1
00:00:11,984 --> 00:00:13,533
Try to keep
up, Howard!

2
00:00:13,535 --> 00:00:15,950
I'm killing it!

3
00:00:15,952 --> 00:00:18,516
Yeah, I wish we looked
as cool dancing in clubs

4
00:00:18,518 --> 00:00:20,683
as we do right now.

5
00:00:20,685 --> 00:00:23,516
Don't worry, this is
exactly how you look

6
00:00:23,518 --> 00:00:25,183
when you're dancing in clubs.

7
00:00:25,185 --> 00:00:28,500
You're welcome, ladies.

8
00:00:28,502 --> 00:00:31,733
Paradigm-shifting
news, gentlemen!

9
00:00:31,735 --> 00:00:33,234
Dude!

10
00:00:33,236 --> 00:00:35,817
I was about to Bollywood
this bitch.

11
00:00:35,819 --> 00:00:38,850
Earlier today, I invited

12
00:00:38,852 --> 00:00:41,183
Professor Stephen Hawking
to join me

13
00:00:41,185 --> 00:00:43,733
in the popular online game
Words with Friends.

14
00:00:43,735 --> 00:00:47,450
Moments ago,
he accepted my request.

15
00:00:47,452 --> 00:00:49,183
Do you understand
what that means?

16
00:00:49,185 --> 00:00:51,200
That somewhere right now
Stephen Hawking is saying,

17
00:00:51,202 --> 00:00:53,783
"Damn it.

18
00:00:53,785 --> 00:00:56,016
I meant to click no."

19
00:00:57,818 --> 00:00:59,566
I'll walk you through it.

20
00:00:59,568 --> 00:01:03,284
The game is not called
Words with Strangers.

21
00:01:03,286 --> 00:01:04,900
No, it's not
even called

22
00:01:04,902 --> 00:01:06,400
Words with Acquaintances.

23
00:01:06,402 --> 00:01:07,767
It is called

24
00:01:07,769 --> 00:01:10,067
Words with...

25
00:01:11,918 --> 00:01:13,350
I'm not finishing your sentence.

26
00:01:13,352 --> 00:01:15,016
You pulled the plug on my funk.

27
00:01:15,018 --> 00:01:16,933
Friends!

28
00:01:16,935 --> 00:01:18,683
It's Words with Friends!

29
00:01:18,685 --> 00:01:20,150
Which Stephen
Hawking and I

30
00:01:20,152 --> 00:01:21,350
officially are.

31
00:01:21,352 --> 00:01:23,817
Now all I need is
a bunk bed with a slide;

32
00:01:23,819 --> 00:01:25,234
I'll have everything
I've ever wanted

33
00:01:25,236 --> 00:01:27,450
since I was six years old.

34
00:01:27,452 --> 00:01:28,566
That's really nice,
Sheldon.

35
00:01:28,568 --> 00:01:29,650
I'm happy for you.

36
00:01:29,652 --> 00:01:31,516
And I'm happy for you, too.

37
00:01:31,518 --> 00:01:32,900
You are now friends with someone

38
00:01:32,902 --> 00:01:35,483
who is officially friends
with Stephen Hawking.

39
00:01:35,485 --> 00:01:36,650
Enjoy it, boys.

40
00:01:36,652 --> 00:01:38,117
You may have peaked.

41
00:01:39,185 --> 00:01:40,983
Sheldon, I know
Stephen Hawking.

42
00:01:40,985 --> 00:01:42,351
I worked with him.

43
00:01:42,353 --> 00:01:44,200
And if they ever come out
with a game called

44
00:01:44,202 --> 00:01:45,533
Words with People
You Once Worked with,

45
00:01:45,535 --> 00:01:46,833
you'll be off to the races.

46
00:01:48,651 --> 00:01:50,284
Sheldon, I don't think
this actually means...

47
00:01:51,236 --> 00:01:52,516
Hold that thought!

48
00:01:52,518 --> 00:01:55,117
Professor Hawking
has made a move.

49
00:01:55,119 --> 00:01:56,783
Boy, oh, boy.

50
00:01:56,785 --> 00:01:58,366
Oh, it's only a matter of time

51
00:01:58,368 --> 00:02:01,284
before we're coming up with
fun nicknames for each other.

52
00:02:02,218 --> 00:02:04,000
I'll be Coop.

53
00:02:04,002 --> 00:02:07,566
He'll be Wheels.

54
00:02:07,568 --> 00:02:10,349
If he's okay with that.

55
00:02:11,401 --> 00:02:13,134
All right.

56
00:02:13,136 --> 00:02:15,533
Crank up the AC, boy!

57
00:02:15,535 --> 00:02:17,250
It's gonna get hot in here!

58
00:02:43,815 --> 00:02:47,811
== sync, corrected by elderman ==

59
00:02:48,718 --> 00:02:50,684
So, I was taking
a shower this morning,

60
00:02:50,686 --> 00:02:52,834
and when I got out, I
started to dry off with

61
00:02:52,836 --> 00:02:55,484
what I thought was a towel
but turned out to be

62
00:02:55,486 --> 00:02:57,884
Howard's mom's underwear.

63
00:03:01,635 --> 00:03:04,550
I had to take another shower.

64
00:03:05,852 --> 00:03:08,034
It wasn't enough.

65
00:03:09,852 --> 00:03:13,267
Nothing will ever be enough.

66
00:03:13,269 --> 00:03:15,567
I once looked in Sheldon's
underwear drawer.

67
00:03:15,569 --> 00:03:16,734
He yelled at me.

68
00:03:16,736 --> 00:03:18,967
But now I know
what it looks like

69
00:03:18,969 --> 00:03:21,600
and he can never take that away.

70
00:03:21,602 --> 00:03:22,717
There's a book
under here.

71
00:03:22,719 --> 00:03:23,717
Oh, I'll get that.

72
00:03:23,719 --> 00:03:25,317
I got it. I got it.
No, no, it's...

73
00:03:25,319 --> 00:03:27,934
Why do you have
a history textbook?

74
00:03:27,936 --> 00:03:29,600
It's not a big deal.

75
00:03:29,602 --> 00:03:30,584
Just taking a class

76
00:03:30,586 --> 00:03:32,767
at the Pasadena
Community College.

77
00:03:32,769 --> 00:03:34,017
That's great.

78
00:03:34,019 --> 00:03:35,684
I didn't know you wanted
to go back to school.

79
00:03:35,686 --> 00:03:37,101
It's just one history class.

80
00:03:37,103 --> 00:03:38,400
Look, I didn't finish college,

81
00:03:38,402 --> 00:03:40,067
so I thought
I would give it a try.

82
00:03:40,069 --> 00:03:42,050
Not to mention,
your acting career

83
00:03:42,052 --> 00:03:44,300
is going south like Sherman.

84
00:03:46,102 --> 00:03:48,851
Read about it in your book.

85
00:03:49,952 --> 00:03:52,218
Why would you be embarrassed
to tell us?

86
00:03:52,220 --> 00:03:53,184
No, I'm not embarrassed.

87
00:03:53,186 --> 00:03:54,434
I just didn't want
anyone to know

88
00:03:54,436 --> 00:03:55,650
because I haven't
told Leonard yet.

89
00:03:55,652 --> 00:03:57,101
Why wouldn't you tell Leonard?

90
00:03:57,103 --> 00:03:58,817
Because it's me
going back to school,

91
00:03:58,819 --> 00:04:01,600
and he's gonna be all "you can
do it," and "how can I help?"

92
00:04:01,602 --> 00:04:02,884
and "I'm so proud of you."

93
00:04:02,886 --> 00:04:04,834
Ugh!

94
00:04:06,152 --> 00:04:07,684
I just can't believe you could

95
00:04:07,686 --> 00:04:09,151
keep something like that
from him.

96
00:04:09,153 --> 00:04:12,383
You guys have got to be
the weirdest couple I know.

97
00:04:17,785 --> 00:04:19,650
Really?

98
00:04:20,935 --> 00:04:24,901
You can't think
of anyone weirder?

99
00:04:24,903 --> 00:04:26,901
I can,

100
00:04:26,903 --> 00:04:29,184
but she's sitting right there.

101
00:04:33,601 --> 00:04:34,934
Yes!

102
00:04:34,936 --> 00:04:38,600
I play the word "quiver "
with a triple letter

103
00:04:38,602 --> 00:04:42,183
and a double word
score for 72 points.

104
00:04:42,185 --> 00:04:45,517
That ought to let the air
out of your tires, Hawking.

105
00:04:47,234 --> 00:04:50,550
Wow, my boyfriend is friends
with Stephen Hawking

106
00:04:50,552 --> 00:04:53,151
and my new dandruff shampoo
doesn't smell like tar.

107
00:04:54,102 --> 00:04:58,300
Everything really is
coming up Amy.

108
00:04:58,302 --> 00:05:00,317
It is glorious.

109
00:05:00,319 --> 00:05:02,851
One of the greatest intellects
of our time

110
00:05:02,853 --> 00:05:06,383
has agreed to engage with me
in a gentlemanly battle of wits.

111
00:05:06,385 --> 00:05:08,150
And I'm spanking him so hard

112
00:05:08,152 --> 00:05:11,884
his grad students
won't be able to sit down.

113
00:05:11,886 --> 00:05:14,317
You know, when one male
dominates another,

114
00:05:14,319 --> 00:05:16,183
his testosterone level rises.

115
00:05:16,185 --> 00:05:17,817
What's your point?

116
00:05:17,819 --> 00:05:21,667
It's exciting to think you might
be getting a testosterone level.

117
00:05:26,351 --> 00:05:27,817
Ooh!

118
00:05:27,819 --> 00:05:31,617
My friend Stephen just played
the word "act" for 18 points.

119
00:05:31,619 --> 00:05:34,517
That's right, I call
him Stephen now.

120
00:05:34,519 --> 00:05:38,150
Because I checked, and he
was not okay with Wheels.

121
00:05:38,152 --> 00:05:41,817
Oh, you could turn
his "act" into "extract,"

122
00:05:41,819 --> 00:05:43,634
and it would be
for double points.

123
00:05:43,636 --> 00:05:44,934
Amy.

124
00:05:44,936 --> 00:05:46,484
Why would you
give me a word?

125
00:05:46,486 --> 00:05:49,434
Now, if I play "extract"
it would be cheating.

126
00:05:49,436 --> 00:05:50,267
Sorry.

127
00:05:50,269 --> 00:05:52,267
Although, I could play

128
00:05:52,269 --> 00:05:56,617
the completely unrelated
and better word "extract"

129
00:05:58,384 --> 00:06:01,233
Ethical conundrum
avoided.

130
00:06:01,235 --> 00:06:04,600
Thanks, brain.

131
00:06:05,768 --> 00:06:08,183
Spaghetti okay?

132
00:06:08,185 --> 00:06:10,017
It's crunchy.

133
00:06:10,019 --> 00:06:12,851
Just the way
I like it.

134
00:06:12,853 --> 00:06:17,233
Yeah, I don't think
the water was really boiling.

135
00:06:17,235 --> 00:06:19,001
It's great. I love it.

136
00:06:20,319 --> 00:06:22,684
Okay, listen, there's something
I need to tell you.

137
00:06:22,686 --> 00:06:25,901
I've been thinking about going
back to school for a while now.

138
00:06:25,903 --> 00:06:28,383
So a couple months ago,
I started taking a history class

139
00:06:28,385 --> 00:06:29,484
at the community college.

140
00:06:29,486 --> 00:06:30,884
Oh.

141
00:06:30,886 --> 00:06:33,150
That's great!
Great, great, great!

142
00:06:33,152 --> 00:06:35,001
Why wait so long
to tell me?

143
00:06:35,003 --> 00:06:37,434
I don't want you
to make a big deal out of it.

144
00:06:37,436 --> 00:06:38,817
Why do you think
I'd be like that?

145
00:06:38,819 --> 00:06:40,484
I get it, you're taking
one class. It's nice.

146
00:06:40,486 --> 00:06:41,550
Maybe if it goes well,

147
00:06:41,552 --> 00:06:42,684
you take another,
you enroll full-time.

148
00:06:42,686 --> 00:06:43,901
Ooh, be sure to
keep an eye on

149
00:06:43,903 --> 00:06:46,450
which credits transfer
to a four-year college.

150
00:06:46,452 --> 00:06:48,967
You're making it a big deal.

151
00:06:48,969 --> 00:06:50,434
Sorry. Whatever.

152
00:06:50,436 --> 00:06:52,934
It's all good.

153
00:06:52,936 --> 00:06:53,984
Anyway, that's it.

154
00:06:53,986 --> 00:06:55,267
I just thought
you should know.

155
00:06:55,269 --> 00:06:58,133
Am I allowed to ask
how the class is going?

156
00:06:58,135 --> 00:06:59,350
It's really good.

157
00:06:59,352 --> 00:07:01,100
We've been talking about
the origins of slavery.

158
00:07:01,102 --> 00:07:02,383
Turn in
my first paper tomorrow.

159
00:07:02,385 --> 00:07:04,049
Great topic. I can
help with that.

160
00:07:04,051 --> 00:07:06,066
There are lots of different
perspectives you can take:

161
00:07:06,068 --> 00:07:07,567
economic, sociological,
political...

162
00:07:07,569 --> 00:07:09,550
Hey, this is my paper.

163
00:07:09,552 --> 00:07:13,216
And my perspective
is that slavery is bad.

164
00:07:14,885 --> 00:07:16,216
Oh, and my professor's black,

165
00:07:16,218 --> 00:07:18,283
so I'm pretty sure
that's the right answer.

166
00:07:19,067 --> 00:07:21,066
Can I take a look?

167
00:07:21,068 --> 00:07:23,600
No, Leonard,
this is my thing.

168
00:07:23,602 --> 00:07:25,233
Okay, I get it.

169
00:07:25,235 --> 00:07:26,734
Thank you.

170
00:07:26,736 --> 00:07:28,350
It's like when I
started doing chin-ups;

171
00:07:28,352 --> 00:07:32,117
I didn't want you to see
until I could do one.

172
00:07:32,119 --> 00:07:35,584
FYI, really close.

173
00:07:35,586 --> 00:07:37,383
Thank you.

174
00:07:37,385 --> 00:07:38,901
Now behave yourself
and eat your dinner.

175
00:07:38,903 --> 00:07:39,901
Maybe later, if you're lucky,

176
00:07:39,903 --> 00:07:41,434
you get to sleep with
a college girl.

177
00:07:41,436 --> 00:07:42,517
Really?

178
00:07:42,519 --> 00:07:44,183
'Cause I went to
four years of college

179
00:07:44,185 --> 00:07:46,650
and five years of grad school,
that never happened once.

180
00:07:49,752 --> 00:07:52,734
I think the next time I have to
speak to a call center in India,

181
00:07:52,736 --> 00:07:56,016
I'm going to try using
an American accent.

182
00:07:58,351 --> 00:07:59,851
Why?

183
00:07:59,853 --> 00:08:02,233
Because when I use
my regular voice,

184
00:08:02,235 --> 00:08:04,784
I feel like
I'm making fun of them.

185
00:08:07,234 --> 00:08:08,817
That's ridiculous.

186
00:08:08,819 --> 00:08:11,150
Not to mention, your
American accent is terrible.

187
00:08:11,152 --> 00:08:13,267
Dude, my accent is brilliant.

188
00:08:13,269 --> 00:08:15,350
Hey,
my snow-white American friends,

189
00:08:15,352 --> 00:08:17,150
let's put some cow meat
on the barbecue

190
00:08:17,152 --> 00:08:20,934
and eat it
until we're all obese.

191
00:08:20,936 --> 00:08:22,684
This is what you sound like.

192
00:08:22,686 --> 00:08:24,233
I think I'm talking

193
00:08:24,235 --> 00:08:26,767
in an American accent,
but it really sounds like

194
00:08:26,769 --> 00:08:29,934
I'm wearing a set
of giant dentures.

195
00:08:29,936 --> 00:08:32,901
Sheldon, do I really
sound like that?

196
00:08:32,903 --> 00:08:35,267
Tell him he sounds like that.

197
00:08:37,101 --> 00:08:38,751
Sheldon, you okay?

198
00:08:38,753 --> 00:08:41,834
It's been three days.

199
00:08:41,836 --> 00:08:45,117
Why hasn't Stephen
Hawking played a word?

200
00:08:46,651 --> 00:08:47,884
The guy's a genius.

201
00:08:47,886 --> 00:08:49,884
Maybe you weren't
challenging enough for him.

202
00:08:49,886 --> 00:08:51,183
Not challenging?

203
00:08:51,185 --> 00:08:52,884
I was humiliating
the man.

204
00:08:52,886 --> 00:08:55,567
I was thinking of writing a
book called A Brief History of

205
00:08:55,569 --> 00:08:58,817
the Time I Made Stephen Hawking
Cry Like a Little Girl.

206
00:08:58,819 --> 00:09:01,434
There's the problem.

207
00:09:01,436 --> 00:09:03,216
You can't beat Hawking
like that.

208
00:09:03,218 --> 00:09:04,434
He hates to lose.

209
00:09:04,436 --> 00:09:06,600
Everyone knows the
guy's a big baby.

210
00:09:06,602 --> 00:09:10,434
I mean, forget the wheelchair,
he should be in a stroller.

211
00:09:12,651 --> 00:09:14,350
Really?

212
00:09:14,352 --> 00:09:16,233
One time when I was
working with him,

213
00:09:16,235 --> 00:09:19,233
he said that Johnny Depp
was in The Matrix.

214
00:09:19,235 --> 00:09:22,016
I told him he was wrong,
but he kept insisting.

215
00:09:22,018 --> 00:09:24,517
So I looked it up
online and showed him.

216
00:09:24,519 --> 00:09:27,400
Well, the next day,
he had a pizza party,

217
00:09:27,402 --> 00:09:31,350
and everyone got invited but me.

218
00:09:32,067 --> 00:09:33,434
And then he was all,

219
00:09:33,436 --> 00:09:35,484
"Your invitation must have

220
00:09:35,486 --> 00:09:38,983
gotten lost in the matrix."

221
00:09:41,618 --> 00:09:44,517
Good Lord,
what have I done?

222
00:09:44,519 --> 00:09:46,983
Good Lord, what have I done?

223
00:09:49,852 --> 00:09:52,150
Terrible.

224
00:09:52,152 --> 00:09:55,550
All right, hotshot,
let's hear your Indian.

225
00:09:55,552 --> 00:09:57,383
I can't sit on that elephant,

226
00:09:57,385 --> 00:10:01,550
ass is on fire
from eating all this curry.

227
00:10:04,984 --> 00:10:06,817
Okay, yeah, that's pretty good.

228
00:10:28,384 --> 00:10:30,350
Please be good.

229
00:10:30,352 --> 00:10:32,517
Please be good.

230
00:10:36,468 --> 00:10:38,350
Uh-huh.

231
00:10:40,184 --> 00:10:43,417
Uh-huh.

232
00:10:43,419 --> 00:10:45,417
Okay.

233
00:10:45,419 --> 00:10:48,617
She writes like she cooks.

234
00:10:56,802 --> 00:10:59,051
Play.

235
00:10:59,053 --> 00:11:01,501
Play. Play.

236
00:11:01,503 --> 00:11:03,134
Play.

237
00:11:03,136 --> 00:11:05,001
Play.

238
00:11:05,003 --> 00:11:06,417
What are you doing?

239
00:11:07,269 --> 00:11:09,218
Trying to use a Jedi mind trick

240
00:11:09,220 --> 00:11:11,468
to control Stephen Hawking.

241
00:11:12,302 --> 00:11:13,334
Play.

242
00:11:13,336 --> 00:11:15,351
Play.

243
00:11:15,353 --> 00:11:16,601
Oh...

244
00:11:16,603 --> 00:11:20,318
He must be wearing
a tinfoil hat or something.

245
00:11:20,320 --> 00:11:22,635
I did a bad thing.

246
00:11:22,637 --> 00:11:24,151
Does it affect me?

247
00:11:24,153 --> 00:11:25,101
No.

248
00:11:25,103 --> 00:11:27,417
Then suffer in silence.

249
00:11:27,419 --> 00:11:29,051
Play.

250
00:11:29,053 --> 00:11:32,551
Play. Play.

251
00:11:32,553 --> 00:11:34,417
Stephen Hawking...

252
00:11:34,419 --> 00:11:37,834
Stephen Hawking...
Stephen Hawking.

253
00:11:38,686 --> 00:11:40,967
Penny started taking a class.

254
00:11:40,969 --> 00:11:42,751
She wrote a paper,
she didn't want me to read it,

255
00:11:42,753 --> 00:11:44,417
I went behind her back
and I read it anyway.

256
00:11:44,419 --> 00:11:46,601
Stephen Hawking hates me.

257
00:11:47,436 --> 00:11:48,967
I don't know what to do.

258
00:11:48,969 --> 00:11:50,251
I mean, the paper's terrible.

259
00:11:50,253 --> 00:11:52,468
But if I tell her,
she'll know that I read it

260
00:11:52,470 --> 00:11:53,817
and she'll get really mad.

261
00:11:53,819 --> 00:11:55,084
I was beating him so bad,

262
00:11:55,086 --> 00:11:57,084
he doesn't want
to be friends anymore.

263
00:11:57,086 --> 00:12:00,518
Why does everyone love me
except Stephen Hawking?

264
00:12:00,520 --> 00:12:03,751
Is it possible we're having
two different conversations?

265
00:12:03,753 --> 00:12:05,051
How would I know?

266
00:12:05,053 --> 00:12:07,051
I'm not listening to you.

267
00:12:07,918 --> 00:12:09,184
Hang on.

268
00:12:10,968 --> 00:12:11,967
Okay.

269
00:12:11,969 --> 00:12:13,134
Here's what we're gonna do.

270
00:12:13,136 --> 00:12:14,368
Chess clock.

271
00:12:14,370 --> 00:12:16,851
We each get five minutes
to talk about our problems.

272
00:12:16,853 --> 00:12:17,884
We'll take turns.

273
00:12:17,886 --> 00:12:19,301
Each turn will consist of

274
00:12:19,303 --> 00:12:22,184
a statement and a helpful
response from the friend.

275
00:12:22,186 --> 00:12:23,668
Begin.

276
00:12:23,670 --> 00:12:26,518
I humiliated Stephen Hawking

277
00:12:26,520 --> 00:12:27,917
in a game of Words with Friends.

278
00:12:27,919 --> 00:12:29,017
He stopped playing.

279
00:12:29,019 --> 00:12:30,501
And now we're not
friends anymore.

280
00:12:30,503 --> 00:12:32,468
He's probably busy.

281
00:12:32,470 --> 00:12:33,917
You're worried about nothing.

282
00:12:33,919 --> 00:12:35,501
Give it
a couple more days.

283
00:12:35,503 --> 00:12:37,101
I'm sure he'll play, and you'll
see that everything's fine.

284
00:12:37,103 --> 00:12:39,585
My turn.

285
00:12:39,587 --> 00:12:41,468
I can't let Penny
hand in a bad paper,

286
00:12:41,470 --> 00:12:43,101
but how do I tell her it's bad

287
00:12:43,103 --> 00:12:44,784
without letting her know
that I read it?

288
00:12:44,786 --> 00:12:46,134
Hmm.

289
00:12:46,136 --> 00:12:47,584
Beats me. Now...

290
00:12:49,385 --> 00:12:51,101
I know Hawking's not busy

291
00:12:51,103 --> 00:12:53,717
because I can see he's playing
other people right now.

292
00:12:53,719 --> 00:12:56,101
Maybe since you're so good,

293
00:12:56,103 --> 00:12:58,551
he's taking his time
to meet the challenge.

294
00:12:58,553 --> 00:12:59,884
I want Penny to enjoy school...

295
00:12:59,886 --> 00:13:02,051
Wolowitz told me
he's a big baby!

296
00:13:02,053 --> 00:13:03,535
But I didn't know that,

297
00:13:03,537 --> 00:13:05,750
and I played "extract"
for 82 points.

298
00:13:05,752 --> 00:13:08,134
It's all Amy's fault.
She told me to play it.

299
00:13:08,136 --> 00:13:10,568
I have got to cut her loose.

300
00:13:11,436 --> 00:13:14,051
Sheldon, I wasn't done talking.

301
00:13:14,053 --> 00:13:15,801
She hands in the paper tomorrow.

302
00:13:15,803 --> 00:13:17,468
I know I could help her.

303
00:13:17,470 --> 00:13:19,184
And she's my girlfriend...

304
00:13:19,186 --> 00:13:20,635
I-I should be
allowed to help her.

305
00:13:20,637 --> 00:13:22,151
Why aren't I allowed
to help her?

306
00:13:22,153 --> 00:13:24,251
Yeah, I hear you, brother.

307
00:13:24,253 --> 00:13:26,435
No.

308
00:13:26,437 --> 00:13:27,751
You need to give me some advice.

309
00:13:27,753 --> 00:13:29,650
Fine. Women, huh?

310
00:13:29,652 --> 00:13:31,334
No...

311
00:13:32,402 --> 00:13:35,334
Specific to my situation.

312
00:13:35,336 --> 00:13:36,734
Blonde women, huh?

313
00:13:39,169 --> 00:13:40,684
Empathetic!

314
00:13:40,686 --> 00:13:42,917
It sucks to be you.
I quit.

315
00:13:42,919 --> 00:13:45,168
Leonard, wait. No.

316
00:13:45,170 --> 00:13:48,435
I listened to your dumb thing.

317
00:13:48,437 --> 00:13:49,834
Leonard, come back.

318
00:13:49,836 --> 00:13:51,084
Leonard,
come back.

319
00:13:51,086 --> 00:13:52,118
Leonard, come back.

320
00:13:52,120 --> 00:13:53,601
What?
Oh, of course,

321
00:13:53,603 --> 00:13:56,017
it only works
on the weak-minded.

322
00:14:04,918 --> 00:14:07,684
Good morning,
sunshine.

323
00:14:08,536 --> 00:14:10,084
Leonard.

324
00:14:10,086 --> 00:14:11,750
It's 8:00 a.m.

325
00:14:11,752 --> 00:14:14,251
It's like the middle
of the night.

326
00:14:15,018 --> 00:14:17,101
I know, but I have
to go to work,

327
00:14:17,103 --> 00:14:19,051
and I made you
breakfast.

328
00:14:19,053 --> 00:14:20,967
Oh, wow,
that's so sweet.

329
00:14:20,969 --> 00:14:22,551
Hey, what's this?
Uh,

330
00:14:22,553 --> 00:14:24,600
before you open that, um,
are you familiar

331
00:14:24,602 --> 00:14:27,268
with the story of
"The Shoemaker and the Elves"?

332
00:14:27,270 --> 00:14:28,584
Elves? Come on, Leonard.

333
00:14:28,586 --> 00:14:31,351
- It's too early for Lord of the Rings.
- No, no.

334
00:14:34,635 --> 00:14:35,851
Listen, um...

335
00:14:35,853 --> 00:14:37,750
Once upon a time,
there was this shoemaker

336
00:14:37,752 --> 00:14:39,600
and when he went
to bed at night,

337
00:14:39,602 --> 00:14:40,934
elves would sneak in

338
00:14:40,936 --> 00:14:43,251
and they would make
all these amazing

339
00:14:43,253 --> 00:14:44,384
shoes for him.

340
00:14:44,386 --> 00:14:46,101
And when the shoemaker
woke up in the morning,

341
00:14:46,103 --> 00:14:48,268
he-he would be super happy,

342
00:14:48,270 --> 00:14:51,351
not mad at the elves at all.

343
00:14:52,185 --> 00:14:53,951
Open it.

344
00:14:53,953 --> 00:14:56,101
Okay.

345
00:14:56,103 --> 00:14:58,801
"An examination
of the economic, cultural,

346
00:14:58,803 --> 00:15:00,967
and political roots of slavery

347
00:15:00,969 --> 00:15:04,551
in the Old South:
1619 to 1865."

348
00:15:05,369 --> 00:15:07,851
What the hell is this?

349
00:15:07,853 --> 00:15:11,017
Don't ask me.
A little elf did it.

350
00:15:12,852 --> 00:15:14,634
So let me get this straight.

351
00:15:14,636 --> 00:15:17,134
You just assumed my paper
would be bad

352
00:15:17,136 --> 00:15:18,834
so you wrote one for me?

353
00:15:18,836 --> 00:15:20,451
No, I assumed it would be good.
Then I read it.

354
00:15:20,453 --> 00:15:22,168
What?
No, I...

355
00:15:22,170 --> 00:15:24,184
I mean, it was good.

356
00:15:24,186 --> 00:15:26,884
There were just a few things
that needed a little polishing.

357
00:15:26,886 --> 00:15:29,684
W... You changed every word.
That's not true.

358
00:15:29,686 --> 00:15:30,750
Uh...

359
00:15:30,752 --> 00:15:32,017
"Slavery."

360
00:15:34,269 --> 00:15:36,384
"1619,"

361
00:15:36,386 --> 00:15:39,184
your name at the top...
that's all you.

362
00:15:40,018 --> 00:15:41,834
You are such an ass.

363
00:15:41,836 --> 00:15:43,251
This is exactly why
I didn't want to tell you

364
00:15:43,253 --> 00:15:45,084
I was taking a class
in the first place.

365
00:15:45,086 --> 00:15:46,767
Please don't be upset.
I-I just...

366
00:15:46,769 --> 00:15:49,051
I didn't want you ending up
with a bad grade

367
00:15:49,053 --> 00:15:51,084
and get discouraged
and give up on the idea

368
00:15:51,086 --> 00:15:52,184
of going back to school.

369
00:15:52,186 --> 00:15:54,384
Right, because me
being in school

370
00:15:54,386 --> 00:15:55,801
is so important to you.

371
00:15:55,803 --> 00:15:58,067
That way, you wouldn't have
to be dating someone

372
00:15:58,069 --> 00:15:59,384
who's only a waitress.

373
00:15:59,386 --> 00:16:01,084
Oh, come on, you know
that's not true.

374
00:16:01,086 --> 00:16:02,583
Do I? Listen to me.

375
00:16:02,585 --> 00:16:04,218
I need to do this on my own.

376
00:16:04,220 --> 00:16:06,417
If I fail, I fail.
If I pass, I pass.

377
00:16:06,419 --> 00:16:07,417
Do you get it?

378
00:16:07,419 --> 00:16:08,884
I'm sorry.
I was just trying

379
00:16:08,886 --> 00:16:11,101
to help.
Yeah, well, next time don't.

380
00:16:12,018 --> 00:16:14,067
Oh, and since
you like stories so much,

381
00:16:14,069 --> 00:16:15,784
this is not "The Shoemaker
and the Elves," okay?

382
00:16:15,786 --> 00:16:18,351
This is, "Give a man a fish,
he eats it.

383
00:16:18,353 --> 00:16:19,767
"Teach a man to fish, he...

384
00:16:19,769 --> 00:16:21,583
sells it or something."
Whatever, I don't know!

385
00:16:21,585 --> 00:16:23,734
It's just a lot better
than what you did, you big jerk!

386
00:16:29,752 --> 00:16:32,334
You ever hear back
from Hawking?

387
00:16:32,336 --> 00:16:34,017
No.

388
00:16:34,019 --> 00:16:36,268
It would appear
as if I've lost him.

389
00:16:36,270 --> 00:16:38,251
Stupid brain.

390
00:16:40,085 --> 00:16:41,218
It'll be okay.

391
00:16:41,220 --> 00:16:43,268
How can it be okay?

392
00:16:43,270 --> 00:16:44,817
Stephen Hawking's a genius

393
00:16:44,819 --> 00:16:46,767
and he talks like a robot.

394
00:16:46,769 --> 00:16:49,917
It's everything I've ever wanted
in a friend.

395
00:16:50,718 --> 00:16:52,218
Yeah, but if he's
a sore loser,

396
00:16:52,220 --> 00:16:53,717
maybe you're better
off without him.

397
00:16:54,551 --> 00:16:56,101
You're right.

398
00:16:56,103 --> 00:16:59,251
I guess I just have to make
lemonade out of the two of you.

399
00:17:03,220 --> 00:17:05,184
He played!
He played!

400
00:17:05,186 --> 00:17:08,884
Coop and Rolling Thunder
are together again.

401
00:17:09,701 --> 00:17:12,583
He was okay with that nickname.

402
00:17:12,585 --> 00:17:14,782
So, now all you have to do
is let him win.

403
00:17:14,807 --> 00:17:16,766
Yeah,
way ahead of you.

404
00:17:16,769 --> 00:17:19,134
I will play the word "at"

405
00:17:19,136 --> 00:17:22,034
for two measly points,
throwing the game

406
00:17:22,036 --> 00:17:23,550
and thus securing my friendship

407
00:17:23,552 --> 00:17:25,801
with the smartest man
in the world.

408
00:17:33,202 --> 00:17:35,251
What are you waiting for?
Hit "send."

409
00:17:35,253 --> 00:17:36,416
I can't.

410
00:17:36,418 --> 00:17:38,967
Losing on purpose
is intellectually dishonest.

411
00:17:38,969 --> 00:17:40,268
So don't do it.

412
00:17:40,270 --> 00:17:42,084
Oh, but I want
to be Hawking's friend.

413
00:17:42,086 --> 00:17:43,334
So do it.

414
00:17:43,336 --> 00:17:45,268
No, but if I do,
I'll be a phony,

415
00:17:45,270 --> 00:17:46,416
a sellout,

416
00:17:46,418 --> 00:17:48,717
a Hollywood poser.

417
00:17:49,551 --> 00:17:51,368
Then don't do it.

418
00:17:51,370 --> 00:17:53,001
I won't.

419
00:17:53,003 --> 00:17:54,434
This feels right.

420
00:17:54,436 --> 00:17:57,634
My mother always said,
"To thine own self be true."

421
00:17:57,636 --> 00:17:58,967
Good for you.

422
00:17:58,969 --> 00:18:00,634
'Course she also told me
that every animal in the world

423
00:18:00,636 --> 00:18:03,351
got on one boat, so what does
she know? And send.

424
00:18:09,685 --> 00:18:10,767
Oh, hey.

425
00:18:10,769 --> 00:18:12,184
Haven't heard from you
in a couple days.

426
00:18:12,186 --> 00:18:13,168
You still mad at me?

427
00:18:13,170 --> 00:18:14,416
Nope.

428
00:18:14,418 --> 00:18:16,434
I have no reason to...

429
00:18:16,436 --> 00:18:18,351
"B" mad at you.

430
00:18:19,584 --> 00:18:21,500
Minus.

431
00:18:22,886 --> 00:18:23,801
Wow.

432
00:18:23,803 --> 00:18:25,583
That's right.
On my paper.

433
00:18:25,585 --> 00:18:28,567
Not yours, mine,
you punk-ass elf.

434
00:18:30,335 --> 00:18:32,268
I don't know what to say.

435
00:18:32,270 --> 00:18:33,634
Hmm, how about,

436
00:18:33,636 --> 00:18:36,251
"Gee, Penny, you're smarter
than I thought.

437
00:18:36,253 --> 00:18:38,101
"You may be the one in school,

438
00:18:38,103 --> 00:18:40,218
"but I'm the one
who learned a lesson.

439
00:18:40,220 --> 00:18:44,251
I'm so stupid, Penny.
Duh..."

440
00:18:49,135 --> 00:18:52,251
She sounds exactly like you!

441
00:18:54,085 --> 00:18:56,101
How'd it go
with Leonard?

442
00:18:56,103 --> 00:18:59,350
I don't think he'll be making
that mistake again.

443
00:18:59,352 --> 00:19:00,350
Good.

444
00:19:00,352 --> 00:19:01,350
So,

445
00:19:01,352 --> 00:19:02,416
I know this goes
without saying,

446
00:19:02,418 --> 00:19:03,684
but if either of you
tell Leonard

447
00:19:03,686 --> 00:19:04,917
you helped me rewrite
this paper,

448
00:19:04,919 --> 00:19:07,634
I will beat you both
with a bag of oranges.

449
00:19:08,451 --> 00:19:09,751
Got it.
Understood.

450
00:19:09,753 --> 00:19:12,434
Now, ladies, we got a
B-minus on this paper.

451
00:19:12,436 --> 00:19:14,134
I think if we put
our heads together,

452
00:19:14,136 --> 00:19:16,500
on the next one
we could get an "A."

453
00:19:16,502 --> 00:19:19,484
Uh, but we got you a B-minus on
purpose to make it believable.

454
00:19:19,486 --> 00:19:20,884
Believable?

455
00:19:21,835 --> 00:19:23,134
You saying I'm not smart?

456
00:19:23,136 --> 00:19:25,650
No, no!
You're smart.

457
00:19:26,468 --> 00:19:28,218
That's better.

458
00:19:29,601 --> 00:19:32,084
I feel like I'm in
high school again.

459
00:19:32,086 --> 00:19:36,434
Yeah, doing the prom queen's
homework so she'll like us.

460
00:19:36,436 --> 00:19:38,416
I know.

461
00:19:38,418 --> 00:19:40,600
It's finally working.

462
00:19:54,325 --> 00:19:55,791
It's Stephen Hawking.

463
00:19:55,793 --> 00:19:57,658
Answer it.

464
00:19:57,660 --> 00:19:59,841
I want to hear.

465
00:20:00,842 --> 00:20:02,242
Professor Hawking,

466
00:20:02,244 --> 00:20:03,725
how nice of you to call.

467
00:20:03,727 --> 00:20:04,958
Hello.

468
00:20:04,960 --> 00:20:07,875
I really enjoyed our game,
Dr. Cooper.

469
00:20:07,877 --> 00:20:08,875
Oh,

470
00:20:08,877 --> 00:20:10,758
me, too.

471
00:20:10,760 --> 00:20:14,424
Or should I say Dr. Loser?

472
00:20:16,792 --> 00:20:18,324
Ha, ha, ha.

473
00:20:19,825 --> 00:20:21,775
Yes,

474
00:20:21,777 --> 00:20:23,042
congratulations.

475
00:20:23,044 --> 00:20:24,958
You won fair and square.

476
00:20:24,960 --> 00:20:26,875
Uh, very impressive, sir.

477
00:20:26,877 --> 00:20:28,875
Do you like brain teasers?

478
00:20:28,877 --> 00:20:31,324
Oh, I love brain teasers.

479
00:20:31,836 --> 00:20:34,218
What does Sheldon Cooper

480
00:20:34,220 --> 00:20:37,884
and a black hole have in common?

481
00:20:37,886 --> 00:20:40,051
They both suck.

482
00:20:46,780 --> 00:20:48,630
Neener neener.

483
00:20:48,678 --> 00:20:53,673
== sync, corrected by elderman ==