1
00:00:00,617 --> 00:00:02,517
Every time they flip
a shrimp in the air,

2
00:00:02,519 --> 00:00:05,153
she practically leaps out
of her seat to catch it.

3
00:00:06,123 --> 00:00:08,423
That's why I don't take her
to SeaWorld.

4
00:00:09,660 --> 00:00:10,959
I know you-you don't
want to hear it,

5
00:00:10,961 --> 00:00:12,260
but she was there with Stuart.

6
00:00:12,262 --> 00:00:13,428
That's fine.

7
00:00:13,430 --> 00:00:14,663
I don't care.

8
00:00:14,665 --> 00:00:16,765
It doesn't bug you when
they go out on dates?

9
00:00:16,767 --> 00:00:18,033
They're not dating.

10
00:00:18,035 --> 00:00:20,869
They're just two friends
who went out to dinner.

11
00:00:20,871 --> 00:00:22,838
And then went back
to the home they share

12
00:00:22,840 --> 00:00:23,905
where they probably fell asleep

13
00:00:23,907 --> 00:00:25,474
in the matching pajamas
she got them

14
00:00:25,476 --> 00:00:28,410
because they both
just love penguins.

15
00:00:29,646 --> 00:00:32,380
Hey, lots of people
wear matching pajamas

16
00:00:32,382 --> 00:00:33,348
who aren't dating.

17
00:00:33,350 --> 00:00:36,418
Like who?
Like you and your dog.

18
00:00:37,988 --> 00:00:40,622
Don't rule out the dating.

19
00:00:40,624 --> 00:00:43,258
Fine, it bothers me.

20
00:00:43,260 --> 00:00:45,127
You happy?

21
00:00:45,129 --> 00:00:46,728
You think you've got problems.

22
00:00:46,730 --> 00:00:50,665
The gibbon is the only member
of the ape family not classified

23
00:00:50,667 --> 00:00:53,468
as a great ape.

24
00:00:53,470 --> 00:00:55,370
How is this helpful?

25
00:00:55,372 --> 00:00:57,906
All the non-human apes
are classified

26
00:00:57,908 --> 00:00:59,541
as great apes except one.

27
00:00:59,543 --> 00:01:02,777
That means taxonomists created
the entire category

28
00:01:02,779 --> 00:01:05,780
of lesser ape just
to single out the poor gibbon

29
00:01:05,782 --> 00:01:08,483
as the weird kid
on the playground.

30
00:01:08,485 --> 00:01:12,654
Now there's a hairy little
fellow with a genuine beef.

31
00:01:12,656 --> 00:01:15,624
But the gibbon doesn't know
what it's categorized as.

32
00:01:15,626 --> 00:01:17,259
It doesn't even know
it's called a gibbon.

33
00:01:17,261 --> 00:01:19,227
True.

34
00:01:19,229 --> 00:01:21,830
Sorry, kid, you've got it
worse than a gibbon.

35
00:01:47,025 --> 00:01:52,525
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man

36
00:01:52,526 --> 00:01:54,259
Hi.

37
00:01:54,261 --> 00:01:55,193
Hey.

38
00:01:55,195 --> 00:01:56,461
We brought snacks
for movie night.

39
00:01:56,463 --> 00:01:57,762
Oh, great.

40
00:01:57,764 --> 00:01:59,698
I don't suppose you also brought
napkins, clean bowls,

41
00:01:59,700 --> 00:02:01,566
utensils and a roll
of toilet paper.

42
00:02:01,568 --> 00:02:02,568
Right here.

43
00:02:02,569 --> 00:02:04,602
Ah!

44
00:02:04,604 --> 00:02:06,004
You guys are the best.

45
00:02:06,006 --> 00:02:07,072
What's with the clothes?

46
00:02:07,074 --> 00:02:09,040
Well, with all the new stuff
I bought for work,

47
00:02:09,042 --> 00:02:10,709
I needed to make room
in my closet.

48
00:02:10,711 --> 00:02:12,310
I meant why are they folded?

49
00:02:12,312 --> 00:02:14,579
But whatever.

50
00:02:14,581 --> 00:02:17,115
Ooh, what's this?

51
00:02:17,117 --> 00:02:20,018
That, believe it or not,
is my prom dress.

52
00:02:20,020 --> 00:02:22,320
Wow, you still have it?

53
00:02:22,322 --> 00:02:23,822
I just assumed
it was balled up

54
00:02:23,824 --> 00:02:27,425
in the corner
of a barn somewhere.

55
00:02:29,663 --> 00:02:31,996
What kind of teenager
did you think I was?

56
00:02:31,998 --> 00:02:34,099
Slutty.
Easy.

57
00:02:35,569 --> 00:02:38,303
The word is "popular."

58
00:02:39,306 --> 00:02:41,306
How was your prom?
Did you go?

59
00:02:41,308 --> 00:02:42,841
No, but I was
on clean-up crew.

60
00:02:42,843 --> 00:02:44,509
Aw, that's sad.

61
00:02:44,511 --> 00:02:46,144
No, it was okay.

62
00:02:46,146 --> 00:02:48,680
The DJ let me dance
one slow song with my mop

63
00:02:48,682 --> 00:02:51,082
before he shut down.

64
00:02:51,084 --> 00:02:53,385
Whenever I see
a bucket of dirty water,

65
00:02:53,387 --> 00:02:57,088
I still hear "Lady in Red."

66
00:02:58,725 --> 00:03:00,992
My prom was pretty
terrible, too.

67
00:03:00,994 --> 00:03:02,293
I was so excited
about my date,

68
00:03:02,295 --> 00:03:04,062
but it turned out
he only asked me

69
00:03:04,064 --> 00:03:05,130
'cause he liked my friend.

70
00:03:05,132 --> 00:03:07,198
He spent the whole night
talking about her.

71
00:03:07,200 --> 00:03:09,601
Okay, we get it, you had
a friend and a date.

72
00:03:09,603 --> 00:03:11,403
Stop bragging.

73
00:03:11,405 --> 00:03:12,971
Doesn't matter.

74
00:03:12,973 --> 00:03:14,038
Prom is silly anyways.

75
00:03:14,040 --> 00:03:15,707
Easy for you to say;
you probably went

76
00:03:15,709 --> 00:03:17,142
with the captain
of the football team.

77
00:03:17,144 --> 00:03:19,277
No.

78
00:03:19,279 --> 00:03:20,945
I just made out
with him a little

79
00:03:20,947 --> 00:03:22,814
while his date was puking.

80
00:03:22,816 --> 00:03:26,151
My date would've had
to clean that up.

81
00:03:27,521 --> 00:03:28,953
Ooh, I have an idea.

82
00:03:28,955 --> 00:03:31,990
Maybe we can have,
like, a prom do-over.

83
00:03:31,992 --> 00:03:33,925
Oh, that would be so much fun.

84
00:03:33,927 --> 00:03:36,795
We could decorate the roof
and make the guys wear tuxedos.

85
00:03:36,797 --> 00:03:38,696
Ooh, and get our hair done,
and slow-dance.

86
00:03:38,698 --> 00:03:39,964
Okay, guys, trust me,

87
00:03:39,966 --> 00:03:41,766
as someone who's been to,
like, seven proms,

88
00:03:41,768 --> 00:03:44,235
it is never as good
as you want it to be.

89
00:03:44,237 --> 00:03:46,938
You went to seven proms?

90
00:03:46,940 --> 00:03:48,139
Yeah, let's see.

91
00:03:48,141 --> 00:03:50,875
Uh, four "Under the Seas,"
two "Enchanted Evenings,"

92
00:03:50,877 --> 00:03:52,110
and one "Night to Remember"

93
00:03:52,112 --> 00:03:55,346
that... I cannot remember
for the life of me.

94
00:03:57,684 --> 00:03:59,050
Hey.

95
00:03:59,052 --> 00:04:00,752
Hey.
Hey, where's Bernadette?

96
00:04:00,754 --> 00:04:03,388
She and Amy are out dress
shopping for their prom thing.

97
00:04:03,390 --> 00:04:05,223
Oh, yeah,
I got that Evite.

98
00:04:05,225 --> 00:04:06,958
Ever since I saw Pretty in Pink,

99
00:04:06,960 --> 00:04:08,993
I've wanted to go
to an American prom.

100
00:04:10,530 --> 00:04:11,663
But then I saw Carrie,

101
00:04:11,665 --> 00:04:14,399
and I did not want to go
to an American prom.

102
00:04:14,401 --> 00:04:15,700
But then I saw
Never Been Kissed,

103
00:04:15,702 --> 00:04:17,268
and I'm back
on the prom bandwagon.

104
00:04:18,572 --> 00:04:21,573
This prom thing's been
a real roller coaster.

105
00:04:22,609 --> 00:04:24,175
Bernie's really excited.

106
00:04:24,177 --> 00:04:26,411
I-I could tell because
her voice got so high,

107
00:04:26,413 --> 00:04:29,047
the beagle next door
started howling.

108
00:04:30,851 --> 00:04:32,050
Did you go to your prom?

109
00:04:32,052 --> 00:04:33,952
No.

110
00:04:33,954 --> 00:04:36,521
I had a date
with a proper education.

111
00:04:38,058 --> 00:04:41,960
Instead of a tuxedo,
I dressed myself in good habits.

112
00:04:41,962 --> 00:04:43,094
Instead of spiked punch,

113
00:04:43,096 --> 00:04:45,630
I enjoyed the intoxicating
flavor of knowledge.

114
00:04:46,700 --> 00:04:48,166
Instead of
dancing in a gym,

115
00:04:48,168 --> 00:04:50,735
I shook my booty
to the seductive rhythms...

116
00:04:50,737 --> 00:04:52,403
Okay, okay.

117
00:04:52,405 --> 00:04:54,138
of AP Calculus.

118
00:04:57,844 --> 00:04:59,177
How come you're not shopping
with Amy and Bernadette?

119
00:04:59,179 --> 00:05:01,980
Let me guess, you think
the whole idea is lame?

120
00:05:01,982 --> 00:05:03,481
Well, who cares what I think?
What do you think?

121
00:05:03,483 --> 00:05:05,483
Hmm, to be honest,

122
00:05:05,485 --> 00:05:08,553
it's kind of a dream come true
to go to even a fake prom

123
00:05:08,555 --> 00:05:10,154
with a woman
as beautiful as you.

124
00:05:10,156 --> 00:05:12,824
Ugh, thanks a lot.

125
00:05:12,826 --> 00:05:14,626
What?

126
00:05:14,628 --> 00:05:18,763
Well, now I can't blow this
thing off without being a bitch.

127
00:05:18,765 --> 00:05:21,165
That sounds like a "yes"!

128
00:05:24,037 --> 00:05:27,405
Ooh, every single person
RSVP'd "yes."

129
00:05:27,407 --> 00:05:29,173
This is so exciting!

130
00:05:29,175 --> 00:05:31,509
Isn't this exciting?

131
00:05:34,614 --> 00:05:36,014
Yep.

132
00:05:36,016 --> 00:05:38,516
Look, even Stuart's
bringing a date.

133
00:05:38,518 --> 00:05:39,584
I wonder who it is.

134
00:05:39,586 --> 00:05:41,519
You know exactly
who it is.

135
00:05:41,521 --> 00:05:42,854
He's gonna bring my mom.

136
00:05:42,856 --> 00:05:44,389
Why did you even invite him?

137
00:05:44,391 --> 00:05:47,125
Because he's our friend,
and you two need to get along.

138
00:05:47,127 --> 00:05:48,560
And why can't
he take your mom?

139
00:05:48,562 --> 00:05:51,329
You took her
to your prom.

140
00:05:51,331 --> 00:05:55,233
I didn't "take" her;
she was a chaperone.

141
00:05:55,235 --> 00:05:58,369
I saw a picture of you two
dancing together.

142
00:05:58,371 --> 00:05:59,504
W-What was I gonna do?

143
00:05:59,506 --> 00:06:01,005
They were playing our song!

144
00:06:02,709 --> 00:06:05,009
I can't take
this anymore.

145
00:06:08,715 --> 00:06:09,681
Hello.

146
00:06:09,683 --> 00:06:10,949
Stuart, we have to talk.

147
00:06:10,951 --> 00:06:15,653
This thing with you and my mom,
I-I hate it.

148
00:06:15,655 --> 00:06:17,388
It's making me crazy.

149
00:06:17,390 --> 00:06:19,924
You and I were
friends for years,

150
00:06:19,926 --> 00:06:23,428
and now you're bringing my
mother to a party I'm going to?

151
00:06:23,430 --> 00:06:24,896
What the hell?

152
00:06:24,898 --> 00:06:27,465
I'm not bringing your mother,
I have a date.

153
00:06:27,467 --> 00:06:30,001
Oh, so now you're cheating
on my mother?

154
00:06:32,839 --> 00:06:34,839
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

155
00:06:34,841 --> 00:06:36,307
Wha-What are you talking about?

156
00:06:36,309 --> 00:06:39,310
There's nothing weird going on
with me and your mother.

157
00:06:39,312 --> 00:06:42,180
Stewie,
your bath is getting cold!

158
00:06:43,350 --> 00:06:45,550
I got to go, bye.

159
00:06:48,488 --> 00:06:49,954
Penny?

160
00:06:49,956 --> 00:06:51,189
Penny.

161
00:06:51,191 --> 00:06:52,423
Penny.

162
00:06:52,425 --> 00:06:53,791
Penny.

163
00:06:53,793 --> 00:06:55,526
Penny.

164
00:06:55,528 --> 00:06:57,862
You knocked more than usual.

165
00:06:57,864 --> 00:06:59,063
Next time I might be in a rush,

166
00:06:59,065 --> 00:07:00,632
it's good to have
a few in the bank.

167
00:07:00,634 --> 00:07:02,433
Okay, what's up?

168
00:07:02,435 --> 00:07:04,802
I'd like to discuss this party

169
00:07:04,804 --> 00:07:06,337
that Amy and Bernadette
are throwing.

170
00:07:06,339 --> 00:07:09,507
Since you and I are both
reluctant to go,

171
00:07:09,509 --> 00:07:13,077
I think I've come up with a
perfect way for us to enjoy it.

172
00:07:13,079 --> 00:07:14,479
Great, how?

173
00:07:14,481 --> 00:07:16,614
We pretend we're aliens.

174
00:07:19,853 --> 00:07:21,486
I'm not the best
at reading facial cues,

175
00:07:21,488 --> 00:07:24,355
but I'm gonna say that you love
it and want to hear more.

176
00:07:26,192 --> 00:07:27,925
Now,
in the beloved novel

177
00:07:27,927 --> 00:07:29,827
Hitchhiker's Guide
to the Galaxy,

178
00:07:29,829 --> 00:07:33,331
an alien named Ford Prefect
pretended to be human

179
00:07:33,333 --> 00:07:36,567
in order to blend in so that he
could write an entry about Earth

180
00:07:36,569 --> 00:07:38,736
for The Hitchhiker's Guide
to the Galaxy,

181
00:07:38,738 --> 00:07:41,339
which is a travel book
within the actual book,

182
00:07:41,341 --> 00:07:42,540
which is also called

183
00:07:42,542 --> 00:07:45,343
The Hitchhiker's Guide
to the Galaxy.

184
00:07:45,345 --> 00:07:48,179
Okay, just one question.

185
00:07:48,181 --> 00:07:49,447
What?

186
00:07:50,850 --> 00:07:53,651
My point is,
pretending to be an alien is

187
00:07:53,653 --> 00:07:56,020
a valuable coping mechanism
I've used many times.

188
00:07:56,022 --> 00:07:59,157
I did it the first time
I went to see you in a play.

189
00:08:00,960 --> 00:08:03,327
You had no idea
Commander Umfrumf

190
00:08:03,329 --> 00:08:05,563
of Ceti Alpha Three
was in the audience.

191
00:08:06,599 --> 00:08:09,467
Oh, d-don't worry,
he gave you seven thumbs up.

192
00:08:10,437 --> 00:08:12,270
Here's a question...

193
00:08:12,272 --> 00:08:15,473
as an alien pretending to be
human, are you planning

194
00:08:15,475 --> 00:08:20,278
to engage in any post-prom
mating rituals with Amy?

195
00:08:23,416 --> 00:08:27,151
There are post-prom
mating rituals?

196
00:08:27,153 --> 00:08:28,453
Not always.

197
00:08:28,455 --> 00:08:30,621
Unless your date drives
a van with an air mattress,

198
00:08:30,623 --> 00:08:32,490
then always.

199
00:08:34,360 --> 00:08:37,528
Well, if it's part of the prom
experience, then I'm open to it.

200
00:08:37,530 --> 00:08:40,264
You're kidding.

201
00:08:40,266 --> 00:08:43,201
I may be an alien,
but I have urges.

202
00:08:45,305 --> 00:08:48,239
If Amy wants to copulate
by firing her eggs into space,

203
00:08:48,241 --> 00:08:49,974
well, then,
I will happily catch them

204
00:08:49,976 --> 00:08:53,144
with the reproductive sac
on my upper flermin.

205
00:08:57,283 --> 00:08:59,650
I'm not the best
at reading facial cues,

206
00:08:59,652 --> 00:09:02,453
but I can see that
you're a little turned on.

207
00:09:05,859 --> 00:09:08,226
You know, if you're not
gonna learn how to do this,

208
00:09:08,228 --> 00:09:09,894
they make some
pretty good clip-ons.

209
00:09:09,896 --> 00:09:13,297
Bruce Wayne doesn't
wear a clip-on.

210
00:09:13,299 --> 00:09:17,668
Bruce Wayne doesn't make
his roommate tie it for him.

211
00:09:17,670 --> 00:09:20,538
His name is Alfred,
and, yes, he does.

212
00:09:23,042 --> 00:09:25,009
There, perfect.

213
00:09:25,011 --> 00:09:26,277
What, are you sure?

214
00:09:26,279 --> 00:09:28,913
It's my first prom,
I want to do it correctly.

215
00:09:28,915 --> 00:09:31,149
I thought you were gonna
pretend to be an alien.

216
00:09:31,151 --> 00:09:33,618
I was, but Penny didn't want to.

217
00:09:33,620 --> 00:09:35,119
You didn't want to.

218
00:09:35,121 --> 00:09:39,023
Bernadette, Amy, Koothrappali
and Wolowitz didn't want to.

219
00:09:39,025 --> 00:09:42,293
And even I knew it was weird
to hire somebody.

220
00:09:47,000 --> 00:09:48,933
Was that a flask?

221
00:09:48,935 --> 00:09:50,334
Yes.

222
00:09:50,336 --> 00:09:52,370
I've decided to embrace
all of the traditions

223
00:09:52,372 --> 00:09:55,273
associated with prom,
including spiking the punch.

224
00:09:57,443 --> 00:09:59,710
You're gonna put alcohol
in the punch?

225
00:09:59,712 --> 00:10:02,413
Oh, no, this is
pomegranate juice.

226
00:10:02,415 --> 00:10:04,849
It's all the fun
of high school high jinks

227
00:10:04,851 --> 00:10:08,119
with the cell-protecting zip
of antioxidants.

228
00:10:09,889 --> 00:10:11,756
If you had ripped jeans
and a leather jacket,

229
00:10:11,758 --> 00:10:14,592
you'd be like the toughest kid
on the Disney Channel.

230
00:10:16,362 --> 00:10:19,330
So, anything else
planned for tonight?

231
00:10:19,332 --> 00:10:20,998
Oh, everything.

232
00:10:21,000 --> 00:10:23,734
Getting our picture taken,
slow-dancing,

233
00:10:23,736 --> 00:10:26,070
being elected prom king.

234
00:10:27,674 --> 00:10:30,141
Pointing out that
kings aren't elected.

235
00:10:32,111 --> 00:10:35,046
It's gonna be off the hook.

236
00:10:35,048 --> 00:10:37,615
And while you're at it,

237
00:10:37,617 --> 00:10:39,984
I know that at this age
your hormones are raging,

238
00:10:39,986 --> 00:10:41,953
but just because all
your friends are having sex

239
00:10:41,955 --> 00:10:43,254
doesn't mean you have to.

240
00:10:45,592 --> 00:10:47,124
Why would you say that?

241
00:10:47,126 --> 00:10:49,427
You know, 'cause...

242
00:10:49,429 --> 00:10:51,729
'cause a lot of people lose
their virginity on prom night.

243
00:10:51,731 --> 00:10:53,731
Penny implied the same thing.

244
00:10:53,733 --> 00:10:54,866
Is this true?

245
00:10:54,868 --> 00:10:56,801
Just relax, it's a joke.

246
00:10:56,803 --> 00:10:59,637
You don't have
hormones.

247
00:11:13,125 --> 00:11:15,073
Wow, you look amazing.

248
00:11:15,209 --> 00:11:17,776
Thank you, so do you.

249
00:11:18,107 --> 00:11:20,040
Sheldon,
you look so handsome.

250
00:11:20,042 --> 00:11:22,309
Thank you.

251
00:11:23,512 --> 00:11:25,546
Sheldon, doesn't Amy look hot?

252
00:11:25,548 --> 00:11:28,749
That's got to put some starch
in the upper flermin.

253
00:11:30,820 --> 00:11:31,785
What's that?

254
00:11:31,787 --> 00:11:33,620
Oh, it's a scaly
genital organ

255
00:11:33,622 --> 00:11:35,322
that grows between
his shoulder blades.

256
00:11:35,324 --> 00:11:38,392
Try not to touch it
when you're dancing.

257
00:11:39,361 --> 00:11:40,594
Excuse me.

258
00:11:40,596 --> 00:11:41,895
Where are you going?

259
00:11:41,897 --> 00:11:43,163
I can't do this.

260
00:11:43,165 --> 00:11:44,665
And for your information,
Leonard,

261
00:11:44,667 --> 00:11:46,533
the upper flermin doesn't grow
between my shoulder blades,

262
00:11:46,535 --> 00:11:48,836
it grows out of the belly button
on my neck.

263
00:11:52,608 --> 00:11:55,743
He's right, I was thinking
of the lower flermin.

264
00:11:57,913 --> 00:12:01,648
Ooh, I'll, uh, text Stuart,
let him know we're close.

265
00:12:01,650 --> 00:12:03,250
That's a neat tattoo.

266
00:12:03,252 --> 00:12:06,653
Oh, thanks, it's Sally from
Nightmare before Christmas.

267
00:12:06,655 --> 00:12:07,888
Aw, that movie's
so cute.

268
00:12:07,890 --> 00:12:09,990
Do you like her because
you both have red hair?

269
00:12:09,992 --> 00:12:12,760
Uh, a little, but more
that she's covered in scars

270
00:12:12,762 --> 00:12:15,729
and can pull her own limbs off
and sew them back on.

271
00:12:17,533 --> 00:12:20,534
I like Cinderella.

272
00:12:21,971 --> 00:12:23,504
Did you know,
in the original book,

273
00:12:23,506 --> 00:12:25,539
the sisters cut off
their toes with knives

274
00:12:25,541 --> 00:12:27,441
in order to fit
in the glass slipper?

275
00:12:28,711 --> 00:12:31,578
I like "Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boo."

276
00:12:32,948 --> 00:12:35,015
Hey, here comes
Stuart and his date.

277
00:12:35,017 --> 00:12:36,150
Oh, she's cute.

278
00:12:37,253 --> 00:12:38,986
Oh, my God.

279
00:12:38,988 --> 00:12:40,087
What?

280
00:12:40,089 --> 00:12:41,021
That's Jeanie.

281
00:12:41,023 --> 00:12:41,989
That's Jeanie?

282
00:12:41,991 --> 00:12:43,757
Who's Jeanie?
Don't say it.

283
00:12:43,759 --> 00:12:45,926
That's Howard's cousin
that he had sex with.

284
00:12:49,265 --> 00:12:51,231
She is my second cousin.

285
00:12:51,233 --> 00:12:53,901
We were 15... I just said,
"Don't say it."

286
00:12:53,903 --> 00:12:55,569
No, it's okay.

287
00:12:55,571 --> 00:12:57,437
He told me that story
a long time ago.

288
00:12:57,439 --> 00:12:58,505
Raj!

289
00:12:58,507 --> 00:12:59,640
It was our first date,

290
00:12:59,642 --> 00:13:00,741
there was an
awkward silence.

291
00:13:00,743 --> 00:13:03,343
What was I
supposed to say?

292
00:13:09,151 --> 00:13:11,318
Oh, it's beautiful.

293
00:13:11,320 --> 00:13:13,587
Oh, the girls really
did a nice job.

294
00:13:13,589 --> 00:13:14,688
Aw...

295
00:13:14,690 --> 00:13:16,156
I know I wasn't
into this before,

296
00:13:16,158 --> 00:13:18,692
but I'm so glad I get
to take you to your first prom.

297
00:13:18,694 --> 00:13:20,694
What makes you think
I didn't go to my prom?

298
00:13:20,696 --> 00:13:22,696
I went.
Well, who'd you go with?

299
00:13:22,698 --> 00:13:26,667
I took a little lady
I like to call loneliness.

300
00:13:26,669 --> 00:13:27,835
Aw...

301
00:13:27,837 --> 00:13:29,203
Aw, it's all right.

302
00:13:29,205 --> 00:13:30,504
We ended up having a threesome

303
00:13:30,506 --> 00:13:32,472
with her friend humiliation,
so...

304
00:13:34,777 --> 00:13:37,077
Well, if I would have been
there and saw you alone,

305
00:13:37,079 --> 00:13:38,345
I would've asked you
to dance.

306
00:13:38,347 --> 00:13:39,446
No, you wouldn't have.

307
00:13:39,448 --> 00:13:40,547
Well, you don't
know that.

308
00:13:40,549 --> 00:13:42,015
It was before
my growth spurt.

309
00:13:42,017 --> 00:13:43,150
What, that already happened?

310
00:13:45,154 --> 00:13:47,120
Very funny.

311
00:13:47,122 --> 00:13:48,689
Well, you wouldn't
have asked me either.

312
00:13:48,691 --> 00:13:49,923
I would have asked you.

313
00:13:50,793 --> 00:13:51,959
In my head.

314
00:13:53,729 --> 00:13:56,129
On the way home.

315
00:13:56,131 --> 00:13:58,398
While I was having a good cry.

316
00:14:04,940 --> 00:14:06,206
Sheldon, can I come in?

317
00:14:06,208 --> 00:14:08,542
I don't think
that's a good idea.

318
00:14:08,544 --> 00:14:09,776
Why not?

319
00:14:09,778 --> 00:14:11,912
According to an online
message board,

320
00:14:11,914 --> 00:14:14,081
I may be having a panic attack.

321
00:14:14,083 --> 00:14:16,316
SoccerMom09 had
similar symptoms.

322
00:14:18,153 --> 00:14:22,456
But to be fair, the twins were
a real handful that day.

323
00:14:22,458 --> 00:14:23,857
You're making me worry.

324
00:14:23,859 --> 00:14:24,992
What's going on?

325
00:14:24,994 --> 00:14:28,896
What's going on is we're
about to go to a prom.

326
00:14:28,898 --> 00:14:30,030
And there's
a great deal of pressure

327
00:14:30,032 --> 00:14:31,999
on young couples
like us to engage in

328
00:14:32,001 --> 00:14:36,336
what Mr. Bob Eubanks
called making whoopee.

329
00:14:36,338 --> 00:14:37,971
What pressure?

330
00:14:37,973 --> 00:14:39,773
All I said was
you look handsome.

331
00:14:39,775 --> 00:14:42,509
Can you please
open the door?

332
00:14:42,511 --> 00:14:44,344
It's not just that.

333
00:14:44,346 --> 00:14:46,914
Leonard and Penny also
made comments about it.

334
00:14:46,916 --> 00:14:48,548
And I'm not blind.

335
00:14:48,550 --> 00:14:51,084
Even I looked twice
when I saw my posterior

336
00:14:51,086 --> 00:14:53,120
in these tuxedo pants.

337
00:14:55,291 --> 00:14:57,891
So, I met Jeanie
at your Aunt Gladys'.

338
00:14:57,893 --> 00:14:59,393
She passed me
the Manischewitz,

339
00:14:59,395 --> 00:15:01,094
I took one look
at this punim,

340
00:15:01,096 --> 00:15:04,264
and I almost plotzed
on the kugel.

341
00:15:06,068 --> 00:15:08,635
Is this what I sound like
when I talk about India?

342
00:15:11,507 --> 00:15:13,540
So, my mother's okay
with this?

343
00:15:13,542 --> 00:15:16,009
Why would your mother have
a problem with me and Stuart?

344
00:15:16,011 --> 00:15:19,112
'Cause they have a weird,
inappropriate relationship.

345
00:15:19,114 --> 00:15:22,549
Weirder than what you and I
did in my dad's Corolla?

346
00:15:25,521 --> 00:15:27,020
This is so messed up.

347
00:15:27,022 --> 00:15:30,123
I know, I'm having
the best time.

348
00:15:30,125 --> 00:15:32,960
Why would you even come to this?

349
00:15:32,962 --> 00:15:34,461
Didn't you know I'd be here?

350
00:15:34,463 --> 00:15:36,430
It was a long
time ago, Howard.

351
00:15:36,432 --> 00:15:38,598
And you're only second
cousins, who cares?

352
00:15:38,600 --> 00:15:41,068
So, you knew and you
brought her anyway?

353
00:15:41,070 --> 00:15:44,071
Oh, so she's good enough
for Howard, but not for me?

354
00:15:44,073 --> 00:15:45,038
Yeah.

355
00:15:45,040 --> 00:15:46,039
Yeah, go have weird
relationships

356
00:15:46,041 --> 00:15:47,140
with your own
mother and cousin.

357
00:15:47,142 --> 00:15:48,142
This is his turf.

358
00:15:48,143 --> 00:15:49,343
Yeah.

359
00:15:52,815 --> 00:15:55,949
Well, I might not have
asked you to dance then,

360
00:15:55,951 --> 00:15:58,418
but I will ask you now.
There's no music.

361
00:15:58,420 --> 00:15:59,653
I don't care.

362
00:15:59,655 --> 00:16:00,854
We'll make
our own music.

363
00:16:00,856 --> 00:16:02,856
My God, who's the dork now?

364
00:16:10,799 --> 00:16:13,233
Thank you for
wearing your flats.

365
00:16:13,235 --> 00:16:15,435
Thank you for
wearing your heels.

366
00:16:17,840 --> 00:16:19,373
Mmm.

367
00:16:19,375 --> 00:16:20,707
Look at me.

368
00:16:20,709 --> 00:16:23,944
Dancing with the prettiest
girl at the prom.

369
00:16:23,946 --> 00:16:26,013
Want to take a picture
of us and send it

370
00:16:26,015 --> 00:16:28,749
to your old friends
in the chess club?

371
00:16:28,751 --> 00:16:31,651
I sent them a bikini shot
of you years ago.

372
00:16:34,823 --> 00:16:37,257
This is nice.

373
00:16:37,259 --> 00:16:39,226
I kind of wish
no one else was coming.

374
00:16:39,228 --> 00:16:42,295
I know, me, too.

375
00:16:42,297 --> 00:16:46,133
But it will be fun to have a
prom without all the drama.

376
00:16:49,138 --> 00:16:50,604
Howie, get off of him!

377
00:16:50,606 --> 00:16:54,041
Not until he stops humping
his way up my family tree!

378
00:16:56,045 --> 00:16:58,645
Sheldon, this is silly.

379
00:16:58,647 --> 00:17:00,113
I'm not missing another prom.

380
00:17:00,115 --> 00:17:01,214
I'm going upstairs now.

381
00:17:01,216 --> 00:17:02,749
Good-bye.

382
00:17:02,751 --> 00:17:05,852
I really did think
you looked pretty.

383
00:17:05,854 --> 00:17:07,687
You did?

384
00:17:07,689 --> 00:17:10,023
Yes.

385
00:17:10,025 --> 00:17:12,426
So much so that
I started to panic.

386
00:17:12,428 --> 00:17:14,361
Well, you can relax.

387
00:17:15,330 --> 00:17:17,864
Just because you think
I look pretty

388
00:17:17,866 --> 00:17:20,300
doesn't mean we have
to spend the night together.

389
00:17:20,302 --> 00:17:23,937
Were you hoping we would
because it's prom?

390
00:17:23,939 --> 00:17:26,273
I'm always hoping.

391
00:17:27,509 --> 00:17:31,845
But tonight I just wanted
to have a nice time with you.

392
00:17:31,847 --> 00:17:35,015
And maybe dance
with someone who has arms.

393
00:17:36,985 --> 00:17:38,752
Thank you for understanding.

394
00:17:38,754 --> 00:17:41,088
Of course I understand.

395
00:17:43,058 --> 00:17:45,625
Sheldon,

396
00:17:45,627 --> 00:17:47,627
there's something else
I've been wanting to say,

397
00:17:47,629 --> 00:17:49,596
but before I do,
I just...

398
00:17:49,598 --> 00:17:53,333
I want you to know that you
don't have to say it back.

399
00:17:53,335 --> 00:17:55,302
I know you're not ready,

400
00:17:55,304 --> 00:17:56,837
and I don't want you to say it

401
00:17:56,839 --> 00:17:58,438
just because
social convention dictates...

402
00:17:58,440 --> 00:18:00,407
I love you, too.

403
00:18:03,912 --> 00:18:05,912
You said it.

404
00:18:05,914 --> 00:18:08,582
There's no denying
I have feelings for you

405
00:18:08,584 --> 00:18:10,951
that can't be explained
in any other way.

406
00:18:11,987 --> 00:18:15,989
I briefly considered
that I had a brain parasite.

407
00:18:18,460 --> 00:18:21,128
But that seems even
more farfetched.

408
00:18:24,099 --> 00:18:26,133
The only conclusion was love.

409
00:18:30,139 --> 00:18:31,771
I know what's happening.

410
00:18:33,108 --> 00:18:35,542
This is a panic attack.

411
00:18:35,544 --> 00:18:38,145
SoccerMom09 says to lie down
with your feet elevated.

412
00:18:38,147 --> 00:18:39,312
Okay.

413
00:18:39,314 --> 00:18:41,148
Whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa.

414
00:18:41,150 --> 00:18:42,749
Just because I love you
doesn't mean

415
00:18:42,751 --> 00:18:44,684
girls are allowed in my room.

416
00:19:00,413 --> 00:19:02,313
Okay.

417
00:19:02,315 --> 00:19:04,015
Here we go...

418
00:19:04,017 --> 00:19:06,584
Say "Cheese"!

419
00:19:08,988 --> 00:19:11,489
Say "Cheese"!

420
00:19:13,993 --> 00:19:16,627
Say "Cousin"!

421
00:19:19,265 --> 00:19:20,965
Say...

422
00:19:21,968 --> 00:19:22,968
Oh, sorry.

423
00:19:22,969 --> 00:19:25,169
Hang on, sorry.

424
00:19:27,138 --> 00:19:28,906
Hey, Debbie.

425
00:19:28,908 --> 00:19:30,941
I... Yeah, yeah, I'm
here with Jeanie.

426
00:19:31,670 --> 00:19:33,812
Okay, but we're just friends.

427
00:19:34,021 --> 00:19:37,380
It's... Yeah. I got to go.

428
00:19:37,381 --> 00:19:43,881
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man