1
00:00:08,565 --> 00:00:11,746
This is nice,
that we all get to eat together.

2
00:00:11,748 --> 00:00:12,563
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.

3
00:00:12,565 --> 00:00:13,746
Absolutely.

4
00:00:16,664 --> 00:00:17,863
Hmm.

5
00:00:19,897 --> 00:00:21,580
Can we maybe
put the phones down

6
00:00:21,582 --> 00:00:23,547
and have an actual
human conversation?

7
00:00:23,549 --> 00:00:24,746
We can,

8
00:00:24,748 --> 00:00:26,363
but thanks
to Steve Jobs,

9
00:00:26,365 --> 00:00:28,580
we don't have to.

10
00:00:29,581 --> 00:00:30,646
Guys, guys,

11
00:00:30,648 --> 00:00:31,696
you're never gonna believe this.

12
00:00:31,698 --> 00:00:34,029
What happened?
I just got a part on a TV show!

13
00:00:34,031 --> 00:00:35,530
What? That's great!
Congratulations!

14
00:00:35,532 --> 00:00:36,447
Guys!

15
00:00:36,449 --> 00:00:37,913
Oh, yeah!

16
00:00:37,915 --> 00:00:38,863
Yay, Penny!

17
00:00:39,830 --> 00:00:41,447
What's the show?

18
00:00:41,449 --> 00:00:43,829
Um, NC... II...

19
00:00:43,831 --> 00:00:46,580
or, you know, NCSTD:
I don't know,

20
00:00:46,582 --> 00:00:48,913
it's-it's the one

21
00:00:48,915 --> 00:00:50,530
with the letters and
I'm gonna be on it!

22
00:00:50,532 --> 00:00:52,530
That's amazing.
Yeah.

23
00:00:52,532 --> 00:00:53,463
What's your part?

24
00:00:53,465 --> 00:00:55,146
Um, I play a customer
in a diner

25
00:00:55,148 --> 00:00:56,913
and I flirt
with Mark Harmon.

26
00:00:56,915 --> 00:00:58,330
Ooh, Mark Harmon,

27
00:00:58,332 --> 00:01:00,280
he's a dreamboat.

28
00:01:01,131 --> 00:01:02,996
So I-it's just flirting?

29
00:01:02,998 --> 00:01:04,146
Well, yeah. Why?

30
00:01:04,148 --> 00:01:05,163
Uh, no reason.

31
00:01:05,165 --> 00:01:06,163
I just think it's sexier

32
00:01:06,165 --> 00:01:07,724
when things are left
to the imagination.

33
00:01:10,331 --> 00:01:12,746
He's wrong.

34
00:01:36,960 --> 00:01:41,955
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man

35
00:01:41,981 --> 00:01:44,930
So I-I read a study that
says a man with a dog

36
00:01:44,932 --> 00:01:47,480
is three times more likely
to get a woman's phone number.

37
00:01:47,482 --> 00:01:49,579
Is it true even when
the man lets his dog

38
00:01:49,581 --> 00:01:52,113
lick peanut butter
off his tongue?

39
00:01:52,115 --> 00:01:54,514
I don't see why not.

40
00:01:55,847 --> 00:01:57,247
If you're really
desperate to meet women

41
00:01:57,249 --> 00:01:59,347
and like having food
eaten out of your mouth,

42
00:01:59,349 --> 00:02:01,547
I could set you up
with my mom.

43
00:02:02,881 --> 00:02:04,879
Why is that funny?

44
00:02:06,064 --> 00:02:08,130
That's just unhygienic.

45
00:02:09,148 --> 00:02:10,097
It's a joke.

46
00:02:10,099 --> 00:02:11,930
I don't think so.

47
00:02:12,797 --> 00:02:14,314
I believe that a joke

48
00:02:14,316 --> 00:02:15,896
is a brief oral narrative

49
00:02:15,898 --> 00:02:18,097
with a climactic
humorous twist.

50
00:02:18,099 --> 00:02:21,097
For example, uh,
Wolowitz's mother is so fat

51
00:02:21,099 --> 00:02:23,314
that she decided
to go on a diet...

52
00:02:23,316 --> 00:02:26,546
or exercise, or both.

53
00:02:28,714 --> 00:02:30,180
See?

54
00:02:30,182 --> 00:02:33,514
The twist is that people
don't usually change.

55
00:02:36,764 --> 00:02:39,730
Well, they don't.

56
00:02:39,732 --> 00:02:41,180
Hey, guys, don't forget,

57
00:02:41,182 --> 00:02:42,980
my episode's on TV
tomorrow night.

58
00:02:42,982 --> 00:02:44,314
We'll be there.
Can we bring anything?

59
00:02:44,316 --> 00:02:45,347
Oh, that's so sweet of you,

60
00:02:45,349 --> 00:02:46,896
but I was gonna steal food
from here.

61
00:02:46,898 --> 00:02:50,063
You know... my treat.

62
00:02:50,065 --> 00:02:52,013
Wait, if Howard's
mother is coming,

63
00:02:52,015 --> 00:02:54,046
then you should
also steal marbles.

64
00:02:58,514 --> 00:02:59,930
Because she's obese,

65
00:02:59,932 --> 00:03:01,314
and hippos are obese,

66
00:03:01,316 --> 00:03:03,347
and in the popular board game
"Hungry Hungry Hippos,"

67
00:03:03,349 --> 00:03:05,180
they eat marbles.

68
00:03:09,981 --> 00:03:12,563
Maybe I need to dumb
these down for you.

69
00:03:15,098 --> 00:03:17,213
Leonard, do you
think I'm funny?

70
00:03:17,215 --> 00:03:18,397
No.

71
00:03:21,897 --> 00:03:23,430
Do you?

72
00:03:23,432 --> 00:03:25,646
I think I'm hysterical.

73
00:03:26,731 --> 00:03:28,263
I take it back.

74
00:03:28,265 --> 00:03:31,347
That was funny.

75
00:03:31,349 --> 00:03:33,397
The philosopher
Henri Bergson

76
00:03:33,399 --> 00:03:34,713
says it's funny

77
00:03:34,715 --> 00:03:37,730
when a human being
behaves like an object.

78
00:03:37,732 --> 00:03:40,380
I bet that bit killed
at The Chuckle Hut.

79
00:03:42,514 --> 00:03:44,397
Oh, he didn't perform
stand-up comedy,

80
00:03:44,399 --> 00:03:46,596
he was a philosopher.

81
00:03:48,047 --> 00:03:50,263
You know, I think
we're zeroing in on your problem.

82
00:03:51,847 --> 00:03:54,063
Perhaps I'll
spend some time

83
00:03:54,065 --> 00:03:56,430
developing a unified
theory of comedy,

84
00:03:56,432 --> 00:03:58,846
which will allow me
to elicit laughter

85
00:03:58,848 --> 00:04:00,263
from anyone
at any time.

86
00:04:00,265 --> 00:04:01,846
Unless they're German,

87
00:04:01,848 --> 00:04:04,680
'cause that's a tough crowd.

88
00:04:04,682 --> 00:04:08,263
Are you set on people
laughing with you?

89
00:04:08,265 --> 00:04:10,563
'Cause if you're
cool with at you...

90
00:04:17,148 --> 00:04:19,429
I don't get it.

91
00:04:20,480 --> 00:04:22,429
Raj, when you said you
were gonna bring a date

92
00:04:22,431 --> 00:04:23,563
to watch Penny's
thing tonight,

93
00:04:23,565 --> 00:04:25,097
I didn't think
you meant Stuart.

94
00:04:27,231 --> 00:04:28,513
Really?

95
00:04:28,515 --> 00:04:29,879
I never for a second

96
00:04:29,881 --> 00:04:32,380
thought it'd be
anything else.

97
00:04:32,382 --> 00:04:35,097
I almost met someone
last night, but I blew it.

98
00:04:35,099 --> 00:04:36,896
I was walking Cinnamon

99
00:04:36,898 --> 00:04:38,479
and this girl
introduced herself,

100
00:04:38,481 --> 00:04:40,596
but she was so cute I panicked

101
00:04:40,598 --> 00:04:42,347
and said,
"Wouldn't it be easier

102
00:04:42,349 --> 00:04:45,180
if instead of talking we could
just sniff each other's butts?"

103
00:04:46,315 --> 00:04:49,147
Well, Stuart's cute
in his own way.

104
00:04:49,149 --> 00:04:50,314
When I was a baby,

105
00:04:50,316 --> 00:04:52,513
my mother called me
her little possum.

106
00:04:52,515 --> 00:04:54,347
Are possums cute?

107
00:04:54,349 --> 00:04:56,380
Not at all.

108
00:04:57,397 --> 00:04:58,763
If you're so intimidated

109
00:04:58,765 --> 00:05:00,546
by talking to
attractive girls,

110
00:05:00,548 --> 00:05:01,930
maybe you should practice

111
00:05:01,932 --> 00:05:03,314
by talking to
regular people.

112
00:05:03,316 --> 00:05:06,347
You mean like fatties and uggos?

113
00:05:07,380 --> 00:05:09,813
Or maybe just stop talking.

114
00:05:09,815 --> 00:05:11,396
I'm serious.

115
00:05:11,398 --> 00:05:13,513
Go to the mall,
talk to anybody,

116
00:05:13,515 --> 00:05:14,596
practice— that way,

117
00:05:14,598 --> 00:05:16,263
when you eventually do
talk to a cute girl,

118
00:05:16,265 --> 00:05:17,396
it won't be so scary.

119
00:05:17,398 --> 00:05:19,930
Or just keep dating the possum.

120
00:05:22,764 --> 00:05:26,314
Parsa doesn't have
those kind of resources.

121
00:05:26,316 --> 00:05:29,213
No, and that's why he had
Erin Pace rewire it...

122
00:05:29,215 --> 00:05:30,429
I'm so proud of you.

123
00:05:30,431 --> 00:05:31,788
We haven't even
gotten to my scene yet.

124
00:05:31,813 --> 00:05:33,553
I know,
but you're going to be a TV star

125
00:05:33,554 --> 00:05:35,905
and you haven't left me yet.
That takes guts.

126
00:05:38,148 --> 00:05:39,363
I don't know about you,

127
00:05:39,365 --> 00:05:41,013
but I'm very
uncomfortable with all this.

128
00:05:41,015 --> 00:05:44,280
Why?
I've never seen this show before

129
00:05:44,282 --> 00:05:47,046
and now I'm starting
with episode 246?

130
00:05:48,847 --> 00:05:51,063
It's unnatural.

131
00:05:51,065 --> 00:05:54,713
Just think of the first 245
as the prequel.

132
00:05:55,480 --> 00:05:57,479
All right.

133
00:05:58,897 --> 00:06:00,546
Okay, shh.
Guys, guys, this is it.

134
00:06:00,548 --> 00:06:02,930
I guess it's you and me, kid.

135
00:06:02,932 --> 00:06:04,596
What are you doing?

136
00:06:04,598 --> 00:06:06,213
I'm trying to make peace.

137
00:06:06,215 --> 00:06:07,314
We're good.
Good.

138
00:06:07,316 --> 00:06:09,147
Really? Because...
Are you kidding me?

139
00:06:09,149 --> 00:06:10,379
What's wrong?

140
00:06:10,381 --> 00:06:12,230
Well... the diner scene.

141
00:06:12,232 --> 00:06:13,846
Where's my diner scene?

142
00:06:13,848 --> 00:06:14,896
Well, don't ask me.

143
00:06:14,898 --> 00:06:17,546
Until I see the prequel,
I'm lost.

144
00:06:17,548 --> 00:06:19,097
No, there was supposed
to be a big scene

145
00:06:19,099 --> 00:06:20,063
with me and Mark Harmon,

146
00:06:20,065 --> 00:06:22,013
but I-it's... gone.

147
00:06:22,015 --> 00:06:23,147
What happened?

148
00:06:23,149 --> 00:06:25,346
They must've cut it.

149
00:06:25,348 --> 00:06:27,513
Oh, Penny...

150
00:06:28,347 --> 00:06:30,013
I'm... I'm sorry.

151
00:06:30,015 --> 00:06:31,680
That stinks.
I'm sure you were great.

152
00:06:31,682 --> 00:06:33,147
This doesn't make any sense.

153
00:06:33,149 --> 00:06:34,313
I mean, I...

154
00:06:34,315 --> 00:06:36,763
I thought I did a...
a really good job, I...

155
00:06:39,014 --> 00:06:41,197
Excuse me.

156
00:06:45,681 --> 00:06:48,763
I've been studying how
to make people laugh.

157
00:06:52,181 --> 00:06:53,563
They say that comedy

158
00:06:53,565 --> 00:06:55,763
is tragedy plus time.

159
00:06:57,814 --> 00:06:59,097
Let's tickle some ribs.

160
00:07:03,397 --> 00:07:04,713
No, Dad,

161
00:07:04,715 --> 00:07:06,846
I don't think they
cut me out of the show

162
00:07:06,848 --> 00:07:08,846
because I was too pretty.

163
00:07:10,564 --> 00:07:12,262
No, I don't need
you to come out

164
00:07:12,264 --> 00:07:15,030
and kick Mark Harmon's ass.

165
00:07:16,647 --> 00:07:17,930
Daddy, I gotta go.

166
00:07:17,932 --> 00:07:19,529
I love you. Bye.

167
00:07:19,531 --> 00:07:21,346
How you doing?

168
00:07:21,348 --> 00:07:23,879
Ugh, this is
such a disaster.

169
00:07:23,881 --> 00:07:26,379
My parents had all
my relatives over.

170
00:07:26,381 --> 00:07:28,563
They got one of those
six-foot sandwiches,

171
00:07:28,565 --> 00:07:32,429
and got my brother
a day pass out of rehab and...

172
00:07:33,647 --> 00:07:34,896
now he's missing

173
00:07:34,898 --> 00:07:37,479
and the sandwich
is missing, and...

174
00:07:37,481 --> 00:07:39,063
They're probably
in Mexico by now.

175
00:07:39,065 --> 00:07:41,646
So humiliating.

176
00:07:41,648 --> 00:07:43,396
You still got the part.

177
00:07:43,398 --> 00:07:45,396
That's a huge
accomplishment.

178
00:07:45,398 --> 00:07:46,879
Yeah, but this was
supposed to be my break, okay?

179
00:07:46,881 --> 00:07:48,063
People were gonna
see me in this show

180
00:07:48,065 --> 00:07:49,213
and it was gonna
lead to bigger things.

181
00:07:49,214 --> 00:07:50,596
More auditions,
more parts...

182
00:07:50,598 --> 00:07:52,713
Now none of that's
gonna happen.

183
00:07:52,715 --> 00:07:53,846
Honey, you only had,
like, three lines.

184
00:07:53,848 --> 00:07:55,212
That wasn't gonna
happen anyway.

185
00:07:59,897 --> 00:08:01,763
Unbelievable.
Oh...

186
00:08:01,765 --> 00:08:03,930
Come on... no,
that's not what I meant.

187
00:08:03,932 --> 00:08:05,180
Then what did you mean?
I don't...

188
00:08:05,182 --> 00:08:06,346
Look, you know, words don't

189
00:08:06,348 --> 00:08:08,563
always have to mean things.

190
00:08:08,565 --> 00:08:10,229
I think you meant

191
00:08:10,231 --> 00:08:11,596
that you don't believe in me.
Nope.

192
00:08:11,598 --> 00:08:14,646
Uh-uh... I might not
know what I-I meant,

193
00:08:14,648 --> 00:08:16,563
but I know that
I didn't mean that.

194
00:08:16,565 --> 00:08:18,846
Not this guy.
Oh, no way.

195
00:08:18,848 --> 00:08:20,496
I want you, right now,

196
00:08:20,498 --> 00:08:22,763
to give me your 100% honest opinion.
Right.

197
00:08:22,765 --> 00:08:24,813
Do you think I have
what it takes

198
00:08:24,815 --> 00:08:26,546
to really make it
as an actress?

199
00:08:26,548 --> 00:08:28,429
Yes.
So you think I'll be on TV

200
00:08:28,431 --> 00:08:30,063
and in movies
and win awards.

201
00:08:30,065 --> 00:08:31,980
Honestly?
Yes, honestly.

202
00:08:33,064 --> 00:08:34,080
I don't.

203
00:08:34,082 --> 00:08:36,846
How could you say that?

204
00:08:36,848 --> 00:08:38,013
I don't know...

205
00:08:38,015 --> 00:08:40,013
I got all confused when
you said "honestly".

206
00:08:40,015 --> 00:08:42,179
Oh!

207
00:08:43,564 --> 00:08:45,796
Look, do I think
that you are talented

208
00:08:45,798 --> 00:08:46,980
and that you are beautiful?

209
00:08:46,982 --> 00:08:48,396
Of course I do.

210
00:08:48,398 --> 00:08:50,813
But isn't Los Angeles
full of actresses

211
00:08:50,815 --> 00:08:52,147
who are just as talented,

212
00:08:52,149 --> 00:08:54,346
just as beautiful?

213
00:08:54,348 --> 00:08:56,846
All right, look...
we'll come back to that.

214
00:08:56,848 --> 00:08:58,379
No, please.
Don't stop, go on.

215
00:08:58,381 --> 00:08:59,730
Tell me how I'm
gonna be a waitress

216
00:08:59,732 --> 00:09:01,013
for the rest of my life.

217
00:09:01,015 --> 00:09:02,396
That is not what I said.

218
00:09:02,398 --> 00:09:04,813
Look, I think
you're really good.

219
00:09:04,815 --> 00:09:06,646
I truly do.

220
00:09:06,648 --> 00:09:08,047
But this is an
incredibly hard thing

221
00:09:08,048 --> 00:09:09,379
that you're shooting for.

222
00:09:09,381 --> 00:09:10,713
I mean, the odds

223
00:09:10,715 --> 00:09:12,763
of anyone becoming
a successful actor

224
00:09:12,765 --> 00:09:14,513
are like a million to one.

225
00:09:14,515 --> 00:09:16,713
Wow, thank you.

226
00:09:24,213 --> 00:09:27,563
Should've let Sheldon come.

227
00:09:34,009 --> 00:09:36,190
This is interesting.

228
00:09:36,192 --> 00:09:38,323
Apparently,
a key component

229
00:09:38,325 --> 00:09:39,841
in some forms of humor

230
00:09:39,843 --> 00:09:42,091
is the element of surprise.

231
00:09:42,093 --> 00:09:43,674
Well, that makes sense.

232
00:09:43,676 --> 00:09:45,157
The prefrontal cortex

233
00:09:45,159 --> 00:09:47,924
is responsible for
planning and anticipation,

234
00:09:47,926 --> 00:09:49,591
and patients with
brain lesions on their...

235
00:09:49,593 --> 00:09:52,207
Brain lesions!

236
00:09:56,959 --> 00:09:58,507
Sheldon, you scared me.

237
00:09:58,509 --> 00:09:59,708
That wasn't funny.

238
00:09:59,710 --> 00:10:01,490
Or maybe you have a stick

239
00:10:01,492 --> 00:10:03,008
up your prefrontal cortex.

240
00:10:05,042 --> 00:10:06,257
Okay, the notion that

241
00:10:06,259 --> 00:10:08,257
you can read a few
books and come up with

242
00:10:08,259 --> 00:10:10,924
a definitive theory
of comedy is absurd.

243
00:10:10,926 --> 00:10:12,341
I mean, humor is

244
00:10:12,343 --> 00:10:14,457
a complex neurological...

245
00:10:19,075 --> 00:10:20,841
Okay, that's pretty good.

246
00:10:20,843 --> 00:10:22,041
Excellent.

247
00:10:30,091 --> 00:10:31,541
How about her?

248
00:10:31,543 --> 00:10:32,841
No!

249
00:10:32,843 --> 00:10:34,490
No pretty girls!

250
00:10:34,492 --> 00:10:36,257
The point is to talk
to regular people

251
00:10:36,259 --> 00:10:37,874
and work our way up
to pretty girls.

252
00:10:37,876 --> 00:10:39,323
Fine.

253
00:10:39,325 --> 00:10:42,207
How about that old lady
with the walker?

254
00:10:43,508 --> 00:10:45,008
That depends.

255
00:10:45,010 --> 00:10:49,008
On any level,
do you think she's hot?

256
00:10:49,010 --> 00:10:51,207
We'll find somebody else.

257
00:10:54,026 --> 00:10:55,891
Kumquat?

258
00:10:57,825 --> 00:11:00,591
I guess.

259
00:11:01,825 --> 00:11:04,074
Ointment?

260
00:11:05,458 --> 00:11:07,791
Sure.

261
00:11:07,793 --> 00:11:10,424
Now, would you say
ointment

262
00:11:10,426 --> 00:11:15,307
is more, equal to,
or less funny than kumquat?

263
00:11:17,458 --> 00:11:20,958
I don't think I want
to go out with you anymore.

264
00:11:20,960 --> 00:11:22,874
Will you please
stop joking around?

265
00:11:22,876 --> 00:11:24,624
I'm trying to figure this out.

266
00:11:24,626 --> 00:11:27,591
Sheldon, how many words
are you gonna go through?

267
00:11:27,593 --> 00:11:29,724
All of them.

268
00:11:30,875 --> 00:11:33,591
You didn't get your part cut.

269
00:11:34,893 --> 00:11:36,424
All right, baby,
here's the deal.

270
00:11:36,426 --> 00:11:39,157
And you didn't get
your part cut.

271
00:11:40,359 --> 00:11:43,224
Yep, bunch of old guys
rocking out in a band,

272
00:11:43,226 --> 00:11:44,357
all with erectile dysfunction,

273
00:11:44,359 --> 00:11:45,891
you didn't get
your part cut!

274
00:11:49,892 --> 00:11:50,858
Hey.

275
00:11:50,860 --> 00:11:52,490
Can we talk?

276
00:11:52,492 --> 00:11:56,808
We can, but the part
of Penny might get cut.

277
00:11:57,925 --> 00:12:01,541
That was really
crappy of me.

278
00:12:01,543 --> 00:12:03,824
What you're trying
to do is hard,

279
00:12:03,826 --> 00:12:05,507
but people do make it,

280
00:12:05,509 --> 00:12:08,491
and I really do believe
you could be one of them.

281
00:12:08,493 --> 00:12:10,990
Thank you.

282
00:12:10,992 --> 00:12:12,040
And...

283
00:12:12,042 --> 00:12:15,257
to show you how much
I believe in you,

284
00:12:15,259 --> 00:12:18,040
I kind of got you an audition.

285
00:12:18,042 --> 00:12:19,758
Are you serious? For what?

286
00:12:19,760 --> 00:12:22,040
The new Star Wars movie.
What?

287
00:12:22,042 --> 00:12:24,824
How did you manage that?

288
00:12:24,826 --> 00:12:26,657
There's this thing online,
you put yourself on tape

289
00:12:26,659 --> 00:12:28,841
and just send it in—
anyone can do it.

290
00:12:30,342 --> 00:12:33,090
Come on Leonard,
this is just a PR stunt.

291
00:12:33,092 --> 00:12:36,374
So? Even if it is,
you have a huge advantage

292
00:12:36,376 --> 00:12:37,824
because you're
an actual actress.

293
00:12:37,826 --> 00:12:40,990
Most of the people doing this
are just weirdoes and nerds.

294
00:12:42,008 --> 00:12:45,424
Wolowitz sent his in
two days ago.

295
00:12:45,426 --> 00:12:47,657
Really, let it go.

296
00:12:47,659 --> 00:12:50,323
Look, maybe it
is a long shot,

297
00:12:50,325 --> 00:12:51,874
but sometimes
long shots happen.

298
00:12:51,876 --> 00:12:54,040
Luke Skywalker was
only given one chance

299
00:12:54,042 --> 00:12:55,374
to destroy the Death Star.

300
00:12:55,376 --> 00:12:58,157
He had to get a torpedo
into an exhaust port

301
00:12:58,159 --> 00:12:59,490
that was only
two meters wide,

302
00:12:59,492 --> 00:13:01,791
but with the help
of The Force, he...

303
00:13:01,793 --> 00:13:05,007
Wow, I can feel you
hating me right now.

304
00:13:06,941 --> 00:13:10,957
How about that lady
in the sweat suit, speed-walking?

305
00:13:10,959 --> 00:13:13,624
Yeah, she seems friendly
and easy to...

306
00:13:13,626 --> 00:13:15,490
Never mind, she's gone.

307
00:13:17,008 --> 00:13:21,157
Yeah, maybe talking
to people is too hard.

308
00:13:21,159 --> 00:13:23,507
We could go over to
that department store,

309
00:13:23,509 --> 00:13:25,824
practice on
the mannequins.

310
00:13:25,826 --> 00:13:26,858
I don't know.

311
00:13:26,860 --> 00:13:28,374
They're dressed
very stylishly.

312
00:13:28,376 --> 00:13:29,873
They're probably stuck-up.

313
00:13:32,158 --> 00:13:33,457
This is ridiculous.

314
00:13:33,459 --> 00:13:35,157
The next person
that walks by,

315
00:13:35,159 --> 00:13:38,124
no matter who it is,
they're the one.

316
00:13:41,442 --> 00:13:43,841
We're gonna die here.

317
00:13:46,075 --> 00:13:48,040
Hello.
Hey.

318
00:13:48,042 --> 00:13:49,323
Where's Sheldon?

319
00:13:49,325 --> 00:13:50,990
He's home trying to use science

320
00:13:50,992 --> 00:13:53,374
to determine the basis of humor.

321
00:13:53,376 --> 00:13:55,490
That's interesting.
It's exhausting.

322
00:13:55,492 --> 00:13:57,323
Do you have
any idea how hard it is

323
00:13:57,325 --> 00:13:59,457
to laugh at a knock-knock
joke that starts with,

324
00:13:59,459 --> 00:14:00,657
"Knock-knock-knock, Amy,

325
00:14:00,659 --> 00:14:03,174
knock-knock-knock, Amy,
knock-knock-knock, Amy"?

326
00:14:04,158 --> 00:14:05,873
If you want him to stop,

327
00:14:05,875 --> 00:14:08,257
sometimes the easiest thing
to do is just fake a laugh.

328
00:14:08,259 --> 00:14:11,591
Fake a laugh?

329
00:14:11,593 --> 00:14:13,591
Do you ever do that with me?

330
00:14:13,593 --> 00:14:17,207
No, of course not.

331
00:14:17,209 --> 00:14:19,708
Well, I'd be able
to tell anyway.

332
00:14:19,710 --> 00:14:22,007
I don't think you would.

333
00:14:22,009 --> 00:14:24,657
Please, I've made
plenty of girls laugh,

334
00:14:24,659 --> 00:14:26,840
sometimes just by
asking them out.

335
00:14:59,091 --> 00:15:01,507
Yeah? Well, I fake my orgasms.

336
00:15:03,675 --> 00:15:07,758
Yes, how much for a hundred
long-stemmed red roses?

337
00:15:09,125 --> 00:15:11,357
Really?

338
00:15:11,359 --> 00:15:13,424
How much for three?

339
00:15:15,625 --> 00:15:16,591
Hey.

340
00:15:16,593 --> 00:15:18,424
Yeah, I'll call you back.

341
00:15:19,841 --> 00:15:22,823
Look, I know you were
just trying to help

342
00:15:22,825 --> 00:15:24,290
with your Star Wars thing.

343
00:15:24,292 --> 00:15:25,990
I didn't mean
to call it idiotic.

344
00:15:25,992 --> 00:15:28,424
Well, I don't think
you called it idiotic.

345
00:15:28,426 --> 00:15:29,424
Oh.

346
00:15:29,426 --> 00:15:31,357
Sorry, I meant to.

347
00:15:33,208 --> 00:15:37,124
Anyway, um, I was just upset
with myself.

348
00:15:37,126 --> 00:15:39,007
I wasn't mad at you.

349
00:15:40,125 --> 00:15:42,090
I just feel like everything
is falling apart.

350
00:15:42,092 --> 00:15:43,923
Come on. It's okay.

351
00:15:43,925 --> 00:15:45,957
No, it's not okay!
Look at me, okay?

352
00:15:45,959 --> 00:15:48,457
I took a temp job
as a waitress forever ago,

353
00:15:48,459 --> 00:15:49,591
and I'm still doing it.

354
00:15:49,593 --> 00:15:51,257
I can't quit,
because guess what?

355
00:15:51,259 --> 00:15:53,323
I can't do anything else.

356
00:15:53,325 --> 00:15:56,124
And I finally get my big break,
and it goes away!

357
00:15:56,126 --> 00:15:57,257
I'm such a mess.

358
00:15:57,259 --> 00:15:58,990
No, you're not.
Really?

359
00:15:58,992 --> 00:16:00,207
'Cause this morning
at Starbucks,

360
00:16:00,209 --> 00:16:03,507
a pair of old underwear
fell out of my pant leg!

361
00:16:05,625 --> 00:16:08,341
And it wasn't the only
one in there.

362
00:16:09,874 --> 00:16:13,674
Okay, listen to me,
this is just a minor setback.

363
00:16:13,676 --> 00:16:15,341
No, it's not, okay?
I've been out here

364
00:16:15,343 --> 00:16:18,007
for, like, ten years!
I've nothing to show for it!

365
00:16:18,009 --> 00:16:20,090
Well, you have me.

366
00:16:20,924 --> 00:16:23,007
You're right.

367
00:16:23,009 --> 00:16:25,457
I do have you.

368
00:16:26,709 --> 00:16:28,290
Mm...

369
00:16:29,458 --> 00:16:31,207
Let's get married.

370
00:16:32,874 --> 00:16:34,207
What?

371
00:16:37,592 --> 00:16:39,707
Ooh!

372
00:16:39,709 --> 00:16:42,990
Leonard Hofstadter...

373
00:16:42,992 --> 00:16:44,374
will you marry me?

374
00:16:44,376 --> 00:16:47,457
Um...

375
00:16:48,491 --> 00:16:51,957
Did you seriously
just say, "Um"?

376
00:16:53,208 --> 00:16:56,507
Look, you know I love you,

377
00:16:56,509 --> 00:17:00,157
but-but you're-you're drunk
and sad and feeling lost...

378
00:17:00,159 --> 00:17:03,090
Okay, so-so you don't
want to marry me?

379
00:17:03,092 --> 00:17:04,457
That is not what I said.

380
00:17:04,459 --> 00:17:06,490
No, forget it! I take it back!
Offer's off the table!

381
00:17:06,492 --> 00:17:09,090
Who's in the mood to laugh?

382
00:17:10,625 --> 00:17:12,656
Really not a good time.

383
00:17:12,658 --> 00:17:15,290
But I used science
to construct the perfect joke.

384
00:17:15,292 --> 00:17:16,990
I'm gonna go.
Penny, don't.

385
00:17:16,992 --> 00:17:19,541
No, no, I just need
to be alone.

386
00:17:22,542 --> 00:17:27,656
So, a sandwich, a rabbi
and yo mama walk into a bar.

387
00:17:27,658 --> 00:17:29,757
Where are you going?

388
00:17:29,759 --> 00:17:31,490
To my room.
Should I follow you?

389
00:17:31,492 --> 00:17:32,823
No.

390
00:17:32,825 --> 00:17:34,157
Leonard, wait.

391
00:17:34,159 --> 00:17:35,341
What?

392
00:17:35,343 --> 00:17:38,673
I forgot to tell you
the sandwich is promiscuous.

393
00:17:49,324 --> 00:17:51,757
How about those guys
on that bench over there?

394
00:17:51,759 --> 00:17:52,690
They look pathetic.

395
00:17:52,692 --> 00:17:55,224
I bet we could
talk to them.

396
00:17:55,226 --> 00:17:56,857
That's a mirror.

397
00:17:57,891 --> 00:18:00,290
Oh, yeah.

398
00:18:02,508 --> 00:18:04,507
Hey, fellas,
mall's closing.

399
00:18:04,509 --> 00:18:06,507
Sorry.
Yeah. Good night.

400
00:18:07,874 --> 00:18:09,207
Uh, excuse me.

401
00:18:09,209 --> 00:18:10,290
Yeah?

402
00:18:11,208 --> 00:18:15,157
Uh, do-do you like being
a mall security guard?

403
00:18:15,159 --> 00:18:17,590
It's all right.

404
00:18:17,592 --> 00:18:20,207
Okay, nice talking to you.

405
00:18:24,375 --> 00:18:27,873
Smooth...!

406
00:18:36,258 --> 00:18:37,823
Can't sleep?

407
00:18:37,825 --> 00:18:40,090
No.

408
00:18:43,657 --> 00:18:48,157
Would you like
to talk about it?

409
00:18:48,159 --> 00:18:51,773
Penny proposed,
and I didn't say yes.

410
00:18:53,342 --> 00:18:54,690
Why not?

411
00:18:56,758 --> 00:18:59,623
That's a good question.

412
00:19:00,924 --> 00:19:03,341
Does that mean the
relationship is over?

413
00:19:03,343 --> 00:19:06,374
I don't know.

414
00:19:06,376 --> 00:19:09,007
Why don't you ask her?

415
00:19:10,674 --> 00:19:15,007
Because I'm afraid
to know the answer.

416
00:19:19,325 --> 00:19:21,990
Well...

417
00:19:21,992 --> 00:19:23,207
I'm sorry.

418
00:19:25,075 --> 00:19:27,157
That's it?

419
00:19:27,159 --> 00:19:29,873
You're not gonna make
some dumb joke

420
00:19:29,875 --> 00:19:31,623
or some inappropriate comment?

421
00:19:31,625 --> 00:19:34,623
No.

422
00:19:34,625 --> 00:19:37,540
You're my friend, and...

423
00:19:37,542 --> 00:19:38,757
I'm sorry.

424
00:19:44,208 --> 00:19:47,990
Did you just put a "kick me"
sign on my back?

425
00:19:51,874 --> 00:19:54,490
No.

426
00:19:54,492 --> 00:19:57,290
That wouldn't be
funny at all.

427
00:20:12,941 --> 00:20:16,806
Star Wars audition, take one...

428
00:20:16,808 --> 00:20:21,323
starring Howard Joel Wolowitz,
real-life astronaut.

429
00:20:28,287 --> 00:20:30,669
Vader is here...

430
00:20:30,671 --> 00:20:33,485
now... on this moon.

431
00:20:33,487 --> 00:20:35,203
I felt his presence.

432
00:20:35,205 --> 00:20:37,036
He's come for me.

433
00:20:37,038 --> 00:20:38,669
He can feel when I'm near...

434
00:20:38,671 --> 00:20:39,713
How many times
do I have to tell you

435
00:20:39,714 --> 00:20:41,879
to replace the toilet paper
when it's empty?

436
00:20:43,547 --> 00:20:45,979
I'm in the middle of something!
So am I!

437
00:20:45,981 --> 00:20:50,976
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man