1
00:00:04,869 --> 00:00:06,453
So what'd you think?

2
00:00:06,455 --> 00:00:07,453
It was good.

3
00:00:07,455 --> 00:00:08,585
That's it?

4
00:00:08,587 --> 00:00:10,453
"Good"?

5
00:00:10,455 --> 00:00:12,719
I enjoyed it.
When you told me

6
00:00:12,721 --> 00:00:14,635
I was going to be
"losing my virginity,"

7
00:00:14,637 --> 00:00:17,468
I didn't think you meant showing
me Raiders of the Lost Ark

8
00:00:17,470 --> 00:00:18,919
for the first time.

9
00:00:18,921 --> 00:00:21,919
My apologies.
I chose my words poorly.

10
00:00:21,921 --> 00:00:23,719
I should have said
you were about

11
00:00:23,721 --> 00:00:26,035
to have your world
rocked on my couch.

12
00:00:28,870 --> 00:00:30,719
Anyway, thank you
for watching it.

13
00:00:30,721 --> 00:00:32,702
It's one of my
all-time favorites.

14
00:00:32,704 --> 00:00:34,885
It was very entertaining...

15
00:00:34,887 --> 00:00:37,336
despite the glaring
story problem.

16
00:00:38,553 --> 00:00:40,585
Story problem?

17
00:00:40,587 --> 00:00:42,952
You... oh, Amy...

18
00:00:44,370 --> 00:00:46,802
What a dewy-eyed
moon-calf you are.

19
00:00:47,536 --> 00:00:48,969
Raiders of the Lost Ark

20
00:00:48,971 --> 00:00:52,386
is the love child of Steven
Spielberg and George Lucas,

21
00:00:52,388 --> 00:00:55,086
two of the most gifted
filmmakers of our generation.

22
00:00:55,088 --> 00:00:57,568
I've watched it 36 times,

23
00:00:57,570 --> 00:01:00,302
except for the snake scene
and the face-melting scene,

24
00:01:00,304 --> 00:01:04,319
which I can only watch when
it's still light out, but...

25
00:01:04,321 --> 00:01:07,635
I defy you to find
a story problem.

26
00:01:07,637 --> 00:01:10,035
Here's my jaw... drop it.

27
00:01:10,953 --> 00:01:12,868
All right.

28
00:01:12,870 --> 00:01:15,002
Indiana Jones
plays no role

29
00:01:15,004 --> 00:01:16,502
in the outcome
of the story.

30
00:01:16,504 --> 00:01:18,468
If he weren't
in the film,

31
00:01:18,470 --> 00:01:20,752
it would turn out
exactly the same.

32
00:01:20,754 --> 00:01:24,252
Oh, I see your confusion.
You don't understand.

33
00:01:24,254 --> 00:01:28,219
Indiana Jones was the one
in the hat with the whip.

34
00:01:28,221 --> 00:01:32,302
No, I do, and if he
weren't in the movie,

35
00:01:32,304 --> 00:01:34,202
the Nazis would have
still found the ark,

36
00:01:34,204 --> 00:01:37,252
taken it to the island,
opened it up and all died...

37
00:01:37,254 --> 00:01:39,835
just like they did.

38
00:01:44,686 --> 00:01:46,302
Let me close that for ya.

39
00:02:11,693 --> 00:02:16,688
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man

40
00:02:18,276 --> 00:02:19,074
Hey!

41
00:02:19,076 --> 00:02:20,524
Hi! I thought you went

42
00:02:20,526 --> 00:02:22,440
to the comic book store
on Wednesdays.

43
00:02:22,442 --> 00:02:24,490
Yeah, but Sheldon and Amy
were having date night

44
00:02:24,492 --> 00:02:26,824
and they don't need me
there to make it awkward.

45
00:02:28,658 --> 00:02:31,091
They have each other
for that.

46
00:02:31,093 --> 00:02:33,440
So, how was school?

47
00:02:33,442 --> 00:02:34,774
Oh, good.
Check it out.

48
00:02:34,776 --> 00:02:37,841
The Disappointing Child
by Beverly Hofstadter.

49
00:02:46,992 --> 00:02:48,440
You bought my mom's book?

50
00:02:48,442 --> 00:02:49,590
Yeah!

51
00:02:49,592 --> 00:02:51,824
It's on the recommended
reading list

52
00:02:51,826 --> 00:02:53,108
for my psychology class.

53
00:02:57,259 --> 00:02:59,941
Come on.
Not that book.

54
00:02:59,943 --> 00:03:02,275
It-It's got, like,
every horrible story

55
00:03:02,277 --> 00:03:05,324
from my childhood in it.

56
00:03:05,326 --> 00:03:07,540
Oh, cool.
Are there pictures?

57
00:03:08,375 --> 00:03:11,024
Seriously, please find
another book.

58
00:03:11,026 --> 00:03:14,024
Oh, come on. Why?
How bad could it be?

59
00:03:14,026 --> 00:03:16,158
There-There's chapters
about potty training,

60
00:03:16,160 --> 00:03:18,357
and bed-wetting and...

61
00:03:18,359 --> 00:03:20,824
masturbation.

62
00:03:22,642 --> 00:03:24,108
Basically, if something
came out of me,

63
00:03:24,110 --> 00:03:25,691
she wrote about it!

64
00:03:27,242 --> 00:03:29,108
You know what?
Do whatever you want,

65
00:03:29,110 --> 00:03:31,490
just don't talk
to me about it.

66
00:03:31,492 --> 00:03:35,474
Not even the chapter on
the breast-feeding crisis?

67
00:03:39,308 --> 00:03:42,490
It was not a crisis.

68
00:03:42,492 --> 00:03:44,357
Apparently, I favored
the left one,

69
00:03:44,359 --> 00:03:46,191
she got a little
lopsided.

70
00:03:47,491 --> 00:03:50,640
Oh, my God, you still go left!

71
00:03:54,925 --> 00:03:58,407
Which celebrity would you say
I look like the most?

72
00:03:58,409 --> 00:04:00,657
Halle Berry.

73
00:04:01,808 --> 00:04:03,074
Why?

74
00:04:03,076 --> 00:04:05,041
Stuart and I are putting
dating profiles online,

75
00:04:05,043 --> 00:04:06,507
and it's one of the questions.

76
00:04:07,742 --> 00:04:10,473
And thank you... I'd kill
for that woman's bone structure.

77
00:04:11,758 --> 00:04:14,691
Why are you reading
Pride and Prejudice?

78
00:04:14,693 --> 00:04:15,974
I'll tell you why.

79
00:04:15,976 --> 00:04:19,058
Amy ruined Raiders
of the Lost Ark for me,

80
00:04:19,060 --> 00:04:20,657
so now I'm trying to find

81
00:04:20,659 --> 00:04:23,074
something beloved to her
and ruin that.

82
00:04:24,175 --> 00:04:27,324
Because her life wasn't enough?

83
00:04:29,359 --> 00:04:32,691
Wait... how can, how can
anyone ruin Raiders?

84
00:04:32,693 --> 00:04:33,741
It's perfect.

85
00:04:33,743 --> 00:04:34,991
Yeah, except for the fact

86
00:04:34,993 --> 00:04:37,657
that Indiana Jones is completely
irrelevant to the story.

87
00:04:37,659 --> 00:04:41,941
With or without him, the Nazis
find the ark, open it and die.

88
00:04:46,308 --> 00:04:49,657
Aw! Aw!
Aw!

89
00:04:50,625 --> 00:04:51,691
Hey, wait a minute.

90
00:04:51,693 --> 00:04:53,824
No, the Nazis were digging
in the wrong place.

91
00:04:53,826 --> 00:04:55,490
The only reason
they got the ark

92
00:04:55,492 --> 00:04:57,024
was because Indy
found it first.

93
00:04:57,026 --> 00:04:58,974
Actually, they were
only digging in the wrong place

94
00:04:58,976 --> 00:05:00,240
because Indy had
the medallion.

95
00:05:00,242 --> 00:05:01,807
Without him, they would have
had the medallion

96
00:05:01,809 --> 00:05:03,640
and dug in the right place.

97
00:05:05,508 --> 00:05:07,824
Aw! Aw!
Aw!

98
00:05:11,575 --> 00:05:12,974
Okay, I know you don't

99
00:05:12,976 --> 00:05:14,357
want to talk about it,

100
00:05:14,359 --> 00:05:16,891
but can I just ask you one
question about your mom's book?

101
00:05:16,893 --> 00:05:17,824
No.

102
00:05:17,826 --> 00:05:19,257
I just want to know

103
00:05:19,259 --> 00:05:21,590
why a five-year-old boy
puts on his mom's makeup

104
00:05:21,592 --> 00:05:24,274
and wears balloon boobies.

105
00:05:26,775 --> 00:05:29,440
They weren't boobies,
they were muscles.

106
00:05:29,442 --> 00:05:30,691
And the makeup was green.

107
00:05:30,693 --> 00:05:32,991
I was pretending
to be The Hulk.

108
00:05:32,993 --> 00:05:35,407
You were wearing
her bra.

109
00:05:35,409 --> 00:05:37,108
That was to keep my muscles
from sagging!

110
00:05:37,110 --> 00:05:39,741
Can we please stop talking
about this?

111
00:05:39,743 --> 00:05:41,857
Okay, okay.

112
00:05:41,859 --> 00:05:43,190
But you know,
as a student of psychology

113
00:05:43,192 --> 00:05:47,357
who got a check-plus on
her first homework assignment...

114
00:05:47,359 --> 00:05:49,991
I think, sometimes, it's good
to open up about these things.

115
00:05:49,993 --> 00:05:51,157
Okay, fine.

116
00:05:51,159 --> 00:05:53,240
Do you want to know why
I dressed like The Hulk?

117
00:05:53,242 --> 00:05:54,941
Because I was always mad
at my mom

118
00:05:54,943 --> 00:05:57,340
and I wanted to smash
my way out of that house.

119
00:05:57,342 --> 00:05:59,340
Well, why were you so angry?

120
00:05:59,342 --> 00:06:01,824
Gee, I don't know.
Maybe it's because

121
00:06:01,826 --> 00:06:03,907
I was always the subject
of her little experiments.

122
00:06:03,909 --> 00:06:06,774
Did you get to the chapter where
she staged the Easter egg hunt

123
00:06:06,776 --> 00:06:09,440
with no eggs to see
how long I'd keep looking?

124
00:06:11,241 --> 00:06:13,774
The answer, by the way: June.

125
00:06:15,241 --> 00:06:17,490
Sweetie, I'm so sorry.
I wish there was something

126
00:06:17,492 --> 00:06:19,357
I could do to make you
feel better.

127
00:06:19,359 --> 00:06:21,157
I do, too, but there's not.

128
00:06:21,159 --> 00:06:23,741
Really?
Are you sure about that?

129
00:06:26,641 --> 00:06:29,607
Of course, who am I to argue
with a check-plus student?

130
00:06:30,558 --> 00:06:31,607
Mmm...

131
00:06:31,609 --> 00:06:33,074
Just warning you...
I'm gonna go right.

132
00:06:33,076 --> 00:06:34,974
Don't make a big deal
out of it.

133
00:06:43,525 --> 00:06:46,041
Is makeup really necessary?

134
00:06:46,043 --> 00:06:48,440
Well, when someone looks
at your dating profile,

135
00:06:48,442 --> 00:06:50,008
the first thing they see
is your picture.

136
00:06:50,010 --> 00:06:51,907
I just want to make
sure you look fun

137
00:06:51,909 --> 00:06:53,774
and full of life
and not like a body

138
00:06:53,776 --> 00:06:55,440
they just pulled out
of the river.

139
00:06:56,925 --> 00:07:00,307
All right,
here we go, and...

140
00:07:00,309 --> 00:07:01,490
smile.

141
00:07:06,308 --> 00:07:08,924
Okay, uh-uh,
that one's in the bank.

142
00:07:08,926 --> 00:07:10,907
How about this?

143
00:07:10,909 --> 00:07:13,440
Turn away,
and then turn back into it.

144
00:07:13,442 --> 00:07:14,941
But when you do,

145
00:07:14,943 --> 00:07:17,924
imagine the camera is the girl
you want to meet.

146
00:07:17,926 --> 00:07:19,907
You got it.

147
00:07:28,908 --> 00:07:30,123
Okay, uh,

148
00:07:30,125 --> 00:07:32,691
let's try it again.

149
00:07:32,693 --> 00:07:35,607
Uh, but this time, pretend
the girl you want to meet

150
00:07:35,609 --> 00:07:37,407
doesn't want to hurt you.

151
00:07:37,409 --> 00:07:40,958
I don't think
I can give you that.

152
00:07:40,960 --> 00:07:42,741
Come on. One more time.

153
00:07:52,108 --> 00:07:54,991
Yeah, it's,
it's a little blurry,

154
00:07:54,993 --> 00:07:57,424
but I think that works
in your favor.

155
00:07:57,426 --> 00:07:58,741
Do you want a beer?

156
00:07:58,743 --> 00:08:00,257
Sure.

157
00:08:00,259 --> 00:08:02,407
Hey, have you finished writing
your profile yet?

158
00:08:02,409 --> 00:08:03,907
Almost.

159
00:08:03,909 --> 00:08:05,023
Oh, what did you put

160
00:08:05,025 --> 00:08:07,023
as the one-word description
of yourself?

161
00:08:07,025 --> 00:08:09,640
I put: unobjectionable.

162
00:08:10,625 --> 00:08:12,190
But now that I hear it out loud,

163
00:08:12,192 --> 00:08:14,457
it just seems like
I'm being cocky.

164
00:08:14,459 --> 00:08:16,507
What did you put
for your best feature?

165
00:08:16,509 --> 00:08:18,157
My parents' money.

166
00:08:19,742 --> 00:08:22,107
Uh, what did you put
for your best feature?

167
00:08:22,109 --> 00:08:25,023
I put: not applicable.

168
00:08:25,025 --> 00:08:27,473
Come on, dude, you're being
too hard on yourself.

169
00:08:27,475 --> 00:08:29,473
You've got a lot
of good stuff going on.

170
00:08:29,475 --> 00:08:30,874
Really? Like what?

171
00:08:30,876 --> 00:08:33,507
Well, okay, you're a,
you're a talented artist,

172
00:08:33,509 --> 00:08:35,440
you own your own business.

173
00:08:35,442 --> 00:08:38,374
Neither of those things have
ever helped me meet a woman.

174
00:08:38,376 --> 00:08:42,090
Okay, well, can we imply

175
00:08:42,092 --> 00:08:44,407
that you're well-endowed?

176
00:08:44,409 --> 00:08:48,857
I do have one
oddly long testicle.

177
00:08:49,875 --> 00:08:53,140
Okay, now you're talking
like a winner!

178
00:08:56,775 --> 00:08:59,123
Whatcha doin'?

179
00:08:59,125 --> 00:09:01,807
Oh, it turns out Amy's beloved
Pride and Prejudice

180
00:09:01,809 --> 00:09:04,274
is a flawless masterpiece.

181
00:09:05,158 --> 00:09:06,607
He's got too much pride,

182
00:09:06,609 --> 00:09:09,574
she's got too much prejudice...
it just works.

183
00:09:09,576 --> 00:09:11,473
So you're looking
to ruin something for her

184
00:09:11,475 --> 00:09:12,691
in the funny pages?

185
00:09:12,693 --> 00:09:16,607
Amy has a fondness for
the comic strip Marmaduke.

186
00:09:16,609 --> 00:09:19,240
Mm-hmm. And...?

187
00:09:19,242 --> 00:09:21,824
And I think I've got it.

188
00:09:21,826 --> 00:09:24,940
a family possesses a dog
that is so large

189
00:09:24,942 --> 00:09:28,640
and poorly disciplined,
he causes nothing but problems.

190
00:09:28,642 --> 00:09:31,357
Why do they keep him?

191
00:09:31,359 --> 00:09:34,157
Maybe they fell in love with him
as a puppy

192
00:09:34,159 --> 00:09:36,240
and didn't know how big
he was gonna be.

193
00:09:36,242 --> 00:09:38,891
Of course.

194
00:09:38,893 --> 00:09:41,073
You know, why couldn't she
just like Ziggy?

195
00:09:41,075 --> 00:09:42,140
Yeah?

196
00:09:42,142 --> 00:09:44,257
That thing's riddled
with plot holes.

197
00:09:45,858 --> 00:09:47,691
Sorry, buddy.
Ooh!

198
00:09:47,693 --> 00:09:50,774
I think she's a fan
of Garfield as well.

199
00:09:51,743 --> 00:09:54,657
Oh, darn it, now so am I.

200
00:09:54,659 --> 00:09:55,973
I'll see you later.

201
00:09:55,975 --> 00:09:57,874
I gotta go watch a stupid
football game with Penny.

202
00:09:57,876 --> 00:09:59,574
Wait... hang on.

203
00:09:59,576 --> 00:10:00,857
You've spent time with Amy.

204
00:10:00,859 --> 00:10:03,574
Can you think of anything
she's fond of

205
00:10:03,576 --> 00:10:07,607
that has a bunch of flaws
she hasn't noticed?

206
00:10:11,441 --> 00:10:13,640
I gotta go.

207
00:10:17,907 --> 00:10:19,257
You ready to go?

208
00:10:19,259 --> 00:10:21,440
Yep. Hey, and maybe this time

209
00:10:21,442 --> 00:10:24,324
you don't try and talk sports
with the guys.

210
00:10:24,326 --> 00:10:26,073
Some sports bar.

211
00:10:26,075 --> 00:10:28,240
It's like they never
even heard of Quidditch.

212
00:10:29,124 --> 00:10:30,407
Do we really have to go?

213
00:10:30,409 --> 00:10:31,807
Oh, come on.
Every time we're about

214
00:10:31,809 --> 00:10:33,424
to hang out with my friends,
you don't want to.

215
00:10:33,426 --> 00:10:34,590
It's like, "It's too loud,"

216
00:10:34,592 --> 00:10:36,473
or "the bathroom's too dirty,"

217
00:10:36,475 --> 00:10:39,073
or "they put a chicken wing
in my ear..." I mean...

218
00:10:39,075 --> 00:10:40,973
Well, you're-you're right.

219
00:10:40,975 --> 00:10:41,973
Let's just go.

220
00:10:41,975 --> 00:10:43,590
Hey, what's going on with you?

221
00:10:43,592 --> 00:10:44,473
Nothing, I'm fine.

222
00:10:44,475 --> 00:10:46,023
All right, hang on.

223
00:10:46,025 --> 00:10:47,557
is this still about
your mom's book?

224
00:10:47,559 --> 00:10:50,240
No. Not everything is
about my mom.

225
00:10:50,242 --> 00:10:51,640
'Cause if you're still
upset about that,

226
00:10:51,642 --> 00:10:52,707
we don't have to go.

227
00:10:52,709 --> 00:10:54,657
Except this is
totally about my mom.

228
00:10:56,641 --> 00:10:57,856
I'm so sorry.

229
00:10:57,858 --> 00:10:59,140
I never should have
read that book.

230
00:10:59,142 --> 00:11:00,574
You know what?
You want to just get dinner

231
00:11:00,576 --> 00:11:01,490
and watch the game here?

232
00:11:01,492 --> 00:11:04,657
That sounds nice. Yeah.
Okay.

233
00:11:04,659 --> 00:11:06,607
Or, you know,
we could get take-out

234
00:11:06,609 --> 00:11:07,807
and watch the Blu-ray
extended version

235
00:11:07,809 --> 00:11:10,574
of The Hobbit movie
with commentary track.

236
00:11:13,641 --> 00:11:16,557
On account of how sad
I am about my mom.

237
00:11:25,831 --> 00:11:27,264
Leonard, you ready for lunch?

238
00:11:27,266 --> 00:11:29,431
One sec!

239
00:11:30,649 --> 00:11:31,381
Hey. Sorry.

240
00:11:33,183 --> 00:11:35,298
Hi, Penny.

241
00:11:35,300 --> 00:11:36,298
Hi.

242
00:11:36,300 --> 00:11:37,398
All right, sweetie.

243
00:11:37,400 --> 00:11:38,765
You hang in there today.

244
00:11:38,767 --> 00:11:40,598
I'll try, but I might
be sad again tonight.

245
00:11:40,600 --> 00:11:42,181
Okay.

246
00:11:44,465 --> 00:11:45,881
Wow!

247
00:11:45,883 --> 00:11:48,097
Sex at work?

248
00:11:48,099 --> 00:11:49,131
Leave it alone.

249
00:11:49,133 --> 00:11:50,164
That's my girlfriend.

250
00:11:50,166 --> 00:11:51,164
Sorry.

251
00:11:51,166 --> 00:11:53,448
Who just had sex
with me at work!

252
00:11:54,383 --> 00:11:56,231
Damn. How'd you
swing that?

253
00:11:56,233 --> 00:11:58,548
Well, whenever I
talk about how
awful my mom was,

254
00:11:58,550 --> 00:12:00,664
Penny will do anything
to make me feel better.

255
00:12:00,666 --> 00:12:02,064
Seriously?
Look, I mean...

256
00:12:02,066 --> 00:12:05,231
I'm not proud of it,
but it does work.

257
00:12:05,233 --> 00:12:06,264
I-I got her to watch

258
00:12:06,266 --> 00:12:09,515
a six-part documentary
on Monty Python.

259
00:12:10,498 --> 00:12:12,214
Even I was bored,
I just wanted to see

260
00:12:12,216 --> 00:12:13,664
if she'd make it
to the end.

261
00:12:13,666 --> 00:12:15,931
You sound kind of
proud of it.

262
00:12:15,933 --> 00:12:16,831
I am; I'm really proud.

263
00:12:16,833 --> 00:12:18,515
Yeah.

264
00:12:19,732 --> 00:12:21,314
Hello, Sheldon.

265
00:12:21,316 --> 00:12:22,314
Is everything okay?

266
00:12:22,316 --> 00:12:23,314
Yes.

267
00:12:23,316 --> 00:12:24,448
Why?

268
00:12:24,450 --> 00:12:25,665
Well, the last time you made

269
00:12:25,667 --> 00:12:26,797
an unscheduled video-chat,

270
00:12:26,799 --> 00:12:28,864
there was a curly fry
in your regular fries

271
00:12:28,866 --> 00:12:32,598
and you thought someone might be
trying to slip you a mickey.

272
00:12:33,666 --> 00:12:35,698
April 13...

273
00:12:35,700 --> 00:12:38,665
a dark night, indeed.

274
00:12:38,667 --> 00:12:40,364
So what can I do for you?

275
00:12:40,366 --> 00:12:42,464
I'm calling to invite you

276
00:12:42,466 --> 00:12:45,314
to a spontaneous date night
tomorrow evening.

277
00:12:45,316 --> 00:12:46,198
Really?

278
00:12:46,200 --> 00:12:47,497
Yes.

279
00:12:47,499 --> 00:12:48,764
You were kind enough

280
00:12:48,766 --> 00:12:50,681
to watch Raiders of
the Lost Ark with me.

281
00:12:50,683 --> 00:12:53,131
So I'd like to return the favor

282
00:12:53,133 --> 00:12:54,997
by inviting you
to watch an episode

283
00:12:54,999 --> 00:12:57,847
of your favorite childhood
television series,

284
00:12:57,849 --> 00:13:00,097
Little House on the Prairie.

285
00:13:01,831 --> 00:13:04,164
That sounds lovely.

286
00:13:04,166 --> 00:13:06,348
Why are you
rubbing your hands together?

287
00:13:08,915 --> 00:13:10,797
Um...

288
00:13:10,799 --> 00:13:11,931
I'm putting on lotion.

289
00:13:11,933 --> 00:13:13,431
Are you in or not?

290
00:13:13,433 --> 00:13:15,097
Of course I'm in.

291
00:13:15,099 --> 00:13:16,348
Excellent.

292
00:13:16,350 --> 00:13:18,264
Then I shall see you tomorrow.

293
00:13:18,266 --> 00:13:19,481
Good night, Dr. Fowler.

294
00:13:19,483 --> 00:13:21,031
Good night, Dr. Cooper.

295
00:13:21,033 --> 00:13:23,931
Good night, indeed.

296
00:13:25,299 --> 00:13:26,598
What a rube.

297
00:13:26,600 --> 00:13:29,548
Why would I put on lotion
when I have such soft hands?

298
00:13:31,831 --> 00:13:33,664
You were really
quiet during dinner.

299
00:13:33,666 --> 00:13:34,631
Is everything okay?

300
00:13:34,633 --> 00:13:35,680
Yeah.

301
00:13:35,682 --> 00:13:37,548
I guess I was just
thinking about my mom,

302
00:13:37,550 --> 00:13:39,830
and how sad
my childhood was.

303
00:13:42,748 --> 00:13:44,014
Yeah, I bet it sucked.

304
00:13:44,016 --> 00:13:45,381
I'm gonna take a bath;
you do the dishes.

305
00:13:45,383 --> 00:13:48,264
How about I take
a bath with you

306
00:13:48,266 --> 00:13:50,014
and see what happens.

307
00:13:51,015 --> 00:13:52,214
Here's what's gonna happen:

308
00:13:52,216 --> 00:13:53,264
I'm gonna take a bath,

309
00:13:53,266 --> 00:13:54,598
and you're gonna do the dishes.

310
00:13:54,600 --> 00:13:55,764
That's it?

311
00:13:55,766 --> 00:13:57,548
No compassion?

312
00:13:57,550 --> 00:13:58,764
Aw, poor Howie.

313
00:13:58,766 --> 00:13:59,914
We good?
I'm gonna take a bath.

314
00:13:59,916 --> 00:14:01,964
Bernie...

315
00:14:01,966 --> 00:14:04,131
God, what is going on with you?

316
00:14:04,133 --> 00:14:06,281
I'm sharing my pain.

317
00:14:07,265 --> 00:14:10,515
And I'm not buying it.
Try again.

318
00:14:11,865 --> 00:14:14,764
I'm learning to be
a man in a culture

319
00:14:14,766 --> 00:14:17,497
where it's increasingly
difficult to know how...?

320
00:14:17,499 --> 00:14:20,448
Strike two.

321
00:14:20,450 --> 00:14:22,515
I'm copying Leonard.

322
00:14:22,517 --> 00:14:23,663
When he does this to Penny,

323
00:14:23,665 --> 00:14:25,764
they have sex and
watch Monty Python.

324
00:14:25,766 --> 00:14:27,064
Howard!
I know.

325
00:14:27,066 --> 00:14:27,964
It was dumb,

326
00:14:27,966 --> 00:14:28,997
I shouldn't
have done it.

327
00:14:28,999 --> 00:14:31,515
And it's making
me feel sad...

328
00:14:31,517 --> 00:14:33,931
So sad.

329
00:14:35,664 --> 00:14:37,847
You know, why don't
you take a bath? I'll do the dishes.

330
00:14:41,865 --> 00:14:45,331
Three, two,
one...

331
00:14:45,333 --> 00:14:46,515
That's it.

332
00:14:46,517 --> 00:14:49,281
Our dating profiles are
live on the Internet.

333
00:14:49,283 --> 00:14:51,164
Attention all shoppers:

334
00:14:51,166 --> 00:14:54,847
my business is open
for business!

335
00:14:54,849 --> 00:14:57,515
That's right, ladies.

336
00:14:57,517 --> 00:14:59,164
For all you know,

337
00:14:59,166 --> 00:15:01,448
I'm confident
and fun to be around.

338
00:15:04,599 --> 00:15:06,264
Oh, cool, it tells you

339
00:15:06,266 --> 00:15:07,914
when someone's reading
your profile.

340
00:15:07,916 --> 00:15:10,181
"Jenny309."

341
00:15:11,465 --> 00:15:13,764
I hope that's not her weight.

342
00:15:13,766 --> 00:15:16,181
If it is, I'll...
I'll take her.

343
00:15:17,349 --> 00:15:19,414
Good one.

344
00:15:20,766 --> 00:15:23,214
Ooh, I got one, too.

345
00:15:23,216 --> 00:15:25,481
The ladies are
coming to us.

346
00:15:27,015 --> 00:15:29,264
Oh, man, if I'd started
this years ago,

347
00:15:29,266 --> 00:15:31,830
I'd be divorced two
or three times by now.

348
00:15:33,466 --> 00:15:35,331
What...? Another one.

349
00:15:35,333 --> 00:15:37,331
You know,
it... it's weird.

350
00:15:37,333 --> 00:15:38,847
When they're reading
your profile, does it...

351
00:15:38,849 --> 00:15:40,515
does it make you
feel exposed?

352
00:15:40,517 --> 00:15:42,680
Like they see you naked?

353
00:15:43,865 --> 00:15:46,997
Well, they're not running
away screaming, so, no.

354
00:15:49,482 --> 00:15:51,097
I love Little House.

355
00:15:51,099 --> 00:15:53,481
It made me want to
live on a farm so much

356
00:15:53,483 --> 00:15:55,214
I tried to milk my cat.

357
00:15:58,664 --> 00:15:59,981
That tangy bowl of Cheerios

358
00:15:59,983 --> 00:16:01,431
was not worth the stitches.

359
00:16:03,465 --> 00:16:05,714
Well, you sit back, relax

360
00:16:05,716 --> 00:16:09,097
and enjoy a beloved
childhood memory.

361
00:16:12,233 --> 00:16:15,514
You see that cabin there?

362
00:16:15,516 --> 00:16:18,797
I read they were illegally
squatting on Indian land.

363
00:16:18,799 --> 00:16:20,764
Yeah.

364
00:16:20,766 --> 00:16:23,047
Personally,
I think what we did

365
00:16:23,049 --> 00:16:25,431
to the Native
Americans was wrong,

366
00:16:25,433 --> 00:16:27,931
but this is your
favorite show, not mine.

367
00:16:27,933 --> 00:16:31,081
Oh, look at little
Laura Ingalls,

368
00:16:31,083 --> 00:16:33,614
eating that
peanut butter sandwich.

369
00:16:33,616 --> 00:16:35,164
Peanut butter?

370
00:16:35,166 --> 00:16:37,881
Huh!

371
00:16:37,883 --> 00:16:40,164
That's strange,
since peanut butter

372
00:16:40,166 --> 00:16:43,164
wasn't introduced
until the early 1900s.

373
00:16:45,515 --> 00:16:47,680
If I knew this show
was about time travel,

374
00:16:47,682 --> 00:16:50,630
I would have watched it
much sooner.

375
00:16:53,215 --> 00:16:54,381
You're trying to get back at me

376
00:16:54,383 --> 00:16:56,530
for what I said about
Raiders of the Lost Ark.

377
00:16:56,532 --> 00:16:58,097
That's silly.

378
00:16:58,099 --> 00:17:01,047
Almost as silly as Dr. Baker
having a telephone,

379
00:17:01,049 --> 00:17:02,431
since telephones
only existed

380
00:17:02,433 --> 00:17:04,164
in large cities
at that time.

381
00:17:04,166 --> 00:17:06,964
This is more like
Little House on the Preposterous.

382
00:17:08,748 --> 00:17:11,496
Sheldon, we're
in a relationship.

383
00:17:11,498 --> 00:17:13,714
When you get angry,
just tell me.

384
00:17:13,716 --> 00:17:15,864
You don't need to seek revenge.

385
00:17:15,866 --> 00:17:18,564
Are you sure?

386
00:17:19,448 --> 00:17:21,181
Every time my dad
stayed out all night,

387
00:17:21,183 --> 00:17:24,797
my mom would put hamster poop
in his chewing tobacco.

388
00:17:26,497 --> 00:17:28,231
Well, that's not how
we're going to do it.

389
00:17:28,233 --> 00:17:30,431
Fine.

390
00:17:30,433 --> 00:17:31,714
I'm mad at you.

391
00:17:31,716 --> 00:17:34,264
Not only did you ruin
Raiders for me,

392
00:17:34,266 --> 00:17:36,181
you may have ruined
the whole franchise.

393
00:17:36,183 --> 00:17:38,214
Except for the fourth one,

394
00:17:38,216 --> 00:17:40,547
which was bad before
you got your mitts on it.

395
00:17:42,098 --> 00:17:43,381
I-I shouldn't have said it.

396
00:17:43,383 --> 00:17:44,398
I'm sorry.

397
00:17:44,400 --> 00:17:46,331
Thank you.

398
00:17:46,333 --> 00:17:47,697
Do you feel better?

399
00:17:47,699 --> 00:17:49,264
Yes.

400
00:17:49,266 --> 00:17:51,797
But not as good as
I'm going to when I tell you

401
00:17:51,799 --> 00:17:54,214
that your precious Garfield
has no reason to hate Mondays.

402
00:17:55,165 --> 00:17:57,663
He's a cat.
He doesn't have a job.

403
00:18:02,232 --> 00:18:05,881
Hey, I was just...
what is happening?

404
00:18:06,998 --> 00:18:08,714
Oh, just a little treat.

405
00:18:08,716 --> 00:18:10,463
I know you've been
feeling really bad

406
00:18:10,465 --> 00:18:11,914
about your mom lately.

407
00:18:11,916 --> 00:18:13,797
Oh, oh, I have.

408
00:18:13,799 --> 00:18:15,331
So bad.

409
00:18:15,333 --> 00:18:17,298
And I wanted
to make you feel better,

410
00:18:17,300 --> 00:18:19,514
so I planned something
very special for you.

411
00:18:19,516 --> 00:18:20,530
Uh-huh, uh-huh.

412
00:18:20,532 --> 00:18:23,463
I can already feel it working.

413
00:18:24,664 --> 00:18:27,031
Hello, Leonard.

414
00:18:28,631 --> 00:18:30,747
Mom?

415
00:18:30,749 --> 00:18:34,281
I understand you have been
whining about my parenting

416
00:18:34,283 --> 00:18:36,881
in order to emotionally
manipulate your girlfriend.

417
00:18:36,883 --> 00:18:38,730
I... uh...

418
00:18:38,732 --> 00:18:40,047
Bernadette told me
everything.

419
00:18:40,049 --> 00:18:42,181
Now you don't get
the left or the right.

420
00:18:44,598 --> 00:18:45,947
Let's discuss

421
00:18:45,949 --> 00:18:47,997
why you continue to involve me

422
00:18:47,999 --> 00:18:49,397
in your sex life.

423
00:18:49,399 --> 00:18:50,597
Oh, please, Mommy.

424
00:18:50,599 --> 00:18:53,181
No, Mommy.

425
00:18:53,183 --> 00:18:54,413
When you were six years old,

426
00:18:54,415 --> 00:18:57,447
you walked in on me
and your father naked.

427
00:18:58,681 --> 00:19:00,081
I was swatting his bottom

428
00:19:00,083 --> 00:19:03,380
with your brand
new Ping Pong paddle.

429
00:19:05,815 --> 00:19:09,380
I didn't dream that?

430
00:19:09,382 --> 00:19:12,214
How did that make you feel?

431
00:19:12,216 --> 00:19:13,881
Penny, come back!

432
00:19:13,883 --> 00:19:16,514
I'm sad for real now!

433
00:19:17,715 --> 00:19:19,380
In the last two hours,

434
00:19:19,382 --> 00:19:21,997
162 women have
read our profiles.

435
00:19:21,999 --> 00:19:23,714
How many of them have
sent us messages?

436
00:19:23,716 --> 00:19:25,181
Combined?
Yes.

437
00:19:25,183 --> 00:19:27,380
Zero.

438
00:19:29,497 --> 00:19:31,298
Dude, this is...
this is brutal.

439
00:19:31,300 --> 00:19:34,463
I don't think I've
ever felt so rejected.

440
00:19:34,465 --> 00:19:36,164
And I had a rescue dog

441
00:19:36,166 --> 00:19:38,714
who ran back
to the pound.

442
00:19:41,299 --> 00:19:42,496
This is the worst.

443
00:19:42,498 --> 00:19:43,496
If we're gonna get shot down,

444
00:19:43,498 --> 00:19:44,947
we might as well just
go to a bar

445
00:19:44,949 --> 00:19:46,064
and do it old school.

446
00:19:46,066 --> 00:19:48,313
And make them
look us in the eye.

447
00:19:48,315 --> 00:19:49,931
Yeah, anything is
better than this.

448
00:19:49,933 --> 00:19:51,480
Hello.

449
00:19:51,482 --> 00:19:52,830
Not interested.

450
00:19:55,381 --> 00:19:57,630
I was wrong.
This is worse.

451
00:20:10,588 --> 00:20:12,887
Wait, wait... if it wasn't
for Indiana Jones,

452
00:20:12,889 --> 00:20:14,970
the ark would never have
ended up at the warehouse!

453
00:20:14,972 --> 00:20:16,887
That's true!

454
00:20:16,889 --> 00:20:19,004
He collected and
delivered the ark

455
00:20:19,006 --> 00:20:21,054
to the proper
authorities for filing.

456
00:20:21,056 --> 00:20:21,787
Like a hero!

457
00:20:21,789 --> 00:20:24,137
Yeah!
Yes! Right!

458
00:20:25,755 --> 00:20:26,920
Although, technically,

459
00:20:26,922 --> 00:20:28,503
Indy was supposed
to take the ark

460
00:20:28,505 --> 00:20:29,754
to a museum to be studied.

461
00:20:29,756 --> 00:20:31,420
He couldn't even get that done.

462
00:20:33,160 --> 00:20:35,290
Aw...

463
00:20:35,292 --> 00:20:40,287
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man