1
00:00:06,408 --> 00:00:08,577
Keep your eyes open.

2
00:00:10,829 --> 00:00:13,040
All right, guys, what do we got?

3
00:00:13,082 --> 00:00:14,374
It's quiet out there.

4
00:00:14,416 --> 00:00:15,918
Stand by.

5
00:00:17,169 --> 00:00:20,005
Yeah, we, uh,
we better be ready.

6
00:00:20,047 --> 00:00:21,464
Yeah, I'm a man.

7
00:00:21,506 --> 00:00:23,759
Don't make it look like makeup.

8
00:00:24,849 --> 00:00:26,559
Car.

9
00:00:26,601 --> 00:00:28,186
Car.

10
00:00:28,228 --> 00:00:30,772
Is that guy one of ours?

11
00:00:30,814 --> 00:00:33,608
Look at the license plate.

12
00:00:33,650 --> 00:00:36,486
Looks like we got ourselves
an anus tart.

13
00:00:36,527 --> 00:00:40,240
Tobias Funke
was on his way to reconnect

14
00:00:40,282 --> 00:00:42,159
with a daughter
he'd lost touch with.

15
00:00:42,200 --> 00:00:43,160
Hey, there.

16
00:00:43,201 --> 00:00:44,786
It's Big Daddy.

17
00:00:44,828 --> 00:00:47,914
I thought I'd try to call you
before I surprised you.

18
00:00:47,956 --> 00:00:51,209
Things are...
really looking up, and...

19
00:00:52,169 --> 00:00:53,628
Hello? Oh, damn it.

20
00:00:53,670 --> 00:00:55,713
What Sudden Valley does
to these cell phones.

21
00:00:55,755 --> 00:00:56,840
Oops.

22
00:00:56,881 --> 00:00:58,675
Unbeknownst to Tobias, however,

23
00:00:58,716 --> 00:01:01,469
the Sudden Valley home
he was on his way to visit...

24
00:01:01,511 --> 00:01:03,387
Anus tart is turning
on Tracey Lane.

25
00:01:03,429 --> 00:01:05,849
had been rented out
to a television crew.

26
00:01:05,890 --> 00:01:06,933
He's creeping up George Michael.

27
00:01:06,975 --> 00:01:08,351
All right, guys, let's entrap

28
00:01:08,392 --> 00:01:09,769
a local predator.

29
00:01:09,811 --> 00:01:11,188
Come on. Lowlife.

30
00:01:11,229 --> 00:01:13,273
We got to put
this piece of (bleep)...

31
00:01:13,315 --> 00:01:14,715
Who, what, when,
where, why and how.

32
00:01:14,732 --> 00:01:16,067
Who, what, where, when,
why and how.

33
00:01:16,109 --> 00:01:18,736
Who, what, when,
where, why and how.

34
00:01:20,488 --> 00:01:22,406
Anus tart is
approaching the portico.

35
00:01:22,448 --> 00:01:25,202
Yes, Tobias was
finally about to get

36
00:01:25,243 --> 00:01:28,205
a starring role
on a hit TV show.

37
00:01:28,246 --> 00:01:31,582
Is there a little girl here
all by herself?

38
00:01:31,624 --> 00:01:33,584
And now the story
of the awful people

39
00:01:33,626 --> 00:01:36,004
who are about to lose
everything, and the one newsman

40
00:01:36,046 --> 00:01:38,548
who had no choice but to
entrap them all together.

41
00:01:38,589 --> 00:01:42,552
It's John Beard's To Entrap
a Local Predator, "Supercreeps."

42
00:01:42,593 --> 00:01:44,637
Now the story of a family

43
00:01:44,679 --> 00:01:47,891
whose future
was abruptly cancelled,

44
00:01:47,932 --> 00:01:49,851
and the one son-in-law
who had no choice

45
00:01:49,893 --> 00:01:51,394
but to keep himself together.

46
00:01:54,617 --> 00:01:57,775
It's Tobias's
Arrested Development.

47
00:02:01,112 --> 00:02:05,867
Five years before Tobias was to
appear on John Beard's TV show,

48
00:02:05,909 --> 00:02:08,203
his acting career
was as washed up...

49
00:02:08,245 --> 00:02:10,205
- None taken.
- ... as his family...

50
00:02:10,247 --> 00:02:11,915
You are soaked to the bone.

51
00:02:11,956 --> 00:02:14,417
and those men he was
touching for some reason.

52
00:02:14,458 --> 00:02:16,294
And his wife challenged him

53
00:02:16,336 --> 00:02:18,880
to reexamine the other parts
of his life as well.

54
00:02:18,922 --> 00:02:20,590
There's nothing
keeping us together.

55
00:02:20,631 --> 00:02:23,551
It's time to give up our dreams
if they're not working.

56
00:02:23,593 --> 00:02:25,345
You know, your acting career,

57
00:02:25,387 --> 00:02:27,972
this marriage
that everyone thinks is a sham

58
00:02:28,014 --> 00:02:29,099
because you're gay.

59
00:02:29,140 --> 00:02:30,767
I-I'm sorry.

60
00:02:30,808 --> 00:02:33,978
Everyone thinks I'm gay?

61
00:02:34,020 --> 00:02:38,400
Well, I mean, it's kind of
a running joke in the family.

62
00:02:38,441 --> 00:02:41,236
I mean, y-you know that, right?

63
00:02:41,278 --> 00:02:43,529
'Cause of the misleading way
you talk sometimes.

64
00:02:43,571 --> 00:02:46,824
Oh, you're saying the way I talk
makes me sound gay?

65
00:02:46,866 --> 00:02:48,118
When in the last year

66
00:02:48,159 --> 00:02:50,703
have I said anything
remotely mis...

67
00:02:53,497 --> 00:02:56,334
leading? Is this because
I want to be an actor,

68
00:02:56,376 --> 00:02:58,044
and all the leading men
in Hollywood are gay?

69
00:02:58,086 --> 00:02:59,879
I don't think
that all the leading men

70
00:02:59,921 --> 00:03:00,964
in Hollywood are gay.

71
00:03:01,005 --> 00:03:02,506
Oh, honey.

72
00:03:02,548 --> 00:03:05,218
Look, we're chasing things
that aren't real.

73
00:03:05,260 --> 00:03:07,971
Maybe we need to go out there
and find out

74
00:03:08,012 --> 00:03:09,555
what we're meant to do.

75
00:03:09,597 --> 00:03:13,059
His wife was giving him
the cold shoulder.

76
00:03:13,101 --> 00:03:14,685
And after kissing it good-bye,

77
00:03:14,727 --> 00:03:18,606
he sat with her family,
feeling lost...

78
00:03:18,648 --> 00:03:21,483
Well, you look like I feel.

79
00:03:21,525 --> 00:03:23,403
and very misunderstood.

80
00:03:23,445 --> 00:03:24,821
Gay?

81
00:03:24,862 --> 00:03:26,906
No, I...

82
00:03:26,948 --> 00:03:28,325
No.

83
00:03:28,366 --> 00:03:30,952
Tobias knew
it was time to find out

84
00:03:30,994 --> 00:03:32,194
what he was truly meant to do.

85
00:03:32,203 --> 00:03:34,289
So when he came across a book

86
00:03:34,331 --> 00:03:36,540
the universe
had placed in his path,

87
00:03:36,582 --> 00:03:37,875
he was open to its inspiration.

88
00:03:37,917 --> 00:03:40,003
Oh, they're still reading,
but...

89
00:03:40,044 --> 00:03:42,255
well, I guess I can
leave them some love.

90
00:03:42,297 --> 00:03:44,299
So he just took
"eat" and "pray."

91
00:03:46,301 --> 00:03:47,885
"Eat" was easy,

92
00:03:47,927 --> 00:03:51,264
although it provided
no cosmic answers for him.

93
00:03:51,306 --> 00:03:54,476
But it was the part about India
that really got to him.

94
00:03:54,517 --> 00:03:56,978
And so, like the heroine
of Eat, Pray,

95
00:03:57,020 --> 00:03:58,896
- Tobias decided
- Wait a minute.

96
00:03:58,938 --> 00:04:02,025
to get as far away
from his wife as possible.

97
00:04:03,609 --> 00:04:08,656
And so Tobias found himself
booking passage to India.

98
00:04:08,698 --> 00:04:11,451
And soon, he discovered
his wife was also

99
00:04:11,493 --> 00:04:13,411
preparing to go somewhere...

100
00:04:13,453 --> 00:04:15,372
- I think you have my suitcase.
- ... far away.

101
00:04:15,413 --> 00:04:17,374
I'm so sorry, Tobias.

102
00:04:17,415 --> 00:04:18,708
Look, I've already packed.

103
00:04:18,749 --> 00:04:19,709
Can I just use this one?

104
00:04:19,750 --> 00:04:21,544
Oh, what the heck.

105
00:04:21,585 --> 00:04:24,839
I guess having matching luggage
isn't so romantic anymore.

106
00:04:24,881 --> 00:04:26,508
And these romantic gestures are

107
00:04:26,549 --> 00:04:29,177
possibly why people think
I'm a homosexual.

108
00:04:29,219 --> 00:04:32,972
Well, it's time to correct
old misconceptions.

109
00:04:33,014 --> 00:04:35,392
And that is why
I'm making a new start.

110
00:04:35,433 --> 00:04:37,810
Oh, a new start.

111
00:04:37,852 --> 00:04:40,355
Filled with compassion and love.

112
00:04:40,397 --> 00:04:41,731
I like that.

113
00:04:41,772 --> 00:04:43,149
Well, I've already got
the license plate,

114
00:04:43,191 --> 00:04:44,275
so go cry in your pie!

115
00:04:44,317 --> 00:04:46,486
And so Tobias, hoping to

116
00:04:46,528 --> 00:04:50,614
"straighten out" his image,
set out on a new start,

117
00:04:50,656 --> 00:04:53,951
beginning with a trip
to the airport in an outfit

118
00:04:53,993 --> 00:04:56,246
he pretty much put together
himself.

119
00:04:56,287 --> 00:04:57,955
Well, I guess this is why

120
00:04:57,997 --> 00:04:59,416
you never see them
driving convertibles.

121
00:04:59,457 --> 00:05:00,917
I'll have to check on that one.

122
00:05:00,958 --> 00:05:03,002
But it certainly
wasn't embraced...

123
00:05:03,044 --> 00:05:04,379
Stay in your lane, anus tart!

124
00:05:04,421 --> 00:05:05,755
(bleep) anus tart!

125
00:05:05,796 --> 00:05:07,173
by the local
Indian community.

126
00:05:07,215 --> 00:05:08,591
You have the true sense
of the oneness of all.

127
00:05:08,632 --> 00:05:11,219
And his quest
hit a bump early on,

128
00:05:11,261 --> 00:05:14,472
as he struggled to learn
the customs and gestures of

129
00:05:14,514 --> 00:05:16,474
- the culture he hoped to adopt.
- Oh, goddamn it!

130
00:05:16,516 --> 00:05:19,561
Am I the only one
who still dresses to fly?

131
00:05:19,602 --> 00:05:21,812
Well, there we go.

132
00:05:21,854 --> 00:05:23,189
India clean.

133
00:05:24,648 --> 00:05:26,234
Now, how did I...

134
00:05:26,276 --> 00:05:27,527
No. No.

135
00:05:27,569 --> 00:05:29,862
Unfortunately,
recreating the look

136
00:05:29,904 --> 00:05:31,697
- of the traditional Indian garb
- Are you finished? Oh.

137
00:05:31,739 --> 00:05:33,366
turned out to be more
difficult...

138
00:05:33,408 --> 00:05:35,288
I look like one of those
hot guys from Spartacus.

139
00:05:35,326 --> 00:05:38,496
without the aid of Pradeep,
the helpful Indian salesman...

140
00:05:38,538 --> 00:05:40,706
I feel like there was
less up top.

141
00:05:40,748 --> 00:05:43,667
at Bed, Bath & Beyond, who
helped him learn how to tie it.

142
00:05:43,709 --> 00:05:45,169
Ah, got it, okay.

143
00:05:48,506 --> 00:05:50,049
Yes, I actually
like this better.

144
00:05:50,091 --> 00:05:51,551
Yes?

145
00:05:53,970 --> 00:05:55,346
Canadian?

146
00:05:55,388 --> 00:05:57,014
No, I'm American.

147
00:05:57,056 --> 00:05:59,142
Oh, yeah. I'm Canadian.

148
00:05:59,183 --> 00:06:00,518
Oh. Sorry.

149
00:06:00,560 --> 00:06:02,437
But because it was
a long flight,

150
00:06:02,479 --> 00:06:05,148
he figured he'd wait a beat
on finding his true calling

151
00:06:05,189 --> 00:06:07,108
and watch something to
take his mind off Lindsay...

152
00:06:07,150 --> 00:06:09,527
How could they not have
Failure to Launch?

153
00:06:09,569 --> 00:06:11,653
who he knew was far away
at the time.

154
00:06:11,695 --> 00:06:13,156
Goddamn it.

155
00:06:14,365 --> 00:06:15,825
And after taking

156
00:06:15,866 --> 00:06:17,410
the wrong bag at the airport...

157
00:06:17,452 --> 00:06:19,036
Do not leave
any goats unattended.

158
00:06:19,078 --> 00:06:22,457
All unattended goats
will be confiscated.

159
00:06:22,499 --> 00:06:24,834
Tobias finally arrived...

160
00:06:24,875 --> 00:06:27,462
And so Tobias Funke
embarked on a...

161
00:06:27,504 --> 00:06:31,174
Oh, dear, Lord, it's... hot!

162
00:06:31,215 --> 00:06:34,093
in India, yes, where he was
very uncomfortable.

163
00:06:34,135 --> 00:06:36,387
Not only because
the wind whipped up

164
00:06:36,429 --> 00:06:38,598
his queen-sized
fitted mini-sarong,

165
00:06:38,640 --> 00:06:41,434
but because he looked
the wrong direction

166
00:06:41,476 --> 00:06:42,676
when stepping into the street.

167
00:06:43,936 --> 00:06:45,980
And so Tobias experienced India

168
00:06:46,022 --> 00:06:47,982
from the inside
of a hospital room,

169
00:06:48,024 --> 00:06:49,484
where the staff
was being trained...

170
00:06:49,526 --> 00:06:51,444
This man here broke his skull
in two places.

171
00:06:51,486 --> 00:06:53,737
by the same doctor
he'd had in America.

172
00:06:53,779 --> 00:06:55,906
Once outside the airport
and once in the elevator

173
00:06:55,948 --> 00:06:58,700
when his sheet got caught and
he was pulled off his gurney.

174
00:06:58,742 --> 00:06:59,869
Literally.

175
00:06:59,910 --> 00:07:01,190
Two places indeed.

176
00:07:01,204 --> 00:07:02,788
This is very funny.

177
00:07:02,830 --> 00:07:04,582
It's like that new show
we just caught, Laugh-In.

178
00:07:04,624 --> 00:07:05,916
My name is...

179
00:07:05,958 --> 00:07:07,544
Oh!

180
00:07:07,585 --> 00:07:10,880
Now I've broken my skull
in a third place!

181
00:07:10,921 --> 00:07:13,550
On this elephant guy statue!

182
00:07:13,591 --> 00:07:16,260
Tobias had wanted the universe
to provide him a sign.

183
00:07:16,302 --> 00:07:18,012
You should be a comedy actor.

184
00:07:18,054 --> 00:07:20,181
And finally it had.

185
00:07:20,223 --> 00:07:22,225
This is the sign I've been...

186
00:07:22,266 --> 00:07:24,435
Looking for.

187
00:07:24,477 --> 00:07:26,354
And after two more weeks
in the hospital,

188
00:07:26,396 --> 00:07:28,565
it was time
for his flight home.

189
00:07:28,606 --> 00:07:30,483
And that's when he got
another sign.

190
00:07:32,485 --> 00:07:35,029
A call from Lindsay.

191
00:07:35,071 --> 00:07:36,822
Although he wouldn't be able
to reach the phone for hours...

192
00:07:36,864 --> 00:07:38,533
I'm ready to make this work.

193
00:07:38,575 --> 00:07:40,868
due to his already
weakened spine.

194
00:07:44,581 --> 00:07:46,082
Tobias and Lindsay

195
00:07:46,123 --> 00:07:47,958
shared the news
of their new start

196
00:07:48,000 --> 00:07:49,377
at a family gathering.

197
00:07:49,419 --> 00:07:51,045
I got the part.

198
00:07:51,087 --> 00:07:53,256
You know, it's funny,
for I, too, find that

199
00:07:53,297 --> 00:07:54,674
I am on a journey.

200
00:07:54,716 --> 00:07:56,008
Although, as we discovered

201
00:07:56,050 --> 00:07:57,927
when our MasterCard bill
came back,

202
00:07:57,968 --> 00:07:59,512
it was the same one she took.

203
00:07:59,554 --> 00:08:01,347
But mine has confirmed
that I should

204
00:08:01,389 --> 00:08:03,766
redouble my efforts to achieve

205
00:08:03,807 --> 00:08:07,729
the unachievable dream
of being an actor.

206
00:08:07,770 --> 00:08:10,565
A journey
that has left me eager

207
00:08:10,607 --> 00:08:14,235
to connect with my true love.

208
00:08:14,277 --> 00:08:16,487
Particularly if she finds her...

209
00:08:16,529 --> 00:08:19,240
way clear to covering
a 2, 000-rupee

210
00:08:19,282 --> 00:08:22,410
City of Hopelessness
hospital debt.

211
00:08:22,452 --> 00:08:24,579
The trick is going to be
getting anyone to believe

212
00:08:24,621 --> 00:08:25,871
that her husband
is straight enough

213
00:08:25,913 --> 00:08:27,790
to have a true love
that's a woman.

214
00:08:27,831 --> 00:08:29,542
What are you implying?

215
00:08:29,584 --> 00:08:31,586
Oh, I don't think there was
any implying going on at all.

216
00:08:31,628 --> 00:08:32,795
Didn't hear any implying.

217
00:08:32,836 --> 00:08:34,004
I wasn't implying.

218
00:08:34,046 --> 00:08:35,381
I'm sorry, Mother.

219
00:08:35,423 --> 00:08:36,966
It's just, I've got
a bit of a stick

220
00:08:37,007 --> 00:08:38,468
up my "bunghole"
about what I've now found

221
00:08:38,509 --> 00:08:39,927
is a running joke about me.

222
00:08:39,969 --> 00:08:41,763
But let's be honest.

223
00:08:41,804 --> 00:08:45,391
For 2, 000 rupees, we'd both
go down on Matthew McConaughey.

224
00:08:45,433 --> 00:08:47,268
Yes, Michael?

225
00:08:47,310 --> 00:08:49,312
At the time of this
family meeting,

226
00:08:49,353 --> 00:08:50,521
2, 000 rupees was $36.

227
00:08:50,563 --> 00:08:52,482
I wouldn't.

228
00:08:52,523 --> 00:08:54,567
Of course you wouldn't, Michael.

229
00:08:54,609 --> 00:08:56,569
You never accept help
from anyone.

230
00:08:56,611 --> 00:08:58,862
And hoping to do things
differently this time,

231
00:08:58,904 --> 00:09:01,741
Lindsay immediately started
spending money she didn't have.

232
00:09:01,783 --> 00:09:03,367
Are you ready to make a move?

233
00:09:03,409 --> 00:09:07,997
As you can see,
I'm ready for a lot that's new.

234
00:09:08,038 --> 00:09:09,499
Oh, good heavens.

235
00:09:09,540 --> 00:09:11,501
While Tobias pursued

236
00:09:11,542 --> 00:09:13,503
the life of
a professional actor.

237
00:09:13,544 --> 00:09:15,546
Listen, I'm an actor,
you're an agent.

238
00:09:15,588 --> 00:09:16,673
You do the math.

239
00:09:16,714 --> 00:09:18,174
I want you to represent me.

240
00:09:18,215 --> 00:09:20,384
In other words,
you do the math...

241
00:09:20,426 --> 00:09:21,803
the money, the negotiating.

242
00:09:21,844 --> 00:09:23,887
You know I'm not
that kind of agent, right?

243
00:09:23,929 --> 00:09:25,515
I'm a real estate agent.

244
00:09:25,556 --> 00:09:28,267
I'm a predator; I sell
giant houses to very poor people

245
00:09:28,309 --> 00:09:30,019
who can't afford them
with predatory loans.

246
00:09:30,060 --> 00:09:31,979
No, see, that's the money stuff
I don't understand.

247
00:09:32,021 --> 00:09:33,897
All you need to do
is tell people

248
00:09:33,939 --> 00:09:35,983
what a terrific actor I am,
'cause I can't do it believably.

249
00:09:36,025 --> 00:09:37,360
What do you say?

250
00:09:37,401 --> 00:09:39,111
Sounds like it shouldn't be
too much work.

251
00:09:39,153 --> 00:09:40,279
Huzzah!

252
00:09:40,321 --> 00:09:41,531
Okay, here's the number

253
00:09:41,572 --> 00:09:43,574
of my current agent
Mike Matthews.

254
00:09:43,616 --> 00:09:46,661
He's at Allstate. Fire him.

255
00:09:46,703 --> 00:09:50,665
Tobias started seeing positive
career signs everywhere...

256
00:09:50,707 --> 00:09:52,082
decorating my quarters.

257
00:09:52,124 --> 00:09:55,545
he chose to put them.

258
00:09:55,586 --> 00:09:57,380
And at his new agent's
suggestion...

259
00:09:57,421 --> 00:09:59,298
Hi. I'm after pending.

260
00:09:59,340 --> 00:10:01,925
he even snuck on to a studio
lot to hand out head shots

261
00:10:01,967 --> 00:10:05,179
to extras and other
show business insiders.

262
00:10:05,221 --> 00:10:06,848
Taft-Hartley pending.

263
00:10:06,889 --> 00:10:08,599
Things were
looking up for the Funkes.

264
00:10:08,641 --> 00:10:10,976
They even celebrated
their first

265
00:10:11,018 --> 00:10:13,229
- home-cooked Thanksgiving.
- Including duck l'orange.

266
00:10:13,270 --> 00:10:14,522
Oh!

267
00:10:14,564 --> 00:10:16,440
Oh, no!

268
00:10:16,482 --> 00:10:18,776
Lindsay!
Lindsay, get the scooper!

269
00:10:18,818 --> 00:10:20,152
Throw oranges at it.

270
00:10:20,194 --> 00:10:22,112
Hot orange! Hot orange.

271
00:10:22,154 --> 00:10:23,406
All right...

272
00:10:23,447 --> 00:10:25,032
It's throwing its voice!

273
00:10:25,074 --> 00:10:26,617
- Oh!
- Lindsay!

274
00:10:27,785 --> 00:10:29,871
And so they went

275
00:10:29,912 --> 00:10:32,623
to the Fountain Valley
China Garden instead.

276
00:10:32,665 --> 00:10:35,835
And if the collapse
of the housing market,

277
00:10:35,877 --> 00:10:38,295
- his lack of auditions...
- Tobias Funke.

278
00:10:38,337 --> 00:10:40,256
or even the writers' strike

279
00:10:40,297 --> 00:10:42,341
couldn't deter Tobias
from his dream,

280
00:10:42,383 --> 00:10:44,301
the suicide of his ruined

281
00:10:44,343 --> 00:10:46,303
and despondent agent
certainly could.

282
00:10:46,345 --> 00:10:50,600
I believe he died as a warning,
in a way, his message perhaps

283
00:10:50,641 --> 00:10:52,643
to live within our means

284
00:10:52,685 --> 00:10:55,479
and be realistic
about our lives.

285
00:10:55,521 --> 00:10:57,064
And yet it didn't.

286
00:10:57,106 --> 00:10:59,525
Well, then I shall
redouble my efforts

287
00:10:59,567 --> 00:11:02,403
so that he died in vain.

288
00:11:04,781 --> 00:11:06,490
Meaning he will have led
a pointless life,

289
00:11:06,532 --> 00:11:07,617
is what I mean.

290
00:11:07,658 --> 00:11:08,910
Yes, carry on. Thank you.

291
00:11:08,950 --> 00:11:10,327
And he soon found himself

292
00:11:10,369 --> 00:11:13,748
bringing his wife
to an acting class

293
00:11:13,790 --> 00:11:16,375
in an effort to jump-start
his career and marriage.

294
00:11:16,417 --> 00:11:18,252
If everyone's good,
you'll get your juice.

295
00:11:18,294 --> 00:11:20,797
What did you say the name
of this acting class was again?

296
00:11:20,838 --> 00:11:22,298
Method One Clinic.

297
00:11:22,339 --> 00:11:23,859
Okay, I'm gonna go get coffee.

298
00:11:23,883 --> 00:11:27,010
Garden Grove Method One Clinic.

299
00:11:27,052 --> 00:11:28,888
And Tobias found himself
captivated

300
00:11:28,930 --> 00:11:30,556
by one of the monologues.

301
00:11:30,598 --> 00:11:33,267
And I made it in that movie,
the Fantastic Four,

302
00:11:33,309 --> 00:11:36,145
uh, but it wasn't fantastic
for me.

303
00:11:36,186 --> 00:11:38,105
Uh, I got carried away.

304
00:11:38,147 --> 00:11:40,691
And I'm like,
"This (bleep) is (bleep) up,

305
00:11:40,733 --> 00:11:43,152
"and I've got to get
my (bleep) together

306
00:11:43,193 --> 00:11:45,279
or I'm gonna be (bleep), too."

307
00:11:45,321 --> 00:11:47,782
Anyways, now I'm sober,
and I'm trying.

308
00:11:47,824 --> 00:11:49,659
It's... super hard.

309
00:11:51,201 --> 00:11:52,703
Thank you. Thank you.

310
00:11:52,745 --> 00:11:54,996
It was a devastating
and personal story.

311
00:11:55,038 --> 00:11:56,707
Okay, notes:

312
00:11:56,749 --> 00:11:58,876
um, first of all, it seemed
you were slurring a bit there,

313
00:11:58,918 --> 00:12:01,378
and I just think
you'd have so much more fun

314
00:12:01,420 --> 00:12:02,880
punching those... those words.

315
00:12:02,922 --> 00:12:04,298
Get it out there.

316
00:12:04,340 --> 00:12:07,008
"This (bleep)
is (bleep) up, sir."

317
00:12:07,050 --> 00:12:09,010
I'm-I'm sorry. I'm not familiar
with the piece, so...

318
00:12:09,052 --> 00:12:10,930
No, no, that's it.

319
00:12:10,972 --> 00:12:14,684
But I am familiar with your work
in the Fantastic Four, however.

320
00:12:14,725 --> 00:12:16,602
- You've seen that?
- Of course I have.

321
00:12:16,644 --> 00:12:18,729
20 years earlier,
DeBrie Bardeaux

322
00:12:18,771 --> 00:12:20,940
had played Sue Storm
in the low-budget version

323
00:12:20,982 --> 00:12:23,985
of the Fantastic Four, produced
by Imagine Entertainment,

324
00:12:24,025 --> 00:12:25,987
when, during Imagine's
Christmas party,

325
00:12:26,027 --> 00:12:28,948
a drunk lawyer reminded them
they'd lose the rights

326
00:12:28,990 --> 00:12:32,201
if they didn't make the film
in the next six days.

327
00:12:32,242 --> 00:12:36,873
After a two-hour search,
they found their entire cast.

328
00:12:36,914 --> 00:12:40,001
They also proved useful six
days later at the wrap party.

329
00:12:40,041 --> 00:12:43,044
I almost never get recognized
as the Invisible Girl.

330
00:12:43,086 --> 00:12:44,714
I can't believe you saw me.

331
00:12:44,755 --> 00:12:47,508
Well, I-I thought it was
"fantastic."

332
00:12:47,550 --> 00:12:49,593
Actually, most
of the performance

333
00:12:49,635 --> 00:12:51,178
that had so captivated
Tobias...

334
00:12:51,220 --> 00:12:52,972
Hey, maybe she came into
this Light Bulbs Unlimited.

335
00:12:53,014 --> 00:12:54,640
She was here a minute ago.

336
00:12:54,682 --> 00:12:56,726
was performed
by a fishing line.

337
00:12:56,767 --> 00:12:58,978
This is the gayest
Starbucks ever!

338
00:12:59,020 --> 00:13:01,022
Did his fishing line break, too?

339
00:13:01,062 --> 00:13:03,482
Well, my acting career is over.

340
00:13:03,524 --> 00:13:06,777
Oh, don't say that. You've got
to say, "Keep the dream alive."

341
00:13:06,819 --> 00:13:08,195
That's what helps me.

342
00:13:08,237 --> 00:13:10,071
Well, this is what's helping me.

343
00:13:10,113 --> 00:13:12,199
- Oh.
- It's really good.

344
00:13:12,241 --> 00:13:14,243
Carl Weathers used to give us
grape juice.

345
00:13:14,284 --> 00:13:16,704
But then he'd add five dollars
to our credit card.

346
00:13:16,746 --> 00:13:19,080
Well, here is to
our acting addiction.

347
00:13:19,122 --> 00:13:20,081
Yep.

348
00:13:20,123 --> 00:13:22,125
May we never be cured.

349
00:13:22,167 --> 00:13:24,420
Are you crying? Oh, I'm crying.

350
00:13:24,461 --> 00:13:27,130
Oh, it's a nosebleed.

351
00:13:28,716 --> 00:13:30,927
Oh, thank you so much.

352
00:13:30,968 --> 00:13:33,054
Tobias had found a friend.

353
00:13:33,094 --> 00:13:34,597
- You're neat!
- You're neat.

354
00:13:34,638 --> 00:13:36,015
You're neat.

355
00:13:36,057 --> 00:13:37,516
You're neat.

356
00:13:40,310 --> 00:13:42,187
And after a
not-very-cute meet-cute,

357
00:13:42,229 --> 00:13:44,732
Tobias continued to find
DeBrie's behavior delightful,

358
00:13:44,774 --> 00:13:46,734
even when the methadone
made her think

359
00:13:46,776 --> 00:13:49,737
she was a piece of toast.

360
00:13:49,779 --> 00:13:51,739
There, now I can see

361
00:13:51,781 --> 00:13:54,700
a pretty face under all that
butter substitute.

362
00:13:54,742 --> 00:13:56,786
And I recognize you
from somewhere,

363
00:13:56,827 --> 00:14:00,497
but it's not the Fantastic Four;
it's from somewhere else.

364
00:14:00,539 --> 00:14:02,959
I've done some things
I'm not proud of.

365
00:14:03,000 --> 00:14:04,543
Episodics? Been there.

366
00:14:04,585 --> 00:14:07,504
It wasn't episodic.

367
00:14:07,546 --> 00:14:09,048
She had been in a series

368
00:14:09,090 --> 00:14:10,507
of soft-core porn movies
about women

369
00:14:10,549 --> 00:14:12,342
leading straight men
into gay sex,

370
00:14:12,384 --> 00:14:14,595
- called Straight Bait.
- This is my brother. He's gay.

371
00:14:14,637 --> 00:14:16,179
If you want to have sex with me,

372
00:14:16,221 --> 00:14:18,223
then you've got to have sex
with him first.

373
00:14:18,265 --> 00:14:21,602
And if you don't want to have
sex with her, you must be gay.

374
00:14:21,644 --> 00:14:23,813
I'll show you how not gay I am.

375
00:14:26,732 --> 00:14:28,776
She did six of these movies,

376
00:14:28,818 --> 00:14:31,737
and after lunch,
did three more.

377
00:14:31,779 --> 00:14:33,489
It's nice to be
recognized though.

378
00:14:33,530 --> 00:14:35,282
Marky Bark...
sometimes he doesn't know

379
00:14:35,324 --> 00:14:37,367
when I'm in the same room.

380
00:14:37,409 --> 00:14:38,744
And sometimes it feels like

381
00:14:38,786 --> 00:14:40,306
it's not the face blindness,
you know?

382
00:14:40,329 --> 00:14:42,289
It's the same
with me and Lindsay.

383
00:14:42,331 --> 00:14:44,667
I know she's trying,
but she doesn't believe

384
00:14:44,708 --> 00:14:46,669
in my acting career.

385
00:14:46,710 --> 00:14:49,421
Maybe she's right. I've yet
to make more money as an actor

386
00:14:49,463 --> 00:14:51,465
than I ever did as a doctor.

387
00:14:51,507 --> 00:14:53,300
And that's with
Country-Wide behind me.

388
00:14:53,342 --> 00:14:55,511
You're... wait, you're a doctor?
You can write scripts?

389
00:14:55,552 --> 00:14:57,471
Well, I like to think so.

390
00:14:57,513 --> 00:15:00,850
You should never give up a dream
if you can write scripts.

391
00:15:00,891 --> 00:15:03,853
You seem like you'd be
a good doctor/actor.

392
00:15:03,894 --> 00:15:06,188
It was the first
positive reinforcement

393
00:15:06,229 --> 00:15:08,315
Tobias had had since India.

394
00:15:08,357 --> 00:15:11,944
You remind me of
Billy Crystal... Mmm, mmm!

395
00:15:11,986 --> 00:15:14,655
It would have broken
Tobias's heart if he knew

396
00:15:14,697 --> 00:15:16,824
she was about to say
"Billy Crystal Meth,"

397
00:15:16,866 --> 00:15:18,283
a funny drug dealer.

398
00:15:18,325 --> 00:15:21,829
Uh, I... got a bit carried away

399
00:15:21,871 --> 00:15:24,123
when you compared me
to Billy Crystal.

400
00:15:24,165 --> 00:15:26,667
You remind me
of Billy Crystal...

401
00:15:26,709 --> 00:15:30,253
Once again, she was going
to say "Billy Crystal Meth."

402
00:15:30,295 --> 00:15:33,007
I'm sorry, but, DeBrie,
I-I've never met anyone

403
00:15:33,049 --> 00:15:34,884
who understands me like you do.

404
00:15:34,925 --> 00:15:37,094
- Or at all.
- Maybe, with someone like you,

405
00:15:37,136 --> 00:15:38,762
I could have a new start.

406
00:15:38,804 --> 00:15:42,224
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

407
00:15:42,265 --> 00:15:45,936
Did you see my license plate...
"A-N-U-S-T-A-R-T"?

408
00:15:45,978 --> 00:15:48,522
Whoa. Whoa.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

409
00:15:48,564 --> 00:15:52,275
Did you see my Straight Bait
movie of the same name?

410
00:15:52,317 --> 00:15:54,653
Coincidence.

411
00:15:54,695 --> 00:15:56,197
We should be together.

412
00:15:56,238 --> 00:15:57,614
We should run away.

413
00:15:59,075 --> 00:16:00,325
Oh, my gosh.

414
00:16:00,367 --> 00:16:01,994
Well, this is happening so fast.

415
00:16:02,036 --> 00:16:03,579
Well, what do I do
about Lindsay?

416
00:16:03,620 --> 00:16:06,373
I mean, can I just improv my way
out of a marriage?

417
00:16:07,416 --> 00:16:10,961
Yes, and... let's do this.

418
00:16:11,003 --> 00:16:12,046
Blackout.

419
00:16:12,088 --> 00:16:13,714
Unaware that a similar

420
00:16:13,756 --> 00:16:16,258
off-menu swap had just occurred
at Swappigans,

421
00:16:16,299 --> 00:16:17,843
Tobias broke the news

422
00:16:17,885 --> 00:16:20,221
that he was leaving Lindsay
in a phone call.

423
00:16:20,262 --> 00:16:21,722
for I have met someone.

424
00:16:21,764 --> 00:16:23,348
It's not important who it is.

425
00:16:23,390 --> 00:16:24,934
It's Sue Storm.

426
00:16:24,975 --> 00:16:27,103
I'm so sorry,
but DeBrie believes in me,

427
00:16:27,144 --> 00:16:29,063
and she stopped my heart, too.

428
00:16:29,105 --> 00:16:32,149
If you're wondering what "too"
referred to, it was this:

429
00:16:32,191 --> 00:16:33,483
Let's do this.

430
00:16:33,525 --> 00:16:34,985
Blackout.

431
00:16:35,027 --> 00:16:37,196
And scene, as they say.

432
00:16:37,238 --> 00:16:38,599
Her heart stopped!
She-She's dying!

433
00:16:38,614 --> 00:16:41,075
Please, someone!
She had too much butter!

434
00:16:41,117 --> 00:16:42,576
- She's a very famous actress!
- Someone say "butter" out here?

435
00:16:42,618 --> 00:16:44,327
Oh, my God,
that's a butter face.

436
00:16:44,369 --> 00:16:46,622
- How much butter did the patient have?
- I don't know.

437
00:16:46,663 --> 00:16:48,457
- A Star Trek chess set's worth.
- Damn it, that Swappigans

438
00:16:48,498 --> 00:16:50,918
puts more people in
this hospital. Make way, people!

439
00:16:50,960 --> 00:16:52,169
We got a 61-year-old male

440
00:16:52,211 --> 00:16:53,629
in full cardiac arrest
coming through.

441
00:16:53,670 --> 00:16:54,880
You have to wait outside, sir.

442
00:16:54,922 --> 00:16:56,173
Be careful of her face!

443
00:16:56,215 --> 00:16:57,967
She's an actress!

444
00:16:59,760 --> 00:17:01,303
It's worth noting that Tobias

445
00:17:01,344 --> 00:17:03,639
had heard this hospital
in Orange County

446
00:17:03,680 --> 00:17:06,225
was a favorite
of show business big shots

447
00:17:06,267 --> 00:17:07,726
seeking plastic surgery.

448
00:17:07,768 --> 00:17:09,853
We're both actors!

449
00:17:15,025 --> 00:17:16,986
On the day of Lucille's trial,

450
00:17:17,027 --> 00:17:19,280
Tobias was in a hospital
with a woman

451
00:17:19,321 --> 00:17:21,991
he'd both fallen for
and had rushed into an ICU.

452
00:17:22,032 --> 00:17:24,743
See? Makeup makes everyone
feel a little better.

453
00:17:24,785 --> 00:17:26,245
You didn't leave me.

454
00:17:26,287 --> 00:17:28,164
Everybody leaves me.

455
00:17:28,205 --> 00:17:31,959
I've been left in Dumpsters
and on a curb and...

456
00:17:32,001 --> 00:17:33,502
Oh, I wouldn't dream of it.

457
00:17:33,543 --> 00:17:35,921
Excuse me. Could you, uh,
leave us alone for...

458
00:17:35,963 --> 00:17:37,673
- Yeah, absolutely, yes.
- Thank you.

459
00:17:37,714 --> 00:17:39,967
Oh, no, I-I'd like him
to-to stay.

460
00:17:40,009 --> 00:17:41,051
- Really?
- Yeah.

461
00:17:41,093 --> 00:17:42,052
Okay.

462
00:17:42,094 --> 00:17:43,345
I'm afraid that you have

463
00:17:43,386 --> 00:17:45,264
tested positive
for chlamydia, syphilis,

464
00:17:45,306 --> 00:17:46,723
gonorrhea, hepatitis,
pancreatitis,

465
00:17:46,765 --> 00:17:50,060
trichomonitis,
nongonococcal urethritis.

466
00:17:50,102 --> 00:17:53,022
All the itises, really,
and there's also

467
00:17:53,063 --> 00:17:54,273
a host of osises.

468
00:17:54,315 --> 00:17:56,025
Now, what this means
in nonmedical terms

469
00:17:56,066 --> 00:17:58,986
is that you have landed, uh,
a real party girl.

470
00:17:59,028 --> 00:18:00,904
Well, will she be okay?

471
00:18:00,946 --> 00:18:02,614
Well, we can treat
all of these things,

472
00:18:02,656 --> 00:18:04,283
but if she's really
gonna be okay,

473
00:18:04,325 --> 00:18:06,285
uh, she's gonna have to tackle
this drug problem.

474
00:18:06,327 --> 00:18:08,537
You didn't tell me
you had a drug problem.

475
00:18:08,578 --> 00:18:10,747
We met at a methadone clinic.

476
00:18:10,789 --> 00:18:11,748
Are you high?

477
00:18:11,790 --> 00:18:13,209
We met at an acting class.

478
00:18:13,250 --> 00:18:14,960
The Method One...

479
00:18:15,002 --> 00:18:17,671
There it is. I'm gonna let
you guys, uh, hash this out.

480
00:18:17,713 --> 00:18:19,756
I guess I shouldn't have
lied about being clean

481
00:18:19,798 --> 00:18:23,010
when I took that methadone,
but I'll do better this time.

482
00:18:23,052 --> 00:18:24,345
Or are you gonna leave me

483
00:18:24,386 --> 00:18:26,555
now that you know
that I'm a druggie?

484
00:18:26,596 --> 00:18:29,892
DeBrie, look, some people
struggle with addiction,

485
00:18:29,933 --> 00:18:32,519
other people are incapable
of ever being nude.

486
00:18:32,561 --> 00:18:34,063
Everybody has something.

487
00:18:34,104 --> 00:18:37,107
And it's my professional opinion
that your drug use

488
00:18:37,149 --> 00:18:41,070
is a direct result of your
abandoning your dream of acting.

489
00:18:41,111 --> 00:18:42,863
You are a gifted actress.

490
00:18:42,905 --> 00:18:44,865
When I first saw Straight Bait,

491
00:18:44,907 --> 00:18:46,200
there were two men making love,

492
00:18:46,242 --> 00:18:48,244
but I couldn't take
my eyes off of you.

493
00:18:48,285 --> 00:18:49,995
You watched Straight Bait?

494
00:18:50,037 --> 00:18:51,538
Oh, just2, 4and9.

495
00:18:51,580 --> 00:18:53,957
You were with a guy
who didn't care about you.

496
00:18:53,999 --> 00:18:57,211
But stick with me,
and I'll make you famous.

497
00:18:57,253 --> 00:19:00,964
By cashing in
on your most celebrated role.

498
00:19:01,006 --> 00:19:02,132
Come one, come all!

499
00:19:02,174 --> 00:19:04,593
Get your photo taken
with Sue Storm

500
00:19:04,634 --> 00:19:06,095
from the Fantastic Four!

501
00:19:06,136 --> 00:19:07,721
Hey, is that Jessica Alba?

502
00:19:07,763 --> 00:19:10,640
No, this is the original
Sue Storm, DeBrie Bardeaux!

503
00:19:10,682 --> 00:19:12,559
- Who?
- The original Sue Storm,

504
00:19:12,601 --> 00:19:14,186
DeBrie Bardeaux. She...
No, no!

505
00:19:14,228 --> 00:19:15,187
No free pictures, kids!

506
00:19:15,229 --> 00:19:16,188
No, no, scram!

507
00:19:16,230 --> 00:19:17,231
Get out of here! Go!

508
00:19:17,273 --> 00:19:18,565
Go, get out of here.

509
00:19:18,607 --> 00:19:20,109
I don't think this is working.

510
00:19:20,150 --> 00:19:22,485
Maybe I need to get
a regular job.

511
00:19:22,527 --> 00:19:24,654
I do have a law degree.

512
00:19:24,696 --> 00:19:26,531
I know, I know,
and I'm a doctor.

513
00:19:26,573 --> 00:19:28,491
But no, let's not settle.

514
00:19:28,533 --> 00:19:30,493
Look, it's the Fantastic Four.

515
00:19:30,535 --> 00:19:33,038
No one recognizes one alone.

516
00:19:33,080 --> 00:19:34,415
I've got an idea.

517
00:19:34,456 --> 00:19:36,541
Ten dollars gets you
a picture with

518
00:19:36,583 --> 00:19:37,793
real Hollywood characters!

519
00:19:37,834 --> 00:19:39,002
What do you say? Ten dollars.

520
00:19:39,044 --> 00:19:40,003
That's certainly cheap.

521
00:19:40,045 --> 00:19:42,256
Oh! Hello, young man,

522
00:19:42,298 --> 00:19:44,549
and his... uncle? Neighbor?

523
00:19:44,591 --> 00:19:45,842
Father.

524
00:19:45,884 --> 00:19:47,136
Oh! That's terrific.

525
00:19:47,177 --> 00:19:48,553
Well, how would you like

526
00:19:48,595 --> 00:19:49,930
to have your picture taken

527
00:19:49,972 --> 00:19:52,808
with real Hollywood
movie land characters?

528
00:19:52,849 --> 00:19:54,226
Are you the Smurfs?

529
00:19:54,268 --> 00:19:55,811
No, no, no.

530
00:19:55,852 --> 00:19:57,396
They're the Ambiguously Gay Duo.

531
00:19:57,438 --> 00:19:58,730
Oh, I assure you,

532
00:19:58,772 --> 00:20:00,565
there's nothing ambiguous
about me.

533
00:20:00,607 --> 00:20:02,859
I'm Johnny Storm,
the human flamer.

534
00:20:02,901 --> 00:20:06,696
And this is Sue Storm, my sister
and fellow fighter-in-law.

535
00:20:06,738 --> 00:20:08,865
Now watch as I get...
no, I have special effects!

536
00:20:08,907 --> 00:20:10,742
Look, children love fire.

537
00:20:10,784 --> 00:20:11,785
Oh.

538
00:20:11,827 --> 00:20:12,786
This isn't working either.

539
00:20:12,828 --> 00:20:14,455
You're right.

540
00:20:14,496 --> 00:20:16,915
Two people in blue
doesn't say Fantastic Four.

541
00:20:16,957 --> 00:20:18,625
You know what though?

542
00:20:18,667 --> 00:20:20,710
I think I may have
just the thing.

543
00:20:20,752 --> 00:20:21,920
Oh?

544
00:20:21,962 --> 00:20:24,006
Just "the thing."

545
00:20:24,047 --> 00:20:25,466
Cut to...

546
00:20:25,507 --> 00:20:28,051
Now that I'm the iconic
rock man The Thing,

547
00:20:28,093 --> 00:20:29,678
no one will misunderstand.

548
00:20:29,719 --> 00:20:32,431
I'm sure the Blues Brothers here
will know who we are.

549
00:20:32,473 --> 00:20:34,308
Excuse me, are you Sue Storm
and The Thing?

550
00:20:34,350 --> 00:20:36,143
Oh, who's smart now?

551
00:20:36,185 --> 00:20:37,853
Indeed we are.

552
00:20:37,894 --> 00:20:39,980
In fact, they were orthodox
members of the law firm

553
00:20:40,022 --> 00:20:42,691
Feinberg, Feinberg, Feinberg
& Feinberg.

554
00:20:42,732 --> 00:20:45,444
We represent Stan Lee
and Marvel Enterprises.

555
00:20:45,486 --> 00:20:47,112
This is a cease and desist

556
00:20:47,154 --> 00:20:48,905
ordering you
to stop impersonating

557
00:20:48,947 --> 00:20:50,573
any of our trademark characters.

558
00:20:50,615 --> 00:20:52,075
Oh, let me take a look at that.

559
00:20:52,117 --> 00:20:53,160
I have a law degree.

560
00:20:53,202 --> 00:20:54,370
No, DeBrie, I've got this.

561
00:20:54,411 --> 00:20:56,579
Mr. Feinberg?

562
00:20:56,621 --> 00:20:58,248
Uh, would it change your mind

563
00:20:58,290 --> 00:21:02,336
if I offered you
a free Sue Storm armband?

564
00:21:02,378 --> 00:21:04,254
It did not change his mind.

565
00:21:04,296 --> 00:21:07,007
And although the hate crime
charges were dismissed,

566
00:21:07,049 --> 00:21:08,758
they were told
they could not continue

567
00:21:08,800 --> 00:21:10,260
to pose as the Fantastic Four.

568
00:21:10,302 --> 00:21:13,013
Can they really make us leave
Hollywood Boulevard?

569
00:21:13,055 --> 00:21:16,141
Well, apparently in
this instance, paper beats rock.

570
00:21:16,183 --> 00:21:17,142
You have a rock?

571
00:21:17,184 --> 00:21:19,478
No, I am your rock now.

572
00:21:19,520 --> 00:21:20,521
Oh.

573
00:21:20,562 --> 00:21:21,688
So what are we gonna do

574
00:21:21,730 --> 00:21:23,399
now that we don't
have the rights?

575
00:21:23,440 --> 00:21:25,192
Well, we just go off-brand.

576
00:21:25,234 --> 00:21:28,778
Uh, we'll just change the names
and do a cheap generic knockoff.

577
00:21:28,820 --> 00:21:30,572
Kids don't care.

578
00:21:30,613 --> 00:21:32,324
Tobias took them down
to a street

579
00:21:32,366 --> 00:21:35,035
near Harbor Boulevard,
where his friend Gary Goose

580
00:21:35,077 --> 00:21:36,619
told him
they didn't police very much.

581
00:21:36,661 --> 00:21:38,541
Rock Monster and Ability
to Be Invisible Person.

582
00:21:38,580 --> 00:21:40,165
Hello, young man.
What brings you

583
00:21:40,207 --> 00:21:43,126
to at least 500 feet
past the entrance of Disneyland?

584
00:21:43,168 --> 00:21:44,294
Dad, can I get my picture taken

585
00:21:44,336 --> 00:21:45,462
with The Thing
and Invisible Girl?

586
00:21:45,504 --> 00:21:47,005
They're the Fantastic Four.

587
00:21:47,047 --> 00:21:49,007
Well, actually, technically,
I'm Rock Monster,

588
00:21:49,049 --> 00:21:51,343
and this is
Ability to Be Invisible Person.

589
00:21:51,385 --> 00:21:53,262
- Hey, you guys want the ten dollars or not?
- Yeah.

590
00:21:53,303 --> 00:21:54,804
- Uh...
- Yeah, yeah.

591
00:21:54,846 --> 00:21:56,515
Yes. Okay.

592
00:21:56,557 --> 00:21:59,101
We're The Thing
and the Invisible Girl.

593
00:21:59,142 --> 00:22:00,227
- You're under arrest.
- What?

594
00:22:00,269 --> 00:22:01,770
Boom. Turn around.

595
00:22:01,811 --> 00:22:03,146
- Let's go.
- I didn't...

596
00:22:03,188 --> 00:22:04,565
- Let's go. Get up there.
- Oh! Oh!

597
00:22:04,606 --> 00:22:06,358
Come on.

598
00:22:06,400 --> 00:22:08,360
- Oh, come on, now.
- No, no, no.

599
00:22:08,402 --> 00:22:10,779
We're not gonna kill him,
we're just gonna handcuff him.

600
00:22:10,820 --> 00:22:12,406
You can't shoot us
'cause it's not a felony.

601
00:22:12,448 --> 00:22:14,533
Keep your eyes on her.
I'll be right back.

602
00:22:14,575 --> 00:22:16,535
Okay.

603
00:22:18,954 --> 00:22:20,247
If it happens again,

604
00:22:20,289 --> 00:22:22,374
you know, it will be
a third strike.

605
00:22:22,416 --> 00:22:24,084
Three-strikes law's up for
review in the appellate courts,

606
00:22:24,126 --> 00:22:25,419
but we really
shouldn't be charging.

607
00:22:25,461 --> 00:22:27,170
I know of a street
in Garden Grove

608
00:22:27,212 --> 00:22:29,172
- where they don't police very much.
- Okay.

609
00:22:29,214 --> 00:22:30,715
Things were looking down.

610
00:22:30,757 --> 00:22:33,385
And over the following weeks,

611
00:22:33,427 --> 00:22:35,220
their financial situation
grew dire enough

612
00:22:35,262 --> 00:22:36,513
for this to happen.

613
00:22:36,555 --> 00:22:38,432
We're broke.

614
00:22:38,474 --> 00:22:40,392
But you can't sell
your Fantastic Four costume.

615
00:22:40,434 --> 00:22:41,768
I mean, that would be
like a fisherman

616
00:22:41,810 --> 00:22:43,812
selling his fishing costume.

617
00:22:43,853 --> 00:22:46,064
No, I was gonna
have sex with him.

618
00:22:46,106 --> 00:22:47,648
For money.

619
00:22:47,690 --> 00:22:49,359
What? No. Put that back on.

620
00:22:49,401 --> 00:22:51,361
You don't have to
degrade yourself this way.

621
00:22:51,403 --> 00:22:53,530
Hey, I'm not a thing.

622
00:22:53,572 --> 00:22:55,782
Hey, I am a Thing.

623
00:22:55,824 --> 00:22:58,368
And so, with no other options,
Tobias returned

624
00:22:58,410 --> 00:22:59,869
to his in-laws' penthouse,

625
00:22:59,911 --> 00:23:02,831
desperate enough
to ransack the place,

626
00:23:02,872 --> 00:23:05,792
when it appeared
someone had beaten him to it.

627
00:23:05,834 --> 00:23:07,628
Michael.

628
00:23:07,668 --> 00:23:09,338
No, George Michael.

629
00:23:09,379 --> 00:23:11,256
Somebody, help!

630
00:23:11,298 --> 00:23:13,175
And that's when he heard
what sounded like two ostriches

631
00:23:13,216 --> 00:23:15,302
making love to a pop hit.

632
00:23:15,344 --> 00:23:17,012
But was actually this.

633
00:23:26,687 --> 00:23:29,065
Good bird.

634
00:23:30,691 --> 00:23:32,110
Stop it, chicken!

635
00:23:32,152 --> 00:23:34,321
Somebody help!

636
00:23:34,363 --> 00:23:35,531
Lucille 2!

637
00:23:35,572 --> 00:23:37,366
Help! Help!
Kevin, give me a hand!

638
00:23:37,407 --> 00:23:38,908
Get Dr. Bowman or Alicia.

639
00:23:38,950 --> 00:23:40,285
Either one.

640
00:23:40,327 --> 00:23:42,454
This woman's been
attacked by an ostrich!

641
00:23:42,496 --> 00:23:44,414
Ah, Tobias got a new girlfriend.

642
00:23:49,252 --> 00:23:50,920
Tobias had acted like
an actual superhero

643
00:23:50,962 --> 00:23:52,047
- and saved Lucille 2.
- There's my hero.

644
00:23:52,088 --> 00:23:53,549
You know, the doctor said

645
00:23:53,590 --> 00:23:54,841
if that bird had gotten through

646
00:23:54,883 --> 00:23:56,801
my second layer of makeup,
it could've done

647
00:23:56,843 --> 00:23:58,053
permanent damage to my skin.

648
00:23:58,094 --> 00:23:59,804
And I want to repay you.

649
00:23:59,846 --> 00:24:02,474
You're a doctor,
and you're out of work.

650
00:24:02,516 --> 00:24:04,393
- Well...
- How would you like to come work for me,

651
00:24:04,434 --> 00:24:05,852
at Austerity?

652
00:24:05,894 --> 00:24:07,896
The rehab center? That's yours?

653
00:24:07,937 --> 00:24:09,939
Well, my brother Argyle
runs it day to day.

654
00:24:09,981 --> 00:24:11,149
But we are so understaffed.

655
00:24:11,191 --> 00:24:12,651
You'd be such a gift.

656
00:24:12,693 --> 00:24:15,736
It would only pay
120 grand a year to start.

657
00:24:15,778 --> 00:24:17,989
Tobias, whose girlfriend
had nearly

658
00:24:18,031 --> 00:24:20,409
sold her body for money
in front of him,

659
00:24:20,450 --> 00:24:23,662
knew that everyone at some time
has to face reality.

660
00:24:27,832 --> 00:24:29,834
- But that this wasn't the time.
- No.

661
00:24:29,876 --> 00:24:31,587
- You turned it down?
- Uh-huh.

662
00:24:31,628 --> 00:24:34,464
I almost a guy
for a hamburger,

663
00:24:34,506 --> 00:24:37,384
and you turned down
$120, 000 a year?

664
00:24:37,426 --> 00:24:39,844
To keep our dream alive,
yes, I did.

665
00:24:39,886 --> 00:24:41,597
I thought you'd be proud of me.

666
00:24:41,638 --> 00:24:43,515
After all, a doctor in India

667
00:24:43,557 --> 00:24:46,101
told me that I have the gift
to make people laugh.

668
00:24:46,142 --> 00:24:47,768
Why are you crying?

669
00:24:47,810 --> 00:24:49,854
You're worse than Marky.

670
00:24:49,896 --> 00:24:53,858
He couldn't see me,
but you can't hear me.

671
00:24:55,902 --> 00:24:58,363
The setback sent
an emotionally fragile DeBrie

672
00:24:58,405 --> 00:25:01,074
back to her old ways.

673
00:25:01,116 --> 00:25:03,660
And before long,
she was picked up by a limo

674
00:25:03,702 --> 00:25:05,412
for a night of
being passed around

675
00:25:05,454 --> 00:25:07,872
amongst Hollywood creeps.

676
00:25:07,914 --> 00:25:11,918
For three weeks, Tobias waited,
hoping DeBrie would return.

677
00:25:11,960 --> 00:25:15,130
Perhaps it was
the morning he awoke to find

678
00:25:15,171 --> 00:25:16,715
two bums using him as a pillow

679
00:25:16,757 --> 00:25:18,925
that he realized
she wasn't coming back.

680
00:25:18,967 --> 00:25:20,510
Who are you supposed to be?

681
00:25:20,552 --> 00:25:23,012
Oh, I'm The Thing
from Fantastic Four.

682
00:25:23,054 --> 00:25:26,015
You've been served, (bleep).

683
00:25:26,057 --> 00:25:28,602
Oh, (bleep) me.

684
00:25:28,644 --> 00:25:30,437
Are you undercover as well?

685
00:25:30,479 --> 00:25:32,397
I'm CIA.
Not here for you though.

686
00:25:32,439 --> 00:25:34,775
Scoping out
Imagine Entertainment.

687
00:25:34,815 --> 00:25:37,193
So, with nowhere to go...

688
00:25:37,235 --> 00:25:38,903
Thought I'd try you again.

689
00:25:38,945 --> 00:25:40,614
and no one to help him
out of his rock suit...

690
00:25:40,656 --> 00:25:42,741
Honey, you read
comic books, yes?

691
00:25:42,783 --> 00:25:44,284
he went to see
if his daughter

692
00:25:44,326 --> 00:25:46,787
would give him a place to stay.

693
00:25:51,374 --> 00:25:54,127
Now the fun begins,
right, Officer Three?

694
00:25:54,169 --> 00:25:56,004
I'll say.

695
00:25:56,045 --> 00:25:58,590
and why and how. Who, what,
when, where, why and how.

696
00:26:00,008 --> 00:26:02,761
Is there a little girl here
all by herself?

697
00:26:02,803 --> 00:26:05,096
And perhaps it was this
that would finally

698
00:26:05,138 --> 00:26:07,683
get him to admit
that he sometimes did speak

699
00:26:07,724 --> 00:26:09,392
in a misleading way.

700
00:26:09,434 --> 00:26:12,228
Daddy needs to get
his rocks off.

701
00:26:17,150 --> 00:26:19,695
On the next
To Entrap a Local Predator...

702
00:26:19,736 --> 00:26:21,697
I'll be down in a minute.

703
00:26:21,738 --> 00:26:23,490
Have some lemonade.

704
00:26:23,532 --> 00:26:25,283
Predator gets
its first rock-solid case.

705
00:26:25,325 --> 00:26:27,994
Pretty good lemonade, huh?

706
00:26:28,036 --> 00:26:29,287
It is.

707
00:26:29,329 --> 00:26:30,997
Is there alcohol in here...
John Beard!

708
00:26:31,039 --> 00:26:31,998
Please, have a seat.

709
00:26:32,040 --> 00:26:32,999
Okay.

710
00:26:33,041 --> 00:26:34,167
Why are you here?

711
00:26:34,209 --> 00:26:35,585
I'm here to see my little girl.

712
00:26:35,627 --> 00:26:37,838
I wanted to show her
Daddy's Thing.

713
00:26:37,878 --> 00:26:39,172
What are you doing here?

714
00:26:39,214 --> 00:26:41,966
I'm doing a, um,
a local interest piece.

715
00:26:42,008 --> 00:26:42,967
Mm.

716
00:26:43,009 --> 00:26:44,052
Okay, get in there, boys.

717
00:26:44,093 --> 00:26:45,762
Oh, really local.

718
00:26:45,804 --> 00:26:46,805
That's right, yeah.

719
00:26:46,847 --> 00:26:47,888
Is this about my daughter?

720
00:26:47,930 --> 00:26:49,057
Oh, so it's your daughter

721
00:26:49,098 --> 00:26:50,767
- you're here to see?
- Yes.

722
00:26:51,518 --> 00:26:52,893
Maeby.

723
00:26:52,935 --> 00:26:54,771
If he's got a daughter,
then how old is she?

724
00:26:54,813 --> 00:26:55,896
Let me ask you this.

725
00:26:55,938 --> 00:26:56,897
How old is she?

726
00:26:56,939 --> 00:26:58,941
Oh.

727
00:26:58,983 --> 00:27:00,819
Why do you put me on the spot?

728
00:27:00,861 --> 00:27:03,739
Um, I want to say 19?

729
00:27:03,780 --> 00:27:06,324
But I like
to think of her as 15.

730
00:27:06,366 --> 00:27:07,367
Well, you're free to go.

731
00:27:07,409 --> 00:27:08,993
She's not here.

732
00:27:09,035 --> 00:27:10,715
But this creep won't take "go"

733
00:27:10,746 --> 00:27:12,163
- for an answer.
- Oh, that's all right.

734
00:27:12,205 --> 00:27:13,749
I'll stay, I'll wait.

735
00:27:13,790 --> 00:27:15,751
And this creep makes himself
right at home.

736
00:27:15,792 --> 00:27:17,753
- Give me just a minute.
- He's not leaving.

737
00:27:17,794 --> 00:27:19,713
- He's not leaving.
- He's not leaving.

738
00:27:19,755 --> 00:27:21,631
Tell him there's a raccoon
in the backyard.

739
00:27:21,673 --> 00:27:23,216
Hey, guess what.

740
00:27:23,258 --> 00:27:25,009
There's a raccoon
out on the patio!

741
00:27:25,051 --> 00:27:26,077
Bull (bleep).

742
00:27:26,197 --> 00:27:27,367
Where is that little guy?

743
00:27:27,487 --> 00:27:30,265
And this guy turns out to be
a real comedian.

744
00:27:31,215 --> 00:27:32,990
I just broke my skull
in a fourth place:

745
00:27:33,110 --> 00:27:34,594
the patio!

746
00:27:34,714 --> 00:27:37,639
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com