1
00:00:02,962 --> 00:00:05,145
for a person to tip a cow.

2
00:00:06,130 --> 00:00:07,765
Even you, with your stocky build

3
00:00:07,767 --> 00:00:09,967
and lumberjack shoulders,
you couldn't do it.

4
00:00:11,135 --> 00:00:12,636
It's horrible. Why would
you push a cow over?

5
00:00:12,638 --> 00:00:13,604
They're sacred.

6
00:00:13,606 --> 00:00:14,855
Oh, stop it.

7
00:00:14,857 --> 00:00:16,824
I've seen you eat,
like, a million hamburgers.

8
00:00:16,826 --> 00:00:19,910
Hey, an animal can be both
sacred and delicious.

9
00:00:20,996 --> 00:00:22,579
Look, I'm telling you
I've done it, okay?

10
00:00:22,581 --> 00:00:24,314
I clearly remember
the cow standing up

11
00:00:24,316 --> 00:00:25,866
and then the cow on its side.

12
00:00:25,868 --> 00:00:27,785
Were you drunk?

13
00:00:27,787 --> 00:00:31,321
I was 16 in Nebraska.
What do you think?

14
00:00:31,323 --> 00:00:34,258
I think you're the one
who fell over.

15
00:00:34,260 --> 00:00:38,879
That would explain why the sky
was also on its side.

16
00:00:38,881 --> 00:00:40,047
Hey.

17
00:00:40,049 --> 00:00:42,499
Howard. Cow tipping:
real or not?

18
00:00:42,501 --> 00:00:44,885
Mmm. I'm gonna say... not.

19
00:00:44,887 --> 00:00:46,971
That's just based on me
trying to roll

20
00:00:46,973 --> 00:00:49,106
my mom over
when she's snoring.

21
00:00:50,308 --> 00:00:53,310
Speaking of that big
side of beef,

22
00:00:53,312 --> 00:00:56,613
uh, she's invited all of you
to Thanksgiving at her house.

23
00:00:56,615 --> 00:00:57,681
Aw.

24
00:00:57,683 --> 00:00:59,616
Mmm.

25
00:00:59,618 --> 00:01:01,535
You know, I've been told
that a bald refusal

26
00:01:01,537 --> 00:01:03,871
of an invitation is rude
and one must instead

27
00:01:03,873 --> 00:01:05,656
offer up a polite excuse, so...

28
00:01:05,658 --> 00:01:08,125
I'd love to go,
but, unfortunately,

29
00:01:08,127 --> 00:01:09,994
that sounds awful.

30
00:01:13,481 --> 00:01:15,449
Come on, it'll be fun.

31
00:01:15,451 --> 00:01:16,800
Uh, we were actually
gonna do it here.

32
00:01:16,802 --> 00:01:18,552
Please? Bernadette's
bringing her dad

33
00:01:18,554 --> 00:01:19,670
'cause her mom's out of town,

34
00:01:19,672 --> 00:01:21,805
and I never have anything
to say to that guy.

35
00:01:21,807 --> 00:01:24,207
Oh, since you put it that way,
I'd love to go,

36
00:01:24,209 --> 00:01:25,893
but that sounds even more awful.

37
00:01:26,878 --> 00:01:28,379
It'd actually be nice
to not hear

38
00:01:28,381 --> 00:01:30,147
Sheldon complain
about my cooking all day.

39
00:01:30,149 --> 00:01:31,565
Yo... uh,
excuse me,

40
00:01:31,567 --> 00:01:34,435
but every year
you prepare a terrible meal

41
00:01:34,437 --> 00:01:36,570
and every year I criticize it.

42
00:01:36,572 --> 00:01:38,889
Do our traditions
mean nothing to you?

43
00:01:41,059 --> 00:01:42,609
I want to go.
Yeah, me, too.

44
00:01:42,611 --> 00:01:43,994
I'm in.
Sheldon.

45
00:01:43,996 --> 00:01:46,447
Ugh, fine,
I'll go.

46
00:01:46,449 --> 00:01:48,899
But if her food is delicious,
Thanksgiving is ruined,

47
00:01:48,901 --> 00:01:50,067
and it's on you.

48
00:02:16,542 --> 00:02:21,542
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man

49
00:02:21,568 --> 00:02:24,023
Do we really have to go
to Mrs. Wolowitz's house?

50
00:02:24,571 --> 00:02:25,905
We do.

51
00:02:25,907 --> 00:02:28,724
And I expect you
to be on your best behavior.

52
00:02:28,726 --> 00:02:31,944
Now I know how the
African slaves felt.

53
00:02:33,547 --> 00:02:35,131
Being dragged
from their homes

54
00:02:35,133 --> 00:02:38,534
to labor under the
yoke of the white man.

55
00:02:38,536 --> 00:02:41,704
Are you honestly comparing
Thanksgiving dinner

56
00:02:41,706 --> 00:02:44,457
at Wolowitz's mom's with
one of the greatest tragedies

57
00:02:44,459 --> 00:02:46,175
in the history of mankind?

58
00:02:47,010 --> 00:02:49,245
Yes.

59
00:02:49,247 --> 00:02:51,297
Sheldon, you can have
a nice Thanksgiving anywhere.

60
00:02:51,299 --> 00:02:52,765
I spent one in Vegas.

61
00:02:52,767 --> 00:02:53,749
You did?

62
00:02:53,751 --> 00:02:55,751
Yeah, back when
I was dating Zack.

63
00:02:55,753 --> 00:02:57,386
It was actually more fun
than I thought.

64
00:02:57,388 --> 00:02:59,939
We gambled, we went to one
of those cheesy wedding chapels,

65
00:02:59,941 --> 00:03:01,557
we had a really good
turkey dinner.

66
00:03:01,559 --> 00:03:04,760
Which was surprising,
since we were at a strip club.

67
00:03:06,096 --> 00:03:07,613
Wait, you went
to a chapel?

68
00:03:07,615 --> 00:03:08,981
Yeah.
Why?

69
00:03:08,983 --> 00:03:11,934
We had one of those
silly fake weddings.

70
00:03:15,689 --> 00:03:16,922
Penny...

71
00:03:16,924 --> 00:03:19,141
you know those are real, right?

72
00:03:19,143 --> 00:03:21,627
No, they're not.

73
00:03:22,579 --> 00:03:23,779
Yeah, they are.

74
00:03:25,315 --> 00:03:26,832
No, they're not.

75
00:03:26,834 --> 00:03:28,450
Yeah, they are.

76
00:03:28,452 --> 00:03:30,119
He's right.
They're real.

77
00:03:31,638 --> 00:03:34,724
But it... didn't seem real.

78
00:03:35,675 --> 00:03:37,059
Let me ask you
a question.

79
00:03:37,061 --> 00:03:42,398
At any point, was
Las Vegas on its side?

80
00:03:45,419 --> 00:03:47,103
Hi, Dad.

81
00:03:47,105 --> 00:03:48,437
Hi, honey.

82
00:03:49,773 --> 00:03:51,741
Oh, you brought beer
for everybody.

83
00:03:51,743 --> 00:03:55,244
Uh, okay, yeah,
it's for everybody.

84
00:03:58,198 --> 00:04:00,900
I really just wanted to have
a nice, quiet day at home

85
00:04:00,902 --> 00:04:02,268
and watch the game.

86
00:04:02,270 --> 00:04:04,703
You can have a quiet day
and watch the game here.

87
00:04:04,705 --> 00:04:08,207
Howard,
the medicine's not working!

88
00:04:09,292 --> 00:04:11,277
You just took it.

89
00:04:11,279 --> 00:04:13,779
At least let it
reach your first stomach!

90
00:04:18,001 --> 00:04:19,602
Hey, Mike.

91
00:04:19,604 --> 00:04:20,803
Let me help you out, there.

92
00:04:20,805 --> 00:04:22,938
Thanks. What's wrong
with your mom?

93
00:04:22,940 --> 00:04:24,306
Oh, her gout's flaring up.

94
00:04:24,308 --> 00:04:27,443
Turns out an apple pie a day
does not keep the doctor away.

95
00:04:28,979 --> 00:04:31,113
How can one little toe
hurt so bad?

96
00:04:32,516 --> 00:04:37,369
Maybe because that little piggy
is being crushed by the barn!

97
00:04:38,538 --> 00:04:40,623
She should
quiet down soon.

98
00:04:40,625 --> 00:04:43,626
I gave her enough pain meds
to choke a... well, her.

99
00:04:46,129 --> 00:04:48,114
I guess we're gonna
have to do all the cooking.

100
00:04:48,116 --> 00:04:49,298
I have a better idea.

101
00:04:49,300 --> 00:04:50,633
If you think you're
gonna make me

102
00:04:50,635 --> 00:04:52,051
do all this by myself,
you're crazy.

103
00:04:52,053 --> 00:04:53,919
I was gonna make Raj
do it all by himself.

104
00:04:53,921 --> 00:04:55,370
Oh, well, that's
a great idea.

105
00:04:58,225 --> 00:05:00,392
No traffic,
we're sailing.

106
00:05:00,394 --> 00:05:01,510
Yes.

107
00:05:01,512 --> 00:05:03,345
Like we're on a ship.

108
00:05:04,648 --> 00:05:07,066
Coming from Africa to America.

109
00:05:09,352 --> 00:05:12,021
Sheldon, that's
completely inappropriate.

110
00:05:12,023 --> 00:05:14,890
You can't keep comparing
yourself to a slave.

111
00:05:16,076 --> 00:05:17,576
Yes, Miss Amy.

112
00:05:20,697 --> 00:05:22,581
I can't believe you're
married to that idiot.

113
00:05:22,583 --> 00:05:25,067
Ugh, would you stop?
We just did it as a goof.

114
00:05:25,069 --> 00:05:26,619
Well, a goof or not,
you're actually married.

115
00:05:26,621 --> 00:05:28,420
You need to get
this taken care of.

116
00:05:28,422 --> 00:05:30,873
I will. Why are you
making this such a big deal?

117
00:05:30,875 --> 00:05:33,008
Oh, oh, oh, I have a reason.

118
00:05:33,010 --> 00:05:35,928
It could be because
you said yes to marrying Zack,

119
00:05:35,930 --> 00:05:37,546
but every time
Leonard's proposed,

120
00:05:37,548 --> 00:05:39,048
he's gotten a resounding no.

121
00:05:41,101 --> 00:05:44,220
Yeah, that's just
off the top of my head.

122
00:05:44,222 --> 00:05:46,055
So how do I undo this?

123
00:05:46,057 --> 00:05:47,556
I'm hoping you can
get an annulment.

124
00:05:47,558 --> 00:05:49,108
It's just like
it never happened.

125
00:05:49,110 --> 00:05:50,809
Great, well, what
do I have to do?

126
00:05:50,811 --> 00:05:52,478
It says here you can
get an annulment

127
00:05:52,480 --> 00:05:54,280
if any of the following
conditions are met.

128
00:05:54,282 --> 00:05:56,282
"Were you unable
to consummate the marriage?"

129
00:05:56,284 --> 00:05:58,234
Penny? Next.

130
00:06:00,103 --> 00:06:02,738
"Is there any evidence
of fraud, bigamy,

131
00:06:02,740 --> 00:06:04,323
want of understanding?"

132
00:06:04,325 --> 00:06:05,374
"Want of understanding?"

133
00:06:05,376 --> 00:06:06,408
What does that even mean?

134
00:06:06,410 --> 00:06:09,444
Ding, ding, ding.
We have a winner.

135
00:06:10,613 --> 00:06:12,164
Thanks for saving the day.

136
00:06:12,166 --> 00:06:13,282
Ah, no problem.

137
00:06:13,284 --> 00:06:14,449
It wouldn't be Thanksgiving

138
00:06:14,451 --> 00:06:17,619
without an Indian
providing the food.

139
00:06:19,256 --> 00:06:21,623
Uh, now, where does your mom
keep the Crisco?

140
00:06:21,625 --> 00:06:22,758
Um, I don't know.

141
00:06:22,760 --> 00:06:24,593
Probably in a wad in her cheek.

142
00:06:26,263 --> 00:06:29,014
I'll help Raj in here. Why don't
you go keep my dad company?

143
00:06:29,016 --> 00:06:31,483
Oh, he doesn't want me in there.
I'm the creepy little guy

144
00:06:31,485 --> 00:06:33,802
who has sex with his daughter.

145
00:06:35,956 --> 00:06:38,407
Don't be silly, he loves you.
Does he?

146
00:06:38,409 --> 00:06:40,943
Okay, he cares about you a lot.
Really?

147
00:06:40,945 --> 00:06:44,029
I do crap for you
all the time. Get out there.

148
00:06:49,653 --> 00:06:53,455
So your wife's in Arizona
with the grandkids?

149
00:06:53,457 --> 00:06:55,124
Uh-huh.

150
00:06:57,377 --> 00:06:59,661
- You know, my mom's been to...
- Arizona.

151
00:06:59,663 --> 00:07:02,348
She rode one of those mules
down in the Grand Canyon.

152
00:07:02,350 --> 00:07:05,017
Long story short,
they had to shoot it.

153
00:07:09,606 --> 00:07:11,506
'Cause she's so fat.

154
00:07:15,980 --> 00:07:18,447
I'll get the door
while you finish laughing.

155
00:07:21,735 --> 00:07:23,235
Hey, guys.

156
00:07:23,237 --> 00:07:24,236
Happy Thanksgiving.

157
00:07:24,238 --> 00:07:25,821
It smells wonderful.

158
00:07:25,823 --> 00:07:28,073
Is anyone slaving away
in the kitchen?

159
00:07:28,075 --> 00:07:29,524
Because I, too, know...
Sheldon.

160
00:07:31,828 --> 00:07:33,662
Here. Thank you for having us.

161
00:07:33,664 --> 00:07:34,696
What's with you?

162
00:07:34,698 --> 00:07:35,881
Oh, she's mad at me

163
00:07:35,883 --> 00:07:38,250
because she just found out
she's married to Zack.

164
00:07:38,252 --> 00:07:39,251
Really?

165
00:07:39,253 --> 00:07:41,220
That dumb-ass
she used to date?

166
00:07:41,222 --> 00:07:43,839
That's hysterical.

167
00:07:43,841 --> 00:07:47,343
I can't believe I felt bad
for opening this in the car.

168
00:07:52,599 --> 00:07:54,350
You need any help?

169
00:07:54,352 --> 00:07:57,019
Uh, yeah, can you, uh, reach
that, uh, gravy boat up there?

170
00:07:57,021 --> 00:07:58,387
Uh, sure.
Great.

171
00:07:58,389 --> 00:08:00,656
That makes one of you.

172
00:08:02,108 --> 00:08:05,394
Okay, we have a lot to do
and not much time to do it.

173
00:08:05,396 --> 00:08:07,997
Bernadette, you're on corn,
gravy and yam detail.

174
00:08:07,999 --> 00:08:09,398
Amy, you're on
rolls, cranberries

175
00:08:09,400 --> 00:08:11,760
and making sure Bernadette stays
away from the marshmallows.

176
00:08:12,952 --> 00:08:15,371
That's right, I see you.

177
00:08:16,589 --> 00:08:18,190
Okay, if you have
any questions,

178
00:08:18,192 --> 00:08:19,892
I'll be over here
basting my ass off.

179
00:08:19,894 --> 00:08:21,960
Focus is key.

180
00:08:21,962 --> 00:08:24,630
Did you guys know Penny
married Zack three years ago?

181
00:08:24,632 --> 00:08:26,432
What?
Wha...?

182
00:08:31,921 --> 00:08:33,422
You ever play football?

183
00:08:33,424 --> 00:08:35,024
A little in college.

184
00:08:35,026 --> 00:08:36,058
You?

185
00:08:36,060 --> 00:08:37,192
No.

186
00:08:37,194 --> 00:08:39,862
But I did get tackled
in the hallway once.

187
00:08:41,699 --> 00:08:44,566
The whole school cheered.

188
00:08:47,237 --> 00:08:48,620
Hey, I found the,
uh, court papers

189
00:08:48,622 --> 00:08:50,105
that you and Zack
need to fill out.

190
00:08:50,107 --> 00:08:51,824
I'll print them when we get home.
Fine.

191
00:08:51,826 --> 00:08:54,109
And we can just put this
whole thing behind us.

192
00:08:54,111 --> 00:08:55,077
Are you done?

193
00:08:55,079 --> 00:08:56,879
What?
Look, I get it, I screwed up.

194
00:08:56,881 --> 00:08:58,580
Is this all we're gonna talk
about the rest of the day?

195
00:08:58,582 --> 00:08:59,832
Why are you mad at me?

196
00:08:59,834 --> 00:09:01,500
You're the one that
did the stupid thing.

197
00:09:01,502 --> 00:09:03,135
I'm just trying to fix it.
Ugh!

198
00:09:03,137 --> 00:09:04,536
I need some air.

199
00:09:04,538 --> 00:09:06,088
Well... Penny.

200
00:09:06,090 --> 00:09:07,956
Now, I don't know the
first thing about women,

201
00:09:07,958 --> 00:09:09,792
but I would not follow her.

202
00:09:12,762 --> 00:09:14,980
Listen to Stretch.

203
00:09:24,041 --> 00:09:26,126
How am I
the bad guy?

204
00:09:26,128 --> 00:09:28,895
She's the one who married
someone else. I'm the victim.

205
00:09:28,897 --> 00:09:32,649
Sounds like Zack's the victim.
You're sleeping with his wife.

206
00:09:34,602 --> 00:09:37,737
I've kept my marriage
together for 35 years.

207
00:09:37,739 --> 00:09:39,222
Can I weigh in here?

208
00:09:39,224 --> 00:09:40,323
Sure.

209
00:09:40,325 --> 00:09:42,391
I'm trying to watch the game.
Shut up.

210
00:09:43,894 --> 00:09:45,428
Oh!

211
00:09:45,430 --> 00:09:48,431
How do you not make
a first down there?

212
00:09:48,433 --> 00:09:50,200
They passed against
a nickel defense.

213
00:09:50,202 --> 00:09:51,968
They should have run it
off-tackle.

214
00:09:54,705 --> 00:09:56,606
How the hell
do you know that?

215
00:09:56,608 --> 00:09:58,241
My father loved football.

216
00:09:58,243 --> 00:09:59,959
He always made me watch it

217
00:09:59,961 --> 00:10:02,729
before I was allowed
to do my homework.

218
00:10:02,731 --> 00:10:03,746
Well, you'll
be happy

219
00:10:03,748 --> 00:10:05,248
to know I just
spoke to Zack

220
00:10:05,250 --> 00:10:06,933
and he's willing to
sign the court papers.

221
00:10:06,935 --> 00:10:08,251
He's on his way here now.

222
00:10:08,253 --> 00:10:11,087
Wait, you invited him here?
Yeah.

223
00:10:11,089 --> 00:10:12,922
I'm getting ready
to weigh in again.

224
00:10:12,924 --> 00:10:14,590
Come on.

225
00:10:15,526 --> 00:10:18,278
What do you think
they ought to do now?

226
00:10:18,280 --> 00:10:20,596
I would throw a quick slant
to a wideout,

227
00:10:20,598 --> 00:10:23,066
given that the defense
is showing blitz.

228
00:10:23,068 --> 00:10:26,202
Oh, I love a good blitz,
especially with sour cream.

229
00:10:28,789 --> 00:10:30,540
Get it?

230
00:10:30,542 --> 00:10:32,909
'Cause it sounds like "blintz."

231
00:10:33,794 --> 00:10:36,162
Did someone say "blintz"?

232
00:10:37,331 --> 00:10:38,447
I just don't
understand

233
00:10:38,449 --> 00:10:39,949
why you invited
him here today.

234
00:10:39,951 --> 00:10:41,050
Because you wouldn't
shut up about it.

235
00:10:41,052 --> 00:10:42,552
When I called him,
he had nothing to do,

236
00:10:42,554 --> 00:10:43,586
so I just thought it would...

237
00:10:43,588 --> 00:10:45,388
Hey, guys, I'm trying
to cook in here.

238
00:10:45,390 --> 00:10:46,723
Oh, sorry.
We'll keep it down.

239
00:10:46,725 --> 00:10:49,475
No, no, speak up.

240
00:10:49,477 --> 00:10:50,927
I'm about to use the blender,

241
00:10:50,929 --> 00:10:52,729
and I don't want
to miss anything.

242
00:10:53,564 --> 00:10:55,631
Well, you might have
to cook for one more

243
00:10:55,633 --> 00:10:56,816
because she
invited Zack.

244
00:10:56,818 --> 00:10:58,651
- What?
- Ooh!

245
00:10:59,820 --> 00:11:01,637
My, my.

246
00:11:01,639 --> 00:11:05,241
The plot, like my gravy,
thickens.

247
00:11:09,597 --> 00:11:11,831
I don't care for your
mother's bathroom.

248
00:11:11,833 --> 00:11:14,033
There's not an angle
to do one's business

249
00:11:14,035 --> 00:11:16,652
without a clown figurine
staring at you.

250
00:11:18,038 --> 00:11:20,423
That's why I sit.

251
00:11:20,425 --> 00:11:22,842
Yeah, that's why.

252
00:11:24,995 --> 00:11:27,180
You remember
the Thanksgiving game

253
00:11:27,182 --> 00:11:29,165
when it snowed
in Dallas?

254
00:11:29,167 --> 00:11:32,802
1993... Leon Lett blew the game
in the final seconds

255
00:11:32,804 --> 00:11:34,771
and the Dolphins
emerged victorious.

256
00:11:34,773 --> 00:11:37,774
Then I finally got to do
my calculus.

257
00:11:37,776 --> 00:11:41,227
I was so pissed,
I wanted to shoot my TV.

258
00:11:41,229 --> 00:11:43,146
So was my dad.

259
00:11:43,148 --> 00:11:45,448
And then he did.

260
00:11:46,367 --> 00:11:48,284
Anyone need a beer?
Yeah.

261
00:11:48,286 --> 00:11:50,686
Thank God.

262
00:11:50,688 --> 00:11:53,623
So, does your dad
still live in Texas?

263
00:11:53,625 --> 00:11:56,242
No. He died when I was 14.

264
00:11:57,428 --> 00:11:59,412
I'm sorry to hear that.

265
00:11:59,414 --> 00:12:02,131
So was the man who owned
the local liquor store.

266
00:12:03,417 --> 00:12:06,603
He cried and cried.

267
00:12:06,605 --> 00:12:08,304
Here you go.

268
00:12:08,306 --> 00:12:10,340
Oh, thanks.

269
00:12:10,342 --> 00:12:13,142
So, if your dad died
when you were 14,

270
00:12:13,144 --> 00:12:16,312
you were never old enough
to have a beer with the man.

271
00:12:16,314 --> 00:12:17,597
No, sir.

272
00:12:17,599 --> 00:12:20,566
He did try to give me one
for my high school graduation,

273
00:12:20,568 --> 00:12:23,903
but I was 11 and my mom said no.

274
00:12:28,042 --> 00:12:30,410
Well, you're having one with me.

275
00:12:35,165 --> 00:12:36,783
All right.

276
00:12:38,419 --> 00:12:40,086
To your dad.

277
00:12:43,874 --> 00:12:47,627
I never had a beer
with my dad, either.

278
00:12:50,914 --> 00:12:53,633
Do you mind?
We're having a moment here.

279
00:13:01,392 --> 00:13:03,643
I can't believe Penny's
married to Zack.

280
00:13:03,645 --> 00:13:05,345
Wonder what she saw
in that guy.

281
00:13:05,347 --> 00:13:06,846
I don't know.

282
00:13:06,848 --> 00:13:08,865
He's sweet, he's tall, handsome.

283
00:13:08,867 --> 00:13:10,783
Broad shoulders, good hair.

284
00:13:10,785 --> 00:13:13,319
Hmm. Wonder what she
sees in Leonard.

285
00:13:16,423 --> 00:13:17,907
How's it going out there?

286
00:13:17,909 --> 00:13:21,627
Sheldon and your dad are bonding
and completely ignoring me.

287
00:13:21,629 --> 00:13:23,713
I know how you feel.

288
00:13:23,715 --> 00:13:27,550
Sheldon ignored me for a week
when he got that Roomba vacuum.

289
00:13:28,952 --> 00:13:31,287
I kick it when he's not looking.

290
00:13:33,340 --> 00:13:34,640
What are they doing?

291
00:13:34,642 --> 00:13:39,095
They're drinking beer
and watching football.

292
00:13:39,097 --> 00:13:40,463
They don't want me.

293
00:13:40,465 --> 00:13:41,564
What do you mean?

294
00:13:41,566 --> 00:13:43,049
Well, Sheldon
started talking

295
00:13:43,051 --> 00:13:45,351
about how his dad
isn't alive anymore,

296
00:13:45,353 --> 00:13:46,802
and they were toasting,
and I tried

297
00:13:46,804 --> 00:13:48,271
to tell them about how sad I was

298
00:13:48,273 --> 00:13:49,405
when my dad abandoned...

299
00:13:49,407 --> 00:13:51,257
Zack's here!

300
00:13:51,259 --> 00:13:53,526
Stir the gravy.

301
00:13:55,779 --> 00:13:57,947
Sorry. I really want
to hear how sad you are.

302
00:13:57,949 --> 00:14:00,366
I'll be back in like five,
ten minutes.

303
00:14:04,421 --> 00:14:06,956
Sorry she made you come
over here on a holiday.

304
00:14:06,958 --> 00:14:09,008
It's all right.
I didn't have anything going on.

305
00:14:09,010 --> 00:14:10,626
Plus, Penny told me
we're married,

306
00:14:10,628 --> 00:14:13,246
and Thanksgiving's a time
to be with family.

307
00:14:14,131 --> 00:14:15,098
Yeah, okay, great.

308
00:14:15,100 --> 00:14:16,300
Can we just get
this over with?

309
00:14:16,301 --> 00:14:19,218
Yeah, uh, you guys
have to sign here and here.

310
00:14:19,220 --> 00:14:21,020
On Monday, we'll file
for the annulment,

311
00:14:21,022 --> 00:14:22,855
and this "marriage"
will be over.

312
00:14:22,857 --> 00:14:24,190
Okay.

313
00:14:24,192 --> 00:14:26,642
I don't know
if I want to sign it.

314
00:14:26,644 --> 00:14:28,861
Ooh. Ooh.
Ooh.

315
00:14:30,864 --> 00:14:32,281
Why won't you sign it?

316
00:14:32,283 --> 00:14:36,018
I just think splitting up
can be rough on kids.

317
00:14:36,904 --> 00:14:38,154
We don't have any kids.

318
00:14:38,156 --> 00:14:39,789
Are you sure?
'Cause you didn't know

319
00:14:39,791 --> 00:14:41,541
we were married
until this morning.

320
00:14:43,794 --> 00:14:45,244
Okay, look, Zack, come on.

321
00:14:45,246 --> 00:14:47,413
You know neither of us
thought this was real.

322
00:14:47,415 --> 00:14:50,383
I mean, we were married
by an Elvis impersonator.

323
00:14:50,385 --> 00:14:51,867
Of course it was
an impersonator.

324
00:14:51,869 --> 00:14:54,554
We could never afford
a real Elvis.

325
00:14:56,890 --> 00:14:59,258
You married him
instead of me?

326
00:14:59,260 --> 00:15:01,060
Good call.

327
00:15:01,062 --> 00:15:02,645
Sign the papers.

328
00:15:02,647 --> 00:15:03,930
Hang on.
You know what?

329
00:15:03,932 --> 00:15:05,815
You have been a jerk
about this all day.

330
00:15:05,817 --> 00:15:07,316
You always do this...
whenever I mess up,

331
00:15:07,318 --> 00:15:09,318
you're right there to make me
feel even worse about it.

332
00:15:09,320 --> 00:15:10,386
That is not true.

333
00:15:10,388 --> 00:15:11,554
Yeah, we could've
waited till Monday,

334
00:15:11,556 --> 00:15:13,106
signed the papers,
this all would have been over.

335
00:15:13,108 --> 00:15:14,690
You're the one who
invited him here.

336
00:15:14,692 --> 00:15:16,275
Oh, there you go again...
just another mistake

337
00:15:16,277 --> 00:15:17,326
you're throwing in my face.

338
00:15:17,328 --> 00:15:19,061
Not cool, bro.

339
00:15:20,864 --> 00:15:22,331
I'm starting to think

340
00:15:22,333 --> 00:15:24,951
you're not the kind of guy
I want dating my wife.

341
00:15:26,787 --> 00:15:28,737
Yeah, well,

342
00:15:28,739 --> 00:15:30,339
she's not gonna be
your wife for long.

343
00:15:30,341 --> 00:15:33,242
Oh, no. Are you dying?

344
00:15:34,094 --> 00:15:36,295
I'm about to. Sign the paper.

345
00:15:38,081 --> 00:15:42,018
Know what they say:
"Happy wife, happy life."

346
00:15:43,220 --> 00:15:44,770
Let's eat.

347
00:15:48,192 --> 00:15:53,062
Two, three,
eight, four, six.

348
00:15:55,866 --> 00:15:57,900
That's all I can do
without throwing up.

349
00:15:59,487 --> 00:16:01,103
That is not what I expected

350
00:16:01,105 --> 00:16:04,073
when you said you
were gonna burp "pie."

351
00:16:05,459 --> 00:16:07,994
Did somebody say "pie"?

352
00:16:08,996 --> 00:16:10,580
I don't know what's scarier:

353
00:16:10,582 --> 00:16:12,081
the bathroom clowns

354
00:16:12,083 --> 00:16:14,884
or the woman
that put them there.

355
00:16:15,952 --> 00:16:19,622
All I know is you can only fit
one of her in a car.

356
00:16:22,759 --> 00:16:24,477
And there's the clown
that came out of her.

357
00:16:29,466 --> 00:16:31,934
I really didn't want
to come here,

358
00:16:31,936 --> 00:16:33,853
but this is shaping up to be

359
00:16:33,855 --> 00:16:36,405
one of the best Thanksgivings
I've had in a long time.

360
00:16:36,407 --> 00:16:38,641
Me, too.

361
00:16:38,643 --> 00:16:41,644
Hey. Howie says you've been
making fun of him all day!

362
00:16:41,646 --> 00:16:42,828
Now, both of you
apologize

363
00:16:42,830 --> 00:16:44,497
right now!

364
00:16:45,365 --> 00:16:47,533
She's so tiny.

365
00:16:51,121 --> 00:16:53,589
It's funny when she's mad.

366
00:16:56,810 --> 00:16:58,377
All right, mister,
I think you owe

367
00:16:58,379 --> 00:17:01,214
Howard and Bernadette
an apology.

368
00:17:02,499 --> 00:17:06,352
Perhaps you're right.

369
00:17:06,354 --> 00:17:07,836
I'm sorry for my behavior.

370
00:17:07,838 --> 00:17:10,022
I've had alcohol,
and it's caused me

371
00:17:10,024 --> 00:17:11,224
to be inappropriate.

372
00:17:11,226 --> 00:17:13,226
It's okay.
Don't worry about it.

373
00:17:13,228 --> 00:17:15,144
Thank you.

374
00:17:15,146 --> 00:17:16,646
Ain't she great?

375
00:17:16,648 --> 00:17:17,730
Mmm.

376
00:17:17,732 --> 00:17:19,065
Sheldon.

377
00:17:19,067 --> 00:17:21,016
Now, how's about you get us
a couple of beers?

378
00:17:38,237 --> 00:17:39,554
Thanks again
for cooking.

379
00:17:39,556 --> 00:17:41,072
Yeah, everything
was delicious.

380
00:17:41,074 --> 00:17:42,073
Well, I couldn't

381
00:17:42,075 --> 00:17:44,543
have done it without
my two favorite girls.

382
00:17:44,545 --> 00:17:45,560
Aw.

383
00:17:45,562 --> 00:17:47,779
Martha Stewart and Rachael Ray.

384
00:17:51,584 --> 00:17:54,252
Hey, Sheldon, what do you say
we go outside

385
00:17:54,254 --> 00:17:56,338
and throw around
the old pigskin?

386
00:17:57,206 --> 00:17:59,174
This is a Jewish house.

387
00:17:59,176 --> 00:18:00,926
I don't think they have pigskin.

388
00:18:03,396 --> 00:18:06,348
Did so!

389
00:18:07,550 --> 00:18:09,801
Hey, honey, I'm
sorry about today.

390
00:18:09,803 --> 00:18:11,920
And I promise, next
time I get married,

391
00:18:11,922 --> 00:18:13,471
it won't be a joke.

392
00:18:13,473 --> 00:18:15,089
It'll be for love.

393
00:18:15,091 --> 00:18:17,225
Or money.

394
00:18:20,179 --> 00:18:21,530
I'm sorry, too.

395
00:18:21,532 --> 00:18:23,064
Don't be.

396
00:18:23,066 --> 00:18:24,065
It's my fault.

397
00:18:24,067 --> 00:18:25,483
I was a terrible husband.

398
00:18:27,119 --> 00:18:29,788
I was never around.

399
00:18:31,607 --> 00:18:33,625
I know I'm hard on you,

400
00:18:33,627 --> 00:18:36,411
but you're not the worst
son-in-law in the world.

401
00:18:36,413 --> 00:18:39,331
Mike, that's the nicest thing
you've ever said to me.

402
00:18:39,333 --> 00:18:42,133
Well, I'm drunk.

403
00:18:45,404 --> 00:18:47,639
I just vomited
on a lot of clowns.

404
00:18:47,641 --> 00:18:52,641
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man