1 00:00:05,820 --> 00:00:07,780 All I'm saying is, if they took all the money they spent 2 00:00:07,880 --> 00:00:09,340 trying to make a decent Hulk movie, 3 00:00:09,350 --> 00:00:12,810 they could probably just make an actual Hulk. 4 00:00:12,820 --> 00:00:14,770 That is apt and amusing. 5 00:00:15,380 --> 00:00:16,940 I think I shall share that 6 00:00:16,940 --> 00:00:18,640 with Amy Farrah Fowler. 7 00:00:18,640 --> 00:00:21,060 She'll appreciate the witticism. 8 00:00:21,060 --> 00:00:22,440 Thank you. 9 00:00:22,440 --> 00:00:25,840 It'll also help improve her initial impression of you. 10 00:00:25,840 --> 00:00:28,510 So what's going on with you two? 11 00:00:28,510 --> 00:00:31,450 Well, the status is as it always was. 12 00:00:31,450 --> 00:00:33,350 She's a girl. She's a friend. 13 00:00:33,350 --> 00:00:34,450 She is not my— 14 00:00:34,450 --> 00:00:35,740 please forgive me for doing this— 15 00:00:35,740 --> 00:00:37,360 "girlfriend." 16 00:00:37,360 --> 00:00:39,210 Right, right. 17 00:00:39,210 --> 00:00:42,210 So you're still just texting and emailing? 18 00:00:42,210 --> 00:00:44,710 You don't feel any need to hang out with her, you know— 19 00:00:44,710 --> 00:00:46,580 be in the same room? 20 00:00:46,580 --> 00:00:48,420 Leonard, you are my best friend. 21 00:00:48,420 --> 00:00:50,820 I've known you for seven years, 22 00:00:50,820 --> 00:00:53,760 and I can barely tolerate sitting on the couch with you. 23 00:00:53,760 --> 00:00:57,890 Imagine my attitude regarding prolonged physical proximity 24 00:00:57,890 --> 00:00:59,380 to Amy Farrah Fowler. 25 00:00:59,380 --> 00:01:01,060 Got it. 26 00:01:01,060 --> 00:01:03,900 I sense judgment on your part. 27 00:01:03,900 --> 00:01:05,200 No, no. 28 00:01:05,870 --> 00:01:07,820 Maybe a little. 29 00:01:07,820 --> 00:01:11,970 May I suggest that your criticism is based on jealousy. 30 00:01:11,970 --> 00:01:14,790 Jealousy? What do I have to be jealous of? 31 00:01:14,790 --> 00:01:17,650 I have a functioning and satisfying relationship 32 00:01:17,650 --> 00:01:18,980 with a female. 33 00:01:20,070 --> 00:01:22,420 You have none. 34 00:01:22,420 --> 00:01:25,070 Oh, right. That. 35 00:01:25,070 --> 00:01:27,510 Jealousy is an ugly green-eyed monster— 36 00:01:27,510 --> 00:01:28,640 not unlike the Hulk— 37 00:01:28,640 --> 00:01:31,540 who, by the way, also has a girlfriend. 38 00:01:31,540 --> 00:01:33,740 In this iteration, Jennifer Connelly, 39 00:01:33,750 --> 00:01:36,460 whom you may recall as the girlfriend of Russell Crowe 40 00:01:36,470 --> 00:01:37,530 in A Beautiful Mind, 41 00:01:37,530 --> 00:01:41,090 a feel-good romp if there ever was one. 42 00:01:42,220 --> 00:01:43,270 I'm not jealous. 43 00:01:44,890 --> 00:01:47,230 Leonard not jealous. 44 00:02:13,330 --> 00:02:15,230 You know, it just occurred to me, 45 00:02:15,240 --> 00:02:18,490 if there are an infinite number of parallel universes, 46 00:02:18,490 --> 00:02:21,500 in one of them, there's probably a Sheldon 47 00:02:21,500 --> 00:02:24,920 who doesn't believe parallel universes exist. 48 00:02:24,920 --> 00:02:27,300 Probably. What's your point? 49 00:02:27,300 --> 00:02:28,220 No point. 50 00:02:28,220 --> 00:02:29,550 It's just one of the things 51 00:02:29,550 --> 00:02:31,340 that makes one of the mes chuckle. 52 00:02:32,670 --> 00:02:35,760 What makes you chuckle, Leonard? 53 00:02:35,760 --> 00:02:38,260 Hmm, recently? 54 00:02:38,260 --> 00:02:39,380 Not much. 55 00:02:39,380 --> 00:02:41,400 Is it because of the conflict that arises 56 00:02:41,400 --> 00:02:43,720 from your desperate need to pair-bond with a woman, 57 00:02:43,720 --> 00:02:45,940 and the apparent collective decision of all womankind 58 00:02:45,940 --> 00:02:50,360 to deny you that opportunity? 59 00:02:50,360 --> 00:02:51,830 Um... 60 00:02:51,830 --> 00:02:54,330 Shut up. 61 00:02:54,330 --> 00:02:56,730 You know, when my grandfather died, 62 00:02:56,730 --> 00:02:59,200 and Meemaw was alone, my mom arranged for her 63 00:02:59,200 --> 00:03:01,200 to visit a center three times a week 64 00:03:01,200 --> 00:03:04,760 where she could socialize with other lonely people. 65 00:03:04,760 --> 00:03:06,120 It's very nice. 66 00:03:06,120 --> 00:03:09,910 They discuss current events, play bridge, get a hot meal. 67 00:03:09,910 --> 00:03:11,080 That sounds lovely. 68 00:03:11,080 --> 00:03:14,400 It is if you like bridge. 69 00:03:14,400 --> 00:03:16,530 Do you like bridge, Leonard? 70 00:03:16,530 --> 00:03:19,420 Sheldon, I'm just not dating someone right now. 71 00:03:19,420 --> 00:03:23,470 I don't need to go to a senior center. 72 00:03:23,470 --> 00:03:27,560 Meemaw resisted at first, but now she loves it. 73 00:03:27,560 --> 00:03:31,100 Fine. If I don't meet someone soon, you can put me in a home. 74 00:03:31,100 --> 00:03:32,430 It's not a home. 75 00:03:32,430 --> 00:03:34,570 It's a senior center. 76 00:03:34,570 --> 00:03:37,950 We'd never put Meemaw in a home! 77 00:03:39,720 --> 00:03:40,720 Hey, guys. 78 00:03:40,720 --> 00:03:41,970 Hey. Hey. 79 00:03:41,980 --> 00:03:46,350 All right, I'll bow to social pressure: Hey! 80 00:03:47,560 --> 00:03:49,350 Excuse me. That's my girlfriend, Bernadette. 81 00:03:49,350 --> 00:03:51,020 I assigned her her own ringtone— 82 00:03:51,020 --> 00:03:52,600 "Bernadette," by The Four Tops. 83 00:03:52,600 --> 00:03:54,320 Hello, Bernadette. 84 00:03:55,560 --> 00:03:59,210 When I call him, his phone plays "Brown Eyed Girl." 85 00:03:59,840 --> 00:04:00,940 Which, now that 86 00:04:00,940 --> 00:04:03,150 I think about it, is not so good. 87 00:04:03,150 --> 00:04:05,750 You realize he's just rubbing our noses in the fact 88 00:04:05,750 --> 00:04:07,380 that he has a girlfriend, and we don't. 89 00:04:07,380 --> 00:04:09,540 You mean, you don't. 90 00:04:09,540 --> 00:04:10,740 You have a girlfriend? 91 00:04:10,740 --> 00:04:12,120 How could you have a girlfriend? 92 00:04:12,120 --> 00:04:13,590 You can't even speak to women. 93 00:04:13,590 --> 00:04:16,930 Two words— deaf chick. 94 00:04:17,760 --> 00:04:18,930 It doesn't matter 95 00:04:18,930 --> 00:04:21,200 if I can't talk, because she can't hear me. 96 00:04:21,200 --> 00:04:22,800 What? 97 00:04:22,800 --> 00:04:24,570 That's what she said. 98 00:04:26,190 --> 00:04:28,740 Great. You have a girlfriend, Howard's got a girlfriend, 99 00:04:28,740 --> 00:04:30,110 Sheldon's got a girl... No, no, no, no! 100 00:04:30,110 --> 00:04:31,220 who's a friend. 101 00:04:31,230 --> 00:04:33,260 Thank you. 102 00:04:33,260 --> 00:04:34,440 What about you, Stuart? 103 00:04:34,450 --> 00:04:35,950 You have a girlfriend yet? 104 00:04:35,950 --> 00:04:37,200 Oh, yeah. Yeah. 105 00:04:37,200 --> 00:04:39,700 I met her at Comic-Con, the one place in the world 106 00:04:39,700 --> 00:04:41,850 where saying "I own a comic bookstore" 107 00:04:41,850 --> 00:04:43,600 is an actual pickup line. 108 00:04:43,600 --> 00:04:45,540 Oh. Well, good for you. 109 00:04:45,540 --> 00:04:47,640 Not really. She's horrible. 110 00:04:48,540 --> 00:04:50,060 When she wants to have sex, 111 00:04:50,060 --> 00:04:52,460 she puts on her plus-size Wonder Woman costume and shouts, 112 00:04:52,460 --> 00:04:55,260 "Who wants to take a ride in my invisible plane?" 113 00:04:56,630 --> 00:04:59,120 Why don't you just break up with her? 114 00:04:59,120 --> 00:05:01,340 No, no, I can't. 115 00:05:01,340 --> 00:05:02,290 Why not? 116 00:05:02,290 --> 00:05:03,720 'Cause then I'd be alone, 117 00:05:03,720 --> 00:05:05,090 like you. 118 00:05:06,430 --> 00:05:08,810 Dude, why don't you just invoke your girlfriend pact 119 00:05:08,810 --> 00:05:10,410 with Wolowitz? 120 00:05:10,410 --> 00:05:12,730 Because I don't need his girlfriend 121 00:05:12,730 --> 00:05:15,150 to set me up with one of her girlfriends. 122 00:05:15,150 --> 00:05:18,440 I'm perfectly capable of finding a girl on my own. 123 00:05:18,440 --> 00:05:20,490 Oh, Leonard, you remind me 124 00:05:20,490 --> 00:05:22,660 of the funny old story about a man 125 00:05:22,660 --> 00:05:24,640 who walks into a women's correctional institution 126 00:05:24,650 --> 00:05:26,000 with a stack of paperwork 127 00:05:26,000 --> 00:05:28,530 that will allow the female convicts to go free. 128 00:05:28,530 --> 00:05:30,430 You're saying I couldn't get laid 129 00:05:30,430 --> 00:05:33,950 in a women's prison with a handful of pardons. 130 00:05:33,950 --> 00:05:36,620 Are you going to let me tell the story or not? 131 00:05:40,180 --> 00:05:41,830 Leonard? 132 00:05:41,830 --> 00:05:43,200 Are you sleeping? 133 00:05:43,200 --> 00:05:44,430 No. 134 00:05:44,430 --> 00:05:45,430 Are you ill? 135 00:05:45,430 --> 00:05:46,470 No. 136 00:05:46,470 --> 00:05:47,830 Are you still depressed 137 00:05:47,830 --> 00:05:50,140 because you're alone, and no one loves you? 138 00:05:50,140 --> 00:05:52,620 I don't know. Maybe. 139 00:05:52,620 --> 00:05:54,970 I want you to know that I'm genuinely concerned 140 00:05:54,980 --> 00:05:56,230 about your well-being. 141 00:05:56,230 --> 00:05:57,890 Thank you. You're welcome. 142 00:05:57,900 --> 00:06:01,510 But it's still no reason to have your feet in my spot. 143 00:06:03,070 --> 00:06:06,690 May I offer an observation? 144 00:06:08,490 --> 00:06:10,210 What the hell? How long has she been here? 145 00:06:10,210 --> 00:06:12,990 Since we got home from the comic bookstore. 146 00:06:12,990 --> 00:06:14,130 That was two hours ago. 147 00:06:14,130 --> 00:06:15,290 As per your suggestion, 148 00:06:15,300 --> 00:06:16,800 we're hanging out. 149 00:06:16,800 --> 00:06:17,860 Quite frankly, I don't see 150 00:06:17,860 --> 00:06:19,030 what all the hoopla's about. 151 00:06:19,030 --> 00:06:20,830 Go on, Amy. 152 00:06:20,830 --> 00:06:22,600 From a neurobiological standpoint, Leonard, 153 00:06:22,600 --> 00:06:25,100 you may be alone because your psychological state 154 00:06:25,110 --> 00:06:27,570 is causing an actual pheromone-based stink 155 00:06:27,570 --> 00:06:29,230 of desperation. 156 00:06:30,240 --> 00:06:31,390 Did you know that, Leonard? 157 00:06:31,400 --> 00:06:33,150 No. I did. 158 00:06:34,680 --> 00:06:36,580 Leonard, I understand that some people find mates 159 00:06:36,580 --> 00:06:39,050 in social gathering places such as bars or taverns. 160 00:06:39,050 --> 00:06:40,920 Have you tried a bar or tavern? 161 00:06:40,920 --> 00:06:43,240 No, I'm not gonna try to pick up a woman in a bar. 162 00:06:43,240 --> 00:06:45,410 Wise decision. You see, Amy, 163 00:06:45,410 --> 00:06:49,030 success at a bar is based on classic male attributes 164 00:06:49,030 --> 00:06:52,000 such as height, strength, attractiveness, 165 00:06:52,000 --> 00:06:54,900 the ability to hold one's liquor and throw darts— 166 00:06:54,900 --> 00:06:56,170 separately or together. 167 00:06:56,170 --> 00:07:00,010 Leonard has none of these attributes, right, Leonard? 168 00:07:01,960 --> 00:07:04,330 Right. 169 00:07:04,330 --> 00:07:05,930 That's not true of all bars. 170 00:07:05,930 --> 00:07:07,130 Juice bars, for example. 171 00:07:07,130 --> 00:07:09,130 Oh! Good point, Amy. 172 00:07:09,130 --> 00:07:11,380 Yeah, building on your premise, 173 00:07:11,390 --> 00:07:13,440 Leonard could frequent sushi bars, 174 00:07:13,440 --> 00:07:15,350 salad bars, oyster bars, 175 00:07:15,360 --> 00:07:17,720 the Apple Genius Bar... What are you doing? 176 00:07:17,720 --> 00:07:19,560 Keep going. I'm listening. 177 00:07:20,660 --> 00:07:22,650 That was rude. 178 00:07:22,650 --> 00:07:24,460 He does it all the time. 179 00:07:24,460 --> 00:07:28,500 He's a cornucopia of social awkwardness. 180 00:07:28,500 --> 00:07:29,870 Cornucopia. 181 00:07:29,870 --> 00:07:30,900 What a mellifluous word. 182 00:07:30,900 --> 00:07:32,760 Let's make that our word of the day. 183 00:07:32,760 --> 00:07:35,940 Agreed. And we'll use mellifluous tomorrow. 184 00:07:35,940 --> 00:07:38,740 Well, I have to void my bladder. 185 00:07:38,750 --> 00:07:41,030 It was nice spending this time with you. 186 00:07:41,030 --> 00:07:42,400 Wait. 187 00:07:42,400 --> 00:07:43,600 I have a request. 188 00:07:43,600 --> 00:07:44,800 Yes? 189 00:07:44,800 --> 00:07:46,240 I'd like you to meet my mother. 190 00:07:46,240 --> 00:07:47,400 I see. 191 00:07:47,400 --> 00:07:49,170 Can I get back to you on that? 192 00:07:49,170 --> 00:07:50,920 Certainly. Good night. 193 00:07:50,920 --> 00:07:53,130 Good night. 194 00:07:56,930 --> 00:08:00,350 Leonard, Leonard, Leonard, Leonard, Leonard, 195 00:08:00,350 --> 00:08:03,020 Leonard, Leonard, Leonard, Leonard, Leonard, 196 00:08:03,020 --> 00:08:05,720 Leonard, Leonard, Leonard, Leonard, Leonard, 197 00:08:05,720 --> 00:08:06,970 Leonard, Leonard, 198 00:08:06,970 --> 00:08:08,170 Leonard, Leonard... 199 00:08:08,170 --> 00:08:09,610 Yeah, what? 200 00:08:09,610 --> 00:08:12,560 Amy Farrah Fowler has asked me to meet her mother. 201 00:08:12,560 --> 00:08:13,760 Yeah. So? 202 00:08:13,760 --> 00:08:16,450 What does that mean? 203 00:08:16,450 --> 00:08:18,400 Well, you know how you're always saying 204 00:08:18,400 --> 00:08:20,650 that Amy is a girl who's your friend, 205 00:08:20,650 --> 00:08:21,820 and not your girlfriend? 206 00:08:21,820 --> 00:08:24,790 Uh-huh. You can't say that anymore. 207 00:08:26,690 --> 00:08:28,690 Wait. What? 208 00:08:28,700 --> 00:08:29,860 Look, she obviously wants 209 00:08:29,860 --> 00:08:32,150 to take your relationship to the next level. 210 00:08:32,150 --> 00:08:33,870 I don't want the next level. 211 00:08:33,870 --> 00:08:35,890 I like this level. 212 00:08:35,890 --> 00:08:37,470 Fix it for me! 213 00:08:37,470 --> 00:08:39,200 Me? 214 00:08:39,210 --> 00:08:41,040 Well, how am I supposed to fix it? 215 00:08:41,040 --> 00:08:42,890 Simple! You want a girlfriend, 216 00:08:42,890 --> 00:08:44,680 Amy wants to be someone's girlfriend. 217 00:08:44,680 --> 00:08:47,650 Take her off my hands. I give you my blessing. 218 00:08:47,650 --> 00:08:49,600 That is insane. 219 00:08:49,600 --> 00:08:51,180 You're right. It would never work. 220 00:08:51,180 --> 00:08:52,820 Amy finds you tedious. 221 00:08:52,820 --> 00:08:54,570 Okay, good luck. 222 00:08:54,570 --> 00:08:56,720 Wait! What am I supposed to do? 223 00:08:56,720 --> 00:08:59,490 Well, have you considered telling her how you feel? 224 00:08:59,490 --> 00:09:03,280 Leonard, I'm a physicist, not a hippie. 225 00:09:04,410 --> 00:09:05,950 All right, well, let me see 226 00:09:05,950 --> 00:09:08,250 if I can explain your situation using physics. 227 00:09:08,250 --> 00:09:09,950 What would you be 228 00:09:09,950 --> 00:09:11,900 if you were attached to another object 229 00:09:11,910 --> 00:09:16,240 by an inclined plane wrapped helically around an axis? 230 00:09:16,240 --> 00:09:17,640 Screwed. 231 00:09:20,710 --> 00:09:22,850 There you go. 232 00:09:25,550 --> 00:09:26,970 Amy's right. 233 00:09:26,970 --> 00:09:29,640 He is tedious. 234 00:09:33,260 --> 00:09:37,950 MRS. Howard, get the door! 235 00:09:37,950 --> 00:09:39,900 Why can't you get it? 236 00:09:39,900 --> 00:09:42,370 MRS. You know I'm doing a bowel cleanse 237 00:09:42,370 --> 00:09:46,070 for my colonoscopy! 238 00:09:46,070 --> 00:09:50,180 I'm like an upside-down volcano here. 239 00:09:52,010 --> 00:09:54,010 Oh, hey. 240 00:09:54,010 --> 00:09:55,770 I hope you didn't hear that. 241 00:09:55,770 --> 00:09:57,880 The volcano thing? No. 242 00:09:57,880 --> 00:10:00,270 What's with the T-shirt? 243 00:10:00,270 --> 00:10:01,770 You working at the Apple store now? 244 00:10:01,770 --> 00:10:04,020 No, it's just something I threw on. 245 00:10:04,020 --> 00:10:05,310 I know all your shirts. 246 00:10:05,310 --> 00:10:06,730 That's not one of them... 247 00:10:06,730 --> 00:10:09,150 You were pretending to work at the Genius Bar 248 00:10:09,150 --> 00:10:10,850 to pick up women, weren't you? 249 00:10:10,850 --> 00:10:14,020 Yeah. 250 00:10:14,840 --> 00:10:16,570 Turns out, they guard the iPods, 251 00:10:16,570 --> 00:10:18,700 but they don't guard the shirts. 252 00:10:18,710 --> 00:10:20,410 So, how'd it go? 253 00:10:20,410 --> 00:10:21,520 It was going well. 254 00:10:21,530 --> 00:10:23,280 I was showing this super hot girl 255 00:10:23,280 --> 00:10:24,990 how to boot up in Safe Mode. 256 00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:28,400 The manager got suspicious, and, well, long story short, 257 00:10:28,400 --> 00:10:32,000 they really do have a little jail in the mall. 258 00:10:32,000 --> 00:10:35,520 Just FYI, don't try to go back with a fake mustache. 259 00:10:35,520 --> 00:10:37,640 I mean, they may not really be geniuses, 260 00:10:37,640 --> 00:10:39,910 but they see right through that. 261 00:10:39,910 --> 00:10:42,860 I want to invoke the girlfriend pact, Howard. 262 00:10:42,860 --> 00:10:44,060 You that desperate? 263 00:10:44,060 --> 00:10:46,170 No, I just... I want what you have. 264 00:10:46,170 --> 00:10:48,470 You know, I want a woman in my life. 265 00:10:48,470 --> 00:10:50,100 MRS. Holy Moses, 266 00:10:50,100 --> 00:10:53,520 how much liquid can be in one tokus? 267 00:10:56,360 --> 00:10:59,580 To be clear, I meant like Bernadette, not your mother. 268 00:10:59,580 --> 00:11:02,150 Yeah, I know what you mean. 269 00:11:05,640 --> 00:11:07,370 Well, I'm off to meet Bernadette's friend. 270 00:11:07,390 --> 00:11:08,720 How do I look? 271 00:11:09,930 --> 00:11:11,030 As if one of the plants 272 00:11:11,030 --> 00:11:12,800 from Invasion of the Body Snatchers 273 00:11:12,800 --> 00:11:14,560 duplicated you in every way, 274 00:11:14,560 --> 00:11:17,330 only with an absurd amount of hair gel. 275 00:11:18,120 --> 00:11:19,740 What are you working on? 276 00:11:19,740 --> 00:11:21,650 I'm removing my digital footprint 277 00:11:21,660 --> 00:11:22,810 from the Internet 278 00:11:22,810 --> 00:11:24,760 so Amy Farrah Fowler can't find me 279 00:11:24,760 --> 00:11:27,430 and compel me to meet her mother. Ah. 280 00:11:27,430 --> 00:11:28,840 You're going off the grid. 281 00:11:28,850 --> 00:11:29,910 Exactly. 282 00:11:29,910 --> 00:11:33,220 The old Unabomber approach. Kudos. 283 00:11:33,220 --> 00:11:34,520 Thank you. 284 00:11:34,520 --> 00:11:37,940 I've also sent Amy a relationship termination notice 285 00:11:37,940 --> 00:11:41,690 and changed my cell phone number and e-mail address. 286 00:11:41,690 --> 00:11:43,440 What if she just comes over? 287 00:11:43,440 --> 00:11:44,440 She'll get lost. 288 00:11:44,440 --> 00:11:47,250 We no longer live at 2311 Los Robles. 289 00:11:47,250 --> 00:11:52,340 We now live at 311 Los Robles. 290 00:11:54,370 --> 00:11:56,790 You changed the address on the building? 291 00:11:56,790 --> 00:11:57,940 What about mail? 292 00:11:57,940 --> 00:11:59,960 Oh, no worries— I explained my predicament 293 00:11:59,960 --> 00:12:01,110 to our letter carrier. 294 00:12:01,110 --> 00:12:02,160 He was sympathetic. 295 00:12:02,160 --> 00:12:03,460 His exact words were: 296 00:12:03,460 --> 00:12:04,830 "Got your back, Jack. 297 00:12:04,830 --> 00:12:07,230 Bitches be crazy." 298 00:12:13,110 --> 00:12:14,510 Who is it? 299 00:12:14,510 --> 00:12:16,230 Amy Farrah Fowler. 300 00:12:19,130 --> 00:12:21,350 Darn! She found me! 301 00:12:21,350 --> 00:12:23,230 She's been here before. 302 00:12:24,520 --> 00:12:27,650 The only flaw in an otherwise perfect plan. 303 00:12:29,490 --> 00:12:30,690 Now, get my back, Jack. 304 00:12:30,690 --> 00:12:32,940 What do you want to do? Tell her I'm not here. 305 00:12:32,940 --> 00:12:34,690 Okay, where are you? I don't know. 306 00:12:34,700 --> 00:12:36,110 You'll have to devise a scenario 307 00:12:36,110 --> 00:12:37,610 that plausibly explains my absence, 308 00:12:37,610 --> 00:12:42,420 keeping in mind that the key to a good lie lies in the details. 309 00:12:54,550 --> 00:12:55,800 Hi, Amy. 310 00:12:55,800 --> 00:12:57,180 Sheldon's not here. 311 00:12:57,180 --> 00:12:58,780 All right. 312 00:13:04,140 --> 00:13:06,510 Way to go on the details. 313 00:13:08,450 --> 00:13:11,030 Thanks again for doing this, Bernadette. 314 00:13:11,030 --> 00:13:12,700 Oh, I take pacts very seriously. 315 00:13:12,700 --> 00:13:15,020 One time at my lab, a petri dish 316 00:13:15,020 --> 00:13:17,040 of genetically modified super-virus went missing. 317 00:13:17,040 --> 00:13:19,690 That day we made a pinky swear never to admit 318 00:13:19,690 --> 00:13:22,040 we crossed Ebola with the common cold. 319 00:13:23,130 --> 00:13:24,960 Why the hell 320 00:13:24,960 --> 00:13:27,710 would you cross Ebola with the common cold? 321 00:13:27,710 --> 00:13:29,330 We never did. 322 00:13:29,330 --> 00:13:33,200 That would be a terrible, terrible thing. 323 00:13:34,390 --> 00:13:36,390 Hi. Sorry I'm late— I was at the gym. 324 00:13:36,390 --> 00:13:39,840 Spin class— worked up quite a sweat. 325 00:13:42,810 --> 00:13:45,560 Joy, this is Leonard. Leonard, this is Joy. 326 00:13:45,570 --> 00:13:46,650 Hi. Hi. 327 00:13:46,650 --> 00:13:48,180 You don't look like a genius. 328 00:13:48,190 --> 00:13:49,320 Go ahead, say something smart. 329 00:13:49,320 --> 00:13:51,200 Uh... Aah! Time's up. 330 00:13:52,490 --> 00:13:53,660 Just kidding. 331 00:13:53,660 --> 00:13:55,660 First thing you need to know about me: 332 00:13:55,660 --> 00:13:57,080 I'm hilarious. 333 00:13:58,910 --> 00:14:00,660 Yeah. 334 00:14:00,660 --> 00:14:01,950 So, Bernadette tells me 335 00:14:01,950 --> 00:14:04,330 she knows you from self-defense classes? 336 00:14:04,330 --> 00:14:06,340 Yeah. Israeli Krav Maga. 337 00:14:06,340 --> 00:14:07,550 Lots of fun. 338 00:14:07,550 --> 00:14:09,420 Basically, a hundred different ways 339 00:14:09,420 --> 00:14:11,570 to rip a guy's nuts off. 340 00:14:12,480 --> 00:14:14,240 Wow. Wouldn't think there'd 341 00:14:14,240 --> 00:14:15,510 be that many. Number 42! 342 00:14:15,510 --> 00:14:17,050 Whoa! 343 00:14:17,050 --> 00:14:18,880 Isn't she a pip? 344 00:14:26,060 --> 00:14:29,260 Proxima Centauri's the nearest star. 345 00:14:29,260 --> 00:14:32,480 The celestial bodies that follow are 346 00:14:32,480 --> 00:14:34,900 Alpha Centauri A, Toli, 347 00:14:34,900 --> 00:14:36,600 Barnard's Star, 348 00:14:36,600 --> 00:14:38,780 Wolf 359... 349 00:14:43,370 --> 00:14:45,620 Lalande 21185, 350 00:14:45,630 --> 00:14:47,630 Sirius A, Sirius B, 351 00:14:47,630 --> 00:14:51,130 BL-Ceti, UV-Ceti, 352 00:14:51,130 --> 00:14:53,450 Ross 154... 353 00:14:53,450 --> 00:14:55,630 Ross 248... 354 00:14:57,300 --> 00:14:59,140 Epsilon Eridani, 355 00:14:59,140 --> 00:15:01,610 Lac-9352, 356 00:15:01,610 --> 00:15:02,890 Ross 128, 357 00:15:02,890 --> 00:15:04,780 Procyon A... 358 00:15:04,780 --> 00:15:07,350 Oh, darn, that's wrong! 359 00:15:12,290 --> 00:15:14,620 EZ Aquarii A, 360 00:15:14,620 --> 00:15:16,590 EZ Aquarii B, 361 00:15:16,590 --> 00:15:19,190 EZ Aquarii C, 362 00:15:19,190 --> 00:15:21,830 Procyon A. 363 00:15:22,760 --> 00:15:25,180 Those are the stars that are nearest to me. 364 00:15:25,180 --> 00:15:28,000 Tra-la-la and fiddle-dee-dee. 365 00:15:32,010 --> 00:15:34,040 Oh, dear. 366 00:15:35,040 --> 00:15:38,090 They really do be crazy. 367 00:15:44,470 --> 00:15:46,300 This lobster's good on the way down 368 00:15:46,300 --> 00:15:48,140 and the way up. 369 00:15:49,270 --> 00:15:52,010 Should be— it's $30 a pound. 370 00:15:53,030 --> 00:15:56,180 Hey, this is a date, right? 371 00:15:57,180 --> 00:15:58,310 Yep, it is. 372 00:15:58,320 --> 00:15:59,780 73! Whoa! 373 00:16:01,370 --> 00:16:05,070 Excuse me, I have to go to the little girls' room... 374 00:16:05,070 --> 00:16:06,620 and take a wicked whiz. 375 00:16:07,290 --> 00:16:08,790 I'll go with you. 376 00:16:08,790 --> 00:16:10,790 Fair warning— I had the asparagus. 377 00:16:10,790 --> 00:16:13,610 My pee is gonna stink up the place. 378 00:16:15,270 --> 00:16:17,130 I think she likes you. 379 00:16:21,090 --> 00:16:24,340 EZ Aquarii B... 380 00:16:24,340 --> 00:16:26,310 EZ Aquarii C... 381 00:16:33,900 --> 00:16:36,520 Excuse me, madam. 382 00:16:37,520 --> 00:16:38,740 Sheldon? 383 00:16:38,740 --> 00:16:41,070 Rats! 384 00:16:41,070 --> 00:16:44,780 I believe a misunderstanding may have occurred 385 00:16:44,780 --> 00:16:47,030 when I asked you to meet my mother. 386 00:16:47,030 --> 00:16:48,330 No misunderstanding. 387 00:16:48,330 --> 00:16:50,780 I've learned what that request actually means, 388 00:16:50,780 --> 00:16:53,670 and I don't want to be joined to another object 389 00:16:53,670 --> 00:16:57,470 by an inclined plane wrapped helically around an axis. 390 00:16:57,470 --> 00:16:59,680 In what way are you screwed? 391 00:17:01,080 --> 00:17:04,110 All I want to do is present you as my boyfriend to my mother 392 00:17:04,110 --> 00:17:06,350 so she'll be satisfied that I'm in a relationship. 393 00:17:07,180 --> 00:17:09,350 So we'd be perpetrating a ruse? 394 00:17:09,350 --> 00:17:10,790 Precisely. 395 00:17:10,790 --> 00:17:14,420 And you haven't fallen hopelessly in love with me? 396 00:17:14,420 --> 00:17:16,230 Don't be absurd. 397 00:17:17,360 --> 00:17:19,130 I find the notion of romantic love 398 00:17:19,130 --> 00:17:20,800 to be an unnecessary cultural construct 399 00:17:20,800 --> 00:17:23,130 that adds no value to human relationships. 400 00:17:23,130 --> 00:17:26,650 Amy Farrah Fowler, that's the most pragmatic thing 401 00:17:26,650 --> 00:17:28,970 anyone has ever said to me. 402 00:17:28,970 --> 00:17:31,540 I trust this clarification allows us to return 403 00:17:31,540 --> 00:17:34,640 to boy-slash-friend-slash- girl-slash-friend status. 404 00:17:34,640 --> 00:17:35,960 Of course. 405 00:17:35,960 --> 00:17:38,600 Would you like to join me for Chinese food? 406 00:17:38,600 --> 00:17:41,220 Sheldon, please, you're suffocating me. 407 00:17:42,920 --> 00:17:44,620 My apologies. 408 00:17:44,620 --> 00:17:47,640 Good night, Amy. Good night, Sheldon. 409 00:17:48,760 --> 00:17:50,210 Come on, just give her a chance. 410 00:17:50,210 --> 00:17:52,080 Maybe she'll grow on you. 411 00:17:52,080 --> 00:17:56,230 Or maybe she'll finally succeed in ripping my nuts off. 412 00:17:57,450 --> 00:18:00,400 There are still 93 ways she hasn't tried yet. 413 00:18:00,400 --> 00:18:02,390 Look, H-Howard, I appreciate 414 00:18:02,390 --> 00:18:05,510 the effort, but this is, like, the worst date of my life. 415 00:18:05,510 --> 00:18:06,940 Seriously? 416 00:18:06,940 --> 00:18:10,750 I was once robbed by a pre-op transsexual I met on J-Date, 417 00:18:10,750 --> 00:18:13,950 and that didn't even crack my top ten. 418 00:18:13,950 --> 00:18:17,040 I guess the difference is, I have some self-respect. 419 00:18:17,040 --> 00:18:19,940 Not that I've ever seen. 420 00:18:19,940 --> 00:18:21,620 It's relatively new. 421 00:18:21,620 --> 00:18:23,260 I just know that 422 00:18:23,260 --> 00:18:25,790 I'm not gonna spend time with someone I don't like 423 00:18:25,800 --> 00:18:27,380 simply to have a girlfriend. 424 00:18:27,380 --> 00:18:28,800 I'm okay on my own. 425 00:18:28,800 --> 00:18:32,670 Good news— I made lots of room for dessert. 426 00:18:33,850 --> 00:18:36,670 Look, uh, Joy, it was nice to meet you, but... 427 00:18:36,670 --> 00:18:38,970 Yeah, you, too. Hey, you got anything for next weekend? 428 00:18:38,980 --> 00:18:40,790 I need a date for my cousin's wedding. 429 00:18:40,790 --> 00:18:42,140 You're asking me out? 430 00:18:42,150 --> 00:18:43,180 Yeah. 431 00:18:43,180 --> 00:18:44,480 And it's an open bar, 432 00:18:44,480 --> 00:18:47,530 so I'll probably be giving it away. 433 00:18:49,620 --> 00:18:52,150 I look forward to it. 434 00:18:58,050 --> 00:19:00,240 MRS. FOWLER It's nice to meet you, too, Sheldon. 435 00:19:00,310 --> 00:19:01,980 I honestly didn't believe Amy 436 00:19:01,980 --> 00:19:04,570 when she told me she had a boyfriend. 437 00:19:05,380 --> 00:19:07,700 I assure you I am quite real 438 00:19:07,700 --> 00:19:11,240 and I'm having regular intercourse with your daughter. 439 00:19:12,240 --> 00:19:14,260 What? 440 00:19:14,260 --> 00:19:15,510 Oh, yes. 441 00:19:15,510 --> 00:19:18,710 We're like wild animals in heat. 442 00:19:18,710 --> 00:19:21,980 It's a wonder neither of us has been hurt. 443 00:19:21,980 --> 00:19:24,990 Amy... what is he saying? 444 00:19:24,990 --> 00:19:27,940 You wanted me to have a boyfriend, Mother. 445 00:19:27,940 --> 00:19:30,010 Well, here he is. 446 00:19:32,700 --> 00:19:34,160 Have to sign off now. 447 00:19:34,160 --> 00:19:36,930 My hunger for Sheldon is stirring in my loins. 448 00:19:38,280 --> 00:19:40,690 Oh, yes, it's time for me to make love 449 00:19:40,690 --> 00:19:42,150 to your daughter's vagina. 450 00:19:46,660 --> 00:19:49,160 Thank you, Sheldon, that went very well. 451 00:19:49,160 --> 00:19:50,710 Agreed. 452 00:19:50,710 --> 00:19:52,880 Amy, I find myself wondering 453 00:19:52,880 --> 00:19:55,420 if we should actually engage in coitus 454 00:19:55,420 --> 00:19:58,120 at least one time in our relationship. 455 00:19:58,800 --> 00:20:00,670 Bazinga. 456 00:20:02,140 --> 00:20:04,310 Bedtime. Please show yourself out. 457 00:20:07,010 --> 00:20:10,010 — Sync, corrected by elderman — — for www.addic7ed.com — 458 00:20:10,010 --> 00:20:13,010 — Resync to The Big Bang Theory S04 720p BluRay x264-CLUE by lorez —