1
00:00:01,141 --> 00:00:02,425
I don't know why I avoided

2
00:00:02,427 --> 00:00:04,010
the Harry Potter books
for so long.

3
00:00:04,012 --> 00:00:05,428
These are great.

4
00:00:05,430 --> 00:00:07,397
I just started number six.

5
00:00:07,399 --> 00:00:08,815
That's a good one.

6
00:00:08,817 --> 00:00:10,516
Dumbledore dies in that one.

7
00:00:12,903 --> 00:00:16,322
Yeah, I know,
I didn't see it coming, either.

8
00:00:16,324 --> 00:00:18,775
Why would you say that?

9
00:00:18,777 --> 00:00:20,009
You brought up
the subject.

10
00:00:20,011 --> 00:00:22,345
I contributed an interesting
fact on that subject.

11
00:00:22,347 --> 00:00:24,364
It's called the art
of conversation.

12
00:00:24,366 --> 00:00:25,915
Okay, your turn.

13
00:00:27,401 --> 00:00:29,419
That was a huge spoiler.

14
00:00:29,421 --> 00:00:31,187
Good.

15
00:00:31,189 --> 00:00:33,706
What is wrong with you?

16
00:00:33,708 --> 00:00:36,259
If I did that, you'd bitch
about it for weeks.

17
00:00:36,261 --> 00:00:37,710
Oh, really, Leonard?
Are you going to have

18
00:00:37,712 --> 00:00:38,661
another one of your hissy fits?

19
00:00:38,663 --> 00:00:41,664
Hissy fits?
I have hissy fits?

20
00:00:41,666 --> 00:00:44,050
Yes, and I have a theory why.

21
00:00:44,052 --> 00:00:46,436
Because of
your lactose intolerance,

22
00:00:46,438 --> 00:00:48,104
you switched over to soy milk.

23
00:00:48,106 --> 00:00:49,656
Soy contains

24
00:00:49,658 --> 00:00:51,674
estrogen-mimicking compounds.

25
00:00:51,676 --> 00:00:53,943
I think your morning Cocoa Puffs

26
00:00:53,945 --> 00:00:57,063
are turning you
into a hysterical woman.

27
00:01:00,601 --> 00:01:02,535
You are unbelievable.

28
00:01:02,537 --> 00:01:04,570
I don't know why
I put up with you.

29
00:01:04,572 --> 00:01:06,689
You're controlling,
you're irritating...

30
00:01:06,691 --> 00:01:09,075
There you go again...
nag, nag, nag.

31
00:01:10,127 --> 00:01:12,078
You're only proving my point,
little lady.

32
00:01:12,080 --> 00:01:15,031
You know what?
Screw you, Sheldon.

33
00:01:15,033 --> 00:01:17,634
You are the most annoying person
I have ever met.

34
00:01:17,636 --> 00:01:19,035
What? I'm annoying?

35
00:01:19,037 --> 00:01:21,304
You criticize my behavior
all the time.

36
00:01:21,306 --> 00:01:23,840
"Sheldon, don't talk
about your bowel movements

37
00:01:23,842 --> 00:01:25,374
over breakfast."

38
00:01:26,543 --> 00:01:28,177
"Sheldon, when the president
of the university

39
00:01:28,179 --> 00:01:30,063
"is giving a eulogy
at a funeral,

40
00:01:30,065 --> 00:01:32,348
don't yawn
and point at your watch."

41
00:01:32,350 --> 00:01:34,484
"Sheldon,
don't throw away my shirts

42
00:01:34,486 --> 00:01:35,735
'cause you think they're ugly."

43
00:01:35,737 --> 00:01:37,020
You're impossible.

44
00:01:37,022 --> 00:01:38,387
That's it. I don't...

45
00:01:38,389 --> 00:01:40,156
I don't have to
put up with this.

46
00:01:40,158 --> 00:01:42,475
Actually, I have your signature
on a roommate agreement

47
00:01:42,477 --> 00:01:43,893
that says you do.

48
00:01:43,895 --> 00:01:45,394
Aw.

49
00:01:45,396 --> 00:01:48,031
Here's what I think
of your roommate agreement.

50
00:01:51,552 --> 00:01:53,920
You pick that up right now.
No.

51
00:01:53,922 --> 00:01:56,339
Roommate agreement,
section 27, paragraph 5:

52
00:01:56,341 --> 00:01:58,291
The roommate agreement,
like the American flag,

53
00:01:58,293 --> 00:02:00,677
cannot touch the ground.

54
00:02:00,679 --> 00:02:02,912
I don't care.

55
00:02:02,914 --> 00:02:06,265
I don't have to do
anything you say because...

56
00:02:06,267 --> 00:02:09,218
I don't think I want
to live here anymore.

57
00:02:09,220 --> 00:02:10,486
Where are you going?

58
00:02:10,488 --> 00:02:13,089
To live with Penny and not you,
you crazy bastard.

59
00:02:13,091 --> 00:02:16,042
Crazy bastard?
Yes.

60
00:02:16,044 --> 00:02:18,094
Leonard, wait.
What?

61
00:02:18,862 --> 00:02:20,697
Dobby the elf dies
in book seven.

62
00:02:49,481 --> 00:02:54,481
== sync, corrected by elderman ==

63
00:02:54,993 --> 00:02:56,010
Here you go.

64
00:02:56,012 --> 00:02:57,678
Great. Come on in.

65
00:02:57,680 --> 00:02:58,996
What, you don't say thank you?

66
00:02:58,998 --> 00:03:00,298
It's my suitcase.

67
00:03:00,300 --> 00:03:02,800
I lent it to you two years ago.

68
00:03:02,802 --> 00:03:04,135
Well, then, I should tell you

69
00:03:04,137 --> 00:03:05,887
I broke the wheel
and the handle.

70
00:03:09,358 --> 00:03:11,692
So, is everyone
from Bernadette's company

71
00:03:11,694 --> 00:03:12,843
going to Vegas?

72
00:03:12,845 --> 00:03:15,730
No, just me, her
and a couple of the big wigs.

73
00:03:15,732 --> 00:03:17,365
It's part of a bonus she got.

74
00:03:17,367 --> 00:03:19,734
Cool. Did she discover
a cure for something?

75
00:03:19,736 --> 00:03:20,818
Not exactly.

76
00:03:20,820 --> 00:03:22,737
They spent a ton of
money developing this

77
00:03:22,739 --> 00:03:24,989
dandruff medication
that had the side effect

78
00:03:24,991 --> 00:03:26,991
of horrible anal leakage.

79
00:03:29,578 --> 00:03:31,796
Is there a good
anal leakage?

80
00:03:34,199 --> 00:03:36,384
Anyway, it was
Bernie's idea

81
00:03:36,386 --> 00:03:38,469
to rebrand the stuff as a
cure for constipation.

82
00:03:39,722 --> 00:03:42,139
Way to make lemonade.

83
00:03:42,141 --> 00:03:45,042
You know, from around the
corner where fudge is made.

84
00:03:47,763 --> 00:03:50,181
Hey, I got a favor to ask.

85
00:03:50,183 --> 00:03:51,933
Sure.

86
00:03:51,935 --> 00:03:53,935
My mom's been kind of
an emotional wreck

87
00:03:53,937 --> 00:03:56,938
since that dentist
she was dating dumped her.

88
00:03:56,940 --> 00:03:58,856
Dumped her?
What, did he use a forklift?

89
00:04:02,727 --> 00:04:04,362
Sorry.

90
00:04:04,364 --> 00:04:06,948
There's nothing funny
about morbid obesity.

91
00:04:06,950 --> 00:04:08,566
She's huge. It was funny.

92
00:04:09,619 --> 00:04:10,952
Anyway, I was
just hoping

93
00:04:10,954 --> 00:04:13,571
that maybe you could check in
on her tomorrow night

94
00:04:13,573 --> 00:04:15,590
and make sure she's doing okay.

95
00:04:15,592 --> 00:04:18,242
Dude, I'm a single man.

96
00:04:18,244 --> 00:04:21,429
Saturday night
is my party night.

97
00:04:21,431 --> 00:04:23,881
Really?
What do you got going on?

98
00:04:23,883 --> 00:04:26,133
I don't know,
maybe drive down to Hollywood,

99
00:04:26,135 --> 00:04:28,803
hit a few hot spots,
see if I can get lucky.

100
00:04:28,805 --> 00:04:30,888
Okay, tell me
if this sounds familiar.

101
00:04:32,425 --> 00:04:34,758
You pay $15 to park,

102
00:04:34,760 --> 00:04:36,360
you stand on the sidewalk
for an hour

103
00:04:36,362 --> 00:04:38,062
until you break down
and give the bouncer

104
00:04:38,064 --> 00:04:39,196
20 bucks to let you in.

105
00:04:39,198 --> 00:04:40,698
You push your
way to the bar,

106
00:04:40,700 --> 00:04:42,817
where you drink
an $18 cosmopolitan,

107
00:04:42,819 --> 00:04:44,935
then you stare at a pretty girl

108
00:04:44,937 --> 00:04:47,071
and imagine your perfect life
together.

109
00:04:47,073 --> 00:04:48,372
Your children, grandchildren.

110
00:04:48,374 --> 00:04:50,124
Meanwhile, she leaves
with a guy who claims

111
00:04:50,126 --> 00:04:52,276
he wrote
Beverly Hills Chihuahua.

112
00:04:53,295 --> 00:04:55,162
Then you give up
on anyone ever loving you,

113
00:04:55,164 --> 00:04:56,614
go to Marie Callender's,
buy a pie

114
00:04:56,616 --> 00:05:00,384
and eat it in your car
in the parking lot.

115
00:05:01,320 --> 00:05:03,087
What time should I be
at your mother's?

116
00:05:03,089 --> 00:05:05,840
I told her around 7:00.

117
00:05:06,975 --> 00:05:09,510
I swear, that man is
the most egotistical,

118
00:05:09,512 --> 00:05:11,629
insufferable human
being I have ever met.

119
00:05:11,631 --> 00:05:14,432
Yeah, but you two make
such a cute couple.

120
00:05:16,318 --> 00:05:18,269
Like Burt and Ernie.

121
00:05:19,321 --> 00:05:23,240
You guys even teach me stuff
about words and numbers.

122
00:05:23,242 --> 00:05:25,242
Well, I've had it.
I am done.

123
00:05:25,244 --> 00:05:27,478
I can't... I can't live with him
for one more minute.

124
00:05:27,480 --> 00:05:29,363
Wow. Where are you going to go?

125
00:05:29,365 --> 00:05:31,632
I was thinking
here with you.

126
00:05:34,002 --> 00:05:35,953
Oh.

127
00:05:35,955 --> 00:05:37,988
That a problem?

128
00:05:37,990 --> 00:05:39,307
No, not at all.

129
00:05:39,309 --> 00:05:40,324
No, it's-it's great.

130
00:05:40,326 --> 00:05:41,592
It's terrific. I...

131
00:05:41,594 --> 00:05:44,161
You know, I just can't help
feel bad about Sheldon.

132
00:05:44,163 --> 00:05:45,162
I mean...

133
00:05:45,164 --> 00:05:47,548
how's he going to get by
without you?

134
00:05:47,550 --> 00:05:50,434
Ernie.

135
00:05:50,436 --> 00:05:52,219
He's got Amy now.

136
00:05:52,221 --> 00:05:54,672
Yeah, he does,
but it's not the same.

137
00:05:54,674 --> 00:05:55,940
Why?

138
00:05:56,892 --> 00:05:58,976
Um...

139
00:05:58,978 --> 00:06:00,528
Well, um, all right.

140
00:06:00,530 --> 00:06:02,863
You-you know how in Harry Potter
and the Half-Blood Prince,

141
00:06:02,865 --> 00:06:04,365
Ron didn't abandon Harry
just because

142
00:06:04,367 --> 00:06:06,067
Harry started
dating Ron's sister?

143
00:06:06,069 --> 00:06:09,103
Harry and Ginny
get together?

144
00:06:12,791 --> 00:06:15,042
Sorry.
Spoiler alert.

145
00:06:15,044 --> 00:06:18,028
My point is, as much
as I want to live with you,

146
00:06:18,030 --> 00:06:20,498
I can't do it knowing
how much Sheldon needs you.

147
00:06:20,500 --> 00:06:22,350
Please, the only
thing he needs me for

148
00:06:22,352 --> 00:06:23,918
is to be his whipping boy,

149
00:06:23,920 --> 00:06:26,220
his-his stooge, his doormat.

150
00:06:26,222 --> 00:06:29,039
Well, you know what they say:
if it ain't broke...

151
00:06:30,875 --> 00:06:32,343
Wow.

152
00:06:32,345 --> 00:06:34,929
It sounds to me like you don't
want us to live together.

153
00:06:34,931 --> 00:06:36,297
No. No, no, I do.

154
00:06:36,299 --> 00:06:37,715
I do. It's just...

155
00:06:37,717 --> 00:06:40,050
I mean, it's a really big step.

156
00:06:40,052 --> 00:06:41,051
Is it?

157
00:06:41,053 --> 00:06:42,219
We're together all the time.

158
00:06:42,221 --> 00:06:43,654
Financially,
it makes great sense.

159
00:06:43,656 --> 00:06:46,190
Can you think of one reason
why we shouldn't do this?

160
00:06:47,359 --> 00:06:50,027
Well... um...

161
00:06:50,029 --> 00:06:54,081
I'm just a little thirsty.
Yeah.

162
00:06:57,869 --> 00:07:00,287
I got nothing.

163
00:07:00,289 --> 00:07:01,839
Great. I'll go get my stuff.

164
00:07:01,841 --> 00:07:04,458
Yeah.

165
00:07:06,378 --> 00:07:09,079
Okay, all right,
don't freak out.

166
00:07:09,081 --> 00:07:11,348
You can make this work.

167
00:07:11,350 --> 00:07:13,751
Oh, could you clear off
a shelf for me in the bathroom?

168
00:07:13,753 --> 00:07:16,187
I take a lot of medicine.

169
00:07:17,022 --> 00:07:20,107
Oh, please let
some of it be Xanax.

170
00:07:23,562 --> 00:07:26,447
Are you ready for dessert?

171
00:07:28,484 --> 00:07:30,284
No, thank you, Mrs. Wolowitz.

172
00:07:30,286 --> 00:07:33,337
As it is, I'm going to have
to carry my stomach out of here

173
00:07:33,339 --> 00:07:35,939
like I'm a fireman
rescuing an infant.

174
00:07:37,776 --> 00:07:38,743
Oh, please.

175
00:07:38,745 --> 00:07:42,229
You're a tall glass
of brown water.

176
00:07:42,231 --> 00:07:43,631
Have dessert.

177
00:07:43,633 --> 00:07:45,332
Well, I-I really couldn't.

178
00:07:45,334 --> 00:07:47,585
But, uh, I've had a lovely time
eating your brisket

179
00:07:47,587 --> 00:07:50,087
and hearing about the things
you've had removed

180
00:07:50,089 --> 00:07:52,423
from your body over the years.

181
00:07:52,425 --> 00:07:55,626
Didn't know you could have
a cyst inside another cyst.

182
00:07:56,678 --> 00:07:59,447
The doctor said they were
like Russian nesting dolls.

183
00:07:59,449 --> 00:08:02,767
Well, if you have to go,

184
00:08:02,769 --> 00:08:06,103
how about I put a little
doggie bag together for you?

185
00:08:06,105 --> 00:08:08,272
That would be lovely.
Thank you.

186
00:08:12,577 --> 00:08:14,728
Mrs. Wolowitz, uh...

187
00:08:14,730 --> 00:08:16,614
are you okay?

188
00:08:16,616 --> 00:08:17,782
Don't mind me.

189
00:08:17,784 --> 00:08:19,650
I just cry
when I'm lonely

190
00:08:19,652 --> 00:08:22,269
and have nothing
to live for.

191
00:08:27,225 --> 00:08:29,260
I, uh...

192
00:08:29,262 --> 00:08:31,595
I suppose I could stay
for some dessert.

193
00:08:31,597 --> 00:08:33,697
Great. You like
chocolate chip cheesecake?

194
00:08:33,699 --> 00:08:35,065
Sure.

195
00:08:35,067 --> 00:08:37,268
I'll make one.

196
00:08:39,771 --> 00:08:43,607
One vintage Mr. Mxyzptlk
action figure.

197
00:08:43,609 --> 00:08:44,975
That's Leonard's.

198
00:08:44,977 --> 00:08:47,778
Children's toy.

199
00:08:47,780 --> 00:08:51,115
One Star Trek:
The Next Generation phaser.

200
00:08:51,117 --> 00:08:52,483
That's Leonard's.

201
00:08:52,485 --> 00:08:55,569
Children's toy.

202
00:08:55,571 --> 00:08:59,824
One Game of Thrones collector's
edition Longclaw sword.

203
00:08:59,826 --> 00:09:02,710
Oh... Leonard and I
bought that together.

204
00:09:02,712 --> 00:09:05,880
That's a bit
of an ethical conundrum.

205
00:09:06,748 --> 00:09:09,383
Eh, I'll keep it.

206
00:09:09,385 --> 00:09:11,869
So, uh, what's your plan
moving forward?

207
00:09:11,871 --> 00:09:15,472
Uh, suppose I'll have to find
and cultivate a new roommate.

208
00:09:15,474 --> 00:09:17,391
What a task
that will be.

209
00:09:17,393 --> 00:09:21,061
Do you know how uncivilized
Leonard was when I took him in?

210
00:09:21,063 --> 00:09:22,746
No.

211
00:09:22,748 --> 00:09:26,934
Oh, it took me forever to get
him on a bathroom schedule.

212
00:09:26,936 --> 00:09:30,554
He would just go
whenever the mood struck him.

213
00:09:30,556 --> 00:09:32,389
Like a dog-boy.

214
00:09:32,391 --> 00:09:34,391
Exactly.

215
00:09:34,393 --> 00:09:36,026
What if you could
find a roommate

216
00:09:36,028 --> 00:09:37,778
who was a scientist

217
00:09:37,780 --> 00:09:40,614
and already familiar
and comfortable with your ways?

218
00:09:40,616 --> 00:09:42,182
That would be ideal.

219
00:09:42,184 --> 00:09:43,851
If a person like that existed,

220
00:09:43,853 --> 00:09:46,537
I would sign on,
no further questions asked.

221
00:09:47,372 --> 00:09:49,957
Great. Here I am!

222
00:09:55,046 --> 00:09:56,764
Wait.

223
00:09:56,766 --> 00:09:58,749
Here who is where?

224
00:09:58,751 --> 00:10:00,801
Me.

225
00:10:00,803 --> 00:10:03,604
Aren't I your
perfect roommate?

226
00:10:03,606 --> 00:10:05,589
Um...

227
00:10:05,591 --> 00:10:06,891
Think about it, Sheldon.

228
00:10:06,893 --> 00:10:08,025
I'm not a stranger,

229
00:10:08,027 --> 00:10:09,643
we're intellectually
compatible,

230
00:10:09,645 --> 00:10:11,762
I'm willing to chauffeur
you around town,

231
00:10:11,764 --> 00:10:13,030
and your personality quirks,

232
00:10:13,032 --> 00:10:14,982
which others find abhorrent
or rage-inducing,

233
00:10:14,984 --> 00:10:16,734
I find cute as a button.

234
00:10:17,953 --> 00:10:19,870
What do you think?

235
00:10:25,660 --> 00:10:27,795
Um...

236
00:10:27,797 --> 00:10:31,081
Tell me one reason why this
isn't a fantastic idea.

237
00:10:31,083 --> 00:10:33,784
Um...

238
00:10:33,786 --> 00:10:35,836
See? You can't.

239
00:10:35,838 --> 00:10:37,304
I'm gonna go see
if Leonard's room

240
00:10:37,306 --> 00:10:39,723
is big enough for my water bed.

241
00:10:42,126 --> 00:10:44,511
Um...

242
00:10:45,614 --> 00:10:48,799
Good buddy Leonard.
Good buddy Leonard.

243
00:10:48,801 --> 00:10:51,986
Good buddy Leonard.

244
00:10:52,821 --> 00:10:54,238
What do you want?

245
00:10:54,240 --> 00:10:56,774
Hey, good buddy.

246
00:10:56,776 --> 00:10:57,858
So, uh, I was

247
00:10:57,860 --> 00:10:59,443
just talking to Amy,

248
00:10:59,445 --> 00:11:00,778
and she made me realize

249
00:11:00,780 --> 00:11:03,197
that this little dust-up
between you and me

250
00:11:03,199 --> 00:11:04,782
is much ado about nothing.

251
00:11:04,784 --> 00:11:06,033
Is that so?

252
00:11:06,035 --> 00:11:07,150
Yes.

253
00:11:07,152 --> 00:11:09,169
All is forgiven,
so come back home.

254
00:11:09,171 --> 00:11:11,455
I'll make you
some soy hot chocolate,

255
00:11:11,457 --> 00:11:13,924
and then I'll you tell you
about our exciting new

256
00:11:13,926 --> 00:11:16,593
devil-may-care bathroom policy.

257
00:11:20,015 --> 00:11:21,665
Cut to the chase, Sheldon.

258
00:11:21,667 --> 00:11:24,351
Okay. Amy's decided
she wants to move in with me,

259
00:11:24,353 --> 00:11:27,187
so I need you to come back home,
you lovable scamp.

260
00:11:28,673 --> 00:11:31,225
That's a lot of product.

261
00:11:31,227 --> 00:11:32,342
Hey.

262
00:11:32,344 --> 00:11:33,727
What's going on?
Oh, get this:

263
00:11:33,729 --> 00:11:35,145
Suddenly, Sheldon
wants me back

264
00:11:35,147 --> 00:11:37,681
because Amy wants
to move in with him.

265
00:11:37,683 --> 00:11:39,683
Really? Interesting.

266
00:11:39,685 --> 00:11:42,486
Well, too late, pal.
I'm not going anywhere.

267
00:11:42,488 --> 00:11:44,788
Penny and I are very happy
living together.

268
00:11:44,790 --> 00:11:45,956
Isn't that right?

269
00:11:45,958 --> 00:11:47,157
It's like the happiness

270
00:11:47,159 --> 00:11:49,827
won't ever leave
the apartment.

271
00:11:49,829 --> 00:11:50,995
Leonard, please.

272
00:11:50,997 --> 00:11:53,247
You know Amy moving in
marks a level of intimacy

273
00:11:53,249 --> 00:11:55,198
our relationship
isn't ready for.

274
00:11:55,200 --> 00:11:57,584
Yes! That is a real thing.

275
00:11:57,586 --> 00:11:59,703
And it doesn't mean you
don't care about each other;

276
00:11:59,705 --> 00:12:01,672
it just means things
are moving at a pace

277
00:12:01,674 --> 00:12:03,707
you're not comfortable with,
and that's fine.

278
00:12:03,709 --> 00:12:05,642
Well, if he doesn't
want to live with her,

279
00:12:05,644 --> 00:12:07,511
then he should
tell her how he feels.

280
00:12:07,513 --> 00:12:09,430
Well, maybe he doesn't
know how to say it

281
00:12:09,432 --> 00:12:10,597
without hurting
her feelings.

282
00:12:10,599 --> 00:12:11,648
Feelings?

283
00:12:11,650 --> 00:12:14,151
What am I, a hippie
at a love-in? No.

284
00:12:14,153 --> 00:12:15,552
The problem is,

285
00:12:15,554 --> 00:12:17,271
she laid out a series
of logical arguments

286
00:12:17,273 --> 00:12:18,355
that I couldn't refute.

287
00:12:18,357 --> 00:12:19,656
That is the worst,
isn't it?

288
00:12:19,658 --> 00:12:21,224
Yes.

289
00:12:21,226 --> 00:12:23,444
I'm sorry, Sheldon.
I can't help you.

290
00:12:23,446 --> 00:12:24,611
Oh, spoiler alert:

291
00:12:24,613 --> 00:12:27,081
This door's about
to slam in your face.

292
00:12:28,249 --> 00:12:29,583
Oh, there you are.

293
00:12:30,502 --> 00:12:33,470
When do I get a key
to our apartment?

294
00:12:35,290 --> 00:12:37,508
Um...

295
00:12:54,030 --> 00:12:55,164
Hello?

296
00:12:55,166 --> 00:12:57,349
Hey. How'd it go last night
with my mom?

297
00:12:57,351 --> 00:12:59,268
Okay, I guess.

298
00:12:59,270 --> 00:13:00,586
What time did you leave?

299
00:13:02,723 --> 00:13:06,041
Actually, I'm still here.

300
00:13:06,043 --> 00:13:08,710
What? You spent the night?

301
00:13:08,712 --> 00:13:10,529
Yeah. Uh...

302
00:13:10,531 --> 00:13:14,550
after dinner, we watched
a rerun of Rockford Files,

303
00:13:14,552 --> 00:13:16,152
and then she opened a bottle

304
00:13:16,154 --> 00:13:18,720
of, uh, cream sherry,
and the next thing I know,

305
00:13:18,722 --> 00:13:22,024
she was tucking me
into your bed.

306
00:13:22,026 --> 00:13:24,910
You wore my pajamas?

307
00:13:24,912 --> 00:13:26,061
Mm-hmm.

308
00:13:26,063 --> 00:13:27,913
How do you sleep
in these things?

309
00:13:27,915 --> 00:13:29,748
Silk pajamas on satin sheets?

310
00:13:29,750 --> 00:13:32,785
I slid out of the bed,
like, three times.

311
00:13:32,787 --> 00:13:35,171
Rajesh!

312
00:13:35,173 --> 00:13:36,305
You up?

313
00:13:36,307 --> 00:13:37,590
You ready for breakfast?

314
00:13:37,592 --> 00:13:39,542
Oh, boy. Breakfast.

315
00:13:40,410 --> 00:13:41,594
Okay, Raj, listen to me.

316
00:13:41,596 --> 00:13:43,078
You need to get out of there.

317
00:13:43,080 --> 00:13:48,217
But I have a cream sherry
hangover and I smell blintzes.

318
00:13:48,219 --> 00:13:50,936
If you don't leave now,
she'll use food and guilt

319
00:13:50,938 --> 00:13:53,105
to keep you there
for the rest of your life.

320
00:13:53,107 --> 00:13:54,940
Oh, Howard, stop.

321
00:13:54,942 --> 00:13:56,141
Trust me, you're not Jewish.

322
00:13:56,143 --> 00:13:57,393
That's how they get you.

323
00:13:57,395 --> 00:13:59,979
You're being silly.

324
00:13:59,981 --> 00:14:02,031
I can leave whenever I want.

325
00:14:02,033 --> 00:14:04,266
Oh, really? Where are
your clothes and your shoes?

326
00:14:04,268 --> 00:14:06,802
They're on the chair,
right over...

327
00:14:08,205 --> 00:14:10,973
Oy vey.

328
00:14:15,128 --> 00:14:17,229
Hello, home wrecker.

329
00:14:19,916 --> 00:14:21,500
What did I do?

330
00:14:21,502 --> 00:14:23,269
You gave Leonard
somewhere to go.

331
00:14:23,271 --> 00:14:26,655
Thanks to you, Amy's out buying
his and hers bath towels.

332
00:14:26,657 --> 00:14:28,724
Like I'd ever dry myself
with something

333
00:14:28,726 --> 00:14:30,976
that has a possessive pronoun
on it.

334
00:14:30,978 --> 00:14:32,645
Okay.

335
00:14:32,647 --> 00:14:35,631
Listen, the truth is

336
00:14:35,633 --> 00:14:37,016
I don't want him living with me.

337
00:14:37,018 --> 00:14:38,601
Great. Kick him out.

338
00:14:38,603 --> 00:14:40,819
Break his heart.
Everybody wins.

339
00:14:40,821 --> 00:14:42,488
No, I don't want
to break his heart.

340
00:14:42,490 --> 00:14:43,772
I love him.

341
00:14:43,774 --> 00:14:45,241
This is just happening too fast.

342
00:14:45,243 --> 00:14:46,475
You think this is fast?

343
00:14:46,477 --> 00:14:47,693
It's just a matter of time

344
00:14:47,695 --> 00:14:50,145
before I see Amy's leg stubble
in my shower.

345
00:14:50,147 --> 00:14:51,914
Yeah, and I've seen those legs.

346
00:14:51,916 --> 00:14:55,034
You might want
to get some Drano.

347
00:14:55,036 --> 00:14:56,619
Hold on.

348
00:14:56,621 --> 00:14:58,537
If you don't want
to live with Leonard,

349
00:14:58,539 --> 00:14:59,821
why don't you just tell him?

350
00:14:59,823 --> 00:15:01,173
Well, you know how he is.

351
00:15:01,175 --> 00:15:02,675
He's sensitive and emotional.

352
00:15:02,677 --> 00:15:06,712
That's because he drinks
too much soy milk.

353
00:15:06,714 --> 00:15:08,347
Well, I don't know
what else we can do

354
00:15:08,349 --> 00:15:09,548
but tell them the truth.

355
00:15:09,550 --> 00:15:11,267
I suppose there's no choice

356
00:15:11,269 --> 00:15:14,103
but to face the crying,
angry accusations

357
00:15:14,105 --> 00:15:16,155
and the high-pitched wails
of despair.

358
00:15:16,157 --> 00:15:17,456
Yeah.

359
00:15:17,458 --> 00:15:20,392
And who knows
how Amy will react.

360
00:15:23,813 --> 00:15:25,514
Here's some more ice.

361
00:15:25,516 --> 00:15:27,316
Oh, thanks.

362
00:15:27,318 --> 00:15:29,201
What were we thinking?

363
00:15:29,203 --> 00:15:32,738
We should have just done it
the regular way.

364
00:15:32,740 --> 00:15:35,023
Those Chinese acrobats
in Cirque du Soleil

365
00:15:35,025 --> 00:15:37,626
made it look so easy.

366
00:15:37,628 --> 00:15:40,496
Honestly,
if I could bend that far,

367
00:15:40,498 --> 00:15:43,332
what would I need with you?

368
00:15:44,751 --> 00:15:48,170
If you could bend that far,
you'd be doing us both a favor.

369
00:15:55,679 --> 00:15:57,262
Hey, Raj. What's up?

370
00:15:57,264 --> 00:15:58,380
You were right!

371
00:15:58,382 --> 00:16:00,683
I can't get out of here!

372
00:16:00,685 --> 00:16:02,768
You're still
at my mother's?

373
00:16:02,770 --> 00:16:03,885
I'm trapped.

374
00:16:03,887 --> 00:16:05,988
My clothes have been
in the laundry all day,

375
00:16:05,990 --> 00:16:07,456
and she hid my keys.

376
00:16:07,458 --> 00:16:09,408
I think they might be
in her bra,

377
00:16:09,410 --> 00:16:11,860
because she jingles
when she walks.

378
00:16:11,862 --> 00:16:13,395
What do I do?

379
00:16:13,397 --> 00:16:15,114
Hey, you wanted a woman
in your life.

380
00:16:15,116 --> 00:16:17,082
Now you got one.

381
00:16:17,084 --> 00:16:18,951
Come on, Howard, help me.

382
00:16:18,953 --> 00:16:22,404
Rajesh, tatellah,
I ran you a bath.

383
00:16:22,406 --> 00:16:25,174
Oh, my God.

384
00:16:25,176 --> 00:16:29,128
She's not gonna bathe me,
is she?

385
00:16:30,647 --> 00:16:33,882
Gee, I wish I could tell you no.

386
00:16:37,470 --> 00:16:39,938
All right, well,
thanks again for helping me out.

387
00:16:39,940 --> 00:16:41,890
But, Howard...

388
00:16:41,892 --> 00:16:43,942
Should we go back
and rescue him?

389
00:16:43,944 --> 00:16:45,144
It's too late.

390
00:16:45,146 --> 00:16:46,928
We'll see him
at his Bar Mitzvah.

391
00:16:49,199 --> 00:16:50,766
Here you go.

392
00:16:50,768 --> 00:16:53,819
I picked up the Chinese food
just the way Leonard used to.

393
00:16:53,821 --> 00:16:55,821
Is it kung pao chicken?
Yes.

394
00:16:55,823 --> 00:16:57,740
Brown rice, not white rice?
Yes.

395
00:16:57,742 --> 00:16:59,291
Spicy mustard
from the Korean deli?

396
00:16:59,293 --> 00:17:00,793
Yes. I did good, right?

397
00:17:00,795 --> 00:17:03,278
Yes.

398
00:17:04,130 --> 00:17:05,947
Amy,

399
00:17:05,949 --> 00:17:08,784
are you worried
that us living together

400
00:17:08,786 --> 00:17:11,470
will take the mystery
out of our relationship?

401
00:17:11,472 --> 00:17:12,471
No.

402
00:17:12,473 --> 00:17:14,807
Yeah, why would you?

403
00:17:14,809 --> 00:17:16,809
Oh, and, uh, check this out.

404
00:17:16,811 --> 00:17:18,177
I took the liberty of scripting

405
00:17:18,179 --> 00:17:20,479
a new outgoing voice mail
message for both of us.

406
00:17:24,851 --> 00:17:26,685
"Hello. This is Sheldon."

407
00:17:26,687 --> 00:17:27,903
"And this is Amy."

408
00:17:27,905 --> 00:17:29,571
"We're not home right now."

409
00:17:29,573 --> 00:17:32,858
"'Cause we out
dropping science, son."

410
00:17:37,881 --> 00:17:40,215
"Leave a message."

411
00:17:42,452 --> 00:17:43,669
Beep.

412
00:17:46,123 --> 00:17:48,674
You can't live here.

413
00:17:48,676 --> 00:17:50,526
What?

414
00:17:50,528 --> 00:17:51,844
Why?

415
00:17:51,846 --> 00:17:53,095
Is it the message?

416
00:17:53,097 --> 00:17:55,764
I only used urban slang
to sound tough

417
00:17:55,766 --> 00:17:57,716
so people wouldn't break in.
No.

418
00:17:57,718 --> 00:17:59,768
It's not the message.

419
00:17:59,770 --> 00:18:01,169
Well, what is it, then?

420
00:18:01,171 --> 00:18:03,021
I did everything
just the way you like it.

421
00:18:03,023 --> 00:18:05,841
You did.
Then what the hell, Sheldon?

422
00:18:07,460 --> 00:18:10,178
We have been going out
for over two years,

423
00:18:10,180 --> 00:18:12,614
and I have been nothing
but patient with you!

424
00:18:12,616 --> 00:18:14,650
I watch your dopey
space movies.

425
00:18:14,652 --> 00:18:16,819
I signed your
ridiculous contract.

426
00:18:16,821 --> 00:18:18,654
I even stopped wearing lip gloss
'cause you said

427
00:18:18,656 --> 00:18:20,689
it made my mouth look
too slippery.

428
00:18:21,574 --> 00:18:23,692
I am the best
girlfriend

429
00:18:23,694 --> 00:18:25,077
you're ever
gonna have.

430
00:18:25,079 --> 00:18:28,080
You give me one good reason
why I can't live here.

431
00:18:28,915 --> 00:18:31,049
It's Penny's fault.

432
00:18:31,051 --> 00:18:32,468
What?

433
00:18:32,470 --> 00:18:33,869
She doesn't want
to live with Leonard,

434
00:18:33,871 --> 00:18:35,504
so he has to come
live here again.

435
00:18:35,506 --> 00:18:36,889
She's the snake in our garden.

436
00:18:38,141 --> 00:18:40,893
She's the reason
we can't be happy.

437
00:18:43,713 --> 00:18:44,763
Hey, Ames.
Yeah.

438
00:18:44,765 --> 00:18:46,064
"Hey, Ames," nothing.

439
00:18:46,066 --> 00:18:48,233
I was all set to move in
with Sheldon, and now I hear

440
00:18:48,235 --> 00:18:50,018
I can't 'cause you don't want
to live with Leonard.

441
00:18:50,020 --> 00:18:51,887
What?

442
00:18:53,239 --> 00:18:56,492
Sheldon, what did you say?
I said the truth.

443
00:18:56,494 --> 00:18:58,727
You don't want to live with
Leonard, and you know it.

444
00:18:58,729 --> 00:19:00,100
Since when don't you want
to live with me?

445
00:19:00,125 --> 00:19:01,230
Oh, don't get all huffy.

446
00:19:01,231 --> 00:19:02,564
You're the one who
decided to move in

447
00:19:02,566 --> 00:19:03,949
without even asking
me if I was ready.

448
00:19:03,951 --> 00:19:05,584
Yeah, I think we should talk
about that.

449
00:19:06,419 --> 00:19:08,253
And since you love
the truth so much,

450
00:19:08,255 --> 00:19:10,756
why don't you tell Amy you
don't want to live with her

451
00:19:10,758 --> 00:19:12,207
instead of
blaming it on me?

452
00:19:12,209 --> 00:19:14,910
I thought we were talking
about the other thing.

453
00:19:15,745 --> 00:19:17,129
You're a coward.

454
00:19:17,131 --> 00:19:20,766
Well, the evidence
does support that.

455
00:19:22,302 --> 00:19:24,252
Come on, Amy,
let's go drink wine

456
00:19:24,254 --> 00:19:26,722
and talk about what jerks
our boyfriends are.

457
00:19:26,724 --> 00:19:28,190
You know what would show them?

458
00:19:28,192 --> 00:19:30,058
I should move in here with you.

459
00:19:33,112 --> 00:19:35,280
Um...

460
00:19:45,909 --> 00:19:47,209
Do you want to...

461
00:19:47,211 --> 00:19:49,277
catch up on some Walking Dead?

462
00:19:49,279 --> 00:19:51,463
Okay.

463
00:19:52,782 --> 00:19:55,250
Have you seen the one
where Lori dies?

464
00:20:00,356 --> 00:20:02,507
No.

465
00:20:03,343 --> 00:20:04,793
Or maybe she doesn't.

466
00:20:04,795 --> 00:20:06,511
Let's find out.

467
00:20:22,794 --> 00:20:24,929
Where you going?
No!

468
00:20:24,931 --> 00:20:29,931
== sync, corrected by elderman ==