1
00:00:07,500 --> 00:00:09,600
And now the
kung pao chicken.

2
00:00:09,610 --> 00:00:10,990
Ah, yeah.
Wow.

3
00:00:10,990 --> 00:00:12,410
Smooth.

4
00:00:12,410 --> 00:00:14,290
And finally,

5
00:00:14,290 --> 00:00:16,130
my moo shu pork.

6
00:00:17,930 --> 00:00:19,210
Whoo-hoo!

7
00:00:19,220 --> 00:00:20,970
Oh, there you have
it, gentlemen.

8
00:00:20,970 --> 00:00:25,140
Our entire dinner
unpacked by robot.

9
00:00:25,140 --> 00:00:27,520
And it only took 28 minutes.

10
00:00:28,470 --> 00:00:29,620
Impressive,

11
00:00:29,630 --> 00:00:31,990
but we must be cautious.
Why?

12
00:00:31,990 --> 00:00:34,980
Today, it's a Chinese food
retrieval robot.

13
00:00:34,980 --> 00:00:37,520
Tomorrow,
it travels back in time

14
00:00:37,520 --> 00:00:40,020
and tries to kill Sarah Connor.

15
00:00:40,020 --> 00:00:42,320
I don't think that's
going to happen, Sheldon.

16
00:00:42,320 --> 00:00:43,710
No one ever does.

17
00:00:43,710 --> 00:00:45,320
That's why it happens.

18
00:00:46,330 --> 00:00:48,040
Hey. Is the food here?

19
00:00:48,040 --> 00:00:49,340
Ooh. What's that?

20
00:00:49,350 --> 00:00:50,610
That, dear lady,

21
00:00:50,610 --> 00:00:53,260
is the Wolowitz
Programmable Hand,

22
00:00:53,270 --> 00:00:54,930
designed
for extravehicular repairs

23
00:00:54,930 --> 00:00:57,390
on the International
Space Station.

24
00:00:57,390 --> 00:00:58,970
Ah, cool.

25
00:00:58,970 --> 00:01:00,670
Ask me to pass the soy sauce.

26
00:01:00,670 --> 00:01:03,440
Oh, does that come up much
on the space station?

27
00:01:03,440 --> 00:01:06,880
Mostly with Asian
and Jewish astronauts.

28
00:01:06,880 --> 00:01:09,000
All right. Pass the soy sauce.
Coming up.

29
00:01:20,660 --> 00:01:22,280
So how's work?

30
00:01:22,280 --> 00:01:23,730
Oh, it's not bad.

31
00:01:23,730 --> 00:01:25,280
Kind of hungry.

32
00:01:25,280 --> 00:01:27,120
Yeah, we all are.

33
00:01:27,120 --> 00:01:28,920
Just wait.

34
00:01:28,920 --> 00:01:30,670
You realize, Penny,
that the technology

35
00:01:30,670 --> 00:01:32,820
that went into this arm
will one day make

36
00:01:32,820 --> 00:01:36,240
unskilled food servers
such as yourself obsolete.

37
00:01:36,240 --> 00:01:37,680
Really?

38
00:01:37,680 --> 00:01:40,310
They're going to make a robot
that spits on your hamburger?

39
00:01:41,860 --> 00:01:43,460
I thought you
broke up with her.

40
00:01:43,470 --> 00:01:45,220
Why is she here?

41
00:01:46,120 --> 00:01:47,450
Okay, here we go.

42
00:01:47,450 --> 00:01:49,940
Passing the soy sauce.

43
00:01:51,360 --> 00:01:53,610
Put out your hand.

44
00:01:56,110 --> 00:01:57,650
Oh!

45
00:01:59,030 --> 00:02:00,160
That's amazing.

46
00:02:00,170 --> 00:02:01,600
I wouldn't say amazing.

47
00:02:01,600 --> 00:02:03,600
At best,
it's a modest leap forward

48
00:02:03,600 --> 00:02:05,150
from the basic technology

49
00:02:05,150 --> 00:02:07,990
that gave us
Country Bear Jamboree.

50
00:02:08,820 --> 00:02:10,290
Hey, Sheldon?

51
00:02:10,290 --> 00:02:12,210
Yes?

52
00:02:18,330 --> 00:02:20,300
Peace?

53
00:02:20,300 --> 00:02:21,890
No, not peace.

54
00:02:21,890 --> 00:02:23,250
Hang on.

55
00:02:43,600 --> 00:02:47,100
The Big Bang Theory 4x01
The Robotic Manipulation
Original Air Date on September 23, 2010

56
00:02:49,680 --> 00:02:53,150
Does NASA know you're using
that thing as a napkin holder?

57
00:02:53,150 --> 00:02:56,990
You kidding? They still think
it's in a secure locker at JPL.

58
00:02:57,860 --> 00:02:59,060
You stole it?

59
00:02:59,060 --> 00:03:00,410
Borrowed.

60
00:03:00,410 --> 00:03:03,010
The trick is to carry it out
to your car like you own it.

61
00:03:04,650 --> 00:03:07,170
Excuse me.

62
00:03:08,390 --> 00:03:09,750
Oh.

63
00:03:09,750 --> 00:03:11,260
Amy's at the dry cleaners,

64
00:03:11,260 --> 00:03:13,790
and she's made a very
amusing pun.

65
00:03:13,790 --> 00:03:16,660
"I don't care
for perchloroethylene,

66
00:03:16,660 --> 00:03:20,250
and I don't like glycol ether."

67
00:03:24,900 --> 00:03:25,970
Get it?

68
00:03:25,970 --> 00:03:29,290
She doesn't like glycol ether.

69
00:03:30,360 --> 00:03:33,030
Sounds like "either."

70
00:03:37,070 --> 00:03:39,880
"L-O-L."

71
00:03:39,880 --> 00:03:42,370
Who's Amy?
His girlfriend.

72
00:03:42,370 --> 00:03:44,450
Sheldon has a girlfriend?
She's not my girlfriend.

73
00:03:44,460 --> 00:03:46,490
How long
has this been going on?
Four months.

74
00:03:46,490 --> 00:03:48,630
She's not my girlfriend.
Are you telling me, for
the past four months

75
00:03:48,630 --> 00:03:50,080
I have been asking you,
"What's new?"

76
00:03:50,080 --> 00:03:51,660
and you never thought
to go with,

77
00:03:51,660 --> 00:03:52,880
"Sheldon has a girlfriend"?

78
00:03:52,880 --> 00:03:54,780
She's not my girlfriend.

79
00:03:54,780 --> 00:03:55,870
Ah... d-d-d-d...

80
00:03:55,870 --> 00:03:57,580
How did they meet?

81
00:03:57,590 --> 00:03:59,800
Raj and I entered Sheldon's
information on a dating site,

82
00:03:59,800 --> 00:04:02,210
and it spit out
Amy Farrah Fowler.

83
00:04:02,210 --> 00:04:04,510
Oh, my God!
Sheldon and Amy.

84
00:04:04,510 --> 00:04:06,340
Or, as we
call them, "Shamy."

85
00:04:08,150 --> 00:04:09,310
Shamy.

86
00:04:09,310 --> 00:04:11,570
I am so digging the Shamy.

87
00:04:11,570 --> 00:04:13,980
All right,
everyone pay attention.

88
00:04:13,990 --> 00:04:16,150
Yes, I have a friend
named Amy Farrah Fowler.

89
00:04:16,150 --> 00:04:17,720
Yes, she is female.

90
00:04:17,720 --> 00:04:20,160
Yes, we communicate
on a daily basis,

91
00:04:20,160 --> 00:04:22,580
but no, she is not
my girlfriend.

92
00:04:22,580 --> 00:04:25,060
Okay, well, what do
you communicate about?

93
00:04:25,060 --> 00:04:29,120
Well, my work in physics,
her work in neurobiology,

94
00:04:29,120 --> 00:04:30,830
and most recently,
the possibility

95
00:04:30,840 --> 00:04:33,370
of our having a child together.

96
00:04:40,180 --> 00:04:42,350
Thank you.

97
00:04:43,510 --> 00:04:45,020
Wait a minute— a child?

98
00:04:45,020 --> 00:04:46,230
You never see this girl.

99
00:04:46,230 --> 00:04:48,200
You just e-mail
and text and Twitter.

100
00:04:48,200 --> 00:04:50,250
Now you're considering
having a baby?

101
00:04:50,250 --> 00:04:52,970
Amy pointed out
that between the two of us,

102
00:04:52,970 --> 00:04:54,910
our genetic material
has the potential

103
00:04:54,910 --> 00:04:57,040
of producing the first in a line

104
00:04:57,050 --> 00:04:59,760
of intellectually superior,
benign overlords

105
00:04:59,760 --> 00:05:03,030
to guide humanity
to a brighter tomorrow.

106
00:05:04,470 --> 00:05:06,220
I'm guessing
that future historians

107
00:05:06,220 --> 00:05:08,240
will condemn us
for not taking

108
00:05:08,240 --> 00:05:10,460
this opportunity
to kill Sheldon.

109
00:05:11,330 --> 00:05:13,540
Okay, I have
a question.

110
00:05:13,540 --> 00:05:14,830
Yes, Penny.

111
00:05:14,830 --> 00:05:16,750
You don't even like people
touching you.

112
00:05:16,750 --> 00:05:18,470
How are you going to have sex?

113
00:05:20,050 --> 00:05:22,220
Why on Earth would we have sex?

114
00:05:24,220 --> 00:05:27,010
Oh, honey, did your mom
not have the talk with you?

115
00:05:27,010 --> 00:05:30,510
You know, when your
private parts started growing?

116
00:05:30,510 --> 00:05:33,600
I'm quite aware of the way
humans usually reproduce,

117
00:05:33,600 --> 00:05:35,770
which is messy,
unsanitary,

118
00:05:35,770 --> 00:05:38,100
and based on living next
to you for three years,

119
00:05:38,100 --> 00:05:42,020
involves loud and unnecessary
appeals to a deity.

120
00:05:42,020 --> 00:05:43,160
Oh, God.

121
00:05:43,160 --> 00:05:44,830
Yes, exactly.

122
00:05:47,450 --> 00:05:50,080
Consequently,
if Amy and I choose

123
00:05:50,080 --> 00:05:51,700
to bring new life
into this world,

124
00:05:51,700 --> 00:05:53,580
it will be accomplished
clinically,

125
00:05:53,580 --> 00:05:56,820
with fertility experts in a lab
with petri dishes.

126
00:05:56,820 --> 00:05:57,960
Which reminds me—

127
00:05:57,960 --> 00:06:00,960
you have broad hips
and a certain corn-fed vigor.

128
00:06:00,960 --> 00:06:03,780
Is your womb available
for rental?

129
00:06:05,250 --> 00:06:08,350
Still digging the Shamy?

130
00:06:08,350 --> 00:06:09,770
Look, Sheldon,

131
00:06:09,770 --> 00:06:12,340
before you race off to
the fertility clinic,

132
00:06:12,340 --> 00:06:13,800
you might want
to think about—

133
00:06:13,810 --> 00:06:14,940
uh, gee, I don't know—

134
00:06:14,940 --> 00:06:17,240
maybe actually spending
some time with her.

135
00:06:17,240 --> 00:06:19,190
You mean dating?
Yeah.

136
00:06:19,190 --> 00:06:20,940
I can't date Amy.
Why not?

137
00:06:20,950 --> 00:06:22,700
She's not my girlfriend.

138
00:06:22,700 --> 00:06:25,120
Okay, look, don't think of it
as dating a girlfriend.

139
00:06:25,120 --> 00:06:26,450
Think of it as, uh...

140
00:06:26,450 --> 00:06:28,750
getting to know
the future mother of your child.

141
00:06:28,750 --> 00:06:30,570
Oh.

142
00:06:30,570 --> 00:06:32,940
I hadn't considered that.

143
00:06:32,940 --> 00:06:35,760
I suppose she will have
to have access to our progeny.

144
00:06:35,760 --> 00:06:37,630
And you don't think
I can achieve

145
00:06:37,630 --> 00:06:40,310
the required intimacy
via text messaging?

146
00:06:40,310 --> 00:06:41,500
Probably not.

147
00:06:41,500 --> 00:06:42,700
Huh.

148
00:06:42,700 --> 00:06:44,020
It would appear as if

149
00:06:44,020 --> 00:06:46,870
the phone companies
have been lying to me.

150
00:06:49,170 --> 00:06:51,480
Penny.

151
00:06:51,480 --> 00:06:53,890
Penny. Penny.

152
00:06:54,930 --> 00:06:57,730
You do realize I stand
on the other side of the door

153
00:06:57,730 --> 00:07:00,520
waiting for you to finish
knocking three times.

154
00:07:00,520 --> 00:07:03,850
I know. I can see the shadow
of your feet under the door.

155
00:07:03,860 --> 00:07:06,810
Yeah, my point is
it's a waste of time.

156
00:07:06,810 --> 00:07:08,060
If you're looking for an example

157
00:07:08,060 --> 00:07:10,160
of a waste of time,
I would refer you

158
00:07:10,160 --> 00:07:12,080
to the conversation
we're having right now.

159
00:07:12,080 --> 00:07:13,660
What do you want?

160
00:07:13,660 --> 00:07:15,870
I've decided to take your advice
and have arranged

161
00:07:15,870 --> 00:07:18,170
to go on a date
with Amy Farrah Fowler.

162
00:07:18,170 --> 00:07:19,070
Oh, that's great.

163
00:07:19,070 --> 00:07:20,370
Have fun.
Wait.

164
00:07:20,370 --> 00:07:21,920
You have to drive me.

165
00:07:21,920 --> 00:07:24,370
What?
You know I don't drive.

166
00:07:24,380 --> 00:07:25,880
Well, go ask Leonard.
I did.

167
00:07:25,880 --> 00:07:28,480
He said— and I quote—
"Ask Penny.

168
00:07:28,480 --> 00:07:31,060
It was her cockamamy idea."

169
00:07:31,070 --> 00:07:33,050
Leonard said "cockamamy"?

170
00:07:33,050 --> 00:07:34,250
Actually, I'm paraphrasing.

171
00:07:34,250 --> 00:07:36,750
Having been raised
in a Christian household,

172
00:07:36,750 --> 00:07:39,770
I'm uncomfortable
with the language he used.

173
00:07:39,770 --> 00:07:41,070
And to be honest,

174
00:07:41,080 --> 00:07:43,560
I'm not entirely comfortable
with "cockamamy."

175
00:07:43,560 --> 00:07:45,610
Okay, fine. When's the date?

176
00:07:45,610 --> 00:07:47,280
Now.
Now?

177
00:07:47,280 --> 00:07:49,370
Hurry. We're going to be late.

178
00:07:50,200 --> 00:07:52,150
Sheldon,
did it ever occur to you

179
00:07:52,150 --> 00:07:53,990
that I might have other plans?

180
00:07:53,990 --> 00:07:55,140
I'm sorry.

181
00:07:55,140 --> 00:07:56,640
Do you have other plans?

182
00:07:59,660 --> 00:08:02,700
Well, no, not per se, but...

183
00:08:02,700 --> 00:08:05,630
So this conversation
is as pointless

184
00:08:05,630 --> 00:08:08,640
as your door-knocking soliloquy?

185
00:08:09,470 --> 00:08:12,970
Let me get my...
cockamamy keys.

186
00:08:15,090 --> 00:08:18,260
Oh, God, that feels so good.

187
00:08:22,470 --> 00:08:24,130
Yeah, that's the spot.

188
00:08:24,140 --> 00:08:26,070
Oh, baby.

189
00:08:26,070 --> 00:08:29,440
MRS. WOLOWITZ
Howard, dinner's ready!

190
00:08:29,440 --> 00:08:31,020
I'll eat later.

191
00:08:31,030 --> 00:08:33,330
I'm busy!

192
00:08:33,330 --> 00:08:34,530
Oh, yeah.

193
00:08:34,530 --> 00:08:36,750
Just like a real hand.

194
00:08:44,170 --> 00:08:46,370
Hmm.

195
00:08:49,290 --> 00:08:51,340
Thank you
for driving me.

196
00:08:51,350 --> 00:08:54,000
You're welcome.

197
00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:56,530
I wish you weren't
wearing flip-flops.

198
00:08:56,530 --> 00:08:59,100
It's dangerous
to drive in flip-flops.

199
00:08:59,100 --> 00:09:01,140
Sheldon.
Sorry.

200
00:09:01,140 --> 00:09:05,110
I just don't want to be
yet another flip-flop fatality.

201
00:09:05,910 --> 00:09:08,230
Can I ask you
a question?

202
00:09:08,230 --> 00:09:10,810
Given your
community college education,

203
00:09:10,820 --> 00:09:14,320
I encourage you to ask me
as many as possible.

204
00:09:15,290 --> 00:09:17,200
Yeah.
Well, my question is—

205
00:09:17,210 --> 00:09:19,860
and I'm pretty sure
I know the answer—

206
00:09:19,860 --> 00:09:21,860
is this your first date?

207
00:09:21,860 --> 00:09:23,710
That depends.

208
00:09:23,710 --> 00:09:25,910
Does square-dancing
with my sister

209
00:09:25,910 --> 00:09:28,700
at a Teens for Jesus
Fourth of July Hoedown

210
00:09:28,700 --> 00:09:30,000
count as a date?

211
00:09:30,000 --> 00:09:31,500
No.

212
00:09:31,500 --> 00:09:33,890
Then, this is my first date.

213
00:09:34,890 --> 00:09:36,670
Okay. Well, then,
there's a couple of things

214
00:09:36,670 --> 00:09:37,940
you should probably know.

215
00:09:37,940 --> 00:09:41,380
I have a master's degree
and two doctorates.

216
00:09:41,380 --> 00:09:45,100
The things I should know,
I do know.

217
00:09:45,100 --> 00:09:48,940
My point is, I know more
about dating than you,

218
00:09:48,940 --> 00:09:50,900
and if you were as smart
as you think you are,

219
00:09:50,910 --> 00:09:52,110
you would listen to me.

220
00:09:52,110 --> 00:09:55,560
If you know so much,
how come I have a date tonight

221
00:09:55,560 --> 00:09:58,830
and you have nothing better
to do than drive me to it?

222
00:10:01,370 --> 00:10:03,080
Fair point.

223
00:10:06,450 --> 00:10:07,790
You know,
there's something

224
00:10:07,790 --> 00:10:09,520
I've always wondered
about Aquaman.

225
00:10:09,520 --> 00:10:12,830
Yeah?
Where does he poop?

226
00:10:14,100 --> 00:10:15,810
What?

227
00:10:15,810 --> 00:10:18,270
What would a toilet
look like in Atlantis?

228
00:10:18,270 --> 00:10:19,970
How would you flush it?

229
00:10:19,970 --> 00:10:23,890
And when you did flush it,
where would the poop go?

230
00:10:26,590 --> 00:10:28,160
Hold that thought.

231
00:10:29,530 --> 00:10:31,240
Hey, Howard.
What's going on?

232
00:10:32,530 --> 00:10:33,700
What...

233
00:10:33,700 --> 00:10:35,800
Hold on.
Howard, Howard, slow down.

234
00:10:35,800 --> 00:10:38,990
The robot hand
is stuck on your what?

235
00:10:41,790 --> 00:10:44,440
You're not going
to believe this.

236
00:11:00,020 --> 00:11:01,850
So, um, Amy,
Sheldon tells me

237
00:11:01,850 --> 00:11:05,810
you're a neuro...
something-or-other.

238
00:11:05,810 --> 00:11:08,290
Neurobiologist.

239
00:11:08,290 --> 00:11:10,530
Your "check engine" light is on.

240
00:11:12,750 --> 00:11:13,980
Yeah, it's okay.

241
00:11:13,980 --> 00:11:15,000
But the light indicates...

242
00:11:15,000 --> 00:11:16,500
Don't bother.

243
00:11:16,500 --> 00:11:18,070
I've wasted many an hour

244
00:11:18,070 --> 00:11:20,290
tilting at
that particular windmill.

245
00:11:23,130 --> 00:11:24,680
Uh, what is that
scent you're wearing?

246
00:11:24,680 --> 00:11:25,760
It smells great.

247
00:11:25,760 --> 00:11:28,180
Dandruff shampoo.

248
00:11:29,680 --> 00:11:32,130
I have dry scalp.

249
00:11:32,130 --> 00:11:33,220
Ah.

250
00:11:33,220 --> 00:11:35,390
Well, your hair
looks very nice.

251
00:11:35,390 --> 00:11:37,560
Are you a homosexual?

252
00:11:39,170 --> 00:11:42,010
No, no, I'm just giving
you a compliment.

253
00:11:42,010 --> 00:11:43,950
Hmm.

254
00:11:43,950 --> 00:11:47,230
Would have been more flattered
if you were a homosexual.

255
00:11:48,950 --> 00:11:50,950
Guys, how 'bout
some music?

256
00:11:50,950 --> 00:11:52,520
Oh, no, I wouldn't
care for that.

257
00:11:52,520 --> 00:11:53,540
Amy?

258
00:11:53,540 --> 00:11:54,690
No, thank you.

259
00:11:54,690 --> 00:11:56,510
Okay.

260
00:11:56,510 --> 00:11:58,740
Uncomfortable
silence it is.

261
00:12:02,160 --> 00:12:05,470
Hey, Sheldon, have you told Amy

262
00:12:05,470 --> 00:12:07,890
what it was like for you
growing up in Texas?

263
00:12:07,890 --> 00:12:09,800
No.

264
00:12:10,960 --> 00:12:13,370
Well, why don't
you tell her?

265
00:12:13,380 --> 00:12:15,760
All right.

266
00:12:15,760 --> 00:12:17,090
It was hell.

267
00:12:18,880 --> 00:12:21,150
Any follow up, Amy?

268
00:12:22,650 --> 00:12:24,150
No.

269
00:12:28,820 --> 00:12:30,660
I myself grew
up in Nebraska.

270
00:12:30,660 --> 00:12:32,560
Small town
outside of Omaha.

271
00:12:32,560 --> 00:12:36,660
Nice place, mostly family farms,
a few meth labs.

272
00:12:37,830 --> 00:12:41,240
I'm sorry, how is this better
than uncomfortable silence?

273
00:12:41,240 --> 00:12:42,240
I don't know.

274
00:12:42,240 --> 00:12:43,900
I was just trying something.

275
00:12:44,740 --> 00:12:46,510
Muggles.

276
00:12:53,830 --> 00:12:57,640
You slipped and fell
into a robot hand?

277
00:12:59,490 --> 00:13:01,290
Yes.

278
00:13:01,290 --> 00:13:04,080
Penis first?

279
00:13:07,310 --> 00:13:09,260
Yes. Now, help me!

280
00:13:09,260 --> 00:13:11,120
I'd suggest a lubricant,
but I have a feeling

281
00:13:11,120 --> 00:13:12,870
you fell on some
of that as well.

282
00:13:13,820 --> 00:13:15,650
Not funny, Leonard.

283
00:13:15,650 --> 00:13:18,770
Really? A robot hand's got
a death grip on your junk, dude.

284
00:13:18,770 --> 00:13:19,790
That's funny, ask anyone.

285
00:13:20,990 --> 00:13:24,300
Plea— before my mother
walks in, get this off me!

286
00:13:24,300 --> 00:13:25,250
Okay, let's see.

287
00:13:25,250 --> 00:13:26,210
No, no!
Don't touch.

288
00:13:26,210 --> 00:13:27,280
The program
is paused.

289
00:13:27,280 --> 00:13:28,750
Well, then let's
un-pause it.

290
00:13:28,750 --> 00:13:30,220
No, no! I loaded
the wrong program.

291
00:13:30,220 --> 00:13:31,970
The hand thinks it's holding
a screwdriver in outer space.

292
00:13:31,970 --> 00:13:35,460
If you continue the program,
it's gonna start twisting.

293
00:13:36,310 --> 00:13:38,130
A-All right.

294
00:13:38,130 --> 00:13:39,680
Um, how about this.

295
00:13:39,680 --> 00:13:42,760
When-when Winnie the Pooh
got his head stuck

296
00:13:42,760 --> 00:13:45,770
in the honey tree,
his friends all grabbed onto him

297
00:13:45,770 --> 00:13:47,790
and pulled and pulled.

298
00:13:49,020 --> 00:13:50,600
You do what you want,

299
00:13:50,610 --> 00:13:52,570
I'm not touching another
man's honey tree.

300
00:13:53,980 --> 00:13:55,860
All right, uh,
forget pulling.

301
00:13:55,860 --> 00:13:58,250
How about we get
an electric saw and cut it off?

302
00:13:58,250 --> 00:14:00,110
What? No saws!

303
00:14:00,120 --> 00:14:03,320
One circumcision was enough.

304
00:14:05,490 --> 00:14:07,340
How about an
acetylene torch?

305
00:14:07,340 --> 00:14:09,670
Okay, I can't believe
this needs to be said out loud.

306
00:14:09,670 --> 00:14:11,130
No pulling, no saws, no torches.

307
00:14:11,130 --> 00:14:13,090
Well, then what do
you want us to do?

308
00:14:13,100 --> 00:14:15,860
MRS. WOLOWITZ
Howard, I made cookies for you

309
00:14:15,860 --> 00:14:18,550
and your little friends!

310
00:14:18,550 --> 00:14:20,850
That's great, Mom, thanks!

311
00:14:20,850 --> 00:14:23,720
I'll bring them up
with some Hawaiian Punch!

312
00:14:23,720 --> 00:14:25,170
Don't come up here!

313
00:14:25,170 --> 00:14:28,280
Why not? Are you
ashamed of your mother?

314
00:14:28,280 --> 00:14:30,780
Yes, but that's not the point!

315
00:14:30,780 --> 00:14:32,810
Get me out of here.

316
00:14:32,810 --> 00:14:34,680
You have any ideas, Raj?

317
00:14:34,680 --> 00:14:38,050
Right now, all I can think about
is cookies and Hawaiian Punch.

318
00:14:45,130 --> 00:14:49,230
Hey, here's another possible
topic of conversation.

319
00:14:49,230 --> 00:14:51,050
This is a big night for Sheldon.

320
00:14:51,050 --> 00:14:53,120
Right, Sheldon?

321
00:14:53,120 --> 00:14:55,920
Big night?

322
00:14:55,920 --> 00:14:58,460
The winter solstice
is a big night.

323
00:14:59,240 --> 00:15:00,510
It's over 14 hours

324
00:15:00,510 --> 00:15:01,960
in Southern California.

325
00:15:02,880 --> 00:15:05,050
That's an amusing factoid.

326
00:15:05,050 --> 00:15:07,430
Thank you.

327
00:15:07,430 --> 00:15:09,680
No, no.

328
00:15:09,680 --> 00:15:14,290
My point is, uh, tonight is
Sheldon's first official date.

329
00:15:14,290 --> 00:15:15,990
Discuss.

330
00:15:15,990 --> 00:15:17,220
Is this true?

331
00:15:17,230 --> 00:15:20,560
Apparently, a semi-incestuous
Teens for Jesus

332
00:15:20,560 --> 00:15:22,900
Fourth of July Hoedown
didn't count.

333
00:15:24,920 --> 00:15:26,280
So, um, Amy, what about you?

334
00:15:26,280 --> 00:15:27,250
Do you date much?

335
00:15:27,250 --> 00:15:28,570
Once a year.

336
00:15:28,570 --> 00:15:30,700
It's a deal I made
with my mother in exchange for

337
00:15:30,710 --> 00:15:32,890
her silence on the matter,
as well as the occasional use

338
00:15:32,890 --> 00:15:34,070
of her George Foreman Grill

339
00:15:34,080 --> 00:15:37,600
that seals in the flavor
without the fat.

340
00:15:38,980 --> 00:15:40,050
How about you, Penny?

341
00:15:40,050 --> 00:15:41,270
Do you go on many dates?

342
00:15:41,270 --> 00:15:43,180
Uh, yeah, I wouldn't say many.

343
00:15:43,190 --> 00:15:44,190
A few.

344
00:15:48,190 --> 00:15:50,610
What's...
?

345
00:15:50,610 --> 00:15:51,810
Your characterization of

346
00:15:51,810 --> 00:15:54,760
approximately 171 different men
as "a few."

347
00:15:54,760 --> 00:15:56,000
What...

348
00:15:56,620 --> 00:15:59,650
Where did you
get 171 men?

349
00:15:59,650 --> 00:16:01,140
Simple extrapolation.

350
00:16:01,140 --> 00:16:03,150
In the three years
that I've known you,

351
00:16:03,150 --> 00:16:04,540
you were single for two.

352
00:16:04,540 --> 00:16:07,460
During that time,
I saw 17 different suitors.

353
00:16:07,460 --> 00:16:10,830
If we work backwards,
correcting for observation bias

354
00:16:10,830 --> 00:16:12,910
and postulate an initial
dating age of 15...

355
00:16:12,910 --> 00:16:13,960
Whoa, wait,
wait, wait.

356
00:16:13,970 --> 00:16:16,880
I did not start dating at 15.

357
00:16:16,890 --> 00:16:18,050
I'm sorry. Sixteen?

358
00:16:18,050 --> 00:16:19,390
Fourteen.

359
00:16:20,170 --> 00:16:21,990
My mistake.

360
00:16:21,990 --> 00:16:24,390
Now, assuming the left side
of a bell curve

361
00:16:24,390 --> 00:16:26,630
peaking around the present,
that would bring the total

362
00:16:26,630 --> 00:16:29,480
up to 193 men.

363
00:16:30,430 --> 00:16:31,900
Plus or minus eight men.

364
00:16:33,050 --> 00:16:34,690
Remarkable.

365
00:16:34,690 --> 00:16:37,220
Did you have sexual intercourse
with all of these men?

366
00:16:37,220 --> 00:16:38,610
No.

367
00:16:38,610 --> 00:16:39,770
Although that number would be

368
00:16:39,770 --> 00:16:41,660
fairly easy
to calculate.
Oh.

369
00:16:41,660 --> 00:16:43,610
Based on the number of
awkward encounters I've had

370
00:16:43,610 --> 00:16:45,610
with strange men leaving
her apartment in the morning,

371
00:16:45,610 --> 00:16:47,250
plus the number of times

372
00:16:47,250 --> 00:16:49,120
she's returned home
wearing the same clothes

373
00:16:49,120 --> 00:16:50,320
she wore the night before...

374
00:16:50,320 --> 00:16:52,490
Okay, Sheldon, I think
you've made your point.

375
00:16:52,490 --> 00:16:53,950
So we multiply 193—

376
00:16:53,960 --> 00:16:57,460
minus 21 men
before the loss of virginity—

377
00:16:57,460 --> 00:16:58,840
so 172

378
00:16:58,840 --> 00:17:01,680
times 0.18 gives us...

379
00:17:01,680 --> 00:17:04,300
30.96 sexual partners.

380
00:17:05,350 --> 00:17:07,100
Let's round that up to 31.

381
00:17:08,270 --> 00:17:10,640
Okay, Sheldon, you are so wrong.

382
00:17:10,640 --> 00:17:12,810
That is not even close
to the real number.

383
00:17:12,810 --> 00:17:15,810
I'm gonna need
a drink over here.

384
00:17:15,810 --> 00:17:17,060
This is very interesting.

385
00:17:17,060 --> 00:17:18,750
Cultural perceptions
are subjective.

386
00:17:18,750 --> 00:17:21,230
Penny, to your mind,
are you a slut?

387
00:17:22,120 --> 00:17:25,750
No! No!

388
00:17:25,750 --> 00:17:27,720
No.

389
00:17:27,720 --> 00:17:30,740
Let's just all finish
our dinners, okay?

390
00:17:30,740 --> 00:17:32,660
This is
an interesting topic.

391
00:17:32,660 --> 00:17:35,200
How many sexual encounters
have you had?

392
00:17:35,200 --> 00:17:37,530
Does volunteering
for a scientific experiment

393
00:17:37,530 --> 00:17:39,550
in which orgasm was achieved
by electronically

394
00:17:39,550 --> 00:17:42,140
stimulating the pleasure centers
of the brain count?

395
00:17:43,390 --> 00:17:45,490
I should think so.

396
00:17:45,490 --> 00:17:47,780
Then 128.

397
00:17:55,230 --> 00:17:58,720
Okay, come on.

398
00:17:58,720 --> 00:18:00,900
Almost there.

399
00:18:06,110 --> 00:18:07,890
Don't tug.
No tugging.

400
00:18:07,900 --> 00:18:10,530
Next time, take your own advice.

401
00:18:10,530 --> 00:18:12,700
Excuse me,
could you help us out?

402
00:18:12,700 --> 00:18:15,120
My, my, my.

403
00:18:15,120 --> 00:18:17,090
What do we have here?

404
00:18:18,790 --> 00:18:20,120
I slipped and fell.

405
00:18:20,130 --> 00:18:21,930
Yeah, we get that a lot.

406
00:18:21,930 --> 00:18:24,760
What is this?

407
00:18:24,760 --> 00:18:26,930
It's a robot arm.

408
00:18:26,930 --> 00:18:29,470
Where's the rest of the robot?

409
00:18:29,470 --> 00:18:31,550
I only built the arm.

410
00:18:31,550 --> 00:18:34,220
'Cause that's all
you needed, right?

411
00:18:35,890 --> 00:18:38,280
Can you please
just help me?

412
00:18:38,280 --> 00:18:39,560
All right, all right.

413
00:18:39,560 --> 00:18:42,400
Hang on, stay calm.

414
00:18:42,400 --> 00:18:44,770
I need an orderly
with a wheelchair.

415
00:18:44,770 --> 00:18:48,970
I got a robot hand grasping
a man's penis out here.

416
00:18:50,290 --> 00:18:52,490
You think you could be
a little more discreet?

417
00:18:52,490 --> 00:18:54,020
I'm sorry,
we don't have a code for

418
00:18:54,030 --> 00:18:56,380
"robot hand
grasping a man's penis."

419
00:18:57,300 --> 00:18:59,110
Why is it hooked up
to a computer?

420
00:18:59,110 --> 00:19:00,650
Uh, it's what
controls the arm.

421
00:19:00,650 --> 00:19:01,670
But it's frozen.

422
00:19:01,670 --> 00:19:04,470
Did you try turning it off
and back on again?

423
00:19:04,470 --> 00:19:07,340
No, you see, it's more
complicated than that.

424
00:19:07,340 --> 00:19:09,110
No, wait!

425
00:19:15,800 --> 00:19:19,350
Winnie the Pooh
is out of the honey tree.

426
00:19:19,350 --> 00:19:23,600
Now can we have cookies
and Hawaiian Punch?

427
00:19:28,360 --> 00:19:29,690
You were right.

428
00:19:29,690 --> 00:19:32,330
This was a very
productive evening.

429
00:19:32,330 --> 00:19:36,500
I saw a whole new side of
Amy Farrah Fowler tonight.

430
00:19:36,500 --> 00:19:40,370
I did not have
sex with 31 guys.

431
00:19:40,370 --> 00:19:41,700
I'll be happy
to check the math,

432
00:19:41,700 --> 00:19:45,040
but numbers
don't lie, Penny.

433
00:19:45,040 --> 00:19:46,240
In any event,

434
00:19:46,240 --> 00:19:49,840
now that Amy and I have
spent quality time together,

435
00:19:49,850 --> 00:19:51,350
I feel much
more confident

436
00:19:51,350 --> 00:19:53,850
proceeding to the next
stage of our relationship.

437
00:19:53,850 --> 00:19:55,220
And that is?

438
00:19:55,220 --> 00:19:56,970
Using in vitro
fertilization

439
00:19:56,970 --> 00:20:00,690
and a surrogate uterus to
gift humanity with our progeny.

440
00:20:02,140 --> 00:20:03,980
You're still
on that?

441
00:20:03,980 --> 00:20:08,900
In these uncertain times,
doesn't humanity deserve a gift?

442
00:20:08,900 --> 00:20:11,030
Okay, you know what?

443
00:20:11,030 --> 00:20:13,480
I'm gonna come at this
in a whole new way.

444
00:20:13,490 --> 00:20:16,620
Sheldon, if you try to make
a baby with Amy in a petri dish,

445
00:20:16,620 --> 00:20:18,870
I'm gonna tell
your mother on you.

446
00:20:18,870 --> 00:20:20,710
That's no threat.

447
00:20:20,710 --> 00:20:22,790
My mother's always
wanted a grandchild.

448
00:20:22,790 --> 00:20:26,050
Really? Your deeply religious
born-again Christian mother

449
00:20:26,050 --> 00:20:28,470
wants a test-tube grandbaby
born out of wedlock?

450
00:20:32,390 --> 00:20:34,140
Curses.

451
00:20:34,140 --> 00:20:36,060
If I'd thought of that
in the first place,

452
00:20:36,060 --> 00:20:38,310
I could've saved myself
this whole night.

453
00:20:38,310 --> 00:20:39,810
Well, it's not that late.

454
00:20:39,810 --> 00:20:42,350
You could still go out
and look for number 32.

455
00:20:46,320 --> 00:20:49,150
Good night.

456
00:20:49,150 --> 00:20:51,410
Hey, Howard,
what's up?

457
00:20:51,410 --> 00:20:53,310
I've decided
not to procreate.

458
00:20:53,310 --> 00:20:55,530
Yeah, yeah, great.

459
00:20:56,340 --> 00:20:57,800
Howard, uh, slow down.

460
00:20:57,800 --> 00:20:58,830
What do you mean
it happened again?

461
00:20:58,830 --> 00:21:02,060
— Sync, corrected by elderman —
— for www.addic7ed.com —

462
00:21:02,060 --> 00:21:05,060
— Resync to The Big Bang Theory S04
720p BluRay x264-CLUE by lorez —