1
00:00:01,909 --> 00:00:05,473
If only there were a solution
to that.

2
00:00:05,475 --> 00:00:09,340
Seriously. I feel like I've got
a fish tank in my pelvis.

3
00:00:10,174 --> 00:00:11,939
So go to the bathroom.

4
00:00:11,941 --> 00:00:13,206
I can't.

5
00:00:13,208 --> 00:00:15,707
Why not?

6
00:00:15,709 --> 00:00:17,340
Because I'm trying to decide
between getting

7
00:00:17,342 --> 00:00:19,973
an Xbox One or a PS4.

8
00:00:21,041 --> 00:00:24,573
Oh, "pee." Why'd I say that?

9
00:00:25,474 --> 00:00:27,840
Forgive me for asking
a stupid question,

10
00:00:27,842 --> 00:00:29,906
but why are you being stupid?

11
00:00:30,775 --> 00:00:32,473
I'm not being stupid.

12
00:00:32,475 --> 00:00:35,507
I'm employing the work
of Dutch researcher, Mirjam Tuk,

13
00:00:35,509 --> 00:00:39,440
who found that people with full
bladders make better decisions.

14
00:00:39,442 --> 00:00:43,173
Why did I pee before I decided
to move in here?

15
00:00:44,975 --> 00:00:46,173
Hi!
Hey.

16
00:00:46,175 --> 00:00:47,340
Oh, how'd the audition go?

17
00:00:47,342 --> 00:00:49,306
I killed it. I was even able
to cry real tears

18
00:00:49,308 --> 00:00:50,273
right on the spot.

19
00:00:50,275 --> 00:00:51,573
Oh, that's great.
I know.

20
00:00:51,575 --> 00:00:53,607
Next time I get pulled over
for a speeding ticket,

21
00:00:53,609 --> 00:00:54,807
here come the waterworks.

22
00:00:54,809 --> 00:00:57,607
Here come the waterworks!

23
00:01:01,608 --> 00:01:03,106
Aren't you gonna ask?

24
00:01:03,108 --> 00:01:05,373
What is this,
my first day?

25
00:01:29,496 --> 00:01:34,491
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man

26
00:01:34,517 --> 00:01:36,516
Can I get your
opinion on something

27
00:01:36,518 --> 00:01:37,882
that happened at work today?

28
00:01:37,884 --> 00:01:39,082
Yeah, sure.
Of course.

29
00:01:39,084 --> 00:01:40,516
Okay, well, I did something

30
00:01:40,518 --> 00:01:42,716
that will either make me look
like a lovable goof

31
00:01:42,718 --> 00:01:46,982
or a horrible monster damned
to spend eternity in hell.

32
00:01:46,984 --> 00:01:48,650
I'm sure it's lovable.

33
00:01:48,652 --> 00:01:51,982
I'm gonna go with monster.
What do you got?

34
00:01:51,984 --> 00:01:54,149
Well, there's this lady
in our office who's retiring,

35
00:01:54,151 --> 00:01:55,316
and they were passing around

36
00:01:55,318 --> 00:01:57,316
one of those big cards
for us to sign...

37
00:01:57,318 --> 00:01:58,383
Okay.

38
00:01:58,385 --> 00:01:59,982
But no one told me she was in

39
00:01:59,984 --> 00:02:01,349
a horrible car accident
over the weekend

40
00:02:01,351 --> 00:02:02,915
and what I
was signing

41
00:02:02,917 --> 00:02:04,216
was not a retirement card

42
00:02:04,218 --> 00:02:06,049
but was actually
a "get well" card.

43
00:02:06,051 --> 00:02:10,249
I'm liking my odds here.

44
00:02:10,251 --> 00:02:12,449
So on the card, in the hospital,

45
00:02:12,451 --> 00:02:15,949
next to the woman who's clinging
to life are the words,

46
00:02:15,951 --> 00:02:18,116
"Hey, Vivian. You deserve this"

47
00:02:21,450 --> 00:02:23,583
"And at least with you gone,

48
00:02:23,585 --> 00:02:25,915
no one will steal my yogurt
out of the fridge."

49
00:02:25,917 --> 00:02:27,716
No!

50
00:02:29,117 --> 00:02:31,216
"LOL. Smiley face."

51
00:02:31,218 --> 00:02:32,982
Oh, my gosh.

52
00:02:32,984 --> 00:02:35,616
"P.S. Good luck
wherever you wind up."

53
00:02:37,551 --> 00:02:41,149
Why didn't I put money on this?

54
00:02:41,151 --> 00:02:43,182
Hey, that's my agent.

55
00:02:43,184 --> 00:02:45,416
If I got the part,
it's still the second best thing

56
00:02:45,418 --> 00:02:47,483
I've heard all day. Hello?

57
00:02:47,485 --> 00:02:49,049
Am I a terrible person?

58
00:02:49,051 --> 00:02:51,116
No. No, it was a mistake.

59
00:02:51,118 --> 00:02:53,316
Am I a terrible person
that it crossed my mind

60
00:02:53,318 --> 00:02:55,316
that she might die
and never see the card?

61
00:02:55,318 --> 00:02:57,882
Now I think
you're flirting with the line.

62
00:02:57,884 --> 00:02:59,516
Good news?

63
00:02:59,518 --> 00:03:01,182
No, I didn't get it.

64
00:03:01,184 --> 00:03:02,749
I'm so sorry.

65
00:03:02,751 --> 00:03:04,516
You'll get offered
something soon.

66
00:03:04,518 --> 00:03:06,749
I kind of did. The part
in that awful horror movie

67
00:03:06,751 --> 00:03:08,383
I passed on came back around.

68
00:03:08,385 --> 00:03:10,383
Apparently,
it's mine if I want it.

69
00:03:10,385 --> 00:03:11,915
Are you gonna take it?

70
00:03:11,917 --> 00:03:13,249
I don't know what to do.

71
00:03:13,251 --> 00:03:16,516
Maybe you'll get hit
by a car and die.

72
00:03:18,183 --> 00:03:19,849
LOL, right?

73
00:03:26,617 --> 00:03:27,949
Hey.

74
00:03:27,951 --> 00:03:29,749
Emily, right?

75
00:03:29,751 --> 00:03:30,782
Yeah...

76
00:03:30,784 --> 00:03:32,349
I-I don't know
if you remember me...

77
00:03:32,351 --> 00:03:34,449
From the dating Web site.

78
00:03:34,451 --> 00:03:37,182
Your friend e-mailed me
because you were afraid to,

79
00:03:37,184 --> 00:03:39,349
then you tracked me down
and acted like a lunatic?

80
00:03:39,351 --> 00:03:41,383
Yes, Rajesh Koothrappali.

81
00:03:42,750 --> 00:03:44,282
Look, uh, I just...

82
00:03:44,284 --> 00:03:46,749
I wanted to say I'm sorry.

83
00:03:46,751 --> 00:03:48,383
Okay? You were, like,
the coolest person

84
00:03:48,385 --> 00:03:51,383
I ever found online,
and I got really nervous

85
00:03:51,385 --> 00:03:53,583
and I-I just blew it.

86
00:03:53,585 --> 00:03:55,749
Uh, don't worry about it.

87
00:03:55,751 --> 00:03:57,249
And if it
makes you feel

88
00:03:57,251 --> 00:03:59,249
any better,
you're not the weirdest guy

89
00:03:59,251 --> 00:04:00,782
I've met off the Internet.

90
00:04:00,784 --> 00:04:04,282
Well, give me a chance...
you don't even know me.

91
00:04:05,917 --> 00:04:07,216
All right,

92
00:04:07,218 --> 00:04:09,416
here's your chance.

93
00:04:09,418 --> 00:04:11,815
Wha... Really?

94
00:04:12,716 --> 00:04:13,782
Thank you.

95
00:04:13,784 --> 00:04:15,650
Fate has given me
a rare second chance,

96
00:04:15,652 --> 00:04:18,182
and I swear to Vishnu
I'm not gonna blow it.

97
00:04:18,184 --> 00:04:21,749
Or normal words
followed by a charming smile.

98
00:04:25,983 --> 00:04:29,516
So, first there was
PlayStation... aka PS1...

99
00:04:29,518 --> 00:04:31,282
then PS2, PS3

100
00:04:31,284 --> 00:04:33,449
and now PS4.
And that makes sense.

101
00:04:33,451 --> 00:04:36,316
You'd think after Xbox,
there'd be Xbox 2.

102
00:04:36,318 --> 00:04:39,749
But no, next came Xbox 360.

103
00:04:39,751 --> 00:04:41,216
Hmm? And now,

104
00:04:41,218 --> 00:04:44,282
after 360, comes Xbox One.

105
00:04:44,284 --> 00:04:45,982
Why "One"?

106
00:04:45,984 --> 00:04:48,082
Maybe that's how many seconds
of thought

107
00:04:48,084 --> 00:04:50,249
they put into naming it.

108
00:04:50,251 --> 00:04:52,082
Can you get the butter, please?

109
00:04:52,084 --> 00:04:54,616
You know, however,
with the Xbox One,

110
00:04:54,618 --> 00:04:57,416
I can control
my entire entertainment system

111
00:04:57,418 --> 00:04:58,649
using voice commands.

112
00:04:58,651 --> 00:05:02,082
Up until now,
I've had to use Leonard.

113
00:05:02,084 --> 00:05:04,749
Then get the other one.
Pass the butter.

114
00:05:04,751 --> 00:05:06,583
Get... Hang on.

115
00:05:06,585 --> 00:05:09,516
I don't feel like you're taking
this dilemma seriously.

116
00:05:09,518 --> 00:05:12,249
Fine, Sheldon.

117
00:05:12,251 --> 00:05:14,249
You have my undivided attention.

118
00:05:14,251 --> 00:05:17,349
Okay, now, the PS4 is

119
00:05:17,351 --> 00:05:19,282
more angular and sleek-looking.

120
00:05:19,284 --> 00:05:21,182
No way.
Yeah, well,

121
00:05:21,184 --> 00:05:24,149
it's true. But the larger size
of the Xbox One

122
00:05:24,151 --> 00:05:25,682
may keep it from overheating.

123
00:05:25,684 --> 00:05:27,815
Well, you wouldn't want
your gaming system to overheat.

124
00:05:27,817 --> 00:05:30,082
No, see? Well, you
absolutely would not.

125
00:05:30,084 --> 00:05:31,949
And furthermore,
the Xbox One

126
00:05:31,951 --> 00:05:34,149
now comes with
a Kinect included.

127
00:05:34,151 --> 00:05:36,316
Included?
Yes!

128
00:05:36,318 --> 00:05:38,682
Not sold separately.

129
00:05:38,684 --> 00:05:40,049
Although...

130
00:05:40,051 --> 00:05:42,749
the PS4 uses cool new GDDR5 RAM:

131
00:05:42,751 --> 00:05:44,483
while the Xbox One
is still using

132
00:05:44,485 --> 00:05:46,449
the conventional DDR3 memory.

133
00:05:46,451 --> 00:05:48,483
Why would they still
be using DDR3?

134
00:05:48,485 --> 00:05:50,849
Are they nuts?

135
00:05:50,851 --> 00:05:53,049
See? That's what I thought.

136
00:05:53,051 --> 00:05:55,723
But then they go and throw in
an ESRAM buffer.

137
00:05:55,748 --> 00:05:56,283
Whoa, whoa.

138
00:05:56,284 --> 00:05:59,149
Wait a second. Who's "they"?
Xbox.

139
00:05:59,151 --> 00:06:01,915
You're kidding!
No, I am not!

140
00:06:01,917 --> 00:06:03,849
And this ESRAM buffer
should totally bridge

141
00:06:03,851 --> 00:06:05,715
the 100-gigabit-per-second
bandwidth gap

142
00:06:05,717 --> 00:06:07,182
between the two RAM types.

143
00:06:07,184 --> 00:06:09,682
This is a nightmare. How will
you ever make a decision?

144
00:06:09,684 --> 00:06:11,316
You see?
I don't know!

145
00:06:11,318 --> 00:06:12,548
What should I do?

146
00:06:12,550 --> 00:06:14,016
Please pass the butter!

147
00:06:23,518 --> 00:06:26,982
Okay, it's not me, right?
This script is terrible.

148
00:06:26,984 --> 00:06:28,383
Yeah.

149
00:06:29,217 --> 00:06:31,016
I had higher hopes
for a movie called

150
00:06:31,018 --> 00:06:35,715
Serial Ape-ist 2:
Monkey See, Monkey Kill.

151
00:06:36,484 --> 00:06:38,149
You know, it's
still possible

152
00:06:38,151 --> 00:06:40,282
for you to be good
in a bad movie.

153
00:06:40,284 --> 00:06:42,483
Okay.

154
00:06:42,485 --> 00:06:45,548
"Sometimes I feel
like I can control

155
00:06:45,550 --> 00:06:47,582
"the killer gorilla instinct
inside of me,

156
00:06:47,584 --> 00:06:50,216
"but then I see these bananas
and I...

157
00:06:50,218 --> 00:06:53,649
just want to eat them
and then kill people."

158
00:06:56,350 --> 00:06:59,149
What am I gonna do?
Well,

159
00:06:59,151 --> 00:07:00,958
for starters, I wouldn't
eat the bananas.

160
00:07:00,983 --> 00:07:01,816
No...

161
00:07:01,817 --> 00:07:05,483
Come on! This is serious.
Uh, uh,

162
00:07:05,485 --> 00:07:06,982
does it at least pay well?

163
00:07:06,984 --> 00:07:09,016
Less than I was making
at The Cheesecake Factory.

164
00:07:09,018 --> 00:07:10,515
What does your agent think?

165
00:07:10,517 --> 00:07:13,249
She's thinking of taking a job
at The Cheesecake Factory.

166
00:07:15,450 --> 00:07:17,815
You know what, why
don't you just do it?

167
00:07:17,817 --> 00:07:20,049
You'll go have fun for a
few weeks, make some money...

168
00:07:20,051 --> 00:07:22,049
and who knows what
it might lead to?

169
00:07:22,051 --> 00:07:23,316
Okay, look, here, page 58.

170
00:07:23,318 --> 00:07:27,249
I oil-wrestle an orangutan
in a bikini.

171
00:07:27,251 --> 00:07:30,416
Just to clarify, which one
of you is wearing the bikini?

172
00:07:30,418 --> 00:07:32,548
Both of us.

173
00:07:34,183 --> 00:07:36,383
So it's a family film.

174
00:07:39,650 --> 00:07:41,149
Thank you again for dinner.

175
00:07:41,151 --> 00:07:42,349
You're welcome.

176
00:07:42,351 --> 00:07:44,449
Good night.
Uh,

177
00:07:44,450 --> 00:07:45,849
it's date night.

178
00:07:45,851 --> 00:07:49,515
Aren't you, uh,
forgetting something?

179
00:07:49,517 --> 00:07:51,915
Oh, of course.

180
00:07:58,417 --> 00:08:02,682
Did I mention
the PS4 controllers light up?

181
00:08:04,683 --> 00:08:06,682
No.

182
00:08:06,684 --> 00:08:09,515
Well, they do.

183
00:08:12,850 --> 00:08:15,049
And then after coffee,
we went for a walk

184
00:08:15,051 --> 00:08:17,182
and she told me she always
thought people from India

185
00:08:17,184 --> 00:08:18,815
were exotic
and mysterious.

186
00:08:18,817 --> 00:08:21,915
So, with my mouth, I said,
"We're just like anybody else,"

187
00:08:21,917 --> 00:08:23,249
but with my eyes, I said,

188
00:08:23,251 --> 00:08:25,749
"Straight up, Red,
hop on my flying carpet."

189
00:08:28,150 --> 00:08:30,649
So, you gonna
see her again?

190
00:08:30,651 --> 00:08:32,016
Yeah, we have plans
this weekend.

191
00:08:32,018 --> 00:08:33,282
And if it's a clear night,

192
00:08:33,284 --> 00:08:36,182
I'm gonna lay
some romantic astronomy on her.

193
00:08:37,017 --> 00:08:38,715
Okay, like what?
Show me.

194
00:08:38,717 --> 00:08:40,582
I can't do that to Leonard.

195
00:08:40,584 --> 00:08:44,216
This is some powerful
panty-dropping stuff.

196
00:08:45,616 --> 00:08:48,216
You have my blessing. Go for it.

197
00:08:48,218 --> 00:08:51,249
Okay.

198
00:08:51,251 --> 00:08:53,515
Penny,

199
00:08:53,517 --> 00:08:56,882
two of the brightest stars
in the night sky

200
00:08:56,884 --> 00:08:58,849
are Altair and Vega.

201
00:08:58,851 --> 00:09:02,049
And it is said
they were deeply in love

202
00:09:02,051 --> 00:09:03,849
but forever
separated

203
00:09:03,851 --> 00:09:06,316
by the celestial river
of the Milky Way.

204
00:09:06,318 --> 00:09:08,182
Oh, that's sad.
It is.

205
00:09:08,184 --> 00:09:10,482
But once a year,

206
00:09:10,484 --> 00:09:13,649
on the seventh day
of the seventh month,

207
00:09:13,651 --> 00:09:18,249
Vega cries so hard that all
the magpies in the world fly up

208
00:09:18,251 --> 00:09:20,216
and create a bridge
with their wings

209
00:09:20,218 --> 00:09:22,249
so the two lovers
can be together

210
00:09:22,251 --> 00:09:24,182
for a single night

211
00:09:24,184 --> 00:09:26,149
of passion.

212
00:09:26,151 --> 00:09:29,548
Wow.

213
00:09:31,183 --> 00:09:33,249
Okay, that's enough.

214
00:09:36,583 --> 00:09:39,415
Quick poll: PS4 or Xbox One?

215
00:09:39,417 --> 00:09:40,682
Raj.

216
00:09:40,684 --> 00:09:42,082
Uh, Xbox One.
Penny.

217
00:09:42,084 --> 00:09:43,116
Huh?

218
00:09:43,118 --> 00:09:45,448
Leonard.
PS4.

219
00:09:45,450 --> 00:09:47,348
Wolowitz.
Both great.

220
00:09:47,350 --> 00:09:50,016
Bernadette.
I like the Wii.

221
00:09:51,383 --> 00:09:53,515
Thanks, Grandma.

222
00:09:56,150 --> 00:09:58,482
Oh, my goodness.
What's up?

223
00:09:58,484 --> 00:10:01,082
I just got an e-mail
from my ex-girlfriend Lucy.

224
00:10:01,084 --> 00:10:03,615
She... misses me
and wants to get together.

225
00:10:03,617 --> 00:10:06,016
Two women at
the same time?

226
00:10:06,018 --> 00:10:08,815
Nice job, playa!

227
00:10:09,650 --> 00:10:11,382
Really?

228
00:10:12,483 --> 00:10:15,749
Was it the "two women"
thing or the "playa"?

229
00:10:16,316 --> 00:10:18,049
It was the "playa".

230
00:10:26,624 --> 00:10:28,289
What am I
supposed to do?

231
00:10:28,291 --> 00:10:30,923
How am I supposed to choose
between Emily and Lucy?

232
00:10:30,925 --> 00:10:33,356
Why do you have to choose?
Date both of them.

233
00:10:33,358 --> 00:10:35,456
I can't date two women at once.

234
00:10:35,458 --> 00:10:37,690
Zero women...
that's my sweet spot.

235
00:10:37,692 --> 00:10:39,957
Unless you're sleeping

236
00:10:39,959 --> 00:10:42,489
with one of them, seeing
other people isn't a big deal.

237
00:10:42,491 --> 00:10:44,157
But what if one of them asks me

238
00:10:44,159 --> 00:10:45,823
what I was up to
the night before

239
00:10:45,825 --> 00:10:48,456
and I was with the other one?
Then, what, do I lie?

240
00:10:48,458 --> 00:10:50,023
Yes.
Yes.

241
00:10:52,290 --> 00:10:54,157
What do you mean, yes?

242
00:10:54,159 --> 00:10:55,823
What do you mean, yes?

243
00:10:55,825 --> 00:10:57,990
Were you seeing other women
when we started dating?

244
00:10:57,992 --> 00:10:59,656
No. Were you
seeing other men?

245
00:10:59,658 --> 00:11:00,590
No.

246
00:11:00,592 --> 00:11:02,256
Were you seeing
other men?

247
00:11:02,258 --> 00:11:03,923
No.

248
00:11:07,891 --> 00:11:10,057
Aren't you gonna ask me?

249
00:11:12,757 --> 00:11:15,057
Come on, really?

250
00:11:17,324 --> 00:11:19,423
Thank you so much
for letting us pick your brain.

251
00:11:19,425 --> 00:11:20,523
Yeah, happy to help.

252
00:11:20,525 --> 00:11:22,823
So, what's going on?
Well, I'm having

253
00:11:22,825 --> 00:11:24,756
an impossible time getting
my career off the ground,

254
00:11:24,758 --> 00:11:27,023
and I got offered a role
in this crappy horror movie,

255
00:11:27,025 --> 00:11:29,157
and I just don't know
if I should take it.

256
00:11:29,159 --> 00:11:31,123
Well, I have
certainly taken some jobs

257
00:11:31,125 --> 00:11:32,556
that I've been embarrassed by.

258
00:11:32,558 --> 00:11:36,356
I wouldn't exactly
call Star Trek embarrassing.

259
00:11:37,390 --> 00:11:39,723
I wasn't.

260
00:11:41,490 --> 00:11:43,823
Me, either.

261
00:11:43,825 --> 00:11:46,157
So, what do you think,

262
00:11:46,159 --> 00:11:48,489
is there a professional
downside to doing it?

263
00:11:48,491 --> 00:11:49,857
Well, it's tricky.

264
00:11:49,859 --> 00:11:52,723
You want to take projects
that you're excited about,

265
00:11:52,725 --> 00:11:55,123
but sometimes you also
have to pay the bills.

266
00:11:55,125 --> 00:11:57,656
When you're on the set
working on something

267
00:11:57,658 --> 00:12:01,123
that you just know in your heart
is bad... not Star Trek...

268
00:12:02,692 --> 00:12:06,323
Yeah, beam me up. I love it!

269
00:12:07,490 --> 00:12:10,957
Anyway, those jobs
can be soul-crushing.

270
00:12:10,959 --> 00:12:12,489
That's what I'm afraid of.

271
00:12:12,491 --> 00:12:15,157
Well, I was in Stand By Me
when I was a kid,

272
00:12:15,159 --> 00:12:16,623
and it was a
huge success.

273
00:12:16,625 --> 00:12:19,023
The terrible movies I did
came after that.

274
00:12:19,025 --> 00:12:20,790
I mean, imagine how that feels.

275
00:12:20,792 --> 00:12:22,523
Sounds rough.

276
00:12:22,525 --> 00:12:24,756
I'm telling you,
this business is brutal.

277
00:12:24,758 --> 00:12:27,790
To this day,
I hate going on auditions.

278
00:12:27,792 --> 00:12:29,656
Okay, I walk in,
and I can just

279
00:12:29,658 --> 00:12:32,189
feel them thinking...

280
00:12:32,191 --> 00:12:36,023
"He was such a cute kid.
What happened to him?"

281
00:12:38,190 --> 00:12:39,723
And then I don't get the job,

282
00:12:39,725 --> 00:12:42,456
and I can never
find out why.

283
00:12:43,624 --> 00:12:46,690
Honestly, I get so depressed,
there are entire weeks

284
00:12:46,692 --> 00:12:49,823
that I can't even
get out of bed.

285
00:12:51,524 --> 00:12:53,790
Okay, this was helpful.

286
00:12:57,290 --> 00:12:59,990
Any news on your coworker
who's in the hospital?

287
00:12:59,992 --> 00:13:02,790
Poor thing, she was
in surgery for 18 hours.

288
00:13:02,792 --> 00:13:05,256
She's alive, but she's
still in critical condition.

289
00:13:05,258 --> 00:13:06,389
Oh, no.

290
00:13:06,391 --> 00:13:08,456
The one bit of good news
is they put her

291
00:13:08,458 --> 00:13:10,590
in a medically induced coma
before she read the card.

292
00:13:10,592 --> 00:13:12,990
So, you know,
silver linings.

293
00:13:15,991 --> 00:13:19,122
Were you like this
when I married you?

294
00:13:21,290 --> 00:13:23,623
Don't worry
about it, buddy.

295
00:13:23,625 --> 00:13:25,756
Okay, bye.

296
00:13:25,758 --> 00:13:27,389
That was Wil...
he's feeling a lot better.

297
00:13:27,391 --> 00:13:31,057
Apparently, he's 12-down in
the TV Guide crossword puzzle.

298
00:13:32,791 --> 00:13:34,823
Did he help you make a decision
about the movie?

299
00:13:34,825 --> 00:13:36,023
No. Did you figure out

300
00:13:36,025 --> 00:13:37,990
what you're gonna do
about the two girls?

301
00:13:37,992 --> 00:13:39,323
As a matter of fact, I did.

302
00:13:39,325 --> 00:13:40,790
I've spent
so many years

303
00:13:40,792 --> 00:13:43,823
living in fear,
saying no to new experiences,

304
00:13:43,825 --> 00:13:45,122
but from now on,

305
00:13:45,124 --> 00:13:46,890
I'm gonna say yes...
yes to love,

306
00:13:46,892 --> 00:13:49,389
yes to adventure, yes to life;
whatever it may be,

307
00:13:49,391 --> 00:13:51,089
the answer's going to be yes.

308
00:13:51,924 --> 00:13:53,556
He's gonna die alone, right?

309
00:13:53,558 --> 00:13:55,089
Yeah.
Yes.

310
00:13:57,557 --> 00:13:59,223
I'm proud of
you, Sheldon.

311
00:13:59,225 --> 00:14:00,990
You know, I'm proud of me, too.

312
00:14:00,992 --> 00:14:04,690
I've done all my research,
I conducted an informal poll,

313
00:14:04,692 --> 00:14:06,523
and I've arrived
at the rock-solid certainty

314
00:14:06,525 --> 00:14:07,857
I've made
the right choice.

315
00:14:07,859 --> 00:14:09,360
Well, that's got to be
a good feeling.

316
00:14:09,385 --> 00:14:10,991
Oh, it is.

317
00:14:10,992 --> 00:14:13,023
Although...
Oh, crap.

318
00:14:14,190 --> 00:14:17,890
I had the same feeling when
I made my dad buy a Betamax

319
00:14:17,892 --> 00:14:19,623
instead of a VHS.

320
00:14:19,625 --> 00:14:21,690
You were just a little kid.

321
00:14:21,692 --> 00:14:23,590
Yeah, a little kid
who picked the wrong format

322
00:14:23,592 --> 00:14:26,122
to record
The MacNeil/Lehrer Report.

323
00:14:27,190 --> 00:14:28,623
I also was certain

324
00:14:28,625 --> 00:14:31,489
that HD DVD would win out
over Blu-ray.

325
00:14:31,491 --> 00:14:33,756
How old were you then?
Old enough to know better.

326
00:14:35,724 --> 00:14:37,623
You know, and now that
I think about it,

327
00:14:37,625 --> 00:14:39,556
I stood in front of
a case of iPods

328
00:14:39,558 --> 00:14:42,489
and I bought a Zune.

329
00:14:43,991 --> 00:14:45,423
What's a Zune?

330
00:14:45,425 --> 00:14:47,356
Yeah, exactly.

331
00:14:48,424 --> 00:14:49,990
It's an MP3 player

332
00:14:49,992 --> 00:14:51,957
brought to us
by the makers of Xbox.

333
00:14:51,959 --> 00:14:54,256
What... no, what are you doing?

334
00:14:54,258 --> 00:14:55,456
No, no, pick
that back up.

335
00:14:55,458 --> 00:14:57,523
You know it's good.
You did the research.

336
00:14:57,525 --> 00:14:58,990
But what if I'm wrong?

337
00:14:58,992 --> 00:15:00,756
You know what?

338
00:15:00,758 --> 00:15:03,056
How about I buy
it for you?

339
00:15:03,058 --> 00:15:04,356
How about

340
00:15:04,358 --> 00:15:06,256
I buy you both?

341
00:15:06,258 --> 00:15:08,156
You know I only have
one slot available

342
00:15:08,158 --> 00:15:09,456
in my entertainment center.

343
00:15:09,458 --> 00:15:11,623
Then I'll buy you a new
entertainment center.

344
00:15:11,625 --> 00:15:12,823
Well, yeah... okay, sure.

345
00:15:12,825 --> 00:15:15,656
But which one?

346
00:15:15,658 --> 00:15:17,256
How about this?

347
00:15:17,258 --> 00:15:18,890
I've heard

348
00:15:18,892 --> 00:15:20,156
that if you flip a coin,

349
00:15:20,158 --> 00:15:21,857
it will tell you how
you actually feel.

350
00:15:21,859 --> 00:15:23,323
Because you'll either
be disappointed

351
00:15:23,325 --> 00:15:24,790
or excited by the outcome.

352
00:15:24,792 --> 00:15:26,456
Interesting.

353
00:15:26,458 --> 00:15:29,957
So, heads it's PS4,
tails it's Xbox One.

354
00:15:31,290 --> 00:15:32,957
All right, I'll try.

355
00:15:37,123 --> 00:15:38,122
What is it?

356
00:15:38,124 --> 00:15:39,323
A quarter.

357
00:15:43,990 --> 00:15:45,489
Could have given
it back to me.

358
00:15:45,491 --> 00:15:47,256
That was a choice.

359
00:15:53,592 --> 00:15:55,289
You look...

360
00:15:55,291 --> 00:15:56,857
you look really pretty tonight.

361
00:15:56,859 --> 00:15:58,189
Thanks.

362
00:15:58,191 --> 00:15:59,156
I love that jacket.

363
00:15:59,158 --> 00:16:00,890
Thank you.
Thanks, thanks.

364
00:16:03,357 --> 00:16:05,356
I'm sorry. I can't do this.

365
00:16:05,358 --> 00:16:07,289
My... my ex-girlfriend
e-mailed me,

366
00:16:07,291 --> 00:16:08,890
and I'm seeing her Saturday...

367
00:16:08,892 --> 00:16:12,656
And I'm glad you like it...
it's from J. Crew.

368
00:16:13,591 --> 00:16:15,256
I don't understand.

369
00:16:15,258 --> 00:16:16,656
My friends told me it was okay

370
00:16:16,658 --> 00:16:18,489
to see more than
one person at a time,

371
00:16:18,491 --> 00:16:20,156
but it-it feels like
I'm being deceitful.

372
00:16:20,158 --> 00:16:21,989
Are you getting
back together with her?

373
00:16:21,991 --> 00:16:23,289
No.

374
00:16:23,291 --> 00:16:25,056
I-I... I have no idea.

375
00:16:25,058 --> 00:16:26,423
What would you do?

376
00:16:26,425 --> 00:16:30,890
Uh, usually on first dates,
I talk about music and stuff,

377
00:16:30,892 --> 00:16:33,623
but I was promised weird,
so let's do this.

378
00:16:34,757 --> 00:16:36,489
How serious were you two?

379
00:16:36,491 --> 00:16:39,089
Well, to be honest,

380
00:16:39,091 --> 00:16:42,489
we only went on four dates,
hugged twice, kissed once,

381
00:16:42,491 --> 00:16:46,156
and there was a handshake
loaded with sexual innuendo.

382
00:16:49,057 --> 00:16:50,556
Wait, so...

383
00:16:50,558 --> 00:16:52,723
a girl you never slept with
sent you an e-mail

384
00:16:52,725 --> 00:16:55,423
and you felt so guilty about it
that you had to tell me?

385
00:16:55,425 --> 00:16:56,556
Yeah.

386
00:16:56,558 --> 00:16:59,289
That's kind of adorable.

387
00:16:59,291 --> 00:17:01,356
Are you... are you sure?

388
00:17:01,358 --> 00:17:02,989
Because this is
the part of the night

389
00:17:02,991 --> 00:17:05,156
where I've said something stupid
and the girl usually leaves.

390
00:17:05,158 --> 00:17:06,489
I'm still here.

391
00:17:06,491 --> 00:17:10,256
Yeah, but now you make me wonder
what's wrong with you.

392
00:17:11,591 --> 00:17:13,256
We just met.

393
00:17:13,258 --> 00:17:15,756
You don't need to tell me about
other people you're seeing.

394
00:17:15,758 --> 00:17:17,690
Really?
Mm-hmm.

395
00:17:17,692 --> 00:17:19,823
Because "I'm dating two women"

396
00:17:19,825 --> 00:17:23,122
is basically the only cool
thing I can say about myself.

397
00:17:34,023 --> 00:17:37,823
On the one hand, the Xbox One
has a better camera...

398
00:17:37,825 --> 00:17:41,656
but the PS4 has
a removable hard drive.

399
00:17:41,658 --> 00:17:43,956
Thoughts?

400
00:17:43,958 --> 00:17:46,156
I can't feel
my legs.

401
00:17:48,890 --> 00:17:50,723
Oh... I'm sorry, guys,

402
00:17:50,725 --> 00:17:52,323
but the store closed
five minutes ago.

403
00:17:52,325 --> 00:17:54,856
But I haven't
decided yet.

404
00:17:54,858 --> 00:17:56,189
You'll have to come
back tomorrow.

405
00:17:56,191 --> 00:17:57,690
The registers are closed.

406
00:18:01,692 --> 00:18:03,790
Let's get you
some food.

407
00:18:03,792 --> 00:18:05,189
Y-You'll feel better
after you eat.

408
00:18:05,191 --> 00:18:07,423
Okay.

409
00:18:07,425 --> 00:18:09,556
What-what do you want,
like, Thai food?

410
00:18:09,558 --> 00:18:11,223
A... a burger?

411
00:18:11,225 --> 00:18:13,489
I don't know!

412
00:18:24,357 --> 00:18:26,590
Hey, look, a quarter!

413
00:18:39,858 --> 00:18:41,168
How's that feel?

414
00:18:41,169 --> 00:18:42,333
Great.

415
00:18:42,335 --> 00:18:44,734
Not like regret at all.

416
00:18:46,234 --> 00:18:48,667
Penny?

417
00:18:48,669 --> 00:18:50,167
We're working together!

418
00:18:51,483 --> 00:18:52,914
Awesome!

419
00:18:52,916 --> 00:18:57,911
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man