hadn't told you about it. 1087 01:19:43,635 --> 01:19:45,470 You wouldn't have half the stuff you have without me. 1088 01:19:45,554 --> 01:19:48,015 Yeah, like a broken hand! 1089 01:19:49,641 --> 01:19:51,435 That was a million years ago. 1090 01:19:51,518 --> 01:19:53,186 It clicks now! 1091 01:19:53,812 --> 01:19:56,481 Hear that? Click, click, click, click. 1092 01:19:56,607 --> 01:19:58,400 And it's all your fault! 1093 01:19:58,483 --> 01:19:59,776 It was an accident! 1094 01:19:59,860 --> 01:20:02,696 Kick his butt, Rowley! It's easy. 1095 01:20:02,946 --> 01:20:05,073 Guys, Greg and Rowley are gonna fight. 1096 01:20:05,157 --> 01:20:10,454 - Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! - Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! 1097 01:20:10,537 --> 01:20:17,211 - Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! - Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! 1098 01:20:27,596 --> 01:20:31,225 Come on, what's wrong with you guys? Start punching! 1099 01:20:33,644 --> 01:20:35,771 - You start. - You start it. 1100 01:20:35,854 --> 01:20:37,231 No, you! 1101 01:20:38,774 --> 01:20:40,359 Quit copying me! 1102 01:20:40,943 --> 01:20:44,488 This has got to be the worst fight ever! Do something! 1103 01:20:55,707 --> 01:21:00,212 Well, well, well. Look who we have here. 1104 01:21:00,837 --> 01:21:03,006 You're so freaking dead. 1105 01:21:03,090 --> 01:21:06,843 All you guys better scram or I'm gonna kick your butts, too! 1106 01:21:07,761 --> 01:21:09,429 Not you two. 1107 01:21:12,683 --> 01:21:17,396 You guys have no idea what I'm gonna do to you. 1108 01:21:20,524 --> 01:21:22,276 What are we gonna do? 1109 01:21:23,360 --> 01:21:25,070 - I don't know. - We need to move this along. 1110 01:21:25,153 --> 01:21:27,948 My shift at Cinnabon starts in half an hour. 1111 01:21:44,298 --> 01:21:47,718 I know what we're gonna do. Give me the wide one. 1112 01:21:47,801 --> 01:21:49,845 That's you, let's go. 1113 01:21:51,763 --> 01:21:53,265 Pick it up. 1114 01:21:53,348 --> 01:21:55,225 - But... - Pick it up. 1115 01:22:09,948 --> 01:22:11,867 Now eat it. 1116 01:22:12,618 --> 01:22:13,660 No! 1117 01:22:13,744 --> 01:22:16,955 Eat it or I'll shove the entire thing down your throat. 1118 01:22:30,260 --> 01:22:32,679 I don't even want to say exactly what happened 1119 01:22:32,763 --> 01:22:36,266 because if Rowley ever tries to run for President 1120 01:22:36,350 --> 01:22:39,311 and someone finds out what these guys made him do, 1121 01:22:39,394 --> 01:22:41,313 he won't have a chance. 1122 01:22:41,396 --> 01:22:42,773 Now you. 1123 01:22:42,856 --> 01:22:44,858 But I'm allergic to dairy! 1124 01:22:44,942 --> 01:22:47,569 I'll die, and then you'll go to jail! And... 1125 01:22:47,653 --> 01:22:48,737 Hey! 1126 01:22:49,112 --> 01:22:51,365 - What are you doing on school property? - Go, go, go! 1127 01:22:51,532 --> 01:22:52,699 Shotgun! 1128 01:22:52,783 --> 01:22:54,952 Pete Hosey, is that you? 1129 01:22:59,748 --> 01:23:03,877 You boys okay? Yeah? All right. 1130 01:23:07,965 --> 01:23:11,134 Out of my way! Out of my way! 1131 01:23:20,686 --> 01:23:25,482 Oh, my God. Rowley Jefferson ate... 1132 01:23:25,566 --> 01:23:27,359 I ate the cheese! 1133 01:23:44,668 --> 01:23:46,962 Yeah. I ate it. 1134 01:23:47,754 --> 01:23:52,426 And you know what, people? I just did you all a huge favor. 1135 01:23:54,761 --> 01:23:58,724 I ate the cheese to show you all how stupid this whole school is. 1136 01:24:00,392 --> 01:24:01,810 The wrong friends. 1137 01:24:03,270 --> 01:24:05,105 The wrong lunch table. 1138 01:24:06,064 --> 01:24:07,691 The wrong butt? 1139 01:24:09,109 --> 01:24:11,278 It's all meaningless. 1140 01:24:11,862 --> 01:24:14,072 Just like this cheese. 1141 01:24:15,699 --> 01:24:18,076 I know it. You all know it. 1142 01:24:18,452 --> 01:24:19,953 So come on. 1143 01:24:20,579 --> 01:24:24,416 Everyone else who's sick of it, step forward and join me! 1144 01:24:27,336 --> 01:24:30,547 Cheese Touch! Greg Heffley has the Cheese Touch! 1145 01:24:30,631 --> 01:24:33,467 - Run! - He's got the Cheese Touch! 1146 01:24:42,976 --> 01:24:46,730 Not bad, Heffley. Not bad at all. 1147 01:24:59,243 --> 01:25:04,748 So you want to come over after school and play? 1148 01:25:09,002 --> 01:25:10,170 Yeah. 1149 01:25:13,715 --> 01:25:14,925 Okay. 1150 01:25:30,274 --> 01:25:32,943 Here's your yearbook. Have a great summer. 1151 01:25:33,026 --> 01:25:34,736 Here's your yearbook. Have a great summer. 1152 01:25:34,820 --> 01:25:35,904 Thanks! 1153 01:25:36,363 --> 01:25:38,156 Here's your yearbook. Have a great summer. 1154 01:25:38,240 --> 01:25:39,658 Thanks, Patty. 1155 01:25:39,741 --> 01:25:43,412 Here's your yearbook. You're not in it that much. 1156 01:25:43,495 --> 01:25:46,123 Maybe try to get out there a little next year. 1157 01:25:46,206 --> 01:25:48,166 You know what, Patty? 1158 01:25:48,250 --> 01:25:51,461 One day middle school will end and become high school. 1159 01:25:51,545 --> 01:25:54,047 And after that, it just becomes life. 1160 01:25:54,131 --> 01:25:59,052 And all those things you think are important now won't be anymore. 1161 01:26:00,387 --> 01:26:01,847 You wish. 1162 01:26:03,849 --> 01:26:05,100 As if! 1163 01:26:07,519 --> 01:26:09,813 Handing it to you is like touching you 1164 01:26:09,897 --> 01:26:13,609 and I am way too smart to touch somebody who ate the cheese. 1165 01:26:14,234 --> 01:26:17,905 Rowley! Have a great summer! 1166 01:26:18,322 --> 01:26:19,615 Stay cool. 1167 01:26:20,616 --> 01:26:23,785 Yep, you're way too smart for me, Patty Farrell. 1168 01:26:28,290 --> 01:26:30,584 So the year turned out pretty good. 1169 01:26:30,667 --> 01:26:33,837 My goal was to be a class favorite, and I made it. 1170 01:26:33,921 --> 01:26:38,133 Even if it wasn't exactly the way I planned it. 1171 01:26:39,051 --> 01:26:41,428 Zoo-wee Mama!