The winner of a 30,000-dollar scholarship...
is Miss Louisiana, Erika Schwarz.
And the new Miss America is Miss Kansas...
Tara Dawn Holland!
scholarship...
is Miss Louisiana, Erika Schwarz.
And the new Miss America is Miss Kansas, Tara Dawn Holland!
There are two kinds of people in this world-
winners and losers.
Inside each and every one of you...
at the very core of your being...
is a winner waiting to be awakened...
and unleashed upon the world.
With my nine-step "Refuse to Lose" program...
you now have the necessary tools and the insights...
and the know-how to put your losing habits behind you...
and to go out and make your dreams come true.
No hesitating.
No complaining.
And no excuses.
I want you to go out in the world...
and I want you to be winners!
Thank you.
I'm on my way.
I don't know how long. I don't know!
Richard, he has nowhere else to go.
I'm not smoking. I'm not!
Look, I'm at the hospital. Yeah, okay. Bye.
Miss Hoover? Your brother's fine.
I need you to keep him away from sharp objects-knives, scissors.
If you have medications, depressants in your house, keep them secure.
- I'd prefer to keep him, but- - I know. The insurance.
You want to see him?
Hey, Frank.
Sheryl.
I'm so glad you're still here.
Well, that makes one of us.
A strong low pressure system passed across New Mexico...
bringing with it a little moisture that will cool things off a bit.
We may even see a five- to 10-degree drop in temperatures in Albuquerque.
There will be no significant accumulations of rainfall-
Do you want to talk or no?
- Nearly nothing, but statewide 93%- - No.
Hello?
Anyone?
Down here. We have you with Dwayne.
Dwayne, hi. Uncle Frank's here.
He doesn't mind, Frank. We talked.
Wha- I know. I know. But we can't have you sleeping alone. The doctor said.
I'm sorry. I have to insist.
You'll get along fine. He's really quiet.
And here's your cot.
Please, Frank.
Please.
Thank you.
I'm gonna start dinner.
You can come out when you're settled.
And, uh, just leave the door open. That's important.
Dwayne, honey, there's a bucket of chicken in the car.
Can you get it? And, uh, I'll make a salad.
- Olive? - Yeah?
- Is Grandpa with you? - Yeah.
- What are you guys doing? - Rehearsing.
- Okay, well, dinner in 10 minutes. - Okay.
- Hi. - Hi. Frank's here.
Oh, God. Did, uh, Stan Grossman call?
Well, check the machine.
- Dwayne, please, come on. The chicken. It's in the car.
Will you set the table? We'll do paper plates tonight.
Remember Olive was runner-up in the Little Miss Sunshine?
- They just called right now- - Hey, it's your sister!
Fuck.
Hi. Richard Hoover for Stan Grossman, please.
Any way to reach him or-
Well, I'm just wondering if this darn book deal is done or not.
If-
Yes.
Okay, could you please just have him call me anytime over the weekend?
He has my cell number. Just to let me know we're on.
Okay? Thank you. Bye.
- So what happened with Stan Grossman? - He's in Scottsdale.
Why didn't he call?
Will you let me worry about this, please?
Dwayne, can you check on Frank? Tell him it's dinnertime.
Olive! Dinnertime!
Coming!
What? Dinner?
What, you don't talk anymore?
Why not?
You can talk. You just choose not to?
Is that Nietzsche?
You don't speak because of Friedrich Nietzsche.
Far out.
Frank, you can sit here next to Dwayne.
Here's the salad, and I'm gonna run and get Sprite for everyone.
Olive, come on! Dinnertime!
Okay.
So who do you hang out with?
No one?
What about your family?
Frank! Hey!
- Richard. - Good to... see you.
Let me get Olive.
- Olive? Dad? - You guys, go on and start.
- Let's go! - We're coming.
- Frank, some Sprite? - Yes.
And I want everyone to have at least a little salad.
Thanks, Sheryl.
Honey.
So, Sheryl, I couldn't help noticing Dwayne has stopped speaking.
Oh, yeah, he's taken a vow of silence.
You've taken a vow of silence?
Yeah. He's gonna join the Air Force Academy, become a test pilot...
and he's taken a vow of silence until he reaches that goal.
- You're kidding? - Hi, Uncle Frank.
Oh, hey, Olive. Wow, you're gettin' big.
Almost like a real person.
- What happened to your arms? - Olive.
That's all right. I had a little accident. I'm okay.
- How's the, uh, routine coming, honey? - It's good.
Yeah? When are you gonna show it to us?
I don't know. It's up to Grandpa.
A couple of days. It still needs work.
What's that? Chicken? Every night it's the fuckin' chicken!
- Holy God Almighty! It is possible just once- - Dad!
we could get something to eat around here that's not the goddamn fucking chicken?
- Hey, Dad! Dad! - I'm just sayin'-
- Christ. - When you want to start cooking your own food, you're welcome.
- At Sunset Manor, you know- - If you like Sunset Manor, you shouldn't have got kicked out.
For God's sakes.
So when did you start with the vow?
Been nine months, Frank. He hasn't said a word.
Not one. I think it shows tremendous discipline.
- Richard. - I really do.
Really. I think we could learn something from Dwayne.
Dwayne has a goal. He has a dream.
It may not be my dream, may not be yours...
but he's pursuing it with great conviction and focus.
In fact, I was thinking about the nine steps-
Oh, for crying out loud!
And how Dwayne's utilizing seven of them in his personal quest to self-fulfillment.
Richard, please.
Well, I'm just saying I've come around.
I think he could use our support.
How did it happen?
- How did what happen? - Your accident.
Honey, here.
Oh, no, it's okay. Unless you object.
No, I'm pro-honesty here. I just think, you know, it's up to you.
Be my guest.
Olive, um, Uncle Frank didn't really have an accident.
What happened was he... tried to kill himself.
You did? Why?
I'm sorry. I don't think this is an appropriate conversation.
Honey, let's let Uncle Frank finish his dinner, okay? Shh.
Why did you want to kill yourself?
No, don't answer the question, Frank.
- Richard! Richard! - He's not gonna answer the question. Frank.
- I wanted to kill myself- - Don't listen to him.
- I was very unhappy. - He's sick in his head.
- Richard! - I'm sorry! I don't think it's an appropriate conversation...
- for a seven-year-old. - She's gonna find out anyway.
- Okay. - Go on, Frank.
Why were you unhappy?
Um, well, there are a lot of reasons.
Mainly, though, I fell in love with someone who didn't love me back.
Who?
One of my grad students. I was very much in love with him.
Him?
It was a boy? You fell in love with a boy?
- Yes, I did. Very much so. - That's silly.
You're right. It was silly. It was very, very silly.
- There's another word for it. - Dad.
- So, that's when you tried to kill yourself? - Well, no.
The boy that I was in love with fell in love with another man- Larry Sugarman.
- Who's Larry Sugarman? - Larry Sugarman is, perhaps...
the second most highly regarded Proust scholar in the U.S.
- Who's number one? - That would be me, Rich.
- Really? - Mm-hmm.
So that's when.
No. What happened was I was a bit upset...
so I said some things that I shouldn't have said...
and I did some things that I shouldn't have done...
and subsequently I was fired from my job...
and forced to move out of my apartment and move into a motel.
- And that's when you tried to- - Well, no.
Actually, all of that was okay.
What happened was two days ago the MacArthur Foundation, in its infinite wisdom...
awarded a genius grant to Larry Sugarman.
And that's when I-
Decided to check out early.
Yes. Yes. And I failed at that as well.
Olive, the important thing to understand here...
is that Uncle Frank gave up on himself.
He made a series of foolish choices- I'm sorry- and he gave up on himself...
which is something winners never do.
So that's the story, okay? Now, everyone, just let's move on and, uh-
Is he always like this? How can you stand it?
Olive, tell him about your routine while you're doing this.
Okay. Little Miss Chili Pepper is a beauty contest for everyone in Albuquerque...
but you have to be six or seven and you have to be a girl.
This is our sister.
- Cindy. - Spring break.
Dwayne went to see his dad in Florida for two weeks...
and Olive went to Laguna to see her cousins.
- She made it to the top of the regionals out there. - I was in second place.
Well, what do you think your chances are?
I think I can win, because some of the other girls...
they've been doing it longer, but I practice every day.
- Yeah. Good luck. - Not about luck, Frank.
Luck is the name losers give to their own failings.
It's about wanting to win, willing yourself to win.
- You've got to want it badder than anybody else. - I do.
- Then you're gonna be a winner. - Richard.
It's the truth.
You know, actually, there is a message from Cindy on the machine.
Something about Little Mrs. Sunshine.
- What? Little Miss Sunshine? - Yeah.
What?
Sheryl, it's Cindy.
Remember when Olive was here last month?
She was runner-up in the regional Little Miss Sunshine?
They just called right now and said that the girl who won had to forfeit her crown.
I don't know why. Something about diet pills.
- Now she has a place in the state contest in Redondo Beach!
Oh, my gosh! I won! I won! I won! I won!
- Finish your dinner! - I'm finished!
- What happened? - I'm just calling to- Cindy!
Yeah, we just got it. Yeah, she basically went crazy.
- I won! I won! I won! - No, I didn't get that.
The machine cut you off. Okay.
Redondo Beach. This Sunday?
- Wh-Are you guys going? - Yes.
- Can you put it off? - They have to. They have to.
- Where does that leave us? - We can't do it. We can't.
No, no- No, I understand that, Cindy. Yeah.
- They- - I just- No, I'll just figure it out. Okay, bye-bye.
It's this Sunday? Why can't Jeff and Cindy take her?
They have some equestrian thing in Santa Barbara.
You know, they do that horse shit every single weekend.
Well, it's the nationals. They're taking both horses, so apparently it's a big deal.
What about Olive?
Little Miss Sunshine! Little Miss Sunshine! I won!
I won!
I'm going! We're going!
- You promised? - We'll fly out and come back Monday.
- How are you gonna get around out there? - We'll rent a car.
- And stay at a hotel? - We can afford it.
- This is our seed money. - Well, if I had a little help bringin' it in.
- Don't start that. - It all goes to your nine steps!
I told you I'm gonna talk to Stan Grossman!
We're gonna get locked and loaded on this deal and start generating some income!
- But in the meantime we've gotta be- - Okay, okay! We'll drive!
- I'm not drivin'. - How are you gonna fit Grandpa in the Miata?
- Well, Grandpa does not have to come. - What? I coached her!
I gave her the moves. I gotta go.
- Why don't you take the V.W.? - I cannot drive a shift. I tried.
- We'll fly there. - We can't afford it.
Well, that's what we're gonna do unless you have a better idea.
Here. This is dessert.
I won! I won! I won! I won! I won!
Miss Sunshine! Little Miss Sunshine! Little Miss Sunshine!
All right. I'll drive the bus.
Richard, I was told explicitly not to leave Frank by himself.
- No offense, Frank. - None taken.
You got Dwayne here. They can look after each other.
No, Richard! That's asking too much. If something happened-
We can't go, then, unless Dwayne and Frank go with us.
- Mom, where's my bathing suit? - Right.
Frank?
I found it!
Okay.
I'm going! I'm going! I'm going!
Oh, Dwayne, come on, please. Think of your sister.
Come on, Dwayne. It'll be a lot of fun.
You can go to the beach and-
"This is unfair.
"All I ask is...
that you leave me alone."
Dwayne, flight school.
I will give you permission for flight school.
I won! I won! I won! I won! I'm gonna win this one too!
"But I'm not going...
to have any fun."
Yeah, we're all with you on that one, Dwayne.
Grandpa! Grandpa! Is Grandpa coming to California?
- We're all coming, honey. - Hey, uh, hold on.
Olive, come over here for a second.
Come here. Sit down for a second.
Look, there's no sense in entering a contest...
if you don't think you're gonna win.
So do you think you can win Little Miss Sunshine?
Richard-
Are you gonna win?
Yes!
We're going to California.
Good night, Dwayne.
Not on your watch. I wouldn't do that to you.
Thank you, Dwayne.
Coming from you, that means a lot.
Good night.
Jesus, I'm tired. I'm so fucking tired.
Do you know how tired I am?
If some girl came up to me, begged me to fuck her, I couldn't do it.
- Dad? Watch the language, huh? - That's how tired I am.
She's listening to music.
Olive, I'll give you a million dollars if you turn around.
- See? - All right.
- But the rest of us. - Oh, the rest of you.
Can I give you some advice?
Well, I'm gonna give it to you anyway.
- I don't want you making the same mistakes I made. - Can't wait to hear this.
Dwayne-That's your name, right? Dwayne?
This is the voice of experience talking.
Are you listening? Fuck a lot of women, Dwayne.
- Hey! Dad! - Not just one woman. A lot of women.
- That's enough, all right? - Are you gettin' any?
- Dad! - You can tell me, Dwayne. Are you gettin' any?
- Come on, please. - No? Jesus. You're what, 15?
- My God, man! - Dad!
You should be gettin' that young stuff. That young stuff is the best in the world.
- Dad, that's enough! Stop it! - Will you kindly not interrupt!
See, right now you're jailbait. They're jailbait. It's perfect.
I mean, you hit 18-Man, you're talking about three to five.
Hey, I will pull this truck over right now!
So pull the truck over! Fuck you! I can say what I want.
- I still got Nazi bullets in my ass! - Ah, the Nazi bullets!
You're as bad as those fuckers at Sunset Manor.
- What happened at Sunset Manor? - Frank, don't encourage him.
I'll tell you what happened. I paid my money. They took my money.
I should be able to do what the fuck I want!
- He started snorting heroin. - You started snorting heroin?
- I'm old! - Well, that stuff'll kill you.
What am I, an idiot? And don't you start taking that shit.
When you're young, you're crazy to do that stuff.
- What about you? - I'm old. When you're old, you're crazy not to do it.
We've tried. Believe me. The intervention was a fiasco. He's worse than a two-year-old.
Can we please talk about something else?
- I take it you didn't like it at Sunset Manor. - Frank.
Are you kidding me? It was a fuckin' paradise.
They got a pool. They got golf.
Now I'm stuck with Mr. Happy here, sleepin' on a fuckin' sofa.
Look, I know you're a homo and all, but maybe you can appreciate this.
You go to one of those places, there's four women for every guy.
- Can you imagine what that's like? - You must've been very busy.
Whoa! I had second-degree burns on my johnson. I kid you not.
- Really? - Forget about it.
What are you guys talking about?
Politics.
Oh.
Fuck a lot of women, kid. I have no reason to lie to you.
Not one woman. A lot of women.
You heard what I said? Did it go in anywhere?
Yeah, I think we get the point, Dad.
Don't show me the pad. I don't want to see the fuckin' pad.
Mom, how much can we spend?
I would say four dollars. Anything under four dollars.
Hi. You ready?
Yeah, I'm gonna have the, uh, number five with coffee, please.
All right.
A number seven, over easy, and a grapefruit juice.
- Grapefruit. Okay. - I would like a fruit plate.
- And do you have chamomile? - Yes.
- With honey, please. - I would like the lumberjack and coffee.
- And extra bacon. - Extra.
- Now, Dad, you should probably- - Richard, don't start.
- He's gonna kill himself. - Well, it's his life.
- Thank you, Sheryl. - Garden salad?
And you.
- I- I'm sorry. I, um- Sorry. - Take your time.
Don't apologize, Olive. It's a sign of weakness.
Um, well, I want- Okay, okay. I know what I want. I know.
Okay, can I get the waffles and, uh-
I don't- What does "alamodey" mean?
- Oh, that means it comes with ice cream. - Okay, "alamodey" then.
- Olive, for breakfast? - You said four dollars.
Okay. You're right. Thank you.
Okay. Be right back.
Actually, Olive, "à la mode" in French...
translates literally as "in the fashion."
À la mode.
"Mode" is derived from Latin modus, meaning "due or proper measure."
- Frank, shut up. - Richard!
Olive, can I tell you a little something about ice cream?
- Yeah. - Well, ice cream is made from cream...
which comes from cow's milk...
and cream has a lot of fat in it.
- Richard. - What?
- She's gonna find out anyway, remember? - What? Find out what?
Well, when you eat ice cream, the fat in the ice cream becomes fat in your body.
- Richard, I swear to God- - It's true.
- What? What's wrong? - Nothing, honey. Nothing's wrong.
So if you eat a lot of ice cream, you might become fat.
And if you don't, you're gonna stay nice and skinny, sweetie.
- Mom- - Olive, Richard is an idiot.
I like a woman with meat on her bones.
I don't- Why's everyone so upset?
No, no one's upset, honey. I-
I just want you to understand...
it's okay to be skinny, and it's okay to be fat, if that's what you want to be.
Whatever you want, it's okay.
Okay, but, Olive, let me ask you this.
Those women in Miss America-
Are they skinny, or are they fat?
Honey?
Well, they're skinny, I guess.
Yeah. I guess they don't eat a lot of ice cream.
Okay. Coffee. Coffee.
- Grapefruit. - Thank you.
Chamomile. And here's your ice cream.
"Alamodey," right? I'll be back with your waffles in a second.
Does anyone want my ice cream?
Yeah, I'd like a little. Dwayne? Frank?
- Olive's not gonna have her ice cream. - Do you mind if I have a little?
- Yeah, let's dig in. - That looks really good.
Boy, I feel sorry for anybody...
that doesn't want to enjoy their ice cream so early in the morning.
- Boy, that looks good. - You sure you don't wanna have some, Olive?
Those waffles are gonna be awful lonely in there.
- Mmm! Mmm! - Watch this.
Wait! Stop! Don't eat it all.
- All right, Olive- - Richard!
Hey, Stan!
Stan, it's Richard. Again. Listen, I know you're busy...
but we're just dying to hear what sort of numbers you came up with in Scottsdale.
- So, uh, give me a call, please. - Hey, did you get him?
No, I can't get a signal out of this thing.
How long till we get there?
- A long time, honey. - I know. But how long?
Well, we gotta do 600 miles of driving today and 200 tomorrow.
- That's a lot of driving. Let's go. - I'll drive for a while.
- No, no. I got it. - No. I gotta learn how to do this.
You're doing it. How hard can it be?
- Push the stick down hard. - I'm pushing hard.
Okay. Okay, there you go.
Now push the clutch in all the way to the floor.
It's on the floor. The floor.
Sticking on there.
Push down hard.
Well, you've got a problem.
Your clutch is, uh, shot.
Can we get a new one?
These old buses, you- you have to order the part.
How long does it take?
Well, it's the weekend...
so... maybe... Thursday.
Is there a, uh, dealership around here?
Well, uh, they're probably gonna be closed.
It's, uh- It's the weekend, you know.
Yes, we're aware of that.
I'll tell you what. You know these- these old buses?
You don't need the clutch to change from- from the third to the fourth.
You only really need the clutch to go from number one to number two.
But as long as you keep parking on a hill...
and you let it go, and it goes 15, 20 miles per hour...
you start her in third, and you go from third to fourth.
What if you're not on a hill? There's no hill.
What if there's no hill? What do you-
Yeah, it's-
Olive, Dad, I want you in the car first.
- I know. We know. - All right, here we go!
Everybody push! All right.
Here we go! Push! Push!
OK- OK- Okay!
I just want everyone here to know...
that I am the preeminent Proust scholar in the United States.
Here we go!
- Go on, honey. - I'm putting it in gear!
- Go, honey! - Come on!
Come on, Olive! Run! Run! Come on!
- Come on! - Sheryl, let's go!
Sheryl!
- Frank, let's go! - I'm coming.
- You're losing them. Slow down! - I can't slow down!
- Come on! Come on! Come on, you dumb bastard! - I can't. I can't slow down.
- I can't slow down! - Let's go!
Help him. Come on!
Come on. Come on. Get in.
No one gets left behind.
- Close the door! - No one gets left behind!
Outstanding, soldier! Outstanding!
Outstanding.
- Was that fun? - Yeah.
So finally I'm just sitting there...
and I decide, you know, "This is Stan Grossman. What the hell?"
And I start pitching him the nine steps.
And about- I don't know- two minutes in, he stops me, he says...
"I can sell this."
Mm-hmm. Interesting.
Yeah, and this is the guy who knows how to do it.
You start with a book, and then you do a media tour, corporate events, DVD, VHS series.
I mean, there's a whole fascinating science into how you roll these things out.
- Wow. - Yeah, so he's in Scottsdale right now, you know...
building the buzz and kind of getting the whole hype thing going.
He's doing what the pros call a ticking clock auction.
Oh, how about that!
Yeah, and I can detect that note of sarcasm there, Frank.
What sarcasm? I didn't- I didn't hear it.
But I want you to know something.
I feel sorry for you.
You do? Good.
Yeah, I do. Because sarcasm is the refuge of losers.
- It is? Really? - Yep.
Sarcasm is losers trying to bring winners down to their level...
and that's step four in the program.
Wow, Richard, you've really opened my eyes to what a loser I am.
- How much do I owe you for those pearls of wisdom? - That one's on the house.
- Okay, you guys, that's enough. - It's on the house.
- That was for free? - No charge. No charge.
- Stop it! - He started it.
That's- Oh, wait a second.
- You are so bad. - Quiet. This is it. This is that call.
He-Hello?
Stan?
Stan Grossman? Richard Hoover.
Finally. How're ya doin'?
No, I know. We were, uh, on the highway, and I lost you on my cell.
Forget about it. How'd we do?
Honey, I'm gonna use the ladies' room. You need to go?
No. I'm gonna go practice my routine over there.
Okay, well, don't go too far.
Well, I think that we just gotta talk to him a little.
No, you gotta talk to him.
No, Stan, listen to me. Hold on now.
I am going to get something to drink. You want anything?
- Stay positive and- - Yeah, get me some porn.
Okay.
Get me something really nasty too. I don't want any of that airbrushed shit.
- Okay. - Okay, here's a 20. Get yourself a little treat too.
- Get yourself a fag rag. - All right. I will.
Uh, that one. Yes. And that one.
And I would like that one- No, down.
Yes. Yes. Yes. I would like that one.
And, uh, I will have a-
a blue raspberry Slushee.
Frank?
Oh, my God! How are you?
- Uh- - I thought you were gonna be in Santa Fe for the conference.
I was looking for you.
- Aren't you supposed to be in New Haven? - Yeah.
- Well, you heard about Larry and the whole genius thing, right? - Yeah.
- It's official. - Oh, good.
So we're going to this private spa in Sedona for the week-
- Larry's here? - Yeah.
- He's out filling the tank. He's, uh- - Oh. Yeah, there he is.
Wow. I can't believe this. How have you been?
I've been fine.
Good. Good.
You know, I heard that you got fired.
Yeah. No, I quit, 'cause enough is enough, you know?
Right. Good. Good.
So what are you up to now?
Um, I'm weighing my options...
and, um, just, you know, taking some time off, and so-
Great. That's great.
$19.79, sir.
So-
- Well, it was great to see you. - Yeah, you too.
- Take care of yourself. - You too.
Bye.
Hey.
You forgot your Slushee.
You're in Scottsdale right now, right?
Okay, I can come by.
I'm gonna be coming through there. I could swing right by. We could-
Christ. He's not getting it.
Did you try that?
Listen to what I'm saying, Stan! I'll-I'll-
So what happened?
Nothing. Let's get out of here.
Wait a minute. I thought you said this was a done deal.
- He said it was a done deal. - What, you didn't get anything?
Oh, my God! Where does that leave us?
Fucked. That's where it leaves us.
- I can't believe I'm hearing- Did you even try negotiating? - Yes! Of course I tried!
What do you think I-
Let's just go, okay? Let's go. Let's go.
Come on.
Let's go!
"Where's Olive?"
Oh!
All right, Frank.
- Come on, Olive. - Come on, Olive.
Come on, sweetie, jump. Jump in the car.
- We can't stop. Jump. - I got her! I got her!
Richard.
Yeah.
Whatever happens, you tried to do something on your own...
which is more than most people ever do...
and I include myself in that category.
You took a big chance. That took guts, and I'm proud of you.
Okay, Dad. Thank you.
Thank you, Dad.
Okay, here is 11.
Frank, you're 12.
And Grandpa's 13.
Can I sleep with Grandpa tonight?
Well, you'll have to ask Grandpa.
- Grandpa? - I got two beds.
You could still use some rehearsing.
Yeah, that's what I was thinking.
All right, everybody, we have a long day tomorrow.
I'll knock on your doors at 7:00 a.m.
That means no lollygagging.
We need to be packed and on the road by 7:40, guys.
- Frank, you guys'll be okay? - Yeah, we're fine.
- Okay, well, good night. - Good night.
- Sleep tight. - Okay.
What a fucking nightmare.
Richard, we- we have to talk.
Please.
Sheryl, let's just get through this and go home.
No, Richard, we have to talk now!
I tried to tell you we couldn't afford this trip!
- Do you realize we're becoming bankrupt? - We are not bankrupt!
Hey, don't listen to that.
Let's turn on the tube.
- We agree that the right man to preserve the traditions- - I'm gonna brush my teeth.
Secretary Rumsfeld and I thought long and hard...
about this important choice.
To me-
You said this was a lock! You said it was a done deal!
Stan Grossman said it was a done deal!
I'm not married to Stan Grossman!
I trusted him! You gotta trust to be trusted! That's step six!
Oh, fuck the nine steps, Richard!
They're not working! Forget it! It's over!
I never want to hear about the nine steps again!
Perfect. Perfect. You're the world champion growler.
Time for your beauty rest. Get in there.
There you go.
Good night.
- Grandpa? - Yeah.
I'm kinda scared about tomorrow.
Are you kiddin' me? You're gonna blow 'em out of the water.
They're not gonna know what hit 'em.
- Grandpa? - Yeah.
Am I pretty?
Olive, you are...
the most beautiful girl in the whole world.
Nah, you're just saying that.
No, I'm not. I'm madly in love with you.
And it's not because of your brains or your personality.
It's because you're beautiful, inside and out.
- Grandpa? - What?
- I don't want to be a loser. - You're not a loser.
Where'd you get the idea you're a loser?
Because Daddy hates losers.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Back up a minute.
You know what a loser is?
A real loser is somebody that's so afraid of not winning, they don't even try.
- Now, you're trying, right? - Yeah.
Well, then, you're not a loser. We're gonna have fun tomorrow, right?
Yeah.
We can tell 'em all to go to hell.
Good night, sweetie. I love you.
What are you doing?
I'm gonna fix this.
Richard-
I'm gonna fix this.
Here we go. Here we go.
Hi.
Hi. Stan Grossman, please.
Stan, it's Richard. I don't know where the fuck you are.
I'm at the hotel. Call me.
But it's funny.
So I said, "You want me to teach you about life experiences?
You can write a book about my experiences."
So he says to me-
Hello, Stan.
You're the one that said it would sell!
That's what I thought at the time.
But it's a great program. You said so yourself. I don't understand.
It's not the program, Richard. It's you. Okay?
No one's heard of you. Nobody cares.
What's the next step?
There is none. We had our shot.
It didn't fly. We move on.
- You-You mean give up? - Richard.
Hey, wh-Whoa, hey! One setback here, and you're ready to just quit?
Richard, listen. I pushed this thing hard, okay?
I rammed it down their fucking throats, and no one bought it!
It's time to move on. You're not gonna win this one.
Okay. Okay. You know what?
Good. I'm glad. You know why?
Because this is what the nine steps are all about.
- Right here, Stan. Right here! - Richard.
- Richard, please. - You blew it!
You blew it. You're out.
Mom? Dad?
What is it, hon?
Grandpa won't wake up.
Want to take an eye test?
Uncle Frank? An eye test?