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00:00:01,342 --> 00:00:05,106
Welcome to Sheldon Cooper
Fun with Flags.

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00:00:06,674 --> 00:00:09,539
Before we get started,
I'd like to announce

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00:00:09,541 --> 00:00:12,439
the winner of our design
your own flag competition.

4
00:00:12,441 --> 00:00:14,606
But I can't.

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00:00:14,608 --> 00:00:17,273
The only entry
was from GameyGamer75,

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00:00:17,275 --> 00:00:21,207
and I know that was a jpeg
of your buttocks.

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00:00:21,209 --> 00:00:23,573
Now this week we have
a very special episode

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00:00:23,575 --> 00:00:25,240
where we explore the flags

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00:00:25,242 --> 00:00:28,539
of the popular entertainment
franchise, Star Trek.

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00:00:28,541 --> 00:00:30,806
And to help me,
I'm pleased to introduce

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00:00:30,808 --> 00:00:32,639
Internet personality,

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00:00:32,641 --> 00:00:35,339
former star of Star Trek:
The Next Generation,

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and the only guy I know lucky
enough to be immortalized

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00:00:38,842 --> 00:00:43,940
in 1/16 scale...
set phasers to "fun"...

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00:00:46,174 --> 00:00:48,606
for my friend, Wil Wheaton.

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00:00:50,241 --> 00:00:51,973
Hi, Sheldon.
Thanks for having me.

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00:00:51,975 --> 00:00:53,372
I'm happy to be here.

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00:00:53,374 --> 00:00:54,890
Cut.

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00:00:54,892 --> 00:00:55,990
What's wrong?

20
00:00:55,992 --> 00:00:58,257
Sorry, Sheldon, you were
brilliant as always.

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00:00:58,259 --> 00:01:01,040
Wil, that was
a little wooden.

22
00:01:01,042 --> 00:01:03,589
Wooden?

23
00:01:03,591 --> 00:01:04,923
Don't worry,
it wasn't terrible.

24
00:01:04,925 --> 00:01:08,756
Just, this time, try to say it
the way people sound.

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00:01:10,757 --> 00:01:12,090
And action.

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00:01:12,092 --> 00:01:14,422
My friend, Wil Wheaton.

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00:01:14,424 --> 00:01:16,090
Hi, Sheldon.
Thanks for having me.

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00:01:16,092 --> 00:01:17,322
I'm excited to be here.

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So, Wil, what do you
have for us first?

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Well, this is
an exciting one.

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This is the flag of the
United Federation of Planets.

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Now what's interesting about this flag...
Cut.

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00:01:27,590 --> 00:01:29,006
What was wrong with that?

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00:01:29,008 --> 00:01:31,589
It's called "Fun with Flags."

35
00:01:31,591 --> 00:01:33,923
They're not at half-mast,
nobody died.

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00:01:33,925 --> 00:01:36,090
Let's try and keep it upbeat.

37
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Um, no offense,

38
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but I've been acting
since I was a kid.

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I think I can
handle a Web show

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00:01:41,842 --> 00:01:43,090
without a lot
of direction.

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It's true.

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00:01:44,341 --> 00:01:45,873
In 1982, Wil
played the voice

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00:01:45,875 --> 00:01:48,539
of Martin the mouse
in The Secret of NIMH:

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You moved me.

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You'll have to forgive me.

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This is my first time directing,
I just want it to be good.

47
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So do I.

48
00:01:57,708 --> 00:01:59,589
Great. So, this time let's try

49
00:01:59,591 --> 00:02:01,389
more real boy, less Pinocchio.

50
00:02:03,091 --> 00:02:04,140
And action.

51
00:02:04,142 --> 00:02:05,523
And cut.

52
00:02:06,507 --> 00:02:08,639
You realize that I'm doing this
for free, right?

53
00:02:08,641 --> 00:02:12,723
Yes. And so far, we're still
not getting our money's worth.

54
00:02:15,040 --> 00:02:17,506
Let's try it again.

55
00:02:17,508 --> 00:02:19,372
Everybody's having fun.

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And action.

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00:02:21,341 --> 00:02:23,539
So, Wil...

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00:02:30,974 --> 00:02:33,272
what do you have
for us first?

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00:02:33,274 --> 00:02:37,506
Well, this is
an exciting one.

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00:02:37,508 --> 00:02:39,073
This is the flag

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00:02:39,075 --> 00:02:41,073
of the United
Federation of Planets.

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Cut.

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00:02:42,341 --> 00:02:45,140
Problem,
first-time director?

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00:02:45,142 --> 00:02:46,389
Oh, none that I could see.

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I saw a man who loved flags
almost as much as I do.

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I got goose bumps.

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He was overacting on purpose.

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00:02:54,541 --> 00:02:55,639
Really?

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00:02:55,641 --> 00:02:58,256
He reminded me of a
young William Shatner.

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00:02:58,258 --> 00:02:59,639
Listen, Sheldon,
I'm really happy

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00:02:59,641 --> 00:03:02,140
to do this for you,
but not if she's gonna be

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00:03:02,142 --> 00:03:04,206
a huge pain in the ass
the whole time.

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00:03:05,124 --> 00:03:07,256
You gonna let him
speak to me like that?

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00:03:07,258 --> 00:03:11,389
Well...

75
00:03:11,391 --> 00:03:12,873
you're my girlfriend

76
00:03:12,875 --> 00:03:14,806
and I don't want
you to be upset.

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00:03:14,808 --> 00:03:16,472
Then again,
Wil Wheaton's my friend

78
00:03:16,474 --> 00:03:18,723
and I don't want
him to be upset.

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Hmm...

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This is a sticky wicket.

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What do you think?

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Can I speak to you
for a second?

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I'll be right back.

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00:03:30,174 --> 00:03:32,556
Feel free to play
with yourself.

85
00:03:39,140 --> 00:03:42,372
I don't care for your friend,
he's being rude to me.

86
00:03:42,374 --> 00:03:43,806
You need to ask him to leave.

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00:03:43,808 --> 00:03:46,873
Amy, I can't just ask
Wil Wheaton to leave.

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He's a minor celebrity.

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00:03:49,941 --> 00:03:53,539
Once you explain who he is,
many people recognize him.

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Fine. Then maybe I should go.

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00:03:55,391 --> 00:03:57,973
Could you?
That would solve everything.

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00:03:59,190 --> 00:04:01,639
You are the best.

93
00:04:01,641 --> 00:04:03,472
I'll see you at dinner tonight?

94
00:04:03,474 --> 00:04:05,139
You sure you wouldn't rather
have dinner

95
00:04:05,141 --> 00:04:06,339
with your friend Wil Wheaton?

96
00:04:06,341 --> 00:04:08,890
Come to think of it, I would!

97
00:04:09,724 --> 00:04:12,539
You, little lady, are on fire.

98
00:04:38,037 --> 00:04:42,033
== sync, corrected by elderman ==

99
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Every time we eat
dinner here,

100
00:04:44,244 --> 00:04:46,325
your mother refuses to let me
help with the dishes.

101
00:04:46,327 --> 00:04:49,026
Don't take it personally.
She likes doing them by herself

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00:04:49,028 --> 00:04:51,942
so she can lick the plates
with no one looking.

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00:04:51,944 --> 00:04:53,775
You ready to go?

104
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Yeah, let me just grab a couple
of fresh turtlenecks.

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I don't understand
why you keep your stuff here

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when there's plenty
of room at home.

107
00:05:01,644 --> 00:05:03,375
What are you
talking about?

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00:05:03,377 --> 00:05:06,208
All I have here
is a few sweaters,

109
00:05:06,210 --> 00:05:09,026
books, bank stuff,
computers,

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00:05:09,028 --> 00:05:11,492
mail, collectibles, medicine
and my electric body groomer.

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00:05:12,660 --> 00:05:15,609
Ooh, there's my plaid dickie.

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Oh, got this at the Goodwill
store for 50 cents.

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Can you believe it?

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50 cents sounds right.

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Let's go.

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You know, it's kinda late.

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Why don't we just spend
the night here?

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Because we don't live here.

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I know.

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Do you? You said when you got
back from space

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you were gonna move into
my apartment,

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but half the time we stay here.

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That's not true.

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Howard, I'm doing laundry!

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You want me to put
anything in for you?

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There's some underwear
in the hamper!

127
00:05:48,828 --> 00:05:52,242
Oh, good! I got that new
stain stick to try out!

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00:05:54,660 --> 00:05:59,709
Thank you! I only put it
on the list two weeks ago!

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Okay, I see what
you're getting at.

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How about this weekend

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I'll box up all my things
and move them to our place.

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00:06:09,828 --> 00:06:11,242
Thank you.

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The lightsabers are gonna
look great in the living room.

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00:06:13,911 --> 00:06:17,058
Or in the closet.
We can decide later.

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00:06:17,060 --> 00:06:19,325
Howard, help!

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00:06:19,327 --> 00:06:22,075
My hand's stuck
in the garbage disposal!

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00:06:22,077 --> 00:06:26,242
Let go of whatever piece of food
you're holding!

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Are you kidding?

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It's a perfectly good
chicken leg!

140
00:06:34,326 --> 00:06:36,575
Hey, look who's out
after dark, like a big boy.

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00:06:36,577 --> 00:06:40,325
I was out raising heck
with Mr. Wil Wheaton.

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00:06:40,327 --> 00:06:41,942
Four hours more
and we would have

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00:06:41,944 --> 00:06:44,991
closed down the
HomeTown Buffet.

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00:06:44,993 --> 00:06:46,525
I thought you had plans
with Amy.

145
00:06:46,527 --> 00:06:50,941
Yeah, I did, but then Wil called
Amy a pain in the A-S-S.

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00:06:50,943 --> 00:06:52,826
She got huffy and left,

147
00:06:52,828 --> 00:06:55,075
then Wil and I headed out
to dinner.

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00:06:55,077 --> 00:06:58,192
That place really did remind me
of my hometown.

149
00:06:58,194 --> 00:07:02,008
Because there we also have
a HomeTown Buffet.

150
00:07:04,042 --> 00:07:06,275
Hold on.
Wil and Amy had an argument?

151
00:07:06,277 --> 00:07:08,408
Yes, quite the kerfuffle.

152
00:07:08,410 --> 00:07:10,742
Then Amy got mad and left?

153
00:07:10,744 --> 00:07:12,408
Walked right out the door.

154
00:07:12,410 --> 00:07:14,442
And you...?

155
00:07:14,444 --> 00:07:17,091
Enjoyed a delightful dinner
at a reasonable price.

156
00:07:18,026 --> 00:07:20,058
The manager recognized Wil

157
00:07:20,060 --> 00:07:23,108
and let us sit right next
to the frozen yogurt machine.

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00:07:23,110 --> 00:07:24,375
Right next to it!

159
00:07:25,393 --> 00:07:28,709
I was closer to it than
I am to you right now.

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00:07:28,711 --> 00:07:31,826
Buddy, I think Amy
might be upset.

161
00:07:31,828 --> 00:07:33,575
Why's that?

162
00:07:33,577 --> 00:07:35,558
Because your friend
was rude to her,

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00:07:35,560 --> 00:07:37,358
and then you went
to dinner with him.

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00:07:37,360 --> 00:07:40,525
You're just repeating
what I said.

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00:07:40,527 --> 00:07:42,859
It's like living with
a lactose-intolerant parrot.

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00:07:44,676 --> 00:07:47,659
Trust me, call her.

167
00:07:47,661 --> 00:07:51,826
Fine. It's a shame you didn't
go to dinner with us,

168
00:07:51,828 --> 00:07:53,408
because the buffet
you're about to enjoy

169
00:07:53,410 --> 00:07:55,158
only serves humble pie,

170
00:07:55,160 --> 00:07:58,108
a dessert much less tasty
than frozen yogurt.

171
00:07:58,110 --> 00:07:59,492
I was this close.

172
00:08:02,777 --> 00:08:05,509
What?

173
00:08:05,511 --> 00:08:07,008
You'll appreciate this.

174
00:08:07,010 --> 00:08:09,575
Leonard has some ridiculous
notion that you're mad at me.

175
00:08:09,577 --> 00:08:11,358
Tell him you're
not mad at me.

176
00:08:11,360 --> 00:08:12,775
Go ahead, set
him straight.

177
00:08:12,777 --> 00:08:14,342
I'm mad at you, Sheldon.

178
00:08:14,344 --> 00:08:18,858
Hmm. Eat one of
your Luna bars.

179
00:08:20,326 --> 00:08:22,292
Very often when women
think they're angry,

180
00:08:22,294 --> 00:08:24,659
they're really just hungry.

181
00:08:24,661 --> 00:08:27,208
I'm not hungry.

182
00:08:28,276 --> 00:08:30,208
Your friend insulted me,
and you didn't do anything.

183
00:08:30,210 --> 00:08:34,941
Precisely, I didn't
do anything.

184
00:08:34,943 --> 00:08:38,058
Now does someone feel like
checking her emotional math?

185
00:08:38,060 --> 00:08:41,275
Keep going, buddy,
you're doing great.

186
00:08:41,277 --> 00:08:42,858
Sheldon, I'm your girlfriend,

187
00:08:42,860 --> 00:08:44,742
and you should have
taken my side.

188
00:08:44,744 --> 00:08:48,242
That's it. End of story.
Good night.

189
00:08:49,176 --> 00:08:53,908
Wow, Amy's mad
and Leonard was right.

190
00:08:53,910 --> 00:08:56,609
What a weird day.

191
00:08:58,859 --> 00:09:00,558
Hey. Sorry this took so long.

192
00:09:00,560 --> 00:09:03,192
But you used to work here,
you know how it is.

193
00:09:03,194 --> 00:09:04,858
Kitchen slammed again?

194
00:09:04,860 --> 00:09:07,609
No, I'm a terrible waitress,
remember?

195
00:09:08,909 --> 00:09:10,058
So, is there anything I can do

196
00:09:10,060 --> 00:09:11,391
to help you with the move
tomorrow?

197
00:09:11,393 --> 00:09:12,659
Now that you mention it,

198
00:09:12,661 --> 00:09:15,775
I was thinking tomorrow
might not be great.

199
00:09:15,777 --> 00:09:18,025
What's your excuse this time?

200
00:09:18,027 --> 00:09:21,742
No excuse. It's just, you know,
I'm Jewish, and technically,

201
00:09:21,744 --> 00:09:24,275
we're not supposed to drive or
carry anything on the Sabbath.

202
00:09:24,277 --> 00:09:27,659
So this one's on God.

203
00:09:27,661 --> 00:09:29,058
That might be
a little more convincing

204
00:09:29,060 --> 00:09:32,041
if you didn't have a mouthful
of bacon cheeseburger.

205
00:09:32,043 --> 00:09:35,225
My religion's kinda
loosey-goosey.

206
00:09:35,227 --> 00:09:37,408
Basically, as long as you got
your schmekel clipped

207
00:09:37,410 --> 00:09:39,509
and don't wear a cross,
you're good.

208
00:09:42,243 --> 00:09:43,358
Howie, you promised you'd move.

209
00:09:43,360 --> 00:09:44,609
And I will.

210
00:09:44,611 --> 00:09:45,941
Yeah, right.

211
00:09:45,943 --> 00:09:48,408
I will. I'm obviously not going
to live in my mother's house

212
00:09:48,410 --> 00:09:51,075
for the rest of my life.
I'm not a child.

213
00:09:51,077 --> 00:09:54,375
I've seen her burp you.

214
00:09:55,909 --> 00:09:57,808
She did not burp me.

215
00:09:57,810 --> 00:10:01,375
She was patting me on the back,
and I happened to burp.

216
00:10:03,392 --> 00:10:06,058
Don't you have other tables
you should be waiting on?

217
00:10:06,060 --> 00:10:09,158
Yeah, but I told you,
I'm not good at my job.

218
00:10:09,160 --> 00:10:10,242
Bernadette,
listen to me.

219
00:10:10,244 --> 00:10:11,358
He is never gonna leave.

220
00:10:11,360 --> 00:10:13,358
I'm starting to think
you're right.

221
00:10:13,360 --> 00:10:15,025
All right,
I've had enough of this.

222
00:10:15,027 --> 00:10:17,609
I'm a grown man,
I have a successful career.

223
00:10:17,611 --> 00:10:20,158
For the love of God,
I've been to space!

224
00:10:20,160 --> 00:10:21,774
I will move out when I'm ready,

225
00:10:21,776 --> 00:10:24,108
and I don't need anyone
badgering me into it!

226
00:10:24,110 --> 00:10:27,724
Wow, excuse me.

227
00:10:28,559 --> 00:10:30,225
That was just for her benefit.

228
00:10:30,227 --> 00:10:32,192
I'll move tomorrow. I love you.
Don't leave me.

229
00:10:37,026 --> 00:10:38,891
Amy.

230
00:10:38,893 --> 00:10:40,891
Amy.

231
00:10:40,893 --> 00:10:43,275
Angry Amy.

232
00:10:43,277 --> 00:10:45,492
What?

233
00:10:45,494 --> 00:10:47,941
I've been thinking about
what happened,

234
00:10:47,943 --> 00:10:50,192
and I hope this gift

235
00:10:50,194 --> 00:10:52,275
will make things better.

236
00:10:54,076 --> 00:10:57,325
Star Trek DVDs?

237
00:10:57,327 --> 00:10:58,575
Why would I want this?

238
00:10:58,577 --> 00:11:00,774
First of all, you're welcome.

239
00:11:01,775 --> 00:11:03,724
Furthermore, not being familiar

240
00:11:03,726 --> 00:11:05,158
with Wil Wheaton's body of work,

241
00:11:05,160 --> 00:11:06,741
there was no way for you to know

242
00:11:06,743 --> 00:11:08,609
you were being rude
to a national treasure.

243
00:11:09,942 --> 00:11:13,375
Get ready for 130 hours
of "I told you so."

244
00:11:16,842 --> 00:11:18,408
Fine.

245
00:11:18,410 --> 00:11:21,058
I'll just tell you what happens.

246
00:11:21,060 --> 00:11:24,058
Episode one,
"Encounter at Farpoint."

247
00:11:24,060 --> 00:11:25,358
Fade in.

248
00:11:25,360 --> 00:11:28,242
The new Enterprise heads out
on its maiden voyage

249
00:11:28,244 --> 00:11:30,941
to contact the Bandi people
of Deneb IV.

250
00:11:30,943 --> 00:11:34,025
Enter Wesley Crusher,
played by my buddy...

251
00:11:38,610 --> 00:11:40,825
She's hooked.

252
00:11:52,542 --> 00:11:53,575
Wow.

253
00:11:53,576 --> 00:11:55,323
An end of an era.

254
00:11:56,492 --> 00:12:00,340
Boy, if these walls could talk.

255
00:12:00,342 --> 00:12:03,957
They'd say, "Why does he
touch himself so much?"

256
00:12:08,542 --> 00:12:10,257
Yeah.

257
00:12:12,592 --> 00:12:15,857
I can't believe I'm not going
to live here anymore.

258
00:12:15,859 --> 00:12:19,207
This has always been my bedroom.

259
00:12:19,209 --> 00:12:22,623
Right here is where my mom
used to mark my height.

260
00:12:22,625 --> 00:12:24,323
Oh, yeah.

261
00:12:24,325 --> 00:12:25,740
Fifth grade.

262
00:12:25,742 --> 00:12:27,174
Sixth grade.

263
00:12:27,176 --> 00:12:28,457
Seventh grade.

264
00:12:28,459 --> 00:12:29,591
Eighth grade.

265
00:12:29,593 --> 00:12:31,923
Ninth grade.

266
00:12:32,891 --> 00:12:35,124
I remember when I was five,

267
00:12:35,126 --> 00:12:39,124
hiding under this desk
with all my Halloween candy.

268
00:12:39,126 --> 00:12:40,490
Had some Peanut M&M'S,

269
00:12:40,492 --> 00:12:43,673
went into my first
anaphylactic shock

270
00:12:43,675 --> 00:12:47,374
and had to be rushed
to the hospital.

271
00:12:47,376 --> 00:12:49,374
Came home,
celebrated with a Snickers,

272
00:12:49,376 --> 00:12:51,290
went into my second
anaphylactic shock.

273
00:12:52,408 --> 00:12:55,457
When did you figure out
you were allergic to nuts?

274
00:12:55,459 --> 00:12:57,623
Sometime
around the third Almond Joy.

275
00:12:58,624 --> 00:12:59,990
Okay.

276
00:12:59,992 --> 00:13:02,124
You want to start loading
this stuff into the truck?

277
00:13:02,126 --> 00:13:03,823
Yeah, I guess.

278
00:13:03,825 --> 00:13:06,057
Hey, would you do me a favor?

279
00:13:06,059 --> 00:13:07,290
Go on ahead.

280
00:13:07,292 --> 00:13:11,823
I just want one last moment
alone in my old room.

281
00:13:11,825 --> 00:13:13,840
We're not standing outside
by the U-Haul

282
00:13:13,842 --> 00:13:16,007
while you fondle yourself.

283
00:13:18,176 --> 00:13:20,090
Fine, let's go.

284
00:13:26,591 --> 00:13:27,873
Hey.

285
00:13:27,875 --> 00:13:29,457
What brings you in?

286
00:13:29,459 --> 00:13:31,174
Penny, if you wouldn't mind,

287
00:13:31,176 --> 00:13:35,174
I'd like to have a conversation
about girls.

288
00:13:35,176 --> 00:13:38,723
I had a feeling we'd have a
talk like this sooner or later.

289
00:13:39,808 --> 00:13:43,823
Are you finally getting
fuzz in weird places?

290
00:13:43,825 --> 00:13:45,323
Penny, please,

291
00:13:45,325 --> 00:13:47,523
I'm on the horns
of a relationship dilemma.

292
00:13:47,525 --> 00:13:49,840
And for the record,
I had a full pubis of hair

293
00:13:49,842 --> 00:13:52,457
by the time I was 19.

294
00:13:52,459 --> 00:13:54,673
And for the record...

295
00:13:57,908 --> 00:13:59,290
So what are you drinking?

296
00:13:59,292 --> 00:14:01,040
Well, it's been a rough day.

297
00:14:01,042 --> 00:14:02,490
I usually go chamomile tea,

298
00:14:02,492 --> 00:14:04,357
but I don't think
that's going to cut it.

299
00:14:04,359 --> 00:14:07,573
You could have a
Long Island Iced Tea.

300
00:14:10,391 --> 00:14:13,857
Will that calm my nerves?

301
00:14:13,859 --> 00:14:17,457
It's calmed the pants
off me a couple of times.

302
00:14:17,459 --> 00:14:19,107
Sold.

303
00:14:19,109 --> 00:14:21,957
Oh.

304
00:14:21,959 --> 00:14:25,357
So, the heart you got from
the wizard giving you trouble?

305
00:14:25,359 --> 00:14:27,323
The trouble isn't with me,
Penny,

306
00:14:27,325 --> 00:14:28,840
it's with your gender.

307
00:14:28,842 --> 00:14:30,257
Someday,
scientists will discover

308
00:14:30,259 --> 00:14:32,257
that second X chromosome
contains nothing

309
00:14:32,259 --> 00:14:34,973
but nonsense and twaddle.

310
00:14:34,975 --> 00:14:37,124
Yeah, Amy told me what happened.

311
00:14:37,126 --> 00:14:38,506
Look, just apologize.

312
00:14:38,508 --> 00:14:40,124
It'll warm her twaddle.

313
00:14:41,625 --> 00:14:43,340
It's a Band-Aid at best.

314
00:14:43,342 --> 00:14:47,040
The core problem is that Amy
and Wil do not like each other.

315
00:14:47,042 --> 00:14:50,790
Which is baffling because
they're both crazy about me.

316
00:14:51,941 --> 00:14:53,157
And I like them,

317
00:14:53,159 --> 00:14:55,290
which indicates
they're bright and interesting

318
00:14:55,292 --> 00:14:57,873
and/or were on Star Trek.

319
00:14:57,875 --> 00:15:00,990
Honey, you can't make
people like each other.

320
00:15:00,992 --> 00:15:02,340
Not true.

321
00:15:02,342 --> 00:15:04,040
Leonard made me like you.

322
00:15:04,042 --> 00:15:07,007
And let me tell you,
that was a hard row to hoe.

323
00:15:08,258 --> 00:15:10,456
Cheers, pal.

324
00:15:12,125 --> 00:15:13,656
Ooh.

325
00:15:13,658 --> 00:15:17,506
Boy, that is a treat
that's hard to beat.

326
00:15:18,774 --> 00:15:21,990
Get the Mad Hatter on the horn,
I'm having a tea party.

327
00:15:27,507 --> 00:15:29,257
You might want to pace yourself.

328
00:15:29,259 --> 00:15:31,290
I drink tea all the time.

329
00:15:31,292 --> 00:15:33,957
I think I know what I'm doing.

330
00:15:33,959 --> 00:15:37,790
Far be it from me to criticize
a man with a full pubis.

331
00:15:39,358 --> 00:15:42,157
Look, Sheldon, your problem
is not Wil Wheaton, okay?

332
00:15:42,159 --> 00:15:43,940
Your problem is the way
you treated Amy.

333
00:15:43,942 --> 00:15:47,174
My problem is I'm out of tea.

334
00:15:48,490 --> 00:15:50,174
Come on, someone insulted

335
00:15:50,176 --> 00:15:52,124
your girlfriend and
you just let him do it.

336
00:15:52,126 --> 00:15:54,673
I thought you Texas guys
stood up for your womenfolk.

337
00:15:54,675 --> 00:15:56,590
Penny, please,

338
00:15:56,592 --> 00:15:59,773
I think I've evolved beyond
my simple rustic upbringing.

339
00:15:59,775 --> 00:16:01,489
Sorry.

340
00:16:01,491 --> 00:16:04,723
On the other hand, that low-down
polecat done wronged my woman.

341
00:16:08,125 --> 00:16:10,290
Welcome to Long Island, Tex.

342
00:16:11,924 --> 00:16:14,040
Amy deserves better.

343
00:16:14,042 --> 00:16:16,706
You know, when we buy
the Planter's deluxe mix,

344
00:16:16,708 --> 00:16:20,257
she eats all the Brazil nuts
so I don't have to look at them.

345
00:16:21,457 --> 00:16:25,190
She's a unique blend
of saint and squirrel.

346
00:16:25,192 --> 00:16:26,990
Yeah, that she is.

347
00:16:26,992 --> 00:16:27,973
Here you go.

348
00:16:27,975 --> 00:16:29,873
I'm a callous egomaniac.

349
00:16:29,875 --> 00:16:31,656
She's gonna leave me.

350
00:16:31,658 --> 00:16:32,773
No, she won't.

351
00:16:32,775 --> 00:16:34,990
No, she won't. I'm great.

352
00:16:46,041 --> 00:16:48,290
Okay, I have now

353
00:16:48,292 --> 00:16:50,840
officially moved
out of my mother's house.

354
00:16:50,842 --> 00:16:52,873
You are now the only woman
in my life

355
00:16:52,875 --> 00:16:55,140
who I'll see naked
in the bathroom.

356
00:16:55,142 --> 00:16:57,456
I know this wasn't easy.

357
00:16:57,458 --> 00:16:58,740
You doing okay?

358
00:16:58,742 --> 00:17:00,323
Oh, I'm fine.

359
00:17:00,325 --> 00:17:02,174
It's just her I'm worried about.

360
00:17:02,176 --> 00:17:03,957
Aw, she'll be okay.

361
00:17:03,959 --> 00:17:05,907
She's a grown woman.
I know.

362
00:17:05,909 --> 00:17:07,990
It's just
ever since my dad left,

363
00:17:07,992 --> 00:17:10,456
I've felt responsible for her.

364
00:17:10,458 --> 00:17:13,040
That's a lot for a
kid to deal with.

365
00:17:13,042 --> 00:17:16,140
She was just so sad
all the time.

366
00:17:16,142 --> 00:17:19,373
Yeah, I was the only person
who could cheer her up.

367
00:17:19,375 --> 00:17:21,773
Well, me and Ben and Jerry.

368
00:17:21,775 --> 00:17:25,423
She's lucky you were there.

369
00:17:27,208 --> 00:17:30,257
You know, she's why
I first got into magic.

370
00:17:30,259 --> 00:17:32,007
I would do little shows
for her,

371
00:17:32,009 --> 00:17:35,706
hang up a bedsheet
like it was a curtain,

372
00:17:35,708 --> 00:17:38,040
put on a top hat and cape.

373
00:17:38,042 --> 00:17:39,456
And part way through the act,

374
00:17:39,458 --> 00:17:43,207
I would say I needed a volunteer
from the audience

375
00:17:43,209 --> 00:17:45,990
to be my beautiful assistant

376
00:17:45,992 --> 00:17:48,757
and invite her up on stage.

377
00:17:48,759 --> 00:17:52,489
I can still remember
the way she'd smile.

378
00:17:52,491 --> 00:17:55,174
For a few minutes,
she'd...

379
00:17:55,176 --> 00:17:58,040
forget how lonely she was.

380
00:17:59,675 --> 00:18:01,590
Aw, crap.

381
00:18:01,592 --> 00:18:03,306
Let's go.

382
00:18:03,308 --> 00:18:05,489
Where we going?

383
00:18:05,491 --> 00:18:06,757
Grab a box.

384
00:18:06,759 --> 00:18:08,590
We'll sleep
at your mother's place tonight.

385
00:18:08,592 --> 00:18:10,440
No, but I want to live here.

386
00:18:10,442 --> 00:18:11,823
Well, you should've
thought of that

387
00:18:11,825 --> 00:18:14,673
before you told me
the stupid magic trick story.

388
00:18:14,675 --> 00:18:17,174
Can't we talk about this?

389
00:18:17,176 --> 00:18:20,790
No husband of mine is gonna
break his mother's heart!

390
00:18:28,457 --> 00:18:30,157
Wil Wheaton!

391
00:18:30,159 --> 00:18:33,157
Wil Wheaton!

392
00:18:33,159 --> 00:18:35,306
Wait, how many was that?

393
00:18:37,674 --> 00:18:39,124
Hey, Sheldon, what's up?

394
00:18:39,126 --> 00:18:42,873
Wouldn't you like to know?

395
00:18:42,875 --> 00:18:44,339
Have you been drinking?

396
00:18:44,341 --> 00:18:47,124
Just tea.

397
00:18:47,126 --> 00:18:51,023
The best tea I've ever had.

398
00:18:51,025 --> 00:18:53,007
Why are you here?

399
00:18:53,009 --> 00:18:54,790
I'll tell you.

400
00:18:54,792 --> 00:18:56,790
I'm from Texas.

401
00:18:56,792 --> 00:19:00,490
Need I say more?

402
00:19:00,492 --> 00:19:04,273
Yeah, actually, a little more
would be helpful.

403
00:19:04,275 --> 00:19:06,007
You insulted my woman.

404
00:19:06,009 --> 00:19:08,423
I'm here to defend her honor.

405
00:19:08,425 --> 00:19:10,656
Two! It was two.

406
00:19:10,658 --> 00:19:13,506
Wil Wheaton!

407
00:19:15,141 --> 00:19:17,673
Now prepare yourself

408
00:19:17,675 --> 00:19:20,840
for what may come.

409
00:19:20,842 --> 00:19:24,339
Oh, Sheldon, do you really
think we're gonna fight?

410
00:19:24,341 --> 00:19:26,090
My fists are not up here

411
00:19:26,092 --> 00:19:29,957
because I'm milking a
giant invisible cow.

412
00:19:30,924 --> 00:19:34,206
They're up to beat an
apology out of you.

413
00:19:34,208 --> 00:19:36,356
Okay, I'm sorry.

414
00:19:36,358 --> 00:19:40,124
Well, that was a long bus
ride for not very much.

415
00:19:40,126 --> 00:19:42,289
Are you okay?

416
00:19:42,291 --> 00:19:44,322
You're asking a lot of
questions, Wil Wheaton.

417
00:19:44,324 --> 00:19:46,923
As a matter of
idle curiosity,

418
00:19:46,925 --> 00:19:49,540
which of your
shrubberies do you feel

419
00:19:49,542 --> 00:19:51,757
would benefit from
a thorough vomiting?

420
00:19:51,759 --> 00:19:53,790
Never mind, I'll choose.

421
00:20:00,157 --> 00:20:02,706
You were so good in Stand by Me.

422
00:20:12,647 --> 00:20:15,646
Hello, I'm Dr. Sheldon Cooper.

423
00:20:15,648 --> 00:20:19,346
Welcome to Sheldon Cooper
Fun with Flags.

424
00:20:20,914 --> 00:20:22,913
Get ready
for a very special episode

425
00:20:22,915 --> 00:20:24,546
where we explore the flags

426
00:20:24,548 --> 00:20:26,113
of the popular
entertainment franchise,

427
00:20:26,115 --> 00:20:27,093
Star Trek.

428
00:20:27,094 --> 00:20:30,124
And to help us, I'm pleased
to introduce a special guest...

429
00:20:30,126 --> 00:20:32,224
surprisingly,
it only took gas money

430
00:20:32,226 --> 00:20:34,425
and the promise of free food
to get him here...

431
00:20:34,427 --> 00:20:36,758
Mr. LeVar Burton.

432
00:20:38,559 --> 00:20:40,458
Hey, Sheldon,
it's a pleasure to be here.

433
00:20:40,460 --> 00:20:42,875
- Well, we've got some interesting flags for...
- Cut!

434
00:20:45,325 --> 00:20:48,558
Yikes, this guy is worse
than Wil Wheaton.

435
00:20:50,909 --> 00:20:53,191
I don't know what
she's talking about,

436
00:20:53,193 --> 00:20:55,291
but I'm obligated
to agree with her.

437
00:20:55,293 --> 00:20:56,458
She's my girlfriend.

438
00:20:56,460 --> 00:20:58,291
Ah, I hear you, brother.

439
00:20:58,793 --> 00:21:01,624
I still get lunch, right?

440
00:21:01,626 --> 00:21:06,621
== sync, corrected by elderman ==