1
00:00:00,717 --> 00:00:02,075
I mean, I was...
I was on fire.

2
00:00:02,077 --> 00:00:05,764
It was like my mind and my body
were totally connected,

3
00:00:05,766 --> 00:00:09,396
like-like athletes must feel
when they're in the zone.

4
00:00:09,398 --> 00:00:12,755
Again, it was
miniature golf.

5
00:00:12,757 --> 00:00:15,310
Admit it, you're a
little turned on.

6
00:00:15,312 --> 00:00:17,339
You can't be this proud.

7
00:00:17,341 --> 00:00:18,779
Why not?

8
00:00:18,781 --> 00:00:22,737
Because I beat you.

9
00:00:22,739 --> 00:00:24,532
Hey.
Hi.

10
00:00:24,534 --> 00:00:25,899
Oh, good. You're back.

11
00:00:25,901 --> 00:00:30,333
We have some
exciting news.

12
00:00:30,335 --> 00:00:31,999
Okay.

13
00:00:32,001 --> 00:00:35,728
As you know, Amy and I have
been together a long time,

14
00:00:35,730 --> 00:00:37,556
and a lot of things

15
00:00:37,558 --> 00:00:41,512
I never thought possible
now seem possible.

16
00:00:41,514 --> 00:00:44,279
Okay...

17
00:00:44,281 --> 00:00:47,534
After a careful evaluation
of our relationship,

18
00:00:47,536 --> 00:00:52,630
we decided that the time was
right to take a step forward.

19
00:00:57,753 --> 00:01:00,509
Okay.

20
00:01:00,511 --> 00:01:02,438
Do you want to say it?

21
00:01:02,440 --> 00:01:05,506
Let's say
it together.

22
00:01:05,508 --> 00:01:08,802
We're getting a turtle!

23
00:01:10,831 --> 00:01:15,823
This is why I've been saying
we should keep champagne on ice.

24
00:01:15,825 --> 00:01:16,948
Sarcasm?

25
00:01:16,950 --> 00:01:18,217
Yes.
Okay.

26
00:01:18,219 --> 00:01:20,381
That was tricky,
'cause when it comes to alcohol,

27
00:01:20,383 --> 00:01:22,745
she generally means business.

28
00:01:22,747 --> 00:01:24,613
Well, we're-we're
very happy for you.

29
00:01:24,615 --> 00:01:25,779
Yes.

30
00:01:25,781 --> 00:01:27,043
Thank you.

31
00:01:27,045 --> 00:01:30,208
Acquiring a joint pet
is a big step for us.

32
00:01:30,210 --> 00:01:31,415
No. It's true.

33
00:01:31,417 --> 00:01:33,779
It means that we care so much
about each other,

34
00:01:33,781 --> 00:01:36,312
there's enough left over
for an eight-ounce reptile.

35
00:01:36,314 --> 00:01:38,214
Why a turtle?

36
00:01:38,216 --> 00:01:42,246
After much deliberation,
we've determined that a turtle

37
00:01:42,248 --> 00:01:43,446
is the ideal pet.

38
00:01:43,448 --> 00:01:46,942
They don't shed fur,
they don't make noise...

39
00:01:46,944 --> 00:01:48,977
For Halloween, we can dress him
as a cobblestone.

40
00:01:48,979 --> 00:01:49,978
Yeah.

41
00:01:51,007 --> 00:01:53,938
And if he ever goes berserk,
I know I can outrun him.

42
00:01:53,940 --> 00:01:58,635
Coincidentally, that's also
why I chose you as a roommate.

43
00:01:58,637 --> 00:01:59,800
Well, congratulations.

44
00:01:59,802 --> 00:02:01,869
Who would've thought
you two would be the first

45
00:02:01,871 --> 00:02:03,865
in our group to start a family?
Mm-hmm.

46
00:02:03,867 --> 00:02:07,162
That's what I said!

47
00:02:30,522 --> 00:02:36,116
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man

48
00:02:36,185 --> 00:02:38,219
So, where's
your roommate tonight?

49
00:02:38,221 --> 00:02:40,154
Well, I thought it
was a little unfair

50
00:02:40,156 --> 00:02:41,953
that she's always here,
and you never

51
00:02:41,955 --> 00:02:45,888
get a chance to stay over,
so... I killed her.

52
00:02:45,890 --> 00:02:49,083
But remember our agreement?

53
00:02:49,085 --> 00:02:50,755
You can joke
about murdering people,

54
00:02:50,757 --> 00:02:54,353
but you have to say,
"Just kidding."

55
00:02:54,355 --> 00:02:56,455
And the more important
thing to remember is

56
00:02:56,457 --> 00:02:58,893
that I'd never hurt you.

57
00:03:04,533 --> 00:03:06,423
Oh, crap.

58
00:03:06,425 --> 00:03:09,428
I have to run over to the
hospital and check on a patient.

59
00:03:09,430 --> 00:03:11,890
That's okay. I can come back later.
No.

60
00:03:11,892 --> 00:03:13,129
No, don't be silly.

61
00:03:13,131 --> 00:03:15,093
I won't be gone long.
Just stay here.

62
00:03:15,095 --> 00:03:16,291
Okay, cool.

63
00:03:16,293 --> 00:03:17,719
Oh, and you're sure
your roommate's

64
00:03:17,721 --> 00:03:19,357
not gonna come back
while I'm here alone, right?

65
00:03:19,359 --> 00:03:21,123
'Cause that'll be awkward.

66
00:03:21,125 --> 00:03:22,721
Oh, don't worry.
She's in Palm Springs.

67
00:03:22,723 --> 00:03:23,688
Oh, good.

68
00:03:23,690 --> 00:03:26,190
Well, her torso is.

69
00:03:27,360 --> 00:03:28,956
Just kidding.

70
00:03:29,893 --> 00:03:32,152
I put her in a wood chipper.

71
00:03:35,119 --> 00:03:37,453
Oh, dear Lord.
Oh, dear Lord.

72
00:03:37,455 --> 00:03:38,987
It's okay.

73
00:03:38,989 --> 00:03:40,993
You made it.
We're fine.

74
00:03:40,995 --> 00:03:45,555
That was a lot of puppies.

75
00:03:45,557 --> 00:03:47,719
Let's forget about them, and...

76
00:03:47,721 --> 00:03:49,518
pick ourselves out
a nice turtle.

77
00:03:49,520 --> 00:03:51,922
Yeah.
Oh, how about this one up on the log?

78
00:03:51,924 --> 00:03:53,688
Oh, I don't know.

79
00:03:53,690 --> 00:03:55,687
He kind of looks
like a jerk.

80
00:03:57,959 --> 00:04:00,017
How about this one?

81
00:04:00,019 --> 00:04:02,549
Well, he's barely moving.
He looks half dead.

82
00:04:02,551 --> 00:04:05,218
I know. I like him, too.

83
00:04:07,048 --> 00:04:08,947
Hi, little guy.

84
00:04:08,949 --> 00:04:11,419
How'd you like
to come home with us?

85
00:04:11,421 --> 00:04:15,847
You'll be living with me because
we don't live in the same house.

86
00:04:15,849 --> 00:04:17,486
But that's not your fault.

87
00:04:17,488 --> 00:04:20,789
Like you, we're taking it
ridiculously slow.

88
00:04:22,286 --> 00:04:26,821
You'll stay with me when he's
at Comic-Con or away for work.

89
00:04:26,823 --> 00:04:31,948
Or if they accept Daddy's
application to live on Mars.

90
00:04:31,950 --> 00:04:33,745
What are you talking about?

91
00:04:33,747 --> 00:04:35,416
Oh, there's this company

92
00:04:35,418 --> 00:04:37,952
that's attempting
to establish a colony on Mars,

93
00:04:37,954 --> 00:04:40,521
and I applied
to be among the first to go.

94
00:04:40,523 --> 00:04:42,215
What should
we name him?

95
00:04:42,217 --> 00:04:46,922
You know, I came in
thinking "Seth," but...

96
00:04:46,924 --> 00:04:49,549
he kind of looks Italian.

97
00:04:49,551 --> 00:04:51,849
You applied for a mission

98
00:04:51,851 --> 00:04:53,984
to be a colonist
on another planet,

99
00:04:53,986 --> 00:04:56,214
and couldn't be bothered
to tell me?

100
00:04:57,980 --> 00:04:59,648
Would you have approved?

101
00:04:59,650 --> 00:05:00,984
Of course not.

102
00:05:00,986 --> 00:05:03,046
Well, based on
your reaction,

103
00:05:03,048 --> 00:05:05,214
it looks like I made
the right choice.

104
00:05:06,486 --> 00:05:08,314
Isn't that right, Giuseppe?

105
00:05:12,290 --> 00:05:14,422
Hey, hey.

106
00:05:14,424 --> 00:05:17,390
Listen, I-I have a little
confession to make.

107
00:05:17,392 --> 00:05:20,325
Aw, is this your first time?

108
00:05:22,124 --> 00:05:24,921
No, I got you something
for Valentine's Day,

109
00:05:24,923 --> 00:05:27,096
and I was too embarrassed
to give it to you.

110
00:05:27,098 --> 00:05:28,463
Well, why?

111
00:05:28,465 --> 00:05:32,661
Well, 'cause I got it
at the dirty store.

112
00:05:32,663 --> 00:05:34,860
You went to the dirty store
without me?

113
00:05:36,261 --> 00:05:40,429
In sunglasses and a hat after
I parked two blocks away.

114
00:05:40,431 --> 00:05:42,656
Well, get it! Get it for me!
Yeah?

115
00:05:42,658 --> 00:05:45,189
Yeah.
Okay, uh, well, I hope it's fun.

116
00:05:45,191 --> 00:05:47,922
I mean, it-it comes
with paints, and-and

117
00:05:47,924 --> 00:05:49,791
it's kind of creative
and artistic.

118
00:05:49,793 --> 00:05:53,358
Okay, did you go to
the dirty store or Michaels?

119
00:05:54,191 --> 00:05:55,995
No, no.

120
00:05:55,997 --> 00:05:58,128
We cover ourselves
in body paint,

121
00:05:58,130 --> 00:06:01,658
and then-then we get on this
big canvas and do our thing.

122
00:06:01,660 --> 00:06:04,360
Whoa, that's kind of
a big step for a guy

123
00:06:04,362 --> 00:06:07,326
who only recently agreed
to take his socks off.

124
00:06:07,328 --> 00:06:09,751
You're making fun of me.
Forget it.

125
00:06:09,753 --> 00:06:11,718
No! No, come on, I want to do it.
Really?

126
00:06:11,720 --> 00:06:13,589
Yeah, let's you, me,

127
00:06:13,591 --> 00:06:16,290
and your very, very pale feet
make some art.

128
00:06:17,625 --> 00:06:20,119
Hey, when you got back to this
store, I want to go with you.

129
00:06:20,121 --> 00:06:24,158
Okay, but it's a drive... the
one I went to is in San Diego.

130
00:06:25,360 --> 00:06:27,627
How are the taxes going?

131
00:06:27,629 --> 00:06:29,225
Okay.

132
00:06:29,227 --> 00:06:32,790
But you got a lot of receipts
for the Lego store in here.

133
00:06:34,295 --> 00:06:35,661
Those are business expenses.

134
00:06:35,663 --> 00:06:38,196
You can write those off.

135
00:06:38,198 --> 00:06:41,897
A $200 R2-D2 is
a business expense?

136
00:06:42,697 --> 00:06:43,965
Oh, Bernie,

137
00:06:43,967 --> 00:06:46,026
you're gonna have to sound
a lot more confident

138
00:06:46,028 --> 00:06:47,896
when we get audited.

139
00:06:51,860 --> 00:06:54,423
Hey, what's up?

140
00:06:54,425 --> 00:06:56,430
Eh, Emily ran back
to the hospital,

141
00:06:56,432 --> 00:06:58,396
so I'm just hanging out
at her place.

142
00:06:58,398 --> 00:07:00,120
What are you, uh,
what are you doing?

143
00:07:00,122 --> 00:07:03,987
Just playing video games
while Bernie does the taxes.

144
00:07:03,989 --> 00:07:06,624
What are you, a little kid?

145
00:07:06,626 --> 00:07:09,418
Is she gonna cut your dinner
into little pieces, too?

146
00:07:09,420 --> 00:07:13,985
She doesn't have to...
I filled up on jelly beans.

147
00:07:13,987 --> 00:07:17,316
So, uh, what game are you...

148
00:07:17,318 --> 00:07:18,639
Oh.

149
00:07:18,641 --> 00:07:20,308
Crap.

150
00:07:20,310 --> 00:07:21,203
What's wrong?

151
00:07:21,227 --> 00:07:23,494
I can't get Emily's
nightstand to close.

152
00:07:23,573 --> 00:07:24,437
So?

153
00:07:24,461 --> 00:07:26,498
She's gonna know
I was looking in it.

154
00:07:26,536 --> 00:07:28,734
Why were you looking in it?

155
00:07:28,736 --> 00:07:29,975
Well, there's a question

156
00:07:29,977 --> 00:07:32,839
I better have a good answer to
before she gets back.

157
00:07:32,841 --> 00:07:34,077
Okay, calm down.

158
00:07:34,079 --> 00:07:35,571
There's probably something
jammed behind it.

159
00:07:35,573 --> 00:07:37,537
Just, uh, pull it out
and see what's there.

160
00:07:37,539 --> 00:07:38,704
Hang on.

161
00:07:42,676 --> 00:07:45,304
Oh... no. Oh, no.

162
00:07:45,306 --> 00:07:46,837
Oh, God, no!

163
00:07:48,270 --> 00:07:50,505
You know what, you sound busy...
I'm gonna let you go.

164
00:07:51,674 --> 00:07:53,606
Dude, the whole front came off.

165
00:07:53,608 --> 00:07:55,268
Now she's gonna know
I was snooping.

166
00:07:55,270 --> 00:07:56,601
What's happening?

167
00:07:56,603 --> 00:07:59,600
Raj was snooping through
Emily's drawers and broke one.

168
00:07:59,602 --> 00:08:00,934
Aw.

169
00:08:00,936 --> 00:08:03,664
I'm gonna miss her.

170
00:08:04,833 --> 00:08:07,235
So what do you think?

171
00:08:08,865 --> 00:08:12,696
I thought it'd be
a little more... just more.

172
00:08:16,796 --> 00:08:19,694
I'm not even sure
why we were out of breath.

173
00:08:21,462 --> 00:08:24,521
Uh, I mean, d-did
we move at all?

174
00:08:24,523 --> 00:08:26,455
Maybe along the z-axis,

175
00:08:26,457 --> 00:08:29,189
but x and y are looking
pretty sad.

176
00:08:29,990 --> 00:08:31,260
Okay, come on.

177
00:08:31,262 --> 00:08:32,961
We are not old
boring people.

178
00:08:32,963 --> 00:08:34,288
We can do better
than this.

179
00:08:34,290 --> 00:08:35,222
Uh, Th-that's true.

180
00:08:35,224 --> 00:08:37,121
How late did we stay up
last night?

181
00:08:37,123 --> 00:08:39,820
Almost 1:00 a.m.

182
00:08:39,822 --> 00:08:43,089
Damn straight, almost 1:00 a.m.

183
00:08:44,889 --> 00:08:46,119
And we weren't even watching TV.

184
00:08:46,121 --> 00:08:49,483
We were watching Netflix,
like the kids do.

185
00:08:49,485 --> 00:08:50,786
Yeah, is it a comedy?

186
00:08:50,788 --> 00:08:52,121
Is it a drama?

187
00:08:52,123 --> 00:08:53,623
Nobody knows.

188
00:08:53,625 --> 00:08:55,422
Now, come on.

189
00:08:55,424 --> 00:08:57,118
We are gonna do this.
Yeah.

190
00:08:57,120 --> 00:08:59,020
You get the paint,
I'll rest for 30-40 minutes,

191
00:08:59,022 --> 00:09:01,183
and then we do this!

192
00:09:02,287 --> 00:09:04,618
I can't believe you
almost had me bring

193
00:09:04,620 --> 00:09:07,981
a wild animal
into my home.

194
00:09:07,983 --> 00:09:10,744
No one told you to poke
the turtle's face.

195
00:09:11,544 --> 00:09:15,237
I was playing
"Got Your Nose"

196
00:09:15,239 --> 00:09:17,335
That's how you get
children to like you.

197
00:09:19,271 --> 00:09:21,234
I'm surprised you even care
if he likes you,

198
00:09:21,236 --> 00:09:22,800
since you're planning
on leaving the planet

199
00:09:22,802 --> 00:09:24,438
the first chance you get.

200
00:09:24,440 --> 00:09:25,837
Ugh, this again.

201
00:09:25,839 --> 00:09:28,906
Amy, I've already had one new
hole torn in my body today.

202
00:09:28,908 --> 00:09:31,271
I don't need another one.

203
00:09:31,273 --> 00:09:33,503
Sheldon, I know the odds

204
00:09:33,505 --> 00:09:35,742
of you even going to Mars
are incredibly small,

205
00:09:35,744 --> 00:09:38,406
but it still hurts
that you would volunteer

206
00:09:38,408 --> 00:09:41,141
for something that would
take you away from me forever.

207
00:09:41,143 --> 00:09:43,474
So you're saying you
wouldn't leave me

208
00:09:43,476 --> 00:09:45,639
for the chance to be
one of the first humans

209
00:09:45,641 --> 00:09:47,307
to colonize
another planet?

210
00:09:47,309 --> 00:09:49,271
I would at least mention it

211
00:09:49,273 --> 00:09:51,101
before filling out
the application.

212
00:09:51,103 --> 00:09:54,401
Huh, that's exactly what
Leonard, Wolowitz, Koothrappali,

213
00:09:54,403 --> 00:09:55,801
Bernadette and
Penny said.

214
00:09:57,472 --> 00:09:58,973
And who says
you could even survive

215
00:09:58,975 --> 00:10:00,803
an interplanetary
mission, anyway?

216
00:10:00,805 --> 00:10:03,137
You could barely survive
a tiny turtle bite.

217
00:10:03,139 --> 00:10:05,134
First of all, this...

218
00:10:05,136 --> 00:10:07,836
has only made me stronger.

219
00:10:07,838 --> 00:10:09,834
But beyond that, all I did

220
00:10:09,836 --> 00:10:11,470
was fill out an application.

221
00:10:11,472 --> 00:10:13,467
You know what?

222
00:10:13,469 --> 00:10:15,634
Go to Mars, Sheldon.

223
00:10:18,273 --> 00:10:20,931
Is there anything I can
do to cheer you up?

224
00:10:20,933 --> 00:10:22,496
No. Forget it.

225
00:10:23,569 --> 00:10:25,868
What if I play the Star Trek
theme on my nose?

226
00:10:25,870 --> 00:10:29,036
Please don't.

227
00:10:34,971 --> 00:10:36,735
Yep, you're mad.

228
00:10:44,666 --> 00:10:46,398
Okay, let me see the damage.

229
00:10:46,400 --> 00:10:47,900
Hang on.

230
00:10:49,036 --> 00:10:51,065
Well, I think you
broke the dowels.

231
00:10:51,067 --> 00:10:52,495
You're not gonna
have time to glue it

232
00:10:52,497 --> 00:10:53,799
back on...
you'll have to nail it.

233
00:10:53,801 --> 00:10:54,934
With what?

234
00:10:54,936 --> 00:10:57,601
Does she have any
pillows or wine glasses?

235
00:10:57,603 --> 00:10:58,727
She does.

236
00:10:58,729 --> 00:10:59,765
Great.

237
00:10:59,767 --> 00:11:02,658
Neither of those.
Try a hammer!

238
00:11:05,192 --> 00:11:06,692
Did that feel good?

239
00:11:06,694 --> 00:11:08,794
You feel like a big man now?

240
00:11:12,358 --> 00:11:14,888
I was going to make you
red zinger,

241
00:11:14,890 --> 00:11:17,854
but since Mars
is the red planet,

242
00:11:17,856 --> 00:11:20,626
I went with peppermint.

243
00:11:22,962 --> 00:11:24,822
Why do you even want to do this?

244
00:11:24,824 --> 00:11:26,987
Actually...

245
00:11:26,989 --> 00:11:29,752
as part of the application,

246
00:11:29,754 --> 00:11:32,528
I was required
to make a short video

247
00:11:32,530 --> 00:11:34,960
answering that very question.

248
00:11:34,962 --> 00:11:36,728
You want to see it?

249
00:11:36,730 --> 00:11:37,959
Can't you just tell me?

250
00:11:37,961 --> 00:11:40,164
But I made a video.

251
00:11:41,997 --> 00:11:44,496
I'm Dr. Sheldon Cooper,

252
00:11:44,498 --> 00:11:47,731
and I'd like to tell you
why I should be chosen to...

253
00:11:49,594 --> 00:11:52,060
go to Mars!

254
00:11:53,195 --> 00:11:54,655
I'm exceedingly smart.

255
00:11:54,657 --> 00:11:56,821
I graduated college at 14.

256
00:11:56,823 --> 00:11:58,587
While my brother
was getting an STD

257
00:11:58,589 --> 00:12:00,952
I was getting a PhD.

258
00:12:03,127 --> 00:12:06,555
Penicillin can't take this away.

259
00:12:06,557 --> 00:12:10,359
Being in close quarters,
cleanliness is important

260
00:12:10,361 --> 00:12:13,620
and... my hygiene is impeccable.

261
00:12:13,622 --> 00:12:15,721
In fact, animals don't trust me

262
00:12:15,723 --> 00:12:17,761
because I smell like nothing.

263
00:12:17,763 --> 00:12:18,729
Yeah...

264
00:12:19,595 --> 00:12:21,929
Literally nothing.

265
00:12:24,697 --> 00:12:26,262
During the seven-month
space flight,

266
00:12:26,264 --> 00:12:29,898
I can keep up morale
with my wacky sense of humor.

267
00:12:32,037 --> 00:12:33,769
Hey, Leonard...

268
00:12:33,771 --> 00:12:36,504
is there any peanut brittle
left in that can?

269
00:12:36,506 --> 00:12:39,765
You mean this weirdly
suspicious one?

270
00:12:39,767 --> 00:12:42,434
Yes. Open it and check.

271
00:12:46,902 --> 00:12:49,065
I don't get it.

272
00:12:49,067 --> 00:12:52,030
There's actually
peanut brittle in...

273
00:12:57,233 --> 00:12:59,428
Please go to Mars.

274
00:13:01,395 --> 00:13:03,430
But on a more serious note:

275
00:13:03,432 --> 00:13:04,893
The most important reason I want

276
00:13:04,895 --> 00:13:07,929
to go to Mars is that
I believe, as a scientist,

277
00:13:07,931 --> 00:13:10,791
it's my duty
to push the boundaries

278
00:13:10,793 --> 00:13:13,165
of human knowledge forward.

279
00:13:13,167 --> 00:13:15,897
Now, I know that life on Mars
will be difficult.

280
00:13:15,899 --> 00:13:19,058
But life here on Earth
is no picnic.

281
00:13:19,060 --> 00:13:21,557
Also, picnics are no picnic.

282
00:13:22,925 --> 00:13:24,354
Where should we go for lunch?

283
00:13:24,356 --> 00:13:26,625
Oh, I know, the ground.

284
00:13:27,659 --> 00:13:28,915
In conclusion,

285
00:13:28,917 --> 00:13:30,480
thank you for considering me

286
00:13:30,482 --> 00:13:33,349
for this journey of a lifetime.

287
00:13:34,687 --> 00:13:36,916
To Mars!

288
00:13:39,020 --> 00:13:41,657
Afterwards,
Leonard blew his nose,

289
00:13:41,659 --> 00:13:44,121
and pie came out.

290
00:13:47,092 --> 00:13:49,852
Right there, right there,

291
00:13:49,854 --> 00:13:51,681
Oh, God, that's it!

292
00:13:54,844 --> 00:13:56,607
How did you get paint
in your eye?

293
00:13:56,609 --> 00:14:00,508
Because you wouldn't let me
wear safety goggles!

294
00:14:03,881 --> 00:14:06,013
This looks terrible.

295
00:14:06,015 --> 00:14:07,245
She-she's gonna know.

296
00:14:07,247 --> 00:14:08,276
It's fine.

297
00:14:08,278 --> 00:14:09,876
You just need two more nails.

298
00:14:09,878 --> 00:14:10,915
Okay, where should I put them?

299
00:14:10,917 --> 00:14:12,346
In Emily's eyes.

300
00:14:15,016 --> 00:14:16,309
You're not helping.

301
00:14:16,311 --> 00:14:19,009
Well, maybe this is
what you get for snooping.

302
00:14:19,011 --> 00:14:20,447
You know, it-it's bad enough
that I have to deal with this...

303
00:14:20,449 --> 00:14:22,380
Raj? I'm back.

304
00:14:22,382 --> 00:14:24,545
Oh, no.

305
00:14:24,977 --> 00:14:26,677
Hey.
Hi.

306
00:14:26,679 --> 00:14:30,043
How was the hospital?

307
00:14:30,045 --> 00:14:31,579
Fine.

308
00:14:31,581 --> 00:14:33,242
What were you doing in there?

309
00:14:34,547 --> 00:14:36,911
Uh... w-well...

310
00:14:37,944 --> 00:14:39,275
Okay, look, I-I don't
want to lie to you.

311
00:14:39,277 --> 00:14:41,777
I-I got curious,
I was looking around...

312
00:14:41,779 --> 00:14:44,374
and I broke the drawer
on your night stand.

313
00:14:44,376 --> 00:14:46,340
You were looking
in my night stand?

314
00:14:46,342 --> 00:14:47,611
Yeah.

315
00:14:47,613 --> 00:14:49,576
So, the first time
I leave you alone,

316
00:14:49,578 --> 00:14:51,311
you snoop on me?

317
00:14:51,313 --> 00:14:54,182
You've never snooped
around my apartment?

318
00:14:54,184 --> 00:14:57,146
No!
Come on, think back.

319
00:14:57,148 --> 00:15:00,311
It would really help if you had!

320
00:15:00,313 --> 00:15:02,141
I can't believe
you don't trust me!

321
00:15:02,143 --> 00:15:05,147
She sounds really mad.

322
00:15:05,149 --> 00:15:07,178
We should hang up.

323
00:15:07,180 --> 00:15:08,778
Yeah, we should.

324
00:15:08,780 --> 00:15:10,514
But we're not
going to, are we?

325
00:15:10,516 --> 00:15:12,986
Not a chance.

326
00:15:12,988 --> 00:15:15,386
What happened to
"snooping is wrong"?

327
00:15:15,388 --> 00:15:17,426
Howard, you're going
to jail for tax fraud.

328
00:15:17,428 --> 00:15:20,089
Who cares?

329
00:15:21,297 --> 00:15:22,860
Well, we did it.

330
00:15:22,862 --> 00:15:26,624
We sure did.

331
00:15:26,626 --> 00:15:27,923
I mean, I was on fire!

332
00:15:27,925 --> 00:15:30,214
I-I was in the zone,
like an athlete.

333
00:15:30,216 --> 00:15:32,775
Sweetie, I beat
you at this, too.

334
00:15:32,777 --> 00:15:35,041
So, where do we
want to hang it?

335
00:15:35,043 --> 00:15:36,176
What? Are you kidding?

336
00:15:36,178 --> 00:15:37,638
We're not hanging it!

337
00:15:37,640 --> 00:15:39,706
But it's an expression
of our love.

338
00:15:39,708 --> 00:15:42,374
And our butts!
Not hanging it!

339
00:15:43,744 --> 00:15:45,709
Seems a shame to throw it away.

340
00:15:45,711 --> 00:15:47,444
Yeah.

341
00:15:48,542 --> 00:15:49,781
We could give it to Sheldon,

342
00:15:49,783 --> 00:15:52,747
and tell him William
Shatner painted it.

343
00:15:54,515 --> 00:15:57,708
God, I love you.
I love you so much.

344
00:15:59,876 --> 00:16:03,109
I think I'm gonna go home.

345
00:16:03,111 --> 00:16:05,539
Why?

346
00:16:05,541 --> 00:16:08,511
I really don't understand
what's happening here.

347
00:16:08,513 --> 00:16:11,244
You know, Sheldon,
at any other time,

348
00:16:11,246 --> 00:16:13,674
learning that you had plans
to go live on Mars

349
00:16:13,676 --> 00:16:15,407
would be a slow news day.

350
00:16:15,409 --> 00:16:17,404
But a couple of hours ago,

351
00:16:17,406 --> 00:16:19,305
we were getting a turtle.

352
00:16:19,307 --> 00:16:21,869
And silly as it sounds,

353
00:16:21,871 --> 00:16:24,305
I thought that meant something.

354
00:16:26,000 --> 00:16:27,932
Amy!

355
00:16:27,934 --> 00:16:30,902
Oh, why didn't I give her
Sleepy Time tea?

356
00:16:33,164 --> 00:16:34,832
Amy, wait!

357
00:16:34,834 --> 00:16:37,332
Getting a turtle meant
a great deal to me, too.

358
00:16:37,334 --> 00:16:38,796
Sure.

359
00:16:38,798 --> 00:16:40,593
Unless something
better comes along.

360
00:16:40,595 --> 00:16:44,363
Do you want me
to withdraw my application?

361
00:16:44,365 --> 00:16:47,056
What I want is for us

362
00:16:47,058 --> 00:16:50,093
to be planning our
future together.

363
00:16:51,999 --> 00:16:54,738
And in that future,

364
00:16:54,739 --> 00:16:56,719
are we on the same planet?

365
00:16:57,562 --> 00:16:59,094
Yeah, because I've seen people

366
00:16:59,096 --> 00:17:00,796
make the long-distance
thing work.

367
00:17:00,798 --> 00:17:02,729
We're on the same planet!
Okay!

368
00:17:05,192 --> 00:17:08,824
Does that planet have
to be Earth?

369
00:17:09,729 --> 00:17:12,291
Are you asking me to go
to Mars with you?

370
00:17:12,293 --> 00:17:13,891
I am.

371
00:17:13,893 --> 00:17:15,522
Yeah, if I'm going
to a barren,

372
00:17:15,524 --> 00:17:17,456
lifeless environment,

373
00:17:17,458 --> 00:17:20,859
where the chances of survival
are slim to none,

374
00:17:20,861 --> 00:17:24,251
I want you there with me.

375
00:17:28,487 --> 00:17:30,417
Why don't we go back
to the apartment,

376
00:17:30,419 --> 00:17:32,213
and fill out your application?

377
00:17:33,045 --> 00:17:35,774
Okay.

378
00:17:35,776 --> 00:17:38,609
I suppose being
the first people

379
00:17:38,611 --> 00:17:40,907
on a new planet would
be incredibly exciting.

380
00:17:40,909 --> 00:17:42,600
Oh, I know.

381
00:17:42,602 --> 00:17:46,269
We could be the first
to plant a flag on Mars.

382
00:17:46,271 --> 00:17:50,032
We could be the first to
watch Mars Attacks! on Mars.

383
00:17:50,034 --> 00:17:52,805
We could be the first
to say "Good Lord,

384
00:17:52,807 --> 00:17:55,500
what on Mars are
you talking about"

385
00:17:55,502 --> 00:17:57,800
You know,

386
00:17:57,802 --> 00:18:00,132
we could also be
the first people

387
00:18:00,134 --> 00:18:03,368
to procreate on Mars.

388
00:18:03,370 --> 00:18:07,233
You just can't keep it in
your space pants, can you?

389
00:18:09,128 --> 00:18:09,925
Think about it.

390
00:18:09,927 --> 00:18:11,132
If we had a family there,

391
00:18:11,134 --> 00:18:13,698
our kids would be Martians.

392
00:18:14,667 --> 00:18:18,294
They would, wouldn't they?

393
00:18:18,296 --> 00:18:21,163
We could give them
cool Martian names.

394
00:18:21,165 --> 00:18:23,927
And we could teach them
about Martian history.

395
00:18:23,929 --> 00:18:25,764
Like, who planted those flags?

396
00:18:25,766 --> 00:18:27,259
And, uh, where did that copy

397
00:18:27,261 --> 00:18:29,864
of Mars Attacks! come from?

398
00:18:29,866 --> 00:18:31,199
I guess we'll have to make

399
00:18:31,201 --> 00:18:33,397
a new video together,
as a couple.

400
00:18:33,399 --> 00:18:35,563
Good idea.

401
00:18:37,195 --> 00:18:39,062
And since you've had
such a rough day,

402
00:18:39,064 --> 00:18:42,427
I'm gonna let you throw
the pie in Leonard's face.

403
00:18:52,149 --> 00:18:53,745
Thank you for forgiving me.

404
00:18:53,747 --> 00:18:55,144
It's okay.

405
00:18:55,146 --> 00:18:58,013
At some point, we were bound
to have our first fight.

406
00:18:58,015 --> 00:19:00,011
Well, it almost happened
when you called

407
00:19:00,013 --> 00:19:02,249
my apple pie crust "doughy"

408
00:19:04,049 --> 00:19:06,043
The truth is
you were right.

409
00:19:06,045 --> 00:19:08,847
And I was just
angry at myself.

410
00:19:08,849 --> 00:19:12,012
Can I ask you one thing?

411
00:19:12,014 --> 00:19:13,378
Of course. What?

412
00:19:13,380 --> 00:19:15,974
Did you look in my closet?

413
00:19:15,976 --> 00:19:18,308
No. Just the drawer.

414
00:19:18,310 --> 00:19:20,010
You promise you didn't
look in the closet?

415
00:19:20,012 --> 00:19:21,040
I promise.

416
00:19:21,042 --> 00:19:22,439
Why, what's in there?

417
00:19:22,441 --> 00:19:24,540
Don't worry about it.

418
00:19:24,542 --> 00:19:25,843
Good night.

419
00:19:42,466 --> 00:19:48,959
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man