1
00:00:00,669 --> 00:00:02,168
I've got terrible news.

2
00:00:02,170 --> 00:00:03,034
What's going on?

3
00:00:03,036 --> 00:00:04,500
Before I tell you,

4
00:00:04,502 --> 00:00:06,967
perhaps I should
soften the blow.

5
00:00:06,969 --> 00:00:11,268
You're face
is pleasingly symmetrical.

6
00:00:11,270 --> 00:00:13,467
Just tell me.

7
00:00:13,469 --> 00:00:15,600
A Swedish team of physicists

8
00:00:15,602 --> 00:00:18,467
is trying to scoop our super-
fluid vortex experiment.

9
00:00:18,469 --> 00:00:20,567
Oh, well, that kind of stinks.

10
00:00:20,569 --> 00:00:22,234
"That kind of stinks"?

11
00:00:22,236 --> 00:00:24,034
Why aren't you more upset?

12
00:00:24,036 --> 00:00:25,634
Did I soften the blow too much?

13
00:00:25,636 --> 00:00:30,068
Because this here is more
like a Picasso painting.

14
00:00:30,070 --> 00:00:32,434
What are we going to do?

15
00:00:32,436 --> 00:00:33,934
Perform the experiment
immediately.

16
00:00:33,936 --> 00:00:35,834
I'd love to,
but we need liquid helium

17
00:00:35,836 --> 00:00:38,368
and our shipment's
on back order for a month.

18
00:00:38,370 --> 00:00:40,434
A month? What?
Are you kidding me?

19
00:00:40,436 --> 00:00:43,301
That would have been a good time
for you to soften the blow.

20
00:00:43,303 --> 00:00:46,734
That shirt brings out
the blue in your eyes.

21
00:00:46,736 --> 00:00:49,134
Thank you.
Aren't you sweet.

22
00:00:49,136 --> 00:00:51,168
Let's go check to see
if the university

23
00:00:51,170 --> 00:00:53,401
has any helium in reserve.

24
00:00:53,402 --> 00:00:56,801
Did you know that I almost
didn't wear this shirt today?

25
00:00:57,969 --> 00:00:59,834
Hey, Barry, we're in trouble.

26
00:00:59,836 --> 00:01:02,600
We need liquid helium... does the
department have any we can use?

27
00:01:02,602 --> 00:01:03,967
Sorry, there's a shortage.

28
00:01:03,969 --> 00:01:06,600
And what we do have I need for
my quantum excitation study.

29
00:01:06,602 --> 00:01:08,767
But you won't
need much for that.

30
00:01:08,769 --> 00:01:10,134
True, but if it's successful,

31
00:01:10,136 --> 00:01:12,767
I'm having a party
with balloons.

32
00:01:12,769 --> 00:01:14,767
Come on, Barry,
there's a Swedish team

33
00:01:14,769 --> 00:01:16,400
trying to run our
experiment before us.

34
00:01:16,402 --> 00:01:17,567
Can't you spare any?

35
00:01:17,569 --> 00:01:20,268
Be honest... if the shoe
was on the other foot,

36
00:01:20,270 --> 00:01:22,434
would you do this for me?

37
00:01:22,436 --> 00:01:24,934
Yes.
No chance.

38
00:01:24,936 --> 00:01:26,667
What are you doing?

39
00:01:26,669 --> 00:01:28,434
He said be honest,
so I was honest.

40
00:01:28,436 --> 00:01:30,867
Didn't your mother tell you?
It's the best policy.

41
00:01:30,869 --> 00:01:32,667
So, what do you say?

42
00:01:32,669 --> 00:01:33,767
Hell no.

43
00:01:35,869 --> 00:01:39,334
He could've
softened the blow.

44
00:02:03,668 --> 00:02:08,663
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man

45
00:02:08,688 --> 00:02:10,153
Why do you need Kripke?

46
00:02:10,155 --> 00:02:12,287
Why don't you just go
to Party City for helium?

47
00:02:12,289 --> 00:02:15,419
We'd have to go to every
Party City in California.

48
00:02:15,421 --> 00:02:18,786
Sounds like you
on Cinco de Mayo.

49
00:02:18,788 --> 00:02:21,953
Hey, people were still
talking about that party

50
00:02:21,955 --> 00:02:24,719
on siete de Mayo.

51
00:02:26,289 --> 00:02:27,486
Leonard, if that
Swedish team beats us,

52
00:02:27,488 --> 00:02:28,653
I will never be able to enjoy

53
00:02:28,655 --> 00:02:30,186
anything from
their country again.

54
00:02:30,188 --> 00:02:32,086
Which is a shame,
because Swedish meatballs

55
00:02:32,088 --> 00:02:36,419
are my favorite
toothpick-delivered meatball.

56
00:02:36,421 --> 00:02:39,819
If you need liquid helium
so bad, I know a guy

57
00:02:39,821 --> 00:02:42,352
who can get you some, if you
don't ask too many questions.

58
00:02:42,354 --> 00:02:43,519
Who is he?
Where does he work?

59
00:02:43,521 --> 00:02:44,919
How does he
get the helium?

60
00:02:44,921 --> 00:02:46,753
How many questions
are too many questions?

61
00:02:46,755 --> 00:02:48,552
Maybe he's not for you.

62
00:02:48,554 --> 00:02:51,519
Four questions.
There answer's four.

63
00:02:52,688 --> 00:02:53,886
Hey, you know
who went out

64
00:02:53,888 --> 00:02:55,386
on a date the other
night? Stuart.

65
00:02:55,388 --> 00:02:56,552
Oh, good for him.

66
00:02:56,554 --> 00:02:57,819
I thought so, too.

67
00:02:57,821 --> 00:03:02,286
So is she, like, homeless,
or framing him for a crime?

68
00:03:02,288 --> 00:03:05,086
He's using some kind
of dating app on his phone.

69
00:03:05,088 --> 00:03:06,519
Oh, which one?

70
00:03:06,521 --> 00:03:07,753
Maybe we can get Amy to try it.

71
00:03:07,755 --> 00:03:09,753
I don't know.

72
00:03:09,755 --> 00:03:11,319
Stuart, can you come in here?

73
00:03:11,321 --> 00:03:13,020
He tried to explain it to me.

74
00:03:13,022 --> 00:03:14,753
It shows you pictures
of people nearby,

75
00:03:14,755 --> 00:03:18,153
you swipe them around,
it looks kind of like a game.

76
00:03:18,155 --> 00:03:21,753
Oh, and if you lose the game,
you have to go out with Stuart.

77
00:03:24,122 --> 00:03:25,120
What's up?

78
00:03:25,122 --> 00:03:27,352
Can you show us that dating app?

79
00:03:27,354 --> 00:03:28,986
Oh, yeah, sure.

80
00:03:28,988 --> 00:03:31,819
This thing has changed my life.

81
00:03:31,821 --> 00:03:33,252
Wow. So how many
girls have you met?

82
00:03:33,254 --> 00:03:34,919
Two.

83
00:03:35,855 --> 00:03:37,020
I probably don't need to mention

84
00:03:37,022 --> 00:03:40,120
there's an entire number
between that and zero.

85
00:03:40,122 --> 00:03:41,753
Well, so how
does it work?

86
00:03:41,755 --> 00:03:44,186
Uh, well, it-it shows me all

87
00:03:44,188 --> 00:03:46,486
the single women
in a five-mile radius

88
00:03:46,488 --> 00:03:47,919
who are using the app.

89
00:03:47,921 --> 00:03:50,352
If I like the way they look,
I hit "thumbs up."

90
00:03:50,354 --> 00:03:52,252
If I don't, "thumbs down."

91
00:03:52,254 --> 00:03:54,153
Oh, what would make you
give a girl a thumbs down?

92
00:03:54,155 --> 00:03:58,653
First time it happens
I will let you know.

93
00:03:59,821 --> 00:04:03,486
Oh, hey. I just heard back
from the liquid helium guy.

94
00:04:03,488 --> 00:04:05,286
What's he say?

95
00:04:05,288 --> 00:04:08,020
He's got what we need
and can meet us tonight.

96
00:04:08,022 --> 00:04:10,352
Oh, really?

97
00:04:10,354 --> 00:04:12,753
You know I don't like
buying things at night.

98
00:04:13,955 --> 00:04:15,286
January 7, 2009.

99
00:04:15,288 --> 00:04:17,653
I went to the Ralph's
at 11:30pm to pick up

100
00:04:17,655 --> 00:04:19,786
Cracklin' Oat Bran for the
morning and what did I see?

101
00:04:19,788 --> 00:04:21,319
The man restocking
the cereal shelves.

102
00:04:21,321 --> 00:04:22,819
That's right.
And what did he do?

103
00:04:22,821 --> 00:04:26,819
He handed you the box directly
and called you Stretch.

104
00:04:28,788 --> 00:04:31,486
It's like it was yesterday.

105
00:04:31,488 --> 00:04:33,753
Do you want
liquid helium or not?

106
00:04:33,755 --> 00:04:34,919
Of course I do.

107
00:04:34,921 --> 00:04:36,853
I don't want that
Swedish team scooping us.

108
00:04:36,855 --> 00:04:38,653
Then I'm going
to tell him we're in.

109
00:04:38,655 --> 00:04:41,819
Leonard, wait.
This is highly unethical.

110
00:04:41,821 --> 00:04:43,552
We're just bending
the rules a little.

111
00:04:43,554 --> 00:04:45,653
We have grant money
to do the experiment,

112
00:04:45,655 --> 00:04:48,352
so we're going to spend it
on the helium we need.

113
00:04:48,354 --> 00:04:49,819
It's not like when Dr. Goldfarb

114
00:04:49,821 --> 00:04:51,919
claimed he bought
an electron microscope

115
00:04:51,921 --> 00:04:53,219
and he was really just keeping

116
00:04:53,221 --> 00:04:56,953
a Russian girl
in an apartment in Van Nuys.

117
00:04:56,955 --> 00:05:01,552
Was she helping him
with his research?

118
00:05:03,655 --> 00:05:05,053
Sure.

119
00:05:06,055 --> 00:05:07,386
So, are we doing this?

120
00:05:07,388 --> 00:05:09,419
Okay, but where
does he get the helium?

121
00:05:09,421 --> 00:05:11,152
Remember?
Don't ask too many questions?

122
00:05:11,154 --> 00:05:13,653
Uh, but this is
violating university code.

123
00:05:13,655 --> 00:05:15,486
A little, but...

124
00:05:15,488 --> 00:05:17,086
if I may quote Einstein,

125
00:05:17,088 --> 00:05:19,219
"The pursuit of science calls us

126
00:05:19,221 --> 00:05:22,020
to ignore the rules set by man"

127
00:05:22,022 --> 00:05:23,853
Huh.

128
00:05:23,855 --> 00:05:25,120
All right, do it.

129
00:05:25,122 --> 00:05:26,486
Tell him we're in.

130
00:05:28,154 --> 00:05:30,419
Done.

131
00:05:30,421 --> 00:05:32,419
I can't find that quote
on the Internet.

132
00:05:32,421 --> 00:05:34,552
Did you make that up?

133
00:05:36,921 --> 00:05:38,319
Before I answer,

134
00:05:38,321 --> 00:05:41,486
may I just say your skin
has never looked better.

135
00:05:44,022 --> 00:05:46,419
Aren't you just made of sugar.

136
00:05:49,022 --> 00:05:51,286
I'm not sure
how I feel about this.

137
00:05:51,288 --> 00:05:52,819
Oh, come on, just let him
put the app on your phone.

138
00:05:52,821 --> 00:05:54,619
Yeah, Stuart got
two dates with it.

139
00:05:54,621 --> 00:05:58,419
One of which would've ended
in sex had she not said no.

140
00:05:59,688 --> 00:06:01,452
Okay, all set.

141
00:06:01,454 --> 00:06:02,886
Okay, let me see.

142
00:06:02,888 --> 00:06:04,653
Nope, nope,

143
00:06:04,655 --> 00:06:06,552
nope...

144
00:06:06,554 --> 00:06:07,919
Oh, he's cute!

145
00:06:07,921 --> 00:06:09,519
Doesn't a teardrop tattoo

146
00:06:09,521 --> 00:06:12,586
mean he murdered someone?

147
00:06:12,588 --> 00:06:15,452
And he's sad about it.

148
00:06:15,454 --> 00:06:17,819
Hey.
Hello.

149
00:06:17,821 --> 00:06:20,020
Hey.
Hey, I thought you were gonna be out late?

150
00:06:20,022 --> 00:06:21,386
If you wanted me
to stay out later,

151
00:06:21,388 --> 00:06:23,886
you should've given me
more spending money.

152
00:06:24,855 --> 00:06:25,986
What are you guys up to?

153
00:06:25,988 --> 00:06:27,152
We put Amy on a dating app,

154
00:06:27,154 --> 00:06:28,386
and we're seeing
what's out there.

155
00:06:28,388 --> 00:06:30,152
Oh, fun!
Let me see.

156
00:06:30,154 --> 00:06:32,185
Uh, no...

157
00:06:32,187 --> 00:06:35,053
no, uh, definitely not.

158
00:06:35,055 --> 00:06:37,185
What was wrong
with that guy?

159
00:06:37,187 --> 00:06:38,552
Uh, he's Indian.

160
00:06:38,554 --> 00:06:40,753
We've already got one of those.

161
00:06:42,187 --> 00:06:43,753
Ooh, we should
find a nice Latino.

162
00:06:43,755 --> 00:06:46,352
It really round us out.

163
00:06:46,354 --> 00:06:47,586
Hey, I want to try.

164
00:06:47,588 --> 00:06:49,519
Uh, excuse me,
c-can I have my phone back?

165
00:06:49,521 --> 00:06:50,753
Hang on, I'm trying
to find you

166
00:06:50,755 --> 00:06:52,252
the next great
love of your life.

167
00:06:52,254 --> 00:06:54,020
The man who will
father your children.

168
00:06:54,022 --> 00:06:55,853
Okay, yes or no on white
guy with dreadlocks?

169
00:07:05,721 --> 00:07:07,953
That must be him.

170
00:07:07,955 --> 00:07:09,786
Oh, of course.

171
00:07:09,788 --> 00:07:12,119
An nondescript,
white panel van.

172
00:07:12,121 --> 00:07:14,219
You may be familiar with
it from the sentence:

173
00:07:14,221 --> 00:07:18,719
"Their bodies were found in a
nondescript, white panel van"

174
00:07:24,421 --> 00:07:26,019
Hey.

175
00:07:26,021 --> 00:07:27,085
What's up?

176
00:07:27,087 --> 00:07:28,119
Uh, I'm Leonard.

177
00:07:28,121 --> 00:07:29,519
This is my friend...
I'm Skippy.

178
00:07:29,521 --> 00:07:31,219
Skippy Cavanaugh.

179
00:07:31,221 --> 00:07:33,419
Great.

180
00:07:33,421 --> 00:07:34,552
You got the cash?

181
00:07:34,554 --> 00:07:35,786
Uh, yeah, uh,
right here.

182
00:07:35,788 --> 00:07:37,286
Wait, hold on, hold on.

183
00:07:37,288 --> 00:07:38,719
How do we know
that you're not gonna

184
00:07:38,721 --> 00:07:40,552
take the money
and drive away?

185
00:07:40,554 --> 00:07:43,286
What ya doing, Skippy?

186
00:07:43,288 --> 00:07:45,886
Exactly what 1970s television
crime dramas have taught us.

187
00:07:45,888 --> 00:07:49,519
You give us the helium first.

188
00:07:49,521 --> 00:07:51,386
Oh, how do I know
you're not gonna

189
00:07:51,388 --> 00:07:52,719
drive away without paying me?

190
00:07:52,721 --> 00:07:54,719
Guess I'm not the only one

191
00:07:54,721 --> 00:07:56,719
who watches '70s television
crime dramas.

192
00:07:57,554 --> 00:07:58,953
Look, you can trust us.

193
00:07:58,955 --> 00:08:01,052
We're respected scientists.

194
00:08:01,054 --> 00:08:02,419
Well, he is.

195
00:08:02,421 --> 00:08:04,286
I'm a wedding planner,

196
00:08:04,288 --> 00:08:06,886
who can't find love himself.

197
00:08:08,321 --> 00:08:10,486
It's ironic, but the point is

198
00:08:10,488 --> 00:08:12,019
we can't trust you.

199
00:08:12,021 --> 00:08:15,252
You're a sketchy character
in a parking garage.

200
00:08:15,254 --> 00:08:16,719
Yeah, well,
from my perspective,

201
00:08:16,721 --> 00:08:18,219
that's how you two appear to me.

202
00:08:18,221 --> 00:08:21,486
Well, I never thought
of it like that.

203
00:08:21,488 --> 00:08:24,985
Boy, frame of reference will
just sneak up on you, won't it?

204
00:08:26,154 --> 00:08:28,052
My friend does make a decent
point about the money.

205
00:08:28,054 --> 00:08:30,419
I don't feel comfortable
just handing it over up front.

206
00:08:30,421 --> 00:08:32,719
Ah-ah-ah, no money, no helium.

207
00:08:32,721 --> 00:08:36,119
Seems we're at a, uh, stalemate.

208
00:08:36,121 --> 00:08:37,753
Not technically.

209
00:08:37,755 --> 00:08:39,786
In chess, a stalemate
refers to a situation

210
00:08:39,788 --> 00:08:41,819
in which there
are no remaining moves.

211
00:08:41,821 --> 00:08:43,919
Uh, you have plenty
of moves available.

212
00:08:43,921 --> 00:08:46,319
You could beat us up
and steal the money.

213
00:08:47,288 --> 00:08:49,586
You could kill us,
you know.

214
00:08:49,588 --> 00:08:53,719
Really, you're only limited
by your imagination.

215
00:08:55,054 --> 00:08:56,286
Huh.

216
00:08:56,288 --> 00:08:57,985
All these years,
I've been using "stalemate,"

217
00:08:57,987 --> 00:09:00,052
when I really mean "impasse."

218
00:09:00,054 --> 00:09:02,586
I feel foolish.

219
00:09:04,821 --> 00:09:07,352
I don't think it matters
if this is a stalemate

220
00:09:07,354 --> 00:09:09,719
or an impasse
or a Mexican standoff.

221
00:09:09,721 --> 00:09:10,952
What are we gonna do here?

222
00:09:10,954 --> 00:09:12,686
Oh, whoa, whoa, how can it be
a Mexican standoff?

223
00:09:12,688 --> 00:09:15,352
Everybody knows you need
three sides for that.

224
00:09:15,354 --> 00:09:16,886
Not necessarily.

225
00:09:16,888 --> 00:09:19,286
Uh, many argue the essence
of a Mexican standoff

226
00:09:19,288 --> 00:09:21,552
is that no one can walk
away from the conflict

227
00:09:21,554 --> 00:09:23,653
without incurring harm.

228
00:09:23,655 --> 00:09:26,386
Hmm, I don't follow.

229
00:09:26,388 --> 00:09:28,152
Let me give you an example.

230
00:09:28,154 --> 00:09:30,719
Earlier today,

231
00:09:30,721 --> 00:09:32,552
I decoded the headers
on your e-mail,

232
00:09:32,554 --> 00:09:34,786
and I know that your name is
Kenneth Fitzgerald.

233
00:09:34,788 --> 00:09:37,486
From that, I figured out where
you live and where you work.

234
00:09:37,488 --> 00:09:39,885
Now, to make this
a Mexican standoff,

235
00:09:39,887 --> 00:09:41,653
I would say something like, uh,

236
00:09:41,655 --> 00:09:45,252
"You give us the helium or I'll
turn you in to the authorities"

237
00:09:45,254 --> 00:09:46,686
Is that a threat?

238
00:09:46,688 --> 00:09:49,019
Yeah, exactly.
See, you're getting it.

239
00:09:49,021 --> 00:09:51,786
Yeah, well, I know
where you work, all right?

240
00:09:51,788 --> 00:09:53,586
And if you mess with me,
I'll report you,

241
00:09:53,588 --> 00:09:55,486
then I'll pound your asses
into the ground.

242
00:09:55,488 --> 00:09:58,386
Perfect! Now we really are
in a Mexican standoff.

243
00:10:00,254 --> 00:10:02,019
Is this one of those times

244
00:10:02,021 --> 00:10:05,185
where I've won the battle
but lost the war?

245
00:10:05,187 --> 00:10:08,486
Afraid so, Skippy.

246
00:10:08,488 --> 00:10:11,219
I told you we shouldn't
go shopping at night.

247
00:10:19,762 --> 00:10:21,794
All right, let's
all just calm down.

248
00:10:21,796 --> 00:10:23,493
Nobody wants to
report anybody.

249
00:10:23,495 --> 00:10:24,859
No, I don't like this.
I'm out.

250
00:10:24,861 --> 00:10:26,627
No, no, no. Wait, don't go.

251
00:10:26,629 --> 00:10:27,893
Just let me explain.

252
00:10:27,895 --> 00:10:29,926
We're physicists,
and we're trying to prove

253
00:10:29,928 --> 00:10:32,660
a hypothesis that we've been
working on for over a year.

254
00:10:32,662 --> 00:10:36,026
Really? What's the hypothesis?

255
00:10:36,028 --> 00:10:37,959
Space-time can be interpreted as

256
00:10:37,961 --> 00:10:40,427
the surface of
an n-dimensional superfluid.

257
00:10:40,429 --> 00:10:42,093
Hmm. Could be, could be.

258
00:10:42,095 --> 00:10:43,859
Go on.

259
00:10:45,662 --> 00:10:48,226
Okay, but now there's this
Swedish team that read our paper

260
00:10:48,228 --> 00:10:50,727
and they're trying to beat us
to our own discovery.

261
00:10:51,662 --> 00:10:52,959
We really need this helium.

262
00:10:52,961 --> 00:10:54,260
And I'm sorry
I lied about

263
00:10:54,262 --> 00:10:56,660
being a wedding planner
who can't find love.

264
00:10:56,662 --> 00:10:59,693
Although I am currently
single, if you know anybody.

265
00:11:00,795 --> 00:11:02,627
Here's the money.
Can we do this?

266
00:11:02,629 --> 00:11:04,893
Okay.

267
00:11:06,362 --> 00:11:08,460
It's a shame about those
scientists ripping you off.

268
00:11:08,462 --> 00:11:10,326
I expected a higher
ethical standard

269
00:11:10,328 --> 00:11:12,226
from our friends in Sweden.

270
00:11:13,895 --> 00:11:15,926
It's actually pretty common
in our field.

271
00:11:15,928 --> 00:11:17,527
Not much you can do about it.

272
00:11:17,529 --> 00:11:19,026
Well, for the right
amount of money,

273
00:11:19,028 --> 00:11:20,226
if you know where they live,

274
00:11:20,228 --> 00:11:21,627
there's, uh, plenty
we could do about it.

275
00:11:21,629 --> 00:11:23,593
Did you hear
that, Leonard?

276
00:11:23,595 --> 00:11:26,226
There's plenty we
could do about it.

277
00:11:27,162 --> 00:11:30,126
Do you have a card?

278
00:11:31,295 --> 00:11:33,627
Okay, here we go.

279
00:11:33,629 --> 00:11:34,826
Now everyone can see.

280
00:11:34,828 --> 00:11:35,959
All right.

281
00:11:35,961 --> 00:11:38,326
Where do we stand
on cross-eyed Mike?

282
00:11:39,861 --> 00:11:43,560
You know he won't be
looking at other girls.

283
00:11:46,595 --> 00:11:49,527
Unless they're sitting
on the end of his nose.

284
00:11:50,295 --> 00:11:52,427
Okay, okay, okay.
Thumbs down.

285
00:11:52,429 --> 00:11:53,993
Next.

286
00:11:53,995 --> 00:11:55,993
Ew, check out
his tiny teeth.

287
00:11:55,995 --> 00:11:58,226
He looks like
a man-dolphin.

288
00:11:59,328 --> 00:12:02,126
Wait, if he's good in bed,
she can throw him a fish.

289
00:12:03,529 --> 00:12:04,926
I love you, Amy.

290
00:12:10,861 --> 00:12:13,126
Okay, I'm starting
to feel guilty.

291
00:12:13,128 --> 00:12:15,360
Aren't we being a little mean?

292
00:12:16,695 --> 00:12:18,593
That's a fair point.

293
00:12:18,595 --> 00:12:21,360
We wouldn't make fun of someone
like this to their face.

294
00:12:22,195 --> 00:12:24,560
Look, it's Stuart!

295
00:12:27,028 --> 00:12:29,793
You may want
to leave the room.

296
00:12:33,828 --> 00:12:37,026
Right this way, Uncle Harvey.

297
00:12:41,761 --> 00:12:43,759
Will you stop with that already?

298
00:12:43,761 --> 00:12:47,059
I'm trying
not to attract attention.

299
00:12:47,061 --> 00:12:50,126
And tipping his hat to the
cleaning lady didn't do that?

300
00:12:50,128 --> 00:12:53,692
She said, "Buenas noches."
What was he supposed to do?

301
00:12:53,694 --> 00:12:55,660
Let's just start
the experiment.

302
00:12:55,662 --> 00:12:57,593
Leonard, we should probably
have our story straight

303
00:12:57,595 --> 00:12:58,959
in case we get caught.

304
00:12:58,961 --> 00:13:00,726
We're not getting caught.

305
00:13:00,728 --> 00:13:01,826
Well, you can't be sure of that.

306
00:13:01,828 --> 00:13:03,859
What if the helium dealer
rats us out?

307
00:13:03,861 --> 00:13:05,993
What if Kripke asks
where we got it?

308
00:13:05,995 --> 00:13:07,893
What if the university
checks my family tree

309
00:13:07,895 --> 00:13:10,493
and finds out
I don't have an Uncle Harvey?

310
00:13:10,495 --> 00:13:13,793
The dealer doesn't care,
Kripke has no authority over us,

311
00:13:13,795 --> 00:13:15,659
and you being related
to a metal container

312
00:13:15,661 --> 00:13:18,659
would explain a lot.

313
00:13:18,661 --> 00:13:22,026
Help me hook this up.

314
00:13:22,028 --> 00:13:23,226
Uh-oh.
What?

315
00:13:23,228 --> 00:13:25,326
Well, did you see this sticker?
What is it?

316
00:13:25,328 --> 00:13:27,926
It's partially torn off, but
the segment that remains reads:

317
00:13:27,928 --> 00:13:30,726
"Property of"
and the letter "U."

318
00:13:30,728 --> 00:13:32,560
It's probably USC or UCLA.

319
00:13:32,562 --> 00:13:35,126
Yeah, but what if it's
"Property of U.S. Government"?

320
00:13:35,128 --> 00:13:37,859
There's a national helium
reserve in Amarillo, Texas.

321
00:13:37,861 --> 00:13:39,293
If this was stolen from there,

322
00:13:39,295 --> 00:13:41,293
we're accessories
to a federal crime.

323
00:13:41,295 --> 00:13:42,793
Let's not jump to conclusions.

324
00:13:42,795 --> 00:13:44,360
A lot of things start with "U."

325
00:13:44,362 --> 00:13:45,393
That's true.

326
00:13:45,395 --> 00:13:47,460
There's the U.S. Air Force,

327
00:13:47,462 --> 00:13:49,926
U.S. Department of Defense,
U.S. Navy,

328
00:13:49,928 --> 00:13:52,260
"you" and I
are going to jail.

329
00:13:52,262 --> 00:13:54,759
Listen, we can
do the experiment as planned

330
00:13:54,761 --> 00:13:56,527
and beat the Swedish team
to the punch,

331
00:13:56,529 --> 00:13:58,759
or we can kiss our dreams
good-bye because we were

332
00:13:58,761 --> 00:14:00,926
to afraid to break a few rules.

333
00:14:04,661 --> 00:14:06,126
Ma'am.

334
00:14:09,395 --> 00:14:11,293
Okay, does everyone
remember the rules?

335
00:14:11,295 --> 00:14:13,726
If he's shirtless, one sip.

336
00:14:13,728 --> 00:14:15,560
Posing with a pet, two sips.

337
00:14:15,562 --> 00:14:18,593
Pet and shirtless,
chug like it's your job.

338
00:14:19,928 --> 00:14:22,160
And pull!

339
00:14:25,795 --> 00:14:28,493
I have that
same underwear!

340
00:14:29,728 --> 00:14:30,793
Chug!

341
00:14:32,661 --> 00:14:35,026
Mm, Amy,
you're getting a text.

342
00:14:35,028 --> 00:14:36,692
Oh, um, give me that.

343
00:14:36,694 --> 00:14:38,493
"I had a great time last night"

344
00:14:38,495 --> 00:14:39,893
No, no, st-stop reading that.

345
00:14:39,895 --> 00:14:41,126
Who's Dave?
I...

346
00:14:41,128 --> 00:14:42,293
You went on a date last night?

347
00:14:42,295 --> 00:14:43,226
Are you seeing someone?

348
00:14:43,228 --> 00:14:44,226
No, it-it's not like that.

349
00:14:45,328 --> 00:14:48,059
"And I'd love to take you
out again"?

350
00:14:48,061 --> 00:14:49,093
Amy!
What?

351
00:14:49,095 --> 00:14:50,826
Can't believe it.
Oh, my God.

352
00:14:50,828 --> 00:14:52,926
Okay, it's like that.

353
00:14:55,128 --> 00:14:57,559
Thank you for coming back.

354
00:14:57,561 --> 00:14:58,926
Yeah, well, normally I wouldn't,

355
00:14:58,928 --> 00:15:01,059
but my daughter's having
a sleepover, and there's only

356
00:15:01,061 --> 00:15:04,360
so much screaming and Katy Perry
a man can take.

357
00:15:04,362 --> 00:15:07,759
Anyway, if you could just
give us our money back,

358
00:15:07,761 --> 00:15:10,160
you can have your helium
and we'll be on our way.

359
00:15:10,162 --> 00:15:12,026
Yeah, well, is there
something wrong with it?

360
00:15:12,028 --> 00:15:14,427
No, nothing.
We just changed our mind.

361
00:15:14,429 --> 00:15:16,393
He has glasses and
I'm a know-it-all;

362
00:15:16,395 --> 00:15:18,859
we are not built
for prison.

363
00:15:18,861 --> 00:15:20,393
Yeah, I hear you.

364
00:15:20,395 --> 00:15:22,193
Well, you're good guys,
so I'll, uh...

365
00:15:22,195 --> 00:15:23,926
I'll take the helium
off your hands.

366
00:15:23,928 --> 00:15:24,926
Thank you.

367
00:15:24,928 --> 00:15:27,193
But you ain't getting
your money back.

368
00:15:27,195 --> 00:15:30,460
You're taking advantage of us?

369
00:15:30,462 --> 00:15:33,793
We clarified nomenclature
together.

370
00:15:33,795 --> 00:15:36,193
Look, I enjoy
semantic digressions

371
00:15:36,195 --> 00:15:39,993
as much as the next guy,
but, uh, this is business.

372
00:15:39,995 --> 00:15:41,893
You know what?

373
00:15:41,895 --> 00:15:43,126
It's fine.
Keep the money.

374
00:15:43,128 --> 00:15:45,059
We just want to be
done with this.

375
00:15:45,061 --> 00:15:47,093
No problem, but I am
gonna have to charge you

376
00:15:47,095 --> 00:15:49,926
a small helium restocking fee.

377
00:15:49,928 --> 00:15:51,460
I don't understand.

378
00:15:51,462 --> 00:15:52,659
He wants more money.

379
00:15:52,661 --> 00:15:55,493
Well, it better not be more than
a thousand dollars;

380
00:15:55,495 --> 00:15:57,193
that's all I've got on me.

381
00:15:58,928 --> 00:16:02,492
That's exactly how much it is.

382
00:16:02,494 --> 00:16:03,893
Finally,

383
00:16:03,895 --> 00:16:05,926
something breaks our way.

384
00:16:09,594 --> 00:16:11,126
I can't believe
you're seeing someone

385
00:16:11,128 --> 00:16:12,260
and we don't even know about it.

386
00:16:12,262 --> 00:16:14,193
Yeah, why wouldn't
you tell us?

387
00:16:14,195 --> 00:16:15,626
Because it's new and weird

388
00:16:15,628 --> 00:16:17,893
and I'm just trying
to figure it all out.

389
00:16:17,895 --> 00:16:18,959
And I knew

390
00:16:18,961 --> 00:16:20,559
if I told you guys
I had been out

391
00:16:20,561 --> 00:16:22,626
with a few people that you'd get
way too excited about it.

392
00:16:22,628 --> 00:16:23,526
A few people?

393
00:16:23,528 --> 00:16:25,559
What?
Amy! - Amy!

394
00:16:26,494 --> 00:16:29,059
So, are we allowed to ask
how it's going?

395
00:16:29,061 --> 00:16:30,460
It's going fine.

396
00:16:30,462 --> 00:16:32,793
It's mostly just been
meeting people for coffee.

397
00:16:32,795 --> 00:16:35,759
Wha...?

398
00:16:35,761 --> 00:16:37,160
I thought we
were all...

399
00:16:37,162 --> 00:16:39,126
Never mind.

400
00:16:39,961 --> 00:16:41,459
I-I thought you
weren't ready

401
00:16:41,461 --> 00:16:42,926
to start seeing people.

402
00:16:42,928 --> 00:16:44,793
Well, I don't have
much experience dating,

403
00:16:44,795 --> 00:16:46,659
so I decided
it would be good for me

404
00:16:46,661 --> 00:16:48,293
to, you know,
get out there a little.

405
00:16:48,295 --> 00:16:50,160
Well, good for you.

406
00:16:50,162 --> 00:16:52,093
Thank you.

407
00:16:52,095 --> 00:16:53,993
And how many guys
have you gone out with?

408
00:16:53,995 --> 00:16:55,160
Please be less than two.

409
00:16:55,162 --> 00:16:57,026
Three.
Damn it.

410
00:16:59,494 --> 00:17:02,926
Well, the Swedes
might beat us,

411
00:17:02,928 --> 00:17:06,459
but at least we won't get
gang-noogied in prison.

412
00:17:08,195 --> 00:17:12,492
Is Ernest Goes to Jail the only
prison movie you've seen?

413
00:17:12,494 --> 00:17:15,293
It scared me straight, Leonard.

414
00:17:17,061 --> 00:17:19,293
Hey, I've been thinking.

415
00:17:19,295 --> 00:17:20,993
I was being petty.

416
00:17:20,995 --> 00:17:23,026
You can have my helium.

417
00:17:23,494 --> 00:17:25,193
Thank you, Barry.

418
00:17:25,195 --> 00:17:28,160
But you have to add my name
to your paper.

419
00:17:29,162 --> 00:17:30,526
That's preposterous.

420
00:17:30,528 --> 00:17:31,859
I don't know, seems fair.

421
00:17:31,861 --> 00:17:33,459
You can't do it without me.

422
00:17:34,461 --> 00:17:35,492
Can you give us a minute?

423
00:17:35,494 --> 00:17:36,626
Take your time.

424
00:17:36,628 --> 00:17:39,859
I'll walk out backwards
for dramatic effect.

425
00:17:46,362 --> 00:17:48,793
I don't like
being extorted like this.

426
00:17:48,795 --> 00:17:50,659
Especially by him of all people.

427
00:17:50,661 --> 00:17:53,726
Me neither, but what
other choice do we have?

428
00:17:53,728 --> 00:17:56,793
I promise this is the last time.

429
00:18:06,665 --> 00:18:08,697
It says right here
on Wikipedia.

430
00:18:08,699 --> 00:18:11,131
"A Mexican standoff is
a confrontation between

431
00:18:11,133 --> 00:18:12,397
at least three parties."

432
00:18:12,399 --> 00:18:14,463
How can you trust Wikipedia

433
00:18:14,465 --> 00:18:18,298
if they use "between"
to refer to three parties?

434
00:18:19,364 --> 00:18:21,697
They should've used
"among," right?

435
00:18:23,698 --> 00:18:27,764
Or "amongst," if they were
feeling whimsically archaic.

436
00:18:27,766 --> 00:18:29,530
All right,
enough with the chitchat.

437
00:18:29,532 --> 00:18:32,397
Are we gonna watch
Ernest Goes to Jail or not?

438
00:18:32,399 --> 00:18:33,797
Absolutely.

439
00:18:33,799 --> 00:18:35,931
But don't be surprised
if this movie sets you

440
00:18:35,933 --> 00:18:39,502
on the straight and narrow.
I am open to change.

441
00:18:41,516 --> 00:18:48,010
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man