1
00:00:02,109 --> 00:00:03,174
You've had this dart board
since I've known you,

2
00:00:03,176 --> 00:00:04,591
but I've never seen you play.

3
00:00:04,593 --> 00:00:06,541
Oh, uh, we played... once.

4
00:00:06,543 --> 00:00:09,007
I broke a window.

5
00:00:09,009 --> 00:00:10,207
What window?

6
00:00:10,209 --> 00:00:12,123
That one over there.

7
00:00:13,124 --> 00:00:15,507
Leonard, where are
the Skee-Ball tickets?

8
00:00:15,509 --> 00:00:16,806
Skee-Ball tickets?

9
00:00:16,808 --> 00:00:18,957
Yeah, from when we went
to the arcade three years ago?

10
00:00:18,959 --> 00:00:21,290
I finally decided
what prize I want.

11
00:00:22,458 --> 00:00:24,424
Hurry up.

12
00:00:24,426 --> 00:00:27,040
Uh, if I still have them,

13
00:00:27,042 --> 00:00:29,123
they're probably
in the junk box.

14
00:00:29,125 --> 00:00:30,424
Ooh, what are you gonna get?

15
00:00:30,426 --> 00:00:31,591
None of your business.

16
00:00:31,593 --> 00:00:34,040
But when you see me
wearing a flower

17
00:00:34,042 --> 00:00:35,257
in my lapel later,

18
00:00:35,259 --> 00:00:37,591
you are most welcome
to sniff it.

19
00:00:38,208 --> 00:00:40,707
Yup, oh... here you go.

20
00:00:40,709 --> 00:00:42,040
Oh, thank you.

21
00:00:42,042 --> 00:00:45,040
Here, get yourself an eraser
for your troubles.

22
00:00:45,042 --> 00:00:47,090
Oh.

23
00:00:47,092 --> 00:00:48,507
Oh-ho.

24
00:00:48,509 --> 00:00:49,674
I forgot about this.

25
00:00:49,676 --> 00:00:53,040
My aunt made it for me
when I started college.

26
00:00:55,757 --> 00:00:58,507
Aw, did she hate you?

27
00:00:58,509 --> 00:01:01,374
Why? Because I got an
ugly, itchy sweater,

28
00:01:01,376 --> 00:01:04,457
and my brother got a car?
No, I was her favorite.

29
00:01:05,324 --> 00:01:06,706
Yeah, I seem to be
a few tickets short.

30
00:01:06,708 --> 00:01:08,207
Are there more in the box?

31
00:01:08,209 --> 00:01:09,823
Hmm, I think I got them all.

32
00:01:09,825 --> 00:01:12,257
Nope, they're not in there.

33
00:01:12,259 --> 00:01:14,323
Well, you barely looked.
Let me see.

34
00:01:14,325 --> 00:01:15,990
No, no, no, I-I looked, and...

35
00:01:15,992 --> 00:01:18,140
No more tickets.

36
00:01:18,142 --> 00:01:19,340
Leonard, let me
look in the box.

37
00:01:19,342 --> 00:01:21,424
Okay, okay!

38
00:01:21,426 --> 00:01:22,823
I'm gonna show you
what's in the box.

39
00:01:22,825 --> 00:01:25,624
but just...
promise not to flip out.

40
00:01:25,626 --> 00:01:27,340
Why would I flip out?

41
00:01:27,342 --> 00:01:28,624
Is it a spider?

42
00:01:28,626 --> 00:01:31,040
It's a spider!

43
00:01:32,124 --> 00:01:33,690
No, if it was a spider,

44
00:01:33,692 --> 00:01:36,207
Lenny would've flipped out.

45
00:01:36,209 --> 00:01:37,290
Okay, Sheldon,

46
00:01:37,292 --> 00:01:38,673
I know I was supposed to return

47
00:01:38,675 --> 00:01:40,323
this DVD a long time ago,

48
00:01:40,325 --> 00:01:41,374
and I know we rented it

49
00:01:41,376 --> 00:01:42,490
on your card.

50
00:01:42,492 --> 00:01:44,457
But it's been, like, seven years

51
00:01:44,459 --> 00:01:45,591
and clearly nothing
bad has happened.

52
00:01:45,593 --> 00:01:47,923
So in-in-in-instead of being

53
00:01:47,925 --> 00:01:50,624
a giant pain in the ass
like you always are,

54
00:01:50,626 --> 00:01:51,673
what if

55
00:01:51,675 --> 00:01:55,040
this one time
you just tried staying calm?

56
00:01:59,657 --> 00:02:02,591
That seems
like a reasonable request.

57
00:02:04,175 --> 00:02:05,323
Although so did,
"Hey, Leonard, would you mind

58
00:02:05,325 --> 00:02:07,457
returning that DVD?"

59
00:02:08,657 --> 00:02:11,174
I'm sorry.
I'll-Ill take care of it.

60
00:02:11,176 --> 00:02:13,673
Okay.

61
00:02:13,675 --> 00:02:15,706
I mean it, I'm going to.

62
00:02:16,841 --> 00:02:19,424
I believe you.

63
00:02:19,426 --> 00:02:22,706
And you're going to stay calm?

64
00:02:22,708 --> 00:02:25,040
I said I would.

65
00:02:28,874 --> 00:02:31,290
How about that?

66
00:02:32,308 --> 00:02:35,374
Sheldon's being reasonable.

67
00:02:35,376 --> 00:02:36,424
Yeah, it's freaking me out.

68
00:02:36,426 --> 00:02:37,706
I'm gonna go.

69
00:03:03,483 --> 00:03:08,478
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man

70
00:03:08,485 --> 00:03:11,267
So... when you say

71
00:03:11,269 --> 00:03:13,284
you're not going to freak
out about the DVD,

72
00:03:13,286 --> 00:03:16,883
here's what that means.

73
00:03:16,885 --> 00:03:18,183
Don't fixate on it.

74
00:03:18,185 --> 00:03:20,300
Don't wake me up
in the middle of the night.

75
00:03:20,302 --> 00:03:22,167
Or nag me through the door

76
00:03:22,169 --> 00:03:24,534
while I'm on the toilet.

77
00:03:24,536 --> 00:03:27,200
Okay, first, talking to you
while you're on the toilet

78
00:03:27,202 --> 00:03:30,200
isn't exactly a picnic
for me either, okay?

79
00:03:30,202 --> 00:03:31,433
Remember...

80
00:03:31,435 --> 00:03:34,067
when you can hear me,
I can hear you.

81
00:03:34,069 --> 00:03:36,400
And second...

82
00:03:36,402 --> 00:03:37,766
you completely disregard

83
00:03:37,768 --> 00:03:41,150
how uncomfortable
unresolved issues are for me.

84
00:03:41,152 --> 00:03:42,150
It's-it's like, a...

85
00:03:42,152 --> 00:03:44,700
an itch in my brain
I can't scratch.

86
00:03:44,702 --> 00:03:46,484
When I broke my arm I used

87
00:03:46,486 --> 00:03:49,284
to stick
a coat hanger down there.

88
00:03:50,318 --> 00:03:54,234
You ever try that?
Maybe go in through the ear?

89
00:03:54,236 --> 00:03:56,816
You wouldn't make jokes if you
could feel the way I feel.

90
00:03:56,818 --> 00:03:59,200
Well, I don't know
how to do that.

91
00:04:00,518 --> 00:04:02,317
How about this?

92
00:04:02,319 --> 00:04:05,150
I promise I won't pester you
about the DVD.

93
00:04:05,152 --> 00:04:08,284
You can defecate in peace.

94
00:04:08,286 --> 00:04:09,933
That's a win for both of us.

95
00:04:09,935 --> 00:04:11,367
But...

96
00:04:11,369 --> 00:04:13,850
until this matter is resolved,

97
00:04:13,852 --> 00:04:15,400
I would like you

98
00:04:15,402 --> 00:04:18,566
to wear this sweater.

99
00:04:19,784 --> 00:04:23,217
With nothing underneath it.

100
00:04:23,219 --> 00:04:24,533
That's stupid.

101
00:04:24,535 --> 00:04:25,700
Why?

102
00:04:25,702 --> 00:04:27,866
You say it's itchy
and uncomfortable.

103
00:04:27,868 --> 00:04:31,700
I say situations like this
make me feel the same way.

104
00:04:31,702 --> 00:04:34,484
I'm telling you, try the hanger.

105
00:04:34,486 --> 00:04:36,599
Put it on.

106
00:04:36,601 --> 00:04:38,950
Let's share the experience.

107
00:04:40,034 --> 00:04:42,117
You got it.

108
00:04:42,119 --> 00:04:43,599
If this sweater
shuts you up,

109
00:04:43,601 --> 00:04:44,900
I'm gonna make a fortune

110
00:04:44,902 --> 00:04:46,983
selling them
to everyone we know.

111
00:04:47,867 --> 00:04:48,983
Now...

112
00:04:48,985 --> 00:04:50,267
all I need to do

113
00:04:50,269 --> 00:04:51,950
is head down to the video store

114
00:04:51,952 --> 00:04:54,983
and return the DVD.

115
00:04:58,534 --> 00:05:01,150
Oh, did I forget to tell you?

116
00:05:01,152 --> 00:05:04,866
That store went
out of business years ago.

117
00:05:06,817 --> 00:05:10,033
Really?

118
00:05:10,834 --> 00:05:12,716
How those nipples feeling,
chief?

119
00:05:15,851 --> 00:05:18,433
Penny, can we please
get our drinks?

120
00:05:18,435 --> 00:05:19,783
Yeah, hang on, just give me sec.

121
00:05:19,785 --> 00:05:23,150
At work today, I did an
in vivo stereotaxic surgery.

122
00:05:23,152 --> 00:05:24,367
Cool. At my lab,

123
00:05:24,369 --> 00:05:27,234
I performed ten laser
capture micro-dissections.

124
00:05:27,236 --> 00:05:30,533
I scraped gum off the
bottom of that table.

125
00:05:30,535 --> 00:05:33,599
Only 'cause my manager
saw me put it there.

126
00:05:33,601 --> 00:05:35,432
Oh, my gosh.

127
00:05:35,434 --> 00:05:37,533
That's the girl that
broke Rajesh's heart.

128
00:05:37,535 --> 00:05:38,866
That's Lucy?

129
00:05:38,868 --> 00:05:41,766
I don't know why but I always
pictured her as Indian.

130
00:05:41,768 --> 00:05:43,566
I think that reason's
called racism.

131
00:05:43,568 --> 00:05:46,400
I'm gonna go talk to her.

132
00:05:46,402 --> 00:05:48,200
Why? What are you gonna say?

133
00:05:48,202 --> 00:05:49,367
I'm not gonna
say anything.

134
00:05:49,369 --> 00:05:50,650
I just want
to check her out.

135
00:05:50,652 --> 00:05:51,733
Because she hurt my friend.

136
00:05:51,735 --> 00:05:54,317
My Indian friend.

137
00:05:54,319 --> 00:05:55,866
Who's racist now?

138
00:05:55,868 --> 00:05:57,816
You because you just called him

139
00:05:57,818 --> 00:06:00,933
your "Indian friend."

140
00:06:00,935 --> 00:06:03,533
Yeah, well, you're short.

141
00:06:05,834 --> 00:06:07,566
We're never getting
our drinks.

142
00:06:07,568 --> 00:06:10,566
No, but we knew that.

143
00:06:10,568 --> 00:06:12,866
Hey, can I start you off
with something to drink?

144
00:06:12,868 --> 00:06:14,267
Oh, water would be great.

145
00:06:14,269 --> 00:06:15,284
Okay.

146
00:06:15,286 --> 00:06:17,566
Um, you're Lucy, right?

147
00:06:17,568 --> 00:06:19,267
I'm a friend
of Raj Koothrappali's.

148
00:06:19,269 --> 00:06:20,983
Actually Amy recognized you.

149
00:06:27,235 --> 00:06:29,284
Wow.

150
00:06:29,286 --> 00:06:30,783
How's he doing?

151
00:06:30,785 --> 00:06:32,234
Oh, you know, he's good.

152
00:06:32,236 --> 00:06:33,399
Great.

153
00:06:33,401 --> 00:06:35,449
Yeah, this is none
of my business.

154
00:06:35,451 --> 00:06:38,816
But why did you break up
with him in an e-mail?

155
00:06:38,818 --> 00:06:40,432
Oh, I don't know.

156
00:06:40,434 --> 00:06:43,200
I guess I thought
it would be easier.

157
00:06:43,202 --> 00:06:44,900
Yeah, I get that.

158
00:06:44,902 --> 00:06:46,366
I'll go get you your water.

159
00:06:48,651 --> 00:06:51,700
When you say "easier,"

160
00:06:51,702 --> 00:06:53,366
you mean easier for you, right?

161
00:06:53,368 --> 00:06:55,616
'Cause it certainly didn't
make it easier for him.

162
00:06:55,618 --> 00:06:57,366
Any chance I can get

163
00:06:57,368 --> 00:06:59,900
a different waitress?

164
00:06:59,902 --> 00:07:00,983
I-I'm sorry, this is rude of me.

165
00:07:00,985 --> 00:07:02,200
I will go get that water.

166
00:07:03,767 --> 00:07:06,033
See, see, see, see.

167
00:07:06,035 --> 00:07:08,383
Just now you expressed
your feelings to my face.

168
00:07:08,385 --> 00:07:10,234
How come you could do that
with me, but not Raj?

169
00:07:10,236 --> 00:07:12,783
I don't know your e-mail.

170
00:07:14,084 --> 00:07:15,200
You know what the worst part is?

171
00:07:15,202 --> 00:07:16,533
You're sitting here,
perfectly happy

172
00:07:16,535 --> 00:07:18,483
and he's at home,
a blubbering mess.

173
00:07:18,485 --> 00:07:20,067
Oh, I thought you said
he was okay.

174
00:07:20,069 --> 00:07:21,284
Well, I also said
I was getting you water,

175
00:07:21,286 --> 00:07:23,200
but look at me
still standing here.

176
00:07:24,984 --> 00:07:26,067
You know, I may be
a bad waitress,

177
00:07:26,069 --> 00:07:27,766
but you are a bad person.

178
00:07:27,768 --> 00:07:31,234
Now, you want
to hear the specials?

179
00:07:49,367 --> 00:07:52,483
So, you can never take it off?

180
00:07:52,485 --> 00:07:54,200
No.

181
00:07:54,202 --> 00:07:55,483
Not even to sleep?

182
00:07:55,485 --> 00:07:56,866
No.

183
00:07:56,868 --> 00:07:58,900
So, you're just an idiot?

184
00:07:58,902 --> 00:08:02,100
It's called proving a point.

185
00:08:02,102 --> 00:08:04,299
Is the point you're an idiot?

186
00:08:05,235 --> 00:08:06,900
Gentlemen, please.

187
00:08:06,902 --> 00:08:10,766
Leonard is trying to walk a mile
in my metaphorical shoes.

188
00:08:10,768 --> 00:08:12,900
He can't walk
in my actual shoes.

189
00:08:12,902 --> 00:08:15,117
He has the feet of a toddler.

190
00:08:16,901 --> 00:08:18,766
So, how are you gonna
return the DVD

191
00:08:18,768 --> 00:08:20,100
if the store went
out of business?

192
00:08:20,102 --> 00:08:22,217
Monday morning I'll go downtown

193
00:08:22,219 --> 00:08:24,449
look up the owner's information.

194
00:08:24,451 --> 00:08:28,283
And send him the DVD.

195
00:08:29,267 --> 00:08:31,700
Pay the late fee.

196
00:08:31,702 --> 00:08:33,499
And prove to Sheldon

197
00:08:33,501 --> 00:08:34,733
that you can have
a problem and solve it...

198
00:08:36,618 --> 00:08:39,266
without acting
like a complete lunatic.

199
00:08:39,268 --> 00:08:41,549
Ah!

200
00:08:41,551 --> 00:08:44,234
And the man impersonating
a bear would like everyone

201
00:08:44,236 --> 00:08:47,483
to know that "Only you can
prevent forest fires."

202
00:08:49,433 --> 00:08:51,283
I don't get it.

203
00:08:51,285 --> 00:08:53,150
You didn't have
Smokey the Bear in India?

204
00:08:53,152 --> 00:08:56,566
No. Oh, is he anything
like, uh, Mun-Mun the Mongoose?

205
00:08:57,867 --> 00:09:00,816
He taught us not
to play with cobras.

206
00:09:00,818 --> 00:09:04,650
You had to be taught
not to play with cobras?

207
00:09:05,550 --> 00:09:06,816
You had to be taught

208
00:09:06,818 --> 00:09:08,983
not to burn down the forest?

209
00:09:18,234 --> 00:09:19,766
Hey, if you guys were hungry,
why didn't you order

210
00:09:19,768 --> 00:09:21,117
something at the restaurant?

211
00:09:21,119 --> 00:09:23,150
We did, you never brought it.

212
00:09:24,567 --> 00:09:26,766
Oh, that's right.

213
00:09:26,768 --> 00:09:28,816
Nachos and a turkey club.

214
00:09:28,818 --> 00:09:31,432
Not even close.

215
00:09:31,434 --> 00:09:33,199
Well, I was too busy standing up

216
00:09:33,201 --> 00:09:35,900
for my friend to worry
about your...

217
00:09:35,902 --> 00:09:37,100
I want to say

218
00:09:37,102 --> 00:09:38,316
salmon.

219
00:09:38,318 --> 00:09:40,983
You want to say sorry.

220
00:09:45,068 --> 00:09:48,366
So, how are you gonna
tell Raj abut what you did?

221
00:09:48,368 --> 00:09:50,067
What do you mean "how"?
What's the big deal?

222
00:09:50,069 --> 00:09:52,150
You told Lucy
he was a pathetic mess.

223
00:09:52,152 --> 00:09:54,366
Then you made her cry and leave.

224
00:09:54,368 --> 00:09:56,199
Okay, you guys are overreacting.

225
00:09:56,201 --> 00:09:58,650
Raj is gonna appreciate
how I had his back.

226
00:09:58,652 --> 00:10:01,150
What is wrong
with you, Penny?

227
00:10:01,152 --> 00:10:02,816
You ruined
any chance I had

228
00:10:02,818 --> 00:10:04,399
of getting back
with Lucy!

229
00:10:04,401 --> 00:10:06,616
Now she knows
I'm a desperate mess

230
00:10:06,618 --> 00:10:09,117
instead of just
being pretty sure!

231
00:10:11,217 --> 00:10:12,766
It's Lucy.

232
00:10:12,768 --> 00:10:14,650
She wants to meet
for coffee.

233
00:10:14,652 --> 00:10:16,866
I love you, Penny!

234
00:10:21,834 --> 00:10:23,700
Hey, what're you working on?

235
00:10:23,702 --> 00:10:25,900
I'm thinking about

236
00:10:25,902 --> 00:10:27,700
how one could use the fact

237
00:10:27,702 --> 00:10:29,483
that a rapidly
rotating mirror

238
00:10:29,485 --> 00:10:31,700
turns virtual photons
into real ones

239
00:10:31,702 --> 00:10:34,700
as a method of
observing dark energy.

240
00:10:34,702 --> 00:10:36,366
That's a pretty cool idea.

241
00:10:36,368 --> 00:10:38,399
Yeah.
It's great you're here.

242
00:10:38,401 --> 00:10:40,017
I'd love to get
an engineer's opinion.

243
00:10:40,019 --> 00:10:41,283
Sure.

244
00:10:41,285 --> 00:10:43,783
This chair is squeaky.

245
00:10:46,450 --> 00:10:49,733
Now, do I fix it
or get a new one?

246
00:10:51,001 --> 00:10:53,549
Well, Sheldon,
it took me all morning,

247
00:10:53,551 --> 00:10:55,983
but I found the owner
of the video store.

248
00:10:55,985 --> 00:10:58,766
And I am happy to report that
he died peacefully in his sleep,

249
00:10:58,768 --> 00:11:00,900
drunk at the bottom of a pool.

250
00:11:02,701 --> 00:11:05,149
Anyway, there is no one
to return the DVD to,

251
00:11:05,151 --> 00:11:08,900
so this issue is resolved.

252
00:11:08,902 --> 00:11:11,149
Ah...

253
00:11:12,100 --> 00:11:13,950
And I'd just like
to point out that

254
00:11:13,952 --> 00:11:15,449
even though the sweater
was uncomfortable,

255
00:11:15,451 --> 00:11:16,950
I didn't use it as an excuse

256
00:11:16,952 --> 00:11:19,566
to antagonize
everyone around me.

257
00:11:19,568 --> 00:11:21,399
You know,
you could reimburse

258
00:11:21,401 --> 00:11:22,983
the video store owner's
next of kin.

259
00:11:22,985 --> 00:11:25,650
Or it's resolved!

260
00:11:27,400 --> 00:11:29,733
Hey, that next of kin thing
sounds pretty good.

261
00:11:31,100 --> 00:11:33,099
I believe
this is yours.

262
00:11:42,182 --> 00:11:44,398
Can I ask you guys
a question?

263
00:11:44,400 --> 00:11:46,348
So, I'm seeing Lucy
tomorrow night,

264
00:11:46,350 --> 00:11:48,147
and I've never hung out with
someone who broke up with me.

265
00:11:48,149 --> 00:11:49,431
How do you do it?

266
00:11:49,433 --> 00:11:50,915
You can't let her
know you're hurting.

267
00:11:50,917 --> 00:11:52,414
You know, the key
is confidence.

268
00:11:52,416 --> 00:11:54,848
Why is the key
always confidence?

269
00:11:54,850 --> 00:11:58,431
How come it's never
love handles and flop sweat?

270
00:12:00,465 --> 00:12:01,848
If this girl hurt you so much,

271
00:12:01,850 --> 00:12:03,314
are you sure you want
to see her again?

272
00:12:03,316 --> 00:12:04,681
Well, if I may...

273
00:12:04,683 --> 00:12:06,231
he has so little
self-respect

274
00:12:06,233 --> 00:12:08,815
and is so desperate

275
00:12:08,817 --> 00:12:10,681
she could literally sleep
with his own father

276
00:12:10,683 --> 00:12:12,765
in his own bed
and post the video to YouTube,

277
00:12:12,767 --> 00:12:14,064
and he'd still
buy her flowers

278
00:12:14,066 --> 00:12:16,181
and ask her
to be his bride.

279
00:12:19,098 --> 00:12:20,481
He's right.

280
00:12:23,016 --> 00:12:24,982
But in my defense,
if we could survive that,

281
00:12:24,984 --> 00:12:27,064
we could survive anything.

282
00:12:28,732 --> 00:12:30,097
Well, if you're sure
you want to do this,

283
00:12:30,099 --> 00:12:30,982
it's only coffee...

284
00:12:30,984 --> 00:12:33,181
just relax
and see what happens.

285
00:12:33,183 --> 00:12:35,264
Well, can I say
she looks nice?

286
00:12:35,266 --> 00:12:36,097
Sure.

287
00:12:36,099 --> 00:12:37,731
Can I tell her I miss her?

288
00:12:37,733 --> 00:12:39,648
Maybe, if she asks.

289
00:12:39,650 --> 00:12:41,481
Oh, can I show her
an oil painting I made

290
00:12:41,483 --> 00:12:44,348
of us surrounded by our
children and grandchildren?

291
00:12:45,465 --> 00:12:48,264
I'd save that
for the second date.

292
00:12:49,198 --> 00:12:50,514
Good, good.

293
00:12:50,516 --> 00:12:52,130
'Cause no matter how hard I try,

294
00:12:52,132 --> 00:12:54,815
I cannot get the twins
to look alike.

295
00:13:00,232 --> 00:13:02,181
What are you doing?

296
00:13:02,183 --> 00:13:05,064
Oh, I'm just trying to find
the stupid next of kin

297
00:13:05,066 --> 00:13:07,131
to this stupid video store owner

298
00:13:07,133 --> 00:13:08,831
so I can return the DVD

299
00:13:08,833 --> 00:13:11,398
and see the look
on Sheldon's stupid face

300
00:13:11,400 --> 00:13:13,431
when he sees that
I didn't let this get to me.

301
00:13:16,015 --> 00:13:17,064
Sheldon's not here.

302
00:13:17,066 --> 00:13:18,348
Why don't you take
the sweater off?

303
00:13:18,350 --> 00:13:20,130
Th-Th-There's a principle
at stake!

304
00:13:20,132 --> 00:13:21,598
Which is?
Oh, I don't know.

305
00:13:21,600 --> 00:13:23,898
Who cares? Look at me!

306
00:13:23,900 --> 00:13:25,431
Oh, my God!

307
00:13:25,433 --> 00:13:27,181
Is that sweater made of bees?

308
00:13:28,148 --> 00:13:30,147
Come on, take it off.
I won't tell.

309
00:13:30,149 --> 00:13:32,431
No, no, honey,
if I take it off, Sheldon wins.

310
00:13:32,433 --> 00:13:33,648
Sweetie...

311
00:13:33,650 --> 00:13:35,648
every night you don't
kill him in his sleep,

312
00:13:35,650 --> 00:13:37,564
he wins.

313
00:13:38,565 --> 00:13:40,648
Nah, I-it's... it's almost done.

314
00:13:40,650 --> 00:13:42,214
I just, I have to find...

315
00:13:42,216 --> 00:13:44,348
the next of kin,
and send 'em the DVD

316
00:13:44,350 --> 00:13:46,514
and then just wait for someone
with my complexion to die

317
00:13:46,516 --> 00:13:49,431
so I can get a skin graft.

318
00:13:49,433 --> 00:13:50,815
Smile.

319
00:13:50,817 --> 00:13:52,064
What-what is that?

320
00:13:52,066 --> 00:13:53,081
What is that for?

321
00:13:53,083 --> 00:13:54,598
So you can send it to Princeton

322
00:13:54,600 --> 00:13:56,348
and get your money back.

323
00:13:59,682 --> 00:14:01,648
must say, Sheldon,

324
00:14:01,650 --> 00:14:03,381
you're handling
this DVD business

325
00:14:03,383 --> 00:14:05,047
with an impressive
amount of maturity.

326
00:14:05,049 --> 00:14:07,548
I don't know why
that surprises you.

327
00:14:07,550 --> 00:14:08,581
I'm a grown man.

328
00:14:08,583 --> 00:14:10,947
As should be evident
by this sport coat

329
00:14:10,949 --> 00:14:14,581
and very real flower
in my lapel.

330
00:14:14,583 --> 00:14:17,931
Is there some kind of new coping
mechanism you're employing?

331
00:14:17,933 --> 00:14:21,231
The more interesting question
you should be asking is,

332
00:14:21,233 --> 00:14:24,181
"What does this
flower smell like?"

333
00:14:25,432 --> 00:14:27,081
I'm gonna go with sad.

334
00:14:28,015 --> 00:14:29,498
So what's the story

335
00:14:29,500 --> 00:14:30,931
with you and this DVD?

336
00:14:30,933 --> 00:14:32,464
There's nothing to tell.

337
00:14:32,466 --> 00:14:34,464
Maybe I purchased
a book entitled,

338
00:14:34,466 --> 00:14:36,064
Don't Sweat
the Small Stuff

339
00:14:36,066 --> 00:14:38,798
and I followed
its wise suggestions,

340
00:14:38,800 --> 00:14:40,064
one of which was:

341
00:14:40,066 --> 00:14:42,231
stop and smell the flowers.

342
00:14:43,515 --> 00:14:44,981
Seriously?

343
00:14:44,983 --> 00:14:47,147
Please.

344
00:14:52,483 --> 00:14:54,481
Ha-ha!

345
00:14:54,483 --> 00:14:56,398
Oh.

346
00:15:02,965 --> 00:15:04,648
Hi.
Hello.

347
00:15:04,650 --> 00:15:06,631
Oh, it's so good
to see you.

348
00:15:06,633 --> 00:15:07,815
You, too.

349
00:15:07,817 --> 00:15:08,798
Please, sit.

350
00:15:08,800 --> 00:15:11,431
I, uh, I got you
a cappuccino.

351
00:15:11,433 --> 00:15:12,648
I remembered
it was your favorite.

352
00:15:12,650 --> 00:15:14,431
Oh.
I also got crumb cake,

353
00:15:14,433 --> 00:15:16,931
but I remembered it was
my favorite and I ate it.

354
00:15:18,565 --> 00:15:20,798
Anyway, uh,
how are you?

355
00:15:20,800 --> 00:15:22,598
I'm pretty good.

356
00:15:22,600 --> 00:15:25,097
Listen, I just wanted
to apologize

357
00:15:25,099 --> 00:15:27,431
for breaking up
with you in an e-mail.

358
00:15:27,433 --> 00:15:28,598
Well, and I ate all the
crumb cake.

359
00:15:28,600 --> 00:15:30,348
we both made
mistakes.

360
00:15:30,350 --> 00:15:32,297
Okay.

361
00:15:32,299 --> 00:15:34,348
I'm so happy
you asked me here,

362
00:15:34,350 --> 00:15:36,181
and I hope we can
hang out again sometime.

363
00:15:36,183 --> 00:15:37,631
You know,
as friends,

364
00:15:37,633 --> 00:15:40,598
lovemaking partners,
whatever.

365
00:15:41,465 --> 00:15:43,648
Oh, uh...

366
00:15:43,650 --> 00:15:46,097
I'm kind of
seeing someone.

367
00:15:47,682 --> 00:15:49,598
I think I know
the answer to this,

368
00:15:49,600 --> 00:15:52,147
but just to be clear,
it's not me, right?

369
00:15:53,815 --> 00:15:55,731
This is all
your fault!

370
00:15:56,898 --> 00:15:58,130
I should've
listened to Mun-Mun

371
00:15:58,132 --> 00:15:59,648
because I've been
playing with a cobra

372
00:15:59,650 --> 00:16:01,348
and her name is Penny!

373
00:16:01,350 --> 00:16:03,231
Why are you so cruel?

374
00:16:03,233 --> 00:16:04,931
Do you enjoy my pain?

375
00:16:04,933 --> 00:16:07,064
There's a girl at the Cheesecake
Factory I can set you up with.

376
00:16:07,066 --> 00:16:09,264
I love you, Penny!

377
00:16:12,298 --> 00:16:15,264
How is it I can
conceptualize a methodology

378
00:16:15,266 --> 00:16:17,765
of examining dark matter
in the universe

379
00:16:17,767 --> 00:16:20,231
but can't figure out how
to fix a novelty squirt flower?

380
00:16:21,682 --> 00:16:23,131
I think the real
question is,

381
00:16:23,133 --> 00:16:26,514
why do you waste your time with cheap,
childish pranks?

382
00:16:26,516 --> 00:16:28,731
There's probably a deep reason.

383
00:16:28,733 --> 00:16:31,097
Which I'd be happy
to discuss with you

384
00:16:31,099 --> 00:16:33,314
over some peanut brittle
in a can.

385
00:16:34,699 --> 00:16:37,097
Okay, Sheldon,
I am out of options!

386
00:16:38,132 --> 00:16:40,064
Video store owner,
Nursis Manookian,

387
00:16:40,066 --> 00:16:41,631
has no next of kin!

388
00:16:41,633 --> 00:16:44,681
Well, you seem hot
under the collar...

389
00:16:44,683 --> 00:16:46,797
or is that the sweater?

390
00:16:46,799 --> 00:16:48,181
Oh, oh, no, no.

391
00:16:48,183 --> 00:16:50,264
I-It's because
I spent all afternoon

392
00:16:50,266 --> 00:16:52,631
at the Armenian church where
his funeral mass was held.

393
00:16:52,633 --> 00:16:54,631
According to
Father Solakian,

394
00:16:54,633 --> 00:16:56,014
no one attended.

395
00:16:56,016 --> 00:16:57,981
Luckily, my trip
wasn't a complete waste.

396
00:16:57,983 --> 00:16:59,598
I lit a candle and
prayed for your death.

397
00:16:59,600 --> 00:17:02,264
But I'm not Armenian,
so it probably won't work!

398
00:17:03,565 --> 00:17:06,097
This is over, right?

399
00:17:06,099 --> 00:17:08,014
Oh, not necessarily.

400
00:17:08,016 --> 00:17:09,764
I suggest

401
00:17:09,766 --> 00:17:11,731
you look for long-lost relatives

402
00:17:11,733 --> 00:17:15,097
either in Armenia or Lebanon.

403
00:17:16,848 --> 00:17:18,648
Listen to me, Sheldon.

404
00:17:18,650 --> 00:17:20,730
I am not going to Lebanon

405
00:17:20,732 --> 00:17:24,631
to return Super Mario Bros.
the movie!

406
00:17:25,599 --> 00:17:28,147
You know, it might be fun.

407
00:17:28,149 --> 00:17:29,730
You love hummus.

408
00:17:31,465 --> 00:17:33,130
Why isn't this
bothering you?

409
00:17:33,132 --> 00:17:35,514
I-Isn't your brain
getting itchy?

410
00:17:35,516 --> 00:17:37,931
This is
on your card.

411
00:17:37,933 --> 00:17:40,297
This could be ruining
your credit score!

412
00:17:40,299 --> 00:17:42,981
Why isn't this
making you crazy?

413
00:17:44,232 --> 00:17:47,847
Leonard...

414
00:17:47,849 --> 00:17:50,130
I have something
to tell you,

415
00:17:50,132 --> 00:17:53,130
but I want you to promise
not to flip out.

416
00:17:53,132 --> 00:17:55,564
What?

417
00:17:55,566 --> 00:17:57,797
Seven years ago,

418
00:17:57,799 --> 00:17:59,764
I found out
the DVD was late

419
00:17:59,766 --> 00:18:01,097
and I paid for it.

420
00:18:09,182 --> 00:18:11,981
What?

421
00:18:11,983 --> 00:18:13,897
I was going to mention
it at the time,

422
00:18:13,899 --> 00:18:17,097
but then I thought,
some day,

423
00:18:17,099 --> 00:18:20,247
this might be
a teachable moment.

424
00:18:33,232 --> 00:18:35,431
Hah...

425
00:18:43,215 --> 00:18:44,847
I... You...

426
00:18:44,849 --> 00:18:46,264
How can...

427
00:18:46,266 --> 00:18:48,464
What?

428
00:18:52,482 --> 00:18:54,348
Sheldon...

429
00:18:54,350 --> 00:18:56,931
that was diabolical.

430
00:18:56,933 --> 00:18:58,264
I know.

431
00:18:59,499 --> 00:19:00,981
And it wasn't easy.

432
00:19:00,983 --> 00:19:02,730
Do you have any idea
what it's like

433
00:19:02,732 --> 00:19:04,964
to wait for years and never know

434
00:19:04,966 --> 00:19:07,931
if you're going to finally
get satisfaction?

435
00:19:18,009 --> 00:19:19,458
Wow.

436
00:19:19,460 --> 00:19:21,324
You're even prettier
than Penny said.

437
00:19:21,326 --> 00:19:22,592
I can't believe

438
00:19:22,594 --> 00:19:24,175
a girl like you
doesn't have a boyfriend.

439
00:19:24,177 --> 00:19:25,425
Well, I don't.

440
00:19:25,427 --> 00:19:27,607
I don't believe you,
you're lying to me!

441
00:19:28,492 --> 00:19:29,657
What?

442
00:19:29,659 --> 00:19:30,958
Oh, it's okay.

443
00:19:30,960 --> 00:19:32,674
I have no morals and
I'm desperately lonely.

444
00:19:32,676 --> 00:19:33,874
I'll be the other man

445
00:19:33,876 --> 00:19:36,707
if you want a little
something-something on the side.

446
00:19:36,709 --> 00:19:38,591
What is wrong
with you?

447
00:19:38,593 --> 00:19:40,258
What is wrong with you?

448
00:19:40,260 --> 00:19:41,924
What is wrong with you?

449
00:19:41,926 --> 00:19:46,921
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man