1
00:00:00,933 --> 00:00:01,629
How do you do?

2
00:00:01,630 --> 00:00:02,844
Nice to meet you.

3
00:00:02,846 --> 00:00:03,877
And, of course, Mom.

4
00:00:03,879 --> 00:00:06,044
Hello, my hateful shrew.

5
00:00:06,046 --> 00:00:09,628
Hello to you,
you wrinkled old bastard.

6
00:00:11,796 --> 00:00:12,960
Hey.

7
00:00:12,962 --> 00:00:15,760
Just got an e-mail
from the U.S. Air Force.

8
00:00:15,762 --> 00:00:19,844
I'm just afraid if I respond,
then they'll know I got it.

9
00:00:19,846 --> 00:00:22,344
Dude, the minute you opened that
e-mail, they knew you got it.

10
00:00:22,346 --> 00:00:23,261
I mean, they're probably
looking at you

11
00:00:23,263 --> 00:00:26,211
through the camera
right now.

12
00:00:26,213 --> 00:00:27,960
Oh, God.

13
00:00:27,962 --> 00:00:30,177
I think someone's
following us.

14
00:00:31,546 --> 00:00:33,844
Uh, turn left here
and see if he turns with us.

15
00:00:33,846 --> 00:00:35,877
Why is he turning here?
The restaurant's the other way.

16
00:00:35,879 --> 00:00:38,044
I don't know.
He uses that traffic app.

17
00:00:38,046 --> 00:00:39,377
Maybe there's an accident.

18
00:00:39,379 --> 00:00:40,960
Oh, so follow him.

19
00:00:40,962 --> 00:00:43,844
Oh, no!

20
00:00:44,679 --> 00:00:45,760
Leonard, if you don't mind,

21
00:00:45,762 --> 00:00:47,010
I think I'm a little tired.

22
00:00:47,012 --> 00:00:48,094
I'm gonna call it a night.

23
00:00:48,096 --> 00:00:49,294
Sure, Dad.

24
00:00:49,296 --> 00:00:51,044
I'm a little
tuckered out myself.

25
00:00:51,046 --> 00:00:54,261
Well, I will see you
all in the morning.

26
00:00:54,263 --> 00:00:55,710
Would you like to share a cab?

27
00:00:55,712 --> 00:00:56,794
That would be fine.

28
00:00:56,796 --> 00:00:58,544
Where are you staying?
I'm at the Westin.

29
00:00:58,546 --> 00:00:59,627
Well, so am I.

30
00:00:59,629 --> 00:01:01,010
Could I interest
you in a nightcap?

31
00:01:01,012 --> 00:01:02,877
I think that you could.

32
00:01:07,546 --> 00:01:10,877
Leonard?

33
00:01:10,879 --> 00:01:13,211
Leonard?

34
00:01:13,213 --> 00:01:14,427
What?

35
00:01:14,429 --> 00:01:17,760
You realize you and I
could become brothers.

36
00:01:18,629 --> 00:01:20,544
We're not gonna be brothers.

37
00:01:20,546 --> 00:01:22,010
We're not gonna be stepbrothers.

38
00:01:22,012 --> 00:01:23,544
Go to sleep.

39
00:01:23,546 --> 00:01:25,544
I hope you're right.

40
00:01:25,546 --> 00:01:27,377
'Cause a grown man
living with his brother

41
00:01:27,379 --> 00:01:30,627
and his brother's wife is weird.

42
00:01:30,629 --> 00:01:32,960
Go to sleep.

43
00:01:32,962 --> 00:01:35,127
Okay.

44
00:01:37,879 --> 00:01:39,794
Do you think your father's
doing unspeakable things

45
00:01:39,796 --> 00:01:42,544
to my mother?

46
00:01:42,546 --> 00:01:43,710
No.

47
00:01:43,712 --> 00:01:45,044
Are you saying that

48
00:01:45,046 --> 00:01:47,261
because the things
are unspeakable?

49
00:01:47,263 --> 00:01:48,461
Your parents are old.

50
00:01:48,463 --> 00:01:50,461
Anything unspeakable
was finished by 9:30.

51
00:01:50,463 --> 00:01:51,677
Go to sleep.

52
00:01:52,513 --> 00:01:54,710
Very well.

53
00:01:56,546 --> 00:02:00,261
I'm sorry if this stuff is gonna
make the ceremony awkward.

54
00:02:00,263 --> 00:02:02,010
God, I thought my brother
fresh out of jail

55
00:02:02,012 --> 00:02:03,770
was gonna make everyone
uncomfortable, but now this...

56
00:02:03,794 --> 00:02:04,462
Hey, if you want me to sleep

57
00:02:04,463 --> 00:02:07,261
you're gonna
have to stop talking.

58
00:02:31,316 --> 00:02:36,011
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man

59
00:02:36,202 --> 00:02:37,783
Okay, I'm gonna go pick up
my family.

60
00:02:37,785 --> 00:02:40,200
Like an hour and half,
two hours, depending on traffic.

61
00:02:40,202 --> 00:02:41,367
Yeah, drive safe.
Oh, hey,

62
00:02:41,369 --> 00:02:42,633
and do yourself a favor,
all right?

63
00:02:42,635 --> 00:02:45,766
When Beverly gets here,
do not bring up last night.

64
00:02:45,768 --> 00:02:46,866
All right?
As far as you're concerned,

65
00:02:46,868 --> 00:02:49,066
you don't know anything,

66
00:02:49,068 --> 00:02:50,083
you didn't see anything.

67
00:02:50,085 --> 00:02:54,533
I want you just to play dumb.

68
00:02:54,535 --> 00:02:57,583
It was nice of her to show us
playing dumb with an example.

69
00:02:57,585 --> 00:02:59,000
What?

70
00:02:59,002 --> 00:03:00,699
Oh.

71
00:03:00,701 --> 00:03:02,866
Hi. Okay, hey there, I got...
I'm sorry, I got to go now.

72
00:03:02,868 --> 00:03:05,783
Penny, wait.
Why?

73
00:03:05,785 --> 00:03:08,666
I wanted to thank you for
going through all the trouble

74
00:03:08,668 --> 00:03:11,916
of planning a second wedding
ceremony for me,

75
00:03:11,918 --> 00:03:14,083
but unfortunately
I cannot attend.

76
00:03:14,085 --> 00:03:16,200
Well, why?
What's wrong?

77
00:03:16,202 --> 00:03:17,833
Wha... are we still doing
the dumb thing?

78
00:03:17,835 --> 00:03:19,916
Okay, why, what's wrong?

79
00:03:19,918 --> 00:03:22,083
I just cannot stay here
while your father

80
00:03:22,085 --> 00:03:24,283
goes out of his way
to humiliate me.

81
00:03:24,285 --> 00:03:27,417
Oh, golly, however
did he humiliate you?

82
00:03:27,419 --> 00:03:29,033
Stop it, Sheldon.

83
00:03:29,035 --> 00:03:32,533
Do I say "Stop what?"
or just throw in the towel?

84
00:03:32,535 --> 00:03:34,749
I don't see why I should
have to watch your father

85
00:03:34,751 --> 00:03:37,950
parade around with some
Bible-thumping bumpkin.

86
00:03:37,952 --> 00:03:40,333
Oh, excuse me, that is my mother
you're talking about,

87
00:03:40,335 --> 00:03:42,533
however accurately.

88
00:03:42,535 --> 00:03:44,033
Okay, Beverly,

89
00:03:44,035 --> 00:03:45,200
aren't you overreacting
a little?

90
00:03:45,202 --> 00:03:47,367
All we know is they shared
a cab and had a nightcap.

91
00:03:47,369 --> 00:03:48,583
And turned their phones off.

92
00:03:48,585 --> 00:03:51,866
Not helping, buddy.

93
00:03:51,868 --> 00:03:54,333
Mother, Penny and I really want
you to be part of this.

94
00:03:54,335 --> 00:03:55,449
Please stay.

95
00:03:55,451 --> 00:03:56,417
Yeah, plus if you leave,

96
00:03:56,419 --> 00:03:58,367
Alfred will know
he got under your skin.

97
00:04:01,835 --> 00:04:03,866
Well, we can't have that.

98
00:04:05,252 --> 00:04:06,749
You know, also,
if they did have coitus,

99
00:04:06,751 --> 00:04:08,950
we'll all be needing
a skilled psychiatrist.

100
00:04:12,252 --> 00:04:14,699
It is funny
when you think about it.

101
00:04:14,701 --> 00:04:15,749
Maybe to you.

102
00:04:15,751 --> 00:04:17,916
You didn't get
a $500 traffic ticket.

103
00:04:17,918 --> 00:04:21,250
Because you were driving
like a lunatic.

104
00:04:21,252 --> 00:04:23,033
Hey, if thinking
secret government agents

105
00:04:23,035 --> 00:04:27,200
are chasing you makes you
a lunatic, then... yeah, okay.

106
00:04:29,285 --> 00:04:32,333
Oh, I'll get it.

107
00:04:32,335 --> 00:04:34,033
It didn't help that you couldn't
walk a straight line

108
00:04:34,035 --> 00:04:36,200
when the cop pulled you over.

109
00:04:36,202 --> 00:04:39,866
I have performance anxiety.

110
00:04:40,952 --> 00:04:43,950
You of all people
should know that.

111
00:04:53,701 --> 00:04:55,866
Hello.

112
00:04:55,868 --> 00:04:57,616
I'm looking for Howard Wolowitz.

113
00:04:57,618 --> 00:05:01,699
Howard Wolowitz?

114
00:05:01,701 --> 00:05:03,916
I have the right address,
don't I?

115
00:05:03,918 --> 00:05:06,699
Address?

116
00:05:06,701 --> 00:05:08,333
Is he here?

117
00:05:08,335 --> 00:05:12,033
Um... no.

118
00:05:12,035 --> 00:05:14,083
Do you know where
I can find him?

119
00:05:14,085 --> 00:05:16,416
May I ask what this is about?

120
00:05:16,418 --> 00:05:17,866
No, you may not.

121
00:05:17,868 --> 00:05:19,250
Very well.

122
00:05:23,668 --> 00:05:25,533
Have him call me.

123
00:05:25,535 --> 00:05:26,749
Okay.

124
00:05:26,751 --> 00:05:29,033
Raj, who's at the door?

125
00:05:32,701 --> 00:05:35,699
That's not him.

126
00:05:36,868 --> 00:05:39,250
Oh, I can't wait for
you to meet everyone.

127
00:05:39,252 --> 00:05:41,033
I told them all about you.

128
00:05:41,035 --> 00:05:42,533
Like what?

129
00:05:42,535 --> 00:05:43,866
Do they know about your brother?

130
00:05:43,868 --> 00:05:47,783
Uh, not everything, just,
like, the jail and drugs part.

131
00:05:47,785 --> 00:05:49,833
Why would you do that?

132
00:05:49,835 --> 00:05:51,200
What?
The world doesn't need

133
00:05:51,202 --> 00:05:52,533
to know our problems.

134
00:05:52,535 --> 00:05:53,533
Well, Mom, I'm sorry, but...

135
00:05:53,535 --> 00:05:56,250
Hey, look, they got
Walgreens here, too.

136
00:05:57,535 --> 00:06:00,416
You really think it's helpful
to change the subject, Wyatt?

137
00:06:00,418 --> 00:06:02,699
Just trying to make this
a happy trip, dear.

138
00:06:02,701 --> 00:06:04,533
Well, quit it!

139
00:06:06,668 --> 00:06:08,866
So, uh, Randall,
can't believe

140
00:06:08,868 --> 00:06:10,332
after all these years
you finally get to visit me

141
00:06:10,334 --> 00:06:11,666
in California.

142
00:06:11,668 --> 00:06:13,583
Well, good thing I was
a nonviolent offender,

143
00:06:13,585 --> 00:06:15,616
otherwise I couldn't
have left the state.

144
00:06:15,618 --> 00:06:19,533
All right,
that's enough jail talk.

145
00:06:19,535 --> 00:06:22,583
Penny knows where I was;
she sent me cigarettes.

146
00:06:22,585 --> 00:06:25,282
You sent
your brother cigarettes?

147
00:06:25,284 --> 00:06:27,033
He was cooking and selling
crystal meth, Susan,

148
00:06:27,035 --> 00:06:30,200
I think we can
let the cigarettes slide.

149
00:06:30,202 --> 00:06:31,950
Stop trying to be
the cool dad;

150
00:06:31,952 --> 00:06:35,783
you have a shirt
with our cat's picture on it.

151
00:06:35,785 --> 00:06:38,250
Anyway, we're here, slugger.

152
00:06:41,035 --> 00:06:43,916
That's great, now they
know where I live.

153
00:06:43,918 --> 00:06:45,167
What are you talking about?

154
00:06:45,169 --> 00:06:46,699
They've always known
where you live.

155
00:06:46,701 --> 00:06:47,866
Yeah, if you want to go
off the grid,

156
00:06:47,868 --> 00:06:49,586
you have to move out
of your mother's house.

157
00:06:51,418 --> 00:06:53,583
Can we take a moment
to discuss

158
00:06:53,585 --> 00:06:55,749
that I just lied
to the government for you?

159
00:06:55,751 --> 00:06:56,866
Yeah.

160
00:06:56,868 --> 00:06:59,033
I would not have
done that for you.

161
00:07:00,169 --> 00:07:03,000
Howard, please just call
the man, see what he wants.

162
00:07:03,002 --> 00:07:04,916
All right, all right.

163
00:07:04,918 --> 00:07:06,366
Hey,

164
00:07:06,368 --> 00:07:08,416
make sure you tell him that
you weren't home when he came by

165
00:07:08,418 --> 00:07:10,416
and that your Indian friend
gave you the message

166
00:07:10,418 --> 00:07:13,083
the moment
you stepped through the door.

167
00:07:13,085 --> 00:07:16,699
Yes, hello.
Uh,

168
00:07:16,701 --> 00:07:19,783
this is Howard Wolowitz
for Colonel Richard Williams.

169
00:07:19,785 --> 00:07:21,449
Oh, I take it back,
don't mention me.

170
00:07:21,451 --> 00:07:24,533
Hi, Colonel Williams,
how can I help you?

171
00:07:24,535 --> 00:07:27,833
What? Oh, uh, yes,
he is from India.

172
00:07:29,751 --> 00:07:32,866
No, I don't know
his immigration status.

173
00:07:35,701 --> 00:07:38,866
Relax, I'm still on hold!

174
00:07:40,368 --> 00:07:42,449
Speaking.

175
00:07:42,451 --> 00:07:46,616
Okay, sure,
I can meet with you on Thursday.

176
00:07:46,618 --> 00:07:48,199
Caltech is fine.

177
00:07:48,201 --> 00:07:50,366
Yeah, and may I ask
what this is about?

178
00:07:51,751 --> 00:07:53,699
I may not?

179
00:07:53,701 --> 00:07:56,699
That's what he said to me.

180
00:07:57,835 --> 00:07:58,950
Here you are, Mother.

181
00:07:58,952 --> 00:08:00,583
Thank you.

182
00:08:00,585 --> 00:08:02,249
I'm glad you decided to stay.

183
00:08:02,251 --> 00:08:05,699
It's gonna be special for Penny
and me to share this with you.

184
00:08:05,701 --> 00:08:09,416
I can't wait
for this day to be over.

185
00:08:10,251 --> 00:08:12,616
Yeah, special, like that.

186
00:08:13,451 --> 00:08:16,033
That's them.

187
00:08:16,035 --> 00:08:17,033
Please don't make things

188
00:08:17,035 --> 00:08:19,000
any more awkward
than they already are.

189
00:08:19,002 --> 00:08:23,083
All right, so less
or equally awkward, got it.

190
00:08:24,585 --> 00:08:25,666
Hey, guys, come on in.

191
00:08:25,668 --> 00:08:27,332
Oh, thank you.
Good morning.

192
00:08:27,334 --> 00:08:28,249
Morning.
Hello.

193
00:08:28,251 --> 00:08:30,249
How is everyone today?

194
00:08:30,251 --> 00:08:31,249
Good, and you?

195
00:08:31,251 --> 00:08:33,332
Good, good.
Good.

196
00:08:33,334 --> 00:08:34,699
I'm good, too.

197
00:08:34,701 --> 00:08:36,583
Good.

198
00:08:39,368 --> 00:08:41,583
So, did you defile
my mother or not?

199
00:08:42,535 --> 00:08:45,083
Sheldon!

200
00:08:45,085 --> 00:08:47,166
You're being rude.

201
00:08:47,168 --> 00:08:48,583
If I may, I can assure you,

202
00:08:48,585 --> 00:08:50,033
your mother and I
did nothing more

203
00:08:50,035 --> 00:08:52,249
than share a cab
and a conversation.

204
00:08:52,251 --> 00:08:54,416
Did that conversation
include the phrase

205
00:08:54,418 --> 00:08:56,583
"your genitals
are a joy to behold"?

206
00:08:56,585 --> 00:08:58,783
That's enough!

207
00:08:58,785 --> 00:09:03,749
Look, I promise you, neither I,
nor anyone, has ever said that.

208
00:09:03,751 --> 00:09:08,416
You don't know his girlfriend
very well.

209
00:09:08,418 --> 00:09:11,533
Or what a joy it is
to behold my genitals.

210
00:09:13,701 --> 00:09:16,199
All right, you guys, uh,
get settled in,

211
00:09:16,201 --> 00:09:18,449
then we'll go across the hall
and say hi to everyone.

212
00:09:18,451 --> 00:09:20,916
You know, It's hard to believe
I've never met Leonard.

213
00:09:20,918 --> 00:09:23,199
Well, he probably buys
his illegal drugs

214
00:09:23,201 --> 00:09:24,366
from a local vendor.

215
00:09:25,785 --> 00:09:27,332
Not funny, Wyatt.

216
00:09:27,334 --> 00:09:29,866
I thought it was really funny.
Thanks.

217
00:09:29,868 --> 00:09:33,249
Well, fine, if everyone wants to
make jokes about our problems,

218
00:09:33,251 --> 00:09:34,199
then I can, too.

219
00:09:34,201 --> 00:09:36,533
Knock, knock.
Who's there?

220
00:09:36,535 --> 00:09:39,249
Our family is an embarrassment.

221
00:09:39,251 --> 00:09:41,176
That's not much of a joke.

222
00:09:41,177 --> 00:09:41,831
Okay.

223
00:09:41,835 --> 00:09:44,199
Listen, Mom, I know you're
nervous, but I promise you,

224
00:09:44,201 --> 00:09:46,533
no one is gonna judge you
or this family.

225
00:09:46,535 --> 00:09:48,033
Oh, I'm sorry.

226
00:09:48,035 --> 00:09:49,366
It's just we're meeting
Leonard's parents

227
00:09:49,368 --> 00:09:50,699
for the first time,

228
00:09:50,701 --> 00:09:53,866
and-and they're academics
and-and intellectuals,

229
00:09:53,868 --> 00:09:56,249
and I don't want them thinking
we're white trash.

230
00:09:57,418 --> 00:10:00,666
Well, what color trash
do you think they'll believe?

231
00:10:03,201 --> 00:10:05,033
How could you think
that I would spend the night

232
00:10:05,035 --> 00:10:06,449
with a man I just met?

233
00:10:06,451 --> 00:10:09,866
A man named Jesus convinced you
to build a church in Africa.

234
00:10:09,868 --> 00:10:12,199
You're kind of a sucker.

235
00:10:12,201 --> 00:10:15,533
Well, nothing happened, right?

236
00:10:15,535 --> 00:10:16,416
I-It's over.

237
00:10:16,418 --> 00:10:17,699
Until we get married
a third time,

238
00:10:17,701 --> 00:10:20,616
you guys will never have
to see each other again.

239
00:10:20,618 --> 00:10:22,499
Well, you know, actually
that's not the case.

240
00:10:22,501 --> 00:10:24,783
- Mary may visit me in New York.
- Mm-hmm.

241
00:10:24,785 --> 00:10:26,950
And he's never been to Texas.

242
00:10:26,952 --> 00:10:28,249
Maybe we meet halfway.

243
00:10:28,251 --> 00:10:32,950
What? In the Chattahoochee
National Forest in Georgia?

244
00:10:32,952 --> 00:10:37,916
I can't be the only one
that knows that's halfway.

245
00:10:37,918 --> 00:10:40,123
You're not seriously going
to visit each other.

246
00:10:40,147 --> 00:10:41,167
And why wouldn't we?

247
00:10:41,191 --> 00:10:43,253
Oh please, you're just saying
this to antagonize me.

248
00:10:43,546 --> 00:10:46,366
Oh, not at all. Mary happens
to be a wonderful woman.

249
00:10:46,368 --> 00:10:48,666
And if it antagonizes you,
that's just a bonus.

250
00:10:50,868 --> 00:10:53,082
Mary, I'm sorry you're
in the middle of this.

251
00:10:53,084 --> 00:10:55,115
No, no, nothing to be
sorry about.

252
00:10:55,117 --> 00:10:57,366
I genuinely like your father.

253
00:10:57,368 --> 00:11:00,115
What? But he's a
mediocre academic.

254
00:11:00,117 --> 00:11:03,699
And according to Beverly,
his sexual prowess is subpar.

255
00:11:04,835 --> 00:11:08,115
He's basically Leonard
with a bigger prostate.

256
00:11:10,501 --> 00:11:13,716
Are you saying that my dad's
not good enough for your mom?

257
00:11:13,718 --> 00:11:16,032
Yes, while also getting in
a solid dig at you.

258
00:11:16,034 --> 00:11:17,616
Pretty efficient, huh?

259
00:11:18,868 --> 00:11:21,699
This is ridiculous.
I-I'm going across the hall.

260
00:11:21,701 --> 00:11:23,616
But why should you get to go
and leave me here

261
00:11:23,618 --> 00:11:24,616
with your bickering parents?

262
00:11:24,618 --> 00:11:25,866
Fine, then you go!

263
00:11:25,868 --> 00:11:27,999
Well, I don't want to stay
here with her. I'll go.

264
00:11:28,001 --> 00:11:28,916
I'll go with you.

265
00:11:28,918 --> 00:11:30,166
That still leaves me
here with him.

266
00:11:30,168 --> 00:11:31,699
Hang on, hang on!

267
00:11:31,701 --> 00:11:33,199
We're smart, we can
figure this out.

268
00:11:33,201 --> 00:11:36,666
Okay, so: Mary and Beverly
can't be together.

269
00:11:36,668 --> 00:11:39,833
Uh, Alfred and Beverly
can't be together.

270
00:11:39,835 --> 00:11:42,332
Leonard and I can't be together.

271
00:11:42,334 --> 00:11:45,082
Now, I could be with Alfred...

272
00:11:45,084 --> 00:11:46,699
but I don't like his face.

273
00:11:48,284 --> 00:11:49,699
Oh, here! I've got it!

274
00:11:49,701 --> 00:11:51,366
Who's ready for a wedding?

275
00:11:51,368 --> 00:11:53,699
Great, now I have
to start all over.

276
00:12:01,902 --> 00:12:04,066
So how's the world
of pharmaceuticals treating you?

277
00:12:04,068 --> 00:12:05,733
Pretty good. I actually
just got assigned

278
00:12:05,735 --> 00:12:07,116
a much better territory.

279
00:12:07,118 --> 00:12:09,733
See what happens
when you work hard?

280
00:12:09,735 --> 00:12:13,116
Hey, she just sells drugs.
I had to make 'em.

281
00:12:14,034 --> 00:12:15,566
Okay, that's enough.

282
00:12:15,568 --> 00:12:18,316
No more drug talk
for the rest of this trip.

283
00:12:18,318 --> 00:12:20,733
I'll drink to that.

284
00:12:20,735 --> 00:12:21,650
Haven't you had enough?

285
00:12:21,652 --> 00:12:23,316
Penny drinks
more than I do.

286
00:12:23,318 --> 00:12:25,783
Well, I learned
from the best.

287
00:12:25,785 --> 00:12:27,616
Aw!
Aw!

288
00:12:28,652 --> 00:12:29,982
Very nice, Wyatt.

289
00:12:29,984 --> 00:12:32,616
And you wonder why this one
turned out the way he did.

290
00:12:32,618 --> 00:12:34,949
You see what I've gotta
put up with!

291
00:12:34,951 --> 00:12:36,949
What you've gotta put up with?

292
00:12:36,951 --> 00:12:38,650
Why did you have
to go to jail?

293
00:12:38,652 --> 00:12:41,867
It's called getting
caught, Mother!

294
00:12:41,869 --> 00:12:43,566
Hello!

295
00:12:43,568 --> 00:12:44,733
Hey, there he is!
Hey!

296
00:12:44,735 --> 00:12:47,650
Oh, Leonard! It's so
nice to see you again!

297
00:12:47,652 --> 00:12:48,733
Oh, you, too!

298
00:12:48,735 --> 00:12:51,199
Hey, everyone, this is
my mother, Beverly.

299
00:12:51,201 --> 00:12:52,316
- Hello.
- Hi.

300
00:12:52,318 --> 00:12:55,533
We are not white trash!

301
00:12:59,785 --> 00:13:02,199
Are you excited to see your son
walk down the aisle?

302
00:13:02,201 --> 00:13:03,316
Yes, I am.

303
00:13:03,318 --> 00:13:04,533
I'm just feeling
a little guilty

304
00:13:04,535 --> 00:13:06,316
about all the trouble
I've caused.

305
00:13:06,318 --> 00:13:07,982
Oh, so am I.

306
00:13:07,984 --> 00:13:11,483
You made God sad today, Mom.

307
00:13:18,452 --> 00:13:20,116
Sheldon, they haven't done
anything wrong.

308
00:13:20,118 --> 00:13:22,650
I think it's nice
they're hitting it off.

309
00:13:22,652 --> 00:13:24,316
Well, that's still no reason
to rush into anything.

310
00:13:24,318 --> 00:13:25,399
Look at us.

311
00:13:25,401 --> 00:13:27,116
We took things
remarkably slow.

312
00:13:27,118 --> 00:13:29,949
You and I, we didn't even
hold hands for two years.

313
00:13:31,118 --> 00:13:34,149
It was a lot hotter
than it sounds.

314
00:13:34,151 --> 00:13:35,450
You're a patient
young lady.

315
00:13:35,452 --> 00:13:36,483
Hey, hey!

316
00:13:36,485 --> 00:13:38,650
She's mine! Take a cold shower,
grandpa!

317
00:13:42,785 --> 00:13:45,032
Why wouldn't that colonel say
what the meeting's about?

318
00:13:45,034 --> 00:13:46,566
It has to be bad news.

319
00:13:46,568 --> 00:13:48,817
Calm down, okay?
Try not to think about it.

320
00:13:48,819 --> 00:13:51,366
That's really stupid advice.

321
00:13:51,368 --> 00:13:53,199
You know that hurts
my feelings.

322
00:13:54,034 --> 00:13:56,366
Calm down, try not
to think about it.

323
00:13:57,401 --> 00:13:58,949
Okay.

324
00:14:00,535 --> 00:14:02,149
Why do I bother
talking to you?

325
00:14:02,151 --> 00:14:04,817
Oh, come on. What's the worst
that could come of this meeting?

326
00:14:04,819 --> 00:14:06,949
I don't know. They take
the invention away,

327
00:14:06,951 --> 00:14:08,116
and I get nothing?

328
00:14:08,118 --> 00:14:10,149
Okay, that's not so bad.

329
00:14:10,151 --> 00:14:11,399
You know what happened
to the scientists

330
00:14:11,401 --> 00:14:12,982
that worked
on the Manhattan Project?

331
00:14:12,984 --> 00:14:15,149
The government forced them
to move to the desert.

332
00:14:15,151 --> 00:14:18,316
They had to live in secret,
and when Oppenheimer objected

333
00:14:18,318 --> 00:14:19,483
to what they made him do,

334
00:14:19,485 --> 00:14:21,483
they destroyed his reputation.

335
00:14:22,568 --> 00:14:25,700
What's the point of that story?

336
00:14:26,984 --> 00:14:28,483
I just read a book
about Oppenheimer,

337
00:14:28,485 --> 00:14:31,783
seemed like a chance
to show off.

338
00:14:34,151 --> 00:14:36,032
There he is!

339
00:14:36,034 --> 00:14:38,199
There's my happy
Hebraic homeboy.

340
00:14:38,201 --> 00:14:39,700
Yeah, that's the smile
I'm gonna remember

341
00:14:39,702 --> 00:14:44,149
when you're living in the desert
and I'm living with your wife.

342
00:14:48,034 --> 00:14:50,032
So, what do you do for a living?

343
00:14:50,818 --> 00:14:52,982
Mommy, you want
to take this one?

344
00:14:53,901 --> 00:14:56,316
Um, Randall's
in between jobs.

345
00:14:56,318 --> 00:14:59,116
And court appearances.

346
00:14:59,984 --> 00:15:00,982
It's nice to meet the woman

347
00:15:00,984 --> 00:15:03,199
who raised this fine young man.

348
00:15:03,201 --> 00:15:04,949
I'm looking forward
to meeting his father.

349
00:15:04,951 --> 00:15:07,399
Prepare to be disappointed.

350
00:15:08,285 --> 00:15:09,450
And he can't wait
to meet you, too.

351
00:15:09,452 --> 00:15:10,816
Can I get anyone a drink?

352
00:15:10,818 --> 00:15:12,233
Well, I could use
another beer.

353
00:15:12,235 --> 00:15:13,316
You're done.

354
00:15:15,618 --> 00:15:16,899
He's done.

355
00:15:18,401 --> 00:15:21,032
Hey! Is everyone getting
to know each other?

356
00:15:21,034 --> 00:15:22,566
Not at all!

357
00:15:33,368 --> 00:15:35,316
Nice to see you again,
Dr. Hofstadter.

358
00:15:35,318 --> 00:15:37,149
I'm, uh, Leonard's friend,
Stuart.

359
00:15:37,151 --> 00:15:39,483
Nice to see you, too.

360
00:15:39,485 --> 00:15:40,700
Hi, I'm Stuart.

361
00:15:40,702 --> 00:15:43,366
Ooh, I'm Alfred.
Leonard's father.

362
00:15:43,368 --> 00:15:46,982
Oh! Oh, hi. Uh, I'm sorry, did
you two want to sit together?

363
00:15:46,984 --> 00:15:48,949
No.
No.

364
00:15:50,151 --> 00:15:54,982
I was wondering why the
front row was available.

365
00:15:54,984 --> 00:15:57,149
Okay, I think
we're ready.

366
00:16:04,984 --> 00:16:07,199
Why do people
cry at weddings?

367
00:16:07,201 --> 00:16:10,366
They're practicing for
what's coming later.

368
00:16:14,984 --> 00:16:17,899
Thank you for cleaning yourself
up for your sister's wedding.

369
00:16:17,901 --> 00:16:21,233
Thank you for my new teeth.

370
00:16:25,235 --> 00:16:26,899
Welcome to the family,
Leonard.

371
00:16:26,901 --> 00:16:29,116
Don't lend your new
brother-in-law money.

372
00:16:34,652 --> 00:16:37,066
We're here today
to celebrate love.

373
00:16:40,235 --> 00:16:42,483
Sigh louder,
no one heard you.

374
00:16:44,485 --> 00:16:46,316
Really, I can move.

375
00:16:47,652 --> 00:16:49,533
Not just Leonard and
Penny's love, but the love

376
00:16:49,535 --> 00:16:51,816
we have for them,
as well as each other.

377
00:16:51,818 --> 00:16:56,149
Speaking of love, STDs among
the elderly are skyrocketing.

378
00:16:58,984 --> 00:17:01,149
Love is patient,
but it's not gonna put up

379
00:17:01,151 --> 00:17:03,816
with all the side chatter,
so let's knock it off!

380
00:17:05,485 --> 00:17:07,732
At least she's yelling at
someone else for a change.

381
00:17:07,734 --> 00:17:09,949
Howard!

382
00:17:13,818 --> 00:17:15,533
Okay, I understand everyone's
a little tense today,

383
00:17:15,535 --> 00:17:18,032
so I am just gonna get
to the important stuff.

384
00:17:18,034 --> 00:17:21,366
Leonard, standing here
with you in front

385
00:17:21,368 --> 00:17:25,283
of our family and friends is
bringing up a lot of feelings.

386
00:17:26,318 --> 00:17:29,366
Like what a good idea it was
to elope the first time.

387
00:17:31,235 --> 00:17:34,732
But also how incredibly
happy you make me.

388
00:17:36,068 --> 00:17:37,816
Thank you for marrying me.

389
00:17:37,818 --> 00:17:39,649
Hopefully for the last time.

390
00:17:42,617 --> 00:17:44,366
Penny...

391
00:17:44,368 --> 00:17:48,032
as a scientist, my job is to
figure out why things happen.

392
00:17:48,034 --> 00:17:51,233
But I don't think
I'll ever understand

393
00:17:51,235 --> 00:17:55,732
how someone like me could get
to be with someone like you.

394
00:17:56,818 --> 00:17:59,816
You know... maybe... I don't
need to understand it,

395
00:17:59,818 --> 00:18:00,899
I just need to be grateful.

396
00:18:00,901 --> 00:18:02,066
I love you, Penny.

397
00:18:02,068 --> 00:18:03,866
Oh...

398
00:18:05,485 --> 00:18:08,450
Anybody have anything snarky
to say about that?

399
00:18:10,485 --> 00:18:12,533
Didn't think so.

400
00:18:13,485 --> 00:18:15,116
I'd like to say something.

401
00:18:16,318 --> 00:18:18,949
Beverly, I know that
we don't bring out

402
00:18:18,951 --> 00:18:20,316
the best in each other.

403
00:18:20,318 --> 00:18:24,483
But something wonderful did
come from our relationship:

404
00:18:24,485 --> 00:18:25,782
that young man right there.

405
00:18:26,818 --> 00:18:28,649
I couldn't agree more.

406
00:18:30,951 --> 00:18:33,233
That's beautiful.

407
00:18:35,285 --> 00:18:38,399
Thank you.
All right, let's continue.

408
00:18:38,401 --> 00:18:41,316
Yeah, excuse me,
I need to say something

409
00:18:41,318 --> 00:18:44,316
to someone pretty special,
and...

410
00:18:44,318 --> 00:18:46,450
I just can't wait any longer.

411
00:18:46,452 --> 00:18:48,149
It's happening.

412
00:18:48,151 --> 00:18:50,116
Leonard...

413
00:18:53,818 --> 00:18:56,316
You and I have
our ups and downs.

414
00:18:56,318 --> 00:18:59,699
But I have always considered
you my family.

415
00:18:59,701 --> 00:19:03,615
Even before the recent threat
of our parents fornicating

416
00:19:03,617 --> 00:19:05,450
like wrinkly old rabbits.

417
00:19:10,118 --> 00:19:14,399
I don't always show it, but you
are of great importance to me.

418
00:19:15,701 --> 00:19:17,399
Both of you.

419
00:19:17,401 --> 00:19:18,982
Oh...

420
00:19:18,984 --> 00:19:20,532
Thank you.

421
00:19:20,534 --> 00:19:22,032
Okay.

422
00:19:22,034 --> 00:19:26,450
I now pronounce you
husband and wife.

423
00:19:26,452 --> 00:19:28,949
And weird other husband who came
with the apartment.

424
00:19:40,716 --> 00:19:42,964
Thank you for taking us
to the airport.

425
00:19:42,966 --> 00:19:45,898
Hey, I'm just thrilled we're all
getting along for a minute.

426
00:19:45,900 --> 00:19:47,031
Yeah, me, too.

427
00:19:47,033 --> 00:19:49,681
Beverly, I'm sorry
if I upset you.

428
00:19:49,683 --> 00:19:51,331
Water under the bridge, Alfred.

429
00:19:52,666 --> 00:19:54,831
Leonard, why don't you get
into the carpool lane?

430
00:19:54,833 --> 00:19:56,747
Well, that's a solid line.
He can't cross it.

431
00:19:56,749 --> 00:19:58,081
That's okay.
I can make it over.

432
00:19:58,083 --> 00:19:59,465
No, no, let's plod along.

433
00:19:59,466 --> 00:20:01,747
It'll make your father feel
more comfortable.

434
00:20:03,300 --> 00:20:05,248
What makes me comfortable
is knowing I don't have to

435
00:20:05,250 --> 00:20:07,860
wake up tomorrow morning
and see your sour face.

436
00:20:09,891 --> 00:20:12,129
Do the world a favor, and
don't wake up tomorrow morning.

437
00:20:15,751 --> 00:20:17,440
That was almost a minute.

438
00:20:20,269 --> 00:20:22,608
There's a lot of traffic.
Are we gonna be okay?

439
00:20:22,777 --> 00:20:24,629
You'll be at the airport
an hour before your flight.

440
00:20:24,653 --> 00:20:25,490
Good.
Thank you.

441
00:20:25,514 --> 00:20:28,769
Plenty of time for you to meet
another geriatric boy toy.

442
00:20:31,113 --> 00:20:32,098
Hey.

443
00:20:32,122 --> 00:20:34,242
I will not have you
be disrespectful to me.

444
00:20:34,266 --> 00:20:35,333
Yes ma'am.

445
00:20:35,760 --> 00:20:37,518
Sheldon, you're mother's
an attractive woman.

446
00:20:37,721 --> 00:20:39,017
You need to get use to the fact

447
00:20:39,092 --> 00:20:40,742
that men are going
to be interest in her.

448
00:20:40,766 --> 00:20:43,392
Well.. and you need to drive
the car and mind your business.

449
00:20:44,873 --> 00:20:47,009
I will not have you
be disrespectful to me.

450
00:20:47,033 --> 00:20:48,062
What... you're not
my mother.

451
00:20:48,086 --> 00:20:49,662
Don't you be disrespectful
to her.

452
00:20:49,686 --> 00:20:50,685
Yes ma'am.

453
00:20:52,317 --> 00:20:53,199
You'll get there.

454
00:20:53,223 --> 00:20:55,364
You've just gotta put
some zing on it.

455
00:20:59,478 --> 00:21:01,792
Penny, I don't know what
I was worried about.

456
00:21:02,018 --> 00:21:03,462
You're friends are
just lovely.

457
00:21:03,486 --> 00:21:05,032
Oh, thanks, Mom.

458
00:21:05,203 --> 00:21:07,788
Although that Sheldon
is a bit peculiar.

459
00:21:09,540 --> 00:21:11,669
Is he?
I never noticed.

460
00:21:12,823 --> 00:21:14,895
He reminds me
of that turkey we had

461
00:21:14,897 --> 00:21:16,954
who drowned looking up
at the rain.

462
00:21:20,062 --> 00:21:22,204
Cops, cops, be cool!

463
00:21:23,990 --> 00:21:30,483
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man