1
00:00:00,424 --> 00:00:01,756
You're wrong.
No, I'm not.

2
00:00:01,758 --> 00:00:04,155
Yes, you are.
No, I'm not.

3
00:00:04,157 --> 00:00:06,155
Settle this. Those
little animated pictures

4
00:00:06,157 --> 00:00:08,788
on the Internet, are they
called "gifs" or "jifs"?

5
00:00:08,790 --> 00:00:10,389
Well, the G stands
for "graphics".

6
00:00:10,391 --> 00:00:12,289
That's a hard G,
so I'd say "gif".

7
00:00:12,291 --> 00:00:15,222
W... The guy who invented
it says it's "jif".

8
00:00:15,224 --> 00:00:18,888
I'm sorry, do you mean
the guy or the juy?

9
00:00:19,758 --> 00:00:21,989
Well, I'll give you
three guesses

10
00:00:21,991 --> 00:00:23,989
why I'm so irritated.

11
00:00:23,991 --> 00:00:27,723
Something happened different
from the way you wanted it.

12
00:00:28,558 --> 00:00:30,689
I guess news travels fast.

13
00:00:31,790 --> 00:00:33,489
It's true,
a select group of scientists

14
00:00:33,491 --> 00:00:35,155
was invited
to a weekend symposium

15
00:00:35,157 --> 00:00:37,122
at a former home
of Richard Feynman,

16
00:00:37,124 --> 00:00:38,755
and I wasn't included.

17
00:00:38,757 --> 00:00:41,322
Oh, Sheldon, I'm sure it's
not because they don't think

18
00:00:41,324 --> 00:00:43,189
you're an elite scientist.
Yeah,

19
00:00:43,191 --> 00:00:46,755
I bet you anything it's
just 'cause you're a pain in the ass.

20
00:00:46,757 --> 00:00:50,055
You're just saying that
to make me feel better.

21
00:00:51,091 --> 00:00:52,922
Look, you can spend
the rest of the day

22
00:00:52,924 --> 00:00:55,689
being bitter about this.
Agreed.

23
00:00:55,691 --> 00:00:58,755
I was gonna say "or",
but why bother?

24
00:01:19,113 --> 00:01:23,109
The Big Bang Theory S08E20
The Fortification Implementation
Original Air Date on April 9,

25
00:01:23,133 --> 00:01:28,128
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man

26
00:01:28,210 --> 00:01:29,642
Hey, Raj.

27
00:01:29,644 --> 00:01:32,275
Hey, I got you
a little gift.

28
00:01:32,277 --> 00:01:34,841
Oh, that's a lot
of Girl Scout Cookies.

29
00:01:34,843 --> 00:01:36,707
You know me.
I'm from India.

30
00:01:36,709 --> 00:01:38,874
I can't resist children begging.

31
00:01:39,976 --> 00:01:42,408
So, how's it going
with the title to the house?

32
00:01:42,410 --> 00:01:43,341
Great, it's all done.

33
00:01:43,343 --> 00:01:44,408
The lawyer
tracked down my father

34
00:01:44,410 --> 00:01:45,908
and got him to sign it over.

35
00:01:45,910 --> 00:01:47,608
I didn't have to meet him,
I didn't have to talk to him,

36
00:01:47,610 --> 00:01:49,241
I don't even know where he is.

37
00:01:49,243 --> 00:01:52,241
Wow, so you're not curious
at all?

38
00:01:52,243 --> 00:01:53,341
Nope.

39
00:01:53,343 --> 00:01:54,941
Hm. What if he's in prison?

40
00:01:54,943 --> 00:01:56,707
What if he's a spy?

41
00:01:56,709 --> 00:01:59,542
What if he's
in a Beatles cover band?

42
00:02:00,709 --> 00:02:02,874
I'm just saying, if he's got
your nose and haircut,

43
00:02:02,876 --> 00:02:05,041
he'd make a killer Ringo.

44
00:02:07,410 --> 00:02:09,108
Thanks again for
agreeing to do this.

45
00:02:09,110 --> 00:02:11,575
Oh, it's cool; I've never been
on a podcast before.

46
00:02:11,577 --> 00:02:13,542
Well, you picked
a good one to start.

47
00:02:13,544 --> 00:02:14,807
Wil's had lots of great guests.

48
00:02:14,809 --> 00:02:16,475
Jonathan Frakes, Brent Spiner,

49
00:02:16,477 --> 00:02:18,941
Michael Dorn, Gates McFadden...

50
00:02:18,943 --> 00:02:20,974
Those are Star Trek people.

51
00:02:20,976 --> 00:02:22,074
Yes!

52
00:02:22,076 --> 00:02:23,141
I only figured that out

53
00:02:23,143 --> 00:02:24,841
because I've never heard
of any of them.

54
00:02:25,910 --> 00:02:27,241
I deserve that.

55
00:02:27,243 --> 00:02:30,308
I invited you on my show
and I drove here.

56
00:02:30,310 --> 00:02:31,475
Sorry.

57
00:02:31,477 --> 00:02:33,008
Okay, so, this is
basically gonna be

58
00:02:33,010 --> 00:02:34,408
just like a little talk show.

59
00:02:34,410 --> 00:02:35,941
Uh, we're gonna take some calls,

60
00:02:35,943 --> 00:02:37,641
we'll talk about what
it was like on the set

61
00:02:37,643 --> 00:02:38,874
of Serial Ape-ist 2.

62
00:02:38,876 --> 00:02:39,908
It should be really fun.

63
00:02:39,910 --> 00:02:41,375
This is exciting.
Yeah.

64
00:02:41,377 --> 00:02:42,575
So, how many people listen?

65
00:02:42,577 --> 00:02:43,841
Most people download it later,

66
00:02:43,843 --> 00:02:45,908
but usually a few thousand
people listen live.

67
00:02:45,910 --> 00:02:47,874
What? A few thousand people

68
00:02:47,876 --> 00:02:50,475
listen to you talk
about nerd stuff?

69
00:02:51,743 --> 00:02:53,974
Again, right in the ears,

70
00:02:53,976 --> 00:02:55,908
straight to the feelings.

71
00:02:58,843 --> 00:03:00,575
Can you please pass the salt?

72
00:03:00,577 --> 00:03:02,375
Sure.

73
00:03:02,377 --> 00:03:05,175
It's not like I was invited
to Richard Feynman's house

74
00:03:05,177 --> 00:03:07,607
and have anything better to do.

75
00:03:07,609 --> 00:03:10,542
Is this how the rest
of the night's going to be?

76
00:03:10,544 --> 00:03:12,841
I don't know the future.

77
00:03:14,410 --> 00:03:16,074
Do you think there's a chance

78
00:03:16,076 --> 00:03:18,074
that an asteroid
could hit the Earth,

79
00:03:18,076 --> 00:03:21,542
destroying Feynman's house
and everyone in it?

80
00:03:21,544 --> 00:03:23,707
No, Sheldon.

81
00:03:23,709 --> 00:03:27,041
Then buckle up;
you're in for a cranky night.

82
00:03:27,043 --> 00:03:29,908
According to the codicil
of the Relationship Agreement

83
00:03:29,910 --> 00:03:31,375
which you insisted upon,

84
00:03:31,377 --> 00:03:34,008
we're not allowed to pout
or be moody on date night.

85
00:03:34,010 --> 00:03:38,141
You know I just put that in
because of uterus stuff.

86
00:03:39,243 --> 00:03:41,607
Well, it applies to you, too.

87
00:03:41,609 --> 00:03:44,408
I was afraid you might
bring this up,

88
00:03:44,410 --> 00:03:47,574
so I have a work-around.

89
00:03:52,243 --> 00:03:54,441
There you go.

90
00:03:59,477 --> 00:04:02,241
As far as you're concerned,
I'm smiling.

91
00:04:03,609 --> 00:04:05,508
Although, I must admit,
I'm smiling a little bit

92
00:04:05,510 --> 00:04:07,841
at the moment because
this loophole is so brilliant.

93
00:04:10,510 --> 00:04:12,041
So, Bernadette, have you thought

94
00:04:12,043 --> 00:04:14,308
about how you're going
to redecorate this place?

95
00:04:14,310 --> 00:04:16,275
You know, I'm thinking

96
00:04:16,277 --> 00:04:17,774
ripping up the carpets,

97
00:04:17,776 --> 00:04:19,508
maybe lose the wallpaper,

98
00:04:19,510 --> 00:04:20,841
all new light fixtures...

99
00:04:20,843 --> 00:04:22,674
You know,
if you knocked out this wall,

100
00:04:22,676 --> 00:04:24,408
it would give you an
open floor plan,

101
00:04:24,410 --> 00:04:28,541
and then... it's a little scary,
but could be fun...

102
00:04:28,543 --> 00:04:31,541
indoor fire pit.

103
00:04:33,010 --> 00:04:35,441
Hey, I grew up
in this house, okay?

104
00:04:35,443 --> 00:04:38,041
No one's knocking anything down.

105
00:04:38,043 --> 00:04:39,674
Okay, okay.

106
00:04:39,676 --> 00:04:41,008
When he's at Comic-Con,

107
00:04:41,010 --> 00:04:43,841
I'm bringing in
a wrecking ball.

108
00:04:46,277 --> 00:04:47,241
Can I help you?

109
00:04:47,243 --> 00:04:49,574
Hi. Are you Howard Wolowitz?

110
00:04:49,576 --> 00:04:51,141
Yes.

111
00:04:51,143 --> 00:04:52,841
Um, this is a little weird,

112
00:04:52,843 --> 00:04:54,974
but a lawyer was trying
to contact my father,

113
00:04:54,976 --> 00:04:57,574
because his name was still
on the title for this house.

114
00:04:57,576 --> 00:05:00,008
W... uh, who's your father?

115
00:05:00,010 --> 00:05:01,874
Sam Wolowitz.

116
00:05:03,377 --> 00:05:05,841
S-Sam Wolowitz is my father.

117
00:05:05,843 --> 00:05:07,741
I know.

118
00:05:07,743 --> 00:05:11,707
Well, wait, so if we have
the same father...

119
00:05:11,709 --> 00:05:12,741
I mean,

120
00:05:12,743 --> 00:05:14,008
are you saying

121
00:05:14,010 --> 00:05:15,009
you're my half-brother?

122
00:05:15,010 --> 00:05:16,841
I think so.

123
00:05:18,110 --> 00:05:21,141
Bernadette, weird things
are happening out here!

124
00:05:24,110 --> 00:05:26,441
I think I started to suspect
it was a bad movie

125
00:05:26,443 --> 00:05:30,341
when I looked at the script
and saw the title,

126
00:05:30,343 --> 00:05:32,974
Serial Ape-ist 2:

127
00:05:32,976 --> 00:05:35,974
Monkey See, Monkey Kill.

128
00:05:35,976 --> 00:05:37,308
Uh, spoiler alert:

129
00:05:37,310 --> 00:05:40,008
after the monkey sees, it kills.

130
00:05:40,010 --> 00:05:42,208
Psst.

131
00:05:42,210 --> 00:05:43,941
I've just been handed a note.

132
00:05:43,943 --> 00:05:46,208
I'm going to read it.

133
00:05:46,210 --> 00:05:49,541
"Wil, do you want
more Diet Coke?

134
00:05:50,476 --> 00:05:53,574
Also, we have juice."

135
00:05:55,010 --> 00:05:57,574
I-I didn't want to interrupt.

136
00:05:58,676 --> 00:06:00,208
Uh, that voice you just heard

137
00:06:00,210 --> 00:06:02,041
belongs to Leonard,
Penny's fiancé.

138
00:06:02,043 --> 00:06:04,041
Uh, Leonard, why don't you grab
some headphones and join us?

139
00:06:04,043 --> 00:06:05,574
Really?
Yeah.

140
00:06:05,576 --> 00:06:06,908
Yeah, great.

141
00:06:06,910 --> 00:06:08,741
So, while Leonard
gets set up,

142
00:06:08,743 --> 00:06:10,308
let's take a call.

143
00:06:10,310 --> 00:06:11,874
Hello, caller, you are on

144
00:06:11,876 --> 00:06:14,308
with Penny and Wil
from Serial Ape-ist 2.

145
00:06:14,310 --> 00:06:15,574
I don't have a question.

146
00:06:15,576 --> 00:06:17,707
I just want to say
I'm a big fan of the movie.

147
00:06:17,709 --> 00:06:19,275
I've seen it, like, ten times.

148
00:06:19,277 --> 00:06:21,707
Okay, well, I'll apologize
for the first time,

149
00:06:21,709 --> 00:06:23,974
but the other nine are on you.

150
00:06:25,543 --> 00:06:26,908
Thanks a lot, caller.

151
00:06:26,910 --> 00:06:28,309
You know that the movie
actually has

152
00:06:28,310 --> 00:06:29,440
a little bit
of a cult following.

153
00:06:29,442 --> 00:06:30,607
Really?
Yeah.

154
00:06:30,609 --> 00:06:31,941
I was at
a science-fiction convention,

155
00:06:31,943 --> 00:06:35,275
and I saw a woman dressed
as your half-ape character.

156
00:06:35,277 --> 00:06:36,674
Oh, if she was

157
00:06:36,676 --> 00:06:38,841
with an Indian guy dressed
like a banana,

158
00:06:38,843 --> 00:06:41,574
that was just my friends,
Howard and Raj.

159
00:06:42,709 --> 00:06:45,141
All right, it's time
for a very special guest caller,

160
00:06:45,143 --> 00:06:46,741
a friend of mine,
who you probably know

161
00:06:46,743 --> 00:06:49,141
as the director
of such movies as Clerks,

162
00:06:49,143 --> 00:06:50,807
or from podcasts and books

163
00:06:50,809 --> 00:06:52,574
where he often reminds you
that he's the guy

164
00:06:52,576 --> 00:06:53,741
who directed Clerks.

165
00:06:53,743 --> 00:06:55,108
Hello, Kevin Smith.

166
00:06:55,110 --> 00:06:57,041
Hey, man,
yo, is everything okay, Wil?

167
00:06:57,043 --> 00:06:59,108
'Cause it's been,
like, two minutes

168
00:06:59,110 --> 00:07:02,008
and you haven't even brought up
Stand By Me.

169
00:07:03,643 --> 00:07:04,908
Hey, Kevin!

170
00:07:04,910 --> 00:07:06,507
It's really exciting
to talk to you.

171
00:07:06,509 --> 00:07:07,674
It really is.

172
00:07:07,676 --> 00:07:09,707
Oh, you guys are very sweet.
So, Penny, listen,

173
00:07:09,709 --> 00:07:11,041
I saw your movie.

174
00:07:11,043 --> 00:07:13,175
Oh, wow. I wish it was better.

175
00:07:13,177 --> 00:07:14,241
Oh, don't worry about it.

176
00:07:14,243 --> 00:07:16,208
Have you seen some
of Kevin's films?

177
00:07:17,310 --> 00:07:19,974
You're cruisin'
for a beatin', Wheaton.

178
00:07:21,509 --> 00:07:23,241
Anyway, man,
I dug the ape movie, Penny.

179
00:07:23,243 --> 00:07:25,208
And I thought you were, like,
really great in it.

180
00:07:25,210 --> 00:07:26,374
Aw.

181
00:07:26,376 --> 00:07:27,541
You know, I'm in the movie, too.

182
00:07:27,543 --> 00:07:29,141
Yeah, whatever. Penny!

183
00:07:29,143 --> 00:07:32,641
Penny, how come you're not
in more stuff, man?

184
00:07:32,643 --> 00:07:33,841
I'd cast you in a minute.

185
00:07:33,843 --> 00:07:35,741
Seriously?
Oh, yeah, man.

186
00:07:35,743 --> 00:07:37,574
I'm actually in pre-production
on a movie right now.

187
00:07:37,576 --> 00:07:38,674
Way different

188
00:07:38,676 --> 00:07:40,041
than anything I've ever
done before.

189
00:07:40,043 --> 00:07:42,374
It's called Clerks 3.

190
00:07:42,376 --> 00:07:43,908
You should come over

191
00:07:43,910 --> 00:07:45,707
and read for a part.

192
00:07:45,709 --> 00:07:47,908
Oh, my, I would love that.

193
00:07:47,910 --> 00:07:49,308
You have a new job.

194
00:07:49,309 --> 00:07:50,941
Well, maybe I can do both.

195
00:07:50,943 --> 00:07:53,407
I don't think you can do both.

196
00:07:53,409 --> 00:07:55,741
I don't think I asked you.

197
00:07:55,743 --> 00:07:57,574
Yeah, you tell him, Penny.

198
00:07:58,876 --> 00:08:01,974
Stay out of it, Kevin Smith.

199
00:08:03,143 --> 00:08:05,440
Do you think there comes
a point in life

200
00:08:05,442 --> 00:08:08,641
when it stops feeling bad
to be left out of things?

201
00:08:08,643 --> 00:08:10,041
Probably not.

202
00:08:10,043 --> 00:08:12,141
It's an evolutionary advantage

203
00:08:12,143 --> 00:08:14,307
to be included
in group activities.

204
00:08:14,309 --> 00:08:15,874
You know what?

205
00:08:15,876 --> 00:08:17,874
I used to be a fan of evolution,

206
00:08:17,876 --> 00:08:19,607
but I've since evolved,

207
00:08:19,609 --> 00:08:22,175
and now I think it's dumb.

208
00:08:23,276 --> 00:08:24,974
Being left out
is a terrible feeling.

209
00:08:24,976 --> 00:08:27,074
No one understands that
better than I do.

210
00:08:27,076 --> 00:08:28,908
Hey, look at that.

211
00:08:28,910 --> 00:08:32,008
Even in your example,
you're all by yourself.

212
00:08:33,776 --> 00:08:36,008
When there was
a lice epidemic at my school,

213
00:08:36,010 --> 00:08:37,841
everybody got it except me.

214
00:08:37,843 --> 00:08:40,674
I tried to fool everyone
by sprinkling sugar in my hair,

215
00:08:40,676 --> 00:08:44,074
but I just got attacked by bees.

216
00:08:45,177 --> 00:08:47,141
I can just picture
them all right now

217
00:08:47,143 --> 00:08:48,374
at Feynman's house,

218
00:08:48,376 --> 00:08:49,574
probably discussing Schrodinger

219
00:08:49,576 --> 00:08:51,574
and at the same time,

220
00:08:51,576 --> 00:08:53,908
not discussing Schrodinger.

221
00:08:53,910 --> 00:08:55,474
See?

222
00:08:55,476 --> 00:08:59,407
They're missing out
on hilarious jokes like that.

223
00:08:59,409 --> 00:09:01,607
And at the same time, not.

224
00:09:03,242 --> 00:09:05,307
It reminds me of when
my stupid brother and sister

225
00:09:05,309 --> 00:09:06,941
would build forts
in the living room

226
00:09:06,943 --> 00:09:08,541
and wouldn't let me in.

227
00:09:08,543 --> 00:09:11,175
I hated that so much.

228
00:09:11,177 --> 00:09:13,407
You know,

229
00:09:13,409 --> 00:09:14,607
there's nothing I can do

230
00:09:14,609 --> 00:09:16,507
about getting you invited
to the symposium,

231
00:09:16,509 --> 00:09:18,674
but if you wanted...

232
00:09:18,676 --> 00:09:20,574
we could build a fort.

233
00:09:21,409 --> 00:09:23,507
Isn't that a little juvenile?

234
00:09:23,509 --> 00:09:25,674
More juvenile than this?

235
00:09:29,242 --> 00:09:30,374
I'll get the blankets.

236
00:09:30,376 --> 00:09:32,074
You Google how
to have childlike fun.

237
00:09:35,476 --> 00:09:37,274
You know what,
I'm being a bad host.

238
00:09:37,276 --> 00:09:38,474
Let me get some more coffee.

239
00:09:38,476 --> 00:09:40,874
Oh, let me do it, Howard.
No, I got it.

240
00:09:43,209 --> 00:09:44,807
So, Josh, what do you do?

241
00:09:44,809 --> 00:09:47,141
I'm studying oceanography
down in San Diego.

242
00:09:47,143 --> 00:09:49,340
Oh, how nice.

243
00:09:53,076 --> 00:09:55,741
I loved Finding Nemo.

244
00:09:56,676 --> 00:09:57,741
Enough chitchat.

245
00:09:57,743 --> 00:09:59,440
How do we know you are
who you say you are?

246
00:09:59,442 --> 00:10:01,774
Why would I lie?

247
00:10:01,776 --> 00:10:04,074
Okay, you got me there.

248
00:10:05,176 --> 00:10:07,741
You here looking for money?
No.

249
00:10:07,743 --> 00:10:10,207
A kidney, cornea,
piece of his liver?

250
00:10:10,209 --> 00:10:11,574
No.

251
00:10:11,576 --> 00:10:13,440
You're in a Beatles cover band

252
00:10:13,442 --> 00:10:16,707
and you need Howard to replace
your dad as Ringo.

253
00:10:18,143 --> 00:10:20,008
Why don't you help
with the coffee?

254
00:10:20,010 --> 00:10:22,974
Okay, but something
smells fishy.

255
00:10:22,976 --> 00:10:24,008
And not just because

256
00:10:24,010 --> 00:10:25,474
you work around sea animals.

257
00:10:26,442 --> 00:10:27,607
That actually
sounds interesting,

258
00:10:27,609 --> 00:10:29,307
and I'd like
to learn more about it.

259
00:10:31,976 --> 00:10:33,507
Hey, you okay?

260
00:10:33,509 --> 00:10:35,041
Not really.

261
00:10:35,043 --> 00:10:37,641
This guy shows up
out of the blue,

262
00:10:37,643 --> 00:10:39,207
and now I have a brother?

263
00:10:39,209 --> 00:10:42,474
My father has another family?

264
00:10:42,476 --> 00:10:44,307
I get it.

265
00:10:44,309 --> 00:10:46,108
What do you want to do?

266
00:10:46,110 --> 00:10:48,108
I don't know. I...

267
00:10:48,110 --> 00:10:49,941
I'd just like him to go away.

268
00:10:49,943 --> 00:10:51,607
I can't deal with this.

269
00:10:51,609 --> 00:10:53,574
All right, I've got your back.

270
00:10:53,576 --> 00:10:55,741
Thank you. Come on.

271
00:10:57,142 --> 00:10:58,307
And I'd like to point out

272
00:10:58,309 --> 00:11:01,641
this wall just provided
a lot of privacy!

273
00:11:03,576 --> 00:11:05,174
I can't believe
my brother's an astronaut.

274
00:11:05,176 --> 00:11:07,074
That's amazing. What was it like?
Listen, dude,

275
00:11:07,076 --> 00:11:08,374
it's time for you
to hit the road.

276
00:11:08,376 --> 00:11:10,841
Hey, hey, the young man asked
a good question.

277
00:11:19,806 --> 00:11:21,337
So, for those of you
just tuning in,

278
00:11:21,339 --> 00:11:22,670
we are listening

279
00:11:22,672 --> 00:11:25,037
to a really fun fight between my costar...
No, no, no.

280
00:11:25,039 --> 00:11:26,270
We're not fighting;
we're just...

281
00:11:26,272 --> 00:11:27,704
having a conversation.

282
00:11:27,706 --> 00:11:29,403
All right.

283
00:11:29,405 --> 00:11:32,270
We're listening
to a really fun conversation

284
00:11:32,272 --> 00:11:35,437
between my costar
from Serial Ape-ist 2

285
00:11:35,439 --> 00:11:37,103
and her fiancé,
who doesn't believe

286
00:11:37,105 --> 00:11:39,603
women should have dreams.

287
00:11:41,505 --> 00:11:44,704
Give me back that juice.

288
00:11:45,639 --> 00:11:47,503
What is the harm
if I audition?

289
00:11:47,505 --> 00:11:48,904
Well, what if you get it?

290
00:11:48,906 --> 00:11:51,004
I don't know, I make a movie,

291
00:11:51,006 --> 00:11:52,637
become rich and famous,

292
00:11:52,639 --> 00:11:53,837
win an Oscar, a Golden Globe

293
00:11:53,839 --> 00:11:55,870
and live an incredibly
wonderful life.

294
00:11:55,872 --> 00:11:58,570
From a Kevin Smith movie?

295
00:11:59,639 --> 00:12:01,937
Oh, I'm hanging up now.

296
00:12:01,939 --> 00:12:03,303
Don't you listen
to him, buddy.

297
00:12:03,305 --> 00:12:04,537
You're awesome.

298
00:12:04,539 --> 00:12:06,537
You're one of the greatest
directors of our time.

299
00:12:06,539 --> 00:12:09,236
I don't have
a part for you, Wheaton.

300
00:12:10,039 --> 00:12:12,037
And that was Kevin Smith.

301
00:12:12,039 --> 00:12:14,403
Thanks a lot.

302
00:12:14,405 --> 00:12:16,004
I'm just trying to protect you.

303
00:12:16,006 --> 00:12:18,270
How many times did I see you
get your heart broken

304
00:12:18,272 --> 00:12:20,103
trying to make it
as an actress?

305
00:12:20,105 --> 00:12:21,737
Okay, instead of protecting me,
why don't you try

306
00:12:21,739 --> 00:12:23,537
being excited when
something good happens?

307
00:12:23,539 --> 00:12:25,804
I'm always excited for you!

308
00:12:25,806 --> 00:12:27,537
I'm excited that you found
this new job

309
00:12:27,539 --> 00:12:29,004
where you're making
decent money.

310
00:12:29,006 --> 00:12:31,203
Decent? I make twice
what you make.

311
00:12:31,205 --> 00:12:32,904
Wait, twice?

312
00:12:32,906 --> 00:12:34,570
Yeah.

313
00:12:34,572 --> 00:12:38,236
Like, "times two" twice?

314
00:12:39,305 --> 00:12:41,370
For those of you at home,
Leonard just found out

315
00:12:41,372 --> 00:12:44,603
his fiancée makes
way more money than he does.

316
00:12:44,605 --> 00:12:47,004
Let's listen.

317
00:12:47,006 --> 00:12:48,971
I went to school
for half my life.

318
00:12:48,973 --> 00:12:50,036
I have a doctorate.

319
00:12:50,038 --> 00:12:52,704
I'm still paying off
college loans.

320
00:12:52,706 --> 00:12:53,804
Well, how much do you owe?

321
00:12:53,806 --> 00:12:55,904
Maybe I can help you out.

322
00:12:57,639 --> 00:13:00,904
Wil, can we just turn off
the podcast for a little bit?

323
00:13:00,906 --> 00:13:02,370
For those of you at home,

324
00:13:02,372 --> 00:13:04,670
I am shaking my head "no."

325
00:13:12,072 --> 00:13:13,470
How's it going, Sheldon?

326
00:13:13,472 --> 00:13:16,170
Wonderful!

327
00:13:17,005 --> 00:13:19,170
I just finished
hanging the lights.

328
00:13:19,172 --> 00:13:20,370
Can I come in?

329
00:13:20,372 --> 00:13:22,236
Yes, oh,
but enter through the side.

330
00:13:22,238 --> 00:13:25,303
Batman is
a load-bearing blanket.

331
00:13:29,505 --> 00:13:31,603
Amazing.

332
00:13:31,605 --> 00:13:33,103
I know.

333
00:13:33,105 --> 00:13:34,470
This isn't the printout.

334
00:13:34,472 --> 00:13:36,370
This is my real face.

335
00:13:37,472 --> 00:13:38,970
What are we doing?

336
00:13:38,972 --> 00:13:40,270
This is a fort.

337
00:13:40,272 --> 00:13:42,737
Let's sit on the floor.

338
00:13:42,739 --> 00:13:44,904
Roughing it? Okay.

339
00:13:48,639 --> 00:13:51,837
Everything looks
so big from down here.

340
00:13:53,105 --> 00:13:56,337
This must be
how Leonard feels.

341
00:13:59,706 --> 00:14:01,270
I'm surprised
you could hear me

342
00:14:01,272 --> 00:14:03,337
with this Thin Mint
in your ear!

343
00:14:04,739 --> 00:14:06,403
Yeah, pretty cool, huh?

344
00:14:06,405 --> 00:14:07,370
Yeah.

345
00:14:07,372 --> 00:14:11,303
Anyway,
I should probably get going.

346
00:14:11,305 --> 00:14:12,637
Howie, have you
noticed how often

347
00:14:12,639 --> 00:14:15,403
people say that
when you start to do magic?

348
00:14:16,072 --> 00:14:18,603
Sorry, I have a long drive.

349
00:14:18,605 --> 00:14:21,437
Well, I hope I get
to see you again.

350
00:14:21,439 --> 00:14:23,036
I hope so, too.

351
00:14:23,038 --> 00:14:26,870
I've always dreamed of having
a brother to play catch with.

352
00:14:27,706 --> 00:14:29,537
Keep dreaming.

353
00:14:30,238 --> 00:14:31,570
Hey, I threw out the first pitch

354
00:14:31,572 --> 00:14:33,437
at an Angels game.
Wow.

355
00:14:33,439 --> 00:14:36,170
He did it with a robot.

356
00:14:36,972 --> 00:14:39,870
You had sex with a robot?

357
00:14:39,872 --> 00:14:42,036
That's not what she meant.

358
00:14:42,038 --> 00:14:43,670
But technically, yes.

359
00:14:46,372 --> 00:14:47,870
Hang on, if you're making
all this money,

360
00:14:47,872 --> 00:14:49,503
where is it?

361
00:14:49,505 --> 00:14:50,637
In a safe place.

362
00:14:50,639 --> 00:14:52,170
What does that mean,
under your bed?

363
00:14:52,172 --> 00:14:53,537
No, it means

364
00:14:53,539 --> 00:14:55,903
a diversified portfolio
of stocks and bonds.

365
00:14:55,905 --> 00:14:57,303
I'm not overly conservative.

366
00:14:57,305 --> 00:15:00,936
I'm young, so my guy said I
can afford to take some risks.

367
00:15:00,938 --> 00:15:03,537
Wait a minute, you have "a guy"?

368
00:15:03,539 --> 00:15:04,837
Don't you have a guy?

369
00:15:04,839 --> 00:15:08,070
Why would I have a guy?
I don't have any money!

370
00:15:08,739 --> 00:15:10,036
Oh, sweetie,

371
00:15:10,038 --> 00:15:12,470
you should really
get some money.

372
00:15:12,472 --> 00:15:14,704
For those of you listening
at home,

373
00:15:14,706 --> 00:15:17,704
how great is this?

374
00:15:17,706 --> 00:15:20,503
Wil, I'm begging you,
just please turn that off.

375
00:15:20,505 --> 00:15:23,136
Sure.

376
00:15:23,138 --> 00:15:25,203
And we're back.

377
00:15:25,205 --> 00:15:28,603
Leonard, why are you making
such a big deal out of this?

378
00:15:28,605 --> 00:15:31,236
So our roles have changed a bit
over the last couple years.

379
00:15:31,238 --> 00:15:32,603
This is the way life is.

380
00:15:32,605 --> 00:15:34,869
And I'm sure in time
they'll change again.

381
00:15:34,871 --> 00:15:38,136
Great, you're not only
more successful than me,

382
00:15:38,138 --> 00:15:40,203
now you're more mature.

383
00:15:40,205 --> 00:15:42,403
Okay, look, would it
make you feel better

384
00:15:42,405 --> 00:15:45,704
if I did something dumb like
sneak out of work one day

385
00:15:45,706 --> 00:15:48,337
to go audition for
a Kevin Smith movie?

386
00:15:48,339 --> 00:15:50,670
That would be great, thank you!

387
00:15:51,871 --> 00:15:53,236
I'm just gonna jump
in here real quick.

388
00:15:53,238 --> 00:15:54,704
Leonard, a moment ago,

389
00:15:54,706 --> 00:15:57,936
you were dead set against Penny
resuming her acting career,

390
00:15:57,938 --> 00:15:59,437
but now you're all for it.

391
00:15:59,439 --> 00:16:02,804
Is it fair to say that
she played you like a violin?

392
00:16:04,005 --> 00:16:06,303
Yes, it is, Wil.

393
00:16:08,938 --> 00:16:10,970
So, I have to ask,

394
00:16:10,972 --> 00:16:13,370
was the robot sexy?

395
00:16:13,372 --> 00:16:15,470
It was actually

396
00:16:15,472 --> 00:16:18,236
just a mechanical hand.

397
00:16:18,238 --> 00:16:21,503
'Cause that's all
you need, right?

398
00:16:22,639 --> 00:16:23,970
You are my brother.

399
00:16:26,105 --> 00:16:28,670
Okay, so the final four forts

400
00:16:28,672 --> 00:16:31,236
in the first annual
best fort ever contest,

401
00:16:31,238 --> 00:16:33,303
or "fort off," are...

402
00:16:34,439 --> 00:16:35,737
Fort Knox,

403
00:16:35,739 --> 00:16:37,203
Fort Ticonderoga,

404
00:16:37,205 --> 00:16:39,704
Fort Sumter and...

405
00:16:39,706 --> 00:16:41,970
Fort Cozy McBlanket.

406
00:16:43,305 --> 00:16:44,570
I'd say...

407
00:16:44,572 --> 00:16:46,537
Knox over Ticonderoga

408
00:16:46,539 --> 00:16:47,637
'cause it's got the gold.

409
00:16:47,639 --> 00:16:49,537
Mm-hmm.
And McBlanket over Sumter

410
00:16:49,539 --> 00:16:52,337
'cause it has
a higher thread count.

411
00:16:53,072 --> 00:16:55,036
Oh.

412
00:16:55,038 --> 00:16:57,737
10:00.

413
00:16:57,739 --> 00:16:58,903
Date night's over.

414
00:16:58,905 --> 00:17:00,170
Wait, no.

415
00:17:00,172 --> 00:17:01,670
We haven't picked a winner.

416
00:17:01,672 --> 00:17:04,136
We both know
this one's gonna win.

417
00:17:04,138 --> 00:17:05,903
Well, of course we do.

418
00:17:05,905 --> 00:17:07,670
Fort Knox doesn't have a secret

419
00:17:07,672 --> 00:17:09,836
physics lending library.

420
00:17:11,405 --> 00:17:12,970
Come on, I'll help
you take this down.

421
00:17:12,972 --> 00:17:14,036
Well, wait.

422
00:17:14,038 --> 00:17:16,103
What if, just this once,

423
00:17:16,105 --> 00:17:18,437
we suspend
the date night parameters

424
00:17:18,439 --> 00:17:21,203
and you stay later?

425
00:17:23,038 --> 00:17:27,070
Well, as long as we're
suspending the parameters,

426
00:17:27,072 --> 00:17:28,670
I could stay really late

427
00:17:28,672 --> 00:17:32,036
and we could have
our first sleepover.

428
00:17:32,038 --> 00:17:34,337
That's a big step.

429
00:17:34,339 --> 00:17:37,503
It's a big fort.

430
00:17:39,105 --> 00:17:40,704
Very well.

431
00:17:40,706 --> 00:17:43,537
I will agree
to a family-friendly,

432
00:17:43,539 --> 00:17:46,337
G-rated, boy-girl sleepover.

433
00:17:48,372 --> 00:17:49,670
PG.

434
00:17:49,672 --> 00:17:53,103
Some scenes may be too intense
for younger viewers.

435
00:17:53,105 --> 00:17:55,337
G-rated,

436
00:17:55,339 --> 00:17:58,437
with a warning for families
with babies and toddlers.

437
00:18:00,738 --> 00:18:02,570
You got yourself a sleepover.

438
00:18:03,838 --> 00:18:05,103
Do you need to borrow

439
00:18:05,105 --> 00:18:06,470
a toothbrush or pajamas?

440
00:18:06,472 --> 00:18:08,437
Would it alarm you to know

441
00:18:08,439 --> 00:18:11,170
that I hid those things here
two years ago

442
00:18:11,172 --> 00:18:13,403
just in case this ever came up?

443
00:18:15,639 --> 00:18:16,869
It would,

444
00:18:16,871 --> 00:18:19,803
but you know how much
I admire preparedness.

445
00:18:21,539 --> 00:18:23,203
How did you know we'd be
in the living room?

446
00:18:23,205 --> 00:18:26,036
Who says this is
the only one I hid?

447
00:18:39,534 --> 00:18:41,697
Hello? What is this?

448
00:18:41,699 --> 00:18:44,331
We built a fort!

449
00:18:44,333 --> 00:18:46,532
Are those my sheets?

450
00:18:46,534 --> 00:18:48,864
Yes, they are.

451
00:18:48,866 --> 00:18:50,265
Okay.

452
00:18:50,267 --> 00:18:51,964
Well, you kids have fun.

453
00:18:51,966 --> 00:18:53,298
I'm gonna go to sleep.

454
00:18:53,300 --> 00:18:55,931
Leonard, don't you want to see
the inside of the fort?

455
00:18:55,933 --> 00:18:57,231
Yeah, I'm good.

456
00:18:57,233 --> 00:18:58,565
Oh, come on.

457
00:18:58,567 --> 00:19:00,731
I really wanted to tell someone
they can't come in.

458
00:19:00,733 --> 00:19:02,431
Okay, fine.

459
00:19:02,433 --> 00:19:05,565
Sheldon, may I please
visit your fort?

460
00:19:05,567 --> 00:19:07,098
I want to say no,

461
00:19:07,100 --> 00:19:08,898
but it's too glorious.
Get in here!

462
00:19:11,044 --> 00:19:14,109
Thank you.
Okay, have a seat on the floor.

463
00:19:14,111 --> 00:19:15,641
Not there. That's my spot.

464
00:19:19,085 --> 00:19:25,579
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man