Mm. There are 5,000 channels on this damn box
and I can't ever find what the hell I want.
E-S-P-N.
Just a regular goddamn remote.
I told you what you need to do.
You need to cut all of that off.
You know, the cable, the electric, the gas.
All of it, just... [clicks tongue] cut it off.
Nigga, you know I'm not doing that.
Why not?
'Cause I ain't no hipster living with his sister's
girlfriend's cousin picking boysenberries or some shit.
Nigga, I'm rich.
Plus, you can't stream everything.
What can't you stream?
You know, man, shit like the news.
- Huh? - The news, my nigga?
- This nigga said "the news." - Are you 80 years old?
Yes, nigga. Yeah, the news.
Yeah, I watch that.
I want to stay informed and shit.
That's why I watch CNN.
Isn't CNN that place where you take your kids
to play in the fountains?
Look, you want to know if somebody died, TMZ.
You want to know if someone's canceled, Twitter.
You want to know what's going on in the Black community?
ALL: Shade Room comments section.
- Exactly. - Or Lipstick Alley.
- Right. Right. - Yo, y'all heard about that Crank Dat Killer?
Crank Dat what?
DARIUS: Wait, man, Wait. I heard about this theory.
Most of the Black murders that have occurred
in the past year and a half have all been linked
to a common denominator.
All the victims made "Crank Dat" dance videos
back in the day.
- What? - EARN: Yeah.
I-I didn't believe it either, but...
this dude on Lipstick Alley, man, he did his homework, man.
He cited his work and everything.
Yeah, I mean, I believe him.
Soulja Boy just better watch his back,
- that's all I know. - [Earn laughs]
Yeah, it's a good thing none of us made "Crank Dat" videos,
'cause this guy seems pissed.
DARIUS: And whoever did, man,
they better watch their back.
You know, I bet you he got tabs on 'em and everything.
EARN: Yeah. The FBI wants to talk to anybody
who's been to the Pool Palace, you know,
in the past ten years.
[Earn and Darius laugh]
No, I heard the killer got,
like, white glasses like Fabo.
He come in, he like... [humming robotically]
- He got a knife. - Yeah, and with the... [grunts]
[both laugh]
You all right, man?
Hmm?
- [sighs heavily] -♪ Ah...♪
♪ Soulja Boy off in this ho♪
♪ Watch me crank it, watch me roll♪
♪ Watch me crank dat Soulja Boy♪
♪ Then Superman that ho♪
♪ Now watch me crank that Soulja Boy...♪
Look, man, it was 2007, all right?
I-I trapped in the parking lot of GreenBriar
the entire summer.
It was hot, it was boring.
I must've ate about a hundred Pretzelmaker pretzels, man.
Of course I fucked around and made one of these videos, man.
Look, if you sold drugs in Atlanta,
you made a "Crank Dat" video, okay?
So me and my homie J-Berg, we recorded this.
And this has been on the Internet the entire time?
Man, J-Berg posted that shit.
I would call his ass and tell him to take it down,
but then the nigga would have my phone number.
Plus the nigga's probably dead.
Gotta be real with you, uh, even I don't like this.
But, you know, look, it got 25 views,
so you could be in the good.
The killer may not have even seen it.
Nigga, I ain't worried about no
goddamn "Crank Dat" killer, man.
Hey, look, see if you can get this scrubbed
off the Internet, Earn, all right?
The last thing I need is niggas hyped over this story
finding my ass, all right?
All right.
♪ Then Superman that ho...♪
- Mm. - You know,
when you look deeper into it,
spiritually it's a little deeper.
You see, our roots...
kind of deal with dancing.
No, you don't gotta do that. This is bad.
- It's real bad. - [video stops]
♪ Slime♪
♪ Okay, shit, I just woke up in an animal♪
♪ I just woke up in a Lambo♪
♪ Flawless baguettes and an orange Richard♪
♪ I just had bust down a cantaloupe♪
♪ Niggas want beef and I'm tryna be vegan♪
♪ But fuck it, bae, bring a can of smoke.♪
- Whoo! - [claps hands]
'Aight, 15 minutes to record a track.
That gotta be a record. [chuckles]
[Earn groans]
Man, why is it so hard to get sneakers nowadays?
Me and Darius are trying to get these
Nike Miracles, man.
The shit sold out in, like, 30 seconds.
Yeah, man, resellers got the game fucked up, man.
Might as well be shoe gentrification.
Hey, why don't you just call Nike
and have 'em send you a pair for me?
I already did. They told me to go to hell.
It is what it is, man. Sorry.
Hey, man, bounce that track back from the top.
- Hey, Paper Boi. - Yo.
There's a guy in the next room over
that wanted to pop in and say what's up.
Some guy named Doug?
Yeah.
Yeah, tell him it's cool, man.
You can tell him it's cool.
Who? Doug? What?
Nigga, man. No, some--
- He's a rapper: Some Guy Named Doug. - Oh.
He always trying to get me on a track with his ass and shit.
Man, I mean, he a cool dude,
but his music sound like ass, nigga.
- Yeah, his music does suck. - Yeah.
Great guy, though.
[electricity crackles]
Aw, there he go.
- Ha ha! Paper Boi! - Ah...
What's going on, Some Guy Named Doug?
I knew I heard you in here. What's good, man?
Oh, man, you know, laying it down, babe.
Shit, you in here cooking up?
You know, you know, on the regular, man.
Yo, we should get on a song together.
Oh, man, man, I would love to do that, man,
but I'm on my way out, man,
and the system just crashed, my nigga.
- Wow. Really? - Yeah, man.
Well, what you been working on? Play me something.
Oh, man, I can't 'cause the speaker's busted, too, man.
Oh, you can just email it to me.
And the motherfuckin' Wi-Fi down, too.
- All this shit connected, nigga. - What?!
I've been trying to tell these niggas to get a router.
Damn, every time, man.
Look, one of these days
we gonna get on a song together.
- Hey, man, I'm down. -'Aight?
- Yeah. - One day.
- One day, nigga. -'Aight, man, I'm-a call you.
- Hey, you could text. - Okay, I'm-a text you.
- Yeah, yeah. - I got some new beats, too.
- Fire! - All right. Yeah.
- I'm-a send it to you. - All right, you do that.
You do that, you do that you do that.
- That's cool. - [door closes]
I gotta get a new phone, nigga, like, immediately, 'cause...
- Doug's a nice guy. - He's-he's incredibly kind, man.
- Hey, you back this up? - No, we done.
ALFRED: Oh, shit, it's smoking like a motherfucker, man.
Oh, man.
We ain't gotta pay for that, right? Like...?
No, we ain't gotta pay for that.
[Alfred mutters]
All right, I'll catch you later.
- Hey, man, hit me when you get home. - All right.
[car alarm chirps]
[car door opens, closes]
[engine starts]
[sighs]
[playing silently]
[Alfred laughs]
Shit, man.
What the fuck was I thinking?
[hip-hop music playing over headphones]
Babe.
Babe! We're here.
My bad.
You should, uh...
you should go home, get more sleep before work.
No. Not with your little brother and sister
running around.
Babe, we gotta move out of your mom's place.
Yeah, I know.
I know.
You know, I support your rap career and everything,
but maybe it's time you thought about
getting a real job, like a career.
Just in case the rap thing, you know...
[sighs]
Look, baby, remember how I told you about
how Big Sean got discovered?
Yeah.
You said he rapped for Kanye
outside of a radio station or something.
Exactly.
All I need is one opportunity.
And I'm gonna be prepared for when that moment comes.
Just have faith.
Please?
Okay.
I promise you that everything's gonna be okay.
All right, take care of Mommy, Little Juanita.
So who is this guy?
Uh, he is but a man with many shoes.
The neighborhood knows him as Shoe Man.
So he's kind of like Sock Man, except for shoes.
Yeah, but Sock Man had an actual store.
This-this is a van.
No, man, this guy's legit.
Shoe know what it is. Yes, sir.
Hey...
Hop in, gentlemen.
All right.
Get that door for me, champ?
- Oh, yeah. - Appreciate you.
So how can I help you boys?
We want to get the... the Nike Miracles.
- Yeah, they're sold out... - What size?
11. Right?
- 11 for you, too? - Yeah, 11.
I got 11, 10 and a half.
- Last two. - Ah.
EARN: Really?
Damn, that's surprising.
They usually don't be having any 11s.
Whoa!
- Yes. - Really?
- Yes. - These legit?
Yeah, they real. That's why they call me the Shoe Man.
[both chuckle]
- All right. - Damn.
Um, how much?
Nothing, really.
Just let me see you two kiss.
- I'm sorry? - What?
Just let me see y'all two kiss in the backseat.
- All right. I mean, that's easy. - Wait. No, no, no.
Wait. Hold on.
How much for the shoes, man?
How much money do you want?
I don't need money, man. Everybody got money.
Yeah, man, look, it ain't that big of a deal.
We just knock this out. Wham, bam, thank you, ma'am.
- I don't want to kiss you. - Be on with our day.
Look, I know you're not gay, bro.
- [muttering] - That's not the point. Okay?
I don't want to kiss my friend for shoes.
So, what, you want to kiss a stranger?
- I don't understand what... - I don't want to kiss
anybody, Darius.
[knocking on window]
Damn, y'all back?
I'm gonna need an answer, fellas, I got a line.
Do you need to look at 'em again?
[laughs]
Nigga is stupid.
Trash.
[scoffs]
[line ringing]
- MAN [over phone]: Hello? - Hello?
Hey, hey. Hey, Soulja, man, what's up, man?
Paper Boi? What up, brah?
Oh, you know, man, I'm coolin', coolin'.
Hey, hey, I got a dumbass qu-- I got a dumbass question, man.
Yeah? What up?
Um, you heard anything about this "Crank Dat" killer stuff?
Are you serious? Of course I have.
I got more "Crank Dat" content on the Internet than anyone.
Too much to count.
I basically invented YouTube.
Yeah, definitely.
[exhales sharply] You lucky, man.
Lucky you ain't got a bunch of
"Crank Dat" videos like me.
Oh, you know what?
[laughs] This shit. Back in the day, man, I did, actually.
What?
What are you saying, man? You made a "Crank Dat" song?
Yeah, man, but... [scoffs] I ain't call it that.
I called it the "Crank Dat Jimmy Neutron."
- You know what I'm saying? - Nigga, what?! That was you?
Yo, you gotta skip town just like me then.
Wait, you serious?
If I was you, I'd be on the way
to my safe farm right now.
Safe farm? What the hell is a safe farm?
A farm that's safe.
If you don't got a safe farm, you good as dead.
You know...
"Like a good nigga,
safe farm is there."
Nigga, what the fuck is you talking about?
I don't know, man. I'm tired, I'm scared.
Yo, get all the Soulja-tendo game systems. All of 'em. Look,
you are not safe, man.
I don't care who you are,
you got a "Crank Dat" video out there,
you better watch your back.
- I gotta go. - [call ends]
But... [sighs sharply]
Where the hell are my glasses at?
[excited chatter]
Safe farm.
[clattering upstairs]
[soft thump]
[thumping continues]
So what's up, fellas? This kiss ain't gonna French itself.
French ki-- Nah, you didn't say that before. French?
I'm sorry, it's just an expression I'm trying out.
Okay, we got a couple questions.
Uh, right? [clears throat]
How long a kiss are we talking here?
[sputters]
- Eight minutes? - EARN: Eight minutes?
- No, man. Come on. - No. Come on, man, that's...
- That's a whole, like, Animaniacs. - That's fine. Then let's haggle.
Yeah, that's a make-out...
Well, let's haggle, then.
A peck on the lips.
What, you kissing your grandma? Nigga, please.
- Two minutes at least. - EARN: Man, fuck this.
- Man, fuck these shoes. - Okay, hold on.
Hold on, hold on, hold on. All right, look.
Well, but-- Let me and him discuss this one-on-one, please.
- [Shoe Man sighs] - And we'll definitely come back with an answer for you.
[scoffs] It better be worth it.
I know it is.
Man, do what you want, man. I'm not doing it.
What do you mean you're not doing it, man?
What I'm supposed to do, just kiss myself?
I can't...
These things are worth $10,000, man.
- I've seen it online. - Then pay it.
Pay the $10,000 online.
I'm not gonna pay $10,000 for something I can get for $200.
That just-- The principle of that--
Exactly. It's the principle, okay?
I get it, okay?
I like sneakers. You like sneakers.
But like a lot of Black men,
we put an excessive amount of value in them, okay.
Is it really worth our dignity?
There are only a thousand in the, like,
- in the whole world. - Man...
You've seen me wear $900 loafers
that would get me roasted at any
- Black high school in Atlanta. - Yeah. True.
I've seen billionaires walk into
very important meetings wearing some dirty Vans.
I've seen you wear a paper towel around your head
and make it look cool, like Jadakiss.
That was a fun summer, huh?
I'll kiss you if you want for these sneakers,
but I think we're above this.
I think you know I'm right.
Mm.
I think we should do it.
- [bangs on van] - Hey, Shoe Man,
two orders of Nike Miracles, please.
- Let's do this. - [van door opens]
Y'all ready? [grunts]
[horn honks]
Hey, how you doing today?
Uh, can I get one soft pretzel?
Paper Boi?
[chuckles]
I'm gonna give you two extra pretzels.
[chuckles] Don't tell nobody though.
Mm, can I get you on my Instagram Live?
Hell no.
Um...
- Hey, can I ask you something? - Mm-hmm.
How you know it was me?
Only famous people trying to blend in
come in dressed like that.
You're the only nigga in here with a hat with no logo on it.
You know how hard it is to find a hat without a logo on it?
See?
That's Chris Evans.
[speaking indistinctly]
Hmm.
ROBERTO: Free samples.
Free sample? Free sample?
Free sample.
Try our Bourbon Street chicken?
Nigga, everybody already knows what that taste like.
[clicks tongue]
Free sample.
Hey, Roberto.
Hey, Chartreuse.
Free samples.
You heard Paper Boi here?
Like, for real?
- Mm-hmm. - Where?
My homegirl Tiffany said his fat ass was getting
a pretzel at Pretzelmaker.
You...
Okay, this is it. This is it.
I-- Yo, I got to go spit for him.
- Mm. - Cover me.
Nigga, I work at Sbarro!
- [indistinct chatter] - [hip-hop playing]
[singing indistinctly]
Oh!
Hmm.
[kids laughing]
[bass booming from car stereo in distance]
GPS VOICE: Turn right.
[song continues playing over stereo]
Turn right.
♪
You have reached your destination.
- [music stops] - [engine turns off]
[car door opens]
Paper Boi!
Shit.
Oh, shit!
- [hip-hop playing] - [indistinct chatter]
[girl yelps]
Mm.
[sniffs]
[indistinct chatter]
[arcade game sounds]
[laughter]
♪
I'm s-- I'm sorry. Sorry.
[indistinct chatter]
["At Your Neck" by KikBak and Enimeezy playing]
- [quietly]: Fuck. -♪ Running it out♪
♪ Come in correct or I come at your neck♪
♪ Yeah, ooh, Paul Wall♪
♪ All of my dawgs, ball to the death♪
-♪ Ball to the death♪ -♪ Ooh, yeah, I want it all♪
♪ Money, the power and the respect...♪
- WOMAN: Can I help you? - What?
Can I help you?
Yeah. Uh...
Uh, can I see, um,
one of these digital display belt buckles, please?
Really? I got to be honest with you,
last person I sold one of these to was a crackhead.
Maybe you'll start a trend.
You want one of those gold belt buckles down there, too?
Tell the truth.
You're a crackhead, right?
- Oh, shit! - [gunshots]
[screaming]
[gunshots continue]
- Get out the way! - [screaming, clamoring]
What the fuck?
What the fuck is going on here?
Come here.
[screaming, clamoring]
[gunshots continue]
♪ Ayo, yo, my life's like a movie, my eyes are like a Uzi♪
-♪ Jacuzzis...♪ - Nigga, get the fuck out the way!
[gunshots continue]
So you boys ready?
All right, uh, yeah.
Ready to do this?
- You said three seconds, right? - Mm-hmm.
Okay.
["All My Life" by K-Ci & JoJo playing]
♪ Then I finally found you♪
♪ All my life...♪
Out of mind.
Just be in the moment.
♪ And I hope that you feel♪
♪ The same way, too♪
♪ Yes I pray that you♪
♪ Do love me, too♪
♪ I said you're all that I'm thinking of...♪
[shouting, clamoring]
♪
- [man shouting] - [gunshots]
[grunts]
♪ Said I promise to never fall in love...♪
Two Nike Miracles, please...
Oh, oh...
What...?
♪ For sending me your love, I cherish every hug...♪
Bro...
- Uh... - We're already implicated.
Yeah, fuck, then let me grab...
- [gunshots] - [shouting]
Oh, shit! Shit, man!
- [gunshots continue] - [muttering]
Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!
[mutters]
[panting]
Hey!
Just shoot that motherfucker, man!
Paper Boi, get in!
- Get in! - [Alfred muttering]
Come on.
- Go, go, go, man! Go! - [tires screech]
Go, nigga, go, go, go!
Oh, shit! Oh, shit! [whoops]
Oh, shit! Yes, yes, yes! Oh, my God!
[whoops] Man! Some Guy Named Doug, bruh!
Oh, you saved my life, man!
You saved my motherfucking life, nigga!
Oh, God! Ah, that shit was crazy back there, man!
Brazy!
But it's all good, man. Don't even--
- Don't even trip. - Oh, my God, man!
Oh, God.
[moans]
Look, man, I owe you one. For real, man, I owe you one.
[panting]
Oh, God.
What was you even doing out here, my nigga?
It was fate, I guess.
- Right place at the right time. - Hell yeah, man.
I'm actually, uh, headed to the studio.
Yo.
Yo, yo! We got to get a song together!
Today, man! It's fate, man, come on.
We got to do it. Today's the day.
And I just made a new beat this morning.
Want to hear it?
[hip-hop beat playing]
Yeah.
Bet you'll go crazy on it! [laughs]
You're gonna go crazy in the studio, man!
I can't wait to have a song with Paper Boi!
Man, this about to go amazing!
[grunting rhythmically]
Hey, man, yes!
[whispers]: Paper Boi. Paper Boi.
About to be the song of the year.
Let's get it.
Hello?
Hey.
Ah.
Okay, I see you out here, boy. Nice, man.
You actually, you know, got a green thumb.
Yeah, man, you think?
I was thinking about buying a farm, man.
Oh, for real?
You know, like they say.
"Like a good nigga, safe farm is there."
That's a good idea actually.
Oh, yeah, uh, you know what? They found
that, uh, "Crank Dat" killer.
- Word? - Yeah.
Here, right there. [pops lips]
Man, he thick though. It's weird for a serial killer...
- ALFRED: Right? [scoffs] - Yeah.
That's crazy, brah.
Yeah.
What you end up doing today?
Aw, man, you know, I don't know,
went to the mall.
Ran into a nigga I had beef with from high school.
- Mm. - Yeah, really? What happened?
I think that nigga's still mad, man.
[scoffs]
Yo, man.
Those are nice sneakers.
- It's about time you noticed. - Sorry.
Good looking though, yeah.
I had to do a little something for them.
- It was worth it. - [phone chimes]
ALFRED: [sighs] What's this nigga talking about?
SOME GUY NAMED DOUG: It's your boy Paper Boi on the track.
ALFRED: Hey, you ain't got to say my name on the track.
DARIUS: What the hell is that?
Is that you and Some Guy Named Doug?
ALFRED: All right, tell me when, nigga.
All right, all right, yeah, yeah, yeah...
- Yep. Yep. - Damn.
Okay, yeah. It's trash.
♪ With Paper Boi and Some Guy Named Doug...♪
Yep.
SOME GUY NAMED DOUG: ♪ I be feeling kind of lonely♪
♪ Sometimes I be crying on my rollie♪
♪ Sometimes all my fame, it can make you mad... ♪
How do I catch the rhythm on it? There's not really a rhythm.
You know what, man? That's the thing.
I don't, I don't really know.
It's more sound than music.
ALFRED: Yeah. Yeah, it is, right?
♪
♪ Play this for your grandmama when you in the whip♪
♪ Come on, Paper Boi, get on the track♪
♪ All right, chill, yeah, man, hold up♪
♪ Uh, yo--♪
♪ Paper Boi's in the studio right now♪
♪ Man, you holding your finger up, I don't know♪
♪ What the fuck, all right, yeah, uh-huh, yeah♪
♪ P-A-P-E-R♪
♪ Boi, he right here right now♪
♪ That's my dawg, y'all♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh, snap♪
♪ You crazy for this with Some Guy Named Doug♪
-♪ Yep♪ -♪ Okay, that was kind of hard for real♪
-♪ I ain't gonna even l-- hey♪ -♪ Uh-huh♪
♪ Some Guy Named Doug♪
♪ Sometimes I be feeling kind of lonely♪
♪ Sometimes I be crying on my rollie♪
♪ Sometimes all my fame, it can make you mad♪
♪ But all this money, that'll make you glad♪
♪ I'm an actor now♪
♪ Hey!♪
Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org