1
00:00:00,207 --> 00:00:02,105
Next time, try lifting the box.

2
00:00:02,973 --> 00:00:04,905
Please hurry.

3
00:00:04,907 --> 00:00:06,505
I don't need
a treadmill!

4
00:00:06,507 --> 00:00:09,205
The doctor says
you need to get exercise!

5
00:00:09,207 --> 00:00:11,404
I get plenty
of exercise!

6
00:00:11,406 --> 00:00:15,205
Crushing my will to live
isn't exercise!

7
00:00:15,207 --> 00:00:18,638
If she isn't gonna use it,
then why are we doing this?

8
00:00:18,640 --> 00:00:20,805
She'll use it.
All I need is to rig it

9
00:00:20,807 --> 00:00:23,972
with a fishing pole
and a HoneyBaked Ham.

10
00:00:23,974 --> 00:00:25,205
All right.

11
00:00:25,207 --> 00:00:26,338
Now what?

12
00:00:26,340 --> 00:00:28,471
We set it up
in Howie's old room.

13
00:00:28,473 --> 00:00:29,505
Do you know how to set it up?

14
00:00:29,507 --> 00:00:31,538
Please,
I'm an MIT-trained engineer.

15
00:00:31,540 --> 00:00:33,038
I think I can handle...

16
00:00:33,040 --> 00:00:34,438
Ma, look out!

17
00:00:37,007 --> 00:00:41,172
I told you this
thing would kill me!

18
00:01:05,350 --> 00:01:10,345
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man

19
00:01:10,371 --> 00:01:14,536
So she's gonna be laid up
for at least six weeks.

20
00:01:14,538 --> 00:01:15,937
Poor Mrs. Wolowitz.

21
00:01:15,939 --> 00:01:17,536
Should we do something
for her?

22
00:01:17,538 --> 00:01:21,104
I know. Let's go see
the new Spider-Man movie.

23
00:01:22,205 --> 00:01:24,770
Sheldon, we're talking
about your friend's mother.

24
00:01:24,772 --> 00:01:25,837
She got hurt.

25
00:01:25,839 --> 00:01:27,937
I thought that subject
had run its course,

26
00:01:27,939 --> 00:01:29,570
so I changed it.

27
00:01:29,572 --> 00:01:33,070
It's called reading
the room, Amy.

28
00:01:33,072 --> 00:01:34,637
Hi.

29
00:01:34,639 --> 00:01:35,870
Hey, how were things on the set?

30
00:01:35,872 --> 00:01:37,270
Uh, pretty good, actually.

31
00:01:37,272 --> 00:01:39,070
So the movie's not
as bad as you thought?

32
00:01:39,072 --> 00:01:40,536
Oh, no, it is,

33
00:01:40,538 --> 00:01:42,104
but I decided,
instead of complaining about it,

34
00:01:42,106 --> 00:01:44,403
I'm just gonna go in every day
and give it my all.

35
00:01:44,405 --> 00:01:45,637
Good for you.
Thanks.

36
00:01:45,639 --> 00:01:47,303
There's no reason why
I shouldn't be

37
00:01:47,305 --> 00:01:49,904
the best bisexual go-go dancer
slowly transforming

38
00:01:49,906 --> 00:01:53,303
into a killer gorilla
anyone's ever seen.

39
00:01:53,305 --> 00:01:54,937
I don't know.

40
00:01:54,939 --> 00:01:57,470
The bisexual gorilla
go-go dancer in Schindler's List

41
00:01:57,472 --> 00:01:58,803
is tough to beat.

42
00:01:58,805 --> 00:02:00,770
Ah, very good.

43
00:02:00,772 --> 00:02:03,970
Because a gorilla go-go dancer
of any sexual preference

44
00:02:03,972 --> 00:02:06,703
would be out of place in a film
about the Holocaust.

45
00:02:06,705 --> 00:02:10,336
It only gets funnier
when you explain it, Sheldon.

46
00:02:10,338 --> 00:02:13,370
I know.

47
00:02:16,204 --> 00:02:19,703
Okay, she's all settled
in the guest room.

48
00:02:19,705 --> 00:02:21,436
Maybe we should get
one of those machines

49
00:02:21,438 --> 00:02:23,303
to help her up the stairs.

50
00:02:23,305 --> 00:02:25,203
You mean a forklift?

51
00:02:25,971 --> 00:02:27,970
Howie...
I'm sorry.

52
00:02:27,972 --> 00:02:30,137
I just can't deal
with this right now.

53
00:02:30,139 --> 00:02:32,203
Taking care of your own mother?
How can you say that?

54
00:02:32,205 --> 00:02:35,070
Bernie, she's gonna be off
her feet for six to eight weeks.

55
00:02:35,072 --> 00:02:37,236
Are you prepared
to feed her, wash her

56
00:02:37,238 --> 00:02:39,037
and take her to the toilet?

57
00:02:39,039 --> 00:02:41,737
I would do it for my mother.
Yeah, of course

58
00:02:41,739 --> 00:02:44,236
you would...
you're a loving person.

59
00:02:44,238 --> 00:02:48,870
I'm what my people
would call a putz.

60
00:02:48,872 --> 00:02:51,370
Look, I'm not crazy
about the idea,

61
00:02:51,372 --> 00:02:53,270
but what other
choice do we have?

62
00:02:53,272 --> 00:02:54,303
We get a nurse.

63
00:02:54,305 --> 00:02:56,169
Preferably someone
from a Third World country

64
00:02:56,171 --> 00:02:59,803
who's used to suffering
and unpleasant smells.

65
00:03:01,204 --> 00:03:02,637
You'd hire a
total stranger

66
00:03:02,639 --> 00:03:05,004
to take care of the
woman who raised you?

67
00:03:05,006 --> 00:03:06,104
That's so cruel.

68
00:03:06,106 --> 00:03:08,503
Not if we pay them well

69
00:03:08,505 --> 00:03:11,536
and let them listen
to the music of their homeland.

70
00:03:13,237 --> 00:03:15,637
I need to tinkle!

71
00:03:15,639 --> 00:03:18,236
Sounds like a job
for a loving person.

72
00:03:20,005 --> 00:03:21,603
Would you like me
to play some Polish music

73
00:03:21,605 --> 00:03:23,104
while you carry her
to the toilet?

74
00:03:24,604 --> 00:03:26,370
You are a putz.

75
00:03:27,671 --> 00:03:30,037
As advertised.

76
00:03:34,005 --> 00:03:35,236
Thanks for coming
with me.

77
00:03:35,238 --> 00:03:38,270
Thanks for inviting me
after everyone else said no.

78
00:03:40,204 --> 00:03:41,970
Aren't you gonna get
3-D glasses?

79
00:03:41,972 --> 00:03:43,637
I brought my own.

80
00:03:43,639 --> 00:03:47,970
No sense in risking
bridge-of-nose herpes.

81
00:03:48,838 --> 00:03:50,103
Is that a real thing?

82
00:03:50,105 --> 00:03:52,937
Well, until they invent
nose condoms,

83
00:03:52,939 --> 00:03:55,103
I'm not finding out.

84
00:03:57,104 --> 00:03:59,203
Emily! Hey!

85
00:03:59,205 --> 00:04:00,670
Oh, hey, Raj.

86
00:04:00,672 --> 00:04:02,136
Uh, this is my friend, Sheldon.

87
00:04:02,138 --> 00:04:03,570
Sheldon, this is Emily.

88
00:04:04,371 --> 00:04:06,470
Oh, yes, you're
the dermatologist.

89
00:04:06,472 --> 00:04:10,270
I went for a walk yesterday
without sunscreen.

90
00:04:10,272 --> 00:04:14,070
Do you see anything
on my forehead

91
00:04:14,072 --> 00:04:17,070
that I should be
concerned about?

92
00:04:17,072 --> 00:04:20,136
Um, you know what?
I better go.

93
00:04:20,138 --> 00:04:21,403
My movie's about
to start.

94
00:04:21,405 --> 00:04:22,670
Are you here alone?

95
00:04:22,672 --> 00:04:23,670
No, not really.

96
00:04:23,672 --> 00:04:25,203
What do you mean,
"not really"?

97
00:04:25,205 --> 00:04:26,503
Hey, should we get
our seats?

98
00:04:26,505 --> 00:04:27,937
Yeah.

99
00:04:27,939 --> 00:04:30,236
It was nice seeing you.
Um, I'll call you later.

100
00:04:30,238 --> 00:04:31,403
Yeah, okay.

101
00:04:34,137 --> 00:04:36,904
That was awkward, right?

102
00:04:38,638 --> 00:04:40,037
Uh-huh.

103
00:04:40,039 --> 00:04:41,436
Is it because
she's dating you

104
00:04:41,438 --> 00:04:42,891
but was out with
that other fellow?

105
00:04:42,916 --> 00:04:43,804
Yes.

106
00:04:43,805 --> 00:04:46,370
Good. I thought she saw
something on my forehead.

107
00:04:49,471 --> 00:04:51,603
And... action.

108
00:04:51,605 --> 00:04:53,737
Please don't shut me out.

109
00:04:53,739 --> 00:04:54,703
Go away.

110
00:04:54,705 --> 00:04:57,703
Just go away.

111
00:04:57,705 --> 00:05:00,904
I swear, I will find a way
to turn you back.

112
00:05:00,906 --> 00:05:02,270
What gave you
the right

113
00:05:02,272 --> 00:05:05,970
to mix my DNA with that
of a killer gorilla?

114
00:05:07,104 --> 00:05:09,536
I was trying
to save your life.

115
00:05:09,538 --> 00:05:12,069
Life? What life?
Look at me! I'm a monster!

116
00:05:12,071 --> 00:05:15,536
And now I have blood on my
hands, or paws. I don't know.

117
00:05:19,137 --> 00:05:22,637
You can't give up.
I love you.

118
00:05:24,738 --> 00:05:26,603
I love you, too.

119
00:05:26,605 --> 00:05:29,403
But I'm afraid
I love killing more.

120
00:05:29,405 --> 00:05:32,270
Like, one day, I might
actually try and kill you!

121
00:05:34,939 --> 00:05:38,069
And... cut.
All right.

122
00:05:40,838 --> 00:05:42,570
All right, let's set up
for the next scene.

123
00:05:42,572 --> 00:05:46,103
Actually, you know what?
Can we do one more?

124
00:05:46,105 --> 00:05:47,169
I think I could do it better.

125
00:05:47,171 --> 00:05:49,336
Let's just move on.
No one cares.

126
00:05:49,338 --> 00:05:50,870
Well, I care.
I mean, look,

127
00:05:50,872 --> 00:05:53,136
if we're gonna do this,
why not try and make it

128
00:05:53,138 --> 00:05:54,470
something
we're actually proud of?

129
00:05:57,738 --> 00:05:58,703
Look, sweetie,

130
00:05:58,705 --> 00:05:59,937
this movie is garbage,

131
00:05:59,939 --> 00:06:01,470
but you should be happy
about that,

132
00:06:01,472 --> 00:06:04,436
'cause if it was a good movie,
you wouldn't be in it.

133
00:06:05,938 --> 00:06:06,937
Whoa, whoa, hang on.

134
00:06:06,939 --> 00:06:08,236
There's no need
to insult her.

135
00:06:08,238 --> 00:06:09,003
And who are you?

136
00:06:09,005 --> 00:06:10,136
I'm her boyfriend.

137
00:06:10,138 --> 00:06:11,336
Isn't she too hot for you?

138
00:06:11,338 --> 00:06:13,603
A little, yeah.

139
00:06:13,605 --> 00:06:15,536
Well, boyfriend, get off my set.

140
00:06:15,538 --> 00:06:17,136
You can't do that.
He's with me.

141
00:06:17,138 --> 00:06:19,603
You know what? You can get off
my set, too. You're fired.

142
00:06:19,605 --> 00:06:21,536
What? You can't fire me.
I'm the star.

143
00:06:21,538 --> 00:06:25,103
I'm the girl that goes bananas.
It says so on the poster.

144
00:06:25,105 --> 00:06:27,870
Yeah, but we just shot the last
scene where we see your face.

145
00:06:27,872 --> 00:06:33,203
So from now own, the star of
the movie is whoever wears this.

146
00:06:34,304 --> 00:06:36,203
Hey, if you're
gonna fire her,

147
00:06:36,205 --> 00:06:38,103
then you have to
fire me, too.

148
00:06:38,105 --> 00:06:42,203
Wow, that fell apart
really fast.

149
00:06:50,696 --> 00:06:52,528
Thanks for skipping
the movie.

150
00:06:52,530 --> 00:06:54,861
I couldn't sit in that theater
for two hours

151
00:06:54,863 --> 00:06:56,761
wondering about Emily
and that guy.

152
00:06:56,763 --> 00:06:58,561
Oh, quite all right.

153
00:06:58,563 --> 00:07:00,394
After my forehead
melanoma scare,

154
00:07:00,396 --> 00:07:02,561
I've learned not to sweat
the small stuff.

155
00:07:05,162 --> 00:07:06,561
Well, sorry,

156
00:07:06,563 --> 00:07:09,194
I don't have all the ingredients
to make chai tea.

157
00:07:09,196 --> 00:07:10,628
You don't have
to make me anything.

158
00:07:10,630 --> 00:07:13,061
No, I do.
You're upset about Emily

159
00:07:13,063 --> 00:07:13,994
and you're Indian.

160
00:07:13,996 --> 00:07:15,861
I need to make you
chai tea.

161
00:07:15,863 --> 00:07:21,594
Now, I have all the ingredients
except cardamom seeds.

162
00:07:21,596 --> 00:07:24,194
Do you happen
to have any on you?

163
00:07:24,196 --> 00:07:27,461
Sorry, I left them in my turban.

164
00:07:30,062 --> 00:07:32,561
Oh, I'll make
English breakfast tea.

165
00:07:32,563 --> 00:07:33,961
They destroyed
your culture.

166
00:07:33,963 --> 00:07:35,494
That's close enough.

167
00:07:38,629 --> 00:07:40,828
You know, I'm curious,

168
00:07:40,830 --> 00:07:44,494
why are you so upset about
seeing Emily with another man?

169
00:07:44,496 --> 00:07:47,661
Wouldn't you be upset if you saw
Amy out with someone else?

170
00:07:47,663 --> 00:07:48,828
Can't happen.

171
00:07:48,830 --> 00:07:51,027
We have an ironclad
relationship agreement

172
00:07:51,029 --> 00:07:53,328
which precludes her
from physical contact

173
00:07:53,330 --> 00:07:55,761
with anyone other than me.

174
00:07:55,763 --> 00:07:58,361
But you don't have sex
with her, either.

175
00:07:58,363 --> 00:08:00,894
Slick, huh?

176
00:08:00,896 --> 00:08:04,161
To be truthful, Emily and I
haven't dated that long,

177
00:08:04,163 --> 00:08:06,661
and we never agreed to be
exclusive to each other.

178
00:08:06,663 --> 00:08:08,094
Have you had intercourse?

179
00:08:08,096 --> 00:08:09,227
No.

180
00:08:09,229 --> 00:08:10,528
Well, stick to your guns.

181
00:08:10,530 --> 00:08:12,161
There will be a lot of pressure.

182
00:08:17,995 --> 00:08:20,394
I'm hungry again!

183
00:08:22,495 --> 00:08:25,661
It's like the world's
fattest cuckoo clock.

184
00:08:29,595 --> 00:08:31,294
You know, you're
always talking about

185
00:08:31,296 --> 00:08:32,394
having a baby someday.

186
00:08:32,396 --> 00:08:34,428
This is exactly what
it's gonna be like.

187
00:08:34,430 --> 00:08:35,927
No, it's not.

188
00:08:35,929 --> 00:08:39,127
Come on. The constant
fussing, eating, pooping,

189
00:08:39,129 --> 00:08:40,127
burping, drooling.

190
00:08:40,129 --> 00:08:41,795
We're even waiting
for the day

191
00:08:41,797 --> 00:08:44,094
when she can finally
walk on her own.

192
00:08:45,228 --> 00:08:46,461
Maybe you're right.

193
00:08:46,463 --> 00:08:49,695
Anything she finds on the floor
goes right in her mouth.

194
00:08:54,729 --> 00:08:57,227
I'm just telling you now,
if we do have kids,

195
00:08:57,229 --> 00:08:59,428
don't expect me
to do all the work.

196
00:08:59,430 --> 00:09:02,294
Hey, I'm a very paternal person.

197
00:09:02,296 --> 00:09:05,361
I'd be excellent
at taking care of a baby.

198
00:09:05,363 --> 00:09:07,794
I'm still hungry!

199
00:09:07,796 --> 00:09:09,728
I'm coming, you big baby!

200
00:09:13,696 --> 00:09:16,461
You know, the only thing worse
than doing a movie

201
00:09:16,463 --> 00:09:19,494
where they glue monkey hair
to your ass

202
00:09:19,496 --> 00:09:20,860
is getting fired from a movie

203
00:09:20,862 --> 00:09:23,461
where they glue monkey hair
to your ass.

204
00:09:24,462 --> 00:09:27,127
Forget it, man,
it's crap.

205
00:09:27,129 --> 00:09:28,794
You just move on
to the next thing.

206
00:09:28,796 --> 00:09:30,528
Yeah, well, it's easy
for you to say.

207
00:09:30,530 --> 00:09:32,561
You used to be famous.

208
00:09:32,563 --> 00:09:35,628
Hey. I just lost
a job for you.

209
00:09:35,630 --> 00:09:38,461
You're right, I'm sorry,
you're famous.

210
00:09:38,463 --> 00:09:40,661
Penny, it's not
about being famous.

211
00:09:40,663 --> 00:09:42,695
It's about the art.

212
00:09:42,697 --> 00:09:44,728
It's about the passion
we have for our craft.

213
00:09:46,663 --> 00:09:48,961
I have an audition
for Sharknado 2!

214
00:09:48,963 --> 00:09:50,794
If I book this,
I am totally gonna

215
00:09:50,796 --> 00:09:52,328
pay you back
for this beer.

216
00:09:55,462 --> 00:09:59,061
God, what am I
doing with my life?

217
00:09:59,063 --> 00:10:00,794
You having second thoughts
about acting?

218
00:10:00,796 --> 00:10:02,728
You were on set, you
saw what it was like.

219
00:10:02,730 --> 00:10:05,094
Yeah, but it's not
always that bad.

220
00:10:05,096 --> 00:10:06,227
Oh, really?

221
00:10:06,229 --> 00:10:07,860
What about when you did, uh,

222
00:10:07,862 --> 00:10:09,594
Anne Frank at that
cute little theater?

223
00:10:09,596 --> 00:10:12,027
It was over a bowling alley.

224
00:10:13,128 --> 00:10:14,927
Yeah, but...

225
00:10:14,929 --> 00:10:18,494
there was ample parking.

226
00:10:18,496 --> 00:10:19,760
Are you done?

227
00:10:19,762 --> 00:10:21,860
And you were so good
in the TV commercial.

228
00:10:21,862 --> 00:10:24,860
It was for hemorrhoid cream.

229
00:10:24,862 --> 00:10:26,894
And I got itchy and swollen

230
00:10:26,896 --> 00:10:29,027
just watching you.

231
00:10:32,228 --> 00:10:34,361
Leonard, you are really
not cheering me up.

232
00:10:34,363 --> 00:10:35,494
Come on.

233
00:10:35,496 --> 00:10:37,428
How can you be sad
when you're going home

234
00:10:37,430 --> 00:10:40,194
with all five-foot-six of this?

235
00:10:40,196 --> 00:10:43,261
Hmm. You think you're
five-foot-six, that's funny.

236
00:10:46,595 --> 00:10:48,561
I don't understand it.

237
00:10:48,563 --> 00:10:49,594
I'm a nice guy,

238
00:10:49,596 --> 00:10:51,127
I have a great job,

239
00:10:51,129 --> 00:10:52,328
I'm well-educated,

240
00:10:52,330 --> 00:10:54,194
come from a good family...

241
00:10:54,196 --> 00:10:56,261
Why don't women
want to be with me?

242
00:10:57,196 --> 00:10:59,461
An interesting
question.

243
00:11:00,861 --> 00:11:02,294
Well...

244
00:11:02,296 --> 00:11:04,428
good night.

245
00:11:04,430 --> 00:11:05,894
What?

246
00:11:05,896 --> 00:11:07,194
Don't send me home.

247
00:11:07,196 --> 00:11:08,594
I can't be alone
right now.

248
00:11:08,596 --> 00:11:10,461
That's your problem.

249
00:11:10,463 --> 00:11:11,661
You can't be alone.

250
00:11:11,662 --> 00:11:13,261
What do you mean?

251
00:11:15,262 --> 00:11:17,694
How many women have
you had dates with?

252
00:11:19,128 --> 00:11:20,094
Eleven.

253
00:11:20,096 --> 00:11:21,994
How many of
those women

254
00:11:21,996 --> 00:11:24,528
did you think would become
your perfect companion?

255
00:11:25,661 --> 00:11:26,827
Eleven.

256
00:11:27,895 --> 00:11:28,927
Wait.

257
00:11:28,929 --> 00:11:30,860
Do I count the 200-pound
Sailor Moon girl

258
00:11:30,862 --> 00:11:33,660
that Howard and I had
a threesome with at Comic Con?

259
00:11:36,595 --> 00:11:38,328
Sure.

260
00:11:39,162 --> 00:11:40,294
I'll stick with 11.

261
00:11:40,296 --> 00:11:42,660
She liked Howard better.

262
00:11:44,529 --> 00:11:46,860
Well, now do you
see the problem?

263
00:11:48,128 --> 00:11:49,394
Maybe.

264
00:11:49,396 --> 00:11:51,027
I... I don't know.

265
00:11:51,029 --> 00:11:52,261
You... It's late,
I-I should...

266
00:11:52,263 --> 00:11:54,461
I should go.

267
00:11:58,029 --> 00:11:58,994
Look,

268
00:11:58,996 --> 00:12:00,794
I-I do get what you're saying.

269
00:12:00,796 --> 00:12:01,927
Instead of desperately clinging

270
00:12:01,929 --> 00:12:03,794
to any woman
who will go out with me,

271
00:12:03,796 --> 00:12:06,394
I need to work on
my fear of being alone.

272
00:12:07,562 --> 00:12:10,194
I was trying to suggest
chemical castration, but...

273
00:12:12,429 --> 00:12:13,694
it's my bedtime,

274
00:12:13,696 --> 00:12:15,061
so whatever gets you
out the door.

275
00:12:15,063 --> 00:12:17,261
Good night.

276
00:12:20,228 --> 00:12:22,328
Howie, I'm back!

277
00:12:22,330 --> 00:12:24,660
Shh-shh-shh,
I just got her to sleep.

278
00:12:24,662 --> 00:12:25,927
Sorry.

279
00:12:25,929 --> 00:12:26,994
What took you so long?

280
00:12:26,996 --> 00:12:28,593
The grocery store
is a few blocks away.

281
00:12:28,595 --> 00:12:29,927
They only had
regular yogurt.

282
00:12:29,929 --> 00:12:31,694
I had to go to
a different store

283
00:12:31,696 --> 00:12:33,894
to get the extra-fat
kind your mom likes.

284
00:12:34,795 --> 00:12:36,927
Then why do I smell coffee
on your breath?

285
00:12:36,929 --> 00:12:38,127
So what?

286
00:12:38,129 --> 00:12:39,727
After two days of
taking care of her,

287
00:12:39,729 --> 00:12:41,627
excuse me for stopping
to get a mocha.

288
00:12:41,629 --> 00:12:42,894
A mocha?

289
00:12:42,896 --> 00:12:45,760
Well, it must be nice
to be queen.

290
00:12:45,762 --> 00:12:47,261
Queen?

291
00:12:47,263 --> 00:12:49,227
I've been killing
myself here!

292
00:12:49,229 --> 00:12:50,294
Well, whose fault is that?

293
00:12:50,296 --> 00:12:51,961
I wanted to get a nurse,
but you were all,

294
00:12:51,963 --> 00:12:54,481
"I'm nice.
I want to take care of people."

295
00:12:56,262 --> 00:12:57,994
I'm glad I got that mocha.

296
00:12:57,996 --> 00:12:59,794
And you know what
else I'm glad about?

297
00:12:59,796 --> 00:13:03,994
I bought you a brownie
and I ate it in the car!

298
00:13:06,495 --> 00:13:08,394
Howard!

299
00:13:08,396 --> 00:13:09,927
Thanks a lot.

300
00:13:09,929 --> 00:13:12,027
Now I have to go
rub her belly again.

301
00:13:20,062 --> 00:13:21,094
Hey.

302
00:13:21,096 --> 00:13:22,727
Thanks for letting me come over.

303
00:13:22,729 --> 00:13:23,961
Of course.

304
00:13:23,963 --> 00:13:26,127
Please, come in.

305
00:13:27,462 --> 00:13:28,694
I just wanted to say

306
00:13:28,696 --> 00:13:31,294
how sorry I am about tonight,
and...

307
00:13:31,296 --> 00:13:33,261
I want to make sure
that we're okay.

308
00:13:33,263 --> 00:13:35,428
Uh, look, you and I haven't made

309
00:13:35,430 --> 00:13:37,328
any commitments to each other.
I know.

310
00:13:37,330 --> 00:13:39,428
I just felt like
I needed to explain.

311
00:13:39,430 --> 00:13:41,328
The guy I was with
did my last tattoo,

312
00:13:41,330 --> 00:13:42,760
and he's been asking
me out for months.

313
00:13:42,762 --> 00:13:45,227
I finally said yes
just to get it over with.

314
00:13:45,229 --> 00:13:46,894
It's okay.

315
00:13:46,896 --> 00:13:48,194
Really?

316
00:13:48,196 --> 00:13:50,927
Well, I mean, yeah,
it freaked me out a little,

317
00:13:50,929 --> 00:13:53,527
but that's my issue, not yours.

318
00:13:53,529 --> 00:13:55,461
Wow.

319
00:13:55,463 --> 00:13:57,294
If I saw you out
with another woman,

320
00:13:57,296 --> 00:13:58,994
I'd be pretty upset.

321
00:13:58,996 --> 00:14:01,927
Thank you.

322
00:14:02,928 --> 00:14:04,261
Not just for being upset,

323
00:14:04,263 --> 00:14:06,527
but for believing
that could happen.

324
00:14:09,761 --> 00:14:12,428
Just so you know,
I'm not seeing anyone else.

325
00:14:12,430 --> 00:14:14,593
Well, me, neither.

326
00:14:14,595 --> 00:14:15,694
Okay.

327
00:14:15,696 --> 00:14:17,694
Okay.

328
00:14:17,696 --> 00:14:19,194
Please.

329
00:14:19,196 --> 00:14:21,760
So, uh... you...
you have tattoos?

330
00:14:21,762 --> 00:14:22,727
Yeah.

331
00:14:22,729 --> 00:14:25,061
I don't.

332
00:14:25,063 --> 00:14:26,694
I have a hole
in my belly button

333
00:14:26,696 --> 00:14:29,727
that may or may not
have been a piercing.

334
00:14:29,729 --> 00:14:30,961
That's cool.

335
00:14:30,963 --> 00:14:33,027
It's a piercing.

336
00:14:34,262 --> 00:14:35,227
So, uh...

337
00:14:35,229 --> 00:14:36,593
how many tattoos?

338
00:14:36,595 --> 00:14:38,860
One on my shoulder,

339
00:14:38,862 --> 00:14:40,827
one not on my shoulder

340
00:14:40,829 --> 00:14:44,328
and one really not
on my shoulder.

341
00:14:45,795 --> 00:14:47,227
It's, uh...

342
00:14:47,229 --> 00:14:49,493
been a long time since
I've seen a girl's...

343
00:14:49,495 --> 00:14:51,394
really not her shoulder.

344
00:14:52,729 --> 00:14:55,560
Well...

345
00:14:55,562 --> 00:14:57,593
how about you show
me your piercing

346
00:14:57,595 --> 00:14:59,827
and I show you
my tattoos?

347
00:15:06,362 --> 00:15:08,027
But, uh, before
I take my shirt off,

348
00:15:08,029 --> 00:15:10,560
I just need like ten minutes
to do some crunches.

349
00:15:16,795 --> 00:15:18,794
Oh, my God.

350
00:15:18,796 --> 00:15:21,593
What a day.

351
00:15:21,595 --> 00:15:22,860
Can I get you anything?

352
00:15:22,862 --> 00:15:25,660
No.

353
00:15:25,662 --> 00:15:28,328
I need to start making
some smart decisions.

354
00:15:28,330 --> 00:15:29,827
With your career?

355
00:15:29,829 --> 00:15:31,394
With my life.

356
00:15:31,396 --> 00:15:33,394
Like what?

357
00:15:33,396 --> 00:15:35,593
I don't know.

358
00:15:36,695 --> 00:15:38,394
We could get married.

359
00:15:38,395 --> 00:15:40,161
Come on, be serious.

360
00:15:40,163 --> 00:15:41,328
I am.

361
00:15:41,330 --> 00:15:42,927
Why?

362
00:15:42,929 --> 00:15:45,827
Because I'm
a-a "smart decision"?

363
00:15:45,829 --> 00:15:47,061
Well, yeah.

364
00:15:47,895 --> 00:15:50,427
So I'm like a bran muffin.

365
00:15:51,962 --> 00:15:53,061
What...

366
00:15:53,063 --> 00:15:54,194
No, that's not what I'm saying.

367
00:15:54,196 --> 00:15:55,460
No, it's exactly
what you're saying.

368
00:15:55,462 --> 00:15:56,994
I'm the boring thing
you're choosing

369
00:15:56,996 --> 00:15:58,427
because I'm good for you.

370
00:15:58,429 --> 00:15:59,527
What does it matter?

371
00:15:59,529 --> 00:16:00,860
The point is, I'm choosing you.

372
00:16:00,862 --> 00:16:01,894
Well, it matters a lot!

373
00:16:01,896 --> 00:16:03,460
I don't want to be
a bran muffin.

374
00:16:03,462 --> 00:16:05,027
I-I want to be

375
00:16:05,029 --> 00:16:07,560
a... Cinnabon, you know?

376
00:16:08,394 --> 00:16:10,927
A strawberry Pop-Tart.

377
00:16:11,828 --> 00:16:13,061
Something you're excited about

378
00:16:13,063 --> 00:16:15,660
even though it could
give you diabetes.

379
00:16:16,561 --> 00:16:19,061
Sweetie, you can be
any pastry you want.

380
00:16:19,063 --> 00:16:20,794
No, no. No, it's too late.

381
00:16:20,796 --> 00:16:22,827
I-I'm your
bran muffin.

382
00:16:22,829 --> 00:16:26,360
Probably fat-free
and good for your colon.

383
00:16:26,362 --> 00:16:27,460
You know what? Forget it.

384
00:16:27,462 --> 00:16:28,493
I never should've brought it up.

385
00:16:28,495 --> 00:16:31,194
You know I want to marry you,

386
00:16:31,196 --> 00:16:32,427
but you're
only doing this

387
00:16:32,429 --> 00:16:33,527
because you got fired

388
00:16:33,529 --> 00:16:34,727
and you're feeling
sorry for yourself.

389
00:16:34,729 --> 00:16:36,694
Okay, it may look that way,
but getting fired

390
00:16:36,696 --> 00:16:38,593
from that movie was the best
thing that could have happened

391
00:16:38,595 --> 00:16:39,994
to me, okay?
I finally realize

392
00:16:39,996 --> 00:16:41,393
I don't need to be famous

393
00:16:41,395 --> 00:16:43,027
or have some big career
to be happy.

394
00:16:43,029 --> 00:16:44,161
Then what do you need?

395
00:16:44,163 --> 00:16:47,061
You, you stupid Pop-Tart!

396
00:16:52,028 --> 00:16:53,894
Oh.

397
00:16:55,062 --> 00:16:57,994
Then I guess I'm in.

398
00:16:58,861 --> 00:16:59,760
Really?

399
00:16:59,762 --> 00:17:01,094
You "guess you're in"?

400
00:17:02,494 --> 00:17:04,061
Not like, "I guess I'm in."

401
00:17:04,063 --> 00:17:06,727
Like "I guess... I'm in!"

402
00:17:08,028 --> 00:17:09,227
Okay.

403
00:17:09,229 --> 00:17:11,261
Cool.

404
00:17:14,628 --> 00:17:16,194
So is that it?

405
00:17:16,196 --> 00:17:17,427
Are... are we engaged?

406
00:17:18,394 --> 00:17:20,094
Yeah, I think so.

407
00:17:21,895 --> 00:17:23,393
All right.

408
00:17:25,528 --> 00:17:27,094
What's wrong?

409
00:17:27,096 --> 00:17:28,760
I'm not sure.

410
00:17:28,762 --> 00:17:32,427
Just... feels
a little anticlimactic.

411
00:17:33,761 --> 00:17:35,961
Yeah, it kind of does, huh?

412
00:17:37,228 --> 00:17:39,194
Oh, I know.

413
00:17:40,995 --> 00:17:43,161
This might help.

414
00:17:46,962 --> 00:17:49,261
Where did you get a ring?

415
00:17:49,263 --> 00:17:50,894
I've...

416
00:17:50,896 --> 00:17:53,094
had it for a couple years,
not important.

417
00:17:58,461 --> 00:17:59,994
Penny...

418
00:17:59,996 --> 00:18:01,527
will you marry me?

419
00:18:03,095 --> 00:18:04,727
Oh, my God, yes.

420
00:18:08,996 --> 00:18:10,660
This would have been
so much more romantic

421
00:18:10,662 --> 00:18:12,827
if you didn't have
monkey hair on your finger.

422
00:18:26,160 --> 00:18:27,625
How you feeling?

423
00:18:27,627 --> 00:18:29,459
Last night was
a little rough,

424
00:18:29,461 --> 00:18:32,026
but I think we're
gonna get through this.

425
00:18:32,028 --> 00:18:33,325
I'm proud of us.

426
00:18:33,327 --> 00:18:35,193
Me, too.

427
00:18:35,195 --> 00:18:37,425
Where's my pancakes?

428
00:18:37,427 --> 00:18:39,992
Coming, Mrs. Wolowitz!

429
00:18:45,660 --> 00:18:46,759
You were right.

430
00:18:46,761 --> 00:18:48,358
Welcome to Team Putz.

431
00:18:48,360 --> 00:18:53,355
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man