1
00:00:00,814 --> 00:00:02,678
Yeah. Let me finish
packing this stuff up.

2
00:00:02,680 --> 00:00:04,945
You know how Sheldon is
if he sees Christmas stuff

3
00:00:04,947 --> 00:00:06,546
lying around after New Year's.

4
00:00:06,548 --> 00:00:08,945
Yeah, but he doesn't
live here anymore.

5
00:00:08,947 --> 00:00:10,678
Well, he doesn't live at
Walmart, but he still threw

6
00:00:10,680 --> 00:00:14,912
a tantrum when he saw
Marshmallow Peeps after Easter.

7
00:00:14,914 --> 00:00:16,579
And that's the same man
who complains

8
00:00:16,581 --> 00:00:20,012
you can't find Marshmallow Peeps
after Easter.

9
00:00:21,514 --> 00:00:23,845
Oh. It's Bernadette.
She says they're running late.

10
00:00:23,847 --> 00:00:25,279
"The baby threw up on Howard,

11
00:00:25,281 --> 00:00:28,212
and then Howard threw up
on Howard."

12
00:00:28,214 --> 00:00:31,345
Well, he didn't throw up
on the baby. That's a win.

13
00:00:32,514 --> 00:00:34,279
- Hello.
- Hi.

14
00:00:34,281 --> 00:00:35,678
Hi! Welcome back. How was Texas?

15
00:00:35,680 --> 00:00:38,379
Oh, you know. The
Lone Star state. Hmm.

16
00:00:38,381 --> 00:00:40,112
That should be its Yelp rating.

17
00:00:40,114 --> 00:00:43,279
It was not a great trip.

18
00:00:43,281 --> 00:00:44,379
Well, you're home now.

19
00:00:44,381 --> 00:00:45,745
Yeah. It is good to be home.

20
00:00:45,747 --> 00:00:48,812
I... Oh, good Lord!
Is that mistletoe?

21
00:00:48,814 --> 00:00:51,579
Don't you maniacs
own a calendar?

22
00:00:51,581 --> 00:00:54,778
I told him to take it down.
He would not listen to me.

23
00:01:19,511 --> 00:01:25,105
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man

24
00:01:25,115 --> 00:01:27,347
Did you at least have
a good flight down there?

25
00:01:27,349 --> 00:01:28,646
It was fine.

26
00:01:28,648 --> 00:01:30,846
Other than the weird-tasting
juice Amy gave me.

27
00:01:30,848 --> 00:01:33,546
I slept the whole way.

28
00:01:33,548 --> 00:01:36,680
So, what happened in Texas
that was so bad?

29
00:01:36,682 --> 00:01:38,113
And before our next
drive to Comic-Con,

30
00:01:38,115 --> 00:01:40,247
I need the name of that juice.

31
00:01:40,249 --> 00:01:44,013
Well, we were on our way
to my mother's house...

32
00:01:46,182 --> 00:01:49,813
How did we get in the car?

33
00:01:49,815 --> 00:01:51,580
Hold on.

34
00:01:52,349 --> 00:01:54,047
How did you get him
in the car?

35
00:01:54,049 --> 00:01:55,680
I rented one of those carts,

36
00:01:55,682 --> 00:01:57,947
pushed him toward the open
door and just let inertia

37
00:01:57,949 --> 00:02:00,480
take care of the rest.

38
00:02:03,282 --> 00:02:05,113
So, while we're at
your mother's house,

39
00:02:05,115 --> 00:02:08,913
it might be a good time to tell
her that we're living together.

40
00:02:08,915 --> 00:02:10,447
Do we have to?

41
00:02:10,449 --> 00:02:13,680
I really don't want
to hear the religious lecture.

42
00:02:13,682 --> 00:02:15,846
Maybe there won't be one.

43
00:02:15,848 --> 00:02:18,180
There's always one.

44
00:02:18,182 --> 00:02:20,780
She gave it to my sister
about her boyfriend,

45
00:02:20,782 --> 00:02:22,680
my brother about his girlfriend,

46
00:02:22,682 --> 00:02:24,846
my father about his girlfriend.

47
00:02:25,848 --> 00:02:29,580
That one had some
un-Christian words in it.

48
00:02:29,582 --> 00:02:32,013
Well, she likes me.

49
00:02:32,015 --> 00:02:34,513
You know, there's a chance
she might be okay with it.

50
00:02:34,515 --> 00:02:36,546
Eh, I don't know.

51
00:02:36,548 --> 00:02:38,646
I am her precious little boy.

52
00:02:38,648 --> 00:02:42,347
And you did take my flower.

53
00:02:44,316 --> 00:02:47,214
Do boys have flowers?

54
00:02:49,273 --> 00:02:51,081
Who knows what he has
down there.

55
00:02:51,105 --> 00:02:52,215
Mm.

56
00:02:52,216 --> 00:02:53,713
Anyway...

57
00:02:53,715 --> 00:02:56,247
Thank you, God, for the food
we are about to receive

58
00:02:56,249 --> 00:02:58,314
and for the nourishment
of our bodies

59
00:02:58,316 --> 00:03:00,347
and bless the hands
that prepared it.

60
00:03:00,349 --> 00:03:02,380
Amen.

61
00:03:02,382 --> 00:03:04,980
Given that your
hands prepared it,

62
00:03:04,982 --> 00:03:07,214
isn't that a little
self-serving?

63
00:03:07,216 --> 00:03:09,846
You start changing
the words to the prayers,

64
00:03:09,848 --> 00:03:14,013
next thing you know, you're
in a church with a guitar.

65
00:03:14,982 --> 00:03:18,347
Thank you for cooking,
it looks delicious.

66
00:03:18,349 --> 00:03:20,113
Oh, it's my pleasure. Mm.

67
00:03:20,115 --> 00:03:21,746
I'm so glad y'all could make it.

68
00:03:21,748 --> 00:03:23,180
So, tell me,
what's going on back home?

69
00:03:23,182 --> 00:03:26,746
Well, uh, Howard and Bernadette
had their baby.

70
00:03:26,748 --> 00:03:28,947
Oh, that's wonderful!

71
00:03:28,949 --> 00:03:34,113
Now, have they decided
to raise it Jewish or regular?

72
00:03:38,115 --> 00:03:40,380
Welcome to Texas.

73
00:03:40,382 --> 00:03:43,646
They haven't said.

74
00:03:44,748 --> 00:03:46,047
Anyway, we, uh, we also have

75
00:03:46,049 --> 00:03:47,780
some exciting news to share.

76
00:03:47,782 --> 00:03:50,280
Oh, wait, wait...
I... Shouldn't we just eat?

77
00:03:50,282 --> 00:03:53,080
You know, I mean, God did take
time out of his busy schedule

78
00:03:53,082 --> 00:03:55,347
to bless these Sloppy Joes.

79
00:03:55,349 --> 00:03:57,546
Come on, Shelly,
tell me your news.

80
00:03:57,548 --> 00:04:00,280
All right. This is on you.

81
00:04:00,282 --> 00:04:04,680
Amy and I are living together
in sin,

82
00:04:04,682 --> 00:04:07,947
like a couple of New Yorkers.

83
00:04:07,949 --> 00:04:11,613
Now, while you scold us, I'm
going to get a knife and a fork.

84
00:04:11,615 --> 00:04:13,646
Joe may be sloppy,
but Sheldon's not.

85
00:04:15,949 --> 00:04:17,947
Well, thank you
for letting me know,

86
00:04:17,949 --> 00:04:21,180
and I, for one, am thrilled.

87
00:04:22,715 --> 00:04:24,347
What?

88
00:04:24,349 --> 00:04:27,214
What... Where's the judgment?

89
00:04:27,216 --> 00:04:29,846
W-Where's the fire
and brimstone?

90
00:04:29,848 --> 00:04:31,980
Where's the part where you tell
us we're going to Hell

91
00:04:31,982 --> 00:04:33,479
and I say have you seen
the size of the bugs outside?

92
00:04:33,481 --> 00:04:34,646
We're already there!

93
00:04:35,949 --> 00:04:38,980
Obviously, I would prefer if you
weren't living out of wedlock,

94
00:04:38,982 --> 00:04:41,247
but given
your special circumstances,

95
00:04:41,249 --> 00:04:44,280
I'm very happy for you.

96
00:04:46,015 --> 00:04:50,446
And what "special circumstances"
are those?

97
00:04:50,448 --> 00:04:53,346
Oh, boy, I think it's
about to get bad.

98
00:04:54,548 --> 00:04:56,846
Shelly, how do I put this?

99
00:04:56,848 --> 00:04:59,479
By your third birthday,
you had memorized

100
00:04:59,481 --> 00:05:02,513
over a thousand different kinds
of trains,

101
00:05:02,515 --> 00:05:04,780
and I never imagined

102
00:05:04,782 --> 00:05:09,180
a woman getting aboard
any of them.

103
00:05:12,049 --> 00:05:15,247
What, so... You thought
I was going to be alone

104
00:05:15,249 --> 00:05:17,047
for the rest of my life?

105
00:05:17,049 --> 00:05:19,214
No! Just for the middle part.

106
00:05:20,381 --> 00:05:22,813
'Cause at the end
I assumed there'd be nurses.

107
00:05:24,348 --> 00:05:26,780
Well, this is highly insulting.

108
00:05:26,782 --> 00:05:28,513
Sheldon, don't overreact.

109
00:05:28,515 --> 00:05:30,580
I'm the child
she was worried about?

110
00:05:30,582 --> 00:05:31,913
I have a brother and sister

111
00:05:31,915 --> 00:05:33,646
whose combined
intellectual wattage

112
00:05:33,648 --> 00:05:35,880
couldn't power a potato clock,

113
00:05:35,882 --> 00:05:37,646
if I spotted them the potato.

114
00:05:41,115 --> 00:05:42,746
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

115
00:05:42,748 --> 00:05:45,947
Blah, blah, blah,
blah, blah, blah.

116
00:05:45,949 --> 00:05:46,947
What?

117
00:05:46,949 --> 00:05:48,280
Well, I was in my room,

118
00:05:48,282 --> 00:05:50,180
I couldn't hear
what they were saying.

119
00:05:52,149 --> 00:05:54,479
I'll take over from here.

120
00:05:54,481 --> 00:05:57,580
He's been in there a long time.

121
00:05:57,582 --> 00:06:00,446
Should I go talk to him?

122
00:06:00,448 --> 00:06:03,080
He's upset with me. I should be
the one who talks to him.

123
00:06:06,648 --> 00:06:08,479
Are you going to?

124
00:06:08,481 --> 00:06:10,446
Oh, heck no.

125
00:06:23,748 --> 00:06:27,513
Sheldon, what...
what are you doing?

126
00:06:27,515 --> 00:06:30,713
Just being
the un-socialized eccentric

127
00:06:30,715 --> 00:06:33,913
my mother
always thought I was.

128
00:06:35,049 --> 00:06:37,479
You startin' to see
why I didn't go in there?

129
00:06:38,782 --> 00:06:40,279
Sheldon, if you're trying
to prove me wrong,

130
00:06:40,281 --> 00:06:43,646
the tighty-whities on your head
ain't changing my mind.

131
00:06:44,615 --> 00:06:47,680
We're ignoring
the fins... Okay.

132
00:06:47,682 --> 00:06:50,413
Yeah. And I don't understand
why you're taking her side.

133
00:06:50,415 --> 00:06:53,413
By being my girlfriend, she's
saying you're a weirdo, too.

134
00:06:53,415 --> 00:06:55,580
I don't think that's
what she's saying.

135
00:06:55,582 --> 00:06:56,980
And...?

136
00:06:56,982 --> 00:06:59,746
That's exactly
what she was saying.

137
00:07:01,315 --> 00:07:03,413
Can you believe my mother
thinks we're both strange?

138
00:07:03,415 --> 00:07:05,080
Absolutely not!

139
00:07:05,082 --> 00:07:06,346
That's... too loud.

140
00:07:06,348 --> 00:07:08,880
Absolutely not.

141
00:07:10,062 --> 00:07:11,525
Well, after that,
Sheldon and I

142
00:07:11,526 --> 00:07:13,192
got out of the
house for a while.

143
00:07:13,194 --> 00:07:15,625
Well, first we buttered my feet
to get the swim fins off,

144
00:07:15,627 --> 00:07:16,958
and then we went out.

145
00:07:19,360 --> 00:07:21,424
You know, I'm sorry your
mother made you feel bad.

146
00:07:21,426 --> 00:07:23,925
But, you know, at the end
of the day, she was wrong,

147
00:07:23,927 --> 00:07:26,858
because you're not alone.

148
00:07:26,860 --> 00:07:28,558
You're right.

149
00:07:28,560 --> 00:07:30,658
I have Leonard
and Howard and Raj,

150
00:07:30,660 --> 00:07:33,458
Stuart, Penny,

151
00:07:33,460 --> 00:07:36,291
Leonard's mom, Bernadette,
Wil Wheaton...

152
00:07:36,293 --> 00:07:39,491
What about the woman who just
buttered your big flat feet?

153
00:07:40,326 --> 00:07:43,125
I was going chronologically.

154
00:07:43,127 --> 00:07:45,058
You're right between
Koothrappali's father

155
00:07:45,060 --> 00:07:48,092
and Omar, the one-eyed
Sparkletts guy.

156
00:07:48,094 --> 00:07:50,925
Well, let's try to not let it
ruin the rest of our trip.

157
00:07:50,927 --> 00:07:52,658
I knew we should've
never mentioned

158
00:07:52,660 --> 00:07:55,424
us living together
in the first place.

159
00:07:55,426 --> 00:07:57,058
She was gonna find out
eventually.

160
00:07:57,060 --> 00:07:58,291
Disagree.

161
00:07:58,293 --> 00:08:00,558
We've known about evolution
since 1859.

162
00:08:00,560 --> 00:08:04,491
She still believes in Noah
and his amazing zoo boat.

163
00:08:05,526 --> 00:08:06,858
This could have all been avoided

164
00:08:06,860 --> 00:08:08,524
if you'd only listened to me.

165
00:08:08,526 --> 00:08:11,191
Sheldon,

166
00:08:11,193 --> 00:08:13,337
I knew your mother was fine
with us living together

167
00:08:13,338 --> 00:08:15,269
because I already
told her we were.

168
00:08:17,456 --> 00:08:18,711
Why would you do that?

169
00:08:18,909 --> 00:08:20,607
This was a potential issue,

170
00:08:20,609 --> 00:08:22,340
so I got out ahead of it

171
00:08:22,342 --> 00:08:25,108
and I managed
the situation for you.

172
00:08:25,110 --> 00:08:28,674
You "managed the situation."

173
00:08:28,676 --> 00:08:29,874
That's right.

174
00:08:29,876 --> 00:08:32,807
So my mother thought I was
incapable of finding a mate,

175
00:08:32,809 --> 00:08:36,108
and my mate thinks I'm incapable
of running my own life.

176
00:08:36,110 --> 00:08:38,173
Not your whole life!

177
00:08:38,175 --> 00:08:40,007
I mean, science.
You got that.

178
00:08:40,009 --> 00:08:42,607
Organizing your sock drawer,
you're the king.

179
00:08:43,642 --> 00:08:46,440
But understanding
how other people are feeling,

180
00:08:46,442 --> 00:08:48,474
that's a weak spot for you.

181
00:08:48,476 --> 00:08:50,041
I have gotten
much better at that.

182
00:08:50,043 --> 00:08:53,474
Have you?
How am I feeling right now?

183
00:08:53,476 --> 00:08:55,640
What the... How should I know?

184
00:08:56,576 --> 00:08:59,941
Excited? Itchy?
Give me the first letter.

185
00:08:59,943 --> 00:09:03,007
You and I are in
a relationship.

186
00:09:03,009 --> 00:09:04,974
I help you with
your shortcomings,

187
00:09:04,976 --> 00:09:07,207
and you help me with mine.

188
00:09:07,209 --> 00:09:08,807
How would you feel
if I contacted

189
00:09:08,809 --> 00:09:10,474
your mother behind your back?

190
00:09:10,476 --> 00:09:14,340
Delighted that you showed any
interest in my family at all?

191
00:09:14,342 --> 00:09:15,774
"Delighted"?

192
00:09:15,776 --> 00:09:18,240
What... Not if I guessed
for a hundred years.

193
00:09:20,576 --> 00:09:22,874
Hi.
Hey, guys.

194
00:09:22,876 --> 00:09:25,041
Hey.
Hi. There's the little family!

195
00:09:25,043 --> 00:09:27,273
Hello.
Hello.

196
00:09:28,709 --> 00:09:30,507
And their Sherpas.
Mm-hmm.

197
00:09:31,743 --> 00:09:33,741
The baby's asleep,
can we put her in your room?

198
00:09:33,743 --> 00:09:35,374
Yeah. Go ahead.
Do you need help?

199
00:09:35,376 --> 00:09:37,240
No. I got it.

200
00:09:37,242 --> 00:09:39,507
Doubtfire, Poppins, follow me.

201
00:09:42,242 --> 00:09:43,674
Sorry we're late.

202
00:09:43,676 --> 00:09:45,907
Oh, it's no problem, Amy and
Sheldon were just telling us

203
00:09:45,909 --> 00:09:47,173
about their trip to Texas.

204
00:09:47,175 --> 00:09:48,374
Yeah. Here.

205
00:09:48,376 --> 00:09:49,540
I'll catch you up.

206
00:09:49,542 --> 00:09:51,607
How did we get in the car?

207
00:09:51,609 --> 00:09:52,640
Stop.

208
00:09:54,075 --> 00:09:56,674
Okay. They told Mary
they were living together,

209
00:09:56,676 --> 00:09:58,841
there was a fight, he
got his feelings hurt,

210
00:09:58,843 --> 00:09:59,854
then he put underwear
on his head...

211
00:09:59,878 --> 00:10:00,808
On purpose,

212
00:10:00,809 --> 00:10:03,440
not the way it used to
happen in high school.

213
00:10:03,442 --> 00:10:07,774
I was acting odd
intentionally.

214
00:10:07,776 --> 00:10:10,240
Really? So you can control it?

215
00:10:12,809 --> 00:10:14,240
Okay. Then what happened?

216
00:10:14,242 --> 00:10:16,440
Well, there's really
not much left to tell.

217
00:10:16,442 --> 00:10:19,007
I decided that my mother
views me as a child

218
00:10:19,009 --> 00:10:21,040
because I never went through
a rebellious phase,

219
00:10:21,042 --> 00:10:23,474
so, I got an earring.

220
00:10:26,676 --> 00:10:29,207
My mother made me
take it out.

221
00:10:31,909 --> 00:10:34,574
Amy put alcohol on it.

222
00:10:37,275 --> 00:10:40,707
And here we are.

223
00:10:40,709 --> 00:10:42,040
What did we miss?

224
00:10:42,042 --> 00:10:44,774
I couldn't explain it
if I tried.

225
00:10:53,126 --> 00:10:56,691
So tell me, how did Sheldon
look with an earring?

226
00:10:56,693 --> 00:10:58,424
Like the pirate who helps
the other pirates

227
00:10:58,426 --> 00:11:02,024
connect to the Internet.

228
00:11:02,760 --> 00:11:04,124
So what did you
and Leonard do?

229
00:11:04,126 --> 00:11:06,591
Actually, we got in
a pretty nasty fight.

230
00:11:06,593 --> 00:11:08,391
It might've been
the worst one we've ever had.

231
00:11:08,393 --> 00:11:09,424
Oh, my God,
what happened?

232
00:11:09,426 --> 00:11:11,057
Well, we had started

233
00:11:11,059 --> 00:11:13,258
binge-watching
Luke Cage together,

234
00:11:13,260 --> 00:11:15,591
and it was kind of
our thing, and then,

235
00:11:15,593 --> 00:11:19,691
I find out that she watched
two episodes without me.

236
00:11:19,693 --> 00:11:24,458
It's like I was excited
for a present and got socks.

237
00:11:25,460 --> 00:11:27,091
I don't understand how
that turns into

238
00:11:27,093 --> 00:11:28,758
the worst fight of your life.

239
00:11:28,760 --> 00:11:31,057
I don't understand
what's wrong with socks.

240
00:11:31,059 --> 00:11:33,124
To be fair,
we may have been on edge

241
00:11:33,126 --> 00:11:34,858
because of the Christmas tree.

242
00:11:34,860 --> 00:11:36,991
What happened
with the tree?

243
00:11:42,593 --> 00:11:43,791
You do make a cute elf.

244
00:11:43,793 --> 00:11:45,124
Oh, yeah?

245
00:11:45,126 --> 00:11:49,258
And you thought Spock ears
were only good for Comic-Con.

246
00:11:49,260 --> 00:11:50,858
Hey, hey, I just found a farm

247
00:11:50,860 --> 00:11:52,858
where they let you chop down
your own tree.

248
00:11:52,860 --> 00:11:58,491
Oh cool, I'll be like
a pointy-eared Paul Bunyan.

249
00:12:05,660 --> 00:12:08,224
Stupid idea.

250
00:12:08,226 --> 00:12:10,524
No, what's stupid is a physicist

251
00:12:10,526 --> 00:12:12,524
who doesn't understand
when you swing an axe,

252
00:12:12,526 --> 00:12:15,591
you don't let go.

253
00:12:15,593 --> 00:12:18,725
For the tenth time,
my mittens were slippery!

254
00:12:18,727 --> 00:12:20,024
Ugh.

255
00:12:20,026 --> 00:12:23,458
It's 70 degrees,
you didn't need mittens.

256
00:12:23,460 --> 00:12:26,758
You know how easily I blister.

257
00:12:26,760 --> 00:12:28,758
Yes, yes,
you bruise, you peel.

258
00:12:28,760 --> 00:12:32,658
It's like I'm married
to an old piece of fruit.

259
00:12:32,660 --> 00:12:35,091
Look, we could keep fighting
and let it ruin our night,

260
00:12:35,093 --> 00:12:37,957
or-or we can stop
and try to salvage the evening.

261
00:12:37,959 --> 00:12:40,091
Fine.
Thank you.

262
00:12:47,226 --> 00:12:48,224
Leonard?

263
00:12:48,226 --> 00:12:49,391
Yeah.

264
00:12:49,393 --> 00:12:53,725
There's something
on the windshield.

265
00:13:00,426 --> 00:13:02,091
You need a break?

266
00:13:02,093 --> 00:13:04,258
Do not need a break.

267
00:13:04,260 --> 00:13:05,758
There's no shame
in asking for a break.

268
00:13:05,760 --> 00:13:07,857
If I need a break,
I'll ask for a break!

269
00:13:07,859 --> 00:13:09,890
Ugh.

270
00:13:09,892 --> 00:13:10,957
Leonard?

271
00:13:10,959 --> 00:13:12,124
Yeah?

272
00:13:16,593 --> 00:13:18,424
There's a tree on you.

273
00:13:20,393 --> 00:13:22,924
Oh!

274
00:13:22,926 --> 00:13:24,091
Sh...

275
00:13:25,693 --> 00:13:26,825
Ooh.

276
00:13:26,827 --> 00:13:27,758
Ah.

277
00:13:27,760 --> 00:13:29,291
You want to
decorate it tonight?

278
00:13:29,293 --> 00:13:31,758
Yeah, with gasoline
and a match? Sure.

279
00:13:45,793 --> 00:13:49,558
I hope it kills us both.

280
00:13:49,560 --> 00:13:51,658
By the way,
if anyone asks,

281
00:13:51,660 --> 00:13:55,324
the elevator shaft
always had a tree in it.

282
00:13:55,326 --> 00:13:59,024
So Bernadette,
if I express

283
00:13:59,026 --> 00:14:02,691
interest in your baby will you
promise not to make me touch it?

284
00:14:02,693 --> 00:14:04,758
Sure.

285
00:14:04,760 --> 00:14:07,324
Hey, how's life
with your baby?

286
00:14:08,426 --> 00:14:10,491
Really? You're never
gonna touch their baby?

287
00:14:10,493 --> 00:14:13,358
To this day
I've never touched Stuart.

288
00:14:17,393 --> 00:14:21,224
It's been wonderful, Sheldon,
thanks for asking.

289
00:14:22,993 --> 00:14:25,790
Oh, please stop
crying, I'm begging you!

290
00:14:25,792 --> 00:14:27,691
I don't know what else to do!

291
00:14:27,693 --> 00:14:30,857
My boobs are empty.
Do you want lasagna?

292
00:14:34,460 --> 00:14:37,790
Shh, shh, shh,
it's okay, it's okay.

293
00:14:37,792 --> 00:14:39,524
Shh.

294
00:14:45,293 --> 00:14:47,491
What have we done?

295
00:14:48,693 --> 00:14:52,890
Hey, I found superhero
baby wipes,

296
00:14:52,892 --> 00:14:55,790
the perfect way
to clean up crime...

297
00:14:55,792 --> 00:14:57,224
and tushies.

298
00:14:58,660 --> 00:15:00,358
Ugh.

299
00:15:00,360 --> 00:15:02,458
It took me two hours
to get her down.

300
00:15:03,460 --> 00:15:07,191
Oh, you-you relax,
I'll take this shift.

301
00:15:07,193 --> 00:15:09,957
You know, in India when
my baby brother cried like that,

302
00:15:09,959 --> 00:15:11,724
the servants would
just take him far away

303
00:15:11,726 --> 00:15:14,124
so we couldn't hear it.

304
00:15:15,393 --> 00:15:19,124
Not always,
sometimes we'd leave.

305
00:15:22,059 --> 00:15:25,258
Hey, he got her to stop.

306
00:15:25,260 --> 00:15:26,757
That was so fast.

307
00:15:26,759 --> 00:15:27,924
Oh, he's really good with her.

308
00:15:27,926 --> 00:15:31,824
Yeah, he has a gift.

309
00:15:31,826 --> 00:15:34,391
What's the matter?

310
00:15:34,393 --> 00:15:37,458
Nothing,
these are happy tears.

311
00:15:37,460 --> 00:15:39,491
Oh, good.

312
00:15:39,493 --> 00:15:41,424
No they're not,
you bozo!

313
00:15:43,593 --> 00:15:48,124
How come Stuart can get her
to stop crying, but I can't?

314
00:15:48,126 --> 00:15:50,391
I mean, it's Stuart.

315
00:15:50,393 --> 00:15:55,258
Maybe she's playing possum
until he goes away.

316
00:15:55,260 --> 00:15:57,658
Not funny.

317
00:15:57,660 --> 00:16:00,757
She's tired, that was funny.

318
00:16:01,859 --> 00:16:04,991
Everyone's a better mom
than me.

319
00:16:04,993 --> 00:16:07,224
Oh, don't take it so personally,

320
00:16:07,226 --> 00:16:10,524
maybe your baby's just a jerk.

321
00:16:14,859 --> 00:16:17,358
Wait, so how does
the story end?

322
00:16:17,360 --> 00:16:20,790
Is the baby a jerk
or is Bernadette a bad mother?

323
00:16:21,993 --> 00:16:23,491
Sheldon!

324
00:16:23,493 --> 00:16:24,724
W-What?

325
00:16:24,726 --> 00:16:25,824
Is there
another twist coming?

326
00:16:25,826 --> 00:16:27,790
Is the baby
not theirs at all?

327
00:16:29,426 --> 00:16:30,524
Ignore him.

328
00:16:30,526 --> 00:16:32,391
How did you get
the baby to stop crying?

329
00:16:32,393 --> 00:16:35,757
Oh, I just talked to her.

330
00:16:35,759 --> 00:16:40,690
I've been told the sound of
my voice puts people to sleep.

331
00:16:44,260 --> 00:16:46,358
You poor things,
you must be exhausted.

332
00:16:46,360 --> 00:16:50,524
It has been hard to sleep
with all the crying.

333
00:16:56,426 --> 00:16:58,458
How can she hate me?

334
00:16:58,460 --> 00:17:01,558
I make her food
in my chest!

335
00:17:03,260 --> 00:17:07,924
It's like hating
a frozen yogurt machine.

336
00:17:07,926 --> 00:17:10,957
She doesn't hate you,
stop saying that.

337
00:17:10,959 --> 00:17:14,491
Now you hate me too!

338
00:17:14,493 --> 00:17:16,991
Shh, I don't hate you.

339
00:17:30,159 --> 00:17:33,857
It says here that
up to 80% of new mothers

340
00:17:33,859 --> 00:17:35,524
experience baby blues.

341
00:17:35,526 --> 00:17:37,157
And that
the best thing to do

342
00:17:37,159 --> 00:17:39,824
is reassure them that
they're doing a good job.

343
00:17:39,826 --> 00:17:40,790
Bernadette,

344
00:17:40,792 --> 00:17:45,091
you are doing
a good job.

345
00:17:45,093 --> 00:17:48,424
Thank you, Sheldon,
I'm feeling better now.

346
00:17:48,426 --> 00:17:50,024
Thank you, Internet.

347
00:17:50,026 --> 00:17:51,724
I'm telling you,
with the right YouTube video,

348
00:17:51,726 --> 00:17:54,391
I can give Howard
a vasectomy.

349
00:17:56,959 --> 00:17:58,991
So things started
to turn around?

350
00:17:58,993 --> 00:18:02,391
Yeah, eventually I figured out
how to get the baby to sleep.

351
00:18:02,393 --> 00:18:06,057
Please tell me you didn't use
Amy's magic juice.

352
00:18:13,859 --> 00:18:15,590
- Bernie?
- Shh.

353
00:18:15,592 --> 00:18:16,657
She's asleep.

354
00:18:16,659 --> 00:18:18,024
Great.

355
00:18:19,592 --> 00:18:22,957
And where are you?

356
00:18:22,959 --> 00:18:25,157
Down here.

357
00:18:35,393 --> 00:18:36,590
Oh.

358
00:18:36,592 --> 00:18:38,458
This is new.

359
00:18:38,460 --> 00:18:39,890
I didn't know
what else to do.

360
00:18:39,892 --> 00:18:42,157
It worked.

361
00:18:42,159 --> 00:18:45,191
Well, I'd say that's
thinking outside the box,

362
00:18:45,193 --> 00:18:47,424
but...
come on.

363
00:18:49,926 --> 00:18:52,091
Don't make me laugh.

364
00:18:52,626 --> 00:18:55,624
Oh.

365
00:18:55,626 --> 00:18:57,491
Do you need help getting out?

366
00:18:57,493 --> 00:18:59,258
I think I live here now.

367
00:19:01,493 --> 00:19:03,590
It's fine.

368
00:19:03,592 --> 00:19:05,490
Is it okay if I get some sleep?

369
00:19:05,492 --> 00:19:07,324
Yeah, go ahead.

370
00:19:11,926 --> 00:19:13,191
Good job, Mommy.

371
00:19:14,460 --> 00:19:15,924
I'm proud of you.

372
00:19:15,926 --> 00:19:19,890
Don't make me cry, either.

373
00:19:19,892 --> 00:19:22,757
Good night.

374
00:19:22,759 --> 00:19:24,857
I love both my girls.

375
00:19:24,859 --> 00:19:27,024
We love you, too.

376
00:19:33,426 --> 00:19:34,957
I can't believe
you fit in the crib.

377
00:19:34,959 --> 00:19:37,890
I could take a bath
in the sink.

378
00:19:39,093 --> 00:19:41,523
I don't, but I can.

379
00:19:42,559 --> 00:19:44,391
So how were your holidays?

380
00:19:44,393 --> 00:19:46,291
Oh, thank you for asking.

381
00:19:46,293 --> 00:19:49,358
Uh, I, uh,
went to visit my grandmother.

382
00:19:49,360 --> 00:19:51,258
She's in Bakersfield.

383
00:19:51,260 --> 00:19:54,358
Uh, usually my brother
and sister go...

384
00:19:57,126 --> 00:19:59,324
Oh, come on!

385
00:20:08,436 --> 00:20:09,667
That was fun, thank you.

386
00:20:09,669 --> 00:20:11,001
Yeah, thanks.

387
00:20:11,003 --> 00:20:12,867
Our pleasure.
See you guys at work.

388
00:20:12,869 --> 00:20:14,068
Be there bright and early.

389
00:20:14,070 --> 00:20:15,567
Not me, paternity leave.
Oh!

390
00:20:15,569 --> 00:20:16,967
A small human

391
00:20:16,969 --> 00:20:18,567
wreaks havoc
on his wife's genitals

392
00:20:18,569 --> 00:20:21,168
and he gets time off.

393
00:20:21,170 --> 00:20:23,368
With pay, sucka!

394
00:20:27,436 --> 00:20:29,368
Forgot the baby,
still new to this.

395
00:20:32,893 --> 00:20:39,686
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man