1 00:03:10,482 --> 00:03:12,109 I want more! 2 00:03:12,275 --> 00:03:13,697 Oh, God. 3 00:03:25,288 --> 00:03:26,289 Are you okay? 4 00:03:30,335 --> 00:03:33,305 That was fucking charming, you gutless pack of dickheads. 5 00:03:33,463 --> 00:03:35,807 - Fuck off, you talent-less dog! - What was that? 6 00:03:35,966 --> 00:03:38,219 - Show us your pink bits. - No, I don't think I will. 7 00:03:38,385 --> 00:03:40,183 Now, do you know why this microphone has such a long cord? 8 00:03:40,345 --> 00:03:41,312 Why? 9 00:03:41,471 --> 00:03:44,145 So it's easily retrieved after I've shoved it up your ass. 10 00:03:53,024 --> 00:03:54,901 Christ Almighty! 11 00:03:56,403 --> 00:03:58,497 What the fuck's going on out there tonight? 12 00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:01,617 Are you hurt? 13 00:04:02,784 --> 00:04:06,209 All right, which one of you bitches sat on my dress? 14 00:04:06,371 --> 00:04:07,998 Tick, darling, it's for you. 15 00:04:09,499 --> 00:04:11,001 - Hello. - Ding-dong. 16 00:04:11,168 --> 00:04:14,138 Avon calling. Howdy, sunshine. 17 00:04:14,296 --> 00:04:16,094 Long time no hear. 18 00:04:17,174 --> 00:04:19,427 - Where? - Emergency Ward A. 19 00:04:23,096 --> 00:04:24,439 Mr. Belrose? 20 00:04:25,932 --> 00:04:26,933 Yes? 21 00:04:29,686 --> 00:04:32,064 So how about it? 22 00:04:57,339 --> 00:04:58,465 Yeah. 23 00:04:58,632 --> 00:05:03,388 Bernadette? it's Tick. Sorry to call you so late, but... 24 00:05:05,055 --> 00:05:06,773 Hey, are you okay? 25 00:05:07,474 --> 00:05:10,444 - No, I'm not. - Well, what's the matter? 26 00:05:11,978 --> 00:05:13,321 Trumpet just died. 27 00:05:24,407 --> 00:05:27,411 "The Lord is my shepherd. I shall not want. 28 00:05:27,911 --> 00:05:30,539 "He maketh me to lie down in green pastures. 29 00:05:30,705 --> 00:05:33,379 "He leadeth me beside the still waters. 30 00:05:33,542 --> 00:05:35,169 "He restoreth my soul. 31 00:05:35,335 --> 00:05:39,215 "He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake. 32 00:05:39,381 --> 00:05:42,260 "Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, 33 00:05:42,425 --> 00:05:45,304 “l will fear no evil, for thou art with me. 34 00:05:45,470 --> 00:05:47,768 "Thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me. 35 00:05:48,265 --> 00:05:52,270 "Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies. 36 00:05:52,435 --> 00:05:54,108 "Thou anointest my head with oil. 37 00:05:54,271 --> 00:05:56,399 "My cup runneth over. 38 00:05:56,565 --> 00:06:00,911 "Surely, goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, 39 00:06:01,069 --> 00:06:03,743 "and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever." 40 00:06:05,657 --> 00:06:07,125 It's not fair. 41 00:06:07,450 --> 00:06:09,669 I've spent half my life and all my savings 42 00:06:09,828 --> 00:06:12,422 trying to snag a sympathetic husband. 43 00:06:12,581 --> 00:06:15,255 Selfish little shit goes and dies on me. 44 00:06:16,418 --> 00:06:21,015 Twenty-five years old, and he goes and slips over in a bathroom. 45 00:06:21,172 --> 00:06:22,765 He didn't slip. 46 00:06:23,466 --> 00:06:27,471 He was peroxiding his hair at home again and he asphyxiated on the fumes. 47 00:06:29,890 --> 00:06:31,312 I've gotta get some space. 48 00:06:32,183 --> 00:06:34,857 I've been asked to do a show out of town. 49 00:06:35,020 --> 00:06:37,648 - That's nice. - Why don't you come with me? 50 00:06:37,814 --> 00:06:41,193 I'll need some help, and I think we can both use the break. 51 00:06:41,359 --> 00:06:43,657 You're not wrong. Where is it? 52 00:06:44,195 --> 00:06:45,788 Alice Springs. 53 00:06:46,531 --> 00:06:49,034 You've got to be fucking joking! 54 00:06:49,993 --> 00:06:54,715 Wo-Man is a unique range of... 55 00:06:54,873 --> 00:06:58,753 specialty facial products designed for the more... 56 00:07:00,170 --> 00:07:02,298 heavy-duty woman in us all. 57 00:07:03,131 --> 00:07:04,849 Now, this week... 58 00:07:06,426 --> 00:07:07,973 Excuse me. 59 00:07:09,304 --> 00:07:10,476 Hello. 60 00:07:10,639 --> 00:07:12,607 How long is the run? 61 00:07:13,725 --> 00:07:16,774 Four weeks. Equity minimum, two shows a night, 62 00:07:16,937 --> 00:07:18,689 accommodation included. 63 00:07:20,690 --> 00:07:23,364 I can't just sit around here crying all the time. 64 00:07:23,818 --> 00:07:27,573 Jesus! My mascara keeps running. I look like a raccoon. 65 00:07:27,739 --> 00:07:30,538 Good girl. That's the spirit. 66 00:07:31,618 --> 00:07:33,962 Here's hoping the desert's big enough for the two of us. 67 00:07:36,414 --> 00:07:37,711 Three of us. 68 00:07:56,017 --> 00:07:58,395 - Why? - Why not? 69 00:07:59,604 --> 00:08:02,232 Look, he's turned into a bloody good little performer. 70 00:08:02,399 --> 00:08:03,491 That's right. 71 00:08:03,650 --> 00:08:07,575 A bloody good little performer, 24 hours a day, seven days a week. 72 00:08:07,737 --> 00:08:09,831 I thought we were getting away from all this shit. 73 00:08:09,990 --> 00:08:12,584 Two's company, three's a party, Bernadette, my sweet. 74 00:08:13,910 --> 00:08:17,915 We're unplugging our curling wands and going bush for this show. 75 00:08:18,081 --> 00:08:20,129 Why would you possibly want to leave all this glamour 76 00:08:20,291 --> 00:08:22,089 for a hike into the middle of nowhere? 77 00:08:22,252 --> 00:08:24,926 - Do you really want to know? - Desperately. 78 00:08:26,673 --> 00:08:30,428 Well, ever since I was a lad, I've had this dream, 79 00:08:30,593 --> 00:08:34,018 a dream that I now finally have a chance to fulfill. 80 00:08:34,180 --> 00:08:35,773 And that is? 81 00:08:36,349 --> 00:08:40,946 To travel to the center of Australia, climb Kings Canyon as a queen 82 00:08:41,104 --> 00:08:44,779 in a full-length Gaultier sequin, heels, and a tiara. 83 00:08:46,818 --> 00:08:50,448 Great. That's just what this country needs, 84 00:08:50,947 --> 00:08:52,915 a cock in a frock on a rock. 85 00:08:53,074 --> 00:08:55,418 Get back in your kennels, both of you. 86 00:08:56,578 --> 00:08:58,706 The first thing we have to work out 87 00:09:00,290 --> 00:09:01,883 is how the hell we're gonna get there. 88 00:09:16,306 --> 00:09:17,933 Ta-da! 89 00:09:18,099 --> 00:09:19,567 What do you think? 90 00:09:19,726 --> 00:09:22,400 When do we have to return it to the school? 91 00:09:22,562 --> 00:09:24,439 We don't. We own it. 92 00:09:25,690 --> 00:09:26,612 What? 93 00:09:26,775 --> 00:09:27,992 Hi, darling, how are you? 94 00:09:28,151 --> 00:09:32,531 I met some nice, Swedish tourists called Lars, Lars, and Lars, 95 00:09:32,697 --> 00:09:35,166 and I coaxed it out of them for 10,000 bucks. 96 00:09:35,325 --> 00:09:38,044 - We can't afford it. - That's right. 97 00:09:38,828 --> 00:09:41,877 Mummy, maybe a trip to the Outback would help me get over 98 00:09:42,040 --> 00:09:44,668 this little phase I'm going through. 99 00:09:44,834 --> 00:09:48,509 And you never know. I might meet some lovely country girl. 100 00:09:49,380 --> 00:09:52,805 I hereby christen this budget Barbie camper, 101 00:09:53,384 --> 00:09:55,853 Priscilla, queen of the desert. 102 00:09:59,724 --> 00:10:01,772 Seems to be the understatement of the century. 103 00:10:21,746 --> 00:10:23,214 Mum. 104 00:10:28,253 --> 00:10:29,550 Ladies and gentlemen, 105 00:10:29,712 --> 00:10:32,886 we're here today to see off a very brave woman 106 00:10:33,049 --> 00:10:36,053 who will attempt to cross a continent alone. 107 00:10:36,219 --> 00:10:38,472 On behalf of all our sponsors... 108 00:10:54,362 --> 00:10:56,911 Ladies, start your engines. 109 00:11:33,443 --> 00:11:37,949 Oh, please! Oh, give me a break! 110 00:11:55,173 --> 00:11:57,141 How long have we been on the road? 111 00:11:57,967 --> 00:11:59,685 Four and a half hours. 112 00:12:02,263 --> 00:12:04,140 I've got a splitting headache already. 113 00:12:07,018 --> 00:12:08,019 Happy hour! 114 00:12:08,186 --> 00:12:09,529 Mother's Ruin pour moi. 115 00:12:10,438 --> 00:12:13,567 - Long Island Tea. - And a Stoli and tonic for me. 116 00:12:17,737 --> 00:12:19,239 - Stupid cow! - Yeah, well, listen to this one. 117 00:12:19,405 --> 00:12:21,248 After we did the ABBA show, 118 00:12:21,407 --> 00:12:24,035 Kevin had one of those liposuction penis enlargements. 119 00:12:24,202 --> 00:12:25,454 - He didn't? - Yep. 120 00:12:26,162 --> 00:12:27,163 Do you know what they do? 121 00:12:27,330 --> 00:12:29,708 They siphon all the fat out of your love handles 122 00:12:29,874 --> 00:12:31,717 and actually inject it into your wing-wang. 123 00:12:31,876 --> 00:12:33,093 Yucky! 124 00:12:33,711 --> 00:12:36,510 I suppose it gives a whole new meaning to cracking a fat, though, doesn't it? 125 00:12:39,592 --> 00:12:41,390 Oh, listen to yourselves. 126 00:12:41,844 --> 00:12:44,518 You sound like two fat slags at a pie bake-off. 127 00:12:45,181 --> 00:12:49,357 Your contribution to the conversation hasn't exactly made headlines, Bernice. 128 00:12:49,519 --> 00:12:52,238 Gee, poor Kevin's dick. 129 00:12:52,397 --> 00:12:54,115 There can't be much room down there 130 00:12:54,274 --> 00:12:56,697 with his brain taking up so much space already. 131 00:12:58,653 --> 00:13:01,497 No, I'll join this conversation on the proviso 132 00:13:01,656 --> 00:13:03,533 that we stop bitching about people, 133 00:13:03,700 --> 00:13:06,829 talking about wigs, dresses, bust sizes, 134 00:13:06,995 --> 00:13:10,499 penises, drugs, nightclubs, and bloody ABBA. 135 00:13:11,374 --> 00:13:13,923 Doesn't give us much to talk about then, does it? 136 00:13:15,128 --> 00:13:20,305 Hey, can you confirm a rumor for me? Is it true that her real name's Ralph? 137 00:13:26,347 --> 00:13:28,441 How do you like your little boys, girls? 138 00:13:32,395 --> 00:13:34,898 You don't have to answer that if you don't want to. 139 00:13:35,064 --> 00:13:36,566 Oh, my God. 140 00:13:36,733 --> 00:13:38,986 What is this, Outback with Benny Hill? 141 00:13:39,152 --> 00:13:41,951 Just leave mine outside the door at about 8:00 a.m., 142 00:13:42,113 --> 00:13:44,741 along with an orange juice and toast, please. 143 00:13:45,074 --> 00:13:47,042 Oh, why, certainly, madam. 144 00:13:47,201 --> 00:13:49,750 And would you like Vegemite or jam with that? 145 00:13:54,083 --> 00:13:56,085 Knock, knock, room service. 146 00:13:56,502 --> 00:13:58,254 Can't you read the sign? Do Not Disturb. 147 00:13:58,421 --> 00:14:01,721 - Please come back in the morning. - Ha ha, girls! Open the door. 148 00:14:03,009 --> 00:14:04,261 Good night, Bernice. 149 00:14:04,802 --> 00:14:06,850 Good night, Mitzi. 150 00:14:07,305 --> 00:14:08,932 Open the fucking door! 151 00:14:12,435 --> 00:14:16,440 Okay, if you don't open the door, I'm gonna sing. 152 00:14:18,858 --> 00:14:20,826 Fine. You asked for it. 153 00:14:45,968 --> 00:14:47,390 Good night, John Boy. 154 00:14:53,226 --> 00:14:55,399 I'm seriously falling asleep. 155 00:14:55,937 --> 00:14:58,360 It's your shift, and you're gonna stick to it. 156 00:14:58,523 --> 00:15:01,242 Serves you right for staying out all night, slut. 157 00:15:01,401 --> 00:15:02,402 I'm not gonna make it. 158 00:15:05,279 --> 00:15:07,498 Fuck off, Grandma. 159 00:15:08,116 --> 00:15:09,493 You all right? 160 00:15:10,159 --> 00:15:12,503 Me? Yeah, I'm fine. I'm just thinking. 161 00:15:45,486 --> 00:15:48,911 Sorry. Shit! 162 00:15:50,158 --> 00:15:51,375 What is it? 163 00:16:07,049 --> 00:16:08,722 Perhaps we should've flown. 164 00:16:26,777 --> 00:16:29,826 Wrong, but thanks for playing. Anyone else? 165 00:16:29,989 --> 00:16:32,788 - No. - Witchetty grub. Your turn. 166 00:16:33,034 --> 00:16:36,504 I spy with my little eye something beginning with “R“. 167 00:16:37,580 --> 00:16:39,378 - Rectum. - No. 168 00:16:39,665 --> 00:16:41,542 - Ring pirate? - No. 169 00:16:41,709 --> 00:16:42,961 Road. 170 00:16:43,461 --> 00:16:45,304 All right, that's it. What's the matter with you? 171 00:16:45,463 --> 00:16:48,307 - Nothing, darling. - Don't "darling" me, darling. 172 00:16:48,466 --> 00:16:50,389 Look at you. You got a face like a cat's ass. 173 00:16:50,551 --> 00:16:51,768 Now, come on, 'fess up. 174 00:16:51,928 --> 00:16:54,306 Just worried about the show, that's all. 175 00:16:54,472 --> 00:16:56,315 We haven't done any rehearsals yet. 176 00:16:56,474 --> 00:16:59,227 We got two weeks, for Christ's sake. There's plenty of time to rehearse. 177 00:16:59,393 --> 00:17:01,942 - Now what is your problem? - it's not a problem. 178 00:17:02,104 --> 00:17:04,732 I just want the show to be good, that's all. 179 00:17:04,899 --> 00:17:05,775 Gotta be good. 180 00:17:05,942 --> 00:17:08,195 How the fuck did you get this job, Mitzi, my darling? 181 00:17:08,361 --> 00:17:09,487 I mean, who is the fish that runs 182 00:17:09,654 --> 00:17:11,748 this bloody hotel in the middle of nowhere, anyway? 183 00:17:11,906 --> 00:17:14,580 - Your mother? - No, my wife. 184 00:17:16,702 --> 00:17:18,625 Don't tell me you've got an ex-boyfriend tucked away 185 00:17:18,788 --> 00:17:21,086 - out here somewhere. - No, my wife. 186 00:17:22,750 --> 00:17:23,626 I'm married. 187 00:17:34,053 --> 00:17:39,526 And when the joint bank account ran dry after a couple of years, 188 00:17:41,143 --> 00:17:44,738 I guess I preferred her wedding ring to mine, so no drama. 189 00:17:44,897 --> 00:17:47,320 We swapped and called it a day. 190 00:17:48,317 --> 00:17:50,570 This is getting too weird. 191 00:17:51,779 --> 00:17:53,873 You and a woman. 192 00:17:55,533 --> 00:17:57,331 I mean, what did she used to do for kicks? 193 00:17:57,493 --> 00:17:59,461 Put a bucket on your head and swing off the handle? 194 00:18:01,163 --> 00:18:05,043 There are two things I don't like about you, Felicia. Your face. 195 00:18:05,209 --> 00:18:07,758 So how about shutting both of them? 196 00:18:07,920 --> 00:18:10,969 At least this explains your abysmal batting average, Mitz. 197 00:18:11,132 --> 00:18:13,976 I often wondered why your dance card was so empty. 198 00:18:14,135 --> 00:18:15,808 I take it you never got a divorce, then? 199 00:18:19,015 --> 00:18:23,566 Well, girls, what can I say? Here's to a secret very well-kept. 200 00:18:23,728 --> 00:18:26,572 Shame it's not gonna stay that way, isn't it? 201 00:18:28,107 --> 00:18:30,860 Got any more little surprises you'd like to share with us? 202 00:18:31,027 --> 00:18:34,031 Haven't got any kids stashed away out there as well, have you? 203 00:18:39,368 --> 00:18:42,838 Look, I haven't lied about anything. 204 00:18:45,166 --> 00:18:48,466 After six years, I get a phone call out of nowhere, screaming for help. 205 00:18:48,628 --> 00:18:51,256 Christ knows I owe her a couple of favors. 206 00:18:55,217 --> 00:18:57,936 I'm sorry that I never told you. 207 00:18:59,221 --> 00:19:01,565 I'm not sorry that you're here. 208 00:19:08,648 --> 00:19:11,492 Don't worry about it, dolls. 209 00:19:11,651 --> 00:19:13,699 I'm as jealous as all hell. 210 00:19:24,997 --> 00:19:26,089 What? 211 00:19:26,916 --> 00:19:31,467 So was it a big wedding? Get lots of prezzies, did you? 212 00:19:31,629 --> 00:19:33,882 I just wish I was old enough to have been there. 213 00:19:34,048 --> 00:19:35,516 Oh, ha-ha. 214 00:19:35,675 --> 00:19:37,803 I would've bought you a lovely matching set 215 00:19:37,968 --> 00:19:40,016 of hers and hers bathmats or something. 216 00:19:40,179 --> 00:19:43,149 - Oh, give it a rest. - Not on your life. 217 00:19:43,307 --> 00:19:47,778 Oh, imagine! Mitzi the Magnificent and her blushing bride. 218 00:19:48,979 --> 00:19:51,528 Mowing those lawns must've been murder on your heels, though. 219 00:19:51,691 --> 00:19:53,785 All right, Felicia, that's enough. 220 00:19:53,943 --> 00:19:56,947 Let's put some money in that seething, cesspool mouth of yours. 221 00:19:57,113 --> 00:20:00,117 If I win this game, you will never mention my wife 222 00:20:00,282 --> 00:20:02,455 ever in my presence again, okay? 223 00:20:02,618 --> 00:20:06,248 - And if I win? - Name your price. 224 00:20:06,414 --> 00:20:09,543 Well, now, what would I like more than anything else 225 00:20:09,709 --> 00:20:12,303 in the whole, wide world? 226 00:20:12,461 --> 00:20:14,634 Snap. Better be quick. 227 00:20:16,674 --> 00:20:19,473 (I LOVE THE NIGHT LIFE 228 00:20:32,565 --> 00:20:34,192 What the fuck am I doing? 229 00:20:35,025 --> 00:20:38,450 Take that bloody frock off, Felicia. Don't make it any worse than it is. 230 00:20:38,612 --> 00:20:41,081 You think I'm gonna let you walk away with all the attention? 231 00:20:41,240 --> 00:20:44,915 No chance. Come on, girls. Let's go shopping. 232 00:20:45,995 --> 00:20:48,043 Oh, for Christ's sake. 233 00:21:06,807 --> 00:21:08,184 I just adore these hats. 234 00:21:08,350 --> 00:21:10,523 Come on, come on! 235 00:21:29,747 --> 00:21:32,216 You've got to be kidding. 236 00:21:32,708 --> 00:21:36,303 Welcome to Mario's Palace. Come in, come in. 237 00:21:38,380 --> 00:21:42,635 Come in. What can I do for you? Would you like a room, madam? 238 00:21:57,316 --> 00:22:00,661 - Subtle. - Oh, tack-o-rama. 239 00:22:00,820 --> 00:22:02,572 Who the hell does all the painting around here? 240 00:22:02,738 --> 00:22:06,117 Someone with no arms or right foot, by the look of things. 241 00:22:06,700 --> 00:22:10,045 For goodness sakes, get down off that crucifix. 242 00:22:10,204 --> 00:22:11,672 Someone needs the wood. 243 00:22:11,831 --> 00:22:14,584 What have we here? 244 00:22:16,961 --> 00:22:19,760 What fun. Baby bottles of booze. 245 00:22:20,256 --> 00:22:24,762 Oh. Gather round, girls. Let me show you a trick. 246 00:22:25,135 --> 00:22:26,808 You drink the gin, 247 00:22:33,102 --> 00:22:36,231 fill the bottle up with water, and put it back in the fridge. 248 00:22:36,397 --> 00:22:38,240 Va t'en vous. What about the Scotch? 249 00:22:38,399 --> 00:22:42,279 That's where the complimentary teabags come in handy. 250 00:22:42,444 --> 00:22:44,822 - Very clever. - Cheers, girls. 251 00:22:44,989 --> 00:22:47,208 And congratulations, Mitzi, darling. You did it. 252 00:22:47,366 --> 00:22:50,870 One lap of the Broken Hill main drag in drag. 253 00:22:51,036 --> 00:22:53,915 That'll teach you to take on the Fairmont Boys School Snap champion. 254 00:22:54,498 --> 00:22:57,217 Here's to being off that fucking bus. 255 00:22:58,627 --> 00:23:00,504 - Chookers. - Chookers. 256 00:23:03,799 --> 00:23:07,224 So, all dolled up and nowhere to go. 257 00:23:07,386 --> 00:23:10,481 I sure as shit am not gonna sit in here all evening. 258 00:23:10,639 --> 00:23:11,640 I'm in. 259 00:23:16,186 --> 00:23:20,066 Oh, all right. Here's hoping they have a decent cocktail bar. 260 00:23:41,003 --> 00:23:45,759 Hello. Could I please have a Stoli and tonic, 261 00:23:45,925 --> 00:23:48,895 a Bloody Mary, and a lime daiquiri, please? 262 00:23:49,803 --> 00:23:55,276 Well, look what the cat dragged in. 263 00:23:57,353 --> 00:23:59,355 What have we got here, eh? 264 00:24:00,105 --> 00:24:03,029 A couple of showgirls, have we? 265 00:24:04,276 --> 00:24:08,031 Where did you ladies come in from? Uranus? 266 00:24:10,032 --> 00:24:13,878 - Could I please have a Stoli... - No! You can't have. 267 00:24:14,036 --> 00:24:15,709 You can't have nothing. 268 00:24:15,871 --> 00:24:18,215 We've got nothing here for people like you. 269 00:24:18,374 --> 00:24:19,671 Nothing! 270 00:24:30,052 --> 00:24:32,146 Now listen here, you mullet. 271 00:24:32,304 --> 00:24:36,150 Why don't you just light your tampon and blow your box apart, 272 00:24:36,308 --> 00:24:39,983 because it's the only bang you're ever gonna get, sweetheart. 273 00:25:07,423 --> 00:25:10,597 Now, what could be more soothing 274 00:25:11,260 --> 00:25:16,767 than coming home after a hard day's work down the mine 275 00:25:17,391 --> 00:25:20,520 to the Wo-Man in us all? 276 00:25:20,686 --> 00:25:24,111 Now, don't send any money, okay? 277 00:26:04,104 --> 00:26:05,447 Ooh. 278 00:26:11,528 --> 00:26:13,576 Shit! 279 00:26:14,573 --> 00:26:18,578 All I can see is female impersonators. 280 00:26:25,292 --> 00:26:26,760 This has gotta be a first. 281 00:26:26,919 --> 00:26:30,014 Nobody has ever out-drunk old Shirl before. 282 00:26:30,172 --> 00:26:32,300 Where'd you learn to throw them back like that? 283 00:26:32,466 --> 00:26:34,218 That's our girl, Bernadette. 284 00:26:34,384 --> 00:26:37,604 I just knew that stumbling around the pub circuit with Les Girls 285 00:26:37,763 --> 00:26:39,982 for 200 years must've taught her something. 286 00:26:40,390 --> 00:26:44,020 - You're a bloody marvel, Bernie. - Bernadette, please. 287 00:26:44,186 --> 00:26:46,689 - What's that? - My name isn't Bernie. 288 00:26:46,855 --> 00:26:48,528 She said her name isn't Bernie. 289 00:26:50,359 --> 00:26:51,702 It's Ralph! 290 00:26:56,365 --> 00:26:57,617 Come on. 291 00:27:03,413 --> 00:27:06,713 - What did you call me? - "What did you call me," what? 292 00:27:07,209 --> 00:27:10,053 What did you call me back there in the bar? 293 00:27:10,212 --> 00:27:11,634 Sorry, Ralph. 294 00:27:14,550 --> 00:27:15,927 You fucking idiot! 295 00:27:18,387 --> 00:27:19,559 FUCK! 296 00:27:21,181 --> 00:27:23,058 Fuck! Get off me, you fucking... 297 00:27:23,642 --> 00:27:24,359 FUCK! 298 00:27:25,185 --> 00:27:27,813 Don't worry about a fucking thing. It's only my fucking head. 299 00:27:27,980 --> 00:27:30,449 At least the bump on your head's bigger than your prick. 300 00:27:30,607 --> 00:27:33,076 Why don't you just get fucked, you stupid old bitch? 301 00:27:33,235 --> 00:27:34,703 Oh, piss off, you little faggot. 302 00:27:34,862 --> 00:27:36,159 You're so bloody boring... 303 00:27:36,321 --> 00:27:38,289 If your mouth was as big as your dick... 304 00:27:59,136 --> 00:28:01,059 - Good morning. - Morning. 305 00:28:03,432 --> 00:28:05,150 It's funny, you know. 306 00:28:06,476 --> 00:28:09,355 No matter how tough I think I'm getting, 307 00:28:12,107 --> 00:28:13,700 ii Still hurts. 308 00:28:17,404 --> 00:28:20,704 Hope it still works. Don't have much call for it out here. 309 00:28:20,866 --> 00:28:23,790 - Where you blokes from? - Uranus. 310 00:28:23,952 --> 00:28:25,295 Oh, good. 311 00:28:35,923 --> 00:28:37,140 There. Left. 312 00:28:37,299 --> 00:28:39,393 I hope you know what you're doing. 313 00:28:39,885 --> 00:28:41,637 If we stick to the sealed road, 314 00:28:41,803 --> 00:28:43,897 we'll be at it for at least another two days. 315 00:28:48,018 --> 00:28:49,361 Take the shortcut. 316 00:29:43,699 --> 00:29:46,543 One more push, I'm gonna smack his face so hard, 317 00:29:46,702 --> 00:29:49,376 he'll have to stick his toothbrush up his ass to clean his teeth. 318 00:29:53,208 --> 00:29:54,881 Just lay off. 319 00:29:55,043 --> 00:29:57,262 I told you not to use the "R" word. 320 00:29:57,421 --> 00:30:00,345 - What did you go and do? - I was only having a bit of fun. 321 00:30:00,507 --> 00:30:03,727 Fun? What else do you do for amusement, slam your fingers in car doors? 322 00:30:04,011 --> 00:30:05,263 What's the point? 323 00:30:05,429 --> 00:30:08,399 I like seeing people get hotheaded, okay? It gives me a kick. 324 00:30:08,557 --> 00:30:09,729 Is it true when you were born, 325 00:30:09,891 --> 00:30:11,859 the doctor turned around and slapped your mother? 326 00:30:13,645 --> 00:30:16,945 What sort of bent childhood did you have, Adam Whitely? 327 00:30:17,232 --> 00:30:20,156 Adam? Adam? 328 00:30:23,238 --> 00:30:24,615 Come in here, boy. 329 00:30:26,616 --> 00:30:28,459 Come sit over here. 330 00:30:31,121 --> 00:30:33,590 Would you like to have some fun with Uncle Barry? 331 00:30:35,083 --> 00:30:37,381 We're gonna play a special game, 332 00:30:37,544 --> 00:30:43,517 but you can't tell anybody ever, ever, ever, okay? 333 00:30:44,176 --> 00:30:47,476 Now, what I want you to do is put your hand down here 334 00:30:47,637 --> 00:30:50,265 and pull very gently, okay? 335 00:30:51,600 --> 00:30:53,352 Very gently. 336 00:30:57,189 --> 00:30:59,612 That's good. That's good. 337 00:31:02,944 --> 00:31:04,946 Jesus Christ, Adam! Get help! 338 00:31:06,031 --> 00:31:09,535 Adam, Uncle Barry's ping-pongs are caught in the drain. 339 00:31:09,701 --> 00:31:10,623 Get mummy. 340 00:31:10,786 --> 00:31:12,629 - Get mummy. - No! 341 00:31:12,788 --> 00:31:14,961 What do you mean, no? 342 00:31:15,123 --> 00:31:17,546 Never, ever, ever, ever! 343 00:31:20,462 --> 00:31:22,089 You know the best part? 344 00:31:22,255 --> 00:31:23,973 The best part, mum was out playing golf, 345 00:31:24,132 --> 00:31:26,885 and the dirty old fuck was stuck there for about seven hours. 346 00:31:28,303 --> 00:31:30,146 Oh, and I thought they were small and wrinkled 347 00:31:30,305 --> 00:31:31,557 before they got in the water. 348 00:31:41,817 --> 00:31:44,912 Hey, I've got a joke. Who wants to hear a joke? 349 00:31:46,655 --> 00:31:48,407 Come on, Bernice, it's so funny. 350 00:31:48,573 --> 00:31:51,452 You'll laugh so hard, your lashes will curl all by themselves. 351 00:31:51,618 --> 00:31:54,838 - Do tell us your hilarious joke. - Okay. 352 00:31:55,664 --> 00:31:59,009 Well, once upon a time, many moons ago, 353 00:31:59,167 --> 00:32:02,592 there was a famous bunch of Indians called the Fukawi tribe. 354 00:32:02,754 --> 00:32:05,598 And one day, the son of the great Indian chief 355 00:32:05,757 --> 00:32:07,054 says to his father, 356 00:32:07,217 --> 00:32:10,938 "Dad, why is my friend, Little Hawk, called Little Hawk?“ 357 00:32:11,096 --> 00:32:14,691 - And his father says... - "Why do you ask, Two Dogs Fucking?" 358 00:32:15,517 --> 00:32:19,363 That's not the end of the joke. So, anyway, back to me. 359 00:32:22,315 --> 00:32:24,283 - Jesus! - What's happening? 360 00:32:25,068 --> 00:32:26,490 I don't know. 361 00:32:41,418 --> 00:32:43,386 Oh, my God. 362 00:33:01,730 --> 00:33:05,826 Oh, Felicia, where the fuck are we? 363 00:33:15,744 --> 00:33:19,044 Shit! Shit! Shit! 364 00:33:34,930 --> 00:33:35,931 Oh, shit. 365 00:33:41,144 --> 00:33:43,021 Well, I've had a look around, 366 00:33:43,188 --> 00:33:45,987 and I think we can safely assume that I now know less about motors 367 00:33:46,149 --> 00:33:50,120 than I did when I first lifted up that bonnety thing. 368 00:33:50,529 --> 00:33:51,951 Now what? 369 00:33:52,864 --> 00:33:54,457 Let's just not think about it for the moment 370 00:33:54,616 --> 00:33:55,959 and eat brekkie, shall we? 371 00:33:56,117 --> 00:34:00,122 Oh, that's a novel idea. Let's stuff ourselves to death. 372 00:34:00,372 --> 00:34:01,874 Imagine the headlines. 373 00:34:02,040 --> 00:34:05,169 "Whales beach themselves in the Outback. 374 00:34:05,460 --> 00:34:08,384 "Mystery bumsticks dead in drag." 375 00:34:08,547 --> 00:34:10,140 Well, there's no point in walking back. 376 00:34:10,298 --> 00:34:11,800 The only life I saw for the last million miles 377 00:34:11,967 --> 00:34:13,219 were the hypnotized bunnies. 378 00:34:13,385 --> 00:34:15,353 Most of them are now wedged in the tires. 379 00:34:15,512 --> 00:34:18,857 Well, somebody'll drive past for sure. We'll keep the ire burning. 380 00:34:19,015 --> 00:34:22,394 Yes, and toast marshmallows and chill champagne for when they arrive. 381 00:34:22,561 --> 00:34:24,438 What if they don't drive past? 382 00:34:24,604 --> 00:34:27,483 Look, you're not helping here. Just eat your hormones. 383 00:34:27,649 --> 00:34:30,448 Hell! Why didn't we stick to the main road? 384 00:34:30,610 --> 00:34:34,331 - What difference does it make now? - You got us into this, Anthony Belrose, 385 00:34:34,489 --> 00:34:37,117 and I suggest you start thinking about how to get us back, 386 00:34:37,284 --> 00:34:40,754 or I don't fancy your chances of ever trying to be a husband again. 387 00:34:45,000 --> 00:34:47,503 Jesus. What are we gonna do? 388 00:34:47,669 --> 00:34:49,671 We're gonna start off with a little facelift. 389 00:34:49,838 --> 00:34:52,341 Nothing like a new frock to brighten up your day. 390 00:34:56,553 --> 00:35:01,150 - Purple? - It's not purple, it's lavender. 391 00:35:01,308 --> 00:35:05,529 - What do you think? - It's nice in a hideous sort of a way. 392 00:35:07,397 --> 00:35:08,899 Where are you going? 393 00:35:09,065 --> 00:35:10,692 If you think I'm going to sit around 394 00:35:10,859 --> 00:35:13,658 watching Picasso take on the public transport system, 395 00:35:13,820 --> 00:35:15,822 you've got another thing coming. 396 00:35:15,989 --> 00:35:19,163 I'll be back with the cavalry in a couple of hours. 397 00:35:19,326 --> 00:35:22,705 There goes a transsexual, last seen heading south. 398 00:35:22,871 --> 00:35:25,215 We call her Bernie, but her real name was... 399 00:35:25,373 --> 00:35:26,716 Adam. 400 00:38:22,759 --> 00:38:24,761 Help! Help! 401 00:38:26,763 --> 00:38:27,855 - What's that, Pa? - What? 402 00:38:28,014 --> 00:38:31,769 Out there, you nong. Looks like a woman. 403 00:38:32,268 --> 00:38:34,612 Help! 404 00:38:37,232 --> 00:38:38,609 Thank God. 405 00:38:44,572 --> 00:38:49,123 Thank you. I can't tell you how grateful I am. 406 00:39:07,679 --> 00:39:08,771 You fucking beauty! 407 00:39:19,107 --> 00:39:19,983 Shit! 408 00:39:20,149 --> 00:39:22,868 Bernie, I never thought I'd be so glad to see you! 409 00:39:23,027 --> 00:39:24,825 I wish I could say the same. 410 00:39:25,947 --> 00:39:27,119 I was just drawing up the will. 411 00:39:27,282 --> 00:39:29,660 Come and meet our saviors. 412 00:39:31,369 --> 00:39:34,122 Tony, Adam, this is Mr. and Mrs. Spencer. 413 00:39:34,289 --> 00:39:35,586 - Hello. - Hello. 414 00:39:37,792 --> 00:39:39,544 Wait! Stop! 415 00:39:43,464 --> 00:39:44,716 Shit! 416 00:39:47,594 --> 00:39:50,063 Oh, for goodness sakes, look at yourself, Mitz. 417 00:39:50,805 --> 00:39:53,558 How many times do I have to tell you green is not your color? 418 00:39:59,522 --> 00:40:01,195 Do you think about Trumpet much? 419 00:40:01,357 --> 00:40:03,200 - No. 420 00:40:04,986 --> 00:40:07,990 Trumpet was just a nice kid who had a thing about transsexuals. 421 00:40:09,240 --> 00:40:10,537 Lots of people do. 422 00:40:10,700 --> 00:40:13,328 Sort of bent status symbol, you know? 423 00:40:13,494 --> 00:40:15,792 "Did you know my girlfriend used to be a boyfriend?" 424 00:40:15,955 --> 00:40:18,754 That sort of thing. Always good for a supper invite. 425 00:40:19,542 --> 00:40:22,386 Still, it was better than nothing. 426 00:40:25,006 --> 00:40:27,805 Nothing. Nothing for miles. 427 00:40:35,642 --> 00:40:38,065 I've said it before, and I'll say it again. 428 00:40:38,227 --> 00:40:42,073 - No more fucking ABBA! - Okay, if we have the time, 429 00:40:42,231 --> 00:40:43,904 we may as well put it to good use. 430 00:40:44,067 --> 00:40:47,697 Come on, girls. Off your snatches. Rehearsal time. 431 00:40:52,283 --> 00:40:53,876 Okay, two bobs to start with, all right? 432 00:40:54,035 --> 00:40:55,537 Boring. 433 00:40:56,371 --> 00:40:57,998 Ready? 434 00:41:04,128 --> 00:41:08,178 - I did this years ago. - You did it so beautifully, 435 00:41:08,341 --> 00:41:10,184 and, darling, you do it so well. 436 00:41:10,343 --> 00:41:12,266 Come on. Right, from the top. 437 00:41:13,638 --> 00:41:14,560 One, two. 438 00:41:31,906 --> 00:41:32,907 Hello. 439 00:41:34,158 --> 00:41:35,284 Nice night for it. 440 00:42:15,700 --> 00:42:17,998 I think we just crashed a party. 441 00:42:19,454 --> 00:42:21,206 No, come on. You'll be all right. 442 00:42:34,385 --> 00:42:36,058 Welcome to my office. Have a seat. 443 00:42:48,983 --> 00:42:50,985 Bernice, I don't know what could've possibly possessed you 444 00:42:51,152 --> 00:42:53,826 - to wear that to a corroboree. - Shut your face. 445 00:43:10,797 --> 00:43:11,764 Bravo! 446 00:43:11,923 --> 00:43:13,470 Fabulous! 447 00:43:17,970 --> 00:43:21,691 Well, girls, I guess it's our turn. 448 00:44:43,347 --> 00:44:44,724 Hey, take a look at that. 449 00:44:48,561 --> 00:44:51,110 I've got an idea. 450 00:45:38,069 --> 00:45:41,073 So you actually make money by dressing up like a woman? 451 00:45:41,614 --> 00:45:45,289 Oh, sure. You can make a fine living in a pair of heels. 452 00:45:46,035 --> 00:45:47,753 Why, Alan, you want a job? 453 00:45:58,172 --> 00:46:01,802 Oh, if only this dress could talk. 454 00:46:02,385 --> 00:46:04,683 You know, sometimes I wonder where I get my taste from. 455 00:46:04,845 --> 00:46:06,097 Definitely not my mother. 456 00:46:06,264 --> 00:46:09,609 Oh, well, serves me right for letting her buy me all those awful clothes. 457 00:46:12,019 --> 00:46:13,236 What's this? 458 00:46:15,189 --> 00:46:18,614 That, my darling, is my most treasured possession in the whole, wide world. 459 00:46:19,277 --> 00:46:20,494 But what is it? 460 00:46:21,487 --> 00:46:22,534 Well, a few years ago, 461 00:46:22,697 --> 00:46:25,075 I went on a pilgrimage backstage to an ABBA concert 462 00:46:25,241 --> 00:46:28,211 hoping to grab an audience with Her Royal Highness Agnetha. 463 00:46:28,369 --> 00:46:31,043 Well, when I saw her ducking into the ladies loo, 464 00:46:31,205 --> 00:46:32,878 naturally I followed her in. 465 00:46:33,040 --> 00:46:36,385 And after she'd finished her business, I ducked into the cubicle, 466 00:46:36,544 --> 00:46:39,388 only to find she'd left me a little gift sitting in the toilet bowl. 467 00:46:40,798 --> 00:46:45,520 What are you telling me? This is an ABBA turd? 468 00:46:48,889 --> 00:46:50,391 I know what we can do with this. 469 00:46:52,059 --> 00:46:55,154 - Are you right? - Hang on. 470 00:46:56,147 --> 00:46:57,740 Okay, go! 471 00:47:19,754 --> 00:47:20,755 There! 472 00:47:51,494 --> 00:47:54,338 Afternoon. What seems to be the problem? 473 00:48:00,127 --> 00:48:03,176 What a nice dog. What's its name? 474 00:48:03,631 --> 00:48:04,678 Herpes. 475 00:48:06,509 --> 00:48:08,807 If she's good, she'll heel. 476 00:48:11,389 --> 00:48:14,984 Things get pretty quiet around here. We're a bit starved for entertainment. 477 00:48:15,142 --> 00:48:18,316 Glad we could oblige. How does it look? 478 00:48:20,648 --> 00:48:23,151 Your gas tank's chockablock full of crud. 479 00:48:23,317 --> 00:48:27,288 Traveling on a rough road on a low tank chucked it all up into the motor. 480 00:48:27,446 --> 00:48:29,915 Your fuel line's blocked, injectors are stuffed. 481 00:48:30,074 --> 00:48:33,453 - So does that mean you can ix it? - In the short term. 482 00:48:34,453 --> 00:48:37,081 What you blokes need is a new gas tank. 483 00:48:37,748 --> 00:48:39,125 Don't suppose you have one lying around? 484 00:48:39,291 --> 00:48:41,214 No, sorry. 485 00:48:41,377 --> 00:48:43,471 You could pick one up in Coober Pedy in about a week. 486 00:48:43,629 --> 00:48:44,846 When do you have to be in Alice? 487 00:48:45,714 --> 00:48:47,432 Six days. 488 00:48:48,467 --> 00:48:50,890 Well, we can clear it out and hope for the best. 489 00:48:51,554 --> 00:48:55,104 You might make it. Won't know unless you give it a try. 490 00:48:56,183 --> 00:48:58,277 Refreshments! 491 00:48:58,561 --> 00:49:00,484 Lemonade, here I make. 492 00:49:01,021 --> 00:49:03,615 That's very nice, darling. Please, go back inside. 493 00:49:03,774 --> 00:49:06,618 Lemonade, here I make. Lemonade for guests. 494 00:49:06,777 --> 00:49:09,701 No, darling, please. 495 00:49:09,864 --> 00:49:11,866 I made chocolate cracker. 496 00:49:15,369 --> 00:49:16,666 Thank you. 497 00:49:17,913 --> 00:49:20,132 - We put cream on? - No, no. 498 00:49:20,291 --> 00:49:22,464 It's a face cream. For face. 499 00:49:24,044 --> 00:49:27,264 Bob, Cynthia, thank you. 500 00:49:28,424 --> 00:49:30,392 I love lamb with meringue. 501 00:49:30,551 --> 00:49:31,894 Thank you for the company. 502 00:49:32,052 --> 00:49:35,556 Like I said earlier, new faces are pretty hard to come by out here. 503 00:49:35,723 --> 00:49:37,817 If you don't mind me asking, what are you doing off the highway? 504 00:49:37,975 --> 00:49:39,602 Well, now, that's a bloody good question. 505 00:49:40,978 --> 00:49:43,731 Glad you bothered. Don't get your type out here very often. 506 00:49:45,858 --> 00:49:50,204 - Me like to sing, too. Me like... - Yeah, pretty damn quiet. 507 00:49:50,362 --> 00:49:52,364 Thought of opening a video business for a while. 508 00:49:52,531 --> 00:49:54,750 But I suppose we gotta wait to get television first. 509 00:49:54,909 --> 00:49:57,207 Me perform for you. Me dance, too. 510 00:49:57,369 --> 00:50:00,498 My wife used to be in the entertainment business. 511 00:50:00,664 --> 00:50:05,090 - Yeah. You perform here? - You're thinking of performing here? 512 00:50:05,252 --> 00:50:07,254 I mean, you've got to be here at least another night. 513 00:50:07,421 --> 00:50:11,267 Um... the thought hadn't really crossed my mind. 514 00:50:11,425 --> 00:50:13,644 Well, why not? I could have a word with Wally at the pub. 515 00:50:13,802 --> 00:50:15,429 Everybody would love it. 516 00:50:16,514 --> 00:50:19,688 I'm not sure our show would go down too well out here. 517 00:50:21,685 --> 00:50:24,108 If you don't mind me asking, what kind of cabaret do you do? 518 00:50:24,271 --> 00:50:26,444 We dress up in women's clothes and parade around 519 00:50:26,607 --> 00:50:28,985 mouthing the words to other people's songs. 520 00:50:29,735 --> 00:50:32,705 You mean sort of like those... What do they call them... 521 00:50:32,863 --> 00:50:34,035 Les Girls. 522 00:50:34,949 --> 00:50:35,871 Oh, yeah, I've seen them, 523 00:50:36,033 --> 00:50:37,876 way back in Sydney when I was a young bloke. 524 00:50:38,035 --> 00:50:41,756 - Fantastic. Just terrific. - Bob, you are looking 525 00:50:41,914 --> 00:50:44,292 at probably the most famous Le Girl 526 00:50:44,458 --> 00:50:45,835 ever produced. 527 00:50:46,001 --> 00:50:48,675 - You're kidding me. - Give me a break. 528 00:50:48,837 --> 00:50:51,807 - I was never that famous. - I am not joking. 529 00:50:51,966 --> 00:50:54,970 What? I mean, I wouldn't really have seen you, but... 530 00:50:55,135 --> 00:50:58,105 - That must've been 30 years back. - Oh, you'd be surprised. 531 00:50:58,639 --> 00:51:00,312 Me perform for you. Me sing. 532 00:51:00,474 --> 00:51:03,273 No, Cynthia, you no perform. They perform, not you. 533 00:51:10,317 --> 00:51:15,164 Well, a real, live Les Girls show. Right. This calls for a celebration. 534 00:51:19,243 --> 00:51:22,497 - Maybe this isn't such a good idea. - Oh, shut your twat. 535 00:51:22,663 --> 00:51:25,337 Our frocks were the sensation of Broken Hill, remember? 536 00:51:25,833 --> 00:51:29,758 There was a Kmart in Broken Hill. At least they knew what a frock was. 537 00:51:29,920 --> 00:51:32,173 Christ, you should see what this woman's wearing. 538 00:51:32,339 --> 00:51:34,558 It's not a frock, it's a piece of corrugated iron. 539 00:51:39,555 --> 00:51:41,899 - Can I come in? - Only if you're single. 540 00:51:48,272 --> 00:51:50,570 Oh, you look incredible. 541 00:51:51,692 --> 00:51:52,944 Where did we find this guy? 542 00:51:53,110 --> 00:51:54,828 You just keep dishing out the compliments, Bob. 543 00:51:54,987 --> 00:51:58,366 Flattery will get you everywhere. And where's that lovely wife of yours? 544 00:51:58,532 --> 00:51:59,784 She's at home. 545 00:51:59,950 --> 00:52:01,952 She's not allowed in the pub anymore. 546 00:52:02,119 --> 00:52:03,871 Really? why? 547 00:52:05,039 --> 00:52:06,541 She had a problem with alcohol. 548 00:52:06,707 --> 00:52:09,381 Every time she gets in the pub, she makes a complete fool of herself. 549 00:52:09,543 --> 00:52:11,420 I know how she feels. 550 00:52:13,672 --> 00:52:15,891 Well, we're all waiting. You ready? 551 00:52:16,884 --> 00:52:20,730 Bob, we're having second thoughts. 552 00:52:22,139 --> 00:52:25,063 You can't back out now. Every man and his dog's out there. 553 00:52:25,225 --> 00:52:27,102 They're not chained up, by any chance? 554 00:52:27,269 --> 00:52:30,148 You blokes. Sorry. You girls. 555 00:52:30,314 --> 00:52:32,863 Look, you'll be fine. Take my word for it. 556 00:53:48,225 --> 00:53:49,351 Yeah! 557 00:53:52,146 --> 00:53:53,489 Yeah, right. 558 00:54:38,400 --> 00:54:40,448 What the hell is going on? 559 00:55:05,719 --> 00:55:07,141 Oh, she's not... 560 00:55:07,513 --> 00:55:08,685 Is she? 561 00:55:10,933 --> 00:55:13,436 Oh, you can't do that with a ping-pong ball. 562 00:55:15,521 --> 00:55:17,319 You wanna bet? 563 00:55:59,565 --> 00:56:00,487 I'm going! 564 00:56:00,649 --> 00:56:02,777 Darling, don't go. There's nothing we can't work out. 565 00:56:02,943 --> 00:56:05,241 - You no good man. - Don't be silly. 566 00:56:05,696 --> 00:56:08,745 You want good wife? You be good husband. 567 00:56:08,907 --> 00:56:09,999 Darling, don't go. 568 00:56:11,285 --> 00:56:14,664 I no like you anyway. You got little ding-a-ling. 569 00:56:29,595 --> 00:56:31,723 Some days you just shouldn't get out of bed. 570 00:56:32,806 --> 00:56:34,558 In my opinion, you should wait here 571 00:56:34,725 --> 00:56:37,478 until I get back from Coober Pedy with a new gas tank. 572 00:56:37,644 --> 00:56:40,818 Then again, you listened to my last opinion. 573 00:56:41,189 --> 00:56:44,568 Forget it, Bob. it's time we made a move. 574 00:56:44,735 --> 00:56:47,204 I'm just a gifted amateur round here. 575 00:56:47,362 --> 00:56:49,410 There's no way a nice frock and a catchy tune 576 00:56:49,573 --> 00:56:51,246 can compete with three ping-pong balls, 577 00:56:51,408 --> 00:56:52,705 two cigarettes, and a pint of beer. 578 00:56:52,868 --> 00:56:54,791 If we break down, we break down. I'll play it safe 579 00:56:54,953 --> 00:56:56,330 and stick to the main drag. 580 00:56:56,496 --> 00:56:59,090 Pardon the pun. Well, good-bye, Bob. 581 00:56:59,249 --> 00:57:01,502 Thanks for a very educational stay. 582 00:57:01,668 --> 00:57:04,012 Yes, I'd do anything to be able to open a bottle like that. 583 00:57:05,297 --> 00:57:09,177 Bernadette, it's certainly been an honor meeting a member of Les Girls. 584 00:57:09,343 --> 00:57:12,347 And may I say it's been an honor to meet a gentleman. 585 00:57:12,512 --> 00:57:16,858 Believe me, Bob, these days gentlemen are an endangered species. 586 00:57:19,853 --> 00:57:23,653 Unlike bloody drag queens, who just keep breeding like rabbits. 587 00:57:31,365 --> 00:57:32,708 Oh, fuck it! 588 00:57:34,409 --> 00:57:38,164 Bob, fancy a free ride to Coober Pedy? 589 00:57:44,044 --> 00:57:46,388 Now listen, Bob, let's get one thing straight. 590 00:57:46,546 --> 00:57:48,014 We may wear the frocks around here, 591 00:57:48,173 --> 00:57:50,676 but that doesn't mean that you wear the pants. 592 00:57:50,842 --> 00:57:52,810 Right. Where will I sleep? 593 00:57:52,970 --> 00:57:54,768 Oh, anywhere that takes your fancy. 594 00:57:55,472 --> 00:57:56,974 The roof will do me fine. 595 00:57:58,475 --> 00:58:01,900 Thank you, Bob. I don't know what to say. 596 00:58:02,062 --> 00:58:05,987 That's all right. Might as well get there a few days earlier. Bit of R&R. 597 00:58:07,484 --> 00:58:09,578 God knows I need it. 598 00:58:33,051 --> 00:58:36,555 Can I ask you a personal question? I mean, if you don't mind. 599 00:58:36,722 --> 00:58:37,939 Sure. 600 00:58:38,849 --> 00:58:42,854 Why? Why do you, you know... 601 00:58:44,938 --> 00:58:47,782 You mean, the $64,000 question? 602 00:58:47,941 --> 00:58:51,571 That's a girl. Now, don't tear the wrapping paper. 603 00:58:51,737 --> 00:58:55,287 Just slide the ribbon off, and we can see what Santa's brought you. 604 00:58:55,449 --> 00:58:59,625 Here it comes now. What is it? 605 00:58:59,786 --> 00:59:02,209 Oh, it's a... it's a... 606 00:59:04,708 --> 00:59:06,551 Cement mixer. 607 00:59:08,587 --> 00:59:12,387 Have you been changing the cards around again, Ralph? 608 00:59:16,553 --> 00:59:19,056 So, I guess I had no choice in the matter. 609 00:59:19,222 --> 00:59:22,522 Oh, for fuck's sake! Watch where you're driving, you stupid bitch! 610 00:59:22,684 --> 00:59:24,527 What are you trying to do? Fucking kill me or something? 611 00:59:24,686 --> 00:59:25,653 My fault. 612 00:59:25,812 --> 00:59:28,941 I'm sorry, Bob. I thought it was Bernadette. 613 00:59:31,943 --> 00:59:35,698 One, two, three. 614 00:59:35,864 --> 00:59:37,491 Now, you're getting it. 615 00:59:37,657 --> 00:59:40,001 - Who taught you to waltz? - My wife. 616 00:59:40,160 --> 00:59:41,207 Oh, how sweet. 617 00:59:41,369 --> 00:59:43,997 You and the missus, down at Arthur Murray's every Tuesday night, 618 00:59:44,164 --> 00:59:45,632 practicing your little hearts out. 619 00:59:45,791 --> 00:59:47,964 - Makes me wanna sick up. - She's a better dancer than you... 620 00:59:48,126 --> 00:59:51,721 - Married? - Yes, married. 621 00:59:51,880 --> 00:59:55,475 We've only recently discovered young Anthony here bats for both teams. 622 00:59:55,634 --> 00:59:58,683 - I do not. - Oh, so we're straight. 623 00:59:58,845 --> 01:00:00,267 - No. - Oh, we're not? 624 01:00:00,430 --> 01:00:01,852 So, we're a donut puncher after all? 625 01:00:02,015 --> 01:00:03,688 - No. - Then what the hell are we? 626 01:00:03,850 --> 01:00:05,602 I don't fucking know! 627 01:00:08,438 --> 01:00:09,530 What the fuck's that? 628 01:00:15,195 --> 01:00:16,663 Good evening. 629 01:00:17,656 --> 01:00:19,033 Nice night for it. 630 01:00:20,575 --> 01:00:22,498 Oh, okay. Good night then. 631 01:00:23,703 --> 01:00:25,205 What a rude woman. 632 01:00:35,799 --> 01:00:39,144 And that's the power steering pump, that's the radiator fan. 633 01:00:39,302 --> 01:00:41,145 - How interesting. - Simple. 634 01:00:42,139 --> 01:00:45,018 That's the rubber band that ties the whole thing together. 635 01:00:49,104 --> 01:00:51,277 Hey, who wants first bath? 636 01:01:07,706 --> 01:01:10,209 I won! 637 01:01:19,426 --> 01:01:20,723 Can I help you, ma'am? 638 01:01:30,937 --> 01:01:32,780 Okay, turn her over. 639 01:02:55,272 --> 01:02:56,649 That's it over there. 640 01:02:57,232 --> 01:02:58,984 It's an okay room with a shower. 641 01:02:59,150 --> 01:03:00,026 - I'm first! - I'm first! 642 01:03:00,193 --> 01:03:02,161 Is hot water all you can ever think about? 643 01:03:02,320 --> 01:03:05,665 No. A shower, a comfortable bed, and a nice meal will do me fine. 644 01:03:05,824 --> 01:03:08,202 You think I'm gonna crawl into the sack and watch television, 645 01:03:08,368 --> 01:03:11,497 - you got another thing coming. - Now, look, you blokes watch your back. 646 01:03:11,663 --> 01:03:13,336 This is a pretty tough little town. 647 01:03:13,498 --> 01:03:14,715 They get up in the morning, they go down a hole, 648 01:03:14,874 --> 01:03:16,467 they blow things up, and they come up again. 649 01:03:16,626 --> 01:03:18,720 - That about sums things up. - Fabulous! 650 01:03:18,878 --> 01:03:22,098 You're welcome to hang out with us, Bob, if you've got nothing better to do. 651 01:03:22,257 --> 01:03:26,387 Yeah, I'm meeting some of the boys at the old drive-in for a booze-up, 652 01:03:26,553 --> 01:03:28,555 - like the old days. - I wanna go with Bob. 653 01:03:28,722 --> 01:03:30,349 I wanna go to the boys club! I wanna go with Bob! 654 01:03:30,515 --> 01:03:32,313 You come and have supper with us, Adam Whitely, 655 01:03:32,475 --> 01:03:35,024 or you'll stay in your room by yourself and watch TV. 656 01:04:02,589 --> 01:04:06,344 - He's a good man, our Bob. - Yeah. 657 01:04:07,635 --> 01:04:09,228 Not my type, though. 658 01:04:09,387 --> 01:04:12,641 Oh, don't come the raw prawn with me. 659 01:04:12,807 --> 01:04:15,686 I can spot the fluttering of a beaded lash from 300 paces. 660 01:04:15,852 --> 01:04:19,447 Oh, get out. He's far too old. 661 01:04:20,607 --> 01:04:22,450 Mind you, so am I. 662 01:04:23,818 --> 01:04:25,741 Did you catch that mail-order bride? 663 01:04:27,989 --> 01:04:30,492 Why'd he marry? I'm dying to ask. 664 01:04:32,869 --> 01:04:34,792 - Sorry. - That's all right. 665 01:04:34,954 --> 01:04:39,630 Don't worry about it. You're the world's best husband. 666 01:04:39,793 --> 01:04:43,047 Given the chance, a perfectly good father, too. 667 01:04:44,506 --> 01:04:46,133 Do you really think so? 668 01:04:46,299 --> 01:04:49,143 Why? Thinking about children? 669 01:04:50,261 --> 01:04:51,808 Yes, as a matter of fact. 670 01:05:09,823 --> 01:05:12,497 Do you have The Texas Chainsaw Mascara? 671 01:05:16,329 --> 01:05:17,831 You ever wanted kids? 672 01:05:17,997 --> 01:05:21,968 Sure. But I've learnt not to think about it. 673 01:05:25,338 --> 01:05:28,387 Do you think an old queen's capable of raising a child? 674 01:05:28,550 --> 01:05:32,100 Well, Elizabeth did a pretty good job. 675 01:05:32,262 --> 01:05:34,185 Prince Charles is a wonderful boy. 676 01:05:34,806 --> 01:05:37,150 Edward's still a bit of a worry. 677 01:05:39,561 --> 01:05:41,609 What happens if they turn out like Adam? 678 01:05:42,730 --> 01:05:45,074 You stuff them back in and ask for a refund. 679 01:05:48,736 --> 01:05:50,704 Stupid little shit. 680 01:05:51,739 --> 01:05:53,867 I dread to think what he's up to. 681 01:06:22,270 --> 01:06:26,070 Hello. I'm new in town. 682 01:06:27,066 --> 01:06:28,409 No kidding. 683 01:06:29,569 --> 01:06:32,573 Could I have a Bloody Mary, please? 684 01:06:32,739 --> 01:06:35,993 It's a beer or nothing, sweetheart. 685 01:06:37,410 --> 01:06:39,083 Well, I better have a beer then. 686 01:06:40,914 --> 01:06:41,915 Cheers. 687 01:06:46,294 --> 01:06:48,092 What are you all looking at? 688 01:06:51,257 --> 01:06:52,600 I'm sorry. 689 01:06:54,135 --> 01:06:57,981 We didn't mean to stare. We don't usually get women down here. 690 01:06:58,932 --> 01:07:00,104 Oh. 691 01:07:01,267 --> 01:07:05,693 So what do women do around here besides watching videos? 692 01:07:07,732 --> 01:07:10,656 Well, well, well. Look who we have here. 693 01:07:12,904 --> 01:07:14,281 You know that bloke, do you? 694 01:07:19,160 --> 01:07:20,252 No. 695 01:07:22,121 --> 01:07:25,796 So, who's gonna show me the sights? 696 01:07:27,835 --> 01:07:31,305 - Be my pleasure. - Oh. 697 01:07:34,217 --> 01:07:35,719 So how about it? 698 01:07:39,138 --> 01:07:41,607 Well, I suppose a fuck's now out of the question. 699 01:07:46,980 --> 01:07:48,482 Get her, Frank! 700 01:07:51,526 --> 01:07:55,281 Come on, boys. Who wants to see my map of Tasmania? 701 01:07:56,155 --> 01:07:58,453 So I never got a chance to tell my parents 702 01:07:58,616 --> 01:08:00,334 what a wonderful childhood I'd had. 703 01:08:03,538 --> 01:08:07,668 They never spoke to me again after I'd had the chop. 704 01:08:12,797 --> 01:08:15,516 I think I have something to tell you. 705 01:08:17,969 --> 01:08:19,437 Oh, shit. 706 01:08:33,234 --> 01:08:35,987 Okay, fellows. Let's not forget how to treat a lady. 707 01:08:36,154 --> 01:08:37,371 You fucking freak! 708 01:08:42,035 --> 01:08:43,332 Hold him down. 709 01:08:43,494 --> 01:08:45,997 - Spread his legs. - No, please. 710 01:08:48,416 --> 01:08:50,418 Frank, stop! 711 01:08:50,585 --> 01:08:53,714 Stop! What the fuck do you think you're doing? 712 01:08:53,880 --> 01:08:55,598 You mean you do know this cocksucker? 713 01:08:55,757 --> 01:08:57,600 Get off him, you mongrel. 714 01:08:58,426 --> 01:09:01,930 He was joking, okay? Now you leave the little bugger alone. 715 01:09:02,096 --> 01:09:05,066 - Get out of here, Bob. - Cut it out, Frank. 716 01:09:05,224 --> 01:09:07,773 Put the faggot down and get the fuck out of there, Bob, 717 01:09:07,935 --> 01:09:09,357 - or you'll be next. - Frank. 718 01:09:09,520 --> 01:09:10,737 Get out of there! 719 01:09:10,897 --> 01:09:14,993 Stop flexing your muscles, you big pile of budgie turd. 720 01:09:15,151 --> 01:09:17,199 I'm sure your mates will be much more impressed 721 01:09:17,362 --> 01:09:21,208 if you just go back to the pub and fuck a couple of pigs on the bar. 722 01:09:21,366 --> 01:09:22,868 Bernadette, please. 723 01:09:23,034 --> 01:09:25,332 Bernadette? 724 01:09:25,495 --> 01:09:29,250 Well, I'll be darned. The whole circus is in town. 725 01:09:29,415 --> 01:09:31,759 I suppose you wanna fuck, too, do you? 726 01:09:31,918 --> 01:09:35,548 Come on, Bernadette. Come and fuck me. That's it. 727 01:09:37,340 --> 01:09:40,640 Come on. Come and fuck me. Come on. 728 01:09:42,887 --> 01:09:44,059 Fuck me. 729 01:09:50,061 --> 01:09:52,905 There. Now you're fucked. 730 01:09:53,856 --> 01:09:56,700 You stupid, bloody idiot. Drugs, for Christ's sake! 731 01:09:56,859 --> 01:10:00,363 Well, three cheers for you! I hope you're bloody well happy now. 732 01:10:01,698 --> 01:10:02,699 Stupid, bloody fuckwit. 733 01:10:07,912 --> 01:10:09,129 it's funny. 734 01:10:10,456 --> 01:10:11,457 We all sit around 735 01:10:11,624 --> 01:10:15,549 mindlessly slagging off that vile stinkhole of a city. 736 01:10:17,255 --> 01:10:19,804 But in some strange way, it takes care of us. 737 01:10:21,634 --> 01:10:23,557 I don't know if that ugly wall of suburbia 738 01:10:23,720 --> 01:10:29,318 has been put there to stop them getting in or us getting out. 739 01:10:32,812 --> 01:10:33,904 Come on. 740 01:10:35,690 --> 01:10:37,408 Don't let it drag you down. 741 01:10:38,526 --> 01:10:39,994 Let it toughen you up. 742 01:10:41,571 --> 01:10:43,915 I can only fight because I've learned to. 743 01:10:45,450 --> 01:10:47,168 Being a man one day and a woman the next 744 01:10:47,326 --> 01:10:49,420 is not an easy thing to do. 745 01:10:52,498 --> 01:10:55,251 - Sorry. Can't help you. - No worries, mate. 746 01:10:59,005 --> 01:11:01,508 Well, are we bunny-hopping all the way to Alice? 747 01:11:01,674 --> 01:11:04,803 No good. He says the man to help us is a fair way out of town. 748 01:11:04,969 --> 01:11:06,346 Like how fair? 749 01:11:06,512 --> 01:11:08,389 Couple of hundred klicks fair. 750 01:11:08,556 --> 01:11:10,979 No matter. Got nothing else to do today. 751 01:11:11,142 --> 01:11:12,815 Let's get out of here. 752 01:11:12,977 --> 01:11:14,775 Come on, Adam, we're not here. 753 01:11:43,758 --> 01:11:46,011 Some things are said in the heat of the moment. 754 01:11:50,223 --> 01:11:52,317 I'm sorry I got angry with you last night, 755 01:11:53,559 --> 01:11:55,402 although I daresay you deserved it. 756 01:11:56,395 --> 01:11:58,272 Anyway, that's enough of that. 757 01:12:00,149 --> 01:12:03,494 This is quite an experience, sitting here with you now. 758 01:12:03,653 --> 01:12:08,159 I quite safely say that I think your taste in clothing 759 01:12:08,324 --> 01:12:11,794 is absolutely terrible, because you can't say a word, can you? 760 01:12:13,371 --> 01:12:15,419 Oh, this is great fun! 761 01:12:19,752 --> 01:12:20,844 We're going to have a problem 762 01:12:21,003 --> 01:12:22,676 finding this guy with the tank, aren't we? 763 01:12:22,839 --> 01:12:25,388 - Why do you say that? - Because he's not out here. 764 01:12:25,550 --> 01:12:27,769 He's out here. He's in Alice. 765 01:12:29,262 --> 01:12:31,890 Well, I can't go back to Coober Pedy for a while. 766 01:12:32,056 --> 01:12:34,935 Not the most popular bloke in the world back there anymore. 767 01:12:48,114 --> 01:12:49,457 Hello. 768 01:12:49,615 --> 01:12:53,210 - Hello. - Who are you? 769 01:12:53,369 --> 01:12:55,292 I your wife. 770 01:12:57,915 --> 01:13:01,920 - Guess I'll be going home then. - No, you no going. I coming, too. 771 01:13:02,086 --> 01:13:03,963 I your wife, see? 772 01:13:04,130 --> 01:13:05,632 I your wife! 773 01:13:05,798 --> 01:13:07,050 Silly girl. 774 01:13:08,801 --> 01:13:10,144 Should have done her homework better. 775 01:13:11,637 --> 01:13:13,731 She thought I was from Sydney. 776 01:13:13,973 --> 01:13:16,101 Why in God's name did you bring her home? 777 01:13:16,976 --> 01:13:20,321 - She was me wife. - Couldn't you sell her off? 778 01:13:20,479 --> 01:13:22,481 Oh, the party's over, everyone. 779 01:13:22,648 --> 01:13:25,993 It talks. Can't keep a good bitch down. 780 01:13:26,986 --> 01:13:28,659 What time do you reckon we'll be in Alice Springs? 781 01:13:29,655 --> 01:13:31,578 Late tomorrow arvo. 782 01:13:31,741 --> 01:13:33,789 How long do you think you'll be staying? 783 01:13:33,993 --> 01:13:37,497 I don't know. Couple of days, maybe. 784 01:13:37,663 --> 01:13:41,167 Hey, big day for you tomorrow, eh? We all get to meet the missus. 785 01:13:41,334 --> 01:13:45,885 I saw that smile, Felicia. One word, one derogatory word, 786 01:13:46,047 --> 01:13:48,596 and I'm gonna take you back to your mate in Coober Pedy. 787 01:13:50,426 --> 01:13:52,178 Look, please, everyone. Tomorrow's gonna be a little tough. 788 01:13:52,345 --> 01:13:54,188 Please don't make it any harder than it has to be. 789 01:13:54,347 --> 01:13:55,314 We're only teasing. 790 01:13:55,473 --> 01:13:57,976 We won't open our mouths until you give the word. 791 01:13:59,101 --> 01:14:00,273 Then it's open season. 792 01:14:14,825 --> 01:14:16,953 Oh, well, time for bed. 793 01:14:17,119 --> 01:14:18,871 I've got to look good for the wife in the morning. 794 01:14:19,038 --> 01:14:20,631 Come along, Adam. Time for your beauty sleep. 795 01:14:20,790 --> 01:14:22,884 Come on. 796 01:14:24,251 --> 01:14:25,798 Will you two be joining us? 797 01:14:28,047 --> 01:14:29,845 I just thought I'd have one for the road. 798 01:14:30,007 --> 01:14:33,102 - How about you, Bob? - Sounds good to me. 799 01:14:33,260 --> 01:14:35,638 All right, then. See you in the morning. 800 01:14:36,097 --> 01:14:37,223 Good night. 801 01:14:39,850 --> 01:14:42,899 - Another piece of cake, Bob? - No. 802 01:14:48,234 --> 01:14:52,330 So, tell me about you. 803 01:14:53,864 --> 01:14:57,368 Can't complain. Life's a lot simpler now. 804 01:14:57,535 --> 01:15:00,584 I spent 30 years wandering around the world 805 01:15:00,746 --> 01:15:04,421 only to find that I was better off where I started. 806 01:15:05,918 --> 01:15:07,511 Not much, but it's my turf. 807 01:15:08,170 --> 01:15:09,262 Shit! 808 01:15:24,270 --> 01:15:25,362 Adam. 809 01:15:27,565 --> 01:15:28,657 Adam. 810 01:15:29,900 --> 01:15:33,029 - What? - Guess who didn't come home last night. 811 01:15:39,952 --> 01:15:42,956 I've waited all my life for this. 812 01:15:43,122 --> 01:15:46,626 Bernice has left her cake out in the rain. 813 01:16:28,793 --> 01:16:30,340 My fucking back's killing me. 814 01:16:30,836 --> 01:16:32,383 I need a crap. 815 01:16:32,546 --> 01:16:34,969 - Look, do you want me to go in? - No, no, I'll go. 816 01:16:37,635 --> 01:16:39,637 Excuse me, sir. You can't park your bus here. 817 01:16:39,804 --> 01:16:41,647 Are you planning on staying at the hotel? 818 01:16:41,806 --> 01:16:44,810 Sorry. Could you direct me to Marion Barber, please? 819 01:16:45,309 --> 01:16:47,858 - We're the cabaret act from Sydney. - Oh, right. Right, yeah. 820 01:16:48,020 --> 01:16:49,818 Just go through to Reception, and they'll take you right through. 821 01:16:49,980 --> 01:16:51,152 - Thanks. - No worries. 822 01:16:51,315 --> 01:16:53,192 It's all right, Lenny, it's the drag queens. 823 01:16:56,278 --> 01:16:58,576 Come on, Bob. Let's go try on your new frock. 824 01:16:59,657 --> 01:17:00,829 Quay. 825 01:17:03,202 --> 01:17:06,126 - Just over there by the back bar. - Thanks. 826 01:17:12,253 --> 01:17:14,847 No, those three kegs didn't arrive. 827 01:17:15,005 --> 01:17:17,758 I need them today, not tomorrow, but today. 828 01:17:17,925 --> 01:17:20,269 You're a doll. What an asshole. 829 01:17:25,057 --> 01:17:27,105 My God! Husband, husband! 830 01:17:27,268 --> 01:17:29,566 - it's so good to see you. - Hiya, wife. 831 01:17:29,728 --> 01:17:31,605 You're a day late. I was just gathering the search party. 832 01:17:31,772 --> 01:17:33,274 - Where are the others? - They're outside. 833 01:17:33,440 --> 01:17:35,408 You've lost weight, you rotten old queer. 834 01:17:35,568 --> 01:17:36,990 It's about fucking time. 835 01:17:37,153 --> 01:17:38,905 I can finally get into that old one-piece of yours. 836 01:17:39,071 --> 01:17:40,869 - You know, the one with the sunflowers. - You still got that? 837 01:17:41,031 --> 01:17:42,078 What the hell do you do with it? 838 01:17:42,241 --> 01:17:45,461 The Poseidon Adventure routine, you know. Shelley Winters. 839 01:17:52,376 --> 01:17:53,969 Where is he? 840 01:17:57,923 --> 01:18:00,221 I'm very, very angry with you. 841 01:18:00,384 --> 01:18:04,685 There's one thing I'd like to do to you, a good spanking. 842 01:18:04,847 --> 01:18:06,440 You forget it. 843 01:18:06,599 --> 01:18:08,317 Spank, spank, spank. 844 01:18:08,475 --> 01:18:10,477 I've got a good mind to put you over my knee. 845 01:18:10,644 --> 01:18:14,444 - I'll spank, spank you back. - Benj. 846 01:18:15,858 --> 01:18:16,950 Do you remember Tick? 847 01:18:25,159 --> 01:18:26,786 Hello, Tick. 848 01:18:31,916 --> 01:18:33,463 Hello. 849 01:18:35,628 --> 01:18:37,221 Where's the bloody bar? 850 01:18:42,176 --> 01:18:44,850 - Mr. Belrose? - Yes? 851 01:18:46,138 --> 01:18:48,641 Congratulations. It's a boy. 852 01:18:53,812 --> 01:18:55,109 Shit! 853 01:18:55,522 --> 01:18:56,489 - You okay? - What's the matter? 854 01:18:56,649 --> 01:18:58,026 - Help. - Oh, my God. 855 01:18:58,859 --> 01:19:00,827 For Christ sake, Mitz, why didn't you tell us? 856 01:19:00,986 --> 01:19:03,239 Why the hell did you have to shock me like that? 857 01:19:05,157 --> 01:19:08,286 This lump on my head is getting bigger by the second. 858 01:19:08,452 --> 01:19:11,001 I'm about to make my Northern Territories debut 859 01:19:11,163 --> 01:19:13,632 looking like a fucking Warner Brothers cartoon character 860 01:19:13,791 --> 01:19:15,338 has hit me over the head with an iron. 861 01:19:15,501 --> 01:19:16,969 I think you look more like a Disney witch, myself. 862 01:19:17,127 --> 01:19:19,755 Oh, shut your face, Felicia. At least I don't look like 863 01:19:19,922 --> 01:19:21,845 somebody's tried to open a can of beans with my face. 864 01:19:22,007 --> 01:19:22,929 I'm sorry, girls. 865 01:19:23,092 --> 01:19:25,436 I couldn't stand the thought of you bagging me on the bus for two weeks. 866 01:19:25,594 --> 01:19:27,346 Anyway, what difference does it make now? 867 01:19:27,513 --> 01:19:29,515 About two inches to my head, for one. 868 01:19:29,682 --> 01:19:32,185 Did you get a good look at him? He's got my profile, that's for sure. 869 01:19:32,351 --> 01:19:33,227 I think I'm gonna be sick. 870 01:19:33,394 --> 01:19:36,364 I hate to be practical here, but does he know who you are? 871 01:19:36,522 --> 01:19:38,195 I mean, does he know what you do for a living? 872 01:19:38,357 --> 01:19:42,533 He knows he has a father in the show business, cosmetics industry. 873 01:19:42,695 --> 01:19:44,538 Oh, Lord. I don't understand. 874 01:19:44,697 --> 01:19:46,495 No, you don't understand, so stop trying to. 875 01:19:46,657 --> 01:19:48,250 - It'll be fine. - It better be. 876 01:19:48,409 --> 01:19:51,379 Hello! Stop wearing out that mirror. 877 01:19:51,537 --> 01:19:53,881 - Do you always knock before you enter? - Always. Why? 878 01:19:54,039 --> 01:19:56,041 You haven't got anything to hide in there, have you? 879 01:19:56,542 --> 01:19:58,636 All right, girls, you're on in 10 minutes. 880 01:19:58,794 --> 01:20:00,637 Sweetheart, you've been on ever since you were born. 881 01:20:00,796 --> 01:20:03,265 Hope you're ready to slay them. The word's out, we've got a big crowd. 882 01:20:03,424 --> 01:20:06,052 - Like how big? - A full house. 883 01:20:06,844 --> 01:20:07,720 Where's Benj? 884 01:20:07,886 --> 01:20:10,389 Safe and sound, asleep in bed. Don't you worry about a thing. 885 01:20:10,556 --> 01:20:13,560 Okay, my little powder puff? 886 01:20:13,726 --> 01:20:16,070 - Can I come in? - Now there's a gentleman. 887 01:20:16,228 --> 01:20:18,151 Of course you can, Bob. 888 01:20:19,815 --> 01:20:21,317 My Aunt Minnie in here? 889 01:20:23,694 --> 01:20:26,163 Don't mean to barge in. Just wanted to wish you luck. 890 01:20:26,322 --> 01:20:28,120 - Thank you, Bob. - Thanks. 891 01:20:29,575 --> 01:20:31,293 To make up for what happened last time. 892 01:20:31,452 --> 01:20:34,752 Thank you. That's so thoughtful. 893 01:20:34,913 --> 01:20:36,381 All right, girls, let's get this show on the road. 894 01:20:36,540 --> 01:20:38,918 You, out. That's a 10-minute curtain call. 895 01:20:39,084 --> 01:20:40,085 Good luck. 896 01:20:43,922 --> 01:20:45,549 That's quite a wife you've got there, Mitz. 897 01:20:45,716 --> 01:20:47,059 What does she do in her spare time, 898 01:20:47,217 --> 01:20:49,595 sand back the hulls of oil tankers with her tongue? 899 01:20:49,762 --> 01:20:51,435 She sure is something. 900 01:20:52,890 --> 01:20:54,733 - Chookers, girls. - Watch my jaw. 901 01:20:54,892 --> 01:20:55,939 Be careful with my head. 902 01:20:56,101 --> 01:20:58,149 Aren't we fabulous? 903 01:20:59,188 --> 01:21:02,283 Ladies and gentlemen, Lasseter's Casino of Alice Springs 904 01:21:02,441 --> 01:21:06,321 presents Miss Mitzi Del Bra, Miss Felicia Jollygoodfellow, 905 01:21:06,487 --> 01:21:08,455 and Miss Bernadette Bassenger, 906 01:21:08,614 --> 01:21:10,867 the Sisters of the Simpson Desert. 907 01:25:06,143 --> 01:25:08,237 Bravo! Brilliant! 908 01:25:08,395 --> 01:25:10,864 - Come on, everybody! - More! 909 01:25:11,023 --> 01:25:13,697 More, more! 910 01:25:13,859 --> 01:25:15,406 More! 911 01:25:15,861 --> 01:25:18,705 - More! - We want more! 912 01:25:18,864 --> 01:25:21,868 - Yes! Magnificent! - Yeah! 913 01:25:22,034 --> 01:25:23,536 - Bravo! - More! 914 01:25:23,702 --> 01:25:26,080 We want more! 915 01:25:28,290 --> 01:25:31,510 - Come on, snap out of it. - Come on, mate. 916 01:25:31,668 --> 01:25:32,920 You'll be fine. 917 01:25:35,464 --> 01:25:36,511 Come on, love. 918 01:25:37,883 --> 01:25:39,009 That's it, mate. 919 01:25:40,302 --> 01:25:41,895 You scared us all for a minute. 920 01:25:42,054 --> 01:25:44,773 Just had to have that extra little bit of attention, didn't you? 921 01:25:44,931 --> 01:25:46,899 Nice one, lovey. Nice one. 922 01:25:47,059 --> 01:25:49,858 Shit! What are you doing, Marion? 923 01:25:50,020 --> 01:25:50,896 You liar! 924 01:25:51,063 --> 01:25:53,065 - You told me he'd be in bed. - Oh, shush! 925 01:25:53,231 --> 01:25:55,905 - Drink your daiquiri. - I hate bloody daiquiri. 926 01:25:56,068 --> 01:25:58,321 No, you don't. You love bloody daiquiris. 927 01:25:59,321 --> 01:26:02,416 At least now I know why drag queens drink from such big glasses. 928 01:26:02,574 --> 01:26:06,420 - To make their hands look smaller! - Oh, ha-ha, Marion. 929 01:26:06,578 --> 01:26:09,252 What am I going to say to the boy? I've never been so embarrassed. 930 01:26:09,414 --> 01:26:11,087 - I think you're overreacting. - Really? 931 01:26:11,249 --> 01:26:13,092 Yes, you're just being a drama queen. 932 01:26:13,251 --> 01:26:16,255 You're gonna have to drop all that shit if you're gonna be a good father. 933 01:26:16,880 --> 01:26:18,553 And don't pretend to be surprised. 934 01:26:18,715 --> 01:26:20,433 I've kept my end of the bargain, now it's your turn. 935 01:26:20,592 --> 01:26:22,344 Not forever, maybe just for a couple of months. 936 01:26:22,511 --> 01:26:24,354 Why now? 937 01:26:24,513 --> 01:26:26,982 Because I haven't had a holiday in eight years. 938 01:26:27,140 --> 01:26:29,438 I need a rest, Tick. I need some space. 939 01:26:31,269 --> 01:26:33,067 Reminds me of something I said not so long ago. 940 01:26:33,230 --> 01:26:36,450 Well, I do. And besides, it's time he knew who his father was anyway. 941 01:26:36,608 --> 01:26:39,737 Yeah, and that's the problem. I mean, I don't know what to tell him. 942 01:26:40,278 --> 01:26:42,280 What do you assume I do, lie? 943 01:26:42,447 --> 01:26:44,950 Assumption, my dear Mitz, is the mother of all fuck-ups. 944 01:26:45,117 --> 01:26:47,370 - Don't bitch to me. Bitch to him. - Thanks for the... 945 01:26:47,536 --> 01:26:48,458 You might be in for a pleasant surprise. 946 01:26:48,620 --> 01:26:49,792 free advice. 947 01:26:58,130 --> 01:27:00,929 - Who is it? - It's me, Bob. 948 01:27:05,137 --> 01:27:09,643 Your flowers were being mangled. Thought I'd rescue them for you. 949 01:27:12,644 --> 01:27:15,113 Good idea. Thanks. 950 01:27:25,031 --> 01:27:28,035 - What's the matter? - Nothing. 951 01:27:33,498 --> 01:27:35,500 Do you know what your father does for a living? 952 01:27:36,251 --> 01:27:37,423 Yeah. 953 01:27:41,006 --> 01:27:44,010 So I suppose you know he doesn't really like girls then. 954 01:27:44,176 --> 01:27:46,645 Does he have a boyfriend at the moment? 955 01:27:47,637 --> 01:27:50,231 - No. - Neither does mum. 956 01:27:50,390 --> 01:27:53,143 She used to have a girlfriend, but she got over her. 957 01:27:58,106 --> 01:28:01,030 Do you want to come play in my room? I've got Lego. 958 01:28:02,360 --> 01:28:03,532 Sure. 959 01:28:09,701 --> 01:28:11,328 Come on, butch, get a move on. 960 01:28:11,495 --> 01:28:13,839 We can't brand the cattle all by ourselves. 961 01:28:14,956 --> 01:28:17,254 Great show last night. You always end a number like that? 962 01:28:17,417 --> 01:28:19,340 Always. 963 01:28:21,671 --> 01:28:23,548 How'd you like to pick her up every night, Sundance? 964 01:28:23,715 --> 01:28:24,682 Be a pleasure. 965 01:28:24,841 --> 01:28:26,559 I think that might include taking the lady home every evening 966 01:28:26,718 --> 01:28:30,143 - and tucking her into bed, Jeff. - What's the pay like, Marion? 967 01:28:30,305 --> 01:28:32,478 That one's gonna get himself into trouble one day, 968 01:28:32,641 --> 01:28:35,269 and if you play your cards right, you might just be the lucky fellow. 969 01:28:35,435 --> 01:28:36,937 Come on, all aboard. 970 01:28:41,399 --> 01:28:43,493 Just watch it with the innuendos, Marion. 971 01:28:43,652 --> 01:28:45,654 At least give me a clear shot at this. 972 01:28:45,821 --> 01:28:49,121 You call dressing up like a Xanadu production number a clear shot? 973 01:28:49,282 --> 01:28:52,081 Come on, Tick. Who's kidding who around here? 974 01:28:52,244 --> 01:28:54,212 He sure as shit isn't. 975 01:29:08,426 --> 01:29:09,427 Swimming, swimming. 976 01:29:13,932 --> 01:29:15,934 Rock. Little Rock. 977 01:29:16,101 --> 01:29:17,603 Rock. Rock Hudson. 978 01:29:18,603 --> 01:29:20,526 You silly old gay. 979 01:29:21,273 --> 01:29:22,274 My turn, my turn! 980 01:29:22,774 --> 01:29:25,448 Okay, smarty-pants, you give it a go. 981 01:29:25,902 --> 01:29:27,074 Come on, then. 982 01:29:27,237 --> 01:29:29,331 - It's a... - Person. 983 01:29:29,489 --> 01:29:30,786 - A sexy woman. - Cat. 984 01:29:30,949 --> 01:29:32,201 Famous woman. 985 01:29:34,536 --> 01:29:35,788 - Baby. - Rocking. 986 01:29:36,121 --> 01:29:37,623 I know this one. 987 01:29:37,789 --> 01:29:40,292 - Race horse. - Cat. Scary cat. 988 01:29:40,458 --> 01:29:41,960 Scary moose. 989 01:29:42,460 --> 01:29:43,803 - Scary dog. - I know, I know. 990 01:29:43,962 --> 01:29:45,259 No? 991 01:29:46,006 --> 01:29:47,383 Lindy Chamberlain. 992 01:29:49,175 --> 01:29:51,519 That was appalling, Benji. Who taught you that? 993 01:29:51,678 --> 01:29:53,806 - Mum did. - Lies, all lies. 994 01:29:55,765 --> 01:29:59,144 Come on, Adam. Up. 995 01:30:00,145 --> 01:30:03,820 Time is against us, and we have things to do. 996 01:30:06,651 --> 01:30:10,155 - Come on, you butch thing, you. - No, count me out. 997 01:30:10,906 --> 01:30:12,533 - All for one. - Come on, Tick. 998 01:30:12,699 --> 01:30:13,871 No. 999 01:30:17,787 --> 01:30:20,131 Come on, Adam, let's get f rocked. 1000 01:30:26,671 --> 01:30:28,093 So... 1001 01:30:29,174 --> 01:30:32,303 What's it like to finally have a father? 1002 01:30:32,844 --> 01:30:34,517 It's okay. 1003 01:30:39,517 --> 01:30:41,144 Sorry about last night. 1004 01:30:41,311 --> 01:30:43,655 I don't always dress up in women's clothes. 1005 01:30:43,813 --> 01:30:46,532 I mean, you know, don't get the wrong idea. 1006 01:30:49,903 --> 01:30:51,701 I mean, I do a lot of different stuff, you know, 1007 01:30:51,863 --> 01:30:56,994 like Elvis and Gary Glitter. 1008 01:30:57,160 --> 01:30:58,662 ABBA? 1009 01:31:02,290 --> 01:31:05,134 I'm not supposed to know about the ABBA show, 1010 01:31:05,293 --> 01:31:07,011 but I'd really like to see it. 1011 01:31:07,963 --> 01:31:10,216 Would you do ABBA for me? 1012 01:31:11,841 --> 01:31:13,058 Sure. 1013 01:31:18,890 --> 01:31:20,608 You know what I am, don't you? 1014 01:31:22,268 --> 01:31:24,145 Mum says you're the best in the business. 1015 01:31:26,523 --> 01:31:29,197 Well, your mother was always prone to exaggeration. 1016 01:31:33,238 --> 01:31:36,538 Will you have a boyfriend when we get back to Sydney? 1017 01:31:40,704 --> 01:31:42,206 Maybe. 1018 01:31:44,124 --> 01:31:45,626 That's good. 1019 01:31:57,679 --> 01:31:59,602 - Come on. - Where are we going? 1020 01:31:59,764 --> 01:32:02,142 We're gonna unleash the best in the business. 1021 01:32:10,358 --> 01:32:11,826 I had a dream. 1022 01:33:50,583 --> 01:33:53,553 Well, we did it. 1023 01:33:55,588 --> 01:33:57,090 It never ends, does it? 1024 01:33:57,715 --> 01:33:59,388 All that space. 1025 01:34:05,056 --> 01:34:06,273 So what now? 1026 01:34:07,642 --> 01:34:09,644 I think I wanna go home. 1027 01:34:12,021 --> 01:34:13,273 Me, too. 1028 01:34:15,358 --> 01:34:20,239 Well, then, let's finish the shows and go home. 1029 01:34:35,503 --> 01:34:37,346 Hey, don't go without leaving me your number, sunshine. 1030 01:34:37,505 --> 01:34:38,802 Already taken care of, Jeff. 1031 01:34:38,965 --> 01:34:40,842 It's at the far end of the men's cubicle. 1032 01:34:41,009 --> 01:34:42,761 "For a good time, phone Felicia." 1033 01:34:42,927 --> 01:34:45,350 Hey, can we stop at McDonald's on the way back? 1034 01:34:45,513 --> 01:34:46,435 That's a good idea. 1035 01:34:46,598 --> 01:34:48,100 I've had just about enough of this shitty food. Fucking crawfish. 1036 01:34:48,266 --> 01:34:49,859 I don't know. Where the hell do you start? 1037 01:34:50,018 --> 01:34:52,942 Stop it. Lay it on the line, husband. Don't conceal a thing. 1038 01:34:53,104 --> 01:34:55,527 That's the key. And if he doesn't like it, stiff bikkies. 1039 01:34:55,690 --> 01:34:56,942 He can always buy his own ticket back. 1040 01:34:57,108 --> 01:34:59,327 What happens when word gets out that Mitzi's got a minor? 1041 01:34:59,485 --> 01:35:02,113 That's your problem, not his. He knows when and where to listen. 1042 01:35:02,280 --> 01:35:03,998 Morals are a choice, and he'll decide his own 1043 01:35:04,157 --> 01:35:05,875 when he's good and bloody well ready. 1044 01:35:06,034 --> 01:35:08,287 Well, that's it. You're all packed. 1045 01:35:08,453 --> 01:35:09,579 Gotta be joking. 1046 01:35:09,746 --> 01:35:12,670 We haven't got Bernadette's shoes up on board yet. 1047 01:35:12,832 --> 01:35:15,176 I hate to say this. Wish I was going with you. 1048 01:35:15,335 --> 01:35:19,135 Your gas tank will be fine. Your axle may be another matter. 1049 01:35:19,297 --> 01:35:21,595 I'm sure the road home will just be filled with bored mechanics 1050 01:35:21,758 --> 01:35:24,261 waiting for a bus full of drag queens to spirit them away to a better life. 1051 01:35:24,427 --> 01:35:27,101 I wish. We're not even gonna spirit gum at this rate. 1052 01:35:27,263 --> 01:35:29,357 - Where the hell's Bernadette? - Here. 1053 01:35:31,434 --> 01:35:34,904 Come on, Cabanossi tits. Where are your bags? 1054 01:35:35,063 --> 01:35:36,565 In my room. 1055 01:35:38,316 --> 01:35:41,160 I'm not going. I've decided to stay here for a while. 1056 01:35:42,153 --> 01:35:44,997 Oh, really? And you're choosing to tell us about this now? 1057 01:35:45,823 --> 01:35:48,542 She told me a few weeks back. Just when I was looking for somebody 1058 01:35:48,701 --> 01:35:50,703 to handle the guest entertainment while I'm away. 1059 01:35:50,870 --> 01:35:51,837 Oh, I get it. 1060 01:35:51,996 --> 01:35:54,840 Who's been playing hide the sausage, then? 1061 01:35:56,209 --> 01:35:58,337 That's it. Let's get out of here before I throw up. 1062 01:35:58,503 --> 01:35:59,675 Come on, Benj. 1063 01:36:01,172 --> 01:36:03,140 - Hope you can drive. - Hey, not without a hug. 1064 01:36:09,639 --> 01:36:11,232 You sure? 1065 01:36:12,058 --> 01:36:13,435 No, I'm not sure. 1066 01:36:15,728 --> 01:36:18,072 But I'll never know unless I give it a shot. 1067 01:36:33,871 --> 01:36:35,669 I'm as jealous as all hell. 1068 01:36:37,959 --> 01:36:41,384 Shit. Raccoon time again. 1069 01:36:45,049 --> 01:36:45,925 - Bye. - Bye-bye. 1070 01:36:46,092 --> 01:36:48,265 - Don't forget to write. - See you. Wish I was staying. 1071 01:36:48,428 --> 01:36:51,227 - Bye. Take care of her now. - Bye-bye! 1072 01:36:51,389 --> 01:36:52,732 Bye, Mum! 1073 01:36:53,558 --> 01:36:55,401 Yeah. See you, Ralph! 1074 01:39:37,263 --> 01:39:40,437 No, that's enough. Oh, my tits are falling down. 1075 01:39:42,852 --> 01:39:44,399 Jesus! 1076 01:39:45,021 --> 01:39:49,026 Thank you! Thank you! it's good to be home!