1
00:00:00,526 --> 00:00:03,525
Well, I must say, Leonard,
when I first heard

2
00:00:03,527 --> 00:00:08,076
your idea for Giant Jenga,
I was skeptical.

3
00:00:09,493 --> 00:00:13,859
I can't blame you... Tiny Twister
was a complete bust.

4
00:00:13,861 --> 00:00:15,076
No, I was wrong.

5
00:00:15,078 --> 00:00:17,776
The looming threat
of being crushed

6
00:00:17,778 --> 00:00:21,410
under a pile of lumber
does add a certain spice.

7
00:00:22,943 --> 00:00:25,026
I've never felt so alive.

8
00:00:28,861 --> 00:00:31,360
Oh, hello, Alex.

9
00:00:31,362 --> 00:00:33,443
Uh, let me go get you
last night's recordings.

10
00:00:33,445 --> 00:00:34,659
What recordings?

11
00:00:34,661 --> 00:00:37,193
Well, you remember when
you told me I talk in my sleep?

12
00:00:37,195 --> 00:00:39,859
Well, it occurred to me that,
like most things I say,

13
00:00:39,861 --> 00:00:42,393
it's probably pure gold.

14
00:00:42,395 --> 00:00:44,525
So I started recording it all,

15
00:00:44,527 --> 00:00:46,159
and now Alex gets
to comb through

16
00:00:46,161 --> 00:00:49,243
eight hours of what I like
to call "Sheldon After Dark."

17
00:00:49,245 --> 00:00:51,993
Hey, Leonard.
Hey.

18
00:00:51,995 --> 00:00:53,993
Just playing a little
Giant Jenga here.

19
00:00:53,995 --> 00:00:56,410
Oh, I know... I'm the one
who had to buy him the helmet.

20
00:00:57,310 --> 00:00:59,692
So, do you have any plans
this weekend?

21
00:00:59,694 --> 00:01:01,876
Well, most of Saturday's
gonna be figuring out

22
00:01:01,878 --> 00:01:03,525
where to put this game
when we're done.

23
00:01:03,527 --> 00:01:05,193
How about you?

24
00:01:05,195 --> 00:01:07,109
Oh, I'm gonna go see
Kip Thorne give a lecture

25
00:01:07,111 --> 00:01:09,742
on subatomic space-time.
Ooh.

26
00:01:09,744 --> 00:01:11,942
That's his take on John
Wheeler's quantum foam.

27
00:01:11,944 --> 00:01:13,076
That should be great.

28
00:01:13,078 --> 00:01:15,410
Well, if you want,
you can come with me.

29
00:01:15,412 --> 00:01:17,692
Ah, I'd love to, but I'm
supposed to hang out with Penny.

30
00:01:17,694 --> 00:01:18,659
Well, bring her.

31
00:01:18,661 --> 00:01:19,659
Well, she's not really

32
00:01:19,661 --> 00:01:21,159
into that kind of stuff.

33
00:01:21,161 --> 00:01:22,525
Yeah, okay.

34
00:01:22,527 --> 00:01:24,142
Well, if you want to hear
about the lecture,

35
00:01:24,144 --> 00:01:26,776
I can tell you all about it
at work, or, you know,

36
00:01:26,778 --> 00:01:28,193
over dinner sometime.

37
00:01:28,195 --> 00:01:29,659
What?

38
00:01:32,760 --> 00:01:35,525
Jenga, I win!

39
00:02:00,875 --> 00:02:04,871
== sync, corrected by elderman ==

40
00:02:05,916 --> 00:02:08,265
Oh, come on, that
can't be true.

41
00:02:08,267 --> 00:02:10,965
I did the research...
Tony the Tiger,

42
00:02:10,967 --> 00:02:14,715
Dig'em the Frog, Cap'n Crunch,
Toucan Sam, Count Chocula,

43
00:02:14,717 --> 00:02:18,265
Trix the Rabbit,
Snap, Crackle and Pop.

44
00:02:18,267 --> 00:02:21,215
Not one cereal
mascot is a girl.

45
00:02:22,099 --> 00:02:26,414
It's a total breakfast
sausage fest.

46
00:02:26,416 --> 00:02:27,882
Are we done with this?

47
00:02:27,884 --> 00:02:30,431
Almost... Franken Berry,
Boo Berry,

48
00:02:30,433 --> 00:02:32,581
Sugar Bear and the
Honey Nut Cheerio bee,

49
00:02:32,583 --> 00:02:35,081
I believe his name is Buzz.

50
00:02:35,083 --> 00:02:36,581
Terrific.

51
00:02:36,583 --> 00:02:38,915
Something weird happened and I
don't know what to do about it.

52
00:02:38,917 --> 00:02:39,798
What's going on?

53
00:02:39,800 --> 00:02:41,015
Sheldon's assistant asked me

54
00:02:41,017 --> 00:02:42,132
on a date last night.

55
00:02:42,134 --> 00:02:43,965
How could you do that to me?

56
00:02:43,967 --> 00:02:46,548
You know I've been working it
with Alex for weeks.

57
00:02:46,550 --> 00:02:49,215
Working it?
You can't even talk to her.

58
00:02:49,217 --> 00:02:51,414
I talk with my eyes.

59
00:02:57,300 --> 00:02:59,265
You look like
my little cousin

60
00:02:59,267 --> 00:03:01,932
when he's dropping
one in his diaper.

61
00:03:01,934 --> 00:03:04,548
She knows I have a girlfriend.

62
00:03:04,550 --> 00:03:06,464
It's so weird.

63
00:03:06,466 --> 00:03:08,265
Oh, my God. You're
loving this.

64
00:03:08,267 --> 00:03:09,581
To my bones.

65
00:03:10,917 --> 00:03:13,248
I mean, I'm not gonna do
anything about it.

66
00:03:13,250 --> 00:03:16,348
I love Penny. It's just nice to
have a young, attractive woman

67
00:03:16,350 --> 00:03:18,215
sniffing around the goods.

68
00:03:18,217 --> 00:03:21,182
I both hate you
and want to be you.

69
00:03:21,184 --> 00:03:24,715
This is Ryan Gosling
all over again.

70
00:03:24,717 --> 00:03:26,132
Aw, gentlemen.

71
00:03:26,134 --> 00:03:29,015
What is on the conversational
menu this morning?

72
00:03:29,017 --> 00:03:30,798
Leonard stole my woman,
and he knew full well

73
00:03:30,800 --> 00:03:33,715
I was only six to eight months
away from making my move.

74
00:03:34,632 --> 00:03:36,631
I didn't steal anyone.

75
00:03:36,633 --> 00:03:38,514
Your assistant is totally
hitting on this jerk

76
00:03:38,516 --> 00:03:39,798
and he loves it.

77
00:03:39,800 --> 00:03:42,182
Well, that's not
acceptable.

78
00:03:42,184 --> 00:03:43,748
I'm her boss.

79
00:03:43,750 --> 00:03:46,048
She needs to be solely
focused on my needs,

80
00:03:46,050 --> 00:03:51,132
not distracted by your pasty,
androgynous brand of sexuality.

81
00:03:51,849 --> 00:03:54,248
I'm androgynous?

82
00:03:54,250 --> 00:03:55,748
Oh, please.
Look at you

83
00:03:55,750 --> 00:03:58,631
with your pouty
bee-stung lips.

84
00:03:58,633 --> 00:04:00,932
What do you guys
think I should do?

85
00:04:00,934 --> 00:04:03,798
I say you tell Alex
your heart belongs to Penny,

86
00:04:03,800 --> 00:04:05,681
I provide her a shoulder
to cry on,

87
00:04:05,683 --> 00:04:08,915
and then roughly half a year
later I give it to her good.

88
00:04:11,599 --> 00:04:15,048
I want to thank you all for
coming on such short notice.

89
00:04:15,050 --> 00:04:17,048
Uh, in the past,
I've reached out

90
00:04:17,050 --> 00:04:19,414
to each of you
individually, but

91
00:04:19,416 --> 00:04:21,798
I believe my present situation

92
00:04:21,800 --> 00:04:24,798
requires the collective wisdom
of the group,

93
00:04:24,800 --> 00:04:28,081
which as you can see from
your commemorative T-shirts

94
00:04:28,083 --> 00:04:29,915
I have dubbed

95
00:04:29,917 --> 00:04:34,148
Sheldon Cooper's
Council of Ladies.

96
00:04:35,766 --> 00:04:37,932
What is happening?

97
00:04:37,934 --> 00:04:42,848
I need your advice about
a delicate workplace situation.

98
00:04:42,850 --> 00:04:44,581
Uh, to protect
those involved,

99
00:04:44,583 --> 00:04:46,681
I'll be changing their names.

100
00:04:46,683 --> 00:04:48,048
Who's involved?

101
00:04:48,050 --> 00:04:51,414
Well, a short, bespectacled
colleague of mine

102
00:04:51,416 --> 00:04:55,132
who lives in the shadow
of his brilliant roommate.

103
00:04:55,134 --> 00:04:56,331
Let's call

104
00:04:56,333 --> 00:05:00,132
this colleague
Ricardo Shilly-Shally.

105
00:05:00,933 --> 00:05:02,248
You're talking
about Leonard.

106
00:05:02,250 --> 00:05:06,015
No, no, Shilly-Shally
has red hair

107
00:05:06,017 --> 00:05:10,264
and, uh, he briefly served
in the Mexican Navy.

108
00:05:12,732 --> 00:05:15,882
Anyway, despite the fact
that he has a girlfriend,

109
00:05:15,884 --> 00:05:18,414
Shilly-Shally has been
the recipient

110
00:05:18,416 --> 00:05:22,098
of inappropriate workplace
flirtations from a young lady.

111
00:05:22,100 --> 00:05:23,681
It's your assistant Alex,
isn't it?

112
00:05:23,683 --> 00:05:25,915
No.

113
00:05:25,917 --> 00:05:30,298
Not... No. This is
Tondelaya della Ventimiglia.

114
00:05:31,133 --> 00:05:32,448
Wait, what the hell's
going on

115
00:05:32,450 --> 00:05:33,965
with Leonard and Alex?
No,

116
00:05:33,967 --> 00:05:36,098
I'm sorry. Who's talking
about Leonard and Alex?

117
00:05:36,100 --> 00:05:37,081
W...

118
00:05:37,083 --> 00:05:40,181
Fine. Ricardo and Tondelaya.

119
00:05:40,183 --> 00:05:42,965
Okay, look, it's not really
about Ricardo and Tondelaya.

120
00:05:42,967 --> 00:05:45,431
It is really about her boss,

121
00:05:45,433 --> 00:05:46,715
who doesn't quite know

122
00:05:46,717 --> 00:05:48,264
how to handle this situation

123
00:05:48,266 --> 00:05:49,765
and could use your advice,

124
00:05:49,767 --> 00:05:54,431
which is surprising because
Dr. Einstein Von Brainstorm...

125
00:05:55,699 --> 00:05:58,132
He's usually pretty smart
about these things.

126
00:05:58,134 --> 00:06:00,464
I'm gonna kill her.

127
00:06:00,466 --> 00:06:02,048
I'm sure you've got nothing
to worry about.

128
00:06:02,050 --> 00:06:03,681
Leonard would never
cheat on you.

129
00:06:03,683 --> 00:06:04,681
She's right.

130
00:06:04,683 --> 00:06:06,514
But say the word...
I got a lab full

131
00:06:06,516 --> 00:06:09,748
of cocaine-addicted monkeys
with nothing to lose.

132
00:06:11,016 --> 00:06:14,098
One of them could end up
in the backseat of her car.

133
00:06:14,100 --> 00:06:16,298
Or her shower.

134
00:06:17,749 --> 00:06:18,932
Ladies, ladies, please.

135
00:06:18,934 --> 00:06:20,514
We're not here to talk
about Penny, okay?

136
00:06:20,516 --> 00:06:22,015
We're here to talk about me.

137
00:06:22,017 --> 00:06:24,848
Uh, I mean Einstein
Von Brainst... Oh, darn it!

138
00:06:24,850 --> 00:06:27,414
All right, I guess
the cat's out of the bag.

139
00:06:27,416 --> 00:06:28,882
Let me explain what's

140
00:06:28,884 --> 00:06:30,915
going on... Ricardo is really

141
00:06:30,917 --> 00:06:33,464
Leonard...
We know what's going on, Sheldon!

142
00:06:34,349 --> 00:06:36,098
Well, what should I do?

143
00:06:36,100 --> 00:06:37,965
Well, Alex is
your employee.

144
00:06:37,967 --> 00:06:40,348
If she's doing something that's
making Leonard uncomfortable,

145
00:06:40,350 --> 00:06:41,915
you should talk to her.

146
00:06:41,917 --> 00:06:43,464
Oh, no, he's not
uncomfortable at all.

147
00:06:43,466 --> 00:06:44,464
No, he's loving it.

148
00:06:44,466 --> 00:06:45,514
Yeah, he's
strutting

149
00:06:45,516 --> 00:06:48,048
around like he's five-foot-six.

150
00:06:48,949 --> 00:06:50,247
What... He's loving it?

151
00:06:50,249 --> 00:06:51,214
Sheldon,

152
00:06:51,216 --> 00:06:52,965
you need to talk
to Alex right away.

153
00:06:52,967 --> 00:06:54,882
Talk to her?
That's all you've got?

154
00:06:54,884 --> 00:06:57,798
With a cool name like Sheldon
Cooper's Council of Ladies,

155
00:06:57,800 --> 00:06:59,715
I really expected more.

156
00:06:59,717 --> 00:07:01,915
Give me back the T-shirts.

157
00:07:13,465 --> 00:07:14,765
Alex...

158
00:07:14,767 --> 00:07:16,464
check my schedule.

159
00:07:16,466 --> 00:07:18,715
What does my afternoon look like?
I think

160
00:07:18,717 --> 00:07:20,015
it's pretty wide open.

161
00:07:20,017 --> 00:07:22,731
Oh, wait.
Here's something at 4:00.

162
00:07:22,733 --> 00:07:25,548
"Give Alex a talking to"?

163
00:07:27,081 --> 00:07:29,298
Well, that snuck up
on us, didn't it?

164
00:07:29,300 --> 00:07:32,214
Is there a problem?
Let's not

165
00:07:32,216 --> 00:07:33,581
call it a problem.

166
00:07:33,583 --> 00:07:35,765
Let's call it an opportunity.

167
00:07:35,767 --> 00:07:38,047
To solve a serious problem.

168
00:07:38,883 --> 00:07:39,982
What did I do?

169
00:07:39,984 --> 00:07:42,681
You don't know?
Oh, you poor dear.

170
00:07:42,683 --> 00:07:44,631
Your ovaries are squirting
so much goofy juice

171
00:07:44,633 --> 00:07:47,414
into your brains you don't
even know which way is up.

172
00:07:49,599 --> 00:07:54,948
You made an inappropriate sexual
advance towards Dr. Hofstadter.

173
00:07:54,950 --> 00:07:58,798
What? I didn't make
a sexual advance on anybody.

174
00:07:58,800 --> 00:08:01,097
Now, there's no need
to get defensive.

175
00:08:01,099 --> 00:08:02,431
I'm not
unsympathetic

176
00:08:02,433 --> 00:08:03,631
to your plight.

177
00:08:03,633 --> 00:08:06,598
My father used to say
that a woman

178
00:08:06,600 --> 00:08:11,915
is like an egg salad sandwich
on a warm Texas day.

179
00:08:12,749 --> 00:08:15,381
What?

180
00:08:15,383 --> 00:08:19,381
Full of eggs and only appealing
for a short time.

181
00:08:19,383 --> 00:08:22,214
This conversation is
making me uncomfortable.

182
00:08:22,216 --> 00:08:23,247
Yeah,

183
00:08:23,249 --> 00:08:24,264
you and me both, sister.

184
00:08:24,266 --> 00:08:26,748
Now,

185
00:08:26,750 --> 00:08:28,681
please understand...

186
00:08:28,683 --> 00:08:32,214
I don't hold you responsible
for your behavior

187
00:08:32,216 --> 00:08:34,381
because, see, from an
evolutionary standpoint,

188
00:08:34,383 --> 00:08:37,298
you're a slave
to your desire to reproduce.

189
00:08:37,300 --> 00:08:39,080
But during
the work day,

190
00:08:39,082 --> 00:08:43,080
when you feel possessed by
amorous intent, may I suggest

191
00:08:43,082 --> 00:08:45,915
that you suppress it
by leafing through

192
00:08:45,917 --> 00:08:49,131
this illustrated book of
sexually transmitted diseases?

193
00:08:49,133 --> 00:08:51,765
Let's see here.
Oh, yes.

194
00:08:51,767 --> 00:08:53,964
Check out this oozy doozy.

195
00:08:56,949 --> 00:08:58,097
I have to go.

196
00:08:58,099 --> 00:08:59,431
So does this fellow,

197
00:08:59,433 --> 00:09:01,964
but he can't without it
burning like hot soup.

198
00:09:08,515 --> 00:09:10,598
Hey, pretty lady.

199
00:09:10,600 --> 00:09:13,298
Oh, you seem extra happy.

200
00:09:13,300 --> 00:09:14,298
Uh, I guess I am.

201
00:09:14,300 --> 00:09:15,964
Any particular reason why?

202
00:09:15,966 --> 00:09:18,047
Mm, I don't know,
just having a good day.

203
00:09:18,049 --> 00:09:19,298
This morning Sheldon
fell asleep

204
00:09:19,300 --> 00:09:21,080
on the way to work, so I got
to listen to the radio...

205
00:09:21,082 --> 00:09:23,247
that was pretty crazy.

206
00:09:23,249 --> 00:09:25,431
Mm-hmm. Anything else?

207
00:09:25,433 --> 00:09:27,047
Mm. I found this quiz online

208
00:09:27,049 --> 00:09:28,882
called "Which Star Trek
Character Are You?"

209
00:09:28,884 --> 00:09:32,181
and it only took me four tries
to get Captain Kirk.

210
00:09:32,183 --> 00:09:33,681
That's great.

211
00:09:33,683 --> 00:09:37,247
Oh. It. Was.

212
00:09:37,249 --> 00:09:39,797
Hmm. Well, I'm glad
you're having such a great day.

213
00:09:39,822 --> 00:09:40,215
Yeah.

214
00:09:40,216 --> 00:09:42,964
And the one thing that could
make it even better

215
00:09:42,966 --> 00:09:45,247
is an evening
with my special girl.

216
00:09:45,249 --> 00:09:46,414
Oh, and who's that?

217
00:09:46,416 --> 00:09:48,080
What do you mean?

218
00:09:48,082 --> 00:09:50,715
Oh, I just didn't know
if you meant me or Alex.

219
00:09:50,717 --> 00:09:52,765
Um, why would I mean Alex?

220
00:09:52,767 --> 00:09:55,681
Because I know she hit on you
and I know you liked it!

221
00:09:55,683 --> 00:09:57,848
What...?

222
00:09:59,549 --> 00:10:02,931
Don't play dumb with me,
Ricardo Shilly-Shally!

223
00:10:08,549 --> 00:10:11,715
I'm missing something.

224
00:10:12,582 --> 00:10:15,548
Did you say something
to Penny about Alex?

225
00:10:15,550 --> 00:10:19,381
Oh, yes. Yeah, and a fat lot
of good it did me.

226
00:10:19,383 --> 00:10:21,964
All she did was get mad at you.

227
00:10:22,849 --> 00:10:24,897
Why would you do that?

228
00:10:24,899 --> 00:10:27,014
I needed advice
about a woman.

229
00:10:27,016 --> 00:10:28,348
I would have asked you,

230
00:10:28,350 --> 00:10:30,631
but if the last few years
have proven anything,

231
00:10:30,633 --> 00:10:33,298
it's that you can't tell
a uterus from a unicycle.

232
00:10:33,300 --> 00:10:36,798
At least I know
not to blab to a girl

233
00:10:36,800 --> 00:10:39,514
about somebody flirting
with her boyfriend.

234
00:10:39,516 --> 00:10:40,914
Good to know.

235
00:10:40,916 --> 00:10:42,514
Yeah, a few more
helpful hints like that,

236
00:10:42,516 --> 00:10:44,914
you may find yourself
on the Council of Ladies.

237
00:10:44,916 --> 00:10:47,097
Hello.

238
00:10:47,099 --> 00:10:48,681
I see.

239
00:10:48,683 --> 00:10:51,080
Uh, what time?

240
00:10:51,082 --> 00:10:53,181
Very well, then.

241
00:10:53,183 --> 00:10:54,514
Huh.

242
00:10:54,516 --> 00:10:58,014
That was the Human Resources
Department at the university.

243
00:10:58,016 --> 00:11:01,348
Apparently, my assistant Alex
has filed a complaint

244
00:11:01,350 --> 00:11:05,080
accusing me of inappropriate
behavior in the workplace.

245
00:11:05,082 --> 00:11:07,765
Oh, my God, what did you do?

246
00:11:07,767 --> 00:11:10,014
Hmm, let me think.

247
00:11:11,081 --> 00:11:13,214
Nothing. I'm a delight.

248
00:11:24,015 --> 00:11:26,498
Human Resources Department.

249
00:11:26,500 --> 00:11:28,465
Human Resources Department.

250
00:11:28,467 --> 00:11:30,648
Human Resources
Department.

251
00:11:31,164 --> 00:11:32,896
Come in.

252
00:11:32,898 --> 00:11:35,413
Hello.

253
00:11:35,415 --> 00:11:37,679
Ah, Dr. Cooper, have a seat.

254
00:11:37,681 --> 00:11:38,367
Thank you.

255
00:11:38,392 --> 00:11:40,502
I called you in today
because your assistant

256
00:11:40,602 --> 00:11:43,077
Alex Jensen has lodged
a complaint against you.

257
00:11:43,297 --> 00:11:45,462
So I've been told.
But I can't understand

258
00:11:45,464 --> 00:11:47,211
what she has to complain about.

259
00:11:47,213 --> 00:11:50,778
I mean, she has a front-row seat
as I make scientific history.

260
00:11:50,780 --> 00:11:52,128
There's string cheese

261
00:11:52,130 --> 00:11:54,712
in my mini-fridge,
and that's for anyone.

262
00:11:54,714 --> 00:11:56,161
Yeah, and
just yesterday

263
00:11:56,163 --> 00:12:00,211
I led her away from a life
of sexual promiscuity

264
00:12:00,213 --> 00:12:04,495
by making her look at pictures
of disease-ridden genitalia.

265
00:12:09,962 --> 00:12:12,078
Cancel my next appointment.

266
00:12:12,080 --> 00:12:14,111
This is gonna take a while.

267
00:12:14,113 --> 00:12:16,328
Dr. Cooper,

268
00:12:16,330 --> 00:12:17,828
you said things to your employee

269
00:12:17,830 --> 00:12:20,111
that you just cannot say
in the workplace.

270
00:12:20,113 --> 00:12:21,777
Like what?

271
00:12:21,779 --> 00:12:24,045
Well, according
to Ms. Jensen,

272
00:12:24,047 --> 00:12:27,628
you said that she was a slave
to her biological urges

273
00:12:27,630 --> 00:12:31,395
and called her
an "egg salad sandwich."

274
00:12:34,062 --> 00:12:35,944
I don't even know
what that means,

275
00:12:35,946 --> 00:12:39,161
but I'm gonna go ahead
and tell you you can't say it.

276
00:12:39,996 --> 00:12:43,161
Oh! I see the confusion here.

277
00:12:43,163 --> 00:12:46,328
No, no, Alex thought
I was singling her out. No.

278
00:12:46,330 --> 00:12:48,211
I meant that all women

279
00:12:48,213 --> 00:12:50,161
are slaves to their
biological urges,

280
00:12:50,163 --> 00:12:51,578
you know?

281
00:12:51,580 --> 00:12:53,278
Even you.

282
00:12:54,463 --> 00:12:57,111
You're a slave.

283
00:13:00,778 --> 00:13:02,878
I'm a what?

284
00:13:02,880 --> 00:13:05,211
Well, y-you...
I-I'm just saying,

285
00:13:05,213 --> 00:13:07,828
you know, at a certain point
in a woman's menstrual cycle...

286
00:13:07,830 --> 00:13:09,711
Whuh-ah!

287
00:13:09,713 --> 00:13:11,794
You can't talk about that,
either, Dr. Cooper.

288
00:13:11,796 --> 00:13:13,562
Your language
is entirely

289
00:13:13,564 --> 00:13:15,111
inappropriate,
and I'm gonna advise

290
00:13:15,113 --> 00:13:16,961
that you shut your mouth
right now.

291
00:13:16,963 --> 00:13:20,078
I d... I don't see why I'm
the one being persecuted here.

292
00:13:20,080 --> 00:13:23,611
Dr. Hofstadter... he was bragging
about his sexual desirability

293
00:13:23,613 --> 00:13:25,278
to anyone who would listen.

294
00:13:25,280 --> 00:13:26,578
You know, and
Howard Wolowitz...

295
00:13:26,580 --> 00:13:29,944
he spent two years
using university resources

296
00:13:29,946 --> 00:13:32,295
building a six-breasted
sex robot.

297
00:13:32,297 --> 00:13:33,611
Oh,

298
00:13:33,613 --> 00:13:35,045
and at the office
Christmas party,

299
00:13:35,047 --> 00:13:37,961
I heard Rajesh Koothrappali
refer to you several times

300
00:13:37,963 --> 00:13:40,161
as "Brown Sugar."

301
00:13:42,546 --> 00:13:44,045
Hofstadter...

302
00:13:44,047 --> 00:13:45,161
Wolowitz...

303
00:13:45,163 --> 00:13:47,944
and the last one was
Rajesh Koothrappali?

304
00:13:47,946 --> 00:13:49,261
Yes.

305
00:13:49,263 --> 00:13:51,878
No, yeah, but in his defense,
that wasn't racist.

306
00:13:51,880 --> 00:13:53,578
He's also brown.

307
00:14:18,446 --> 00:14:20,661
Oh, damn it, you are.

308
00:14:20,663 --> 00:14:22,245
Please forgive me.

309
00:14:22,247 --> 00:14:25,010
I should have told
you about Alex.

310
00:14:25,110 --> 00:14:26,425
I don't care
about Alex.

311
00:14:26,447 --> 00:14:27,878
Fine, I care.

312
00:14:27,880 --> 00:14:29,911
Okay, I hate that bitch.

313
00:14:29,913 --> 00:14:31,495
But what really
hurt is that

314
00:14:31,497 --> 00:14:32,744
you liked it so much.

315
00:14:32,746 --> 00:14:34,611
I mean, do I need
to be worried?

316
00:14:34,613 --> 00:14:37,412
Of course not. No. Why?
Because...

317
00:14:37,414 --> 00:14:39,661
she is pretty and smart,
and when you talk about work,

318
00:14:39,663 --> 00:14:42,378
she doesn't have to go home
and look up words in the dictionary

319
00:14:42,380 --> 00:14:43,495
to understand what you said.

320
00:14:43,497 --> 00:14:44,911
You do that?

321
00:14:44,913 --> 00:14:46,911
No.

322
00:14:48,463 --> 00:14:50,445
Hang on.
Are you feeling insecure?

323
00:14:50,447 --> 00:14:52,362
Because that's
my thing, and if

324
00:14:52,364 --> 00:14:56,278
you take it away, I don't know
what I'm bringing to this relationship.

325
00:14:56,280 --> 00:14:58,211
Yes, Leonard, I am insecure.

326
00:14:58,213 --> 00:14:59,661
Happy?
No,

327
00:14:59,663 --> 00:15:01,961
I'm not happy.

328
00:15:05,279 --> 00:15:08,278
Why are you smiling?
I'm sorry.

329
00:15:08,280 --> 00:15:11,610
I just never think of you
having feelings like that.

330
00:15:11,612 --> 00:15:13,128
Well, I do.
Why?

331
00:15:13,130 --> 00:15:15,961
Nothing is ever going to
happen between me and Alex.

332
00:15:15,963 --> 00:15:18,610
Good.

333
00:15:18,612 --> 00:15:20,861
Come here.

334
00:15:22,546 --> 00:15:24,495
I'll tell you a secret?

335
00:15:24,497 --> 00:15:27,278
What's that?
With all these women chasing me,

336
00:15:27,280 --> 00:15:30,278
I kind of do feel
like Captain Kirk.

337
00:15:30,280 --> 00:15:32,577
Can I tell you a secret?
Sure.

338
00:15:32,579 --> 00:15:37,161
Keep talking about Captain Kirk,
and we're all gonna stop.

339
00:15:37,163 --> 00:15:39,577
Message... received.

340
00:15:43,628 --> 00:15:45,878
Ah, excuse me.

341
00:15:47,496 --> 00:15:48,728
Hello.

342
00:15:48,730 --> 00:15:51,295
This is Dr. Hofstadter.

343
00:15:51,297 --> 00:15:53,161
Okay.

344
00:15:54,795 --> 00:15:57,328
All right, thank you.

345
00:15:57,330 --> 00:15:58,878
That's weird.

346
00:15:58,880 --> 00:16:02,694
I'm getting called in
to Human Resources.

347
00:16:02,696 --> 00:16:04,445
What did you do?

348
00:16:04,447 --> 00:16:06,911
I don't know.

349
00:16:06,913 --> 00:16:09,111
Huh. I just
got called in

350
00:16:09,113 --> 00:16:11,577
to Human Resources.

351
00:16:11,579 --> 00:16:12,911
Why?

352
00:16:12,913 --> 00:16:15,045
I don't know.

353
00:16:15,047 --> 00:16:17,362
Huh. That is so strange.

354
00:16:17,364 --> 00:16:19,961
Human Resources wants
to talk to me tomorrow.

355
00:16:19,963 --> 00:16:21,678
Could you stop licking
your ass for two minutes?

356
00:16:21,703 --> 00:16:23,011
I have a problem here.

357
00:16:33,795 --> 00:16:36,462
Do you really think you
should be drinking right now?

358
00:16:36,464 --> 00:16:40,961
How else am I supposed to talk
to the Human Resources lady?

359
00:16:40,963 --> 00:16:43,445
I don't know.
Seek professional help?

360
00:16:43,447 --> 00:16:45,494
I did. The guy at
the liquor store said

361
00:16:45,496 --> 00:16:48,744
this stuff tastes
great in coffee.

362
00:16:48,746 --> 00:16:51,161
Wait, you got
called in, too?

363
00:16:51,163 --> 00:16:52,610
What is going on?

364
00:16:52,612 --> 00:16:54,627
Sheldon threw us
all under the bus.

365
00:16:54,629 --> 00:16:55,500
Oh.

366
00:16:55,525 --> 00:16:57,523
I feel like I've been called
down to the principal's office.

367
00:16:57,746 --> 00:17:00,661
Although I wouldn't mind
if Brown Sugar suspended me.

368
00:17:02,712 --> 00:17:04,995
From a sex swing!

369
00:17:05,829 --> 00:17:08,412
This may have been a mistake.

370
00:17:09,463 --> 00:17:11,777
Relax. Everything's
gonna be fine.

371
00:17:11,779 --> 00:17:13,378
You know, before
I met Bernadette

372
00:17:13,380 --> 00:17:15,378
I was in here
every other day.

373
00:17:15,380 --> 00:17:17,378
Uh, little tip:

374
00:17:17,380 --> 00:17:21,328
turn off your "I Like Big Butts"
ringtone before you go in.

375
00:17:22,413 --> 00:17:24,794
Well, this is
all your fault.

376
00:17:24,796 --> 00:17:26,078
How is this my fault?
If you weren't

377
00:17:26,080 --> 00:17:27,328
screwing around
with Sheldon's assistant,

378
00:17:27,330 --> 00:17:28,911
none of this would be happening.
I wasn't

379
00:17:28,913 --> 00:17:30,445
screwing around with anyone.

380
00:17:30,447 --> 00:17:31,494
Oh, of course not.

381
00:17:31,496 --> 00:17:33,328
She was just sniffing
around your goods

382
00:17:33,330 --> 00:17:35,911
because she was hunting
for truffles.

383
00:17:35,913 --> 00:17:39,661
Ah, Mr. Wolowitz,
it's been a while.

384
00:17:39,663 --> 00:17:40,794
Hey, Janine.

385
00:17:40,796 --> 00:17:43,161
How are Tom and the kids?

386
00:17:43,163 --> 00:17:44,610
Fine.

387
00:17:44,612 --> 00:17:46,577
You must be
Dr. Hofstadter.

388
00:17:46,579 --> 00:17:49,278
Yes, but I think this is all
a big misunderstanding.

389
00:17:49,280 --> 00:17:50,461
Yeah, yeah, me, too.

390
00:17:50,463 --> 00:17:52,161
I didn't do anything.

391
00:17:52,163 --> 00:17:53,911
Is that alcohol on your breath?

392
00:17:53,913 --> 00:17:57,412
Howard built a sex robot.

393
00:18:00,246 --> 00:18:01,577
That is not true.

394
00:18:01,579 --> 00:18:03,661
All I did was
build a robot.

395
00:18:03,663 --> 00:18:05,278
Did it have six breasts?

396
00:18:05,280 --> 00:18:07,378
I'm sorry,
I'm a feminist...

397
00:18:07,380 --> 00:18:09,378
I don't
notice things like

398
00:18:09,380 --> 00:18:12,995
how many breasts
a robot has.

399
00:18:12,997 --> 00:18:14,828
Well, hello.

400
00:18:14,830 --> 00:18:17,278
What are you doing here?
Actually, I came

401
00:18:17,280 --> 00:18:20,045
to speak to Mrs. Davis.
And I'm a little busy right now.

402
00:18:20,047 --> 00:18:21,744
But I came to file a complaint.

403
00:18:21,746 --> 00:18:25,211
Yeah, somebody has made me feel
uncomfortable in the workplace

404
00:18:25,213 --> 00:18:28,295
by using language of an
inappropriate and sexual nature.

405
00:18:28,297 --> 00:18:29,511
And who was that?

406
00:18:29,513 --> 00:18:30,961
You, you dirty birdie.

407
00:18:32,795 --> 00:18:34,128
I-I thought

408
00:18:34,130 --> 00:18:35,794
about the things
you said to me yesterday,

409
00:18:35,796 --> 00:18:37,161
and I realized
I'm deeply offended.

410
00:18:37,163 --> 00:18:40,544
Now, be a dear and get me
one of those complaint forms.

411
00:18:40,546 --> 00:18:41,577
That's it.

412
00:18:41,579 --> 00:18:44,211
All of you,
in my office now!

413
00:18:47,378 --> 00:18:49,859
And thanks to you, I
know better than to ask

414
00:18:49,884 --> 00:18:51,485
if you're menstruating.

415
00:18:54,628 --> 00:18:56,794
And based on your behavior,
I don't have to.

416
00:18:59,495 --> 00:19:01,295
It has been

417
00:19:01,297 --> 00:19:03,494
pointed out to me that...

418
00:19:03,496 --> 00:19:05,878
some of the things I said to you

419
00:19:05,880 --> 00:19:08,828
could be construed as...
offensive,

420
00:19:08,830 --> 00:19:10,494
and I would like

421
00:19:10,496 --> 00:19:13,995
to offer you
my sincerest apology.

422
00:19:13,997 --> 00:19:16,045
Thank you, Dr. Cooper.
Yeah,

423
00:19:16,047 --> 00:19:18,494
additionally, you should know
that the university

424
00:19:18,496 --> 00:19:20,411
has mandated that I take

425
00:19:20,413 --> 00:19:23,278
an online
sexual harassment seminar

426
00:19:23,280 --> 00:19:26,377
so this sort of thing
doesn't happen in the future.

427
00:19:26,379 --> 00:19:28,411
Okay.
Yeah. Now,

428
00:19:28,413 --> 00:19:32,211
unfortunately, uh,
my time is much too valuable

429
00:19:32,213 --> 00:19:34,878
to waste on nonsense like this,

430
00:19:34,880 --> 00:19:39,078
so... um, I'm gonna need you
to take it for me.

431
00:19:41,729 --> 00:19:43,577
Oh, and, uh,
you'd better ace it...

432
00:19:43,579 --> 00:19:44,794
they're pretty mad.

433
00:19:54,955 --> 00:19:56,993
So, hey, I was thinking
about that stuff with Alex.

434
00:19:56,994 --> 00:19:58,875
Oh, would you stop
worrying about that?

435
00:19:58,877 --> 00:20:00,708
I can't help it.
But, look, I figured

436
00:20:00,710 --> 00:20:02,308
I could sit around
and feel insecure,

437
00:20:02,310 --> 00:20:04,059
or I could do
something about it.

438
00:20:04,061 --> 00:20:05,358
So I got a course catalog

439
00:20:05,360 --> 00:20:08,392
at school and looked
at some of the science classes.

440
00:20:08,394 --> 00:20:09,161
That's great.

441
00:20:09,186 --> 00:20:11,143
No, it isn't...
they are extremely boring.

442
00:20:11,144 --> 00:20:13,892
I mean, how do you not
kill yourself, like, every day?

443
00:20:13,894 --> 00:20:16,375
Anyway, I decided

444
00:20:16,377 --> 00:20:19,675
I don't need to be a scientist,
I could just look like one.

445
00:20:19,677 --> 00:20:21,541
So I bought these.

446
00:20:21,543 --> 00:20:22,792
Glasses?

447
00:20:22,794 --> 00:20:24,209
Mm-hmm.
I really don't think

448
00:20:24,211 --> 00:20:26,142
that's gonna change...
oh, my God,

449
00:20:26,144 --> 00:20:28,541
you look so
smart and hot!

450
00:20:28,543 --> 00:20:30,976
I know, right?
Watch this.

451
00:20:36,289 --> 00:20:38,488
Molecules.

452
00:20:40,317 --> 00:20:41,782
Okay, come with me.

453
00:20:41,784 --> 00:20:42,782
Where are we going?

454
00:20:42,784 --> 00:20:44,533
To my bedroom,
so I can take everything off

455
00:20:44,535 --> 00:20:45,833
but those glasses...

456
00:20:46,461 --> 00:20:47,682
and maybe the boots.

457
00:20:47,782 --> 00:20:52,777
== sync, corrected by elderman ==