1
00:00:00,486 --> 00:00:01,851
That was the closest
I've come to sex

2
00:00:01,853 --> 00:00:03,051
in, like, two years.

3
00:00:04,385 --> 00:00:07,185
Now I feel a
little gross.

4
00:00:07,187 --> 00:00:09,918
You're only making it seem
more real for me.

5
00:00:10,986 --> 00:00:12,751
Hey, that's my wife.

6
00:00:12,753 --> 00:00:15,284
If anyone's gonna make her feel
gross about sex, it's me.

7
00:00:16,385 --> 00:00:17,818
Can we please talk
about something

8
00:00:17,820 --> 00:00:19,718
other than my
depressing love life?

9
00:00:19,720 --> 00:00:21,885
How about Penny's
depressing acting career?

10
00:00:23,186 --> 00:00:24,351
Hey.

11
00:00:24,353 --> 00:00:25,985
I mean, it's been
a little tough,

12
00:00:25,987 --> 00:00:27,417
but Penny's following
her dreams,

13
00:00:27,419 --> 00:00:29,451
and in my book,
that is not depressing.

14
00:00:29,453 --> 00:00:31,317
Aw... Thank you.

15
00:00:31,319 --> 00:00:34,051
Is that book called
Lies I Tell to Get Sex?

16
00:00:34,752 --> 00:00:35,985
Is that
a real book?

17
00:00:35,987 --> 00:00:37,751
I would totally
read that book.

18
00:00:38,619 --> 00:00:40,784
Can I borrow it
when you're done?

19
00:00:45,352 --> 00:00:46,484
Well, I'll have
you guys know

20
00:00:46,486 --> 00:00:48,484
I turned down a part
in a movie last week.

21
00:00:48,486 --> 00:00:49,718
Why would you do that?

22
00:00:49,720 --> 00:00:50,918
Because it was crap.

23
00:00:50,920 --> 00:00:52,251
It's a sequel to that awful

24
00:00:52,253 --> 00:00:53,484
killer gorilla movie I was in.

25
00:00:53,486 --> 00:00:55,417
Serial Ape-ist?

26
00:00:56,385 --> 00:00:58,384
I thought you
died in that.

27
00:00:58,386 --> 00:00:59,384
She does.

28
00:00:59,386 --> 00:01:00,451
42 minutes in.

29
00:01:00,453 --> 00:01:02,384
While showering topless,

30
00:01:02,386 --> 00:01:03,718
16 minutes after
brief side butt

31
00:01:03,720 --> 00:01:05,598
during a pillow fight
with her sorority sisters.

32
00:01:07,719 --> 00:01:09,284
I have an eidetic memory.

33
00:01:09,286 --> 00:01:10,985
I don't know what
his problem is.

34
00:01:12,052 --> 00:01:14,118
Okay, well, there are no
shower scenes in this one.

35
00:01:14,120 --> 00:01:16,018
They just try to clone me
from my corpse,

36
00:01:16,020 --> 00:01:17,851
but my DNA gets mixed
with the ape's DNA

37
00:01:17,853 --> 00:01:20,651
and I end up running around with
giant gorilla hands and feet.

38
00:01:22,285 --> 00:01:24,184
Am I missing something,

39
00:01:24,186 --> 00:01:26,251
or isn't that the part
she was born to play?

40
00:01:52,060 --> 00:01:57,055
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man

41
00:01:57,081 --> 00:02:00,213
So are you really not
gonna do this movie?

42
00:02:00,215 --> 00:02:01,780
Well, I don't think
it's the kind of part

43
00:02:01,782 --> 00:02:03,047
that's good for my career.

44
00:02:03,049 --> 00:02:05,580
Well, but don't
a lot of famous actors

45
00:02:05,582 --> 00:02:07,379
get their start
doing bad movies?

46
00:02:07,381 --> 00:02:09,880
Okay, I don't think Meryl Streep
ever had to say...

47
00:02:09,882 --> 00:02:11,680
"Must keep gorilla hands

48
00:02:11,682 --> 00:02:13,880
from killing again!"

49
00:02:16,414 --> 00:02:17,980
If she did, it would be amazing.

50
00:02:17,982 --> 00:02:20,780
That woman can do no wrong.

51
00:02:21,848 --> 00:02:24,179
I-I don't know anything
about show business,

52
00:02:24,181 --> 00:02:26,913
so if you think it's reasonable
to turn down paid work

53
00:02:26,915 --> 00:02:28,279
and just burn through
your savings,

54
00:02:28,281 --> 00:02:29,913
I'm sure you know
what you're doing.

55
00:02:35,414 --> 00:02:38,146
I think we're gonna go.

56
00:02:38,148 --> 00:02:39,146
Are you sure?

57
00:02:39,148 --> 00:02:41,680
We were making fun
of failed careers.

58
00:02:41,682 --> 00:02:44,646
We didn't get to tap
the juicy vein that is Howard's.

59
00:02:45,647 --> 00:02:48,747
Hey, I work
at the same university you do.

60
00:02:48,749 --> 00:02:51,079
Yes, and Hawkeye's
in the Avengers,

61
00:02:51,081 --> 00:02:53,780
but no one ever says,
"Help, Hawkeye!"

62
00:02:55,048 --> 00:02:56,880
Can I ask you
something?

63
00:02:56,882 --> 00:02:59,546
Why do you constantly feel
the need to put down my husband?

64
00:02:59,548 --> 00:03:00,580
Oh, I'm sure

65
00:03:00,582 --> 00:03:01,680
he does it out of love.

66
00:03:01,682 --> 00:03:03,713
The same way my boyfriend
makes me feel terrible

67
00:03:03,715 --> 00:03:06,513
about my life choices.

68
00:03:07,714 --> 00:03:10,513
I think we're gonna go.

69
00:03:10,515 --> 00:03:12,546
No, no, no. This is not a fight.

70
00:03:12,548 --> 00:03:15,613
I-I was just excited that
someone offered you a part

71
00:03:15,615 --> 00:03:17,246
and a little surprised
that you'd rather sit at home

72
00:03:17,248 --> 00:03:18,980
and do nothing than take it.

73
00:03:22,981 --> 00:03:24,713
Now it's a fight.

74
00:03:25,514 --> 00:03:27,480
Well, with
that sorted out,

75
00:03:27,482 --> 00:03:29,546
I'm happy to answer your
question, Bernadette.

76
00:03:29,548 --> 00:03:30,880
Howard started it.

77
00:03:30,882 --> 00:03:34,079
I didn't do anything.
I was just sitting here.

78
00:03:34,081 --> 00:03:35,246
I wasn't referring
to this evening.

79
00:03:35,248 --> 00:03:37,480
Ten years ago,
upon first seeing me,

80
00:03:37,482 --> 00:03:40,179
your husband claimed
that I looked like C-3PO

81
00:03:40,181 --> 00:03:42,546
and Pee-wee Herman.

82
00:03:44,114 --> 00:03:47,480
And he called me
C-3P-wee Herman.

83
00:03:49,447 --> 00:03:51,847
Still funny.

84
00:03:54,447 --> 00:03:56,446
That was ten years ago.

85
00:03:56,448 --> 00:03:59,146
Nine years, 11 months
and three weeks ago,

86
00:03:59,148 --> 00:04:02,379
he followed that up by replacing
the slides for my lecture

87
00:04:02,381 --> 00:04:05,880
with photographs
of nude fat women bending over.

88
00:04:06,714 --> 00:04:08,513
Really?

89
00:04:08,515 --> 00:04:10,847
The lecture was
on cosmic gas clouds.

90
00:04:10,849 --> 00:04:12,379
That's funny!

91
00:04:14,114 --> 00:04:16,713
I was there. It was funny.

92
00:04:20,681 --> 00:04:23,613
In any event, that began
a decade-long progression

93
00:04:23,615 --> 00:04:27,413
of insults, pranks and
unwanted magazine subscriptions.

94
00:04:27,415 --> 00:04:29,713
To this day,
I still get a monthly copy

95
00:04:29,715 --> 00:04:32,279
of Granny on Granny.

96
00:04:33,614 --> 00:04:35,346
Which, other than its
surprisingly fun puzzle page,

97
00:04:35,348 --> 00:04:36,813
is complete filth.

98
00:04:39,748 --> 00:04:42,446
Thanks for walking me
to my car.

99
00:04:42,448 --> 00:04:44,747
Actually,
it's for both of us.

100
00:04:44,749 --> 00:04:46,279
Last night, I watched
West Side Story,

101
00:04:46,281 --> 00:04:49,279
and I'm a little freaked out
by street gangs.

102
00:04:49,281 --> 00:04:51,580
Why can't Raj find a girl?

103
00:04:51,582 --> 00:04:54,546
The mystery continues.

104
00:04:54,548 --> 00:04:57,279
I don't appreciate
your sarcasm,

105
00:04:57,281 --> 00:05:00,713
but we've still got two blocks
to go, so I'll put up with it.

106
00:05:01,781 --> 00:05:04,079
Whatever happened with
your online dating?

107
00:05:04,081 --> 00:05:07,546
No one was writing me back, so
I stopped checking my profile.

108
00:05:07,548 --> 00:05:10,213
Before I met Sheldon,
I was ready to give up, too.

109
00:05:10,215 --> 00:05:12,279
Once, I even dropped
in on my OB/GYN

110
00:05:12,281 --> 00:05:15,246
just to get some
human contact.

111
00:05:15,248 --> 00:05:19,179
It has been a while
since I got my prostate checked.

112
00:05:19,181 --> 00:05:22,780
Then I met Sheldon and
look at where we are now.

113
00:05:22,782 --> 00:05:26,613
What? You've kissed, like,
once in three years.

114
00:05:27,547 --> 00:05:30,379
That's true.
Do whatever you want.

115
00:05:32,380 --> 00:05:33,646
Hey.

116
00:05:33,648 --> 00:05:34,946
Hello.

117
00:05:34,948 --> 00:05:37,413
Listen, I was thinking

118
00:05:37,415 --> 00:05:41,979
you and I could probably try
to be better friends.

119
00:05:41,981 --> 00:05:43,246
Really?

120
00:05:43,248 --> 00:05:46,546
I was thinking
what we have now is a bit much.

121
00:05:49,514 --> 00:05:54,313
Seriously, I was talking
to Bernadette last night and...

122
00:05:54,315 --> 00:05:56,279
she made some great points.

123
00:05:56,281 --> 00:05:59,246
You and I have known each other
a long time,

124
00:05:59,248 --> 00:06:03,513
and I didn't hear the rest
'cause she took her bra off.

125
00:06:05,748 --> 00:06:08,012
Very well.

126
00:06:08,014 --> 00:06:10,179
How do you propose
we move forward?

127
00:06:10,181 --> 00:06:14,613
Uh, for starters, we could stop
insulting each other.

128
00:06:14,615 --> 00:06:16,079
That's a great idea.

129
00:06:16,081 --> 00:06:18,413
And in the spirit
of our new arrangement,

130
00:06:18,415 --> 00:06:22,179
I will mask my surprise
that you came up with it.

131
00:06:26,214 --> 00:06:29,313
Anyway, I got invited
to do a little talk at NASA

132
00:06:29,315 --> 00:06:30,946
in Houston this weekend.

133
00:06:30,948 --> 00:06:33,146
They gave me two tickets.
Bernadette can't go.

134
00:06:33,148 --> 00:06:34,646
You want to come with me?

135
00:06:34,648 --> 00:06:36,279
You can visit
your mom,

136
00:06:36,281 --> 00:06:38,546
and I'll show you
around the space center.

137
00:06:38,548 --> 00:06:41,546
I have one question.

138
00:06:41,548 --> 00:06:43,513
Is this a prank...

139
00:06:43,515 --> 00:06:45,480
where we land in Houston

140
00:06:45,482 --> 00:06:47,179
and you've made up
wanted posters

141
00:06:47,181 --> 00:06:50,146
that have my face with
a mustache and a Spanish name

142
00:06:50,148 --> 00:06:53,812
and then I get arrested
and deported to South America?

143
00:06:53,814 --> 00:06:55,946
No.

144
00:06:55,948 --> 00:06:58,613
I'm glad because I would not
have seen that coming.

145
00:07:02,347 --> 00:07:04,646
Amy, I could use
some help.

146
00:07:04,648 --> 00:07:06,313
Oh. Let me guess.
There's an...

147
00:07:06,315 --> 00:07:07,747
undergrad in a leather jacket

148
00:07:07,749 --> 00:07:10,113
snapping his fingers
by the water fountain.

149
00:07:11,013 --> 00:07:14,346
I thought about
what you said last night,

150
00:07:14,348 --> 00:07:15,912
and I went back
on the dating Web site

151
00:07:15,914 --> 00:07:17,713
and I was looking
at this girl's profile.

152
00:07:17,715 --> 00:07:19,713
She's amazing.

153
00:07:19,715 --> 00:07:22,279
Oh, she's cute.

154
00:07:22,281 --> 00:07:24,179
And smart. Phi Beta Kappa.

155
00:07:24,181 --> 00:07:25,680
And judging by her lack
of Adam's apple,

156
00:07:25,682 --> 00:07:28,213
she's been female
her entire life.

157
00:07:30,514 --> 00:07:33,313
I like that in a woman.

158
00:07:33,315 --> 00:07:36,146
Great,
so what do you need me for?

159
00:07:36,148 --> 00:07:37,713
Well, I was up all night trying
to write to her,

160
00:07:37,715 --> 00:07:39,246
but I wanted
to run it by you first.

161
00:07:39,248 --> 00:07:41,546
All right.

162
00:07:42,380 --> 00:07:44,979
"Emily,

163
00:07:44,981 --> 00:07:48,179
your face is like
a precious dew-kissed flower..."

164
00:07:48,181 --> 00:07:49,812
Wow.

165
00:07:49,814 --> 00:07:52,279
I know.
Powerful stuff, huh?

166
00:07:52,281 --> 00:07:54,012
No.

167
00:07:54,014 --> 00:07:56,279
You're supposed to be yourself,
not all...

168
00:07:56,281 --> 00:07:58,246
desperate and creepy.

169
00:07:58,248 --> 00:08:01,946
Okay, I'm getting
some mixed messages here.

170
00:08:01,948 --> 00:08:05,713
Just say something normal
like, "I saw your profile.

171
00:08:05,715 --> 00:08:08,313
"Looks like we have a
lot in common; let's get

172
00:08:08,315 --> 00:08:11,279
a cup of coffee sometime."
Yes. "Where I can be

173
00:08:11,281 --> 00:08:15,046
jealous of the cup
touching your ruby lips."

174
00:08:16,880 --> 00:08:18,446
Or you just write it for me.

175
00:08:18,448 --> 00:08:20,012
I'm not gonna pretend to be you.

176
00:08:20,014 --> 00:08:21,580
I don't want you
to pretend to be me.

177
00:08:21,582 --> 00:08:23,779
You can be like my,
uh, online wingman.

178
00:08:23,781 --> 00:08:26,680
Like if we met her at a bar
and you talked me up.

179
00:08:26,682 --> 00:08:28,680
Well, what would I say to her?

180
00:08:28,682 --> 00:08:31,012
Just tell her
what I'm really like.

181
00:08:31,014 --> 00:08:34,279
And, if you think
it'll help,

182
00:08:34,281 --> 00:08:36,812
that you saw me changing once
and my package reminded you

183
00:08:36,814 --> 00:08:39,346
of the muscular tail
of a jaguar.

184
00:08:44,414 --> 00:08:46,879
Use your own words.

185
00:08:49,647 --> 00:08:52,346
Thanks again for taking me
to the pharmacy.

186
00:08:52,348 --> 00:08:54,646
Oh, it's no problem.
Is everything okay?

187
00:08:54,648 --> 00:08:56,346
Oh, I'm fine.
It's just some, uh,

188
00:08:56,348 --> 00:08:58,480
stomach medication for my trip.

189
00:08:58,482 --> 00:09:01,413
There's the remote
yet distinct possibility

190
00:09:01,415 --> 00:09:04,979
that I may end up
in South America.

191
00:09:06,147 --> 00:09:08,379
Remember the old days when I
would've said something dumb

192
00:09:08,381 --> 00:09:10,346
like "Why?"

193
00:09:15,047 --> 00:09:16,879
Uh, that doesn't
sound good.

194
00:09:16,881 --> 00:09:19,746
Remember the old days
when I used to point out

195
00:09:19,748 --> 00:09:22,113
that your check engine light
was on?

196
00:09:22,780 --> 00:09:24,580
Yes.
Well, get ready

197
00:09:24,582 --> 00:09:27,046
to stroll down memory lane:
Penny, your check engine...

198
00:09:27,048 --> 00:09:28,679
Yeah, I know it's on, Sheldon!

199
00:09:28,681 --> 00:09:32,946
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
I cannot afford this right now.

200
00:09:32,948 --> 00:09:34,879
Maybe it's just something minor.

201
00:09:43,214 --> 00:09:45,480
Ooh, good news,
the light just went out.

202
00:09:55,103 --> 00:09:57,168
Are we playing
individual or teams?

203
00:09:57,170 --> 00:09:58,335
Teams are fun.

204
00:09:58,337 --> 00:10:00,435
Oh, in that case,
I'd like to be partnered

205
00:10:00,437 --> 00:10:01,968
with my good friend Howard.

206
00:10:01,970 --> 00:10:04,035
But I'm always on Howard's team.

207
00:10:04,037 --> 00:10:04,968
We're best friends.

208
00:10:04,970 --> 00:10:08,635
The kind who finish
each others...

209
00:10:11,303 --> 00:10:13,269
I really don't think
we do tha...

210
00:10:13,271 --> 00:10:14,535
do that! See?

211
00:10:16,370 --> 00:10:18,369
Oh, hi.
Oh, how'd it go

212
00:10:18,371 --> 00:10:19,602
at the mechanic?

213
00:10:19,604 --> 00:10:21,202
Not great. Can I talk to you
for a sec?

214
00:10:21,204 --> 00:10:23,502
Yeah, sure.

215
00:10:23,504 --> 00:10:26,135
Maybe I can go with you
guys to Houston?

216
00:10:26,137 --> 00:10:28,168
Isn't it a little late
to get plane tick...

217
00:10:28,170 --> 00:10:30,202
plane tickets? Yeah.

218
00:10:30,204 --> 00:10:32,302
Will you please sto...

219
00:10:32,304 --> 00:10:34,135
stop that? Okay.

220
00:10:34,137 --> 00:10:36,369
I don't know what to do.

221
00:10:36,371 --> 00:10:38,868
My car threw a rod
and it's totaled.

222
00:10:38,870 --> 00:10:40,701
I can't afford a new one,
I have no job,

223
00:10:40,703 --> 00:10:42,068
and now I can't drive
to auditions.

224
00:10:42,070 --> 00:10:43,035
I'm so sorry.

225
00:10:43,037 --> 00:10:45,668
I know it's
a sensitive subject,

226
00:10:45,670 --> 00:10:48,035
but can you reconsider
that part in the movie?

227
00:10:48,037 --> 00:10:50,068
I did. I called them.
The part's gone.

228
00:10:50,070 --> 00:10:51,601
They gave it to someone else.

229
00:10:51,603 --> 00:10:53,635
Now that girl's gonna get
discovered and become famous

230
00:10:53,637 --> 00:10:56,868
and go on Letterman and talk
about how she got her big break

231
00:10:56,870 --> 00:10:58,168
on a cheap monkey movie

232
00:10:58,170 --> 00:11:01,402
all because some dumb girl
thought it was beneath her.

233
00:11:01,404 --> 00:11:04,835
At least they talked
about you on Letterman.

234
00:11:06,669 --> 00:11:09,568
Come on, I can drive you
wherever you need to go.

235
00:11:09,570 --> 00:11:11,635
How? Unlike me,
you have a job.

236
00:11:11,637 --> 00:11:14,502
I'm just gonna have to go back
to being a waitress... - Oh.

237
00:11:14,504 --> 00:11:17,135
like I will be
for the rest of my life.

238
00:11:17,137 --> 00:11:18,635
Leonard, would you wrap it up?

239
00:11:18,637 --> 00:11:20,302
We're waiting on you.

240
00:11:20,304 --> 00:11:22,535
I'm sorry, is the fact
that my life's falling apart

241
00:11:22,537 --> 00:11:24,202
interfering
with your board game?

242
00:11:24,204 --> 00:11:26,801
It is.

243
00:11:28,636 --> 00:11:30,768
You were wrong, friend Howard.

244
00:11:30,770 --> 00:11:32,968
She completely understood.

245
00:11:37,037 --> 00:11:38,235
Hey, you busy?

246
00:11:38,237 --> 00:11:39,435
No. What's up?

247
00:11:39,437 --> 00:11:41,402
Have you heard
back from Emily?

248
00:11:41,404 --> 00:11:42,534
I have.

249
00:11:42,536 --> 00:11:43,701
Great! And?

250
00:11:43,703 --> 00:11:45,102
And I'm afraid

251
00:11:45,104 --> 00:11:47,369
she doesn't think
you're right for her.

252
00:11:49,169 --> 00:11:52,135
I give you
one simple thing to do...

253
00:11:52,137 --> 00:11:55,269
contact a complete stranger and
make her fall in love with me...

254
00:11:55,271 --> 00:11:57,068
and you blow it!

255
00:11:57,070 --> 00:12:00,302
I told her
what a good guy you are, but

256
00:12:00,304 --> 00:12:02,369
she thought it
was a bad sign

257
00:12:02,371 --> 00:12:04,369
that you didn't write
to her yourself.

258
00:12:04,371 --> 00:12:08,302
She thought it made you seem
too shy and passive.

259
00:12:08,304 --> 00:12:10,168
I'm not too shy and passive.

260
00:12:10,170 --> 00:12:12,801
You write her back
and tell her I said that.

261
00:12:12,803 --> 00:12:15,868
You know,
when you have a second.

262
00:12:15,870 --> 00:12:19,369
Look, I'll see if I can change
her mind tomorrow night.

263
00:12:19,371 --> 00:12:21,002
What's happening tomorrow night?

264
00:12:21,004 --> 00:12:22,534
I'm meeting her for coffee.

265
00:12:22,536 --> 00:12:23,968
What?

266
00:12:23,970 --> 00:12:26,035
Well, we just... we e-mailed
back and forth a bit,

267
00:12:26,037 --> 00:12:27,534
and we kind of
hit it off.

268
00:12:27,536 --> 00:12:29,816
I find a girl I like,
and you're stealing her?

269
00:12:29,841 --> 00:12:30,436
No.

270
00:12:30,437 --> 00:12:32,302
We just ended up
having a lot in common.

271
00:12:32,304 --> 00:12:34,402
We went to Harvard,
we like Chaucer,

272
00:12:34,404 --> 00:12:37,135
we're both hardcore
into quilting.

273
00:12:39,836 --> 00:12:41,868
Your words fall like acid rain

274
00:12:41,870 --> 00:12:44,102
on the wounded petals
of my heart.

275
00:12:46,370 --> 00:12:48,002
That's Sheldon.

276
00:12:48,004 --> 00:12:49,968
He says he'll be down
in a minute.

277
00:12:49,970 --> 00:12:51,968
What are you doing?

278
00:12:51,970 --> 00:12:54,601
Oh, he's not coming out
until he sees proof

279
00:12:54,603 --> 00:12:57,168
you don't have an air freshener
in your car.

280
00:12:58,203 --> 00:13:01,168
This is gonna be a long weekend
for you.

281
00:13:01,170 --> 00:13:03,835
You're the reason I'm doing it!
I said

282
00:13:03,837 --> 00:13:05,202
to stop insulting each other.

283
00:13:05,204 --> 00:13:08,302
I didn't tell you to take him
on a romantic getaway.

284
00:13:08,304 --> 00:13:11,102
How do I know
what you said?

285
00:13:11,104 --> 00:13:14,168
Damn you and your
noise-cancelling breasts.

286
00:13:17,037 --> 00:13:18,168
Hello.

287
00:13:18,170 --> 00:13:19,868
Hi.
Hey, buddy.

288
00:13:19,870 --> 00:13:21,968
You excited for Texas?

289
00:13:21,970 --> 00:13:24,302
Oh, very much so.

290
00:13:24,304 --> 00:13:27,369
It's not every day you get to
tour NASA with a real astronaut.

291
00:13:27,371 --> 00:13:30,501
Who's the real astronaut?

292
00:13:31,969 --> 00:13:34,068
Buzz Aldrin.

293
00:13:34,070 --> 00:13:36,501
Oh. Yay!

294
00:13:48,602 --> 00:13:50,302
Howard?

295
00:13:50,304 --> 00:13:52,335
Howard?

296
00:13:52,337 --> 00:13:54,534
Howard?

297
00:13:56,236 --> 00:13:58,202
What now?

298
00:13:58,204 --> 00:14:00,501
I have to go
to the bathroom.

299
00:14:00,503 --> 00:14:02,035
You just went
to the bathroom.

300
00:14:02,037 --> 00:14:04,735
I didn't use it because
it didn't seem safe.

301
00:14:04,737 --> 00:14:08,835
Despite all my e-mails, the
toilet didn't have a seatbelt.

302
00:14:10,203 --> 00:14:12,135
Well, it still doesn't.

303
00:14:12,137 --> 00:14:13,668
I realize that,

304
00:14:13,670 --> 00:14:17,335
but safety concerns went out
the window two apple juices ago.

305
00:14:17,337 --> 00:14:19,434
Fine.

306
00:14:20,669 --> 00:14:22,801
Why are you
getting annoyed?

307
00:14:22,803 --> 00:14:25,368
I'm trying to be
a better friend,

308
00:14:25,370 --> 00:14:28,935
but you constantly say
and do irritating things.

309
00:14:28,937 --> 00:14:31,035
Like when?
When?

310
00:14:31,037 --> 00:14:32,335
How about in the car?

311
00:14:32,337 --> 00:14:34,668
I'm an astronaut,
and you know it.

312
00:14:34,670 --> 00:14:37,701
You just don't like admitting
it, because you're jealous.

313
00:14:39,936 --> 00:14:42,901
Well, truth be told,

314
00:14:42,903 --> 00:14:45,501
as a child, I did dream
of going to space.

315
00:14:45,503 --> 00:14:47,468
Those astronauts
were my heroes.

316
00:14:47,470 --> 00:14:49,601
And...

317
00:14:49,603 --> 00:14:52,801
when you got to go,
it was hard for me.

318
00:14:53,669 --> 00:14:55,668
Thank you.

319
00:14:55,670 --> 00:14:57,768
Because it made me
realize they'll just

320
00:14:57,770 --> 00:14:59,968
send anyone up there.

321
00:15:01,270 --> 00:15:03,269
Aren't you going
to let me out?

322
00:15:03,271 --> 00:15:03,778
No.

323
00:15:03,803 --> 00:15:05,702
But I still need
to use the bathroom.

324
00:15:05,703 --> 00:15:08,968
Here you go. Be creative.

325
00:15:11,703 --> 00:15:14,434
What's the matter?
Scared of a little turbulence?

326
00:15:14,436 --> 00:15:17,735
No, turbulence is
just the equalization

327
00:15:17,737 --> 00:15:19,835
of diurnal temperature
variations in the atmosphere.

328
00:15:19,837 --> 00:15:21,635
I'm not scared at all.

329
00:15:23,004 --> 00:15:25,235
Oh, apple juice,
stay where you are.

330
00:15:26,069 --> 00:15:27,668
Oh, this is nothing.

331
00:15:27,670 --> 00:15:29,334
I experienced way worse

332
00:15:29,336 --> 00:15:31,334
when I was plummeting
back to Earth,

333
00:15:31,336 --> 00:15:33,868
apparently not being
a real astronaut.

334
00:15:36,204 --> 00:15:39,168
Okay, that was a big one.

335
00:15:39,170 --> 00:15:41,269
I take it back. I'm
scared of turbulence!

336
00:15:41,271 --> 00:15:43,168
I'm gonna need
that bag back.

337
00:15:46,969 --> 00:15:48,468
You sure you want
to do this?

338
00:15:48,470 --> 00:15:50,901
Yeah. Why wouldn't I want
to get my old job back?

339
00:15:50,903 --> 00:15:52,368
It'll be fun to see everyone.

340
00:15:52,370 --> 00:15:54,334
I haven't talked to them
since I said,

341
00:15:54,336 --> 00:15:56,801
"I quit. See you
at the Oscars, bitches."

342
00:15:57,769 --> 00:15:59,901
Come on, let's just
get this over with.

343
00:15:59,903 --> 00:16:01,135
"Let's get this over with."

344
00:16:01,137 --> 00:16:03,068
Am I driving you
to the Cheesecake Factory,

345
00:16:03,070 --> 00:16:04,534
or are we having sex?

346
00:16:05,636 --> 00:16:07,935
I'm just... I'm trying
to lighten the mood.

347
00:16:07,937 --> 00:16:09,768
I know. Thank you.
Sorry.

348
00:16:09,770 --> 00:16:11,368
It's just so
humiliating.

349
00:16:11,370 --> 00:16:12,501
So humiliating?

350
00:16:12,503 --> 00:16:14,501
Am I driving you to
the Cheesecake Factory...?

351
00:16:14,503 --> 00:16:16,568
I'm sorry.
I'll-I'll stop. I'll stop.

352
00:16:19,447 --> 00:16:20,913
Come on, don't
look so sad.

353
00:16:20,915 --> 00:16:22,379
You never know
what's gonna happen.

354
00:16:22,381 --> 00:16:24,813
Maybe tonight will be great.
Sweetie, I know you're trying

355
00:16:24,815 --> 00:16:27,147
to make me feel better,
and I love you for that,

356
00:16:27,149 --> 00:16:30,980
but it's making me feel worse,
and I kind of hate you.

357
00:16:30,982 --> 00:16:33,746
This isn't your car.

358
00:16:33,748 --> 00:16:37,213
I know. I thought
we'd take yours.

359
00:16:38,547 --> 00:16:40,713
I don't understand.

360
00:16:41,914 --> 00:16:44,213
It's nothing fancy,
but it'll get you to auditions,

361
00:16:44,215 --> 00:16:47,813
and at least for now, you don't
have to go back to waitressing.

362
00:16:49,247 --> 00:16:51,746
I don't know what to say.

363
00:16:51,748 --> 00:16:54,379
Don't say anything.

364
00:16:54,381 --> 00:16:56,446
Oh, my God.

365
00:16:56,448 --> 00:16:58,746
I mean, you could say,
"Thank you."

366
00:16:58,748 --> 00:17:00,846
I did just buy you a car.

367
00:17:01,681 --> 00:17:04,147
Mmm.

368
00:17:05,280 --> 00:17:07,446
Look, I admit
that it's odd

369
00:17:07,448 --> 00:17:09,613
that Rajesh didn't
write to you himself,

370
00:17:09,615 --> 00:17:11,379
but if you get to know him,

371
00:17:11,381 --> 00:17:13,646
you'll see
he's just a sweet, regular guy.

372
00:17:13,648 --> 00:17:16,880
As a counterpoint, here he is,
uninvited and visibly sweaty.

373
00:17:16,882 --> 00:17:18,579
Hello, Emily.

374
00:17:18,581 --> 00:17:20,047
Hello.
Amy told me

375
00:17:20,049 --> 00:17:23,080
you were concerned that I might
be too passive and shy.

376
00:17:23,082 --> 00:17:24,780
Let me ask you something.

377
00:17:24,782 --> 00:17:26,913
Would a passive guy
barge in here

378
00:17:26,915 --> 00:17:28,947
to look you in the eye and say,

379
00:17:28,949 --> 00:17:32,446
"Hey, dew-kissed flower,
what's up?"

380
00:17:36,148 --> 00:17:39,179
No, but a weird guy
with no boundaries might.

381
00:17:39,181 --> 00:17:40,713
Uh, okay, that's
a separate issue.

382
00:17:40,715 --> 00:17:43,103
Let's put a pin in that and just
focus on the passive thing.

383
00:17:43,104 --> 00:17:44,364
I'm leaving.

384
00:17:44,389 --> 00:17:46,728
Are we still going to go to
that Chaucer reading Friday?

385
00:17:47,115 --> 00:17:49,212
You know, I think
I'm just gonna go by myself.

386
00:17:52,747 --> 00:17:55,279
Not my best first date.

387
00:17:56,514 --> 00:17:59,013
Yeah, but not my worst, either.

388
00:18:03,548 --> 00:18:05,947
I'm sorry for every mean thing
I ever did or said to you!

389
00:18:05,949 --> 00:18:07,813
I'm sorry, too!
It's all my fault!

390
00:18:09,415 --> 00:18:10,613
If you weren't my friend,

391
00:18:10,615 --> 00:18:12,279
there'd be a
hole in my life!

392
00:18:12,281 --> 00:18:13,947
Thank you, Sheldon.

393
00:18:13,949 --> 00:18:16,279
Kind of like when
Firefly was cancelled.

394
00:18:17,081 --> 00:18:19,846
But not as big.

395
00:18:29,925 --> 00:18:32,484
The captain has turned off
the fasten seat belt sign.

396
00:18:32,489 --> 00:18:34,850
You're now free
to move about the cabin.

397
00:18:36,592 --> 00:18:38,623
It's over.
Yeah.

398
00:18:41,125 --> 00:18:44,590
Should we stop
holding hands now?

399
00:18:46,491 --> 00:18:48,390
In a minute.
Okay, good.

400
00:18:48,392 --> 00:18:53,387
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man