1
00:00:01,682 --> 00:00:02,965
What you doing?

2
00:00:02,967 --> 00:00:04,098
You said clean up.

3
00:00:04,100 --> 00:00:06,298
I'm cleaning up.

4
00:00:07,465 --> 00:00:09,331
You can't just throw
everything in the closet.

5
00:00:09,333 --> 00:00:10,548
Hey, you can tell me

6
00:00:10,550 --> 00:00:13,265
what to do
or you can tell me how to do it,

7
00:00:13,267 --> 00:00:16,598
but you can't do both;
this isn't sex.

8
00:00:18,183 --> 00:00:20,182
What if someone looks in there?

9
00:00:20,184 --> 00:00:21,714
They're just coming
over for dinner.

10
00:00:21,716 --> 00:00:23,298
No one's gonna
look in the closet.

11
00:00:23,300 --> 00:00:24,432
Well, you don't know that.

12
00:00:24,433 --> 00:00:25,714
What if someone's
looking for the bathroom

13
00:00:25,716 --> 00:00:26,764
and they open that door?

14
00:00:26,766 --> 00:00:27,965
Could work out.

15
00:00:27,967 --> 00:00:29,198
For all we know,

16
00:00:29,200 --> 00:00:31,065
there's a toilet
in there somewhere.

17
00:00:31,067 --> 00:00:33,015
Fine. But after tonight,

18
00:00:33,017 --> 00:00:35,015
we need to get a handle
on this mess.

19
00:00:35,017 --> 00:00:36,132
You know what we should do?

20
00:00:36,134 --> 00:00:37,370
We should show the
closet to Sheldon.

21
00:00:37,395 --> 00:00:38,099
Why?

22
00:00:38,100 --> 00:00:39,298
Are you kidding?

23
00:00:39,300 --> 00:00:41,265
He's like a savant
at organizing.

24
00:00:41,267 --> 00:00:43,431
Everything in his apartment
has a label on it.

25
00:00:43,433 --> 00:00:45,464
Including his label maker,
which has a label

26
00:00:45,466 --> 00:00:46,965
that says "Label Maker."

27
00:00:48,682 --> 00:00:50,714
And if you look really close
at that label maker label,

28
00:00:50,716 --> 00:00:53,831
you'll see a label
that says "Label."

29
00:00:53,833 --> 00:00:55,998
He's our guest;
we can't just ask him

30
00:00:56,000 --> 00:00:57,348
to straighten our closet.

31
00:00:57,350 --> 00:00:59,497
No, we wouldn't ask him.

32
00:00:59,499 --> 00:01:02,015
We'd just show him the closet

33
00:01:02,017 --> 00:01:04,965
and let the goblins in his head
take it from there.

34
00:01:06,166 --> 00:01:07,965
Hey, guys, come on in.

35
00:01:07,967 --> 00:01:09,182
Hi.
Hi.

36
00:01:09,184 --> 00:01:11,681
Ooh, it smells good.
Thanks.

37
00:01:11,683 --> 00:01:14,048
And, Sheldon, I know tonight's
the night you eat Thai food,

38
00:01:14,050 --> 00:01:16,132
so I went to the Asian market,
got all the ingredients

39
00:01:16,134 --> 00:01:17,182
and made it from scratch.

40
00:01:17,184 --> 00:01:19,215
Oh, you shouldn't have.

41
00:01:19,217 --> 00:01:20,714
Oh, it's my pleasure.

42
00:01:20,716 --> 00:01:22,681
No, you really shouldn't have.

43
00:01:22,683 --> 00:01:25,098
I brought my own.

44
00:01:25,100 --> 00:01:27,681
You stopped
and got him takeout?

45
00:01:27,683 --> 00:01:28,681
I had no choice.

46
00:01:28,683 --> 00:01:31,165
He kept kicking
the back of my seat.

47
00:01:31,167 --> 00:01:33,381
Sheldon, I've been
cooking all day.

48
00:01:33,383 --> 00:01:36,098
Well... now don't you
feel silly.

49
00:01:38,133 --> 00:01:40,165
Show him the closet.

50
00:02:05,244 --> 00:02:10,239
== sync, corrected by elderman ==

51
00:02:10,614 --> 00:02:13,264
These spring rolls are amazing.

52
00:02:13,266 --> 00:02:14,480
Good job, Bernadette.

53
00:02:14,482 --> 00:02:17,613
That's the takeout
that Sheldon brought.

54
00:02:19,681 --> 00:02:22,480
Oh, well, I'm sure
they wouldn't have tasted

55
00:02:22,482 --> 00:02:25,130
nearly as good if I hadn't tried
your food first.

56
00:02:28,998 --> 00:02:31,847
Howard, did you want
your clothes arranged

57
00:02:31,849 --> 00:02:33,630
seasonally or by color?

58
00:02:33,632 --> 00:02:34,764
Color's fine.

59
00:02:34,766 --> 00:02:36,730
Wrong, they'll be
arranged seasonally.

60
00:02:38,314 --> 00:02:40,513
Sheldon, aren't you gonna spend
a little time with Amy?

61
00:02:40,515 --> 00:02:41,980
Oh, it's okay, I'm used to it.

62
00:02:41,982 --> 00:02:44,130
The other day at Whole Foods,
he spent an hour

63
00:02:44,132 --> 00:02:46,597
optimizing the cheese aisle.

64
00:02:46,599 --> 00:02:47,814
Yeah, and some thanks I got.

65
00:02:47,816 --> 00:02:49,630
The assistant manager
chased me out

66
00:02:49,632 --> 00:02:51,630
with an artisanal salami.

67
00:02:52,931 --> 00:02:56,130
His quirks
just make you love him more.

68
00:02:57,815 --> 00:02:59,797
Someone please agree with me.

69
00:03:05,347 --> 00:03:06,397
Sheldon, come on.

70
00:03:06,399 --> 00:03:07,730
It's getting late.
Time to go.

71
00:03:07,732 --> 00:03:10,647
Oh, five more minutes.

72
00:03:10,649 --> 00:03:12,680
That's what you said
five minutes ago.

73
00:03:12,682 --> 00:03:14,397
Amy and Penny
are already in the car.

74
00:03:14,399 --> 00:03:15,513
Let's move it.

75
00:03:15,515 --> 00:03:18,930
How come I never get to do
anything I want to do?

76
00:03:18,932 --> 00:03:20,897
You know, if he really wants
to stay and finish,

77
00:03:20,899 --> 00:03:22,296
I can give him
a ride home.

78
00:03:22,298 --> 00:03:25,346
Please, Leonard!
He said it's okay!

79
00:03:25,348 --> 00:03:26,397
Sheldon, it's...

80
00:03:26,399 --> 00:03:28,797
Wait, I can go home
without you? Bye!

81
00:03:30,848 --> 00:03:33,513
Howard, I have
a few questions.

82
00:03:33,515 --> 00:03:36,147
I found three
bowling pins.

83
00:03:36,149 --> 00:03:40,630
Now, do you juggle these,
or are you missing seven?

84
00:03:40,632 --> 00:03:41,980
Juggle.

85
00:03:41,982 --> 00:03:43,930
You health nuts kill me.

86
00:03:48,132 --> 00:03:50,847
Oh, my God,
it's beautiful!

87
00:03:50,849 --> 00:03:53,680
Look, he found the
juggling pins I hid.

88
00:03:53,682 --> 00:03:55,814
Uh, just a couple
more items.

89
00:03:55,816 --> 00:03:58,230
Howard, I found this letter
from your dad in a box.

90
00:03:58,232 --> 00:03:59,513
Now, based on
the content,

91
00:03:59,515 --> 00:04:01,463
it could either be filed...

92
00:04:01,465 --> 00:04:02,980
Whoa, you opened this?

93
00:04:02,982 --> 00:04:04,930
Well, I had to find out if
it was personal correspondence

94
00:04:04,932 --> 00:04:06,797
or memorabilia.
Now, as I was saying,

95
00:04:06,799 --> 00:04:09,130
based on the content...
I couldn't be less interested.

96
00:04:11,032 --> 00:04:13,563
Now, come on,
I'll take you home.

97
00:04:13,565 --> 00:04:15,230
Howard, don't you want to
know what's in the letter?

98
00:04:15,232 --> 00:04:17,430
If I wanted to know,
I would've opened it years ago.

99
00:04:18,297 --> 00:04:20,181
The closet looks great.

100
00:04:20,183 --> 00:04:21,513
Let's get out of here.

101
00:04:21,515 --> 00:04:23,147
Wait, can I
bring this box

102
00:04:23,149 --> 00:04:25,764
of extra shirt buttons
to sort on the ride?

103
00:04:25,766 --> 00:04:28,680
Do whatever you want.

104
00:04:28,682 --> 00:04:30,130
Thanks.

105
00:04:30,931 --> 00:04:31,930
Oh.

106
00:04:31,932 --> 00:04:33,480
Great party.

107
00:04:37,898 --> 00:04:39,346
You know, when I
first met Howard,

108
00:04:39,348 --> 00:04:41,346
he would pull his scrotum
out of his shorts

109
00:04:41,348 --> 00:04:43,630
and say, "Oh,
I sat in gum."

110
00:04:48,731 --> 00:04:50,714
What is your point?

111
00:04:50,716 --> 00:04:53,014
Well, it's just kind of weird
how grown up he is now.

112
00:04:53,016 --> 00:04:55,230
Happily married guy
throwing dinner parties.

113
00:04:55,232 --> 00:04:56,814
Really? You couldn't
just say that?

114
00:04:56,816 --> 00:04:59,014
You had to tell
the scrotum story?

115
00:05:00,931 --> 00:05:03,430
Trying to paint a picture.

116
00:05:04,264 --> 00:05:06,647
Yeah, it was
a nice change of pace

117
00:05:06,649 --> 00:05:08,630
not eating takeout
around a coffee table.

118
00:05:08,632 --> 00:05:11,296
Mm, you know, we could
throw a dinner party, too.

119
00:05:11,298 --> 00:05:13,397
Maybe even ask everyone
to get dressed up.

120
00:05:13,399 --> 00:05:14,346
Sure.

121
00:05:14,348 --> 00:05:15,847
Just, when you say
"dressed up,"

122
00:05:15,849 --> 00:05:17,130
you mean
nice clothes, right?

123
00:05:17,132 --> 00:05:19,014
Not, like, capes
and tights and crap?

124
00:05:20,815 --> 00:05:22,730
Yeah.

125
00:05:22,732 --> 00:05:23,897
Although...

126
00:05:23,899 --> 00:05:25,430
No!

127
00:05:31,798 --> 00:05:33,296
Howie, you okay?

128
00:05:33,298 --> 00:05:36,513
Yeah, I just...
couldn't sleep.

129
00:05:36,515 --> 00:05:38,764
Told you you shouldn't
have espresso after dinner.

130
00:05:38,766 --> 00:05:41,213
I know the little cups
make you feel big,

131
00:05:41,215 --> 00:05:43,764
but it's not worth it.

132
00:05:45,681 --> 00:05:47,180
It's this stupid letter.

133
00:05:47,182 --> 00:05:48,597
Did you read it?

134
00:05:48,599 --> 00:05:50,146
No.

135
00:05:50,148 --> 00:05:51,897
You must be curious.

136
00:05:51,899 --> 00:05:53,313
Of course I'm curious.

137
00:05:53,315 --> 00:05:55,764
I haven't seen
the man since,

138
00:05:55,766 --> 00:05:57,847
oh, I was a little kid.

139
00:05:57,849 --> 00:06:00,680
And a letter shows up
on my 18th birthday?

140
00:06:00,682 --> 00:06:02,480
What's that about?

141
00:06:02,482 --> 00:06:03,963
Why don't you read it?

142
00:06:03,965 --> 00:06:07,146
Maybe he apologizes or
explains why he left.

143
00:06:07,148 --> 00:06:09,096
He abandoned
me and my mother.

144
00:06:09,098 --> 00:06:13,963
Why does he deserve
a chance to explain anything?

145
00:06:13,965 --> 00:06:16,096
I get that.

146
00:06:16,098 --> 00:06:18,480
So, what do you
want to do with it?

147
00:06:18,482 --> 00:06:21,847
Something I should've done
a long time ago.

148
00:06:24,648 --> 00:06:26,346
Really? Are you sure?

149
00:06:26,348 --> 00:06:28,563
Yep.

150
00:06:35,849 --> 00:06:37,180
Feel better?

151
00:06:37,182 --> 00:06:38,980
I do.

152
00:06:42,831 --> 00:06:43,980
Great.

153
00:06:43,982 --> 00:06:47,296
Neither one of us is
tall enough to reach that.

154
00:06:52,931 --> 00:06:55,680
I can't believe
he set it on fire.

155
00:06:55,682 --> 00:06:58,513
Yeah, just seeing that letter
really freaked him out.

156
00:06:58,515 --> 00:07:00,563
And he was already
having a tough day

157
00:07:00,565 --> 00:07:03,730
'cause he accidentally wore
my pants to work.

158
00:07:08,231 --> 00:07:09,897
I don't know why he was upset.

159
00:07:09,899 --> 00:07:12,296
They were bigger on him than me.

160
00:07:14,564 --> 00:07:16,213
Boy, I'm really curious
what's in that letter.

161
00:07:16,215 --> 00:07:18,597
Me, too, but I guess
now we'll never know.

162
00:07:18,599 --> 00:07:19,930
Well, you said Sheldon read it.

163
00:07:19,932 --> 00:07:21,063
Why not ask him?

164
00:07:21,065 --> 00:07:22,096
I can't do that.

165
00:07:22,098 --> 00:07:23,563
What kind of wife would I be

166
00:07:23,565 --> 00:07:25,263
if I didn't respect
my husband's privacy?

167
00:07:25,265 --> 00:07:26,296
What if I ask Sheldon,

168
00:07:26,298 --> 00:07:27,764
you just happen to be
in the room?

169
00:07:27,766 --> 00:07:29,647
That works.
Okay.

170
00:07:50,598 --> 00:07:52,213
Blech.

171
00:07:54,297 --> 00:07:57,463
Like cleaning out the entire
building's belly button.

172
00:07:59,297 --> 00:08:01,480
Hey, Sheldon.

173
00:08:01,482 --> 00:08:03,597
Oh, hello.
What can I do for you ladies?

174
00:08:03,599 --> 00:08:05,764
You have
something we want.

175
00:08:05,766 --> 00:08:07,963
Oh, dear.

176
00:08:07,965 --> 00:08:09,313
My mother warned me

177
00:08:09,315 --> 00:08:12,730
this is what happens
to pretty boys in the big city.

178
00:08:12,732 --> 00:08:15,814
No, we just
want information.

179
00:08:15,816 --> 00:08:16,864
Oh.

180
00:08:16,866 --> 00:08:18,313
Oh, I've got that in spades.

181
00:08:18,315 --> 00:08:19,814
Ravage me.

182
00:08:21,097 --> 00:08:23,563
We heard you read the letter
from Howard's father.

183
00:08:23,565 --> 00:08:24,597
I did.

184
00:08:24,599 --> 00:08:25,530
What did it say?

185
00:08:25,532 --> 00:08:26,513
Yeah...

186
00:08:26,515 --> 00:08:28,096
I can't tell you that.

187
00:08:28,098 --> 00:08:32,129
I'm bound by closet organizer/
organizee confidentiality.

188
00:08:33,564 --> 00:08:35,463
Sheldon, that's
not a real thing.

189
00:08:35,465 --> 00:08:37,313
Well, neither is the rule
that you have to

190
00:08:37,315 --> 00:08:38,847
hold your girlfriend's hand
at the movies.

191
00:08:38,849 --> 00:08:40,296
You know.

192
00:08:40,298 --> 00:08:42,180
That doesn't stop you
from pawing at me

193
00:08:42,182 --> 00:08:45,096
like you're a bear and I'm
a trash can full of sweets.

194
00:08:47,130 --> 00:08:48,962
Why do you even care?

195
00:08:48,964 --> 00:08:50,263
Just tell us what it says.

196
00:08:50,265 --> 00:08:52,730
Control over the information
contained in that letter

197
00:08:52,732 --> 00:08:53,764
belongs to Howard.

198
00:08:53,766 --> 00:08:55,196
By happenstance,

199
00:08:55,198 --> 00:08:56,680
I came to know it.

200
00:08:56,682 --> 00:08:59,129
That doesn't give me the right
to disseminate it freely.

201
00:08:59,131 --> 00:09:01,313
Come on. Look, the letter was
found in Bernadette's closet.

202
00:09:01,315 --> 00:09:02,764
Doesn't that count
for something?

203
00:09:04,514 --> 00:09:06,597
Are you pointing out
that California

204
00:09:06,599 --> 00:09:08,063
is a community property state,

205
00:09:08,065 --> 00:09:10,346
and since Howard and Bernadette
are married,

206
00:09:10,348 --> 00:09:12,563
the intellectual property
contained in that letter

207
00:09:12,565 --> 00:09:14,597
is jointly owned
by the two spouses?

208
00:09:20,431 --> 00:09:22,929
Yeah, obviously.

209
00:09:22,931 --> 00:09:25,597
Well played.

210
00:09:27,264 --> 00:09:30,480
Sometimes I don't give you
enough credit, Penny.

211
00:09:31,648 --> 00:09:33,513
Dude, you made
the right choice

212
00:09:33,515 --> 00:09:35,380
coming to me for help
with this party.

213
00:09:35,382 --> 00:09:38,296
Actually, all I did
was invite you.

214
00:09:38,298 --> 00:09:41,263
Well, put your mind at ease.

215
00:09:41,265 --> 00:09:43,146
I'm here to make sure
your dinner party

216
00:09:43,148 --> 00:09:44,929
kicks Howard's
dinner party's ass.

217
00:09:44,931 --> 00:09:46,129
Now, the first thing

218
00:09:46,131 --> 00:09:48,096
we need is a theme.

219
00:09:48,098 --> 00:09:49,597
I'm thinking...

220
00:09:49,599 --> 00:09:52,096
ah, turn-of-the-century
Moulin Rouge.

221
00:09:53,848 --> 00:09:58,313
I'm thinking you need
a testosterone patch.

222
00:09:58,315 --> 00:09:59,946
Penny and I

223
00:09:59,948 --> 00:10:01,513
just want to do
something low-key.

224
00:10:01,515 --> 00:10:02,979
You know, cocktails,

225
00:10:02,981 --> 00:10:04,563
light jazz music,
hors d'oeuvres.

226
00:10:04,565 --> 00:10:07,879
So your theme is
"I saw a rerun of Mad Men

227
00:10:07,881 --> 00:10:11,246
and bought some crab puffs
from Trader Joe's"?

228
00:10:12,648 --> 00:10:14,480
Hate to miss that.

229
00:10:15,731 --> 00:10:17,597
Hey, where have you been?

230
00:10:17,599 --> 00:10:20,346
Oh, Leonard.

231
00:10:20,348 --> 00:10:22,430
If I was prone to sarcasm,

232
00:10:22,432 --> 00:10:24,597
I'd say I was pulling off
a major heist

233
00:10:24,599 --> 00:10:27,597
at the museum
of laundry baskets.

234
00:10:27,599 --> 00:10:30,346
One, two, three, four, five,

235
00:10:30,348 --> 00:10:32,563
six, seven, eight, nine, ten.

236
00:10:33,981 --> 00:10:37,063
I meant, "Golly, Sheldon,
you've been gone a long time."

237
00:10:37,065 --> 00:10:41,296
Oh. Yeah, well, I was waylaid
by Penny, Bernadette and Amy.

238
00:10:41,298 --> 00:10:43,430
They made me reveal
confidential information

239
00:10:43,432 --> 00:10:44,962
about Howard's father.

240
00:10:44,964 --> 00:10:46,129
What information?

241
00:10:46,131 --> 00:10:48,013
I can't tell you that.

242
00:10:48,015 --> 00:10:52,346
I am bound by closet organizer/
organizee confidentiality.

243
00:10:52,348 --> 00:10:54,680
Well, come on,
we won't tell anyone.

244
00:10:54,682 --> 00:10:56,129
Sorry, badgering me won't work.

245
00:10:56,131 --> 00:10:57,630
What you should have said is,

246
00:10:57,632 --> 00:10:59,096
"It's pointless
to keep this a secret

247
00:10:59,098 --> 00:11:00,313
because Penny will tell us."

248
00:11:00,315 --> 00:11:03,813
Fine, then that.
All right, I'll tell you.

249
00:11:03,815 --> 00:11:07,313
My goodness,
everyone's on their game today.

250
00:11:15,170 --> 00:11:17,219
This is really fun.

251
00:11:17,221 --> 00:11:19,669
Yeah, it's nice to get
dressed up once in a while.

252
00:11:19,671 --> 00:11:21,353
Yeah, and hors d'oeuvres
are delightful.

253
00:11:21,355 --> 00:11:23,553
As is the company.
Aw.

254
00:11:23,555 --> 00:11:26,386
My shirt is itchy
and I wish I were dead.

255
00:11:28,737 --> 00:11:30,769
Hey, uh, listen,
everybody.

256
00:11:30,771 --> 00:11:32,386
Before Howard gets here,
let's all just agree

257
00:11:32,388 --> 00:11:34,219
to not bring up the letter
from his father.

258
00:11:34,221 --> 00:11:35,436
Of course.
Sure. Absolutely.

259
00:11:35,438 --> 00:11:36,885
If I say yes,

260
00:11:36,887 --> 00:11:39,636
can we turn off
that Latin orgy music?

261
00:11:40,520 --> 00:11:42,386
Ridiculous that we
still have to walk

262
00:11:42,388 --> 00:11:44,303
up all these
flights of stairs.

263
00:11:44,305 --> 00:11:46,936
Yeah, try doing it
in heels.

264
00:11:46,938 --> 00:11:49,636
I am.

265
00:11:50,503 --> 00:11:52,553
Wait.

266
00:11:52,555 --> 00:11:54,169
There's something
I have to tell you.

267
00:11:54,171 --> 00:11:55,269
What?

268
00:11:55,271 --> 00:11:58,019
I know what was
in your dad's letter.

269
00:12:02,003 --> 00:12:04,386
Sheldon, I swear to God,
I'm gonna kill you!

270
00:12:04,388 --> 00:12:06,253
Hey!

271
00:12:07,970 --> 00:12:09,386
I made him tell us.

272
00:12:09,388 --> 00:12:10,636
What? "Us"?

273
00:12:10,638 --> 00:12:11,969
Who else knows?

274
00:12:11,971 --> 00:12:13,269
I know.
Me, too.

275
00:12:13,271 --> 00:12:14,469
Same here.

276
00:12:14,471 --> 00:12:16,802
Shame on all of you.

277
00:12:16,804 --> 00:12:18,852
You know, too.

278
00:12:18,854 --> 00:12:21,802
Couldn't leave him
with one friend, could you?

279
00:12:22,520 --> 00:12:23,769
So everybody knows

280
00:12:23,771 --> 00:12:25,469
what's in that letter
except for me?

281
00:12:25,471 --> 00:12:26,719
Yes, it's six
against one.

282
00:12:26,721 --> 00:12:28,769
Stand down, sir.

283
00:12:28,771 --> 00:12:31,269
How could you do this?

284
00:12:31,271 --> 00:12:32,719
I'm sorry.

285
00:12:32,721 --> 00:12:34,669
If you want, we
could tell you.

286
00:12:34,671 --> 00:12:36,719
No, I don't
want to know!

287
00:12:36,721 --> 00:12:38,386
I mean,

288
00:12:38,388 --> 00:12:39,936
I do, but...

289
00:12:39,938 --> 00:12:41,636
I got to go.

290
00:12:45,836 --> 00:12:49,436
Used me as a human shield?

291
00:12:49,438 --> 00:12:51,269
I panicked.

292
00:12:51,271 --> 00:12:53,469
He looked taller than usual.

293
00:12:57,454 --> 00:12:59,169
Howard?

294
00:12:59,171 --> 00:13:01,336
In here.

295
00:13:03,187 --> 00:13:04,553
I'm sorry.

296
00:13:04,555 --> 00:13:06,519
I should have left it alone.

297
00:13:06,521 --> 00:13:08,136
It's okay.

298
00:13:08,138 --> 00:13:10,052
Sorry I ran off like that.

299
00:13:10,054 --> 00:13:13,202
What are you looking at?

300
00:13:13,204 --> 00:13:15,769
Uh, pictures of my dad and me
when I was a kid.

301
00:13:15,771 --> 00:13:17,186
That's nice.
I got to tell you,

302
00:13:17,188 --> 00:13:20,219
as angry as I am
at Sheldon for blabbing,

303
00:13:20,221 --> 00:13:23,636
he did a hell of a job
organizing this closet.

304
00:13:23,638 --> 00:13:26,186
Look at this.

305
00:13:26,188 --> 00:13:30,186
"Photos of Wolowitz family
before father left forever."

306
00:13:33,187 --> 00:13:37,186
Check out nine-year-old Howie
with cornrows.

307
00:13:39,053 --> 00:13:43,453
Neither race was happy
to see me with those.

308
00:13:45,686 --> 00:13:47,102
Think you could take a break?

309
00:13:47,104 --> 00:13:48,102
Why?

310
00:13:48,104 --> 00:13:49,603
Got a little surprise for you.

311
00:13:49,605 --> 00:13:51,169
Come on.

312
00:13:51,171 --> 00:13:54,102
Oh, honey...

313
00:13:54,104 --> 00:13:56,668
I am in no mood
to have sex tonight.

314
00:13:59,437 --> 00:14:00,952
I'll lay there
if you absolutely

315
00:14:00,954 --> 00:14:03,635
have to have it, but... Oh.

316
00:14:04,454 --> 00:14:06,969
What are you guys doing here?

317
00:14:06,971 --> 00:14:08,802
When you left,
you weren't sure whether or not

318
00:14:08,804 --> 00:14:10,685
you wanted to know
what was in your dad's letter,

319
00:14:10,687 --> 00:14:13,436
so we came up with
kind of a cool solution.

320
00:14:13,438 --> 00:14:15,219
Oh, yeah, what's that?

321
00:14:15,221 --> 00:14:16,502
It's simple, really.

322
00:14:16,504 --> 00:14:19,802
It occurred to me
that knowing and not knowing

323
00:14:19,804 --> 00:14:23,303
can be achieved by creating
a macroscopic example

324
00:14:23,305 --> 00:14:25,052
of quantum superposition.

325
00:14:25,054 --> 00:14:26,219
The-the principle

326
00:14:26,221 --> 00:14:27,635
that a physical system

327
00:14:27,637 --> 00:14:31,602
exists partially in all
its possible states at once.

328
00:14:31,604 --> 00:14:33,386
We were all thinking it, really.

329
00:14:34,503 --> 00:14:38,303
It was kind of the elephant
in the room, so...

330
00:14:39,270 --> 00:14:42,469
Anyway, um, I realize

331
00:14:42,471 --> 00:14:45,052
if we each present you
with an account

332
00:14:45,054 --> 00:14:47,052
of what your father wrote
to you,

333
00:14:47,054 --> 00:14:48,635
only one of which is true,

334
00:14:48,637 --> 00:14:50,052
and then we don't tell you

335
00:14:50,054 --> 00:14:52,502
which one it is,
you will forever be

336
00:14:52,504 --> 00:14:55,019
in a state
of epistemic ambivalence.

337
00:14:55,021 --> 00:14:56,102
Yeah.

338
00:14:56,104 --> 00:14:57,719
And I said
if it wasn't epistemic,

339
00:14:57,721 --> 00:15:00,102
we might as well not do it.

340
00:15:01,770 --> 00:15:03,386
Sit down, honey.

341
00:15:04,770 --> 00:15:05,952
Raj, you're up.

342
00:15:05,954 --> 00:15:07,519
Okay, um...

343
00:15:07,521 --> 00:15:10,936
It was a card
for your 18th birthday.

344
00:15:10,938 --> 00:15:12,386
Inside it said,

345
00:15:12,388 --> 00:15:14,052
"Happy birthday, Howard.

346
00:15:14,054 --> 00:15:16,169
I love you. Dad."

347
00:15:16,171 --> 00:15:18,019
Oh, and it was

348
00:15:18,021 --> 00:15:20,336
a Far Side card,
the one where the frog

349
00:15:20,338 --> 00:15:23,969
has its tongue stuck
to the underside of an airplane.

350
00:15:23,971 --> 00:15:25,469
Thinks it's a fly.

351
00:15:25,471 --> 00:15:28,169
Silly frog.

352
00:15:28,171 --> 00:15:30,303
So funny.

353
00:15:31,337 --> 00:15:32,969
Sheldon.

354
00:15:34,388 --> 00:15:38,219
It was a map leading
to the lost treasure

355
00:15:38,221 --> 00:15:41,552
of famous pirate One-Eyed Willy.

356
00:15:43,103 --> 00:15:44,353
Nice try.

357
00:15:44,355 --> 00:15:46,436
That's the plot for Goonies.

358
00:15:46,438 --> 00:15:47,835
Told you.

359
00:15:47,837 --> 00:15:50,019
Don't.

360
00:15:50,021 --> 00:15:51,269
Amy.

361
00:15:53,103 --> 00:15:55,102
You didn't know it,

362
00:15:55,104 --> 00:15:57,469
but your father was
in the auditorium

363
00:15:57,471 --> 00:15:59,353
at your high school graduation.

364
00:15:59,355 --> 00:16:02,386
And he cried
because he was so proud of you.

365
00:16:02,388 --> 00:16:04,802
Really?

366
00:16:04,804 --> 00:16:06,602
Or that's complete poppycock
which Amy made up.

367
00:16:06,604 --> 00:16:08,303
It still could be the map.

368
00:16:09,886 --> 00:16:12,685
Penny.

369
00:16:12,687 --> 00:16:14,769
It was a letter explaining

370
00:16:14,771 --> 00:16:16,552
that your dad wasn't
who he said he was.

371
00:16:16,554 --> 00:16:18,635
Eventually, his other life
caught up to him,

372
00:16:18,637 --> 00:16:22,002
and the only way to keep you
and your mom safe was to leave.

373
00:16:22,004 --> 00:16:24,269
I would like
to change mine.

374
00:16:26,519 --> 00:16:30,552
The pirate's name
was Peg-Leg Antoine.

375
00:16:32,354 --> 00:16:35,436
Now it's completely different
from Goonies.

376
00:16:35,438 --> 00:16:37,303
No, it's not.

377
00:16:37,305 --> 00:16:39,552
Don't.

378
00:16:39,554 --> 00:16:41,002
Okay, my turn.

379
00:16:41,004 --> 00:16:44,936
Your dad wrote about how family
is the most important thing,

380
00:16:44,938 --> 00:16:48,136
and that you should never
throw it away like he did.

381
00:16:48,138 --> 00:16:50,219
Hmm.

382
00:16:50,221 --> 00:16:52,885
Bernadette.

383
00:16:52,887 --> 00:16:55,769
Inside the envelope
was a picture

384
00:16:55,771 --> 00:16:58,019
of your dad holding you
the day you were born.

385
00:16:58,021 --> 00:17:00,303
On the back he wrote,

386
00:17:00,305 --> 00:17:04,102
"Howard, my son,
my greatest gift."

387
00:17:12,220 --> 00:17:13,936
You okay?

388
00:17:13,938 --> 00:17:16,219
Yeah.

389
00:17:16,221 --> 00:17:18,468
I'm terrific.

390
00:17:19,469 --> 00:17:21,668
So...?

391
00:17:23,669 --> 00:17:27,336
Which one
do you think it is...

392
00:17:27,338 --> 00:17:30,219
matey?

393
00:17:32,137 --> 00:17:34,269
Actually, I don't want to know.

394
00:17:34,271 --> 00:17:35,602
I...

395
00:17:35,604 --> 00:17:38,136
want all of them to be true.

396
00:17:38,138 --> 00:17:39,518
Well, one of them is.

397
00:17:39,520 --> 00:17:42,219
That's pretty cool.

398
00:17:42,221 --> 00:17:43,852
Thank you, guys.

399
00:17:43,854 --> 00:17:45,802
Hey, it's still early.

400
00:17:45,804 --> 00:17:47,336
Why don't we go back
and have that party?

401
00:17:47,338 --> 00:17:49,102
Yeah, cool.
Okay? Good.

402
00:17:50,137 --> 00:17:52,303
You know, surprisingly,

403
00:17:52,305 --> 00:17:54,102
uh, the letter
from your father

404
00:17:54,104 --> 00:17:55,336
wasn't the most
interesting thing

405
00:17:55,338 --> 00:17:56,635
I read in the closet.

406
00:17:56,637 --> 00:17:59,936
Bernadette's diary
has some saucy passages.

407
00:17:59,938 --> 00:18:02,303
Sheldon, don't you dare!

408
00:18:02,305 --> 00:18:03,635
Th-There's nothing
to worry about.

409
00:18:03,637 --> 00:18:05,552
Your secret's safe with me.

410
00:18:05,554 --> 00:18:07,652
That's more like it.

411
00:18:09,103 --> 00:18:11,136
Although copyright law
would allow me to quote snippets

412
00:18:11,138 --> 00:18:13,385
in the context of a review.

413
00:18:29,389 --> 00:18:30,827
Glad you're
feeling better.

414
00:18:30,828 --> 00:18:32,260
Me, too.

415
00:18:32,262 --> 00:18:34,093
If I'd known
we were gonna be dancing,

416
00:18:34,095 --> 00:18:36,643
would have worn my flats.

417
00:18:36,645 --> 00:18:39,093
This turned out
pretty well, huh?

418
00:18:39,095 --> 00:18:40,959
Yeah, I think so.

419
00:18:40,961 --> 00:18:42,393
I agree.

420
00:18:42,395 --> 00:18:45,426
That is, if you've never been to
or heard of a party before.

421
00:18:46,811 --> 00:18:49,493
If you'd let me pierce your
brain with a hot needle

422
00:18:49,495 --> 00:18:53,027
in the right place, you'd
be happy all the time.

423
00:18:55,128 --> 00:18:56,760
Uh, Penny,

424
00:18:56,762 --> 00:19:00,010
I-I have a couple of questions
about your closet.

425
00:19:00,012 --> 00:19:01,793
Is there any reason

426
00:19:01,795 --> 00:19:04,126
you're keeping
this dead goldfish?

427
00:19:05,250 --> 00:19:09,016
Damn, I forgot to feed him.

428
00:19:09,018 --> 00:19:11,266
And that I had him.

429
00:19:11,268 --> 00:19:14,647
Well, now, did you also
have a dog?

430
00:19:14,747 --> 00:19:18,899
Because I found what appears to
be a battery-operated chew toy.

431
00:19:18,999 --> 00:19:20,913
Party's over!
Party's over!

432
00:19:21,212 --> 00:19:26,207
== sync, corrected by elderman ==