1
00:00:02,771 --> 00:00:04,936
Why would it trouble you?

2
00:00:04,938 --> 00:00:07,253
It's, like, your third favorite
cartoon theme song.

3
00:00:07,255 --> 00:00:08,903
It is, right behind

4
00:00:19,988 --> 00:00:22,819
However, the Spider-Man lyrics
posit that

5
00:00:22,821 --> 00:00:26,136
"Spider-Man, Spider-Man
does whatever a spider can."

6
00:00:26,138 --> 00:00:27,519
Yeah, so?

7
00:00:27,521 --> 00:00:29,636
I can think of many things
Spider-Man can't do

8
00:00:29,638 --> 00:00:31,336
that a spider can.

9
00:00:31,338 --> 00:00:33,803
crawl in your ear and die.

10
00:00:34,854 --> 00:00:37,753
legally leave Guatemala
without a passport.

11
00:00:38,720 --> 00:00:41,103
have sex with a spider.

12
00:00:42,387 --> 00:00:43,603
Can we change the subject?

13
00:00:43,605 --> 00:00:46,469
Spiders give me
the jeebie-jeebies.

14
00:00:46,471 --> 00:00:49,269
It's "heebie-jeebies."

15
00:00:49,271 --> 00:00:52,469
I know, but that sounds
anti-Semitic.

16
00:00:53,586 --> 00:00:54,803
Anyway, I was thinking

17
00:00:54,805 --> 00:00:56,886
we could have a little
film festival tonight.

18
00:00:56,888 --> 00:00:59,886
The theme: movies that killed
their franchises.

19
00:00:59,888 --> 00:01:01,153
Oh.

20
00:01:01,155 --> 00:01:04,686
Like Jaws 4, Indiana Jones 4,
Daredevil 1.

21
00:01:05,805 --> 00:01:10,352
Miss Congeniality 2:
Armed and Fabulous.

22
00:01:10,354 --> 00:01:12,686
I mean, you know a movie's bad

23
00:01:12,688 --> 00:01:15,386
when my homegirl Sandy B.
can't save it.

24
00:01:15,388 --> 00:01:18,469
Penny's working tonight;
I'm in.

25
00:01:18,471 --> 00:01:20,286
Not me.
I'm having dinner

26
00:01:20,288 --> 00:01:22,086
with Bernadette and her parents.

27
00:01:22,088 --> 00:01:24,136
Fun. We know how much
you love that.

28
00:01:24,138 --> 00:01:25,103
It's torture.

29
00:01:25,105 --> 00:01:26,603
Especially with her dad.

30
00:01:26,605 --> 00:01:28,103
We have nothing in common.

31
00:01:28,105 --> 00:01:30,919
You know what I like to do
when I'm forced to speak

32
00:01:30,921 --> 00:01:33,886
with those beneath my
intellectual station?

33
00:01:33,888 --> 00:01:36,053
I bring up an
interesting topic,

34
00:01:36,055 --> 00:01:40,352
like the difference between
Spider-Man and spiders.

35
00:01:41,753 --> 00:01:42,803
Thanks, Sheldon.

36
00:01:42,805 --> 00:01:44,436
I'll try that
with my father-in-law.

37
00:01:44,438 --> 00:01:45,686
No, you can't
use that one.

38
00:01:45,688 --> 00:01:46,686
That's mine.

39
00:01:46,688 --> 00:01:48,386
Uh, try this one
for an ice-breaker.

40
00:01:48,388 --> 00:01:51,386
Uh, despite popular
lore, there is no place

41
00:01:51,388 --> 00:01:54,086
in the continental United
States, Alaska or Hawaii

42
00:01:54,088 --> 00:01:57,086
from which one can dig straight
through the center of the earth

43
00:01:57,088 --> 00:01:58,585
and come up in China.

44
00:02:00,387 --> 00:02:02,103
Great, thank you.

45
00:02:02,105 --> 00:02:03,853
Actually, you can't
have that one either.

46
00:02:03,855 --> 00:02:05,185
It's too good. Sorry.

47
00:02:05,770 --> 00:02:06,753
What about you, Sheldon?

48
00:02:06,755 --> 00:02:07,936
Do you have any plans tonight?

49
00:02:07,938 --> 00:02:09,603
Sadly, yes.

50
00:02:09,605 --> 00:02:11,986
Amy's taking me
to a memorial service.

51
00:02:11,988 --> 00:02:13,703
It's for one of
her colleagues

52
00:02:13,705 --> 00:02:17,103
who is of Asian descent, so
my planned conversational gambit

53
00:02:17,105 --> 00:02:19,603
is to casually remark
that no matter how deep

54
00:02:19,605 --> 00:02:23,636
they dig his grave, he'll never
make his way back to China.

55
00:02:25,420 --> 00:02:27,919
That should lighten the mood.

56
00:02:27,921 --> 00:02:28,986
What can I say?
I put a fun in funeral.

57
00:02:28,988 --> 00:02:31,020
I put the "fun" in funeral.

58
00:02:56,382 --> 00:03:00,378
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
correction by zzz

59
00:03:00,817 --> 00:03:03,816
Amy. Amy.

60
00:03:03,818 --> 00:03:06,365
Oh, right, funeral.

61
00:03:06,367 --> 00:03:08,199
Amy.

62
00:03:10,084 --> 00:03:11,866
Hello, Sheldon.

63
00:03:11,868 --> 00:03:14,315
I'm not allowed to wear
my Silver Surfer neck tie,

64
00:03:14,317 --> 00:03:16,999
but you can wear a bathrobe?

65
00:03:17,001 --> 00:03:19,332
I think I'm too sick
to go to the funeral.

66
00:03:19,334 --> 00:03:20,816
You're sick?

67
00:03:20,818 --> 00:03:22,282
You poor kid.

68
00:03:22,284 --> 00:03:23,499
Well, see ya.

69
00:03:25,000 --> 00:03:27,449
Sheldon, aren't you
gonna take care of me?

70
00:03:27,451 --> 00:03:28,532
Me?

71
00:03:28,534 --> 00:03:31,365
No. No, I'm not
that kind of doctor.

72
00:03:31,367 --> 00:03:34,332
But our relationship agreement
clearly states

73
00:03:34,334 --> 00:03:37,482
that when one of us is sick, the
other must take care of them.

74
00:03:37,484 --> 00:03:39,833
Oh, I see the
confusion.

75
00:03:39,835 --> 00:03:42,616
No, the intent
behind that clause

76
00:03:42,618 --> 00:03:46,999
was to force you to take
care of me when I'm ill.

77
00:03:47,001 --> 00:03:49,749
When you're feeling better,
you'll think that's funny.

78
00:03:53,617 --> 00:03:55,532
Never mind. Good night, Sheldon.

79
00:04:05,617 --> 00:04:09,482
Amy. Amy. Amy.

80
00:04:11,483 --> 00:04:12,833
I made a commitment in writing

81
00:04:12,835 --> 00:04:14,916
to comfort you
in times like this.

82
00:04:14,918 --> 00:04:16,833
Additionally, you are
my girlfriend,

83
00:04:16,835 --> 00:04:18,916
and I care about
your well-being.

84
00:04:20,750 --> 00:04:22,365
Thank you, Sheldon.

85
00:04:22,367 --> 00:04:23,532
You're welcome.

86
00:04:23,534 --> 00:04:25,165
Now let's get this over with.

87
00:04:38,083 --> 00:04:40,115
So, how have
you been?

88
00:04:40,117 --> 00:04:41,933
Fine.

89
00:04:41,935 --> 00:04:44,115
Good.

90
00:04:44,117 --> 00:04:46,332
Fine is good.

91
00:04:54,950 --> 00:04:56,449
How you liking retirement?

92
00:04:56,451 --> 00:04:58,816
It's fine.

93
00:05:00,650 --> 00:05:01,981
I'm sensing a theme.

94
00:05:07,383 --> 00:05:12,416
You ever really think about
the Spider-Man theme song?

95
00:05:14,049 --> 00:05:16,382
How's that dinner coming?

96
00:05:16,384 --> 00:05:18,332
I just put it in.
It's gonna be a while.

97
00:05:18,334 --> 00:05:19,816
I like rare chicken.

98
00:05:19,818 --> 00:05:21,833
Let's do this.

99
00:05:21,835 --> 00:05:23,816
You could die.

100
00:05:27,784 --> 00:05:29,783
Death by chicken.

101
00:05:29,785 --> 00:05:33,332
That's a pretty "fowl" way
to go.

102
00:05:38,200 --> 00:05:40,165
Here's another
beer, honey.

103
00:05:40,167 --> 00:05:41,981
Thank you.

104
00:05:41,983 --> 00:05:45,649
So, Mrs. Rostenkowski, you took
that trip to the Grand Canyon.

105
00:05:45,651 --> 00:05:46,816
How was it?

106
00:05:46,818 --> 00:05:50,482
It was good.

107
00:05:53,834 --> 00:05:56,666
Had no idea
you were the chatty one.

108
00:06:04,700 --> 00:06:06,499
102.2.

109
00:06:07,584 --> 00:06:11,082
Exactly what it was
half an hour ago.

110
00:06:11,084 --> 00:06:14,082
It's like you're not even
trying to get better.

111
00:06:15,949 --> 00:06:18,998
Sheldon, you don't get over
the flu in half an hour.

112
00:06:19,000 --> 00:06:20,915
Well, not with that attitude.

113
00:06:22,417 --> 00:06:26,332
I have to say, I'm finding your
bedside manner a little lacking.

114
00:06:26,334 --> 00:06:27,532
I'm sorry.

115
00:06:27,534 --> 00:06:29,632
I just want you to get better
as soon as possible.

116
00:06:29,634 --> 00:06:32,799
And with that goal in mind,
let me ask you a question.

117
00:06:32,801 --> 00:06:36,649
Do you believe in
the placebo effect?

118
00:06:36,651 --> 00:06:37,783
Of course I do.

119
00:06:37,785 --> 00:06:39,998
There have been many studies
proving its validity.

120
00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:41,199
Great.

121
00:06:41,201 --> 00:06:44,466
Now, this may look
like a Tic Tac...

122
00:06:46,150 --> 00:06:50,915
but it is really a powerful
medication specifically designed

123
00:06:50,917 --> 00:06:54,582
to cure your illness as well as
freshen your breath.

124
00:06:54,584 --> 00:06:57,749
Sheldon, this isn't helping.

125
00:06:57,751 --> 00:06:59,799
Why don't you just let me
get some rest.

126
00:06:59,801 --> 00:07:00,865
How can you sleep?

127
00:07:00,867 --> 00:07:02,915
I'm not done
making you feel better.

128
00:07:02,917 --> 00:07:06,449
I still have to put a
cold rag on your head,

129
00:07:06,451 --> 00:07:10,199
sing to you and apply VapoRub
to your chest.

130
00:07:17,550 --> 00:07:21,048
Y-You want to rub something
on my chest?

131
00:07:21,050 --> 00:07:23,649
Yes.

132
00:07:23,651 --> 00:07:25,666
All over it.

133
00:07:29,418 --> 00:07:31,249
Maybe we should start with that.

134
00:07:33,033 --> 00:07:35,416
Now you're being a
responsible patient.

135
00:07:45,450 --> 00:07:50,582
Now, you may notice
some tingling.

136
00:07:50,584 --> 00:07:53,499
Oh, I'm counting on it.

137
00:07:55,316 --> 00:07:58,482
Oh.

138
00:07:59,633 --> 00:08:01,815
Okay, dig in.

139
00:08:01,817 --> 00:08:04,981
Hold up.

140
00:08:04,983 --> 00:08:07,482
Bless us, O Lord
for these Thy gifts

141
00:08:07,484 --> 00:08:09,115
which we are about to receive

142
00:08:09,117 --> 00:08:10,282
from Thy bounty

143
00:08:10,284 --> 00:08:12,315
through Christ our Lord. Amen.

144
00:08:14,283 --> 00:08:17,532
Took the words
right out of my mouth.

145
00:08:19,617 --> 00:08:22,582
So, Dad, have you done
any fishing lately?

146
00:08:22,584 --> 00:08:24,032
I'm going next weekend.

147
00:08:24,034 --> 00:08:25,832
Oh, you like to fish?

148
00:08:25,834 --> 00:08:29,315
Yes.

149
00:08:31,116 --> 00:08:34,699
Sure. I can hear it
in your voice.

150
00:08:34,701 --> 00:08:39,416
Oh, if he didn't like it,
he wouldn't go.

151
00:08:39,418 --> 00:08:43,115
You know, I hadn't
thought of that.

152
00:08:43,117 --> 00:08:45,782
Help me.

153
00:08:45,784 --> 00:08:48,282
Hey, Dad, maybe you could take
Howard fishing sometime.

154
00:08:48,284 --> 00:08:50,499
Give you guys a chance to get
to know each other better.

155
00:08:50,501 --> 00:08:52,815
No, no.

156
00:08:52,817 --> 00:08:54,315
We know each other
well enough.

157
00:08:54,317 --> 00:08:57,332
He's been talking
my ear off all night.

158
00:08:57,334 --> 00:08:58,915
Howie, I think you'd have fun.

159
00:09:02,183 --> 00:09:05,199
Fine, you can tag along.

160
00:09:05,201 --> 00:09:06,582
Terrific.

161
00:09:06,584 --> 00:09:08,748
My two favorite fellas
gone fishin'.

162
00:09:08,750 --> 00:09:10,948
Well, hang on a
second, Bernie.

163
00:09:10,950 --> 00:09:13,549
Next weekend, we
have that thing.

164
00:09:13,551 --> 00:09:14,699
What thing?

165
00:09:14,701 --> 00:09:17,666
You know, the thing.

166
00:09:17,668 --> 00:09:19,532
Oh, that thing.

167
00:09:19,534 --> 00:09:21,315
No, I cancelled that thing.

168
00:09:22,749 --> 00:09:24,332
All right, it's settled.

169
00:09:24,334 --> 00:09:26,115
You and I are going fishing.

170
00:09:26,117 --> 00:09:27,649
Great.

171
00:09:27,651 --> 00:09:30,032
Thanks for the help.

172
00:09:31,200 --> 00:09:32,865
I've never even
been fishing.

173
00:09:32,867 --> 00:09:34,582
This is gonna
be a disaster.

174
00:09:34,584 --> 00:09:36,782
If you don't want to look
foolish doing something,

175
00:09:36,784 --> 00:09:38,482
you should practice.

176
00:09:38,484 --> 00:09:41,499
Do you know how many beef
Wellingtons I made by myself

177
00:09:41,501 --> 00:09:43,532
before I invited you guys over?

178
00:09:44,699 --> 00:09:45,865
I'll give you a hint.

179
00:09:45,867 --> 00:09:50,815
You can see them
here, here... and here.

180
00:09:53,200 --> 00:09:54,698
Raj is probably right.

181
00:09:54,700 --> 00:09:56,815
You should get someone
to give you some pointers.

182
00:09:56,817 --> 00:09:58,632
Do either of you guys
know how to fish?

183
00:09:58,634 --> 00:10:01,532
- No.
- No.

184
00:10:01,534 --> 00:10:03,148
But if you
catch anything,

185
00:10:03,150 --> 00:10:06,315
I know how to steam
it in banana leaves.

186
00:10:06,317 --> 00:10:08,332
Come on, we must know somebody

187
00:10:08,334 --> 00:10:11,165
who can do manly stuff
like this.

188
00:10:14,083 --> 00:10:16,249
S'up?

189
00:10:24,726 --> 00:10:27,442
Step one: worms.

190
00:10:28,527 --> 00:10:30,892
Ew!

191
00:10:31,859 --> 00:10:33,942
Okay, right there,
"ew" is one of the things

192
00:10:33,944 --> 00:10:36,559
you're not gonna want to say
in front of your father-in-law.

193
00:10:36,561 --> 00:10:39,442
It's right up there with "icky"
and "get it away."

194
00:10:39,444 --> 00:10:41,392
Now pick one up.

195
00:10:41,394 --> 00:10:42,858
Really?

196
00:10:42,860 --> 00:10:44,642
You're gonna have to do it
when you're fishing.

197
00:10:44,644 --> 00:10:46,808
Okay.

198
00:10:50,310 --> 00:10:51,692
What are you waiting for?

199
00:10:51,694 --> 00:10:55,592
I don't know, for them
to die of natural causes.

200
00:10:55,594 --> 00:10:58,725
Look. Just pick up a worm
and put him on this hook.

201
00:11:00,193 --> 00:11:02,559
Fine.

202
00:11:13,043 --> 00:11:14,725
There.

203
00:11:14,727 --> 00:11:16,309
I'm no expert,

204
00:11:16,311 --> 00:11:19,142
but I think the hook has
to go through the worm.

205
00:11:19,144 --> 00:11:21,259
Fine.

206
00:11:21,261 --> 00:11:23,309
Sorry, Mr. Worm.

207
00:11:23,311 --> 00:11:25,725
Sherm.
Sherm the Worm.

208
00:11:26,609 --> 00:11:27,758
Hey, don't name him.

209
00:11:27,760 --> 00:11:29,642
Just jab a hook in his face.

210
00:11:31,592 --> 00:11:33,559
- You got this, buddy.
- Yeah, come on, Howard.

211
00:11:33,561 --> 00:11:35,226
- Hook that worm.
- You can do it.

212
00:11:35,228 --> 00:11:36,559
That's great.

213
00:11:36,561 --> 00:11:38,608
Cheerleading...
way to man things up.

214
00:11:41,976 --> 00:11:44,059
"And the control group displayed

215
00:11:44,061 --> 00:11:47,925
"significantly fewer
genetic abnormalities.

216
00:11:47,927 --> 00:11:51,925
"But, because of flaws
in the experimental design

217
00:11:51,927 --> 00:11:54,309
"relating to
environment and diet,

218
00:11:54,311 --> 00:11:56,909
they lived
inconclusively ever after."

219
00:11:56,911 --> 00:11:58,892
The end.

220
00:11:58,894 --> 00:12:00,376
That was great.

221
00:12:00,378 --> 00:12:01,792
Rub my chest again.

222
00:12:03,011 --> 00:12:04,392
No.

223
00:12:04,394 --> 00:12:06,242
I need to get you down
for a nap.

224
00:12:06,244 --> 00:12:09,775
For some reason, that VapoRub
gets you all fired up.

225
00:12:12,026 --> 00:12:13,526
How's the poor thing?

226
00:12:13,528 --> 00:12:16,442
Oh, I'm hanging in there.
Thanks for asking.

227
00:12:17,277 --> 00:12:18,942
Okay, Amy,
I brought you some drugs

228
00:12:18,944 --> 00:12:20,708
we were working
on in the lab.

229
00:12:20,710 --> 00:12:22,925
This is proving really
good for congestion,

230
00:12:22,927 --> 00:12:24,109
but there's a slight chance

231
00:12:24,111 --> 00:12:26,059
it can make your tears
burn like acid,

232
00:12:26,061 --> 00:12:28,042
so if you take it...
happy thoughts.

233
00:12:29,693 --> 00:12:32,309
Uh, I'm going to draw
you a soothing bath.

234
00:12:32,311 --> 00:12:34,059
Where's your bath thermometer?

235
00:12:34,061 --> 00:12:35,975
I don't have a bath thermometer.

236
00:12:35,977 --> 00:12:37,858
Fine. Then I'm going to draw you

237
00:12:37,860 --> 00:12:40,476
a nerve-wracking bath
of indeterminate temperature.

238
00:12:42,543 --> 00:12:44,642
This is a really
good expectorant.

239
00:12:44,644 --> 00:12:46,642
Although some
test subjects reported

240
00:12:46,644 --> 00:12:49,642
lactating uncontrollably
when they heard music.

241
00:12:50,592 --> 00:12:52,226
Okay, okay, here's the deal.

242
00:12:52,228 --> 00:12:54,259
I don't need your medicine.
I'm not sick.

243
00:12:54,261 --> 00:12:55,591
I don't understand.

244
00:12:55,593 --> 00:12:57,259
I got better two days ago.

245
00:12:57,261 --> 00:13:00,808
It's just been so nice
having Sheldon take care of me.

246
00:13:00,810 --> 00:13:02,359
So you've just
been lying to him?

247
00:13:02,361 --> 00:13:03,975
See the stuff in my nose?

248
00:13:03,977 --> 00:13:06,092
Rubber cement.

249
00:13:07,026 --> 00:13:09,226
I don't mean to be judgy,

250
00:13:09,228 --> 00:13:12,892
but this is the kind
of thing lunatics do.

251
00:13:13,759 --> 00:13:15,226
All right.

252
00:13:15,228 --> 00:13:17,259
I'll tell him.

253
00:13:17,261 --> 00:13:18,942
Amy, would you
be strong enough

254
00:13:18,944 --> 00:13:21,792
to bathe yourself,
or do you need my help?

255
00:13:24,709 --> 00:13:27,025
I'll tell him tomorrow.

256
00:13:28,976 --> 00:13:31,109
Mama needs a bath.

257
00:13:33,693 --> 00:13:35,442
Now, let's assume,
by some miracle,

258
00:13:35,444 --> 00:13:36,642
you actually catch a fish.

259
00:13:36,644 --> 00:13:38,692
You're going to have to know
how to gut it.

260
00:13:38,694 --> 00:13:40,359
So, what you're
going to do

261
00:13:40,361 --> 00:13:42,475
is you're going to take
your knife,

262
00:13:42,477 --> 00:13:44,775
slice him right up the belly.

263
00:13:48,526 --> 00:13:50,025
You want me to stop?

264
00:13:50,027 --> 00:13:51,192
No, I'm fine.
Keep going.

265
00:13:51,194 --> 00:13:52,692
All right. Now, you
don't want to cut

266
00:13:52,694 --> 00:13:53,892
too deep into its guts,

267
00:13:53,894 --> 00:13:55,892
or the blood will just squirt
all over your face.

268
00:13:58,976 --> 00:14:00,892
Oh, my God.

269
00:14:00,894 --> 00:14:02,758
What is with you guys?

270
00:14:02,760 --> 00:14:04,059
It's not our fault.

271
00:14:04,061 --> 00:14:06,475
Our dads never did anything
like this with us.

272
00:14:06,477 --> 00:14:07,591
What, never?

273
00:14:07,593 --> 00:14:09,525
My dad was an
anthropologist.

274
00:14:09,527 --> 00:14:11,608
The only father-son
time he spent

275
00:14:11,610 --> 00:14:15,359
was with a 2,000-year-old
skeleton of an Etruscan boy.

276
00:14:15,361 --> 00:14:17,725
I hated that kid.

277
00:14:19,227 --> 00:14:21,692
Mine just took me
to his gynecology office.

278
00:14:21,694 --> 00:14:24,392
I got so bored,
I'd put vaginal lubricant

279
00:14:24,394 --> 00:14:28,808
on the bottom of my shoes
and pretend I was ice-skating.

280
00:14:32,360 --> 00:14:34,192
Yeah, well, my quality
father-son time

281
00:14:34,194 --> 00:14:36,858
was spending my adolescence
looking out the window

282
00:14:36,860 --> 00:14:40,276
waiting for my dad
to come back someday.

283
00:14:41,425 --> 00:14:43,808
Yeah, okay, Howard wins.

284
00:14:44,943 --> 00:14:47,359
You know, maybe we didn't
have opportunities like this

285
00:14:47,361 --> 00:14:49,109
when we were growing up,
but right now,

286
00:14:49,111 --> 00:14:51,608
there's a dad that wants
to take you on a fishing trip.

287
00:14:51,610 --> 00:14:53,192
You're right.

288
00:14:53,194 --> 00:14:54,525
I should do this.

289
00:14:54,527 --> 00:14:55,608
Great.

290
00:14:55,610 --> 00:14:56,608
Here you go.

291
00:14:56,610 --> 00:14:57,808
What you're
going to do

292
00:14:57,810 --> 00:14:59,142
is you're going to
stick your thumb

293
00:14:59,144 --> 00:15:01,942
down its throat, grab
the guts and pull.

294
00:15:05,476 --> 00:15:07,525
Here we go.

295
00:15:13,026 --> 00:15:15,276
Oh, look, it's a female.
You can see all the eggs.

296
00:15:34,442 --> 00:15:37,642
Oh, Sheldon,
am I glad you're back.

297
00:15:37,644 --> 00:15:40,025
Taking a turn for the worst.

298
00:15:41,277 --> 00:15:44,391
I think I'm going to need
another bath.

299
00:15:44,393 --> 00:15:46,775
I'm surprised to hear that.

300
00:15:46,777 --> 00:15:49,192
See, the other day,
I was concerned

301
00:15:49,194 --> 00:15:50,725
that you weren't recovering,

302
00:15:50,727 --> 00:15:51,992
so while you
were sleeping,

303
00:15:51,994 --> 00:15:55,309
I took a cheek swab
and had it cultured in the lab.

304
00:15:55,311 --> 00:15:56,892
Oh?

305
00:15:56,894 --> 00:15:58,558
I got the results back.

306
00:15:58,560 --> 00:16:01,692
Have you developed any of
the following symptoms?

307
00:16:01,694 --> 00:16:03,692
A growing nose,

308
00:16:03,694 --> 00:16:08,226
or perhaps a warm sensation
in the trouser region?

309
00:16:08,228 --> 00:16:09,591
Also known as

310
00:16:09,593 --> 00:16:12,692
full-blown
"liar, liar, pants on fire."

311
00:16:12,694 --> 00:16:14,542
All right, all right.

312
00:16:14,544 --> 00:16:16,591
But I really was sick
at the beginning.

313
00:16:16,593 --> 00:16:20,276
It's just been so nice
having you take care of me.

314
00:16:21,392 --> 00:16:24,142
It hurts that you
would lie to me, Amy.

315
00:16:24,144 --> 00:16:27,276
I thought our relationship
was based on trust

316
00:16:27,278 --> 00:16:31,308
and a mutual admiration
that skews in my favor.

317
00:16:31,310 --> 00:16:33,692
I feel terrible I did this.

318
00:16:33,694 --> 00:16:35,142
It pains me to say it,

319
00:16:35,144 --> 00:16:38,025
but I think some form
of penalty is in order,

320
00:16:38,027 --> 00:16:41,725
so as to discourage this type
of behavior in the future.

321
00:16:41,727 --> 00:16:44,642
I suppose that's fair.
What do you suggest?

322
00:16:44,644 --> 00:16:46,142
In a perfect world,
I'd lock you

323
00:16:46,144 --> 00:16:48,059
in a stockade in
the public square.

324
00:16:49,392 --> 00:16:51,942
That probably
requires a permit.

325
00:16:54,392 --> 00:16:55,775
I could not be allowed

326
00:16:55,777 --> 00:16:58,441
to go to the opening
of the next Star Trek movie.

327
00:16:58,443 --> 00:17:01,391
Oh, that seems
overly harsh.

328
00:17:02,459 --> 00:17:04,258
You gave in to a
human weakness.

329
00:17:04,260 --> 00:17:05,642
You didn't kill a man.

330
00:17:05,644 --> 00:17:09,858
You know, it's a
tad old-school,

331
00:17:09,860 --> 00:17:12,608
but my father was not
one to spare the rod

332
00:17:12,610 --> 00:17:14,775
when my brother would
sneak into his truck

333
00:17:14,777 --> 00:17:17,142
and drink his
driving whiskey.

334
00:17:19,409 --> 00:17:22,808
Are you saying
you want to spank me?

335
00:17:25,442 --> 00:17:27,975
I don't want to.

336
00:17:28,960 --> 00:17:32,308
But it looks like you
left me no choice.

337
00:17:33,893 --> 00:17:36,109
That's true.

338
00:17:38,392 --> 00:17:42,159
I've been a very bad girl.

339
00:17:45,976 --> 00:17:48,692
Hi-ho, hi-ho, it's
off to fish we go.

340
00:17:50,226 --> 00:17:52,192
That's what you're wearing?

341
00:17:52,194 --> 00:17:53,225
No good?

342
00:17:53,227 --> 00:17:55,092
The guy at
the sporting goods store

343
00:17:55,094 --> 00:17:56,975
said these are what
fishermen wear.

344
00:17:56,977 --> 00:17:59,708
Maybe in cartoons.

345
00:18:00,559 --> 00:18:02,642
Wish I had known that
before I posted

346
00:18:02,644 --> 00:18:05,109
all those pictures on Facebook.

347
00:18:06,559 --> 00:18:08,725
All right,
let's hit the road.

348
00:18:08,727 --> 00:18:11,258
I wouldn't mind shooting
some ducks in the morning.

349
00:18:11,260 --> 00:18:13,358
Wait, now we're shooting things?

350
00:18:14,309 --> 00:18:16,642
I like using a big shell.

351
00:18:16,644 --> 00:18:18,225
You can't eat them afterwards,

352
00:18:18,227 --> 00:18:20,591
but it's fun
watching them blow up.

353
00:18:24,609 --> 00:18:25,942
Sir, I'm flattered

354
00:18:25,944 --> 00:18:28,059
that you invited me,

355
00:18:28,061 --> 00:18:31,391
and I really want you
to like me,

356
00:18:31,393 --> 00:18:32,608
but...

357
00:18:32,610 --> 00:18:36,892
I don't think this trip
is the way to do it.

358
00:18:36,894 --> 00:18:38,758
And I can't return
these things

359
00:18:38,760 --> 00:18:41,591
if there's chunks
of duck all over them.

360
00:18:41,593 --> 00:18:43,575
So, why'd you
agree to come?

361
00:18:43,577 --> 00:18:46,092
'Cause Bernadette made me.

362
00:18:46,094 --> 00:18:47,842
I tried to back out, too.

363
00:18:47,844 --> 00:18:50,424
My wife said I had to go.

364
00:18:50,426 --> 00:18:52,942
Really?
Your wife makes you do stuff?

365
00:18:52,944 --> 00:18:54,975
You're a big, scary cop.

366
00:18:54,977 --> 00:18:56,308
You're an astronaut,

367
00:18:56,310 --> 00:18:58,608
and your wife
makes you do things,

368
00:18:58,610 --> 00:19:01,358
and she's only four feet tall.

369
00:19:04,259 --> 00:19:06,275
So, what do we do now?

370
00:19:06,277 --> 00:19:09,275
They expect us to go
away for the weekend.

371
00:19:09,277 --> 00:19:11,308
Ah...

372
00:19:15,110 --> 00:19:18,975
There's an Indian casino
near Palm Springs.

373
00:19:20,175 --> 00:19:22,308
You know how to shoot craps?

374
00:19:22,310 --> 00:19:24,608
No, but I'm not a
stranger to dice games.

375
00:19:24,610 --> 00:19:28,475
I was the Temple Beth-El
Hebrew School Yahtzee champion.

376
00:19:30,309 --> 00:19:32,325
Mazel tov.

377
00:19:33,592 --> 00:19:36,025
I'll teach you how to play.

378
00:19:36,027 --> 00:19:38,358
Really?

379
00:19:38,360 --> 00:19:41,291
Thank you, sir.

380
00:19:42,609 --> 00:19:44,642
Call me Mike.

381
00:19:46,259 --> 00:19:48,425
Okay.

382
00:19:50,926 --> 00:19:52,441
Oh, boy,
we're just married

383
00:19:52,443 --> 00:19:55,608
to a couple of
ballbusters, huh, Mike?

384
00:19:56,943 --> 00:19:59,975
That's my wife and daughter
you're talking about.

385
00:20:01,276 --> 00:20:04,525
Great couple of gals.

386
00:20:04,527 --> 00:20:06,808
I wouldn't go that far.

387
00:20:17,323 --> 00:20:20,155
Are you prepared to
receive your punishment?

388
00:20:23,323 --> 00:20:25,238
One second.

389
00:20:25,240 --> 00:20:27,271
I want to put on some music.

390
00:20:28,089 --> 00:20:30,205
Why?

391
00:20:30,207 --> 00:20:32,372
I don't want to disturb
the people next door

392
00:20:32,374 --> 00:20:34,039
while you discipline me.

393
00:20:40,206 --> 00:20:41,822
Very well, then.

394
00:20:41,824 --> 00:20:44,405
Get over my knee.
Let's begin.

395
00:20:51,056 --> 00:20:53,238
Oh, my.

396
00:20:53,240 --> 00:20:54,756
Excuse me.

397
00:20:54,758 --> 00:20:57,322
You're not supposed to be
enjoying this.

398
00:20:57,324 --> 00:21:00,539
Then maybe you should
spank me harder.

399
00:21:03,807 --> 00:21:07,335
- Maybe I will.
- Woo-hoo!

400
00:21:07,435 --> 00:21:12,430
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
correction by zzz