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00:00:45,899 --> 00:00:47,731
Tensions are rising
as the stand-off

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00:00:47,801 --> 00:00:51,795
between the world community and the
rogue North African nation of Wadiya

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00:00:51,905 --> 00:00:53,100
intensified today

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00:00:53,206 --> 00:00:57,143
as U.N. weapons inspectors were once
again refused access to the country

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00:00:57,244 --> 00:01:00,544
by Wadiyan leader,
Admiral General Aladeen.

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00:01:00,914 --> 00:01:04,715
I will take no options
off the table. And I mean what I say.

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00:01:04,918 --> 00:01:07,888
Tonight we ask...
Who is General Aladeen?

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00:01:08,288 --> 00:01:10,086
According to
Wadiyan propaganda,

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00:01:10,157 --> 00:01:13,286
Haffaz Aladeen
was born in 1973.

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00:01:16,463 --> 00:01:19,797
He did not know his mother,
who died in childbirth.

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00:01:21,668 --> 00:01:24,661
The only son of
the savage dictator Omar Aladeen,

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00:01:24,771 --> 00:01:26,933
he gained power
at the age of 7.

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Eccentric and with
unlimited oil wealth,

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00:01:30,143 --> 00:01:32,578
he recently hosted
his own Olympic Games...

15
00:01:32,846 --> 00:01:35,077
On your mark, get set.

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00:01:43,757 --> 00:01:46,192
At which he won
fourteen gold medals.

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00:01:50,430 --> 00:01:52,194
Aladeen! Aladeen!

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00:01:53,033 --> 00:01:54,365
Often described
as ignorant,

19
00:01:54,935 --> 00:01:58,303
he changed
over 300 Wadiyan words to "Aladeen,"

20
00:01:58,372 --> 00:02:02,173
including the words "positive" and
"negative," causing mass confusion.

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00:02:02,809 --> 00:02:07,440
Do you want
the Aladeen news or the Aladeen news?

22
00:02:08,482 --> 00:02:11,145
The Aladeen news?

23
00:02:12,486 --> 00:02:15,479
You are HIV-Aladeen.

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00:02:29,670 --> 00:02:30,865
With pressure mounting,

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00:02:30,971 --> 00:02:33,497
Aladeen addressed
his nation today.

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Aladeen! Aladeen!

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People of Wadiya,

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I come before you today

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to tell you that the world shall
kneel before our great nation.

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00:03:16,683 --> 00:03:21,621
We are two months away from
enriching weapons-grade uranium

31
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to be used
for peaceful purposes.

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It will be used
only for medical research

33
00:03:40,807 --> 00:03:43,971
and clean energy.
It will, it will.

34
00:03:44,144 --> 00:03:46,807
And will certainly
never be used

35
00:03:47,147 --> 00:03:49,639
to attack Is...
Oh, boy.

36
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With that speech, today,

37
00:03:54,755 --> 00:03:57,315
the international community
is asking one question:

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00:03:57,824 --> 00:04:01,158
Does the Mad Dog of Wadiya
have nuclear weapons?

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Now, show me
my nuclear weapons!

40
00:04:12,939 --> 00:04:15,670
I can't wait!
I can't wait!

41
00:04:31,792 --> 00:04:33,988
This is the Beard
of Doom rocket?

42
00:04:34,461 --> 00:04:37,329
This is my weapon?
I will be a laughingstock!

43
00:04:37,631 --> 00:04:40,294
All my friends
have got nuclear weapons.

44
00:04:40,534 --> 00:04:42,025
Even Ahmadinejad!

45
00:04:42,302 --> 00:04:45,466
And he looks like
a snitch on Miami Vice.

46
00:04:45,705 --> 00:04:49,699
Where is the Head of my Nuclear
Programme and Procurer of Women?

47
00:04:50,043 --> 00:04:51,875
Where is Nuclear Nadal?

48
00:04:52,145 --> 00:04:54,546
You had Nadal executed,
Supreme Leader.

49
00:04:54,881 --> 00:04:56,008
Why did I do that?

50
00:05:01,822 --> 00:05:02,812
Supreme Leader!

51
00:05:03,056 --> 00:05:04,388
Nadal.

52
00:05:04,658 --> 00:05:07,822
We are just months away
from refining weapons-grade uranium,

53
00:05:08,061 --> 00:05:10,724
and we are set
to test the missile next week.

54
00:05:12,566 --> 00:05:15,297
It is too round on the top.
It needs to be pointy.

55
00:05:15,836 --> 00:05:18,567
Round is not scary.
Pointy is scary.

56
00:05:18,839 --> 00:05:20,831
This will put a smile
on the faces of the enemy.

57
00:05:21,074 --> 00:05:24,408
They will think that it is a huge robot
dildo flying toward them.

58
00:05:24,678 --> 00:05:25,873
No, Supreme Leader.

59
00:05:25,979 --> 00:05:28,710
The shape of the missile top
has nothing to do with aerodynamics.

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00:05:28,815 --> 00:05:30,511
It is about
the payload delivery.

61
00:05:30,584 --> 00:05:32,985
No. It sticks in the ground,
and then kaboom.

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00:05:33,253 --> 00:05:34,721
Supreme Leader,
I think perhaps

63
00:05:34,821 --> 00:05:38,588
some of your information
about bombs is coming from cartoons.

64
00:05:38,692 --> 00:05:41,161
Nonsense. I have been
watching research films.

65
00:05:41,428 --> 00:05:44,523
In this film,
just one question,

66
00:05:44,598 --> 00:05:48,535
was there a duck who,
when the explosion is happens,

67
00:05:48,602 --> 00:05:51,834
his bill goes
around to the back of his head,

68
00:05:51,905 --> 00:05:55,034
and then in order to talk,
he has to put it back this way?

69
00:05:55,508 --> 00:05:58,740
There was somebody
who suffered a deformity like that.

70
00:05:58,845 --> 00:06:00,074
Okay.

71
00:06:00,180 --> 00:06:03,673
I am now 100% sure
that you are watching cartoons.

72
00:06:04,017 --> 00:06:06,782
Indulge me. For one second,
pretend that I'm an idiot.

73
00:06:06,953 --> 00:06:08,285
Okay. I'm there.

74
00:06:11,124 --> 00:06:13,116
Okay. You know what?

75
00:06:14,127 --> 00:06:15,959
Let's just agree
to disagree, my friend.

76
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Okay.

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What? Why? No!

78
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- Don't you remember?
- Of course I remember!

79
00:06:24,304 --> 00:06:27,274
How dare you question my
memory? I remember everything!

80
00:06:27,374 --> 00:06:30,208
No, I would never do that!
Never! I'm so sorry. I didn't mean that.

81
00:06:30,477 --> 00:06:32,912
Don't worry, it's fine.
Well done, my friend.

82
00:06:33,213 --> 00:06:34,374
Thank you.

83
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Wait! Wait!
Where are we going?

84
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Admiral General,
what if we just tell the United Nations

85
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we have no nuclear weapons?

86
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They will lift
the sanctions.

87
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We'll be free
to sell oil rights to the Jalabiya desert.

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Uncle Tamir.

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Do you not remember
what my saintly father

90
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made me promise him
on his deathbed?

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It was never
to sell Wadiya's oil.

92
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You remember that
was when he gave me power

93
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instead of you,
the rightful heir.

94
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You've been so cool about it.

95
00:07:03,076 --> 00:07:04,408
Now, let's go back
to the palace.

96
00:07:04,644 --> 00:07:05,839
It's the season finale

97
00:07:05,946 --> 00:07:09,644
of Real Housewives
of Shachahmahahfalimitahlicch!

98
00:07:25,799 --> 00:07:27,358
Death to the tyrant!

99
00:07:38,378 --> 00:07:40,370
Looks like we need
to find a new double.

100
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Because this one is...

101
00:07:42,382 --> 00:07:45,045
You know, I don't know
if he's going to get better.

102
00:07:45,385 --> 00:07:47,445
Oh, he's not going
to recover, sir. He's dead.

103
00:07:48,054 --> 00:07:50,546
Yeah, how 'bout looking in my eye
when I'm speaking to you?

104
00:07:50,657 --> 00:07:54,492
It's very rude not to look at somebody in
the eye when they're talking to you.

105
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It's okay. Don't worry.
You're having a rough day.

106
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We shot the wrong man.

107
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I can fix this. I have a new
plan. We need to find a new double.

108
00:08:13,646 --> 00:08:16,582
One that is simple enough to
be manipulated completely.

109
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I think we found
what you are looking for.

110
00:08:37,504 --> 00:08:40,099
You think this man
looks like me?

111
00:08:40,340 --> 00:08:42,673
You have
a very big barn.

112
00:08:43,009 --> 00:08:46,446
You must have
many happy goats, hmm?

113
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What the fuck
does that even mean?

114
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Uncle Tamir,
this thing is an idiot.

115
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What makes you think
he can do the job?

116
00:08:55,789 --> 00:08:59,453
May I remind you that his only real job is
to be shot in the head.

117
00:08:59,959 --> 00:09:02,793
Very well. Put him
through the process, okay?

118
00:09:03,563 --> 00:09:05,589
Clip his nails,
file his teeth,

119
00:09:05,698 --> 00:09:08,463
bleach his skin,
and shorten the penis.

120
00:09:12,806 --> 00:09:14,798
Megan! Megan!

121
00:09:15,975 --> 00:09:17,807
You now have herpes.

122
00:09:20,647 --> 00:09:23,242
Megan, you were
worth every penny.

123
00:09:23,583 --> 00:09:25,074
You were super hot.

124
00:09:25,418 --> 00:09:26,647
Is my jet ready?

125
00:09:26,786 --> 00:09:29,813
Yes, but do you
want to stay the night?

126
00:09:29,923 --> 00:09:31,653
You know, I really
want to do some cuddling.

127
00:09:31,758 --> 00:09:32,919
No. Your time is up.

128
00:09:32,992 --> 00:09:34,984
I have to be
with the Italian Prime Minister tomorrow.

129
00:09:35,328 --> 00:09:37,729
Okay. Maroush,
give the goodie bag!

130
00:09:38,131 --> 00:09:39,121
Thanks.

131
00:09:39,232 --> 00:09:40,632
I trust
everything is in there,

132
00:09:40,733 --> 00:09:42,429
as your manager requested?

133
00:09:42,502 --> 00:09:44,596
Katy Perry said she got
a diamond Rolex.

134
00:09:44,671 --> 00:09:47,334
That's because she let me
Aladeen in her face.

135
00:09:50,343 --> 00:09:51,333
Okay.

136
00:09:51,444 --> 00:09:53,675
Right. Are you sure you don't want
to stay for some cuddles?

137
00:09:53,780 --> 00:09:54,770
- No.
- But, please.

138
00:09:54,848 --> 00:09:56,339
I really want
someone to cuddle.

139
00:10:59,913 --> 00:11:02,576
Breaking news now.
Just moments ago,

140
00:11:02,682 --> 00:11:03,843
the U.N. Security
Council voted

141
00:11:03,917 --> 00:11:06,318
to authorise NATO
air strikes against Wadiya,

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00:11:06,386 --> 00:11:10,585
unless Admiral General Aladeen
agrees to address the U.N. in person.

143
00:11:10,690 --> 00:11:12,591
And now, the world waits.

144
00:11:12,692 --> 00:11:13,921
What will Aladeen do next?

145
00:11:34,280 --> 00:11:38,547
Next. No, no, no. No. Boring,
boring. Come on. Come on.

146
00:11:38,618 --> 00:11:42,055
Beloved Oppressor,
I have just received disturbing news.

147
00:11:42,121 --> 00:11:44,454
Welcome
to the Munich Olympics.

148
00:11:44,958 --> 00:11:46,119
Shalom?

149
00:11:47,293 --> 00:11:48,454
Oy vey!

150
00:11:48,695 --> 00:11:50,220
Supreme Leader,

151
00:11:50,296 --> 00:11:51,559
the United Nations
demands that

152
00:11:51,631 --> 00:11:54,931
you address their concerns
about our nuclear programme,

153
00:11:55,034 --> 00:11:57,128
or they will vote to
authorise military action.

154
00:11:57,537 --> 00:11:58,800
Meshugenner!

155
00:11:59,138 --> 00:12:00,231
Very well.

156
00:12:00,306 --> 00:12:04,266
Then I shall address this gathering of
snakes they call the U.N.

157
00:12:04,377 --> 00:12:07,711
We are going
to the devil's nest

158
00:12:08,047 --> 00:12:09,640
of America!

159
00:12:35,575 --> 00:12:36,941
America!

160
00:12:37,310 --> 00:12:40,610
Built by the blacks
and owned by the Chinese.

161
00:12:44,250 --> 00:12:48,654
Supreme Leader, I took the liberty
of hiring some extra security.

162
00:12:48,755 --> 00:12:50,280
This is Mr Clayton.

163
00:12:50,356 --> 00:12:53,451
Admiral General,
I am here for your protection 24/7.

164
00:12:53,526 --> 00:12:54,619
Okay.

165
00:12:54,694 --> 00:12:58,290
But in the interest of full disclosure, I
have to say I hate A-rabs.

166
00:12:59,165 --> 00:13:01,293
Well, that's fine,
because I'm not an Arab.

167
00:13:02,001 --> 00:13:05,335
Well, you're
all A-rabs to me, the blacks, the Jews,

168
00:13:05,438 --> 00:13:08,169
those blue tree-hugging
queers in A-vatar.

169
00:13:10,677 --> 00:13:14,170
In fact, anyone fron outside of
America is technically an A-rab.

170
00:13:15,348 --> 00:13:16,475
Listen, while you're here,

171
00:13:16,549 --> 00:13:19,849
I highly recommend a visit
to the Empire State Building,

172
00:13:19,952 --> 00:13:23,013
before you or one of your
sand-monkey cousins takes it down.

173
00:13:25,491 --> 00:13:29,223
Supreme Leader, the suite has been
renovated to your specifications.

174
00:13:34,734 --> 00:13:37,898
Twenty dollars a day
for Internet? What the fuck?

175
00:13:39,238 --> 00:13:43,005
And they accuse me
of being an international criminal?

176
00:13:44,410 --> 00:13:46,208
Beloved Oppressor,
try to get some sleep.

177
00:13:46,312 --> 00:13:47,905
Tomorrow is
your big speech.

178
00:13:48,181 --> 00:13:51,049
Nobody touch the minibar!
It's a fucking rip-off!

179
00:14:10,870 --> 00:14:12,600
Rise and shine.

180
00:14:13,873 --> 00:14:14,863
Who are you?

181
00:14:15,274 --> 00:14:17,539
We've actually
already met.

182
00:14:18,111 --> 00:14:19,204
Hello, Aladdin.

183
00:14:19,712 --> 00:14:21,271
- Clayton?
- Here's the deal.

184
00:14:21,714 --> 00:14:23,205
I'm being paid to kill you.

185
00:14:23,549 --> 00:14:25,017
But I'm gonna
torture you for free.

186
00:14:29,856 --> 00:14:31,119
Are you serious?

187
00:14:31,391 --> 00:14:32,552
Where'd you get
those relics?

188
00:14:32,625 --> 00:14:35,220
From the Shah of Iran's
garage sale?

189
00:14:35,628 --> 00:14:36,618
Yeah, right.

190
00:14:36,729 --> 00:14:38,129
I nean, I know there's
nothing more annoying

191
00:14:38,231 --> 00:14:39,756
than a backseat torturer,
but, please, come on.

192
00:14:40,066 --> 00:14:41,398
This is great stuff.

193
00:14:41,467 --> 00:14:44,904
It's not great stuff.
That's like 1972, hello.

194
00:14:46,639 --> 00:14:50,132
You won't be talking
so much smack with this up your butt.

195
00:14:50,743 --> 00:14:53,872
That's the Anal Umbrella.
It's a good device, I grant you,

196
00:14:53,946 --> 00:14:55,812
but where's
the splash guard?

197
00:14:55,915 --> 00:14:57,884
You're going to kill me
and your white shirt.

198
00:14:58,217 --> 00:14:59,913
It didn't come
with a splash guard.

199
00:14:59,986 --> 00:15:01,978
You're gonna get chara
on your trousers.

200
00:15:02,321 --> 00:15:04,222
I can see it has
a screw hole for one.

201
00:15:04,290 --> 00:15:05,656
Apparently,
I didn't get it.

202
00:15:06,225 --> 00:15:08,057
All right, Mr Smart Guy,

203
00:15:08,294 --> 00:15:10,388
check out this bad boy.

204
00:15:10,463 --> 00:15:12,932
Oh, that's not bad.
The Kandahar Cock Wrench.

205
00:15:12,999 --> 00:15:14,331
Okay, so, now
we're getting somewhere.

206
00:15:14,434 --> 00:15:17,302
It's actually been banned in Saudi
Arabia for being too safe.

207
00:15:18,404 --> 00:15:20,805
You know,
this is totally depressing.

208
00:15:21,073 --> 00:15:22,439
Listen, just show me
another one.

209
00:15:22,508 --> 00:15:25,307
You know, honestly, I don't even want
to show you anything any more.

210
00:15:26,012 --> 00:15:27,310
Don't be like that.

211
00:15:27,847 --> 00:15:29,782
You know, I don't even think
you want to be tortured.

212
00:15:29,849 --> 00:15:31,181
I don't want
to be tortured.

213
00:15:31,284 --> 00:15:32,843
You're just, like,
taking all the fun out of it!

214
00:15:32,952 --> 00:15:34,443
What else you got?
I'm gonna love the next thing!

215
00:15:34,520 --> 00:15:35,783
I will be supportive.

216
00:15:35,855 --> 00:15:37,187
All right.

217
00:15:37,757 --> 00:15:40,090
Just this. This pours
hot fire out on you.

218
00:15:40,326 --> 00:15:42,261
Oh,
the Fallujah Firehose!

219
00:15:42,328 --> 00:15:44,126
Someone's got
a friend in Syria!

220
00:15:44,197 --> 00:15:45,631
I am pretty proud of it.

221
00:15:45,698 --> 00:15:47,291
There is a new model,
you know.

222
00:15:48,501 --> 00:15:49,833
I've got one that
works by Bluetooth.

223
00:15:51,804 --> 00:15:53,466
Screw it. Screw it!
Screw it!

224
00:15:53,806 --> 00:15:55,104
I'm going to enjoy this now.

225
00:15:55,174 --> 00:15:56,938
No, don't. Don't.
Don't. Please, don't!

226
00:16:04,951 --> 00:16:08,353
No one will recognise
the body without this!

227
00:16:08,621 --> 00:16:10,886
The Supreme Beard!
You will be cursed!

228
00:16:10,990 --> 00:16:12,049
No, no, don't do it!

229
00:16:12,158 --> 00:16:13,990
Come on!
Why won't this catch?

230
00:16:14,060 --> 00:16:17,895
You foolish nan! There is no earthly
fire that could ever light...

231
00:16:19,332 --> 00:16:22,166
The flames
of the righteous attack the unjust!

232
00:16:31,511 --> 00:16:34,913
I'll be back with help!
J.K.! Just kidding!

233
00:16:40,186 --> 00:16:41,848
My speech.

234
00:16:43,523 --> 00:16:46,687
Yo!
Average American shopper!

235
00:16:46,893 --> 00:16:48,225
Give me your clothes!

236
00:16:53,366 --> 00:16:56,598
Hey, hey, oh, oh!
Aladeen has got to go!

237
00:16:56,936 --> 00:17:00,270
Hey, hey, oh, oh!
Aladeen has got to go!

238
00:17:01,941 --> 00:17:03,933
Hello. I am
Admiral General Aladeen.

239
00:17:04,043 --> 00:17:06,239
I am here to
deliver my speech to the United Nations.

240
00:17:06,345 --> 00:17:08,246
Look, Admiral,
it's too hot for crazy.

241
00:17:08,381 --> 00:17:09,440
How dare you?

242
00:17:09,615 --> 00:17:11,675
Listen, Tamir is
coming right now.

243
00:17:11,951 --> 00:17:14,079
You're going to
be in big trouble. Here he is.

244
00:17:14,554 --> 00:17:15,886
Tamir! Tamir!

245
00:17:24,897 --> 00:17:27,025
Tamir, it was you, you snake!

246
00:17:28,901 --> 00:17:32,565
He's not the
legitimate leader!

247
00:17:32,638 --> 00:17:34,470
He's not
the legitimate leader!

248
00:17:34,574 --> 00:17:37,806
He's not the
legitimate leader!

249
00:17:39,312 --> 00:17:42,146
You have rehearsed the
speech I prepared for you?

250
00:17:42,248 --> 00:17:45,241
Yes. But when is
the General coming?

251
00:17:45,484 --> 00:17:46,645
He's feeling ill.

252
00:17:46,919 --> 00:17:48,979
Does he have worms in his shilshul?

253
00:17:49,088 --> 00:17:50,249
Very possibly.

254
00:17:50,823 --> 00:17:53,315
Admiral General Aladeen
preparing

255
00:17:53,426 --> 00:17:55,486
to address the General
Assembly of the United Nations.

256
00:17:55,595 --> 00:17:56,585
An historic moment.

257
00:17:56,662 --> 00:17:58,324
He's approaching the podium.

258
00:17:58,664 --> 00:18:00,929
And he's walked
right past the podium.

259
00:18:01,100 --> 00:18:02,090
What is he doing?

260
00:18:02,501 --> 00:18:04,493
You are making
a fool out of me!

261
00:18:04,837 --> 00:18:06,829
Let's bring in Denise,
our U.N. correspondent.

262
00:18:06,939 --> 00:18:08,134
What do you make of that?

263
00:18:08,941 --> 00:18:10,842
Well, I have to say,
he's got their attention.

264
00:18:11,177 --> 00:18:13,339
Every eye in the room
is on him right now.

265
00:18:13,446 --> 00:18:15,847
And he's returning
to the podium.

266
00:18:16,782 --> 00:18:18,512
And he's fallen
off the stage.

267
00:18:18,618 --> 00:18:20,280
What do you make
of that, Denise?

268
00:18:20,519 --> 00:18:25,184
You know, he's clearly implying that the
U.N. must fall before him.

269
00:18:25,625 --> 00:18:28,117
Drinking from the
pitcher of water directly,

270
00:18:28,194 --> 00:18:30,789
as opposed to
the glass that I'm sure must be up there.

271
00:18:30,863 --> 00:18:31,853
What do you think
that means?

272
00:18:31,964 --> 00:18:33,990
Again, it's another
attempt to say,

273
00:18:34,100 --> 00:18:36,296
"Listen, I'm not going
to play by your rules."

274
00:18:36,369 --> 00:18:38,031
And he seems to have
a pitcher of urine out.

275
00:18:38,537 --> 00:18:40,802
I believe he just
urinated in the pitcher.

276
00:18:42,541 --> 00:18:44,203
He is now drinking
his urine.

277
00:18:44,477 --> 00:18:46,139
Itlooks to be
his own urine.

278
00:18:46,712 --> 00:18:47,941
Sorry. You want?

279
00:18:48,214 --> 00:18:50,547
Trying to force it
on the Israeli delegation.

280
00:18:51,117 --> 00:18:52,551
That might be
the ambassador.

281
00:18:52,952 --> 00:18:56,616
He is dumping the urine
on the Israeli delegation.

282
00:18:56,889 --> 00:18:58,118
Oh, that's a good one.

283
00:18:59,959 --> 00:19:01,791
Okay, he's returning
to the podium.

284
00:19:02,294 --> 00:19:06,732
Much has been made
of the hostility between our countries.

285
00:19:07,233 --> 00:19:09,566
With the help
of the U.M.,

286
00:19:09,802 --> 00:19:13,239
I will draft a new
constitution for Wadiya

287
00:19:13,572 --> 00:19:18,567
and sign it in five days,
on Wadiya's Independence Day.

288
00:19:18,911 --> 00:19:19,901
No, no, no.

289
00:19:20,146 --> 00:19:21,910
This new constitution

290
00:19:22,148 --> 00:19:23,741
will end the dictatorship...

291
00:19:23,849 --> 00:19:24,839
No!

292
00:19:24,917 --> 00:19:28,376
And it will
turn Wadiya into a

293
00:19:28,921 --> 00:19:30,253
democracy.

294
00:19:33,159 --> 00:19:35,594
No! Democracy? Never!

295
00:19:36,328 --> 00:19:37,660
Never!

296
00:19:38,831 --> 00:19:41,926
The Wadiyan people
love being oppressed!

297
00:19:42,768 --> 00:19:45,203
Dictatorship forever!

298
00:19:52,545 --> 00:19:54,036
Come on! Come with me!

299
00:19:54,847 --> 00:19:55,871
Hurry!

300
00:20:01,220 --> 00:20:03,553
Hello, person. Person.

301
00:20:03,789 --> 00:20:05,121
Black person.

302
00:20:05,791 --> 00:20:07,453
The double that
you found is good.

303
00:20:07,560 --> 00:20:09,290
He is almost as dumb
as the real guy.

304
00:20:09,562 --> 00:20:12,054
So, Wadiya will
become a democracy.

305
00:20:12,565 --> 00:20:14,727
China is a democracy,
too.

306
00:20:16,736 --> 00:20:18,432
Once that constitution
is signed,

307
00:20:18,537 --> 00:20:21,735
I will be able
to sell Wadiya's oil rights. Gazprom,

308
00:20:22,074 --> 00:20:24,373
you will have control of
Wadiya's southern oil fields.

309
00:20:24,443 --> 00:20:26,241
B.P., you will
control the north.

310
00:20:26,312 --> 00:20:27,746
Exxon, you will have
all offshore rights,

311
00:20:27,813 --> 00:20:30,078
provided you do not
use B.P.'s drilling rigs.

312
00:20:30,149 --> 00:20:34,143
And, Mr Lao of PetroChina, you will
have the lease on our shale reserves.

313
00:20:34,253 --> 00:20:36,222
Some of those reserves are
in densely populated areas.

314
00:20:36,589 --> 00:20:38,922
Then unpopulate them.

315
00:20:39,425 --> 00:20:42,327
After you've paid me
my 30% finder's fee, of course.

316
00:20:42,762 --> 00:20:44,094
Gentlemen.

317
00:20:45,931 --> 00:20:48,093
So, you're going
to make billions.

318
00:20:48,167 --> 00:20:50,159
What will you do
with all those dollars?

319
00:20:50,636 --> 00:20:54,300
I will buy the house on Lake Como
next to George Clooney's.

320
00:20:54,573 --> 00:20:56,474
I love George Clooney!

321
00:20:56,809 --> 00:20:58,607
He's an old-fashioned
movie star.

322
00:20:58,677 --> 00:21:00,475
He gay?
He suck my dick?

323
00:21:01,280 --> 00:21:04,944
No, those are just rumours.
Are you a homosexual?

324
00:21:05,184 --> 00:21:07,779
No, no, no, it's more
of a power trip with me.

325
00:21:07,853 --> 00:21:09,446
Everybody has a price.

326
00:21:09,522 --> 00:21:12,583
Tommy Lee Jones let me roll it in my
fingers for two hundred grand!

327
00:21:19,865 --> 00:21:22,460
Oh, my gosh,
that was so crazy!

328
00:21:22,802 --> 00:21:24,964
I am so honoured
to be able to help you.

329
00:21:25,204 --> 00:21:27,196
Finally, somebody
who knows who I am.

330
00:21:27,473 --> 00:21:28,702
Yeah, of course!

331
00:21:28,808 --> 00:21:32,472
You're the Wadiyan dissident who was
standing up to that asshole Aladeen.

332
00:21:32,978 --> 00:21:34,469
It was so brave of you.

333
00:21:34,713 --> 00:21:36,807
- My name is Zoey.
- I don't care.

334
00:21:37,016 --> 00:21:38,006
What's yours?

335
00:21:38,317 --> 00:21:40,980
My name is Ala... son.

336
00:21:41,487 --> 00:21:43,319
- Allison?
- Right. Allison.

337
00:21:43,656 --> 00:21:45,488
What's your last name?

338
00:21:48,394 --> 00:21:49,726
Burgers.

339
00:21:50,729 --> 00:21:52,561
Nice to meet you,
Allison Burgers.

340
00:21:52,665 --> 00:21:54,361
- You know, I...
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.

341
00:21:55,067 --> 00:21:58,799
Allison, could you
please take your hands off my breasts?

342
00:21:59,171 --> 00:22:01,231
Those are breasts?
I thought you were a boy.

343
00:22:04,743 --> 00:22:07,406
- Where are you taking me to?
- To Brooklyn!

344
00:22:16,856 --> 00:22:19,018
So, yeah,
this is my store!

345
00:22:19,091 --> 00:22:20,525
This is the Free
Earth Collective.

346
00:22:20,759 --> 00:22:24,093
We are a vegan, feminist,
non-profit cooperative operating

347
00:22:24,196 --> 00:22:26,427
within an anti-racist,
anti-oppressive framework

348
00:22:26,532 --> 00:22:28,194
for people of
all or no genders.

349
00:22:29,435 --> 00:22:31,597
We are
a pure democracy,

350
00:22:31,704 --> 00:22:33,764
just like Wadiya's
going to be soon!

351
00:22:34,106 --> 00:22:35,836
Get me clothes,
little man.

352
00:22:36,108 --> 00:22:37,872
Oh, you know what, there's some in
the Earthquake Relief box

353
00:22:37,943 --> 00:22:39,502
in the lesbian bathroom,
right there.

354
00:22:39,578 --> 00:22:40,773
Right.

355
00:22:41,881 --> 00:22:44,282
So, Allison,
we're the only store in New York,

356
00:22:44,383 --> 00:22:46,579
other than that fascist
superchain Green World,

357
00:22:46,685 --> 00:22:48,677
that sells your nation's
speciality fruit, mafroom,

358
00:22:49,121 --> 00:22:51,215
which I know
you people eat a lot of.

359
00:22:51,557 --> 00:22:53,355
Oh, I hope that didn't come off
like a cultural stereotype.

360
00:22:53,425 --> 00:22:55,894
Because I'm, like,
the furthest thing from a racist.

361
00:22:56,195 --> 00:22:58,858
I pretty nuch haven't
had a white boyfriend since high school.

362
00:22:59,098 --> 00:23:01,090
Well, the darker races
are less choosy.

363
00:23:02,534 --> 00:23:04,526
Okay, that came off
as kind of offensive.

364
00:23:04,770 --> 00:23:06,102
Thank you.

365
00:23:07,439 --> 00:23:09,374
Anyway, let me give
you the grand tour.

366
00:23:09,441 --> 00:23:12,275
Up on the roof,
we have this amazing organic garden...

367
00:23:12,611 --> 00:23:15,103
Boring! Do you sell
any assault rifles?

368
00:23:15,547 --> 00:23:18,210
Oh, wait. I got it.
Humour. Right?

369
00:23:18,450 --> 00:23:20,942
I took a feminist
clown workshop once.

370
00:23:21,220 --> 00:23:23,246
Help! Help! I'm trapped
under a glass ceiling!

371
00:23:23,622 --> 00:23:25,250
What the fuck?

372
00:23:25,591 --> 00:23:27,492
I wasn't the best
student, but...

373
00:23:27,760 --> 00:23:29,058
You seem educated.

374
00:23:29,328 --> 00:23:31,160
Yes.
I went to Amherst.

375
00:23:31,397 --> 00:23:33,298
I love it when
women go to school.

376
00:23:33,399 --> 00:23:36,392
It's like seeing
a monkey on rollerskates.

377
00:23:36,669 --> 00:23:39,662
It means nothing to them,
but it's so adorable for us.

378
00:23:40,239 --> 00:23:42,140
Okay. Well, hey, Allison,

379
00:23:42,241 --> 00:23:45,473
you know, we'd love to have you work
here if you ever wanted to.

380
00:23:45,577 --> 00:23:49,742
All of our employees
are political refugees, just like you!

381
00:23:49,949 --> 00:23:50,973
There's Hannah over here.

382
00:23:51,116 --> 00:23:55,019
She's from El Salvador. She's a really
useful member of our team.

383
00:23:57,589 --> 00:24:00,081
Useful as what?
A coat hanger?

384
00:24:01,360 --> 00:24:03,192
- Come on.
- Allison, that's not funny.

385
00:24:03,529 --> 00:24:06,499
Okay. I tell you what,
get back to work, Captain Hook!

386
00:24:06,865 --> 00:24:09,027
- "Captain Hook." It's funny.
- No, it's not funny.

387
00:24:09,268 --> 00:24:10,258
Who's that?

388
00:24:10,536 --> 00:24:11,504
Oh, this is Joteph.

389
00:24:11,603 --> 00:24:14,038
He's from a Sudanese tribe
that has no concept of money.

390
00:24:14,273 --> 00:24:16,538
His entire village
was ransacked.

391
00:24:16,775 --> 00:24:17,868
Hey, Sub-Saharan!

392
00:24:19,111 --> 00:24:22,673
Do you think you could get me 100
child soldiers here by 5:00 p.m.?

393
00:24:22,781 --> 00:24:23,805
No!

394
00:24:23,882 --> 00:24:25,180
Okay. Time out! Time out.

395
00:24:25,284 --> 00:24:26,479
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

396
00:24:26,785 --> 00:24:28,447
Shave your under-the-arms!

397
00:24:28,787 --> 00:24:31,621
I dread to think what kind of jungle
you have on your malawach!

398
00:24:31,957 --> 00:24:33,448
That is very inappropriate.

399
00:24:33,625 --> 00:24:36,459
Don't tell me what
to say and what not to say, little boy.

400
00:24:36,628 --> 00:24:38,824
You need to put
that finger away.

401
00:24:38,897 --> 00:24:40,229
I won't put my
finger away because...

402
00:24:40,332 --> 00:24:41,823
Look, I've got
two fingers now.

403
00:24:41,900 --> 00:24:42,993
Okay.

404
00:24:43,068 --> 00:24:46,630
If you do not stop using hateful
language, you cannot work here.

405
00:24:47,039 --> 00:24:49,008
All right. I promise.

406
00:24:49,074 --> 00:24:50,303
Okay.

407
00:24:51,710 --> 00:24:54,305
I tricked you,
Wolverina.

408
00:24:55,647 --> 00:24:58,310
Justin Bieber's
chubby double!

409
00:25:00,586 --> 00:25:02,418
Hairy Potter!

410
00:25:10,329 --> 00:25:11,991
Good-bye, old friend.

411
00:25:19,171 --> 00:25:20,537
When will the Supreme
Leader be better?

412
00:25:20,606 --> 00:25:21,665
In time.

413
00:25:21,840 --> 00:25:26,175
He's resting in his bedroom
and must never, ever be disturbed.

414
00:25:26,578 --> 00:25:28,069
Time for bed.

415
00:25:32,251 --> 00:25:35,415
Being Aladeen has its perks,
does it not?

416
00:25:38,690 --> 00:25:40,249
Dropped your belt.

417
00:25:56,375 --> 00:25:57,741
What are you doing?

418
00:25:57,810 --> 00:25:59,039
She tried to milk me!

419
00:25:59,278 --> 00:26:00,268
No.

420
00:26:00,546 --> 00:26:02,708
They are trying
to pleasure you.

421
00:26:02,881 --> 00:26:05,612
Allow the girls to use
their many talents.

422
00:26:15,260 --> 00:26:16,284
No!

423
00:26:16,395 --> 00:26:18,887
Supreme Leader!
The girls!

424
00:26:19,231 --> 00:26:21,894
Girls, show him
your bosoms.

425
00:26:47,693 --> 00:26:50,822
Let me in! I have
85 rooms at this hotel!

426
00:26:51,497 --> 00:26:53,591
It's me, Admiral
General Aladeen!

427
00:26:53,665 --> 00:26:54,963
I lost my beard!

428
00:26:55,534 --> 00:26:56,661
You don't got a pass,
you don't get in.

429
00:26:56,768 --> 00:27:00,102
But I'm staying here! I paid twenty
dollars for the fucking Internet!

430
00:27:00,873 --> 00:27:03,775
How much do you charge
for assassinations?

431
00:27:34,373 --> 00:27:35,568
Nadal?

432
00:28:21,954 --> 00:28:23,946
Welcome to
the Death to Aladeen Restaurant.

433
00:28:24,690 --> 00:28:27,421
Wait. You look
very familiar.

434
00:28:27,793 --> 00:28:29,091
Do I know you?

435
00:28:31,530 --> 00:28:32,554
Sorry.

436
00:28:32,965 --> 00:28:33,955
Sorry.

437
00:28:34,366 --> 00:28:35,561
So sorry, Supreme Leader.

438
00:28:35,767 --> 00:28:37,565
Don't worry.
I'm 50% to blame.

439
00:28:40,239 --> 00:28:42,435
No! No! Supreme Leader!

440
00:28:43,308 --> 00:28:45,277
Definitely not.
I must be going.

441
00:28:45,377 --> 00:28:46,470
No, no. Stay, please.

442
00:28:46,778 --> 00:28:48,906
If you hate Aladeen
and you like good food,

443
00:28:48,981 --> 00:28:51,974
this is the place for you.
This way. Here we go.

444
00:29:06,765 --> 00:29:07,994
Enjoy it.

445
00:29:11,670 --> 00:29:12,968
No! No!

446
00:29:28,520 --> 00:29:29,681
For you.

447
00:29:30,789 --> 00:29:32,155
What is your name?

448
00:29:32,591 --> 00:29:33,786
Allison Burgers.

449
00:29:34,593 --> 00:29:37,324
That's a made-up name.
What's your real name?

450
00:29:41,033 --> 00:29:42,092
Ladis.

451
00:29:42,367 --> 00:29:43,426
Ladis what?

452
00:29:43,835 --> 00:29:45,701
Ladis Washerum.

453
00:29:49,508 --> 00:29:51,943
So your name
is like the sign. "Ladies Washroom"?

454
00:29:52,010 --> 00:29:53,706
That is a made-up name.

455
00:29:54,112 --> 00:29:55,637
What is your real name?

456
00:29:55,847 --> 00:29:58,840
I am interested.
We are interested.

457
00:30:02,888 --> 00:30:04,117
Emploice.

458
00:30:04,523 --> 00:30:05,786
Emploice what?

459
00:30:06,058 --> 00:30:08,527
Emploice... Muswashans.

460
00:30:11,129 --> 00:30:12,620
That is a made-up name.

461
00:30:14,900 --> 00:30:16,027
Okay.

462
00:30:16,134 --> 00:30:18,228
What is your real name?

463
00:30:18,904 --> 00:30:20,202
Max.

464
00:30:20,572 --> 00:30:21,562
Max what?

465
00:30:21,807 --> 00:30:25,539
Imunoccupancyu
One-hundred-and-twenty.

466
00:30:28,580 --> 00:30:30,845
There's a number in the name?

467
00:30:30,916 --> 00:30:33,545
Who are you?
An Aladeen sympathiser?

468
00:30:33,752 --> 00:30:36,517
No, no, no!
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Okay. No, no, no!

469
00:30:36,588 --> 00:30:37,578
No!

470
00:30:37,689 --> 00:30:40,090
It's Aladeen!
It's Aladeen without the beard!

471
00:30:40,492 --> 00:30:42,222
No! It's not Aladeen!

472
00:30:43,095 --> 00:30:44,154
Hasan, lock the door!

473
00:30:47,232 --> 00:30:49,701
Wait, wait, wait, no!
There you are, cousin!

474
00:30:50,168 --> 00:30:52,501
This is my cousin.
I see you've all met him.

475
00:30:52,704 --> 00:30:55,503
He's very simple
and backwards. I'm sorry.

476
00:30:55,574 --> 00:30:56,701
- Sorry.
- It's okay, sit.

477
00:30:56,775 --> 00:30:58,107
- Okay.
- Sit and eat.

478
00:30:58,677 --> 00:30:59,940
Have a seat, cousin.

479
00:31:00,579 --> 00:31:02,946
Very sorry.
My apologies. Enjoy.

480
00:31:03,181 --> 00:31:06,242
What are you doing here?
And what has happened to your beard?

481
00:31:06,718 --> 00:31:09,882
I've been replaced by this body
double who's a total imbecile.

482
00:31:10,021 --> 00:31:11,614
How are you alive?

483
00:31:11,790 --> 00:31:14,453
How am I... Wait.
You don't know?

484
00:31:14,559 --> 00:31:15,686
No.

485
00:31:15,761 --> 00:31:19,129
Every single person
you had executed is still alive.

486
00:31:19,564 --> 00:31:21,556
We all live here
in Little Wadiya.

487
00:31:21,633 --> 00:31:24,102
The executioner, he is
a member of the Resistance!

488
00:31:24,469 --> 00:31:25,698
You mean I never
executed anybody?

489
00:31:25,771 --> 00:31:26,795
No.

490
00:31:26,905 --> 00:31:28,897
Like, honestly, zero people.

491
00:31:30,742 --> 00:31:34,736
Nadal, you must help me
get back into power.

492
00:31:34,813 --> 00:31:36,645
What? No.
Why would I do that?

493
00:31:36,748 --> 00:31:39,115
I have a perfectly
good job here. I'm a Mac Genius!

494
00:31:39,951 --> 00:31:41,943
What do you do?

495
00:31:43,989 --> 00:31:47,289
Mostly, I clean
semen out of laptops.

496
00:31:48,560 --> 00:31:50,552
Congratulations.
Living the American dream.

497
00:31:51,096 --> 00:31:53,759
Okay, fine. I will help you.
On one condition.

498
00:31:53,832 --> 00:31:55,095
Name it.

499
00:31:55,167 --> 00:31:57,602
You reinstate me
as Head of Nuclear Research,

500
00:31:57,669 --> 00:31:59,160
so I can finish
building my bomb.

501
00:31:59,571 --> 00:32:00,561
Deal.

502
00:32:00,772 --> 00:32:03,003
One last thing.

503
00:32:03,308 --> 00:32:05,777
You will let me build
a round nuclear weapon.

504
00:32:05,977 --> 00:32:08,105
Never.
It has to be pointy.

505
00:32:08,246 --> 00:32:09,908
- Wait a minute. This is...
- Whoa.

506
00:32:11,583 --> 00:32:13,848
- Okay. Deal.
- Deal.

507
00:32:16,421 --> 00:32:18,117
Ladies and gentlemen
of the press,

508
00:32:18,323 --> 00:32:21,521
our Supreme Leader
is indisposed to answer your questions

509
00:32:21,827 --> 00:32:25,525
as he is currently
drafting Wadiya's new constitution,

510
00:32:25,831 --> 00:32:27,857
which is scheduled
to be signed

511
00:32:27,966 --> 00:32:31,027
at the Lancaster Penthouse
Ballroom in three days.

512
00:32:31,136 --> 00:32:32,798
Thank you.
No further questions.

513
00:32:46,718 --> 00:32:49,278
There is no way we're going to
get anywhere near this hotel

514
00:32:49,354 --> 00:32:51,721
without a security pass.
This is ridiculous.

515
00:32:52,491 --> 00:32:54,153
- Wait.
- What are you doing?

516
00:32:54,392 --> 00:32:56,384
Hiding from that
lesbian hobbit.

517
00:32:56,895 --> 00:32:57,988
That woman,
you know her?

518
00:32:58,363 --> 00:33:00,195
I cannot begin to tell you
what an honour it is

519
00:33:00,298 --> 00:33:02,164
to be able to provide
all of the catering...

520
00:33:02,234 --> 00:33:03,532
Well, of course.

521
00:33:03,635 --> 00:33:04,898
And the mafroom
for this signing.

522
00:33:05,003 --> 00:33:06,665
You just paid
this month's rent!

523
00:33:06,872 --> 00:33:08,807
She offered me a job.

524
00:33:08,874 --> 00:33:11,639
Can you imagine that?
Me? Working?

525
00:33:11,810 --> 00:33:15,178
Listen, hold onto that badge. It's the only
thing that'll get you past security.

526
00:33:15,247 --> 00:33:16,215
Okay, thanks.

527
00:33:16,314 --> 00:33:17,748
Wait a minute.

528
00:33:18,083 --> 00:33:21,986
Wait, her company is catering the
event. She has a security pass!

529
00:33:22,187 --> 00:33:24,349
That is the answer.
This is the plan.

530
00:33:24,422 --> 00:33:26,914
Okay? You will take that
job and you will work for her.

531
00:33:27,259 --> 00:33:30,093
I will get you
an identical beard and costume.

532
00:33:30,328 --> 00:33:31,591
And then on
the day of the event,

533
00:33:31,696 --> 00:33:34,757
you enter the Lancaster
as a member of her staff.

534
00:33:34,866 --> 00:33:36,858
You will find the double,
switch with him,

535
00:33:36,935 --> 00:33:39,404
then rip up the constitution
in front of the whole world.

536
00:33:39,871 --> 00:33:43,069
Me? Work for that
hairy titted yeti?

537
00:34:00,125 --> 00:34:01,184
Kimberly?

538
00:34:02,027 --> 00:34:03,017
Zoey.

539
00:34:03,228 --> 00:34:04,287
Who cares?

540
00:34:04,763 --> 00:34:07,289
I've come here
to apologise

541
00:34:07,699 --> 00:34:10,965
about some of the comments
I may have made about

542
00:34:11,136 --> 00:34:13,105
Captain Hook and Blackie.

543
00:34:15,073 --> 00:34:16,063
Great!

544
00:34:16,441 --> 00:34:18,706
And I accept your job offer
as general manager.

545
00:34:18,777 --> 00:34:20,803
Well, you can't be the manager,
because I am the manager.

546
00:34:21,146 --> 00:34:22,273
Well, I can
if I killed you.

547
00:34:25,050 --> 00:34:27,042
I think I'm starting
to get you.

548
00:34:27,118 --> 00:34:29,246
All right, then...
I will get you.

549
00:34:30,155 --> 00:34:31,817
Great!
Let's get you to work!

550
00:34:32,324 --> 00:34:33,917
Yeah?
Hold on one second.

551
00:34:34,159 --> 00:34:36,788
Hey, my man!
Excuse me. Hairnet!

552
00:34:36,928 --> 00:34:37,918
Yeah.

553
00:34:38,463 --> 00:34:40,932
I need a little of the
quinoa salad, please,

554
00:34:41,132 --> 00:34:43,931
and throw a couple of
extra cranny-b's on top, if you could,

555
00:34:44,135 --> 00:34:46,934
and I kind of need you
to hurry up, chief. Chop-chop.

556
00:34:50,075 --> 00:34:51,065
Next!

557
00:34:53,011 --> 00:34:54,946
Whoa, whoa!
Occupied!

558
00:34:55,013 --> 00:34:57,312
Out. I have to clean.
Come on, out you go, out you go.

559
00:34:57,415 --> 00:34:58,678
- What? You're hurting me!
- Out. Come on.

560
00:34:59,084 --> 00:35:02,179
Hey, Allison,
can you take out the garbage? Thanks.

561
00:35:09,294 --> 00:35:12,753
Look! One of the
customers left a tip of

562
00:35:13,031 --> 00:35:17,435
some Nair and sone female razors.
Does anybody want to use it?

563
00:35:22,774 --> 00:35:23,867
Stop that.

564
00:35:24,876 --> 00:35:26,174
Suck it, loser.

565
00:35:33,118 --> 00:35:34,518
Clean-up on aisle four!

566
00:35:47,232 --> 00:35:48,825
Hey, buddy, I saw that.

567
00:35:48,900 --> 00:35:51,233
That is very disrespectful
to your leader.

568
00:35:51,469 --> 00:35:52,528
Whatever, dude.
Who are you,

569
00:35:52,637 --> 00:35:55,072
Osama bin Laden's
best friend?

570
00:35:55,240 --> 00:35:57,800
No, he is not
my best friend!

571
00:35:58,009 --> 00:35:59,671
Though he has been staying
in my guest house

572
00:35:59,744 --> 00:36:01,838
ever since they shot
his double last year.

573
00:36:03,014 --> 00:36:04,744
Now the guy won't leave.

574
00:36:04,849 --> 00:36:07,045
I know why this guy's
the most hated man in the world.

575
00:36:07,152 --> 00:36:09,144
You just have to go
to the bathroom after him.

576
00:36:09,254 --> 00:36:11,189
You go to the bathroom
after Osama,

577
00:36:11,256 --> 00:36:14,021
you will realise
the true meaning of terrorism.

578
00:36:33,278 --> 00:36:34,507
Here is the plan.

579
00:36:34,579 --> 00:36:36,275
We're going to take
this helicopter tour

580
00:36:36,381 --> 00:36:38,850
and fly over
the Lancaster to spot its weaknesses.

581
00:36:39,184 --> 00:36:42,780
Remember, we're just two
ordinary American tourists

582
00:36:43,121 --> 00:36:45,113
looking at the sights.

583
00:36:45,290 --> 00:36:48,021
Don't worry, nobody gonna suspect
anything. It's a great plan.

584
00:36:48,426 --> 00:36:49,894
Don't do anything
to arouse any suspicions.

585
00:36:49,961 --> 00:36:52,863
Don't worry.
I am Wadiya's number one actor.

586
00:36:52,931 --> 00:36:55,560
You don't win four
Wadiyan Golden Globes for nothing.

587
00:36:55,633 --> 00:36:57,966
Yes, you do,
because you gave them to yourself!

588
00:36:58,470 --> 00:37:01,133
My performance in
Aladeen Jones and the Temple of Doom

589
00:37:01,239 --> 00:37:02,263
was outstanding.

590
00:37:02,373 --> 00:37:03,739
I give it thumbs down.

591
00:37:03,808 --> 00:37:05,538
Have you seen
You've Got Mail Bomb?

592
00:37:06,044 --> 00:37:08,479
Yes, I've seen them all!
They're all terrible movies!

593
00:37:08,580 --> 00:37:09,980
Listen to me. Okay?

594
00:37:10,315 --> 00:37:12,113
You are a terrible actor.

595
00:37:12,217 --> 00:37:16,382
I urge you, right now,
keep your performance small and real.

596
00:37:16,454 --> 00:37:18,320
All right, can you
get me a cloak?

597
00:37:18,423 --> 00:37:19,413
Why?

598
00:37:19,491 --> 00:37:21,255
Because I think
my guy would be wearing a cloak.

599
00:37:21,326 --> 00:37:25,593
No, your guy wears an American flag
sweatsuit and a sheriff's badge.

600
00:37:25,663 --> 00:37:26,631
I need the sheriff's badge.

601
00:37:26,731 --> 00:37:28,131
For what?

602
00:37:28,233 --> 00:37:29,496
You're sheriff
of American douche-town!

603
00:37:30,301 --> 00:37:31,269
That's rude.

604
00:37:31,336 --> 00:37:32,326
Listen.

605
00:37:32,437 --> 00:37:36,306
We're going to walk over
there, act very inconspicuous.

606
00:37:36,407 --> 00:37:37,966
- Okay, great, okay.
- Okay, good.

607
00:37:38,076 --> 00:37:39,601
Okay. So, when
we go to fly...

608
00:37:39,677 --> 00:37:41,339
Don't do that
with your eyes!

609
00:37:41,446 --> 00:37:43,108
You can't be
a Chinese person on this thing, okay?

610
00:37:43,181 --> 00:37:44,444
I'm not chink,
I'm Chinese-American!

611
00:37:44,516 --> 00:37:45,609
No, but you cannot
hold your eyes!

612
00:37:45,683 --> 00:37:46,946
Nobody is going to think
you're Chinese-American

613
00:37:47,018 --> 00:37:47,986
because you hold
your eyes like that!

614
00:37:48,086 --> 00:37:49,520
It's racist,
what you are doing!

615
00:37:49,621 --> 00:37:52,113
Do you know it's a fact
that they cannot pronounce their R's?

616
00:37:52,190 --> 00:37:53,419
They pronounce them
as L's.

617
00:37:53,491 --> 00:37:55,357
So instead you know
what "rabbit" is in Chinese?

618
00:37:55,460 --> 00:37:56,587
I don't know
how to speak Chinese.

619
00:37:56,661 --> 00:37:58,857
- It's "labbit."
- It's not "labbit"!

620
00:37:58,963 --> 00:38:01,592
Yes! Who Shot Loger Labbit
was a huge hit in China!

621
00:38:01,666 --> 00:38:02,634
Nobody...
It's stup...

622
00:38:02,700 --> 00:38:03,793
All right, I don't care.
This is stupid, okay?

623
00:38:04,169 --> 00:38:06,832
Okay, I'll do Filipino.
I like to work, I like to talk.

624
00:38:06,938 --> 00:38:08,167
- Don't.
- I like the shit, I do the kids.

625
00:38:08,273 --> 00:38:09,263
Stop that.

626
00:38:10,041 --> 00:38:12,840
Your Filipino
is the same as your Chinese!

627
00:38:13,378 --> 00:38:14,710
Now who's being a lacist?

628
00:38:29,160 --> 00:38:31,288
I love being
an Americans!

629
00:38:31,796 --> 00:38:33,856
America is number one!

630
00:38:34,666 --> 00:38:36,658
Oh, I am from U.S.A.!

631
00:38:36,734 --> 00:38:39,135
My father also
from U.S.A.

632
00:38:39,737 --> 00:38:43,572
My great-grandfather fought
in the American Civil Jihad.

633
00:38:44,676 --> 00:38:46,907
I am very proud
to be an American.

634
00:38:47,011 --> 00:38:49,640
I am America's
number one douche.

635
00:38:53,051 --> 00:38:54,986
I've fooled them. Job done.

636
00:38:55,753 --> 00:38:58,587
So, how are things back at the Palace?

637
00:38:59,090 --> 00:39:02,822
Fine, but guess
who's still living in my guest house?

638
00:39:03,862 --> 00:39:04,852
Ooh, Bin Laden?

639
00:39:06,264 --> 00:39:07,562
Yes, Osama.

640
00:39:07,665 --> 00:39:10,260
Bin Laden flooding the bathroom
every time he showers...

641
00:39:10,368 --> 00:39:14,237
And how hard is it to put a bath mat
down, Bin Laden?

642
00:39:16,241 --> 00:39:19,234
Hey, do you remember
my favourite sports car?

643
00:39:19,344 --> 00:39:20,869
You mean your Porsche?

644
00:39:20,945 --> 00:39:22,436
Yes... the 911.

645
00:39:22,547 --> 00:39:24,948
911, it's the best!

646
00:39:25,583 --> 00:39:29,543
So I was driving my 911 near the
palace one day...

647
00:39:29,621 --> 00:39:31,852
and I totally crashed!

648
00:39:35,960 --> 00:39:38,225
It's ok, I've already ordered a new one.

649
00:39:38,296 --> 00:39:41,232
A brand new 911 - 2012.

650
00:39:43,701 --> 00:39:46,569
You know, while you are here, you
should try to see some of the sights...

651
00:39:46,638 --> 00:39:49,767
such as the Empire State Building...

652
00:39:49,874 --> 00:39:52,742
and Yankee Stadium.

653
00:39:52,810 --> 00:39:57,407
And I'd love to see the fireworks
over the Statue of Liberty.

654
00:40:02,387 --> 00:40:04,583
Hey, have your old back problems been
bothering you?

655
00:40:04,656 --> 00:40:08,388
Oh, it's been terrible! It got so bad that
I made myself a back brace.

656
00:40:08,459 --> 00:40:12,988
- Really?
- Yes, look, I'm still wearing it.

657
00:40:14,666 --> 00:40:17,067
Hey, my English is getting good...

658
00:40:17,135 --> 00:40:20,765
I bet I can count down from five
faster than you can!

659
00:40:21,105 --> 00:40:23,006
Five, four,
three, two, one!

660
00:40:28,913 --> 00:40:30,745
Allison! Are you okay?

661
00:40:30,815 --> 00:40:32,283
I... Yes.

662
00:40:32,350 --> 00:40:34,979
You know what?
You people, you make me sick!

663
00:40:35,086 --> 00:40:37,521
You see a Middle Easterner
on an aircraft

664
00:40:37,622 --> 00:40:40,649
and you just assume
that he's hatching some violent plot?

665
00:40:40,758 --> 00:40:45,287
Allison Burgers is a persecuted
dissident, not a murderous madman!

666
00:40:45,363 --> 00:40:48,197
He was reported saying, "Let's take out
the guards at the Lancaster."

667
00:40:48,299 --> 00:40:50,768
Guess what?
We deliver to the Lancaster!

668
00:40:50,835 --> 00:40:51,825
Good one!

669
00:40:51,936 --> 00:40:54,997
Maybe he wanted to
take the guards out for a falafel!

670
00:40:55,106 --> 00:40:56,335
That's a bit
of a stereotype,

671
00:40:56,441 --> 00:40:59,536
but I get the idea.
Great idea! Yeah. You...

672
00:40:59,644 --> 00:41:02,637
You know what?
Is it a crime to care about your job?

673
00:41:02,714 --> 00:41:03,875
Yeah! Well,
it is in Wadiya.

674
00:41:04,515 --> 00:41:07,485
Where did you get your diversity
and sensitivity training, huh?

675
00:41:07,552 --> 00:41:08,781
The Stasi?

676
00:41:08,853 --> 00:41:12,847
Let's see how you feel about racial
profiling when white people...

677
00:41:25,470 --> 00:41:26,995
And I know
what I'm talking about

678
00:41:27,071 --> 00:41:29,734
because I majored
in Fem Lit!

679
00:41:30,408 --> 00:41:31,671
Come on.

680
00:41:33,144 --> 00:41:35,010
Hey! What are you doing?
Where are you going?

681
00:41:35,079 --> 00:41:36,047
Don't worry!

682
00:41:36,147 --> 00:41:38,241
Just suck the fatoot
of the biggest guy, you'll be fine.

683
00:41:40,084 --> 00:41:41,848
The police here
are such fascists!

684
00:41:41,919 --> 00:41:43,012
Yeah, right,
and not in a good way.

685
00:41:43,087 --> 00:41:44,749
It just makes me so mad!

686
00:41:44,856 --> 00:41:47,553
You know, Zoey,
you were great back there.

687
00:41:47,658 --> 00:41:49,251
Thanks. I just...

688
00:41:49,927 --> 00:41:51,486
I don't know,
I just feel so sorry

689
00:41:51,562 --> 00:41:52,894
that wherever
you go in the world,

690
00:41:52,997 --> 00:41:54,659
you're the victim
of police abuse.

691
00:41:54,732 --> 00:41:59,193
Come here.
I'm just so sorry! You're okay now.

692
00:41:59,270 --> 00:42:00,397
All right?

693
00:42:00,505 --> 00:42:02,872
And I'm not gonna
let anything bad happen to you.

694
00:42:02,940 --> 00:42:04,670
You know what? Let's get you
back to the collective, okay?

695
00:42:05,443 --> 00:42:06,411
Come on.

696
00:42:06,511 --> 00:42:07,501
No, a bit more.

697
00:42:08,112 --> 00:42:09,410
Okay.

698
00:42:10,081 --> 00:42:12,073
- Come on, let's go. I need to go to work.
- I feel so sad!

699
00:42:13,751 --> 00:42:14,844
Let's do another hug, okay?

700
00:42:14,952 --> 00:42:16,614
Allison, why are you sad?

701
00:42:17,789 --> 00:42:19,121
The brutality?

702
00:42:19,424 --> 00:42:21,222
Did you suffer
from sexual abuse?

703
00:42:21,292 --> 00:42:24,421
Yes, they raped me in
a very unprofessional way.

704
00:42:25,797 --> 00:42:27,766
Oh, no.
We have to get you to the Rape Centre.

705
00:42:27,865 --> 00:42:29,697
You have a centre
for rape here?

706
00:42:29,767 --> 00:42:32,032
Greati. I'd love to go!
Maybe another time, you know.

707
00:42:32,103 --> 00:42:35,562
Hire a limo, have some
cocktails, bring my raping shoes.

708
00:42:39,377 --> 00:42:41,608
It was literally
the tour from hell...

709
00:42:41,712 --> 00:42:44,705
Look, Supreme Leader is
on the talking painting.

710
00:42:44,782 --> 00:42:45,909
With shades of 9/11,

711
00:42:45,983 --> 00:42:49,044
their helicopter tour
of the Manhattan skyline was cut short

712
00:42:49,120 --> 00:42:52,386
by what police are now
calling a "terrorism misunderstanding"

713
00:42:52,657 --> 00:42:57,118
involving a man named
Emer Gencyexitonly.

714
00:42:57,228 --> 00:42:58,252
Maroush!

715
00:42:58,796 --> 00:43:01,061
Double the security
around the hotel.

716
00:43:01,132 --> 00:43:03,328
The signing must
not be disrupted!

717
00:43:06,838 --> 00:43:09,273
Hannah, that guy from the
Lancaster's coming tomorrow morning,

718
00:43:09,340 --> 00:43:11,138
so why don't you take
the mafroom downstairs

719
00:43:11,242 --> 00:43:13,234
and make some sort of
a nice display?

720
00:43:13,344 --> 00:43:15,904
I just want everything
to be perfect.

721
00:43:16,514 --> 00:43:17,607
Zoey?

722
00:43:17,682 --> 00:43:18,843
Allison. Hi.

723
00:43:19,016 --> 00:43:21,611
To thank you for what you did
today at the police station,

724
00:43:21,686 --> 00:43:23,951
I have decided to
bestow upon you a gift.

725
00:43:24,322 --> 00:43:26,655
- That's sweet. What is it?
- Yeah.

726
00:43:34,031 --> 00:43:36,694
I don't know
what that is.

727
00:43:36,868 --> 00:43:38,336
It's fine.
It's ine.

728
00:43:40,771 --> 00:43:42,706
Oh! No!

729
00:43:43,774 --> 00:43:46,266
No, I am not
going to do that.

730
00:43:46,544 --> 00:43:48,809
I'm getting a lot of this
and not much of this...

731
00:43:52,450 --> 00:43:54,646
Listen, I understand
that you're having urges, okay?

732
00:43:54,719 --> 00:43:55,778
Right.

733
00:43:55,853 --> 00:43:58,448
But you need to
take care of them by yourself.

734
00:43:58,723 --> 00:44:00,555
Myself? What? How?

735
00:44:00,791 --> 00:44:02,350
You need to
touch yourself.

736
00:44:02,527 --> 00:44:05,190
I don't touch myself.
Do you touch yourself?

737
00:44:05,563 --> 00:44:07,828
I think most
healthy people do, yes.

738
00:44:07,899 --> 00:44:11,233
Yeah, you touch your own
malawach? Disgusting! Yuck!

739
00:44:11,335 --> 00:44:12,394
Yuck!

740
00:44:12,670 --> 00:44:16,072
Stop joking, all right?
You've never jerked off?

741
00:44:18,075 --> 00:44:19,668
Okay, come with me.

742
00:44:19,744 --> 00:44:21,736
Where are you taking me to?
The Rape Centre?

743
00:44:25,816 --> 00:44:27,307
This is silly.

744
00:44:27,652 --> 00:44:28,984
Okay...

745
00:44:29,487 --> 00:44:32,389
Take your penis out
and put it in your hands.

746
00:44:32,490 --> 00:44:33,514
This is silly.

747
00:44:35,493 --> 00:44:39,430
Now, slowly move your hand
up and down.

748
00:44:39,530 --> 00:44:40,589
Okay.

749
00:44:41,432 --> 00:44:43,594
I told you already,
this is...

750
00:44:46,938 --> 00:44:48,099
Wait.

751
00:44:48,573 --> 00:44:50,371
What sorcery is this?

752
00:44:50,441 --> 00:44:53,502
Some people
wait a lifetime

753
00:44:53,578 --> 00:44:58,278
For a moment like this

754
00:44:58,382 --> 00:45:01,614
Some people
wait a lifetime

755
00:45:01,719 --> 00:45:04,621
For a moment like this

756
00:45:04,722 --> 00:45:10,059
Whoa, I can't believe
it's happening to me

757
00:45:10,127 --> 00:45:13,063
Some people
wait a lifetime

758
00:45:13,130 --> 00:45:18,626
For a moment like this

759
00:45:23,274 --> 00:45:27,609
I can't believe
it's happening to me

760
00:45:29,080 --> 00:45:31,879
I did it!
I just jerked it completely off!

761
00:45:31,949 --> 00:45:33,417
I did it all by myself!

762
00:45:33,484 --> 00:45:35,817
With this hand right here!

763
00:45:35,920 --> 00:45:39,118
I grabbed my bilbul
like I was strangling a bird.

764
00:45:39,223 --> 00:45:41,385
And I smacked it
and I smacked it and I gave it a flick,

765
00:45:41,459 --> 00:45:42,927
and out came
my own labeneh!

766
00:45:42,994 --> 00:45:44,053
Zoey?

767
00:45:44,428 --> 00:45:46,897
Zoey! You have
changed my life!

768
00:45:47,231 --> 00:45:50,793
Give a man a vagina
and he will shpichs for a day.

769
00:45:50,901 --> 00:45:53,928
Teach a man to use
his hand as a vagina,

770
00:45:54,005 --> 00:45:56,474
and he will shpichs
for a lifetime.

771
00:45:59,110 --> 00:46:00,601
Is something the matter?

772
00:46:00,678 --> 00:46:04,445
That was the guy from the Lancaster on
the phone. They just fired us!

773
00:46:04,649 --> 00:46:05,673
What? Why?

774
00:46:05,783 --> 00:46:09,447
He said he came by
and someone kicked his son.

775
00:46:10,021 --> 00:46:13,014
They've given the contract
to Green World Market.

776
00:46:13,257 --> 00:46:14,657
We must get
the contract back.

777
00:46:14,759 --> 00:46:16,250
I have to be
at the signing.

778
00:46:16,527 --> 00:46:19,964
I don't know what to say!
My staff lacks the discipline

779
00:46:20,031 --> 00:46:22,262
and motivation
to do this job.

780
00:46:22,600 --> 00:46:24,466
We will see about that.

781
00:46:24,535 --> 00:46:27,630
But from now on,
it is my way

782
00:46:27,705 --> 00:46:30,539
or the highwahahtmaa -
fferrohshelechnichway.

783
00:46:30,808 --> 00:46:31,867
Okay?

784
00:46:33,044 --> 00:46:35,479
There has been
a regime change!

785
00:46:35,546 --> 00:46:37,879
Yo! You are
stocking the shelves.

786
00:46:38,316 --> 00:46:40,717
You, senile
Romanian accountant.

787
00:46:40,818 --> 00:46:42,480
You are on
the cash register.

788
00:46:42,653 --> 00:46:46,556
The CEO of Green World
does not drive a hybrid!

789
00:46:48,826 --> 00:46:50,988
The chemicals
in Green World produce

790
00:46:51,228 --> 00:46:53,390
made this boy
grow tits?

791
00:46:59,070 --> 00:47:01,232
You promise not
to steal again?

792
00:47:01,339 --> 00:47:03,001
I won't. I won't!

793
00:47:03,240 --> 00:47:04,970
Give him one more
for fun, Viktor.

794
00:47:24,995 --> 00:47:26,395
Good choice.

795
00:47:41,112 --> 00:47:42,774
Hi, Viktor.

796
00:47:58,796 --> 00:48:00,389
Supreme Grocer.

797
00:48:00,464 --> 00:48:02,228
The radicchio
has been washed and sorted,

798
00:48:02,299 --> 00:48:04,063
and the spray hose
has been tightly coiled.

799
00:48:04,135 --> 00:48:05,797
Very good. Now go upstairs

800
00:48:05,903 --> 00:48:08,134
and finish composting
the wheatgrass tailings, okay?

801
00:48:08,239 --> 00:48:09,468
Yes, Supreme Grocer.

802
00:48:11,475 --> 00:48:12,807
Zoey!

803
00:48:12,910 --> 00:48:15,141
What? Look...

804
00:48:15,780 --> 00:48:16,804
Wow!

805
00:48:17,448 --> 00:48:18,916
It's amazing!

806
00:48:18,983 --> 00:48:21,748
Oh, it's not amazing.
It's just a little less shit.

807
00:48:22,052 --> 00:48:23,816
Well, thank you.

808
00:48:25,055 --> 00:48:26,785
- Sorry.
- Oh, of course.

809
00:48:26,891 --> 00:48:29,759
- Personal.
- Thank you. Thank you again.

810
00:48:31,929 --> 00:48:33,830
- Hello?
- I have some very good news.

811
00:48:33,931 --> 00:48:34,955
What is it?

812
00:48:35,065 --> 00:48:38,661
I managed to buy some beards at the
wig store today that are perfect.

813
00:48:38,769 --> 00:48:40,965
No, Nadal,
it must be real hair.

814
00:48:41,071 --> 00:48:43,097
- And from the head of a great man!
- What?

815
00:48:43,174 --> 00:48:44,836
Like Castro or Gandalf.

816
00:48:44,942 --> 00:48:46,171
No...

817
00:48:49,013 --> 00:48:51,676
Well done, Nadal.
This beard is perfect.

818
00:48:56,854 --> 00:48:58,948
Those are lovely flowers.

819
00:48:59,023 --> 00:49:00,958
You know, Zoey is
thinking of opening

820
00:49:01,025 --> 00:49:03,358
an eco-friendly
flower section to the store.

821
00:49:03,461 --> 00:49:06,761
This is the fifth time you've mentioned
her today. What is going on?

822
00:49:06,831 --> 00:49:08,493
The signing
is in two days.

823
00:49:08,599 --> 00:49:10,431
Tell me you're not
falling for this woman!

824
00:49:10,868 --> 00:49:13,531
Of course I'm not.
This is silly.

825
00:49:13,871 --> 00:49:16,864
Okay, good. All we need to do
is slip into this chapel...

826
00:49:16,974 --> 00:49:18,135
And yet, it's strange.

827
00:49:18,209 --> 00:49:20,144
The other day,
I asked her to, you know,

828
00:49:20,211 --> 00:49:22,874
gobble on my bilbul
and she said, "No."

829
00:49:22,980 --> 00:49:24,972
So obviously
I wanted to execute her.

830
00:49:25,049 --> 00:49:28,315
But the thought of
her decapitated head actually upset me,

831
00:49:28,385 --> 00:49:30,149
- so I decided not to do it.
- No.

832
00:49:30,221 --> 00:49:33,555
When the thought of someone's
decapitated head upsets you,

833
00:49:33,657 --> 00:49:35,387
that is love.

834
00:49:35,659 --> 00:49:38,652
- I swear, I don't even like her at all.
- You don't like her?

835
00:49:38,829 --> 00:49:41,560
She has the body shape
of a 14-year-old boy.

836
00:49:41,899 --> 00:49:45,666
Well, that is
a particular weakness of yours.

837
00:49:45,736 --> 00:49:47,671
Need I remind you of
the Menudo incident?

838
00:49:47,872 --> 00:49:49,636
Those boys had
their eyes open.

839
00:49:49,707 --> 00:49:51,005
They knew exactly
what they were doing.

840
00:49:51,075 --> 00:49:52,566
We made them
have their eyes open.

841
00:49:52,676 --> 00:49:54,838
You nade me hold
one of their eyes open,

842
00:49:54,912 --> 00:49:56,540
so they'd see what
you were doing to them.

843
00:49:57,147 --> 00:49:59,173
They seemed to be having
a pretty good time.

844
00:49:59,250 --> 00:50:01,719
They were not.
Those boys were crying.

845
00:50:02,019 --> 00:50:03,248
Three of them
killed themselves!

846
00:50:04,255 --> 00:50:05,382
Nothing to do with me.

847
00:50:05,489 --> 00:50:07,856
Everything to do with you!
A lot of them wrote notes.

848
00:50:07,925 --> 00:50:10,656
In their suicide notes
they named you by name!

849
00:50:10,828 --> 00:50:13,093
It's all a rumour.
And you're being silly.

850
00:50:17,501 --> 00:50:19,732
- Go there.
- Okay. Here we go.

851
00:50:29,380 --> 00:50:30,439
Hello?
Somebody in here?

852
00:50:30,548 --> 00:50:32,710
Nadal!
The Sub-Saharans have discovered us!

853
00:50:32,783 --> 00:50:34,376
- What? Okay, okay, okay!
- Hurry, hurry!

854
00:50:34,451 --> 00:50:36,545
- Just a moment!
- Open this door!

855
00:50:36,620 --> 00:50:38,521
- No, no, no!
- Open the door now!

856
00:50:38,789 --> 00:50:41,281
Quick! Plan B! Plan B!

857
00:50:50,734 --> 00:50:51,793
Why did you
chop off his head?

858
00:50:51,902 --> 00:50:52,961
You said Plan B!

859
00:50:53,070 --> 00:50:54,868
Plan B was to have
coffee and regroup,

860
00:50:54,939 --> 00:50:57,272
it was not to
chop his head off!

861
00:51:05,316 --> 00:51:07,114
Good morning, Nadal!

862
00:51:07,985 --> 00:51:10,318
Wake up!
Good morning, Nadal!

863
00:51:12,890 --> 00:51:14,449
No, no, no, no, no, no!

864
00:51:14,625 --> 00:51:15,649
Get this away from me!

865
00:51:15,759 --> 00:51:16,988
You know, me and you
are quite a team.

866
00:51:17,094 --> 00:51:18,084
No, no.

867
00:51:18,162 --> 00:51:19,596
You know who else
makes a great team?

868
00:51:19,663 --> 00:51:22,132
Ebony and ivory

869
00:51:22,232 --> 00:51:23,632
No, no, no!

870
00:51:23,767 --> 00:51:25,099
Live together
in perfect harmony

871
00:51:25,169 --> 00:51:26,137
What is wrong with you?
Get it out of here!

872
00:51:26,236 --> 00:51:27,226
Good one.

873
00:51:32,676 --> 00:51:34,645
Splish splash
I was taking a bath!

874
00:51:35,613 --> 00:51:37,172
No! Get it out of here!

875
00:51:38,349 --> 00:51:40,011
Oh, that is weird.

876
00:51:41,518 --> 00:51:46,354
I threw in some carob-covered goji
berries, just as a treat. Enjoy.

877
00:51:46,857 --> 00:51:51,124
Thank you. That's very kind of
you. You're a very nice man.

878
00:51:51,695 --> 00:51:53,687
What the fuck
did you call me?

879
00:51:54,698 --> 00:51:56,530
I said you were nice!

880
00:52:01,538 --> 00:52:05,475
Allison! The Lancaster just
called! We got the contract back!

881
00:52:05,542 --> 00:52:07,636
- Great! Whatever!
- I know!

882
00:52:07,711 --> 00:52:10,044
Green World is shutting down
their Manhattan store!

883
00:52:10,381 --> 00:52:12,282
I wonder what
could have happened?

884
00:52:14,351 --> 00:52:16,343
Be careful with that,
sweetheart. Be careful.

885
00:52:16,654 --> 00:52:19,385
Oh, yeah, we're going to
have a nice big salad.

886
00:52:20,224 --> 00:52:21,954
Celebratory cuddle?

887
00:52:23,560 --> 00:52:24,653
Well done!

888
00:52:24,828 --> 00:52:26,228
- You smell bad.
- I know.

889
00:52:26,730 --> 00:52:27,823
Help!

890
00:52:27,898 --> 00:52:30,129
Somebody help!
My wife is in labour!

891
00:52:30,467 --> 00:52:32,060
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!

892
00:52:32,236 --> 00:52:35,035
Baby? The ambulance can't
be here for 20 minutes. Can you hold it?

893
00:52:35,139 --> 00:52:36,801
I can't hold it!
It's coming out!

894
00:52:37,074 --> 00:52:38,201
It's coming out!

895
00:52:38,308 --> 00:52:41,005
Does anyone have
any medical experience?

896
00:52:41,245 --> 00:52:44,841
I was Wadiya's Chief Surgeon
for the last 22 years.

897
00:52:45,149 --> 00:52:46,913
Please.
Please help us. Please.

898
00:52:47,184 --> 00:52:49,176
- Allison, they need your help. Come on.
- Okay, fine.

899
00:52:49,820 --> 00:52:50,810
Come on.

900
00:52:51,321 --> 00:52:52,380
Are you okay?

901
00:52:53,824 --> 00:52:55,520
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What are you doing?

902
00:52:55,592 --> 00:52:56,992
Sorry! Old habits die hard.

903
00:52:57,428 --> 00:52:59,090
All right, I'm going in.

904
00:53:01,031 --> 00:53:02,055
That's the wrong hole!

905
00:53:02,166 --> 00:53:04,101
- What?
- You just put your fist up the wrong hole.

906
00:53:04,268 --> 00:53:05,896
If I had a dollar for
every time I heard that.

907
00:53:07,771 --> 00:53:08,830
Get it outta there.

908
00:53:09,540 --> 00:53:11,532
- Going in again.
- Okay, good.

909
00:53:11,709 --> 00:53:13,268
Still my asshole!

910
00:53:13,544 --> 00:53:15,035
What is wrong
with you, man?

911
00:53:15,112 --> 00:53:16,580
You just put it in
my asshole again!

912
00:53:16,680 --> 00:53:18,171
Just go up
from where you are.

913
00:53:18,882 --> 00:53:21,511
The good news is,
your prostate is completely healthy.

914
00:53:22,453 --> 00:53:24,115
That's good. That's good.

915
00:53:24,388 --> 00:53:25,754
- Going in again.
- Okay, good.

916
00:53:29,460 --> 00:53:30,621
Hold on.

917
00:53:31,962 --> 00:53:33,021
What are you...

918
00:53:34,698 --> 00:53:36,894
Allison, stop it!
You need two hands!

919
00:53:37,234 --> 00:53:38,395
But I'm in the middle
of the text.

920
00:53:38,635 --> 00:53:40,228
It's coming out!

921
00:53:45,476 --> 00:53:46,876
- Where is that coming from?
- What?

922
00:53:52,149 --> 00:53:54,141
I'm really sorry.
I'm gonna have to take this call.

923
00:53:54,384 --> 00:53:55,716
Is there a phone
in my body?

924
00:53:55,986 --> 00:53:57,318
What are you doing?

925
00:53:57,454 --> 00:53:58,820
I'm in
the Lincoln Tunnel.

926
00:53:59,056 --> 00:54:01,389
What? Okay, look.
We need to talk for a minute.

927
00:54:01,725 --> 00:54:03,660
Hello, Nadal.
Listen, I can't speak now.

928
00:54:03,761 --> 00:54:05,252
I'll speak to you later,
okay? Bye!

929
00:54:05,596 --> 00:54:07,497
Stop talking to my vagina!

930
00:54:08,832 --> 00:54:11,495
Zoey, the baby's stuck. I need you to put
your hand in and help me.

931
00:54:11,802 --> 00:54:13,065
- What? No...
- Come on! Put it in!

932
00:54:13,137 --> 00:54:14,833
- No, don't be scared. Put it in.
- Okay. Okay.

933
00:54:15,105 --> 00:54:16,437
- I'm sorry.
- Put it right there on the right side.

934
00:54:16,507 --> 00:54:18,442
- Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh!
- Push in.

935
00:54:19,610 --> 00:54:20,737
I think I feel an arm!

936
00:54:22,346 --> 00:54:23,336
That's my finger.

937
00:54:36,760 --> 00:54:39,286
Excuse me. You guys
make a really cute couple together.

938
00:54:39,363 --> 00:54:40,991
But maybe could you finish doing this

939
00:54:41,098 --> 00:54:43,033
when you're not elbow-deep
in my pussy!

940
00:54:43,367 --> 00:54:45,598
Okay, Allison,
you've got the head?

941
00:54:45,869 --> 00:54:47,633
- I've got the head.
- Okay, it's coming out.

942
00:54:47,704 --> 00:54:48,763
Come on, push!

943
00:54:51,208 --> 00:54:54,042
Where are the rebel bases?
Where are the rebel bases?

944
00:54:54,378 --> 00:54:55,937
Sorry, sorry.

945
00:54:56,213 --> 00:54:59,183
Wait, I can see the head!
I can see the head!

946
00:54:59,283 --> 00:55:00,376
I can't push any more!

947
00:55:04,888 --> 00:55:07,323
You did it!
You did it!

948
00:55:15,566 --> 00:55:16,898
I sentence you

949
00:55:17,234 --> 00:55:18,725
to life.

950
00:55:21,238 --> 00:55:22,331
It's still attached!

951
00:55:22,472 --> 00:55:24,407
Sorry. Oh, no.

952
00:55:24,575 --> 00:55:25,907
- What's wrong?
- I'm sorry.

953
00:55:26,143 --> 00:55:27,634
It's bad news.

954
00:55:27,978 --> 00:55:29,071
It's a girl.

955
00:55:31,215 --> 00:55:32,239
Where's the trash can?

956
00:55:32,482 --> 00:55:34,474
No, no, no, no!
That's what we wanted!

957
00:55:34,651 --> 00:55:36,381
We'll take her,
we'll take her.

958
00:55:36,486 --> 00:55:37,476
Oh, baby.

959
00:55:42,025 --> 00:55:44,859
You were so
amazing down there.

960
00:55:45,195 --> 00:55:47,255
You saved
a little person's life.

961
00:55:56,440 --> 00:55:58,033
It feels so nice
to kiss you.

962
00:55:58,108 --> 00:55:59,542
I know. It's nice
to kiss you, too.

963
00:55:59,610 --> 00:56:01,101
I love the hugging.

964
00:56:01,545 --> 00:56:02,945
I just came.

965
00:56:06,216 --> 00:56:07,707
I don't care.

966
00:56:09,052 --> 00:56:10,213
Lie back.

967
00:56:10,287 --> 00:56:11,277
Okay.

968
00:56:11,388 --> 00:56:13,050
This is going to be
amazing for you.

969
00:56:13,123 --> 00:56:14,455
Okay!

970
00:56:27,571 --> 00:56:29,563
See you in 15 minutes.

971
00:56:32,142 --> 00:56:33,201
Okay.

972
00:56:42,252 --> 00:56:43,584
Wait, wait.

973
00:56:43,921 --> 00:56:45,253
Wait.

974
00:56:47,491 --> 00:56:49,653
Allison,
before we go any further,

975
00:56:50,260 --> 00:56:52,320
there's something
that I want to tell you.

976
00:56:52,596 --> 00:56:55,156
You've got a dick.
I knew it.

977
00:56:55,933 --> 00:56:58,061
Allison,
I don't have a dick.

978
00:56:58,302 --> 00:56:59,565
Great!

979
00:56:59,836 --> 00:57:02,101
What I wanted to
tell you was this.

980
00:57:02,172 --> 00:57:05,336
I really want
to be with you, Allison Burgers.

981
00:57:06,176 --> 00:57:07,439
Zoey,

982
00:57:09,246 --> 00:57:11,306
I'm not really
Allison Burgers.

983
00:57:12,416 --> 00:57:15,079
I'm actually
a little somebody called

984
00:57:16,086 --> 00:57:18,078
Admiral General

985
00:57:18,789 --> 00:57:20,018
Aladeen.

986
00:57:24,461 --> 00:57:26,623
No, what's your real name?

987
00:57:26,830 --> 00:57:28,594
Wait, this will
convince you.

988
00:57:30,434 --> 00:57:31,458
Look, it's me!

989
00:57:32,602 --> 00:57:35,766
The weapons inspectors
will bathe in their own blood!

990
00:57:36,974 --> 00:57:38,442
That's your beard?

991
00:57:38,508 --> 00:57:40,534
No, no, no!
It's not my beard.

992
00:57:40,644 --> 00:57:42,670
My friend chopped the head
off Morgan Freeman.

993
00:57:43,213 --> 00:57:44,545
You're a murderer!

994
00:57:44,881 --> 00:57:46,941
No, no, no!
Zoey, Zoey, Zoey! No.

995
00:57:47,017 --> 00:57:50,283
You were just using me
to get access to that hotel!

996
00:57:50,354 --> 00:57:51,515
No!

997
00:57:51,621 --> 00:57:55,217
Zoey, I'm attracted to you
in a really fucked-up way.

998
00:57:55,726 --> 00:57:57,718
Oh, my God!

999
00:57:58,061 --> 00:58:00,553
I'm cancelling that
contract tomorrow!

1000
00:58:01,064 --> 00:58:03,329
No, Zoey! What have
I ever done wrong?

1001
00:58:03,567 --> 00:58:05,536
You lied to me!

1002
00:58:05,635 --> 00:58:08,070
And you're wanted
for war crimes!

1003
00:58:08,171 --> 00:58:09,730
That stuff never sticks.

1004
00:58:10,340 --> 00:58:12,036
You need to leave now.

1005
00:58:13,410 --> 00:58:14,673
Okay.

1006
00:58:16,513 --> 00:58:17,845
I'll go.

1007
00:58:39,836 --> 00:58:42,203
With the signing of the
constitution tomorrow morning,

1008
00:58:42,272 --> 00:58:44,832
democracy in Wadiya
is just hours away,

1009
00:58:44,908 --> 00:58:47,241
and people are
in the streets celebrating.

1010
00:58:47,511 --> 00:58:51,539
Kill Aladeen,
kill Aladeen, hey!

1011
00:58:58,555 --> 00:59:00,922
Kill Aladeen,
kill Aladeen, hey!

1012
00:59:17,374 --> 00:59:18,933
- Good-bye!
- Stop, stop, wait!

1013
00:59:19,042 --> 00:59:20,374
What are you doing?

1014
00:59:23,213 --> 00:59:24,875
I am executing myself!

1015
00:59:25,215 --> 00:59:26,547
What? Why?

1016
00:59:26,716 --> 00:59:28,309
Because no one
has ever loved me!

1017
00:59:28,652 --> 00:59:30,712
Your father would
be ashamed of you!

1018
00:59:30,787 --> 00:59:33,416
No, I've realised
I don't want to be like my father!

1019
00:59:33,490 --> 00:59:36,050
In fact,
I don't want to be a dictator any more!

1020
00:59:36,126 --> 00:59:37,287
What's that now?

1021
00:59:37,494 --> 00:59:40,293
I've been on a spiritual journey,
man, like Eat, Pray, Love.

1022
00:59:41,565 --> 00:59:43,227
Have you gone insane?

1023
00:59:43,467 --> 00:59:45,493
I now know that
on the outside,

1024
00:59:45,602 --> 00:59:46,968
I am a bit of
a cocksucker.

1025
00:59:47,270 --> 00:59:50,138
- Yeah.
- But deep down I'm nice.

1026
00:59:50,407 --> 00:59:52,740
- Not really.
- Yes, I ami. I'm like mafroom.

1027
00:59:53,009 --> 00:59:55,137
Hard and spiky
on the outside,

1028
00:59:55,245 --> 00:59:57,305
but soft and
really mushy on the in.

1029
00:59:57,514 --> 01:00:00,848
You're not like
mafroom at all. You're like an onion.

1030
01:00:01,151 --> 01:00:03,120
An outer layer
of cocksucker,

1031
01:00:03,186 --> 01:00:04,620
and when you
peel it away,

1032
01:00:04,688 --> 01:00:07,419
there is 10 more layers
of cocksucker underneath.

1033
01:00:09,526 --> 01:00:10,858
You are such a schmuck!

1034
01:00:11,161 --> 01:00:13,687
- Why are you speaking Yiddish?
- I picked it up.

1035
01:00:13,830 --> 01:00:16,299
What do you mean,
"I picked it up"? Who picks up Yiddish?

1036
01:00:16,366 --> 01:00:17,527
I'm in New York!

1037
01:00:17,634 --> 01:00:19,865
We're trying to erase
that country off the map!

1038
01:00:19,970 --> 01:00:22,030
I don't like the people,
but I like the way that

1039
01:00:22,139 --> 01:00:24,802
their words really sound like
what they're meant to be.

1040
01:00:24,875 --> 01:00:27,709
Oh, I'm sorry! Did I not get the
Evite to your bar mitzvah?

1041
01:00:27,811 --> 01:00:28,972
Oh, my God!

1042
01:00:29,045 --> 01:00:31,105
You've got real
chutzpah saying that!

1043
01:00:31,181 --> 01:00:33,377
Look, where has being
a nice guy gotten you, huh?

1044
01:00:33,683 --> 01:00:35,879
Standing on the edge
of a bridge about to commit suicide?

1045
01:00:35,986 --> 01:00:37,045
Still wearing Crocs?

1046
01:00:37,721 --> 01:00:39,155
What's wrong with Crocs?

1047
01:00:39,222 --> 01:00:42,215
They are the universal symbol of a
man who has given up hope!

1048
01:00:43,360 --> 01:00:45,329
You might as well
put sweatpants on

1049
01:00:45,395 --> 01:00:47,330
and go to Applebee's
for the rest of your life!

1050
01:00:48,365 --> 01:00:50,334
I'll give you that one.
I do look ridiculous.

1051
01:00:50,400 --> 01:00:54,235
Yes! Listen, if you won't
come down from there for yourself,

1052
01:00:54,337 --> 01:00:55,566
do it for your country.

1053
01:00:55,739 --> 01:00:57,503
If this constitution
is signed,

1054
01:00:57,574 --> 01:01:00,806
there will be free press,
women drivers, civil rights!

1055
01:01:01,011 --> 01:01:02,070
What are "civil rights"?

1056
01:01:02,379 --> 01:01:04,644
I'll tell you later.
They're hilarious.

1057
01:01:05,148 --> 01:01:08,585
Look, you alone can stop
these terrible things from happening.

1058
01:01:08,885 --> 01:01:11,480
You are the last
great dictator!

1059
01:01:11,888 --> 01:01:14,050
All of the others
are gone! Qaddafi,

1060
01:01:14,257 --> 01:01:16,749
Saddam, Kim Jong, Cheney.

1061
01:01:18,828 --> 01:01:20,262
You are right, Nadal.

1062
01:01:20,730 --> 01:01:22,824
I will become
the greatest dictator of all,

1063
01:01:22,899 --> 01:01:24,891
the envy of madmen
everywhere!

1064
01:01:25,101 --> 01:01:26,694
Yes, Supreme Leader!

1065
01:01:26,770 --> 01:01:30,172
From the mountaintops of North Korea
to the jungles of Zimbabwe,

1066
01:01:30,240 --> 01:01:34,507
let every child labourer
and sweatshop factory worker sing,

1067
01:01:34,578 --> 01:01:37,241
"Oppressed at last!
Oppressed at last!

1068
01:01:37,614 --> 01:01:40,413
"Thank Aladeen,
I am oppressed at last!"

1069
01:01:40,517 --> 01:01:41,678
Yes! Whoa!

1070
01:01:41,751 --> 01:01:43,049
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
What are you doing?

1071
01:01:43,119 --> 01:01:44,519
- No, no, no, no, don't fall.
- I'm not doing anything.

1072
01:01:44,588 --> 01:01:47,251
Just do like a pull-up.
You know how you do pull-ups?

1073
01:01:47,357 --> 01:01:48,552
I invented the pull-up.

1074
01:01:52,862 --> 01:01:55,923
If you're just joining us, we
are at the Lancaster Hotel,

1075
01:01:56,032 --> 01:01:57,728
where in about 20 minutes,

1076
01:01:57,801 --> 01:02:01,602
General Aladeen will be signing the
new Wadiyan constitution.

1077
01:02:01,705 --> 01:02:03,571
Dignitaries from
around the world

1078
01:02:03,640 --> 01:02:06,576
are arriving now to witness
the creation of a democracy

1079
01:02:06,643 --> 01:02:09,408
that will undoubtedly change
the political landscape

1080
01:02:09,479 --> 01:02:11,209
of the entire region.

1081
01:02:11,481 --> 01:02:14,474
As Waeiya goes,
so goes North Africa.

1082
01:02:21,825 --> 01:02:26,092
Edward Norton,
tell Viggo Mortensen he is on my radar.

1083
01:02:27,564 --> 01:02:29,931
How do you say,
"Fly is in the soup"?

1084
01:02:30,000 --> 01:02:31,832
Gentlemen, Tamir.

1085
01:02:32,235 --> 01:02:34,329
Let me introduce you
to my beautiful wife.

1086
01:02:34,904 --> 01:02:37,305
Mrs Lao, it is my
very great pleasure.

1087
01:02:37,407 --> 01:02:39,569
No, no, no, no.
She does not speak English.

1088
01:02:39,643 --> 01:02:40,838
Watch this.

1089
01:02:41,578 --> 01:02:43,171
You ugly horse!

1090
01:02:43,847 --> 01:02:44,906
She doesn't know.

1091
01:02:45,515 --> 01:02:49,680
"Ohhh." See?
She goes "Ohhh" all the time. Watch.

1092
01:02:50,253 --> 01:02:51,915
Shaved ape.

1093
01:02:52,489 --> 01:02:53,513
"Ohhh."

1094
01:03:07,037 --> 01:03:10,030
Wait. That is how you intend to get me
across to the Lancaster?

1095
01:03:10,307 --> 01:03:11,366
Absolutely.

1096
01:03:11,474 --> 01:03:12,806
- Where'd you get that?
- I built it.

1097
01:03:13,209 --> 01:03:15,474
When I was going
to assassinate you.

1098
01:03:15,879 --> 01:03:16,972
You mean my double.

1099
01:03:19,649 --> 01:03:21,015
Sure. Yeah.

1100
01:03:28,792 --> 01:03:30,693
Bingo!

1101
01:03:33,730 --> 01:03:34,720
Love it!

1102
01:03:34,831 --> 01:03:35,855
- Here's what you do.
- Okay.

1103
01:03:35,965 --> 01:03:38,958
Zipline across,
kill the double,

1104
01:03:39,035 --> 01:03:41,630
and then rip up the constitution in
front of the world's media.

1105
01:03:41,705 --> 01:03:42,695
Piece of cake.

1106
01:03:57,087 --> 01:03:59,352
Hello, Lancaster!

1107
01:04:08,331 --> 01:04:09,594
I don't understand
what has happened.

1108
01:04:09,699 --> 01:04:11,759
My calculations
were very precise.

1109
01:04:12,435 --> 01:04:14,404
If you lose enough weight,
then the zipline will work.

1110
01:04:14,504 --> 01:04:16,200
Do you have anything
in your pockets?

1111
01:04:16,272 --> 01:04:17,934
Let me check.

1112
01:04:20,910 --> 01:04:22,105
What is that?

1113
01:04:22,212 --> 01:04:23,510
It's Vita Coco water.

1114
01:04:24,114 --> 01:04:25,605
Why do you have
Vita Coco water?

1115
01:04:25,715 --> 01:04:28,378
Because it has
as much potassium as three bananas.

1116
01:04:28,451 --> 01:04:30,044
The line is
still too heavy.

1117
01:04:30,120 --> 01:04:32,555
Is there anything else in your pockets
that could be weighing you down?

1118
01:04:34,557 --> 01:04:37,391
You're kidding. So then why did
you bring three bananas?

1119
01:04:37,460 --> 01:04:41,090
Because I don't trust the
advertising. I'm naturally suspicious.

1120
01:04:41,731 --> 01:04:44,223
Is there anything else you're
carrying? You're still too heavy.

1121
01:04:44,300 --> 01:04:45,427
Just this.

1122
01:04:47,270 --> 01:04:48,397
What is that, a brick?

1123
01:04:48,471 --> 01:04:50,906
All this time you've had a
brick? Why do you have that?

1124
01:04:50,974 --> 01:04:52,909
Well, to balance out
the weight from the other one.

1125
01:04:52,976 --> 01:04:54,239
You have two bricks?

1126
01:04:54,310 --> 01:04:55,369
Yes!

1127
01:04:55,445 --> 01:04:56,936
Throw them down
immediately!

1128
01:05:01,484 --> 01:05:03,953
Oh, my God!
There's a little goat eating the wire!

1129
01:05:06,990 --> 01:05:08,822
You need to lose
weight immediately!

1130
01:05:09,159 --> 01:05:11,788
My pockets are empty.
I could poo.

1131
01:05:12,162 --> 01:05:13,755
That won't be enough
to make a difference.

1132
01:05:13,830 --> 01:05:16,390
Yes, it will.
I haven't gone since Wadiya.

1133
01:05:16,466 --> 01:05:19,095
Losing power
has stopped me up like a cork.

1134
01:05:19,169 --> 01:05:20,467
Hurry!

1135
01:05:20,570 --> 01:05:23,130
Come on, Supreme Leader!
Make it rain! Make it rain!

1136
01:05:24,741 --> 01:05:26,972
It's out!
And it's pointy!

1137
01:05:28,011 --> 01:05:29,309
Somebody stop that man!

1138
01:05:31,147 --> 01:05:32,171
Yes!

1139
01:05:33,516 --> 01:05:34,745
What? No, no, no, no!

1140
01:05:35,518 --> 01:05:36,508
No, no, no!

1141
01:06:00,906 --> 01:06:02,465
Supreme Leader!

1142
01:06:05,844 --> 01:06:08,040
Get out of here
before Tamir kills you.

1143
01:06:08,747 --> 01:06:09,840
Who is Tamir?

1144
01:06:10,249 --> 01:06:11,683
Tamir...

1145
01:06:11,750 --> 01:06:14,413
The bald bastard
who did all these terrible things to us!

1146
01:06:15,254 --> 01:06:16,916
I thought
his name was Dennis.

1147
01:06:18,490 --> 01:06:23,155
How would you
even make that leap? Tamir to Dennis?

1148
01:06:24,363 --> 01:06:26,355
- Go on, get out! Get out!
- Come on, Montzi!

1149
01:06:26,432 --> 01:06:27,422
Quick!

1150
01:06:30,669 --> 01:06:32,194
Just jump.
It's not that far.

1151
01:06:33,405 --> 01:06:34,668
Efawadh.

1152
01:06:34,740 --> 01:06:36,402
It is almost time.

1153
01:06:39,211 --> 01:06:41,544
I like goats.

1154
01:06:42,715 --> 01:06:45,184
I am very stupid.

1155
01:06:47,086 --> 01:06:48,384
This is
an historic moment.

1156
01:06:49,288 --> 01:06:52,122
Admiral General
Aladeen of Wadiya

1157
01:06:52,224 --> 01:06:53,715
is going to be signing

1158
01:06:53,792 --> 01:06:57,456
the first democratic
constitution in the history of his nation.

1159
01:06:57,563 --> 01:07:01,557
Across the globe,
people are glued to their television sets.

1160
01:07:01,633 --> 01:07:04,228
The people of Wadiya
are celebrating

1161
01:07:04,303 --> 01:07:07,137
what will be
a new chapter in their country.

1162
01:07:07,973 --> 01:07:10,909
Just moments away now
from putting his signature

1163
01:07:10,976 --> 01:07:13,309
on the first
democratic constitution.

1164
01:07:14,079 --> 01:07:16,913
That's Tamir Mafraad,
Aladeen's trusted advisor,

1165
01:07:16,982 --> 01:07:20,043
sharing a lighthearted moment with
Chinese businessman, Xiang Lao.

1166
01:07:20,119 --> 01:07:21,951
Any thoughts on
what they might be saying, Mike?

1167
01:07:22,054 --> 01:07:24,956
I thought I made out
the words "Harvey Keitel."

1168
01:07:27,493 --> 01:07:29,121
Don't know
what that meant.

1169
01:07:29,228 --> 01:07:31,959
Maybe they shared
a hot dog together, I'm thinking?

1170
01:07:32,064 --> 01:07:36,434
That would make sense. He's wiping the
mustard off his face and chest.

1171
01:07:36,502 --> 01:07:37,800
Excuse me!

1172
01:07:37,903 --> 01:07:39,394
You have to let me in.
You don't understand.

1173
01:07:39,471 --> 01:07:41,099
He's trying to
stop the signing!

1174
01:07:41,173 --> 01:07:42,766
Tamir is now speaking.

1175
01:07:42,841 --> 01:07:43,831
Today,

1176
01:07:44,510 --> 01:07:46,274
we begin a new era.

1177
01:07:46,845 --> 01:07:49,838
Wadiya will be
open to the world.

1178
01:07:49,948 --> 01:07:51,507
Open to the future.

1179
01:07:51,617 --> 01:07:53,142
And open for business.

1180
01:07:54,620 --> 01:07:58,022
The document is
ready to be signed, Supreme Leader.

1181
01:08:06,632 --> 01:08:09,431
What are you doing?
This man is an imposter!

1182
01:08:09,501 --> 01:08:13,962
No! This traitor tried to kill me
and had my beard removed!

1183
01:08:14,039 --> 01:08:16,270
Look!

1184
01:08:16,341 --> 01:08:18,776
Arrest the viper Tamir!

1185
01:08:18,844 --> 01:08:20,506
And now in another

1186
01:08:20,612 --> 01:08:24,276
amazing turn of events,
Tamir Mafraad is being taken away.

1187
01:08:24,349 --> 01:08:26,841
This constitution

1188
01:08:26,952 --> 01:08:29,649
is nothing
but a license for oil companies

1189
01:08:29,721 --> 01:08:33,180
and foreign interests
to destroy my beloved Wadiya!

1190
01:08:33,292 --> 01:08:36,956
Wadiya will remain
a dictatorship!

1191
01:08:46,738 --> 01:08:48,070
Oh, be quiet.

1192
01:08:48,473 --> 01:08:51,466
Why are you guys
so anti dictators?

1193
01:08:51,743 --> 01:08:54,577
Imagine if America
was a dictatorship.

1194
01:08:54,913 --> 01:08:59,146
You could let 1% of the people
have all the nation's wealth.

1195
01:08:59,484 --> 01:09:00,975
You could help
your rich friends

1196
01:09:01,053 --> 01:09:03,545
get richer by
cutting their taxes

1197
01:09:03,655 --> 01:09:06,921
and bailing them out
when they gamble and lose.

1198
01:09:07,359 --> 01:09:11,694
You could ignore the needs of the poor
for health care and education.

1199
01:09:11,763 --> 01:09:13,391
Your media
would appear free

1200
01:09:13,498 --> 01:09:17,663
but would secretly be controlled
by one person and his family.

1201
01:09:17,736 --> 01:09:21,935
You could wiretap phones,
you could torture foreign prisoners.

1202
01:09:22,040 --> 01:09:24,202
You could have
rigged elections.

1203
01:09:24,276 --> 01:09:26,404
You could lie about
why you go to war.

1204
01:09:26,945 --> 01:09:28,709
You could fill your prisons

1205
01:09:28,780 --> 01:09:32,444
with one particular racial group
and no one would complain!

1206
01:09:32,784 --> 01:09:36,118
You could use the media
to scare the people

1207
01:09:36,221 --> 01:09:40,124
into supporting policies
that are against their interests.

1208
01:09:40,225 --> 01:09:43,593
I know this is hard
for you Americans to imagine,

1209
01:09:43,695 --> 01:09:45,630
but please try.

1210
01:09:45,731 --> 01:09:47,962
I will tell you
what democracy is!

1211
01:09:48,433 --> 01:09:50,561
Democracy is the worst!

1212
01:09:50,636 --> 01:09:53,572
Endless talking
and listening to every stupid opinion!

1213
01:09:53,639 --> 01:09:55,733
And everybody's
vote counts,

1214
01:09:55,807 --> 01:09:59,471
no matter how
crippled or black or female they are.

1215
01:10:00,379 --> 01:10:01,779
Democracy...

1216
01:10:08,487 --> 01:10:09,785
Democracy

1217
01:10:11,156 --> 01:10:15,287
has hairy armpits
and could lose five pounds.

1218
01:10:16,495 --> 01:10:19,795
Democracy looks like
a midget in a chemo wig.

1219
01:10:20,799 --> 01:10:23,428
Democracy kisses you
because she wants to,

1220
01:10:23,502 --> 01:10:27,405
not because her father
is in the next room chained to a radiator

1221
01:10:27,472 --> 01:10:29,737
with electrodes
attached to his nipples.

1222
01:10:30,442 --> 01:10:34,777
Democracy is flawed!
She is not perfect!

1223
01:10:35,447 --> 01:10:36,938
But democracy,

1224
01:10:40,519 --> 01:10:41,509
I love you.

1225
01:10:42,654 --> 01:10:45,749
And that is
why I call for real democracy!

1226
01:10:45,824 --> 01:10:47,622
A real constitution!

1227
01:10:47,693 --> 01:10:49,662
And real elections
in Wadiya!

1228
01:10:56,268 --> 01:10:58,260
Oh, no!

1229
01:10:59,171 --> 01:11:00,332
Come on!

1230
01:11:07,212 --> 01:11:10,376
Democracy,
I will make you one of my wives.

1231
01:11:11,450 --> 01:11:13,885
Okay, only wife.
We'll vote on it.

1232
01:11:14,519 --> 01:11:16,385
I'll shave
my armpits for you.

1233
01:11:16,488 --> 01:11:18,548
Praise be to the Creator!

1234
01:11:18,657 --> 01:11:21,058
And please stop using
that organic deodorant.

1235
01:11:21,159 --> 01:11:23,390
You could gas the Kurds
with that stench.

1236
01:11:50,522 --> 01:11:52,423
You died
protecting me, Efawadh.

1237
01:11:53,191 --> 01:11:54,181
Hello!

1238
01:11:54,493 --> 01:11:55,483
You are alive?

1239
01:11:55,694 --> 01:11:58,664
Of coursei.
It is my job to be shot in the head.

1240
01:12:02,334 --> 01:12:04,200
- Is he okay?
- He's fine.

1241
01:12:04,269 --> 01:12:06,898
Luckily the bullet
hit him in the brain.

1242
01:12:08,006 --> 01:12:09,838
So,

1243
01:12:11,276 --> 01:12:12,335
what now?

1244
01:12:12,611 --> 01:12:15,945
I return to Wadiya
to participate in fair elections.

1245
01:12:27,959 --> 01:12:31,521
Let's now look back
at the wonderful events of the past year.

1246
01:12:31,596 --> 01:12:34,361
After Wadiya's
first free elections,

1247
01:12:34,433 --> 01:12:37,403
President Prime Minister
Admiral General Aladeen

1248
01:12:37,469 --> 01:12:40,029
won 98.8% of the vote.

1249
01:12:42,607 --> 01:12:46,203
But the big story today is the
marriage of President Prime Minister

1250
01:12:46,278 --> 01:12:49,976
Admiral General Aladeen
and his new bride, Zoey.

1251
01:12:54,286 --> 01:12:56,915
I now pronounce you
man and wife.

1252
01:13:06,731 --> 01:13:08,927
Are you okay, my love?
What did you step on?

1253
01:13:09,000 --> 01:13:10,298
Oh, yes! No, no.

1254
01:13:10,402 --> 01:13:14,100
It's my people's tradition.
We always smash a glass at weddings.

1255
01:13:14,172 --> 01:13:16,004
- I'm Jewish!
- What?

1256
01:13:16,108 --> 01:13:17,337
Mazel tov!

1257
01:13:22,347 --> 01:13:23,406
Are you okay?

1258
01:13:24,449 --> 01:13:27,112
That's fine.
I don't mind. It's great!

1259
01:13:27,519 --> 01:13:29,283
Come here, my love.

1260
01:13:49,007 --> 01:13:50,839
Jachnoon, President
Prime Minister Aladeen.

1261
01:13:50,942 --> 01:13:54,276
Jachnoon. Nadal. I have to be back
at the palace in an hour.

1262
01:13:54,346 --> 01:13:56,611
Zoey thinks I'm at yoga.

1263
01:13:57,048 --> 01:13:58,038
I have great news.

1264
01:13:58,150 --> 01:14:00,949
We are just days
away from testing the new missiles.

1265
01:14:01,019 --> 01:14:02,988
I have re-engineered
the oxidizing ducts

1266
01:14:03,054 --> 01:14:04,488
and the payload
delivery systems.

1267
01:14:04,556 --> 01:14:09,460
But you'll be happy to know,
the missile is now pointy!

1268
01:14:10,562 --> 01:14:12,531
Who cares if it's pointy?

1269
01:14:12,631 --> 01:14:13,724
What?

1270
01:14:14,299 --> 01:14:16,564
You do.
You care if it's pointy.

1271
01:14:16,668 --> 01:14:18,330
Why would I care
about such a trivial detail?

1272
01:14:18,403 --> 01:14:20,668
Are you serious?
Are you serious right now?

1273
01:14:20,739 --> 01:14:21,729
Of course I'm serious.

1274
01:14:21,840 --> 01:14:23,308
That's why you
had me executed!

1275
01:14:23,375 --> 01:14:26,675
The shape of the missile has nothing to
do with the payload delivery.

1276
01:14:26,745 --> 01:14:29,180
That's what I said!
That's what I said the first time!

1277
01:14:29,247 --> 01:14:30,681
No, that's what I said,
and you went crazy.

1278
01:14:30,749 --> 01:14:32,081
No!

1279
01:14:35,320 --> 01:14:38,654
So, we're opening
300 Women's Centres,

1280
01:14:38,723 --> 01:14:42,660
but I'm going to have to take a
break for a little bit because

1281
01:14:43,361 --> 01:14:44,693
I'm pregnant.

1282
01:14:44,763 --> 01:14:45,924
What?

1283
01:14:49,668 --> 01:14:52,160
Are you having a boy
or an abortion?

1284
01:15:15,760 --> 01:15:16,750
Hello, gentlemen.
How you doin'?

1285
01:15:16,861 --> 01:15:18,386
Are you guys friends
of the deceased?

1286
01:15:18,463 --> 01:15:21,297
Do you want me to say this
in front of his widow?

1287
01:15:21,399 --> 01:15:22,389
I was his lover.

1288
01:15:22,467 --> 01:15:23,958
No. That is
not true.

1289
01:15:24,436 --> 01:15:26,405
I saw him perform
with the Globetrotters.

1290
01:15:26,471 --> 01:15:29,031
I thought
he was outstanding. I befriended him.

1291
01:15:29,107 --> 01:15:31,235
No, it's
a different person.

1292
01:15:31,309 --> 01:15:34,643
His message
of don't worry and being happy

1293
01:15:34,746 --> 01:15:35,907
was so powerful.

1294
01:15:35,981 --> 01:15:38,246
No, this is
Bobby McFerrin. I told you this outside.

1295
01:15:38,316 --> 01:15:40,581
Whatever the scandal
you went through,

1296
01:15:40,652 --> 01:15:42,484
you're still
the best golfer in the world.

1297
01:15:42,587 --> 01:15:43,885
Let's go.

1298
01:15:43,955 --> 01:15:46,584
Okay. Let's rehearse this.
Role play, role play.

1299
01:15:46,658 --> 01:15:49,822
So, Secretary General,
your soldiers will weep...

1300
01:15:51,329 --> 01:15:52,763
I am so sorry!

1301
01:15:52,831 --> 01:15:54,459
Listen, it was
not my fault.

1302
01:15:54,566 --> 01:15:56,933
I mean, somebody had
set the safety catch

1303
01:15:57,002 --> 01:15:59,403
to "Aladeen"
instead of "Aladeen."

1304
01:15:59,471 --> 01:16:00,666
Look, I mean,
this whole gun...

1305
01:16:04,109 --> 01:16:05,168
Zoey.

1306
01:16:06,678 --> 01:16:08,943
That's some good head!

1307
01:16:11,182 --> 01:16:13,276
That is called payback
and it feels so good!

1308
01:16:13,351 --> 01:16:15,684
How did it feel for you?
How did it feel for you?

1309
01:16:15,787 --> 01:16:17,517
I prefer it with goats.

1310
01:16:18,290 --> 01:16:19,781
Where is
the Supreme Leader?

1311
01:16:19,858 --> 01:16:20,917
No, no.

1312
01:16:20,992 --> 01:16:23,359
Now that is
called payback!

1313
01:16:23,628 --> 01:16:24,926
Oh, great!

1314
01:16:30,368 --> 01:16:33,361
Don't touch it.
Don't touch it.

1315
01:16:33,872 --> 01:16:35,204
You don't have
to touch it.

1316
01:16:35,307 --> 01:16:36,297
Sorry. I was...

1317
01:16:36,374 --> 01:16:38,275
Just give us...
We don't...

1318
01:16:38,343 --> 01:16:41,211
Just give me
a couple of millimetres to myself.