1
00:00:00,374 --> 00:00:02,573
Leonard, what time does
your mom's plane get in?

2
00:00:02,575 --> 00:00:04,140
I don't know...
some time tomorrow morning.

3
00:00:04,142 --> 00:00:06,040
Don't you want
to know for sure?

4
00:00:06,042 --> 00:00:08,540
No need to. As soon as she flies
into California airspace,

5
00:00:08,542 --> 00:00:10,606
I'll feel a disturbance
in the Force.

6
00:00:12,240 --> 00:00:14,273
It's so nice
both of your moms are coming in

7
00:00:14,275 --> 00:00:15,773
to see you guys get an award.

8
00:00:15,775 --> 00:00:19,173
Well, my mother's been there
for every honor I've won

9
00:00:19,175 --> 00:00:20,706
since I beat out my twin sister

10
00:00:20,708 --> 00:00:22,640
for the "did it
on the potty" trophy.

11
00:00:24,174 --> 00:00:25,606
How does this look?

12
00:00:25,608 --> 00:00:28,073
Aw, it's so nice.
She's gonna love it.

13
00:00:28,075 --> 00:00:29,339
Sure, his mom gets roses.

14
00:00:29,341 --> 00:00:30,540
When I want them,

15
00:00:30,542 --> 00:00:33,473
they're a "bouquet of
severed plant genitals."

16
00:00:34,507 --> 00:00:35,907
You act like I didn't get you

17
00:00:35,909 --> 00:00:38,239
that mushroom log
on Valentine's Day.

18
00:00:38,241 --> 00:00:39,606
He's right.

19
00:00:39,608 --> 00:00:43,273
Roses die, but a moist rotting
log will pump out mushrooms

20
00:00:43,275 --> 00:00:45,773
for two or three magical years.

21
00:00:45,775 --> 00:00:47,773
You know,
your mom's never been

22
00:00:47,775 --> 00:00:49,040
too thrilled
with our relationship.

23
00:00:49,042 --> 00:00:50,840
Maybe I should get her something
so she warms up to me.

24
00:00:50,842 --> 00:00:52,540
If you could run
out and get a PhD,

25
00:00:52,542 --> 00:00:55,107
that might make
her like you.

26
00:00:55,109 --> 00:00:58,406
Really?
It didn't work for you.

27
00:00:58,408 --> 00:00:59,907
Do you think
the moms will get along?

28
00:00:59,909 --> 00:01:01,606
Uh, I don't know.
They're pretty different.

29
00:01:01,608 --> 00:01:03,473
Maybe they'll be best friends.

30
00:01:03,475 --> 00:01:06,506
One of them is brilliant,
one is sweet and simple.

31
00:01:06,508 --> 00:01:09,273
Sound familiar?

32
00:01:32,991 --> 00:01:38,485
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man

33
00:01:38,534 --> 00:01:41,933
Shelly, I'm so proud of you and
Leonard for getting this award.

34
00:01:41,935 --> 00:01:43,800
Oh, thank you, Mother.

35
00:01:43,802 --> 00:01:45,833
I tried to read your paper,
but it was very hard

36
00:01:45,835 --> 00:01:47,067
for me to understand.

37
00:01:47,069 --> 00:01:49,067
Oh, it's quite
straightforward, actually.

38
00:01:49,069 --> 00:01:51,700
It describes a new model
of the universe

39
00:01:51,702 --> 00:01:54,033
that conceptualizes it
as the surface

40
00:01:54,035 --> 00:01:55,733
of an n-dimensional
superfluid.

41
00:01:55,735 --> 00:01:56,700
Interesting.

42
00:01:56,702 --> 00:01:58,099
You can believe that,

43
00:01:58,101 --> 00:02:02,366
but God filling an ark with
animals two-by-two is nonsense.

44
00:02:04,200 --> 00:02:07,867
What did they feed
the lions, Mother?

45
00:02:07,869 --> 00:02:12,900
The floating bodies of
drowned sinners, of course.

46
00:02:15,834 --> 00:02:19,633
Listen, Leonard's mom is
a renowned psychiatrist

47
00:02:19,635 --> 00:02:21,233
and woman of science.

48
00:02:21,235 --> 00:02:23,933
Can you please keep
the Bible babble to yourself

49
00:02:23,935 --> 00:02:25,399
while she's here?

50
00:02:25,401 --> 00:02:27,032
Are you ashamed of me?

51
00:02:27,034 --> 00:02:30,433
Of course not.
I love you.

52
00:02:30,435 --> 00:02:34,733
I'm just embarrassed by the
things you believe, do and say.

53
00:02:37,534 --> 00:02:40,233
Well, I love you, too.

54
00:02:41,334 --> 00:02:43,533
My little bowl
of lion chow.

55
00:02:46,167 --> 00:02:49,099
So, have you and Penny
set a wedding date?

56
00:02:49,101 --> 00:02:51,533
No, we're kind of
taking it slow.

57
00:02:51,535 --> 00:02:53,366
I see.

58
00:02:56,434 --> 00:02:57,766
What does that mean?

59
00:02:57,768 --> 00:03:00,833
You've been on and off with
this woman for seven years

60
00:03:00,835 --> 00:03:02,366
and engaged for one year.

61
00:03:02,368 --> 00:03:05,032
One has to wonder
if there's a problem.

62
00:03:05,034 --> 00:03:08,366
Are you having
satisfactory intercourse?

63
00:03:09,200 --> 00:03:11,533
Yes, Mother.

64
00:03:13,634 --> 00:03:17,099
Only satisfactory.
I see.

65
00:03:18,934 --> 00:03:20,900
I change my answer.

66
00:03:20,902 --> 00:03:22,533
It-it's amazing.
It's hot.

67
00:03:22,535 --> 00:03:26,266
We can barely keep our
hands off each other.

68
00:03:26,268 --> 00:03:28,533
Seems odd to try
and impress your mother

69
00:03:28,535 --> 00:03:31,900
with your
sexual prowess.

70
00:03:31,902 --> 00:03:36,266
But then, you always did have
that unresolved Oedipal complex.

71
00:03:36,268 --> 00:03:38,266
See, this right here,
what you're doing,

72
00:03:38,268 --> 00:03:40,900
can you please not do that
around Sheldon's mom?

73
00:03:40,902 --> 00:03:44,433
Why? Are you attracted
to her, too?

74
00:03:44,435 --> 00:03:45,833
Of course not.

75
00:03:45,835 --> 00:03:48,700
She's-she's just a very
sweet and God-fearing lady,

76
00:03:48,702 --> 00:03:51,132
and you have to be
respectful of her beliefs.

77
00:03:51,134 --> 00:03:52,433
Leonard, I'm an adult.

78
00:03:52,435 --> 00:03:54,766
I know how to conduct myself
around people

79
00:03:54,768 --> 00:03:56,600
from different
walks of life.

80
00:03:56,602 --> 00:03:57,633
Thank you.

81
00:03:57,635 --> 00:03:58,533
Where is she from again?

82
00:03:58,535 --> 00:04:01,199
East Texas.
Ugh.

83
00:04:04,734 --> 00:04:06,299
Hey, look who's here.

84
00:04:06,301 --> 00:04:10,333
Oh, Dr. Hofstadter,
it's so good to see you again.

85
00:04:10,335 --> 00:04:11,466
Likewise.

86
00:04:11,468 --> 00:04:13,932
I read your paper;
it was very impressive.

87
00:04:13,934 --> 00:04:15,032
Oh, thank you.

88
00:04:15,034 --> 00:04:17,032
We just spent
two hours in traffic.

89
00:04:17,034 --> 00:04:20,199
Did you think to mention to me
that you liked our paper?

90
00:04:20,201 --> 00:04:22,566
Of course I did, but
it's a mother's job

91
00:04:22,568 --> 00:04:25,233
to make sure her child's
self-esteem is not dependent

92
00:04:25,235 --> 00:04:26,533
on anyone's approval.

93
00:04:28,367 --> 00:04:31,066
That's so sweet,
you think I have self-esteem.

94
00:04:31,068 --> 00:04:34,867
Dr. Hofstadter, I want you
to meet my mother, Mary.

95
00:04:34,869 --> 00:04:36,199
So nice to meet you.

96
00:04:36,201 --> 00:04:38,399
Nice to meet you, too.
How was your flight?

97
00:04:38,401 --> 00:04:39,833
Very pleasant. And yours?

98
00:04:39,835 --> 00:04:41,766
Lovely. Almost
as if someone...

99
00:04:41,768 --> 00:04:44,600
not saying who... was
watching over the plane.

100
00:04:46,900 --> 00:04:48,966
You're kidding, right?

101
00:04:50,133 --> 00:04:53,433
Subtle, mom,
real subtle.

102
00:04:59,467 --> 00:05:00,299
Stuart.

103
00:05:00,301 --> 00:05:03,700
Morning.

104
00:05:03,702 --> 00:05:05,499
We talked about this.

105
00:05:05,501 --> 00:05:06,833
I don't mind you
still living here,

106
00:05:06,835 --> 00:05:08,266
but we got to have
some rules.

107
00:05:08,268 --> 00:05:10,533
And rule number one is pants.

108
00:05:12,767 --> 00:05:15,333
Hey, hey.

109
00:05:18,900 --> 00:05:20,666
You must be very
proud of your son.

110
00:05:20,668 --> 00:05:21,899
Oh, yes.

111
00:05:21,901 --> 00:05:25,800
He recently argued a case
before the Supreme Court.

112
00:05:27,667 --> 00:05:29,700
He did?

113
00:05:30,534 --> 00:05:33,466
Oh, you mean this son.

114
00:05:33,468 --> 00:05:36,966
Uh, sure,
he's terrific.

115
00:05:36,968 --> 00:05:40,366
Uh, Beverly, would you like
to see the math I worked out

116
00:05:40,368 --> 00:05:41,932
to support our hypothesis?

117
00:05:41,934 --> 00:05:43,299
Uh, you mean,
my hypothesis.

118
00:05:43,301 --> 00:05:44,999
I hypothesized it
all by myself.

119
00:05:45,001 --> 00:05:47,299
Calm down, dear.

120
00:05:47,301 --> 00:05:48,600
Mary, I'm curious.

121
00:05:48,602 --> 00:05:49,766
When did you
first realize

122
00:05:49,768 --> 00:05:52,199
that your son had such
a remarkable mind?

123
00:05:52,201 --> 00:05:54,132
Ooh, good question.

124
00:05:54,134 --> 00:05:57,132
Everyone loves stories about
Sheldon Cooper, boy genius.

125
00:05:58,567 --> 00:06:00,700
Well, I would have to say
when he was 13

126
00:06:00,702 --> 00:06:03,666
and tried to build a nuclear
reactor in the tool shed.

127
00:06:03,668 --> 00:06:05,666
Ooh, this is a good one.

128
00:06:07,033 --> 00:06:09,199
Now, the first thing you have
to know about Shelly is

129
00:06:09,201 --> 00:06:10,499
ever since he was a little boy,

130
00:06:10,501 --> 00:06:14,333
he was always concerned
with the well-being of others.

131
00:06:16,900 --> 00:06:18,899
And he didn't think
that it was fair

132
00:06:18,901 --> 00:06:20,866
for people to pay
for electricity,

133
00:06:20,868 --> 00:06:23,999
so he was gonna power
the entire town for free.

134
00:06:24,001 --> 00:06:25,333
Tell her about the uranium!

135
00:06:25,335 --> 00:06:26,766
Tell her about
the uranium.

136
00:06:26,768 --> 00:06:28,433
Oh, well!

137
00:06:28,435 --> 00:06:29,733
Oh, this is adorable.

138
00:06:29,735 --> 00:06:33,066
When he arranged to get
some yellowcake from Chad,

139
00:06:33,068 --> 00:06:35,466
I thought he was talking
about Twinkies

140
00:06:35,468 --> 00:06:37,199
from one of his friends.

141
00:06:37,201 --> 00:06:38,200
Yeah.

142
00:06:38,201 --> 00:06:39,433
But I wasn't.

143
00:06:39,435 --> 00:06:42,266
'Cause I didn't
have any friends.

144
00:06:42,268 --> 00:06:44,166
No.

145
00:06:45,234 --> 00:06:47,233
It turns out that this
little scallywag was trying

146
00:06:47,235 --> 00:06:49,966
to use my Visa card
to buy uranium

147
00:06:49,968 --> 00:06:54,132
from an African warlord
in the country of Chad!

148
00:06:56,200 --> 00:06:58,266
Sounds like Sheldon
was a handful.

149
00:06:58,268 --> 00:06:59,899
Oh, he was a handful.

150
00:06:59,901 --> 00:07:02,799
I was a handful.

151
00:07:02,801 --> 00:07:05,032
You still are.

152
00:07:08,033 --> 00:07:11,366
Uh, Mom, hey,
tell Mary the story

153
00:07:11,368 --> 00:07:14,066
about how I made
a Van de Graaff generator

154
00:07:14,068 --> 00:07:15,633
out of our vacuum cleaner.

155
00:07:15,635 --> 00:07:16,832
All right.

156
00:07:16,834 --> 00:07:19,666
He broke the
vacuum cleaner.

157
00:07:25,500 --> 00:07:28,533
I mean, for a while,
everything was vampires.

158
00:07:28,535 --> 00:07:30,166
Now it's all zombies.

159
00:07:30,168 --> 00:07:32,799
I wonder what the next
monster fad will be.

160
00:07:32,801 --> 00:07:35,333
We haven't had a good
invisible man in a while.

161
00:07:35,335 --> 00:07:38,299
Clearly, you've never seen me
try to talk to a woman.

162
00:07:39,500 --> 00:07:41,433
Guys.

163
00:07:41,435 --> 00:07:43,932
In the time you've been sitting
here playing video games,

164
00:07:43,934 --> 00:07:45,999
I got the car washed,
picked up cleaning supplies

165
00:07:46,001 --> 00:07:47,333
and went to the bank.

166
00:07:47,335 --> 00:07:50,099
I put on pants.

167
00:07:50,101 --> 00:07:52,299
Kiss-ass.

168
00:07:54,867 --> 00:07:57,299
Okay, I don't know when
I became the mother

169
00:07:57,301 --> 00:07:58,499
to three lazy teenagers,

170
00:07:58,501 --> 00:07:59,732
but it stops today.

171
00:07:59,734 --> 00:08:02,233
You guys are cleaning
the kitchen, top to bottom.

172
00:08:02,235 --> 00:08:04,966
Hey, I don't even live here.

173
00:08:04,968 --> 00:08:07,932
Yes or no, do you have clothes
in my laundry right now?

174
00:08:07,934 --> 00:08:10,433
I do.

175
00:08:11,434 --> 00:08:12,799
And some of it's wool,

176
00:08:12,801 --> 00:08:14,832
so dry flat if possible.

177
00:08:17,167 --> 00:08:19,499
Oh, and here's a picture
of me receiving

178
00:08:19,501 --> 00:08:21,266
my bachelor of science degree.

179
00:08:21,268 --> 00:08:23,699
You don't look
very happy.

180
00:08:23,701 --> 00:08:26,233
Well, I had just begun puberty.

181
00:08:27,901 --> 00:08:30,099
It was figuratively
and literally

182
00:08:30,101 --> 00:08:32,665
one of the hairiest moments
of my life.

183
00:08:33,766 --> 00:08:35,932
Shelly does not like change.

184
00:08:35,934 --> 00:08:37,199
Oh, true.

185
00:08:37,201 --> 00:08:39,266
But all the clenching
in the world will not keep

186
00:08:39,268 --> 00:08:41,499
testicles in your abdomen.

187
00:08:42,867 --> 00:08:45,433
Hey, sorry,
got caught up at work.

188
00:08:45,435 --> 00:08:46,366
Hi, Beverly!

189
00:08:46,368 --> 00:08:47,633
Hello.

190
00:08:47,635 --> 00:08:49,600
Oh, okay.

191
00:08:50,602 --> 00:08:51,832
Sorry, I forgot.

192
00:08:51,834 --> 00:08:53,333
You remember my mother.

193
00:08:53,335 --> 00:08:54,266
Oh, yes. Hi, Mary!

194
00:08:54,268 --> 00:08:56,299
Good to see you
again, dear.

195
00:08:56,301 --> 00:08:58,266
Ah, yeah, now that's
what I'm talking about.

196
00:08:59,567 --> 00:09:02,233
So, Mom, you haven't seen Penny
since we got engaged.

197
00:09:02,235 --> 00:09:04,299
Oh, yeah, let me
show you the ring.

198
00:09:04,301 --> 00:09:05,600
Oh, lovely.

199
00:09:05,602 --> 00:09:07,466
Must have been
very expensive.

200
00:09:07,468 --> 00:09:08,600
Oh, no, not at all.

201
00:09:08,602 --> 00:09:10,765
No, we, uh, found
a place online

202
00:09:10,767 --> 00:09:13,665
that, uh, repurposes
diamond drill bits.

203
00:09:15,766 --> 00:09:18,132
We did not. That's not true.

204
00:09:18,134 --> 00:09:21,466
Can I speak to you alone
for a second?

205
00:09:21,468 --> 00:09:22,932
Oh, sure.

206
00:09:22,934 --> 00:09:24,966
It came from Tiffany's.

207
00:09:24,968 --> 00:09:26,299
You mean the box, right?

208
00:09:26,301 --> 00:09:27,632
Keep walking!

209
00:09:30,400 --> 00:09:34,499
Really doesn't matter to me
how much he spent on the ring.

210
00:09:34,501 --> 00:09:36,566
I think.

211
00:09:36,568 --> 00:09:39,066
Did I misspeak
about the ring?

212
00:09:39,068 --> 00:09:41,032
Yes, and we'll get
back to that.

213
00:09:41,034 --> 00:09:42,866
But, uh, even with
your mother here,

214
00:09:42,868 --> 00:09:46,699
you are deliberately hogging
all the attention from my mom.

215
00:09:46,701 --> 00:09:48,266
You're like one of those
elephant seal pups

216
00:09:48,268 --> 00:09:50,999
that steals the milk
from two mothers!

217
00:09:51,001 --> 00:09:53,299
Do you mean
what marine biologists

218
00:09:53,301 --> 00:09:56,066
refer to as "super weaning"?

219
00:09:56,068 --> 00:09:58,966
Yes, you are a super weaner!

220
00:10:01,933 --> 00:10:03,966
Well, now I have to correct you.

221
00:10:03,968 --> 00:10:06,899
A-As a bit
of an elephant seal buff,

222
00:10:06,901 --> 00:10:08,433
the more accurate
comparison

223
00:10:08,435 --> 00:10:10,466
would be when two mother seals

224
00:10:10,468 --> 00:10:12,765
actively seek
to nourish the same pup.

225
00:10:12,767 --> 00:10:15,032
So I believe the term
you're looking for

226
00:10:15,034 --> 00:10:18,832
is a double mother suckler.

227
00:10:18,834 --> 00:10:21,032
Yeah, you're right.

228
00:10:21,034 --> 00:10:22,765
That is the term
I'm looking for.

229
00:10:22,767 --> 00:10:26,233
You are a dirty double
mother suckler!

230
00:10:28,267 --> 00:10:31,066
Okay, well, now that we have the
terminology straightened out.

231
00:10:31,068 --> 00:10:33,299
How dare you!

232
00:10:34,900 --> 00:10:36,233
We're not in a rush.

233
00:10:36,235 --> 00:10:38,099
We'll set a date when
the time is right.

234
00:10:38,101 --> 00:10:39,433
It doesn't matter, sweetie.

235
00:10:39,435 --> 00:10:41,099
The moment a man lays
with a woman,

236
00:10:41,101 --> 00:10:43,266
they are married
in the eyes of the Lord.

237
00:10:43,268 --> 00:10:44,732
Uch.

238
00:10:52,955 --> 00:10:54,121
"Uch"?

239
00:10:54,123 --> 00:10:55,854
The bible is "uch" to you?

240
00:10:55,856 --> 00:10:56,954
No, I'm sorry.

241
00:10:56,956 --> 00:10:58,288
That was inappropriate.

242
00:10:58,290 --> 00:11:00,787
As a psychiatrist,
I know how important

243
00:11:00,789 --> 00:11:03,288
people's superstitions
can be to them.

244
00:11:05,122 --> 00:11:07,754
You want to talk
about superstitions?

245
00:11:07,756 --> 00:11:09,687
Sheldon sent me
the books you wrote...

246
00:11:09,689 --> 00:11:12,087
all that nonsense
about superegos and ids.

247
00:11:12,089 --> 00:11:15,687
What bull dropped that
on the barn floor?

248
00:11:15,689 --> 00:11:18,587
His name is Sigmund Freud.

249
00:11:18,589 --> 00:11:19,787
Hey, look at that!

250
00:11:19,789 --> 00:11:23,188
You both believe in
Jewish bearded guys.

251
00:11:23,190 --> 00:11:25,188
Stay out of this.

252
00:11:25,190 --> 00:11:27,121
Mm-hmm.

253
00:11:27,123 --> 00:11:29,188
At least the bearded man
that I believe in

254
00:11:29,190 --> 00:11:31,321
preaches love and compassion.

255
00:11:31,323 --> 00:11:32,720
All yours
talks about is

256
00:11:32,722 --> 00:11:34,188
why you hold in your poop

257
00:11:34,190 --> 00:11:37,388
and want to crawl back
inside your mama.

258
00:11:39,255 --> 00:11:41,388
It's fascinating.

259
00:11:41,390 --> 00:11:43,887
How can someone
as enlightened as Sheldon

260
00:11:43,889 --> 00:11:46,987
come from someone like you?

261
00:11:46,989 --> 00:11:48,620
I know the answer.

262
00:11:48,622 --> 00:11:49,887
You're not gonna like it.

263
00:11:49,889 --> 00:11:52,321
Try me.

264
00:11:52,323 --> 00:11:54,654
When I was pregnant with Shelly,
I was driving to church,

265
00:11:54,656 --> 00:11:56,154
and I was praying
to the Lord

266
00:11:56,156 --> 00:12:00,154
to give me a son smarter
than his dumb-ass daddy.

267
00:12:01,155 --> 00:12:04,388
And I looked over
and I saw a Jesus bobblehead

268
00:12:04,390 --> 00:12:07,854
in the Subaru next to me
nodding yes.

269
00:12:14,721 --> 00:12:16,454
What is that supposed to mean?

270
00:12:16,456 --> 00:12:20,654
It means... I can't believe
we're having this conversation.

271
00:12:20,656 --> 00:12:21,887
Well, do it some more.

272
00:12:21,889 --> 00:12:25,121
Maybe you can knock
some sense into yourself.

273
00:12:25,123 --> 00:12:27,454
Why don't we all stops
hitting ourselves

274
00:12:27,456 --> 00:12:29,121
and talk about something
safe, you know,

275
00:12:29,123 --> 00:12:33,487
like shoes or how cute
little Chise babies are.

276
00:12:33,489 --> 00:12:35,054
It is not my fault
that your mother likes me

277
00:12:35,056 --> 00:12:36,921
better than she likes you!
Oh, don't flatter yourself!

278
00:12:36,923 --> 00:12:40,154
She likes everybody
better than she likes me!

279
00:12:46,455 --> 00:12:48,087
How old is this Jell-O?

280
00:12:48,089 --> 00:12:52,354
Well, it's carrots,
so gonna say very.

281
00:12:54,022 --> 00:12:55,687
Sorry we have to do this.

282
00:12:55,689 --> 00:12:57,454
Bernadette's not wrong.

283
00:12:57,456 --> 00:12:59,254
She does work hard around here.

284
00:12:59,256 --> 00:13:00,487
Yeah, maybe it's a good thing

285
00:13:00,489 --> 00:13:02,321
if she stops
babying you so much.

286
00:13:02,323 --> 00:13:04,388
She doesn't baby me.

287
00:13:04,390 --> 00:13:06,821
I saw her pull you home
in a wagon.

288
00:13:06,823 --> 00:13:09,188
For your information,

289
00:13:09,190 --> 00:13:13,087
I twisted my ankle
chasing the ice cream truck.

290
00:13:13,089 --> 00:13:15,654
Face it, dude, Bernadette
treats you the same way

291
00:13:15,656 --> 00:13:19,254
your mother used to, and that
was not a healthy relationship.

292
00:13:21,022 --> 00:13:22,787
You're right.

293
00:13:22,789 --> 00:13:24,121
It's time for me

294
00:13:24,123 --> 00:13:28,354
to act like an adult
in this marriage.

295
00:13:28,356 --> 00:13:32,687
Starting with my husbandly duty
of taking out the trash.

296
00:13:38,888 --> 00:13:41,687
Bernie, I made a mess!

297
00:13:44,521 --> 00:13:47,787
I'm terribly sorry
that I upset your mother.

298
00:13:47,789 --> 00:13:49,454
Oh, it's all right.
She'll forgive you.

299
00:13:49,456 --> 00:13:52,754
She has to or
she goes to hell.

300
00:13:55,354 --> 00:13:57,054
I can't help but notice

301
00:13:57,056 --> 00:13:59,720
how her unconditional
love for you

302
00:13:59,722 --> 00:14:03,353
is diametrically opposed
to my own parenting strategies.

303
00:14:03,355 --> 00:14:06,321
Well, you doled
out affection

304
00:14:06,323 --> 00:14:09,121
as a reward for
achievement...

305
00:14:09,123 --> 00:14:11,420
a proven way to
raise a child.

306
00:14:11,422 --> 00:14:14,054
Or train a rat.

307
00:14:14,056 --> 00:14:15,921
But look how well
you turned out.

308
00:14:15,923 --> 00:14:20,288
I'd feign modesty at this point,
but who would believe me?

309
00:14:20,290 --> 00:14:22,087
Still, you need
to consider

310
00:14:22,089 --> 00:14:24,821
how successful Leonard's
brother and sister are.

311
00:14:24,823 --> 00:14:26,520
I suppose.

312
00:14:26,522 --> 00:14:30,654
While my brother and sister
are mouth-breathing idiots.

313
00:14:30,656 --> 00:14:33,654
Do you suppose
you would've flourished more

314
00:14:33,656 --> 00:14:35,254
in a reward-based environment?

315
00:14:35,256 --> 00:14:37,554
Perhaps.

316
00:14:37,556 --> 00:14:40,454
But my mom made me spaghetti
with chopped-up hot dogs

317
00:14:40,456 --> 00:14:43,454
whenever I wanted,
so who cares?

318
00:14:45,388 --> 00:14:49,188
Not once did my mother ever
give me any love or affection

319
00:14:49,190 --> 00:14:51,353
for just being myself;
I always had to earn it.

320
00:14:51,355 --> 00:14:52,320
Oh, Leonard,

321
00:14:52,322 --> 00:14:54,754
I'm sure she loves you
very much.

322
00:14:54,756 --> 00:14:58,387
In her own cold godless way.

323
00:14:58,389 --> 00:15:02,254
Yeah, and you certainly don't
have to earn my love.

324
00:15:02,256 --> 00:15:03,420
Thank you.

325
00:15:03,422 --> 00:15:04,854
Of course,
you already knew that

326
00:15:04,856 --> 00:15:08,587
when you bought me
this princess-cut drill bit.

327
00:15:08,589 --> 00:15:10,687
That's not what it is.

328
00:15:10,689 --> 00:15:12,754
I know, I know.

329
00:15:14,856 --> 00:15:17,520
When your mom gets back,
I'm gonna need

330
00:15:17,522 --> 00:15:19,620
to apologize for the way
I spoke to her.

331
00:15:19,622 --> 00:15:21,587
Well, come on now,
she did kind of start it.

332
00:15:21,589 --> 00:15:24,454
Doesn't matter; a good Christian
would've turned the other cheek.

333
00:15:24,456 --> 00:15:25,554
On the other hand,

334
00:15:25,556 --> 00:15:28,554
a good Texan
would've shot her, so...

335
00:15:31,088 --> 00:15:33,887
I just kind of
split the difference.

336
00:15:33,889 --> 00:15:36,954
Hey, who's in the mood
for spaghetti and hot dogs?

337
00:15:36,956 --> 00:15:38,320
Oh, me!
Yeah, me, too!

338
00:15:38,322 --> 00:15:40,320
Coming up.

339
00:15:40,322 --> 00:15:43,654
I don't really
feel I deserve it.

340
00:15:46,055 --> 00:15:48,154
That was a big
sticky mess,

341
00:15:48,156 --> 00:15:49,854
but... I think I got it.

342
00:15:49,856 --> 00:15:50,987
Looks good.
Yeah.

343
00:15:50,989 --> 00:15:52,654
Look at that.

344
00:15:52,656 --> 00:15:54,687
You cleaned it up
all by yourself.

345
00:15:54,689 --> 00:15:57,821
Yes, I cleaned it up
all by myself.

346
00:15:57,823 --> 00:15:59,854
Honestly, I don't know
why you complain so...

347
00:16:01,388 --> 00:16:03,121
Okay, maybe I missed one spot.

348
00:16:09,455 --> 00:16:11,620
Just leave.

349
00:16:14,521 --> 00:16:16,121
I'm so glad
that you and I were able

350
00:16:16,123 --> 00:16:18,154
to bury the hatchet.
Me, too.

351
00:16:18,156 --> 00:16:20,353
And I respect your right
to your beliefs.

352
00:16:20,355 --> 00:16:22,887
And I will
pray for you.

353
00:16:24,755 --> 00:16:27,021
Okay, Mom, let's get you
back to your hotel

354
00:16:27,023 --> 00:16:28,654
before anyone says
anything else.

355
00:16:28,656 --> 00:16:29,854
One moment.

356
00:16:29,856 --> 00:16:32,720
There's something
I need to say to you.

357
00:16:32,722 --> 00:16:35,253
Oh, really? That's too bad.

358
00:16:35,255 --> 00:16:39,021
Leonard, I always
made you earn my affection,

359
00:16:39,023 --> 00:16:40,353
but today I realize

360
00:16:40,355 --> 00:16:43,320
that there's more than one way
to raise a child.

361
00:16:43,322 --> 00:16:46,454
I taught her that!

362
00:16:46,456 --> 00:16:47,987
Therefore, I would like

363
00:16:47,989 --> 00:16:51,787
to initiate a new protocol
wherein I...

364
00:16:51,789 --> 00:16:55,087
shower you
with unconditional love.

365
00:16:55,089 --> 00:16:57,520
Wow.

366
00:16:57,522 --> 00:16:58,954
When does that start?

367
00:16:58,956 --> 00:17:02,121
So needy.

368
00:17:06,088 --> 00:17:08,854
Come to Mommy.

369
00:17:09,721 --> 00:17:12,121
It's okay, go ahead.

370
00:17:19,488 --> 00:17:22,587
Oh, my son.

371
00:17:24,088 --> 00:17:26,587
Oh, my mother.

372
00:17:26,589 --> 00:17:28,921
Oh, my God.

373
00:18:30,408 --> 00:18:36,902
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man