1
00:01:18,599 --> 00:01:21,289
Salutations, snack.

2
00:01:22,599 --> 00:01:24,659
On second thought...

3
00:01:26,908 --> 00:01:28,928
9-1-1!

4
00:01:29,068 --> 00:01:32,039
Police! Civic authorities! ASPCA! ASAP!

5
00:01:32,139 --> 00:01:34,739
Murder! Betrayal! Kidnapped!

6
00:01:34,879 --> 00:01:36,508
No, birdnapped!

7
00:01:37,678 --> 00:01:40,478
A cup of garlic, a twist of parakeet.

8
00:01:40,588 --> 00:01:43,078
Eat your heart out, Julia Child.

9
00:01:44,158 --> 00:01:49,648
Excuse me, but isn't it customary
for the jailbird to get one telephone call?

10
00:01:50,158 --> 00:01:51,788
In your case, I think not.

11
00:01:51,928 --> 00:01:54,517
Afternoon snacks have few civil liberties.

12
00:01:54,627 --> 00:01:56,727
But I'm not wholly without heart.

13
00:01:57,167 --> 00:01:59,527
How about a nice soothing cigarette?

14
00:02:05,938 --> 00:02:08,208
Oh, I will not do this. I cannot!

15
00:02:08,648 --> 00:02:12,737
Oh, what a foul way for a bird to die!
I don't want to get beak cancer.

16
00:02:13,216 --> 00:02:15,336
No! My lungs are blackened!

17
00:02:15,446 --> 00:02:18,147
Here we go again.
Cut, cut, cut! Roll it back.

18
00:02:18,257 --> 00:02:20,917
- Help me...
- What are you doing? Daniel...

19
00:02:21,057 --> 00:02:23,927
That line is not in the script.
Why did you add it?

20
00:02:24,057 --> 00:02:27,497
- I wanted to comment on the situation.
- What situation?

21
00:02:27,827 --> 00:02:31,766
Shoving a cigarette into Pudgie's mouth
is morally irresponsible.

22
00:02:31,866 --> 00:02:35,696
This is a cartoon,
not a friggin' Oprah Winfrey Special.

23
00:02:35,806 --> 00:02:39,896
Lou, millions of kids see this cartoon.
It's like telling them "Light up. "

24
00:02:40,006 --> 00:02:43,706
You can't put words in Pudgie's mouth
if his mouth isn't moving.

25
00:02:43,816 --> 00:02:47,437
It's voice-over. An interior monologue.
Maybe even the voice of God.

26
00:02:47,687 --> 00:02:50,587
Pudgie, don't smoke.

27
00:02:50,687 --> 00:02:53,775
- Actors.
- What? Let's ask the technicians.

28
00:02:53,885 --> 00:02:58,055
Do you think it's morally right
to promote smoking to the youth of America?

29
00:03:00,865 --> 00:03:05,796
- They're biased. That's a mistrial.
- This session costs the studio thousands.

30
00:03:05,896 --> 00:03:08,596
If you want a paycheck, stick to the script.

31
00:03:08,706 --> 00:03:12,725
If you want to play Gandhi,
then do it on somebody else's time.

32
00:03:18,275 --> 00:03:21,615
Then I've got to do what I've got to do.

33
00:03:21,715 --> 00:03:24,615
That's very funny.
Where the hell are you goin'?

34
00:03:24,715 --> 00:03:27,345
If you leave, you're not comin' back in.

35
00:03:27,455 --> 00:03:30,384
I'm not takin' any crap from you, pal.

36
00:03:30,494 --> 00:03:33,555
Well, in the words of Porky Pig:

37
00:03:36,094 --> 00:03:38,184
Piss off, Lou.

38
00:04:10,563 --> 00:04:13,393
- So what about that history test?
- Don't ask.

39
00:04:13,903 --> 00:04:18,334
- Did you have fun in school?
- I painted a picture of a rainbow.

40
00:04:21,303 --> 00:04:24,203
- Dad?
- Daddy!

41
00:04:24,643 --> 00:04:26,662
Daddy!

42
00:04:30,512 --> 00:04:34,243
- I thought you couldn't pick us up.
- Well, I got off early.

43
00:04:34,353 --> 00:04:38,843
- You mean you got fired?
- No, I quit. For reasons of conscience.

44
00:04:38,953 --> 00:04:39,923
Actors.

45
00:04:40,053 --> 00:04:46,151
Dude, congratulations on your
12th birthday. Got a surprise for ya.

46
00:04:46,331 --> 00:04:48,351
- A stripper?
- Ooh, please!

47
00:04:48,531 --> 00:04:50,332
- Two strippers?
- Hoo-hah, boy!

48
00:04:50,472 --> 00:04:51,762
- A party?
- Yes!

49
00:04:51,902 --> 00:04:53,922
No. No parties.

50
00:04:54,072 --> 00:04:57,632
Mom said you couldn't have one
because of your report card.

51
00:04:57,742 --> 00:05:02,701
Mom's not gonna be
home for another four hours, is she?

52
00:05:04,151 --> 00:05:08,081
Prepare yourself... for the wild kingdom.

53
00:05:28,770 --> 00:05:32,870
Coming up toward the very end.
There she goes. And she wins that race.

54
00:05:32,970 --> 00:05:35,001
Come on off now. Here we go.

55
00:05:36,911 --> 00:05:38,941
You want to feed him?

56
00:05:40,411 --> 00:05:42,470
See if this guy will.

57
00:05:43,250 --> 00:05:44,949
Sorry.

58
00:05:47,359 --> 00:05:49,379
Get out!

59
00:06:15,279 --> 00:06:19,218
- Gregory, Henderson and Hillard.
- Miranda Hillard, please.

60
00:06:21,419 --> 00:06:26,419
I know what you're going for with these
murals, but perhaps if they weren't so large.

61
00:06:26,559 --> 00:06:29,218
And let's do steel windows, not wood.

62
00:06:29,358 --> 00:06:33,318
Eliminate the Oriental rug.
Let's try an Aubusson carpet.

63
00:06:33,468 --> 00:06:35,939
- More pink than red.
- Good idea.

64
00:06:36,039 --> 00:06:38,059
Union Square Inn. This is better.

65
00:06:38,208 --> 00:06:43,408
More Arts and Crafts. A Dirk Van Erp lamp,
a Stickley chair. Don't be seduced by chintz.

66
00:06:43,508 --> 00:06:46,278
Excuse me. Miranda,
can I speak to you for a minute?

67
00:06:46,448 --> 00:06:48,678
- Yes. Excuse me.
- Certainly.

68
00:06:48,818 --> 00:06:50,838
Just be one minute.

69
00:06:51,488 --> 00:06:54,888
I just got off the phone
with a Stuart Dunmeyer.

70
00:06:55,018 --> 00:06:58,577
- Stuart Dunmeyer?
- He said you were acquaintances.

71
00:06:58,687 --> 00:06:59,987
Stuart Dunmeyer?

72
00:07:00,087 --> 00:07:04,217
He's putting millions into restoring
the old Wellman mansion on Nob Hill.

73
00:07:04,327 --> 00:07:09,288
- He wants to make it into a $500-a-night B&B.
- Yes, I read about it.

74
00:07:09,468 --> 00:07:12,497
- He's been doing very well.
- That's him.

75
00:07:12,637 --> 00:07:16,076
And he specifically asked for you, Miranda.

76
00:07:16,206 --> 00:07:17,766
He did?

77
00:07:17,876 --> 00:07:20,967
- I told him you'd call first thing tomorrow.
- Yes, I will.

78
00:07:22,117 --> 00:07:25,567
Miss Hillard? The operator
has a Gloria Chaney on hold.

79
00:07:25,687 --> 00:07:28,987
- She says it's an emergency.
- Excuse me.

80
00:07:30,157 --> 00:07:31,587
Gloria?

81
00:07:44,136 --> 00:07:47,006
- Oh, my God!
- Is this your residence, ma'am?

82
00:07:47,106 --> 00:07:49,126
Yes, I'm sorry to say it is.

83
00:07:49,276 --> 00:07:53,407
Are you aware it's illegal to possess
barnyard animals in a residential area?

84
00:07:53,547 --> 00:07:57,445
- What if you're married to one?
- We're also responding to a noise violation.

85
00:07:57,585 --> 00:08:01,885
I'm going to respond myself.
I'm awfully sorry about this.

86
00:08:01,985 --> 00:08:04,045
You ate my begonias! God!

87
00:08:05,455 --> 00:08:07,516
Get out of my way!

88
00:09:05,983 --> 00:09:08,504
Miranda! Whassup?

89
00:09:08,984 --> 00:09:11,353
You're home early, girlfriend.

90
00:09:11,453 --> 00:09:13,883
Havin' a birthday in the house.

91
00:09:14,123 --> 00:09:16,553
What the hell is going on around here?

92
00:09:16,723 --> 00:09:19,283
Don't get mad, honey. Listen.

93
00:09:19,393 --> 00:09:24,163
You're home a little early. I was gonna
clean it all up before you got home.

94
00:09:26,963 --> 00:09:29,332
Honey... What are you looking for?

95
00:09:31,142 --> 00:09:33,902
I'd be careful.
That pony had a lot of water.

96
00:09:43,152 --> 00:09:44,912
Party's over.

97
00:09:48,551 --> 00:09:52,151
She called you
and you bust the birthday party. Great!

98
00:09:52,261 --> 00:09:55,952
Don't you dare
make me out to be the monster here, Daniel!

99
00:09:56,062 --> 00:09:58,722
You have all the fun
and I get whatever's left over.

100
00:09:58,832 --> 00:10:03,202
- You chose the career.
- I have no choices here. I have no choices!

101
00:10:03,301 --> 00:10:06,760
Even when I try to do something fun,
you do it ten times bigger!

102
00:10:06,870 --> 00:10:10,571
I bring home a cake and gifts.
You bring the goddamn San Diego Zoo!

103
00:10:10,711 --> 00:10:14,801
- And I have to clean up!
- It's not toxic waste, just a few party plates!

104
00:10:14,911 --> 00:10:17,881
Why am I the only one
that feels there has to be rules?

105
00:10:18,021 --> 00:10:20,351
Why do you always
make me out to be the heavy?

106
00:10:20,451 --> 00:10:23,222
I don't. You do it yourself quite naturally.

107
00:10:23,322 --> 00:10:27,150
- You set me up every time to be the bad guy.
- Oh, lighten up, will ya?

108
00:10:27,260 --> 00:10:31,560
You spend too much time with
those corporate clones you used to despise.

109
00:10:31,660 --> 00:10:34,500
I spend too much time with you, Daniel.
It's over!

110
00:10:34,630 --> 00:10:36,660
It's over.

111
00:10:38,501 --> 00:10:43,371
Come on, Miranda. We've got problems,
but who doesn't? We could work 'em out.

112
00:10:43,711 --> 00:10:47,369
We've been trying to work them out
for 14 years.

113
00:10:47,479 --> 00:10:52,279
Come on, please. Listen.
Maybe we need some help, OK?

114
00:10:52,419 --> 00:10:55,480
Maybe a family therapist
will help us do this together.

115
00:10:55,620 --> 00:10:57,610
It's too late for that.

116
00:10:57,720 --> 00:11:02,280
Well, let's take a vacation with the kids,
as a family. Get you away from work.

117
00:11:02,430 --> 00:11:05,789
You're a different person.
You really are. You're great.

118
00:11:05,899 --> 00:11:09,329
Our problems would be waiting for us
when we got back.

119
00:11:09,469 --> 00:11:12,829
We'll move, and hopefully
our problems won't follow us.

120
00:11:12,939 --> 00:11:15,129
Daniel, please don't joke.

121
00:11:16,469 --> 00:11:18,409
OK.

122
00:11:20,139 --> 00:11:25,079
We've just grown apart. We're different.

123
00:11:25,179 --> 00:11:29,279
- We have nothing in common.
- Oh, sure we do. We love each other.

124
00:11:35,528 --> 00:11:38,618
Come on, Miranda. We love each other.

125
00:11:43,328 --> 00:11:45,358
Don't we?

126
00:11:49,608 --> 00:11:51,667
I want a divorce.

127
00:11:53,107 --> 00:11:55,138
No.

128
00:12:01,487 --> 00:12:04,717
We can't. We're a family. You know?

129
00:12:06,587 --> 00:12:08,647
I'm so sorry.

130
00:12:48,466 --> 00:12:50,516
Yeah, Ma, he told me all about it.

131
00:12:51,966 --> 00:12:53,986
Yeah, Ma. I heard, I heard.

132
00:12:55,766 --> 00:12:58,735
- Well, yeah, he's here.
- No.

133
00:12:59,775 --> 00:13:02,365
Ma, he's not really in the mood to talk.

134
00:13:02,475 --> 00:13:05,935
Yeah, depressed.
I mean, his marriage is ending.

135
00:13:06,045 --> 00:13:10,246
My marriage is not ending.
It's just on hiatus.

136
00:13:13,016 --> 00:13:15,386
Ma, I think he's in a little bit of denial.

137
00:13:15,486 --> 00:13:19,154
No, we're taking good care of
your little boy. Don't worry, Mom.

138
00:13:19,254 --> 00:13:22,594
- Hi, Evelyn. Thanks for the jam.
- She says you're welcome.

139
00:13:22,694 --> 00:13:26,135
That beige concealer.
When are we gettin' more of it?

140
00:13:26,235 --> 00:13:28,855
- Next week.
- You hear that, Ma? Next week.

141
00:13:29,065 --> 00:13:30,765
Wait, hang on.

142
00:13:30,865 --> 00:13:33,595
- Enough already. It's a man.
- How would you know?

143
00:13:33,705 --> 00:13:35,404
Bitch.

144
00:13:35,504 --> 00:13:38,843
No, Ma, not you.
I was talkin' about the dog.

145
00:13:39,373 --> 00:13:42,574
Ma, listen. We got people
waitin' for us on the set.

146
00:13:42,684 --> 00:13:46,444
Oh, yeah. It's a busy life, Ma.
Places to go, faces to paint.

147
00:13:47,184 --> 00:13:49,084
Yeah, I'll tell him, Ma.

148
00:13:49,224 --> 00:13:51,014
Don't worry, I'll tell him.

149
00:13:51,124 --> 00:13:52,594
Yeah. Hold on, Ma.

150
00:13:52,824 --> 00:13:55,764
She wants to know
if you want to come stay with her.

151
00:13:55,864 --> 00:13:59,664
- No way.
- He says he'll think about it, Ma.

152
00:14:00,493 --> 00:14:02,623
I will. All right. I love you, too.

153
00:14:02,733 --> 00:14:04,793
Bye, Ma.

154
00:14:05,433 --> 00:14:10,063
Hey, listen, you know you can always
stay with us just as long as you want.

155
00:14:10,203 --> 00:14:14,573
Thank you, but I'm OK, really.
I mean, this is just a temporary thing.

156
00:14:14,683 --> 00:14:17,413
I know Miranda. It's gonna blow over.

157
00:14:22,082 --> 00:14:27,823
Mr and Mrs Hillard, although these custody
proceedings tend to favor the mother,

158
00:14:27,923 --> 00:14:33,222
we also realize, perhaps now more than
ever, that it is not in a child's best interest

159
00:14:33,332 --> 00:14:36,492
to deprive him or her
of an obviously loving father.

160
00:14:38,432 --> 00:14:44,932
However, since at the present time Mr Hillard
has no place to live and no employment,

161
00:14:45,112 --> 00:14:49,202
it is the court's ruling
to award sole custody to Mrs Hillard.

162
00:14:49,312 --> 00:14:51,541
- Congratulations.
- No.

163
00:14:51,681 --> 00:14:55,211
Mr Hillard will have visitation rights
every Saturday.

164
00:14:55,321 --> 00:14:57,682
- Can't you do something?
- He's made his decision.

165
00:14:57,792 --> 00:15:01,122
Isn't it traditional
to say "I object" or something?

166
00:15:01,262 --> 00:15:02,952
Your Honor, please.

167
00:15:04,292 --> 00:15:06,521
Every Saturday? That's one day a week.

168
00:15:06,661 --> 00:15:08,961
That's not enough.

169
00:15:09,101 --> 00:15:14,261
I have to be with my children. It's not
a question. I have to be with them, sir. Please.

170
00:15:14,371 --> 00:15:17,861
I know it seems like a lot,
but for me it's not enough. Really.

171
00:15:17,971 --> 00:15:22,671
I haven't been away from 'em for more than
one day since the day they were born.

172
00:15:22,781 --> 00:15:26,641
- Mr Hillard, this ruling is only temporary.
- Oh, good.

173
00:15:26,751 --> 00:15:29,910
I will assign a court liaison
to oversee your case.

174
00:15:30,020 --> 00:15:33,320
There will be a continuance
of these proceedings in 90 days.

175
00:15:33,420 --> 00:15:36,360
- I'm giving you three months, Mr Hillard.
- Thank you.

176
00:15:36,490 --> 00:15:41,090
Three months in which to get a job,
keep it and create a suitable home.

177
00:15:41,230 --> 00:15:43,791
If this proves to be a possibility for you,

178
00:15:43,931 --> 00:15:49,729
I will consider a joint-custody arrangement
when we reconvene. We're adjourned.

179
00:15:50,839 --> 00:15:54,669
Well, it looks like there is
a little light at the end of our tunnel.

180
00:16:25,368 --> 00:16:28,709
- That's all my stuff.
- This is all my fault.

181
00:16:29,139 --> 00:16:31,608
God, no. Why would you think that?

182
00:16:31,748 --> 00:16:34,238
I should have never had a birthday, Dad.

183
00:16:34,378 --> 00:16:37,248
- This never would have happened.
- Yes, it would.

184
00:16:37,378 --> 00:16:40,618
It was an accident waiting to happen, OK?

185
00:16:40,748 --> 00:16:43,249
You did nothing wrong. You got that?

186
00:16:44,458 --> 00:16:46,518
OK, gimme five.

187
00:16:53,167 --> 00:16:55,187
You're the man of the house now.

188
00:16:55,367 --> 00:16:57,387
Don't be messy.

189
00:16:58,568 --> 00:17:01,598
- You can't go now.
- Honey, I have to.

190
00:17:02,208 --> 00:17:06,977
We're in the middle of Charlotte's Web.
Who's gonna finish it?

191
00:17:07,647 --> 00:17:10,137
Well, Grandma will finish it for you.

192
00:17:12,047 --> 00:17:17,077
She's not as good. She always skips parts,
and she never does the voices.

193
00:17:17,217 --> 00:17:19,277
She smells funny, too.

194
00:17:19,587 --> 00:17:23,546
That's the formaldehyde.
That's why Granny's so well preserved.

195
00:17:24,996 --> 00:17:27,426
Hey, come here.

196
00:17:29,497 --> 00:17:33,767
It's the same as always.
We just have a really big backyard, OK?

197
00:17:33,867 --> 00:17:36,836
- I love you.
- I love you.

198
00:17:40,146 --> 00:17:44,046
I'll miss you. Saturday comes real quick.

199
00:17:45,646 --> 00:17:48,916
- I'll miss you.
- Ditto.

200
00:17:49,516 --> 00:17:51,246
Oh, Dad...

201
00:17:53,626 --> 00:17:55,646
- Take care of her.
- OK.

202
00:17:57,895 --> 00:17:59,915
Goodbye.

203
00:18:05,135 --> 00:18:07,625
Thanks for the time, warden.

204
00:18:12,975 --> 00:18:15,036
Bye, Dad.

205
00:18:35,335 --> 00:18:38,784
As your court liaison,
I will be looking at two things.

206
00:18:38,934 --> 00:18:43,133
- Your living environment...
- It's more like a habitat, really.

207
00:18:44,504 --> 00:18:49,874
And I will be coming by on Monday
and Friday evenings to inspect it.

208
00:18:49,974 --> 00:18:51,944
Well, I'll put on a chicken.

209
00:18:52,744 --> 00:18:54,804
And there's always the job issue.

210
00:18:54,954 --> 00:19:00,544
This is the nearest employment office. I took
the liberty of making an appointment for you.

211
00:19:00,654 --> 00:19:04,353
- Thank you.
- By the way, do you have any special skills?

212
00:19:04,523 --> 00:19:06,553
Oh, yes. I do.

213
00:19:06,663 --> 00:19:08,683
I do voices.

214
00:19:09,193 --> 00:19:11,393
What do you mean, you do voices?

215
00:19:12,203 --> 00:19:14,604
Well, I do voices.

216
00:19:14,734 --> 00:19:15,633
Yes!

217
00:19:15,773 --> 00:19:18,603
We're looking for intelligent life.
Oops, mistake!

218
00:19:18,743 --> 00:19:22,003
Happy to be in America.
Don't ask for a green card.

219
00:19:22,143 --> 00:19:24,612
I want you in the worst way.

220
00:19:24,742 --> 00:19:28,442
This is certainly a rough meeting.
It's not going very well for me.

221
00:19:28,612 --> 00:19:32,213
Hey, boss, give her a chance.
She's gonna loosen up any moment.

222
00:19:32,353 --> 00:19:36,252
Look at me, Moneypenny.
I want to undo that bow and get to know you.

223
00:19:36,392 --> 00:19:38,822
I'm crazy to make a deal with you!

224
00:19:38,962 --> 00:19:41,792
Nancy and I are still looking for
the other half of my head.

225
00:19:41,892 --> 00:19:45,662
They're doin' it!
I'm sittin' on a gold mine!

226
00:19:45,802 --> 00:19:48,162
Don't make me smack you, sweetheart.

227
00:19:48,972 --> 00:19:51,162
I do a great impression of a hot dog.

228
00:19:54,371 --> 00:19:56,971
Mr Hillard, do you
consider yourself humorous?

229
00:19:57,071 --> 00:19:59,131
I used to.

230
00:19:59,241 --> 00:20:02,372
There was a time when I found myself funny.

231
00:20:02,482 --> 00:20:05,612
But today you have proven me wrong.
Thank you.

232
00:20:07,921 --> 00:20:10,011
Listen, bottom line...

233
00:20:10,851 --> 00:20:14,690
I need to be with my children,
and I'll do anything to do that.

234
00:20:14,830 --> 00:20:16,851
You just tell me what to do.

235
00:20:35,110 --> 00:20:37,440
- Excuse me. You Tony?
- That's me.

236
00:20:37,550 --> 00:20:40,480
Hi. I'm Daniel Hillard, the actor.

237
00:20:42,020 --> 00:20:44,680
Follow me.

238
00:20:46,661 --> 00:20:50,489
Oh, films! Will I be
introducing these movies on air?

239
00:20:50,659 --> 00:20:53,059
- Not exactly.
- What do I do?

240
00:20:53,159 --> 00:20:56,389
You take all these cans.
You box 'em and you ship 'em.

241
00:20:56,499 --> 00:21:00,099
Then you box those cans over there.
Ship them. Then more will come in.

242
00:21:00,539 --> 00:21:03,100
You box those, you ship those.

243
00:21:03,240 --> 00:21:05,270
Any questions?

244
00:21:06,440 --> 00:21:08,500
After you box 'em...?

245
00:21:08,650 --> 00:21:10,839
You ship 'em.

246
00:21:10,949 --> 00:21:13,008
Lots of luck, smartass.

247
00:21:16,649 --> 00:21:19,519
I think I made a friend.

248
00:21:25,959 --> 00:21:28,858
- Miranda.
- Stu!

249
00:21:34,198 --> 00:21:36,638
Hello, Miranda.

250
00:21:36,768 --> 00:21:39,438
- It's been a long time.
- Yes.

251
00:21:42,548 --> 00:21:46,278
Mr Dunmeyer's come by
to look over your sketches.

252
00:21:48,618 --> 00:21:51,248
Let me show you to the conference room.

253
00:21:52,018 --> 00:21:55,187
As you probably know,
the estate was built in 1876.

254
00:21:55,327 --> 00:21:59,787
These sketches are meant to reflect
your desire to have it completely restored.

255
00:21:59,927 --> 00:22:01,898
You look better than ever.

256
00:22:01,998 --> 00:22:07,457
The lobby will resemble a music salon with
inspiration from the French Second Empire.

257
00:22:07,567 --> 00:22:10,467
I was thinking a 17th-century grand piano...

258
00:22:10,567 --> 00:22:14,137
I've been following your career
these past couple of years.

259
00:22:14,237 --> 00:22:19,147
A tufted sofa, a Flemish tapestry,
a brass-bound Regency-style table...

260
00:22:19,247 --> 00:22:22,977
I'd love to get reacquainted. Catch up.

261
00:22:24,417 --> 00:22:26,786
Mantel clocks.

262
00:22:26,916 --> 00:22:29,716
Fringed, upholstered chairs, heavy drapes.

263
00:22:29,856 --> 00:22:32,417
Can we talk? Over dinner, maybe?

264
00:22:34,727 --> 00:22:37,696
Stuart, thank you. I...

265
00:22:37,826 --> 00:22:40,956
I'm at the beginning of a divorce.

266
00:22:42,466 --> 00:22:44,525
It just didn't work out.

267
00:22:44,635 --> 00:22:47,966
- Oh, Miranda, I'm sorry.
- You don't have to say that.

268
00:22:48,076 --> 00:22:52,706
No, really. I mean, I never
held any grudges or anything. I just...

269
00:22:52,846 --> 00:22:56,046
Well, I always hoped you'd find happiness.

270
00:22:56,586 --> 00:22:58,646
Oh, God, that's so nice.

271
00:22:58,785 --> 00:23:03,155
I was just worried my coming in here
might scare you off the project.

272
00:23:03,255 --> 00:23:05,315
No, no. Of course not. I...

273
00:23:06,355 --> 00:23:08,625
I'm a professional. I'm...

274
00:23:08,765 --> 00:23:13,955
I was flattered that you thought of me
after all these years and everything.

275
00:23:14,565 --> 00:23:16,655
Yeah, everything.

276
00:23:16,805 --> 00:23:19,996
Well... Ancient history.

277
00:23:20,635 --> 00:23:22,364
Yeah.

278
00:23:27,314 --> 00:23:30,074
I'm late.
I've got a meeting over at the bank.

279
00:23:34,055 --> 00:23:36,685
Can we talk maybe later in the week?

280
00:23:36,825 --> 00:23:39,585
- Sure.
- Good.

281
00:23:39,695 --> 00:23:42,183
It's good to see you again.

282
00:24:04,313 --> 00:24:06,373
Good, huh?

283
00:24:09,023 --> 00:24:12,583
I know the place
doesn't look like much now, but...

284
00:24:12,693 --> 00:24:15,183
It'll be OK. How do you like it?

285
00:24:16,663 --> 00:24:19,123
- Nice.
- It's OK.

286
00:24:19,263 --> 00:24:21,233
Detestable.

287
00:24:22,563 --> 00:24:24,663
Hey, just give me some time.

288
00:24:25,132 --> 00:24:28,032
I'm not too comfortable
with this new lifestyle.

289
00:24:28,132 --> 00:24:30,032
Neither are we.

290
00:24:30,572 --> 00:24:33,062
I know it's hard, sweetie.

291
00:24:34,313 --> 00:24:36,673
Can't you just tell Mom you're sorry?

292
00:24:39,182 --> 00:24:41,652
Wish I could.

293
00:24:41,752 --> 00:24:44,082
You know, grown-up problems...

294
00:24:44,182 --> 00:24:47,021
They're a little more complicated, Nattie.

295
00:24:50,262 --> 00:24:52,452
How is the old battle-axe?

296
00:24:53,092 --> 00:24:55,462
- Your mom.
- She's fine.

297
00:24:55,562 --> 00:24:58,051
Oh. I'm glad to hear that.

298
00:24:59,201 --> 00:25:04,032
I'd hate to think that she came down
with amoebic dysentery or piles.

299
00:25:04,142 --> 00:25:06,372
What's amoebic dysentery?

300
00:25:07,172 --> 00:25:10,701
It's an infection in your tummy
where you get diarrhoea for ever.

301
00:25:10,811 --> 00:25:14,711
- Diarrhoea for ever?
- And your body dries up and you die.

302
00:25:14,811 --> 00:25:18,080
- You die?
- You don't have to be so graphic with her.

303
00:25:18,180 --> 00:25:23,651
- I read about it in a science book.
- Why would you want Mommy to die?

304
00:25:24,161 --> 00:25:27,131
Oh, honey, I don't want Mommy to die.

305
00:25:27,761 --> 00:25:30,160
Then why did you say that?

306
00:25:32,630 --> 00:25:36,470
Look, Dad, you're not trying very hard.

307
00:25:36,570 --> 00:25:40,730
We only get to come here once a week.
That's not very much.

308
00:25:40,840 --> 00:25:44,570
You're right. I'm sorry. I'll try harder.

309
00:25:45,710 --> 00:25:49,481
Nattie, I'll think good thoughts, OK?

310
00:25:49,781 --> 00:25:54,479
- About Mommy?
- I'll try. I really will.

311
00:25:54,589 --> 00:25:58,489
- And call her a princess.
- Oh, yes.

312
00:25:59,729 --> 00:26:03,289
And right now I feel like a toad.

313
00:26:04,930 --> 00:26:06,760
Daddy's a toad.

314
00:26:14,368 --> 00:26:16,928
- That's Mom.
- Can't be. She's an hour early.

315
00:26:17,338 --> 00:26:19,398
Come on, Nattie, we gotta go.

316
00:26:20,249 --> 00:26:22,339
No, no! Come on, sit down.

317
00:26:22,449 --> 00:26:24,179
Sit down!

318
00:26:24,279 --> 00:26:27,519
You don't have to run off
when she honks the horn.

319
00:26:27,619 --> 00:26:30,319
Come on, you're on my time now.

320
00:26:30,419 --> 00:26:33,418
You're my goddamn kids, too!

321
00:26:39,168 --> 00:26:41,428
Come on.

322
00:26:49,877 --> 00:26:51,538
Hi.

323
00:26:51,878 --> 00:26:54,808
Oh, Daniel... Charming.

324
00:26:54,908 --> 00:26:58,577
Thank you, Miranda.
I was going for a refugee motif.

325
00:26:58,687 --> 00:27:01,047
Fleeing-my-homeland kind of thing.

326
00:27:01,387 --> 00:27:03,217
But look at you!

327
00:27:03,317 --> 00:27:08,088
This lovely Dances With Wolves motif.
What's your Indian name: Shops With A Fist?

328
00:27:08,427 --> 00:27:11,827
- Are my children ready yet?
- No, our children are not ready yet...

329
00:27:11,927 --> 00:27:16,057
because you are an hour early
and you were late dropping them off.

330
00:27:16,237 --> 00:27:22,067
Daniel, I don't have time for this. I have to
drop something off at the newspaper office.

331
00:27:22,237 --> 00:27:25,437
Newspaper? Are you taking out
one of those personal ads?

332
00:27:25,547 --> 00:27:30,236
"DWF seeks WWM with BMW,
into light B&D"?

333
00:27:30,476 --> 00:27:32,776
I'm placing an ad for a housekeeper.

334
00:27:34,016 --> 00:27:37,287
Housekeeper?
Why do you need a housekeeper?

335
00:27:37,417 --> 00:27:43,056
I need someone to be there when the children
get home from school, to clean, start dinner...

336
00:27:43,156 --> 00:27:46,525
- How much are you gonna pay?
- $300 a week. Is that all right?

337
00:27:49,565 --> 00:27:51,896
May I see the ad?

338
00:27:52,036 --> 00:27:56,866
- I have a right as their father. Please?
- All right. Anything else you wanna see?

339
00:27:56,976 --> 00:27:59,636
- Are you offering?
- Not any more.

340
00:27:59,746 --> 00:28:01,265
What's the change?

341
00:28:01,375 --> 00:28:04,345
- Are you guys all right?
- Yeah, Mommy. We're fine.

342
00:28:05,984 --> 00:28:08,505
Miranda, why not let me
take care of the kids?

343
00:28:08,655 --> 00:28:13,485
I'll pick 'em up after school, be with them,
then drop them off at your house after work.

344
00:28:13,585 --> 00:28:15,145
- That'd be great!
- Please!

345
00:28:15,325 --> 00:28:17,955
- Look. The kids love it.
- Mommy, please!

346
00:28:18,095 --> 00:28:20,655
I'll think about it.

347
00:28:24,934 --> 00:28:27,834
We're his goddamn kids, too.

348
00:28:32,574 --> 00:28:34,434
Kids say the darndest things.

349
00:28:35,214 --> 00:28:41,045
Thank you. Any other choice phrases
you'd like to teach our five-year-old, Daniel?

350
00:28:42,515 --> 00:28:45,453
Come on, everybody get their coats.

351
00:28:45,553 --> 00:28:48,883
- Put them on and let's get out of here.
- OK, Mom.

352
00:28:48,993 --> 00:28:53,484
I would say go to the bathroom before we go,
but I don't think that's a good idea.

353
00:28:57,964 --> 00:29:00,934
Don't forget anything.
I don't wanna come back.

354
00:29:01,034 --> 00:29:03,063
Come on, let's go.

355
00:29:03,533 --> 00:29:06,592
- See you Saturday.
- Say goodbye to your father.

356
00:29:06,742 --> 00:29:08,763
Goodbye, Daddy.

357
00:29:10,543 --> 00:29:12,803
- Here's your ad.
- I'll get my purse.

358
00:29:12,943 --> 00:29:14,973
Yeah, you'd better.

359
00:29:29,832 --> 00:29:32,892
Hello. Are you calling
in response to the ad?

360
00:29:34,602 --> 00:29:39,003
- Who was your previous employer?
- I was in a band. Severe Tyre Damage.

361
00:29:39,143 --> 00:29:41,632
- In a band?
- I just wanna know one thing.

362
00:29:41,772 --> 00:29:46,832
Are your kids well-behaved, or do they need,
like, a few light slams every now and then?

363
00:29:48,341 --> 00:29:50,611
- I'll have to get back to you.
- Wow!

364
00:29:53,882 --> 00:29:58,791
Ja, my name is llsa Himmelman. I want
to know how many children do you have?

365
00:29:58,891 --> 00:30:02,421
- I have two girls and a boy.
- Oh, a boy!

366
00:30:02,561 --> 00:30:06,221
I don't work with the males
cos I used to be one.

367
00:30:08,972 --> 00:30:10,161
Yikes.

368
00:30:13,871 --> 00:30:15,361
Hello.

369
00:30:16,041 --> 00:30:20,740
Leyla, get back in your cell!
Don't make me get the hose!

370
00:30:20,840 --> 00:30:21,830
Hello?

371
00:30:26,821 --> 00:30:29,751
I am job.

372
00:30:30,721 --> 00:30:34,850
- Do you speak English?
- I am job.

373
00:30:35,190 --> 00:30:38,090
I'm sorry. The position has been filled.

374
00:30:38,230 --> 00:30:40,700
Oh, what a nightmare!

375
00:30:42,100 --> 00:30:45,230
Let's go in for the kill.

376
00:30:53,840 --> 00:30:56,039
Hello?

377
00:30:56,149 --> 00:30:59,239
I'm calling in regards
to the ad I read in the paper.

378
00:31:01,349 --> 00:31:05,249
Yes. Well, would you tell me
a little bit about yourself?

379
00:31:05,559 --> 00:31:07,609
Oh, certainly, dear.

380
00:31:07,719 --> 00:31:12,680
For the past 15 years I've worked for
the Smythe family of Elbourne, England.

381
00:31:12,830 --> 00:31:14,848
That's Smythe, not Smith, dear.

382
00:31:15,528 --> 00:31:22,268
And for them, I did housecleaning, cooking,
and took care of their four glorious children.

383
00:31:22,368 --> 00:31:27,609
I grew quite attached to them after 15
years, but they grew up, as children tend to.

384
00:31:27,709 --> 00:31:32,839
Oh, but listen to me. I am going on when you
should be telling me about your little ones.

385
00:31:32,949 --> 00:31:36,037
- Well, I have two girls...
- Oh, two precious gems.

386
00:31:36,147 --> 00:31:38,307
No doubt the jewel of your eye.

387
00:31:38,447 --> 00:31:42,718
- And one boy.
- Oh, the little prince. How wonderful.

388
00:31:43,258 --> 00:31:46,248
I must tell you,
a little light cooking is required.

389
00:31:46,358 --> 00:31:49,328
Oh, I don't mind that, dear.
I'd love some heavy cooking.

390
00:31:49,468 --> 00:31:53,928
But I do have one rule: They'll only eat
good, nutritious food with me.

391
00:31:54,068 --> 00:31:58,267
And if there's any dispute, it's either
good, wholesome food or empty tummies.

392
00:31:58,367 --> 00:32:01,277
That's my rule.
I hope it's not too harsh for you, dear.

393
00:32:01,937 --> 00:32:03,667
No!

394
00:32:03,777 --> 00:32:08,047
Would you mind coming on an interview?
Say, Monday night at 7:30?

395
00:32:08,147 --> 00:32:10,948
- Oh, I'd love to, dear.
- Wonderful.

396
00:32:11,517 --> 00:32:15,977
I'm at 2640 Steiner Street.

397
00:32:16,127 --> 00:32:18,317
Steiner. Oh, how lovely.

398
00:32:18,896 --> 00:32:22,486
- Could you tell me your name?
- My name?

399
00:32:23,126 --> 00:32:25,727
I thought I gave it to you, dear.

400
00:32:25,837 --> 00:32:27,267
No.

401
00:32:32,136 --> 00:32:34,766
- Doubtfire.
- I beg your pardon?

402
00:32:35,106 --> 00:32:38,266
Doubtfire, dear. Mrs Doubtfire.

403
00:32:38,376 --> 00:32:42,876
- Well, I look forward to meeting you.
- Oh, lovely, dear. Me, too.

404
00:32:42,986 --> 00:32:45,416
- Bye-bye.
- Ta-ta.

405
00:32:49,125 --> 00:32:51,145
Showtime.

406
00:32:56,266 --> 00:32:59,126
- Daniel, hi.
- Could you make me a woman?

407
00:33:00,466 --> 00:33:03,495
Honey, I'm so happy!

408
00:33:03,605 --> 00:33:06,195
- Oh, come here.
- I knew you'd understand.

409
00:33:08,574 --> 00:33:11,235
- Is this gonna hurt?
- Don't whine. Just relax.

410
00:33:11,375 --> 00:33:14,315
- Are you sure?
- Just remember, pain is beauty.

411
00:33:14,415 --> 00:33:18,175
OK, take a deep breath. Instant eye lift.

412
00:33:19,855 --> 00:33:21,975
And the strings are under the wig.

413
00:33:22,485 --> 00:33:27,724
- The man has five-o'clock shadow at 8.30am.
- All right, we'll start with make-up.

414
00:33:27,824 --> 00:33:31,354
- I'm not gonna wax.
- Don't worry. We'll just lightly spackle.

415
00:33:31,464 --> 00:33:34,954
- I feel like Gloria Swanson.
- You look like her mother.

416
00:33:35,234 --> 00:33:37,824
I'm ready for my close-up, Mr DeMille.

417
00:33:38,804 --> 00:33:42,135
OK, everyone. Let's pray.

418
00:33:45,204 --> 00:33:48,943
I hope you are using Jungle Red.
That is the color I love.

419
00:33:49,043 --> 00:33:51,073
- Matches your lips.
- God bless you.

420
00:33:51,213 --> 00:33:54,543
I'm feeling fabulous
because I met this beautiful Cuban.

421
00:33:54,653 --> 00:33:57,054
Every night is like the Bay of Pigs.

422
00:33:57,184 --> 00:34:00,084
I can't lie to you. It's beautiful with him.

423
00:34:00,224 --> 00:34:04,883
I don't know. This would scare the children.
Maybe this is too much for them.

424
00:34:05,423 --> 00:34:07,762
I think we have to go to the next level.

425
00:34:07,862 --> 00:34:09,662
Latex.

426
00:34:10,633 --> 00:34:13,263
Oy, it was such a shandeh.

427
00:34:13,403 --> 00:34:16,893
I should never buy gribbenes from a mohel.
It's so chewy.

428
00:34:17,043 --> 00:34:20,273
- No, I feel like Bubbee. This is not working.
- Don't worry.

429
00:34:20,413 --> 00:34:24,872
It's a work in progress and you're my brother.
I will never let you be embarrassed.

430
00:34:25,012 --> 00:34:27,503
- God bless you.
- We'll have to do the entire face.

431
00:34:27,653 --> 00:34:30,122
But look at this nice thing we have here.

432
00:34:50,641 --> 00:34:52,631
It's not working. I need to go older.

433
00:34:52,741 --> 00:34:56,442
Older? Like Shelley Winters older
or Shirley MacLaine older?

434
00:34:56,542 --> 00:35:00,032
- What's the difference?
- Some Scotch tape and red hair dye.

435
00:35:00,152 --> 00:35:03,841
- What about Joan Collins?
- I don't think I have the strength.

436
00:35:03,951 --> 00:35:06,011
But I have some plaster.

437
00:36:09,319 --> 00:36:11,309
Are we close?

438
00:36:11,419 --> 00:36:14,750
Any closer and you'd be Mom.

439
00:36:30,839 --> 00:36:32,899
That's disgusting!

440
00:36:34,639 --> 00:36:37,697
The most revolting thing I've ever seen.

441
00:36:37,807 --> 00:36:39,567
Awesome.

442
00:36:41,747 --> 00:36:43,838
What is this? Turn it off, will you?

443
00:36:44,018 --> 00:36:47,318
Come on. I want you
to meet this lady with me.

444
00:36:47,418 --> 00:36:50,978
I want you to be polite to her, then...
tell me what you think.

445
00:36:51,088 --> 00:36:55,417
Everybody stand over here
and help me decide what to do.

446
00:37:00,227 --> 00:37:02,757
Hello. Mrs Hillard, I presume.

447
00:37:02,867 --> 00:37:04,997
Yes. I'm Miranda Hillard.

448
00:37:05,097 --> 00:37:07,397
Euphegenia Doubtfire.

449
00:37:07,507 --> 00:37:09,837
Yes. Won't you please come in?

450
00:37:09,977 --> 00:37:12,377
Thank you, dear.

451
00:37:12,978 --> 00:37:15,877
- And these must be the cherubs.
- Yes.

452
00:37:16,977 --> 00:37:20,037
- This is Natalie.
- Oh, hello, Natalie.

453
00:37:20,187 --> 00:37:22,416
- Are you wearing bug spray?
- Nattie!

454
00:37:22,516 --> 00:37:27,146
It's quite all right, dear. No offense taken.
I was a little liberal with the atomizer.

455
00:37:27,256 --> 00:37:31,487
And at my age, it's like a good Stilton.
Everything has its own aroma.

456
00:37:31,627 --> 00:37:36,066
I admire that honesty, Nattie.
That's a noble quality. Never lose that.

457
00:37:36,196 --> 00:37:39,866
It often disappears with age
or entering politics.

458
00:37:40,006 --> 00:37:43,696
Look at that face.
You remind me of Stuart Little,

459
00:37:43,836 --> 00:37:47,276
one of the most honorable creatures
in all of literature.

460
00:37:47,406 --> 00:37:51,676
- Do you know that book, Stuart Little?
- Yeah! It's one of my favorites.

461
00:37:51,816 --> 00:37:55,715
Mine, too! Maybe I could read it to you -
if I get the position.

462
00:37:55,855 --> 00:37:59,256
- That would be wonderful.
- And who is this strapping young lad?

463
00:37:59,356 --> 00:38:01,616
- This is Chris.
- Hello, Christopher.

464
00:38:01,726 --> 00:38:03,516
Hello.

465
00:38:03,655 --> 00:38:07,425
Jeez, you're big for a lady.
You could play for the 49ers.

466
00:38:07,525 --> 00:38:11,434
Well, I was a fullback.
But that's European football, dear.

467
00:38:11,534 --> 00:38:14,005
- Soccer?
- Yes. You play soccer, too?

468
00:38:14,135 --> 00:38:16,335
- Yeah!
- Oh, isn't that amazing?

469
00:38:16,475 --> 00:38:20,995
Yes, I was captain of the women's team.
We won three university championships.

470
00:38:21,145 --> 00:38:23,205
Oh, but that was decades ago!

471
00:38:23,315 --> 00:38:27,744
But I was more disciplined then. I always
put my studies ahead of my athletics.

472
00:38:27,884 --> 00:38:31,544
I'm sure you're the same
and you've done all your homework already.

473
00:38:31,684 --> 00:38:35,314
- Well, not exactly.
- Really? Oh. That's a pity.

474
00:38:35,454 --> 00:38:40,914
Young men who don't do their studies
often miss out on more amusing activities.

475
00:38:41,994 --> 00:38:44,725
- And who is this young lady?
- This is Lydia.

476
00:38:46,734 --> 00:38:48,753
Hello, Lydia.

477
00:38:50,973 --> 00:38:54,423
This isn't fair, Mom.
Why do we need a housekeeper anyway?

478
00:38:54,543 --> 00:38:57,033
- This is all I need.
- Why can't Dad do it?

479
00:38:57,273 --> 00:39:02,944
Dear, I don't think it's appropriate to argue
with your mother in front of a stranger.

480
00:39:03,084 --> 00:39:06,484
I just don't see why
we can't spend the extra time with Dad.

481
00:39:06,584 --> 00:39:10,752
Maybe she's right, dear. Maybe their father
would be a more appropriate person.

482
00:39:10,892 --> 00:39:13,352
No, I don't think so.

483
00:39:13,492 --> 00:39:17,983
It's not my fault, honey. If he would
get a job and a decent apartment...

484
00:39:18,133 --> 00:39:21,393
- You see, he's the kind...
- Excuse me, dear.

485
00:39:21,533 --> 00:39:24,663
I'm sure you'd want the children
to step out of the room

486
00:39:24,773 --> 00:39:27,702
before you verbally bash their father. Hm?

487
00:39:27,802 --> 00:39:30,502
If I did that, I might never see them again.

488
00:39:32,782 --> 00:39:35,572
- I'm sorry. You're right.
- No harm done.

489
00:39:35,712 --> 00:39:40,342
- You're absolutely right.
- I'm not a therapist. I just see what I see.

490
00:39:40,452 --> 00:39:43,512
Why don't you guys go on upstairs?
I'll be up in a minute.

491
00:39:43,622 --> 00:39:46,752
- It's lovely to meet you.
- Yeah, nice to meet you.

492
00:39:46,862 --> 00:39:48,922
You too, Lydie.

493
00:39:55,031 --> 00:39:57,161
- Oh, they're a spirited bunch.
- Yes.

494
00:39:57,331 --> 00:40:00,632
- Especially Lydie. She's got daggers for you.
- I know.

495
00:40:00,772 --> 00:40:04,541
- They're very upset with me right now.
- Probably the divorce.

496
00:40:04,641 --> 00:40:06,701
How did you know?

497
00:40:06,811 --> 00:40:10,041
You can sense it, dear -
the way she talks about her father.

498
00:40:10,181 --> 00:40:15,781
I don't think he's in the Navy, the way she's
saying she misses him. It's like he's nearby.

499
00:40:15,891 --> 00:40:17,851
- Yes.
- Oh, that's so sad.

500
00:40:17,991 --> 00:40:20,721
- Would you care to have a cup of tea?
- I'd love that.

501
00:40:20,821 --> 00:40:23,660
- It's right in here.
- What a lovely home you have.

502
00:40:23,790 --> 00:40:26,060
- Did you decorate this yourself?
- Yes, I did.

503
00:40:26,200 --> 00:40:30,721
Oh, it reeks of taste!
Isn't this lovely, dear!

504
00:40:30,831 --> 00:40:33,931
- Here's my résumé.
- Oh. Thank you.

505
00:40:34,041 --> 00:40:37,400
- Let me start this tea.
- Oh, no, dear. Let me get that for you.

506
00:40:37,510 --> 00:40:43,639
You've had a hard day. You just sit yourself
down on that stool and leave the tea to me.

507
00:40:43,779 --> 00:40:46,610
Thank you. That's very nice of you.

508
00:40:46,720 --> 00:40:48,770
Oh, not at all, dear.

509
00:40:48,880 --> 00:40:51,750
- Oh. What a wonderful résumé.
- Thank you, dear.

510
00:40:52,120 --> 00:40:54,590
"Expert in first aid and CPR."

511
00:40:54,690 --> 00:40:56,749
And Heimlich manoeuvre, dear.

512
00:40:56,859 --> 00:41:00,349
You can never be too prepared
when little ones are around.

513
00:41:00,459 --> 00:41:04,229
They'll swallow anything.
You've got to be ready to pop it out.

514
00:41:05,299 --> 00:41:07,389
Oh, let's see.

515
00:41:08,799 --> 00:41:11,359
What a perfectly appointed little cubby!

516
00:41:11,469 --> 00:41:15,599
Look at this. Everything
has its place and name tag.

517
00:41:15,709 --> 00:41:18,649
How precise! It's lovely.

518
00:41:18,749 --> 00:41:20,808
My husband never appreciated it.

519
00:41:20,918 --> 00:41:22,978
Oh. Poor dolt.

520
00:41:23,088 --> 00:41:26,048
That's not the reason
you divorced him, was it?

521
00:41:26,918 --> 00:41:28,118
No.

522
00:41:29,158 --> 00:41:33,029
It's so sad, because marriage
can be such a blessing.

523
00:41:33,129 --> 00:41:35,649
So can divorce.

524
00:41:36,729 --> 00:41:43,867
Daniel is a very difficult man to live with.
But the children are crazy about him.

525
00:41:43,967 --> 00:41:47,738
You don't have to be
a psychic to sense that.

526
00:41:48,578 --> 00:41:51,938
My, you certainly do know your way
around a kitchen!

527
00:41:53,918 --> 00:41:57,938
It's just because everything
is so accessible. You designed it.

528
00:41:58,547 --> 00:42:02,617
I'm amazed there isn't a little label there
that says "spoons".

529
00:42:05,127 --> 00:42:07,887
You remind me of someone.

530
00:42:08,857 --> 00:42:11,457
Really? Who?

531
00:42:13,537 --> 00:42:15,767
I feel like I've known you for years.

532
00:42:16,768 --> 00:42:20,167
Maybe we knew each other in another life.

533
00:42:22,007 --> 00:42:25,336
I would love for you
to come and work with us.

534
00:42:25,506 --> 00:42:28,066
- So would I.
- Great!

535
00:42:28,176 --> 00:42:30,236
It would be an honor.

536
00:42:31,016 --> 00:42:33,347
To us.

537
00:42:33,517 --> 00:42:37,076
To us. The start of a business relationship.

538
00:43:07,415 --> 00:43:09,515
Good evening, dear.

539
00:43:11,325 --> 00:43:13,345
Evening, ma'am.

540
00:43:19,195 --> 00:43:21,425
Cold night, isn't it?

541
00:43:21,595 --> 00:43:23,755
Yes, it is.

542
00:43:24,135 --> 00:43:28,234
Hope you have somethin' nice and warm
to go home to.

543
00:43:41,154 --> 00:43:43,214
My back.

544
00:43:43,354 --> 00:43:48,954
Jesus! If I find the misogynistic bastard
that invented heels, I'll kill him.

545
00:43:49,864 --> 00:43:51,913
God...!

546
00:44:00,503 --> 00:44:02,193
Excuse me.

547
00:44:02,303 --> 00:44:04,274
Mrs Sellner!

548
00:44:05,444 --> 00:44:07,774
Have we met?

549
00:44:07,874 --> 00:44:11,042
No. But Danny's told me all about you.

550
00:44:11,912 --> 00:44:14,542
I'm his sister.

551
00:44:15,412 --> 00:44:17,612
His... much older sister.

552
00:44:19,083 --> 00:44:22,383
- You have his eyes.
- Only if he fills out a donor card.

553
00:44:24,693 --> 00:44:29,422
- Is Mr Hillard in? I have an appointment.
- Do you? Oh, that's wonderful.

554
00:44:29,532 --> 00:44:32,051
Let me go up and get him
and he'll be right down.

555
00:44:32,201 --> 00:44:33,762
- I'll come with you.
- No.

556
00:44:33,872 --> 00:44:35,202
- Yes.
- Why?

557
00:44:35,302 --> 00:44:41,262
Because I have an appointment on Monday
and Friday evenings to check the apartment.

558
00:44:41,412 --> 00:44:44,242
I remember him saying something about that.

559
00:44:44,342 --> 00:44:47,842
Are you sure, dear?
It's three floors, hoofin' it all the way.

560
00:44:47,952 --> 00:44:50,382
- If you can do it, I can.
- I'll bet so!

561
00:44:50,482 --> 00:44:52,512
- Is your ticker all right?
- Topnotch.

562
00:44:52,652 --> 00:44:56,251
Oh, good! Cos I don't want to jump-start ya.

563
00:44:58,861 --> 00:45:00,261
Damn door.

564
00:45:00,361 --> 00:45:03,391
Come in, please, dear. Sorry about that.

565
00:45:03,501 --> 00:45:05,522
Here we are. Daniel's abode.

566
00:45:08,071 --> 00:45:11,701
Oh, that's mine, dear.
I'm a messy house guest.

567
00:45:11,841 --> 00:45:14,900
Well, just make yourself at home.
I'll be right back.

568
00:45:15,040 --> 00:45:17,070
He'll be back. I'll go get him.

569
00:45:17,180 --> 00:45:20,271
Don't be afraid. I'll be right there. Danny!

570
00:45:20,381 --> 00:45:24,111
Danny boy, where are you?
Oh, here he is, dear. I found him.

571
00:45:24,251 --> 00:45:26,880
Danny, there's a
Mrs Sellner here to see you!

572
00:45:26,990 --> 00:45:29,320
- Oh, is she here?
- Yes, she is.

573
00:45:29,790 --> 00:45:32,880
Mrs Sellner, I just got out of the shower!

574
00:45:32,990 --> 00:45:35,461
I think you'll be very pleased with me!

575
00:45:35,561 --> 00:45:38,960
I've been through
some really interesting changes!

576
00:45:39,100 --> 00:45:42,620
And I'm becoming a new man
and a model father!

577
00:45:43,800 --> 00:45:46,969
He'll be right there.
He's just changing, dear.

578
00:45:48,009 --> 00:45:51,530
I want to keep you abreast
of the changes in my career!

579
00:45:51,680 --> 00:45:56,240
There have been two big developments!
I'm finally starting to come into my own!

580
00:45:56,350 --> 00:46:00,679
Things are really starting to take shape,
and I'm blossoming! Really, I am!

581
00:46:00,819 --> 00:46:06,349
Things were hairy for a while,
but I'm in great shape now!

582
00:46:06,489 --> 00:46:08,959
I'm my own man now! Oh, yes!

583
00:46:10,229 --> 00:46:13,129
A job I could really sink my teeth into!

584
00:46:13,229 --> 00:46:15,359
I'll be right there, Mrs Sellner!

585
00:46:18,599 --> 00:46:22,509
So nice I don't have to
save face any more, Mrs Sellner!

586
00:46:25,778 --> 00:46:29,108
Mrs Sellner! How are you? Always a joy!

587
00:46:29,208 --> 00:46:32,478
If you wanted some cheese,
why didn't you just say so?

588
00:46:32,848 --> 00:46:36,339
Well, you'll be happy to know
that I now am holding down two jobs.

589
00:46:36,459 --> 00:46:40,389
One for an educational film
and TV company - heavy responsibility.

590
00:46:40,529 --> 00:46:44,897
- And the other?
- Cleaning houses. Not mine.

591
00:46:46,567 --> 00:46:48,827
- Big girl!
- Your sister is English?

592
00:46:48,967 --> 00:46:51,088
She's half-English, half-American.

593
00:46:51,198 --> 00:46:55,398
Half-sister, really. That makes her
an eighth English? I've never done the math.

594
00:46:55,538 --> 00:47:00,208
Let me see, my father was American.
He flew for the English during the war.

595
00:47:00,348 --> 00:47:03,966
He was in London and...
he met this lovely Englishwoman.

596
00:47:04,076 --> 00:47:07,707
Well, my sister was
the fruit of their passions.

597
00:47:07,817 --> 00:47:10,577
Sorry. My sister's, not yours.

598
00:47:10,687 --> 00:47:16,147
You see, she's not a very good housekeeper.
But she makes a fabulous cup of English tea.

599
00:47:16,257 --> 00:47:19,856
Really? Well, I would adore
a good cup of English tea.

600
00:47:19,996 --> 00:47:23,367
Oh! Wouldn't we all! I'll go get her.

601
00:47:23,467 --> 00:47:26,156
Sis! Oh, sis!

602
00:47:26,266 --> 00:47:28,326
Sis, are you in here?

603
00:47:28,436 --> 00:47:31,136
Tea? Cup of TNT.

604
00:47:48,855 --> 00:47:50,946
Sick. Mom!

605
00:47:55,626 --> 00:47:57,186
My face!

606
00:48:03,675 --> 00:48:05,695
I've gotta go down and get it.

607
00:48:08,845 --> 00:48:10,435
Norman Bates!

608
00:48:32,234 --> 00:48:34,424
Miss Hillard?

609
00:48:34,534 --> 00:48:37,624
- Yes, dear?
- I take sugar in my tea.

610
00:48:37,734 --> 00:48:39,794
Oh, your tea!

611
00:48:39,904 --> 00:48:42,464
I'll be right there with your tea!

612
00:48:45,844 --> 00:48:49,444
Coming right up, dear!
Sugar - one lump or two, dear?

613
00:48:49,544 --> 00:48:52,844
- Two, please!
- Tea, sugar, hot water.

614
00:48:52,954 --> 00:48:56,413
You got it. Coming right your way, dear!

615
00:48:56,523 --> 00:48:58,653
I'll be right there with your tea!

616
00:49:01,723 --> 00:49:03,493
No! Stop!

617
00:49:12,203 --> 00:49:13,672
Oh, shit!

618
00:49:20,282 --> 00:49:24,843
- Can I give you a hand?
- Oh, no, dear! I don't need a hand.

619
00:49:24,953 --> 00:49:27,543
I need a face.

620
00:49:28,523 --> 00:49:32,253
- Are you sure?
- Oh, definitely!

621
00:49:37,892 --> 00:49:41,692
I'm not a Muslim. I need a face! Oh, God.

622
00:49:44,832 --> 00:49:48,462
Miss Hillard? The water's boiling.

623
00:49:48,742 --> 00:49:50,002
Hello!

624
00:49:51,571 --> 00:49:56,601
Oh, I'm sorry to frighten you, dear.
I must look like a yeti in this get-up.

625
00:49:56,751 --> 00:50:00,611
This is my nightly meringue mask.
Part of my beauty regimen.

626
00:50:00,751 --> 00:50:05,811
It's basically egg whites, creme fraîche,
powdered sugar, vanilla and a touch of alum.

627
00:50:05,951 --> 00:50:11,221
There you go, dear. Oh! You've got your
cream and sugar. It's a little cappu-tea-no.

628
00:50:11,461 --> 00:50:13,551
One drop or two? Would you like another?

629
00:50:13,661 --> 00:50:16,290
Oh! There you go!

630
00:50:16,400 --> 00:50:20,930
As you can see, I can't stay with you, dear.
I'm melting like a snow cone in Phoenix.

631
00:50:21,040 --> 00:50:26,171
There we go again! I'll go get Danny.
He'll be right with you. Hold on.

632
00:50:26,271 --> 00:50:29,510
- Danny!
- Coming, sis!

633
00:50:29,610 --> 00:50:33,170
- It was lovely to have met you!
- Lovely to meet you.

634
00:50:50,669 --> 00:50:56,040
- Had a little accident.
- Be careful this time. She's an old woman.

635
00:50:58,110 --> 00:51:00,729
Why wasn't I an only child?

636
00:51:36,678 --> 00:51:38,869
- Sorry.
- That's quite all right.

637
00:51:50,057 --> 00:51:52,077
Ready? OK.

638
00:51:52,757 --> 00:51:54,288
Did you have fun?

639
00:51:54,428 --> 00:51:57,298
- What did you do?
- I painted a picture of a bunny.

640
00:51:57,428 --> 00:51:59,658
The teacher liked it.

641
00:52:01,168 --> 00:52:04,996
Here it is, Mel. $1,000 worth of hair.
What am I supposed to do with it?

642
00:52:05,106 --> 00:52:07,936
- Alan, I was wondering if...
- You want one of them?

643
00:52:08,906 --> 00:52:12,037
I'd rather make a coat for my wife.

644
00:52:12,147 --> 00:52:15,707
All right, everyone.
It's time to expand your minds.

645
00:52:15,847 --> 00:52:21,117
- It's homework time. OK?
- Yeah, but... after Dick Van Dyke.

646
00:52:22,587 --> 00:52:25,217
No. Now.

647
00:52:25,786 --> 00:52:26,846
No.

648
00:52:28,196 --> 00:52:31,026
We always watch Dick Van Dyke.

649
00:52:33,496 --> 00:52:36,366
Really? Well, not any more.

650
00:52:37,806 --> 00:52:41,067
The only thing you'll be watching
is Deep Sea-N-N.

651
00:52:42,506 --> 00:52:43,906
Now,

652
00:52:44,476 --> 00:52:47,445
I know you're used to loosey-goosey.

653
00:52:47,545 --> 00:52:50,445
But I run a much tighter ship.

654
00:52:50,785 --> 00:52:55,186
Between the hours of 3pm and 7pm,
I'm in charge.

655
00:52:55,756 --> 00:52:59,686
And when I'm in charge,
you will follow a schedule.

656
00:52:59,786 --> 00:53:02,755
Those who do not follow the schedule
will be punished.

657
00:53:03,625 --> 00:53:06,685
- Punished?
- She's lying.

658
00:53:06,795 --> 00:53:08,854
She'd never punish us.

659
00:53:09,394 --> 00:53:11,865
Don't... fuss with me.

660
00:53:44,004 --> 00:53:46,404
This is exploitation. It's not fair.

661
00:53:46,534 --> 00:53:49,694
- Shut up, Lydie.
- Yeah. You got us into this.

662
00:53:49,804 --> 00:53:52,203
Ooh, my little ankle-biters.

663
00:53:52,343 --> 00:53:54,903
Do I sense dissension in the ranks?

664
00:53:55,013 --> 00:53:58,703
Are we ready for homework,
or shall we continue manual labor?

665
00:53:58,813 --> 00:54:03,653
- No. Anything but this.
- Then upstairs, my little nose-miners.

666
00:54:03,783 --> 00:54:06,843
Go. Flee before me!

667
00:54:06,993 --> 00:54:09,253
Onward and upward!

668
00:54:09,393 --> 00:54:11,584
Go pump some neurons.

669
00:54:11,694 --> 00:54:13,753
Expand your craniums.

670
00:54:13,863 --> 00:54:15,923
- I miss Dad.
- Me, too.

671
00:54:16,033 --> 00:54:18,552
Me most.

672
00:54:20,302 --> 00:54:22,362
I'm here, guys.

673
00:54:23,572 --> 00:54:25,592
In some form.

674
00:54:28,443 --> 00:54:30,533
Let's see.

675
00:54:33,913 --> 00:54:35,971
OK. Pinch of basil.

676
00:54:38,981 --> 00:54:41,012
Damn!

677
00:54:48,832 --> 00:54:50,852
Mayday!

678
00:54:51,532 --> 00:54:53,592
Oh, God! It's gonna blow!

679
00:54:55,931 --> 00:54:57,991
Easy.

680
00:54:58,101 --> 00:55:00,161
Damn. Calm down.

681
00:55:01,341 --> 00:55:03,401
Come on.

682
00:55:04,111 --> 00:55:07,371
How is it? Oh, my God.
It's clotted. Oh, God.

683
00:55:08,751 --> 00:55:11,682
This hollandaise smells like burnt rubber.

684
00:55:12,552 --> 00:55:14,681
God, it's hot in here.

685
00:55:33,910 --> 00:55:38,140
Look at this! My first day as a woman
and I'm getting hot flashes.

686
00:55:55,129 --> 00:55:57,490
- Hey, here's your food.
- How much is it?

687
00:55:57,660 --> 00:56:00,859
- 135.27.
- 135 dollars? That's certainly...

688
00:56:00,969 --> 00:56:03,019
And 27 cents.

689
00:56:03,129 --> 00:56:05,969
Four dinners. 20 bucks extra for rushing us.

690
00:56:06,099 --> 00:56:10,038
Rushing? Well, you could have been
a little bit faster, dear.

691
00:56:10,138 --> 00:56:13,539
- There's 140. Do you have change?
- No.

692
00:56:13,709 --> 00:56:16,769
I thought you wouldn't.
Thank you very much.

693
00:56:47,178 --> 00:56:49,197
Hello!

694
00:56:50,747 --> 00:56:52,767
Hello! Anybody home?

695
00:56:55,347 --> 00:56:58,318
- Where were you guys?
- Upstairs, doing our homework.

696
00:56:58,418 --> 00:57:00,618
Mrs Doubtfire said we had to.

697
00:57:00,788 --> 00:57:03,348
Oh, she did, huh?

698
00:57:03,458 --> 00:57:06,427
Doing your homework. How great!

699
00:57:06,556 --> 00:57:08,326
- Hi.
- Hi, honey.

700
00:57:08,426 --> 00:57:12,366
Look at this place! It looks wonderful!
All spick-and-span.

701
00:57:26,076 --> 00:57:28,516
Dinner is served, madam.

702
00:57:29,416 --> 00:57:31,176
How lovely!

703
00:57:53,505 --> 00:57:55,405
Mrs Doubtfire?

704
00:57:55,505 --> 00:57:59,236
Lydia, dear. Get back inside
right now before you freeze.

705
00:57:59,376 --> 00:58:03,815
Look... I just want to apologize
for being such a pain today.

706
00:58:03,915 --> 00:58:07,615
- Oh, dear, it's all right.
- No, I'm really sorry.

707
00:58:08,925 --> 00:58:13,184
It's just... I'm still kind of messed-up.
About everything.

708
00:58:15,525 --> 00:58:17,585
We all are, sweetie.

709
00:58:18,395 --> 00:58:20,165
What?

710
00:58:20,665 --> 00:58:25,034
I just mean I understand
the pain you're all going through.

711
00:58:27,074 --> 00:58:29,095
Yeah.

712
00:58:30,005 --> 00:58:32,174
Well, I also wanted to thank you.

713
00:58:32,744 --> 00:58:35,874
- For what?
- For making my mom so happy.

714
00:58:38,484 --> 00:58:43,423
She hasn't been in this good a mood since...
I can't even remember.

715
00:58:45,724 --> 00:58:47,784
It's been a long time.

716
00:58:47,924 --> 00:58:50,324
- It has?
- Yeah.

717
00:58:51,634 --> 00:58:53,653
Well, I gotta go back in, but...

718
00:58:53,833 --> 00:58:57,293
- Go.
- OK. Thank you.

719
00:58:57,933 --> 00:59:00,403
You're welcome.

720
00:59:03,443 --> 00:59:05,463
Bye.

721
00:59:11,353 --> 00:59:13,413
Thank you.

722
00:59:26,392 --> 00:59:28,362
Oh, no.

723
00:59:29,462 --> 00:59:33,533
Well, milady!
It's a pleasure to see you again!

724
00:59:33,673 --> 00:59:35,693
A joy, as always.

725
00:59:54,222 --> 00:59:56,662
I like that Mediterranean look in women.

726
00:59:58,290 --> 01:00:00,321
Natural. Healthy.

727
01:00:01,931 --> 01:00:03,991
Just the way God made ya.

728
01:00:05,131 --> 01:00:09,701
He broke the mould when he made me, dear.
He made me very special.

729
01:00:10,171 --> 01:00:12,611
He sure did.

730
01:00:13,841 --> 01:00:16,331
Bless you.

731
01:01:33,718 --> 01:01:37,158
I am not a crook.

732
01:01:37,258 --> 01:01:39,618
"She kissed Stuart and thanked him. "

733
01:01:40,458 --> 01:01:42,828
"'How was it down there? ' asked Mr Little,

734
01:01:42,928 --> 01:01:46,458
who was always curious to know
about places he'd never been to. "

735
01:01:46,598 --> 01:01:48,468
"'It was all right,' said Stuart. "

736
01:02:38,116 --> 01:02:39,876
Back off, asshole!

737
01:02:39,986 --> 01:02:41,676
Beat it!

738
01:02:44,286 --> 01:02:47,226
Broke my bag, the bastard.

739
01:02:55,175 --> 01:02:57,805
Lover boy's here.

740
01:02:57,945 --> 01:03:01,115
What a beautiful little car for Don Juan.

741
01:03:05,826 --> 01:03:07,885
So sad when that happens!

742
01:03:08,195 --> 01:03:12,824
It was our junior year in college, and your
mother got asked to design this big float.

743
01:03:15,534 --> 01:03:18,795
- I wasn't that young.
- I went to kiss her...

744
01:03:18,935 --> 01:03:22,705
Elastic bands were flying out everywhere.
Hit you in the face.

745
01:03:22,805 --> 01:03:26,174
- That's not true!
- It was like Jaws.

746
01:03:26,274 --> 01:03:30,214
- Isn't that the pretty picture!
- Oh. Mrs Doubtfire.

747
01:03:30,884 --> 01:03:35,014
Miranda. What a pleasant surprise
to see you home so early, dear.

748
01:03:35,154 --> 01:03:37,954
- And who is your gentleman caller?
- This is Stu.

749
01:03:38,054 --> 01:03:41,454
- He just wanted to come and meet the kids.
- Oh, did he?

750
01:03:41,594 --> 01:03:44,993
Ah, this must be the famous Mrs Doubtfire.

751
01:03:45,293 --> 01:03:47,353
It's a pleasure to meet you.

752
01:03:48,394 --> 01:03:51,234
Yes, well...
Miranda's been raving about you.

753
01:03:51,364 --> 01:03:54,234
- Odd. She's never mentioned you.
- No?

754
01:03:54,374 --> 01:03:57,463
- No.
- Well... It's good to meet you.

755
01:03:57,603 --> 01:03:59,633
- You, too.
- Yes.

756
01:04:00,373 --> 01:04:04,833
I have a home in London. I was born there.
What part of England are you from?

757
01:04:04,983 --> 01:04:09,473
- Here and there, dear. All over, really.
- Yes?

758
01:04:09,613 --> 01:04:13,573
- Accent's a little kind of... muddled.
- Really? So is your tan.

759
01:04:16,192 --> 01:04:19,853
Dear, can you help me with something?
I found this outside.

760
01:04:20,993 --> 01:04:22,962
Yes. This is off my Mercedes.

761
01:04:23,062 --> 01:04:27,592
Off your Mercedes, dear?
You own that big, expensive car out there?

762
01:04:27,702 --> 01:04:31,032
Oh, dear. They say a man
who has to buy a big car like that

763
01:04:31,142 --> 01:04:33,473
is compensating for smaller genitals.

764
01:04:33,613 --> 01:04:38,012
But not in your case, cos I see
that you're a strapping lad, aren't ya?

765
01:04:38,112 --> 01:04:40,811
- It was lovely to meet you.
- You too, dear.

766
01:04:41,511 --> 01:04:45,451
- Mrs Doubtfire, may I speak with you?
- Ooh, certainly, dear.

767
01:04:46,081 --> 01:04:48,992
Could you stay
a few extra hours this evening?

768
01:04:49,092 --> 01:04:53,252
Stu. That's more of a thick soup
than a name, really.

769
01:04:53,362 --> 01:04:55,422
It's a name. It's short for Stuart.

770
01:04:55,532 --> 01:04:58,622
- Is it?
- Yes. He's a client. And a friend.

771
01:04:58,732 --> 01:05:01,320
- He was a friend. He is a friend.
- What is he?

772
01:05:01,470 --> 01:05:04,201
- I don't know what's happening.
- What is it, dear?

773
01:05:04,301 --> 01:05:06,931
- Isn't he fabulous?
- Kind of, dear.

774
01:05:07,071 --> 01:05:09,701
If you like that handsome, rugged type.

775
01:05:09,881 --> 01:05:13,311
But personally I prefer
short, furry and funny.

776
01:05:13,451 --> 01:05:15,911
He just wants to go out and have a drink.

777
01:05:16,051 --> 01:05:19,921
- I think that's pretty harmless. Don't you?
- Absolutely not, dear.

778
01:05:20,051 --> 01:05:23,610
- They always have other intentions.
- This is business, mostly.

779
01:05:23,720 --> 01:05:27,020
I'll just sip club soda
and we'll go over wallpaper samples.

780
01:05:27,360 --> 01:05:30,620
Dear Miranda. Wake up
and smell the coffee, dear.

781
01:05:30,730 --> 01:05:33,320
Can't you see the lust in that man's eyes?

782
01:05:33,470 --> 01:05:36,331
It's too soon, dear. Really.

783
01:05:36,471 --> 01:05:38,700
You've got to give your divorce time.

784
01:05:38,800 --> 01:05:43,759
Let your sheets cool down before you bring
someone else into the bed. All right?

785
01:05:43,939 --> 01:05:46,429
Mrs Doubtfire, may I ask you a question?

786
01:05:46,549 --> 01:05:48,569
Certainly, dear.

787
01:05:48,709 --> 01:05:51,270
How long after Mr Doubtfire passed away...

788
01:05:51,380 --> 01:05:53,150
Winston.

789
01:05:53,290 --> 01:05:55,750
did you feel any desire...

790
01:05:59,359 --> 01:06:01,119
Never.

791
01:06:01,229 --> 01:06:03,129
Never again.

792
01:06:03,229 --> 01:06:07,099
Once the father of your children
is out of the picture,

793
01:06:07,199 --> 01:06:10,759
the only solution is
total and lifelong celibacy.

794
01:06:11,199 --> 01:06:12,759
- Celibacy?
- Yes.

795
01:06:13,169 --> 01:06:15,938
And if you violate that, heaven forgive ya.

796
01:06:17,308 --> 01:06:19,138
Good luck.

797
01:06:20,249 --> 01:06:22,299
Thank you.

798
01:06:27,848 --> 01:06:30,188
"Preponderance. "

799
01:06:38,858 --> 01:06:41,958
Bravo. "Discriminate. "

800
01:06:49,637 --> 01:06:53,767
Oh, that's very good.
Will you excuse me, dear? Call of nature.

801
01:06:55,147 --> 01:06:57,577
Check those. I'll be right back.

802
01:07:19,966 --> 01:07:22,167
- Oh, God.
- Oh, God!

803
01:07:22,867 --> 01:07:25,367
- Oh, my God!
- Chris! Wait!

804
01:07:26,207 --> 01:07:28,237
Lydia! We gotta call the cops!

805
01:07:28,377 --> 01:07:30,866
- We gotta dial 911 now!
- Why?

806
01:07:31,016 --> 01:07:34,535
Mrs Doubtfire. He's a she!

807
01:07:34,645 --> 01:07:36,586
What?

808
01:07:36,686 --> 01:07:39,276
- He's half man, half woman!
- What?

809
01:07:39,886 --> 01:07:43,846
- All right, everyone. Calm down.
- Freeze! Or you're gonna get it!

810
01:07:43,996 --> 01:07:45,426
- In the balls!
- Yeah!

811
01:07:46,296 --> 01:07:48,786
- She's got 'em?
- She's got everything.

812
01:07:48,896 --> 01:07:50,956
All right. Listen to me.

813
01:07:51,096 --> 01:07:53,565
I'm not... who you think I am.

814
01:07:53,665 --> 01:07:56,835
- No shit!
- Watch your mouth, young man!

815
01:08:00,645 --> 01:08:02,665
Oh, my God.

816
01:08:05,946 --> 01:08:08,776
- Dad?
- Yeah.

817
01:08:09,715 --> 01:08:12,315
- Dad?
- Yeah, honey.

818
01:08:13,924 --> 01:08:16,654
You don't really like
wearin' that stuff, do you?

819
01:08:17,224 --> 01:08:19,884
Well, some of it's comfortable... No!

820
01:08:20,364 --> 01:08:24,425
It's a pain in the padded ass.
This is not a way of life. It's just a job.

821
01:08:25,065 --> 01:08:28,694
I don't go to old-lady bars or
anything like that after work.

822
01:08:28,834 --> 01:08:31,534
It's the only way
I could see you guys every day.

823
01:08:31,674 --> 01:08:35,473
- Who did this?
- Uncle Frank and Aunt Jack.

824
01:08:41,844 --> 01:08:43,874
It's really you in there.

825
01:08:43,984 --> 01:08:46,044
Yeah.

826
01:08:48,523 --> 01:08:53,754
It's just a mask. And this is a body suit.
I didn't have any operations or anything.

827
01:08:53,894 --> 01:08:55,954
- It's good.
- Yeah.

828
01:08:56,094 --> 01:08:57,523
Hi.

829
01:08:59,593 --> 01:09:03,463
- Sorry I scared you. Come here, Chris.
- No. No, it's OK.

830
01:09:03,573 --> 01:09:07,233
I get it. I just...
don't wanna hug you or anything.

831
01:09:07,703 --> 01:09:11,103
- Not just yet.
- That's cool. It's a guy thing.

832
01:09:11,913 --> 01:09:13,533
Yeah.

833
01:09:13,683 --> 01:09:16,843
Well, now that you know,
you can't tell Mom, OK?

834
01:09:17,683 --> 01:09:23,383
Cos if she finds out, I'll only be able
to see you through plate glass. OK?

835
01:09:23,523 --> 01:09:26,582
And we can't tell Nattie,
cos she'll blow my cover.

836
01:09:26,722 --> 01:09:29,882
So you have to promise me,
it's just us. All right?

837
01:09:29,992 --> 01:09:32,362
- You promise?
- Yeah.

838
01:09:34,832 --> 01:09:36,892
It's OK.

839
01:09:38,803 --> 01:09:41,502
All right? It's our little secret.

840
01:09:45,041 --> 01:09:49,571
Most of the dinosaurs were herbivorous.

841
01:09:49,711 --> 01:09:52,312
But this Tyrannosaurus rex

842
01:09:53,012 --> 01:09:55,352
is a carnivore.

843
01:10:02,261 --> 01:10:05,390
The reptile-like Saurischia

844
01:10:08,631 --> 01:10:11,431
and the bird-like

845
01:10:11,571 --> 01:10:13,401
Ornithischia.

846
01:10:20,081 --> 01:10:22,840
Now, we're going to go

847
01:10:22,980 --> 01:10:25,450
where no human being has ever been.

848
01:10:25,580 --> 01:10:27,610
Oh, no.

849
01:10:29,220 --> 01:10:31,310
Which one's the dinosaur?

850
01:10:31,420 --> 01:10:36,120
- The one in the middle, I think.
- Nah, you're wrong. They're all extinct.

851
01:10:37,991 --> 01:10:42,360
I can't believe they're still
subjecting kids to this. This is insane.

852
01:10:42,460 --> 01:10:47,559
There should be a disclaimer: Do not operate
heavy machinery while watching this show.

853
01:10:47,669 --> 01:10:49,729
It's incredible.

854
01:10:49,839 --> 01:10:53,830
This guy used to put me to sleep
when I was a kid. It's amazing.

855
01:10:53,980 --> 01:10:59,070
He has the warmth of a snow pea. Makes
Mr Rogers look like Mick Jagger. It's insane.

856
01:10:59,849 --> 01:11:03,339
What kind of idiot
kept this guy on the air for 25 years?

857
01:11:03,989 --> 01:11:05,419
Me.

858
01:11:08,589 --> 01:11:10,419
You?

859
01:11:10,529 --> 01:11:12,389
Jonathan Lundy.

860
01:11:13,859 --> 01:11:16,559
Jonathan Lundy, General Manager, owner?

861
01:11:17,599 --> 01:11:19,618
Daniel Hillard, former employee.

862
01:11:20,998 --> 01:11:23,028
Maybe.

863
01:11:23,609 --> 01:11:25,629
That's funny.

864
01:11:25,739 --> 01:11:27,898
I don't mean to criticize. I just...

865
01:11:28,038 --> 01:11:31,878
- Sometimes I have...
- Criticize all you want. Show's terrible.

866
01:11:32,008 --> 01:11:36,378
I'm gonna cancel it. It's pullin' down
the whole afternoon schedule. It's gone.

867
01:11:36,478 --> 01:11:38,507
You know what you gotta do?

868
01:11:38,648 --> 01:11:41,678
Start from scratch.
Give it... maybe a musical number.

869
01:11:41,818 --> 01:11:46,778
- A little Tyrannosaurus rex comes out...
- Hillard, get your ass to the truck.

870
01:11:46,898 --> 01:11:50,257
That shipment's gotta make
a six o'clock flight to LA.

871
01:11:50,367 --> 01:11:52,887
Tone, this is Mr Lundy.

872
01:11:53,367 --> 01:11:55,888
- He knows who I am.
- Yeah.

873
01:11:56,038 --> 01:12:00,337
Did you ever wish that you could
freeze-frame a single moment in your day,

874
01:12:00,507 --> 01:12:03,067
look at it and say "This is not my life"?

875
01:12:30,367 --> 01:12:33,136
Miranda. What are you home early for, dear?

876
01:12:33,266 --> 01:12:35,565
I had an appointment. Oh, thank you!

877
01:12:35,705 --> 01:12:38,935
With the court liaison. Mrs Sellner.

878
01:12:39,075 --> 01:12:41,546
- I can't believe it.
- What, dear?

879
01:12:42,146 --> 01:12:46,376
She says Daniel has some woman
living with him pretending to be his sister!

880
01:12:47,686 --> 01:12:53,554
- I told her he doesn't even have a sister.
- Mrs Sellner's probably mistaken.

881
01:12:53,694 --> 01:12:57,145
She's a social worker, dear. Really!

882
01:12:57,295 --> 01:13:00,885
And besides, how could he replace you?

883
01:13:00,995 --> 01:13:03,525
And so quickly. Really!

884
01:13:03,635 --> 01:13:07,065
She's supposed to be older
and very unattractive.

885
01:13:08,775 --> 01:13:10,796
Really?

886
01:13:11,646 --> 01:13:13,705
Mrs Doubtfire.

887
01:13:15,344 --> 01:13:18,404
- Yes?
- Did you and Mr Doubtfire ever...

888
01:13:19,384 --> 01:13:25,215
- You must have had your share of problems.
- Oh, of course, dear. What marriage doesn't?

889
01:13:25,355 --> 01:13:29,015
But I always say: The bad times fade away,

890
01:13:29,155 --> 01:13:32,184
and the good ones
adhere themselves to your memory.

891
01:13:32,324 --> 01:13:34,994
- Yes. Excuse me.
- That's all right.

892
01:13:38,133 --> 01:13:42,694
As I hold this cold meat,
I'm reminded of Winston. God rest his soul.

893
01:13:43,434 --> 01:13:45,374
When did he... pass on?

894
01:13:47,014 --> 01:13:50,243
Eight years ago, dear. This November.

895
01:13:50,543 --> 01:13:52,603
What happened?

896
01:13:52,743 --> 01:13:55,444
- He was quite fond of the drink.
- Ah.

897
01:13:56,354 --> 01:13:58,913
- It was the drink that killed him.
- How awful.

898
01:13:59,023 --> 01:14:03,183
- He was an alcoholic?
- No. He was hit by a Guinness truck.

899
01:14:03,293 --> 01:14:06,263
So it was quite literally
the drink that killed him.

900
01:14:06,423 --> 01:14:08,922
- How tragic!
- Yes.

901
01:14:13,463 --> 01:14:16,373
Oh, but he was a good man, though, really.

902
01:14:17,903 --> 01:14:20,342
A sainted man.

903
01:14:20,442 --> 01:14:23,132
And despite his mountains of faults, dear,

904
01:14:23,242 --> 01:14:26,613
I always say: A flawed husband
is better than none at all.

905
01:14:27,812 --> 01:14:32,222
- Who needs a husband when I've got you?
- Surely you don't mean that, dear?

906
01:14:32,322 --> 01:14:34,752
- Well...
- Oh, that's so sweet!

907
01:14:34,852 --> 01:14:38,622
You can't imagine what it was like
being married to Daniel.

908
01:14:38,722 --> 01:14:43,492
Tell me, dear. What was so horrible
about this man you lived with for 14 years?

909
01:14:43,632 --> 01:14:45,692
Well, at first, nothing.

910
01:14:45,832 --> 01:14:48,891
He was so... romantic.

911
01:14:49,031 --> 01:14:51,061
- So passionate.
- Really?

912
01:14:51,201 --> 01:14:54,071
He sounds like an absolute stud, dear.

913
01:14:54,211 --> 01:14:58,042
I hope you don't mind me
being a tad rude, but...

914
01:14:58,142 --> 01:15:02,102
How was he... you know...
on a scale of 1 to 10?

915
01:15:02,252 --> 01:15:05,580
Oh, well. That part was always...

916
01:15:06,320 --> 01:15:07,980
OK.

917
01:15:08,090 --> 01:15:10,320
Just OK?

918
01:15:10,920 --> 01:15:14,861
He was probably a Casanova
compared to poor old Winston.

919
01:15:14,961 --> 01:15:17,451
- What was the matter with Winston?
- Oh, dear.

920
01:15:17,561 --> 01:15:21,901
Winston's idea of foreplay was
"Effie, brace yourself. "

921
01:15:25,039 --> 01:15:28,230
It was Daniel's spontaneity and energy
I fell in love with.

922
01:15:28,340 --> 01:15:30,200
Really?

923
01:15:30,310 --> 01:15:34,870
Everyone else I knew
was so organized, so scheduled.

924
01:15:34,980 --> 01:15:37,040
Like me, I guess.

925
01:15:37,150 --> 01:15:42,111
But Daniel was so wonderfully different.
And funny. He could always make me laugh.

926
01:15:42,251 --> 01:15:45,450
I always say:
The key to a solid marriage is laughter.

927
01:15:46,789 --> 01:15:50,489
But after a few years,
everything just stopped being funny.

928
01:15:50,599 --> 01:15:54,289
- Why?
- I was working all the time.

929
01:15:54,399 --> 01:15:58,560
And he was always between jobs.
I hardly ever got to see the kids.

930
01:15:58,700 --> 01:16:02,569
If I got home early to be with them,
something would go wrong.

931
01:16:02,709 --> 01:16:06,109
The house would be wrecked
and I'd have to clean it up.

932
01:16:07,478 --> 01:16:12,139
He never knew, but so many nights I just...
cried myself to sleep.

933
01:16:13,989 --> 01:16:15,849
Really?

934
01:16:17,819 --> 01:16:21,488
The truth is, I didn't like who I was
when I was with him.

935
01:16:22,288 --> 01:16:24,518
I would turn into this horrible person.

936
01:16:25,598 --> 01:16:29,358
I didn't want my kids growing up
with a mother like that.

937
01:16:30,738 --> 01:16:33,198
When I'm not with Daniel, I'm better.

938
01:16:34,338 --> 01:16:38,928
And... I'm sure he's better
when he's not with me.

939
01:16:40,177 --> 01:16:42,668
Well, you never...

940
01:16:42,778 --> 01:16:47,108
I mean... Did you ever
say anything to him, dear?

941
01:16:49,348 --> 01:16:52,407
Daniel never liked
to talk about anything serious.

942
01:16:58,458 --> 01:17:02,587
I used to think Daniel could do anything.
Except be serious.

943
01:17:05,237 --> 01:17:08,967
But then, I was serious enough
for everybody.

944
01:17:31,297 --> 01:17:35,726
- This is great!
- Isn't this posh!

945
01:17:35,826 --> 01:17:41,355
I'll bet it's very exclusive. Probably need
a credit reference just to get in the pool.

946
01:17:41,465 --> 01:17:44,126
- Amazing!
- Oh, Nattie.

947
01:17:44,236 --> 01:17:48,196
Not a single body
that exists in nature. Look at that.

948
01:17:48,306 --> 01:17:50,436
- Lydie...
- There's Stu!

949
01:17:50,576 --> 01:17:52,736
Where? Oh. On the board.

950
01:17:53,516 --> 01:17:56,034
Oh, isn't he a stunning piece of work?

951
01:17:56,184 --> 01:17:59,275
Look, Nattie. That's called liposuction.

952
01:18:10,465 --> 01:18:14,196
I hope he had protection,
hitting the water at that speed.

953
01:18:14,306 --> 01:18:17,164
- Let's go say hi.
- Let's do, please.

954
01:18:17,274 --> 01:18:19,864
- That's amazing.
- Stunning.

955
01:18:26,814 --> 01:18:30,245
- Hello! You look lovely!
- Hi.

956
01:18:30,345 --> 01:18:32,785
Oh, guys, I'm so glad you could make it.

957
01:18:32,885 --> 01:18:36,844
- By the looks of you, that water's so cold!
- Yes, well...

958
01:18:37,024 --> 01:18:39,893
Your tummy looks different from my daddy's.

959
01:18:40,763 --> 01:18:45,324
Oh, Nattie! Not everyone has
their own personal trainer.

960
01:18:45,894 --> 01:18:49,424
- Got your swimsuits? Wanna go for a dip?
- That'd be great!

961
01:18:49,704 --> 01:18:53,603
- Good! How about you, Mrs Doubtfire?
- Oh, you wicked, wicked man!

962
01:18:53,703 --> 01:18:57,033
Isn't there enough flesh here
for you to feast your eyes on?

963
01:18:57,143 --> 01:19:01,603
- Come, Mrs Doubtfire. Don't be bashful.
- No, dear. They've outlawed whaling.

964
01:19:01,713 --> 01:19:05,083
- We'd be re-enacting the Titanic.
- Come on, Mrs Doubtfire.

965
01:19:05,183 --> 01:19:09,013
Oh, no. Just go. Leave me here.
I'll just sit in the sun and crisp.

966
01:19:09,123 --> 01:19:11,852
You can't get heatstroke
twice in the same year.

967
01:19:11,952 --> 01:19:14,753
OK. Well, let's go, kids. Swim time.

968
01:19:15,123 --> 01:19:18,293
- Go, dear. I'll be fine.
- Your day's on me, Mrs Doubtfire.

969
01:19:18,393 --> 01:19:21,332
- Anything you need, put it on my tab.
- Thank you, dear.

970
01:19:21,462 --> 01:19:24,762
Touch me again and
I'll drown you, you bastard.

971
01:19:24,902 --> 01:19:28,562
I'll just sit here and watch you
move in on my family.

972
01:19:33,372 --> 01:19:37,782
Oh, God. What am I doing here?
This is beyond obsession.

973
01:20:05,741 --> 01:20:09,700
- Is everything all right, ma'am?
- Fan-bloody-tastic.

974
01:20:09,810 --> 01:20:11,370
- Can I have another?
- Sure.

975
01:20:11,510 --> 01:20:12,500
Great.

976
01:20:23,221 --> 01:20:25,560
Soda with a lime, please.

977
01:20:35,200 --> 01:20:37,640
- It's on me.
- No, thanks.

978
01:20:46,850 --> 01:20:48,909
Four iced teas, Todd.

979
01:20:49,949 --> 01:20:51,979
So, whose rugrats?

980
01:20:54,889 --> 01:20:56,579
Miranda Hillard's.

981
01:20:56,689 --> 01:20:59,819
- Miranda Hillard?
- The woman I'm seeing.

982
01:21:00,760 --> 01:21:03,660
No kidding? You?
The guy who's never having kids?

983
01:21:03,800 --> 01:21:08,129
Won't have anything to do with kids?
You won't even date a woman with kids.

984
01:21:08,269 --> 01:21:10,328
People change, Ron.

985
01:21:10,438 --> 01:21:14,238
I'm pushing 40. I don't want to
spend the rest of my life by myself.

986
01:21:14,378 --> 01:21:16,739
She's got an awful lot
of baggage. Three kids.

987
01:21:16,839 --> 01:21:21,749
Three terrific kids, and I'm crazy about
them. Especially little Natalie. Look at her.

988
01:21:21,849 --> 01:21:24,008
She's a sweetie pie.

989
01:21:24,818 --> 01:21:29,378
God knows they need a stable father figure
in their life right now.

990
01:21:29,488 --> 01:21:34,788
- What about their real father?
- What can I say? The guy's a loser. I'll see ya.

991
01:21:35,828 --> 01:21:38,418
Loser? Oh, yeah?

992
01:21:43,497 --> 01:21:45,557
Oh, sir!

993
01:21:45,667 --> 01:21:49,968
I saw it! Some angry member
of the kitchen staff. Did you not tip them?

994
01:21:50,078 --> 01:21:53,907
Oh, the terrorists! They ran that way.
It was a run-by fruiting.

995
01:21:54,047 --> 01:21:56,517
I'll get them, sir. Don't worry.

996
01:22:04,057 --> 01:22:06,077
Good waste of juice.

997
01:22:06,227 --> 01:22:07,917
Loser.

998
01:22:10,127 --> 01:22:12,457
What are you lookin' at?

999
01:22:44,095 --> 01:22:46,115
Hi, boys and girls.

1000
01:22:46,265 --> 01:22:49,526
Today we'll be talking about dinosaurs.

1001
01:22:49,666 --> 01:22:52,866
It's A Dinosaurus Line!

1002
01:22:56,535 --> 01:22:58,974
And please welcome... the king!

1003
01:23:03,215 --> 01:23:06,905
It's a dinner show. Hi! Where you from?
I'm gonna make you lunch.

1004
01:23:07,015 --> 01:23:09,385
Thank you very much. Thank you! All right!

1005
01:23:09,515 --> 01:23:12,575
Ladies and gentlemen,
put your claws together!

1006
01:23:12,725 --> 01:23:16,985
Please welcome... James Browntosaurus!

1007
01:23:19,024 --> 01:23:20,994
I eat wood

1008
01:23:21,334 --> 01:23:23,764
It tastes good

1009
01:23:24,334 --> 01:23:26,564
No meat, big feet

1010
01:23:26,704 --> 01:23:29,464
I eat wood

1011
01:23:29,574 --> 01:23:33,405
Oh, I got to help myself!
Can't go on! I'm goin' extinct!

1012
01:23:33,545 --> 01:23:39,074
Oh, thank you, James. But right now...
it's time for the Raptor Rap!

1013
01:23:39,184 --> 01:23:42,013
I'm a raptor, doin' what I can

1014
01:23:42,153 --> 01:23:45,273
Gonna eat everything
till the appearance of man

1015
01:23:45,623 --> 01:23:48,784
Yo, yo, see me, I'm livin' below the soil

1016
01:23:48,924 --> 01:23:51,914
I'll be back but I'm comin' as oil

1017
01:23:55,194 --> 01:23:57,893
Very impressive, Mr Hillard!

1018
01:23:58,003 --> 01:24:02,692
- I didn't know anybody was watching.
- I was watching. That's funny stuff.

1019
01:24:02,802 --> 01:24:05,833
- Well, thanks.
- I think kids'd like it.

1020
01:24:05,973 --> 01:24:10,203
- They'd be entertained and get information.
- That's kinda my theory.

1021
01:24:10,343 --> 01:24:13,213
You don't have to play down to 'em,
just play to 'em.

1022
01:24:13,343 --> 01:24:16,972
- Listen, I'd like to hear more of your ideas.
- My ideas?

1023
01:24:17,082 --> 01:24:20,643
- How about a dinner meeting?
- Wow. OK.

1024
01:24:20,783 --> 01:24:23,912
Next Friday. Bridges Restaurant.
Seven o'clock sharp.

1025
01:24:25,392 --> 01:24:27,452
I'll be there.

1026
01:24:32,802 --> 01:24:34,392
Take five.

1027
01:24:34,572 --> 01:24:37,562
Take five million. You're dead.

1028
01:24:41,042 --> 01:24:45,941
We've just had our first
home-cooked meal. I'm domestic now, huh?

1029
01:24:46,041 --> 01:24:49,812
- This is terrific, Dad.
- You want more spaghetti?

1030
01:24:49,912 --> 01:24:52,681
- No, I'm stuffed.
- Garlic bread? I made it myself.

1031
01:24:52,821 --> 01:24:56,051
Well, I didn't make it myself.
I cooked it. I sliced it.

1032
01:24:56,191 --> 01:24:58,681
It's OK, Dad. Thanks.

1033
01:24:58,821 --> 01:25:01,621
The place looks great. The food's terrific.

1034
01:25:02,531 --> 01:25:05,222
I'm really proud of you.

1035
01:25:05,332 --> 01:25:06,821
Yeah. Me, too.

1036
01:25:06,931 --> 01:25:09,421
Me, too.

1037
01:25:12,400 --> 01:25:14,600
I'll be right back.

1038
01:25:20,211 --> 01:25:22,701
- Thank you for knocking.
- Yeah.

1039
01:25:24,951 --> 01:25:27,250
Look at this!

1040
01:25:27,350 --> 01:25:29,790
I see you got someone to clean for you.

1041
01:25:29,890 --> 01:25:31,909
No.

1042
01:25:33,759 --> 01:25:36,230
- Hi, guys.
- Hi, Mom.

1043
01:25:36,630 --> 01:25:39,430
- Are they ready?
- No. They haven't had dessert yet.

1044
01:25:39,530 --> 01:25:42,690
- You cooked?
- Yes. I cook, I bake, I sew.

1045
01:25:43,100 --> 01:25:46,190
Thanks to this Amish
home study course I'm doing.

1046
01:25:46,640 --> 01:25:49,068
- I'm very impressed.
- Really?

1047
01:25:49,168 --> 01:25:53,009
Give me a second chance. OK?
Let me take the kids after school.

1048
01:25:53,739 --> 01:25:57,479
- I can't get rid of Mrs Doubtfire. She's terrific.
- Why not?

1049
01:25:57,649 --> 01:26:00,139
She's the best thing
that ever happened to us.

1050
01:26:00,279 --> 01:26:05,150
The kids are all doing better in school.
Chris is passing every single subject.

1051
01:26:05,290 --> 01:26:10,019
I find myself getting home early just
to be with them. We're all doing so great.

1052
01:26:12,398 --> 01:26:14,958
Sounds like an amazing woman.
Too good to be true.

1053
01:26:15,098 --> 01:26:17,228
She is.

1054
01:26:25,009 --> 01:26:27,528
- I kinda like the black one.
- Me, too.

1055
01:26:28,148 --> 01:26:30,508
I don't know. Actually... Mrs Doubtfire!

1056
01:26:30,678 --> 01:26:32,877
- Yes?
- We need another woman's opinion.

1057
01:26:32,977 --> 01:26:35,038
Oh! Then I'm your woman.

1058
01:26:35,148 --> 01:26:37,848
- Which one?
- What's the occasion?

1059
01:26:37,958 --> 01:26:40,578
It's my birthday.

1060
01:26:40,758 --> 01:26:43,388
Stu's taking me out to dinner.

1061
01:26:45,358 --> 01:26:47,257
Neither.

1062
01:26:47,357 --> 01:26:50,328
They're both too brazen, dear.
They cry "harlot".

1063
01:26:50,428 --> 01:26:53,158
Red is the traditional
color for streetwalkers.

1064
01:26:53,298 --> 01:26:57,297
And the black one is far too short.
I hope you waxed.

1065
01:26:57,407 --> 01:26:59,167
They both say to me "I'm easy. "

1066
01:26:59,307 --> 01:27:03,507
You want to be Kilimanjaro
on your first date - inaccessible.

1067
01:27:03,607 --> 01:27:06,477
Why buy the cow
when you can get the milk for free?

1068
01:27:06,577 --> 01:27:10,017
No, let's find something more your own age.

1069
01:27:10,147 --> 01:27:12,177
Something a little less tawdry.

1070
01:27:13,017 --> 01:27:15,076
Let's see.

1071
01:27:15,186 --> 01:27:18,746
How about this lovely frock?
Tasteful, elegant...

1072
01:27:18,856 --> 01:27:20,827
Don't you think?

1073
01:27:20,957 --> 01:27:24,486
And old. I wore that
to my aunt's funeral in 1976.

1074
01:27:24,596 --> 01:27:27,966
A classic never dies, dear.
I think it's time to revive it.

1075
01:27:28,066 --> 01:27:31,006
I think we should ask the kids.
What do you think?

1076
01:27:31,136 --> 01:27:35,737
- I'd go with the short, black one.
- Yeah. It's the most fun.

1077
01:27:36,576 --> 01:27:38,606
There. You see? I agree.

1078
01:27:38,776 --> 01:27:42,176
Fine. You ask my opinion,
then don't take it.

1079
01:27:42,286 --> 01:27:46,945
- I will not be held responsible for your virtue.
- You'll be there to protect me.

1080
01:27:47,055 --> 01:27:52,356
- Stu has invited you and the kids to join us.
- Oh, how lovely! One big, happy family.

1081
01:27:52,456 --> 01:27:56,186
I wouldn't miss that for the world!
Should be smashing good fun!

1082
01:27:56,296 --> 01:27:59,855
- I'm so glad.
- When is this enchanted evening?

1083
01:27:59,995 --> 01:28:02,794
Friday night, seven o'clock.

1084
01:28:02,904 --> 01:28:06,765
- This Friday at seven?
- Yes. At my favorite restaurant. Bridges.

1085
01:28:07,905 --> 01:28:09,965
- Bridges?
- Yes.

1086
01:28:10,075 --> 01:28:12,165
- Friday at seven.
- Bridges.

1087
01:28:12,275 --> 01:28:14,335
Sorry.

1088
01:28:15,415 --> 01:28:17,435
- Bridges?
- Yes! Bridges.

1089
01:28:17,585 --> 01:28:20,813
- The restaurant Bridges?
- Friday at seven.

1090
01:28:21,924 --> 01:28:25,874
- I can't. Please, don't. It's bingo night, dear.
- Cancel it.

1091
01:28:26,024 --> 01:28:29,464
I can't, dear. It's my turn
to pull the balls at the rectory.

1092
01:28:29,594 --> 01:28:32,024
- Please join us.
- Don't ask me that, dear.

1093
01:28:32,134 --> 01:28:34,194
I can't have my birthday without you.

1094
01:28:34,294 --> 01:28:38,395
It's so important to us that you be there.
You're part of the family now.

1095
01:28:38,505 --> 01:28:43,403
I can't have a birthday without you.
It would mean so much to me and the children.

1096
01:28:43,503 --> 01:28:47,913
Please promise you'll come with us,
Mrs Doubtfire. You just have to.

1097
01:28:49,683 --> 01:28:52,174
Who could resist that little face?

1098
01:28:53,684 --> 01:28:56,174
- I promise.
- Thank you!

1099
01:28:57,484 --> 01:28:59,383
Thank you, dear.

1100
01:29:00,293 --> 01:29:02,123
- Are you all right?
- Fine.

1101
01:29:02,263 --> 01:29:04,282
Let's see... Nothing.

1102
01:29:04,432 --> 01:29:06,592
- Anything in May?
- Not a thing.

1103
01:29:06,693 --> 01:29:08,723
It doesn't look good.

1104
01:29:09,533 --> 01:29:13,063
I'm sorry. Mr Lundy is completely booked
for the next two months.

1105
01:29:13,533 --> 01:29:17,332
- I'll meet him any time, anywhere.
- Sorry. There's nothing I can do.

1106
01:29:17,472 --> 01:29:20,342
Please. I can't cancel.
It's a huge opportunity.

1107
01:29:20,472 --> 01:29:23,603
Take my advice: Don't cancel.

1108
01:29:26,912 --> 01:29:29,142
Thank you.

1109
01:29:43,662 --> 01:29:46,691
- Come along, Nattie.
- Hello, darling!

1110
01:29:47,171 --> 01:29:50,141
- Shouldn't you cover your shoulders?
- No! I'm fine.

1111
01:29:50,341 --> 01:29:52,702
- Good evening, Mr Lundy.
- Good evening.

1112
01:29:52,812 --> 01:29:56,641
Oh, God. Here we go.

1113
01:29:56,741 --> 01:29:59,441
- Mrs Doubtfire, you look wonderful.
- Thank you.

1114
01:29:59,551 --> 01:30:01,571
Come on. I hope you're all hungry.

1115
01:30:06,591 --> 01:30:09,721
- Good evening, Mr Lundy.
- I'm meeting someone. Is he here?

1116
01:30:10,621 --> 01:30:12,681
No, I'm sorry. He hasn't arrived yet.

1117
01:30:12,791 --> 01:30:15,560
But we can seat you.
Smoking or nonsmoking?

1118
01:30:15,700 --> 01:30:18,160
Nonsmoking, please.

1119
01:30:18,300 --> 01:30:22,260
- Tanya will seat you. Table 15.
- This way, please.

1120
01:30:23,401 --> 01:30:26,461
- Reservation. Dunmeyer.
- Yes, sir.

1121
01:30:27,171 --> 01:30:29,300
- Smoking or nonsmoking?
- Nonsmoking.

1122
01:30:29,410 --> 01:30:32,280
- Smoking!
- Mrs Doubtfire, you don't smoke.

1123
01:30:32,380 --> 01:30:34,779
No, I don't. But I did.

1124
01:30:34,919 --> 01:30:39,910
I found the best way to keep from smoking
again is to be around those who do smoke.

1125
01:30:40,050 --> 01:30:44,720
I have to randomly ingest just a little bit
of nicotine and it steels my wool.

1126
01:30:44,830 --> 01:30:48,820
And I know you're Mr Health. Bless you
for putting yourself in harm's way.

1127
01:30:48,960 --> 01:30:52,628
- Smoking.
- All right. Table 39.

1128
01:30:52,768 --> 01:30:55,889
- Follow me, please.
- 39! My age! You're a saint.

1129
01:30:56,669 --> 01:30:59,569
Thank you very much
for humoring an old lady.

1130
01:31:09,680 --> 01:31:12,378
- He's pissed already.
- Mrs Doubtfire?

1131
01:31:13,548 --> 01:31:17,848
- Would you like to join us?
- Oh. I thought I saw Clint Eastwood.

1132
01:31:17,988 --> 01:31:21,618
That would make my day!
He is such a stud-muffin.

1133
01:31:21,758 --> 01:31:24,789
Will you excuse me, dear?
I have to check my wrap.

1134
01:31:24,899 --> 01:31:28,559
- I can do it for you.
- Oh, no, please. I'm quite capable of...

1135
01:31:28,669 --> 01:31:31,928
All right, dear. There you go.

1136
01:31:32,038 --> 01:31:34,797
- Oh, and your bag too, ma'am.
- Drop it!

1137
01:31:34,907 --> 01:31:37,877
Oh, I'm very sorry, dear. It's my medicine.

1138
01:31:38,007 --> 01:31:41,408
- I have to go take my medicine now.
- We have water at the table.

1139
01:31:41,518 --> 01:31:45,248
I can't take it orally, dear.
I'll be right back.

1140
01:31:45,388 --> 01:31:49,747
- Would you like something to drink?
- Oh, yes. A good stiff Chardonnay.

1141
01:31:49,857 --> 01:31:51,977
I like 'em light and woody.

1142
01:32:01,797 --> 01:32:05,757
- Hello. Bridges Restaurant. May I help you?
- Yes. My name is Daniel Hillard.

1143
01:32:05,867 --> 01:32:11,567
Mr Lundy is expecting me for dinner. Will you
tell him I'm running late, but I'm on my way?

1144
01:32:11,677 --> 01:32:15,307
- I'll deliver the message personally, sir.
- Thank you.

1145
01:32:23,756 --> 01:32:25,917
Oh, Stu!

1146
01:32:26,057 --> 01:32:27,886
I hope you like it.

1147
01:32:28,026 --> 01:32:30,716
It's gorgeous! Thank you!

1148
01:32:31,766 --> 01:32:33,626
Did I miss anything?

1149
01:32:34,666 --> 01:32:38,595
Well, yes. Look. This is the gift
that Stu gave me for my birthday.

1150
01:32:40,506 --> 01:32:42,526
- Isn't it gorgeous!
- Is it real?

1151
01:32:42,676 --> 01:32:44,696
It is very real, Mrs Doubtfire.

1152
01:32:44,846 --> 01:32:49,935
You can either wear that or feed a small
country. That's so nice. So decadent.

1153
01:32:50,075 --> 01:32:52,105
Mommy, I need to go.

1154
01:32:53,785 --> 01:32:56,686
- Mrs Doubtfire, would you take her?
- No. You.

1155
01:32:57,156 --> 01:33:00,515
- She wants you, dear.
- Well, I'll be right back.

1156
01:33:00,655 --> 01:33:01,745
OK.

1157
01:33:06,694 --> 01:33:08,724
Yes, well...

1158
01:33:08,864 --> 01:33:12,425
Children, look at that lovely
dessert tray over there.

1159
01:33:12,535 --> 01:33:16,975
Why don't you go over and pick what
you'd like now so they could reserve it?

1160
01:33:17,105 --> 01:33:19,135
- We'll be back.
- All right.

1161
01:33:21,274 --> 01:33:24,263
That's a pretty impressive
bauble you got her.

1162
01:33:24,373 --> 01:33:26,434
Oh, thank you. Thank you.

1163
01:33:26,544 --> 01:33:31,144
A fella gives a gift like that,
he wants more than a piece of her heart, eh?

1164
01:33:31,314 --> 01:33:33,754
Bit of a going-down payment, huh?

1165
01:33:33,884 --> 01:33:37,514
- Excuse me?
- You know, dear. Sink the sub.

1166
01:33:37,624 --> 01:33:39,924
Hide the weasel? Park the porpoise?

1167
01:33:40,024 --> 01:33:42,085
Bit of the old humpty dumpty?

1168
01:33:42,194 --> 01:33:47,063
- Little Jack Horny? The horizontal mambo?
- Mrs Doubtfire...

1169
01:33:47,163 --> 01:33:50,463
The bone dance, eh?
Rumpleforeskin? Baloney bop?

1170
01:33:50,573 --> 01:33:53,063
Bit of the old cunning linguistics? Hm?

1171
01:33:53,173 --> 01:33:57,004
- Mrs Doubtfire, please.
- Am I being a little graphic? Sorry.

1172
01:33:58,314 --> 01:34:01,573
- I hope you're up for a little competition.
- I beg your pardon?

1173
01:34:01,713 --> 01:34:07,382
She's got a power tool in the bedroom, dear.
It's her personal jackhammer.

1174
01:34:07,522 --> 01:34:10,923
She uses it and the lights dim.
It's like a prison movie.

1175
01:34:11,023 --> 01:34:14,123
Amazed she hasn't chipped her teeth.

1176
01:34:15,833 --> 01:34:17,893
I hope you bring cocktail sauce.

1177
01:34:18,933 --> 01:34:21,732
She's got crabs.
And I don't mean Dungeness.

1178
01:34:22,572 --> 01:34:25,192
I'm being blunt as a spoon, aren't I?

1179
01:34:25,802 --> 01:34:27,832
Forgive me.

1180
01:34:33,282 --> 01:34:36,112
It's the wine. Oh, gosh!

1181
01:34:36,212 --> 01:34:39,711
Be back in a flash.
All right? My tiny bladder.

1182
01:34:43,592 --> 01:34:45,612
- Mrs Doubtfire!
- What?

1183
01:34:45,962 --> 01:34:49,791
- You're going into the men's room.
- No! Oh, so it is!

1184
01:34:49,891 --> 01:34:53,661
I do need new glasses, dear. Sorry!

1185
01:34:56,602 --> 01:34:58,631
Hello!

1186
01:35:28,131 --> 01:35:30,001
Jesus! God!

1187
01:35:42,280 --> 01:35:45,270
- Excuse me. May I have a menu?
- Of course.

1188
01:35:47,920 --> 01:35:50,850
- What's France like?
- Very beautiful.

1189
01:35:53,959 --> 01:35:56,018
Thank you very much.

1190
01:35:57,429 --> 01:35:59,119
- Mr Lundy.
- Oh, hi.

1191
01:35:59,259 --> 01:36:02,819
- Sorry I'm late. Did you get my message?
- Yes. Sit down.

1192
01:36:02,929 --> 01:36:06,059
- How about a drink?
- Sure. I'll have what he's having.

1193
01:36:06,169 --> 01:36:08,139
Double Chivas on the rocks.

1194
01:36:08,269 --> 01:36:11,669
Bring him two doubles so he can catch up.

1195
01:36:11,779 --> 01:36:16,938
- A Scotch drinker, huh? That's my kinda guy!
- Gentlemen, start your engines.

1196
01:36:21,718 --> 01:36:26,708
- OK, everybody. Are we ready to order?
- Yes, I believe we are. Children, fire away.

1197
01:36:26,858 --> 01:36:29,219
Shouldn't we wait for Mrs Doubtfire?

1198
01:36:30,289 --> 01:36:32,319
Yes.

1199
01:36:43,408 --> 01:36:45,738
- How are we doin' over here?
- No, no.

1200
01:36:45,878 --> 01:36:47,898
Oh, yes.

1201
01:36:52,577 --> 01:36:54,637
Now...

1202
01:36:55,717 --> 01:36:58,517
What can you do
to help the ratings on the kid show?

1203
01:36:58,617 --> 01:37:02,177
Bottom line: Don't patronize kids.
They're little people.

1204
01:37:02,327 --> 01:37:07,457
You gotta personalize it. Make it fun.
If it's something you'd enjoy, they'd enjoy it.

1205
01:37:07,597 --> 01:37:10,117
- That's what I'm interested in.
- Bingo!

1206
01:37:10,227 --> 01:37:13,197
Well, I wonder what's happened
to Mrs Doubtfire.

1207
01:37:13,337 --> 01:37:17,167
- We could cross over to the news.
- Would you excuse me for a moment?

1208
01:37:17,307 --> 01:37:18,926
But...

1209
01:37:49,265 --> 01:37:52,935
- May I help you, ma'am?
- Yes, dear. Thank you very much.

1210
01:37:55,405 --> 01:37:59,636
- Oh, my goodness!
- I'm so sorry! It's my fault.

1211
01:38:01,985 --> 01:38:05,045
- Forgive me. Excuse me.
- I'm all right. There we go.

1212
01:38:05,185 --> 01:38:07,444
Thank you. Oh, let's see here!

1213
01:38:07,584 --> 01:38:09,644
- May I take your order, ma'am?
- Oh, yes.

1214
01:38:12,424 --> 01:38:16,955
Let's see. I'll have the poached salmon.

1215
01:38:17,065 --> 01:38:19,655
- And you, sir?
- I'll have the jambalaya.

1216
01:38:19,795 --> 01:38:23,924
- Make mine not spicy. I'm allergic to pepper.
- Certainly, sir.

1217
01:38:24,034 --> 01:38:26,063
Thank you. Cheers. Your health.

1218
01:38:37,114 --> 01:38:39,014
Oh, my God.

1219
01:38:39,114 --> 01:38:43,244
So sorry about that. Just one moment.

1220
01:38:43,384 --> 01:38:45,413
Carpe dentum - seize the teeth.

1221
01:38:45,523 --> 01:38:47,423
Let me assist you.

1222
01:38:47,523 --> 01:38:51,293
A spoon. Oh, how clever. Wait. I've got it.

1223
01:38:51,423 --> 01:38:53,623
Wait. There. Make a pincer.

1224
01:38:53,793 --> 01:38:56,793
Come at it from both sides. Together - up.

1225
01:38:58,403 --> 01:39:00,424
Thank you. There it is.

1226
01:39:01,744 --> 01:39:04,003
Just shake them off, like a dog.

1227
01:39:04,103 --> 01:39:06,162
Sorry. Oh, forgive me.

1228
01:39:06,272 --> 01:39:09,112
- That's all right.
- Sorry about my spray.

1229
01:39:10,342 --> 01:39:14,513
I'll be right back. I just have to
re-attach them with a little adhesive.

1230
01:39:14,653 --> 01:39:18,083
- Tell him to purée the salmon, if you will.
- Purée the salmon.

1231
01:39:18,223 --> 01:39:20,653
Thank you. Sorry about that.

1232
01:39:27,491 --> 01:39:29,331
Oh, that one.

1233
01:39:34,232 --> 01:39:38,142
Oh. I didn't know there was
someone else in here. Sorry.

1234
01:39:44,582 --> 01:39:47,272
Damn it! Oh, there it is.

1235
01:39:49,921 --> 01:39:51,941
Excuse me.

1236
01:40:13,370 --> 01:40:17,501
Where the hell have you been?
I ordered you another Scotch.

1237
01:40:17,611 --> 01:40:19,511
Bully!

1238
01:40:24,780 --> 01:40:26,840
Daniel?

1239
01:40:27,520 --> 01:40:29,550
Are you wearing ladies' perfume?

1240
01:40:32,290 --> 01:40:34,320
Yes, I am.

1241
01:40:36,960 --> 01:40:39,449
Are you wearing lipstick?

1242
01:40:41,369 --> 01:40:42,699
Yeah.

1243
01:40:43,899 --> 01:40:45,930
Why?

1244
01:40:46,340 --> 01:40:49,470
- It rubbed off.
- From whom?

1245
01:40:51,510 --> 01:40:53,909
A girl I used to date. She's a waitress.

1246
01:40:54,249 --> 01:40:56,309
- A waitress? Here?
- Oh, yeah.

1247
01:40:57,149 --> 01:41:01,419
On the way to the bathroom...
Couldn't keep her hands off me.

1248
01:41:03,719 --> 01:41:07,019
- You dog!
- You scallywag!

1249
01:41:11,199 --> 01:41:14,929
I got the stretch outside.
Does your girlfriend have a girlfriend?

1250
01:41:15,028 --> 01:41:17,698
- Hey, it's the '90s.
- No, no! I mean...

1251
01:41:18,808 --> 01:41:21,498
Does she have a lady friend for me?

1252
01:41:21,768 --> 01:41:23,798
- Go ahead. Ask her.
- I'll go ask her.

1253
01:41:23,978 --> 01:41:27,238
Go on. Come on, go get 'em!

1254
01:41:34,389 --> 01:41:36,218
Hey, Dan!

1255
01:41:36,358 --> 01:41:38,377
I need my order for table 39!

1256
01:41:38,487 --> 01:41:41,757
- Relax. I'll be out in a minute.
- Thank you! Great.

1257
01:41:47,828 --> 01:41:50,228
39.

1258
01:42:01,707 --> 01:42:03,767
Table 39!

1259
01:42:20,196 --> 01:42:21,826
Hot jambalaya!

1260
01:42:33,876 --> 01:42:36,276
- Can I help you, ma'am?
- Sorry I'm late.

1261
01:42:36,416 --> 01:42:40,506
But after all those Scotches
I had to piss like a racehorse.

1262
01:42:42,615 --> 01:42:44,645
- Daniel?
- Yeah.

1263
01:42:46,325 --> 01:42:49,686
Why in God's name
are you dressed like a woman?

1264
01:42:54,725 --> 01:42:56,785
Oh, damn.

1265
01:43:03,275 --> 01:43:05,295
Well...

1266
01:43:07,875 --> 01:43:10,904
I'd like you to meet
the host of your new show.

1267
01:43:11,274 --> 01:43:13,274
Host?

1268
01:43:13,384 --> 01:43:19,875
Euphegenia Doubtfire, dear. I specialize in
the education and entertainment of children.

1269
01:43:22,395 --> 01:43:24,444
Surprise!

1270
01:43:27,524 --> 01:43:29,423
Oh, thank you very much.

1271
01:43:29,533 --> 01:43:32,464
- This looks terrific.
- Where's Mrs Doubtfire?

1272
01:43:32,564 --> 01:43:34,764
Well, I hope the dear lady's all right.

1273
01:43:34,904 --> 01:43:38,734
- Shall we start?
- Yes. Let's start. I don't want it to get cold.

1274
01:43:41,174 --> 01:43:44,334
Tell me. Why would Mrs Doubtfire
be a good host?

1275
01:43:44,474 --> 01:43:49,473
I'm a hip old granny who could
hip-hop, bebop, dance till ya drop,

1276
01:43:49,583 --> 01:43:52,673
and yo, yo, make a wicked cup of cocoa.

1277
01:44:07,033 --> 01:44:09,122
Stu?

1278
01:44:10,932 --> 01:44:13,932
Oh, he's choking. He's choking!

1279
01:44:14,042 --> 01:44:17,372
Help us! Somebody help!
He's choking! Help us!

1280
01:44:17,512 --> 01:44:19,673
Oh, God! Oh, God!

1281
01:44:19,783 --> 01:44:23,513
- He's choking here! Call 911!
- Oh, no. I killed the bastard.

1282
01:44:23,613 --> 01:44:27,612
- Mrs Doubtfire! Help us! He's choking!
- Help is on the way, dear!

1283
01:44:27,752 --> 01:44:30,741
- Mrs Doubtfire!
- Help is on the way!

1284
01:44:30,851 --> 01:44:33,882
- Mrs Doubtfire, he's choking!
- Hold on, dear.

1285
01:44:37,392 --> 01:44:40,792
One more time, dear. Work with me!

1286
01:44:40,932 --> 01:44:43,232
Come on!

1287
01:45:01,551 --> 01:45:03,751
I'm all right.

1288
01:45:03,851 --> 01:45:05,841
- Are you all right?
- Yes.

1289
01:45:05,991 --> 01:45:08,461
Almost lost ya.

1290
01:45:13,630 --> 01:45:16,430
- Dad.
- Oh, my...

1291
01:45:18,630 --> 01:45:20,861
Daddy?

1292
01:45:25,640 --> 01:45:27,730
Yeah, honey. It's me.

1293
01:45:30,080 --> 01:45:32,640
Happy birthday.

1294
01:45:34,480 --> 01:45:35,850
Daniel...

1295
01:45:35,990 --> 01:45:38,080
Daniel! Oh, my God!

1296
01:45:38,490 --> 01:45:41,180
Oh, my God!

1297
01:45:41,320 --> 01:45:43,379
The whole time...

1298
01:45:43,489 --> 01:45:46,019
- The whole time?
- I'm sorry, Miranda. Please?

1299
01:45:46,129 --> 01:45:49,860
Don't talk to me! Don't touch me!

1300
01:45:50,000 --> 01:45:53,090
I have to go. We have to leave now.
I have to leave!

1301
01:45:53,240 --> 01:45:56,029
We have to leave now!
I have to go! We're going.

1302
01:45:59,079 --> 01:46:01,308
- You guys go.
- I'm sorry, Dad.

1303
01:46:02,678 --> 01:46:04,699
Bye.

1304
01:46:05,749 --> 01:46:07,809
Sorry about the pepper. I was...

1305
01:46:19,427 --> 01:46:21,798
What are you lookin' at? Show's over.

1306
01:46:27,738 --> 01:46:31,638
Miss Robeson,
do you have any closing remarks?

1307
01:46:31,738 --> 01:46:33,798
Nothing further, Your Honor.

1308
01:46:34,679 --> 01:46:39,047
Mr Hillard, since you've determined
to act as your own attorney,

1309
01:46:39,147 --> 01:46:42,907
you are entitled to make
a closing statement at this time.

1310
01:46:52,958 --> 01:46:57,917
Your Honor, in the past two months,
I've secured a residence, refurbished it

1311
01:46:58,067 --> 01:47:01,966
and made it "an environment
fit for children". Those are your words.

1312
01:47:02,606 --> 01:47:07,867
I'm also holding down a job as a shipping
clerk. So I believe I met your requirements.

1313
01:47:07,977 --> 01:47:10,037
Ahead of schedule.

1314
01:47:11,177 --> 01:47:13,577
In regards to my behavior,

1315
01:47:13,717 --> 01:47:15,737
I can only plead insanity.

1316
01:47:15,887 --> 01:47:18,476
Because, ever since my children were born,

1317
01:47:18,586 --> 01:47:21,846
the moment I looked at them,
I was crazy about them.

1318
01:47:21,956 --> 01:47:24,446
Once I held them, I was hooked.

1319
01:47:25,896 --> 01:47:27,916
I'm addicted to my children, sir.

1320
01:47:28,826 --> 01:47:30,886
I love them with all my heart.

1321
01:47:30,996 --> 01:47:36,096
And the idea of someone telling me I can't
be with them, I can't see them every day...

1322
01:47:36,206 --> 01:47:38,896
It's like someone saying I can't have air.

1323
01:47:39,006 --> 01:47:42,536
I can't live without air,
and I can't live without them.

1324
01:47:43,005 --> 01:47:48,675
Listen, I would do anything. I just want
to be with them. I know I need that, sir.

1325
01:47:49,045 --> 01:47:51,536
We have a history.

1326
01:47:52,516 --> 01:47:57,715
And I just... They mean everything to me.
And they need me as much as I need them.

1327
01:47:59,995 --> 01:48:01,545
So, please.

1328
01:48:01,655 --> 01:48:03,925
Don't take my kids away from me.

1329
01:48:09,735 --> 01:48:11,755
Thank you.

1330
01:48:21,215 --> 01:48:23,235
Mr Hillard...

1331
01:48:23,385 --> 01:48:28,614
You've been able to fool a lot of people into
believing that you're a 60-year-old woman.

1332
01:48:29,384 --> 01:48:31,414
No easy task.

1333
01:48:31,584 --> 01:48:37,754
And your little speech seemed to be
very heartfelt and genuine.

1334
01:48:40,294 --> 01:48:46,724
But I believe it to be a terrific performance
by a very gifted actor. Nothing more.

1335
01:48:46,834 --> 01:48:50,273
- No. It's not that.
- The reality, Mr Hillard,

1336
01:48:50,902 --> 01:48:55,813
is that your lifestyle over the past month
has been very unorthodox.

1337
01:48:56,313 --> 01:48:59,943
And I refuse to further subject
three innocent children

1338
01:49:00,053 --> 01:49:04,283
to your peculiar
and potentially harmful behavior.

1339
01:49:04,423 --> 01:49:08,084
It is this court's decision
to award full custody to Mrs Hillard.

1340
01:49:08,224 --> 01:49:09,483
Oh, God, no.

1341
01:49:09,662 --> 01:49:13,152
You will have supervised
visitation rights every Saturday.

1342
01:49:13,262 --> 01:49:14,782
Supervised, sir?

1343
01:49:14,892 --> 01:49:19,062
A court liaison will accompany you
when you spend time with the children.

1344
01:49:19,202 --> 01:49:24,643
I am suggesting a period of psychological
testing and perhaps treatment for you.

1345
01:49:25,843 --> 01:49:29,432
We will re-examine this case
one year from now.

1346
01:49:29,542 --> 01:49:32,671
Thank you. Court is adjourned.

1347
01:49:46,262 --> 01:49:49,461
I don't do laundry.
I don't do windows. I don't do carpets.

1348
01:49:49,561 --> 01:49:53,501
I don't do bathtubs. I don't do toilets.
And I don't do diapers.

1349
01:49:53,671 --> 01:49:56,531
My children have been potty-trained
for some time.

1350
01:49:56,701 --> 01:49:59,331
Well, I don't do washing.
I don't do basements.

1351
01:49:59,471 --> 01:50:02,741
I don't do dinners. I don't do reading.

1352
01:50:06,151 --> 01:50:10,141
Yes. Well, we have your number.
Thank you so much for coming.

1353
01:50:10,281 --> 01:50:12,841
- We'll be getting back to you.
- Thank you.

1354
01:50:12,951 --> 01:50:15,010
I'll show you to the door.

1355
01:50:17,860 --> 01:50:20,690
Yes, here we are. Please...

1356
01:50:26,270 --> 01:50:29,530
Laura, that shipment
has been delayed three times.

1357
01:50:29,700 --> 01:50:31,470
Yes, but...

1358
01:50:31,570 --> 01:50:34,900
Laura, I'm not gonna wait
another six months for it.

1359
01:50:35,010 --> 01:50:37,069
You do that. Call me back.

1360
01:50:39,350 --> 01:50:42,440
Oh, guys, please don't be so depressed.

1361
01:50:42,780 --> 01:50:44,909
Everything's gonna be all right.

1362
01:50:45,019 --> 01:50:48,039
- I miss her spaghetti.
- I miss her jokes.

1363
01:50:48,589 --> 01:50:50,449
I miss her stories.

1364
01:50:51,119 --> 01:50:55,250
Don't worry. We will find someone.
There are plenty of people out there.

1365
01:50:55,360 --> 01:50:57,299
Nobody like her.

1366
01:50:59,129 --> 01:51:03,858
All right. I admit things were a lot nicer
when she was around.

1367
01:51:03,968 --> 01:51:09,129
The house was so warm and cosy, the beds
were always made, and the dinner was...

1368
01:51:09,239 --> 01:51:14,079
She isn't real! We have to stop referring
to her as if she were a real person.

1369
01:51:14,179 --> 01:51:17,079
Hello, my dears!

1370
01:51:18,218 --> 01:51:20,878
We have a wonderful show today.

1371
01:51:20,988 --> 01:51:24,008
We have Mr Van Zandt from the Sierra Club,

1372
01:51:24,158 --> 01:51:28,418
and he's going to bring some animals
that are endangered species.

1373
01:51:28,558 --> 01:51:32,188
- Do you know what that means, poppets?
- Did you say "puppet"?

1374
01:51:32,328 --> 01:51:36,028
Oh, no, dear! It's Kovacs! Welcome, Kovacs!

1375
01:51:36,168 --> 01:51:39,429
Hi, guys. Did you say "extinction"?
Does something stink?

1376
01:51:39,569 --> 01:51:45,337
It's not something smelling bad. Extinction
means there's no more of a particular animal.

1377
01:51:45,437 --> 01:51:48,137
- Oh, my God.
- Doesn't that make you a little mad?

1378
01:51:48,247 --> 01:51:50,237
- Very mad!
- Tell people about it.

1379
01:51:50,377 --> 01:51:55,318
I'm mad! You know why? Because next,
it's the chimps! There are fewer chimps...

1380
01:51:55,418 --> 01:51:58,978
Doesn't it make you mad that
humans play your parts in movies?

1381
01:51:59,088 --> 01:52:05,116
Ooh! "Planet of the Apes": Who gets the role?
Roddy McDowall! I'd be better than that!

1382
01:52:05,226 --> 01:52:09,397
- I'd be better than Charlton Heston!
- And your rug is better, too.

1383
01:52:09,497 --> 01:52:12,467
You could fly to Persia on that rug.

1384
01:52:25,716 --> 01:52:29,446
- Shall we tell them where we'll be tomorrow?
- Yeah. They wanna know.

1385
01:52:29,586 --> 01:52:32,576
Tomorrow, poppets,
we're taking a wonderful trip.

1386
01:52:32,686 --> 01:52:36,216
But you don't have to pack
because we're going in our mind.

1387
01:52:36,326 --> 01:52:41,426
We're going across the Atlantic Ocean
to England, where I came from.

1388
01:52:41,526 --> 01:52:44,365
- You came from England?
- It's a wonderful country.

1389
01:52:44,465 --> 01:52:46,955
- Do you know about England?
- It's an island.

1390
01:52:47,065 --> 01:52:49,435
It's an island, dear. A glorious one.

1391
01:52:49,535 --> 01:52:54,065
- They have a queen and a royal family.
- Oh! Just like a poker game!

1392
01:52:54,205 --> 01:52:57,305
- It's a full house.
- Some cards don't live at home any more.

1393
01:52:57,445 --> 01:52:59,505
Thanks to mobile phones.

1394
01:53:00,415 --> 01:53:02,975
Do you know what language
they speak in England?

1395
01:53:03,085 --> 01:53:07,014
- Pakistani?
- That's right. In many stores they do.

1396
01:53:07,124 --> 01:53:09,915
But we'll get into that tomorrow,
boys and girls.

1397
01:53:10,055 --> 01:53:12,895
- You owe me a kiss, Kovacs.
- I'm gonna give you two.

1398
01:53:13,025 --> 01:53:15,465
- All right, dear.
- Here's one on the cheek.

1399
01:53:15,565 --> 01:53:20,394
- And here's a monkey bite!
- Oh, you wicked, wicked monkey!

1400
01:53:21,064 --> 01:53:24,664
Well, that's all for today. Bye-bye.

1401
01:53:24,775 --> 01:53:26,635
Cut!

1402
01:53:27,704 --> 01:53:30,404
That's a wrap, folks! Thank you very much.

1403
01:53:34,783 --> 01:53:38,873
We're a smash! Number one in our time slot!

1404
01:53:39,053 --> 01:53:42,714
Yes! Calls from Detroit, Cleveland,
Chicago, Los Angeles...

1405
01:53:42,854 --> 01:53:45,884
- All with offers to syndicate.
- Hollywood!

1406
01:53:46,064 --> 01:53:48,154
Daniel?

1407
01:53:48,294 --> 01:53:49,663
Yes?

1408
01:53:49,763 --> 01:53:54,092
- Miranda.
- Could I talk to you?

1409
01:53:55,903 --> 01:53:57,463
Yeah.

1410
01:53:57,573 --> 01:54:00,133
I'll be right out. Just wait here.

1411
01:54:22,362 --> 01:54:24,792
Welcome to Euphegenia's house.

1412
01:54:24,932 --> 01:54:28,293
A little drafty but...
you know. It's nice.

1413
01:54:31,133 --> 01:54:33,161
What can I do for you?

1414
01:54:34,901 --> 01:54:37,531
First of all, congratulations on the show.

1415
01:54:37,641 --> 01:54:40,611
Thanks. You got to see the dress rehearsal.

1416
01:54:41,982 --> 01:54:44,472
We've... The kids...

1417
01:54:45,452 --> 01:54:48,082
We've been watching every day.

1418
01:54:49,252 --> 01:54:52,521
It's nice to know they can see me every day.

1419
01:54:55,160 --> 01:54:59,821
Look, Daniel. I know it's gonna take
a long time to get over all the fights and

1420
01:54:59,961 --> 01:55:03,561
all the horrible things
we said to each other.

1421
01:55:03,671 --> 01:55:06,101
It's... It's so hard.

1422
01:55:07,801 --> 01:55:12,211
But I know somehow you and I will be
all right and we'll get through this.

1423
01:55:14,811 --> 01:55:17,210
But the kids...

1424
01:55:19,850 --> 01:55:21,910
I don't wanna hurt our children.

1425
01:55:24,650 --> 01:55:26,711
So what do you want me to do?

1426
01:55:26,821 --> 01:55:31,560
You want me to pretend everything's
all right? Put on a happy face? Smile?

1427
01:55:32,830 --> 01:55:35,960
Jesus, Miranda.
You took my children away from me.

1428
01:55:36,070 --> 01:55:38,429
I can only see them now with supervision.

1429
01:55:38,569 --> 01:55:42,440
Some woman watches me with the kids
like I'm some sort of deviant.

1430
01:55:42,570 --> 01:55:46,230
If I try to hug 'em, she wonders why.
You know what that's like?

1431
01:55:46,680 --> 01:55:51,639
You just sat there in that courtroom and
let that judge pass that despicable sentence.

1432
01:55:51,779 --> 01:55:54,149
- I was angry.
- Oh, God.

1433
01:55:54,249 --> 01:55:56,810
- You hurt me, too!
- You ripped my heart out!

1434
01:55:56,920 --> 01:56:00,479
You lied... You know what?
I don't wanna do this any more.

1435
01:56:00,619 --> 01:56:03,609
I don't wanna do any more
"who did what to whom".

1436
01:56:06,858 --> 01:56:10,458
Ever since this happened,
I've been trying to make sense out of it.

1437
01:56:10,598 --> 01:56:14,559
And the only thing I know in my heart
is that the children were happier

1438
01:56:14,669 --> 01:56:17,429
when Mrs Doubtfire
was a part of their lives.

1439
01:56:17,539 --> 01:56:19,029
Yeah?

1440
01:56:20,078 --> 01:56:23,698
She... brought out the best in them.

1441
01:56:24,678 --> 01:56:28,448
- She brought out the best in you.
- And you.

1442
01:56:33,688 --> 01:56:36,088
They miss her terribly.

1443
01:56:38,288 --> 01:56:42,127
- What are you saying?
- Daniel, the kids need you.

1444
01:56:50,837 --> 01:56:52,857
I need them.

1445
01:56:59,648 --> 01:57:03,016
Well, tomorrow we'll have Frank,
who is a make-up artist.

1446
01:57:04,546 --> 01:57:06,516
A big knock at the door.

1447
01:57:06,656 --> 01:57:09,846
Who could that be?
And do we have enough time?

1448
01:57:10,756 --> 01:57:13,247
Mr Sprinkles, boys and girls!

1449
01:57:13,357 --> 01:57:15,727
Hello! What do you have for me today?

1450
01:57:15,857 --> 01:57:19,127
Mrs Doubtflier,
I've got a letter from Katie...

1451
01:57:21,497 --> 01:57:23,526
It's the new baby-sitter.

1452
01:57:24,565 --> 01:57:26,835
Come on, guys! Get up! Let's go!

1453
01:57:29,176 --> 01:57:31,266
Come on.

1454
01:57:32,106 --> 01:57:34,376
It's gonna be all right.

1455
01:57:34,516 --> 01:57:37,136
Chris, wait right over there. Everybody.

1456
01:57:48,625 --> 01:57:50,685
Daddy!

1457
01:57:52,725 --> 01:57:54,455
Hi.

1458
01:57:55,395 --> 01:57:59,166
- What's goin' on?
- I'm here to pick you up.

1459
01:57:59,575 --> 01:58:03,405
Your dad's gonna take you
for a few hours every day after school.

1460
01:58:04,045 --> 01:58:06,105
Really?

1461
01:58:06,615 --> 01:58:09,074
What about the courts? That legal stuff.

1462
01:58:09,644 --> 01:58:12,374
- Ask your mom.
- I took care of it.

1463
01:58:13,054 --> 01:58:16,885
No more supervised visits.
No more court liaison.

1464
01:58:16,985 --> 01:58:19,954
- Just us?
- Just us.

1465
01:58:31,434 --> 01:58:33,494
Go get Mr Bear.

1466
01:58:33,874 --> 01:58:36,844
- Go get your stuff. Hurry up.
- All right.

1467
01:58:41,413 --> 01:58:44,814
- Would you like to come in?
- I'll wait outside.

1468
01:58:44,944 --> 01:58:46,384
OK.

1469
01:58:49,654 --> 01:58:51,713
Thank you.

1470
01:58:56,822 --> 01:58:58,222
See ya.

1471
01:59:03,033 --> 01:59:08,403
"Dear Mrs Doubtfire - Two months ago
my mom and dad decided to separate. "

1472
01:59:08,503 --> 01:59:10,633
"Now they live in different houses. "

1473
01:59:11,073 --> 01:59:16,342
"My brother Andrew says that we aren't
a real family any more. Is this true?"

1474
01:59:16,482 --> 01:59:18,532
"Did I lose my family?"

1475
01:59:18,642 --> 01:59:22,882
"Is there anything I could do
to get my parents back together?"

1476
01:59:23,022 --> 01:59:25,042
"Sincerely, Katie McCormick. "

1477
01:59:28,022 --> 01:59:30,053
Oh, my dear Katie.

1478
01:59:31,623 --> 01:59:36,991
You know, some parents get along
much better when they don't live together.

1479
01:59:37,101 --> 01:59:40,861
They don't fight all the time
and they can become better people.

1480
01:59:41,001 --> 01:59:43,991
Much better mommies and daddies for you.

1481
01:59:44,101 --> 01:59:47,202
And sometimes they get back together.

1482
01:59:48,242 --> 01:59:50,272
And sometimes they don't, dear.

1483
01:59:51,042 --> 01:59:53,072
And if they don't,

1484
01:59:53,211 --> 01:59:55,770
don't blame yourself.

1485
01:59:55,880 --> 02:00:00,721
Just because they don't love each other
doesn't mean that they don't love you.

1486
02:00:02,151 --> 02:00:05,651
There are all sorts of
different families, Katie.

1487
02:00:05,761 --> 02:00:09,891
Some families have one mommy,
some families have one daddy,

1488
02:00:10,031 --> 02:00:12,051
or two families.

1489
02:00:12,160 --> 02:00:14,830
Some children live with their uncle or aunt.

1490
02:00:14,931 --> 02:00:19,930
Some live with their grandparents,
and some children live with foster parents.

1491
02:00:20,070 --> 02:00:23,060
Some live in separate homes
and neighborhoods

1492
02:00:23,180 --> 02:00:25,230
in different areas of the country.

1493
02:00:25,340 --> 02:00:31,250
They may not see each other for days,
weeks, months or even years at a time.

1494
02:00:32,780 --> 02:00:34,840
But if there's love, dear,

1495
02:00:36,290 --> 02:00:38,759
those are the ties that bind.

1496
02:00:39,589 --> 02:00:43,049
And you'll have a family
in your heart forever.

1497
02:00:45,300 --> 02:00:47,700
All my love to you, poppet.

1498
02:00:47,800 --> 02:00:49,860
You're going to be all right.

1499
02:00:52,199 --> 02:00:54,259
Bye-bye.