1
00:00:01,243 --> 00:00:02,164
at work today.
Hmm?

2
00:00:02,165 --> 00:00:05,163
This old guy was choking on
his food, and I saved his life.

3
00:00:05,165 --> 00:00:06,613
You're kidding.
Did you Heimlich him?

4
00:00:06,615 --> 00:00:09,046
No. I said, "Oh, my God,
I think that old guy's choking,"

5
00:00:09,048 --> 00:00:11,046
and then one of the busboys
Heimlich'ed him.

6
00:00:13,548 --> 00:00:15,113
You're a hero.

7
00:00:15,115 --> 00:00:18,963
Yeah, that was
the point of the story.

8
00:00:18,965 --> 00:00:20,664
Oh, yeah, speaking of work,
do you know

9
00:00:20,666 --> 00:00:22,063
if you have
Thursday night off?

10
00:00:22,065 --> 00:00:23,613
Um, I think so. Why?

11
00:00:23,615 --> 00:00:25,613
What do you mean, why?
It's Valentine's Day.

12
00:00:25,615 --> 00:00:26,880
Oh, right.

13
00:00:26,882 --> 00:00:28,163
Yeah, we can do something.

14
00:00:28,165 --> 00:00:30,829
You could be
a little more into it.

15
00:00:30,831 --> 00:00:32,630
No, I'm into it, I'm into it.

16
00:00:32,632 --> 00:00:34,213
Just, there's so much pressure
to make the night special,

17
00:00:34,215 --> 00:00:35,913
and it never works out.

18
00:00:35,915 --> 00:00:38,113
Okay, well, this time
it's going to be different.

19
00:00:38,115 --> 00:00:40,263
Because I am
like a romance ninja.

20
00:00:42,114 --> 00:00:43,880
You don't see it coming,
and then bam!

21
00:00:43,882 --> 00:00:47,080
Romance, watch out, hearts,
kisses, love, ooh-ya!

22
00:00:48,047 --> 00:00:49,613
You know,
sometimes I think I've made you

23
00:00:49,615 --> 00:00:51,280
so much cooler
than you used to be,

24
00:00:51,282 --> 00:00:52,880
and then you go and do that.

25
00:00:55,281 --> 00:00:56,630
So, in conclusion,

26
00:00:56,631 --> 00:00:59,380
I believe the painful
sensation felt

27
00:00:59,382 --> 00:01:01,779
after passing a meal
of spicy chilies

28
00:01:01,781 --> 00:01:05,946
is proof that the rectum does
possess the sense of taste.

29
00:01:11,498 --> 00:01:13,497
I concur, but you
changed the subject.

30
00:01:13,499 --> 00:01:16,663
What are we doing
for Valentine's Day?

31
00:01:16,665 --> 00:01:19,046
Oh, you caught that,
did you?

32
00:01:44,725 --> 00:01:49,720
== sync, corrected by elderman ==

33
00:01:50,769 --> 00:01:52,485
Okay.

34
00:01:52,836 --> 00:01:53,869
Okay.

35
00:01:55,703 --> 00:01:56,952
Okay.

36
00:01:57,953 --> 00:01:59,169
Okay.

37
00:01:59,853 --> 00:02:01,785
Okay!

38
00:02:04,903 --> 00:02:06,052
Okay.

39
00:02:09,196 --> 00:02:10,527
Everything okay?

40
00:02:14,245 --> 00:02:15,944
Bernie's a little cranky

41
00:02:15,946 --> 00:02:18,060
since she's been working,
like, 17 hours a day.

42
00:02:18,062 --> 00:02:20,576
And I've got a lot on my plate,
too, because I've been

43
00:02:20,578 --> 00:02:22,660
busting my tail
playing Assassin's Creed.

44
00:02:22,662 --> 00:02:24,277
Hey, Stuart,

45
00:02:24,279 --> 00:02:25,944
you got anything going on
for Valentine's Day?

46
00:02:25,946 --> 00:02:27,227
Not really.

47
00:02:27,229 --> 00:02:29,726
Other than hiding all
the sharp objects around here

48
00:02:29,728 --> 00:02:32,411
and white-knuckling it
till morning.

49
00:02:32,413 --> 00:02:33,576
What do you got going on?

50
00:02:33,578 --> 00:02:35,893
Oh, well, I was going
to spend the night

51
00:02:35,895 --> 00:02:37,693
with my special little lady,
but, uh,

52
00:02:37,695 --> 00:02:41,394
she got worms, and then I
had to take her to the vet.

53
00:02:44,661 --> 00:02:46,110
There must be something
we can do.

54
00:02:46,112 --> 00:02:49,110
Well, uh, how about you keep
the store open late,

55
00:02:49,112 --> 00:02:51,110
and we throw a party
for all the people

56
00:02:51,112 --> 00:02:52,110
who don't have dates?

57
00:02:52,112 --> 00:02:54,526
That actually sounds
kind of nice.

58
00:02:54,528 --> 00:02:56,411
Yeah, the theme will be
that the greatest love

59
00:02:56,413 --> 00:03:00,610
a man can have
is the love he has with himself.

60
00:03:02,128 --> 00:03:03,693
That's good.

61
00:03:03,695 --> 00:03:08,494
Or maybe something a little less
"hand in the pants."

62
00:03:10,694 --> 00:03:12,027
Oh, Alex, excellent.

63
00:03:12,029 --> 00:03:14,411
I have a research problem

64
00:03:14,413 --> 00:03:16,277
that I believe
you can help with.

65
00:03:16,279 --> 00:03:17,994
Oh, Dr. Cooper, thank you.

66
00:03:17,996 --> 00:03:19,777
I've been waiting
for an opportunity

67
00:03:19,779 --> 00:03:21,660
to contribute
to your scientific work.

68
00:03:21,662 --> 00:03:25,160
Oh, no, no.
That's not going to happen, no.

69
00:03:26,362 --> 00:03:30,444
What I need you to do
is find a Valentine's gift

70
00:03:30,446 --> 00:03:32,827
for my girlfriend.

71
00:03:32,829 --> 00:03:34,827
You realize I passed up
an opportunity

72
00:03:34,829 --> 00:03:37,743
to work at Fermilab
to take this job with you.

73
00:03:37,745 --> 00:03:41,444
Well, I guess those chaps
will have to have

74
00:03:41,446 --> 00:03:43,693
someone else buy
their girlfriends presents.

75
00:03:43,695 --> 00:03:44,910
Now, here is...

76
00:03:44,912 --> 00:03:47,610
Let's see.

77
00:03:47,612 --> 00:03:49,110
This is...

78
00:03:52,678 --> 00:03:54,810
This is about $2,000.

79
00:03:54,812 --> 00:03:56,411
Um, I think

80
00:03:56,413 --> 00:04:00,327
she likes monkeys
and the color gray.

81
00:04:06,444 --> 00:04:08,777
Contribute to my work.

82
00:04:10,527 --> 00:04:14,893
Ah, kids say
the darnedest things.

83
00:04:16,995 --> 00:04:18,277
Hey, you coming
to lunch?

84
00:04:18,279 --> 00:04:19,361
Yeah, one second.

85
00:04:19,363 --> 00:04:20,693
Come here. I want
to show you something.

86
00:04:20,695 --> 00:04:21,726
What you looking at?

87
00:04:21,728 --> 00:04:23,777
Well, I was trying
to come up with something

88
00:04:23,779 --> 00:04:26,060
really romantic
to give Bernadette

89
00:04:26,062 --> 00:04:27,411
for Valentine's Day
since she's been

90
00:04:27,413 --> 00:04:29,910
such a pain in the ass.

91
00:04:32,560 --> 00:04:35,110
You can't find a
card that says that?

92
00:04:35,112 --> 00:04:36,576
Check it out.

93
00:04:36,578 --> 00:04:38,244
I used the
atomic force microscope

94
00:04:38,246 --> 00:04:41,827
in the material science lab
and wrote our initials

95
00:04:41,829 --> 00:04:44,944
in a heart 1/1,000
the size of a grain of sand.

96
00:04:45,911 --> 00:04:48,077
Oh, that's cool.

97
00:04:48,079 --> 00:04:52,743
A micro-valentine
for a microbiologist.

98
00:04:52,745 --> 00:04:55,493
From her micro-husband.

99
00:04:59,061 --> 00:05:00,077
That is amazing.

100
00:05:00,079 --> 00:05:01,944
How long did this take you?

101
00:05:01,946 --> 00:05:04,194
Mmm, about 12 hours.

102
00:05:04,196 --> 00:05:05,660
I pulled an all-nighter.

103
00:05:05,662 --> 00:05:06,726
Oh, wow.

104
00:05:06,728 --> 00:05:08,576
Yeah, I know,
it really took a bite

105
00:05:08,578 --> 00:05:10,860
out of my video game time.

106
00:05:10,862 --> 00:05:12,693
What are you
and Penny doing?

107
00:05:12,695 --> 00:05:15,027
Oh, I'm going to take her to
a nice restaurant for dinner.

108
00:05:15,029 --> 00:05:18,393
Oh, that's not bad,
but as far as romance goes,

109
00:05:18,395 --> 00:05:20,910
I think my gift hits it
right out of...

110
00:05:24,744 --> 00:05:26,576
Want to come to
dinner with us?

111
00:05:26,578 --> 00:05:28,244
Yes, please.

112
00:05:30,328 --> 00:05:31,726
Okay.

113
00:05:31,728 --> 00:05:33,610
Amy will be
here shortly,

114
00:05:33,612 --> 00:05:37,027
expecting the perfect
Valentine's gift, so...

115
00:05:37,029 --> 00:05:38,360
you're up kid.

116
00:05:38,362 --> 00:05:40,443
Dazzle me. Go.

117
00:05:40,445 --> 00:05:43,027
Okay, I think I have
some really great choices.

118
00:05:43,029 --> 00:05:44,994
I went on Amy's
Facebook page

119
00:05:44,996 --> 00:05:46,693
and read up on her interests.

120
00:05:46,695 --> 00:05:49,360
Now, see, I never would have
thought to do that.

121
00:05:50,394 --> 00:05:51,827
Clearly, I made a good choice

122
00:05:51,829 --> 00:05:53,060
farming this out to you.

123
00:05:53,062 --> 00:05:55,743
But I am telling you,
Amy hit the boyfriend jackpot.

124
00:05:55,745 --> 00:05:58,526
Anyway, my socks are on.

125
00:05:58,528 --> 00:06:00,077
Let's knock them off.

126
00:06:04,911 --> 00:06:07,194
Well, um, I know she loves
playing the harp,

127
00:06:07,196 --> 00:06:12,244
so I found this
beautiful music box

128
00:06:12,246 --> 00:06:14,160
that plays one
of her favorite songs.

129
00:06:16,861 --> 00:06:19,261
Now, Amy already
has a real harp.

130
00:06:20,327 --> 00:06:23,060
And it can play any song.

131
00:06:23,062 --> 00:06:25,660
What are you trying
to pull here?

132
00:06:26,427 --> 00:06:27,944
No, I just thought
it would be...

133
00:06:27,946 --> 00:06:29,860
Next.

134
00:06:30,694 --> 00:06:32,027
Okay.

135
00:06:32,029 --> 00:06:34,360
Um, I know she's a fan
of The Canterbury Tales,

136
00:06:34,362 --> 00:06:37,610
Mmm.
so I found...

137
00:06:37,612 --> 00:06:39,194
this cool map

138
00:06:39,196 --> 00:06:41,194
that illustrates the character's
journey through England.

139
00:06:41,196 --> 00:06:43,559
I thought we could put it
in a really nice frame.

140
00:06:43,561 --> 00:06:47,910
But she's got Google Maps
on her phone.

141
00:06:51,644 --> 00:06:53,726
I don't know
how to respond to that.

142
00:06:55,111 --> 00:06:57,194
Well, I hope it's
with a third good option,

143
00:06:57,196 --> 00:06:59,860
because these first two... blah.

144
00:07:01,661 --> 00:07:03,576
Okay.

145
00:07:03,578 --> 00:07:06,493
Well, uh, luckily,
I saved the best for last.

146
00:07:07,560 --> 00:07:08,610
Since Amy's a neuroscientist,

147
00:07:08,612 --> 00:07:10,443
I did some research
and found out

148
00:07:10,445 --> 00:07:12,060
that Santiago Ramón y Cajal,

149
00:07:12,062 --> 00:07:14,060
the father
of modern neuroscience,

150
00:07:14,062 --> 00:07:16,610
did lots of hand drawings
of brain cells.

151
00:07:16,612 --> 00:07:19,393
And I managed
to find

152
00:07:19,395 --> 00:07:22,827
this signed print.

153
00:07:22,829 --> 00:07:25,077
Wow.

154
00:07:25,079 --> 00:07:26,860
Oh, this is truly remarkable.

155
00:07:26,862 --> 00:07:28,777
Thank you.

156
00:07:28,779 --> 00:07:30,243
I think I'll keep it for myself.

157
00:07:34,078 --> 00:07:35,559
What about your girlfriend?

158
00:07:35,561 --> 00:07:37,360
It's too late.
I call dibs.

159
00:07:41,577 --> 00:07:44,194
This place is
really beautiful.

160
00:07:44,196 --> 00:07:46,443
Wah... romance ninja.

161
00:07:49,527 --> 00:07:50,576
Hey.

162
00:07:50,578 --> 00:07:52,276
Sorry we're late.

163
00:07:52,278 --> 00:07:53,660
No problem.
We just sat down.

164
00:07:53,662 --> 00:07:55,393
Mmm, would you like some wine?

165
00:07:55,395 --> 00:07:56,576
Yeah, fill her up.

166
00:07:58,894 --> 00:08:00,893
I'll tell you when to stop.

167
00:08:03,095 --> 00:08:04,493
Is everything okay?

168
00:08:04,495 --> 00:08:06,226
Terrific.
Couldn't be better.

169
00:08:06,228 --> 00:08:07,860
Oh, bite me.

170
00:08:09,694 --> 00:08:11,410
Look, we can still
have a nice night.

171
00:08:11,412 --> 00:08:12,693
Just tell me where it is.

172
00:08:12,695 --> 00:08:13,860
Maybe if you did what you said

173
00:08:13,862 --> 00:08:15,410
you were going to do,
I'd tell you.

174
00:08:16,194 --> 00:08:17,559
Uh, where what is?

175
00:08:17,561 --> 00:08:20,027
She hid my Xbox
like I'm a child.

176
00:08:21,244 --> 00:08:23,410
Yeah, and my mom got me
that for my birthday,

177
00:08:23,412 --> 00:08:25,893
so if you don't give
it back, I'm telling.

178
00:08:27,111 --> 00:08:28,726
I've been working
late every night.

179
00:08:28,728 --> 00:08:30,276
All I asked was that he

180
00:08:30,278 --> 00:08:32,027
clean the apartment
and do one load of laundry.

181
00:08:32,029 --> 00:08:33,243
But did he do it? No.

182
00:08:33,245 --> 00:08:35,060
He just kept on
playing that stupid game.

183
00:08:35,062 --> 00:08:36,693
You like pushing
buttons so much,

184
00:08:36,695 --> 00:08:39,160
try pushing them
on the washing machine.

185
00:08:40,894 --> 00:08:42,493
I said I'm sorry.

186
00:08:42,495 --> 00:08:45,576
Sorry doesn't clean
my underpants, buddy.

187
00:08:46,611 --> 00:08:49,827
I told you, turn
them inside out.

188
00:08:49,829 --> 00:08:53,060
And I told you to bite me.

189
00:08:53,062 --> 00:08:56,726
Trying to have
a magical night here, guys.

190
00:09:00,527 --> 00:09:01,726
Oh, son of a bitch.

191
00:09:01,728 --> 00:09:03,110
What?

192
00:09:03,112 --> 00:09:04,526
Nothing. Nothing.

193
00:09:04,528 --> 00:09:05,693
No, tell me.

194
00:09:05,695 --> 00:09:08,060
It's just this guy
I used to date.

195
00:09:08,894 --> 00:09:10,060
Oh.

196
00:09:10,062 --> 00:09:12,077
Until he cheated on me
with my friend Gretchen,

197
00:09:12,079 --> 00:09:13,576
who's here with him now.

198
00:09:13,578 --> 00:09:14,827
You're kidding.

199
00:09:14,829 --> 00:09:17,877
And it looks like she lost
a lot of weight, damn it.

200
00:09:20,028 --> 00:09:21,410
I know it's not ideal,

201
00:09:21,412 --> 00:09:22,910
but don't let them
ruin our night.

202
00:09:22,912 --> 00:09:24,159
No, you're totally right.

203
00:09:24,161 --> 00:09:26,660
She could be skinny
'cause she's dying.

204
00:09:27,560 --> 00:09:29,726
That's the spirit.

205
00:09:29,728 --> 00:09:30,994
You know what, screw them.

206
00:09:30,996 --> 00:09:32,726
Our night is going to be
way more special than theirs.

207
00:09:32,728 --> 00:09:34,393
Yeah.

208
00:09:35,694 --> 00:09:36,860
Uh-oh.

209
00:09:37,828 --> 00:09:39,526
What?

210
00:09:40,394 --> 00:09:43,693
Oh, you got to be kidding me.

211
00:09:43,695 --> 00:09:44,660
Oh, my God, yes.

212
00:09:44,662 --> 00:09:45,944
Of course
I'll marry you.

213
00:09:48,361 --> 00:09:49,641
Two can play this game.

214
00:09:49,643 --> 00:09:50,553
Penny...
Get up.

215
00:09:50,554 --> 00:09:52,102
All right.

216
00:10:02,486 --> 00:10:04,019
It's nice that
all the people

217
00:10:04,021 --> 00:10:05,519
who are lonely
on Valentine's Day

218
00:10:05,521 --> 00:10:07,519
can come here tonight
and be together.

219
00:10:07,521 --> 00:10:10,185
Yeah, I'm really
looking forward to it.

220
00:10:10,187 --> 00:10:12,936
In fact, there's no place
I would rather be than here.

221
00:10:12,938 --> 00:10:14,718
Except on a date with anybody.

222
00:10:14,720 --> 00:10:16,435
Literally anybody.

223
00:10:17,886 --> 00:10:20,268
You know, you and I have
so much fun hanging out.

224
00:10:20,270 --> 00:10:21,402
If you were a girl,

225
00:10:21,404 --> 00:10:23,435
all our problems
would be solved.

226
00:10:26,837 --> 00:10:28,202
What?

227
00:10:28,204 --> 00:10:29,652
Oh, yeah, think about it.

228
00:10:29,654 --> 00:10:31,052
We'd hang out,

229
00:10:31,054 --> 00:10:33,102
we'd read comic books,
we'd see movies.

230
00:10:33,104 --> 00:10:35,718
It'd be like the best
relationship ever.

231
00:10:35,720 --> 00:10:38,268
That does sound nice.

232
00:10:38,270 --> 00:10:40,885
Then I'd take you home,
slip off your little black dress

233
00:10:40,887 --> 00:10:44,218
and just pile-drive you
into oblivion.

234
00:10:46,570 --> 00:10:48,368
What?

235
00:10:49,520 --> 00:10:51,268
Oh, I can't believe

236
00:10:51,270 --> 00:10:54,235
he's going to marry the girl
he cheated on me with.

237
00:10:54,237 --> 00:10:55,268
Isn't it kind of nice?

238
00:10:55,270 --> 00:10:56,885
I mean, he was with
the wrong person,

239
00:10:56,887 --> 00:10:58,268
and now he found
the right person.

240
00:10:58,270 --> 00:11:00,019
What, so I'm the wrong person?

241
00:11:00,021 --> 00:11:02,235
Maybe you want to be
with Gretchen, too.

242
00:11:03,653 --> 00:11:05,685
They do look happy.

243
00:11:05,687 --> 00:11:06,885
Yeah, maybe tonight.

244
00:11:06,887 --> 00:11:08,235
But a year from
now, he'll be

245
00:11:08,237 --> 00:11:10,852
crawling under the sink
looking for his Xbox.

246
00:11:11,719 --> 00:11:13,552
Well, he will.

247
00:11:14,719 --> 00:11:16,986
You know what? Why don't we
just forget about them

248
00:11:16,988 --> 00:11:18,552
and enjoy our Valentine's Day?

249
00:11:18,554 --> 00:11:20,268
Yes, absolutely.

250
00:11:26,237 --> 00:11:27,602
Now they're doing that phony

251
00:11:27,604 --> 00:11:29,852
link-arm-drink thingy.

252
00:11:29,854 --> 00:11:32,902
I totally taught him that.

253
00:11:33,737 --> 00:11:35,485
I thought we were
letting it go.

254
00:11:35,487 --> 00:11:37,769
We were; it's just...
it's not fair, okay?

255
00:11:37,771 --> 00:11:38,986
They're bad people.

256
00:11:38,988 --> 00:11:40,352
It's not supposed to end
happy for them;

257
00:11:40,354 --> 00:11:41,736
it's supposed to end
happy for me.

258
00:11:41,738 --> 00:11:43,519
Um...

259
00:11:43,521 --> 00:11:44,936
it did end happy for you.

260
00:11:44,938 --> 00:11:45,902
You're here with me.

261
00:11:45,904 --> 00:11:48,485
Yeah, yeah, I know.

262
00:11:48,487 --> 00:11:51,018
Okay, this is getting a little
hard to not take personally.

263
00:11:51,020 --> 00:11:52,569
Oh, come on, don't
make this about you.

264
00:11:52,571 --> 00:11:54,152
Oh, I'm not.
It's about you.

265
00:11:54,154 --> 00:11:55,235
Yeah, well, whatever, okay?

266
00:11:55,237 --> 00:11:56,769
I told you,
Valentine's Day sucks.

267
00:11:56,771 --> 00:11:58,736
This one does,
and you're the reason why.

268
00:11:58,738 --> 00:12:00,152
What?

269
00:12:00,154 --> 00:12:02,435
You know, compared to them,

270
00:12:02,437 --> 00:12:03,769
I'm feeling
pretty good about us.

271
00:12:03,771 --> 00:12:05,352
Me, too.

272
00:12:05,354 --> 00:12:08,102
How about we blow off
dessert, go home early...

273
00:12:08,104 --> 00:12:09,185
I'll do that laundry.

274
00:12:09,187 --> 00:12:10,552
Thank you.

275
00:12:10,554 --> 00:12:11,519
I love you.

276
00:12:11,521 --> 00:12:13,552
Love you, too.

277
00:12:13,554 --> 00:12:15,652
So where'd you hide it?

278
00:12:15,654 --> 00:12:17,569
Where you'd never look.

279
00:12:17,571 --> 00:12:20,819
Damn it, it's in the
washing machine.

280
00:12:27,719 --> 00:12:28,718
Hello.

281
00:12:28,720 --> 00:12:30,402
Hello.

282
00:12:30,404 --> 00:12:31,985
Happy Valentine's Day.

283
00:12:31,987 --> 00:12:34,519
Okay.

284
00:12:36,486 --> 00:12:37,885
Shall we go to dinner?

285
00:12:37,887 --> 00:12:39,552
Hang on.

286
00:12:39,554 --> 00:12:41,852
As you know, I had planned
a traditional evening

287
00:12:41,854 --> 00:12:43,352
of romance and gifts.

288
00:12:43,354 --> 00:12:44,569
Yes,

289
00:12:44,571 --> 00:12:45,718
and as you know,

290
00:12:45,720 --> 00:12:48,352
I planned to pretend
to enjoy it.

291
00:12:49,486 --> 00:12:52,068
I've been working on
this facial expression all day.

292
00:12:54,353 --> 00:12:56,902
And I appreciate your effort,

293
00:12:56,904 --> 00:12:58,385
but upon contemplation,

294
00:12:58,387 --> 00:13:00,352
I decided I was being selfish.

295
00:13:00,354 --> 00:13:02,652
So, I canceled
our dinner reservations

296
00:13:02,654 --> 00:13:04,502
and came up
with an even better way

297
00:13:04,504 --> 00:13:06,068
to celebrate Valentine's Day.

298
00:13:06,070 --> 00:13:07,901
What is that?

299
00:13:07,903 --> 00:13:09,185
By doing none of it...

300
00:13:09,187 --> 00:13:10,352
no dinner,

301
00:13:10,354 --> 00:13:12,068
no romance, no gifts.

302
00:13:12,070 --> 00:13:14,685
We stay here,
order a pizza

303
00:13:14,687 --> 00:13:16,569
and watch one
of your beloved

304
00:13:16,571 --> 00:13:18,769
Star War Trek things.

305
00:13:19,936 --> 00:13:21,102
Really?

306
00:13:21,104 --> 00:13:22,452
Well, that's what

307
00:13:22,454 --> 00:13:23,585
you'd love, isn't it?

308
00:13:23,587 --> 00:13:25,218
More than anything.

309
00:13:25,220 --> 00:13:27,285
Well, then...

310
00:13:27,287 --> 00:13:29,218
that's what we're going to do.

311
00:13:31,103 --> 00:13:32,235
Well...

312
00:13:32,237 --> 00:13:34,185
I don't know what to say.

313
00:13:34,187 --> 00:13:36,718
This is the most thoughtful gift

314
00:13:36,720 --> 00:13:38,884
that anyone's ever given me.

315
00:13:38,886 --> 00:13:40,685
And that's including
an amazing gift

316
00:13:40,687 --> 00:13:42,602
that I gave myself
earlier today.

317
00:13:44,770 --> 00:13:47,185
I'm your girlfriend.
That's my job.

318
00:13:47,187 --> 00:13:50,819
And I know gift-giving
puts a lot of pressure on you,

319
00:13:50,821 --> 00:13:54,051
so whatever you got me,
you can return.

320
00:13:55,653 --> 00:13:57,268
No.

321
00:13:57,270 --> 00:14:00,068
No, after everything you
didn't do for me tonight,

322
00:14:00,070 --> 00:14:01,819
I want you to have it.

323
00:14:02,737 --> 00:14:03,669
What's this?

324
00:14:03,671 --> 00:14:05,385
Read it.

325
00:14:05,387 --> 00:14:06,685
"Sheldon Cooper,

326
00:14:06,687 --> 00:14:09,152
Caltech University
employee information"?

327
00:14:09,154 --> 00:14:10,352
At the bottom.

328
00:14:10,354 --> 00:14:14,268
"In case of emergency,
please contact...

329
00:14:14,270 --> 00:14:16,485
Amy Farrah Fowler."

330
00:14:18,603 --> 00:14:20,769
And there's my phone number.

331
00:14:23,737 --> 00:14:27,935
This is the most beautiful gift
you could've ever given me.

332
00:14:27,937 --> 00:14:29,435
Well, I thought,

333
00:14:29,437 --> 00:14:33,485
if I have a stroke
or a kidney stone,

334
00:14:33,487 --> 00:14:35,718
who would I want
to share that with?

335
00:14:39,236 --> 00:14:41,769
And you picked me.

336
00:14:41,771 --> 00:14:43,619
It's like you said...

337
00:14:43,621 --> 00:14:45,352
you're my girlfriend.

338
00:14:45,354 --> 00:14:46,685
Oh, Sheldon.

339
00:14:46,687 --> 00:14:48,485
Yeah...

340
00:14:51,403 --> 00:14:53,285
Okay.

341
00:14:53,287 --> 00:14:56,185
Stop ruining Valentine's Day
and order my pizza.

342
00:15:01,319 --> 00:15:02,385
Night.

343
00:15:02,387 --> 00:15:03,669
Yep.

344
00:15:12,103 --> 00:15:13,718
You know what?

345
00:15:13,720 --> 00:15:15,068
That was pretty
crappy of you.

346
00:15:15,070 --> 00:15:18,402
I mean, all I wanted to do
was give you a great night,

347
00:15:18,404 --> 00:15:20,935
and it's like you-you went out
of your way to destroy it.

348
00:15:20,937 --> 00:15:22,185
Yeah, I know.

349
00:15:22,187 --> 00:15:23,519
I'm a total bitch.

350
00:15:23,521 --> 00:15:25,335
I'm not saying that.
Well, I am.

351
00:15:25,337 --> 00:15:27,352
Fine, you win.
You're a bitch.

352
00:15:29,353 --> 00:15:31,901
Why couldn't we
just have a nice time?

353
00:15:31,903 --> 00:15:34,352
I don't know.

354
00:15:34,354 --> 00:15:37,102
Maybe 'cause things are going
so well between us lately

355
00:15:37,104 --> 00:15:39,051
and I've been really happy.

356
00:15:44,852 --> 00:15:48,569
Okay, you're gonna have to make
a lot more sense than that.

357
00:15:48,571 --> 00:15:52,385
Obviously, I have
some commitment issues.

358
00:15:52,387 --> 00:15:54,935
Glaringly obvious.
Go on.

359
00:15:54,937 --> 00:15:56,718
As long as things keep going
great between us,

360
00:15:56,720 --> 00:15:58,152
you'll keep asking me
to marry you,

361
00:15:58,154 --> 00:15:59,685
and eventually I'm gonna
end up saying yes,

362
00:15:59,687 --> 00:16:01,318
and then we're gonna be
married forever,

363
00:16:01,320 --> 00:16:04,152
and the whole thing
just freaks me out.

364
00:16:06,070 --> 00:16:08,185
Okay.

365
00:16:08,187 --> 00:16:10,435
I know I propose a lot.

366
00:16:14,236 --> 00:16:16,435
So how about this?

367
00:16:18,019 --> 00:16:21,602
I promise I will never ask you
to marry me again.

368
00:16:21,604 --> 00:16:23,519
What... what do you mean?

369
00:16:23,521 --> 00:16:25,068
Are you breaking up with me?

370
00:16:25,070 --> 00:16:26,102
No.

371
00:16:26,104 --> 00:16:27,268
No, no, no, no.

372
00:16:27,270 --> 00:16:29,818
But if someday you decide
you want to get married,

373
00:16:29,820 --> 00:16:31,569
you have to propose to me.

374
00:16:32,369 --> 00:16:34,218
Really?
Yes.

375
00:16:34,220 --> 00:16:36,068
It's all on you.

376
00:16:36,070 --> 00:16:38,218
But I got to tell you,
when the time comes,

377
00:16:38,220 --> 00:16:39,402
I want the whole nine yards.

378
00:16:39,404 --> 00:16:41,102
I want you down
on one knee, flowers.

379
00:16:41,104 --> 00:16:43,185
I want to be swept off my feet.

380
00:16:45,453 --> 00:16:46,751
Yeah, you got it.

381
00:16:46,753 --> 00:16:47,935
And I'm cool with surprises.

382
00:16:47,937 --> 00:16:51,001
But nothing on a Jumbotron.

383
00:16:51,003 --> 00:16:53,735
I don't want to cry
on a big screen like that.

384
00:16:55,936 --> 00:16:57,152
Okay.

385
00:16:59,520 --> 00:17:00,985
You know what?

386
00:17:00,987 --> 00:17:02,884
This might be the wine talking,

387
00:17:02,886 --> 00:17:06,235
but I have a very important
question to ask you.

388
00:17:07,103 --> 00:17:08,585
You do?

389
00:17:09,420 --> 00:17:11,285
Leonard Hofstadter...

390
00:17:12,119 --> 00:17:13,318
Yes?

391
00:17:14,919 --> 00:17:17,552
will you be my valentine?

392
00:17:19,486 --> 00:17:21,268
Sorry. Maybe next year.

393
00:17:24,436 --> 00:17:25,569
I'm just kidding!

394
00:17:25,571 --> 00:17:28,102
Romance ninja.
Let's have sex! Wah!

395
00:17:32,770 --> 00:17:34,235
Thank you, guys,
for doing this.

396
00:17:34,237 --> 00:17:35,901
We're glad you
could make it.

397
00:17:35,903 --> 00:17:38,901
Usually I spend Valentine's Day
sad and alone.

398
00:17:38,903 --> 00:17:41,385
This year, I'm just sad.

399
00:17:43,718 --> 00:17:46,051
What is it about this holiday
that makes people so unhappy?

400
00:17:46,053 --> 00:17:47,018
I know.

401
00:17:47,020 --> 00:17:48,735
I hate myself
most of the time,

402
00:17:48,737 --> 00:17:52,352
but tonight's the night
I know everyone else does, too.

403
00:17:52,354 --> 00:17:54,569
I think you're cool.

404
00:17:55,403 --> 00:17:57,602
Great.

405
00:17:59,652 --> 00:18:01,152
I got to tell you,

406
00:18:01,154 --> 00:18:03,884
we've got to stop beating
ourselves up like this.

407
00:18:05,403 --> 00:18:07,302
Excuse me, everybody.

408
00:18:07,304 --> 00:18:08,868
Can I have your attention,
please?

409
00:18:13,986 --> 00:18:16,185
We're all here tonight
because...

410
00:18:16,187 --> 00:18:18,768
we have no one to be with.

411
00:18:18,770 --> 00:18:23,569
But... that doesn't
make us mutants.

412
00:18:23,571 --> 00:18:26,569
The only mutants here
are in these comic books.

413
00:18:28,436 --> 00:18:31,651
We've got to stop defining
our self-worth

414
00:18:31,653 --> 00:18:34,235
by whether or not
we're in a relationship.

415
00:18:35,236 --> 00:18:37,519
You know what I see
when I look around?

416
00:18:38,635 --> 00:18:40,601
I see a room
full of great people.

417
00:18:42,669 --> 00:18:44,901
So let's give ourselves a break.

418
00:18:44,903 --> 00:18:47,152
We are a community,

419
00:18:47,154 --> 00:18:48,318
and as long
as we have

420
00:18:48,320 --> 00:18:49,901
each other,

421
00:18:49,903 --> 00:18:52,051
we're never truly alone.

422
00:18:59,269 --> 00:19:00,551
That was cool.

423
00:19:00,553 --> 00:19:02,402
What you said.

424
00:19:02,404 --> 00:19:04,651
You really think so?

425
00:19:04,653 --> 00:19:06,268
Yeah, I do.

426
00:19:06,270 --> 00:19:07,435
Thank you.

427
00:19:09,952 --> 00:19:11,568
Uh...

428
00:19:11,570 --> 00:19:12,884
Would you like to, uh...

429
00:19:12,886 --> 00:19:15,935
get a cup...
a cup of coffee or...?

430
00:19:15,937 --> 00:19:17,768
Okay.

431
00:19:23,236 --> 00:19:25,268
Later, losers!

432
00:19:41,643 --> 00:19:43,892
Hello?

433
00:19:43,894 --> 00:19:45,709
Another medical emergency?

434
00:19:45,711 --> 00:19:48,542
What's wrong with him now?

435
00:19:48,544 --> 00:19:52,443
I seriously doubt he was bitten
by a Chinese bird spider.

436
00:19:54,060 --> 00:19:56,675
How exactly does a bump
feel Asian?

437
00:19:58,310 --> 00:20:00,558
Just put him on the phone.

438
00:20:00,560 --> 00:20:02,842
Sheldon, I am not driving
over there again.

439
00:20:03,676 --> 00:20:05,226
Because I drove
over there yesterday

440
00:20:05,228 --> 00:20:07,192
for a brain tumor
that turned out to be

441
00:20:07,194 --> 00:20:09,476
an ice cream headache.

442
00:20:09,477 --> 00:20:13,558
Yes, I still want to be
your emergency contact.

443
00:20:15,027 --> 00:20:18,276
Yes, you can eat
your ice cream too fast

444
00:20:18,278 --> 00:20:20,475
and also have a brain tumor.

445
00:20:23,343 --> 00:20:25,508
I'm on my way.

446
00:20:27,277 --> 00:20:28,976
Brain tumor
would explain a lot.

447
00:20:28,978 --> 00:20:33,973
== sync, corrected by elderman ==