1
00:00:01,261 --> 00:00:04,060
I was reading about this
jellyfish that never dies.

2
00:00:04,061 --> 00:00:05,927
Instead, it reverts
to its asexual state

3
00:00:05,929 --> 00:00:07,477
and then grows up again.

4
00:00:07,479 --> 00:00:09,344
We thought my 90-year-old
grandfather had reverted

5
00:00:09,346 --> 00:00:11,093
to an asexual state,
but the lawsuit

6
00:00:11,095 --> 00:00:14,460
from his Jamaican caregiver
proved us all wrong.

7
00:00:14,462 --> 00:00:16,727
My point is, immortality is not

8
00:00:16,729 --> 00:00:18,460
only a possibility, it is real.

9
00:00:18,462 --> 00:00:20,760
Only if you're this
jellyfish which periodically

10
00:00:20,762 --> 00:00:23,927
reverts to a mass of
undifferentiated protoplasm.

11
00:00:23,929 --> 00:00:25,510
If I could keep
my Gmail account,

12
00:00:25,512 --> 00:00:27,561
I'd be okay with that.

13
00:00:28,645 --> 00:00:30,561
- Hello, fellas.
- Hey.

14
00:00:30,563 --> 00:00:33,010
Remember when we were trying
to figure out what that smell

15
00:00:33,012 --> 00:00:34,793
coming from Professor
Tupperman's office was?

16
00:00:34,795 --> 00:00:35,793
Yeah?

17
00:00:35,795 --> 00:00:38,177
Turns out it was Tupperman.

18
00:00:39,428 --> 00:00:41,227
Dead at his desk for two weeks.

19
00:00:42,127 --> 00:00:43,344
Oh, my God.
That's terrible.

20
00:00:43,346 --> 00:00:45,293
In lieu of flowers,
the department chair

21
00:00:45,295 --> 00:00:49,310
is asking that everyone donate
a bottle of Febreze.

22
00:00:50,461 --> 00:00:52,477
If we're going to change
the topic from jellyfish,

23
00:00:52,479 --> 00:00:54,010
I'd be okay with brine shrimp

24
00:00:54,012 --> 00:00:56,260
or the history of the unicycle.

25
00:00:57,094 --> 00:00:59,760
Show a little compassion...
a man died.

26
00:00:59,762 --> 00:01:01,627
And turned into a puddle of goo.

27
00:01:01,629 --> 00:01:03,060
Now, we can either

28
00:01:03,062 --> 00:01:06,561
sit around and cry
over spilt professor, or...

29
00:01:06,563 --> 00:01:08,394
we can rejoice in the knowledge

30
00:01:08,396 --> 00:01:11,093
that a tenured position
has just opened up.

31
00:01:11,095 --> 00:01:12,143
I choose to do

32
00:01:12,145 --> 00:01:14,177
the latter.

33
00:01:14,179 --> 00:01:17,460
Excuse me, the whole tenure
system is ridiculous.

34
00:01:17,462 --> 00:01:18,810
A guaranteed job for life

35
00:01:18,812 --> 00:01:21,394
only encourages the faculty
to become complacent.

36
00:01:21,396 --> 00:01:22,726
If we really
want science

37
00:01:22,728 --> 00:01:24,644
to advance, people should have

38
00:01:24,646 --> 00:01:26,760
chips implanted in their skulls

39
00:01:26,762 --> 00:01:30,093
that explode when they say
something stupid.

40
00:01:31,727 --> 00:01:33,627
Well, I believe people
do their best work

41
00:01:33,629 --> 00:01:35,644
when they feel
safe and secure.

42
00:01:40,345 --> 00:01:42,644
If you need my nose,
you'll find it firmly lodged

43
00:01:42,646 --> 00:01:45,627
up the rectum of the
tenure committee.

44
00:01:46,677 --> 00:01:49,394
You Ph.D's gonna go
suck up like Kripke?

45
00:01:49,396 --> 00:01:50,427
No.

46
00:01:50,429 --> 00:01:51,594
I mean, I'll apply,

47
00:01:51,596 --> 00:01:53,927
but I'm not gonna stoop
to playing politics.

48
00:01:53,929 --> 00:01:55,927
Yeah, me neither.
It should be about the work.

49
00:01:55,929 --> 00:01:57,060
And if I can't get tenure,

50
00:01:57,062 --> 00:01:59,143
I'd like to see you
or Sheldon get it.

51
00:01:59,145 --> 00:02:01,093
Raj, don't dangle
false hope

52
00:02:01,095 --> 00:02:03,561
in front of Leonard like that.

53
00:02:03,563 --> 00:02:05,293
Excuse me, but I think I'm

54
00:02:05,295 --> 00:02:07,227
just as qualified as you are.

55
00:02:35,556 --> 00:02:40,551
== sync, corrected by elderman ==

56
00:02:40,607 --> 00:02:43,074
So "tenured" means
a job for life?

57
00:02:43,075 --> 00:02:44,689
Yup.
And you can't get fired

58
00:02:44,691 --> 00:02:45,690
even if you're bad at it?

59
00:02:45,691 --> 00:02:47,157
Mm, not really.

60
00:02:47,159 --> 00:02:49,574
Wow, sounds a lot like being
a pretty waitress

61
00:02:49,576 --> 00:02:51,357
at the Cheesecake Factory.

62
00:02:52,640 --> 00:02:55,524
While I disagree
with the premise of tenure,

63
00:02:55,526 --> 00:02:56,806
if they gave it to me,

64
00:02:56,808 --> 00:02:58,440
it wouldn't diminish my output.

65
00:02:58,442 --> 00:03:00,407
You know, I'm like the sun.

66
00:03:00,409 --> 00:03:02,606
Can't turn this off.

67
00:03:03,740 --> 00:03:07,323
Are Rajesh and Leonard
competing for it as well?

68
00:03:07,325 --> 00:03:08,473
Mm-hmm.

69
00:03:08,475 --> 00:03:10,157
Do they know they
don't stand a chance

70
00:03:10,159 --> 00:03:11,623
'cause you're so great?

71
00:03:11,625 --> 00:03:13,723
Well put.

72
00:03:14,657 --> 00:03:16,739
You know, I must say
I go back and forth

73
00:03:16,741 --> 00:03:18,524
on this boyfriend-girlfriend
thing, but those moments

74
00:03:18,526 --> 00:03:21,357
when you worship me
really keep you in the running.

75
00:03:24,974 --> 00:03:26,906
It would be nice to have
the increased income.

76
00:03:26,908 --> 00:03:28,407
Stop taking money
from my parents.

77
00:03:28,409 --> 00:03:31,323
Money from family does come
with strings attached.

78
00:03:31,325 --> 00:03:33,273
You have no idea.

79
00:03:33,275 --> 00:03:35,940
They buy me a new BMW
for my birthday

80
00:03:35,942 --> 00:03:37,656
but can I get seat warmers?

81
00:03:37,658 --> 00:03:39,357
No.

82
00:03:40,174 --> 00:03:41,490
"Rajesh, if you
want a warm butt,

83
00:03:41,492 --> 00:03:42,806
you're gonna have
to pay for it yourself."

84
00:03:42,808 --> 00:03:44,739
Well, maybe I will, old man!

85
00:03:47,857 --> 00:03:52,023
I think that's
enough wine for now.

86
00:03:52,025 --> 00:03:53,906
I just keep thinking
about how cool it would be

87
00:03:53,908 --> 00:03:55,540
if I called my mom and told her

88
00:03:55,542 --> 00:03:57,689
that I got tenure at Caltech.

89
00:03:57,691 --> 00:03:58,906
She'd be proud, huh?

90
00:03:58,908 --> 00:03:59,973
Oh, very.

91
00:03:59,975 --> 00:04:02,473
Assuming she takes my call.

92
00:04:03,740 --> 00:04:06,840
My primary concern
with being granted tenure

93
00:04:06,842 --> 00:04:10,040
is living with an insanely
jealous roommate after the fact.

94
00:04:10,042 --> 00:04:12,773
I might need to sleep
with a gun under my pillow.

95
00:04:12,775 --> 00:04:15,323
Or a chainsaw.

96
00:04:15,325 --> 00:04:18,739
Or you take advantage of your
newfound economic stability

97
00:04:18,741 --> 00:04:19,990
and move out...

98
00:04:19,992 --> 00:04:21,806
buy a house...

99
00:04:21,808 --> 00:04:23,473
get married...

100
00:04:23,475 --> 00:04:25,973
start a family.

101
00:04:26,807 --> 00:04:28,273
Yeah, or...

102
00:04:28,275 --> 00:04:30,407
the chainsaw.

103
00:04:32,524 --> 00:04:35,357
And I will return
to New Delhi in triumph

104
00:04:35,359 --> 00:04:38,440
atop a bejeweled white elephant!

105
00:04:38,442 --> 00:04:40,823
And you know
what will be

106
00:04:40,825 --> 00:04:41,856
on that elephant's back?

107
00:04:41,858 --> 00:04:43,973
A seat warmer.

108
00:04:45,224 --> 00:04:49,157
"No, Father, you may not
have a ride!"

109
00:04:50,307 --> 00:04:51,940
I'm gonna make some coffee.

110
00:04:54,057 --> 00:04:56,390
So, who do you have to schmooze
to get this deal?

111
00:04:56,392 --> 00:04:58,023
I'm not gonna schmooze anybody.

112
00:04:58,025 --> 00:04:59,940
I'm gonna let my work
speak for itself.

113
00:04:59,942 --> 00:05:01,107
That's great.

114
00:05:01,109 --> 00:05:02,573
That shows a lot of integrity.

115
00:05:02,575 --> 00:05:04,606
Thank you.

116
00:05:04,608 --> 00:05:07,023
I'm a naive idiot, right?

117
00:05:07,025 --> 00:05:09,273
Oh, good, you heard me.

118
00:05:10,274 --> 00:05:11,689
You know, if you
really want tenure,

119
00:05:11,691 --> 00:05:14,073
maybe you should cozy up to
the people making the decision.

120
00:05:14,075 --> 00:05:17,190
Sheldon Cooper
does not do "cozy."

121
00:05:17,192 --> 00:05:20,773
You don't say.

122
00:05:20,775 --> 00:05:22,489
But I suppose
it wouldn't hurt

123
00:05:22,491 --> 00:05:24,107
to know who's
on the committee.

124
00:05:24,109 --> 00:05:25,639
Let's see...

125
00:05:25,641 --> 00:05:27,472
Oh, Janine Davis.

126
00:05:27,474 --> 00:05:28,639
Oh, dear.

127
00:05:28,641 --> 00:05:30,273
Is that a problem?

128
00:05:30,275 --> 00:05:32,606
Well...

129
00:05:32,608 --> 00:05:33,689
Yeah, even you.

130
00:05:33,691 --> 00:05:35,323
You're a slave.

131
00:05:38,941 --> 00:05:41,307
I'm a what?

132
00:05:42,874 --> 00:05:45,906
I'm not sure;
it could go either way.

133
00:05:55,473 --> 00:05:58,140
Hey. Mrs. Davis.

134
00:05:58,142 --> 00:05:59,073
Hey.
Hey.

135
00:05:59,075 --> 00:06:01,606
Dr. Hofstadter.
Yeah.

136
00:06:01,608 --> 00:06:03,523
Just thought I'd come down
and start getting ready

137
00:06:03,525 --> 00:06:04,689
for swimsuit season.

138
00:06:06,441 --> 00:06:08,140
Good for you.
Eh.

139
00:06:08,142 --> 00:06:09,190
Not that you need it.

140
00:06:09,192 --> 00:06:10,906
I bet you look great
in a swimsuit.

141
00:06:12,473 --> 00:06:14,472
Thank you.

142
00:06:14,474 --> 00:06:16,806
I've got what my father used
to call "furniture disease."

143
00:06:16,808 --> 00:06:18,439
My chest is falling
into my drawers.

144
00:06:25,158 --> 00:06:27,406
I'm not, uh, familiar
with this model.

145
00:06:27,408 --> 00:06:29,073
How do I make it start?

146
00:06:29,075 --> 00:06:31,439
You push start.

147
00:06:31,441 --> 00:06:33,689
Right.

148
00:06:41,074 --> 00:06:42,906
This one might be broken.

149
00:06:42,908 --> 00:06:44,689
You have to move.

150
00:06:44,691 --> 00:06:47,240
Got it.

151
00:06:47,242 --> 00:06:48,806
Oh.

152
00:06:48,808 --> 00:06:51,190
There.

153
00:06:56,358 --> 00:06:57,806
Oh, yeah!

154
00:06:58,640 --> 00:07:01,439
Yeah, now I'm feeling it.

155
00:07:02,607 --> 00:07:04,157
Oh, this is great.

156
00:07:04,159 --> 00:07:06,773
I could do this
for the rest of my life.

157
00:07:06,775 --> 00:07:08,190
Hey, speaking...

158
00:07:08,192 --> 00:07:11,173
speaking of things you do
for the rest of your life...

159
00:07:11,175 --> 00:07:14,639
uh, did I read that you're
on that-that tenure committee?

160
00:07:14,641 --> 00:07:15,973
Yep.

161
00:07:15,975 --> 00:07:18,140
I got to get a home gym.

162
00:07:19,857 --> 00:07:23,073
Well, I'm sure you have
a lot of good applicants, I just

163
00:07:23,075 --> 00:07:26,073
wanted to say hi and...

164
00:07:26,075 --> 00:07:27,940
let you know that I'll be...

165
00:07:27,942 --> 00:07:29,472
throwing my hat in the...

166
00:07:31,808 --> 00:07:34,023
ring.

167
00:07:34,025 --> 00:07:35,875
All right, I'll keep
an eye out for that.

168
00:07:35,900 --> 00:07:36,490
Yeah.

169
00:07:36,491 --> 00:07:39,389
Hey, Hofstadter.

170
00:07:39,391 --> 00:07:41,406
Funny seeing you here
for the first time in...

171
00:07:41,408 --> 00:07:43,823
ever.

172
00:07:43,825 --> 00:07:46,990
Go... away.

173
00:07:47,857 --> 00:07:49,356
Janine the Machine,
let's do this!

174
00:07:49,358 --> 00:07:50,639
Hey, Barry.

175
00:07:52,024 --> 00:07:53,322
Well, look at that.

176
00:07:53,324 --> 00:07:55,823
Burned a whole calorie.

177
00:07:55,825 --> 00:07:57,356
I guess you got here

178
00:07:57,358 --> 00:08:00,356
early to burn off that
banana bread I baked you.

179
00:08:00,358 --> 00:08:01,973
Yeah, it was delicious.
Thank you.

180
00:08:01,975 --> 00:08:02,990
No, my pleasure.

181
00:08:02,992 --> 00:08:04,973
Oh, if you... if you
like banana bread...

182
00:08:04,975 --> 00:08:07,240
I've got a-a great recipe.

183
00:08:07,242 --> 00:08:09,739
The trick
is in... in fresh ground...

184
00:08:09,741 --> 00:08:12,856
I'll e-mail it to you.

185
00:08:12,858 --> 00:08:13,906
All right, I'm warm.

186
00:08:13,908 --> 00:08:15,573
Ready to kick it up a notch?

187
00:08:15,575 --> 00:08:17,973
Let's go.

188
00:08:17,975 --> 00:08:19,573
That's enough cardio for me.

189
00:08:19,575 --> 00:08:22,823
I'm just... gonna stretch out
before I hit the weights.

190
00:08:26,941 --> 00:08:29,073
You okay?

191
00:08:29,941 --> 00:08:32,472
Call someone!

192
00:08:36,941 --> 00:08:39,790
Good day, Mrs. Davis.

193
00:08:39,792 --> 00:08:41,190
This is Dr. Rajesh
Koothrappali

194
00:08:41,192 --> 00:08:43,656
from the astrophysics
department.

195
00:08:43,658 --> 00:08:45,140
Don't be alarmed,

196
00:08:45,142 --> 00:08:47,806
I'm not really in space.

197
00:08:50,490 --> 00:08:53,489
Anyhoo...

198
00:08:53,491 --> 00:08:54,973
I'd like to take
this opportunity

199
00:08:54,975 --> 00:08:56,472
to tell you about myself,

200
00:08:56,474 --> 00:08:58,906
so sit back, relax and enjoy

201
00:08:58,908 --> 00:09:01,573
the following 90-minute video.

202
00:09:01,575 --> 00:09:03,623
Oh, come on.

203
00:09:05,390 --> 00:09:06,689
Born in New Delhi,

204
00:09:06,691 --> 00:09:09,489
the third son
of an itinerant gynecologist,

205
00:09:09,491 --> 00:09:12,723
I showed early
signs of genius.

206
00:09:12,725 --> 00:09:16,090
At the age of five,
I discovered a celestial object

207
00:09:16,092 --> 00:09:19,523
which later turned out
to be the moon.

208
00:09:22,842 --> 00:09:24,140
Mrs. Davis?
Mrs. Davis? Mrs. Davis?

209
00:09:24,142 --> 00:09:26,356
Mrs. Davis?

210
00:09:26,358 --> 00:09:28,856
God, they're everywhere.

211
00:09:28,858 --> 00:09:30,906
Come in.

212
00:09:32,240 --> 00:09:34,107
Dr. Cooper,
how can I help you?

213
00:09:34,109 --> 00:09:36,272
Yes, hello. I'm fine. Um...

214
00:09:38,108 --> 00:09:40,773
I understand you may have
a bad impression of me,

215
00:09:40,775 --> 00:09:42,940
so I bought you a gift.

216
00:09:42,942 --> 00:09:44,973
Uh, Dr. Cooper,
that's not necessary.

217
00:09:44,975 --> 00:09:46,140
It's too late.

218
00:09:47,240 --> 00:09:48,739
Get ready to like me.

219
00:09:50,607 --> 00:09:53,456
Roots?

220
00:09:54,857 --> 00:09:59,689
The tragic history
of slavery in America.

221
00:09:59,691 --> 00:10:02,189
Fun for the whole family.

222
00:10:04,141 --> 00:10:06,823
Why would you think
this is an appropriate gift?

223
00:10:06,825 --> 00:10:09,157
Um...

224
00:10:09,159 --> 00:10:11,439
Well...

225
00:10:14,074 --> 00:10:16,272
You are black, right?

226
00:10:18,273 --> 00:10:20,673
This meeting has come to an end.

227
00:10:20,675 --> 00:10:22,973
Because you want to start
watching it right now.

228
00:10:22,975 --> 00:10:24,523
Copy that.

229
00:10:25,373 --> 00:10:27,739
Let's see.

230
00:10:27,741 --> 00:10:31,189
Up next
on the tenure committee is...

231
00:10:31,191 --> 00:10:33,289
Professor Wu.

232
00:10:33,291 --> 00:10:36,906
Well, get ready for the complete
works of Jackie Chan.

233
00:10:46,568 --> 00:10:48,567
Gentlemen.

234
00:10:48,569 --> 00:10:50,084
Where have
you been?

235
00:10:50,086 --> 00:10:52,217
Nurse's office.

236
00:10:53,368 --> 00:10:54,317
Asthma attack?

237
00:10:54,319 --> 00:10:56,233
Asthma, heart...
some kind of attack.

238
00:10:56,235 --> 00:10:57,868
I'm fine, though.

239
00:10:58,869 --> 00:11:00,067
You guys going

240
00:11:00,069 --> 00:11:01,233
to Professor Tupperman's
memorial?

241
00:11:01,235 --> 00:11:02,250
I don't know.
Probably not.

242
00:11:02,252 --> 00:11:03,334
Barely knew him.

243
00:11:03,336 --> 00:11:04,617
Yeah, you wouldn't want to look

244
00:11:04,619 --> 00:11:06,734
like you guys are brown-nosing
the tenure committee,

245
00:11:06,736 --> 00:11:08,233
who will all be there.

246
00:11:10,285 --> 00:11:13,417
Oh, yeah, that's what
I was hoping for... meerkats.

247
00:11:19,919 --> 00:11:23,450
I won't be able to make our
date night this Thursday, so...

248
00:11:23,452 --> 00:11:25,400
bad news for you.

249
00:11:26,285 --> 00:11:28,284
You better have a
good excuse this time,

250
00:11:28,286 --> 00:11:30,450
because "trimming Q-tips
to fit your ears right"

251
00:11:30,452 --> 00:11:32,233
is obvious nonsense.

252
00:11:33,085 --> 00:11:34,484
First of all,

253
00:11:34,486 --> 00:11:36,951
when you say things like that,
people think you're crazy.

254
00:11:36,953 --> 00:11:40,567
Second, the reason
I'm cancelling is because

255
00:11:40,569 --> 00:11:43,567
I have to attend a memorial
service for Professor Tupperman.

256
00:11:43,569 --> 00:11:45,901
It sounds like a long
and tedious evening.

257
00:11:45,903 --> 00:11:47,400
Eh, it will be.

258
00:11:47,402 --> 00:11:49,951
Honestly, if I must endure
a long and tedious evening,

259
00:11:49,953 --> 00:11:52,417
I'd rather it be
with you on date night.

260
00:11:52,419 --> 00:11:54,501
But I have no choice.

261
00:11:54,503 --> 00:11:57,001
The tenure committee's
going to be there.

262
00:11:57,003 --> 00:11:59,901
Oh! Well, in that case,
perhaps I should come along.

263
00:11:59,903 --> 00:12:02,734
Well, now that I think about it,
that would be most helpful.

264
00:12:02,736 --> 00:12:03,868
Of course it would.

265
00:12:03,870 --> 00:12:05,901
I'm well-versed in
academic politics,

266
00:12:05,903 --> 00:12:07,501
and as a respected scientist,

267
00:12:07,503 --> 00:12:09,918
I can only raise your
stock as a candidate.

268
00:12:09,920 --> 00:12:12,918
Actually, I meant
you could drive me.

269
00:12:15,035 --> 00:12:18,400
But if it makes you happy,
that other stuff, too.

270
00:12:20,869 --> 00:12:23,167
Do anything
interesting today?

271
00:12:23,169 --> 00:12:25,167
Oh, not really.

272
00:12:25,169 --> 00:12:26,584
I was out shopping with Amy.

273
00:12:26,586 --> 00:12:28,634
She wanted me
to help her find something

274
00:12:28,636 --> 00:12:29,734
for this memorial thing.

275
00:12:29,736 --> 00:12:31,200
Wait...
Sheldon's going to be there?

276
00:12:31,202 --> 00:12:33,233
We all promised
we weren't going to go.

277
00:12:33,235 --> 00:12:34,734
Oh, what a jerk.

278
00:12:34,736 --> 00:12:35,851
I know.

279
00:12:35,853 --> 00:12:37,951
I was hoping to go
without anyone finding out.

280
00:12:39,502 --> 00:12:41,250
Well, since Amy's going,
do you want me there?

281
00:12:41,252 --> 00:12:42,417
You know, to support you?

282
00:12:42,419 --> 00:12:43,701
Oh...

283
00:12:43,703 --> 00:12:45,250
that's nice,
but it-it's just gonna be

284
00:12:45,252 --> 00:12:46,901
a room full of boring old men

285
00:12:46,903 --> 00:12:48,701
and I'm not sure
how much help you'd be.

286
00:12:48,703 --> 00:12:50,233
Okay.

287
00:12:50,235 --> 00:12:52,534
I'm just gonna tie my shoe
while you think about that.

288
00:13:00,001 --> 00:13:01,495
Oh, yeah. No.
Thanks, that would

289
00:13:01,496 --> 00:13:03,493
be great help.

290
00:13:04,577 --> 00:13:05,943
You realize
you might kill some of them.

291
00:13:05,945 --> 00:13:08,410
Oh, then you all can get tenure.

292
00:13:11,194 --> 00:13:12,643
Come on, Daddy.

293
00:13:12,645 --> 00:13:16,810
All the other scientists
have seat warmers.

294
00:13:16,812 --> 00:13:18,827
This is so humiliating.

295
00:13:18,829 --> 00:13:21,610
I've got to get tenure.

296
00:13:21,612 --> 00:13:23,309
Okay, l-let's meet halfway.

297
00:13:23,311 --> 00:13:26,476
How about I cut my cleaning
lady down to twice a week?

298
00:13:27,536 --> 00:13:31,534
Looks like we're both going
to be living like animals.

299
00:13:34,034 --> 00:13:36,485
Let's go over our emotional
responses one last time.

300
00:13:36,486 --> 00:13:37,917
Okay.

301
00:13:37,919 --> 00:13:41,483
Professor Tupperman is dead,
and that makes us...?

302
00:13:41,485 --> 00:13:43,950
Sad.

303
00:13:43,952 --> 00:13:46,033
The fact that there
are so many people

304
00:13:46,035 --> 00:13:47,199
here tonight doesn't make us

305
00:13:47,201 --> 00:13:48,667
cranky and claustrophobic.

306
00:13:48,669 --> 00:13:49,650
It makes us...?

307
00:13:49,652 --> 00:13:51,999
Glad.

308
00:13:52,001 --> 00:13:55,416
Giving Mrs. Davis the box set
of Roots was...?

309
00:13:55,418 --> 00:13:57,650
Bad.

310
00:13:57,652 --> 00:13:59,650
However...
No.

311
00:13:59,652 --> 00:14:01,250
Fine. Bad.

312
00:14:02,117 --> 00:14:04,450
Unbelievable.

313
00:14:04,452 --> 00:14:06,199
You have some nerve
showing up here

314
00:14:06,201 --> 00:14:08,033
just to schmooze
with the tenure committee.

315
00:14:08,035 --> 00:14:09,116
You're here.

316
00:14:09,118 --> 00:14:10,533
Excuse me.

317
00:14:10,535 --> 00:14:12,700
I'm here to pay my respects
to Professor... Tupperware,

318
00:14:12,702 --> 00:14:14,033
or whatever his name is.

319
00:14:14,035 --> 00:14:15,250
So am I.

320
00:14:15,252 --> 00:14:18,083
His passing makes
me feel... bad.

321
00:14:21,367 --> 00:14:24,583
Well, well, well, Sheldon,
fancy meeting you here.

322
00:14:24,585 --> 00:14:26,450
I guess the train store
in Glendale

323
00:14:26,452 --> 00:14:28,533
wasn't having a cotillion
after all.

324
00:14:29,701 --> 00:14:32,233
And you... you said
you weren't coming here, either.

325
00:14:32,235 --> 00:14:35,999
I have a thick accent.
You don't know what I said.

326
00:14:36,001 --> 00:14:38,033
I'd like to know
why Penny's here.

327
00:14:38,035 --> 00:14:40,816
I'm here to support
my man, just like you.

328
00:14:40,818 --> 00:14:42,366
What are you going to do?

329
00:14:42,368 --> 00:14:45,083
Take people's drink orders
and get them wrong?

330
00:14:45,934 --> 00:14:48,116
Do it.

331
00:15:01,983 --> 00:15:04,483
What? Did she do it yet?

332
00:15:06,983 --> 00:15:09,700
She plans on flirting with
members of the tenure committee

333
00:15:09,702 --> 00:15:11,750
to further
Leonard's cause.

334
00:15:11,752 --> 00:15:14,166
Well, that's a fine
how-do-you-do.

335
00:15:14,168 --> 00:15:16,533
Don't just stand there.
Take your breasts out.

336
00:15:20,000 --> 00:15:22,617
Ooh, meerkat fight!

337
00:15:23,835 --> 00:15:25,583
You're all
wasting your time.

338
00:15:25,585 --> 00:15:27,783
Sheldon is the most
qualified for the job,

339
00:15:27,785 --> 00:15:31,533
and no amount of gravity-defying
bosom's going to change that.

340
00:15:32,834 --> 00:15:34,149
Seriously, is that tape?

341
00:15:34,151 --> 00:15:36,283
Like, how are they
staying up like that?

342
00:15:36,285 --> 00:15:38,283
Way to hit 'em
with both barrels.

343
00:15:41,451 --> 00:15:43,783
You two should be
ashamed of yourselves.

344
00:15:43,785 --> 00:15:46,333
Using women to advance
your cause with sexuality,

345
00:15:46,335 --> 00:15:48,500
and whatever Amy plans on doing.

346
00:15:49,983 --> 00:15:50,890
Are you implying

347
00:15:50,891 --> 00:15:53,423
that my girlfriend has
no sexuality to exploit?

348
00:15:53,471 --> 00:15:54,224
Yes!

349
00:15:54,249 --> 00:15:55,950
Okay, because
that was not clear.

350
00:15:55,951 --> 00:15:57,116
Sheldon!

351
00:15:59,668 --> 00:16:01,199
What?

352
00:16:01,201 --> 00:16:02,667
That was ambiguous.

353
00:16:02,669 --> 00:16:05,366
Well, now it's biguous.
What are you gonna do about it?

354
00:16:05,368 --> 00:16:06,450
Um...

355
00:16:06,452 --> 00:16:07,750
You could talk some smack
about his mother.

356
00:16:07,752 --> 00:16:09,667
Well, yes, of course,
he wouldn't like that at all.

357
00:16:09,669 --> 00:16:11,949
Last night,

358
00:16:11,951 --> 00:16:14,116
I was feeling in need
of sexual release

359
00:16:14,118 --> 00:16:16,650
when I happened
to come across your mother.

360
00:16:18,117 --> 00:16:20,333
Okay, okay.

361
00:16:20,335 --> 00:16:21,832
Guys, what are we doing here?

362
00:16:21,834 --> 00:16:22,999
I don't know what you're doing,

363
00:16:23,001 --> 00:16:24,450
but I was about to insinuate

364
00:16:24,452 --> 00:16:27,916
that I had coitus
with Raj's mother for a dollar.

365
00:16:29,251 --> 00:16:30,750
Oh, you do
what you want,

366
00:16:30,752 --> 00:16:33,166
but I don't want to lose
my friends over tenure.

367
00:16:33,168 --> 00:16:34,283
Friends are forever.

368
00:16:34,285 --> 00:16:35,450
So is tenure.

369
00:16:35,452 --> 00:16:37,049
Walk!

370
00:16:38,284 --> 00:16:41,999
I'm just gonna go home and
let my work speak for itself.

371
00:16:42,001 --> 00:16:44,250
You're right.
This is beneath me.

372
00:16:44,252 --> 00:16:47,283
Like your mother was last night.

373
00:16:48,484 --> 00:16:50,450
How about it, Sheldon?

374
00:16:50,452 --> 00:16:53,982
What do you think
I should do?

375
00:16:53,984 --> 00:16:57,083
Well, you'll always be
an academic success,

376
00:16:57,085 --> 00:16:58,483
but...

377
00:16:58,485 --> 00:16:59,782
I seriously question

378
00:16:59,784 --> 00:17:01,982
whether you'll make
any more friends.

379
00:17:04,317 --> 00:17:06,583
I don't want any more,
but let's go.

380
00:17:08,034 --> 00:17:10,667
Are you kidding? I would
"wove" to baby-sit for you.

381
00:17:10,669 --> 00:17:12,916
I could not ask
you to do that.

382
00:17:12,918 --> 00:17:14,316
Nonsense.
Children "wove" me.

383
00:17:14,318 --> 00:17:17,416
Something about me just makes
them "waugh" and "waugh."

384
00:17:24,618 --> 00:17:27,250
No. We cannot lose
to that jerk.

385
00:17:27,252 --> 00:17:29,283
Yeah, screw it.

386
00:17:29,285 --> 00:17:30,500
I'm going in.

387
00:17:30,502 --> 00:17:31,982
You... Wait. Hold on.

388
00:17:31,984 --> 00:17:33,916
I believe "Screw it,
I'm going in" is what

389
00:17:33,918 --> 00:17:35,700
I said to your
mother last night.

390
00:17:37,917 --> 00:17:40,667
Don't worry, I didn't
really say that.

391
00:17:40,669 --> 00:17:42,416
I-I find the concept

392
00:17:42,418 --> 00:17:44,700
of coitus ridiculous
and off-putting.

393
00:17:46,900 --> 00:17:49,533
Should have taken my breasts out
while I had the chance.

394
00:17:59,164 --> 00:18:01,696
Mrs. Davis?

395
00:18:02,531 --> 00:18:04,113
Mrs. Davis?

396
00:18:04,115 --> 00:18:06,196
Mrs. Davis?

397
00:18:06,198 --> 00:18:08,062
I know you're in there.

398
00:18:08,064 --> 00:18:11,046
I saw your car
in the parking lot.

399
00:18:11,048 --> 00:18:13,229
What?

400
00:18:13,231 --> 00:18:16,062
I just found out
that you recommended myself,

401
00:18:16,064 --> 00:18:18,196
Dr. Hofstadter
and Dr. Koothrappali

402
00:18:18,198 --> 00:18:20,396
to be on the short list
for tenure.

403
00:18:20,398 --> 00:18:21,596
Well, despite your quirks,

404
00:18:21,598 --> 00:18:24,229
the three of you
are very accomplished

405
00:18:24,231 --> 00:18:25,879
in your respective fields.

406
00:18:25,881 --> 00:18:29,563
I don't know what you mean
by "quirks," but, um...

407
00:18:30,696 --> 00:18:32,076
I do want
to express my gratitude.

408
00:18:32,077 --> 00:18:33,292
You didn't bring
another gift, did you?

409
00:18:33,317 --> 00:18:35,315
No, no.

410
00:18:35,398 --> 00:18:37,062
No, I learned my lesson.

411
00:18:37,064 --> 00:18:38,762
I understand
that was inappropriate.

412
00:18:38,764 --> 00:18:39,979
Good.

413
00:18:39,981 --> 00:18:42,313
Anyway, thank you.

414
00:18:42,315 --> 00:18:44,729
You're welcome.

415
00:18:51,314 --> 00:18:54,196
I'm gonna pretend
that didn't happen.

416
00:18:54,198 --> 00:18:55,695
Yeah, right on, sister.

417
00:18:55,697 --> 00:19:00,692
== sync, corrected by elderman ==