1
00:00:04,416 --> 00:00:05,745
No, seriously,
I think

2
00:00:05,745 --> 00:00:07,842
I've finally figured out
my problem with women.

3
00:00:07,842 --> 00:00:11,549
The capybara is the largest
member of the rodent family.

4
00:00:11,549 --> 00:00:13,976
What does that have to do
with me and women?

5
00:00:13,976 --> 00:00:15,475
Nothing.
It was a desperate attempt

6
00:00:15,475 --> 00:00:18,382
to introduce an alternate topic
of conversation.

7
00:00:18,382 --> 00:00:21,549
My problem is,
I don't project confidence.

8
00:00:21,549 --> 00:00:24,446
So I decided that
the next time I meet a woman

9
00:00:24,446 --> 00:00:26,514
I think is attractive,
rather than holding back

10
00:00:26,514 --> 00:00:28,312
and being cautious,
I'm going to assume

11
00:00:28,312 --> 00:00:29,840
the mantle of self-assurance.

12
00:00:29,850 --> 00:00:31,579
Oh, yeah?
What's that look like?

13
00:00:35,175 --> 00:00:37,413
Hi.

14
00:00:37,413 --> 00:00:40,140
I'm Leonard.

15
00:00:40,150 --> 00:00:42,048
And you are beautiful.

16
00:00:42,048 --> 00:00:45,375
You pop, sparkle
and buzz electric.

17
00:00:45,375 --> 00:00:47,443
I'm going to pick you up
at 8:00,

18
00:00:47,443 --> 00:00:51,549
show you a night
you will never forget.

19
00:00:51,549 --> 00:00:53,377
Where are we going?

20
00:00:58,112 --> 00:00:59,241
Good news.

21
00:00:59,251 --> 00:01:01,079
I made it
onto the team

22
00:01:01,079 --> 00:01:02,278
for the new Defense Department

23
00:01:02,278 --> 00:01:04,026
laser-equipped
surveillance satellite.

24
00:01:04,026 --> 00:01:05,914
Excuse me.

25
00:01:05,914 --> 00:01:07,812
If we're changing topics,
I believe I have first dibs

26
00:01:07,812 --> 00:01:11,878
with capybara, a rodent
the size of a baby hippo.

27
00:01:11,878 --> 00:01:14,196
Congratulations,
Howard.

28
00:01:14,196 --> 00:01:15,445
Thanks.

29
00:01:15,445 --> 00:01:17,643
Listen, I have to get
a security clearance,

30
00:01:17,643 --> 00:01:20,550
so you guys might be
hearing from the FBI.

31
00:01:20,550 --> 00:01:21,609
Whoa, whoa, whoa!

32
00:01:21,609 --> 00:01:23,307
I don't want to speak
to the FBI.

33
00:01:23,317 --> 00:01:24,616
Why not?

34
00:01:24,616 --> 00:01:27,443
I'm brown and I talk funny.

35
00:01:27,443 --> 00:01:29,830
They're just doing
a background check on me.

36
00:01:29,830 --> 00:01:31,209
It doesn't matter;
they'll find a reason

37
00:01:31,209 --> 00:01:33,617
to give me a one-way ticket
back to Gandhi-ville.

38
00:01:33,617 --> 00:01:34,815
By the way,

39
00:01:34,815 --> 00:01:36,843
when I say that,
it's not offensive.

40
00:01:36,843 --> 00:01:38,911
Don't be ridiculous, Raj.

41
00:01:38,911 --> 00:01:40,210
You're here legally.

42
00:01:40,210 --> 00:01:41,848
Nobody cares.
Do you know how long it's been

43
00:01:41,848 --> 00:01:43,177
since I got through
airport security

44
00:01:43,177 --> 00:01:45,375
without being given
a colonoscopy?

45
00:01:46,414 --> 00:01:47,812
You know, I
try very hard

46
00:01:47,812 --> 00:01:50,510
to make our lunch hours
educational and informative,

47
00:01:50,510 --> 00:01:53,347
but your insistence on
talking about your own lives

48
00:01:53,347 --> 00:01:55,175
stymies me at
every turn.

49
00:01:55,175 --> 00:01:58,482
Fine, Sheldon, tell us
about your giant rodents.

50
00:01:58,482 --> 00:02:00,310
1No, you squandered
your time with me,

51
00:02:00,310 --> 00:02:02,158
and the moment
has now passed.

52
00:02:02,158 --> 00:02:03,866
Feast on your disappointment,

53
00:02:03,866 --> 00:02:06,414
much as the capybara
feasts on its own waste.

54
00:02:37,732 --> 00:02:40,230
Oh, Bella, don't you see?

55
00:02:40,230 --> 00:02:43,996
Edward's only pushing you away
because he loves you.

56
00:02:45,115 --> 00:02:46,164
Coming.

57
00:02:50,999 --> 00:02:52,797
Dr. Koothrappali?

58
00:02:54,915 --> 00:02:57,503
I'm Special Agent Page, FBI.

59
00:02:57,503 --> 00:02:58,661
May I come in?

60
00:03:00,450 --> 00:03:04,366
I'd like to talk to you
about Howard Wolowitz.

61
00:03:04,366 --> 00:03:05,864
Oh, thank you.

62
00:03:05,864 --> 00:03:06,953
All right.

63
00:03:06,953 --> 00:03:09,870
Well, how long
have you known Mr. Wolowitz?

64
00:03:31,479 --> 00:03:33,397
Rum cake?

65
00:03:33,397 --> 00:03:34,566
No, thanks.

66
00:03:34,566 --> 00:03:36,833
Now, about Mr.
Wolowitz...

67
00:03:36,833 --> 00:03:38,102
Seven years.

68
00:03:38,102 --> 00:03:40,170
I see.

69
00:03:41,988 --> 00:03:43,996
I'm in this country
legally, you know.

70
00:03:43,996 --> 00:03:46,703
I'm sure you are.

71
00:03:46,703 --> 00:03:50,330
Now, to your knowledge, has Mr.
Wolowitz ever committed a crime?

72
00:03:50,330 --> 00:03:51,569
Of course not.

73
00:03:51,569 --> 00:03:52,917
I'm here on an H-1B visa,

74
00:03:52,917 --> 00:03:54,995
which means I can't be
associated in any way

75
00:03:55,005 --> 00:03:56,534
with crime
or criminal activity.

76
00:03:56,534 --> 00:03:57,962
And I'm not.

77
00:03:57,962 --> 00:03:59,371
Good.

78
00:03:59,371 --> 00:04:00,899
To your knowledge,
does Mr. Wolowitz

79
00:04:00,899 --> 00:04:02,368
have any foreign
contacts?

80
00:04:02,368 --> 00:04:04,735
No, just me.

81
00:04:04,735 --> 00:04:06,334
Oh, there it is.

82
00:04:06,334 --> 00:04:08,282
Here comes a cavity search.

83
00:04:08,282 --> 00:04:10,120
Excuse me?

84
00:04:10,120 --> 00:04:11,868
Please don't send me back
to India; it's so crowded!

85
00:04:11,868 --> 00:04:14,895
It's like the whole country
is one endless Comic-Con,

86
00:04:14,895 --> 00:04:19,570
except everybody's wearing
the same costume: Indian Guy.

87
00:04:19,570 --> 00:04:21,778
Dr. Koothrappali, I'm not...
I love this country!

88
00:04:21,788 --> 00:04:24,236
The-the baseball,
the freedom,

89
00:04:24,236 --> 00:04:26,084
the rampant morbid obesity!

90
00:04:26,084 --> 00:04:28,252
From California
to the New York Island!

91
00:04:28,252 --> 00:04:29,421
I'm a real Yankee Doodle boy!

92
00:04:29,421 --> 00:04:31,369
Dr. Koothrappali,
please.

93
00:04:41,199 --> 00:04:43,896
So, when Howard said the FBI
would be contacting me,

94
00:04:43,896 --> 00:04:45,964
I was expecting Mulder.

95
00:04:46,563 --> 00:04:48,062
Glad to see I got Scully.

96
00:04:49,131 --> 00:04:50,070
Who?

97
00:04:50,070 --> 00:04:51,798
Mulder and Scully.

98
00:04:52,338 --> 00:04:53,566
X-Files.

99
00:04:54,196 --> 00:04:55,734
"The truth is out there."

100
00:04:55,734 --> 00:04:56,803
Never mind.

101
00:04:56,803 --> 00:04:59,830
Uh, so, what would you
like to know?

102
00:04:59,830 --> 00:05:03,536
You work with Mr. Wolowitz here
at the university, correct?

103
00:05:03,536 --> 00:05:05,864
Yes. Of course, we're in
different departments.

104
00:05:05,864 --> 00:05:08,062
He's an engineer and I'm
an experimental physicist.

105
00:05:08,062 --> 00:05:09,530
You know, one
of those guys

106
00:05:09,530 --> 00:05:12,098
who examines the building blocks
of creation

107
00:05:12,098 --> 00:05:16,164
and says,
"Hello, maker of the universe.

108
00:05:16,164 --> 00:05:18,631
"I see what you did there.

109
00:05:18,631 --> 00:05:20,330
Good one."

110
00:05:20,330 --> 00:05:21,968
Right.

111
00:05:21,968 --> 00:05:23,237
Now, how would you characterize

112
00:05:23,237 --> 00:05:25,295
your relationship
with Mr. Wolowitz?

113
00:05:25,305 --> 00:05:27,433
Good.

114
00:05:27,433 --> 00:05:30,070
It's a good
relationship.

115
00:05:30,070 --> 00:05:33,267
Of course, most of my
relationships are good.

116
00:05:33,267 --> 00:05:36,434
Probably because
I exude confidence.

117
00:05:36,434 --> 00:05:38,801
People are drawn to that,
you know?

118
00:05:39,900 --> 00:05:42,468
Confidence, not exuding.

119
00:05:44,236 --> 00:05:47,113
Do you know of any groups
Mr. Wolowitz is a member of?

120
00:05:47,113 --> 00:05:48,112
You are beautiful,

121
00:05:48,112 --> 00:05:50,130
you know that?

122
00:05:50,899 --> 00:05:54,795
You pop, sparkle
and buzz electric.

123
00:05:55,904 --> 00:05:59,031
I'm going to pick you up
at 8:00,

124
00:05:59,031 --> 00:06:02,328
show you a night
you will never forget.

125
00:06:02,338 --> 00:06:04,336
Sounds great.

126
00:06:04,336 --> 00:06:07,033
Really?

127
00:06:07,033 --> 00:06:08,282
Yeah.

128
00:06:08,282 --> 00:06:12,028
Can my six-foot-two Navy SEAL
husband come with us?

129
00:06:12,038 --> 00:06:13,746
Is that...?

130
00:06:13,746 --> 00:06:16,563
Oh, my, I didn't see the ring
with my glasses off, so...

131
00:06:18,082 --> 00:06:19,780
Look at that,
I'm starting to exude.

132
00:06:24,066 --> 00:06:25,365
Want to get that?

133
00:06:25,365 --> 00:06:27,662
Not particularly.

134
00:06:27,662 --> 00:06:29,600
Could you get that?

135
00:06:29,600 --> 00:06:32,228
I suppose I could
if I were asked.

136
00:06:33,237 --> 00:06:35,195
Would you please get that?

137
00:06:35,205 --> 00:06:36,903
Of course.

138
00:06:38,671 --> 00:06:40,899
Why do you have to make things
so complicated?

139
00:06:42,897 --> 00:06:44,136
Dr. Cooper?

140
00:06:44,136 --> 00:06:45,065
Yes.

141
00:06:45,065 --> 00:06:46,863
I'm Special Agent Page, FBI.

142
00:06:49,570 --> 00:06:54,695
You say you're Special
Agent Page, FBI.

143
00:06:54,695 --> 00:06:55,634
Here's my I.D.

144
00:06:55,634 --> 00:06:57,582
And here is

145
00:06:57,582 --> 00:07:01,968
my Justice League
membership card.

146
00:07:03,436 --> 00:07:05,694
But that doesn't
prove I know Batman.

147
00:07:05,704 --> 00:07:10,469
I just want to ask you a few
questions about Howard Wolowitz.

148
00:07:10,469 --> 00:07:12,567
Oh. All right.

149
00:07:12,567 --> 00:07:15,335
I doubt anyone
would risk

150
00:07:15,335 --> 00:07:17,952
the stiff penalties for
impersonating a federal officer

151
00:07:17,952 --> 00:07:20,370
just to ask questions about
a minor league engineer

152
00:07:20,370 --> 00:07:22,168
with an unresolved
Oedipal complex.

153
00:07:23,946 --> 00:07:24,965
Thank you.

154
00:07:24,965 --> 00:07:28,362
For the record,
I truly support the FBI

155
00:07:28,372 --> 00:07:30,200
in the mission
which is expressed

156
00:07:30,200 --> 00:07:31,468
through their motto...?

157
00:07:31,468 --> 00:07:34,136
Fidelity, bravery, integrity.

158
00:07:34,136 --> 00:07:36,613
Correct. Now to business.

159
00:07:36,613 --> 00:07:41,129
18 years ago, I sent
the FBI Crime Lab samples

160
00:07:41,129 --> 00:07:43,736
from a bag of excrement
that had been lit on fire

161
00:07:43,736 --> 00:07:45,065
on my front porch...

162
00:07:46,803 --> 00:07:50,499
for fingerprinting
and DNA analysis.

163
00:07:50,499 --> 00:07:52,497
Why haven't I heard back yet?

164
00:07:52,497 --> 00:07:57,063
Well, the FBI Crime Lab
does have a lot on its plate.

165
00:07:57,063 --> 00:07:59,001
That's of little comfort
to a nation

166
00:07:59,001 --> 00:08:02,298
attempting to scrape
burning feces off its shoes.

167
00:08:02,298 --> 00:08:05,464
Would you mind if we talked
about Mr. Wolowitz now?

168
00:08:05,464 --> 00:08:07,832
A little, but go on.

169
00:08:07,832 --> 00:08:08,951
Thank you.

170
00:08:08,951 --> 00:08:12,198
Would you characterize him
as responsible?

171
00:08:12,198 --> 00:08:16,104
I'm going to answer that
with a visual aid.

172
00:08:17,732 --> 00:08:19,870
This is my nine-disc complete

173
00:08:19,870 --> 00:08:22,527
Lord of the Rings trilogy
Blu-ray set.

174
00:08:22,537 --> 00:08:24,665
Mr. Wolowitz borrowed it,

175
00:08:24,665 --> 00:08:27,582
damaged plastic retention
hub number three...

176
00:08:32,617 --> 00:08:35,444
and then returned it to me,
hoping I wouldn't notice.

177
00:08:35,454 --> 00:08:39,201
Would you characterize that
as responsible?

178
00:08:39,201 --> 00:08:42,068
That's really not the sort of
thing we're interested in.

179
00:08:42,068 --> 00:08:45,364
You heard me say
Blu-ray, right?

180
00:08:45,364 --> 00:08:46,903
I did.

181
00:08:46,903 --> 00:08:48,102
Very well.

182
00:08:48,102 --> 00:08:49,400
Would you be interested

183
00:08:49,400 --> 00:08:52,737
in knowing that Mr. Wolowitz
once snuck onto

184
00:08:52,737 --> 00:08:55,734
my World of Warcraft account
and changed the name

185
00:08:55,734 --> 00:09:00,599
of a certain level-80 warlock
from Sheldor to Smeldor?

186
00:09:00,599 --> 00:09:02,168
I'm afraid not.

187
00:09:02,168 --> 00:09:04,365
Is there anything else?

188
00:09:04,365 --> 00:09:05,364
"Is there anything else?"

189
00:09:05,364 --> 00:09:06,533
Where would you like to start?

190
00:09:06,533 --> 00:09:08,262
He refuses to pay fines

191
00:09:08,272 --> 00:09:10,200
when he's overdue
with books I lend him.

192
00:09:10,200 --> 00:09:13,237
He crashed the Mars Rover while
attempting to impress a woman.

193
00:09:13,237 --> 00:09:14,765
He recommended that I go see

194
00:09:14,765 --> 00:09:17,362
the third Matrix movie
because it was, and I quote,

195
00:09:17,362 --> 00:09:20,779
"just as good
as the first one."

196
00:09:20,779 --> 00:09:24,236
If that's not irresponsible,
I don't know what is.

197
00:09:24,236 --> 00:09:26,164
The Mars Rover?

198
00:09:32,098 --> 00:09:33,666
Did I say Mars Rover?

199
00:09:33,666 --> 00:09:34,665
You did.

200
00:09:34,665 --> 00:09:37,003
That was actually
a poorly chosen example,

201
00:09:37,003 --> 00:09:39,730
as it had nothing
to do with me.

202
00:09:39,730 --> 00:09:42,397
Yes, well, let's talk
about it anyway.

203
00:09:42,397 --> 00:09:43,896
I don't want to.

204
00:09:44,735 --> 00:09:46,104
Not that my disinclination

205
00:09:46,104 --> 00:09:48,132
to discuss the topic
should be interpreted as

206
00:09:48,132 --> 00:09:50,699
evidence of Howard Wolowitz's
culpability in the destruction

207
00:09:50,699 --> 00:09:53,736
of government property
worth millions of dollars.

208
00:09:53,736 --> 00:09:54,995
Thank you, Dr. Cooper.

209
00:09:55,005 --> 00:09:56,603
I think I have all I need.

210
00:09:56,603 --> 00:09:58,361
Oh, good.

211
00:09:58,371 --> 00:10:00,080
I was afraid you were
going to fixate

212
00:10:00,080 --> 00:10:01,698
on that Mars Rover incident.

213
00:10:08,082 --> 00:10:09,570
Hey, buddies.

214
00:10:09,570 --> 00:10:10,779
Guess who didn't get
security clearance

215
00:10:10,779 --> 00:10:12,397
to work on
the giant space laser?

216
00:10:12,397 --> 00:10:14,196
What happened?

217
00:10:14,196 --> 00:10:16,363
Apparently, the background
interviews didn't go well.

218
00:10:16,363 --> 00:10:17,702
You guys wouldn't
know anything

219
00:10:17,702 --> 00:10:19,330
about that, would you?

220
00:10:21,069 --> 00:10:22,797
Well, actually,
I may have gotten

221
00:10:22,797 --> 00:10:24,995
a little tipsy
when I talked to her.

222
00:10:25,704 --> 00:10:26,733
And I may have

223
00:10:26,733 --> 00:10:28,501
hit on her a little bit.

224
00:10:28,501 --> 00:10:32,028
I may have thrown up
rum cake on her shoes.

225
00:10:32,038 --> 00:10:33,836
I see.

226
00:10:33,836 --> 00:10:36,703
Well, it's good to know, when
I need you guys, I can always

227
00:10:36,703 --> 00:10:39,600
count on you to step up
and ruin everything.

228
00:10:42,168 --> 00:10:43,836
I feel awful.

229
00:10:43,836 --> 00:10:44,735
Ah, me, too.

230
00:10:44,735 --> 00:10:45,764
To tell you the truth,

231
00:10:45,764 --> 00:10:47,163
I thought if anyone was going to

232
00:10:47,163 --> 00:10:48,701
screw things up for Howard,
it'd be Sheldon.

233
00:10:48,701 --> 00:10:53,536
Well, your expectations
have been subverted.

234
00:10:53,536 --> 00:10:55,234
Aha.

235
00:11:03,526 --> 00:11:05,454
What are you doing up?

236
00:11:05,454 --> 00:11:07,622
Sleep eludes me, Leonard.

237
00:11:07,622 --> 00:11:09,001
Really?

238
00:11:09,011 --> 00:11:11,508
Maybe sleep has met you before.

239
00:11:11,508 --> 00:11:13,057
Mockery?

240
00:11:13,057 --> 00:11:14,875
That's all you have to offer?

241
00:11:14,875 --> 00:11:16,193
I'm sorry. Why can't you sleep?

242
00:11:16,193 --> 00:11:17,592
Who knows?

243
00:11:17,592 --> 00:11:19,990
I haven't watched
any scary movies recently.

244
00:11:19,990 --> 00:11:22,657
I'm no longer obsessing
over why the predicted mass

245
00:11:22,657 --> 00:11:24,625
of the quantum vacuum
has little effect

246
00:11:24,625 --> 00:11:26,653
on the expansion
of the universe.

247
00:11:26,653 --> 00:11:30,369
And it's been weeks since I took
that accidental sip of Red Bull.

248
00:11:30,369 --> 00:11:33,686
Did something happen today
that's bothering you?

249
00:11:33,686 --> 00:11:35,025
Well, I did mention

250
00:11:35,025 --> 00:11:37,822
the Mars Rover incident
to that FBI agent

251
00:11:37,822 --> 00:11:40,559
and probably cost Howard
his security clearance.

252
00:11:40,559 --> 00:11:43,656
What?
But why should that keep me up?

253
00:11:43,656 --> 00:11:45,784
Because you feel guilty?

254
00:11:45,794 --> 00:11:47,622
Interesting.

255
00:11:47,622 --> 00:11:52,257
So you're saying my insomnia is
caused by a guilty conscience.

256
00:11:52,257 --> 00:11:53,956
Actually,
you don't have insomnia.

257
00:11:53,956 --> 00:11:55,324
You're sleeping now.

258
00:11:55,324 --> 00:11:56,453
Excuse me?

259
00:11:56,453 --> 00:11:58,551
You're having
a guilt-ridden dream.

260
00:11:58,561 --> 00:12:01,218
Do you have any evidence
to support that hypothesis?

261
00:12:01,218 --> 00:12:03,956
How about that Gorn
sitting on the couch?

262
00:12:07,702 --> 00:12:10,459
That seems fairly conclusive.

263
00:12:10,459 --> 00:12:13,926
No, Gorn, no.

264
00:12:13,926 --> 00:12:16,743
That's where I sit.

265
00:12:17,852 --> 00:12:21,158
Thank you for agreeing
to see me, Agent Page.

266
00:12:21,158 --> 00:12:25,154
Thank you for filing a complaint
with my superior, Dr. Cooper.

267
00:12:25,154 --> 00:12:27,172
I understand
you want to recant

268
00:12:27,172 --> 00:12:29,690
your statement
about Howard Wolowitz.

269
00:12:29,690 --> 00:12:32,187
Yes.
Was your statement untrue?

270
00:12:32,187 --> 00:12:34,056
No.

271
00:12:34,056 --> 00:12:37,252
Then I'm afraid
you can't withdraw it.

272
00:12:37,252 --> 00:12:41,568
I'm sorry. I don't recall
you saying "no backsies."

273
00:12:42,457 --> 00:12:44,255
Is there anything else?

274
00:12:44,255 --> 00:12:46,953
Yes. I'd like to offer
a laudatory statement

275
00:12:46,953 --> 00:12:49,051
about Howard's many excellent
qualities that I believe

276
00:12:49,060 --> 00:12:50,819
will tip the scales
back in his favor.

277
00:12:52,087 --> 00:12:53,626
"Howard Joel Wolowitz.

278
00:12:53,626 --> 00:12:56,653
"H is for honesty,
of which he has much.

279
00:12:56,653 --> 00:12:58,191
"O's for outstanding,

280
00:12:58,191 --> 00:13:00,020
"which he is such.

281
00:13:00,020 --> 00:13:02,617
"W's for witty,
he's quick with a joke.

282
00:13:02,627 --> 00:13:04,875
A's for artistic, his ability...
" I'm sorry.

283
00:13:04,875 --> 00:13:07,892
Dr. Cooper, this matter
is already closed.

284
00:13:07,892 --> 00:13:11,058
But I still have
"rd Joel Wolowitz" left to go.

285
00:13:11,058 --> 00:13:12,407
It's closed.

286
00:13:14,375 --> 00:13:15,954
I don't understand
why you people

287
00:13:15,954 --> 00:13:17,552
are picking on my
friend, Howard,

288
00:13:17,552 --> 00:13:19,790
when there are much more serious
security threats to pursue.

289
00:13:19,790 --> 00:13:21,888
For instance,
when I first met Leonard,

290
00:13:21,888 --> 00:13:23,726
he was on the verge
of giving away

291
00:13:23,726 --> 00:13:25,684
rocket secrets
to a North Korean spy,

292
00:13:25,694 --> 00:13:28,591
and not one agent
ever investigated that.

293
00:13:29,420 --> 00:13:31,088
This is Leonard Hofstadter?

294
00:13:31,958 --> 00:13:33,956
No, it's a different Leonard.

295
00:13:33,956 --> 00:13:35,204
He's...

296
00:13:35,204 --> 00:13:36,373
Chinese, red hair, six fingers.

297
00:13:36,373 --> 00:13:37,792
Good-bye.

298
00:13:40,619 --> 00:13:42,457
Raj.

299
00:13:42,457 --> 00:13:44,085
Have you seen Howard?

300
00:13:44,085 --> 00:13:46,123
I think he's eating lunch.

301
00:13:46,123 --> 00:13:48,621
Uh, Sheldon, I want you
to meet Neil deGrasse Tyson

302
00:13:48,621 --> 00:13:50,689
from the Hayden Planetarium
in New York.

303
00:13:50,689 --> 00:13:52,717
I'm quite familiar
with Dr. Tyson.

304
00:13:52,727 --> 00:13:55,284
He's responsible
for the demotion of Pluto

305
00:13:55,294 --> 00:13:57,092
from planetary status.

306
00:13:57,092 --> 00:13:58,751
I liked Pluto.

307
00:13:59,690 --> 00:14:02,357
Ergo I do not like you.

308
00:14:02,357 --> 00:14:03,886
But I actually
didn't demote Pluto.

309
00:14:03,886 --> 00:14:05,054
That was a vote

310
00:14:05,054 --> 00:14:06,693
of the International
Astronomical Union.

311
00:14:06,693 --> 00:14:08,851
If "ifs" and "buts"
were candy and nuts,

312
00:14:08,861 --> 00:14:10,689
we'd all have a merry Christmas.

313
00:14:11,618 --> 00:14:13,906
Think about that, Dr. Tyson.

314
00:14:15,394 --> 00:14:17,722
Is that the guy you
were telling me about?

315
00:14:17,722 --> 00:14:20,019
Oh, yeah.

316
00:14:21,068 --> 00:14:22,957
Howard.

317
00:14:22,957 --> 00:14:24,525
The person at fault for you

318
00:14:24,525 --> 00:14:26,793
not getting
a security clearance is me.

319
00:14:26,793 --> 00:14:28,521
You?

320
00:14:28,521 --> 00:14:30,789
Yes, but before you get upset,
I want you to know

321
00:14:30,789 --> 00:14:33,586
I went to the FBI
and retracted my statement.

322
00:14:33,586 --> 00:14:35,424
And they were okay with that?

323
00:14:35,424 --> 00:14:38,351
No. If anything,
I made it worse.

324
00:14:39,490 --> 00:14:42,257
In any case, I have
been riddled with guilt,

325
00:14:42,257 --> 00:14:44,855
which is causing
Gorn-infested REM sleep.

326
00:14:44,855 --> 00:14:48,591
So, I'm here now
to say I'm sorry.

327
00:14:48,591 --> 00:14:50,089
Are you kidding me?

328
00:14:50,089 --> 00:14:52,757
You've set my career back
at least two years,

329
00:14:52,757 --> 00:14:55,184
and you think you can make it
right with "I'm sorry"?

330
00:14:55,194 --> 00:14:56,653
Yes.

331
00:14:57,792 --> 00:14:59,120
I followed the social protocol.

332
00:14:59,120 --> 00:15:02,057
I attempted to right the wrong,
and when I failed to do so,

333
00:15:02,057 --> 00:15:03,656
I delivered a heartfelt apology.

334
00:15:03,656 --> 00:15:04,855
Now you say,

335
00:15:04,855 --> 00:15:06,153
"Apology accepted,"

336
00:15:06,153 --> 00:15:09,790
and I will offer you
a one-time-only high five.

337
00:15:11,068 --> 00:15:13,126
Your apology is not accepted.

338
00:15:13,126 --> 00:15:14,235
You're tricking me.

339
00:15:14,235 --> 00:15:15,454
It really is, isn't it?

340
00:15:15,454 --> 00:15:17,792
Leave me alone, Sheldon.

341
00:15:20,089 --> 00:15:22,557
Dr. Cooper, I just
wanted you to know

342
00:15:22,557 --> 00:15:25,454
I'm sorry for the role I
played in the Pluto matter.

343
00:15:25,454 --> 00:15:27,152
Oh, shut up.

344
00:15:31,788 --> 00:15:33,486
Sheldon?

345
00:15:33,486 --> 00:15:35,524
Hello.

346
00:15:35,524 --> 00:15:36,523
What are you doing here?

347
00:15:36,523 --> 00:15:38,920
I have troubles, Penny.

348
00:15:38,920 --> 00:15:40,519
I've come to pour them out

349
00:15:40,519 --> 00:15:43,056
to the sympathetic ear
of the local barkeep.

350
00:15:43,056 --> 00:15:45,324
You know, they have
a really nice bar

351
00:15:45,324 --> 00:15:47,192
over at the Olive Garden.

352
00:15:47,192 --> 00:15:49,320
I don't like the Olive Garden.

353
00:15:49,320 --> 00:15:51,758
They treat me like family.

354
00:15:53,386 --> 00:15:55,484
Okay, Sheldon.
What can I get you?

355
00:15:55,494 --> 00:15:56,753
Alcohol.

356
00:15:56,753 --> 00:15:59,050
Could you be
a little more specific?

357
00:15:59,060 --> 00:16:00,719
Ethyl alcohol.

358
00:16:00,719 --> 00:16:02,926
40 milliliters.

359
00:16:02,926 --> 00:16:05,324
I'm sorry, honey.
I don't know milliliters.

360
00:16:05,324 --> 00:16:08,091
Ah. Blame President James
"Jimmy" Carter.

361
00:16:08,091 --> 00:16:11,218
He started America on a path
to the metric system

362
00:16:11,218 --> 00:16:12,926
but then just gave up.

363
00:16:12,926 --> 00:16:15,983
He wonders why he
was a one-term president.

364
00:16:15,993 --> 00:16:18,521
Would you say that's
about 40 milliliters?

365
00:16:18,521 --> 00:16:20,759
More or less.
Great.

366
00:16:22,187 --> 00:16:23,855
Now, where were we?

367
00:16:23,855 --> 00:16:26,952
I believe you were about
to ask me to choose a cocktail.

368
00:16:26,952 --> 00:16:30,319
Fortunately, thanks
to computer-savvy alcoholics,

369
00:16:30,319 --> 00:16:32,617
there's an app for that.

370
00:16:32,627 --> 00:16:33,885
Let's see.

371
00:16:33,885 --> 00:16:36,253
Harvey Wallbanger. Eh.

372
00:16:36,253 --> 00:16:38,791
Sex on the Beach.
I hardly think so.

373
00:16:39,790 --> 00:16:41,118
Rob Roy,

374
00:16:41,118 --> 00:16:42,886
Silk Slipper, Mad Hatter.

375
00:16:42,886 --> 00:16:44,525
Ooh!

376
00:16:44,525 --> 00:16:47,052
I'll have a Rosewater Ricky.

377
00:16:47,052 --> 00:16:48,291
A what?
You'll need pitted,

378
00:16:48,291 --> 00:16:51,058
brandied cherries, gin,
rosewater,

379
00:16:51,058 --> 00:16:54,525
Angostura bitters
and overproofed rum.

380
00:16:54,525 --> 00:16:56,623
Now, first, dust
the cherries with sugar,

381
00:16:56,623 --> 00:16:59,560
then spray them with a mixture
of rum and bitters.

382
00:16:59,560 --> 00:17:01,088
Then ignite the rum,
caramel...

383
00:17:01,088 --> 00:17:03,756
Here you go— one
Rosewater Ricky.

384
00:17:03,756 --> 00:17:05,454
That's not how it looks
in the picture.

385
00:17:05,454 --> 00:17:08,251
Oh, yeah, you know, every
bartender makes it differently.

386
00:17:08,251 --> 00:17:09,819
Why don't you
give it a try.

387
00:17:09,819 --> 00:17:11,788
All right.

388
00:17:13,376 --> 00:17:15,823
To the metric system.

389
00:17:26,253 --> 00:17:28,790
I can't taste the cherries.

390
00:17:30,689 --> 00:17:33,186
All right.
Sheldon, what's on your mind?

391
00:17:33,186 --> 00:17:37,022
I wronged Howard,
and he won't accept my apology.

392
00:17:37,022 --> 00:17:38,191
Oh, right, that.

393
00:17:38,191 --> 00:17:40,359
Yes, Leonard told me.
Sorry, honey.

394
00:17:40,359 --> 00:17:43,526
Penny, you face failure
on a daily basis.

395
00:17:44,984 --> 00:17:46,693
How do you cope?

396
00:17:46,693 --> 00:17:48,790
I drink.

397
00:17:49,859 --> 00:17:52,207
To drinking.

398
00:17:55,024 --> 00:17:57,352
Nope.

399
00:18:00,159 --> 00:18:01,618
Oh, if only there were some way

400
00:18:01,618 --> 00:18:03,426
to force Howard
to accept my apology

401
00:18:03,426 --> 00:18:06,493
so I could escape
this miasma of guilt.

402
00:18:06,493 --> 00:18:08,091
You know, sometimes
stuff just happens,

403
00:18:08,091 --> 00:18:09,819
and there's nothing
you can do about it.

404
00:18:09,819 --> 00:18:11,118
For example, Lisa Peterson

405
00:18:11,118 --> 00:18:12,956
hasn't talked to me
since the 11th grade,

406
00:18:12,956 --> 00:18:14,954
because no matter how
much you apologize,

407
00:18:14,954 --> 00:18:18,621
you can't go back and
un-dry-hump someone's boyfriend.

408
00:18:19,460 --> 00:18:20,858
I see.

409
00:18:20,858 --> 00:18:24,025
You're saying I'm facing
Starfleet Academy's

410
00:18:24,025 --> 00:18:27,392
unwinnable command scenario:
the Kobayashi Maru.

411
00:18:27,392 --> 00:18:28,551
Exactly.

412
00:18:28,561 --> 00:18:29,819
Sometimes you can't win.

413
00:18:29,819 --> 00:18:32,317
Captain Kirk won.

414
00:18:33,156 --> 00:18:35,684
Kirk cheated.

415
00:18:36,523 --> 00:18:38,790
Impressive that you know that.

416
00:18:39,690 --> 00:18:40,918
It's hard to believe

417
00:18:40,918 --> 00:18:42,716
I'm actually having
this conversation with you.

418
00:18:42,726 --> 00:18:44,525
Right there with you.

419
00:18:45,723 --> 00:18:51,558
Kirk beat the Kobayashi Maru
by reprogramming the simulator.

420
00:18:51,558 --> 00:18:53,656
That's it.
What?

421
00:18:53,656 --> 00:18:56,053
I'll reprogram Howard.
What...?

422
00:18:56,053 --> 00:18:58,990
Sheldon, you can't
reprogram people.

423
00:18:58,990 --> 00:19:01,957
No, you can't reprogram people.

424
00:19:02,886 --> 00:19:05,454
To James Tiberius Kirk.

425
00:19:15,444 --> 00:19:17,122
Hello, all.

426
00:19:17,122 --> 00:19:19,320
- Hello.
- Hey.

427
00:19:19,320 --> 00:19:22,217
Howard, you're feeling better
about me today, aren't you?

428
00:19:22,227 --> 00:19:23,685
Not really.

429
00:19:23,685 --> 00:19:25,554
Yes, you are.

430
00:19:25,554 --> 00:19:28,121
I'm using
neurolinguistic programming

431
00:19:28,121 --> 00:19:30,489
to modify your thought patterns.

432
00:19:30,489 --> 00:19:32,217
Oh.

433
00:19:32,227 --> 00:19:34,285
Go away, Sheldon.

434
00:19:34,285 --> 00:19:37,572
There's a $9.95 e-book
down the drain.

435
00:19:37,572 --> 00:19:38,700
What's in the bag?

436
00:19:38,710 --> 00:19:39,869
It's for Howard.

437
00:19:39,869 --> 00:19:43,036
Oh. Sheldon, you can't
fix this with gifts.

438
00:19:43,036 --> 00:19:44,205
Nevertheless, I've hurt you,

439
00:19:44,205 --> 00:19:46,423
and whether you
forgive me or not,

440
00:19:46,423 --> 00:19:48,451
I want you to
have this.

441
00:19:50,239 --> 00:19:52,017
You're giving me
a couch cushion?

442
00:19:52,027 --> 00:19:53,386
No.

443
00:19:53,386 --> 00:19:55,184
The cushion is merely symbolic.

444
00:19:55,194 --> 00:19:58,221
I'm giving you my spot
on the couch.

445
00:20:00,489 --> 00:20:02,117
But you love that spot.

446
00:20:02,127 --> 00:20:04,654
No. I love my mother.

447
00:20:04,654 --> 00:20:08,690
My feelings for my spot
are much greater.

448
00:20:09,759 --> 00:20:11,757
It is the singular location
in space

449
00:20:11,757 --> 00:20:14,684
around which revolves
my entire universe.

450
00:20:15,554 --> 00:20:17,352
And now it's yours.

451
00:20:18,491 --> 00:20:21,288
Oh, my God, dude.
Now you have to forgive him.

452
00:20:22,127 --> 00:20:23,825
All right.

453
00:20:23,825 --> 00:20:25,953
Apology accepted.

454
00:20:25,953 --> 00:20:27,951
High five.

455
00:20:27,951 --> 00:20:29,959
Not too hard.

456
00:20:31,288 --> 00:20:32,886
Thank you.

457
00:20:32,886 --> 00:20:36,543
I haven't cried like this
since Toy Story 3.

458
00:20:45,314 --> 00:20:46,483
I got to tell you,

459
00:20:46,483 --> 00:20:48,840
Sheldon, I understand why
you chose this spot.

460
00:20:48,850 --> 00:20:51,727
I mean, the temperature is
good, but there's no draft.

461
00:20:51,727 --> 00:20:54,225
I can see the television,
but I can still talk to...

462
00:20:54,225 --> 00:20:56,912
I changed my mind.
Get out of my spot.

463
00:20:58,011 --> 00:20:59,879
How long?

464
00:20:59,879 --> 00:21:01,178
94 seconds.

465
00:21:06,253 --> 00:21:09,250
— Sync, corrected by — Sync, corrected by elderman —
— for www.addic7ed.com —

466
00:21:09,250 --> 00:21:12,247
— Resync to The Big Bang Theory S04
720p BluRay x264-CLUE by lorez —