1
00:00:01,377 --> 00:00:03,508
I know. Being an
astrophysicist right now

2
00:00:03,510 --> 00:00:05,008
is like being a rock star.

3
00:00:05,010 --> 00:00:07,208
Only without the sex.

4
00:00:07,210 --> 00:00:10,174
Yeah, literally, none of it.

5
00:00:11,009 --> 00:00:13,241
What do you think
about it, Sheldon?

6
00:00:13,243 --> 00:00:14,874
Meh.

7
00:00:14,876 --> 00:00:16,807
Are you kidding me?

8
00:00:16,809 --> 00:00:19,074
This may be the biggest
scientific breakthrough

9
00:00:19,076 --> 00:00:20,841
of our lifetime. How can you,

10
00:00:20,843 --> 00:00:22,675
as a theoretical
physicist,

11
00:00:22,677 --> 00:00:23,974
not care about this?

12
00:00:23,976 --> 00:00:25,908
Maybe it's because
I'm not an elitist.

13
00:00:25,910 --> 00:00:27,141
What I'd like to know is:

14
00:00:27,143 --> 00:00:29,008
How does this gravity wave
breakthrough

15
00:00:29,010 --> 00:00:30,575
help the man on the street?

16
00:00:30,577 --> 00:00:32,041
You know?
Wh-Who's looking out

17
00:00:32,043 --> 00:00:35,642
for Joe Six-Pack and all
his quantum physics concerns?

18
00:00:35,644 --> 00:00:38,441
Oh, my God,
you're jealous.

19
00:00:38,443 --> 00:00:40,508
Why would I be jealous?

20
00:00:40,510 --> 00:00:42,874
Oh, I don't know. Maybe because
the origin of the universe

21
00:00:42,876 --> 00:00:44,108
just got proven,

22
00:00:44,110 --> 00:00:45,774
the Higgs field
just got proven

23
00:00:45,776 --> 00:00:47,174
and you've been working
on string theory

24
00:00:47,176 --> 00:00:55,041
for the last 20 years and
you're no closer to proving it

25
00:00:55,043 --> 00:00:57,941
We happen to live
in a golden age of television.

26
00:00:59,042 --> 00:01:00,208
Excuse me,
fellas.

27
00:01:01,544 --> 00:01:03,508
Sorry for eavesdropping,
but there actually was

28
00:01:03,510 --> 00:01:05,108
some big string theory news
today

29
00:01:05,110 --> 00:01:06,642
out of the Hadron Collider.

30
00:01:06,644 --> 00:01:09,508
Really? Did they find evidence
to support extra dimensions

31
00:01:09,510 --> 00:01:11,008
or supersymmetry?

32
00:01:11,010 --> 00:01:14,008
No, but they did find evidence
that you'll believe anything.

33
00:01:16,075 --> 00:01:18,375
Why would you do that?

34
00:01:18,377 --> 00:01:20,375
You're a string theorist
as well.

35
00:01:20,377 --> 00:01:23,108
Incorrect.
I am a string pragmatist.

36
00:01:23,110 --> 00:01:25,741
I say I'm gonna prove something
that cannot be proved,

37
00:01:25,743 --> 00:01:27,174
I apply for grant money,

38
00:01:27,176 --> 00:01:29,774
and then I spend it
on liquor and broads.

39
00:01:30,708 --> 00:01:32,575
Later.

40
00:01:34,476 --> 00:01:36,707
Do you think he's right?

41
00:01:36,709 --> 00:01:41,174
Am I wasting my life on a theory
that can never be proven?

42
00:01:43,409 --> 00:01:47,542
Maybe. But how great
is Game of Thrones?

43
00:02:11,805 --> 00:02:16,800
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man

44
00:02:18,034 --> 00:02:20,033
Hey, you're up early.

45
00:02:20,035 --> 00:02:22,300
I couldn't sleep.

46
00:02:22,302 --> 00:02:26,366
I told you those Walking Dead
pillowcases were a bad idea.

47
00:02:26,368 --> 00:02:28,433
No, that's not it.

48
00:02:28,435 --> 00:02:30,033
Is something bothering you?

49
00:02:30,035 --> 00:02:32,966
Yes, but you wouldn't
understand.

50
00:02:32,968 --> 00:02:35,333
Oh, come on, try me.

51
00:02:36,200 --> 00:02:37,999
All right.

52
00:02:39,134 --> 00:02:42,799
I've devoted the prime
of my life to string theory

53
00:02:42,801 --> 00:02:44,832
and its quest
for the compactification

54
00:02:44,834 --> 00:02:46,466
of extra dimensions.

55
00:02:46,468 --> 00:02:50,233
I've got nothing to show for it,
and I feel like a fool.

56
00:02:51,100 --> 00:02:52,699
Okay. I get it.

57
00:02:52,701 --> 00:02:55,466
I mean, not all the jibberjabber
in the middle, but...

58
00:02:56,467 --> 00:02:57,832
I know what it's like

59
00:02:57,834 --> 00:02:59,400
to put your heart and soul
into something

60
00:02:59,402 --> 00:03:00,933
and get nothing out of it.

61
00:03:00,935 --> 00:03:03,266
You mean your acting career?

62
00:03:04,100 --> 00:03:05,999
No.

63
00:03:06,001 --> 00:03:08,066
Your relationship with Leonard?

64
00:03:08,900 --> 00:03:10,533
No.

65
00:03:10,535 --> 00:03:12,166
Your failed attempt
to go back to college?

66
00:03:12,168 --> 00:03:13,666
No!

67
00:03:13,668 --> 00:03:14,732
I'm saying you

68
00:03:14,734 --> 00:03:16,366
and string theory sound
like a relationship,

69
00:03:16,368 --> 00:03:18,466
and I know what it's like
to be in one

70
00:03:18,468 --> 00:03:20,933
and realize it's never gonna
turn out the way you want.

71
00:03:21,867 --> 00:03:24,066
I said Leonard; you said no.

72
00:03:24,934 --> 00:03:27,133
I'm talking about other guys.

73
00:03:27,135 --> 00:03:28,500
Okay.

74
00:03:28,502 --> 00:03:31,099
Well, what do you do?

75
00:03:31,101 --> 00:03:33,433
You have to have the courage
to end the relationship.

76
00:03:33,435 --> 00:03:36,666
You know? Break it off,
shake hands, walk away.

77
00:03:38,402 --> 00:03:40,666
I don't know if I can do that.

78
00:03:40,668 --> 00:03:42,199
I know it's hard, honey,
but in the end,

79
00:03:42,201 --> 00:03:43,233
that's how you grow.

80
00:03:47,934 --> 00:03:50,666
Penny, have you seen
my good inhaler?

81
00:03:52,767 --> 00:03:55,732
Break it off,
shake hands, walk away.

82
00:04:00,467 --> 00:04:03,333
Hey, how's dating
two women going?

83
00:04:03,335 --> 00:04:05,333
Um, kind of hit a bump.

84
00:04:05,335 --> 00:04:08,433
When I was honest and told Emily
she wasn't the only person

85
00:04:08,435 --> 00:04:09,766
I was seeing, it went great.

86
00:04:09,768 --> 00:04:11,933
So I tried the same thing
with Lucy.

87
00:04:11,935 --> 00:04:13,166
And?

88
00:04:13,168 --> 00:04:16,133
She had mixed feelings.

89
00:04:16,135 --> 00:04:18,533
But when I said,
"Emily was cool with it.

90
00:04:18,535 --> 00:04:20,933
Emily's the best. Why can't you
be more like Emily?"...

91
00:04:22,767 --> 00:04:26,266
those feelings
became less mixed.

92
00:04:27,467 --> 00:04:31,166
Women. Who knows
what'll set 'em off?

93
00:04:31,168 --> 00:04:35,099
At least now I can focus all
my energies on just one girl.

94
00:04:35,101 --> 00:04:37,099
I hope I get to meet her
as soon as possible.

95
00:04:37,101 --> 00:04:38,799
Why the rush?
She isn't going anywhere.

96
00:04:38,801 --> 00:04:41,433
She is. But I like
that attitude.

97
00:04:43,100 --> 00:04:46,966
Gentlemen, is anybody interested
in my old string theory books?

98
00:04:46,968 --> 00:04:48,699
You're really
going to do this?

99
00:04:48,701 --> 00:04:52,233
I am. Yeah, Penny pointed out
that what I'm going through

100
00:04:52,235 --> 00:04:53,433
is essentially a breakup.

101
00:04:53,435 --> 00:04:56,199
And according
to Cosmopolitan magazine,

102
00:04:56,201 --> 00:04:58,832
one of the most effective
techniques for moving on

103
00:04:58,834 --> 00:05:01,866
is to get rid of all reminders
of the relationship.

104
00:05:01,868 --> 00:05:03,866
You're reading Cosmo?
Yes.

105
00:05:03,868 --> 00:05:06,400
as it turns out,
there's an article,

106
00:05:06,402 --> 00:05:09,466
on how to get over a breakup
in literally every issue.

107
00:05:10,301 --> 00:05:11,699
Anyway,

108
00:05:11,701 --> 00:05:13,832
it suggests that I
set these on fire,

109
00:05:13,834 --> 00:05:15,933
but the smell of burning books

110
00:05:15,935 --> 00:05:19,133
reminds me of church picnics
in East Texas.

111
00:05:20,633 --> 00:05:22,632
What's this?
Oh,

112
00:05:22,634 --> 00:05:26,400
that's just a doodle of
a hyperelliptic Riemann surface.

113
00:05:26,402 --> 00:05:29,599
Oh, yeah. Wasn't that the basis
of your postdoc fellowship?

114
00:05:29,601 --> 00:05:30,832
It was.

115
00:05:30,834 --> 00:05:32,933
This seemed so elegant
at the time,

116
00:05:32,935 --> 00:05:34,099
but...

117
00:05:34,101 --> 00:05:36,799
now I realize I was just
a simple country boy

118
00:05:36,801 --> 00:05:39,300
seduced by a big city theory

119
00:05:39,302 --> 00:05:42,133
with variables
in all the right places.

120
00:05:43,600 --> 00:05:45,899
It's going to be okay.
I know.

121
00:05:45,901 --> 00:05:48,133
As hard as this is,
I have to move on.

122
00:05:48,135 --> 00:05:50,966
I can't keep postulating
multidimensional entities

123
00:05:50,968 --> 00:05:52,766
and get nothing in return.

124
00:05:52,768 --> 00:05:54,532
I have needs, too.

125
00:06:00,501 --> 00:06:02,199
So, you and Emily
still together?

126
00:06:09,467 --> 00:06:11,899
I spoke to Bernadette.
She's free tomorrow night.

127
00:06:11,901 --> 00:06:13,333
Oh, okay, great.

128
00:06:13,335 --> 00:06:15,599
But if we're really gonna do
a double date,

129
00:06:15,601 --> 00:06:18,033
then we have to go over
some ground rules about Emily.

130
00:06:18,035 --> 00:06:20,333
Like when it turns out
she's made of rubber,

131
00:06:20,335 --> 00:06:21,966
I don't say anything?

132
00:06:23,500 --> 00:06:25,432
She's very real.

133
00:06:25,434 --> 00:06:27,933
Oh, that's what it says
on the box.

134
00:06:29,100 --> 00:06:32,066
Right next to "dishwasher safe."

135
00:06:32,900 --> 00:06:33,899
See?

136
00:06:33,901 --> 00:06:35,233
This is exactly
the kind of thing

137
00:06:35,235 --> 00:06:36,966
I'm worried about you
saying in front of her.

138
00:06:36,968 --> 00:06:39,233
I promise I'll be
on my best behavior.

139
00:06:39,235 --> 00:06:42,766
You better be. No jokes about
how close I am with my dog.

140
00:06:42,768 --> 00:06:46,599
Or the truth about how close
I am with my dog.

141
00:06:46,601 --> 00:06:47,999
You got it.

142
00:06:48,001 --> 00:06:50,066
No jokes about the
year I took ballet.

143
00:06:50,068 --> 00:06:51,766
You took ballet?

144
00:06:52,600 --> 00:06:54,766
God, you never listen.

145
00:06:57,566 --> 00:06:59,732
Are you sure you
want to do this?

146
00:06:59,734 --> 00:07:02,199
The magazine articles suggest
that one of the ways

147
00:07:02,201 --> 00:07:04,799
to get over a breakup
is a new look.

148
00:07:04,801 --> 00:07:06,233
Mmm. What about your old look,

149
00:07:06,235 --> 00:07:08,966
well-groomed ventriloquist doll?

150
00:07:10,566 --> 00:07:13,799
"Oh, my God, I do look like that."
Stop it!

151
00:07:15,234 --> 00:07:18,399
So, how do you want me to cut it?
Oh,

152
00:07:18,401 --> 00:07:22,799
how about Bill Gates
meets Nikola Tesla?

153
00:07:23,600 --> 00:07:25,066
So, business in the front,

154
00:07:25,068 --> 00:07:26,966
science in the back.

155
00:07:26,968 --> 00:07:28,565
Or I don't cut it

156
00:07:28,567 --> 00:07:30,233
and maybe just style it
a little.

157
00:07:30,235 --> 00:07:31,899
Oh, I'm in
your hands.

158
00:07:31,901 --> 00:07:35,266
Do a good job and I'll tell you
Cosmo's ten dynamite tips

159
00:07:35,268 --> 00:07:37,599
to enjoy your PMS.

160
00:07:38,334 --> 00:07:39,599
Can you keep him quiet?

161
00:07:39,601 --> 00:07:41,166
Maybe jangle some keys
in front of him?

162
00:07:41,168 --> 00:07:42,365
That doesn't
work anymore.

163
00:07:42,367 --> 00:07:45,133
He just thinks I'm taking him
to the doctor.

164
00:07:46,333 --> 00:07:48,300
So, now that you're
no longer invested

165
00:07:48,302 --> 00:07:50,933
in string theory,
what are you gonna pursue?

166
00:07:50,935 --> 00:07:52,933
Oh, there are so
many exciting areas:

167
00:07:52,935 --> 00:07:55,966
black holes, dark matter...
Oh,

168
00:07:55,968 --> 00:07:57,432
Leonard was telling me
about dark matter,

169
00:07:57,434 --> 00:07:58,999
but I didn't
really understand it.

170
00:07:59,001 --> 00:08:02,066
Don't feel bad.
Neither does he.

171
00:08:05,433 --> 00:08:07,465
Okay...

172
00:08:07,467 --> 00:08:09,632
what do you think?

173
00:08:11,900 --> 00:08:14,565
Have you ever even seen
a picture of Tesla?

174
00:08:15,333 --> 00:08:17,099
It actually
looks good, Sheldon.

175
00:08:17,101 --> 00:08:19,299
Doesn't it?
Yeah.

176
00:08:19,301 --> 00:08:24,399
I suppose I could see myself
in a scientific boy band.

177
00:08:24,401 --> 00:08:26,799
Of course, I'd be the dreamy one
and the smart one.

178
00:08:28,668 --> 00:08:30,233
Sorry I'm late.

179
00:08:31,000 --> 00:08:32,732
What did you do?

180
00:08:32,734 --> 00:08:34,999
I gave him a new look.
It's cute, huh?

181
00:08:35,001 --> 00:08:37,799
Yeah, it's cute.
That's the problem.

182
00:08:37,801 --> 00:08:40,099
I don't need other girls
to see him walking around

183
00:08:40,101 --> 00:08:42,233
like sex on a stick.

184
00:08:43,767 --> 00:08:46,899
She's right.
I'm too hot.

185
00:08:51,533 --> 00:08:53,133
I'm excited
to meet Emily.

186
00:08:53,135 --> 00:08:56,066
Me, too. I just hope
he doesn't blow it.

187
00:08:56,068 --> 00:08:57,999
Why would you
say that?

188
00:08:58,001 --> 00:09:01,766
Because he's Raj...
that's his thing.

189
00:09:01,768 --> 00:09:04,966
Beckham can bend it, Ralph
can wreck it, Raj can blow it.

190
00:09:06,300 --> 00:09:08,332
Look, I don't want it
to happen,

191
00:09:08,334 --> 00:09:11,066
but odds are he's gonna
find a way to...

192
00:09:11,900 --> 00:09:13,899
Oh, crap,
I know that girl.

193
00:09:13,901 --> 00:09:14,933
How?

194
00:09:14,935 --> 00:09:17,365
In a bad way, very bad.

195
00:09:17,367 --> 00:09:18,632
Hey, guys.

196
00:09:18,634 --> 00:09:20,233
Whatever you hear tonight,
just remember I love you.

197
00:09:20,234 --> 00:09:21,632
Hey!

198
00:09:30,010 --> 00:09:33,109
Emily, these are my good
friends, Howard and Bernadette.

199
00:09:33,111 --> 00:09:35,209
Guys, this is Emily.
Nice to meet you.

200
00:09:35,211 --> 00:09:36,408
Hi.
Hello.

201
00:09:36,410 --> 00:09:38,441
Have we met before?

202
00:09:39,210 --> 00:09:42,541
Uh... no.

203
00:09:42,543 --> 00:09:43,341
I-I don't...

204
00:09:43,343 --> 00:09:45,075
I don't... think so.

205
00:09:45,077 --> 00:09:46,708
You sure? You look familiar.

206
00:09:46,710 --> 00:09:49,042
Well, you sure don't.

207
00:09:49,044 --> 00:09:50,942
You I know,
you I know, you?

208
00:09:50,944 --> 00:09:53,908
Total stranger.

209
00:09:53,910 --> 00:09:58,109
Even if you had yummy candy,
I would not get in your van.

210
00:09:58,111 --> 00:10:01,142
Did you go to that spin class
on Green Street?

211
00:10:01,144 --> 00:10:02,975
That must be it.

212
00:10:02,977 --> 00:10:05,308
Since when do you go
to spin class?

213
00:10:05,310 --> 00:10:07,641
Wow. Now who doesn't listen?

214
00:10:10,176 --> 00:10:11,675
Sheldon,
your food's getting cold.

215
00:10:11,677 --> 00:10:13,875
What are you doing?
Oh, looking through

216
00:10:13,877 --> 00:10:17,142
my textbooks
for a new field of inquiry.

217
00:10:17,144 --> 00:10:20,142
Why do we have a geology book?

218
00:10:20,144 --> 00:10:22,475
Leonard, did you throw

219
00:10:22,477 --> 00:10:24,975
a children's party
while I was in Texas?

220
00:10:26,076 --> 00:10:27,842
Wait. What's wrong with geology?

221
00:10:27,844 --> 00:10:30,374
Let me put this in a way
you'll understand, Penny.

222
00:10:30,376 --> 00:10:32,241
You remember
how you explained to me

223
00:10:32,243 --> 00:10:34,675
that the Kardashians
aren't real celebrities?

224
00:10:34,677 --> 00:10:36,308
Well, geology

225
00:10:36,310 --> 00:10:38,641
is the Kardashians of science.

226
00:10:39,642 --> 00:10:41,241
Have you considered

227
00:10:41,243 --> 00:10:43,408
studying standard model physics?

228
00:10:43,410 --> 00:10:45,408
You want me
to give up string theory

229
00:10:45,410 --> 00:10:46,975
for something
that's less advanced?

230
00:10:46,977 --> 00:10:49,142
You know, why don't you break up
with Penny

231
00:10:49,144 --> 00:10:51,341
and start dating a brown bear?

232
00:10:52,609 --> 00:10:55,842
Like you could
get a brown bear.

233
00:10:55,844 --> 00:10:57,308
Hey, I've got a good job.

234
00:10:57,310 --> 00:10:59,508
I could buy salmon.
You don't know.

235
00:11:00,776 --> 00:11:02,741
Maybe you could make
your new field of study

236
00:11:02,743 --> 00:11:04,641
the calculation
of nuclear matrix elements.

237
00:11:04,643 --> 00:11:06,141
Oh, please.

238
00:11:06,143 --> 00:11:09,775
If I wanted to take up a fad,
I'd get a tramp stamp.

239
00:11:12,876 --> 00:11:15,008
What about loop quantum gravity?

240
00:11:15,010 --> 00:11:17,308
Oh, Duchess, look at me.

241
00:11:17,310 --> 00:11:20,141
My quantum gravity's
positively loopy.

242
00:11:21,542 --> 00:11:23,274
Who's the duchess?

243
00:11:23,276 --> 00:11:26,441
One of the people
that lives in his head.

244
00:11:26,443 --> 00:11:29,374
I hope he's this distraught
if he ever breaks up with me.

245
00:11:29,376 --> 00:11:32,141
Well, if he does, I'll see
if my bear has a friend.

246
00:11:34,375 --> 00:11:35,575
Sheldon, have you
ever considered

247
00:11:35,577 --> 00:11:36,641
not rushing into something new?

248
00:11:36,643 --> 00:11:38,274
I mean, why don't you
take your time,

249
00:11:38,276 --> 00:11:39,875
enjoy your freedom?

250
00:11:39,877 --> 00:11:43,274
Maybe something new
to study will find you.

251
00:11:44,375 --> 00:11:46,274
That's actually not bad advice.

252
00:11:46,276 --> 00:11:48,441
You know, I didn't seek out
string theory.

253
00:11:48,443 --> 00:11:51,042
It just hit me
over the head one day.

254
00:11:51,044 --> 00:11:52,741
How does that happen?

255
00:11:52,743 --> 00:11:54,842
A bully chased me through
the school library

256
00:11:54,844 --> 00:11:58,174
and hit me over the head with
the biggest book he could find.

257
00:11:59,909 --> 00:12:01,908
Okay, how about we toast
your newfound freedom?

258
00:12:01,910 --> 00:12:05,475
Ah, normally
I refrain from alcohol,

259
00:12:05,477 --> 00:12:08,741
but since my cerebral cortex is
twiddling its proverbial thumbs,

260
00:12:08,743 --> 00:12:10,541
why not soak it in grape juice

261
00:12:10,543 --> 00:12:13,008
that's been predigested
by a fungus?

262
00:12:14,209 --> 00:12:17,074
And you wonder why other
children beat you with books.

263
00:12:17,076 --> 00:12:18,575
Cheers!

264
00:12:21,109 --> 00:12:23,208
Emily, what
do you do?

265
00:12:23,210 --> 00:12:25,775
I'm a dermatology resident
at Huntington Hospital.

266
00:12:25,777 --> 00:12:27,641
Mmm, and you know
what that means.

267
00:12:27,643 --> 00:12:31,475
Someone's skin's about
to be softer than ever.

268
00:12:32,442 --> 00:12:33,875
This is making
me crazy.

269
00:12:33,877 --> 00:12:35,708
I know I know you
from somewhere.

270
00:12:35,710 --> 00:12:37,641
Oh, uh, Howard
was an astronaut.

271
00:12:37,643 --> 00:12:39,641
Maybe that's where you saw him.
Wow!

272
00:12:39,643 --> 00:12:41,108
That's amazing.

273
00:12:41,110 --> 00:12:42,408
What was that like?

274
00:12:42,410 --> 00:12:45,408
It was the most incredible
experience of my life.

275
00:12:45,410 --> 00:12:48,341
Up there
in the space station, you're...

276
00:12:48,343 --> 00:12:50,475
Oh, my God, I remember.

277
00:12:50,477 --> 00:12:53,508
Can I finish my astronaut story?

278
00:12:53,510 --> 00:12:55,008
It was four years ago.

279
00:12:55,010 --> 00:12:57,141
Please don't say it.
We were set up on a blind date.

280
00:12:57,143 --> 00:12:58,875
Please don't say it.
You came to my apartment.

281
00:12:58,877 --> 00:13:01,008
You're saying it.

282
00:13:01,010 --> 00:13:02,675
Well, wh-what happened?

283
00:13:02,677 --> 00:13:04,508
Yeah, what happened?
Okay, I'll say it.

284
00:13:05,710 --> 00:13:09,074
I was on the way to pick her up.

285
00:13:09,076 --> 00:13:11,274
My stomach felt a little funny.

286
00:13:11,276 --> 00:13:14,641
When I got there, I asked
if I could use her bathroom.

287
00:13:14,643 --> 00:13:16,641
Please don't say it.

288
00:13:19,109 --> 00:13:21,675
One roll of toilet paper
and 20 minutes later,

289
00:13:21,677 --> 00:13:24,007
I was so humiliated,

290
00:13:24,009 --> 00:13:27,007
I snuck out the window
and never saw her again.

291
00:13:27,009 --> 00:13:28,975
You know what else
I never saw again...

292
00:13:28,977 --> 00:13:30,975
my security deposit.

293
00:13:30,977 --> 00:13:32,575
I'm sorry.

294
00:13:32,577 --> 00:13:35,741
I tried to unclog it,
but you didn't have a plunger,

295
00:13:35,743 --> 00:13:37,408
and water was
spilling out everywhere.

296
00:13:37,410 --> 00:13:39,341
Right, just water.

297
00:13:41,075 --> 00:13:43,508
Look, I have felt terrible
about this for years,

298
00:13:43,510 --> 00:13:45,241
and I'm glad
I have the opportunity

299
00:13:45,243 --> 00:13:47,875
to tell you
just how sorry I am.

300
00:13:47,877 --> 00:13:49,241
It's fine.

301
00:13:49,909 --> 00:13:51,508
All my friends love this story.

302
00:13:51,510 --> 00:13:53,741
They call you Clogzilla.

303
00:13:53,743 --> 00:13:55,608
Get it?

304
00:13:55,610 --> 00:13:57,208
Because you clogged up
her bathroom

305
00:13:57,210 --> 00:13:58,775
like a radioactive monster!

306
00:14:00,076 --> 00:14:01,475
Yeah, yeah, I get it.

307
00:14:01,477 --> 00:14:02,641
Howie.

308
00:14:02,643 --> 00:14:04,108
Well, hey, it's not like
cotton candy

309
00:14:04,110 --> 00:14:05,475
comes out of you.

310
00:14:08,209 --> 00:14:09,575
Come on, let's
get you to bed.

311
00:14:09,577 --> 00:14:10,775
You've had a lot
to drink.

312
00:14:10,777 --> 00:14:12,241
No more than Penny.

313
00:14:12,243 --> 00:14:14,241
That's what I'm saying.

314
00:14:14,243 --> 00:14:16,508
Wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait.

315
00:14:17,642 --> 00:14:19,541
Empty room.

316
00:14:19,543 --> 00:14:21,208
Empty room.

317
00:14:21,210 --> 00:14:23,842
Empty room.

318
00:14:23,844 --> 00:14:26,241
If somebody says "Come in,"
I'm gonna freak out.

319
00:14:31,409 --> 00:14:32,941
So, Emily, why did you

320
00:14:32,943 --> 00:14:34,775
decide to specialize
in dermatology?

321
00:14:34,777 --> 00:14:36,875
I like cutting
people with knives,

322
00:14:36,877 --> 00:14:40,908
and all the other jobs where
you get to do that are illegal.

323
00:14:41,776 --> 00:14:43,174
You're kidding, right?

324
00:14:47,709 --> 00:14:49,441
She's scary,
but it's a cute scary.

325
00:14:50,610 --> 00:14:52,875
Can I say just one more thing?

326
00:14:52,877 --> 00:14:55,842
I had some kind
of food poisoning that day.

327
00:14:55,844 --> 00:14:58,641
Sure, in retrospect,
gas station sushi...

328
00:14:58,643 --> 00:15:00,108
maybe not the best choice.

329
00:15:00,110 --> 00:15:02,007
Nor was climbing out

330
00:15:02,009 --> 00:15:03,074
your window and running away.

331
00:15:03,076 --> 00:15:04,541
But I think
we can all understand

332
00:15:04,543 --> 00:15:05,974
how humiliating that was,
and I'd really

333
00:15:05,976 --> 00:15:07,408
appreciate it
if we could move on.

334
00:15:07,410 --> 00:15:09,441
Howie, we moved on
a long time ago.

335
00:15:09,443 --> 00:15:11,842
I'm just saying...
We moved on.

336
00:15:13,242 --> 00:15:16,174
Okay. Fine.

337
00:15:18,576 --> 00:15:19,775
How's your soup?

338
00:15:19,777 --> 00:15:20,974
Ah, it's all right.

339
00:15:20,976 --> 00:15:22,974
They could've filled
the bowl a little more.

340
00:15:26,942 --> 00:15:28,341
Excuse me.

341
00:15:28,343 --> 00:15:29,675
Where are you going?

342
00:15:29,677 --> 00:15:30,941
I need some fresh air.

343
00:15:30,943 --> 00:15:32,808
Been there.

344
00:15:53,509 --> 00:15:55,741
Oh, no.

345
00:15:55,743 --> 00:15:57,941
What have I done?

346
00:16:21,642 --> 00:16:23,408
How you feeling?

347
00:16:24,242 --> 00:16:26,141
Not so good.

348
00:16:27,908 --> 00:16:31,174
Are you gonna introduce me
to your friend?

349
00:16:32,275 --> 00:16:33,974
It's not my friend.

350
00:16:33,976 --> 00:16:36,174
Nothing happened.

351
00:16:36,176 --> 00:16:37,308
I don't know.

352
00:16:37,310 --> 00:16:40,907
I heard you reading pretty loud
last night.

353
00:16:41,742 --> 00:16:43,708
Oh, dear Lord.

354
00:16:43,710 --> 00:16:45,708
Where's Amy?

355
00:16:45,710 --> 00:16:47,841
After she put you to bed,
she went home.

356
00:16:47,843 --> 00:16:49,675
Oh.

357
00:16:49,677 --> 00:16:52,941
I should call her and apologize.

358
00:16:52,943 --> 00:16:55,141
Oh.

359
00:16:55,143 --> 00:16:58,074
Oh, no.
What?

360
00:16:58,076 --> 00:17:02,108
Apparently, I called
Stephen Hawking last night.

361
00:17:02,110 --> 00:17:04,408
First new message.

362
00:17:04,410 --> 00:17:07,441
Hawkman!

363
00:17:07,443 --> 00:17:11,074
It's your old buddy
Sheldonoscopy!

364
00:17:12,742 --> 00:17:15,174
How come you didn't
pick up the phone?

365
00:17:15,176 --> 00:17:17,441
Oh, right. My bad.

366
00:17:22,509 --> 00:17:24,841
You're awful quiet.
Everything okay?

367
00:17:25,676 --> 00:17:27,374
Not really.

368
00:17:27,376 --> 00:17:30,575
I had a bit
of an embarrassing evening.

369
00:17:30,577 --> 00:17:33,141
Ugh. Me, too.
What happened?

370
00:17:33,143 --> 00:17:34,907
I drank alcohol

371
00:17:34,909 --> 00:17:40,041
and may have left an unfortunate
voice mail for Stephen Hawking.

372
00:17:40,043 --> 00:17:42,441
I wouldn't worry about it.

373
00:17:42,443 --> 00:17:44,608
He's got a pretty good
sense of humor.

374
00:17:44,610 --> 00:17:47,374
Oh, I hope so.

375
00:17:47,376 --> 00:17:49,608
What happened to you
last night?

376
00:17:49,610 --> 00:17:51,608
Oh, well, turns out

377
00:17:51,610 --> 00:17:54,308
I'd already met the girl
Raj is seeing

378
00:17:54,310 --> 00:17:57,641
when I did a number
on her bathroom.

379
00:18:01,008 --> 00:18:03,208
And that number was two.

380
00:18:05,542 --> 00:18:08,575
Well, you know,
I've always been a fan

381
00:18:08,577 --> 00:18:11,575
of a story told
by Attar of Nishapur,

382
00:18:11,577 --> 00:18:12,707
about a king

383
00:18:12,709 --> 00:18:15,675
who assembled a group
of wise men

384
00:18:15,677 --> 00:18:19,441
to create a ring that would
make him happy when he was sad.

385
00:18:19,443 --> 00:18:21,241
And that ring

386
00:18:21,243 --> 00:18:25,308
was inscribed with the phrase,
"This too shall pass."

387
00:18:26,908 --> 00:18:29,341
Hey, Cooper!
Oh, my God.

388
00:18:29,343 --> 00:18:32,941
I heard you drunk-dialed
Stephen Hawking last night?

389
00:18:32,943 --> 00:18:35,007
Classic!

390
00:18:35,009 --> 00:18:36,108
Get out of here, Barry.

391
00:18:36,110 --> 00:18:38,108
Whatever you say...

392
00:18:38,110 --> 00:18:40,308
Clogzilla.

393
00:18:43,875 --> 00:18:46,007
Clogzilla. That's pretty funny.

394
00:18:47,242 --> 00:18:50,475
I don't think
that's gonna pass.

395
00:18:58,876 --> 00:19:00,842
Next message.

396
00:19:00,844 --> 00:19:02,675
It's me again!

397
00:19:02,677 --> 00:19:05,075
I gave up string theory.

398
00:19:05,077 --> 00:19:06,942
You should give up black holes,

399
00:19:06,944 --> 00:19:09,741
and we can totally
solve crimes together!

400
00:19:11,343 --> 00:19:13,142
Next message.

401
00:19:13,144 --> 00:19:14,675
Do you know what's great?

402
00:19:14,677 --> 00:19:18,109
Geology. Oh!

403
00:19:18,111 --> 00:19:21,008
Look at this geode!

404
00:19:21,010 --> 00:19:23,342
That's fun to say!

405
00:19:23,344 --> 00:19:27,641
Gee... ode! Gee... ode!

406
00:19:27,643 --> 00:19:29,476
Next message.

407
00:19:29,478 --> 00:19:32,075
Gee... ode!

408
00:19:32,077 --> 00:19:34,576
Gee... ode!

409
00:19:34,578 --> 00:19:36,808
I kiss girls now.

410
00:19:38,510 --> 00:19:40,375
Next message.

411
00:19:40,377 --> 00:19:42,075
Hey, guess who I am!

412
00:19:42,077 --> 00:19:43,442
Beep bop boop bop!

413
00:19:43,444 --> 00:19:45,775
I'm you! Get it?

414
00:19:46,976 --> 00:19:48,842
Next message.

415
00:19:48,844 --> 00:19:51,075
Are you mad at me?

416
00:19:51,943 --> 00:19:55,008
Oh, no, you're mad at me.

417
00:19:55,010 --> 00:19:57,242
I'm so sorry!

418
00:19:57,244 --> 00:19:59,608
Beep bop boop bop.

419
00:20:00,376 --> 00:20:01,908
Next message.

420
00:20:01,910 --> 00:20:06,908
Thiospinel sulfide.
Thiospinel sulfide.

421
00:20:06,910 --> 00:20:10,375
That's even more fun
than "gee... ode."

422
00:20:11,426 --> 00:20:13,790
Hey, did you see
The Lego Movie?

423
00:20:17,179 --> 00:20:18,710
What a jackass.

424
00:20:18,712 --> 00:20:23,707
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man