1 00:00:25,859 --> 00:00:27,819 day after day you want. 2 00:00:27,945 --> 00:00:29,904 A store that one might... 3 00:00:32,074 --> 00:00:35,535 I hate television. It gives me headaches. 4 00:00:35,619 --> 00:00:38,788 You know, there's so many magnetic waves traveling in the airspace 5 00:00:38,872 --> 00:00:40,665 because of TV and television, 6 00:00:40,749 --> 00:00:43,334 we're losing ten times as many brain cells as we're supposed to. 7 00:00:43,419 --> 00:00:45,253 Please! 8 00:00:46,255 --> 00:00:50,133 "The cow says blank." Three letters. 9 00:00:51,218 --> 00:00:52,218 Dude! 10 00:00:52,886 --> 00:00:55,263 "Dude." I don't know. 11 00:00:55,347 --> 00:00:57,515 Magnetic waves, brain cells. 12 00:00:57,599 --> 00:00:59,600 I don't understand the connection between all that stuff. 13 00:00:59,977 --> 00:01:01,728 You know what else I heard? 14 00:01:01,812 --> 00:01:04,147 Magnetic waves shrink silicone molecules. 15 00:01:08,402 --> 00:01:10,111 Oh, my God! Turn it off! 16 00:01:10,195 --> 00:01:11,988 - It's not working! - It's backwards! 17 00:01:12,114 --> 00:01:13,239 - What do we do? - I don't know! 18 00:01:13,323 --> 00:01:14,615 Oh, God! 19 00:01:18,454 --> 00:01:21,497 Thank God. I can't afford to get any smaller. 20 00:01:21,582 --> 00:01:24,375 Come on. You're beautiful. 21 00:01:24,460 --> 00:01:26,544 I wish I had your legs. 22 00:01:26,628 --> 00:01:27,962 I wish I had your butt. 23 00:01:28,422 --> 00:01:30,590 - I wish I had your... - Shaved pussy? 24 00:01:31,967 --> 00:01:33,468 Nobody's getting Snowball. 25 00:01:35,012 --> 00:01:38,723 Okay. That thing's kind of scary, anyway. 26 00:01:38,807 --> 00:01:41,142 - I know something even scarier. - What? 27 00:01:41,435 --> 00:01:42,769 Have you heard about this videotape? 28 00:01:42,853 --> 00:01:44,062 The one where they do it on the boat? 29 00:01:44,229 --> 00:01:46,064 And then in the car? And then in the bathtub? 30 00:01:46,148 --> 00:01:49,317 And he's, like, "Hey, baby, I love you." And she's, like, "Where are we?" 31 00:01:49,610 --> 00:01:51,778 - And did you see the... - No. Not that tape. 32 00:01:52,738 --> 00:01:54,405 The one with all the scary images. 33 00:01:54,490 --> 00:01:56,949 You know, after you watch the tape, the phone rings, 34 00:01:57,034 --> 00:02:00,328 and this really scary voice comes on and says you're gonna die in, like... 35 00:02:00,412 --> 00:02:02,789 Seven days. Yeah, I saw that one with Josh last weekend. 36 00:02:02,998 --> 00:02:06,626 You were with Josh last weekend? Oh, my God! 37 00:02:07,002 --> 00:02:08,169 My God! 38 00:02:09,171 --> 00:02:10,421 Oh, yes, I was. 39 00:02:12,132 --> 00:02:13,216 You ho! 40 00:02:16,553 --> 00:02:17,970 You know it! 41 00:02:31,527 --> 00:02:34,779 - This is really weird. - Yeah. 42 00:02:34,863 --> 00:02:37,323 Big house, only one phone. 43 00:02:41,161 --> 00:02:51,087 Hello? 44 00:02:51,338 --> 00:02:55,424 I'm coming for you, my precious. 45 00:02:55,509 --> 00:02:59,262 - Hi, Mom. - Hi, precious. Having fun? 46 00:02:59,346 --> 00:03:03,141 Ask her which bathroom has a detachable showerhead. 47 00:03:03,225 --> 00:03:06,936 Anyway, we're just about to go to bed. 48 00:03:07,020 --> 00:03:10,148 No. Not like that. 49 00:03:10,232 --> 00:03:13,734 Well, I guess a woman would know how to touch a... 50 00:03:16,446 --> 00:03:20,074 Hello? 51 00:04:10,125 --> 00:04:20,125 Katie? 52 00:04:30,145 --> 00:04:36,734 Are you okay? 53 00:05:11,770 --> 00:05:12,853 God! 54 00:05:44,928 --> 00:05:46,721 Tom, did you hear... 55 00:05:47,514 --> 00:05:48,931 The dogs are acting strange. 56 00:06:11,204 --> 00:06:12,246 Sue! 57 00:06:13,415 --> 00:06:16,792 What are you doing out here? We were worried sick. 58 00:06:16,877 --> 00:06:18,002 What's wrong? 59 00:06:28,555 --> 00:06:30,264 I wonder what they're trying to tell us. 60 00:06:39,149 --> 00:06:43,027 And now, Washington, D.C.'s Ieading morning news program, 61 00:06:43,111 --> 00:06:44,320 the Morning News. 62 00:06:44,654 --> 00:06:46,197 Good morning. I'm Ross Giggins. 63 00:06:46,281 --> 00:06:49,033 For our top story, we turn now to Cindy Campbell. 64 00:06:49,117 --> 00:06:50,117 Thank you, Ross. 65 00:06:50,577 --> 00:06:53,204 There's a developing story in Middleburg at this hour. 66 00:06:53,288 --> 00:06:58,042 A mysterious crop circle appeared in Iocal farmer, Tom Logan's cornfield. 67 00:06:58,126 --> 00:07:01,712 EIaborate prank or extraterrestrial phenomenon? 68 00:07:01,797 --> 00:07:04,924 We'll update you as soon as we have any further information, 69 00:07:05,008 --> 00:07:10,179 but, either way, it's clear something strange is happening in that small town. Ross? 70 00:07:11,390 --> 00:07:13,224 I'm sorry, I wasn't listening. 71 00:07:13,308 --> 00:07:15,476 Coming up, more news after this. 72 00:07:17,646 --> 00:07:19,230 - Cindy, you got a second? - Sure. 73 00:07:19,314 --> 00:07:22,400 I want you to take a look at this for that big strip-club exposé. 74 00:07:22,484 --> 00:07:24,402 But I'd rather stick with the crop circle story. 75 00:07:24,486 --> 00:07:26,821 Come on. You know those things are just a hoax. 76 00:07:26,905 --> 00:07:29,824 No, I'm telling you, I sense something about that cornfield. 77 00:07:29,908 --> 00:07:34,954 Call it women's intuition or ESPN or both, but I can tell when danger's near. I just... 78 00:07:37,874 --> 00:07:40,584 - My eyes! - Cindy, it's sweeps month. 79 00:07:40,669 --> 00:07:42,086 Ratings mean everything. 80 00:07:42,170 --> 00:07:46,424 People want human-interest stories, like the one you did yesterday. 81 00:07:46,508 --> 00:07:48,259 The report on breast augmentation? 82 00:07:48,677 --> 00:07:50,678 It was just ten minutes of topless women. 83 00:07:51,221 --> 00:07:52,680 I mean, come on. 84 00:07:53,598 --> 00:07:56,267 - Wow! - Why are these so interesting? 85 00:07:56,351 --> 00:07:57,643 For God's sake! 86 00:07:58,645 --> 00:07:59,854 People don't care about this. 87 00:08:00,063 --> 00:08:03,649 They want hard-hitting stories and in-depth coverage and... And... 88 00:08:03,859 --> 00:08:04,942 And twins! 89 00:08:25,380 --> 00:08:28,799 You think it was the Kreisel boys who cut that stuff into your corn? 90 00:08:28,884 --> 00:08:31,302 All I know is my crops are gone. 91 00:08:31,386 --> 00:08:34,680 The bank's gonna foreclose if I can't pay the rent. 92 00:08:34,764 --> 00:08:38,309 I got 60 days to come up with $1.50. 93 00:08:39,394 --> 00:08:42,771 I'm sorry. The last thing you needed was more... 94 00:08:43,732 --> 00:08:45,274 hardship in your life. 95 00:08:46,276 --> 00:08:47,776 Especially after what happened to your... 96 00:08:47,861 --> 00:08:50,279 Sheriff, I don't need your sympathy. 97 00:08:50,363 --> 00:08:52,781 I didn't mean to upset you, Father. 98 00:08:52,866 --> 00:08:55,868 Please. I'm not a minister anymore. 99 00:08:55,952 --> 00:08:58,579 I lost my faith that terrible night. 100 00:08:59,956 --> 00:09:04,210 Your faith will return, just as sure as the sun will rise. 101 00:09:04,294 --> 00:09:05,628 Sounds like a long shot. 102 00:09:05,712 --> 00:09:10,216 Look, there's always an explanation for all this so-called phenomenon. 103 00:09:10,300 --> 00:09:11,383 Maybe you're right. 104 00:09:11,593 --> 00:09:13,594 It was probably just the Kreisels. 105 00:09:14,054 --> 00:09:15,721 And when I get through with them, 106 00:09:15,805 --> 00:09:19,391 I doubt you'll be seeing anything strange on this farm for a long time. 107 00:09:19,768 --> 00:09:21,393 You'll see. 108 00:09:23,146 --> 00:09:25,940 You all right, Tom? Get some rest. 109 00:09:33,657 --> 00:09:38,994 George! 110 00:09:41,122 --> 00:09:44,041 I need you back here tomorrow night after you pick up Sue. 111 00:09:44,125 --> 00:09:45,376 That tractor needs fixing. 112 00:09:45,460 --> 00:09:48,462 Sorry, dawg. I can't help you. I have to get ready for my show. 113 00:09:48,672 --> 00:09:51,674 Not that stupid hip-hop stuff again. 114 00:09:51,758 --> 00:09:54,093 Damn it, George, when are you gonna do something with your life? 115 00:09:54,177 --> 00:09:55,553 - I got a dream! - What is your dream? 116 00:09:55,637 --> 00:09:56,720 To have a dream. 117 00:09:57,389 --> 00:10:01,100 George, all you've done is chase adolescent fantasies. 118 00:10:01,184 --> 00:10:05,062 "l wanna be an astronaut, a cowboy, gynecologist to the stars." 119 00:10:05,146 --> 00:10:06,897 And now, this stupid hip-hop thing. 120 00:10:06,982 --> 00:10:10,526 For your information, this hip-hop thing is gonna get me paid. 121 00:10:10,610 --> 00:10:12,236 I'm gonna win that rap battle tomorrow night. 122 00:10:12,487 --> 00:10:14,488 Rap battle? For God's sakes. 123 00:10:14,656 --> 00:10:16,574 You just hate me 'cause I'm black. 124 00:10:17,701 --> 00:10:19,368 You don't have any faith in me. 125 00:10:19,452 --> 00:10:21,287 You don't have any faith in anything anymore. 126 00:10:21,371 --> 00:10:25,124 So why don't you just worry about you, and I'll worry about... 127 00:10:43,184 --> 00:10:44,310 Cody. 128 00:10:45,979 --> 00:10:47,813 You're late again, Aunt Cindy. 129 00:10:47,897 --> 00:10:50,024 I'm sorry. I was stuck in traffic. 130 00:10:50,108 --> 00:10:53,694 - Cindy! - Brenda, hi! 131 00:10:53,778 --> 00:10:55,529 It's great to see you! 132 00:10:56,531 --> 00:10:59,116 - It's been so long. - Too long. 133 00:10:59,200 --> 00:11:00,576 I've been working so hard. 134 00:11:00,660 --> 00:11:02,786 You know, I've had to spend more and more time at the station. 135 00:11:02,871 --> 00:11:05,873 The news just keeps coming in. 136 00:11:05,957 --> 00:11:07,541 What was the assignment? 137 00:11:08,043 --> 00:11:09,376 Draw your family and friends. 138 00:11:10,337 --> 00:11:12,379 So, anyone new in your life, Cindy? 139 00:11:13,048 --> 00:11:15,966 Well, you know, I just haven't found the right guy. 140 00:11:16,051 --> 00:11:18,719 I'm looking for something more than just good sex. 141 00:11:18,803 --> 00:11:20,387 I know, you want commitment. 142 00:11:20,472 --> 00:11:22,890 No, I want great sex. And when I meet that guy... 143 00:11:22,974 --> 00:11:25,392 That's what I'm talking about! 144 00:11:25,477 --> 00:11:28,312 You want a guy that's gonna hit that thing hard, like... 145 00:11:30,357 --> 00:11:32,858 And then flip you over and come at you from the other side. 146 00:11:32,984 --> 00:11:34,902 D-O-double-G. 147 00:11:35,570 --> 00:11:37,988 Did I say stop drawing? 148 00:11:39,074 --> 00:11:42,576 And then he'll look at you, like he gonna cut you. 149 00:11:44,245 --> 00:11:47,331 Brenda, you're so romantic. 150 00:11:48,291 --> 00:11:49,291 I guess. 151 00:11:49,709 --> 00:11:52,419 Look, when I meet Mr. Right, I'll know. 152 00:11:53,922 --> 00:11:55,297 Uncle George! 153 00:11:55,590 --> 00:11:57,633 Hey, sweetie, come here! 154 00:11:57,926 --> 00:11:59,301 How are you? 155 00:12:00,220 --> 00:12:03,681 Go get your stuff, okay? 156 00:12:03,765 --> 00:12:06,350 I know you. You're Tom Logan's brother. 157 00:12:06,935 --> 00:12:09,311 - And you're that reporter, Cindy Campbell. - Yeah. 158 00:12:09,437 --> 00:12:11,105 You did the story on our cop cycles. 159 00:12:11,940 --> 00:12:13,023 Crop circles. 160 00:12:13,274 --> 00:12:14,441 Right. 161 00:12:15,276 --> 00:12:17,403 So, you're here to pick up your... 162 00:12:17,487 --> 00:12:18,987 Nephew. Cody. 163 00:12:19,614 --> 00:12:20,906 You don't dress like a farmer. 164 00:12:21,282 --> 00:12:22,533 My brother's the farmer. 165 00:12:22,951 --> 00:12:25,369 I'm the rapper. 166 00:12:25,453 --> 00:12:27,996 For real. And here's the 6-1 -1 on that. 167 00:12:28,164 --> 00:12:30,791 That's phone repair. You mean 4-1 -1. 168 00:12:31,793 --> 00:12:33,043 Right. 169 00:12:33,128 --> 00:12:36,004 So, I'll be doing the rap battle at the 23 Club tomorrow night. 170 00:12:36,798 --> 00:12:37,965 I don't believe this shit. 171 00:12:38,049 --> 00:12:40,175 Word. You two should come down! 172 00:12:40,260 --> 00:12:43,554 I be rappin', I be cappin', I be tappin', I be flappin', 173 00:12:43,638 --> 00:12:48,225 I be happening. Ding, bing, wing. Yo! 174 00:12:48,643 --> 00:12:51,186 - Sounds good. - Would, could, should, 'hood. 175 00:12:52,105 --> 00:12:53,564 Gug, mug, dug, bug. 176 00:12:53,982 --> 00:12:56,608 if we say we'll come, will you shut your ass up? 177 00:12:57,318 --> 00:13:01,071 Okay, then. Fresh. I'll see you guys tomorrow night. 178 00:13:01,239 --> 00:13:03,824 - Okay. Bye. - Peace out. 179 00:13:09,164 --> 00:13:10,998 Now, who the fuck did that? 180 00:13:17,172 --> 00:13:19,590 Honey, what is it? Are you having one of your visions? 181 00:13:19,674 --> 00:13:22,050 There's a girl with black hair. 182 00:13:22,677 --> 00:13:24,303 She wants to kill you. 183 00:13:25,513 --> 00:13:29,850 Your period starts in three, two, one. 184 00:13:29,934 --> 00:13:32,478 What else? Cody, what else do you see? 185 00:13:32,562 --> 00:13:36,106 I see a little boy and a grown woman, but no father. 186 00:13:36,691 --> 00:13:39,359 - Cody. - I see you kneeling in dog shit. 187 00:13:39,569 --> 00:13:40,652 What? 188 00:13:41,696 --> 00:13:44,198 Oh, for God's sake. 189 00:13:44,532 --> 00:13:45,949 Cody, don't you understand? 190 00:13:46,034 --> 00:13:49,036 As long as we have each other, that's all we need. 191 00:13:49,287 --> 00:13:51,872 Cody, I know things have been tough for you since your mom died. 192 00:13:52,123 --> 00:13:56,293 God, I've been so selfish. Always putting my career first. 193 00:13:56,377 --> 00:13:59,463 From now on, I'm gonna be thinking about you 24... 194 00:14:00,089 --> 00:14:01,089 Damn! 195 00:14:02,550 --> 00:14:03,926 Wait, Cindy! 196 00:14:20,735 --> 00:14:23,821 Honey, I'm gonna be leaving soon, so... 197 00:14:37,293 --> 00:14:38,627 Do you know who she is? 198 00:14:39,504 --> 00:14:41,088 No, 199 00:14:41,172 --> 00:14:43,423 but sometimes she talks to me. 200 00:14:43,508 --> 00:14:45,217 She's coming tonight. 201 00:14:58,815 --> 00:15:01,275 - Father Muldoon! - Cindy. 202 00:15:01,359 --> 00:15:05,237 I'm so grateful you could come. I've called all over for babysitters. 203 00:15:05,321 --> 00:15:07,656 I don't mind filling in now and then. 204 00:15:08,783 --> 00:15:10,534 Where is little Cody? 205 00:15:13,580 --> 00:15:15,873 I don't know. He must be back in his room, playing. 206 00:15:16,124 --> 00:15:18,959 Anyway, make sure Cody washes everywhere. 207 00:15:19,043 --> 00:15:21,920 Also, he has a little rash on his behind. 208 00:15:22,005 --> 00:15:25,173 Could you rub this lotion on his little bottom? 209 00:15:25,258 --> 00:15:27,551 Just apply it liberally. 210 00:15:27,635 --> 00:15:29,803 Thank you, Father. Good night. 211 00:15:34,475 --> 00:15:35,726 Cody. 212 00:15:47,572 --> 00:15:49,948 Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's getting thick up in here. 213 00:15:50,450 --> 00:15:52,659 Hey, look, before we get on with the battles tonight, 214 00:15:52,744 --> 00:15:54,494 I got a couple announcements to make. 215 00:15:54,579 --> 00:15:57,998 I know y'all are gonna wanna bust a cap in the air for your favorite rapper, 216 00:15:58,082 --> 00:16:03,086 but if you could please hold on to your gunfire until the end of the show. 217 00:16:03,880 --> 00:16:06,089 Now, look, let's just put the safeties on. 218 00:16:06,341 --> 00:16:09,176 It's on the left side of the gun above the trigger guard. 219 00:16:11,846 --> 00:16:14,723 Will somebody get his ass out of here? Get his ass up out of here! 220 00:16:15,016 --> 00:16:18,018 All right. DJ, spin that shit! 221 00:16:39,832 --> 00:16:41,750 - My bad. - Mother... 222 00:16:45,338 --> 00:16:48,465 Brenda, is something wrong? You look scared. 223 00:16:48,549 --> 00:16:51,385 I don't know. All that stuff you was saying on TV, 224 00:16:51,719 --> 00:16:54,471 I just got a weird feeling something bad is heading my way, 225 00:16:54,555 --> 00:16:57,683 like when you see an Asian person behind the wheel of a car. 226 00:16:58,184 --> 00:16:59,726 Cindy, after the show, 227 00:17:00,144 --> 00:17:02,896 if I don't end up on all fours with some anonymous guy, 228 00:17:02,981 --> 00:17:04,272 or drink an ass load of Cristal 229 00:17:04,357 --> 00:17:07,150 and have to sleep it off in a dumpster behind the Sizzler, 230 00:17:07,235 --> 00:17:10,153 you think maybe you could come back to my crib and hang out with me? 231 00:17:10,238 --> 00:17:11,488 I don't wanna be alone. 232 00:17:11,906 --> 00:17:13,323 Of course I will, Brenda. 233 00:17:13,408 --> 00:17:15,492 I love you! 234 00:17:15,576 --> 00:17:18,078 Pay my way, okay? 235 00:17:18,329 --> 00:17:21,790 Yo, yo, yo, George! What's up with the man with the tightest rapping... 236 00:17:21,874 --> 00:17:23,500 - What's up, B? What's good? - ... on the streets, baby! 237 00:17:23,584 --> 00:17:25,002 - What's good with you, boy? - Dude! 238 00:17:25,086 --> 00:17:27,004 - What's good, baby? - Dude! 239 00:17:27,088 --> 00:17:30,716 Finally, the white man is gonna school the black man on how to rap. 240 00:17:30,925 --> 00:17:31,883 - Yeah! - Yeah, I guess. 241 00:17:31,968 --> 00:17:34,011 - Word. - How many people are here, you think? 242 00:17:34,095 --> 00:17:35,137 Shit. 243 00:17:35,221 --> 00:17:39,016 I don't know, man. 1 00, 200 whitey-hating, chrome-packing, 244 00:17:39,100 --> 00:17:41,768 ready to bust a cap in any white boy's ass who ain't bringing that shit. 245 00:17:41,936 --> 00:17:44,229 - Yeah. At least. Yeah. - Word. 246 00:17:44,605 --> 00:17:46,565 What's wrong, George? 247 00:17:46,649 --> 00:17:49,026 You ever wonder when it's time to stop living up here 248 00:17:49,110 --> 00:17:51,570 and start living down here? 249 00:17:51,654 --> 00:17:54,531 But what if we stop living over here and move over there? 250 00:17:54,615 --> 00:17:56,867 Shit, my Aunt ShaNeequa used to live over there, man, 251 00:17:56,951 --> 00:17:58,452 - but that bitch got evicted, though. - Word? 252 00:17:58,536 --> 00:17:59,661 - Yeah, I'm dead serious. - What for? 253 00:17:59,787 --> 00:18:01,913 - Mice. - Mice? I thought she had rats. 254 00:18:01,998 --> 00:18:03,874 No, man. Rats are outside, mice are inside. 255 00:18:03,958 --> 00:18:06,001 Yo, but what if a mouse goes outside? Does it become a rat? 256 00:18:06,127 --> 00:18:07,794 And if a rat is in the house, is it a mouse? 257 00:18:08,046 --> 00:18:10,047 I ain't never seen no mouse outside. That's what I'm saying. 258 00:18:10,131 --> 00:18:11,465 That's because it's a rat, fool! 259 00:18:11,549 --> 00:18:14,801 Damn. Yeah, you might've just made a fact just now. That's some real shit! 260 00:18:15,136 --> 00:18:16,970 - Fellas, what are you guys talking about? - That's hot! 261 00:18:17,263 --> 00:18:20,140 Yo, George, you need something? 'Cause I will do anything for you. 262 00:18:21,809 --> 00:18:22,809 Anything. 263 00:18:24,312 --> 00:18:27,856 Well, about those chrome-packing, whitey-hating gangsters, perhaps... 264 00:18:27,982 --> 00:18:30,108 - What he need is a hype man. - Word! 265 00:18:30,193 --> 00:18:31,860 Yeah, yeah, a-come on. 266 00:18:32,195 --> 00:18:33,278 You can be his Spliff Star. 267 00:18:33,404 --> 00:18:34,404 That's me, that's what I do. 268 00:18:34,530 --> 00:18:37,699 That's my job, baby. That's what I do! You know... 269 00:18:39,994 --> 00:18:42,120 That's what I do. When you a hype man, you take them hits. 270 00:18:42,205 --> 00:18:43,580 Now, let's get out there, man! 271 00:18:43,998 --> 00:18:45,832 Heads or tail, playboy, what's it gonna be? 272 00:18:46,375 --> 00:18:48,168 You cannot escape your fate in the streets 273 00:18:48,628 --> 00:18:50,879 Okay, I count cash, you count sheep 274 00:18:50,963 --> 00:18:53,256 You better not sleep on the beats, capisce 275 00:18:54,884 --> 00:18:56,718 All right, all right, all right! That was hot! 276 00:18:56,844 --> 00:18:59,930 That's what I'm talking about. That was hot, right? Right? 277 00:19:00,014 --> 00:19:01,389 Yo, what do we think? 278 00:19:04,352 --> 00:19:06,520 I thought you were both absolutely dreadful. 279 00:19:07,647 --> 00:19:09,356 - Ghastly. - What? 280 00:19:09,690 --> 00:19:11,691 I don't know what I'm doing here. 281 00:19:11,776 --> 00:19:14,402 This club is totally pathetic. 282 00:19:23,871 --> 00:19:24,955 Everybody put your hands up. 283 00:19:25,039 --> 00:19:27,958 This is it. You ready, George? It's show time, baby. 284 00:19:28,042 --> 00:19:29,751 - Okay. - I just want to let you know, man, 285 00:19:29,877 --> 00:19:33,046 that no matter what goes on on that stage tonight, 286 00:19:34,090 --> 00:19:35,215 you'll always be in my heart. 287 00:19:35,424 --> 00:19:37,217 That's love. That's love right there. 288 00:19:37,385 --> 00:19:39,803 - I love you. - That's what I'm talking about. 289 00:19:42,223 --> 00:19:44,307 - I love you, man. Can you feel it? - That's what I'm talking about. 290 00:19:44,392 --> 00:19:47,477 - Hey, come here, y'all. Come here. - Can you feel my love on your hip? 291 00:19:47,562 --> 00:19:49,062 - Can you feel it? - I can't get around! 292 00:19:49,147 --> 00:19:50,313 - Okay. - Come on, dawg! 293 00:19:50,398 --> 00:19:52,858 - That's what I'm talking about. - You go out there and you rip it tonight. 294 00:19:52,942 --> 00:19:55,569 All right, man? Do your thing tonight, all right? 295 00:19:55,653 --> 00:19:57,654 - Okay, cool. All right. - We shouldn't have to do that. 296 00:19:57,738 --> 00:19:59,656 - We love each other. - I'm gonna go bring you on. 297 00:19:59,824 --> 00:20:01,116 Let's do it, baby. We hyped! 298 00:20:02,326 --> 00:20:06,121 Yeah, all right, all right. Y'all ready for the next throw down? 299 00:20:06,205 --> 00:20:09,332 To my left, we have the reigning champion, 300 00:20:09,417 --> 00:20:11,543 hailing from Fort Apache, the Bronx. 301 00:20:11,627 --> 00:20:12,836 BS 1-1-1. 302 00:20:12,920 --> 00:20:15,672 Some of y'all call him "Jealous Ones Still Envy." 303 00:20:15,798 --> 00:20:18,508 Some of y'all call him the Don Cartagena! 304 00:20:18,801 --> 00:20:20,760 Some of y'all call him Joey Crack. 305 00:20:20,970 --> 00:20:25,765 - Stick 'em up! - But tonight, let's give it up for Fat Joe! 306 00:20:27,977 --> 00:20:29,186 I gotta go against him? 307 00:20:29,437 --> 00:20:30,937 Give it up! Give it up! 308 00:20:31,105 --> 00:20:32,981 What, you think they're here to see Fat Joe? 309 00:20:33,065 --> 00:20:35,066 - Joe! Joe! Joe! - Joe! Joe! Joe! 310 00:20:35,151 --> 00:20:37,277 No, man, they're saying, "Go! Go! Go!" 311 00:20:38,779 --> 00:20:39,946 Now our challenger. 312 00:20:41,616 --> 00:20:46,119 He's a farmer rapper, so you know he been kicking the shit all day! 313 00:20:46,204 --> 00:20:48,371 Let's give it up for my man, George! 314 00:20:48,956 --> 00:20:51,875 That's what I'm talking about! Yeah, yeah! Come on, everybody! 315 00:20:51,959 --> 00:20:54,252 - That's right. - Put your hands... 316 00:20:54,337 --> 00:20:56,463 That's right. Okay, Joey Crack. 317 00:20:57,048 --> 00:20:59,841 You the reigning champion, so you get to spit first. 318 00:20:59,967 --> 00:21:01,676 Yo, DJ, spin that shit! 319 00:21:04,222 --> 00:21:05,847 These guys can't be serious right here. 320 00:21:06,390 --> 00:21:09,851 Standing Mini-Me, AKA "I hope he ain't the one you fight with." 321 00:21:10,186 --> 00:21:13,063 Hey, yo, this nigga's mad corny And he got no skills 322 00:21:13,147 --> 00:21:15,565 'Cause he's all right But he's not real 323 00:21:15,733 --> 00:21:18,109 I don't mean to hurt your feelings But you'll never get a deal 324 00:21:18,194 --> 00:21:20,654 'Cause he's all right But he's not real 325 00:21:20,738 --> 00:21:23,823 You're a needle in the haystack I'm the don, the city slicker 326 00:21:23,908 --> 00:21:27,577 Forget cows and milk your mom's Her titties give ya that elixir 327 00:21:27,662 --> 00:21:28,703 Thought he wasn't? 328 00:21:28,788 --> 00:21:31,164 Bet this nigga end up Having kids with his cousin 329 00:21:31,707 --> 00:21:34,084 Half-retarded My number-one fan be like 330 00:21:35,002 --> 00:21:36,711 That means Fat Joe's the man! 331 00:21:37,004 --> 00:21:38,838 You're a liar in denial 332 00:21:39,131 --> 00:21:41,633 Kill your ass quicker than I died in Empire 333 00:21:42,176 --> 00:21:43,843 How dare you want to joust with me? 334 00:21:44,095 --> 00:21:46,638 Looking like you dying of SARS Or mad cow disease 335 00:21:46,847 --> 00:21:49,015 You fake D-rabbit out to battle me 336 00:21:49,475 --> 00:21:52,352 Eight miles down the road The farm's that-a-way 337 00:21:53,813 --> 00:21:55,188 Okay. No, no, wait a minute! 338 00:21:58,025 --> 00:22:01,486 All right! All right! That was hot! That was tight, Fat Joe. 339 00:22:01,570 --> 00:22:06,533 Yo! Now, everybody, give it up for my man, George! 340 00:22:06,617 --> 00:22:08,660 DJ, spin that shit! 341 00:22:16,043 --> 00:22:17,043 Bitch. 342 00:22:19,046 --> 00:22:21,172 Ho. 343 00:22:30,975 --> 00:22:32,976 Now everybody in the 2-0-2 344 00:22:33,227 --> 00:22:35,729 Throw your hands in the air 'Cause Fat Joe is through 345 00:22:36,480 --> 00:22:39,065 Now everybody in the 2-0-2 Throw 'em up 346 00:22:39,567 --> 00:22:41,401 Check it out 347 00:22:41,652 --> 00:22:43,987 I'm a white boy But my neck is red 348 00:22:44,071 --> 00:22:46,948 I put Miracle Whip On my Wonder Bread 349 00:22:47,033 --> 00:22:49,659 My face is pale I've never been in jail 350 00:22:49,744 --> 00:22:51,745 Me and Buffy spend Every winter in Vail 351 00:22:51,912 --> 00:22:54,914 How many bitches have I slapped? Zero 352 00:22:54,999 --> 00:22:57,417 And Martha Stewart happens to be my hero 353 00:22:57,626 --> 00:23:00,128 I grew up on a farm And I was born with no rhythm 354 00:23:00,421 --> 00:23:03,006 Dr. Phil's my uncle And I like to hang with him 355 00:23:03,090 --> 00:23:05,425 I can't dance I wear khaki pants 356 00:23:05,760 --> 00:23:08,386 My middle name's Lance My grandma's from France 357 00:23:08,471 --> 00:23:10,930 So maybe I'm wack 'Cause my skin ain't black 358 00:23:11,098 --> 00:23:13,350 But you can't talk smack 'Cause whitey just struck back 359 00:23:20,274 --> 00:23:21,358 That's what I'm talking about, baby! 360 00:23:21,442 --> 00:23:22,984 - 2-0-2, Fat Joe is through! - 2-0-2, Fat Joe is through! 361 00:23:23,069 --> 00:23:25,445 - Give it up for George! - Yeah! 362 00:23:26,489 --> 00:23:28,365 That's my boy right there! That's what I'm... 363 00:23:28,449 --> 00:23:29,699 Oh, shit. 364 00:23:34,872 --> 00:23:36,664 - George. George. The hood. - Hell, no! 365 00:23:37,083 --> 00:23:39,793 - Lose the hood. - I know. We're in the 'hood now. 366 00:23:40,002 --> 00:23:42,295 - No, man. - He's a dead man. 367 00:23:42,463 --> 00:23:44,923 You guys feeling me? In the 'hood? 368 00:23:52,807 --> 00:23:54,557 That's it. I'm done. 369 00:23:54,975 --> 00:23:56,976 Man, you can't give up rap just like that. 370 00:23:57,144 --> 00:23:58,728 Rap-schmap! 371 00:23:58,813 --> 00:24:00,897 Look, you still got it! See? 372 00:24:02,691 --> 00:24:04,776 Thanks for coming over tonight, Cindy. 373 00:24:04,860 --> 00:24:07,237 I guess I'm just going through a rough time. 374 00:24:07,655 --> 00:24:10,782 Brenda, you want to tell me what's really bothering you? 375 00:24:13,577 --> 00:24:17,622 Well, there's something I need to... I saw a tape. 376 00:24:18,499 --> 00:24:20,500 I think you should know about it. 377 00:24:20,584 --> 00:24:23,461 It had these really shocking images, Cindy. 378 00:24:23,546 --> 00:24:25,922 Brenda, it was Mardi Gras. 379 00:24:26,340 --> 00:24:29,134 I never drank vodka before, and I was out of beads! 380 00:24:29,427 --> 00:24:31,177 No, not that tape, Cindy. 381 00:24:31,846 --> 00:24:33,513 Well, I guess it's just an urban legend. 382 00:24:34,014 --> 00:24:36,015 You watch it, 383 00:24:36,100 --> 00:24:39,853 and as soon as it's over, your phone rings and a creepy voice says, 384 00:24:39,979 --> 00:24:41,855 "You're gonna die in seven days." 385 00:24:42,982 --> 00:24:44,357 And seven days later... 386 00:24:46,068 --> 00:24:47,068 When did you watch it? 387 00:24:47,528 --> 00:24:49,362 A week ago. 388 00:24:49,447 --> 00:24:52,532 - A week ago tonight. - Brenda... 389 00:24:57,371 --> 00:24:59,038 Oh, my God! 390 00:25:00,249 --> 00:25:01,249 Brenda! 391 00:25:02,585 --> 00:25:05,253 Brenda! Oh, my God! 392 00:25:09,383 --> 00:25:11,509 Oh, my God, you bitch! 393 00:25:11,594 --> 00:25:12,927 Ketchup! 394 00:25:13,053 --> 00:25:15,180 You should have seen the look on your face! 395 00:25:17,391 --> 00:25:18,516 You got me! 396 00:25:21,187 --> 00:25:22,729 Brenda? Brenda? 397 00:25:23,898 --> 00:25:25,565 Oh, my God! Brenda! 398 00:25:28,694 --> 00:25:29,903 Brenda! 399 00:25:36,160 --> 00:25:39,913 - I can't believe you fell for that fake seizure! - But it seemed so real! 400 00:25:40,122 --> 00:25:42,248 - It did, didn't it? - And you peed! 401 00:25:42,500 --> 00:25:44,792 Yeah! I really sold that shit, didn't l? 402 00:25:46,295 --> 00:25:49,214 I just love the look on your face when you are scared. 403 00:25:49,298 --> 00:25:51,424 Girl, you are too easy. 404 00:25:58,766 --> 00:26:01,518 I got you with the old fake hand! 405 00:26:04,104 --> 00:26:06,689 - Girl, you were scared! - Well, I know! 406 00:26:06,899 --> 00:26:10,693 - Come on. I was just kidding. - Well, you've taken it too far, Brenda. 407 00:26:10,861 --> 00:26:13,821 I'm gonna go get the rest of the popcorn! 408 00:26:20,496 --> 00:26:21,538 Cindy? 409 00:26:21,622 --> 00:26:24,040 Forget it. I am not falling for it again. 410 00:26:41,809 --> 00:26:43,434 Come on. 411 00:26:43,519 --> 00:26:45,228 Cindy, the news is on! 412 00:26:45,813 --> 00:26:48,398 Another little white girl done fell down a well. 413 00:26:48,691 --> 00:26:51,401 Fifty black people get their ass beat by police today, 414 00:26:51,485 --> 00:26:54,320 but the whole world gotta stop for one little whitey down a hole. 415 00:27:00,077 --> 00:27:01,244 Cindy! 416 00:27:03,664 --> 00:27:05,665 The TV's leaking! 417 00:27:07,334 --> 00:27:08,334 Cindy? 418 00:27:09,336 --> 00:27:10,878 Cindy, something's wrong here. 419 00:27:27,062 --> 00:27:29,522 Cindy, this bitch is messing up my floor! 420 00:27:34,445 --> 00:27:35,862 Cindy, help me! 421 00:27:36,196 --> 00:27:37,363 I'm not listening. 422 00:27:40,367 --> 00:27:41,743 Get up, you little ugly bitch. 423 00:27:41,910 --> 00:27:43,453 Come on. Let me see what you got. 424 00:27:43,746 --> 00:27:45,830 What you gonna do? That's all? 425 00:27:51,045 --> 00:27:52,503 I'm whupping her ass, Cindy! 426 00:27:52,921 --> 00:27:53,921 Yeah! What's up? 427 00:28:08,187 --> 00:28:11,689 Cindy, please help me! Cindy! 428 00:28:12,900 --> 00:28:15,943 Okay, hang on a second. Hello? 429 00:28:16,070 --> 00:28:18,696 Father Muldoon here. We're getting along famously. 430 00:28:18,906 --> 00:28:20,740 Thanks again, Father. Bye-bye. 431 00:28:21,158 --> 00:28:24,827 Brenda? 432 00:28:27,665 --> 00:28:29,082 Brenda! 433 00:28:42,096 --> 00:28:43,388 Oh, my God! 434 00:28:43,597 --> 00:28:46,766 Yes, yes, of course I'll tell her. Thank you. 435 00:28:48,811 --> 00:28:52,438 Sue's teacher, Brenda. She's dead. 436 00:28:54,441 --> 00:28:57,360 - I'd better tell her. - No, no, no. I can do it. 437 00:29:03,617 --> 00:29:05,118 - Sue? - Yes? 438 00:29:06,662 --> 00:29:09,455 - You know your teacher, Miss Brenda? - Yeah? 439 00:29:09,665 --> 00:29:10,790 She's dead! 440 00:29:11,917 --> 00:29:15,378 Gone forever! Died a horrible, painful death! 441 00:29:15,921 --> 00:29:18,089 Gone, gone, gone, just like your dog! 442 00:29:18,424 --> 00:29:19,424 My dog's dead? 443 00:29:19,675 --> 00:29:23,219 I just ran him over with the car when I drove in! 444 00:29:23,303 --> 00:29:25,638 Everyone you love around you is dying! 445 00:29:35,315 --> 00:29:37,150 Hello, Father. 446 00:29:37,234 --> 00:29:40,820 Don't call me "Father." I haven't been a clergyman since... 447 00:29:44,324 --> 00:29:46,451 I'm sorry about that night. 448 00:29:47,369 --> 00:29:51,456 if I hadn't fallen asleep while driving for that exact 20 minutes, 449 00:29:51,832 --> 00:29:55,084 if I hadn't drank that exact whole bottle of Jägermeister, 450 00:29:55,419 --> 00:30:00,089 if I hadn't raped and mutilated that exact mulatto hitchhiker... 451 00:30:00,174 --> 00:30:01,841 - Sayaman... - ... if I hadn't been caught in that 452 00:30:01,925 --> 00:30:04,594 exact motel room with those exact two boys... 453 00:30:04,678 --> 00:30:08,681 Sayaman. I don't see what any of this has to do with Annie. 454 00:30:09,057 --> 00:30:11,726 I'm sorry. Those were other nights. 455 00:30:11,810 --> 00:30:14,312 But if it had been that night, 456 00:30:14,396 --> 00:30:18,107 I might have missed her. That terrible night. 457 00:30:24,239 --> 00:30:25,531 Hey! 458 00:30:38,921 --> 00:30:42,381 - It's your wife, Father. She's hurt. - Annie? 459 00:30:42,716 --> 00:30:45,051 She was hit by a truck and she's pinned against a tree. 460 00:30:45,719 --> 00:30:46,719 I don't understand. 461 00:30:47,179 --> 00:30:50,681 As long as the truck has her pinned, she'll stay alive. 462 00:30:51,225 --> 00:30:52,642 I still don't get it. 463 00:30:57,064 --> 00:31:00,233 This is your wife. 464 00:31:02,069 --> 00:31:03,110 She broke her wiener? 465 00:31:06,323 --> 00:31:08,533 Look what happens to the taco. 466 00:31:10,494 --> 00:31:14,580 Look, I don't understand all this fancy medical lingo. I wanna see Annie. 467 00:31:16,708 --> 00:31:18,793 She's split in half. 468 00:31:18,877 --> 00:31:22,755 You mean, like down-the-middle in half? 469 00:31:23,590 --> 00:31:24,590 At the waist. 470 00:31:25,050 --> 00:31:28,177 You mean this is the last time I can talk to the top half? 471 00:31:29,429 --> 00:31:33,683 Yes. The truck is the only thing that is holding her together. 472 00:31:34,434 --> 00:31:37,395 Let's say this is her bottom half. 473 00:31:38,105 --> 00:31:39,772 Can I squeeze in a few minutes with that? 474 00:31:41,108 --> 00:31:43,276 I'm not sure what you mean. 475 00:31:44,278 --> 00:31:46,696 - Let me explain. - Tom. 476 00:31:46,780 --> 00:31:48,781 Go to her. 477 00:31:56,456 --> 00:31:59,542 Tom, I'll need a ride home. 478 00:32:02,671 --> 00:32:05,464 Hey, baby. How's it going? 479 00:32:06,925 --> 00:32:08,301 I'm dying, Tom. 480 00:32:08,760 --> 00:32:12,305 Don't talk like that. The truck barely hit you. 481 00:32:14,641 --> 00:32:17,810 Honey, kiss me one last time. 482 00:32:20,939 --> 00:32:23,274 Promise me you'll never remarry. 483 00:32:24,067 --> 00:32:25,192 I promise. 484 00:32:26,320 --> 00:32:27,778 And no sex, either. 485 00:32:29,364 --> 00:32:31,365 I'm sorry. I didn't catch that. 486 00:32:31,992 --> 00:32:35,119 - No sex. - Honey, you're not speaking clearly. 487 00:32:35,203 --> 00:32:37,330 - Your injuries must be awful. - No sex. 488 00:32:37,414 --> 00:32:39,123 - Cruel fate to shroud my wife's... - No sex. 489 00:32:39,207 --> 00:32:40,708 - ... dying words in mystery. - No sex. 490 00:32:40,792 --> 00:32:42,752 - No sex! - Poor Annie. 491 00:32:42,836 --> 00:32:45,880 We hardly knew her. She'll be missed terribly. 492 00:32:45,964 --> 00:32:48,424 - Jesus. - That's right, honey, go into the light. 493 00:32:48,508 --> 00:32:49,759 Look! 494 00:32:49,843 --> 00:32:52,303 Just tell George, "Swing away." 495 00:32:52,846 --> 00:32:54,180 Right. Swing away. 496 00:32:54,640 --> 00:32:57,099 Sure. That you understand. 497 00:32:59,102 --> 00:33:01,395 Annie? Annie! 498 00:33:03,565 --> 00:33:05,483 I'm sorry, dude. 499 00:33:05,567 --> 00:33:09,946 Don't call me dude. I'm not a stoner anymore, not since... 500 00:33:11,865 --> 00:33:13,574 Goodbye, Tom. 501 00:33:29,549 --> 00:33:31,384 I'm so sorry, Mr. and Mrs. Meeks. 502 00:33:32,135 --> 00:33:33,344 Brenda was a good friend 503 00:33:33,804 --> 00:33:35,012 when she was alive. 504 00:33:35,097 --> 00:33:39,183 My sweet, sweet Brenda. She looks so peaceful. 505 00:33:44,272 --> 00:33:47,483 if only God had taken us instead of our daughter. 506 00:33:47,901 --> 00:33:51,404 And knowing your Brenda like I did, I'd say she wishes the same thing. 507 00:33:54,116 --> 00:33:55,241 These just came today. 508 00:33:56,368 --> 00:33:58,619 Photos from a trip she took. 509 00:34:02,416 --> 00:34:04,583 - They're blank. - Turn them around, honey. 510 00:34:07,421 --> 00:34:08,546 Yes, of course. 511 00:34:09,589 --> 00:34:11,549 - Who's this? - That's Ralph. 512 00:34:11,925 --> 00:34:13,551 He's right over there. 513 00:34:19,891 --> 00:34:20,891 Cody? 514 00:34:20,976 --> 00:34:23,853 It's a boy. He's going to be an asshole. 515 00:34:24,604 --> 00:34:27,940 Smoke all you want. You're gonna get hit by a bus. 516 00:34:28,442 --> 00:34:30,901 That's not fooling anyone. 517 00:34:33,280 --> 00:34:34,613 - Cindy. - George. 518 00:34:34,698 --> 00:34:38,034 Hey. Sue wanted to pay her respects to her teacher. 519 00:34:39,119 --> 00:34:41,370 - You? - Brenda was my bitch. 520 00:34:41,455 --> 00:34:42,496 Of course. 521 00:34:45,792 --> 00:34:47,209 Are you okay? 522 00:34:47,294 --> 00:34:49,295 It's just the open coffin. 523 00:34:49,713 --> 00:34:51,505 I can't believe they just leave it out here like this. 524 00:34:51,965 --> 00:34:54,133 - George, it's a wake. - Awake? 525 00:34:54,217 --> 00:34:55,760 - Brenda! It's a miracle! - No! George, stop! 526 00:34:55,969 --> 00:34:57,136 I thought you were dead! 527 00:34:57,429 --> 00:34:59,221 Sue, your teacher's alive! 528 00:34:59,306 --> 00:35:00,681 - Hello? - What did he say? 529 00:35:00,766 --> 00:35:04,060 I got your back, George! I got your back! 530 00:35:05,312 --> 00:35:06,312 I'll tell you what! 531 00:35:10,150 --> 00:35:11,901 Mahalik, she's alive! Brenda! 532 00:35:11,985 --> 00:35:15,237 - George, stop! She's dead! - Brenda! No! We won't lose you again! 533 00:35:15,322 --> 00:35:17,323 Mahalik, help! 534 00:35:17,574 --> 00:35:18,574 Nothing! 535 00:35:22,079 --> 00:35:24,121 - She's not breathing! - No! 536 00:35:24,247 --> 00:35:26,165 Live, damn it! Live! 537 00:35:26,249 --> 00:35:27,416 Don't! 538 00:35:27,793 --> 00:35:29,460 Live, damn it! Live! 539 00:35:31,046 --> 00:35:32,505 Let me open her windpipe! 540 00:35:34,758 --> 00:35:36,842 - Charles! Charles, stop them! - Breathe! 541 00:35:40,555 --> 00:35:42,848 Someone stop them! What are they doing? 542 00:35:43,016 --> 00:35:44,391 Get off! 543 00:35:44,684 --> 00:35:46,685 She's alive! She's alive! 544 00:35:47,145 --> 00:35:49,522 Wake up! Brenda, Brenda, breathe! 545 00:36:00,700 --> 00:36:01,700 Clear! 546 00:36:01,785 --> 00:36:03,452 No! 547 00:36:08,250 --> 00:36:10,042 I got something! I got something! 548 00:36:17,759 --> 00:36:19,135 - That's it! - George! 549 00:36:19,219 --> 00:36:21,971 That's the last time I try to bring anyone back from the dead. 550 00:36:22,055 --> 00:36:26,225 George, don't get down on yourself. I know you were only trying to help. 551 00:36:26,309 --> 00:36:27,852 You're a good, caring person, 552 00:36:29,396 --> 00:36:30,688 which is why I like you. 553 00:36:32,149 --> 00:36:35,192 Thanks, Cindy, but I don't wanna screw your life up, too. 554 00:36:35,277 --> 00:36:37,194 The most caring thing I could do for everyone right now 555 00:36:37,279 --> 00:36:38,696 is to just get out of here. 556 00:36:38,780 --> 00:36:41,115 George! What about Sue? 557 00:36:43,076 --> 00:36:46,787 Yes. Of course. Once I get Sue, then... 558 00:36:46,913 --> 00:36:48,581 Wait! 559 00:36:50,250 --> 00:36:53,711 I could really use a friend right now. 560 00:36:55,755 --> 00:36:59,091 Brenda's gone, Cody resents me. 561 00:37:00,135 --> 00:37:03,345 And I'm caught up in something I can't even... 562 00:37:03,430 --> 00:37:05,681 Oh, God, it's so hard! 563 00:37:05,765 --> 00:37:09,101 Well, you're beautiful and you're pressing up against me. 564 00:37:11,605 --> 00:37:13,939 Look, Cindy, 565 00:37:14,024 --> 00:37:18,611 I know you'd never consider going out with a guy like me, 566 00:37:18,695 --> 00:37:21,655 but if you're not too busy tomorrow night... 567 00:37:23,783 --> 00:37:26,619 - Is that a yes? - Yes. 568 00:37:32,500 --> 00:37:36,212 Cindy, did Brenda ever talk to you about a tape? 569 00:37:36,296 --> 00:37:37,963 She did mention something. 570 00:37:38,298 --> 00:37:40,257 Do you mind if I go upstairs and look around? 571 00:37:40,467 --> 00:37:42,551 Yes, go. Of course. Go. 572 00:37:43,094 --> 00:37:45,930 Cody, I'll be right back, okay? 573 00:37:46,014 --> 00:37:50,476 You're getting laid tonight. He doesn't know you're a guy. 574 00:38:49,911 --> 00:38:51,537 Oh, shit. 575 00:39:31,494 --> 00:39:33,078 Hello? 576 00:39:34,539 --> 00:39:36,915 What? Willie Mays? 577 00:39:38,501 --> 00:39:40,627 Who's gay? Hello? 578 00:39:40,712 --> 00:39:42,129 me now? 579 00:39:42,380 --> 00:39:43,339 What? 580 00:39:43,423 --> 00:39:45,841 - Can you hear me now? - Kind of. 581 00:39:45,925 --> 00:39:47,718 - Can you hear me now? - Yes, perfect. 582 00:39:47,802 --> 00:39:50,846 - Seven days. - Seven days? 583 00:39:50,930 --> 00:39:52,806 Oh, my God. I'm gonna die next Monday? 584 00:39:52,891 --> 00:39:56,435 Yes. No, wait. Monday. That would be seven business days. 585 00:39:56,519 --> 00:40:00,522 - This is seven days starting now. - So seven days to this very hour? 586 00:40:00,607 --> 00:40:02,816 My watch broke. How am I gonna know the exact hour? 587 00:40:02,901 --> 00:40:05,486 Forget hours. This day, seven days from now. 588 00:40:05,612 --> 00:40:08,113 But there's a holiday coming up. Do you count the holiday as a day? 589 00:40:08,198 --> 00:40:09,990 Well, that depends. What holiday? 590 00:40:10,075 --> 00:40:12,201 - Martin Luther King Day. - Then no. 591 00:40:12,285 --> 00:40:14,453 Why not? Everybody at work is taking it off. 592 00:40:14,537 --> 00:40:16,872 Jesus Christ, lady. I'm giving you seven friggin' days. 593 00:40:16,956 --> 00:40:21,460 I can come over there now and kill the shit out of you if you'd rather have that. 594 00:40:23,963 --> 00:40:25,839 George, I don't care what you say, man. 595 00:40:25,924 --> 00:40:27,800 I'm signing you up for another rap battle. 596 00:40:27,884 --> 00:40:30,219 Mahalik, I told you. That part of my life is over. 597 00:40:30,303 --> 00:40:32,679 I said the same thing about getting with CJ's sister. 598 00:40:32,764 --> 00:40:35,265 - But look at me. I'm still hitting that. - He's still hitting it, man! 599 00:40:35,350 --> 00:40:37,643 And she fine as shit! That's my sister! What? 600 00:40:37,727 --> 00:40:38,894 It doesn't matter. I'm done. 601 00:40:38,978 --> 00:40:40,771 So, what are you gonna do with the rest of your life, dawg? 602 00:40:40,855 --> 00:40:42,564 I don't know. 603 00:40:43,983 --> 00:40:46,151 Yeah, yeah! Come on! 604 00:40:46,736 --> 00:40:49,488 Maybe my brother was right. Maybe I should just settle down. 605 00:40:52,033 --> 00:40:53,075 - What's up, then? - Mother... 606 00:40:53,159 --> 00:40:54,159 I got another one, y'all. 607 00:40:54,244 --> 00:40:58,497 Well, George, man, you can't focus on that shit, man. Let that go. 608 00:41:00,333 --> 00:41:03,168 Hey, you gotta try this shit, George. 609 00:41:07,090 --> 00:41:09,258 - Yo, man, you got to take the lid off! - What's wrong with you, man? 610 00:41:09,342 --> 00:41:10,968 - Yes, of course. - Sorry! 611 00:41:13,513 --> 00:41:15,472 - Hello? - George, something terrible has happened. 612 00:41:15,557 --> 00:41:16,765 I really need your help. 613 00:41:18,935 --> 00:41:22,729 - Cindy, are you okay? What's going on? - George! George, you have to help me. 614 00:41:22,814 --> 00:41:25,107 I just watched this tape, the same tape that killed Brenda. 615 00:41:25,191 --> 00:41:28,652 And then the phone rang, and this voice said that I was gonna die in seven days. 616 00:41:28,736 --> 00:41:31,321 Cindy, there's no such thing as a killer videotape. 617 00:41:31,406 --> 00:41:32,739 Hell, yeah, there is! 618 00:41:32,824 --> 00:41:34,783 In fact, I know somebody who can definitely help you with that. 619 00:41:34,868 --> 00:41:36,285 - You do? Who? - Wait up, man. 620 00:41:36,369 --> 00:41:39,371 I heard Jamal from 90th Street, he watched that tape last week. 621 00:41:39,456 --> 00:41:41,206 - And this morning he woke up dead. - No! 622 00:41:41,291 --> 00:41:42,624 How in the hell do you wake up dead? 623 00:41:42,709 --> 00:41:44,168 'Cause you're alive when you go to sleep. 624 00:41:44,252 --> 00:41:45,836 - Wait. Just tell me who can help me. - So you telling me 625 00:41:45,920 --> 00:41:47,546 that you can go to bed dead and wake up alive? 626 00:41:47,630 --> 00:41:50,257 You can't go to bed dead! Man, that shit would be redundant. 627 00:41:50,341 --> 00:41:51,508 - Just tell me who. - No, it wouldn't. 628 00:41:51,593 --> 00:41:53,760 'Cause you can go to bed and not be dead, 629 00:41:53,845 --> 00:41:55,512 and you can die but not be in a bed. 630 00:41:55,597 --> 00:41:59,433 But you are in a bed, man. That's how you wake up dead in the first place, fool! 631 00:41:59,517 --> 00:42:01,518 Damn! That's some quantum shit right there, man! 632 00:42:01,603 --> 00:42:03,604 - That's what I'm talking about. - You should be teaching classes! 633 00:42:03,688 --> 00:42:06,273 - You steady dropping knowledge! - Just tell me who can help me! 634 00:42:06,357 --> 00:42:07,774 - Damn! - My Aunt ShaNeequa. 635 00:42:07,859 --> 00:42:09,735 Her and her man are into all this weird shit. 636 00:42:09,819 --> 00:42:11,945 They saw the tape before anybody else knew about it. 637 00:42:12,030 --> 00:42:13,238 Matter of fact, you should go see them tonight. 638 00:42:13,323 --> 00:42:15,491 - Tonight? Yeah. - Yeah. 639 00:42:15,575 --> 00:42:17,868 But who will take care of Cody? 640 00:42:19,329 --> 00:42:21,163 George, we're gonna have so much fun. 641 00:42:21,247 --> 00:42:23,332 I have some jigsaw puzzles and board games 642 00:42:23,416 --> 00:42:26,710 and baseball cards in my room, and this really cool model airplane. 643 00:42:26,794 --> 00:42:28,170 - I'm gonna go get it. - Sure. 644 00:42:28,254 --> 00:42:29,671 Okay, so I made him a snack, 645 00:42:29,756 --> 00:42:31,632 and you can give him some warm milk if he can't go to sleep... 646 00:42:31,716 --> 00:42:32,716 Don't worry. 647 00:42:32,800 --> 00:42:34,468 - Everything's gonna be fine. - Here it is. 648 00:42:34,552 --> 00:42:36,762 I'm great with kids. Heads up, Cody. 649 00:42:38,848 --> 00:42:40,599 And in case of emergencies, 650 00:42:40,683 --> 00:42:42,434 - I left some numbers... - I'm okay. 651 00:42:43,186 --> 00:42:46,813 Sorry. You okay, kiddo? That a boy! 652 00:42:50,860 --> 00:42:52,694 And I guess that's it. 653 00:42:52,779 --> 00:42:55,197 - Okay, I'm off. - Right. 654 00:42:55,782 --> 00:43:00,702 You know, it's funny. All a child ever really wants is a family. 655 00:43:00,954 --> 00:43:02,037 Yo. 656 00:43:02,997 --> 00:43:05,541 - Cody really likes you. - He's a good kid. 657 00:43:05,625 --> 00:43:07,084 Yeah. 658 00:43:09,671 --> 00:43:11,547 - Bye. - Bye. 659 00:43:27,355 --> 00:43:30,274 - Hello? - I know. 660 00:43:30,358 --> 00:43:33,151 You're Cindy. Be right with you. 661 00:43:33,653 --> 00:43:34,861 Aunt ShaNeequa? 662 00:43:35,572 --> 00:43:40,993 Bingo. But you can call me the Oracle. And don't worry about that vase. 663 00:43:41,286 --> 00:43:43,870 What vase? Sorry, I didn't know. 664 00:43:46,666 --> 00:43:47,791 That vase. 665 00:43:49,419 --> 00:43:50,919 Please, sit. 666 00:43:56,551 --> 00:43:57,718 It was the chair. 667 00:44:05,184 --> 00:44:06,518 Yes, the chair. 668 00:44:07,937 --> 00:44:12,399 I know why you've come. A great mystery lies ahead of you, 669 00:44:12,483 --> 00:44:14,693 but you must not shy away from the challenge. 670 00:44:15,445 --> 00:44:17,571 Only you can be the one who will... 671 00:44:19,407 --> 00:44:20,657 - Orpheus? - What, baby? 672 00:44:20,742 --> 00:44:21,783 Sweetie? 673 00:44:23,077 --> 00:44:24,995 I'm watching the game. 674 00:44:26,414 --> 00:44:27,664 Do you mind? 675 00:44:30,084 --> 00:44:31,460 The Lakers will win by 12. 676 00:44:34,380 --> 00:44:36,548 - So can you tell me about... - The tape? 677 00:44:37,091 --> 00:44:40,010 - Yes. I watched it, and... - The phone rang. 678 00:44:41,012 --> 00:44:44,556 - Right. And then this voice said... - That you would die in seven days. 679 00:44:44,641 --> 00:44:47,059 - Okay, that's getting... - Extremely annoying. 680 00:44:47,143 --> 00:44:49,811 - Yeah. - Try being married to her. 681 00:44:49,896 --> 00:44:52,773 I catch shit about women I ain't slept with yet. 682 00:44:54,901 --> 00:44:56,568 You made a copy of the tape. Let's see it. 683 00:44:56,986 --> 00:44:58,570 Yes, okay. 684 00:45:05,036 --> 00:45:06,286 ShaNeequa, can you tell me if... 685 00:45:06,371 --> 00:45:09,831 The tape is connected to the crop circles and the aliens? Yes. 686 00:45:10,375 --> 00:45:13,710 But it's up to you to discover how for yourself. 687 00:45:14,629 --> 00:45:16,922 - Look, it's a... - Cigarette? 688 00:45:17,715 --> 00:45:19,633 I was going to say "lighthouse." 689 00:45:21,094 --> 00:45:23,387 Find that lighthouse. It's your destiny. 690 00:45:26,349 --> 00:45:28,684 Wait. What is that? 691 00:45:33,523 --> 00:45:35,649 Oh, my God. 692 00:45:54,460 --> 00:45:55,919 There we go. 693 00:45:58,005 --> 00:45:59,798 Now, baby... 694 00:46:00,591 --> 00:46:02,592 I knew that was gonna happen. 695 00:46:03,761 --> 00:46:05,262 Come on. 696 00:46:06,848 --> 00:46:09,641 Hell, no. Get your ass out the TV! 697 00:46:09,726 --> 00:46:13,270 What's wrong with you? I'm gonna teach you not to be... 698 00:46:13,396 --> 00:46:15,480 - Get out that TV! - Baby, no! No! 699 00:46:15,565 --> 00:46:17,399 - No! Let her go! Let her go! Let her go! - Yeah! 700 00:46:17,483 --> 00:46:19,484 Come on, we gonna get another lawsuit. Come on! 701 00:46:19,569 --> 00:46:21,194 She spit on me. I'll kill the bitch. 702 00:46:22,321 --> 00:46:25,365 You won. You won. You won. You won. 703 00:46:25,450 --> 00:46:26,783 - Upstairs. Upstairs. - Okay. Okay. 704 00:46:26,868 --> 00:46:27,993 - Down low. - Okay. 705 00:46:28,077 --> 00:46:29,578 - All right. - Baby, no! 706 00:46:29,662 --> 00:46:32,789 - Kill her! ls you crazy? ls you crazy? - Baby! 707 00:46:33,958 --> 00:46:35,208 - What you gonna brush now? - Cool down. 708 00:46:35,293 --> 00:46:36,835 What you gonna brush now, huh? 709 00:46:38,504 --> 00:46:40,130 You picked the wrong TV to come out of. 710 00:46:45,678 --> 00:46:47,888 George? Cody? 711 00:46:51,184 --> 00:46:52,559 George? 712 00:46:53,728 --> 00:46:56,772 - What happened? - I don't know. 713 00:46:56,856 --> 00:47:00,400 Cody and I were playing a fun game, and then I looked down and... 714 00:47:01,319 --> 00:47:02,903 Yahtzee! 715 00:47:09,368 --> 00:47:10,410 No! 716 00:47:12,371 --> 00:47:14,164 Oh, my God! 717 00:47:14,582 --> 00:47:16,666 - How could you let him watch the tape? - I didn't... 718 00:47:25,593 --> 00:47:28,136 - Hello? - It's me. 719 00:47:28,221 --> 00:47:30,263 - How you doing? - Fine. 720 00:47:30,765 --> 00:47:33,475 Enjoying your last week? I can't wait to see you. 721 00:47:33,559 --> 00:47:36,394 - Six days now, right? - Yeah. 722 00:47:36,479 --> 00:47:39,022 Well, it was great catching up, but can I speak to Cody? 723 00:47:39,106 --> 00:47:41,399 Why? He didn't watch the tape. 724 00:47:41,484 --> 00:47:44,361 Yes, he did. Come on, Cindy, I do this for a living. 725 00:47:44,445 --> 00:47:45,529 Leave us alone! 726 00:47:51,452 --> 00:47:52,786 - Hello? - Hello, 727 00:47:52,870 --> 00:47:56,915 I'm calling from Reader's Digest with a fantastic offer for Cody. 728 00:47:57,583 --> 00:48:00,502 No, you're not! You're that evil little girl from the tape! 729 00:48:01,128 --> 00:48:04,339 Okay, you got me. How about I just leave a message for him? 730 00:48:04,423 --> 00:48:06,091 Fine. 731 00:48:08,928 --> 00:48:11,596 Yeah. Okay, how do you spell that? 732 00:48:12,557 --> 00:48:16,101 Right. Okay, got it. Bye-bye. 733 00:48:22,775 --> 00:48:25,694 - I can't believe you let that happen. - I know. I'm sorry, I screwed up... 734 00:48:25,778 --> 00:48:27,779 Listen, we can still save him. 735 00:48:27,864 --> 00:48:31,616 The answer to the tape, to your crop circles, is at a lighthouse. 736 00:48:31,701 --> 00:48:34,411 - You think I'm crazy, don't you? - Of course I do, 737 00:48:34,704 --> 00:48:37,831 but the last thing you need now is a screw-up like me. 738 00:48:37,915 --> 00:48:40,625 - I'm gonna leave for good. - Wait. 739 00:48:42,628 --> 00:48:45,714 Well, what should I tell Cody? 740 00:48:46,549 --> 00:48:49,426 Let him down easy. Tell him I got called away on business. 741 00:48:49,510 --> 00:48:51,469 You'll think of something. 742 00:48:51,554 --> 00:48:53,889 Testicular cancer. He won't ask questions. 743 00:48:53,973 --> 00:48:57,142 - I knew you'd understand. - George! 744 00:48:57,226 --> 00:49:03,231 Just be careful. Something weird is going on at your farm. I know it. 745 00:49:03,316 --> 00:49:04,608 I don't know what you're talking about. 746 00:49:04,692 --> 00:49:06,860 Sometimes a sheep just needs to be pushed through the fence. 747 00:49:06,944 --> 00:49:09,237 - What? - Goodbye, Cindy. 748 00:49:34,096 --> 00:49:35,263 Sue? 749 00:49:35,348 --> 00:49:36,514 I can't sleep. 750 00:49:37,350 --> 00:49:40,518 Well, it's way past your bedtime. 751 00:49:42,521 --> 00:49:46,650 Won't you rock me to sleep in your big, strong arms? 752 00:49:48,444 --> 00:49:50,362 There's plenty of room under the covers. 753 00:49:51,155 --> 00:49:53,031 It's a hot night. 754 00:49:53,532 --> 00:49:55,533 You don't need to wear pajamas. 755 00:49:57,453 --> 00:49:58,536 Where is my daughter? 756 00:49:58,829 --> 00:50:01,081 Are you mad? I am your daughter. 757 00:50:01,165 --> 00:50:02,832 No, you're not! 758 00:50:05,044 --> 00:50:06,795 Come here! 759 00:50:06,879 --> 00:50:09,547 - What did you do with Sue? - I didn't touch her. I swear. 760 00:50:09,674 --> 00:50:13,301 - I don't believe you! - Please! For God's sakes, she's a girl! 761 00:50:13,386 --> 00:50:14,511 You sick... 762 00:50:35,658 --> 00:50:37,158 Daddy! 763 00:50:37,243 --> 00:50:40,578 How do you like it, huh? Having fun? 764 00:50:57,888 --> 00:51:00,348 Tom, are you... 765 00:51:01,350 --> 00:51:03,518 What in the world? 766 00:51:06,105 --> 00:51:07,939 Look. 767 00:51:08,065 --> 00:51:09,649 What is that thing? 768 00:51:10,109 --> 00:51:11,776 I don't know. 769 00:51:12,361 --> 00:51:14,904 Maybe Cindy was right. 770 00:51:30,463 --> 00:51:32,714 Please, sir. All I need is five minutes. 771 00:51:32,798 --> 00:51:35,884 And I told you, Campbell, no more paranoid on-air rants 772 00:51:35,968 --> 00:51:37,469 about the supernatural. 773 00:51:37,595 --> 00:51:41,139 I know. This station is about sex, violence and the weather. 774 00:51:41,223 --> 00:51:42,891 Yes. That reminds me. 775 00:51:42,975 --> 00:51:45,894 We're gonna need that "Porn Star Shot Dead in a Hurricane" story. 776 00:51:45,978 --> 00:51:47,520 One hour. 777 00:51:47,605 --> 00:51:49,898 Meanwhile, a tornado in Charleston 778 00:51:49,982 --> 00:51:52,567 threatens a clothing-optional beach where, just yesterday, 779 00:51:52,651 --> 00:51:54,903 a naked couple was brutally murdered. 780 00:51:54,987 --> 00:51:56,738 - This just five miles from the spot... - I'm sorry. 781 00:51:56,822 --> 00:51:59,240 where the last naked couple was brutally murdered. 782 00:51:59,325 --> 00:52:01,493 Turning now to sports. 783 00:52:01,577 --> 00:52:06,414 And an evil videotape that kills anyone who watches it in seven days. 784 00:52:06,499 --> 00:52:08,917 It's true. We're all in danger. 785 00:52:09,001 --> 00:52:10,585 - There's an alien force out there... - Oh, no. 786 00:52:10,669 --> 00:52:13,004 that's trying to prevent you from knowing the truth. 787 00:52:13,089 --> 00:52:15,381 - Campbell, are you insane? - Trust me, it's a horrible fate. 788 00:52:15,466 --> 00:52:16,591 - Carson, I have to do this. - Do you hear me? 789 00:52:16,675 --> 00:52:18,760 Correction, there really is no danger. 790 00:52:18,844 --> 00:52:21,513 Actually, I didn't really mean anything I just said. 791 00:52:22,014 --> 00:52:24,432 Yes, I did. Every word of it. 792 00:52:24,517 --> 00:52:26,684 Everyone watching this could be dead in a week. 793 00:52:33,192 --> 00:52:34,526 1-3-4-19... 794 00:52:37,196 --> 00:52:38,238 4-6-9... 795 00:52:38,322 --> 00:52:42,283 I been cleaning after this dumb-ass cracker, Giggins, for 10 years. 796 00:52:42,368 --> 00:52:44,953 But I been waxing his bitch's ass for 12. 797 00:52:45,037 --> 00:52:46,538 Know what I'm saying, nigger? 798 00:52:46,622 --> 00:52:49,457 I ride that ho like your mama rides the bus. 799 00:52:49,542 --> 00:52:51,292 She likes her some chocolate. 800 00:52:51,377 --> 00:52:53,586 Sharpton for President, y'all. I'm outty. 801 00:52:54,547 --> 00:52:55,713 Peace. 802 00:52:56,674 --> 00:52:59,467 An evil videotape that kills people in seven days? 803 00:52:59,552 --> 00:53:01,594 Alien forces threatening the world? 804 00:53:01,679 --> 00:53:03,429 And who in the hell is this Cindy Campbell? 805 00:53:03,514 --> 00:53:06,224 if what she says is true, we're facing an unprecedented crisis. 806 00:53:06,308 --> 00:53:08,643 - Get me the President. - You are the President. 807 00:53:08,727 --> 00:53:12,313 Good. Then I already know about this. Let's order lunch. 808 00:53:12,398 --> 00:53:14,941 Sir, I think you need to go on TV 809 00:53:15,025 --> 00:53:18,653 and convince the people that there is no such thing as a UFO. 810 00:53:18,737 --> 00:53:20,572 Don't spell in front of me, damn it. 811 00:53:21,407 --> 00:53:24,325 Aliens, sir. There's no such thing as aliens. 812 00:53:24,410 --> 00:53:26,161 - That's not quite true. - Sir? 813 00:53:26,245 --> 00:53:29,289 A year ago, a UFO crash-landed in New Mexico. 814 00:53:29,582 --> 00:53:32,333 - A body may have been recovered. - "May have been"? 815 00:53:32,418 --> 00:53:35,253 Well, there was a terrible mix-up. 816 00:53:35,337 --> 00:53:39,674 It was Thanksgiving. The body was sent down to the kitchen. 817 00:53:39,758 --> 00:53:43,595 They shoved stuffing up its ass, and we ate it at a state dinner. 818 00:53:43,679 --> 00:53:45,138 That's the last I saw of it. 819 00:53:45,222 --> 00:53:48,808 No, scratch that. There were some sandwiches made the next day. 820 00:53:48,893 --> 00:53:51,519 - Mr. President! Listen to me carefully. - Agent Thompson! 821 00:53:51,604 --> 00:53:52,896 Back away from that window! 822 00:53:53,355 --> 00:53:55,773 What? Did I forget to put my pants on again? 823 00:53:55,858 --> 00:53:59,527 No, sir. It's just a feeling I've been having since the news about the aliens. 824 00:53:59,612 --> 00:54:01,696 - Something's not right. - I know what you mean. 825 00:54:01,780 --> 00:54:04,824 Like that feeling that something's not right. 826 00:54:06,076 --> 00:54:08,203 What is it? 827 00:54:08,287 --> 00:54:10,121 Some old Tupac, sir. 828 00:54:12,458 --> 00:54:16,878 All Eyez on Me. Hey, this shit is banging. 829 00:54:16,962 --> 00:54:19,339 Thank you, sir. I appreciate it. 830 00:55:33,539 --> 00:55:34,998 Hello, Cindy. 831 00:55:38,043 --> 00:55:42,255 I am the Architect. You have many questions. 832 00:55:44,717 --> 00:55:46,843 I've been watching you for a very long time. 833 00:55:49,221 --> 00:55:50,471 So I see. 834 00:55:50,848 --> 00:55:53,558 But what is the connection between the crop circles and the videotape? 835 00:55:53,642 --> 00:55:57,103 The answer is simple. You are the eventuality of an anomaly. 836 00:55:57,187 --> 00:55:59,772 You are inexorably seeking a sedulant probability. 837 00:55:59,857 --> 00:56:02,650 - "Sedulant"? - Grotesquery? No? 838 00:56:02,735 --> 00:56:05,945 What about "contingent affirmation"? That's got to mean something. 839 00:56:06,030 --> 00:56:10,742 Hey! Hey! You put cameras in my bathroom? 840 00:56:12,244 --> 00:56:14,579 I can't... What is this? 841 00:56:14,663 --> 00:56:17,957 Oh, my God. Well, it was a long winter. L... 842 00:56:18,042 --> 00:56:20,710 - This is an invasion of... - Sorry. 843 00:56:20,794 --> 00:56:23,629 I can't help it. It's very lonely in here. 844 00:56:23,714 --> 00:56:26,799 Ergo, I haven't been with anyone in a very long time, 845 00:56:26,884 --> 00:56:30,470 not counting myself, or this chair. 846 00:56:31,180 --> 00:56:34,599 I call her... Linda. 847 00:56:35,059 --> 00:56:37,185 Could you just cut to the chase? I'm kind of in a rush. 848 00:56:37,269 --> 00:56:39,520 Why? You can always sleep over if you want. 849 00:56:39,605 --> 00:56:41,689 Linda's built for two, and she vibrates. 850 00:56:41,774 --> 00:56:45,109 Stop it! Just tell me what I need to know! Who is that little girl? 851 00:56:45,194 --> 00:56:46,611 Okay, okay! 852 00:56:49,114 --> 00:56:52,492 My wife and I wanted a child, but she couldn't get pregnant. 853 00:56:52,576 --> 00:56:55,536 - Neither could l. - So you adopted? 854 00:56:55,621 --> 00:56:58,122 We loved our daughter, but she was evil. 855 00:56:58,248 --> 00:57:02,835 Made the horses crazy, killed our puppies, hid the remote, really sick shit. 856 00:57:03,128 --> 00:57:05,963 My wife took her to the old family farm and drowned her in the well. 857 00:57:06,965 --> 00:57:09,550 I felt a simple time-out would've been sufficient. 858 00:57:10,260 --> 00:57:13,221 But Tabitha imprinted her evil on a videotape. 859 00:57:13,972 --> 00:57:17,058 - I never meant for it to get out, but... - But what? 860 00:57:17,643 --> 00:57:20,228 I put it in the wrong box and returned it to Blockbuster, 861 00:57:20,312 --> 00:57:22,397 instead of my copy of Pootie Tang. 862 00:57:22,481 --> 00:57:25,233 And it's been circulating and killing ever since. 863 00:57:25,317 --> 00:57:27,110 Just like Pootie Tang. 864 00:57:28,320 --> 00:57:31,072 - But what does this have to do with aliens? - I don't know. 865 00:57:31,156 --> 00:57:34,033 Perhaps Tabitha's summoning them to kill us all. 866 00:57:34,118 --> 00:57:37,912 An alien invasion? I have to warn the world. 867 00:57:37,996 --> 00:57:40,456 It's already begun. You're too late. 868 00:57:41,166 --> 00:57:42,708 Oh, my God. 869 00:57:43,043 --> 00:57:45,294 But not too late to make an old man happy. 870 00:57:47,005 --> 00:57:49,048 What? What? 871 00:57:49,133 --> 00:57:51,926 And now, reports of Iights in the sky. 872 00:57:52,010 --> 00:57:54,345 Glimpses of spacecraft. 873 00:57:54,430 --> 00:57:58,391 Possible alien sightings being reported all over the world. 874 00:57:58,475 --> 00:57:59,892 Are they aliens? 875 00:57:59,977 --> 00:58:02,437 The first video images are coming in. 876 00:58:02,521 --> 00:58:06,065 Disturbing home video tonight from a ranch outside Sydney, Australia. 877 00:58:06,692 --> 00:58:09,110 Watch very carefully now. 878 00:58:09,194 --> 00:58:11,529 There. There it is. Let's see that again. 879 00:58:13,157 --> 00:58:14,740 Very, very disturbing. 880 00:58:15,284 --> 00:58:17,535 And this just in from São Paulo, Brazil. 881 00:58:20,706 --> 00:58:21,873 Let's see that again. 882 00:58:27,546 --> 00:58:30,214 Very, very disturbing. 883 00:58:31,008 --> 00:58:33,676 And this just in from south Texas. 884 00:58:38,015 --> 00:58:41,225 Do they pose a threat? Only one thing's for certain. 885 00:58:41,310 --> 00:58:44,270 We are all going to be killed. 886 00:58:44,354 --> 00:58:45,938 We have to board up the house. 887 00:58:46,899 --> 00:58:48,483 Are you sure this is necessary, Wilson? 888 00:58:48,567 --> 00:58:50,735 Having an awards ceremony at a time like this? 889 00:58:50,819 --> 00:58:53,946 Yes, sir. Everything must appear business as usual. 890 00:58:54,031 --> 00:58:56,824 The nation, while not yet panicked, is deeply disturbed. 891 00:58:56,909 --> 00:58:58,493 Right. Good, let's see if we can steer that course, 892 00:58:58,577 --> 00:59:01,913 keeping everybody deeply disturbed. We don't want a panic. 893 00:59:01,997 --> 00:59:04,499 Very few presidents have faced a crisis like this. 894 00:59:04,583 --> 00:59:07,502 I wonder what President Ford would've done. 895 00:59:07,586 --> 00:59:11,339 Well, if the buck stops here, the buck stops here. 896 00:59:13,800 --> 00:59:16,469 Thank you, all, and welcome to the White House. 897 00:59:16,553 --> 00:59:20,515 The Mother Teresa Awards recognize those 898 00:59:20,599 --> 00:59:23,601 who have overcome the severest handicaps and disadvantages 899 00:59:23,685 --> 00:59:25,937 to help others in their communities. 900 00:59:26,021 --> 00:59:29,190 The young, the old, black and white. 901 00:59:29,274 --> 00:59:32,151 Our Native-American friends. Hey, how are you? 902 00:59:32,236 --> 00:59:35,947 Hey, how are you? Hey, how are you? Hey, how are you? 903 00:59:37,115 --> 00:59:39,450 Well, it is therefore my honor 904 00:59:39,535 --> 00:59:44,247 to present each and every one of you with this symbol of merit. 905 00:59:49,586 --> 00:59:51,712 The room is secure, Mr. President. 906 00:59:51,797 --> 00:59:53,631 - Or is it? - Sir? 907 00:59:53,715 --> 00:59:55,174 I've been thinking, Thompson. 908 00:59:55,634 --> 00:59:57,718 What if the aliens could take over human bodies? 909 00:59:57,803 --> 01:00:00,513 They'd look just like us, or almost. 910 01:00:00,597 --> 01:00:02,223 I never thought of that, sir. 911 01:00:02,307 --> 01:00:04,267 We should be on alert for anything suspicious. 912 01:00:04,810 --> 01:00:08,271 - They could be anywhere, even... - Right here. 913 01:00:08,772 --> 01:00:11,399 My God. We'd never see the attack coming. 914 01:00:11,483 --> 01:00:14,026 - It's frightening, sir! - Don't panic. 915 01:00:14,903 --> 01:00:18,406 We'll just move slowly toward the exit. 916 01:00:19,575 --> 01:00:22,243 At last we meet, Mr. President. 917 01:00:22,327 --> 01:00:25,538 It's happening. I knew it! You'll never take me alive! 918 01:00:27,249 --> 01:00:28,708 She's scrambling my brain! 919 01:00:28,792 --> 01:00:30,084 I'll get her! 920 01:00:33,171 --> 01:00:35,881 No, you don't! Not on my watch! 921 01:00:35,966 --> 01:00:37,758 Good work, sir! 922 01:00:39,344 --> 01:00:41,721 Good God! The small ones have metal teeth! 923 01:00:41,805 --> 01:00:44,265 Jerry's Kids, my ass! 924 01:00:45,851 --> 01:00:49,854 Mr. President! Mr. President, have you gone completely insane? 925 01:00:50,272 --> 01:00:51,439 Like a fox. 926 01:00:51,732 --> 01:00:54,942 We gotta talk to the one person who saw this coming, Cindy Campbell. 927 01:00:55,027 --> 01:00:58,821 She knows how to defeat the aliens, these filthy, rotten scum! 928 01:00:59,531 --> 01:01:02,074 You hideous creature! Get off my planet! 929 01:01:02,159 --> 01:01:03,409 No! 930 01:01:03,493 --> 01:01:06,078 - Mr. President, is everything all right? - The exits are all blocked. 931 01:01:06,163 --> 01:01:07,622 I'll find one, sir. 932 01:01:07,706 --> 01:01:09,832 Everybody, clear! 933 01:01:12,002 --> 01:01:14,962 This way, sir! God, this is exciting! 934 01:01:15,047 --> 01:01:17,798 You're excited? You should feel my nipples. 935 01:01:18,300 --> 01:01:20,718 Cody? Cody? 936 01:01:21,553 --> 01:01:24,138 Cody, where are you? Honey? 937 01:01:24,222 --> 01:01:26,474 After today's incident in the East Room, 938 01:01:26,558 --> 01:01:29,060 the White House is now advising all citizens 939 01:01:29,144 --> 01:01:32,897 to board up their homes and prepare for an alien invasion. 940 01:01:33,357 --> 01:01:34,857 Oh, no. 941 01:01:34,941 --> 01:01:37,485 And now, a News 8 exclusive, 942 01:01:37,569 --> 01:01:39,820 the killer videotape you've been hearing about. 943 01:01:39,905 --> 01:01:41,447 - No... - We're the only station that has it, 944 01:01:41,531 --> 01:01:45,201 and we're showing it all night. Very exciting. Let's roll it again. 945 01:01:49,665 --> 01:01:51,332 There. Nobody's getting through that sucker. 946 01:01:51,416 --> 01:01:54,960 That's great, George, but we have to get down to the cellar. 947 01:01:56,004 --> 01:01:57,838 - George. - Cindy. 948 01:01:57,923 --> 01:01:59,632 There's no time. Get down to the cellar. 949 01:01:59,716 --> 01:02:01,092 - Cody! Thank God! - Aunt Cindy! 950 01:02:01,176 --> 01:02:04,387 - I've been worried sick about you. - He just showed up about an hour ago. 951 01:02:04,471 --> 01:02:06,472 - I tried to call. - No, he didn't. 952 01:02:07,349 --> 01:02:10,559 - Okay, but I was gonna. - No, he wasn't. 953 01:02:11,395 --> 01:02:13,979 Look, Cody, the point is you can't just run away like that. 954 01:02:14,940 --> 01:02:16,524 I wanted to be with George. 955 01:02:16,608 --> 01:02:19,527 Honey, I know you want a dad, but... 956 01:02:19,611 --> 01:02:23,948 Trust me, Cody, I'm not good at anything. Why would I be good at that? 957 01:02:24,032 --> 01:02:25,533 Uncle George! 958 01:02:38,964 --> 01:02:40,589 It's gonna be okay, Cody. 959 01:02:41,299 --> 01:02:42,800 I'm going to die, aren't l? 960 01:02:43,885 --> 01:02:48,013 Cody, did I ever tell you what your mom said about you the day you were born? 961 01:02:48,765 --> 01:02:49,807 No. 962 01:02:50,058 --> 01:02:54,103 I was in the delivery room with her. She was having a hard time. 963 01:02:54,187 --> 01:02:55,771 Then you began to come out of her. 964 01:02:56,940 --> 01:02:59,191 And your mom screamed and screamed in pain. 965 01:02:59,276 --> 01:03:02,695 She yelled, "Just kill me. Bludgeon me with a bedpan. 966 01:03:02,779 --> 01:03:05,573 "Whatever you do, put me out of this pain." 967 01:03:05,657 --> 01:03:07,867 She was gushing torrents of blood. 968 01:03:07,951 --> 01:03:09,827 I have this all on tape if you wanna see it someday. 969 01:03:10,662 --> 01:03:12,329 Well, finally you came out. 970 01:03:12,748 --> 01:03:14,540 Your mom cut your umbilical cord herself. 971 01:03:15,584 --> 01:03:17,543 Well, on the second try. 972 01:03:18,295 --> 01:03:20,296 The first time, she snipped your penis in half. 973 01:03:21,298 --> 01:03:24,383 After all, she was drunk. Actually, drugged. 974 01:03:24,468 --> 01:03:27,094 We'd been out the night before, celebrating Saint Patrick's Day, 975 01:03:27,179 --> 01:03:29,597 and she thought, "Hey, I never tasted crystal meth." 976 01:03:29,681 --> 01:03:30,806 So she did just a little. 977 01:03:31,683 --> 01:03:33,768 - My penis? - Yes. 978 01:03:34,060 --> 01:03:35,436 They sewed it on upside-down. 979 01:03:36,438 --> 01:03:39,774 - So that's why I pee up? - Yes. We'll get it fixed, honey. 980 01:03:39,858 --> 01:03:42,693 It's on my list of things. Right after we get TiVo. 981 01:03:42,778 --> 01:03:44,570 Anyway, there you were. 982 01:03:44,654 --> 01:03:49,450 And your mom turned to me, and she said "Hey, you want him? Take him." 983 01:03:49,534 --> 01:03:53,621 Then she died. And I took you. Do you know why? 984 01:03:54,873 --> 01:03:58,417 I had just lost my cat in a fire, and I needed something to pet and feed. 985 01:03:58,960 --> 01:04:00,878 And I miss that cat, Cody. 986 01:04:01,546 --> 01:04:05,299 But I love you, and nothing's ever gonna change that, 987 01:04:05,383 --> 01:04:07,968 not even the very painful death we're about to experience. 988 01:04:08,053 --> 01:04:09,553 George! George. 989 01:04:18,021 --> 01:04:20,481 - Are they gone? - I don't hear anything. 990 01:04:28,198 --> 01:04:31,158 - Don't worry, Sue. It'll be all right. - It was Uncle George. 991 01:04:31,243 --> 01:04:33,327 Well, it's scary. 992 01:04:34,746 --> 01:04:37,164 Good work, Sue. 993 01:04:37,249 --> 01:04:40,876 I don't know what stupid, idiotic thing made these lights go off. 994 01:04:41,711 --> 01:04:43,921 All right, there's some spare fuses in the crawlspace. 995 01:04:44,005 --> 01:04:45,589 if I can get to them, I can get these lights back on. 996 01:04:47,050 --> 01:04:49,510 Quick, George, grab that railroad tie. 997 01:04:49,594 --> 01:04:51,220 Jam it against the door. 998 01:04:53,431 --> 01:04:55,266 My balls! 999 01:04:56,184 --> 01:04:59,186 Not those! Jesus! 1000 01:04:59,271 --> 01:05:01,021 No! 1001 01:05:01,565 --> 01:05:03,941 Uncle George! I'm scared! 1002 01:05:04,025 --> 01:05:06,068 Sweetie, come here. It's okay. 1003 01:05:08,572 --> 01:05:10,865 There's something on the other side of the door. 1004 01:05:25,088 --> 01:05:26,297 I can't see anything. 1005 01:05:42,814 --> 01:05:43,981 Oh, my God. 1006 01:05:44,065 --> 01:05:45,399 Can you see them? What are they doing? 1007 01:05:45,483 --> 01:05:49,403 They're horrible. They're grayish with big black eyes. 1008 01:05:49,487 --> 01:05:51,238 Their teeth are grotesque. 1009 01:05:53,491 --> 01:05:55,618 - I think they're giggling. - What? 1010 01:05:57,078 --> 01:05:58,120 Oh, no. 1011 01:05:59,456 --> 01:06:00,497 Oh, no, I think... 1012 01:06:02,417 --> 01:06:04,001 I think they wanna eat me. 1013 01:06:08,006 --> 01:06:10,591 - Help! - Cody! Oh, my God! 1014 01:06:10,675 --> 01:06:13,093 George. Swing away, George. 1015 01:06:13,845 --> 01:06:16,889 - I'm coming, Cody. I'll save you. - Aunt Cindy, help! 1016 01:06:16,973 --> 01:06:18,015 Die! 1017 01:06:21,686 --> 01:06:24,271 Die! You damn aliens, let him go! 1018 01:06:24,356 --> 01:06:26,190 You're not getting in here! 1019 01:06:26,274 --> 01:06:28,025 - What else you got? Bring it! - George... 1020 01:06:28,526 --> 01:06:30,027 There! Had enough? 1021 01:06:31,196 --> 01:06:32,863 Forget it, Cody. Thank me later. 1022 01:06:32,948 --> 01:06:35,950 Cody. Thank God. Come on. 1023 01:06:36,034 --> 01:06:38,202 - Daddy! Daddy! - Sue! 1024 01:06:42,540 --> 01:06:44,792 Mahalik, what are you doing here? 1025 01:06:44,876 --> 01:06:46,752 Hey, man, I told you the 'hood's always got your back. 1026 01:06:46,836 --> 01:06:48,963 Thank God. There's two of them at the door. 1027 01:06:49,047 --> 01:06:51,048 - What? - They're gone. 1028 01:06:52,467 --> 01:06:55,886 Good. They couldn't get in. I hear they can't open doors. 1029 01:06:56,179 --> 01:06:59,640 They mastered space flight, but they can't get through a wooden door? 1030 01:06:59,724 --> 01:07:01,892 Look, the cellar's the safest place. 1031 01:07:01,977 --> 01:07:03,644 I say all the women and children stay here. 1032 01:07:04,562 --> 01:07:07,147 All right, and the men, we go outside and fight. 1033 01:07:07,232 --> 01:07:09,733 Right. And what's the cut-off age for children? 1034 01:07:09,818 --> 01:07:11,568 Come on, come on. 1035 01:07:26,960 --> 01:07:28,544 Follow me. 1036 01:07:42,017 --> 01:07:43,976 I'm sorry. I thought I was hitting the brake. 1037 01:07:44,936 --> 01:07:47,104 Now, we don't have to go through insurance, do we? 1038 01:07:48,023 --> 01:07:50,149 Mr. President, what are you doing here? 1039 01:07:50,233 --> 01:07:51,525 I'm looking for Cindy Campbell. 1040 01:07:51,609 --> 01:07:53,527 She may hold the key to defeating the aliens. 1041 01:07:54,362 --> 01:07:57,614 Good. The Air Force is here with those new round planes. 1042 01:07:59,576 --> 01:08:01,785 We don't have round planes, sir. 1043 01:08:02,370 --> 01:08:05,456 Oh, my God. 1044 01:08:05,582 --> 01:08:07,541 Wait. Do you hear that? 1045 01:08:18,720 --> 01:08:20,512 - Yo, what's up, George? - CJ! 1046 01:08:20,597 --> 01:08:22,556 I told you, the 'hood always got your back. 1047 01:08:22,640 --> 01:08:25,893 And I got the boys with me. Get out the car, man. 1048 01:08:25,977 --> 01:08:28,395 - Yo, who we gonna shoot? - Y'all ready to go step? 1049 01:08:28,480 --> 01:08:30,814 Well, let's go do this, 'cause I'm hyped right now, B! 1050 01:08:30,899 --> 01:08:33,067 - I'm real hyped! - You stepped on my shoe, bitch! 1051 01:08:33,151 --> 01:08:36,070 Call me another bitch again, and I'll park your truck dead in your ass. 1052 01:08:36,154 --> 01:08:38,113 - Calm down, man. - Damn, homey! 1053 01:08:38,198 --> 01:08:39,531 - In the cornfield. - They're coming! 1054 01:08:39,616 --> 01:08:40,657 Hey, look, don't even worry about that. 1055 01:08:40,742 --> 01:08:42,576 Me and my boys here, we gonna go ahead and take care of this. 1056 01:08:42,660 --> 01:08:43,744 Hey, yo, come on, let's start it! 1057 01:08:43,828 --> 01:08:46,330 if I was you, son, I'd bust this shit right now. 1058 01:08:46,414 --> 01:08:48,165 - Your mama! - I got your number, too, homey. 1059 01:08:48,249 --> 01:08:49,249 Hey! We over here, y'all! 1060 01:08:49,334 --> 01:08:51,752 He ain't gonna bust nothing. I got nuts bigger than him, ya heard? 1061 01:08:51,836 --> 01:08:54,713 Percival, you country-ass, maple-syrup nigger. 1062 01:08:54,798 --> 01:08:57,466 Y'all want some biscuits? You want some biscuits? 1063 01:08:59,636 --> 01:09:01,136 Get down! Get down! 1064 01:09:09,604 --> 01:09:11,605 I can't believe what I just saw. 1065 01:09:11,689 --> 01:09:15,859 These men died for their country. Send flowers to their bitches and hos. 1066 01:09:21,157 --> 01:09:23,200 I can't break free! 1067 01:09:23,326 --> 01:09:26,370 Think! They must have some kind of weakness. 1068 01:09:31,543 --> 01:09:32,793 I found it! 1069 01:09:32,877 --> 01:09:36,797 - Without their heads, they're powerless! - Please, no. We mean you no harm. 1070 01:09:37,048 --> 01:09:39,800 We traveled to your planet to find an evil little girl. 1071 01:09:40,135 --> 01:09:43,262 We must destroy her before seven days. 1072 01:09:43,346 --> 01:09:45,681 You mean you watched the videotape? 1073 01:09:45,849 --> 01:09:48,267 Our satellite picked up what we thought was Pootie Tang. 1074 01:09:48,351 --> 01:09:49,977 That was a week ago. 1075 01:09:50,061 --> 01:09:54,940 And now our entire race will die unless the girl is destroyed. 1076 01:09:56,442 --> 01:09:59,153 - See? They are peaceful. - Well, if they're so peaceful, man, 1077 01:09:59,237 --> 01:10:01,405 why were they choking us a few minutes ago? 1078 01:10:01,489 --> 01:10:03,448 That's how we say hello. 1079 01:10:04,200 --> 01:10:05,951 Hello! Nice to see you. 1080 01:10:06,035 --> 01:10:07,578 - Hello, hello. - Hello, hello. 1081 01:10:07,662 --> 01:10:09,663 Well, how do you guys say goodbye? 1082 01:10:12,167 --> 01:10:13,500 I had to ask. 1083 01:10:13,585 --> 01:10:17,254 if you think that's strange, you should see how we pee. 1084 01:10:24,846 --> 01:10:27,598 So we're not so different after all. 1085 01:10:30,643 --> 01:10:35,022 There's something about this place. It's like I've seen it before. 1086 01:10:37,233 --> 01:10:38,275 Oh, my God. 1087 01:10:42,614 --> 01:10:46,450 This used to be their farm. She died right here. 1088 01:11:01,049 --> 01:11:03,592 There's something down there. 1089 01:11:26,991 --> 01:11:28,909 - Push back. Follow through. - Hey. 1090 01:11:28,993 --> 01:11:31,328 - Follow through. - Yeah. You got it. 1091 01:11:31,412 --> 01:11:35,582 Just look at this. Human beings and aliens working together. 1092 01:11:35,667 --> 01:11:38,627 We're all just one big galactic family. 1093 01:11:39,420 --> 01:11:43,257 Family. That's just what I've been running away from. 1094 01:11:43,341 --> 01:11:46,176 Well, that's because you're an idiot. 1095 01:11:56,479 --> 01:11:58,772 This is it. 1096 01:11:58,856 --> 01:12:02,109 My wife took her to the old family farm and drowned her in the well. 1097 01:12:06,322 --> 01:12:10,200 The little girl. She's frightened of the well. 1098 01:12:30,763 --> 01:12:32,097 Cindy! 1099 01:13:09,927 --> 01:13:12,387 Time to go back down the well, bitch. 1100 01:13:15,016 --> 01:13:17,893 - Cindy! - No. Don't hurt him! 1101 01:13:19,562 --> 01:13:22,105 Cindy, you have to come outside. The aliens aren't invading... 1102 01:13:24,442 --> 01:13:26,068 Don't worry, Cody. I'll save you. 1103 01:13:26,819 --> 01:13:29,946 Wait! Wait. Don't do this. 1104 01:13:30,031 --> 01:13:32,240 You don't have to be evil. 1105 01:13:33,534 --> 01:13:36,286 I know what happened to you, Tabitha. 1106 01:13:38,581 --> 01:13:41,124 I know what your mom did. That was wrong. 1107 01:13:41,209 --> 01:13:44,211 You were just a little girl. And you're still that little girl, 1108 01:13:44,295 --> 01:13:48,882 just a lot more corpsy and with really bad teeth. 1109 01:13:49,550 --> 01:13:53,637 But maybe all you need is a mother. 1110 01:13:57,392 --> 01:13:58,433 And a father. 1111 01:14:11,989 --> 01:14:14,574 - We could be... - A family. 1112 01:14:19,831 --> 01:14:21,706 Thank you all. 1113 01:14:21,791 --> 01:14:25,252 Your love has broken the curse and freed my soul. 1114 01:14:25,336 --> 01:14:28,588 - I'll never have to kill again. - Really? 1115 01:14:28,881 --> 01:14:32,342 Nah! I'm just screwing with you! 1116 01:14:35,012 --> 01:14:38,348 I just want to tell you both good luck. We're all counting on you. 1117 01:14:47,817 --> 01:14:49,818 Now it's over. 1118 01:14:50,820 --> 01:14:53,738 No, no, it's okay. He's our friend. 1119 01:14:53,823 --> 01:14:57,576 Thank you for saving our species. Now we must return to our home planet. 1120 01:14:57,660 --> 01:14:58,952 Goodbye, then. 1121 01:15:00,037 --> 01:15:01,538 Goodbye. 1122 01:15:20,725 --> 01:15:22,934 Hey, congratulations, George! 1123 01:15:23,019 --> 01:15:25,061 You know the 'hood always got your back. 1124 01:15:25,146 --> 01:15:27,230 Yeah, yeah! Come on! 1125 01:15:32,361 --> 01:15:33,570 - Bye! - Thank you. 1126 01:15:49,420 --> 01:15:54,341 George, I'm so happy. Finally we're a family. 1127 01:15:54,425 --> 01:15:56,927 Yeah. You, me, and... 1128 01:15:57,678 --> 01:15:58,720 - Damn! - Damn! 1129 01:16:00,181 --> 01:16:02,265 Cindy! George! Wait!