1 00:00:02,564 --> 00:00:04,856 and the one son who had no choice 2 00:00:04,939 --> 00:00:07,232 but to keep them all together. 3 00:00:12,193 --> 00:00:13,359 It's Arrested Development. 4 00:00:16,652 --> 00:00:21,571 Michael was heading to work when he saw something he had never seen before lunch. 5 00:00:21,653 --> 00:00:23,947 - His twin sister, Lindsay. - You're up? 6 00:00:24,031 --> 00:00:27,199 - Yeah. I work for our attorney now. - Bob Loblaw. Of course. 7 00:00:27,282 --> 00:00:28,615 What is he thinking? 8 00:00:28,698 --> 00:00:31,324 - I mean, how's it going? - Lousy. 9 00:00:31,407 --> 00:00:34,450 You know, I only took this nanny job so he'd give me a free divorce 10 00:00:34,533 --> 00:00:36,826 and then marry me, so I'd never have to work again. 11 00:00:36,910 --> 00:00:39,285 But all he seems to care about is that daughter of his. 12 00:00:39,368 --> 00:00:41,536 I got my horse to canter today. First time. 13 00:00:41,620 --> 00:00:43,621 I've always wanted to make love on a horse. 14 00:00:43,704 --> 00:00:45,662 And tomorrow we're gonna work without a lunge line. 15 00:00:45,746 --> 00:00:48,914 That's so funny, because I can put my leg behind my head. 16 00:00:48,997 --> 00:00:51,664 I mean, come on, I'm the nanny. 17 00:00:51,748 --> 00:00:53,374 Of course, who wouldn't wanna snog the nanny? 18 00:00:53,458 --> 00:00:56,209 "Snog." Is that another one of your new Britishisms? 19 00:00:56,292 --> 00:01:00,335 It was. Michael had recently fallen bum over noggin 20 00:01:00,418 --> 00:01:02,752 for a beautiful English woman called Rita. 21 00:01:02,835 --> 00:01:04,628 Did I say "snog'again? Bloody hell. 22 00:01:04,794 --> 00:01:07,754 Listen, you wanna win over Bob, you gotta win over the kid, 23 00:01:07,837 --> 00:01:10,422 and here's what you do. You find something that you're good at 24 00:01:10,504 --> 00:01:12,005 and you share it with her. 25 00:01:12,088 --> 00:01:13,465 While you're at it, share it with us too, huh? 26 00:01:13,548 --> 00:01:16,382 And try not to act so desperate. Oh, my God, did I miss a call? 27 00:01:16,466 --> 00:01:18,841 This is Rita. Just wanted to say hi. 28 00:01:18,925 --> 00:01:21,467 I'm on my way to the train station. Bye-bye. 29 00:01:21,550 --> 00:01:24,301 She's leaving. I gotta get over there. 30 00:01:24,509 --> 00:01:28,053 - Michael raced to the station, - God, is that how I look? 31 00:01:28,510 --> 00:01:30,678 where Rita was being given her ticket. 32 00:01:30,762 --> 00:01:35,555 Here's your ticket and your instructions. Call me if you get in over your head. 33 00:01:36,598 --> 00:01:39,349 Hey, hi there, Rita. Hey. Michael. 34 00:01:39,432 --> 00:01:42,600 Hi, where you going and how long you going for? 35 00:01:43,807 --> 00:01:46,850 You're right, do not answer that. You know, I'm not getting clingy. 36 00:01:46,934 --> 00:01:50,310 - Why are you breathing like that? - I wasn't hurrying to come stop you, 37 00:01:50,393 --> 00:01:53,811 I was out on for my daily... Do you run at all? 38 00:01:53,895 --> 00:01:56,520 Oh, yes. I was in the Olympics once. 39 00:01:56,854 --> 00:01:58,355 I won a silver medal. 40 00:01:58,438 --> 00:02:01,773 You're that Rita Leeds? Oh, my goodness! 41 00:02:01,856 --> 00:02:04,398 And a silver medal, yes, and you came in second. 42 00:02:04,482 --> 00:02:07,066 Now I'm very embarrassed to be out of breath in front of you. 43 00:02:07,149 --> 00:02:09,400 But you take my breath away. 44 00:02:11,860 --> 00:02:15,277 Michael, you're such a... 45 00:02:17,445 --> 00:02:19,154 Michael was stunned. 46 00:02:19,237 --> 00:02:21,488 He assumed Rita was using the word... 47 00:02:21,571 --> 00:02:25,323 in the American sense, meaning weak or cowardly. 48 00:02:25,406 --> 00:02:30,824 In fact, Rita meant it in the British sense, meaning sweet or gentle, as in "pussycat". 49 00:02:30,908 --> 00:02:34,201 The Jerries aren't so bad. They're just being led by a rotten apple. 50 00:02:34,284 --> 00:02:39,327 Reggie, fighting for your country, you're such a pussy. 51 00:02:39,410 --> 00:02:43,746 When I miss your lips, I'll put a... in my mouth and think of you. 52 00:02:43,829 --> 00:02:46,413 That also had a different meaning over there. 53 00:02:48,915 --> 00:02:51,999 Michael returned home hoping to take solace in his son's company. 54 00:02:52,083 --> 00:02:53,207 Just the guy I was looking for. 55 00:02:53,290 --> 00:02:55,376 Was thinking you and I should maybe go play a little catch, 56 00:02:55,459 --> 00:02:56,958 you know, maybe go for a run. 57 00:02:57,042 --> 00:02:58,085 Do some guy stuff. 58 00:02:58,168 --> 00:03:02,044 - But we're not good at that stuff. - Yes, I am. We both are. 59 00:03:02,127 --> 00:03:06,671 Michael and his son had never been a very successful athletic team. 60 00:03:06,754 --> 00:03:09,838 In fact, the only thing George Michael really liked 61 00:03:09,922 --> 00:03:12,255 was hanging motionless from the monkey bars, 62 00:03:12,339 --> 00:03:15,340 which The President's Council on Fitness ranks as 63 00:03:15,423 --> 00:03:17,758 slightly easier than the slide. 64 00:03:17,841 --> 00:03:19,966 Anyway, I was just thinking that maybe we should 65 00:03:20,050 --> 00:03:22,842 emphasise athletics a little bit more in this family, 66 00:03:22,926 --> 00:03:25,802 I'm gonna start us off with a protein drink, okay? 67 00:03:26,511 --> 00:03:28,428 Still doing that, huh? 68 00:03:29,178 --> 00:03:31,429 Well, I do think we should go for a run, huh? 69 00:03:31,513 --> 00:03:32,805 Some real guy stuff. 70 00:03:32,888 --> 00:03:35,222 I'm supposed to go fabric shopping with Ann today. 71 00:03:35,305 --> 00:03:37,390 I think we can go butcher. 72 00:03:38,598 --> 00:03:40,140 No. We're making a gown. 73 00:03:40,224 --> 00:03:43,183 - She's gonna be in a beauty pageant. - Yeah. Who's Ann? 74 00:03:43,266 --> 00:03:46,976 My girlfriend. She's... You've met her. So many times. 75 00:03:47,060 --> 00:03:49,394 - You've met her and met her. - No, I know who Annabelle is. 76 00:03:49,477 --> 00:03:51,186 Who's the Ann that's in the beauty pageant? 77 00:03:51,269 --> 00:03:53,062 That's her. Her name isn't Annabelle, that's Ann. 78 00:03:53,145 --> 00:03:55,270 I know. I know that her name is not Annabelle. 79 00:03:55,354 --> 00:03:58,605 That's how I remember her name, 'cause her body's kind of shaped like a... 80 00:03:58,688 --> 00:04:00,064 She's the belle of the ball. 81 00:04:00,147 --> 00:04:04,441 What is she doing in the beauty pageant? She running the lights or something? 82 00:04:04,525 --> 00:04:06,983 She's in it. She's a contestant. 83 00:04:07,067 --> 00:04:09,401 Sort of like an inner-beauty pageant. 84 00:04:09,692 --> 00:04:11,027 - There it is. - What? 85 00:04:11,111 --> 00:04:12,360 Is it like a Christian thing? 86 00:04:12,443 --> 00:04:14,195 Well it's half. It's at the State Fair, 87 00:04:14,277 --> 00:04:16,737 which this year's gonna be a Church and State Fair. 88 00:04:16,821 --> 00:04:21,446 It seems the state had run out of money and was going to cancel the fair. 89 00:04:21,780 --> 00:04:27,074 Until it was resurrected by this man, who agreed to cover the fair's costs, 90 00:04:27,157 --> 00:04:29,157 if it included a church presence. 91 00:04:29,241 --> 00:04:32,826 I got some news for you. There's no such thing as an inner-beauty pageant. 92 00:04:32,909 --> 00:04:35,201 They're just gonna pick the chick with the best T and A. 93 00:04:35,284 --> 00:04:37,576 As a child, Maeby had been entered 94 00:04:37,660 --> 00:04:39,453 into a number of progressive pageants 95 00:04:39,537 --> 00:04:42,913 that claimed to celebrate beauty in all its forms. 96 00:04:42,996 --> 00:04:47,039 But the winners still tended to have it going on in the conventional sense. 97 00:04:47,123 --> 00:04:48,665 Remember how badly you used to wanna win? 98 00:04:48,748 --> 00:04:51,249 No, I remember how badly you used to want me to win. 99 00:04:51,332 --> 00:04:54,166 Yeah, we should have. I don't know where that hair of yours came from. 100 00:04:54,250 --> 00:04:56,584 Shameless Plugs on Placentia. 101 00:04:57,085 --> 00:04:58,334 Looks pretty good, huh? 102 00:04:58,417 --> 00:05:01,710 And they're not licensed, which means big savings. 103 00:05:03,003 --> 00:05:04,503 It's been happening a lot lately. 104 00:05:04,586 --> 00:05:06,963 You know what? This is the perfect thing to do. 105 00:05:07,045 --> 00:05:08,713 No, Mom, I'm not gonna do it. 106 00:05:08,797 --> 00:05:11,506 No, no, not you. Bob's daughter, Hope. 107 00:05:11,589 --> 00:05:16,716 Look, if I can get Hope this crown, maybe her father might just wanna crown me. 108 00:05:16,924 --> 00:05:17,967 If you know what I mean. 109 00:05:18,050 --> 00:05:20,968 I'm guessing have sex, but that's meeting you more than halfway. 110 00:05:21,051 --> 00:05:23,760 Tobias, wanna clean up that mirror? 111 00:05:24,009 --> 00:05:25,094 And the vase. 112 00:05:25,177 --> 00:05:29,429 Perhaps if I can coach a certain young lady to victory in this pageant, 113 00:05:29,513 --> 00:05:32,222 I can gain back the respect of my wife. 114 00:05:32,305 --> 00:05:35,223 - I'll show them a little T and A. - You can't make me do it, Dad. 115 00:05:35,306 --> 00:05:37,139 Tobias and Ann. 116 00:05:37,723 --> 00:05:40,307 What, my Ann? No, I don't think we need any help. 117 00:05:40,391 --> 00:05:44,725 George Michael, she's a girl. I need to teach her how to be a woman. 118 00:05:45,017 --> 00:05:49,311 Within her lies a queen. Let me out that queen. 119 00:05:49,395 --> 00:05:51,186 I think you just did. 120 00:05:51,270 --> 00:05:53,020 - Michael. - Gob. 121 00:05:53,103 --> 00:05:55,146 Let me get that for you. 122 00:05:55,897 --> 00:05:59,356 So, a young neighbourhood tough by the name of Steve Holt's 123 00:05:59,439 --> 00:06:01,940 - gonna be here any minute. - Your son. 124 00:06:02,023 --> 00:06:04,650 - According to him... - And a DNA test. 125 00:06:05,066 --> 00:06:07,150 I heard the jury's still out on science. 126 00:06:07,234 --> 00:06:10,651 Anyway, he wants to go to the fair, but I don't wanna hurt his feelings, 127 00:06:10,734 --> 00:06:13,777 so I need you to do it. 128 00:06:13,860 --> 00:06:16,570 Just tell him that I'm out of town on one of my trips. 129 00:06:16,653 --> 00:06:20,280 - I'm not gonna lie to your son. - Come on. I lie to yours all the time. 130 00:06:20,363 --> 00:06:22,364 Michael, I'm not ready to be a dad. 131 00:06:22,447 --> 00:06:25,365 Plus, I'm gonna be very busy this week being a judge for the pageant. 132 00:06:25,448 --> 00:06:28,116 Gob had been a pageant judge for years. 133 00:06:28,199 --> 00:06:30,075 You cannot believe what it does for your sex life. 134 00:06:30,158 --> 00:06:32,118 - I don't wanna hear it. - I don't wanna say it. 135 00:06:32,201 --> 00:06:34,785 First-place chick is hot, but has an attitude. 136 00:06:34,868 --> 00:06:36,452 Doesn't date magicians. 137 00:06:36,536 --> 00:06:41,246 Second-place is someone weird, usually, like a Chinese girl or a geologist. 138 00:06:41,329 --> 00:06:45,414 But third-place, although a little bit plain, has super-low self-esteem. 139 00:06:45,497 --> 00:06:50,499 So I step in and lay her crown upon my sweet head. 140 00:06:50,582 --> 00:06:52,874 Have I missed this euphemism? 141 00:06:53,667 --> 00:06:55,750 - Steve Holt. - I should go. 142 00:06:57,918 --> 00:07:00,043 He's hiding from me, isn't he? 143 00:07:00,127 --> 00:07:03,378 You know, you gotta stop saying your name all the time. 144 00:07:03,461 --> 00:07:06,296 It's just they have this father-son triathlon, 145 00:07:06,379 --> 00:07:08,256 and I just wanted him to do it with me. 146 00:07:08,339 --> 00:07:11,173 - Stupid, huh? - That's a pretty tough race. 147 00:07:11,257 --> 00:07:13,382 Only for a wimp, a wuss. 148 00:07:13,841 --> 00:07:14,882 A... 149 00:07:14,966 --> 00:07:17,092 And Steve didn't mean "pussycat." 150 00:07:17,175 --> 00:07:18,466 Steve. 151 00:07:18,633 --> 00:07:21,718 How'd you like to do that triathlon with me? 152 00:07:21,884 --> 00:07:23,760 - Are you serious? - Yeah. 153 00:07:23,844 --> 00:07:26,303 - Uncle Mike! - Steve Holt! 154 00:07:26,386 --> 00:07:28,804 Both men felt good about themselves. 155 00:07:28,887 --> 00:07:30,972 - Uncle Mike! - Steve Holt! 156 00:07:31,514 --> 00:07:34,098 But Gob didn't share their enthusiasm. 157 00:07:34,181 --> 00:07:37,890 So this is how Michael gets rid of my son. By stealing him. 158 00:07:37,974 --> 00:07:42,642 Well, I'll just have to steal something of his like, say, his bicycle, 159 00:07:42,767 --> 00:07:46,227 as a placeholder. 160 00:07:51,645 --> 00:07:55,438 Michael was trying to prove his manliness with Steve Holt. 161 00:07:56,772 --> 00:07:59,231 Rita, hey, it's Michael. Just wanted to let you know 162 00:07:59,314 --> 00:08:03,567 that I'm running a triathlon at the fair, and if you're back in town... 163 00:08:04,607 --> 00:08:06,900 I can't believe I chose this moment to call you. 164 00:08:06,984 --> 00:08:09,569 Meanwhile, at the Church and State Fair, 165 00:08:09,652 --> 00:08:13,111 Maeby was trying to enrol in the pageant. Sort of. 166 00:08:13,194 --> 00:08:17,363 Your situation poses a problem. Let me talk to our chairman. 167 00:08:19,530 --> 00:08:21,363 - Hey, what are you doing, Maeby? - It's Surely. 168 00:08:21,447 --> 00:08:24,740 I'm just here to prove that all these pageants care about is looks. 169 00:08:24,823 --> 00:08:27,991 Just watch. Surely's inner beauty will get trumped by her outer icky. 170 00:08:28,074 --> 00:08:31,033 - Well, what happened to your nose? - It's part of the disguise. Isn't it cool? 171 00:08:31,117 --> 00:08:33,201 The same one Nicole Kidman wore in The Hours. 172 00:08:33,285 --> 00:08:36,453 It had been purchased for her at a charity auction she'd attended 173 00:08:36,536 --> 00:08:37,619 as a studio executive. 174 00:08:37,703 --> 00:08:38,746 $10,000. 175 00:08:38,828 --> 00:08:39,996 By Jamie Kennedy. 176 00:08:40,079 --> 00:08:41,413 You're such a dear. 177 00:08:41,496 --> 00:08:45,289 But I'm not putting you in my remake of A Thoroughly Polite Dustup. 178 00:08:46,415 --> 00:08:49,124 Miss Wolfbeek, although it costs quite a bit 179 00:08:49,207 --> 00:08:52,125 to put in a ramp for you, we got approval. 180 00:08:52,208 --> 00:08:53,584 You're in. 181 00:08:53,916 --> 00:08:57,001 As Maeby found herself stuck in a beauty pageant, 182 00:08:57,084 --> 00:08:59,669 Lucille was meeting with attorney Bob Loblaw 183 00:08:59,753 --> 00:09:01,879 about getting her son out of the army. 184 00:09:01,962 --> 00:09:05,755 I mean, my God. He's already lost a hand. If he loses a leg, 185 00:09:05,838 --> 00:09:07,672 how will we ever get him out of the apartment? 186 00:09:07,756 --> 00:09:10,797 Well, the army does have a one-in-one-out programme, 187 00:09:10,881 --> 00:09:14,883 where the inductee is relieved of duty once he enlists someone to take his place. 188 00:09:14,966 --> 00:09:17,508 So I'm supposed to find some poor innocent soul and hook him? 189 00:09:17,592 --> 00:09:21,260 Well, that's not going to help sign anyone. Where's your hand? 190 00:09:21,343 --> 00:09:23,094 It got stuck in the prize hole again. 191 00:09:23,178 --> 00:09:26,387 I told you not to play that stupid game anymore. 192 00:09:27,971 --> 00:09:30,054 There goes Number 3. 193 00:09:30,180 --> 00:09:33,431 I wasn't playing it. I was just trying to get my other one back. 194 00:09:33,514 --> 00:09:37,348 Hi, sorry, sorry, I totally forgot about this meeting. What's going on? 195 00:09:37,432 --> 00:09:40,892 You're father's got a lot of bad press because of the escape attempts. 196 00:09:40,975 --> 00:09:42,226 Volunteer for something. 197 00:09:42,310 --> 00:09:45,019 I'll do anything to get out of this... apartment. 198 00:09:45,102 --> 00:09:48,228 You'll do anything to get out of... in this apartment. 199 00:09:48,312 --> 00:09:49,353 You're drunk. 200 00:09:49,437 --> 00:09:51,729 Yeah, Mom. Can you just... And, Dad... 201 00:09:51,812 --> 00:09:53,730 You know, why do we even need the surrogate? 202 00:09:53,813 --> 00:09:55,731 - You know, Dad's in the apartment. - Don't come in here. 203 00:09:55,814 --> 00:09:57,981 - Don't come in here. - Don't come in here. 204 00:09:58,064 --> 00:09:59,940 - I said not to come in here. - Would you get out here, please? 205 00:10:00,024 --> 00:10:01,733 - I'm watching the game. - I said not to come in. 206 00:10:01,816 --> 00:10:03,691 - I did not spend money on a surrogate... - I'm watching the game. 207 00:10:03,774 --> 00:10:05,401 so you can just... 208 00:10:05,526 --> 00:10:06,567 I lost him. 209 00:10:06,650 --> 00:10:09,235 I think you've got your hands full trying to make this guy look good. 210 00:10:09,318 --> 00:10:11,778 Well, there's a Startle Straight programme at the fair 211 00:10:11,861 --> 00:10:14,196 which involves you speaking with at-risk male youth 212 00:10:14,279 --> 00:10:16,696 to scare them away from criminal behaviour. 213 00:10:16,779 --> 00:10:20,739 Okay. I can do that. I'm gonna need some big blown-up photos of your mother. 214 00:10:20,822 --> 00:10:23,948 I think they're talking about your time in prison, Dad. 215 00:10:24,032 --> 00:10:25,491 Okay. Why not? 216 00:10:25,575 --> 00:10:28,492 I mean, if I don't win this thing, I'm gonna be back there anyway. 217 00:10:28,576 --> 00:10:32,161 "At-risk male youth." That spells "army." 218 00:10:32,242 --> 00:10:35,037 And that's when Buster discovered a recruiting pool 219 00:10:35,119 --> 00:10:37,162 the government had been fishing for years. 220 00:10:37,245 --> 00:10:38,704 I may head down there, too. 221 00:10:38,787 --> 00:10:41,955 Yeah, I don't know, Dad. Startled Straight, not so sure you're the guy for that, 222 00:10:42,039 --> 00:10:45,497 but I'll look into it while I'm down at the fair signing up for a triathlon. 223 00:10:45,581 --> 00:10:48,082 Triathlon? Do you know how hard a triathlon is? 224 00:10:48,166 --> 00:10:51,125 People lose control of every bodily function. 225 00:10:51,209 --> 00:10:53,000 Didn't you ever see that video? 226 00:10:54,293 --> 00:10:56,376 It's like your mother on New Year's Eve. 227 00:10:56,460 --> 00:10:59,711 Actually, Lucille went down faster. 228 00:11:00,921 --> 00:11:04,922 You're not even in shape, you're gonna fall apart in front of everybody. 229 00:11:05,005 --> 00:11:06,130 Kind of scaring me, Dad. 230 00:11:06,213 --> 00:11:09,548 You see? Perfect for this Startled Straight thing. 231 00:11:10,673 --> 00:11:14,383 Tobias was getting Ann ready for the talent portion of the pageant. 232 00:11:14,467 --> 00:11:18,052 I think we need something with a little more spectacle in the act. 233 00:11:18,135 --> 00:11:22,010 Something that will make you look small and pretty in comparison. 234 00:11:22,093 --> 00:11:23,219 A camel. 235 00:11:23,303 --> 00:11:25,094 You know, she has a really lovely singing voice. 236 00:11:25,178 --> 00:11:26,846 I'll sing to the camel. 237 00:11:26,930 --> 00:11:30,014 Yes. We can Google some disco songs with the word "hump" in them. 238 00:11:30,097 --> 00:11:32,473 - Cute. - No, that sounds a bit racy. 239 00:11:32,556 --> 00:11:35,641 Okay. He may be afraid of sex, but you're not going to win without it. 240 00:11:35,724 --> 00:11:37,016 No, I'm not afraid of sex. 241 00:11:37,099 --> 00:11:39,808 Good. Go have sex with this girl right now. 242 00:11:39,892 --> 00:11:41,267 Do it. Go. 243 00:11:41,434 --> 00:11:44,436 Get in there, have some sex with her right now. 244 00:11:44,518 --> 00:11:45,810 I didn't think so. 245 00:11:45,894 --> 00:11:50,438 Ann, you need to decide whether you want a man or a boy. 246 00:11:50,979 --> 00:11:52,938 I know how I'd answer. 247 00:11:53,147 --> 00:11:55,689 Give us some room, George Michael. I can't breathe. 248 00:11:55,773 --> 00:11:58,690 Okay, now you're upsetting the talent. Out. 249 00:12:04,151 --> 00:12:07,985 Michael, meanwhile, had begun training for the triathlon, 250 00:12:08,069 --> 00:12:10,403 to keep from humiliating himself in front of Rita. 251 00:12:10,487 --> 00:12:13,404 No. Don't ask, "Can I?" Ask "I can!" 252 00:12:13,529 --> 00:12:17,072 You can control your bladder when you're dead. No blood, no oil. 253 00:12:17,155 --> 00:12:19,073 There's no "l" in win. 254 00:12:28,076 --> 00:12:31,160 Michael returned confident in his manliness 255 00:12:31,243 --> 00:12:34,494 when he ran into his son, who was questioning his own. 256 00:12:34,577 --> 00:12:36,913 Hey, how is that pageant going? 257 00:12:38,204 --> 00:12:40,121 Turns out Ann doesn't want me around during it. 258 00:12:40,205 --> 00:12:41,246 - Really? - Hey, well... 259 00:12:41,330 --> 00:12:43,789 Well, now you and me can go to that fair together tomorrow after all. 260 00:12:43,872 --> 00:12:45,082 - Yeah? - Yeah. 261 00:12:45,165 --> 00:12:46,457 And maybe do some man stuff. 262 00:12:46,540 --> 00:12:50,084 Actually, I've already signed up for the father-son triathlon. 263 00:12:50,167 --> 00:12:52,459 Okay, great. Yeah. I did want to do that with you. 264 00:12:52,542 --> 00:12:55,627 I mean, I've already promised Steve Holt. 265 00:12:55,710 --> 00:12:57,835 You know, he's older, it's more manly. 266 00:12:57,919 --> 00:12:59,420 You don't think I'm manly? 267 00:12:59,504 --> 00:13:04,505 No, no, it's just... Darn that Annabelle. She ruins everything. 268 00:13:05,339 --> 00:13:08,090 But the next morning, Michael awoke to discover 269 00:13:08,173 --> 00:13:11,299 every muscle in his body was exacting revenge. 270 00:13:12,257 --> 00:13:13,383 Oil? 271 00:13:13,466 --> 00:13:15,342 And so was his brother Gob. 272 00:13:18,968 --> 00:13:21,969 Hey, does anyone know why my handlebars are in my bed? 273 00:13:25,805 --> 00:13:29,639 The Church and State Fair was in full swing. 274 00:13:36,100 --> 00:13:41,060 And Lindsay watched with pride as Hope Loblaw did an original number 275 00:13:41,142 --> 00:13:43,352 that Lindsay herself had written. 276 00:13:48,354 --> 00:13:51,522 And now please welcome Annabelle Veal 277 00:13:51,605 --> 00:13:54,689 performing We Three Kings with a camel toe. 278 00:14:01,150 --> 00:14:05,026 Michael arrived at the fair sore from overtraining. 279 00:14:05,110 --> 00:14:07,360 Can't really go that high, I'm in a lot of pain here. 280 00:14:07,443 --> 00:14:09,694 Yeah, you know what, I figured you'd be that way. 281 00:14:09,778 --> 00:14:12,737 So Coach gave me these. They're pills filled with oxygen. 282 00:14:12,821 --> 00:14:14,488 - Yeah? - They keep you from being incontinent. 283 00:14:14,571 --> 00:14:16,321 Have one, they're called oxyincontinent. 284 00:14:16,404 --> 00:14:18,865 Steve didn't have that quite right. 285 00:14:18,947 --> 00:14:23,366 But Michael thought Rita might be coming and he was desperate to impress her. 286 00:14:23,491 --> 00:14:26,659 Meanwhile, Maeby was trying to get knocked out of the pageant. 287 00:14:26,742 --> 00:14:31,077 Pope impersonator, Church. How has God influenced your life? 288 00:14:31,452 --> 00:14:34,745 About just as much as Big Bird and the Keebler Elves. 289 00:14:34,829 --> 00:14:39,080 Well, my faith would have been shaken if he had taken my legs, too. 290 00:14:40,705 --> 00:14:42,705 Gob Bluth, State. 291 00:14:42,997 --> 00:14:45,748 I was betrayed by my brother Michael. 292 00:14:46,374 --> 00:14:48,458 Who's your favourite family member and why? 293 00:14:48,541 --> 00:14:51,376 Definitely not my shallow, materialistic mother 294 00:14:51,459 --> 00:14:53,043 who only cares about looks. 295 00:14:53,126 --> 00:14:55,293 I think we all feel that way about our mothers. 296 00:14:55,377 --> 00:14:57,086 And we all have legs. 297 00:15:02,296 --> 00:15:06,214 Meanwhile, George, Sr arrived at the Startled Straight tent. 298 00:15:06,297 --> 00:15:08,091 I'll be waiting out here with my enlistment forms, 299 00:15:08,174 --> 00:15:11,424 so go in there and scare them right into my open arm! 300 00:15:12,424 --> 00:15:17,134 But as it turns out, the fair had two Startled Straight tents. 301 00:15:17,218 --> 00:15:20,803 And George, Sr had wandered into the church-sponsored one... 302 00:15:20,886 --> 00:15:22,387 You wanna be some guy's girlfriend? 303 00:15:22,470 --> 00:15:26,721 intended to scare gay young men into a heterosexual lifestyle. 304 00:15:26,805 --> 00:15:27,930 You wanna have some guy reach around you 305 00:15:28,013 --> 00:15:30,265 in the middle of the night and start messing with your junk? 306 00:15:30,348 --> 00:15:31,764 Is he ugly? 307 00:15:32,139 --> 00:15:33,849 No, it's pitch-black. 308 00:15:33,933 --> 00:15:37,600 You don't see him. And it never stops, guys, 309 00:15:37,725 --> 00:15:39,685 and everybody acts like it's no big deal. 310 00:15:39,768 --> 00:15:41,560 Is there a cover charge? 311 00:15:41,851 --> 00:15:45,144 And the inner-beauty pageant was down to the final three. 312 00:15:45,228 --> 00:15:48,312 Will it be the beautiful Hope Loblaw? 313 00:15:49,437 --> 00:15:51,939 The stalwart Annabelle Veal? 314 00:15:52,355 --> 00:15:56,065 Or the justifiably bitter Surely Wolfbeek? 315 00:15:57,316 --> 00:16:00,192 It became clear that Surely was going to win. 316 00:16:00,401 --> 00:16:01,650 I'm sorry. 317 00:16:01,733 --> 00:16:02,818 This is wrong. 318 00:16:02,901 --> 00:16:06,236 And that's when Maeby displayed some real inner beauty. 319 00:16:06,319 --> 00:16:08,569 One of these girls deserves to win. 320 00:16:08,653 --> 00:16:10,153 She can stand! 321 00:16:11,070 --> 00:16:12,280 Maeby? 322 00:16:12,988 --> 00:16:14,905 That's how I know her. 323 00:16:14,989 --> 00:16:16,489 Let us pray. 324 00:16:16,656 --> 00:16:17,823 Oh, for God's sake. 325 00:16:17,906 --> 00:16:19,198 Praise the Lord! 326 00:16:20,366 --> 00:16:25,450 And Michael, now feeling a little woozy, arrived to see the triathlon course. 327 00:16:25,534 --> 00:16:29,160 Which consisted of several tricycles, five inflatable pools... 328 00:16:29,244 --> 00:16:30,410 What the hell is this? 329 00:16:30,493 --> 00:16:33,078 and fathers and sons being manacled together. 330 00:16:33,161 --> 00:16:34,453 Don't let it psych you out. 331 00:16:34,537 --> 00:16:36,579 Did that oxyincontinent set in yet? 332 00:16:36,663 --> 00:16:38,414 You knew this is what the race was? 333 00:16:38,496 --> 00:16:42,039 Kind of. I mean, they change it every year so you can't replicate it on your lawn. 334 00:16:42,123 --> 00:16:44,415 Why did you let me train so hard? 335 00:16:44,498 --> 00:16:46,625 I just thought you wanted to hang out and do guy stuff. 336 00:16:46,709 --> 00:16:48,583 This isn't guy stuff. 337 00:16:48,875 --> 00:16:51,751 I don't know why I thought that you'd wanna do this. 338 00:16:51,835 --> 00:16:54,168 - This is stupid, huh? - No, Steve, Steve. 339 00:16:54,252 --> 00:16:55,628 You're not going anywhere. 340 00:16:55,712 --> 00:16:56,836 You'll do it with me? 341 00:16:56,919 --> 00:16:59,587 We're chained together. But, you know, Rita's not here yet, 342 00:16:59,671 --> 00:17:01,380 and what the hell? Let's go win this thing. 343 00:17:01,463 --> 00:17:03,880 - Let's win this thing! - What the hell? 344 00:17:04,089 --> 00:17:05,506 - What the hell! - Win this thing! 345 00:17:05,589 --> 00:17:07,424 Here, man. Let's go ahead and start up. 346 00:17:07,507 --> 00:17:11,299 And after the pageant, George Michael went to congratulate Ann. 347 00:17:11,383 --> 00:17:13,675 Congratulations on coming in third, that's amazing. 348 00:17:13,758 --> 00:17:16,426 And I heard you're the first camel act to ever crack the top 10 too, 349 00:17:16,509 --> 00:17:18,052 so that's like a record. 350 00:17:18,136 --> 00:17:21,470 And I'm a bit relieved because I was... 351 00:17:21,554 --> 00:17:24,930 I thought maybe if you came in first, you would have outgrown me. 352 00:17:25,013 --> 00:17:26,638 Outgrown you. 353 00:17:26,722 --> 00:17:28,597 That is the term I've been looking for. 354 00:17:28,681 --> 00:17:32,932 It seems Gob was right about what happens to third-place contestants. 355 00:17:33,016 --> 00:17:34,433 I met a man. 356 00:17:35,142 --> 00:17:37,017 George Michael was devastated. 357 00:17:37,100 --> 00:17:41,936 It seems he'd lost his girl and his father because he wasn't man enough. 358 00:17:42,020 --> 00:17:44,395 And he was faced with a choice. 359 00:18:00,400 --> 00:18:04,444 Michael and Steve Holt finished their triathlon in first place. 360 00:18:05,735 --> 00:18:07,403 Of course, they were way older. 361 00:18:07,486 --> 00:18:09,528 Believe it or not, that took about everything I got. 362 00:18:09,611 --> 00:18:11,612 I don't know what was in that pill, but I do not feel so great. 363 00:18:11,696 --> 00:18:13,447 It's gonna get a little worse before it gets any better. 364 00:18:13,530 --> 00:18:14,739 - Really? - We won! 365 00:18:14,822 --> 00:18:17,240 - Okay. - Hey, possible nephew. Michael? 366 00:18:17,323 --> 00:18:18,823 - Yeah? - Your son's signing up for the Army. 367 00:18:18,906 --> 00:18:20,866 What? You signed him up for the Army? 368 00:18:20,949 --> 00:18:22,825 Oh, my God, you're right. If he goes in, I can get out. 369 00:18:22,908 --> 00:18:24,117 I've gotta get my name on his form. 370 00:18:24,200 --> 00:18:27,160 Hang on. Hey, I gotta get there. I gotta stop this. 371 00:18:27,827 --> 00:18:29,744 Do this with me. Come on. 372 00:18:29,827 --> 00:18:32,619 And that's when Rita noticed Michael. 373 00:18:32,703 --> 00:18:34,912 Wait for me. Wait for me. 374 00:18:35,495 --> 00:18:36,705 Michael? 375 00:18:37,664 --> 00:18:40,331 - Could you not finish? - No, no. First place. 376 00:18:40,415 --> 00:18:42,457 First place, I swear, but I'm sorry, I gotta go do something. 377 00:18:42,540 --> 00:18:43,707 - I'm dizzy. - Jeez! 378 00:18:43,790 --> 00:18:45,708 Okay. Uncle Mike, come on. I'll take you. 379 00:18:45,791 --> 00:18:47,459 No, no, no, Steve, Steve. 380 00:18:47,542 --> 00:18:49,959 - I got to it. Let's go. - No. Hi. Goodbye. 381 00:18:50,042 --> 00:18:55,419 And meanwhile, George, Sr hadn't succeeded in startling anyone but himself. 382 00:18:55,502 --> 00:18:59,963 I mean, there's nothing to do all day except lift weights and fold laundry. 383 00:19:00,046 --> 00:19:03,381 Get thrown into a cage with a bunch of sweaty men. 384 00:19:03,881 --> 00:19:05,256 Excuse me. 385 00:19:05,548 --> 00:19:07,048 I can't go back. 386 00:19:07,257 --> 00:19:08,841 I can't go back. 387 00:19:08,966 --> 00:19:10,842 - Well, I'm glad he won't be there. - He's ugly. 388 00:19:10,925 --> 00:19:15,093 George, Sr came across a US Army combat Humvee, 389 00:19:15,218 --> 00:19:20,053 and the Pope Mobile. And he decided to escape in the bullet-proof one. 390 00:19:21,970 --> 00:19:24,430 Come on. I can't go back. 391 00:19:24,929 --> 00:19:26,848 And Michael caught up with George Michael... 392 00:19:26,931 --> 00:19:28,264 What are you doing? 393 00:19:28,347 --> 00:19:30,473 who was three rungs away from being in the army. 394 00:19:30,557 --> 00:19:33,016 I'm becoming a man, Dad. Isn't that what everybody wants? 395 00:19:33,099 --> 00:19:35,809 Of course not. Gob, can you get us out of these chains, please? 396 00:19:35,892 --> 00:19:38,685 So you steal my son, and now you need me to save yours. 397 00:19:38,767 --> 00:19:41,019 All right, one key coming up. 398 00:19:41,561 --> 00:19:42,686 He's a magician. 399 00:19:42,769 --> 00:19:45,645 - Yeah. We need you to sign this form. - No. 400 00:19:45,729 --> 00:19:48,605 It's good, Dad, there's all sorts of benefits, and it's like a family. 401 00:19:48,688 --> 00:19:52,106 But it's also an army of one, and there's no place for wimps. 402 00:19:52,190 --> 00:19:56,482 George Michael, you have a family, okay? And I'm the wimp, not you. 403 00:19:56,983 --> 00:20:00,401 Because I could not take you being away in the Army. 404 00:20:00,484 --> 00:20:02,401 All right? I love you. 405 00:20:04,444 --> 00:20:07,236 - I did it. - Yep. He's not signing up. 406 00:20:07,778 --> 00:20:11,070 That's too bad. I was this close to getting out. 407 00:20:11,321 --> 00:20:13,615 I think I'm gonna go get one of those corn dog crosses. 408 00:20:13,697 --> 00:20:16,032 - With all the cruci-fixings? - Right. 409 00:20:16,115 --> 00:20:18,157 - All right. - Thanks, Dad. 410 00:20:23,950 --> 00:20:25,201 Was that your son? 411 00:20:25,284 --> 00:20:26,951 Yes, Rita. Yeah. 412 00:20:27,035 --> 00:20:29,661 The most important person in the world to me. 413 00:20:29,745 --> 00:20:32,370 You really are quite a man, Michael. 414 00:20:33,330 --> 00:20:35,246 - Do you really think so? - Oh, yes. 415 00:20:35,330 --> 00:20:38,414 - Thanks. - You're a complete and utter... 416 00:20:42,541 --> 00:20:44,917 I can't believe we had to bleep that. 417 00:20:45,584 --> 00:20:47,876 It would have been such a nice moment. 418 00:20:50,668 --> 00:20:53,419 Buster signs Steve Holt up for the Army. 419 00:20:53,502 --> 00:20:55,712 Wait, no. No, you can't. You can't. 420 00:20:55,837 --> 00:20:59,005 I'm finally ready to be a father to you. I know that now. 421 00:20:59,088 --> 00:21:01,672 I don't go in for another two years. 422 00:21:01,756 --> 00:21:04,340 Well, as your father, can I sign something? 423 00:21:04,423 --> 00:21:06,965 And George, Sr finds out that a fake Pope Mobile... 424 00:21:07,049 --> 00:21:08,717 See you in hell! 425 00:21:11,551 --> 00:21:13,468 can't stop real bullets. 426 00:21:13,551 --> 00:21:16,053 Thank God I wasn't in the Humvee. 427 00:21:53,940 --> 00:21:54,983 English