1
00:00:01,088 --> 00:00:02,320
Good for Bert.

2
00:00:02,322 --> 00:00:04,823
Damn, the MacArthur
Genius Grant.

3
00:00:04,825 --> 00:00:06,324
Couldn't have happened
to a nicer guy.

4
00:00:06,326 --> 00:00:09,094
Everything is stupid
and I want to go home.

5
00:00:10,097 --> 00:00:11,996
That's Sheldon's way of saying

6
00:00:11,998 --> 00:00:13,231
he's proud of Bert, too.

7
00:00:13,233 --> 00:00:14,499
Ah.

8
00:00:14,501 --> 00:00:16,434
Hey, it's not even called
the "Genius Grant,"

9
00:00:16,436 --> 00:00:18,236
it's the MacArthur Fellowship.

10
00:00:18,238 --> 00:00:20,371
Just like it's
not Frankenstein,

11
00:00:20,373 --> 00:00:21,573
it's "Frankenstein's Monster."

12
00:00:21,575 --> 00:00:22,540
Which brings us back

13
00:00:22,542 --> 00:00:24,542
to that hulking
simpleton over there.

14
00:00:26,413 --> 00:00:27,679
And if anyone's a genius,

15
00:00:27,681 --> 00:00:29,547
it's me for the way
I brought that full circle.

16
00:00:31,485 --> 00:00:32,717
How much money did he win?

17
00:00:32,719 --> 00:00:33,952
Over half a million dollars.

18
00:00:33,954 --> 00:00:35,453
- Wow.
- And he doesn't have to use it

19
00:00:35,455 --> 00:00:37,756
for research, he can do
whatever he wants with it.

20
00:00:37,758 --> 00:00:41,259
Oh, good, maybe he can build
a nicer bridge to live under.

21
00:00:42,195 --> 00:00:43,762
Here he comes.
Right.

22
00:00:43,764 --> 00:00:44,729
Be polite.

23
00:00:44,731 --> 00:00:45,930
I know how to behave.

24
00:00:45,932 --> 00:00:47,198
Do you?

25
00:00:47,200 --> 00:00:49,200
Hey,
congratulations Bert!

26
00:00:49,202 --> 00:00:50,401
Yeah, good for you.
That's amazing.

27
00:00:50,403 --> 00:00:51,369
Thanks.

28
00:00:51,371 --> 00:00:53,404
I was as surprised as anybody.

29
00:00:53,406 --> 00:00:54,405
When they called
and told me

30
00:00:54,407 --> 00:00:55,874
I won, I didn't believe them.

31
00:00:55,876 --> 00:00:58,009
And then they said,
"No, you really won."

32
00:00:58,011 --> 00:01:00,945
And then I said, "Cool."

33
00:01:00,947 --> 00:01:03,448
Someone call
George R. R. Martin,

34
00:01:03,450 --> 00:01:05,750
this guy knows how
to finish a story.

35
00:01:05,752 --> 00:01:08,987
I've gotten pretty good
at telling it.

36
00:01:10,190 --> 00:01:11,623
Well, see ya.

37
00:01:12,692 --> 00:01:14,058
Some genius.

38
00:01:14,060 --> 00:01:16,995
I zinged him with sarcasm,
he didn't even notice.

39
00:01:17,864 --> 00:01:19,097
I know, and it was

40
00:01:19,099 --> 00:01:21,266
the greatest sarcastic
quip I've ever heard.

41
00:01:21,268 --> 00:01:24,469
Well, aren't you a peach.

42
00:01:48,371 --> 00:01:55,171
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man

43
00:01:55,359 --> 00:01:57,259
Who leaves their bike
in the hallway?

44
00:01:57,261 --> 00:01:58,594
You know,
if I knew how to ride one,

45
00:01:58,596 --> 00:01:59,828
I'd steal it.

46
00:02:00,698 --> 00:02:02,231
Ignore him,

47
00:02:02,233 --> 00:02:04,766
he's just cranky because Bert
from the geology lab

48
00:02:04,768 --> 00:02:05,767
won a big grant.

49
00:02:05,769 --> 00:02:07,903
Oh, I heard him
interviewed on the radio!

50
00:02:07,905 --> 00:02:09,304
You know, when they
told him he won,

51
00:02:09,306 --> 00:02:11,340
he didn't believe it,
but then he did believe it.

52
00:02:11,342 --> 00:02:12,941
It was so funny.

53
00:02:14,311 --> 00:02:16,612
Who listens
to the radio anymore?

54
00:02:18,415 --> 00:02:20,349
Bert is studying the way
microbes in rocks

55
00:02:20,351 --> 00:02:22,651
can survive in extreme
environmental conditions.

56
00:02:22,653 --> 00:02:24,319
They say it could be
a potential indicator

57
00:02:24,321 --> 00:02:25,621
of life on other planets.

58
00:02:25,623 --> 00:02:26,822
You know what, I've met Bert.

59
00:02:26,824 --> 00:02:30,259
Isn't he an indicator
of life on other planets?

60
00:02:31,729 --> 00:02:33,896
You used to
make those jokes about me.

61
00:02:35,065 --> 00:02:37,332
Now everything is
Bert, Bert, Bert!

62
00:02:38,736 --> 00:02:39,935
You know, Sheldon,

63
00:02:39,937 --> 00:02:41,003
maybe if you take the time

64
00:02:41,005 --> 00:02:42,337
to actually
read Bert's research,

65
00:02:42,339 --> 00:02:43,906
you'd be less bitter
about him winning.

66
00:02:43,908 --> 00:02:45,641
You want me to read

67
00:02:45,643 --> 00:02:47,342
a geology paper?

68
00:02:47,344 --> 00:02:48,810
Honestly, I just
want you to be quiet

69
00:02:48,812 --> 00:02:50,145
but I'm all out of taffy.

70
00:02:53,584 --> 00:02:55,317
You busy?

71
00:02:55,319 --> 00:02:57,486
There's somebody out here
who wants to meet you.

72
00:02:57,488 --> 00:02:58,720
Who is it?

73
00:02:58,722 --> 00:03:01,223
Say hello to everybody's
little friend...

74
00:03:01,225 --> 00:03:03,558
remote control
Stephen Hawking!

75
00:03:08,332 --> 00:03:10,098
Where did you get that?

76
00:03:10,100 --> 00:03:11,934
I found him in an old box.

77
00:03:11,936 --> 00:03:14,369
Why would you buy it?

78
00:03:14,371 --> 00:03:16,204
I didn't buy it.

79
00:03:16,206 --> 00:03:18,073
I made it.

80
00:03:18,943 --> 00:03:20,042
Last question.

81
00:03:20,044 --> 00:03:22,311
What is wrong with you?

82
00:03:23,213 --> 00:03:25,180
What's the big deal?

83
00:03:25,182 --> 00:03:26,982
Howie, it's in poor taste.

84
00:03:26,984 --> 00:03:28,383
No, it's not.
Check it out.

85
00:03:28,385 --> 00:03:29,651
He says fun stuff.

86
00:03:29,653 --> 00:03:31,620
Hey good lookin',

87
00:03:31,622 --> 00:03:33,622
want to go for a spin?

88
00:03:39,263 --> 00:03:42,698
His eyes also light up
in the dark.

89
00:03:48,605 --> 00:03:51,707
It's always fun watching him
read someone else's work.

90
00:04:05,923 --> 00:04:08,457
It's like scrolling
through the emojis

91
00:04:08,459 --> 00:04:10,792
on my phone.

92
00:04:11,628 --> 00:04:13,829
Ye... why?

93
00:04:15,599 --> 00:04:17,599
Eh, why?

94
00:04:19,503 --> 00:04:21,636
Oh, that's why.

95
00:04:21,638 --> 00:04:24,172
Sounds like the night
we had coitus.

96
00:04:26,777 --> 00:04:28,910
I hope you're happy
making me read this.

97
00:04:28,912 --> 00:04:30,512
Bert's work is remarkable.

98
00:04:30,514 --> 00:04:31,880
And I'm more upset
than ever.

99
00:04:31,882 --> 00:04:33,448
This is worse than
when I had to admit that

100
00:04:33,450 --> 00:04:36,451
Cedric the Entertainer's
actually entertaining.

101
00:04:36,453 --> 00:04:38,587
Sheldon, it's foolish

102
00:04:38,589 --> 00:04:41,023
to be angry that
Bert's work has merit.

103
00:04:41,025 --> 00:04:42,991
Yeah, well I-I am angry!

104
00:04:42,993 --> 00:04:44,493
And you telling me
not to be angry

105
00:04:44,495 --> 00:04:45,460
makes me angry!

106
00:04:45,462 --> 00:04:46,762
And do you know how
hearing myself

107
00:04:46,764 --> 00:04:48,797
say the word angry
over and over makes me feel?

108
00:04:48,799 --> 00:04:50,799
Ooh, a-angry?
What are you doing?

109
00:04:52,436 --> 00:04:55,103
I-I-I knew the answer.
I got excited.

110
00:04:56,473 --> 00:04:58,006
Hey, buddy, why don't
we go for a walk,

111
00:04:58,008 --> 00:04:59,141
so you can calm down.

112
00:05:00,210 --> 00:05:01,376
That's a good idea.

113
00:05:01,378 --> 00:05:03,478
I guess everyone's
having them now.

114
00:05:04,314 --> 00:05:06,248
Hey, I'm trying
to help you.

115
00:05:06,250 --> 00:05:07,416
Fine.

116
00:05:07,418 --> 00:05:09,651
You can walk ahead of me
and scare off the pigeons.

117
00:05:13,023 --> 00:05:16,324
Just wave your arms a little
and they fly away, it's not...

118
00:05:18,929 --> 00:05:20,362
Okay, Raj,

119
00:05:20,364 --> 00:05:21,997
I'm gonna
show you something.

120
00:05:21,999 --> 00:05:23,031
Now,

121
00:05:23,033 --> 00:05:25,700
one of us thinks it's offensive.

122
00:05:25,702 --> 00:05:28,003
The other thinks it's hilarious

123
00:05:28,005 --> 00:05:30,238
and a great idea.

124
00:05:31,141 --> 00:05:33,075
But, I'm not
going to tell you

125
00:05:33,077 --> 00:05:34,509
who likes it.

126
00:05:42,152 --> 00:05:44,352
This is tough.

127
00:05:45,923 --> 00:05:47,456
But I'm going to say

128
00:05:47,458 --> 00:05:49,324
it's the guy who
shows me YouTube videos

129
00:05:49,326 --> 00:05:52,160
of people getting hit
in the nuts.

130
00:05:53,897 --> 00:05:55,397
You're crazy.

131
00:05:55,399 --> 00:05:56,531
I've worked with Hawking.

132
00:05:56,533 --> 00:05:57,866
He's got a great sense of humor.

133
00:05:57,868 --> 00:05:58,834
And I think he'd like it.

134
00:05:58,836 --> 00:06:00,836
Okay, call him and show him.

135
00:06:00,838 --> 00:06:02,304
I dare you.

136
00:06:02,306 --> 00:06:04,539
I have no problem calling him.

137
00:06:04,541 --> 00:06:05,807
Fine, then do it.

138
00:06:05,809 --> 00:06:07,342
Fine, I will.

139
00:06:08,979 --> 00:06:12,647
While you're bothering the
world's most famous scientist,

140
00:06:12,649 --> 00:06:14,249
be sure to show him
how funny he looks

141
00:06:14,251 --> 00:06:16,451
getting stuck
under our dishwasher.

142
00:06:18,188 --> 00:06:19,688
What's this button do?

143
00:06:19,690 --> 00:06:23,091
Gentlemen,
start your wheelchairs.

144
00:06:26,230 --> 00:06:29,197
You laughed when that guy
got hit in the nuts.

145
00:06:31,869 --> 00:06:34,836
I laughed because
the guy was Leonard.

146
00:06:37,608 --> 00:06:40,375
I admire you, Leonard.

147
00:06:40,377 --> 00:06:42,677
Really, why?

148
00:06:42,679 --> 00:06:44,746
You're happy with who you are.

149
00:06:44,748 --> 00:06:47,282
You don't get jealous
of other people.

150
00:06:47,284 --> 00:06:50,218
Instead of being
weighed down by ambition,

151
00:06:50,220 --> 00:06:53,822
you just float along
like a dead body in a river.

152
00:06:56,693 --> 00:06:57,893
I couldn't just
take the compliment.

153
00:06:57,895 --> 00:06:59,227
I had to ask why.

154
00:07:02,432 --> 00:07:05,133
You know, I do understand
what you're feeling.

155
00:07:05,135 --> 00:07:07,068
My brother and sister's
accomplishments

156
00:07:07,070 --> 00:07:08,970
have always been
held over my head.

157
00:07:09,907 --> 00:07:11,339
How did you deal with it?

158
00:07:11,341 --> 00:07:13,942
I wet the bed until college,
but I don't think

159
00:07:13,944 --> 00:07:16,011
that's a quality fix.

160
00:07:18,048 --> 00:07:21,650
I can't believe I was
surpassed by a geologist.

161
00:07:21,652 --> 00:07:24,019
I mean...

162
00:07:24,021 --> 00:07:25,220
rocks!

163
00:07:25,222 --> 00:07:27,455
He studies rocks!

164
00:07:27,457 --> 00:07:30,458
If rock is so great,
how come paper beats it?

165
00:07:33,764 --> 00:07:35,163
Leonard, I'm having
a primal urge

166
00:07:35,165 --> 00:07:36,898
to throw this rock.

167
00:07:36,900 --> 00:07:37,933
Do it.

168
00:07:37,935 --> 00:07:39,801
Visualize it
as your anger

169
00:07:39,803 --> 00:07:42,003
a-and-and toss it
out of your life.

170
00:07:43,874 --> 00:07:46,074
Perhaps I will.

171
00:07:49,279 --> 00:07:51,046
This rock

172
00:07:51,048 --> 00:07:54,015
encapsulates
all my negative emotions.

173
00:07:54,818 --> 00:07:58,186
I will cast you far away.

174
00:07:58,188 --> 00:08:00,722
Feel free to take out a pigeon
while you're at it.

175
00:08:02,226 --> 00:08:04,359
Let it fly.

176
00:08:06,263 --> 00:08:08,463
Ow, ow, ow, ow,

177
00:08:08,465 --> 00:08:10,966
ow, ow, ow, ow...

178
00:08:12,135 --> 00:08:13,802
What happened?

179
00:08:13,804 --> 00:08:15,503
I tried to let go of anger

180
00:08:15,505 --> 00:08:18,039
and threw a rock
into my foot!

181
00:08:19,009 --> 00:08:21,142
Then he got more angry
and kicked the rock

182
00:08:21,144 --> 00:08:22,811
with his other foot.
Wha...?

183
00:08:22,813 --> 00:08:24,412
And what happened to you?

184
00:08:24,414 --> 00:08:25,714
Oh, I laughed so hard,

185
00:08:25,716 --> 00:08:27,482
I burst a blood vessel
in my nose. It's fine.

186
00:08:37,770 --> 00:08:39,870
You know, it's one thing
to be envious,

187
00:08:39,872 --> 00:08:41,405
but now you're
injuring yourself.

188
00:08:41,407 --> 00:08:43,307
It has to stop.

189
00:08:43,309 --> 00:08:44,542
Although if you are
gonna do it again,

190
00:08:44,544 --> 00:08:47,611
please let me know,
so I can get it on video.

191
00:08:47,613 --> 00:08:49,146
You know, Sheldon,

192
00:08:49,148 --> 00:08:51,716
instead of fixating
on what Bert has,

193
00:08:51,718 --> 00:08:52,683
you should appreciate

194
00:08:52,685 --> 00:08:54,652
all of the good things
in your life.

195
00:08:54,654 --> 00:08:56,153
Y-You've got love,

196
00:08:56,155 --> 00:08:57,421
you're in good health,

197
00:08:57,423 --> 00:08:58,823
you've got a roof
over your head.

198
00:08:58,825 --> 00:08:59,991
Yeah,

199
00:08:59,993 --> 00:09:01,792
but you've got all those things,

200
00:09:01,794 --> 00:09:03,794
and no one's lining up
to be you.

201
00:09:06,199 --> 00:09:07,431
Anybody else want to try?

202
00:09:07,433 --> 00:09:08,499
I'm gonna go
make some more tea

203
00:09:08,501 --> 00:09:09,867
and question
my life choices.

204
00:09:11,637 --> 00:09:12,670
You're up.

205
00:09:14,107 --> 00:09:17,842
This is getting old fast,
Dolores, knock it off!

206
00:09:18,711 --> 00:09:20,211
Uh, do you really think

207
00:09:20,213 --> 00:09:21,312
calling me names is helpful?

208
00:09:21,314 --> 00:09:22,246
I do!

209
00:09:22,248 --> 00:09:24,482
Your life is fine,
you big baby!

210
00:09:24,484 --> 00:09:26,017
Maybe you're right.

211
00:09:26,019 --> 00:09:27,385
Really?

212
00:09:28,621 --> 00:09:30,421
If it helps,
I'm questioning

213
00:09:30,423 --> 00:09:32,623
your life choices, too.

214
00:09:32,625 --> 00:09:33,924
Thank you, Penny.

215
00:09:33,926 --> 00:09:35,593
You know, I just need
to keep reminding myself

216
00:09:35,595 --> 00:09:38,229
that Bert's success
is not my failure.

217
00:09:38,231 --> 00:09:39,296
There you go.

218
00:09:39,298 --> 00:09:40,631
And that men
of his large stature

219
00:09:40,633 --> 00:09:42,299
are more susceptible
to a wide array

220
00:09:42,301 --> 00:09:45,002
of life-threatening diseases.

221
00:09:45,004 --> 00:09:47,071
There you go...

222
00:09:52,412 --> 00:09:53,944
What's up?

223
00:09:53,946 --> 00:09:55,679
I'm conducting
a quick survey.

224
00:09:55,681 --> 00:09:57,915
Do you think this
respectful

225
00:09:57,917 --> 00:10:01,252
and loving tribute
to a great man

226
00:10:01,254 --> 00:10:03,287
is in poor taste?

227
00:10:11,297 --> 00:10:13,230
Yep.

228
00:10:15,368 --> 00:10:17,902
Do you think this is
in poor taste?

229
00:10:17,904 --> 00:10:19,637
Does it spin around
and do tricks?

230
00:10:19,639 --> 00:10:20,538
Yeah!

231
00:10:20,540 --> 00:10:21,672
Then yeah.

232
00:10:22,708 --> 00:10:23,941
What do you think?

233
00:10:23,943 --> 00:10:27,311
That is hilarious!

234
00:10:28,648 --> 00:10:29,914
Give me the remote control.

235
00:10:29,916 --> 00:10:31,882
I want to drive him
into the girls' restroom.

236
00:10:33,252 --> 00:10:35,486
All right, we're done.
It's offensive.

237
00:10:45,998 --> 00:10:48,299
Top of the afternoon,
gentlemen.

238
00:10:48,301 --> 00:10:49,567
You're in a good mood.

239
00:10:49,569 --> 00:10:52,269
Well, it's a new day.
I have a new outlook.

240
00:10:52,271 --> 00:10:54,405
You know, I realized
I don't need to worry

241
00:10:54,407 --> 00:10:55,673
about other people.

242
00:10:55,675 --> 00:10:59,143
I just need to think
more about myself.

243
00:11:01,681 --> 00:11:05,616
Oh, how will we ever
get used to the new you?

244
00:11:06,552 --> 00:11:08,853
Well, I'm glad to
see you moving forward.

245
00:11:08,855 --> 00:11:10,521
Bert did quality
research.

246
00:11:10,523 --> 00:11:13,724
And he deserves whatever
accolades he receives.

247
00:11:13,726 --> 00:11:15,593
What is going on?

248
00:11:15,595 --> 00:11:17,995
Did you upgrade
his software last night?

249
00:11:19,031 --> 00:11:20,865
I think he might be
learning on his own.

250
00:11:20,867 --> 00:11:23,701
Then the robot uprising
has begun.

251
00:11:25,138 --> 00:11:27,071
Excuse me, I need to pay Bert

252
00:11:27,073 --> 00:11:29,907
a proper congratulations.

253
00:11:32,478 --> 00:11:34,545
He doesn't just look
like C-3PO,

254
00:11:34,547 --> 00:11:36,213
now he walks like him.

255
00:11:37,483 --> 00:11:38,649
Bert?

256
00:11:38,651 --> 00:11:41,785
I wanted to let you know
that I read your research,

257
00:11:41,787 --> 00:11:44,788
and your award is
well-deserved.

258
00:11:44,790 --> 00:11:47,892
Thanks. I've been
hearing that a lot.

259
00:11:47,894 --> 00:11:51,028
Ever since I won,
people think I'm great.

260
00:11:51,030 --> 00:11:53,531
Well, just this once,

261
00:11:53,533 --> 00:11:56,333
you can count me as people, too.

262
00:11:58,571 --> 00:12:01,205
You know, as a
MacArthur Grant winner,

263
00:12:01,207 --> 00:12:03,541
I'm allowed to nominate
someone for next year.

264
00:12:03,543 --> 00:12:06,277
Really?

265
00:12:06,279 --> 00:12:08,179
I didn't know that.

266
00:12:08,181 --> 00:12:09,380
So I was thinking,
you know,

267
00:12:09,382 --> 00:12:10,915
engineers don't get
a lot of respect.

268
00:12:10,917 --> 00:12:14,585
Is your friend Howard
working on anything cool?

269
00:12:17,156 --> 00:12:18,789
You know, I-I'm not sure.

270
00:12:18,791 --> 00:12:20,958
You know, you'd have to ask him.

271
00:12:20,960 --> 00:12:22,159
Excuse me.

272
00:12:30,036 --> 00:12:31,502
Aah!

273
00:12:33,673 --> 00:12:37,341
Leonard!
I hurt myself again.

274
00:12:39,011 --> 00:12:42,580
Excuse me, I-I have to
go take some pictures.

275
00:12:44,750 --> 00:12:47,451
I can't believe you
head-butted a water fountain.

276
00:12:48,888 --> 00:12:52,856
No, I went to punch
the water fountain,

277
00:12:52,858 --> 00:12:55,059
slipped in water in front
of the water fountain,

278
00:12:55,061 --> 00:12:58,162
and hit my head
on the water fountain.

279
00:12:58,164 --> 00:13:00,998
I can't imagine you
being violent.

280
00:13:01,000 --> 00:13:03,200
It's not hard.
Just picture the Three Stooges,

281
00:13:03,202 --> 00:13:05,469
and then take away two stooges.

282
00:13:06,606 --> 00:13:09,006
I'm so disappointed
in myself.

283
00:13:09,008 --> 00:13:11,575
Jealousy is
completely illogical.

284
00:13:11,577 --> 00:13:13,143
It's a human
emotion, Sheldon.

285
00:13:13,145 --> 00:13:14,511
Everyone gets jealous.

286
00:13:14,513 --> 00:13:16,213
I'm jealous of
Leonard and Penny

287
00:13:16,215 --> 00:13:17,248
and Howard and Bernadette

288
00:13:17,250 --> 00:13:19,016
for being in such
happy relationships.

289
00:13:19,018 --> 00:13:21,885
What about me and Sheldon?

290
00:13:23,856 --> 00:13:25,055
Sure.

291
00:13:28,561 --> 00:13:30,594
I've always been jealous
of how much money

292
00:13:30,596 --> 00:13:32,396
Raj's family has.

293
00:13:32,398 --> 00:13:34,131
Thank you for saying that.
Next to buying things,

294
00:13:34,133 --> 00:13:37,101
that is the best part
about having money.

295
00:13:37,103 --> 00:13:38,936
Ever since I met Penny,

296
00:13:38,938 --> 00:13:40,938
I've been envious
of her looks.

297
00:13:40,940 --> 00:13:43,140
Aw, thank you.

298
00:13:43,142 --> 00:13:44,975
That's why I was so happy
when you cut your hair off.

299
00:13:44,977 --> 00:13:46,043
What?

300
00:13:46,045 --> 00:13:47,678
You know what I mean.

301
00:13:47,680 --> 00:13:49,246
You were still hot,
but more like a

302
00:13:49,248 --> 00:13:51,949
"why'd that hot girl
cut off all her hair?" hot.

303
00:13:53,152 --> 00:13:54,718
You liked my
short hair, right?

304
00:13:54,720 --> 00:13:57,521
Yeah... I loved it.

305
00:13:57,523 --> 00:14:00,858
Love you, love the hair, would
love to change the subject.

306
00:14:02,528 --> 00:14:05,362
Seriously, none of you liked it?

307
00:14:06,299 --> 00:14:07,865
I thought it was brave.

308
00:14:07,867 --> 00:14:10,467
Does that count as liking it?

309
00:14:11,837 --> 00:14:13,437
You know, how come
nobody's talking about

310
00:14:13,439 --> 00:14:15,606
Howard's dopey haircut?

311
00:14:18,611 --> 00:14:20,144
I think he looks cute.

312
00:14:20,146 --> 00:14:21,278
And I think
you're cute.

313
00:14:21,280 --> 00:14:22,413
I think you're both cute.

314
00:14:22,415 --> 00:14:24,848
I think I hate all of you nerds.

315
00:14:31,223 --> 00:14:32,856
Sorry I'm moving slowly.

316
00:14:32,858 --> 00:14:33,991
Oh, I don't mind.

317
00:14:33,993 --> 00:14:36,026
If you pull a butterscotch
out of your pocket,

318
00:14:36,028 --> 00:14:38,996
it would be like I'm
walking with my grandma.

319
00:14:41,233 --> 00:14:43,067
Oh, no.

320
00:14:47,173 --> 00:14:50,007
Did you...
A plaque?

321
00:14:50,009 --> 00:14:52,576
Nobody wants to see this.

322
00:14:52,578 --> 00:14:55,145
Well, change "plaque"
to "mixed-race couple"

323
00:14:55,147 --> 00:14:57,681
and you are my grandma.

324
00:14:57,683 --> 00:15:00,250
I can't take this anymore.

325
00:15:01,854 --> 00:15:04,922
Bert. Bert.
Bert!

326
00:15:04,924 --> 00:15:06,156
Come in.

327
00:15:06,158 --> 00:15:08,692
All right, let's do this...

328
00:15:13,032 --> 00:15:14,565
Bert?

329
00:15:14,567 --> 00:15:15,933
We need to talk.

330
00:15:15,935 --> 00:15:17,134
What happened to you?

331
00:15:17,136 --> 00:15:19,770
Rock, rock, water fountain.

332
00:15:22,408 --> 00:15:23,807
I am not proud of this.

333
00:15:23,809 --> 00:15:26,877
But I have been envious
of your recent success.

334
00:15:26,879 --> 00:15:30,414
Wow, I won the MacArthur Grant,

335
00:15:30,416 --> 00:15:31,849
everyone's jealous of me.

336
00:15:31,851 --> 00:15:35,386
Once I get Lasik, I'll be
out of things to wish for.

337
00:15:36,489 --> 00:15:38,689
I was hoping by admitting
my weakness to you,

338
00:15:38,691 --> 00:15:40,591
I'd somehow be unburdened.

339
00:15:40,593 --> 00:15:41,859
Is it working?
No.

340
00:15:41,861 --> 00:15:42,926
Now that you know my weakness,

341
00:15:42,928 --> 00:15:44,228
I hate you more than ever.

342
00:15:46,165 --> 00:15:48,932
Well, you know, we're
both pretty smart.

343
00:15:48,934 --> 00:15:50,467
I bet if we put
our heads together,

344
00:15:50,469 --> 00:15:52,102
we could come up
with a solution.

345
00:15:52,104 --> 00:15:54,004
We... Hang on.

346
00:15:54,006 --> 00:15:56,340
You're my enemy.

347
00:15:56,342 --> 00:15:58,942
Now, the enemy of the enemy
is my friend.

348
00:15:58,944 --> 00:16:01,311
And right now,
I'm my own worst enemy.

349
00:16:01,313 --> 00:16:03,414
That makes you my fr...
Okay, I'm good to go.

350
00:16:04,917 --> 00:16:06,150
Great.

351
00:16:06,152 --> 00:16:07,551
Now that we're friends,
want to see if we can

352
00:16:07,553 --> 00:16:10,087
get tickets
to a taping of Ellen?

353
00:16:12,758 --> 00:16:14,391
You know what?
This isn't gonna work.

354
00:16:14,393 --> 00:16:17,995
Sheldon... wait.

355
00:16:17,997 --> 00:16:21,198
You know, you've got
a lot to be happy about.

356
00:16:21,200 --> 00:16:23,200
You're at the top
of your field,

357
00:16:23,202 --> 00:16:25,102
you have a great girlfriend.

358
00:16:25,104 --> 00:16:26,870
Yes! That's right!

359
00:16:26,872 --> 00:16:28,839
I have Amy!

360
00:16:31,977 --> 00:16:34,912
In the past, you've
professed feelings for her.

361
00:16:34,914 --> 00:16:36,380
Does it eat you up inside

362
00:16:36,382 --> 00:16:37,414
that I have her
and you don't?

363
00:16:37,416 --> 00:16:40,017
It used to.

364
00:16:40,019 --> 00:16:41,819
But now that I'm rich
and successful,

365
00:16:41,821 --> 00:16:43,921
I think I can do better.

366
00:16:46,125 --> 00:16:48,459
I can't believe
you punched Bert.

367
00:16:50,162 --> 00:16:51,862
I didn't punch him.

368
00:16:51,864 --> 00:16:53,597
He turned around,
and I gave him

369
00:16:53,599 --> 00:16:55,799
a Captain Kirk karate chop.

370
00:16:56,535 --> 00:16:57,501
I'm not even sure

371
00:16:57,503 --> 00:16:59,603
he knows I did it.

372
00:16:59,605 --> 00:17:01,305
Hey, Sheldon,

373
00:17:01,307 --> 00:17:03,640
I've got someone here who
might make you feel better.

374
00:17:03,642 --> 00:17:05,442
Hello, Sheldon.

375
00:17:05,444 --> 00:17:07,144
Professor Hawking!

376
00:17:07,146 --> 00:17:08,445
I understand

377
00:17:08,447 --> 00:17:11,148
you're struggling
with professional jealousy.

378
00:17:11,150 --> 00:17:14,318
Thanks, Leonard, now he's
not gonna think I'm cool.

379
00:17:15,387 --> 00:17:18,489
Don't worry,
I know how you feel.

380
00:17:18,491 --> 00:17:20,958
I have never won a Nobel Prize.

381
00:17:20,960 --> 00:17:23,894
Oh, wow, that
doesn't seem fair.

382
00:17:23,896 --> 00:17:24,862
It's fine.

383
00:17:24,864 --> 00:17:26,830
I've been on The Simpsons.

384
00:17:28,801 --> 00:17:31,568
How do you deal with
the success of your colleagues?

385
00:17:31,570 --> 00:17:32,936
I remind myself

386
00:17:32,938 --> 00:17:36,139
every scientific advancement
is a victory.

387
00:17:36,141 --> 00:17:39,710
Also, I was on Star Trek.

388
00:17:41,146 --> 00:17:44,081
Oh, it was a good one. He played
poker with Sir Isaac...

389
00:17:44,083 --> 00:17:46,550
You don't care.

390
00:17:46,552 --> 00:17:48,552
Don't waste your time
on jealousy,

391
00:17:48,554 --> 00:17:51,121
Sheldon, you're too brilliant.

392
00:17:51,123 --> 00:17:53,223
How can you feel bad

393
00:17:53,225 --> 00:17:55,526
if Stephen Hawking says
you're brilliant?

394
00:17:55,528 --> 00:17:57,227
I can't.

395
00:17:57,229 --> 00:17:59,229
Thank you, Professor Hawking.

396
00:17:59,231 --> 00:18:00,831
You are a gift to mankind.

397
00:18:00,833 --> 00:18:03,767
There should be statues
of you everywhere.

398
00:18:03,769 --> 00:18:05,836
You know, the Lincoln Memorial
has a big chair.

399
00:18:05,838 --> 00:18:07,671
We could swap you right in.

400
00:18:09,942 --> 00:18:13,911
I always thought a motorized toy
of me would be cool.

401
00:18:17,216 --> 00:18:19,283
What a wonderful idea!

402
00:18:19,285 --> 00:18:21,752
How does this man
not have a Nobel?

403
00:18:21,754 --> 00:18:23,754
Do not tell Wolowitz.
Way ahead of you.

404
00:18:32,360 --> 00:18:34,594
A new study came out,
and it said that laughing

405
00:18:34,596 --> 00:18:37,030
makes your brain work better.

406
00:18:37,032 --> 00:18:38,831
And I know that's true
because laughing

407
00:18:38,833 --> 00:18:40,967
has made me the "smartiest."

408
00:18:42,404 --> 00:18:43,703
Although, on the other hand,

409
00:18:43,705 --> 00:18:45,505
babies laugh a lot,
and they're dumb.

410
00:18:46,975 --> 00:18:48,808
Do people know about her?

411
00:18:48,810 --> 00:18:50,310
'Cause she's delightful.

412
00:18:52,738 --> 00:18:59,538
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man