1
00:00:52,308 --> 00:00:53,742
Fuego del Culo.

2
00:00:53,842 --> 00:00:56,212
Girl, if it itches, it's crabs.

3
00:01:10,492 --> 00:01:12,862
Hey, girl.
You want some brown liquor?

4
00:01:12,962 --> 00:01:15,131
Brown liquor
don't make this pussy pop.

5
00:01:15,231 --> 00:01:17,266
Tequila it is.

6
00:01:17,366 --> 00:01:19,668
Here you go.
Mm.

7
00:01:22,305 --> 00:01:24,206
¡Viva la revolución!

8
00:01:24,307 --> 00:01:25,507
Now, that shit right there make

9
00:01:25,607 --> 00:01:27,376
my pussy pop
on a handstand!

10
00:01:27,475 --> 00:01:29,178
So, what are you doing here
anyway?

11
00:01:29,278 --> 00:01:31,247
What do you think
I'm doing here?

12
00:01:31,347 --> 00:01:32,814
I'm starring
in the opening scene.

13
00:01:32,915 --> 00:01:35,450
Been there, done that.

14
00:01:35,550 --> 00:01:37,954
Pick up the phone!
Pick up the pho…

15
00:01:38,054 --> 00:01:39,922
Richie?
Teyana. Hi.

16
00:01:40,022 --> 00:01:41,523
I thought it'd be easier
for the audience

17
00:01:41,623 --> 00:01:43,458
if they didn't have to read
more texts.

18
00:01:43,558 --> 00:01:45,794
Yeah, that makes sense. 'Cause you know
these motherfuckers can't read.

19
00:01:45,895 --> 00:01:49,531
I know who goes to see
a Wayans Brothers movie.

20
00:01:49,631 --> 00:01:51,733
Well, it's nice
to phone-meet you

21
00:01:51,833 --> 00:01:53,501
in this super awkward way.

22
00:01:53,601 --> 00:01:55,171
Likewise.
But I got to be honest.

23
00:01:55,271 --> 00:01:58,174
When I seen your profile pic,
a bitch almost swiped left

24
00:01:58,274 --> 00:01:59,607
because you look mad goofy.

25
00:01:59,708 --> 00:02:01,143
But surprisingly,

26
00:02:01,243 --> 00:02:04,246
you know them goofy niggas
got big dicks, so here we are.

27
00:02:04,347 --> 00:02:05,948
I take you for a Jersey girl.

28
00:02:06,048 --> 00:02:07,083
A Jersey girl?

29
00:02:07,183 --> 00:02:09,018
Listen, I love Jersey down.

30
00:02:09,118 --> 00:02:11,720
But I'm a Harlem girl.
Born and motherfucking raised.

31
00:02:11,820 --> 00:02:13,655
Real niggas only. Yeah.

32
00:02:13,755 --> 00:02:15,858
Oh, so you're Black.

33
00:02:17,492 --> 00:02:18,760
No, motherfucker!

34
00:02:18,861 --> 00:02:20,896
I'm BLACK!

35
00:02:20,997 --> 00:02:22,231
All caps.

36
00:02:22,331 --> 00:02:24,967
No cap, but caps.

37
00:02:25,067 --> 00:02:26,735
Fuck all y'all!

38
00:02:27,669 --> 00:02:29,804
Bitch,
spit them pearls back out.

39
00:02:30,739 --> 00:02:32,674
I ain't want your shit.

40
00:02:33,442 --> 00:02:35,277
Hello.
So tell me,

41
00:02:35,378 --> 00:02:37,413
what's your favorite
scary movie?

42
00:02:37,512 --> 00:02:39,581
Mm… I don't really do them,
you know.

43
00:02:39,681 --> 00:02:40,950
All the stupid tropes and shit.

44
00:02:41,050 --> 00:02:42,751
Why is it always
the white bitch at the end?

45
00:02:42,851 --> 00:02:44,753
Because they know
it is too hard to kill a sista.

46
00:02:44,853 --> 00:02:46,856
Y'know what I'm sayin'?
Cause if the sista can survive

47
00:02:46,956 --> 00:02:49,557
government cheese,
we can survive anything.

48
00:02:51,193 --> 00:02:53,362
You know, it might help
if you met me outside.

49
00:02:53,462 --> 00:02:55,697
Met you outside?
Boy, you is needy!

50
00:02:56,598 --> 00:02:58,300
What's your sign?
You must be a Scorpio.

51
00:02:58,401 --> 00:02:59,502
How'd you know?

52
00:02:59,601 --> 00:03:01,470
Good dick though.
But toxic as hell.

53
00:03:01,569 --> 00:03:03,506
Hey, is the restaurant
near an alley?

54
00:03:03,605 --> 00:03:06,308
Yes, hurry
before they rob your ass.

55
00:03:06,409 --> 00:03:08,110
Roses?
Ah! Not today.

56
00:03:08,210 --> 00:03:09,811
Cheap bitch.
Heard you, ho.

57
00:03:09,912 --> 00:03:12,547
Okay, I'm…
I'm coming down the alley now.

58
00:03:12,647 --> 00:03:14,950
I'm here.
Can you see me? I'm waving.

59
00:03:15,484 --> 00:03:16,919
No.

60
00:03:17,019 --> 00:03:19,321
The person I'm looking at
is not waving.

61
00:03:19,422 --> 00:03:21,323
In fact,
they're just staring at me.

62
00:03:21,424 --> 00:03:23,392
Well, stare at his ass back!

63
00:03:23,492 --> 00:03:24,927
And don't blink. Never blink.

64
00:03:25,027 --> 00:03:26,929
You got to scrunch your lips
and be like, "What?"

65
00:03:27,029 --> 00:03:28,931
No, they're walking
towards me now.

66
00:03:29,031 --> 00:03:31,333
Hold on.
Oh no, they have a knife!

67
00:03:31,434 --> 00:03:33,335
Well, don't lead his ass
over here.

68
00:03:33,436 --> 00:03:34,503
And that's not the worst part.

69
00:03:36,038 --> 00:03:38,773
The worst part
is you know so much

70
00:03:38,874 --> 00:03:41,310
about horror movies
and yet you still

71
00:03:41,410 --> 00:03:44,280
walked into the alley alone.

72
00:03:44,380 --> 00:03:46,482
Yeah, well the worst part is,

73
00:03:46,581 --> 00:03:49,818
you fucking with
a New York bitch. Cuckoo!

74
00:03:49,919 --> 00:03:51,120
Yeah!

75
00:03:53,489 --> 00:03:55,558
Cuckoo, cuckoo!

76
00:03:55,657 --> 00:03:57,293
Cuckoo!

77
00:04:06,202 --> 00:04:08,837
Damn!
She's on some Avengers shit!

78
00:04:22,284 --> 00:04:23,419
Seriously, Larry?

79
00:04:23,519 --> 00:04:24,786
I ain't recognize
your bird call.

80
00:04:24,887 --> 00:04:26,754
Thought you was going
more with a…

81
00:04:26,856 --> 00:04:29,425
That's a pigeon, nigga!
Supposed to be, "Cuckoo!"

82
00:04:29,525 --> 00:04:32,794
Cuckoo!
A hawk swooping in an attack!

83
00:04:33,529 --> 00:04:34,530
My bad.

84
00:04:34,629 --> 00:04:36,098
Are you done?

85
00:04:37,732 --> 00:04:38,732
What the hell?

86
00:04:41,036 --> 00:04:44,440
Bitch, I'm Teyana Taylor.
My abs got abs.

87
00:04:44,540 --> 00:04:45,875
Get him!

88
00:04:45,975 --> 00:04:47,709
Ow! My arm! My arm!

89
00:04:47,809 --> 00:04:49,078
Get in there!

90
00:04:49,178 --> 00:04:51,080
Come on, guys,
we can work this out.

91
00:04:55,317 --> 00:04:57,086
Somebody help me!

92
00:04:57,186 --> 00:04:58,487
Do it, Larry!

93
00:04:58,587 --> 00:05:00,322
No, no, no…

94
00:05:01,323 --> 00:05:02,558
Hi-yah!

95
00:05:02,657 --> 00:05:04,260
Ow! Oh, God!

96
00:05:04,360 --> 00:05:05,995
All right, all right,
all right, all right!

97
00:05:06,095 --> 00:05:08,230
We out.
Get your hardheaded ass on.

98
00:05:09,031 --> 00:05:11,133
Welcome to New York, sucker!

99
00:05:11,233 --> 00:05:12,468
Hey, Teyana.

100
00:05:12,568 --> 00:05:13,869
You might have kicked my ass,

101
00:05:13,969 --> 00:05:16,272
but you still didn't win
that Oscar.

102
00:05:16,372 --> 00:05:18,706
What you say about my Oscar?

103
00:05:18,806 --> 00:05:21,644
Did I stutter? You lost!

104
00:05:21,743 --> 00:05:23,012
You right.

105
00:05:23,112 --> 00:05:25,247
But I won
that Golden Globe, bitch.

106
00:05:25,948 --> 00:05:27,715
Oh, my God! Really?

107
00:05:27,815 --> 00:05:29,385
That's why I never watched
Horror Movie.

108
00:05:29,485 --> 00:05:30,818
It's fucking terrible.

109
00:05:30,920 --> 00:05:33,455
Just a bunch
of celebrity cameos and fart gags.

110
00:05:34,890 --> 00:05:36,325
So, you don't like parodies?

111
00:05:36,425 --> 00:05:38,194
I'm more into
Judd Apatow films.

112
00:05:38,294 --> 00:05:40,795
You know, elevated comedy.

113
00:05:40,896 --> 00:05:43,199
And what is elevated comedy?

114
00:05:43,299 --> 00:05:44,667
Mm.

115
00:05:44,766 --> 00:05:45,901
The kind that doesn't actually
make anyone laugh,

116
00:05:46,001 --> 00:05:47,570
but makes white people
feel smart.

117
00:05:49,804 --> 00:05:51,273
Tuesday,
don't answer that!

118
00:05:51,373 --> 00:05:52,740
It could be Ghostface.

119
00:05:52,840 --> 00:05:54,543
Oh, come on, Elle!

120
00:05:54,643 --> 00:05:56,844
Stuff like that
only happens in the movies.

121
00:05:59,448 --> 00:06:00,683
Oh, hey.

122
00:06:00,782 --> 00:06:03,085
I wasn't expecting you
to answer the door.

123
00:06:03,185 --> 00:06:06,422
What the fuck?
Now where is my knife?

124
00:06:06,522 --> 00:06:08,390
Ah, here it is.

125
00:06:08,490 --> 00:06:11,227
Hello, Tuesday.

126
00:06:34,849 --> 00:06:38,087
Hey, miss.

127
00:06:38,853 --> 00:06:40,256
What'd you take?

128
00:06:40,356 --> 00:06:42,157
Just Ritalin for my ADHD.

129
00:06:42,258 --> 00:06:43,626
Adderall for PTSD.

130
00:06:43,726 --> 00:06:45,827
A couple of Xanax
for my anxiety.

131
00:06:45,928 --> 00:06:47,829
And your boner pills.

132
00:06:47,930 --> 00:06:51,200
So good luck
getting it up now.

133
00:06:51,300 --> 00:06:54,836
Jesus, Sara, how many did you take?
Do you want to touch it, baby?

134
00:06:54,937 --> 00:06:56,538
Yes, but no. Okay.
Come on. You know you want it.

135
00:06:56,639 --> 00:06:58,574
Take it. Take it like a good boy.
Okay. Maybe just a little bit.

136
00:06:58,674 --> 00:07:00,009
That feels
really interesting.

137
00:07:00,109 --> 00:07:01,644
I'm about to bust a nut.
Wow.

138
00:07:02,745 --> 00:07:04,380
Hey, Jess.
Sara,

139
00:07:04,480 --> 00:07:05,847
Tuesday's in the hospital.

140
00:07:05,948 --> 00:07:09,351
She was stabbed. By a killer…
you know, Ghostface.

141
00:07:09,451 --> 00:07:10,785
Wait. From Wu-Tang?

142
00:07:10,886 --> 00:07:12,988
Why would Ghostface Killah
aka Pretty Toney

143
00:07:13,088 --> 00:07:15,257
aka Starky Love
want to stab my sister?

144
00:07:15,357 --> 00:07:17,693
God, Sara,
it wasn't Ghostface Killah.

145
00:07:17,792 --> 00:07:19,528
It was somebody
in a Ghostface mask.

146
00:07:20,795 --> 00:07:22,698
Okay, that makes more sense.

147
00:07:28,370 --> 00:07:30,639
I ain't the one!

148
00:07:32,474 --> 00:07:33,475
Jesus, Jack!

149
00:07:33,575 --> 00:07:34,842
What?

150
00:07:34,943 --> 00:07:36,945
I was thinking about
wearing this for Halloween.

151
00:07:37,046 --> 00:07:38,447
My estranged
flat-chested half-sister

152
00:07:38,547 --> 00:07:40,683
was nearly killed
by a psycho in a ghost mask.

153
00:07:42,151 --> 00:07:44,987
I got to go see her
and make up for the past.

154
00:07:45,087 --> 00:07:46,821
Whoa… Hey, hey, hey.

155
00:07:46,922 --> 00:07:48,123
I'm going with you.

156
00:07:48,223 --> 00:07:49,858
Not because
I'm the obvious killer

157
00:07:49,958 --> 00:07:51,260
trying to lure you back
to your hometown.

158
00:07:51,360 --> 00:07:53,262
I'm just
the supportive boyfriend.

159
00:07:53,362 --> 00:07:54,630
Yeah.
That's all.

160
00:07:55,931 --> 00:07:57,466
Okay, let's go. Get in the car.

161
00:07:57,566 --> 00:08:00,969
Listen, we just have
to make one stop on the way.

162
00:08:01,637 --> 00:08:03,405
I survived.

163
00:08:03,505 --> 00:08:05,708
All thanks to my lucky penny.

164
00:08:31,033 --> 00:08:34,803
I hate when y'all leave!
Come give me a hug.

165
00:08:34,903 --> 00:08:38,006
Ma, come on, turn off
this ratchet-ass music.

166
00:08:38,107 --> 00:08:40,709
It's embarrassing,
especially for Black women.

167
00:08:40,809 --> 00:08:42,044
It's not embarrassing.

168
00:08:42,144 --> 00:08:43,879
I'm the cool ma everybody wish
they had.

169
00:08:43,979 --> 00:08:45,247
I'm lit!
Don't forget,

170
00:08:45,347 --> 00:08:47,182
I got practice later
so I'll be home late.

171
00:08:47,282 --> 00:08:48,884
You only made the team
because you're Black

172
00:08:48,984 --> 00:08:50,953
and those racist fucks
assumed you could play.

173
00:08:51,053 --> 00:08:53,088
Mm.
It's 2026.

174
00:08:53,188 --> 00:08:54,790
I don't think race is an issue.

175
00:08:54,890 --> 00:08:56,425
Do you read Black Twitter?

176
00:08:56,525 --> 00:08:57,926
No.

177
00:08:58,394 --> 00:08:59,178
Ugh, Brad,

178
00:08:59,261 --> 00:09:01,230
are you still dating that ho?

179
00:09:01,330 --> 00:09:02,081
Okay.

180
00:09:02,164 --> 00:09:03,665
Stop ho-shaming her, heiffa.

181
00:09:03,766 --> 00:09:05,200
Just because Darrel and them

182
00:09:05,300 --> 00:09:07,202
ran a train on her
doesn't make her a ho.

183
00:09:07,302 --> 00:09:10,105
She's not a "ho",
she's "sex positive".

184
00:09:10,205 --> 00:09:12,374
Well, I'm positive she is a ho.

185
00:09:13,475 --> 00:09:15,411
Hey, girl! Look at you!

186
00:09:15,511 --> 00:09:16,812
Early for Halloween, huh?

187
00:09:16,912 --> 00:09:18,814
What you this year?
Slutty schoolgirl?

188
00:09:18,914 --> 00:09:19,765
Ho-ey ho?

189
00:09:19,848 --> 00:09:21,817
Hi, Ms. Meeks.

190
00:09:21,917 --> 00:09:23,752
Love the hair. Very…

191
00:09:23,852 --> 00:09:25,421
Octavia Spencer.

192
00:09:25,521 --> 00:09:26,655
Well, thank you very much.

193
00:09:26,755 --> 00:09:28,056
I got to invite you over

194
00:09:28,157 --> 00:09:30,492
- and make you a little shit pie.
- Ooh.

195
00:09:30,592 --> 00:09:33,562
You know what? I got to get to
African American History class.

196
00:09:33,662 --> 00:09:34,797
We're learning about slavery.

197
00:09:34,898 --> 00:09:37,433
Come to find out,
it was a choice.

198
00:09:37,533 --> 00:09:38,600
You see that right there?

199
00:09:39,334 --> 00:09:41,036
That's Kanye?
That's right.

200
00:09:41,136 --> 00:09:43,772
They've been teaching us
wrong all this time.

201
00:09:43,873 --> 00:09:44,973
Mm-hmm. Stay Black!

202
00:09:45,073 --> 00:09:47,911
Bye, Ma.
All right. Bye, baby.

203
00:09:48,010 --> 00:09:49,111
Bye, Ms. Meeks.
Bye.

204
00:09:49,211 --> 00:09:51,213
Son, I put some condoms
in your bag!

205
00:09:51,313 --> 00:09:53,248
You know how they try
to trap y'all.

206
00:09:53,348 --> 00:09:54,416
Ma!

207
00:09:56,351 --> 00:09:58,287
Okay, seriously,
"Sheriff Greg",

208
00:09:58,387 --> 00:10:00,155
you don't have to walk me
to class. I'm fine.

209
00:10:00,255 --> 00:10:03,158
Jess, there's a serial killer
on the loose.

210
00:10:03,258 --> 00:10:05,862
I'm not gonna let anything
happen to my baby girl.

211
00:10:05,961 --> 00:10:07,963
Boy! Okay? I'm a baby boy!

212
00:10:08,063 --> 00:10:09,331
I'm sorry!

213
00:10:09,431 --> 00:10:11,300
I'm having a
hard time with this transition.

214
00:10:11,400 --> 00:10:14,904
Okay, it's really simple.
Treat me like one of the guys.

215
00:10:15,003 --> 00:10:16,171
Okay?

216
00:10:16,271 --> 00:10:18,807
All right. I-I can do that.
Yeah.

217
00:10:18,908 --> 00:10:21,109
- Slap fight.
- Oh.

218
00:10:21,210 --> 00:10:22,444
You call that a slap?

219
00:10:23,880 --> 00:10:24,914
Whew.

220
00:10:25,013 --> 00:10:26,415
What the hell
did you do that for?

221
00:10:26,515 --> 00:10:29,685
Don't act like such a bitch.

222
00:10:29,785 --> 00:10:31,420
Bitch.

223
00:10:34,323 --> 00:10:36,525
Yeah, not bad.

224
00:10:39,294 --> 00:10:41,163
Who the hell lives like this?

225
00:10:53,041 --> 00:10:55,912
Oh, honey,
it is so good to see you!

226
00:10:56,011 --> 00:10:57,846
Come in! Do you want some tea?

227
00:10:57,947 --> 00:11:00,782
Oh, my God, Mother.
You look like shit!

228
00:11:00,884 --> 00:11:02,351
Babe, please.

229
00:11:02,451 --> 00:11:04,052
This is clearly a woman
who's run out of conditioner.

230
00:11:04,152 --> 00:11:06,388
Oh, be careful where you walk.
The whole place

231
00:11:06,488 --> 00:11:07,689
is booby-trapped.

232
00:11:07,789 --> 00:11:10,058
You never know when
that psycho's gonna come back.

233
00:11:10,158 --> 00:11:12,194
Come in.

234
00:11:12,294 --> 00:11:13,428
Okay.

235
00:11:22,304 --> 00:11:24,773
I hate this job.

236
00:11:27,175 --> 00:11:28,577
Mrs. Campbell,

237
00:11:29,211 --> 00:11:31,380
I'm Jack, Sara's boyfriend.

238
00:11:31,480 --> 00:11:33,549
I've heard so much about you…

239
00:11:33,649 --> 00:11:34,750
Uh, none of it good.

240
00:11:35,651 --> 00:11:37,987
I have heard nothing
about you, Jack.

241
00:11:38,086 --> 00:11:39,688
I assume
you're a piece of shit.

242
00:11:39,788 --> 00:11:43,026
But how would I know when
I haven't heard from my daughter

243
00:11:43,125 --> 00:11:44,826
in, what, six months?

244
00:11:44,928 --> 00:11:46,662
Six years, Mother.

245
00:11:46,762 --> 00:11:48,330
And whose fault is that?

246
00:11:48,430 --> 00:11:51,099
"And whose fault is that?"
I don't know, maybe it's yours!

247
00:11:51,600 --> 00:11:52,668
That's fair.

248
00:11:52,768 --> 00:11:55,837
We want to learn
from the horror you survived.

249
00:11:55,939 --> 00:11:56,823
Look…

250
00:11:56,906 --> 00:11:58,840
Scary Movie 3 and 4

251
00:11:58,942 --> 00:12:00,409
paid me
a lot of money for a girl…

252
00:12:00,509 --> 00:12:02,511
There is nothing
to learn there.

253
00:12:02,611 --> 00:12:05,547
But if you want to talk
about The House Bunny, shoot.

254
00:12:05,647 --> 00:12:07,149
It's happening again!

255
00:12:07,249 --> 00:12:10,954
Some asshole in a mask.
We have to stop him.

256
00:12:11,054 --> 00:12:13,056
You're not ready, lovebug.

257
00:12:13,155 --> 00:12:16,091
I have been preparing
for this for years.

258
00:12:16,191 --> 00:12:18,126
Sacrificed everything.

259
00:12:18,226 --> 00:12:21,263
You were a terrible mother.
Come on, honey

260
00:12:21,363 --> 00:12:23,198
we had some good times.

261
00:12:23,298 --> 00:12:27,202
Like that Christmas I took you
to meet Santa at the mall.

262
00:12:36,778 --> 00:12:37,778
Move!

263
00:12:38,180 --> 00:12:39,748
Hi, Santa.

264
00:12:39,848 --> 00:12:43,052
Sorry if I don't
sit in your lap.

265
00:12:43,151 --> 00:12:44,486
You creep me out.

266
00:12:52,194 --> 00:12:53,328
Mom?

267
00:12:53,963 --> 00:12:55,999
Santa gave me a severed arm!

268
00:12:56,099 --> 00:12:58,133
Be sure to thank him.

269
00:13:04,706 --> 00:13:06,708
Is that a foot?

270
00:13:06,808 --> 00:13:08,310
Ew, that's gross.

271
00:13:09,811 --> 00:13:10,913
What the fuck?

272
00:13:13,049 --> 00:13:15,118
I am sorry

273
00:13:15,217 --> 00:13:18,054
if that's how you found out
Santa doesn't exist.

274
00:13:18,153 --> 00:13:19,956
Ugh, Mother, I need your help!

275
00:13:20,056 --> 00:13:23,625
To heal our emotional wounds
and put the past behind us?

276
00:13:23,725 --> 00:13:25,293
Oh, God, no.

277
00:13:25,394 --> 00:13:27,997
No, to kill Ghostface!

278
00:13:28,097 --> 00:13:29,731
Do you have any guns?

279
00:13:31,034 --> 00:13:33,735
I am Cindy fucking Campbell.

280
00:13:33,835 --> 00:13:35,570
I've got millions of guns!

281
00:13:35,671 --> 00:13:36,422
But, um,

282
00:13:36,505 --> 00:13:38,206
none of them are registered

283
00:13:38,306 --> 00:13:40,409
due to my mental health issues.

284
00:13:40,509 --> 00:13:44,279
So, if you could just keep that
on the low…

285
00:13:44,379 --> 00:13:46,348
- Okay.
- Oh!

286
00:13:46,448 --> 00:13:48,017
Yeah, I'm gonna be fine.

287
00:13:48,117 --> 00:13:49,584
I didn't hurt myself
on any of these spikes.

288
00:13:58,061 --> 00:13:59,962
Oh, hey,
so I spoke to Sara earlier.

289
00:14:00,063 --> 00:14:01,363
Oh, is she coming?
You know,

290
00:14:01,463 --> 00:14:02,965
I did hear
a buzzing sound.

291
00:14:03,066 --> 00:14:04,599
So it's possible.
No.

292
00:14:04,700 --> 00:14:07,736
I meant to Woodsville, dumb-ass.
Oh. Yeah, I forgot to ask.

293
00:14:07,836 --> 00:14:09,271
Hey, Jimbo! Go deep!

294
00:14:09,371 --> 00:14:10,505
Yeah, yeah!
Throw it, throw it!

295
00:14:12,374 --> 00:14:13,709
Sweet!

296
00:14:14,242 --> 00:14:15,577
Speaking of going deep…

297
00:14:15,677 --> 00:14:17,646
Uh, I don't know
if it's a good time.

298
00:14:17,746 --> 00:14:19,414
Everyone knows
what happens to teenagers

299
00:14:19,514 --> 00:14:21,117
who try to make love when
there's a killer on the loose.

300
00:14:21,216 --> 00:14:22,684
Brad's right
about one thing, guys.

301
00:14:22,784 --> 00:14:25,387
Okay, Ghostface is back.
We need to arm up.

302
00:14:25,487 --> 00:14:28,091
Pepper spray, check.

303
00:14:28,191 --> 00:14:29,959
Taser, check.

304
00:14:30,059 --> 00:14:31,526
Butt plug,

305
00:14:31,626 --> 00:14:33,196
double check.

306
00:14:33,295 --> 00:14:34,362
Goddamn!

307
00:14:34,463 --> 00:14:36,231
You just carry that thing
around?

308
00:14:36,331 --> 00:14:37,967
It's easy to hide.

309
00:14:41,104 --> 00:14:43,638
In your butt.

310
00:14:44,140 --> 00:14:45,607
I'm impressed.

311
00:14:54,951 --> 00:14:58,520
What's up, y'all? I'm back!

312
00:14:59,989 --> 00:15:00,990
Shit, son!

313
00:15:01,090 --> 00:15:03,059
Hey, what's up, Unc?
"Unc"?

314
00:15:03,159 --> 00:15:05,660
I'm tired of you
little Gen Z Alpha niggas

315
00:15:05,761 --> 00:15:07,997
using terms like "unc"
and "auntie".

316
00:15:08,097 --> 00:15:10,499
Gaslighting and glazing
and glamping,

317
00:15:10,599 --> 00:15:12,534
trying to make my generation
sound old.

318
00:15:12,634 --> 00:15:14,203
I ain't your damn unc, nigga!

319
00:15:14,302 --> 00:15:16,571
Shorty, you're our
mother's brother, so, yeah,

320
00:15:16,671 --> 00:15:18,340
technically, you are our uncle.

321
00:15:18,440 --> 00:15:21,309
Oh.
My bad.

322
00:15:21,409 --> 00:15:23,946
Crazy that they let you
teach here.

323
00:15:24,046 --> 00:15:26,515
Teach? Nah, nigga.

324
00:15:26,615 --> 00:15:27,749
I attend.

325
00:15:27,849 --> 00:15:31,921
You looking at a proud
25th-year senior.

326
00:15:32,021 --> 00:15:35,024
As a matter of fact, nigga,
you were in my Sex Ed class.

327
00:15:35,124 --> 00:15:37,160
Boy, you're really smart.

328
00:15:37,260 --> 00:15:39,095
You know a lot about penises.

329
00:15:39,195 --> 00:15:42,364
You should be like,
like a veterinarian,

330
00:15:42,464 --> 00:15:43,933
but for dick.

331
00:15:44,833 --> 00:15:46,768
When are you
finally gonna graduate?

332
00:15:46,869 --> 00:15:49,138
By the time we do a sequel
and I got to follow you little young niggas

333
00:15:49,238 --> 00:15:50,305
to college to get my check.

334
00:15:50,405 --> 00:15:52,241
Wait, guys. Tuesday's awake!

335
00:15:52,374 --> 00:15:54,576
All right! Tuesday!
Who the fuck is Tuesday?

336
00:15:54,676 --> 00:15:55,811
Hey, we gotta go
to the hospital.

337
00:15:55,912 --> 00:15:58,713
You gonna take the bus home?
No. The PJ.

338
00:15:58,814 --> 00:16:00,249
Private jet?

339
00:16:00,348 --> 00:16:01,349
Yeah. Jealous?

340
00:16:01,449 --> 00:16:02,784
Man, you smoke weed all day.

341
00:16:02,885 --> 00:16:05,420
Just play video games,
you live-stream.

342
00:16:05,520 --> 00:16:06,822
You literally got money
doing nothing.

343
00:16:06,923 --> 00:16:10,325
Exactly. I leave the hard work
for the old heads.

344
00:16:10,425 --> 00:16:12,028
Shit, son!

345
00:16:13,361 --> 00:16:15,497
Still the same Shorty.
Aight.

346
00:16:15,597 --> 00:16:17,266
Check my crypto, nigga.

347
00:16:17,365 --> 00:16:19,235
Aw, shit,
I'm up three million dollars!

348
00:16:21,103 --> 00:16:23,306
Damn,
now I'm down five million.

349
00:16:23,405 --> 00:16:25,908
This shit crazy, son.

350
00:17:00,742 --> 00:17:01,493
Ray!

351
00:17:01,576 --> 00:17:03,445
Sister Brenda, it's okay.

352
00:17:03,545 --> 00:17:05,714
You heard the call of sin,
yes, you did.

353
00:17:05,814 --> 00:17:07,183
But the Lord has called on us

354
00:17:07,283 --> 00:17:09,919
to show men
such like you the way.

355
00:17:10,019 --> 00:17:12,922
Come on, son! Come with us.

356
00:17:13,022 --> 00:17:14,389
Come on us.

357
00:17:14,489 --> 00:17:17,326
God see you coming.
So don't cheat that come.

358
00:17:17,425 --> 00:17:21,463
We need you to come
like you never came before.

359
00:17:21,563 --> 00:17:23,431
Come for the Father,
come for the Son.

360
00:17:23,531 --> 00:17:25,767
I'ma hold your hand
and we gonna come together.

361
00:17:25,868 --> 00:17:28,470
- God is good, man!
- Yes, sir.

362
00:17:28,570 --> 00:17:29,704
Thank you, Jesus.

363
00:17:29,804 --> 00:17:30,522
Amen.

364
00:17:30,605 --> 00:17:31,523
Hallelujah.

365
00:17:31,606 --> 00:17:32,975
There you go.

366
00:17:33,075 --> 00:17:38,281
In the name of God,
let it go, Ray! Let it go!

367
00:17:38,381 --> 00:17:39,232
Nigga!

368
00:17:39,315 --> 00:17:41,350
Oh, my bad.

369
00:17:41,449 --> 00:17:42,817
Last time.

370
00:17:45,587 --> 00:17:49,358
Let's welcome a new member
to our congre-gay-tion.

371
00:17:49,457 --> 00:17:50,825
Let the people know

372
00:17:50,927 --> 00:17:53,229
how you feel, brother.
There you go.

373
00:17:57,699 --> 00:18:00,136
I'm not gay no more.

374
00:18:00,236 --> 00:18:03,139
Hallelujah!

375
00:18:03,239 --> 00:18:04,123
Yes, sir!

376
00:18:04,206 --> 00:18:05,473
I'm not gay no more!

377
00:18:05,573 --> 00:18:07,009
Praise the lord!

378
00:18:07,109 --> 00:18:08,443
I'm not gay no more!

379
00:18:08,543 --> 00:18:10,046
He not gay no more.

380
00:18:10,146 --> 00:18:12,348
I've been delivered!

381
00:18:12,447 --> 00:18:14,582
I'll no longer date a mans!

382
00:18:14,683 --> 00:18:15,918
Even if he's sexy as hell

383
00:18:16,018 --> 00:18:18,586
with a big old chesteses
and perky areolas!

384
00:18:18,687 --> 00:18:20,056
Oh, yeah,
you still got a secret.

385
00:18:20,156 --> 00:18:23,960
I'll no longer
carry a purse, put on makeup,

386
00:18:24,060 --> 00:18:25,044
walk around in high heels.

387
00:18:25,127 --> 00:18:26,429
What?

388
00:18:26,528 --> 00:18:28,730
Red bottoms. The one with
the cute little buckle

389
00:18:28,830 --> 00:18:30,498
on the side.
Those is my shoes.

390
00:18:30,598 --> 00:18:34,437
I'll no longer go on Grindr
and swipe right

391
00:18:34,536 --> 00:18:36,305
at Black mens…
Hmm?

392
00:18:36,405 --> 00:18:38,441
…white mens, Asian mens.

393
00:18:38,540 --> 00:18:40,809
You been on Grindr?
I'll no longer take trips

394
00:18:40,910 --> 00:18:43,745
to the Philippines
looking for ladyboys.

395
00:18:43,845 --> 00:18:46,949
To Phuket. Ko Samui.
Back to Phuket.

396
00:18:47,049 --> 00:18:49,418
Then to Vietnam to see
if I can get them any cheaper.

397
00:18:49,517 --> 00:18:51,619
I thought that was for
our anniversary, Ray.

398
00:18:51,720 --> 00:18:53,555
Oh, this nigga
got a lot of miles.

399
00:18:53,655 --> 00:18:55,824
I'll no longer stand
butt naked in a mirror

400
00:18:55,925 --> 00:18:57,927
with my penis
tucked between my legs…

401
00:18:58,027 --> 00:19:00,795
…dancing like the dude
from Silence of the Lambs.

402
00:19:00,896 --> 00:19:02,898
"It puts the lotion
in the basket, Precious."

403
00:19:02,999 --> 00:19:06,002
I'm a changed man!
I've been delivered!

404
00:19:06,102 --> 00:19:07,903
Shit.
I will!

405
00:19:08,004 --> 00:19:09,571
I said I will!

406
00:19:09,671 --> 00:19:12,274
I will love a woman!

407
00:19:13,708 --> 00:19:14,709
Womans, womans, womans!

408
00:19:14,809 --> 00:19:16,678
You can take that "W-O" off.

409
00:19:16,778 --> 00:19:18,147
Womans, womans, womans!

410
00:19:18,247 --> 00:19:20,416
Mens-es, mens-es, mens-es.

411
00:19:20,515 --> 00:19:22,784
Womans…

412
00:19:26,155 --> 00:19:27,923
No, no. No, no, Ray. No, no.

413
00:19:34,497 --> 00:19:35,998
Gulp, gulp, gulp.

414
00:19:36,098 --> 00:19:38,334
Whoa, nigga.

415
00:19:38,434 --> 00:19:40,302
Hawk tuah,
hawk tuah, hawk tuah!

416
00:19:40,403 --> 00:19:41,971
You hocking on it?

417
00:19:42,071 --> 00:19:44,040
I've been delivered!

418
00:20:12,767 --> 00:20:15,703
Tuesday, Tuesday.

419
00:20:16,338 --> 00:20:18,174
Oh, my God.

420
00:20:18,274 --> 00:20:20,276
Her face. All contorted.

421
00:20:20,376 --> 00:20:22,111
Oh, my God, and the moaning.

422
00:20:28,184 --> 00:20:30,553
I've been trying to get that
out for an hour.

423
00:20:30,652 --> 00:20:32,654
How you feeling, Tues?

424
00:20:32,754 --> 00:20:35,091
Hey, what are they giving you
for the pain? Is that…

425
00:20:35,191 --> 00:20:37,426
Is that morphine or…?

426
00:20:37,526 --> 00:20:39,528
Bitch.
Let's see.

427
00:20:41,464 --> 00:20:43,598
Oh, yeah!

428
00:20:43,698 --> 00:20:46,734
Oh, this that good, good.

429
00:20:46,835 --> 00:20:48,337
This that
Britney Spears shit.

430
00:20:48,437 --> 00:20:49,637
Makes me want to
get half-naked,

431
00:20:49,737 --> 00:20:52,108
dance around
and juggle some knives.

432
00:20:52,208 --> 00:20:54,642
Sara, who's that
Jeffrey Dahmer look-a-like?

433
00:20:54,742 --> 00:20:57,513
Oh. This is my boyfriend, Jack.

434
00:20:57,612 --> 00:20:59,814
Really nice to meet you.

435
00:21:00,583 --> 00:21:01,917
Looks like Ted Bundy to me.

436
00:21:02,017 --> 00:21:04,453
But that ain't
none of my business.

437
00:21:04,553 --> 00:21:06,555
Mm-hmm. Mm!

438
00:21:06,654 --> 00:21:08,656
This little stabbed-up
bitch here needs some rest.

439
00:21:08,756 --> 00:21:11,093
So y'all get the fuck out!

440
00:21:11,193 --> 00:21:12,194
Yes, ma'am.

441
00:21:13,095 --> 00:21:14,662
Oh, not you, Sara.

442
00:21:14,762 --> 00:21:17,133
Why? What did I do?

443
00:21:18,033 --> 00:21:19,935
I'm so scared.

444
00:21:20,035 --> 00:21:23,572
Oh, Tues,
you should be.

445
00:21:23,671 --> 00:21:26,442
You've been stabbed nine times.

446
00:21:26,542 --> 00:21:28,743
And the killer knows
where you live.

447
00:21:28,843 --> 00:21:31,280
I would invite you to come
stay at my place, but

448
00:21:31,380 --> 00:21:34,250
I don't really want
that kind of juju in my house.

449
00:21:34,350 --> 00:21:35,518
For all we know,

450
00:21:35,618 --> 00:21:37,920
he's standing
right outside that door.

451
00:21:43,259 --> 00:21:45,427
That's comforting, Sara.

452
00:21:45,528 --> 00:21:46,761
I thought I was gonna die.

453
00:21:46,862 --> 00:21:48,931
I know, me too!

454
00:21:49,031 --> 00:21:51,500
I planned your funeral.

455
00:21:51,600 --> 00:21:54,270
What the hell?
And I wrote your obituary.

456
00:21:54,370 --> 00:21:56,305
More like ChatGPT wrote it.

457
00:21:56,405 --> 00:21:57,606
But you're still here.

458
00:21:57,705 --> 00:22:00,176
And I will never
let anyone hurt you.

459
00:22:01,644 --> 00:22:04,280
Oh, yum! Ice chips!

460
00:22:04,380 --> 00:22:05,747
Oh, God!

461
00:22:05,847 --> 00:22:07,583
Get off me!

462
00:22:09,485 --> 00:22:10,718
Help!

463
00:22:10,818 --> 00:22:12,555
This white girl can't die
on my shift!

464
00:22:12,655 --> 00:22:14,023
I'm a DEI hire!

465
00:22:14,123 --> 00:22:16,791
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
She was fine a second ago.

466
00:22:16,892 --> 00:22:19,228
No! No, I'm good! I'm good!
Clear!

467
00:22:19,328 --> 00:22:21,030
Again!

468
00:22:21,130 --> 00:22:23,599
Come on, white bitch,
I need this job! Clear!

469
00:22:23,698 --> 00:22:25,534
It's not working!
Clear!

470
00:22:25,634 --> 00:22:28,304
We're losing her.

471
00:22:28,404 --> 00:22:29,905
Harder!

472
00:22:33,042 --> 00:22:34,376
Oh, boy.

473
00:22:34,476 --> 00:22:36,278
Look like there ain't
nothing left

474
00:22:36,378 --> 00:22:38,881
but thoughts,
prayers and pork rinds.

475
00:22:39,615 --> 00:22:40,715
Dear Lord.

476
00:22:40,815 --> 00:22:42,784
Nurse Ratchett,
check out the wire!

477
00:22:42,885 --> 00:22:45,321
The Wire was the shit, baby.
That's my show.

478
00:22:45,421 --> 00:22:47,156
Drugs and that Idris Elba

479
00:22:47,256 --> 00:22:49,558
make this coochie
want to pop, pop, pop!

480
00:22:49,658 --> 00:22:51,860
Dear Lord, please

481
00:22:51,961 --> 00:22:53,529
accept this white bitch's…

482
00:22:55,264 --> 00:22:57,765
The Lord works
in mysterious ways.

483
00:22:58,467 --> 00:22:59,602
I'm going on break.

484
00:22:59,702 --> 00:23:01,437
Oh, Tues.

485
00:23:01,537 --> 00:23:02,905
I will never let anyone

486
00:23:03,005 --> 00:23:05,674
hurt you again.
Mm-mm.

487
00:23:09,378 --> 00:23:10,812
Ooh! My bad.

488
00:23:22,658 --> 00:23:23,791
Hello?

489
00:23:23,892 --> 00:23:26,362
Hello, Sara.

490
00:23:26,462 --> 00:23:27,863
Who is this?

491
00:23:27,963 --> 00:23:31,600
Someone
who knows your little secret.

492
00:23:31,700 --> 00:23:34,370
No, no, I swear
that wasn't a Nazi salute!

493
00:23:34,470 --> 00:23:35,837
Okay? I won Prom Queen

494
00:23:35,938 --> 00:23:37,906
and I was… I was
throwing my heart to the crowd!

495
00:23:38,007 --> 00:23:42,711
No, I'm talking
about your family secret.

496
00:23:44,079 --> 00:23:47,049
Oh, you're the fuck
who hurt my sister.

497
00:23:47,149 --> 00:23:49,151
Well, I had
to get you to come back here.

498
00:23:49,251 --> 00:23:51,887
Listen, if you want
to fuck with me, asshole,

499
00:23:51,987 --> 00:23:53,555
then come and get me!

500
00:23:53,656 --> 00:23:55,124
With pleasure.

501
00:23:58,594 --> 00:24:01,397
Help!

502
00:24:01,497 --> 00:24:03,399
Somebody help!

503
00:24:03,499 --> 00:24:06,402
Please, somebody help!

504
00:24:07,169 --> 00:24:08,637
Bitch!

505
00:24:08,737 --> 00:24:10,205
This the break room.

506
00:24:10,306 --> 00:24:11,257
Mm-hmm.

507
00:24:11,340 --> 00:24:12,374
We on break.

508
00:24:12,474 --> 00:24:14,109
- Oh, God.
- Preach.

509
00:24:20,449 --> 00:24:21,950
Take that!

510
00:24:22,051 --> 00:24:24,086
Oof!

511
00:24:25,554 --> 00:24:26,854
Please, save me!

512
00:24:26,955 --> 00:24:29,692
I've been saving people
all day!

513
00:24:29,792 --> 00:24:31,560
So you handle yours.

514
00:24:31,660 --> 00:24:33,228
I'll be right over here

515
00:24:33,329 --> 00:24:36,465
eating my falafel
and my pork rinds.

516
00:24:36,565 --> 00:24:38,534
I look like your mama?

517
00:24:40,169 --> 00:24:43,305
- Try me now!
- Break's over.

518
00:24:49,678 --> 00:24:51,180
You're welcome.

519
00:24:53,749 --> 00:24:57,353
It really looks like you got hit with
something hard. Like metal.

520
00:24:57,453 --> 00:24:59,488
I told you, I fell.

521
00:24:59,588 --> 00:25:03,892
Now where exactly are we going?
To talk to an expert.

522
00:25:15,571 --> 00:25:16,772
Go away!

523
00:25:16,872 --> 00:25:18,440
I'm so sorry to bother you.
We just…

524
00:25:18,540 --> 00:25:20,075
We just want to ask you
a few questions.

525
00:25:20,175 --> 00:25:21,877
Give me one good reason

526
00:25:21,977 --> 00:25:23,412
why I should talk to you.

527
00:25:23,512 --> 00:25:24,646
I'm white.

528
00:25:24,747 --> 00:25:26,482
How white?
Oh, I'm talking

529
00:25:26,582 --> 00:25:28,150
Candace Owens white.

530
00:25:28,984 --> 00:25:30,719
Oh.
Six feet.

531
00:25:30,819 --> 00:25:31,954
When you said expert,
I assumed you meant

532
00:25:32,054 --> 00:25:33,455
more like
Neil deGrasse Tyson or…

533
00:25:33,555 --> 00:25:34,556
Shut up.

534
00:25:34,656 --> 00:25:36,024
I'm Sara Campbell.

535
00:25:36,125 --> 00:25:38,394
I was attacked last night.
I think you should leave.

536
00:25:38,494 --> 00:25:41,163
I don't want to get stabbed.
And I don't want Covid, okay?

537
00:25:41,263 --> 00:25:42,798
Please, come on. Just…
Let's go.

538
00:25:42,898 --> 00:25:44,166
Just two minutes,
that's all I'm asking.

539
00:25:44,266 --> 00:25:45,467
No. No.

540
00:25:45,567 --> 00:25:47,102
I'll give you eight minutes.

541
00:25:48,670 --> 00:25:49,938
And another thing.

542
00:25:50,038 --> 00:25:52,574
I got to test you for Covid.

543
00:25:54,376 --> 00:25:55,611
Ohh!

544
00:25:55,711 --> 00:25:56,812
Ahh…

545
00:25:56,912 --> 00:25:58,280
You guys are good.

546
00:25:58,380 --> 00:26:00,215
When did the work week
become the "woke week"?

547
00:26:00,315 --> 00:26:03,385
We've got Black Friday.
What's next, Mulatto Monday?

548
00:26:03,485 --> 00:26:05,154
I mean, Yellow Thursday?

549
00:26:05,254 --> 00:26:07,856
Tan Tuesday? Come on.

550
00:26:10,192 --> 00:26:11,727
Let me get this
out of your way.

551
00:26:11,827 --> 00:26:13,262
Oh!
Sorry.

552
00:26:15,497 --> 00:26:17,766
Oh, you, uh, have a cat.

553
00:26:17,867 --> 00:26:19,401
I don't have a cat.

554
00:26:22,471 --> 00:26:23,672
Gail has cats.

555
00:26:23,772 --> 00:26:25,674
- You know, she's got really nice cats.
- Oh, no.

556
00:26:25,774 --> 00:26:27,342
A nice pussycat.

557
00:26:27,443 --> 00:26:29,545
Sometimes it can be
a little stinky.

558
00:26:29,645 --> 00:26:31,713
Oh!
Covid tests are done.

559
00:26:32,748 --> 00:26:34,249
Yup! You're good.

560
00:26:36,118 --> 00:26:37,686
You're Cindy's daughter, right?

561
00:26:37,786 --> 00:26:39,221
Yeah.
Yeah.

562
00:26:39,321 --> 00:26:43,025
I don't know him.
This is Jack. My love interest.

563
00:26:43,125 --> 00:26:44,426
No! No, no, no.

564
00:26:44,526 --> 00:26:47,897
Rule Number One
of surviving a horror movie is,

565
00:26:47,996 --> 00:26:50,365
"Never trust
the love interest."

566
00:26:50,466 --> 00:26:51,567
Look at him!

567
00:26:51,667 --> 00:26:55,304
He's got that weird lazy eye,
poking one way

568
00:26:55,404 --> 00:26:58,707
and then he's drooling
like a psychopath.

569
00:26:58,807 --> 00:27:00,676
He's got that stump leg.

570
00:27:00,776 --> 00:27:03,078
Makes him all walk weird
and creepy.

571
00:27:03,178 --> 00:27:05,981
I don't have a stump.
Well, that guy does.

572
00:27:06,081 --> 00:27:09,284
Oh, I'm looking at me.

573
00:27:09,384 --> 00:27:12,821
Special Officer Doofy. Retired.

574
00:27:12,922 --> 00:27:15,925
Listen, Doofy,
we could really use your help.

575
00:27:16,024 --> 00:27:18,093
No. I can't go back
to that life.

576
00:27:18,193 --> 00:27:20,762
Plus, we're in the middle
of a global pandemic!

577
00:27:20,864 --> 00:27:22,197
Okay, I hate
to break it to you,

578
00:27:22,297 --> 00:27:24,968
but Covid has been over
for, like, years.

579
00:27:25,067 --> 00:27:27,035
Hmm.
Really?

580
00:27:27,135 --> 00:27:28,504
- Yeah.
- Yeah.

581
00:27:30,940 --> 00:27:32,374
Damn it!

582
00:27:32,474 --> 00:27:35,444
What am I gonna do
with all this canned meat?

583
00:27:36,612 --> 00:27:39,715
Get out! I don't want
Ghostface to find me.

584
00:27:39,815 --> 00:27:41,283
And don't come back!

585
00:27:53,863 --> 00:27:55,430
It's the sound of the police.

586
00:28:00,469 --> 00:28:03,973
Special Officer Doofy,
reporting for duty.

587
00:28:04,072 --> 00:28:06,808
Okay, just because he showered
doesn't mean that…

588
00:28:06,910 --> 00:28:08,076
No, I didn't shower.

589
00:28:08,176 --> 00:28:10,412
I just take water
from my mouth and…

590
00:28:10,512 --> 00:28:12,481
You want some? Okay.
No, that's okay.

591
00:28:12,581 --> 00:28:14,918
Come on, Doofy.
Yeah, let's do it.

592
00:28:15,018 --> 00:28:17,119
Watch your step.
Okay. I'm watching.

593
00:28:35,771 --> 00:28:38,273
Brain freeze!

594
00:28:51,620 --> 00:28:53,455
Sara, is your
ghetto-ass mom coming

595
00:28:53,555 --> 00:28:55,058
or can we start talking
about this plot?

596
00:28:55,157 --> 00:28:57,259
Uh…

597
00:28:59,328 --> 00:29:00,495
Hi.

598
00:29:00,596 --> 00:29:01,830
You came.

599
00:29:01,931 --> 00:29:03,732
Not in, like, 15 years, honey.

600
00:29:03,832 --> 00:29:06,234
But I did buy this new rose,

601
00:29:06,335 --> 00:29:08,270
so fingers crossed.

602
00:29:11,740 --> 00:29:13,241
Oh.

603
00:29:14,643 --> 00:29:16,812
Oh, my old friend!

604
00:29:16,913 --> 00:29:19,214
You taught me how to dance.

605
00:29:19,314 --> 00:29:22,018
How to make a high N-word pie.

606
00:29:22,117 --> 00:29:24,519
Nigga, I'm right
in back of you.

607
00:29:24,620 --> 00:29:25,237
Shorty!

608
00:29:25,320 --> 00:29:26,755
What's up, Cindy?

609
00:29:26,855 --> 00:29:28,958
How you doing? My nigga.

610
00:29:29,058 --> 00:29:31,460
Shit, son!

611
00:29:32,561 --> 00:29:33,629
I love the hair.

612
00:29:33,729 --> 00:29:36,565
It's very Mickey Rourke
in The Wrestler.

613
00:29:36,665 --> 00:29:37,900
Yeah.

614
00:29:38,001 --> 00:29:39,601
I can't believe you thought
I was dead.

615
00:29:39,701 --> 00:29:42,437
Well, between cancer
from the weed smoke,

616
00:29:42,537 --> 00:29:45,041
your love of the McRib
and racist cops,

617
00:29:45,140 --> 00:29:46,475
I didn't think
you had a chance.

618
00:29:46,575 --> 00:29:48,810
Yeah,
that's a terrible combination.

619
00:29:49,411 --> 00:29:51,813
Hi, Cin.
Stop smiling at me!

620
00:29:54,716 --> 00:29:56,119
Shit! WorldStar!

621
00:29:56,218 --> 00:29:58,153
WorldStar! WorldStar!

622
00:29:58,253 --> 00:30:00,489
Hey,
he's intellectually disabled!

623
00:30:00,589 --> 00:30:02,758
That's just how he looks,
you drunk honky.

624
00:30:02,859 --> 00:30:04,027
Hey, hey, hey!

625
00:30:04,127 --> 00:30:05,727
Don't call that white bitch
a honky.

626
00:30:05,827 --> 00:30:06,996
C'mon, have some respect.

627
00:30:07,096 --> 00:30:09,899
I keep seeing people
smiling everywhere.

628
00:30:09,999 --> 00:30:11,366
I'm not very likable,

629
00:30:11,466 --> 00:30:13,468
so it must be
some kind of curse.

630
00:30:13,568 --> 00:30:15,604
Hey, everybody!
She's high.

631
00:30:15,704 --> 00:30:16,906
Look what I got.

632
00:30:17,006 --> 00:30:18,573
Non-branded gelatin shots

633
00:30:18,674 --> 00:30:21,077
made with grain alcohol
and GHB.

634
00:30:21,209 --> 00:30:22,377
So ain't nobody sipping nothing

635
00:30:22,477 --> 00:30:24,080
they didn't consent to
like last time,

636
00:30:24,179 --> 00:30:25,280
which I apologize.
Mm-hmm.

637
00:30:25,380 --> 00:30:27,083
Take one.
I love roofying myself.

638
00:30:28,383 --> 00:30:29,168
No, Ma. No, Mama.
You sure, baby?

639
00:30:29,251 --> 00:30:30,519
Hi, Brenda.

640
00:30:30,619 --> 00:30:32,688
Please do not call me
by my government name.

641
00:30:32,788 --> 00:30:34,623
Call me Ma.

642
00:30:35,590 --> 00:30:36,308
Cindy!

643
00:30:36,391 --> 00:30:37,894
Oh, my God!

644
00:30:38,861 --> 00:30:39,846
You dropped the tray.

645
00:30:39,929 --> 00:30:41,097
Oh, my God, Cindy,

646
00:30:41,196 --> 00:30:43,066
I haven't seen you in forever!

647
00:30:43,166 --> 00:30:45,902
My God, look at you!
You look the same!

648
00:30:46,002 --> 00:30:47,335
Minus the crow's feet.

649
00:30:47,436 --> 00:30:49,571
And your hair is so dry.

650
00:30:49,671 --> 00:30:52,541
Oh, and your titties
dropped so far.

651
00:30:52,641 --> 00:30:55,477
Other than that,
you look the exact same.

652
00:30:55,577 --> 00:30:57,345
What have you been up to?

653
00:30:57,446 --> 00:30:59,514
Oh, you know,
neglecting my children

654
00:30:59,614 --> 00:31:03,019
so I can prepare to kill Ghostface
should he ever return.

655
00:31:03,119 --> 00:31:04,486
What about you?

656
00:31:04,586 --> 00:31:06,956
Well, I been mostly just
getting high school kids drunk

657
00:31:07,056 --> 00:31:08,390
in a desperate attempt
to stay young

658
00:31:08,490 --> 00:31:09,624
and keep my kids at home.

659
00:31:09,725 --> 00:31:11,326
I always knew
you'd be a great mom.

660
00:31:11,426 --> 00:31:12,627
Oh, Cindy!

661
00:31:12,728 --> 00:31:14,897
Should we hug?
Oh, I really want to,

662
00:31:14,997 --> 00:31:18,300
but I'm a Republican now
so I'm supposed to be racist.

663
00:31:18,400 --> 00:31:21,037
Oh, girl, I think all
white people are racist anyway.

664
00:31:21,137 --> 00:31:22,237
Come here.
Okay.

665
00:31:22,337 --> 00:31:24,207
Mm!
Oh!

666
00:31:24,306 --> 00:31:27,176
You want a shot? Yeah? Here.
Oh, yes, yes, please.

667
00:31:27,275 --> 00:31:29,444
You know, Ma,
this place could be so cool

668
00:31:29,544 --> 00:31:32,148
if you had, like,
a-a beer pong table over there,

669
00:31:32,247 --> 00:31:33,548
and maybe, like, a snack wall.

670
00:31:33,648 --> 00:31:35,283
What you know about cool?
When I was your age,

671
00:31:35,383 --> 00:31:37,853
I was popping bottles
with Puffy, Puff Daddy,

672
00:31:37,954 --> 00:31:39,188
P. Diddy, Diddy.

673
00:31:39,287 --> 00:31:40,756
All the Seans.

674
00:31:40,856 --> 00:31:43,625
That didn't age well.
Your momma was the freak

675
00:31:43,725 --> 00:31:44,543
in the freak-offs.

676
00:31:44,626 --> 00:31:46,195
Shit, son!

677
00:31:46,294 --> 00:31:47,562
You want to see something cool?

678
00:31:47,662 --> 00:31:50,365
I'ma show you something cool.

679
00:31:57,206 --> 00:31:58,373
God, that's cool.

680
00:31:58,473 --> 00:31:59,674
What are you doing?

681
00:31:59,775 --> 00:32:00,426
What?

682
00:32:00,509 --> 00:32:01,743
No, not like that.

683
00:32:01,843 --> 00:32:02,628
Like this.

684
00:32:02,711 --> 00:32:04,247
Oh, yeah.

685
00:32:04,346 --> 00:32:07,016
I don't know why
y'all acting so scared.

686
00:32:07,116 --> 00:32:08,217
The gun ain't even loaded.

687
00:32:08,316 --> 00:32:09,718
Shit!

688
00:32:09,818 --> 00:32:11,954
Oh, shit, son!

689
00:32:12,554 --> 00:32:14,223
Uh-oh. I did it again.

690
00:32:17,492 --> 00:32:19,294
I always forget that last one
in the chamber.

691
00:32:19,394 --> 00:32:20,379
Help me move this body.

692
00:32:20,462 --> 00:32:21,630
Yeah, you got it.

693
00:32:21,730 --> 00:32:23,065
That was fun.

694
00:32:23,166 --> 00:32:24,499
Oh, so, what are you doing

695
00:32:24,599 --> 00:32:27,036
- after this?
- I want to go to Cabo.

696
00:32:27,136 --> 00:32:28,770
Oh, I love Cabo!

697
00:32:28,871 --> 00:32:30,572
You know what?

698
00:32:30,672 --> 00:32:32,808
I used to put cocaine up my hoo-hah
and travel there all the time.

699
00:32:32,909 --> 00:32:35,677
- Well, that's because you're so smart.
- Yeah.

700
00:32:41,050 --> 00:32:42,050
Oh.

701
00:32:43,485 --> 00:32:46,388
All right.
Let's get back to the plot.

702
00:32:46,488 --> 00:32:48,257
I'm looking at you,
Ted Bundy eyes.

703
00:32:48,356 --> 00:32:49,558
Looking like a school shooter.

704
00:32:49,658 --> 00:32:50,642
I think you the killer.

705
00:32:50,725 --> 00:32:52,094
- Oh, me?
- Mm-hmm.

706
00:32:52,195 --> 00:32:53,795
Okay, what about
Deputy Doofy over there?

707
00:32:53,896 --> 00:32:57,233
I-I don't have a motive.
You know, what's my motive?

708
00:32:57,332 --> 00:32:58,868
You were the killer
in the first movie.

709
00:32:58,968 --> 00:33:01,603
Shouldn't you be locked up?
No, I got pardoned.

710
00:33:01,703 --> 00:33:04,941
Mostly because of the
storming the Capitol, you know.

711
00:33:05,041 --> 00:33:06,708
Oh.
I got proof.

712
00:33:06,808 --> 00:33:09,411
- This is me. And it's framed.
- Oh.

713
00:33:09,511 --> 00:33:10,880
That's a cool hat.

714
00:33:10,980 --> 00:33:12,747
What about Jess?

715
00:33:13,381 --> 00:33:14,382
What about me?

716
00:33:14,482 --> 00:33:15,684
If anybody here has issues

717
00:33:15,784 --> 00:33:17,086
that could lead to murder…

718
00:33:17,186 --> 00:33:18,620
Okay, I get it!

719
00:33:18,720 --> 00:33:20,622
Trans-shaming
is not cool, okay?

720
00:33:20,722 --> 00:33:22,724
They… He's just a dude.
Yeah.

721
00:33:22,824 --> 00:33:25,694
Minus the upper body strength
and the dick part.

722
00:33:25,794 --> 00:33:28,064
Hey, you don't know
what I got down here, okay?

723
00:33:28,164 --> 00:33:30,132
I do.
Hey, hey.

724
00:33:30,233 --> 00:33:32,034
Listen, what we know so far

725
00:33:32,134 --> 00:33:33,568
is everyone who's been attacked

726
00:33:33,668 --> 00:33:36,272
is related to
the original characters.

727
00:33:36,371 --> 00:33:37,539
He wants to kill the kids.

728
00:33:37,639 --> 00:33:41,509
Aha! He's making a rebootequel.

729
00:33:41,610 --> 00:33:43,212
- A what now?
- Yeah. It's like,

730
00:33:43,312 --> 00:33:44,546
a reboot and a sequel.

731
00:33:44,646 --> 00:33:46,748
Mixes legacy characters
with new characters

732
00:33:46,848 --> 00:33:49,751
in an attempt to feed into
bullshit nostalgia

733
00:33:49,851 --> 00:33:51,686
and bring more fans
to the theaters.

734
00:33:51,786 --> 00:33:53,923
Just like last year's
I Know What You Did Last Summer.

735
00:33:55,657 --> 00:33:58,060
That's a movie?
What did I do last summer?

736
00:33:58,160 --> 00:34:00,495
I think you're talking about
The Summer I Turned Pretty.

737
00:34:00,595 --> 00:34:01,898
- Yeah.
- Ray,

738
00:34:01,998 --> 00:34:03,900
when did you get here?
Oh, I been here.

739
00:34:04,000 --> 00:34:06,068
I was just hanging out
by the men's room.

740
00:34:06,168 --> 00:34:07,270
Oh.
My room?

741
00:34:07,370 --> 00:34:08,938
Okay, so that means

742
00:34:09,038 --> 00:34:12,440
that our killer is writing
his own version of Horror Movie.

743
00:34:12,540 --> 00:34:16,212
Okay, so according to
the re-booty-call rules,

744
00:34:16,312 --> 00:34:17,380
who's the killer?

745
00:34:18,647 --> 00:34:20,782
I think it's pretty obvious.

746
00:34:23,319 --> 00:34:24,353
Who?

747
00:34:24,452 --> 00:34:26,389
You, bitch.
Me?

748
00:34:26,488 --> 00:34:28,391
Guys, I am not the killer.

749
00:34:28,490 --> 00:34:31,493
Ghostface attacked Tues
to lure me back here.

750
00:34:31,593 --> 00:34:35,031
I think he attacked Tuesday
to get you back here

751
00:34:35,131 --> 00:34:37,033
so he could get me back here.

752
00:34:37,133 --> 00:34:39,268
He wants to kill the OGs.

753
00:34:39,368 --> 00:34:40,568
That was a flex.

754
00:34:40,669 --> 00:34:41,971
Yeah, that sounds better.

755
00:34:42,071 --> 00:34:43,471
Aw, fuck this!

756
00:34:43,571 --> 00:34:46,409
And fuck you, Mother!

757
00:34:46,508 --> 00:34:48,077
To your mother?

758
00:34:48,177 --> 00:34:51,546
Hey! Don't be so disrespectful!

759
00:34:51,646 --> 00:34:53,115
And call me Mom!

760
00:34:53,215 --> 00:34:54,350
Or Mommy.

761
00:34:54,449 --> 00:34:56,851
Or whatever's more comfortable.

762
00:34:58,486 --> 00:34:59,721
All units, be advised:

763
00:34:59,821 --> 00:35:01,424
Suspect is still at large.

764
00:35:01,523 --> 00:35:03,059
Black cloak, white mask…

765
00:35:03,159 --> 00:35:04,759
…big-ass knife.

766
00:35:17,373 --> 00:35:20,276
- Talk to me.
- Hello, Sheriff.

767
00:35:20,376 --> 00:35:21,676
Agent Underwood?

768
00:35:21,776 --> 00:35:23,446
I'll give you one hint.

769
00:35:23,545 --> 00:35:25,915
What's your favorite
scary movie?

770
00:35:26,015 --> 00:35:27,984
Well, I'm gonna go
with Saltburn.

771
00:35:28,084 --> 00:35:30,886
I mean, the member on that
English guy was terrifying.

772
00:35:30,987 --> 00:35:34,323
Ken Jeong's junk in The Hangover
was a much better depiction

773
00:35:34,423 --> 00:35:36,258
of the male anatomy.

774
00:35:36,359 --> 00:35:37,726
Now what do you want, fuckface?

775
00:35:37,826 --> 00:35:39,428
Well,
I'm just calling to tell you

776
00:35:39,527 --> 00:35:41,197
that by the time you get home,

777
00:35:41,297 --> 00:35:44,133
I'll have gutted
your baby girl!

778
00:35:44,233 --> 00:35:47,203
Hey, asshole, she's a boy!

779
00:35:56,245 --> 00:35:57,245
Jess!

780
00:36:12,361 --> 00:36:13,996
Looking for this?

781
00:36:15,164 --> 00:36:16,765
Let me help you.

782
00:36:16,866 --> 00:36:21,170
I got your baby dick.
Winky, winky, winky.

783
00:36:30,079 --> 00:36:32,248
All right.
Here we go.

784
00:36:32,348 --> 00:36:33,848
What do you want, fuckface?

785
00:36:33,949 --> 00:36:37,386
Well,
like father, like, uh, son?

786
00:36:37,486 --> 00:36:38,954
Uh…

787
00:36:39,055 --> 00:36:40,655
I understand
you're home alone.

788
00:36:40,755 --> 00:36:43,959
Well, Dad's out, but
the pool guy, the gardener

789
00:36:44,060 --> 00:36:46,962
and the plumber
are all here, asshole.

790
00:36:47,063 --> 00:36:48,898
Look out your window.

791
00:36:51,800 --> 00:36:53,302
ICE!

792
00:36:53,402 --> 00:36:56,205
No! But they're the backbone
of the American workforce!

793
00:36:56,305 --> 00:36:58,874
And I'm too white
to do those jobs.

794
00:36:58,974 --> 00:37:00,608
Let's cut to the chase.

795
00:37:00,708 --> 00:37:02,710
I'll ask you one question.

796
00:37:02,811 --> 00:37:05,613
If you answer correctly,
you live.

797
00:37:05,713 --> 00:37:09,452
Who was the killer
in Horror Movie?

798
00:37:09,552 --> 00:37:12,687
Oh, that's easy.
It was Bobby and then Gay Ray,

799
00:37:12,787 --> 00:37:14,656
the guy who was
totally into dudes,

800
00:37:14,756 --> 00:37:16,092
even though
he claimed he wasn't.

801
00:37:16,192 --> 00:37:18,160
Classic 2000s homophobia.

802
00:37:18,260 --> 00:37:19,661
But I got you, bitch.

803
00:37:19,761 --> 00:37:22,630
Wrong! You forgot
Special Officer Doofy.

804
00:37:22,730 --> 00:37:25,733
Now you die.

805
00:37:33,209 --> 00:37:34,944
Bumbaclot!

806
00:37:36,312 --> 00:37:37,980
You should
probably answer that.

807
00:37:38,080 --> 00:37:41,716
I can literally see you
trying to steal my package.

808
00:37:41,816 --> 00:37:44,386
Oh, shit!

809
00:37:45,653 --> 00:37:47,223
Ah, that was easy.

810
00:37:49,757 --> 00:37:51,659
Uh, someone
order steaks?

811
00:37:51,759 --> 00:37:53,728
It's GoPuff.
Hmm.

812
00:37:55,598 --> 00:37:57,600
- Wait a sec.
- Careful.

813
00:37:57,699 --> 00:37:59,767
You wouldn't want
to let in a killer.

814
00:37:59,869 --> 00:38:04,406
You are about to identify
as dead.

815
00:38:07,309 --> 00:38:08,444
You…

816
00:38:08,544 --> 00:38:11,180
stab like…
a girl.

817
00:38:18,686 --> 00:38:20,990
Come on, girl,
hit that Ghostface Shuffle.

818
00:38:21,090 --> 00:38:23,592
Try the Ghostface Killah
Collection Bundle.

819
00:38:23,691 --> 00:38:26,061
This is Keke West
for OnlyFans Rapid News.

820
00:38:26,162 --> 00:38:27,829
"Rapid News".
You mean "Vapid News".

821
00:38:27,930 --> 00:38:29,999
You don't even
have a cameraman!

822
00:38:30,099 --> 00:38:31,666
My equipment!

823
00:38:32,734 --> 00:38:34,136
Excuse me.

824
00:38:35,770 --> 00:38:37,006
Oh, my. You're…

825
00:38:37,106 --> 00:38:38,407
Yes, yes.

826
00:38:38,507 --> 00:38:39,909
Three-time Emmy nominee

827
00:38:40,009 --> 00:38:42,611
for Outstanding Achievement
in Sensational Reporting.

828
00:38:42,710 --> 00:38:44,712
I was gonna say
the lady from Friends,

829
00:38:44,812 --> 00:38:47,049
but shorter
and with less Botox.

830
00:38:47,149 --> 00:38:48,484
Oh. Is that
what you were

831
00:38:48,584 --> 00:38:49,885
"gonna say"?
Yeah.

832
00:38:49,985 --> 00:38:51,587
You seriously don't know
who I am?

833
00:38:51,686 --> 00:38:54,123
- Babygirl, I am Gail…
- Gail swallows!

834
00:38:54,223 --> 00:38:55,224
Hey.

835
00:38:55,324 --> 00:38:56,458
Hailstorm. Gail…

836
00:38:56,559 --> 00:38:58,726
Get the hell out of my way!
Oh.

837
00:39:02,898 --> 00:39:06,435
Doofus.
Hey, Gail.

838
00:39:06,535 --> 00:39:08,537
Wow. You haven't aged a day.

839
00:39:08,637 --> 00:39:11,907
You've aged like a million days.
That's this many. Five…

840
00:39:12,007 --> 00:39:13,708
Your fingers
smell like genitals.

841
00:39:13,808 --> 00:39:15,843
What are you doing
in that ridiculous uniform?

842
00:39:15,945 --> 00:39:19,582
Uh, I-I'm back on the case.
Yeah, I'm gonna bust Ghostface.

843
00:39:19,682 --> 00:39:20,883
Well, um,

844
00:39:20,983 --> 00:39:23,419
tell me,
Special Needs Officer Doofy…

845
00:39:23,519 --> 00:39:25,387
Um.

846
00:39:25,487 --> 00:39:26,854
Wow.
Are there any suspects

847
00:39:26,956 --> 00:39:29,692
in this tragic yet completely
predictable incident?

848
00:39:29,791 --> 00:39:31,160
I-I'm not allowed to say.

849
00:39:31,260 --> 00:39:33,662
No, no, okay, no.
Yes, you can. Yes, you can.

850
00:39:33,761 --> 00:39:35,464
Not… Yeah…

851
00:39:35,564 --> 00:39:36,599
You can tell me.

852
00:39:36,699 --> 00:39:37,832
Um, ah, oh, my God.

853
00:39:37,933 --> 00:39:39,268
What the f…

854
00:39:39,368 --> 00:39:40,669
Hey!

855
00:39:40,768 --> 00:39:42,638
Remember when
you used to give blowjobs

856
00:39:42,737 --> 00:39:44,373
for sensitive information?

857
00:39:44,473 --> 00:39:48,177
I don't give blowjobs anymore,
okay? Not since MeToo.

858
00:39:48,277 --> 00:39:49,445
Okay. Sorry.

859
00:39:49,545 --> 00:39:52,014
I give handjobs now,
but the story better be good.

860
00:39:52,114 --> 00:39:55,850
Okay, I'll do a handjob.
Let's do it. Let's do it.

861
00:40:06,528 --> 00:40:07,829
What the…

862
00:40:15,371 --> 00:40:18,374
I'm gonna get you.
Uncle Ray-Ray's gonna get you!

863
00:40:18,474 --> 00:40:19,875
Ray?
You got my outfit,

864
00:40:19,975 --> 00:40:21,343
you little critter.

865
00:40:24,613 --> 00:40:26,882
Maybe weed shouldn't be legal.

866
00:40:29,451 --> 00:40:31,120
Fuck yeah, it should!

867
00:40:41,030 --> 00:40:42,965
Hello, Shorty.

868
00:40:43,065 --> 00:40:46,702
You do know
that smoking is bad for you.

869
00:40:46,801 --> 00:40:48,404
Actually,
weed ain't bad for you.

870
00:40:48,504 --> 00:40:51,507
You got Vitamin T, C and H,

871
00:40:51,607 --> 00:40:53,609
C, B and D.

872
00:40:53,709 --> 00:40:55,311
What's the matter, Shorty?

873
00:40:55,411 --> 00:40:58,113
You look a little antsy.

874
00:40:58,213 --> 00:41:01,784
Maybe because there's
a masked serial killer

875
00:41:01,884 --> 00:41:03,018
sipping tea in my den.

876
00:41:03,118 --> 00:41:04,953
Shorty, you're my nigga.

877
00:41:05,054 --> 00:41:07,656
I mean, friend. Please, sit.

878
00:41:07,756 --> 00:41:09,158
All right.

879
00:41:12,194 --> 00:41:14,029
Do you want to quit smoking?

880
00:41:14,129 --> 00:41:16,231
Well, to be honest,
I tried to quit.

881
00:41:16,332 --> 00:41:20,002
But my mother said,
"I ain't raisin' no quitters."

882
00:41:20,569 --> 00:41:21,737
So I quit quitting.

883
00:41:21,836 --> 00:41:24,006
We could try hypnosis.

884
00:41:24,106 --> 00:41:25,941
Bro, I don't care
how many pocket watches

885
00:41:26,041 --> 00:41:27,943
you try and wave
in front of my face,

886
00:41:28,043 --> 00:41:29,745
it ain't gonna work, son.

887
00:41:29,844 --> 00:41:32,581
- You can't magmetize me.
- Sleep.

888
00:41:35,551 --> 00:41:37,453
Shorty.

889
00:41:39,555 --> 00:41:40,855
What's up?

890
00:41:40,956 --> 00:41:43,492
Tell me about your mother.

891
00:41:44,793 --> 00:41:46,028
Damn, nigga.

892
00:41:46,128 --> 00:41:47,863
Let's start
with something light, like:

893
00:41:47,963 --> 00:41:49,932
"Do you lick ass, yes or no?"

894
00:41:50,032 --> 00:41:51,934
The answer's yes.

895
00:41:52,034 --> 00:41:54,737
So what
happened to her, Shorty?

896
00:41:57,539 --> 00:41:59,375
She was coming home.

897
00:42:00,275 --> 00:42:02,511
Her car was parked
to the side of the road.

898
00:42:02,611 --> 00:42:04,513
Someone was in it.

899
00:42:05,214 --> 00:42:06,882
And something bad
was happening.

900
00:42:11,153 --> 00:42:12,855
Why didn't you call anyone?

901
00:42:12,955 --> 00:42:13,906
I couldn't.

902
00:42:13,989 --> 00:42:15,524
I had warrants.

903
00:42:15,624 --> 00:42:17,025
You were 11.

904
00:42:17,126 --> 00:42:19,194
I started young, nigga.

905
00:42:20,295 --> 00:42:21,295
Oh.

906
00:42:21,663 --> 00:42:23,565
What do you see?

907
00:42:25,134 --> 00:42:26,301
I…

908
00:42:28,203 --> 00:42:31,340
I see a big explosion of water.

909
00:42:32,941 --> 00:42:34,676
It was like
a Civil Rights hose.

910
00:42:38,981 --> 00:42:41,283
Police said
it was a murder/suicide.

911
00:42:42,418 --> 00:42:43,652
She killed that man.

912
00:42:43,752 --> 00:42:47,689
When they opened the car door,
his limp body just slid out.

913
00:42:50,926 --> 00:42:53,829
Like the green nigga
in Shape of Water.

914
00:42:53,929 --> 00:42:55,731
I just didn't want it
to be real.

915
00:42:55,831 --> 00:42:58,133
What don't you want to be real?

916
00:42:58,934 --> 00:43:00,936
That my mother was a squirter!

917
00:43:01,036 --> 00:43:03,272
Okay! She was a squirter.

918
00:43:03,372 --> 00:43:05,875
All the floors
in her bedroom was warped.

919
00:43:05,974 --> 00:43:09,077
- I can't move.
- You're paralyzed.

920
00:43:09,178 --> 00:43:10,979
Now…

921
00:43:11,079 --> 00:43:13,215
…sink into the chair.
Wait, no.

922
00:43:13,315 --> 00:43:14,616
- Wait.
- Sink!

923
00:43:20,456 --> 00:43:23,158
Nigga!

924
00:43:31,233 --> 00:43:35,971
I'm in a K-hole, son!

925
00:43:37,105 --> 00:43:41,009
No, you're in a K-pop hole.

926
00:43:54,056 --> 00:43:56,191
Oh, shit, son!

927
00:44:01,965 --> 00:44:03,332
Nigga, I'm numb.

928
00:44:06,870 --> 00:44:09,071
That's what they do
in the hood.

929
00:44:17,947 --> 00:44:19,581
Luke Skywalker!

930
00:44:46,976 --> 00:44:48,777
That's some good shit, son.

931
00:44:50,546 --> 00:44:51,981
That dream was wild.

932
00:44:52,080 --> 00:44:54,049
I must've been Elon Musk high.

933
00:45:08,564 --> 00:45:09,731
Tuesday?

934
00:45:10,399 --> 00:45:11,600
Tuesday?

935
00:45:14,736 --> 00:45:16,104
Bobby?

936
00:45:18,041 --> 00:45:20,142
Bobby, what the…?

937
00:45:21,109 --> 00:45:22,946
She's gonna die.

938
00:45:23,046 --> 00:45:24,580
Our daughter, Sara?

939
00:45:24,680 --> 00:45:26,214
You're probably right.

940
00:45:26,315 --> 00:45:28,650
She's tough, but let's see her
get stabbed in the gut.

941
00:45:28,750 --> 00:45:30,085
I'm gonna die.

942
00:45:30,185 --> 00:45:32,354
Bobby, you're already dead.

943
00:45:32,454 --> 00:45:34,156
This hallucination
is a manifestation

944
00:45:34,256 --> 00:45:36,325
of my own guilt
for being an awful mom.

945
00:45:36,425 --> 00:45:39,227
Or it could be the shrooms
I just popped.

946
00:45:40,095 --> 00:45:41,363
You're gonna die.

947
00:45:41,463 --> 00:45:44,766
Bitch, you ain't killing me.

948
00:45:50,238 --> 00:45:51,607
You're gonna die.

949
00:45:52,174 --> 00:45:54,676
Stop smiling!

950
00:45:54,776 --> 00:45:57,080
I can't. Botox.

951
00:45:57,179 --> 00:45:58,480
Hey!
Oh.

952
00:45:58,580 --> 00:46:01,750
This is the mental ward.
Everyone smiles in here.

953
00:46:01,850 --> 00:46:02,885
What?

954
00:46:03,485 --> 00:46:05,387
How… Um…

955
00:46:05,487 --> 00:46:07,723
Could you point me
in the direction of the ICU?

956
00:46:07,823 --> 00:46:09,257
Is it that way or that way?

957
00:46:09,358 --> 00:46:10,960
Uh, visiting hours are over.

958
00:46:11,060 --> 00:46:13,462
Oh, yes, of course.

959
00:46:14,363 --> 00:46:15,764
The network wants me to clarify

960
00:46:15,865 --> 00:46:18,333
that Black Friday
has nothing to do with race.

961
00:46:18,433 --> 00:46:20,435
Well, just tell that
to my Black friend Benita

962
00:46:20,535 --> 00:46:21,971
who's probably clocking someone

963
00:46:22,071 --> 00:46:24,007
over the head
at Target as we speak!

964
00:46:24,107 --> 00:46:25,273
Right, Benita?

965
00:46:40,689 --> 00:46:42,157
Shamone!

966
00:46:42,257 --> 00:46:43,893
Man, you ain't Michael.

967
00:46:43,993 --> 00:46:45,895
Michael got that Jheri curl.

968
00:46:45,995 --> 00:46:47,596
What is that, son?
Is that shellac?

969
00:46:47,696 --> 00:46:50,933
See, people think it's shellac,
but it's actually Sharpie.

970
00:46:51,034 --> 00:46:52,401
Boy, your hair
looks like fondue.

971
00:46:52,501 --> 00:46:54,469
I just wanna dip some fruit
and marshmallows in it.

972
00:46:54,569 --> 00:46:56,605
Go on and dip.
Indoo-dy.

973
00:46:56,705 --> 00:46:59,008
Michael's got a monkey.
I got a llama.

974
00:46:59,108 --> 00:47:00,877
And he can beatbox.

975
00:47:03,812 --> 00:47:05,247
That's Suds.

976
00:47:05,347 --> 00:47:08,951
Yeah, he stink.
But when he spit, it's bars.

977
00:47:10,852 --> 00:47:11,770
Come on, now.

978
00:47:11,853 --> 00:47:13,221
Fuck Michael!

979
00:47:13,321 --> 00:47:15,590
You can't dance, boy.
I've been practicing.

980
00:47:15,691 --> 00:47:17,292
Oh! Whoa!

981
00:47:17,392 --> 00:47:18,827
Jeez.

982
00:47:20,129 --> 00:47:21,329
Yeah!

983
00:47:21,430 --> 00:47:23,132
Bong! Ow!

984
00:47:23,231 --> 00:47:26,035
I can moonwalk.
Ooh, ooh.

985
00:47:26,135 --> 00:47:27,202
Ooh.

986
00:47:27,302 --> 00:47:29,138
Where is this nigga goin'?

987
00:47:31,174 --> 00:47:32,025
Ow!

988
00:47:32,108 --> 00:47:34,110
Whoo!

989
00:47:34,209 --> 00:47:35,978
"Jermaine".

990
00:47:37,646 --> 00:47:41,516
Coming Juneteenth,
only on Tubi.

991
00:47:43,552 --> 00:47:45,821
I'ma bootleg that shit.

992
00:47:48,091 --> 00:47:49,424
Hello?

993
00:47:50,625 --> 00:47:51,625
Fuck this.

994
00:47:56,832 --> 00:47:58,633
I'm gonna miss you all.

995
00:48:04,040 --> 00:48:05,474
Oh, hell no!

996
00:48:05,574 --> 00:48:07,910
Think Black, don't die.
Think Black, don't die.

997
00:48:19,188 --> 00:48:21,323
Goddamn it!
Jack?

998
00:48:21,423 --> 00:48:23,226
Did Sara tell you to come?
Um…

999
00:48:23,325 --> 00:48:26,095
Yeah! That's why I'm here.

1000
00:48:26,195 --> 00:48:29,331
Not to murder you
or anything like that.

1001
00:48:29,431 --> 00:48:30,933
Then why
are you wearing gloves?

1002
00:48:31,868 --> 00:48:33,635
Would you believe I…

1003
00:48:33,735 --> 00:48:37,106
am thinking about dressing up
as O.J. Simpson for Halloween?

1004
00:48:37,206 --> 00:48:38,807
But those fit.

1005
00:48:39,641 --> 00:48:40,742
Look out!

1006
00:48:40,842 --> 00:48:43,012
Not cool, bro,
you almost hit a vein.

1007
00:48:43,112 --> 00:48:44,813
I-I mean…
Help!

1008
00:48:48,517 --> 00:48:49,818
Oh, yes!

1009
00:48:53,789 --> 00:48:54,991
Oh…

1010
00:48:58,861 --> 00:49:03,398
Whew.
I'm gonna gut you like a pig!

1011
00:49:07,602 --> 00:49:09,538
I'm gonna…

1012
00:49:09,638 --> 00:49:11,640
I'm gonna…

1013
00:49:11,740 --> 00:49:13,441
What a stupid line.

1014
00:49:15,477 --> 00:49:17,113
That is so true!

1015
00:49:17,213 --> 00:49:20,049
What are you gonna do?
Turn me into bacon?

1016
00:49:24,486 --> 00:49:25,787
I got to get better writers.

1017
00:49:25,888 --> 00:49:28,490
I'm laughing so hard,
my ribs hurt.

1018
00:49:28,590 --> 00:49:31,994
Wait until
I stick my knife in them!

1019
00:49:38,600 --> 00:49:41,003
I'm crying over here.

1020
00:49:41,103 --> 00:49:42,470
I got to go

1021
00:49:42,571 --> 00:49:44,539
- before you really kill me.
- Here I come.

1022
00:49:44,639 --> 00:49:47,210
Oh, God,
I might die laughing first!

1023
00:49:48,878 --> 00:49:52,414
Oh. Oh, shit.
He's really gonna kill me.

1024
00:50:13,635 --> 00:50:15,938
I want what they're on.

1025
00:50:17,974 --> 00:50:20,842
I'm gonna turn you
into bacon, little piggy.

1026
00:50:27,183 --> 00:50:28,951
No, no.

1027
00:50:29,051 --> 00:50:30,785
No.

1028
00:50:32,754 --> 00:50:34,389
I'm sorry. Excuse me.
Excuse me.

1029
00:50:34,489 --> 00:50:35,590
I'm so sorry.
Out of our way!

1030
00:50:35,690 --> 00:50:38,094
Step aside.
Official police business.

1031
00:50:38,194 --> 00:50:39,195
Doofy!

1032
00:50:39,295 --> 00:50:41,898
I like doing that.

1033
00:50:41,998 --> 00:50:42,998
Ooh!

1034
00:50:43,665 --> 00:50:45,767
Smile, you son of a bitch.

1035
00:50:45,868 --> 00:50:49,138
What the f…?
My psycho mother said

1036
00:50:49,238 --> 00:50:51,406
always keep a strap.

1037
00:50:52,909 --> 00:50:54,110
Go! Go!
Okay.

1038
00:50:54,210 --> 00:50:55,543
I'm gonna go get
your love interest.

1039
00:50:55,644 --> 00:50:57,179
I'll get your love interest.

1040
00:50:57,280 --> 00:51:00,415
Ow, the pain, the agony.

1041
00:51:00,515 --> 00:51:02,617
Sara, if I don't make it…

1042
00:51:02,717 --> 00:51:05,221
Seriously, Tues,
stop trying to win an Oscar.

1043
00:51:05,321 --> 00:51:07,555
It's a horror movie,
it'll never happen.

1044
00:51:07,656 --> 00:51:09,892
Just ask Demi Moore.

1045
00:51:09,992 --> 00:51:12,627
No! No!

1046
00:51:12,727 --> 00:51:14,297
I got him. I got Jack.

1047
00:51:16,598 --> 00:51:18,600
Doofy! What the fuck?

1048
00:51:18,700 --> 00:51:20,835
The fuck?
I can't help myself.

1049
00:51:23,205 --> 00:51:25,707
It's just me and you now,
Ghosty.

1050
00:51:27,842 --> 00:51:29,778
You got to shoot them
in the head.

1051
00:51:29,879 --> 00:51:31,746
Shoot them in the head.

1052
00:51:33,815 --> 00:51:36,584
Oof. Ow.

1053
00:51:39,521 --> 00:51:41,623
Die!

1054
00:51:41,723 --> 00:51:43,725
Die, you little dumb dunce.

1055
00:51:43,825 --> 00:51:44,994
Smell…

1056
00:51:45,094 --> 00:51:46,162
my…

1057
00:51:46,963 --> 00:51:48,064
finger.

1058
00:51:48,730 --> 00:51:49,764
Oh, God!

1059
00:51:49,865 --> 00:51:52,701
What the fuck was that? Ugh.

1060
00:51:52,801 --> 00:51:54,370
My ass.

1061
00:51:54,469 --> 00:51:56,571
Fuck your ass! Pause.

1062
00:51:58,874 --> 00:52:00,542
Oh, God,
that's… that's my ass.

1063
00:52:00,642 --> 00:52:03,279
- Oh, God.
- Any last words?

1064
00:52:03,379 --> 00:52:05,181
I go poopy.

1065
00:52:09,784 --> 00:52:12,455
Oh, hell no.
I ain't cleaning up that shit!

1066
00:52:12,554 --> 00:52:14,123
I'm on break.

1067
00:52:14,223 --> 00:52:17,726
Come on, I do the
killing, not the cleaning. Ugh.

1068
00:52:17,826 --> 00:52:19,828
What you say?
Never mind.

1069
00:52:19,929 --> 00:52:21,529
Yo, what's up, chat?

1070
00:52:21,629 --> 00:52:22,999
This your boy Shorty.

1071
00:52:23,099 --> 00:52:24,733
That's right,
it's another Halloween-a-thon.

1072
00:52:24,833 --> 00:52:27,802
And it's another day
of me getting paid mad money

1073
00:52:27,903 --> 00:52:30,306
for doing absolutely nothing

1074
00:52:30,406 --> 00:52:31,907
while you stupid motherfuckers
watch.

1075
00:52:32,008 --> 00:52:34,642
And they call me dumb!

1076
00:52:34,743 --> 00:52:38,014
I want to give a smooth
shout-out to my sponsor:

1077
00:52:38,114 --> 00:52:40,349
Angry Orchard Hard Cider.

1078
00:52:41,649 --> 00:52:44,220
They got mad apples, son.

1079
00:52:47,223 --> 00:52:50,326
We created a slogan!
I'm a marketing genius!

1080
00:52:50,426 --> 00:52:52,361
Aight. It wouldn't be
a Halloween-a-thon

1081
00:52:52,461 --> 00:52:53,628
without a dope guest.

1082
00:52:53,728 --> 00:52:55,031
He's a legend
in the streaming game.

1083
00:52:55,131 --> 00:52:57,867
Give it up for Kai Cenat!

1084
00:52:57,967 --> 00:53:00,403
We gonna break the Internet!

1085
00:53:00,503 --> 00:53:02,471
Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!

1086
00:53:02,570 --> 00:53:04,306
Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!

1087
00:53:06,541 --> 00:53:07,609
Let's get serious.

1088
00:53:07,709 --> 00:53:09,644
What brings you to the chat?

1089
00:53:09,744 --> 00:53:11,447
You promised
I was gonna be in the movie.

1090
00:53:11,546 --> 00:53:14,183
I've been calling you.
You ghosted me.

1091
00:53:14,283 --> 00:53:17,186
Bro, I thought that was one
of my crazy-ass baby mamas.

1092
00:53:17,286 --> 00:53:18,620
That's… That's my bad.

1093
00:53:18,720 --> 00:53:20,822
And speaking of ghosted…

1094
00:53:20,923 --> 00:53:22,958
Somebody wants to talk to you.

1095
00:53:23,059 --> 00:53:24,427
Hello?

1096
00:53:24,527 --> 00:53:26,362
What's your favorite
scary movie?

1097
00:53:28,364 --> 00:53:30,166
Nah!
Oh!

1098
00:53:30,266 --> 00:53:32,734
Oh, whoa, whoa!
Ah!

1099
00:53:39,375 --> 00:53:41,177
We breaking the Internet, son!

1100
00:53:41,277 --> 00:53:42,378
What's up, my guy?

1101
00:53:42,478 --> 00:53:43,678
You got some Angry Orchard

1102
00:53:43,778 --> 00:53:44,880
Hard Cider in the house?
You damn right.

1103
00:53:44,980 --> 00:53:46,916
They got mad apples.

1104
00:53:48,451 --> 00:53:49,584
Wassup?

1105
00:53:49,684 --> 00:53:51,320
Wassup?

1106
00:53:54,423 --> 00:53:55,891
We about to do
my favorite thing:

1107
00:53:55,991 --> 00:53:59,727
Spin the… wheel!

1108
00:53:59,828 --> 00:54:01,830
Extreme Noodle Game!

1109
00:54:01,931 --> 00:54:03,598
We gonna go back there
with these noodles

1110
00:54:03,698 --> 00:54:04,683
and we gonna smack

1111
00:54:04,766 --> 00:54:05,800
the fuck out you!

1112
00:54:05,901 --> 00:54:07,369
Then you gotta guess
who did it.

1113
00:54:07,470 --> 00:54:08,470
That doesn't even make sense.

1114
00:54:09,338 --> 00:54:10,338
This is a dumb game.

1115
00:54:13,242 --> 00:54:14,242
Uh…

1116
00:54:14,809 --> 00:54:15,727
Kai. Kai.
Man, what?

1117
00:54:15,810 --> 00:54:16,810
Yeah.

1118
00:54:22,784 --> 00:54:25,187
Wait… No, no, no…

1119
00:54:27,523 --> 00:54:31,594
You just killed Kai Cenat.
On the chat.

1120
00:54:32,895 --> 00:54:34,497
We making history, son!

1121
00:54:35,663 --> 00:54:36,999
Money, money, money!

1122
00:54:56,452 --> 00:54:58,020
Oh, thank God.

1123
00:55:02,124 --> 00:55:04,393
It's about time
you guys got here!

1124
00:55:04,493 --> 00:55:06,362
Now you're gonna get it.

1125
00:55:06,929 --> 00:55:08,264
Oof!

1126
00:55:09,465 --> 00:55:10,900
Hold still!

1127
00:55:11,000 --> 00:55:12,734
So that's our suspect.

1128
00:55:12,834 --> 00:55:15,271
Goes by the name "Shorthand".
Hmm.

1129
00:55:15,371 --> 00:55:19,741
Was the handyman at a house
reputed to be haunted in 2001.

1130
00:55:20,643 --> 00:55:22,178
Is there anything
you're not telling me?

1131
00:55:22,278 --> 00:55:24,046
That your wife hates you,

1132
00:55:24,146 --> 00:55:25,847
you believe the Earth is flat

1133
00:55:25,948 --> 00:55:27,950
and you voted for Trump
three times.

1134
00:55:28,050 --> 00:55:30,452
What, I was supposed
to vote for the woman?

1135
00:55:30,553 --> 00:55:31,819
Huh?

1136
00:55:31,921 --> 00:55:35,424
I believe Shorthand
is the notorious Ghostface.

1137
00:55:36,892 --> 00:55:38,961
What that mouth do?

1138
00:55:39,061 --> 00:55:40,663
Stop resisting!

1139
00:55:40,762 --> 00:55:42,865
He did look pretty sketchy.

1140
00:55:46,368 --> 00:55:48,571
They got the wrong guy.

1141
00:55:48,671 --> 00:55:50,506
And you know that
because you're psychic?

1142
00:55:50,606 --> 00:55:52,774
No, says so
on the arrest warrant.

1143
00:55:54,910 --> 00:55:56,111
I don't know.

1144
00:55:56,212 --> 00:55:58,614
That guy's Black.
Nah, he's kinda…

1145
00:55:58,713 --> 00:55:59,949
not that Black.

1146
00:56:00,049 --> 00:56:01,716
Like gravy brown.

1147
00:56:01,816 --> 00:56:03,419
Ugh!

1148
00:56:03,519 --> 00:56:04,954
Get him!

1149
00:56:05,054 --> 00:56:06,721
Hit him with your strong hand!

1150
00:56:06,821 --> 00:56:08,190
Boom!

1151
00:56:08,290 --> 00:56:11,293
Arrest him anyways.
Probably did something, right?

1152
00:56:11,994 --> 00:56:13,896
Turn off your body cams!

1153
00:56:26,208 --> 00:56:27,409
Miss you.

1154
00:56:29,844 --> 00:56:31,614
Poppa's here.

1155
00:56:31,714 --> 00:56:33,315
Tupac's here.

1156
00:56:33,415 --> 00:56:35,884
And Tekashi69 is here.

1157
00:56:36,851 --> 00:56:39,321
Wait. Tekashi69 ain't dead.

1158
00:56:39,421 --> 00:56:42,458
No, but his career is.

1159
00:56:43,225 --> 00:56:44,960
True that.

1160
00:56:45,060 --> 00:56:48,197
Can't let these
old-school rappers go, huh?

1161
00:56:49,131 --> 00:56:51,766
Kids today put "lil"
in front of their name

1162
00:56:51,867 --> 00:56:53,702
and think they got
a lil talent.

1163
00:56:53,801 --> 00:56:55,803
You should give
Lil Nas X a shot.

1164
00:56:55,904 --> 00:56:57,772
Dude really speaks to me.

1165
00:56:57,873 --> 00:56:59,375
That nigga's hard.

1166
00:56:59,475 --> 00:57:00,775
What you back here for, Ray?

1167
00:57:00,876 --> 00:57:02,544
I thought you was done
with Woodsville.

1168
00:57:02,645 --> 00:57:04,079
I thought you were
a northern man.

1169
00:57:04,179 --> 00:57:05,581
I'm through
with San Francisco.

1170
00:57:05,681 --> 00:57:08,517
Is San Francisco
through with you?

1171
00:57:08,617 --> 00:57:09,685
What are you asking me?

1172
00:57:09,784 --> 00:57:11,819
Do you have pride, Ray?

1173
00:57:11,920 --> 00:57:14,523
I think we should all
take pride in who we are.

1174
00:57:14,623 --> 00:57:17,860
Do you like
to taste the rainbow?

1175
00:57:17,960 --> 00:57:20,129
Skittles are
my favorite candy.

1176
00:57:22,665 --> 00:57:24,166
Ray, I prayed for you.

1177
00:57:24,266 --> 00:57:26,602
Then how come none of those prayers
worked for our baby?

1178
00:57:26,702 --> 00:57:29,305
Mr. Pickels was 18
when he died, Ray.

1179
00:57:30,639 --> 00:57:32,775
That's old for a cat.

1180
00:57:32,875 --> 00:57:34,109
He was packing.

1181
00:57:34,209 --> 00:57:35,778
Now, what you want
with me, Ray?

1182
00:57:35,878 --> 00:57:40,449
I'm back, Brenda,
'cause I love you.

1183
00:57:40,549 --> 00:57:42,117
Ray!

1184
00:57:54,863 --> 00:57:56,565
He's so sneaky, Ray.

1185
00:57:56,665 --> 00:57:59,301
I'm gonna get it.

1186
00:57:59,401 --> 00:58:02,905
I got you! I got you!
You got me, yeah!

1187
00:58:06,175 --> 00:58:08,177
Oh, yes.
Put this on.

1188
00:58:08,277 --> 00:58:11,046
You sure, Ray?
Yeah, girl. Go on.

1189
00:58:11,880 --> 00:58:14,049
You wild, Ray.
You make me blush.

1190
00:58:14,149 --> 00:58:15,850
So sexy.

1191
00:58:15,951 --> 00:58:18,754
I wish you had a beard.
Hmm?

1192
00:58:18,853 --> 00:58:22,524
Here. Take this.
Oh.

1193
00:58:22,624 --> 00:58:23,609
What?

1194
00:58:23,692 --> 00:58:25,861
Turn around.
Oh! Sure.

1195
00:58:25,961 --> 00:58:27,496
Bend over.
Uh-huh.

1196
00:58:27,596 --> 00:58:31,633
Now drop it.
Okay. Okay.

1197
00:58:31,734 --> 00:58:33,102
I've dropped it, Ray.

1198
00:58:33,202 --> 00:58:34,636
Yeah, that's what
I'm talking about.

1199
00:58:34,737 --> 00:58:37,373
- Whose cell block is this? Huh, Brenda?
- Ray! Ray!

1200
00:58:37,473 --> 00:58:40,109
You didn't want to share
your tater tots, nigga, at lunch?

1201
00:58:40,209 --> 00:58:42,311
- Now you sharing this bootyhole, nigga.
- Yeah!

1202
00:58:42,411 --> 00:58:46,081
You not in prison no more,
Ray. You free now, Ray.

1203
00:58:46,181 --> 00:58:47,449
Oh, yeah. That's right.
Yeah.

1204
00:58:47,549 --> 00:58:48,684
Okay. Now you get me.

1205
00:58:48,784 --> 00:58:50,219
My turn.
Let me drop the soap.

1206
00:58:50,319 --> 00:58:52,621
On three. One, two, three.
Wait.

1207
00:58:52,721 --> 00:58:53,756
Oops, I dropped it.

1208
00:58:53,856 --> 00:58:55,691
Yeah! Yeah! Nigga, yeah!
Okay.

1209
00:58:55,791 --> 00:58:57,326
Like this?
Yeah, nigga. Yeah, Brenda.

1210
00:58:57,426 --> 00:58:58,794
You still freaky, Ray.

1211
00:58:58,894 --> 00:59:01,530
Lower your voice. Make it deeper.
You still freaky, Ray.

1212
00:59:01,630 --> 00:59:02,631
Yeah!

1213
00:59:02,731 --> 00:59:05,334
Miss Hailstorm,
welcome back.

1214
00:59:05,434 --> 00:59:08,337
Doc, I'm begging you.
You got to help me look younger.

1215
00:59:08,437 --> 00:59:10,072
These little bitches
are killing me out there.

1216
00:59:10,172 --> 00:59:11,240
They're wearing nothing but a…

1217
00:59:11,340 --> 00:59:13,375
a sausage casing
and a ring light.

1218
00:59:13,475 --> 00:59:17,980
Trust me with this withered,
decrepit, age-ravaged body,

1219
00:59:18,080 --> 00:59:20,115
and I will make you whole.

1220
00:59:20,215 --> 00:59:21,683
One Middle-Aged
White Lady Special

1221
00:59:21,784 --> 00:59:23,218
coming right up.
Thanks.

1222
00:59:23,318 --> 00:59:24,653
I'm gonna play a quick video

1223
00:59:24,753 --> 00:59:25,954
on the ins and outs
of the procedure,

1224
00:59:26,054 --> 00:59:28,457
and then we'll get started.

1225
00:59:31,794 --> 00:59:34,898
Do you wish
you weren't so old and saggy?

1226
00:59:34,997 --> 00:59:37,633
Do you wish you were younger?
Sexier?

1227
00:59:37,733 --> 00:59:39,168
Fuckable again?

1228
00:59:39,268 --> 00:59:42,805
One single injection
unlocks your DNA,

1229
00:59:42,906 --> 00:59:45,674
creating a new, better you.

1230
00:59:46,442 --> 00:59:48,644
This is The Stuff.

1231
00:59:50,112 --> 00:59:52,247
Doc, this isn't that
Gwyneth Paltrow crap

1232
00:59:52,347 --> 00:59:54,516
that makes you
smell like her vag, is it?

1233
00:59:58,587 --> 00:59:59,587
I like it.

1234
01:00:15,872 --> 01:00:18,040
Wow, that's a lot of Stuff.

1235
01:00:19,541 --> 01:00:20,742
Oh, a mask on a mask.

1236
01:00:21,310 --> 01:00:23,178
Safety first, right, Doc?

1237
01:00:25,013 --> 01:00:27,182
Oh, no!

1238
01:00:28,217 --> 01:00:30,052
I'm having second thoughts!

1239
01:00:30,152 --> 01:00:32,554
I'm gonna love
and accept myself as I am.

1240
01:01:35,952 --> 01:01:37,853
Oops. Wrong movie.

1241
01:01:40,122 --> 01:01:42,624
- You were thinking it.
- But you said it.

1242
01:01:43,759 --> 01:01:45,494
White Chicks 2, my ass.

1243
01:01:54,037 --> 01:01:55,804
Hey, Sara.

1244
01:01:56,873 --> 01:01:58,507
Tuesday, I…

1245
01:01:58,607 --> 01:02:00,576
I tried to visit you.

1246
01:02:00,676 --> 01:02:02,912
I am sorry for everything.

1247
01:02:03,012 --> 01:02:04,881
Especially your name.

1248
01:02:04,981 --> 01:02:07,449
It was Taco Tuesday.
I was super drunk.

1249
01:02:07,549 --> 01:02:11,253
But I promise you,
I will kill this motherfucker!

1250
01:02:11,353 --> 01:02:12,854
- It's fine, really, we're cool.
- I'm gonna…

1251
01:02:12,956 --> 01:02:14,156
I'll pull the car around.
We're good.

1252
01:02:14,256 --> 01:02:15,925
I'm going to take you
to the car!

1253
01:02:16,025 --> 01:02:18,327
I got stabbed.
I'm not deaf, you dumb-ass!

1254
01:02:18,427 --> 01:02:21,330
I'm taking Tues away
from all of this!

1255
01:02:22,065 --> 01:02:23,432
Oh…
Come on, Cindy.

1256
01:02:24,099 --> 01:02:26,368
I tried to run, too, but…

1257
01:02:26,468 --> 01:02:28,604
it follows!

1258
01:02:28,704 --> 01:02:31,440
Now you're probably expecting
a flashback to that movie,

1259
01:02:31,540 --> 01:02:34,043
but it's too obscure.
Yeah, and the plot is weird.

1260
01:02:34,142 --> 01:02:36,345
You have sex with someone,
give them a STD

1261
01:02:36,445 --> 01:02:37,813
and then it haunts them
in the form

1262
01:02:37,914 --> 01:02:38,832
of their naked grandma.

1263
01:02:38,915 --> 01:02:41,017
It's like a STD biopic.

1264
01:02:41,116 --> 01:02:42,217
Ugh, the killer is taunting me.

1265
01:02:42,317 --> 01:02:43,886
Why doesn't he just kill us?

1266
01:02:43,987 --> 01:02:45,320
Uh, speak for yourself.

1267
01:02:45,420 --> 01:02:47,189
Like, what are you waiting for?

1268
01:02:47,289 --> 01:02:50,659
Oh, no, no, no, sweetie,
sweetie. It's like this.

1269
01:02:51,861 --> 01:02:55,098
What are you waiting for, huh?

1270
01:02:55,197 --> 01:02:58,001
What are you waiting for?

1271
01:02:58,101 --> 01:03:00,736
What are you waiting for?

1272
01:03:00,836 --> 01:03:02,337
What are you waiting for?

1273
01:03:02,437 --> 01:03:04,172
God, I wish
you weren't my mother!

1274
01:03:04,272 --> 01:03:06,976
What are you waiting for?

1275
01:03:08,410 --> 01:03:09,645
Candyman.

1276
01:03:10,545 --> 01:03:11,747
Candyman.

1277
01:03:12,581 --> 01:03:14,149
Candyman.

1278
01:03:14,249 --> 01:03:17,519
- You sure about this?
- Yeah, keep saying it.

1279
01:03:18,587 --> 01:03:19,755
Candyman.

1280
01:03:20,890 --> 01:03:22,724
Candyman!

1281
01:03:39,708 --> 01:03:41,978
So what's up?
You got that candy, man?

1282
01:03:42,078 --> 01:03:45,247
- I got weed gummies.
- Yeah.

1283
01:03:45,347 --> 01:03:46,615
- K-nuts.
- Yeah.

1284
01:03:46,715 --> 01:03:48,350
- Shroom chocolates.
- Shit, son!

1285
01:03:48,450 --> 01:03:50,419
And what take you so long
to show up?

1286
01:03:50,519 --> 01:03:53,655
Come on, Clarence.
I called you five times.

1287
01:03:53,755 --> 01:03:55,124
Nigga, show up in three.

1288
01:03:55,223 --> 01:03:57,093
You ain't even call me
on the phone.

1289
01:03:57,192 --> 01:03:58,527
Luckily I was walking by

1290
01:03:58,627 --> 01:04:00,662
and heard y'all
through the hole in this wall.

1291
01:04:00,762 --> 01:04:03,365
And fix that shit.
You shut your ass up.

1292
01:04:03,465 --> 01:04:06,169
You need to go to a proctologist
and get your skin looked at.

1293
01:04:06,268 --> 01:04:09,438
Having acne over
the age of 40 is wild work.

1294
01:04:09,538 --> 01:04:11,573
I look better than this nigga.
Maybe on this side.

1295
01:04:11,673 --> 01:04:14,276
Hey, ain't no time for beefing.
We about to be high as fuck.

1296
01:04:14,376 --> 01:04:16,511
We gonna party, son!

1297
01:04:22,517 --> 01:04:25,220
- That's right. Drink up!
- Hey!

1298
01:04:25,320 --> 01:04:28,124
Hey! I love it. Look at that.

1299
01:04:28,223 --> 01:04:29,691
You're looking good.

1300
01:04:29,791 --> 01:04:31,094
You seen your sister?

1301
01:04:35,530 --> 01:04:37,766
I-I can't find her since
she went to that protest.

1302
01:04:38,266 --> 01:04:40,870
No.

1303
01:04:40,970 --> 01:04:44,573
Ray, let me guess.
You are Woody from Toy Story!

1304
01:04:44,673 --> 01:04:46,708
Nah, Brenda, that's gay.
Oh.

1305
01:04:46,808 --> 01:04:49,711
Jake Gyllenhaal
from Brokeback Mountain.

1306
01:04:49,811 --> 01:04:53,281
"I wish I knew how to quit you,
but I can't."

1307
01:04:53,950 --> 01:04:56,119
You love that movie!

1308
01:04:56,219 --> 01:04:57,586
Hey, Brenda!
Huh?

1309
01:04:57,686 --> 01:04:59,654
Have you seen
my big old bag of candy?

1310
01:04:59,755 --> 01:05:02,925
It had chocolates,
gummies, lollipops.

1311
01:05:03,458 --> 01:05:04,459
I-It's gone missing.

1312
01:05:04,559 --> 01:05:05,761
No, no, no, it's not missing.

1313
01:05:05,862 --> 01:05:07,930
I passed it out
to the trick-or-treaters.

1314
01:05:08,030 --> 01:05:11,266
Brenda, that's my stash!

1315
01:05:22,178 --> 01:05:25,948
I'm so fucking high!

1316
01:05:28,951 --> 01:05:30,019
Whoo-hoo!

1317
01:05:30,119 --> 01:05:32,922
I can't feel my face!

1318
01:05:35,057 --> 01:05:38,995
I'm on that Naruto shit!

1319
01:05:39,761 --> 01:05:43,532
Six-seven! Six-seven!

1320
01:06:08,925 --> 01:06:10,659
Fuck.

1321
01:06:18,333 --> 01:06:19,668
Why is she looking at me?

1322
01:06:22,571 --> 01:06:24,673
A little disturbing.

1323
01:06:24,773 --> 01:06:25,975
I'm here for it.

1324
01:06:29,912 --> 01:06:31,147
Oh. Okay.

1325
01:06:41,857 --> 01:06:43,059
Hey!

1326
01:06:43,159 --> 01:06:46,929
Do you know how many baby seals
die from microplastics?

1327
01:06:54,636 --> 01:06:55,387
Shit.

1328
01:06:55,470 --> 01:06:57,206
It's Ghostface!

1329
01:07:01,743 --> 01:07:03,411
Oh, my God! He stabbed her!

1330
01:07:03,511 --> 01:07:06,748
Not "her".
My pronouns are "they/them".

1331
01:07:06,848 --> 01:07:08,150
He stabbed "them"!

1332
01:07:08,251 --> 01:07:11,153
I'm over 40. How am I supposed
to keep up with all of this?

1333
01:07:11,254 --> 01:07:12,321
She's not wrong.

1334
01:07:12,420 --> 01:07:13,990
It's Karens like you

1335
01:07:14,090 --> 01:07:17,559
that keep the patriarchy going,
with their knees on our necks!

1336
01:07:17,659 --> 01:07:20,296
Now you're playing
the race card?

1337
01:07:20,395 --> 01:07:23,132
I've had enough of her shit.
"Their" shit, bitch!

1338
01:07:26,202 --> 01:07:27,203
And to be clear,

1339
01:07:27,303 --> 01:07:29,804
my real name is Karen!

1340
01:07:29,906 --> 01:07:32,008
Oh, shit. This is too good.

1341
01:07:32,108 --> 01:07:33,541
Ignore the insults.

1342
01:07:33,642 --> 01:07:35,945
"They" don't realize
we're here to help "them".

1343
01:07:36,045 --> 01:07:37,512
Toxic masculinity

1344
01:07:37,612 --> 01:07:40,383
and mansplaining
doesn't help anybody!

1345
01:07:40,482 --> 01:07:42,285
How is my masculinity toxic?

1346
01:07:42,385 --> 01:07:44,153
I love women and sports.

1347
01:07:44,253 --> 01:07:46,989
Just not together.
Come here, bitch.

1348
01:07:47,089 --> 01:07:48,623
My turn!

1349
01:07:48,723 --> 01:07:50,259
- Me next!
- They ain't ready for

1350
01:07:50,359 --> 01:07:51,360
this!

1351
01:07:51,459 --> 01:07:52,460
Let me at them!
Me next!

1352
01:07:52,560 --> 01:07:53,478
Fuck your pronouns.
Oh, shit.

1353
01:07:53,561 --> 01:07:55,064
Suck knife.

1354
01:07:58,533 --> 01:08:00,269
I blame the manosphere.

1355
01:08:04,874 --> 01:08:07,009
Uncle Shorty.
What's up, nephew?

1356
01:08:07,109 --> 01:08:09,045
Can I ask you something?

1357
01:08:09,145 --> 01:08:10,612
Yeah, shoot.

1358
01:08:11,414 --> 01:08:13,349
It's about, y-you know,

1359
01:08:13,448 --> 01:08:14,783
how to go down on a girl.

1360
01:08:14,884 --> 01:08:17,053
You talking about eating pussy?

1361
01:08:17,153 --> 01:08:19,388
That's so cringe, but yeah.

1362
01:08:19,487 --> 01:08:22,624
Well, maybe if you stop talking
like a 14-year-old white girl,

1363
01:08:22,724 --> 01:08:24,360
you could learn something.

1364
01:08:24,459 --> 01:08:25,660
All right, so listen up.

1365
01:08:25,760 --> 01:08:27,096
First thing you got to do,
you got to…

1366
01:08:27,196 --> 01:08:28,898
You got to spread them legs.
You got to open it up.

1367
01:08:28,998 --> 01:08:30,699
Then you want
to use your fingers.

1368
01:08:30,799 --> 01:08:33,869
Sometimes you can use two.
Two fingers, like that there.

1369
01:08:33,970 --> 01:08:34,971
Yeah?

1370
01:08:35,071 --> 01:08:37,073
Now, once you get it
all in there, now…

1371
01:08:37,739 --> 01:08:39,175
you got to use your tongue.

1372
01:08:39,275 --> 01:08:40,508
You can't be afraid of it.

1373
01:08:43,745 --> 01:08:45,414
Yeah, lean into it.

1374
01:08:45,547 --> 01:08:47,049
Nah, nah, nah,
you doing it too fast.

1375
01:08:48,417 --> 01:08:49,617
What are you, a lizard?

1376
01:08:49,718 --> 01:08:51,619
You got to be gentle.
You got to talk to it.

1377
01:08:51,720 --> 01:08:53,022
"Hey there, little guy,

1378
01:08:53,122 --> 01:08:55,091
how you doing?"
Hey there, little guy.

1379
01:08:55,790 --> 01:08:58,394
Boom!
Just like rolling a blunt.

1380
01:08:58,493 --> 01:09:00,628
All you got to do, nephew…

1381
01:09:03,899 --> 01:09:05,700
Is hit that shit.

1382
01:09:06,235 --> 01:09:07,602
Got it?
Mm-hmm.

1383
01:09:07,702 --> 01:09:09,005
All right, now,

1384
01:09:09,105 --> 01:09:12,274
if you want to learn
to lick ass, ask your mama.

1385
01:09:12,375 --> 01:09:14,176
Ma!

1386
01:09:14,276 --> 01:09:17,846
Now, this is
a fantastic party.

1387
01:09:17,947 --> 01:09:18,865
Well, thank you.

1388
01:09:18,948 --> 01:09:21,816
You and me, we're drinking.

1389
01:09:21,917 --> 01:09:24,220
No, I don't… I don't drink.
One shot.

1390
01:09:24,320 --> 01:09:25,988
Ma! Ma! Ma!

1391
01:09:26,088 --> 01:09:29,258
Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma!
What? Come on.

1392
01:09:29,358 --> 01:09:31,526
Okay, okay. I'll do one.

1393
01:09:39,534 --> 01:09:41,603
I'ma do one more.

1394
01:09:41,703 --> 01:09:44,140
Just one more.
That's all you.

1395
01:09:47,510 --> 01:09:50,545
I'm gonna have
one motherfuckin' more.

1396
01:09:50,645 --> 01:09:51,630
No, no, no, no. Maybe…

1397
01:09:51,713 --> 01:09:54,050
One, two, three!
No, no.

1398
01:09:56,352 --> 01:09:57,652
Here. Take that.

1399
01:09:58,487 --> 01:10:00,256
Whoo!

1400
01:10:31,387 --> 01:10:33,222
Uh! Oh!

1401
01:10:35,224 --> 01:10:38,461
Bitch-ass generation
don't even know how to party.

1402
01:10:40,795 --> 01:10:43,432
You feel so good.

1403
01:10:45,034 --> 01:10:46,135
Oh, yeah.

1404
01:10:46,235 --> 01:10:47,735
Elle.

1405
01:10:47,836 --> 01:10:49,171
I want to try something.

1406
01:10:49,271 --> 01:10:51,574
I-I thought you said
you'd never let me peg you.

1407
01:10:51,673 --> 01:10:53,375
What? No.

1408
01:10:53,476 --> 01:10:54,776
Relax.

1409
01:10:54,877 --> 01:10:56,479
I just want to taste you.

1410
01:10:59,148 --> 01:11:00,349
Okay.

1411
01:11:01,716 --> 01:11:03,385
Dinner time.

1412
01:11:03,486 --> 01:11:06,122
Oh, yeah, come here, baby.

1413
01:11:08,891 --> 01:11:11,260
Careful. My kitty is gangster.

1414
01:11:11,360 --> 01:11:13,195
Oh! Oh…

1415
01:11:13,295 --> 01:11:15,197
It is gangster. Okay.

1416
01:11:15,297 --> 01:11:18,267
Slapped you so hard,
you want some more. Yeah!

1417
01:11:23,372 --> 01:11:26,375
You feel so much better
than Darrel and them.

1418
01:11:26,475 --> 01:11:27,510
Choo-choo!

1419
01:11:27,610 --> 01:11:28,643
Get back in there!

1420
01:11:28,743 --> 01:11:29,945
Yeah! Lick it!

1421
01:11:30,045 --> 01:11:32,481
Yeah! Lick it hard!

1422
01:11:33,648 --> 01:11:35,084
Finish her.

1423
01:11:36,684 --> 01:11:39,989
Oh, my God!

1424
01:11:42,324 --> 01:11:43,993
Just like rolling a blunt.

1425
01:11:44,927 --> 01:11:47,129
Now all I got to do is hit it.

1426
01:11:49,532 --> 01:11:51,267
Oh… Oof!

1427
01:11:51,367 --> 01:11:52,734
Elle!

1428
01:11:54,702 --> 01:11:55,938
What the fuck?

1429
01:11:56,038 --> 01:11:58,673
Hey there. We heard tell
of a Halloween party.

1430
01:11:58,773 --> 01:12:00,643
You did now, did you?

1431
01:12:00,742 --> 01:12:01,877
We're here to drink,

1432
01:12:01,977 --> 01:12:04,413
play bad music,
do some half gay shit.

1433
01:12:05,247 --> 01:12:06,448
Why just half gay?

1434
01:12:07,249 --> 01:12:08,201
Can I help you?

1435
01:12:08,284 --> 01:12:10,419
If you just invite us in.

1436
01:12:10,519 --> 01:12:11,887
Why you need a invitation?

1437
01:12:11,987 --> 01:12:13,656
White folks show up
to parties uninvited

1438
01:12:13,755 --> 01:12:16,058
all the time with their little
nasty-ass casseroles.

1439
01:12:16,158 --> 01:12:18,360
Bland as shit. Y'all better
start using some Lawry's.

1440
01:12:18,460 --> 01:12:20,896
Mm-hmm. And why she got
them dirty-ass feet?

1441
01:12:20,996 --> 01:12:23,798
Look like you was walking around
porn sets all day.

1442
01:12:23,899 --> 01:12:25,234
Got them trailer park toes.

1443
01:12:25,334 --> 01:12:26,834
Shit, son!

1444
01:12:26,936 --> 01:12:29,804
I think you're in
the wrong place. Y'all Klan?

1445
01:12:30,639 --> 01:12:31,739
No.

1446
01:12:31,839 --> 01:12:34,610
We believe in music
and equality.

1447
01:12:34,709 --> 01:12:35,911
How about we show y'all?

1448
01:12:36,011 --> 01:12:37,980
It's okay, no.

1449
01:12:50,559 --> 01:12:52,261
They gentrified the Jeffersons?

1450
01:12:52,361 --> 01:12:54,363
Weezy's rolling around
in her grave right now.

1451
01:12:54,463 --> 01:12:57,299
You can't do this
to the Black National Anthem.

1452
01:13:04,839 --> 01:13:06,609
Boo!

1453
01:13:06,709 --> 01:13:08,143
Nigga, you suck!
Boo your ass!

1454
01:13:08,244 --> 01:13:10,479
We worked hard on this!
Take that bullshit out of here!

1455
01:13:10,579 --> 01:13:11,846
We ain't got time
for that dumb shit!

1456
01:13:11,947 --> 01:13:14,250
Come on. Let us in.

1457
01:13:16,352 --> 01:13:18,254
Oh, my God! They're vampires!
Oh, my God!

1458
01:13:18,354 --> 01:13:20,089
Here, take her.
No, wait, wait. No, Ray!

1459
01:13:20,189 --> 01:13:22,224
No, baby, you got this.
We're not vampires.

1460
01:13:22,324 --> 01:13:25,194
Just hard to sing
with these in.

1461
01:13:25,294 --> 01:13:28,397
Oh, girl, you know I got you.
I ain't gonna let nothing happen to you.

1462
01:13:28,497 --> 01:13:29,898
Nigga.

1463
01:13:29,999 --> 01:13:32,134
Look, why won't ya just go
to one of those frat parties

1464
01:13:32,234 --> 01:13:33,936
where they drink until
they black out

1465
01:13:34,036 --> 01:13:35,404
and wake up
with their booties hurting,

1466
01:13:35,504 --> 01:13:37,772
not knowing what someone
in a cowboy hat did to them?

1467
01:13:37,873 --> 01:13:39,308
Yeah! What?

1468
01:13:39,408 --> 01:13:40,542
Okay.

1469
01:13:40,643 --> 01:13:42,478
Well, we will leave
you guys alone.

1470
01:13:42,578 --> 01:13:43,778
But we're gonna walk real slow

1471
01:13:43,879 --> 01:13:46,415
just in case
y'all change your minds.

1472
01:13:48,617 --> 01:13:50,419
- Change your minds yet?
- No.

1473
01:13:50,519 --> 01:13:51,504
Not at all.
Hell no.

1474
01:13:51,587 --> 01:13:52,787
How about now?

1475
01:13:52,888 --> 01:13:54,390
Fuck no!
No!

1476
01:13:54,490 --> 01:13:55,790
Yes?
Hell to the nah.

1477
01:13:55,891 --> 01:13:57,059
Definitely not!
Keep walking!

1478
01:13:57,159 --> 01:13:58,527
- Now git!
- Let's go.

1479
01:13:58,627 --> 01:13:59,762
Sara, come on!
White folks

1480
01:13:59,862 --> 01:14:01,964
is getting weird again.

1481
01:14:04,099 --> 01:14:06,568
Guys, I think I saw
an open window over here.

1482
01:14:06,669 --> 01:14:07,802
That window's closed.

1483
01:14:07,903 --> 01:14:09,605
Not for long.

1484
01:14:15,744 --> 01:14:16,811
Wicked.

1485
01:14:16,912 --> 01:14:18,180
Oh, God. Fucking idiots.

1486
01:14:25,220 --> 01:14:29,458
Hey! Tuesday! You came back!

1487
01:14:29,558 --> 01:14:31,360
Yeah, I left my inhaler.

1488
01:14:31,460 --> 01:14:34,496
Honestly, Tuesday, that inhaler is the worst
plot device in movie history.

1489
01:14:34,596 --> 01:14:36,098
That's true,
should've been a vape.

1490
01:14:36,198 --> 01:14:38,801
But we're here now,
so let's make the most of it.

1491
01:14:38,901 --> 01:14:41,036
Now where them White Claws at?

1492
01:14:45,941 --> 01:14:47,576
Sara?
Hello.

1493
01:14:47,676 --> 01:14:51,180
Get your sister and get out
of there right now. Okay, hon?

1494
01:14:51,280 --> 01:14:54,083
I am a grown-ass woman, Mother.

1495
01:14:54,183 --> 01:14:56,051
I don't have to do
anything you tell me to do.

1496
01:14:56,151 --> 01:14:58,020
That's the house where
your psycho father

1497
01:14:58,120 --> 01:14:59,288
killed those people.

1498
01:14:59,388 --> 01:15:00,823
Someone wanted
to get you there.

1499
01:15:00,923 --> 01:15:02,891
Which means…

1500
01:15:02,991 --> 01:15:05,594
someone wants to get me there.

1501
01:15:05,694 --> 01:15:07,363
Oh, my God,
this isn't about you!

1502
01:15:07,463 --> 01:15:08,697
Why are you yelling?

1503
01:15:08,797 --> 01:15:11,767
Because the camera's
so fucking far away!

1504
01:15:11,867 --> 01:15:14,703
Wait, hold on.
Are you tracking my phone?

1505
01:15:14,803 --> 01:15:15,904
You're breaking up.

1506
01:15:16,004 --> 01:15:17,306
Uh… Yeah.

1507
01:15:22,311 --> 01:15:24,947
Happy Birthday!

1508
01:15:25,047 --> 01:15:28,517
Hey, that's my car!

1509
01:15:31,720 --> 01:15:33,322
What the fuck?

1510
01:15:33,422 --> 01:15:34,957
Elle!

1511
01:15:35,657 --> 01:15:36,892
I'm sorry!

1512
01:15:36,992 --> 01:15:39,495
I thought
I was supposed to smoke it.

1513
01:15:40,262 --> 01:15:41,397
Oh, shit.

1514
01:15:45,167 --> 01:15:47,236
Seriously? With the
12 Years a Slave shit?

1515
01:15:47,336 --> 01:15:50,506
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
I didn't see that movie, okay?

1516
01:15:50,606 --> 01:15:53,475
I just found this thing
in the shed. Jesus.

1517
01:15:59,748 --> 01:16:01,383
Come on, bro!

1518
01:16:01,483 --> 01:16:02,651
That's even worse.

1519
01:16:03,652 --> 01:16:06,054
I didn't mean it that way.

1520
01:16:06,155 --> 01:16:08,357
Some of my best victims
are Black.

1521
01:16:10,659 --> 01:16:15,197
And another brother
falls victim to gun violence.

1522
01:16:15,297 --> 01:16:17,533
Turns out
race is still an issue.

1523
01:16:17,633 --> 01:16:19,168
That's not fair!

1524
01:16:19,268 --> 01:16:21,637
You know, Black guys usually
die first in horror movies.

1525
01:16:24,740 --> 01:16:26,141
Damn!

1526
01:16:26,241 --> 01:16:28,878
This give whole new meaning
to Dead By Daylight.

1527
01:16:28,977 --> 01:16:30,914
Yeah.

1528
01:16:31,013 --> 01:16:33,816
Oh. Get them, son.

1529
01:16:33,917 --> 01:16:36,385
Goofy ass out of here.

1530
01:16:39,021 --> 01:16:40,722
Hello, Shorty.

1531
01:16:40,823 --> 01:16:42,991
Cuckoo! Get him, niggas!

1532
01:16:44,526 --> 01:16:48,797
Got your silly ass!
You about to be high as fuck.

1533
01:16:52,401 --> 01:16:53,085
Nigga!

1534
01:16:53,168 --> 01:16:56,638
Ah, shit, son!

1535
01:16:57,806 --> 01:16:59,943
Bro, why you running
backwards, son?

1536
01:17:00,042 --> 01:17:01,710
I don't know.
It's not me.

1537
01:17:01,810 --> 01:17:02,912
Something's wrong with this.

1538
01:17:03,011 --> 01:17:04,413
Nigga,
your remote is upside-down!

1539
01:17:04,513 --> 01:17:06,883
You're fucking high, son.

1540
01:17:07,015 --> 01:17:08,517
- Game on, bitches!
- Yeah.

1541
01:17:13,822 --> 01:17:15,123
Oh!
Wrong nigga.

1542
01:17:15,224 --> 01:17:16,859
Black Lives Matter!

1543
01:17:16,960 --> 01:17:18,460
Not you, Shorty!

1544
01:17:18,560 --> 01:17:19,661
Oh, my… I need you.

1545
01:17:19,761 --> 01:17:21,363
Whoa, what is going on?
Oh, Jack!

1546
01:17:21,463 --> 01:17:24,132
Oh, thank God you're here!
Where were you?

1547
01:17:24,233 --> 01:17:25,567
Ghostface was just here!

1548
01:17:25,667 --> 01:17:28,237
I was just outside
getting some fresh air.

1549
01:17:28,337 --> 01:17:29,338
Stop!

1550
01:17:30,105 --> 01:17:32,574
One of you is the killer.

1551
01:17:33,041 --> 01:17:34,243
Elle…

1552
01:17:35,077 --> 01:17:36,712
why do you have blood
on your hands?

1553
01:17:38,046 --> 01:17:40,382
I found Brad outside.

1554
01:17:40,482 --> 01:17:42,017
She's the killer!

1555
01:17:42,117 --> 01:17:44,186
I am not the killer, okay?

1556
01:17:44,286 --> 01:17:47,356
I'm not even sex positive.
I'm a virgin.

1557
01:17:47,456 --> 01:17:48,557
No way.

1558
01:17:48,657 --> 01:17:50,359
You've banged, like,
every dude in Woodsville.

1559
01:17:50,459 --> 01:17:52,060
Fuck you!

1560
01:17:52,160 --> 01:17:53,795
Whoa!

1561
01:17:53,897 --> 01:17:56,698
The butt doesn't count.

1562
01:17:58,700 --> 01:17:59,701
Shit, she shot Ashton!

1563
01:17:59,801 --> 01:18:03,472
Welcome to Act Three, bitches.

1564
01:18:04,706 --> 01:18:05,774
What?

1565
01:18:06,876 --> 01:18:08,544
What does that even mean?

1566
01:18:09,311 --> 01:18:11,580
It's when the shit goes down.

1567
01:18:11,680 --> 01:18:12,882
Oh.

1568
01:18:12,982 --> 01:18:14,149
I still don't really know
what she means,

1569
01:18:14,249 --> 01:18:16,552
but I think we should run!
Run!

1570
01:18:32,401 --> 01:18:33,185
Cindy!

1571
01:18:33,268 --> 01:18:34,938
Brenda.

1572
01:18:35,038 --> 01:18:36,805
Cindy, they in there shooting!

1573
01:18:36,906 --> 01:18:38,307
These kids are wild!

1574
01:18:38,407 --> 01:18:40,142
I blame it on video games,

1575
01:18:40,242 --> 01:18:42,844
not the liquor or lack of
parental supervision.

1576
01:18:42,946 --> 01:18:44,112
You're gonna need this.
Oh.

1577
01:18:44,212 --> 01:18:46,515
Do you have one bigger
in black?

1578
01:18:46,615 --> 01:18:48,383
Oh, wrong bag.

1579
01:18:49,184 --> 01:18:50,069
Here.
Ooh.

1580
01:18:50,152 --> 01:18:51,720
Who are you, Joan Wick?

1581
01:18:51,820 --> 01:18:54,690
I would've said Ballerina,
but nobody saw that shit.

1582
01:18:55,657 --> 01:18:56,642
Let's do this.

1583
01:18:56,725 --> 01:18:57,961
Okay.

1584
01:19:00,897 --> 01:19:02,999
Help! He stabbed me!

1585
01:19:03,098 --> 01:19:05,902
I'm definitely not faking it.
Please, help!

1586
01:19:06,002 --> 01:19:07,302
What do you think?

1587
01:19:08,004 --> 01:19:09,371
I think Drake lost to Kendrick.

1588
01:19:09,471 --> 01:19:12,708
I still like Drake, but
what was up with that lawsuit?

1589
01:19:12,808 --> 01:19:14,610
That's such a bitch-ass move.

1590
01:19:14,710 --> 01:19:16,946
About this situation.

1591
01:19:17,046 --> 01:19:18,580
Oh, that?
That's definitely a trap.

1592
01:19:18,680 --> 01:19:20,749
She don't know
we already been here, done that.

1593
01:19:22,051 --> 01:19:23,953
Brenda!

1594
01:19:24,053 --> 01:19:25,120
Brenda!

1595
01:19:25,220 --> 01:19:27,789
Cindy! It hurts!

1596
01:19:28,590 --> 01:19:31,094
Am I gonna make it?
I doubt it.

1597
01:19:31,193 --> 01:19:33,997
Oh, God, Cindy. Oh, God.

1598
01:19:34,097 --> 01:19:36,099
Bitch, I'm not dead yet!

1599
01:19:36,198 --> 01:19:38,333
Oh. My bad. I'm sorry.

1600
01:19:38,433 --> 01:19:42,537
Now you go back in there
and finish it.

1601
01:19:42,638 --> 01:19:43,522
For me, Cindy.

1602
01:19:43,605 --> 01:19:46,109
I would do anything for you,
Brenda.

1603
01:19:50,579 --> 01:19:53,348
Oh, yes! She bought it.

1604
01:19:53,448 --> 01:19:56,218
That old ketchup trick,
it don't fail.

1605
01:19:56,318 --> 01:19:57,586
That bitch is crazy
if she thought

1606
01:19:57,686 --> 01:20:00,123
I was taking my Black ass
back in there.

1607
01:20:03,859 --> 01:20:05,061
Attention all killers!

1608
01:20:05,160 --> 01:20:09,564
You have five seconds
to show yourselves.

1609
01:20:21,843 --> 01:20:22,761
Shorty!

1610
01:20:22,844 --> 01:20:24,212
Bitch!

1611
01:20:24,312 --> 01:20:26,115
You shot my favorite bong.

1612
01:20:26,214 --> 01:20:28,750
Go find your own damn closet!

1613
01:20:28,850 --> 01:20:30,252
Sorry.

1614
01:20:42,464 --> 01:20:47,836
Wow, this is so nice.

1615
01:20:47,937 --> 01:20:50,338
Brenda's been ballin'.

1616
01:20:53,575 --> 01:20:54,609
What the…

1617
01:20:58,780 --> 01:20:59,780
Red light!

1618
01:21:00,917 --> 01:21:03,652
Red light, green light,
one, two, three!

1619
01:21:04,921 --> 01:21:07,489
Oh. Okay, so we're
playing the hood version.

1620
01:21:08,925 --> 01:21:11,293
Red light, green light,
one, two, three!

1621
01:21:13,295 --> 01:21:14,997
Ha! You moved!

1622
01:21:15,098 --> 01:21:17,733
No, I didn't.

1623
01:21:21,670 --> 01:21:24,706
Ghostface 249, eliminated.

1624
01:21:29,344 --> 01:21:34,050
Ooh. You got some
hot breath, sir.

1625
01:21:44,026 --> 01:21:47,696
Someone's cleaning those handprints off
the mirror, and it isn't me.

1626
01:21:47,796 --> 01:21:52,701
I'll do it.
Don't leave any streaks.

1627
01:22:00,076 --> 01:22:01,409
No!

1628
01:22:14,924 --> 01:22:17,894
I knew swallowing the clip
would eventually come in handy.

1629
01:22:17,994 --> 01:22:20,428
Who's smiling now, bitch?

1630
01:22:31,306 --> 01:22:33,475
Hello, Cindy.

1631
01:22:34,110 --> 01:22:35,178
Hello.

1632
01:22:35,278 --> 01:22:36,511
Looks like you forgot

1633
01:22:36,611 --> 01:22:39,314
the first rule
of surviving a horror movie.

1634
01:22:39,414 --> 01:22:42,985
Never answer the phone!

1635
01:22:43,085 --> 01:22:46,721
I thought the first rule was
never trust the love interest.

1636
01:22:47,990 --> 01:22:49,292
Oh, really?

1637
01:22:49,391 --> 01:22:51,626
Well, I'm changing the rules.
How about that?

1638
01:22:52,295 --> 01:22:55,430
New rule: Go fuck yourself.

1639
01:22:55,530 --> 01:22:56,530
Wait, wait!

1640
01:22:58,000 --> 01:23:00,836
Why do you
hate closets so much?

1641
01:23:00,937 --> 01:23:02,305
I told you to come out.

1642
01:23:02,404 --> 01:23:04,372
Yeah, well,
I didn't want to get shot!

1643
01:23:04,472 --> 01:23:06,775
Ironic, isn't it?

1644
01:23:06,876 --> 01:23:09,111
You missed me, bitch.

1645
01:23:09,212 --> 01:23:11,047
Oh, God, it's Ghostface!

1646
01:23:11,147 --> 01:23:12,181
Didn't sound believable.

1647
01:23:13,916 --> 01:23:15,251
You think you're John Wick,

1648
01:23:15,350 --> 01:23:16,785
acting like I killed your dog?

1649
01:23:22,058 --> 01:23:23,692
The dog is just a metaphor.

1650
01:23:23,792 --> 01:23:25,627
It was about losing his wife!

1651
01:23:25,727 --> 01:23:27,897
You sure it's not
an allegory?

1652
01:23:38,908 --> 01:23:40,209
Let us begin.

1653
01:23:49,318 --> 01:23:50,920
Oh.

1654
01:24:01,297 --> 01:24:03,665
Oh, that stunt girl is good.

1655
01:24:20,349 --> 01:24:21,349
Whoa.

1656
01:24:25,787 --> 01:24:27,990
Oh, oh…

1657
01:24:43,505 --> 01:24:44,974
Eat a dick.

1658
01:24:55,384 --> 01:24:57,452
Shoot him, Sara. End this.

1659
01:24:57,552 --> 01:24:59,221
Don't tell me what to do!

1660
01:24:59,322 --> 01:25:00,789
This isn't the best time

1661
01:25:00,890 --> 01:25:03,025
to resolve our
mommy-daughter issues,

1662
01:25:03,125 --> 01:25:07,662
but, Sara, I am so sorry.
I have been a terrible mother.

1663
01:25:07,762 --> 01:25:10,266
I don't even know
your sister Wednesday…

1664
01:25:10,366 --> 01:25:11,566
Oh, Tuesday.

1665
01:25:11,666 --> 01:25:14,736
Have to clarify that
for legal reasons.

1666
01:25:14,836 --> 01:25:16,238
But I've prepared you for this.

1667
01:25:17,039 --> 01:25:18,374
So go on, baby.

1668
01:25:18,473 --> 01:25:20,209
You kill him.

1669
01:25:20,309 --> 01:25:21,576
Sara?
Jack!

1670
01:25:21,676 --> 01:25:23,145
- Sara!
- Jack!

1671
01:25:23,245 --> 01:25:24,579
- Sara!
- Oh, Jack!

1672
01:25:24,679 --> 01:25:25,881
Sara!
Jack!

1673
01:25:25,982 --> 01:25:26,900
- Sara!
- Jack!

1674
01:25:26,983 --> 01:25:27,800
- Sara!
- Jack!

1675
01:25:27,883 --> 01:25:28,801
Thank God you're okay.

1676
01:25:28,884 --> 01:25:30,086
Because I really wanted to be

1677
01:25:30,186 --> 01:25:31,170
the one to kill you!

1678
01:25:31,253 --> 01:25:32,888
Ooh, take it, baby.

1679
01:25:34,023 --> 01:25:36,926
See,
I told you it was about me.

1680
01:25:37,026 --> 01:25:38,827
No, Sara.

1681
01:25:40,162 --> 01:25:42,098
You were just the bait.

1682
01:25:42,198 --> 01:25:43,765
It's about her.

1683
01:25:44,300 --> 01:25:45,301
- Fuck!
- Aw.

1684
01:25:45,401 --> 01:25:47,436
Sorry, honey.
I hate being right.

1685
01:25:47,535 --> 01:25:49,372
You should've
listened to Doofy.

1686
01:25:49,472 --> 01:25:51,941
The love interest.

1687
01:25:52,041 --> 01:25:54,477
It just seemed too obvious,
you know?

1688
01:25:54,576 --> 01:25:57,246
Which makes you think
it is not obvious.

1689
01:25:57,346 --> 01:25:58,197
Same page, honeybunch.

1690
01:25:58,280 --> 01:25:59,281
Right.

1691
01:25:59,382 --> 01:26:01,150
Yeah, well, that's the twist!

1692
01:26:01,250 --> 01:26:02,517
Now get in the kitchen. Go!

1693
01:26:02,617 --> 01:26:04,120
Hey!
Move!

1694
01:26:04,220 --> 01:26:06,489
Okay, listen up!

1695
01:26:06,588 --> 01:26:09,925
See, there hasn't been
a great Horror Movie

1696
01:26:10,026 --> 01:26:11,427
since the first one.

1697
01:26:11,526 --> 01:26:15,131
We're gonna save the franchise.
Go get our special guest star.

1698
01:26:17,233 --> 01:26:19,634
Hollywood is out of ideas!

1699
01:26:19,734 --> 01:26:22,204
Why else would there be
a Scary Movie 6?

1700
01:26:22,304 --> 01:26:24,874
But it wouldn't work with just
the new characters, would it?

1701
01:26:24,974 --> 01:26:27,575
We need the legacy characters.
Oh…

1702
01:26:27,675 --> 01:26:29,378
And there wouldn't be a Cindy

1703
01:26:29,478 --> 01:26:32,948
without her
sassy Black sidekick, Brenda.

1704
01:26:33,049 --> 01:26:36,385
You ain't have to say "Black"
with no hard "b" like that.

1705
01:26:36,485 --> 01:26:39,055
Brenda! Didn't you get shot?

1706
01:26:39,889 --> 01:26:41,057
Did I?

1707
01:26:41,157 --> 01:26:45,094
Oh! Wait, I did!
Ooh, look, God done healed me!

1708
01:26:45,194 --> 01:26:46,694
Ooh, what He do?

1709
01:26:46,795 --> 01:26:47,963
Stop dancing!
All the time!

1710
01:26:48,064 --> 01:26:49,564
Stop dancing!
Everybody stop dancing!

1711
01:26:49,664 --> 01:26:50,698
All the time!

1712
01:26:52,068 --> 01:26:54,437
Oh.
Mom! No!

1713
01:26:54,537 --> 01:26:57,039
You called me "Mom".

1714
01:26:58,207 --> 01:26:59,641
You care about me.

1715
01:26:59,741 --> 01:27:02,144
Well, I wouldn't go that far,
but, I mean,

1716
01:27:02,244 --> 01:27:03,062
sure.
Go…

1717
01:27:03,145 --> 01:27:04,146
Go get Tuesday.

1718
01:27:04,246 --> 01:27:05,647
Okay, ladies,

1719
01:27:05,747 --> 01:27:07,883
time to stage the bodies.

1720
01:27:07,983 --> 01:27:10,453
Let's go, let's go, let's go.
Oh!

1721
01:27:10,553 --> 01:27:12,421
Please don't do this!

1722
01:27:12,521 --> 01:27:13,788
What? Who are you people?

1723
01:27:13,889 --> 01:27:15,024
We're the motherfuckers

1724
01:27:15,124 --> 01:27:17,659
that are taking over
this franchise.

1725
01:27:17,759 --> 01:27:18,994
Oh, yeah? You are?

1726
01:27:19,095 --> 01:27:20,963
Okay! Oh, my God.

1727
01:27:21,063 --> 01:27:23,598
That was not part of the plan.

1728
01:27:23,698 --> 01:27:25,767
Oh, God. Shit.

1729
01:27:25,868 --> 01:27:28,137
- Oh.
- Neither was this.

1730
01:27:31,574 --> 01:27:32,875
Wait, Ray got one of those!

1731
01:27:32,975 --> 01:27:35,344
Whoa! Hot damn!

1732
01:27:35,444 --> 01:27:38,881
Anthony Anderson!

1733
01:27:38,981 --> 01:27:40,049
Yeah.

1734
01:27:40,149 --> 01:27:42,885
And I brought my boy
Kevin Hart with me.

1735
01:27:50,025 --> 01:27:51,393
What?
Shaq?

1736
01:27:51,494 --> 01:27:54,463
That's right. On my knees
I'm the same height as Kevin.

1737
01:27:54,563 --> 01:27:55,730
And Kevin said no.

1738
01:27:55,830 --> 01:27:57,133
Kevin Hart said no?

1739
01:27:57,233 --> 01:27:59,034
That little motherfucker
says yes to everything.

1740
01:27:59,135 --> 01:28:00,269
Yeah, he does.

1741
01:28:00,369 --> 01:28:01,803
But wait!

1742
01:28:01,904 --> 01:28:04,473
There's more.

1743
01:28:04,573 --> 01:28:06,575
Ta-dah…

1744
01:28:06,674 --> 01:28:07,943
bitches!

1745
01:28:08,043 --> 01:28:09,512
Ray? Shorty?

1746
01:28:09,612 --> 01:28:11,313
Yeah, that's right.

1747
01:28:11,413 --> 01:28:14,450
Four Black killers.
Yeah.

1748
01:28:14,550 --> 01:28:15,817
We're making history.

1749
01:28:15,918 --> 01:28:19,121
This a new definition
of Black excellence.

1750
01:28:19,754 --> 01:28:21,323
But why would you do this?

1751
01:28:21,423 --> 01:28:22,857
Question is:

1752
01:28:22,958 --> 01:28:25,027
Why would you try to make
a sequel without us, huh?

1753
01:28:25,127 --> 01:28:26,195
Yeah!

1754
01:28:26,295 --> 01:28:28,264
When the studio wanted
to replace these brothers,

1755
01:28:28,364 --> 01:28:30,399
I was there.

1756
01:28:30,499 --> 01:28:32,134
That's facts.
What about me?

1757
01:28:32,234 --> 01:28:33,302
What about you?

1758
01:28:33,402 --> 01:28:34,537
You were in one scene

1759
01:28:34,637 --> 01:28:36,338
in Part 4.
Oh!

1760
01:28:36,438 --> 01:28:37,423
Yes, but I made
that motherfucker

1761
01:28:37,506 --> 01:28:38,874
Dr. Phil cut his foot off.

1762
01:28:38,974 --> 01:28:40,742
- And he crazy now.
- Yeah, he got weird.

1763
01:28:40,842 --> 01:28:41,877
Mm.
But you…

1764
01:28:41,977 --> 01:28:43,312
Y-You see
what they trying to do?

1765
01:28:43,412 --> 01:28:45,281
They trying to pit us all up
against each other.

1766
01:28:45,381 --> 01:28:48,050
They trying to start Black
on… on very Black crime.

1767
01:28:48,150 --> 01:28:49,518
Oh.
That's right!

1768
01:28:49,618 --> 01:28:52,087
Yo, Shaq.
Hey. I'm proud of you, bro.

1769
01:28:52,188 --> 01:28:54,789
You've had an amazing career
as a sports commentator

1770
01:28:54,890 --> 01:28:56,691
- since retiring from basketball.
- Mm-hmm.

1771
01:28:56,791 --> 01:29:00,229
And I love The Big Podcast.
Nigga, I love that shit!

1772
01:29:00,329 --> 01:29:02,565
Even though I don't understand
a word you be saying.

1773
01:29:02,665 --> 01:29:03,731
You be on that show
talkin' 'bout…

1774
01:29:07,503 --> 01:29:08,321
"Kobe."

1775
01:29:08,404 --> 01:29:09,638
Enough.

1776
01:29:09,737 --> 01:29:13,342
But my point is, nigga,
I love your shit.

1777
01:29:14,076 --> 01:29:16,445
But I never got over Kazaam.

1778
01:29:16,545 --> 01:29:17,779
Fuck all that shit!

1779
01:29:17,880 --> 01:29:19,215
Kick his ass!

1780
01:29:19,315 --> 01:29:21,917
Get your big ass over here!
I hated that movie, too!

1781
01:29:22,017 --> 01:29:23,485
Why did you leave the Lakers?

1782
01:29:23,586 --> 01:29:26,388
You and Kobe
would've had nine rings!

1783
01:29:26,488 --> 01:29:27,990
That motherfucker traded me!

1784
01:29:28,090 --> 01:29:29,008
Sha-kweel!

1785
01:29:29,091 --> 01:29:31,894
How big is your foot?

1786
01:29:31,994 --> 01:29:32,912
22.

1787
01:29:32,995 --> 01:29:35,598
Then how big is your dick?

1788
01:29:35,698 --> 01:29:36,764
Whoa, whoa, whoa, Ray!

1789
01:29:36,865 --> 01:29:38,234
- Pause.
- What the fuck

1790
01:29:38,334 --> 01:29:40,069
you talking about?
I'm doing it for the culture.

1791
01:29:40,169 --> 01:29:41,503
What culture?

1792
01:29:41,604 --> 01:29:43,606
- The Culture Club. Nigga!
- Bro.

1793
01:29:43,706 --> 01:29:44,772
Come on, Ray,
we killing people.

1794
01:29:44,873 --> 01:29:45,874
Stay focused.
All right, all right.

1795
01:29:45,975 --> 01:29:47,842
All right. We back.

1796
01:29:47,943 --> 01:29:50,845
Hey, Ant, don't, don't you…
don't you worry. We family.

1797
01:29:50,946 --> 01:29:52,948
Ant, mad respect, y'all.

1798
01:29:53,048 --> 01:29:55,284
Hey, Black-ish nominated

1799
01:29:55,384 --> 01:29:56,369
for eight Emmys!

1800
01:29:56,452 --> 01:29:57,586
My nigga!

1801
01:29:57,686 --> 01:29:58,820
Well, actually,

1802
01:29:58,921 --> 01:30:00,656
the show was only nominated
for five.

1803
01:30:00,755 --> 01:30:02,458
I was nominated for eight.

1804
01:30:02,558 --> 01:30:03,559
Ooh.
Wow.

1805
01:30:03,659 --> 01:30:04,610
Oh, thank you.

1806
01:30:04,693 --> 01:30:05,760
A thespian!

1807
01:30:05,861 --> 01:30:08,530
Is that so? Eight nominations.

1808
01:30:08,631 --> 01:30:10,599
Crazy!
Yeah, man.

1809
01:30:12,601 --> 01:30:14,737
But you never won.
What?

1810
01:30:16,472 --> 01:30:17,673
Et tu, Brute?

1811
01:30:17,772 --> 01:30:19,608
Don't speak Spanish to me,
motherfucker.

1812
01:30:19,708 --> 01:30:22,511
This is for doing
Scary Movie 3 and 4!

1813
01:30:22,611 --> 01:30:24,913
I didn't know
they fired the family!

1814
01:30:25,014 --> 01:30:26,682
And this is for copying

1815
01:30:26,781 --> 01:30:29,685
our Good Times episode
on Black-ish!

1816
01:30:29,784 --> 01:30:32,421
But you guys were on The WB!

1817
01:30:32,521 --> 01:30:34,923
Nobody saw that shit!

1818
01:30:37,393 --> 01:30:38,494
That's kinda true.

1819
01:30:38,594 --> 01:30:40,596
What are you doing?

1820
01:30:40,696 --> 01:30:42,765
They didn't create
the franchise, you did.

1821
01:30:42,865 --> 01:30:44,733
Yeah.
No!

1822
01:30:44,832 --> 01:30:48,404
Creating franchises
doesn't make you a killer.

1823
01:30:48,504 --> 01:30:50,139
Stealing franchises does.

1824
01:30:50,239 --> 01:30:52,441
Scary Movie
was our franchise… Motherfucker!

1825
01:30:52,541 --> 01:30:53,742
…and they stole it from us!

1826
01:30:53,841 --> 01:30:56,045
And they started
doing those bad parodies.

1827
01:30:56,145 --> 01:30:59,014
Epic Movie. What the fuck?
Disaster Movie.

1828
01:30:59,114 --> 01:31:00,616
Date Movie.
This is for Date Movie.

1829
01:31:00,716 --> 01:31:03,052
And then the one
with the little… the dude with the hooves.

1830
01:31:03,152 --> 01:31:04,819
Nigga, that's Epic Movie.
He deserves twice…

1831
01:31:04,920 --> 01:31:06,488
Give him double stabs now.
Hate that Narnia shit.

1832
01:31:06,588 --> 01:31:08,557
He's already dead.
So much blood.

1833
01:31:08,657 --> 01:31:10,559
Friedberg and Seltzer,
nigga.

1834
01:31:12,061 --> 01:31:13,696
Ooh.
No, no, no.

1835
01:31:13,796 --> 01:31:15,564
And you, and you…

1836
01:31:15,664 --> 01:31:18,867
Y'all went and did
Scary Movie 3 and 4 without us!

1837
01:31:18,967 --> 01:31:21,403
Nigga, I'm sorry.
They offered me so much money!

1838
01:31:21,503 --> 01:31:25,441
I-I got a new house, a new car.
I got wigs that don't itch.

1839
01:31:26,575 --> 01:31:28,043
And what about you?

1840
01:31:28,877 --> 01:31:31,013
Well, I had a chance
to work with

1841
01:31:31,113 --> 01:31:33,615
the incomparable Charlie Sheen.

1842
01:31:35,150 --> 01:31:36,819
That's good. He's a legend.

1843
01:31:36,919 --> 01:31:39,088
And his dick game's crazy.

1844
01:31:39,188 --> 01:31:41,290
You know he slept with
47,000 women?

1845
01:31:41,390 --> 01:31:43,625
And a thousand of them women
were dudes.

1846
01:31:43,726 --> 01:31:45,461
Lucky guy.

1847
01:31:46,295 --> 01:31:48,797
Wait,
so y'all gonna kill us now?

1848
01:31:50,566 --> 01:31:52,201
Nah.

1849
01:31:52,301 --> 01:31:55,037
What would Halloween be
without Jamie Lee Curtis?

1850
01:31:55,137 --> 01:31:56,839
Or Scream be
without Neve Campbell?

1851
01:31:56,939 --> 01:31:58,307
That would be Scream VI.

1852
01:31:58,407 --> 01:32:01,176
How did you guys
pull all of this off?

1853
01:32:01,276 --> 01:32:02,378
Cindy!

1854
01:32:02,478 --> 01:32:05,547
You know how many Wayanses
there are?

1855
01:32:05,647 --> 01:32:07,383
Nigga, billions!
Billions!

1856
01:32:07,483 --> 01:32:11,153
I'm just so happy that
the old gang is back together.

1857
01:32:11,887 --> 01:32:13,655
Okay, in the middle, on three:

1858
01:32:13,756 --> 01:32:14,957
Core Four.

1859
01:32:15,057 --> 01:32:16,759
What?
Nah, nah. We… That…

1860
01:32:16,859 --> 01:32:18,127
That… That's corny shit.
That's wack.

1861
01:32:18,227 --> 01:32:19,728
Ooh, uh, w-what about…

1862
01:32:19,828 --> 01:32:22,498
What about,
The Young and The Restless?

1863
01:32:22,598 --> 01:32:24,299
Yeah, or The… or The Old

1864
01:32:24,400 --> 01:32:25,768
and then The Beautiful.

1865
01:32:25,869 --> 01:32:27,836
Or… or The…
The Cute and The Crusty.

1866
01:32:27,936 --> 01:32:30,773
Yeah, or The Sexy
and then The Senile.

1867
01:32:36,945 --> 01:32:38,882
But we were brought in
to take over the franchise!

1868
01:32:38,981 --> 01:32:40,048
That's right. I mean,

1869
01:32:40,149 --> 01:32:42,451
you guys are, like,
70 years old!

1870
01:32:42,551 --> 01:32:44,286
Not in my mouth!

1871
01:32:44,386 --> 01:32:45,421
Aw, fuck!

1872
01:32:46,588 --> 01:32:48,991
I just dragged that one
from the subway.

1873
01:32:49,091 --> 01:32:51,260
Oh, my back hurts.

1874
01:32:51,360 --> 01:32:54,229
Guys, guys!
They're already dead.

1875
01:32:54,329 --> 01:32:56,765
Nah! Little fuckers
always come back.

1876
01:32:56,866 --> 01:32:58,434
Oh, no. Not this time.

1877
01:32:58,534 --> 01:33:01,069
Exactly. Come on,
Ray, let's go. Let's go.

1878
01:33:01,170 --> 01:33:02,738
Who got a match?

1879
01:33:02,838 --> 01:33:06,910
Got one, got one!
Next generation, my ass!

1880
01:33:07,009 --> 01:33:08,610
Yeah, whoo!

1881
01:33:12,882 --> 01:33:13,982
Sara, tell me what do to.

1882
01:33:14,082 --> 01:33:16,285
Blow, bitch, blow!

1883
01:33:24,293 --> 01:33:25,327
Yeah.

1884
01:33:27,262 --> 01:33:29,698
Wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Should we feel bad?

1885
01:33:29,798 --> 01:33:31,200
I mean, those are our kids.

1886
01:33:31,300 --> 01:33:33,001
Fuck those kids!
Yeah!

1887
01:33:33,101 --> 01:33:35,137
This is our franchise.
Yeah!

1888
01:33:35,237 --> 01:33:38,006
Besides, we can do all these
dramatic walkaways

1889
01:33:38,106 --> 01:33:39,541
with the fire in back of us.

1890
01:33:39,641 --> 01:33:41,176
But, damn, it's hot.

1891
01:33:41,276 --> 01:33:44,313
I don't know.
I kind of like it.

1892
01:33:44,413 --> 01:33:46,648
You do, Ray?
We should play firemen.

1893
01:33:46,748 --> 01:33:48,885
You wanna dress up
like a fireman?

1894
01:33:49,017 --> 01:33:50,786
No. I want you to dress up
like a fireman.

1895
01:33:50,887 --> 01:33:52,956
Y'all feel a draft?

1896
01:36:06,688 --> 01:36:09,124
Coming soon
to a theater near you…

1897
01:36:09,224 --> 01:36:10,994
Come to me…

1898
01:36:11,094 --> 01:36:12,260
Count Brolock.

1899
01:36:12,361 --> 01:36:14,730
From the studio
that brought you

1900
01:36:14,830 --> 01:36:17,833
every Black version
of a white movie…

1901
01:36:20,268 --> 01:36:23,572
I am but an appetite,
nothing more.

1902
01:36:23,672 --> 01:36:26,009
That's not what you said
last night

1903
01:36:26,109 --> 01:36:27,743
when you were
sucking on my chest.

1904
01:36:30,079 --> 01:36:31,413
The sisters may hear you.

1905
01:36:31,513 --> 01:36:33,281
Too late.

1906
01:36:33,382 --> 01:36:34,449
You trifling sellout.

1907
01:36:34,549 --> 01:36:36,284
I don't know this bitch!

1908
01:36:36,385 --> 01:36:37,920
She's trying to get me!
This is entrapment!

1909
01:36:38,021 --> 01:36:40,222
- Negro ain't shit.
- Mm-hmm.

1910
01:36:40,322 --> 01:36:43,325
Behold the Black vampire.

1911
01:36:43,825 --> 01:36:45,727
Brosferatu.

1912
01:36:46,728 --> 01:36:48,730
Coming this Kwanzaa.

1913
01:38:03,005 --> 01:38:06,408
Cuckoo. Cuckoo.

1914
01:38:07,143 --> 01:38:10,412
Happy Birthday, A.S. Berger.

1915
01:38:10,512 --> 01:38:13,348
- Something isn't right here.
- Happy birthday…

1916
01:38:13,448 --> 01:38:15,417
He's definitely Ghostface.

1917
01:38:15,985 --> 01:38:16,985
Sit.

1918
01:38:17,887 --> 01:38:19,454
I agree, Berger.

1919
01:38:19,554 --> 01:38:21,590
That hand should spend
the rest of its life in prison.

1920
01:38:21,690 --> 01:38:23,658
That little hand, man. I mean…

1921
01:38:23,759 --> 01:38:27,395
Respectfully, that thing would
probably give a nice handjob.

1922
01:38:27,496 --> 01:38:29,866
Off the chain, guaranteed.

1923
01:38:29,966 --> 01:38:31,067
Tight grip.

1924
01:38:31,167 --> 01:38:32,367
Make your meat
look two times bigger.

1925
01:38:32,467 --> 01:38:33,568
Yeah.

1926
01:38:33,668 --> 01:38:35,071
I don't want
a handjob from him.

1927
01:38:35,171 --> 01:38:36,438
Let me tell you that,
first and foremost.

1928
01:38:36,538 --> 01:38:38,540
I do not want a handjob.
Me neither.

1929
01:38:38,640 --> 01:38:41,343
However, when you look at it,
like a shotgun…

1930
01:38:41,443 --> 01:38:43,378
You're done.

1931
01:38:44,846 --> 01:38:46,381
Now, listen,
we're gonna hold him, okay?

1932
01:38:46,481 --> 01:38:48,117
Okay.
It might be a day,

1933
01:38:48,217 --> 01:38:49,384
two weeks, I don't know.

1934
01:38:49,484 --> 01:38:50,585
I don't know how long
this movie is.

1935
01:38:50,685 --> 01:38:52,721
Like a Chris Nolan movie
with farts.

1936
01:38:52,821 --> 01:38:55,258
But what I want you to do
is go in there

1937
01:38:55,357 --> 01:38:57,359
and show him what you got.

1938
01:38:57,459 --> 01:38:59,195
Cock it and rock it.

1939
01:39:02,364 --> 01:39:03,598
Ah.

1940
01:39:08,336 --> 01:39:10,173
There she is.

1941
01:39:10,273 --> 01:39:12,574
The birthday girl.

1942
01:39:15,544 --> 01:39:16,845
I brought a cake.

1943
01:39:18,147 --> 01:39:19,548
Make a wish.

1944
01:39:21,117 --> 01:39:23,052
My germs!

1945
01:39:26,555 --> 01:39:29,125
Finger-licking good.

1946
01:39:29,225 --> 01:39:33,328
Agent Berger, I'm just trying
to give you my strong hand.

1947
01:39:33,428 --> 01:39:35,231
No!
But it's a meme.

1948
01:39:35,330 --> 01:39:39,534
Mr. Shorthand,
are you Ghostface?

1949
01:39:39,634 --> 01:39:42,004
Here we go…

1950
01:39:42,104 --> 01:39:44,941
Whew, that stings.
It's sort of…

1951
01:39:45,041 --> 01:39:45,992
Whoo.

1952
01:39:46,075 --> 01:39:47,609
Okay, that hurts.
Stop.

1953
01:39:47,709 --> 01:39:49,045
Can I talk to you
for a second?

1954
01:39:49,145 --> 01:39:50,812
Yeah, o-okay.

1955
01:39:52,581 --> 01:39:54,183
This table needs an airbag.

1956
01:39:54,283 --> 01:39:55,168
It should…

1957
01:39:55,251 --> 01:39:56,919
Goddamn!

1958
01:39:57,019 --> 01:39:58,221
Whoo!

1959
01:39:58,321 --> 01:39:59,688
I didn't think it would
hurt so bad.

1960
01:39:59,788 --> 01:40:03,125
So we got the wrong guy.
Could have told you that.

1961
01:40:03,226 --> 01:40:04,693
Why?
'Cause I'm psychic.

1962
01:40:04,793 --> 01:40:06,863
Oh, yeah!

1963
01:40:06,963 --> 01:40:08,130
You know, it's what…

1964
01:40:08,231 --> 01:40:09,497
Oh, shit!

1965
01:40:09,598 --> 01:40:11,167
Oh, God,
that's how I feel.

1966
01:40:11,267 --> 01:40:12,969
Let me tell you some…

1967
01:40:13,069 --> 01:40:15,204
What do we do now?

1968
01:40:15,304 --> 01:40:16,838
Back out slowly.

1969
01:40:16,939 --> 01:40:18,640
Like my neighbor when
I caught him inside my wife.

1970
01:40:18,740 --> 01:40:20,343
Where are you guys going?

1971
01:40:20,442 --> 01:40:21,543
They're still together?

1972
01:40:21,643 --> 01:40:23,246
Unfortunately.

1973
01:40:23,346 --> 01:40:24,512
Ow!

1974
01:40:24,613 --> 01:40:26,581
Sorry, man.
It's okay.

1975
01:40:26,681 --> 01:40:28,117
We're a throuple now.