1 00:02:05,306 --> 00:02:06,638 Damn. 2 00:02:07,016 --> 00:02:08,427 It's your turn, Heather. 3 00:02:12,188 --> 00:02:13,804 No, Heather. It's Heather's turn. 4 00:02:15,775 --> 00:02:16,811 Heather. 5 00:02:18,486 --> 00:02:20,978 Sorry, Heather. 6 00:02:56,691 --> 00:02:58,057 Ow. 7 00:03:05,157 --> 00:03:06,489 Dear Diary. 8 00:03:07,201 --> 00:03:10,569 'Heather told me she teaches people real life. 9 00:03:10,705 --> 00:03:14,415 'She said, "Real life sucks losers dry." 10 00:03:14,542 --> 00:03:17,501 "'If you wanna fuck with the eagles, you have to learn to fly." 11 00:03:18,296 --> 00:03:22,085 'I said, "So, you teach people how to spread their wings and fly?" 12 00:03:23,217 --> 00:03:25,004 'She said, "Yes." 13 00:03:25,136 --> 00:03:27,423 'I said, "You're beautiful."' 14 00:03:27,555 --> 00:03:29,342 God, come on, Veronica. 15 00:03:30,433 --> 00:03:32,220 What is your damage, Heather? 16 00:03:32,351 --> 00:03:33,637 Don't blame me, blame Heather. 17 00:03:33,769 --> 00:03:36,762 She told me to haul your ass into the caff pronto. 18 00:03:37,273 --> 00:03:38,309 Back me up, Heather. 19 00:03:39,150 --> 00:03:41,062 She really wants to talk to you, Veronica. 20 00:03:42,153 --> 00:03:44,645 OK, I'm going. Jesus Christ. 21 00:03:55,041 --> 00:03:56,282 Hello, Heather. 22 00:03:57,168 --> 00:03:59,080 Veronica. Finally. 23 00:03:59,712 --> 00:04:01,419 I got a note of Kurt Kelly's. 24 00:04:01,881 --> 00:04:03,191 I need you to forge a hot and horny, 25 00:04:03,215 --> 00:04:06,049 but realistically low-key note in Kurt's handwriting. 26 00:04:06,177 --> 00:04:08,510 We'll slip it onto Martha Dumptruck's lunch tray. 27 00:04:08,638 --> 00:04:11,597 Shit, Heather. I don't have anything against Martha Dunnstock. 28 00:04:12,141 --> 00:04:13,848 You don't have anything for her either. 29 00:04:14,560 --> 00:04:15,971 Come on. It'll be very. 30 00:04:16,479 --> 00:04:20,348 The note will give her shower nozzle masturbation material for weeks. 31 00:04:23,444 --> 00:04:24,651 I'll think about it. 32 00:04:25,488 --> 00:04:26,604 Don't think. 33 00:04:33,412 --> 00:04:35,495 Veronica needs something to write on. Bend over. 34 00:04:42,630 --> 00:04:45,418 "Dear Martha, you're so sweet..." 35 00:04:45,549 --> 00:04:47,882 I'm telling you, man, it would so be righteous 36 00:04:48,010 --> 00:04:50,844 to be in a Veronica Sawyer- Heather Chandler sandwich. 37 00:04:50,972 --> 00:04:52,634 Oh, hell, yes. 38 00:04:52,765 --> 00:04:54,605 I wanna get a Heather and put her on my johnson 39 00:04:54,642 --> 00:04:56,975 and just spin her around like a goddamn pinwheel! 40 00:04:57,103 --> 00:04:58,594 Punch it in. 41 00:05:28,509 --> 00:05:30,717 Westerburg feeds the world. Come on, people. 42 00:05:30,845 --> 00:05:33,883 Give that leftover lunch money to people who don't have lunches. 43 00:05:35,141 --> 00:05:36,757 God, aren't they fed, yet? 44 00:05:37,935 --> 00:05:39,927 Do they even have Thanksgiving in Africa? 45 00:05:40,062 --> 00:05:43,646 Oh, sure. Pilgrims, Indians, Tater Tots. 46 00:05:43,774 --> 00:05:45,140 It's a real party continent. 47 00:05:45,276 --> 00:05:47,359 Sawyer, guess what today is. 48 00:05:48,362 --> 00:05:50,354 Ouch. Lunchtime poll? 49 00:05:51,032 --> 00:05:53,319 - So, what's the question? - Yeah, what's the question? 50 00:05:54,326 --> 00:05:57,285 Goddamn, you were with me in study hall when I thought of it. 51 00:05:58,080 --> 00:05:59,196 I forgot. 52 00:06:00,583 --> 00:06:02,245 Such a pillowcase. 53 00:06:04,211 --> 00:06:05,564 This wouldn't be that bizarro thing 54 00:06:05,588 --> 00:06:08,422 you were babbling about over the phone last night, would it? 55 00:06:08,549 --> 00:06:09,960 Of course it is. 56 00:06:11,802 --> 00:06:13,942 I told Dennis if he gives me another 57 00:06:13,966 --> 00:06:16,422 political topic, I'd spew burrito chunks. 58 00:06:23,689 --> 00:06:26,352 Oh, Veronica, I'm sorry. 59 00:06:26,484 --> 00:06:28,100 Betty Finn. Gosh. 60 00:06:28,652 --> 00:06:31,235 Sorry I couldn't make it to your birthday party last month. 61 00:06:32,156 --> 00:06:34,648 It's OK. Your mom said you had a big date. 62 00:06:34,784 --> 00:06:37,367 I think I'd probably miss my own birthday for a date. 63 00:06:37,495 --> 00:06:39,407 - Don't say that. - You know what? 64 00:06:39,538 --> 00:06:41,461 I was looking around the other day, 65 00:06:41,485 --> 00:06:43,703 and I dug up, uh, these old photographs. 66 00:06:45,878 --> 00:06:47,585 Oh. They're great. 67 00:06:48,714 --> 00:06:51,457 - Come on, Veronica. - I was talking to somebody! 68 00:06:59,225 --> 00:07:00,887 Great. Here comes Heather. 69 00:07:01,477 --> 00:07:02,843 Oh, shit. 70 00:07:04,146 --> 00:07:06,433 Hi, Courtney. Love your cardigan. 71 00:07:06,565 --> 00:07:08,852 Thanks. I just got it last night at The Limited. 72 00:07:09,652 --> 00:07:12,269 Like, totally blew my allowance. 73 00:07:13,322 --> 00:07:14,529 Check this out. 74 00:07:14,657 --> 00:07:17,320 You win $5 million from the Publisher Sweepstakes, 75 00:07:17,451 --> 00:07:19,784 and the same day that Big Ed guy gives you the check, 76 00:07:20,955 --> 00:07:22,302 aliens land on the earth and say 77 00:07:22,326 --> 00:07:24,039 they'll blow up the world in two days. 78 00:07:24,500 --> 00:07:25,581 What do you do? 79 00:07:26,377 --> 00:07:27,493 That's easy. 80 00:07:28,629 --> 00:07:31,292 I'd just slide that wad over to my father, 81 00:07:31,423 --> 00:07:33,756 because he is, like, one of the top brokers in the state. 82 00:07:33,884 --> 00:07:37,753 If I got that money, I'd give it all to the homeless. 83 00:07:38,430 --> 00:07:39,671 Every cent. 84 00:07:40,724 --> 00:07:42,056 You're beautiful. 85 00:07:45,521 --> 00:07:47,729 If you're gonna openly be a bitch... 86 00:07:47,857 --> 00:07:50,895 Heather, why can't we talk to different kinds of people? 87 00:07:51,026 --> 00:07:52,983 Fuck me gently with a chainsaw. 88 00:07:53,112 --> 00:07:54,728 Do I look like Mother Teresa? 89 00:07:54,864 --> 00:07:57,857 If I did, I probably wouldn't mind talking to the geek squad. 90 00:08:00,411 --> 00:08:03,028 Huh. Did you see that? 91 00:08:03,164 --> 00:08:05,656 Heather number one just looked right at me. 92 00:08:06,167 --> 00:08:07,906 Does it not bother you that everybody 93 00:08:07,930 --> 00:08:09,786 in this school thinks you're a piranha? 94 00:08:09,920 --> 00:08:11,252 Like I give a shit. 95 00:08:11,881 --> 00:08:13,838 They all want me as a friend or a fuck. 96 00:08:14,633 --> 00:08:17,797 I'm worshipped at Westerburg, and I'm only a junior. 97 00:08:27,855 --> 00:08:29,187 I can't believe this. 98 00:08:29,315 --> 00:08:31,898 We're going to a party at Remington University tonight, 99 00:08:32,026 --> 00:08:34,564 and we're brushing up on our conversational skills 100 00:08:34,695 --> 00:08:36,277 with the scum of the school. 101 00:08:39,200 --> 00:08:41,408 - Hey. - Hi. 102 00:08:43,329 --> 00:08:46,242 So this is what's called a lunchtime poll. 103 00:08:46,373 --> 00:08:49,366 You win $5 million in the Publisher Sweepstakes. 104 00:08:49,501 --> 00:08:52,335 And the same day that what's-his-face gives you the cheque... 105 00:08:52,880 --> 00:08:54,121 Aliens land on earth... 106 00:08:54,256 --> 00:08:56,296 And say they're gonna blow up the world in two days. 107 00:08:56,759 --> 00:08:58,591 What are you gonna do with the money? 108 00:08:58,719 --> 00:09:01,883 I'd go to Egypt. With a girl. 109 00:09:02,389 --> 00:09:05,382 I'd use the money for an end-of-the-world get-together. 110 00:09:05,517 --> 00:09:08,180 I'd pay Madonna a million bucks to sit on my face, 111 00:09:08,312 --> 00:09:10,304 and have a ride like the Kentucky Derby. 112 00:09:10,439 --> 00:09:13,477 That's gotta be the most spooky-assed question I ever heard. 113 00:09:13,609 --> 00:09:16,443 All right, this is important. After taxes, I'll only be getting... 114 00:09:17,112 --> 00:09:18,319 She should pay me, though. 115 00:09:18,447 --> 00:09:20,530 You go to the zoo and get a lion, 116 00:09:20,658 --> 00:09:23,071 and then, put a remote control bomb up its butt. 117 00:09:23,202 --> 00:09:25,819 Then there's social security, legal fees. 118 00:09:25,955 --> 00:09:29,915 You push the button on the bomb, and you and the lion die like one. 119 00:09:31,460 --> 00:09:32,576 What? 120 00:09:37,841 --> 00:09:40,254 Oh, my God. Here we go. 121 00:09:55,317 --> 00:09:56,649 Oh. 122 00:09:57,444 --> 00:09:59,561 Oh, my God. 123 00:10:21,760 --> 00:10:24,377 Hi, Veronica. Five keeps an infant alive. 124 00:10:28,559 --> 00:10:31,472 You wanted to be a member of the most powerful clique in school. 125 00:10:32,104 --> 00:10:34,596 If I wasn't already the head of it, I'd want the same thing. 126 00:10:34,732 --> 00:10:37,099 Come on, Veronica. 127 00:10:37,568 --> 00:10:39,355 You used to have a sense of humour. 128 00:10:43,157 --> 00:10:45,615 Veronica, could you come back here a minute? 129 00:10:46,785 --> 00:10:48,947 A true friend's work is never done. 130 00:10:49,079 --> 00:10:50,411 Gross. 131 00:10:51,248 --> 00:10:54,787 Grow up, Heather. Bulimia is so '87. 132 00:10:54,918 --> 00:10:57,240 You know, maybe you should see a doctor. 133 00:10:57,264 --> 00:10:58,264 Yeah, maybe. 134 00:10:59,590 --> 00:11:02,173 Come on, Heather, let's take another look at today's lunch. 135 00:11:17,149 --> 00:11:18,856 God, Veronica, drool much? 136 00:11:20,277 --> 00:11:22,314 His name's Jason Dean. 137 00:11:22,446 --> 00:11:23,982 He's in my "American History". 138 00:11:34,708 --> 00:11:36,370 Hello, Jason Dean. 139 00:11:36,960 --> 00:11:38,701 Greetings and salutations. 140 00:11:40,714 --> 00:11:42,250 Are you a Heather? 141 00:11:42,383 --> 00:11:44,875 No. I'm a Veronica. 142 00:11:45,344 --> 00:11:46,676 Sawyer. 143 00:11:48,680 --> 00:11:51,093 This may seem like a really stupid question. 144 00:11:51,225 --> 00:11:53,342 There are no stupid questions. 145 00:11:55,729 --> 00:11:57,686 You inherit $5 million. 146 00:11:57,815 --> 00:11:59,583 The same day aliens land on the earth and 147 00:11:59,607 --> 00:12:01,399 say they're gonna blow it up in two days. 148 00:12:02,486 --> 00:12:03,647 What do you do? 149 00:12:06,156 --> 00:12:08,648 Well, that's the stupidest question I've ever heard. 150 00:12:10,160 --> 00:12:12,447 Who's that guy in the coat think he is anyways? 151 00:12:12,579 --> 00:12:14,241 Bo Diddley? 152 00:12:14,373 --> 00:12:16,706 Veronica's into his act, no doubt. 153 00:12:16,834 --> 00:12:19,827 I don't know. Probably row out to the middle of a lake somewhere. 154 00:12:19,962 --> 00:12:21,828 Bring along a bottle of tequila, 155 00:12:22,506 --> 00:12:25,374 my sax and some Bach. 156 00:12:27,219 --> 00:12:28,505 How very. 157 00:12:31,390 --> 00:12:32,847 Come on, Veronica. 158 00:12:35,436 --> 00:12:37,678 - Later. - Definitely. 159 00:12:41,900 --> 00:12:45,268 - Let's kick his ass. - Shit, Ram. We're seniors, man. 160 00:12:45,737 --> 00:12:47,478 We're too old for kind of that kind of crap. 161 00:12:48,824 --> 00:12:50,360 Let's give him a good scare though. 162 00:12:57,499 --> 00:12:58,831 You gonna eat this? 163 00:12:58,959 --> 00:13:00,609 What did your boyfriend say when you 164 00:13:00,633 --> 00:13:02,623 told him you were moving to Sherwood, Ohio? 165 00:13:04,047 --> 00:13:05,504 Answer him, dick. 166 00:13:05,632 --> 00:13:09,251 Hey, Ram, doesn't this cafeteria have a "no fags allowed" rule? 167 00:13:10,220 --> 00:13:14,464 They seem to have an open-door policy for assholes though, don't they? 168 00:13:17,811 --> 00:13:19,347 What did you say, dickhead? 169 00:13:20,022 --> 00:13:21,854 I'll repeat myself. 170 00:13:26,487 --> 00:13:28,228 God, they won't expel him. 171 00:13:28,363 --> 00:13:30,650 They'll just suspend him for a week or something. 172 00:13:30,782 --> 00:13:32,819 He used a real gun. 173 00:13:32,951 --> 00:13:34,988 They should throw his ass in jail. 174 00:13:35,120 --> 00:13:37,203 No way. He used blanks. 175 00:13:37,664 --> 00:13:40,202 All JD really did was ruin two pairs of pants. 176 00:13:41,043 --> 00:13:42,454 Maybe not even that. 177 00:13:42,586 --> 00:13:45,249 Can you bleach out urine stains? 178 00:13:45,380 --> 00:13:47,292 You seem pretty amused. 179 00:13:48,258 --> 00:13:50,671 I thought you had given up on high school guys. 180 00:13:50,802 --> 00:13:52,088 Never say never. 181 00:13:55,682 --> 00:13:57,344 What are you gonna do, Heather? 182 00:13:57,476 --> 00:13:59,138 Take the two shots or send me out? 183 00:14:02,439 --> 00:14:04,431 Did you have a brain tumour for breakfast? 184 00:14:05,192 --> 00:14:07,058 First you ask if you can be red, 185 00:14:07,736 --> 00:14:09,352 knowing that I'm always red. 186 00:14:13,867 --> 00:14:15,233 Shit. 187 00:14:17,329 --> 00:14:18,786 It's your turn, Heather. 188 00:14:24,670 --> 00:14:26,127 Easy shot, Heather. 189 00:14:26,838 --> 00:14:28,670 No way, no day. 190 00:14:28,799 --> 00:14:30,256 Give it up, girl. 191 00:14:39,184 --> 00:14:41,301 - Holy shit. - God, that was incredible! 192 00:14:41,436 --> 00:14:43,302 Whoo! 193 00:14:44,439 --> 00:14:46,897 So tonight's the night. Are you two excited? 194 00:14:48,485 --> 00:14:50,101 I'm giving Veronica her shot. 195 00:14:50,779 --> 00:14:52,395 Her first Remington party. 196 00:14:53,323 --> 00:14:57,317 You blow it tonight, girl, and it's keggers with kids all next year. 197 00:15:10,299 --> 00:15:12,757 - Why? - Why not? 198 00:15:14,011 --> 00:15:15,752 Heather, your mother's here. 199 00:15:16,388 --> 00:15:17,970 Come on, whoever wants a ride. 200 00:15:20,726 --> 00:15:22,388 - Bye. Thank you. - Bye-bye. 201 00:15:22,519 --> 00:15:24,226 - Bye. - Bye, girls. 202 00:15:24,813 --> 00:15:26,725 Hey, take a break, Veronica. Sit down. 203 00:15:28,734 --> 00:15:33,229 So, what was the first week of, uh, spring vacation withdrawal like? 204 00:15:33,905 --> 00:15:35,271 I don't know. It was OK, I guess. 205 00:15:36,283 --> 00:15:38,240 Hey, kid, isn't the prom coming up? 206 00:15:39,536 --> 00:15:40,868 I guess. 207 00:15:40,996 --> 00:15:42,988 Any contestants worth mentioning? 208 00:15:43,790 --> 00:15:47,955 Maybe. There's kind of a dark horse in the running. 209 00:15:49,338 --> 00:15:52,581 Goddamn, will somebody tell me why I read these spy novels? 210 00:15:53,925 --> 00:15:55,006 Because you're an idiot. 211 00:15:55,969 --> 00:15:57,460 Oh, yeah, that's it. 212 00:15:58,263 --> 00:15:59,845 You two. 213 00:15:59,973 --> 00:16:01,838 Great pâté, but I gotta motor if I 214 00:16:01,862 --> 00:16:03,967 wanna be ready for that party tonight. 215 00:16:08,440 --> 00:16:11,183 - Corn nuts! - BQ or plain? 216 00:16:11,318 --> 00:16:12,729 BQ! 217 00:16:16,281 --> 00:16:18,398 You gonna pull a Super Chug with that? 218 00:16:20,827 --> 00:16:23,615 No, but if you're nice, I'll let you buy me a slushie. 219 00:16:25,457 --> 00:16:28,120 I see you know your convenience speak pretty well. 220 00:16:29,294 --> 00:16:32,253 Yeah, well, uh, I've been moved around all my life. 221 00:16:33,256 --> 00:16:36,294 Dallas, Baton Rouge, Vegas. 222 00:16:37,219 --> 00:16:38,710 Sherwood, Ohio. 223 00:16:39,429 --> 00:16:41,762 There's always been a Snappy Snack Shack. 224 00:16:42,224 --> 00:16:43,931 Any town, any time, 225 00:16:44,059 --> 00:16:47,769 pop a ham and cheese in the microwave, and feast on a Turbo Dog. 226 00:16:48,855 --> 00:16:50,187 Keeps me sane. 227 00:16:51,858 --> 00:16:52,894 Really? 228 00:16:55,529 --> 00:16:58,567 That thing you pulled in the caff today was pretty severe. 229 00:16:59,866 --> 00:17:03,951 Yeah, well, the extreme always seems to make an impression. 230 00:17:08,041 --> 00:17:09,998 Did you say a cherry or Coke slushie? 231 00:17:11,002 --> 00:17:12,413 I didn't. 232 00:17:12,546 --> 00:17:13,787 Cherry. 233 00:17:20,303 --> 00:17:21,885 Great bike. 234 00:17:22,013 --> 00:17:26,599 Yeah. Just a humble perk from my dad's construction company. 235 00:17:27,519 --> 00:17:28,842 Seen the commercial, right? 236 00:17:28,866 --> 00:17:31,012 "Bringing every state to a higher state." 237 00:17:31,606 --> 00:17:35,816 Wait a minute. Jason Dean, your pop's Big Bud Dean Construction? 238 00:17:37,028 --> 00:17:39,236 It must be rough moving place to place. 239 00:17:39,698 --> 00:17:43,442 Well, everybody's life has got static. Is your life perfect? 240 00:17:43,577 --> 00:17:46,661 Oh, yeah. I'm on my way to a party at Remington University. 241 00:17:46,788 --> 00:17:48,120 Hmm. 242 00:17:50,959 --> 00:17:52,621 No, my life's not perfect. 243 00:17:53,795 --> 00:17:55,206 I don't really like my friends. 244 00:17:55,756 --> 00:17:58,999 Yeah, I, uh... I don't really like your friends, either. 245 00:18:02,095 --> 00:18:04,428 It's just, like, they're people I work with, 246 00:18:04,556 --> 00:18:06,673 and our job is being popular and shit. 247 00:18:09,186 --> 00:18:11,098 Maybe it's time to take a vacation. 248 00:18:21,406 --> 00:18:23,614 Hello, ladies. Throw your coats on the floor. 249 00:18:25,243 --> 00:18:28,236 - Uh, Veronica, this is Brad. - Excellent. 250 00:18:29,289 --> 00:18:31,656 Did you girls bring your partying slippers, huh? 251 00:18:31,792 --> 00:18:32,953 Let's party. 252 00:18:33,543 --> 00:18:35,580 She loves to party. 253 00:18:40,717 --> 00:18:43,004 'Dear Diary, I want to kill, 254 00:18:43,136 --> 00:18:46,425 'and you have to believe it's for more than just selfish reasons. 255 00:18:46,556 --> 00:18:49,515 'More than just a spoke in my menstrual cycle. 256 00:18:49,643 --> 00:18:51,009 'You have to believe me.' 257 00:18:51,520 --> 00:18:53,476 It's so great to be able to talk to a girl 258 00:18:53,500 --> 00:18:55,434 and not have to ask, "What's your major?" 259 00:18:55,565 --> 00:18:56,806 I hate that. 260 00:19:03,865 --> 00:19:07,825 So when you go to college, what subjects do you think you'll study? 261 00:19:11,665 --> 00:19:14,248 Come on, David. Shouldn't we get back to the party? 262 00:19:14,376 --> 00:19:15,537 We will. 263 00:19:16,336 --> 00:19:17,952 It's just you're so hot tonight. 264 00:19:19,631 --> 00:19:21,167 I can't control myself. 265 00:19:32,102 --> 00:19:35,470 'Oh, Christ, I can't explain it, but I'm allowed an understanding 266 00:19:35,605 --> 00:19:37,602 'that my parents and these Remington. 267 00:19:37,626 --> 00:19:39,975 University assholes have chosen to ignore. 268 00:19:40,110 --> 00:19:42,648 'I understand that I must stop Heather.' 269 00:20:17,397 --> 00:20:19,559 How's my little cheerleader, huh? 270 00:20:21,401 --> 00:20:26,897 Oh, I know everyone at your high school isn't so uptight. 271 00:20:27,032 --> 00:20:27,654 Come on. 272 00:20:27,678 --> 00:20:29,615 C'mon, look, I don't feel so good, OK? 273 00:20:29,743 --> 00:20:31,860 Let's do it on the coats. It'll be excellent, huh? 274 00:20:33,163 --> 00:20:35,701 You know, I have a little prepared speech I tell my suitor 275 00:20:35,832 --> 00:20:38,040 when he wants more than I'd like to give him. 276 00:20:38,168 --> 00:20:39,608 "Gee, blank, I had a really nice..." 277 00:20:39,711 --> 00:20:42,044 Save the speeches for Malcolm X. 278 00:20:44,507 --> 00:20:46,339 I just wanna get laid. 279 00:20:48,386 --> 00:20:50,844 You don't deserve my fucking speech! 280 00:20:52,307 --> 00:20:54,720 'Betty Finn was a true friend, and I sold her out 281 00:20:54,851 --> 00:20:57,719 'for a bunch of Swatch dogs and Diet Coke heads'. 282 00:20:57,854 --> 00:21:00,722 'Killing Heather would be like offing the "Wicked Witch of the West". 283 00:21:01,316 --> 00:21:03,729 'Wait, East. West! God, I sound like a fucking psycho.' 284 00:21:16,289 --> 00:21:19,407 What's your damage? Brad says you're being a cooze. 285 00:21:19,542 --> 00:21:21,662 Heather, I feel really sick, like, I'm gonna throw up. 286 00:21:21,753 --> 00:21:23,119 So, can we please jam now? 287 00:21:23,254 --> 00:21:25,211 No. Hell, no. 288 00:21:36,977 --> 00:21:39,970 'Tomorrow I'll be kissing her aerobicised ass, 289 00:21:40,105 --> 00:21:43,564 'but tonight let me dream of a world without Heather. 290 00:21:43,692 --> 00:21:46,105 'A world where I am free.' 291 00:21:52,701 --> 00:21:54,784 You stupid fuck. 292 00:21:55,412 --> 00:21:57,324 You goddamn bitch. 293 00:21:57,455 --> 00:21:59,617 You were nothing before you met me. 294 00:21:59,749 --> 00:22:01,991 You were playing Barbies with Betty Finn. 295 00:22:02,794 --> 00:22:05,537 You were a Bluebird. You were a Brownie. 296 00:22:06,172 --> 00:22:08,004 You were a Girl Scout cookie. 297 00:22:08,800 --> 00:22:10,917 I got you into a Remington party. 298 00:22:11,052 --> 00:22:12,338 What's my thanks? 299 00:22:13,013 --> 00:22:14,754 It's on the hallway carpet! 300 00:22:14,889 --> 00:22:16,676 I got paid in puke. 301 00:22:17,183 --> 00:22:20,096 Lick it up, baby. Lick. It. Up. 302 00:22:21,938 --> 00:22:23,395 Monday morning you're history. 303 00:22:24,315 --> 00:22:25,931 I'll tell everyone about tonight. 304 00:22:26,401 --> 00:22:29,439 Transfer to Washington. Transfer to Jefferson. 305 00:22:30,238 --> 00:22:33,447 No one at Westerburg's gonna let you play their reindeer games. 306 00:22:43,209 --> 00:22:45,451 Dreadful etiquette. I apologise. 307 00:22:47,213 --> 00:22:48,294 That's OK. 308 00:22:50,425 --> 00:22:53,839 I saw the croquet set up in the back. You up for a match? 309 00:23:04,856 --> 00:23:06,973 Hmm. Thank you. 310 00:23:07,108 --> 00:23:11,478 That was my, uh, first game of strip croquet. 311 00:23:11,613 --> 00:23:13,320 Oh, you're welcome. 312 00:23:13,448 --> 00:23:16,941 It's a lot more interesting than just flinging off your clothes, 313 00:23:17,077 --> 00:23:19,535 and boning away on a neighbour's swing set. 314 00:23:19,662 --> 00:23:22,279 I don't know. There's a lot to be said for throwing off... 315 00:23:22,415 --> 00:23:23,826 Ow! 316 00:23:25,835 --> 00:23:27,497 What a night. 317 00:23:29,130 --> 00:23:30,462 What a life. 318 00:23:31,091 --> 00:23:33,925 They wanted to move me into high school out of the sixth grade. 319 00:23:34,052 --> 00:23:36,154 I was supposed to be this big genius. 320 00:23:36,178 --> 00:23:36,886 Hmm. 321 00:23:37,013 --> 00:23:38,504 Then we decided to chuck the idea 322 00:23:38,640 --> 00:23:41,428 because I'd have trouble making friends, blah-blah-blah. 323 00:23:42,602 --> 00:23:44,719 Now blah-blah-blah is all I do. 324 00:23:44,854 --> 00:23:47,847 I use my grand IQ to decide what colour gloss to wear 325 00:23:47,982 --> 00:23:50,520 and how to hit three keggers before curfew. 326 00:23:58,993 --> 00:24:03,658 Heather Chandler is one bitch that deserves to die. 327 00:24:04,290 --> 00:24:08,330 - Killing her won't solve anything. - Hmm. 328 00:24:08,461 --> 00:24:11,374 I say we just grow up, be adults and die. 329 00:24:14,092 --> 00:24:16,209 - But before that... - Hmm. 330 00:24:16,344 --> 00:24:19,132 I'd love to see Heather Chandler puke her guts out. 331 00:24:24,269 --> 00:24:27,512 Trust me, she skips the Saturday morning trip to Grandma's, 332 00:24:27,647 --> 00:24:29,354 even when she's not hungover. 333 00:24:32,026 --> 00:24:34,860 We'll just concoct ourselves a little hangover cure 334 00:24:34,988 --> 00:24:38,652 that'll, uh, induce her to spew red, white and blue then. 335 00:24:40,994 --> 00:24:42,609 And what about, like, milk and orange 336 00:24:42,633 --> 00:24:44,487 juice? What's the up-chuck factor on that? 337 00:24:44,622 --> 00:24:47,831 Yeah, I'm a no-rust-build-up man, myself. 338 00:24:49,127 --> 00:24:51,995 Don't be a dick. That stuff will kill her. 339 00:24:59,095 --> 00:25:02,634 I know. We can cook up some soup, and put it in a Coke. 340 00:25:03,892 --> 00:25:05,975 That's-that's pretty sick, hey? 341 00:25:06,102 --> 00:25:08,970 Now should it be chicken noodle, or bean with bacon? 342 00:25:10,273 --> 00:25:13,311 Put a lid on that stuff. I say we go with big blue here. 343 00:25:14,611 --> 00:25:16,328 What are you talking about? She'd never 344 00:25:16,352 --> 00:25:18,355 drink anything that looked like that, anyway. 345 00:25:19,115 --> 00:25:21,949 Yeah, so we'll, uh... 346 00:25:23,161 --> 00:25:25,995 put it in this. She won't be able to see what she's drinking. 347 00:25:26,873 --> 00:25:28,455 Let me get a cup, jerk. 348 00:25:32,754 --> 00:25:34,211 OK. 349 00:25:35,673 --> 00:25:37,335 Milk and orange juice. 350 00:25:37,467 --> 00:25:41,882 Hm. Maybe we could, like, cough up a phlegm globber in it or something. 351 00:25:42,513 --> 00:25:43,845 Mm. 352 00:25:53,733 --> 00:25:55,065 - No? - Nothing. 353 00:25:56,110 --> 00:25:58,898 Oh, well. Milk and orange juice will do quite nicely. 354 00:25:59,364 --> 00:26:01,026 Hm. You're chicken. 355 00:26:02,575 --> 00:26:03,907 You're not funny. 356 00:26:11,793 --> 00:26:13,125 I'm sorry. 357 00:26:28,935 --> 00:26:30,426 Uh, Veronica? 358 00:26:30,561 --> 00:26:32,348 - What? - Uh... 359 00:26:33,481 --> 00:26:35,473 Never mind. I'll-I'll carry the cup. 360 00:26:40,154 --> 00:26:41,611 Morning, Heather. 361 00:26:44,158 --> 00:26:45,319 Veronica. 362 00:26:46,286 --> 00:26:47,868 And Jesse James. 363 00:26:48,329 --> 00:26:49,661 Quelle surprise. 364 00:26:50,665 --> 00:26:53,703 Hear about Veronica's affection for regurgitation? 365 00:26:53,835 --> 00:26:56,828 Heather, I think last night we both said a lot of stuff we didn't mean. 366 00:26:57,630 --> 00:27:00,543 Did we? How the hell did you get in here? 367 00:27:01,426 --> 00:27:04,885 Um... Veronica knew you'd have a hangover, 368 00:27:05,013 --> 00:27:07,175 so, uh, I whipped this up for you. 369 00:27:07,307 --> 00:27:09,094 It's a family recipe. 370 00:27:09,225 --> 00:27:11,387 What did you do? Put a phlegm globber in it? 371 00:27:12,145 --> 00:27:13,636 I'm not gonna drink that piss. 372 00:27:14,772 --> 00:27:17,014 I knew this stuff would be too intense for her. 373 00:27:18,818 --> 00:27:20,309 Intense. 374 00:27:21,446 --> 00:27:22,653 Grow up. 375 00:27:23,156 --> 00:27:25,396 You think I'll drink it just because you call me chicken? 376 00:27:30,872 --> 00:27:32,363 Just give me the cup, jerk. 377 00:27:50,558 --> 00:27:52,174 Corn nuts. 378 00:28:08,785 --> 00:28:10,117 Oh, my God. 379 00:28:11,120 --> 00:28:12,531 I can't believe it. 380 00:28:13,706 --> 00:28:15,789 I just killed my best friend. 381 00:28:15,917 --> 00:28:17,328 And your Worst enemy. 382 00:28:17,794 --> 00:28:19,035 Same difference. 383 00:28:26,511 --> 00:28:27,627 Oh. 384 00:28:28,805 --> 00:28:30,467 What are we gonna tell the cops? 385 00:28:32,433 --> 00:28:35,392 "Fuck it if she can't take a joke, Sarge." 386 00:28:35,520 --> 00:28:36,886 The cops. 387 00:28:38,439 --> 00:28:40,271 I can't believe this is my life. 388 00:28:40,817 --> 00:28:42,649 Oh, my God. 389 00:28:44,153 --> 00:28:48,363 I'm gonna have to send my SAT scores to San Quentin instead of Stanford. 390 00:28:49,117 --> 00:28:51,109 Uh... 391 00:28:51,869 --> 00:28:54,327 All right, just a little freaked here. 392 00:28:55,998 --> 00:28:57,864 At least you got what you wanted, you know? 393 00:28:59,001 --> 00:29:00,537 Got what I wanted? 394 00:29:01,045 --> 00:29:03,253 It is one thing to want somebody out of your life, 395 00:29:03,381 --> 00:29:06,465 it is another thing to serve them a wake-up cup full of liquid drainer. 396 00:29:07,969 --> 00:29:09,505 Uh... 397 00:29:19,689 --> 00:29:20,725 Uh... 398 00:29:30,324 --> 00:29:31,360 Yeah. 399 00:29:31,909 --> 00:29:35,493 All right, we-we-we did a murder, and that's a crime. 400 00:29:36,330 --> 00:29:37,662 But, uh... 401 00:29:39,000 --> 00:29:41,242 if this were like a suicide thing, you know? 402 00:29:44,422 --> 00:29:45,833 Like a suicide thing? 403 00:29:46,340 --> 00:29:48,332 Yeah, yeah. 404 00:29:49,260 --> 00:29:50,874 I mean, uh, you can do Heather's 405 00:29:50,898 --> 00:29:53,049 handwriting, as well as your own, right? 406 00:29:54,557 --> 00:29:55,718 Right? 407 00:30:02,607 --> 00:30:03,814 Yeah. 408 00:30:03,941 --> 00:30:05,273 All right. 409 00:30:07,236 --> 00:30:09,228 "You might think what I've done is shocking." 410 00:30:09,697 --> 00:30:10,904 Yeah. 411 00:30:14,035 --> 00:30:15,071 Um... 412 00:30:17,038 --> 00:30:19,280 "To me, though, suicide is the natural answer" 413 00:30:19,415 --> 00:30:21,873 "to the myriad of problems life has given me." 414 00:30:23,586 --> 00:30:26,249 That's good, but Heather would never use the word "myriad". 415 00:30:26,756 --> 00:30:28,356 This is the last thing she'll ever write. 416 00:30:28,382 --> 00:30:32,001 She's gonna wanna cash in on as many 50-cent words as possible. 417 00:30:32,136 --> 00:30:34,924 Yeah, but she missed "myriad" on the vocab test two weeks ago. 418 00:30:35,056 --> 00:30:36,422 That only proves my point more. 419 00:30:36,557 --> 00:30:39,015 The word is a badge for her failures at school. 420 00:30:40,686 --> 00:30:43,474 Oh. OK, you're probably right. 421 00:30:43,606 --> 00:30:44,687 Uh... 422 00:30:46,108 --> 00:30:52,025 "People think just because you're beautiful and popular," 423 00:30:52,490 --> 00:30:55,949 "life is easy and fun." 424 00:30:56,077 --> 00:30:57,443 - Yeah. - Uh... 425 00:30:58,704 --> 00:31:03,995 "No one understood I had feelings, too." 426 00:31:05,002 --> 00:31:06,163 Huh? 427 00:31:06,837 --> 00:31:09,454 "I die knowing no one knew the real me." 428 00:31:10,508 --> 00:31:12,170 - Huh. - Hmm. 429 00:31:12,301 --> 00:31:13,633 That's good. 430 00:31:14,971 --> 00:31:16,428 Have you done this before? 431 00:31:21,102 --> 00:31:23,435 Any other principal would take the same position. 432 00:31:23,563 --> 00:31:25,270 Keep things business as usual. 433 00:31:25,398 --> 00:31:27,765 Heather Chandler's not your everyday suicide. 434 00:31:27,900 --> 00:31:30,563 - She was very popular. - Come on, Paul. 435 00:31:30,695 --> 00:31:32,231 If I let the kids out before lunch, 436 00:31:32,363 --> 00:31:34,605 the sWitchboard would light up like a Christmas tree. 437 00:31:34,740 --> 00:31:36,652 I must say I was impressed to see 438 00:31:36,784 --> 00:31:40,403 that she made proper use of the word "myriad" in her suicide note. 439 00:31:40,538 --> 00:31:43,872 I find it profoundly disturbing 440 00:31:44,000 --> 00:31:47,084 that we're told of the tragic destruction of youth, 441 00:31:47,920 --> 00:31:51,584 and all we can think to talk about is adequate mourning times 442 00:31:51,716 --> 00:31:53,423 and misused vocabulary words? 443 00:31:53,884 --> 00:31:55,295 Oh, Christ! 444 00:31:55,970 --> 00:31:58,553 We must revel in this revealing moment! 445 00:31:59,432 --> 00:32:02,266 Look, I suggest that we get everybody together, 446 00:32:02,727 --> 00:32:05,219 both students and teachers, in the cafeteria, 447 00:32:05,354 --> 00:32:08,688 and just talk and feel. 448 00:32:09,609 --> 00:32:10,690 Together. 449 00:32:11,485 --> 00:32:14,102 Thank you, Ms Fleming. You call me when the shuttle lands. 450 00:32:14,822 --> 00:32:17,405 Now, is this Heather the... cheerleader? 451 00:32:17,533 --> 00:32:19,570 That would be Heather McNamara. 452 00:32:19,702 --> 00:32:21,159 Oh, damn. 453 00:32:21,287 --> 00:32:23,745 I'd be willing to go half a day for a cheerleader. 454 00:32:24,498 --> 00:32:26,535 God, it's unfair. 455 00:32:26,667 --> 00:32:28,499 It's just so unfair. 456 00:32:28,628 --> 00:32:31,371 We should get off a whole week, not just an hour. 457 00:32:31,505 --> 00:32:32,666 Write the school board. 458 00:32:33,466 --> 00:32:36,174 Watch it, Heather. You might be digesting food there. 459 00:32:36,302 --> 00:32:39,136 - Yeah, where is your urge to purge? - Fuck it. 460 00:32:39,847 --> 00:32:40,883 Look. 461 00:32:43,351 --> 00:32:45,388 Heather left behind one of her Swatches. 462 00:32:49,065 --> 00:32:50,397 She'd want you to have it. 463 00:32:51,776 --> 00:32:54,063 She always said you couldn't accessorise for shit. 464 00:32:55,613 --> 00:32:57,354 Sorry to hear about your friend. 465 00:32:57,490 --> 00:32:59,823 I thought she was your usual airhead bitch. 466 00:33:00,534 --> 00:33:02,150 Guess I was wrong. 467 00:33:02,286 --> 00:33:03,697 We all were. 468 00:33:07,041 --> 00:33:08,248 What a waste. 469 00:33:09,960 --> 00:33:11,246 Oh, the humanity. 470 00:33:19,053 --> 00:33:20,134 Veronica? 471 00:33:28,604 --> 00:33:31,062 Veronica, what are you doing? 472 00:33:42,868 --> 00:33:46,703 I'm just so thrilled... 473 00:33:47,790 --> 00:33:50,578 to finally have an example of the profound sensitivity 474 00:33:50,710 --> 00:33:52,622 of which a human animal is capable. 475 00:33:53,546 --> 00:33:55,913 That example is Heather Chandler. 476 00:33:57,049 --> 00:33:59,837 - I have her note. - Ooh! 477 00:34:00,344 --> 00:34:03,087 Now, I'm gonna pass this note around the class, 478 00:34:03,222 --> 00:34:06,181 so you can all feel its pathetic beauty for yourself. 479 00:34:08,602 --> 00:34:12,095 And while we do this, I think it's a good opportunity to share the... 480 00:34:13,649 --> 00:34:17,108 feelings that this suicide has spurred in all of us. 481 00:34:17,236 --> 00:34:19,649 Now, who would like to begin? 482 00:34:20,156 --> 00:34:21,988 I heard it was really gnarly. 483 00:34:22,116 --> 00:34:23,415 She sucked down a bowl of 484 00:34:23,439 --> 00:34:25,609 multi-purpose deodorising disinfectant, 485 00:34:25,745 --> 00:34:27,077 and then smash! 486 00:34:27,204 --> 00:34:30,322 Uh, now, Tracy, let's not rehash the coroner's report. 487 00:34:30,916 --> 00:34:32,248 Let's talk emotions. 488 00:34:33,627 --> 00:34:35,744 Um, Heather and I used to go out, 489 00:34:36,380 --> 00:34:37,837 but she said I was boring. 490 00:34:38,299 --> 00:34:40,382 But now I realise I really wasn't boring. 491 00:34:41,177 --> 00:34:43,590 It's just that she was dissatisfied with her life. 492 00:34:46,849 --> 00:34:48,715 That's very good, Peter. 493 00:34:56,817 --> 00:34:58,308 Are we gonna be tested on this? 494 00:35:00,154 --> 00:35:01,893 'We were the same size, so we could 495 00:35:01,917 --> 00:35:04,023 borrow each other's clothes and mix it up. 496 00:35:04,158 --> 00:35:05,399 'It was fun.' 497 00:35:05,534 --> 00:35:09,995 'I remember I won her a rhino at the 4-H Club.' 498 00:35:10,122 --> 00:35:11,704 You're an asshole. Mute him. 499 00:35:13,375 --> 00:35:14,911 'You know, we liked the same clothes.' 500 00:35:15,044 --> 00:35:17,582 Heather, how many networks did you run to? 501 00:35:18,297 --> 00:35:20,097 'It's just not gonna be the same without her.' 502 00:35:20,216 --> 00:35:23,425 What are you talking about? You hated her. She hated you. 503 00:35:23,552 --> 00:35:26,215 'Every English class I looked forward to seeing her.' 504 00:35:27,223 --> 00:35:29,931 Heather Chandler's more popular than ever now. 505 00:35:31,936 --> 00:35:34,269 - Scary stuff. - Yeah. 506 00:35:36,398 --> 00:35:38,515 Hey, son, I didn't hear you come in. 507 00:35:39,151 --> 00:35:42,064 Hey, dad, how was work today? 508 00:35:46,283 --> 00:35:47,649 It was miserable. 509 00:35:48,536 --> 00:35:50,368 Some damn tribe of withered old bitches 510 00:35:50,496 --> 00:35:53,330 doesn't want us to terminate that fleabag hotel. 511 00:35:53,791 --> 00:35:57,205 Huh. All because Glen Miller and his band once took a shit there. 512 00:35:57,336 --> 00:35:59,453 - Hm. - Just like Kansas. 513 00:35:59,964 --> 00:36:01,876 Do you remember fucking Kansas? 514 00:36:02,007 --> 00:36:03,999 Yeah, that was the one with the wheat, right? 515 00:36:04,677 --> 00:36:07,920 Yeah. Save the Memorial Oak Tree Society. 516 00:36:08,055 --> 00:36:10,672 Showed those fucks. 517 00:36:10,808 --> 00:36:14,347 Yeah, 30 of those 4th July fireworks attached to the trunk. 518 00:36:15,062 --> 00:36:16,849 Arraigned, but acquitted. 519 00:36:16,981 --> 00:36:18,267 Gosh, pop. 520 00:36:18,399 --> 00:36:20,732 I almost forgot to introduce my girlfriend. 521 00:36:20,860 --> 00:36:23,944 Oh. Veronica, this is my dad. 522 00:36:24,071 --> 00:36:26,028 - Dad, Veronica. - Hi. 523 00:36:28,450 --> 00:36:30,942 Son, why don't you ask your little friend to stay for dinner? 524 00:36:32,621 --> 00:36:36,615 I can't. My mom's making my favourite meal tonight. Spaghetti. 525 00:36:37,209 --> 00:36:39,246 - Lots of oregano. - How nice. 526 00:36:40,087 --> 00:36:42,130 The last time I saw my mom she was 527 00:36:42,154 --> 00:36:44,457 waving from a library window in Texas. 528 00:36:45,134 --> 00:36:46,170 All right, dad? 529 00:36:47,761 --> 00:36:49,753 Right... 530 00:36:50,306 --> 00:36:52,138 son. 531 00:36:53,726 --> 00:36:54,933 Right. 532 00:36:58,147 --> 00:37:00,059 Take a break, Veronica. Sit down. 533 00:37:02,985 --> 00:37:06,353 So, what was the first day after Heather's suicide like? 534 00:37:06,947 --> 00:37:08,688 Well, it was OK, I guess. 535 00:37:10,075 --> 00:37:11,407 Terrible thing. 536 00:37:12,536 --> 00:37:15,700 So, will we get to meet this dark horse prom contender? 537 00:37:16,790 --> 00:37:17,951 Maybe. 538 00:37:18,709 --> 00:37:21,998 Goddamn, will somebody tell me why I smoke these damn things? 539 00:37:23,088 --> 00:37:24,374 'Cos you're an idiot. 540 00:37:26,091 --> 00:37:27,298 Oh, yeah. That's it. 541 00:37:28,010 --> 00:37:29,296 You two. 542 00:37:30,012 --> 00:37:31,571 Great pâté, but I'm gonna have to 543 00:37:31,595 --> 00:37:33,551 motor if wanna be ready for that funeral. 544 00:37:39,313 --> 00:37:40,895 I blame not Heather, 545 00:37:41,857 --> 00:37:46,522 but rather a society that tells its youth 546 00:37:46,654 --> 00:37:51,774 that the answers can be found in the MTV video games. 547 00:37:53,202 --> 00:37:57,446 We must pray that the other teenagers of Sherwood, Ohio, 548 00:37:57,581 --> 00:38:00,949 know the name of that righteous dude, 549 00:38:01,085 --> 00:38:03,498 who can solve their problems. 550 00:38:04,588 --> 00:38:07,956 It's Jesus Christ and he's in the book. 551 00:38:09,843 --> 00:38:11,334 Amen. 552 00:38:17,059 --> 00:38:19,016 'Oh, God, this is a tragic thing 553 00:38:19,144 --> 00:38:22,228 'and sometimes I have a hard time dealing with it and stuff. 554 00:38:22,356 --> 00:38:24,188 'Please send Heather to heaven and all that.' 555 00:38:24,692 --> 00:38:27,435 'Dear God, please make sure this never happens to me, 556 00:38:27,569 --> 00:38:29,777 'cos I don't think I can handle suicide. 557 00:38:29,905 --> 00:38:31,862 'Fast early acceptance into an Ivy League school. 558 00:38:31,991 --> 00:38:33,983 'Please let it be Harvard. Amen.' 559 00:38:34,493 --> 00:38:38,863 'Jesus God in heaven, why did you have to kill such hot snatch? 560 00:38:38,998 --> 00:38:40,705 'Yeah. It's a joke, man. 561 00:38:41,333 --> 00:38:43,370 'Jeez, people are so serious. 562 00:38:43,502 --> 00:38:45,243 'Hail Mary, who aren't in heaven, 563 00:38:45,379 --> 00:38:48,463 'pray for all us sinners so we don't get caught. 564 00:38:48,590 --> 00:38:49,922 'Another joke, man.' 565 00:38:50,884 --> 00:38:53,843 'I prayed for the death of Heather Chandler many times. 566 00:38:53,971 --> 00:38:56,759 'I felt bad every time I did it, but I kept doing it anyway. 567 00:38:57,725 --> 00:38:59,682 'Now I know you understood everything. 568 00:39:00,310 --> 00:39:03,053 'Praise Jesus. Hallelujah.' 569 00:39:04,231 --> 00:39:06,314 'Hi. I'm sorry. 570 00:39:06,442 --> 00:39:09,310 'Technically, I did not kill Heather Chandler, 571 00:39:09,445 --> 00:39:11,311 'but, hey, who am I trying to kid, right? 572 00:39:12,614 --> 00:39:15,152 'I just want my high school to be a nice place. 573 00:39:16,035 --> 00:39:17,071 'Amen. 574 00:39:18,120 --> 00:39:19,406 'Did that sound bitchy?' 575 00:39:24,376 --> 00:39:27,494 Veronica... what are you doing tonight? 576 00:39:28,672 --> 00:39:30,504 I don't knoW. Mourning. 577 00:39:30,632 --> 00:39:32,919 Maybe watch some TV. Why? 578 00:39:34,803 --> 00:39:37,466 Well, Ram asked me out tonight, 579 00:39:38,140 --> 00:39:40,302 but he wants to double with Kurt, 580 00:39:41,185 --> 00:39:42,801 and Kurt doesn't have a date. 581 00:39:43,687 --> 00:39:46,100 Heather, I have something going with JD. 582 00:39:46,231 --> 00:39:49,065 Please, Veronica. Put Billy the Kid on hold tonight. 583 00:39:49,193 --> 00:39:50,400 I'll be your best friend. 584 00:39:54,865 --> 00:39:56,447 So we on tonight, man, or what? 585 00:39:57,659 --> 00:39:58,740 I don't know. 586 00:40:00,037 --> 00:40:01,653 I still got to talk to Heather, dude. 587 00:40:02,414 --> 00:40:03,575 Weird funeral, huh? 588 00:40:05,334 --> 00:40:07,792 That pudwapper just stepped on my foot. 589 00:40:07,920 --> 00:40:09,832 - Let's kick his ass. - Cool off. 590 00:40:10,798 --> 00:40:13,381 - We're seniors. - Goddamn geek! 591 00:40:14,510 --> 00:40:15,921 Ah, well. 592 00:40:16,512 --> 00:40:18,219 Sit and spin. 593 00:40:18,680 --> 00:40:19,796 That little prick. 594 00:40:27,397 --> 00:40:28,979 Oh! 595 00:40:32,569 --> 00:40:34,936 You piece of shit fag. You like to suck big dicks? 596 00:40:35,072 --> 00:40:38,236 - Cut it out. - Say, "I like to suck big dicks." 597 00:40:38,367 --> 00:40:40,324 Leave him alone, Ram. 598 00:40:41,787 --> 00:40:42,948 Ow. 599 00:40:43,997 --> 00:40:45,204 Say it. 600 00:40:48,544 --> 00:40:49,580 Say it! 601 00:40:50,087 --> 00:40:51,248 OK, OK. 602 00:40:53,257 --> 00:40:55,670 You like to suck big dicks. Ow! 603 00:40:55,801 --> 00:40:57,008 Ow! 604 00:40:59,930 --> 00:41:01,842 I like to suck big dicks. 605 00:41:01,974 --> 00:41:04,887 Oh, hmm! Hmm! 606 00:41:05,018 --> 00:41:07,681 I can't get enough of 'em. Are you satisfied? 607 00:41:07,813 --> 00:41:11,932 Don't worry. Ram's been so sweet lately, consoling me and stuff. 608 00:41:12,693 --> 00:41:14,025 It'll be really very. 609 00:41:15,070 --> 00:41:16,151 Promise. 610 00:41:16,780 --> 00:41:18,988 OK, just as long as it won't be one of those nights 611 00:41:19,116 --> 00:41:22,609 where they get shit-faced, and take us to a pasture to tip cows. 612 00:41:29,960 --> 00:41:32,418 - Is it sleeping, dude? - I think so, man. 613 00:41:33,797 --> 00:41:35,288 Shh! 614 00:41:35,841 --> 00:41:36,877 Come here. 615 00:41:37,342 --> 00:41:40,085 Oh, shit. Cow tipping is the fucking greatest! 616 00:41:40,220 --> 00:41:41,756 Punch it in. 617 00:41:42,639 --> 00:41:43,971 Ow! 618 00:41:44,725 --> 00:41:47,388 Shit. OK, on the count of three, guy. 619 00:41:49,021 --> 00:41:52,640 One. Two. Three. 620 00:42:02,576 --> 00:42:04,192 When I get that feeling, 621 00:42:04,703 --> 00:42:06,569 I need sexual healing. 622 00:42:06,705 --> 00:42:08,287 Yeah, right, asshole. 623 00:42:15,631 --> 00:42:16,997 What is this shit? 624 00:42:23,680 --> 00:42:25,387 Doing a favour for Heather. 625 00:42:26,099 --> 00:42:28,967 Double date. I tried to tell you at the funeral, but you rode off. 626 00:42:29,645 --> 00:42:31,056 Another fucking Heather. 627 00:42:33,148 --> 00:42:35,265 I'm sorry. 628 00:42:35,400 --> 00:42:38,234 I'm, uh, just feeling a little superior tonight. 629 00:42:39,905 --> 00:42:41,862 Seven schools in seven states, 630 00:42:41,990 --> 00:42:44,824 and the only thing different is my locker combination. 631 00:42:48,372 --> 00:42:49,658 Our love is God. 632 00:42:51,625 --> 00:42:53,457 Let's go get a slushie. 633 00:43:03,845 --> 00:43:06,007 I'm not belittling the foodless fund, Peter. 634 00:43:06,139 --> 00:43:08,426 It's just w-we're talking teen suicide here. 635 00:43:08,558 --> 00:43:10,985 The number one song in America today is. 636 00:43:11,009 --> 00:43:13,644 "Teenage Suicide, Don't Do It" by Big Fun. 637 00:43:13,772 --> 00:43:16,355 Good Jesus, man, Westerburg finally got one of these things, 638 00:43:16,483 --> 00:43:17,724 and I'm not gonna blow it. 639 00:43:17,859 --> 00:43:19,770 Great. So Heather gets the front page and 640 00:43:19,794 --> 00:43:21,728 I get crammed in by the Taco Bell coupon. 641 00:43:23,156 --> 00:43:27,867 Hi, guys. I came to check up on this week's lunchtime poll topic. 642 00:43:27,995 --> 00:43:30,237 Hey, don't worry about it, Veronica. Sit down, huh? 643 00:43:31,039 --> 00:43:34,828 Th-that funeral yesterday must have really been rough, huh? 644 00:43:35,919 --> 00:43:38,286 Oh, yeah, yeah. 645 00:43:38,422 --> 00:43:42,257 W-we were wondering if you had any poems, artwork 646 00:43:42,384 --> 00:43:45,343 that Heather did that we can put in the Heather Chandler yearbook spread? 647 00:43:46,054 --> 00:43:48,592 - The what? - Oh, but, take a look. 648 00:43:49,266 --> 00:43:50,672 It's a two-page layout with her 649 00:43:50,696 --> 00:43:52,680 suicide note right up here in the corner. 650 00:43:54,646 --> 00:43:57,354 It's more tasteful than it sounds. 651 00:43:58,775 --> 00:44:01,688 I don't know, Dennis. This stuff leaves a bad taste in my mouth. 652 00:44:02,279 --> 00:44:05,238 Like last night, Veronica? 653 00:44:08,076 --> 00:44:09,283 Excuse me? 654 00:44:09,786 --> 00:44:10,822 I don't get it. 655 00:44:10,954 --> 00:44:12,411 Oh, you did last night. 656 00:44:12,914 --> 00:44:14,826 Kurt told us of your little date. 657 00:44:14,958 --> 00:44:18,702 Yeah, and? I left him drunk, and flailing in cow shit. 658 00:44:18,837 --> 00:44:21,454 Well, I don't know. He was really detailed. 659 00:44:21,590 --> 00:44:22,922 Shh. 660 00:44:23,050 --> 00:44:24,916 - Shut up, Courtney. - No, don't shut up. 661 00:44:25,052 --> 00:44:27,089 I'd like to knoW exactly what I did. 662 00:44:27,220 --> 00:44:29,382 Come on, Veronica. 663 00:44:29,514 --> 00:44:31,255 I'll show you the lunchtime poll topic. 664 00:44:35,270 --> 00:44:36,306 What the fuck? 665 00:44:36,438 --> 00:44:39,476 OK, I rarely listen to Neanderthals like Kurt Kelly, 666 00:44:39,608 --> 00:44:41,190 but he said that he and Ram 667 00:44:41,318 --> 00:44:43,810 had a nice little sword fight in your mouth last night. 668 00:44:43,945 --> 00:44:45,402 You know what I mean, hm? 669 00:44:45,530 --> 00:44:48,147 Eew! 670 00:44:48,283 --> 00:44:49,899 That son of a bitch! 671 00:44:51,745 --> 00:44:53,281 Hi, Kurt? 672 00:44:53,413 --> 00:44:55,245 Hi. This is Veronica Sawyer. 673 00:44:56,333 --> 00:44:58,370 I didn't expect to be calling, either. 674 00:44:58,502 --> 00:45:00,459 I guess my emotions took over. 675 00:45:01,505 --> 00:45:03,110 I was wondering if you wanted those 676 00:45:03,134 --> 00:45:05,124 things you've been saying to really happen. 677 00:45:06,134 --> 00:45:09,343 It's always been a fantasy of mine to have two guys at once. 678 00:45:10,514 --> 00:45:12,506 Oh, sure, you can write to Penthouse Forum. 679 00:45:14,976 --> 00:45:17,059 Yeah, in the woods behind the school. 680 00:45:17,729 --> 00:45:19,061 At dawn. 681 00:45:19,689 --> 00:45:21,055 Don't forget Ram. 682 00:45:29,241 --> 00:45:31,403 I don't get the point of me writing a suicide note 683 00:45:31,535 --> 00:45:33,572 when we're gonna be shooting them with blanks. 684 00:45:34,413 --> 00:45:36,621 We're not gonna be using blanks this time. 685 00:45:38,875 --> 00:45:40,537 You can't be serious? 686 00:45:41,086 --> 00:45:42,293 I am. 687 00:45:43,130 --> 00:45:45,713 Listen, my Bonnie and Clyde days are over. 688 00:45:45,841 --> 00:45:47,332 Wait a second, wait a second. 689 00:45:47,467 --> 00:45:49,083 Do you take German? 690 00:45:49,219 --> 00:45:50,551 French. 691 00:45:50,679 --> 00:45:53,171 All right. These are Ich Lüge bullets. 692 00:45:53,306 --> 00:45:56,549 My grandfather snared a shitload of them back in WWII. 693 00:45:57,310 --> 00:45:59,017 They're like tranquillisers, 694 00:45:59,146 --> 00:46:02,810 only they break the skin's surface enough to cause a little blood, 695 00:46:02,941 --> 00:46:04,273 but no real damage. 696 00:46:04,985 --> 00:46:07,398 So it looks like the person's been shot and killed, 697 00:46:07,863 --> 00:46:10,776 and really they're just lying there unconscious and bleeding? 698 00:46:11,700 --> 00:46:13,236 - Oh. - Right. 699 00:46:14,995 --> 00:46:16,861 See, we shoot Kurt and Ram, 700 00:46:16,997 --> 00:46:18,704 make it look like they shot each other, 701 00:46:18,832 --> 00:46:20,698 and by the time they regain consciousness, 702 00:46:20,834 --> 00:46:22,996 they'll be the laughing stock of the whole school. 703 00:46:23,837 --> 00:46:25,499 Uh, the note's the punch line. 704 00:46:25,630 --> 00:46:27,041 How'd that turn out? 705 00:46:27,174 --> 00:46:30,338 First tell me the similarity is not incredible. 706 00:46:31,720 --> 00:46:33,507 It's incredible similarity. 707 00:46:33,638 --> 00:46:34,674 Mm. 708 00:46:36,099 --> 00:46:37,385 OK 709 00:46:39,644 --> 00:46:41,450 "Ram and I died the day we realised 710 00:46:41,474 --> 00:46:43,558 we could never reveal our forbidden love 711 00:46:43,690 --> 00:46:46,057 "to an uncaring and un-understanding world. 712 00:46:46,610 --> 00:46:50,229 "The joy we shared in each other's arms was greater than any touchdown, 713 00:46:50,363 --> 00:46:52,661 "yet, we were forced to live the lie of 714 00:46:52,685 --> 00:46:54,949 sexist, beer-guzzling, jock assholes." 715 00:46:55,869 --> 00:46:57,030 That's perfect. 716 00:46:58,872 --> 00:47:01,706 Uh, let's take a look at some of the homosexual artefacts 717 00:47:01,833 --> 00:47:03,950 I dug up to plant at the scene. 718 00:47:05,504 --> 00:47:06,620 All right. 719 00:47:07,088 --> 00:47:08,954 An issue of Stud Puppy. 720 00:47:09,090 --> 00:47:10,797 It's great! 721 00:47:10,926 --> 00:47:12,292 A candy dish. 722 00:47:13,512 --> 00:47:15,048 A Joan Crawford postcard. 723 00:47:15,931 --> 00:47:17,138 Good. 724 00:47:17,265 --> 00:47:18,847 Some, uh, mascara. 725 00:47:20,852 --> 00:47:23,936 All right, now, here's the one perfecto thing I picked up. 726 00:47:25,232 --> 00:47:26,268 Mineral water. 727 00:47:27,067 --> 00:47:29,810 Oh, come on, a lot of people drink mineral water. 728 00:47:29,945 --> 00:47:31,356 It's come a long way. 729 00:47:31,488 --> 00:47:32,820 Yeah, but this is Ohio. 730 00:47:32,948 --> 00:47:34,609 If you don't have a brewski in your 731 00:47:34,633 --> 00:47:36,692 hand, you might as well be wearing a dress. 732 00:47:36,826 --> 00:47:38,362 Oh, you're so smart. 733 00:47:49,464 --> 00:47:50,500 Hi, Veronica. 734 00:47:51,925 --> 00:47:53,166 Hi, guys. 735 00:47:55,720 --> 00:47:56,961 Glad you could make it. 736 00:48:06,147 --> 00:48:07,934 So should I just whip it out or...? 737 00:48:08,483 --> 00:48:11,396 Well, I-I-I've made a circle on each side of the clearing. 738 00:48:11,987 --> 00:48:13,569 Ram, you come over here. 739 00:48:15,407 --> 00:48:16,488 Kurt... 740 00:48:18,201 --> 00:48:21,114 When you get to the circle, strip. 741 00:48:22,289 --> 00:48:23,405 What about you? 742 00:48:24,040 --> 00:48:26,828 I was kinda hoping you could rip my clothes off me, sport. 743 00:48:28,336 --> 00:48:30,419 Oh... good idea. 744 00:48:39,806 --> 00:48:40,922 OK. 745 00:48:41,725 --> 00:48:42,806 Count of three, guys. 746 00:48:45,061 --> 00:48:46,177 One. 747 00:48:49,190 --> 00:48:50,306 Two. 748 00:48:51,776 --> 00:48:53,392 Three. 749 00:48:57,907 --> 00:48:59,398 You missed him completely? 750 00:48:59,534 --> 00:49:01,774 Yeah, but don't worry. It was worth it to see the look... 751 00:49:01,995 --> 00:49:04,237 All right, don't move. I'll, uh, I'll get him back. 752 00:49:40,825 --> 00:49:42,782 - Ha-ha! - Oh, fuck! 753 00:50:10,438 --> 00:50:12,395 - No. - Now! 754 00:50:23,535 --> 00:50:25,572 Hey, I heard it that time. 755 00:50:25,704 --> 00:50:27,912 - What? - Another gunshot from the woods. 756 00:50:28,039 --> 00:50:29,905 Oh, shit. Let's roll! 757 00:50:30,458 --> 00:50:32,199 Kurt doesn't look too good. 758 00:50:32,711 --> 00:50:34,418 Just remember he's left-handed. 759 00:50:34,546 --> 00:50:36,663 Keep going till you hit the clearing. 760 00:50:37,924 --> 00:50:38,960 Come on. 761 00:50:43,972 --> 00:50:46,339 - Mother of shit! - Call in. 762 00:50:48,017 --> 00:50:49,758 Hey, I heard something out there. 763 00:50:51,062 --> 00:50:52,223 I'm checking it out. 764 00:50:53,064 --> 00:50:54,726 Yeah, this is, uh, Officer McCord. 765 00:50:54,858 --> 00:50:58,397 I've got two dead bodies in the woods behind Westerburg High. 766 00:51:44,657 --> 00:51:47,115 'Milner, can you hear me? 767 00:51:47,243 --> 00:51:49,155 - 'What's going down?' - Uh, yeah, yeah. 768 00:51:50,455 --> 00:51:52,242 I think what I heard was a bunny rabbit. 769 00:51:52,373 --> 00:51:55,707 All I've got here is a couple of kids making out in a station wagon. 770 00:51:55,835 --> 00:51:58,953 - 'Should I pry them apart?' - Oh, no. Forget it. 771 00:51:59,088 --> 00:52:01,546 I got all the answers back here. 772 00:52:01,674 --> 00:52:02,835 'Hey...' 773 00:52:04,385 --> 00:52:05,421 Are they naked? 774 00:52:17,190 --> 00:52:19,557 Yeah, so, uh, what's the deal? 775 00:52:19,692 --> 00:52:21,354 Suicide. Double-suicide. 776 00:52:21,486 --> 00:52:22,693 They shot each other. 777 00:52:23,738 --> 00:52:25,445 Hey, that's Kurt Kelly. 778 00:52:25,573 --> 00:52:27,781 Yeah, and the line-backer, Ram Sweeney. 779 00:52:29,744 --> 00:52:33,363 My God, suicide. Why? 780 00:52:34,707 --> 00:52:36,664 Does this answer your question? 781 00:52:38,044 --> 00:52:39,956 Oh, man. They were fags. 782 00:52:40,755 --> 00:52:42,087 Listen up. 783 00:52:42,215 --> 00:52:45,003 "We realised we could never reveal our forbidden love" 784 00:52:45,134 --> 00:52:48,127 "to an uncaring and un-understanding world." 785 00:52:49,180 --> 00:52:50,842 Jesus H. Christ! 786 00:52:51,474 --> 00:52:53,761 The quarterback buggering the line-backer. 787 00:52:54,602 --> 00:52:56,264 What a waste. 788 00:52:57,105 --> 00:52:58,516 Oh, the humanity. 789 00:53:19,085 --> 00:53:20,371 But... 790 00:53:31,055 --> 00:53:34,014 - Hm. - So we killed them, didn't we? 791 00:53:35,268 --> 00:53:37,225 Yeah. Of course. 792 00:54:02,503 --> 00:54:05,621 Ich Lüge bullets... I'm such an idiot! 793 00:54:08,885 --> 00:54:12,469 Look, you believed it because you wanted to believe it. 794 00:54:13,806 --> 00:54:17,265 Your true feelings were too gross and icky for you to face. 795 00:54:19,020 --> 00:54:21,683 I did not want them dead! 796 00:54:22,982 --> 00:54:26,191 - You did, too. - I did not! 797 00:54:26,736 --> 00:54:28,193 - Did, too. - I did not! 798 00:54:28,321 --> 00:54:29,812 - Did, too. - I did not! 799 00:54:29,948 --> 00:54:31,359 - Did, too. - Did not! 800 00:54:31,491 --> 00:54:33,153 - Did, too! - Did not! Did not! 801 00:54:33,284 --> 00:54:34,991 Shut up! I did not want them dead! 802 00:54:40,500 --> 00:54:42,366 - Yes, you did. - I did not! 803 00:54:42,502 --> 00:54:44,494 Young love! 804 00:54:45,463 --> 00:54:46,916 Did you hear school's cancelled today 805 00:54:46,940 --> 00:54:48,456 because Kurt and Ram killed themselves 806 00:54:48,591 --> 00:54:50,958 in a repressed homosexual suicide pact? 807 00:54:51,094 --> 00:54:52,255 No way. 808 00:54:55,390 --> 00:54:56,551 God! 809 00:54:57,600 --> 00:55:00,934 The football season is over, Veronica. 810 00:55:02,063 --> 00:55:04,430 Kurt and Ram had nothing to offer the school, 811 00:55:04,565 --> 00:55:06,727 but date rapes and AIDS jokes. 812 00:55:08,319 --> 00:55:10,185 Sure. 813 00:55:11,781 --> 00:55:14,364 Can we make an ice run before the funeral? 814 00:55:21,416 --> 00:55:23,533 If there's any way you can hear me, Kurt buddy. 815 00:55:26,754 --> 00:55:29,792 I don't care that you really were some... pansy. 816 00:55:31,634 --> 00:55:34,718 You're my own flesh and blood, and you made me proud. 817 00:55:38,433 --> 00:55:41,096 My son's a homosexual and I love him. 818 00:55:43,521 --> 00:55:45,183 I love my dead, gay son. 819 00:55:47,108 --> 00:55:50,727 How do you think he'd react to a son that had a limp wrist with a pulse? 820 00:56:07,712 --> 00:56:09,248 'Dear Diary, 821 00:56:09,380 --> 00:56:12,589 'my teen angst bullshit has a body count. 822 00:56:13,301 --> 00:56:15,759 'The most popular people in school are dead. 823 00:56:16,387 --> 00:56:20,301 'Everybody's sad, but it's a weird kind of sad. 824 00:56:21,100 --> 00:56:26,312 'Suicide gave Heather depth, Kurt a soul, Ram a brain. 825 00:56:27,440 --> 00:56:29,102 'I don't know what it's given me but, 826 00:56:29,776 --> 00:56:32,814 'I've got no control over myself when I'm with JD. 827 00:56:33,488 --> 00:56:36,196 'Are we going to prom or to hell?' 828 00:56:37,825 --> 00:56:42,160 Now, it seems we were in a similar position on Monday 829 00:56:42,288 --> 00:56:43,745 when I thoughtfully suggested 830 00:56:43,873 --> 00:56:48,208 we get together for an unadulterated emotional outpouring, but no. 831 00:56:49,295 --> 00:56:51,503 You took this as an opportunity 832 00:56:51,631 --> 00:56:54,465 to play yet another round of let's laugh at the hippy. 833 00:56:55,176 --> 00:56:57,418 - Pauline, if you want... - Shut up, Paul. 834 00:56:58,262 --> 00:56:59,878 I've seen a lot of bullshit. 835 00:57:00,431 --> 00:57:02,673 Angel dust, switchblades, 836 00:57:03,768 --> 00:57:06,977 sexually perverse photography exhibits involving tennis rackets, 837 00:57:07,522 --> 00:57:09,104 but this suicide thing... 838 00:57:10,942 --> 00:57:13,855 guess that's more on Pauline's wavelength. 839 00:57:14,904 --> 00:57:16,861 Well, we're just gonna write off today, 840 00:57:17,949 --> 00:57:22,740 and on Friday she can hold her little love-in or whatever. 841 00:57:24,372 --> 00:57:25,408 Whatever. 842 00:57:31,921 --> 00:57:32,957 Attention! 843 00:57:34,423 --> 00:57:36,005 May I have your attention, please? 844 00:57:37,885 --> 00:57:40,878 This school has been torn apart by tragedy. 845 00:57:41,639 --> 00:57:44,677 I'm here today to fuse it back again through togetherness. 846 00:57:45,226 --> 00:57:47,058 I want everyone to clasp hands. 847 00:57:48,771 --> 00:57:52,105 We need to connect this cafeteria into one mighty circuit! 848 00:57:52,233 --> 00:57:55,101 - Excuse me, please. - Hey look, here comes the TV crew! 849 00:57:55,570 --> 00:57:56,731 Lock your paws! 850 00:57:57,864 --> 00:57:59,651 - We're ready when you are. - Hi, there. 851 00:58:00,867 --> 00:58:02,233 Come on. Come on. 852 00:58:02,743 --> 00:58:04,609 Let's go. Up here. 853 00:58:04,745 --> 00:58:07,704 Yes, this will be on TV. Let's show them how you feel! 854 00:58:07,832 --> 00:58:10,825 Looks like Miss Phlegm's on another one of her crusades. 855 00:58:10,960 --> 00:58:12,667 With usual success, of course. 856 00:58:13,713 --> 00:58:15,750 Come on, freshmen! Get up! 857 00:58:15,882 --> 00:58:18,716 - Hi. What's your name? - Hi. I'm Heather Duke. 858 00:58:24,390 --> 00:58:26,723 Is this as good for you as it is for me? 859 00:58:28,144 --> 00:58:30,136 Those fish sticks can wait. Let's go. 860 00:58:31,063 --> 00:58:32,520 Come on, kids! 861 00:58:34,358 --> 00:58:36,190 The whole World is watching! 862 00:58:38,821 --> 00:58:40,437 Show them that you care! 863 00:58:42,491 --> 00:58:44,403 Greetings and salutations. 864 00:58:45,119 --> 00:58:46,736 I'm gonna need a VHS copy of all this 865 00:58:46,760 --> 00:58:48,487 by Monday for my Princeton application. 866 00:58:48,623 --> 00:58:49,659 Uh-huh. 867 00:58:51,542 --> 00:58:54,535 You can beat this. Don't let suicide get you down. 868 00:58:56,297 --> 00:58:59,415 That thing this afternoon, I'm so angry. 869 00:58:59,550 --> 00:59:01,257 It was chaos, fucking chaos. 870 00:59:03,012 --> 00:59:04,548 What are you talking about, huh? 871 00:59:05,389 --> 00:59:06,800 I mean, today was great. 872 00:59:06,933 --> 00:59:08,469 Chaos was great. 873 00:59:08,935 --> 00:59:11,723 Chaos is what killed the dinosaurs, darling. 874 00:59:13,272 --> 00:59:15,104 Face it. Our way is the way. 875 00:59:15,233 --> 00:59:17,691 We scare people into not being assholes. 876 00:59:18,527 --> 00:59:20,610 Our way is not our way. 877 00:59:20,738 --> 00:59:23,230 Oh, yeah? Tell that to the judge, all right? 878 00:59:23,366 --> 00:59:25,153 Tell it to Kurt Kelly. 879 00:59:25,284 --> 00:59:27,617 - Oh, God! - I'm telling it to you! 880 00:59:30,581 --> 00:59:32,698 God, you can be so immature! 881 00:59:32,833 --> 00:59:35,871 Oh! You kids are making too much damn noise! 882 00:59:36,003 --> 00:59:38,461 We beat the bitches. 883 00:59:38,589 --> 00:59:40,797 Oh, beautiful. The beaver's home. 884 00:59:42,093 --> 00:59:45,006 Judge told them to slurp shit and die. 885 00:59:46,222 --> 00:59:48,589 I put a Norwegian in the boiler room. 886 00:59:48,724 --> 00:59:51,011 Masterful. 887 00:59:52,895 --> 00:59:54,386 And then When that blew, 888 00:59:55,147 --> 00:59:57,309 it set off a pack of thermals I stuck upstairs. 889 01:00:07,243 --> 01:00:09,200 Some days it's great to be alive. 890 01:00:12,123 --> 01:00:14,115 Stick it to those goddamn... 891 01:00:14,250 --> 01:00:15,707 Do you like your father? 892 01:00:17,753 --> 01:00:19,619 Never given the matter much thought. 893 01:00:22,300 --> 01:00:23,962 Liked my mother. 894 01:00:26,512 --> 01:00:28,754 Yeah, they said her death was an accident, 895 01:00:28,889 --> 01:00:31,006 but, uh, she kneW what she was doing. 896 01:00:31,934 --> 01:00:33,475 She walked into the building two 897 01:00:33,499 --> 01:00:35,553 minutes before my dad blew the place up. 898 01:00:36,897 --> 01:00:38,763 She waved at me and then... 899 01:00:40,067 --> 01:00:41,399 boom. 900 01:00:42,695 --> 01:00:46,029 'Dudes, if I get one more request for that Big Fun song, 901 01:00:46,157 --> 01:00:47,318 'I'm gonna commit suicide.' 902 01:00:47,450 --> 01:00:48,611 Playing our song. 903 01:00:48,743 --> 01:00:52,157 'Here it is, "Teenage Suicide, Don't Do It."' 904 01:01:05,760 --> 01:01:07,422 That's it. We're breaking up. 905 01:01:07,553 --> 01:01:11,092 What? You can't bring them back. You must know that. 906 01:01:11,223 --> 01:01:14,591 I am not trying to bring anybody back, except maybe myself. 907 01:01:25,654 --> 01:01:26,815 No! 908 01:01:29,116 --> 01:01:30,245 And to think there was a time 909 01:01:30,269 --> 01:01:31,859 when I actually thought you were cool! 910 01:01:32,703 --> 01:01:34,493 Man, if you can't deal with me now 911 01:01:34,517 --> 01:01:36,538 then just stay home and shoot your TV. 912 01:01:36,665 --> 01:01:38,622 Blow up a couple toasters or something. 913 01:01:39,126 --> 01:01:42,210 Just don't come to school, and don't mess with me. 914 01:01:46,092 --> 01:01:47,503 You'll be back. 915 01:01:59,438 --> 01:02:01,555 Me and Martha Dumptruck? 916 01:02:02,483 --> 01:02:03,644 Where did you get this? 917 01:02:04,777 --> 01:02:09,272 Oh, I just had the nicest little chat with Ms Dumptruck. 918 01:02:09,407 --> 01:02:10,818 Got along famously. 919 01:02:11,742 --> 01:02:14,610 It's kinda scary how everybody's got a little story to tell. 920 01:02:15,454 --> 01:02:17,411 Uh, wanna see the canoeing shots? 921 01:02:17,540 --> 01:02:19,156 What is this? Blackmail? 922 01:02:23,671 --> 01:02:25,287 I'll give you a Week's lunch money. 923 01:02:25,840 --> 01:02:29,083 I don't want your money. 924 01:02:29,718 --> 01:02:31,254 I want your strength. 925 01:02:31,762 --> 01:02:34,254 Westerburg does not need mushy togetherness. 926 01:02:34,390 --> 01:02:36,097 It needs a strong leader. 927 01:02:36,725 --> 01:02:38,887 Heather Chandler was that leader, but... 928 01:02:40,020 --> 01:02:41,431 But she couldn't handle it. 929 01:02:42,690 --> 01:02:44,056 I think you can. 930 01:02:45,526 --> 01:02:47,233 Moby Dick is dunked. 931 01:02:47,862 --> 01:02:50,195 The white whale drank some bad plankton, 932 01:02:50,322 --> 01:02:52,109 and splashed through a coffee table, 933 01:02:52,241 --> 01:02:54,779 and now it's your turn to take the helm. 934 01:02:55,244 --> 01:02:58,203 - What about the photographs? - Oh, don't worry. 935 01:02:58,789 --> 01:03:02,328 I'll ask you to do me a favour, and it'll be one you'll enjoy. 936 01:03:03,043 --> 01:03:05,376 You'll get the negatives and everything back then. 937 01:03:07,882 --> 01:03:11,091 But in the meantime, strength. 938 01:03:13,012 --> 01:03:14,253 Here's a little gift. 939 01:03:16,307 --> 01:03:17,718 From Heather to Heather. 940 01:03:58,307 --> 01:03:59,673 - Guess who? - Heather? 941 01:04:18,702 --> 01:04:21,285 - 'Hello?' - Hello, Betty? This is Veronica. 942 01:04:24,708 --> 01:04:26,449 I don't believe it! I'm winning! 943 01:04:28,379 --> 01:04:30,746 Don't you start getting cocky on me now, girl. 944 01:04:32,841 --> 01:04:34,207 I really missed you. 945 01:04:35,553 --> 01:04:38,136 I know I'm not as exciting as your other friends. 946 01:04:38,597 --> 01:04:40,304 That is bullshit. 947 01:04:40,432 --> 01:04:41,468 Shoot. 948 01:04:42,685 --> 01:04:44,176 Do you know I'm still a virgin? 949 01:04:44,895 --> 01:04:47,933 OK, I... I French kissed Al Springer once. 950 01:04:48,482 --> 01:04:50,144 It was a total disaster. 951 01:04:50,276 --> 01:04:51,983 Shoot the ball. 952 01:04:56,198 --> 01:04:58,105 You know, Betty, your daydreams are 953 01:04:58,129 --> 01:05:00,488 a lot better than my realities, believe me. 954 01:05:02,079 --> 01:05:05,823 But now, prepare to die. 955 01:05:05,958 --> 01:05:07,290 Ronnie! 956 01:05:23,350 --> 01:05:25,182 You're not gonna go for those two shots. 957 01:05:25,311 --> 01:05:28,054 I mean, uh, go ahead, knock me out. 958 01:05:28,188 --> 01:05:29,599 It's the only way to win. 959 01:05:30,941 --> 01:05:32,477 It's not my style. 960 01:05:34,320 --> 01:05:37,063 Nice guys finish last. I should know. 961 01:05:45,873 --> 01:05:47,239 Bravo. 962 01:05:48,626 --> 01:05:49,992 Brav-o. 963 01:05:52,129 --> 01:05:53,665 Listen, I-I got to get home, OK? 964 01:05:55,007 --> 01:05:56,999 - OK. - Thanks. 965 01:05:58,052 --> 01:05:59,714 Bye, Betty. 966 01:06:00,596 --> 01:06:01,928 Bye. 967 01:06:02,056 --> 01:06:03,718 Betty, leaving so soon? 968 01:06:04,558 --> 01:06:05,890 I'm red. 969 01:06:33,671 --> 01:06:37,005 'The Westerburg suicides were tough on all of us, 970 01:06:37,132 --> 01:06:41,342 'but we shared the pain of losing three very popular students. 971 01:06:41,804 --> 01:06:44,922 'I came into the cafeteria, asked them to hold hands...' 972 01:06:45,891 --> 01:06:48,679 Isn't that that flake we met at the open house? 973 01:06:48,811 --> 01:06:50,928 '... burst of cleansing synchronicity, 974 01:06:51,063 --> 01:06:54,727 'TV cameras happened onto our path and captured...' 975 01:06:54,858 --> 01:06:56,394 Cleansing synchronicity? 976 01:06:56,527 --> 01:06:58,519 '... an emotional outpouring of emotion.' 977 01:06:58,654 --> 01:07:00,441 Outpouring of emotion? 978 01:07:02,116 --> 01:07:03,448 Ha! Look! There's Heather. 979 01:07:03,575 --> 01:07:05,908 There's Heather. 980 01:07:06,036 --> 01:07:07,652 Where are you, Veronica? 981 01:07:07,788 --> 01:07:09,871 'Before a teenager decides to kill himself, 982 01:07:09,998 --> 01:07:11,955 'there are certain facts that he should know. 983 01:07:12,459 --> 01:07:16,203 'After all, this is a decision that affects all of us, 984 01:07:16,338 --> 01:07:18,796 'and there's only one chance to get it right.' 985 01:07:31,937 --> 01:07:33,303 'Getting some supervi...' 986 01:07:34,398 --> 01:07:35,980 Turn that back on. 987 01:07:36,108 --> 01:07:39,146 Can't you see these programmes are eating suicide up with a spoon? 988 01:07:39,278 --> 01:07:41,158 They're making it sound like a cool thing to do. 989 01:07:41,238 --> 01:07:43,267 Are you trying to tell me it's not a time 990 01:07:43,291 --> 01:07:45,198 for troubled youth? Stand up straight. 991 01:07:45,325 --> 01:07:47,783 All we want is to be treated like human beings, 992 01:07:47,911 --> 01:07:50,278 not to be experimented on like guinea pigs, 993 01:07:50,414 --> 01:07:52,246 or patronised like bunny rabbits. 994 01:07:52,374 --> 01:07:54,115 I don't patronise bunny rabbits. 995 01:07:54,251 --> 01:07:55,583 Treated like human beings? 996 01:07:56,628 --> 01:07:59,587 Is that what you said, little "Miss Voice-of-a-Generation"? 997 01:08:00,215 --> 01:08:03,458 Just how do you think adults act with other adults? 998 01:08:03,594 --> 01:08:06,257 You think it's all just a game of doubles tennis? 999 01:08:06,388 --> 01:08:09,802 When teenagers complain that they want to be treated like human beings, 1000 01:08:09,933 --> 01:08:12,641 it's usually because they are being treated like human beings. 1001 01:08:14,229 --> 01:08:17,267 Yeah, well, I guess I picked the wrong time to be a human being. 1002 01:08:17,983 --> 01:08:19,349 Well, you'll live. 1003 01:08:26,116 --> 01:08:27,448 Want some pâté? 1004 01:08:29,578 --> 01:08:31,194 Hi, everybody. Door was open. 1005 01:08:32,456 --> 01:08:34,368 Veronica, have you heard? 1006 01:08:34,500 --> 01:08:35,657 We were doing Chinese at the 1007 01:08:35,681 --> 01:08:37,368 food fair when it comes over the radio 1008 01:08:37,503 --> 01:08:39,745 that Martha Dumptruck tried to buy the farm. 1009 01:08:39,880 --> 01:08:43,089 She belly-flopped in front of a car wearing a suicide note. 1010 01:08:44,968 --> 01:08:47,176 Well, is she dead? 1011 01:08:47,304 --> 01:08:48,966 No. That's the punch line. 1012 01:08:49,097 --> 01:08:51,510 She's alive and in stable condition. 1013 01:08:51,642 --> 01:08:53,008 Just another case of a geek 1014 01:08:53,143 --> 01:08:55,806 trying to imitate the popular people and failing miserably. 1015 01:08:56,605 --> 01:08:57,686 Is that pâté? 1016 01:09:02,236 --> 01:09:03,818 I said I was sorry. 1017 01:09:03,946 --> 01:09:05,312 You were out of control. 1018 01:09:05,447 --> 01:09:08,440 I mean, Heather and Kurt were a shock, but Martha Dumptruck? 1019 01:09:08,575 --> 01:09:11,659 Get crucial. She dialled suicide hotlines in her diapers. 1020 01:09:11,787 --> 01:09:13,904 You're not funny. 1021 01:09:14,581 --> 01:09:18,165 Look, Martha couldn't take the heat, 1022 01:09:18,293 --> 01:09:19,750 so she got out of the kitchen. 1023 01:09:20,212 --> 01:09:22,038 Just think what a better place this world 1024 01:09:22,062 --> 01:09:23,956 would be if every nimrod followed her cue. 1025 01:09:24,842 --> 01:09:26,834 Just shut up. "Hot Probs" is on. 1026 01:09:26,969 --> 01:09:28,426 Oh, shit. Yeah. 1027 01:09:28,554 --> 01:09:32,514 'Skipper's OK, but still sometimes I feel like-like I'm on that island, 1028 01:09:32,641 --> 01:09:34,928 'and-and Gilligan can be so stupid sometimes.' 1029 01:09:35,060 --> 01:09:37,473 Yeah, well, dude, just remember, you know, 1030 01:09:37,604 --> 01:09:40,312 if it wasn't for the courage of the fearless crew, 1031 01:09:40,440 --> 01:09:42,807 the Minnow would be lost and you are, too. 1032 01:09:43,902 --> 01:09:44,938 Next call. 1033 01:09:45,070 --> 01:09:46,356 That sounded like a good one. 1034 01:09:46,488 --> 01:09:48,445 'Hey, you've got the dog catcher.' 1035 01:09:49,074 --> 01:09:53,364 'My name is Heather. No, I-it's not Heather.' 1036 01:09:54,329 --> 01:09:55,365 'No, it...' 1037 01:09:58,208 --> 01:09:59,540 It's Madonna. 1038 01:10:00,460 --> 01:10:02,076 Jeez. No, not that. 1039 01:10:02,212 --> 01:10:03,248 'Hey, babe.' 1040 01:10:03,755 --> 01:10:04,836 I need a name. 1041 01:10:11,597 --> 01:10:13,008 My name is Tweety. 1042 01:10:14,474 --> 01:10:17,933 'Tweety? Ooh, tweet!' 1043 01:10:18,061 --> 01:10:19,848 God has cursed me, I think. 1044 01:10:21,565 --> 01:10:25,400 The last guy I had sex with killed himself the next day. 1045 01:10:28,655 --> 01:10:29,987 I'm failing math. 1046 01:10:30,490 --> 01:10:32,026 My whole life is a mess. 1047 01:10:32,993 --> 01:10:35,113 I was supposed to be captain of the cheerleading team. 1048 01:10:36,121 --> 01:10:38,283 Man, she knows We listen to this show. 1049 01:10:38,999 --> 01:10:41,491 Holy shit! We'll crucify her! 1050 01:10:42,169 --> 01:10:44,161 'But my parents are divorced and stuff.' 1051 01:10:48,258 --> 01:10:50,545 'Heather told everyone about Heather. 1052 01:10:52,137 --> 01:10:55,756 'Yes, dear Diary, I've cut off Heather Chandler's head, 1053 01:10:55,891 --> 01:10:58,679 'and Heather Duke's head has sprouted back in its place 1054 01:10:58,810 --> 01:11:01,268 'like some mythological thing 1055 01:11:01,396 --> 01:11:03,934 'my eighth-grade boyfriend would have known about. 1056 01:11:06,151 --> 01:11:08,268 'Heather's even doing the old note trick.' 1057 01:11:10,781 --> 01:11:13,615 'I've seen JD's way. 1058 01:11:13,742 --> 01:11:16,826 'I've seen Miss Pauline Fleming's way, 1059 01:11:16,954 --> 01:11:18,866 'and nothing has changed. 1060 01:11:19,581 --> 01:11:21,163 'I guess that's Heather's way. 1061 01:11:22,209 --> 01:11:24,371 'And, Jesus, what about JD? 1062 01:11:24,503 --> 01:11:26,460 'I can't get him out of my head. 1063 01:11:27,005 --> 01:11:29,088 'Wait. Where's Heather going?' 1064 01:11:30,217 --> 01:11:31,458 Where's Heather going? 1065 01:11:32,052 --> 01:11:33,884 She's going to cry. 1066 01:11:38,225 --> 01:11:40,091 Fucking child protector caps. 1067 01:11:44,564 --> 01:11:46,021 Now where is she going? 1068 01:11:50,570 --> 01:11:51,902 Heather! 1069 01:11:54,074 --> 01:11:55,531 What are you trying to do? Kill me? 1070 01:11:55,659 --> 01:11:57,696 What are you trying to do? Sleep? 1071 01:11:59,663 --> 01:12:02,531 Suicide is a private thing. 1072 01:12:02,666 --> 01:12:04,783 Heather, you're throwing your life away 1073 01:12:04,918 --> 01:12:07,581 to become a statistic in the "US-fucking-A Today". 1074 01:12:07,713 --> 01:12:10,672 Now that is the least private thing I can think of. 1075 01:12:11,842 --> 01:12:13,708 What about Heather and Kurt and Ram? 1076 01:12:17,472 --> 01:12:20,055 If everyone jumped off a bridge, would you? 1077 01:12:23,437 --> 01:12:24,678 Probably. 1078 01:12:26,690 --> 01:12:29,854 Hey now, if you were happy every day of your life, 1079 01:12:29,985 --> 01:12:32,728 you wouldn't be a human being, you'd be a game-show host. 1080 01:12:34,322 --> 01:12:36,010 What do you say we knock off early, 1081 01:12:36,034 --> 01:12:38,032 buy some shoes, something lame like that? 1082 01:12:39,536 --> 01:12:40,743 OK. 1083 01:12:47,419 --> 01:12:49,160 So it's, uh, come to this. 1084 01:12:49,296 --> 01:12:50,912 Heather Chandler did polls. 1085 01:12:51,048 --> 01:12:54,337 I want you to do a petition, as a favour, 1086 01:12:54,468 --> 01:12:55,879 as the favour. 1087 01:12:56,011 --> 01:12:58,879 You've, uh, heard of the group Big Fun, right? 1088 01:12:59,014 --> 01:13:01,927 That's right. "Teenage Suicide, Don't Do It". 1089 01:13:02,059 --> 01:13:06,929 All right. Some teenybopper rag says that, uh, they want to play a prom. 1090 01:13:07,647 --> 01:13:10,856 Now, it could be Westerburg's if we get everybody's John Hancock. 1091 01:13:10,984 --> 01:13:12,600 I'll get right on it, coach. 1092 01:13:13,153 --> 01:13:16,021 Oh, little gift for you. I won't be needing it. 1093 01:13:49,731 --> 01:13:50,972 Heather? 1094 01:13:51,108 --> 01:13:52,224 Veronica. 1095 01:13:53,443 --> 01:13:54,934 Colour me stoked, girl. 1096 01:13:55,487 --> 01:13:57,900 I've gotten everyone to sign this petition, 1097 01:13:58,031 --> 01:14:00,398 even the ones who think Big Fun are tuneless Eurofags. 1098 01:14:00,534 --> 01:14:01,991 People love me. 1099 01:14:02,661 --> 01:14:04,277 You know, you haven't signed, yet. 1100 01:14:04,412 --> 01:14:07,280 People love you but I know you. 1101 01:14:07,916 --> 01:14:10,249 Jennifer Forbes told me the petition she signed 1102 01:14:10,377 --> 01:14:13,870 was to put a hot tub in the cafeteria, and Doug Hilton said... 1103 01:14:14,005 --> 01:14:16,713 Some people need different kinds of convincing than others. 1104 01:14:17,551 --> 01:14:19,292 Look, just sign the petition, OK? 1105 01:14:19,427 --> 01:14:21,339 Don't talk to me like that, OK? 1106 01:14:22,222 --> 01:14:23,758 Look, it was JD's idea. 1107 01:14:24,349 --> 01:14:25,843 He made out the signature sheet and 1108 01:14:25,867 --> 01:14:27,638 everything so why don't you just sign it? 1109 01:14:28,895 --> 01:14:29,931 No. 1110 01:14:32,440 --> 01:14:33,521 Jealous much? 1111 01:14:37,737 --> 01:14:39,945 Heather, why can't you just be a friend? 1112 01:14:40,073 --> 01:14:41,939 Why are you such a megabitch? 1113 01:14:42,701 --> 01:14:44,533 Because I can be. 1114 01:14:46,663 --> 01:14:48,575 Veronica, why are you pulling my dick? 1115 01:14:49,457 --> 01:14:51,198 Do you think, I mean, do you really think, 1116 01:14:51,334 --> 01:14:53,621 if Betty Finn's fairy godmother made her cool, 1117 01:14:53,753 --> 01:14:56,040 she would still hang out with her dweebette friends? 1118 01:14:56,548 --> 01:14:58,164 No way, Veronica. 1119 01:14:58,758 --> 01:14:59,794 Uh-uh. 1120 01:15:10,187 --> 01:15:11,553 Wanna go out tonight? 1121 01:15:12,856 --> 01:15:15,348 Catch a movie? Some miniature golf? 1122 01:15:17,319 --> 01:15:18,890 I was thinking more along the lines 1123 01:15:18,914 --> 01:15:20,687 of slitting Heather Duke's wrists open, 1124 01:15:20,822 --> 01:15:22,529 making it look like a suicide. 1125 01:15:22,657 --> 01:15:24,239 Ah! Now you're talking. 1126 01:15:24,367 --> 01:15:26,029 I could be up for that. 1127 01:15:26,161 --> 01:15:28,824 I've already started underlining meaningful passages 1128 01:15:28,955 --> 01:15:30,321 in her copy of "Moby Dick", 1129 01:15:30,457 --> 01:15:31,664 if you know what I mean. 1130 01:15:34,377 --> 01:15:36,039 I knew you'd be back, Veronica. 1131 01:15:37,422 --> 01:15:40,460 I knew it. I was positive, sure. 1132 01:15:44,763 --> 01:15:48,382 It's over, JD. Over. Grow up! 1133 01:15:49,184 --> 01:15:50,345 I don't get it. 1134 01:15:50,477 --> 01:15:52,469 I mean, you were wrong. I was right! 1135 01:15:55,023 --> 01:15:56,764 Strength, damn it! 1136 01:15:58,777 --> 01:16:00,188 Come on. Come back! 1137 01:16:09,663 --> 01:16:10,824 Yes? 1138 01:16:11,456 --> 01:16:13,823 Y-your friend Jason Dean stopped by. 1139 01:16:13,959 --> 01:16:15,666 He seemed very concerned about you. 1140 01:16:15,794 --> 01:16:19,128 He said that he thought you might try to kill yourself. 1141 01:16:19,589 --> 01:16:21,421 You have been depressed lately. 1142 01:16:21,549 --> 01:16:23,085 Oh, he left this for you. 1143 01:16:29,307 --> 01:16:31,924 Oh, my God. 1144 01:16:34,604 --> 01:16:37,472 He said that we should keep you away from sharp objects, 1145 01:16:37,607 --> 01:16:40,896 uh, closed garage doors, chemical, uh, substances. 1146 01:16:41,027 --> 01:16:43,144 - Prescription drugs. - Prescription drugs. 1147 01:17:21,860 --> 01:17:25,353 "To neither love nor reverence wilt thou be kind." 1148 01:17:26,823 --> 01:17:30,112 "And even for hate thou canst but kill," 1149 01:17:31,494 --> 01:17:33,076 "and all are killed." 1150 01:17:35,415 --> 01:17:36,872 I like it. 1151 01:17:37,000 --> 01:17:41,540 It's got that "what a cruel world so let's toss ourselves in the abyss" 1152 01:17:41,671 --> 01:17:43,207 type of ambiance, huh? 1153 01:17:46,009 --> 01:17:48,342 Come on. It's Heather's copy of "Moby Dick". 1154 01:17:51,389 --> 01:17:53,972 Why don't you give it a try, huh? Underline something. 1155 01:17:56,019 --> 01:17:58,557 Get off of my bed, you fucking psycho! 1156 01:17:59,606 --> 01:18:02,474 You think you're a rebel? Do you actually think you're a rebel? 1157 01:18:02,609 --> 01:18:05,522 You're not a rebel. You're fucking psychotic! 1158 01:18:07,405 --> 01:18:09,738 You say "tom-ay-to", I say "tom-ah-to". 1159 01:18:10,408 --> 01:18:11,740 Hold it. 1160 01:18:12,911 --> 01:18:14,948 Eskimo. Look at that. 1161 01:18:16,164 --> 01:18:17,621 That's one word. 1162 01:18:18,083 --> 01:18:20,416 I love it! I usually go for the whole sentence myself. 1163 01:18:20,543 --> 01:18:22,785 But this is perfecto. 1164 01:18:23,505 --> 01:18:26,998 Eskimo, you know, it's so, uh, mysterious. 1165 01:18:28,802 --> 01:18:30,668 Es-ki-mo. 1166 01:18:36,393 --> 01:18:37,725 Come on. 1167 01:18:40,021 --> 01:18:42,138 JD, you are not even listening to me! 1168 01:18:43,108 --> 01:18:45,725 Nag, nag, nag, nag, nag! 1169 01:18:47,987 --> 01:18:49,774 T-t-that knife is filthy! 1170 01:18:50,990 --> 01:18:53,390 What do you think I'm gonna do with it? Take out her tonsils? 1171 01:18:53,493 --> 01:18:56,736 Excuse me, I think I know Heather a little better than you do. 1172 01:18:56,871 --> 01:18:59,579 If she was gonna slit her wrists, the knife would be spotless. 1173 01:19:02,377 --> 01:19:05,217 All right, how's this? Can you see your fucking reflection in the thing? 1174 01:19:08,425 --> 01:19:11,133 Tomorrow someone else is just gonna move into her place. 1175 01:19:12,804 --> 01:19:14,340 That person could be me. 1176 01:19:18,768 --> 01:19:20,080 Ha! There's only one of us who 1177 01:19:20,104 --> 01:19:21,886 knows how to do Heather's handwriting. 1178 01:19:22,021 --> 01:19:25,560 And if you think I'm gonna write another suicide note, you're wrong! 1179 01:19:25,692 --> 01:19:27,524 You don't get it, do you? 1180 01:19:27,652 --> 01:19:30,861 But society nods its head at any horror the American teenager 1181 01:19:30,989 --> 01:19:33,322 can think to bring upon itself! 1182 01:19:33,450 --> 01:19:37,785 Uh-uh... Nobody's gonna care about exact handwriting. Help me. Quick. 1183 01:19:38,538 --> 01:19:39,699 Look. 1184 01:19:47,672 --> 01:19:49,504 "Life sucks." 1185 01:19:52,969 --> 01:19:54,881 It's perfecto. 1186 01:19:55,930 --> 01:19:59,674 Jesus, I've got a meaningfully marked-up "Moby Dick". 1187 01:19:59,809 --> 01:20:01,675 What else does a suicide need, huh? 1188 01:20:02,228 --> 01:20:03,594 Now, if you'll excuse me. 1189 01:20:09,694 --> 01:20:11,026 No! 1190 01:20:16,951 --> 01:20:18,442 Open the door! 1191 01:20:27,212 --> 01:20:28,578 Eskimo. 1192 01:20:33,343 --> 01:20:37,838 Heather Duke underlined a lot of things in this copy of "Moby Dick", 1193 01:20:38,556 --> 01:20:41,390 but I believe the word "Eskimo", 1194 01:20:42,018 --> 01:20:44,305 underlined all by itself, 1195 01:20:44,437 --> 01:20:47,680 is the key to understanding Heather's pain. 1196 01:20:48,441 --> 01:20:52,276 On the surface, Heather Duke was the vivacious young lady 1197 01:20:52,403 --> 01:20:53,939 we all knew her to be, 1198 01:20:55,031 --> 01:20:58,365 but her soul Was in Antarctica, 1199 01:20:59,035 --> 01:21:01,197 freezing with the knowledge 1200 01:21:01,329 --> 01:21:05,118 of the way fellow teenagers can be cruel. 1201 01:21:05,667 --> 01:21:09,411 The way that parents can be unresponsive. 1202 01:21:10,630 --> 01:21:14,670 And as she writes so eloquently in her suicide note, 1203 01:21:14,801 --> 01:21:17,259 the way that life can suck! 1204 01:21:19,806 --> 01:21:22,924 We'll all miss Sherwood's little Eskimo. 1205 01:21:25,144 --> 01:21:29,514 Let's just hope she's rubbing noses with Jesus. 1206 01:21:29,649 --> 01:21:31,891 Is this turnout weak or what? 1207 01:21:33,236 --> 01:21:36,274 I had at least 70 more people at my funeral. 1208 01:21:38,157 --> 01:21:39,193 Heather? 1209 01:21:43,371 --> 01:21:44,737 God, Veronica. 1210 01:21:45,248 --> 01:21:47,865 My afterlife is so boring. 1211 01:21:48,918 --> 01:21:51,831 If I have to sing "Kumbaya" one more time... 1212 01:21:51,963 --> 01:21:53,170 What are you doing here? 1213 01:21:54,507 --> 01:21:55,839 I made your favourite. 1214 01:21:56,801 --> 01:21:58,258 Spaghetti. 1215 01:21:58,386 --> 01:21:59,627 Lots of oregano. 1216 01:22:02,682 --> 01:22:03,718 Dinner! 1217 01:22:06,352 --> 01:22:08,264 Veronica! Dinner! 1218 01:22:32,503 --> 01:22:35,086 'Dear Diary, last entry. 1219 01:22:35,757 --> 01:22:37,419 'No one can stop JD, 1220 01:22:37,550 --> 01:22:40,918 'not the FBI, the CIA or the PTA. 1221 01:22:41,596 --> 01:22:45,089 'He once told me that the extreme always makes an impression. 1222 01:22:45,933 --> 01:22:48,050 'Well, noW it's my turn. 1223 01:22:48,186 --> 01:22:50,347 'Let's see how the son of a bitch reacts 1224 01:22:50,371 --> 01:22:52,556 to a suicide he didn't perform himself.' 1225 01:23:29,394 --> 01:23:30,760 I can't believe you did it. 1226 01:23:31,813 --> 01:23:33,270 I was teasing. 1227 01:23:34,399 --> 01:23:35,640 I loved you. 1228 01:23:37,068 --> 01:23:39,776 Sure, I Was... I was coming up here to kill ya. 1229 01:23:42,281 --> 01:23:46,651 First, I was gonna try and get you back with my amazing petition. 1230 01:23:50,456 --> 01:23:52,152 It's a shame you can't see what 1231 01:23:52,176 --> 01:23:54,450 our, uh, fellow students really signed. 1232 01:23:58,798 --> 01:24:00,130 All right, listen. 1233 01:24:03,886 --> 01:24:07,050 "We students of Westerburg High will die." 1234 01:24:08,057 --> 01:24:13,143 "Today, our burning bodies will be the ultimate protest" 1235 01:24:13,271 --> 01:24:15,854 "to a society that degrades us." 1236 01:24:17,191 --> 01:24:18,477 "Fuck you all." 1237 01:24:20,528 --> 01:24:22,235 It's not very subtle, 1238 01:24:22,363 --> 01:24:25,777 but, uh, neither's blowing up a whole school, now, is it? 1239 01:24:27,994 --> 01:24:30,202 Talk about your suicide pacts, huh? 1240 01:24:32,957 --> 01:24:35,995 When our school blows up tomorrow, 1241 01:24:36,127 --> 01:24:39,245 it's gonna be the kind of thing to infect a generation! 1242 01:24:39,922 --> 01:24:42,209 I mean, it's gonna be a Woodstock for the '80s! 1243 01:24:51,809 --> 01:24:53,141 Damn it, Veronica. 1244 01:24:56,063 --> 01:24:58,396 We could have toasted some marshmallows together. 1245 01:25:02,069 --> 01:25:03,981 What does she want? A written invitation? 1246 01:25:04,781 --> 01:25:06,773 Veronica! Dinner! 1247 01:25:07,784 --> 01:25:09,116 Sheesh. 1248 01:25:13,623 --> 01:25:14,955 Veronica, I... 1249 01:25:19,462 --> 01:25:23,081 Oh, I... I-I-I s-s-should have let you take that job at the mall. 1250 01:25:23,216 --> 01:25:25,507 It was... it was just that I was afraid of 1251 01:25:25,531 --> 01:25:27,631 you coming home late at night and I... 1252 01:25:37,522 --> 01:25:39,559 Hey, mom, why so tense? 1253 01:25:45,112 --> 01:25:47,946 Hey, Pop, I need some help with my homework. 1254 01:25:48,407 --> 01:25:51,445 Uh, not right now, tiger. I'm a little busy. 1255 01:26:19,438 --> 01:26:20,770 Veronica! 1256 01:26:21,232 --> 01:26:23,645 JD told me you committed suicide last night. 1257 01:26:23,776 --> 01:26:25,108 Where is he? Where's JD? 1258 01:26:26,237 --> 01:26:27,694 We have to talk. 1259 01:26:27,822 --> 01:26:29,279 Whether to kill yourself or not 1260 01:26:29,407 --> 01:26:31,899 is one of the most important decisions a teenager can make. 1261 01:26:32,410 --> 01:26:33,776 Get a job. 1262 01:29:06,814 --> 01:29:09,056 Rodney, where's everybody going? 1263 01:29:10,234 --> 01:29:11,395 It's Friday. 1264 01:29:12,194 --> 01:29:14,151 Shit, another damn pep assembly. 1265 01:29:14,905 --> 01:29:18,114 Yeah, you know, these things, they get pretty artificial, 1266 01:29:18,242 --> 01:29:20,359 but, you know, at least you get out of class. 1267 01:29:22,329 --> 01:29:24,912 Rodney, what's underneath the gym? 1268 01:29:28,878 --> 01:29:30,039 The boiler room. 1269 01:29:36,969 --> 01:29:38,551 May I see your hall pass? 1270 01:29:44,226 --> 01:29:46,684 I knew that loose was too noose. 1271 01:29:47,980 --> 01:29:50,723 I mean, uh.. Noose too loose. 1272 01:29:51,984 --> 01:29:53,441 Goddamn you, woman. 1273 01:29:54,862 --> 01:29:56,694 Like father, like son. 1274 01:29:57,323 --> 01:29:59,360 A serious-as-fuck bomb in the boiler room 1275 01:29:59,492 --> 01:30:01,449 to set off a pack of thermals upstairs. 1276 01:30:04,330 --> 01:30:08,620 OK, let's start by putting the bomb down on the ground. 1277 01:30:12,963 --> 01:30:13,999 I knew that. 1278 01:30:14,882 --> 01:30:15,998 I knew that. 1279 01:30:16,926 --> 01:30:19,589 OK, put your hands on your head. 1280 01:30:20,930 --> 01:30:22,967 You didn't say, "Simon says". 1281 01:30:40,866 --> 01:30:43,449 Let's go, Rottweilers, let's go! 1282 01:30:44,328 --> 01:30:46,661 Let's go, RottWeilers, let's go! 1283 01:30:47,498 --> 01:30:50,241 Let's go, RottWeilers, let's go! 1284 01:30:50,876 --> 01:30:53,334 Let's go, RottWeilers, let's go! 1285 01:30:54,255 --> 01:30:56,588 Let's go, RottWeilers, let's go! 1286 01:31:17,570 --> 01:31:19,857 - W-E-S! - T-E-R! 1287 01:31:19,989 --> 01:31:21,855 - T-E-R! - B-U-R! 1288 01:31:21,991 --> 01:31:23,948 B-U-R! 1289 01:31:24,076 --> 01:31:25,283 - G! - G! 1290 01:31:25,411 --> 01:31:26,447 What does it spell? 1291 01:31:26,579 --> 01:31:28,741 - Westerburg! - Again! 1292 01:31:28,873 --> 01:31:30,830 Westerburg! 1293 01:31:30,958 --> 01:31:33,041 Westerburg! 1294 01:32:04,658 --> 01:32:06,775 Lean to the left, lean to the right! 1295 01:32:06,911 --> 01:32:09,198 Stand up, sit down, fight, fight, fight! 1296 01:32:21,008 --> 01:32:22,920 Stop! 1297 01:32:46,450 --> 01:32:50,239 Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! 1298 01:33:01,215 --> 01:33:02,626 Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! 1299 01:33:24,655 --> 01:33:26,612 Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! 1300 01:33:34,248 --> 01:33:36,661 You think just because you started this you can end it? 1301 01:33:37,293 --> 01:33:39,751 I'll kill, I'll fucking kill you, I swear to God. 1302 01:33:39,878 --> 01:33:41,540 Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! 1303 01:33:41,672 --> 01:33:43,254 Yeah! 1304 01:33:43,382 --> 01:33:45,874 How do I turn off the goddamn bomb, asshole? 1305 01:33:46,635 --> 01:33:47,796 Fuck you! 1306 01:33:56,520 --> 01:33:58,011 Shit! 1307 01:33:59,857 --> 01:34:02,315 It's all over, JD. Help me stop it. 1308 01:34:12,661 --> 01:34:14,823 You wanna clean the slate as much as I do. 1309 01:34:15,914 --> 01:34:18,998 Right, so maybe I am killing everyone in the school... 1310 01:34:20,169 --> 01:34:21,660 because nobody loves me. 1311 01:34:23,547 --> 01:34:24,879 Let's face it, all right? 1312 01:34:25,341 --> 01:34:27,583 The only place different social types 1313 01:34:28,344 --> 01:34:30,802 can genuinely get along with each other is in heaven. 1314 01:34:36,018 --> 01:34:38,101 Which button do I press to turn it off? 1315 01:34:38,228 --> 01:34:39,719 Try the red one, all right? 1316 01:34:43,150 --> 01:34:46,769 Seriously, people are going to look at the ashes of Westerburg and say, 1317 01:34:46,904 --> 01:34:48,987 "Now there, it's a school that self-destructed," 1318 01:34:49,114 --> 01:34:51,106 "not because society didn't care," 1319 01:34:51,241 --> 01:34:54,109 "but because the school was society!" 1320 01:34:56,747 --> 01:34:57,988 It's pretty deep, huh? 1321 01:34:58,457 --> 01:35:00,039 Which red button? 1322 01:35:02,669 --> 01:35:07,664 Press the middle one to turn it off, if that's what you really want. 1323 01:35:09,051 --> 01:35:10,167 You know what I want, babe? 1324 01:35:11,553 --> 01:35:13,294 What? 1325 01:35:21,563 --> 01:35:24,055 Cool guys like you out of my life. 1326 01:36:11,697 --> 01:36:13,529 Colour me impressed. 1327 01:36:15,909 --> 01:36:18,526 You, uh... 1328 01:36:19,037 --> 01:36:21,575 You really fucked me up pretty bad, Veronica. 1329 01:36:25,919 --> 01:36:27,251 You, um... 1330 01:36:28,088 --> 01:36:30,580 You got power. 1331 01:36:31,592 --> 01:36:34,551 Power I didn't think you had. 1332 01:36:40,058 --> 01:36:41,219 The slate is clean. 1333 01:37:04,625 --> 01:37:06,491 Pretend I did blow up the school. 1334 01:37:08,629 --> 01:37:10,120 All the schools. 1335 01:37:12,341 --> 01:37:14,003 Now that you're dead, 1336 01:37:14,635 --> 01:37:16,297 what are you gonna do with your life? 1337 01:38:43,807 --> 01:38:44,843 Veronica. 1338 01:38:45,642 --> 01:38:47,850 - You look like hell. - Yeah? 1339 01:38:47,978 --> 01:38:49,344 I just got back. 1340 01:38:51,481 --> 01:38:52,813 Veronica, what are you doing? 1341 01:38:53,525 --> 01:38:56,768 Heather, my love, there's a new sheriff in town. 1342 01:39:02,576 --> 01:39:03,817 Hey, Martha! 1343 01:39:04,745 --> 01:39:07,533 My date for the prom kinda flaked out on me. 1344 01:39:07,664 --> 01:39:09,758 If you weren't doing anything that night, 1345 01:39:09,782 --> 01:39:11,749 maybe we could rent some new releases. 1346 01:39:12,502 --> 01:39:13,959 Pop some popcorn. 1347 01:39:17,299 --> 01:39:18,790 I'd like that. 1348 01:39:18,925 --> 01:39:21,383 Yeah. So would I.