1
00:00:02,875 --> 00:00:04,690
Previously on
The Big Bang Theory...

2
00:00:04,691 --> 00:00:07,351
Please stop crying.

3
00:00:07,352 --> 00:00:10,456
I'm begging you.
I don't know what else to do.

4
00:00:10,457 --> 00:00:12,125
My boobs are empty.

5
00:00:12,127 --> 00:00:13,896
Do you want lasagna?

6
00:00:18,406 --> 00:00:20,575
It's okay, it's okay.

7
00:00:20,577 --> 00:00:22,012
Shh...

8
00:00:28,326 --> 00:00:31,497
What have we done?

9
00:00:36,209 --> 00:00:38,277
What... what's all this?

10
00:00:38,279 --> 00:00:40,715
Well, it sounded like
you were having a rough day,

11
00:00:40,717 --> 00:00:43,087
so I wanted you to come home
to something nice.

12
00:00:43,089 --> 00:00:45,658
Oh, that is so thoughtful.

13
00:00:45,660 --> 00:00:47,229
Hey, do you remember when
we went wine tasting

14
00:00:47,231 --> 00:00:48,498
in Santa Barbara
and you said

15
00:00:48,500 --> 00:00:50,068
that was the best
rosé you'd ever had?

16
00:00:50,070 --> 00:00:52,506
Yeah, I remember
us driving up there,

17
00:00:52,508 --> 00:00:55,345
going to the winery and...

18
00:00:55,347 --> 00:00:57,315
that's it.

19
00:00:57,317 --> 00:00:58,718
And this wine is why.

20
00:00:58,720 --> 00:01:00,823
Oh.

21
00:01:00,825 --> 00:01:02,559
Hey, what smells so good?

22
00:01:02,561 --> 00:01:05,298
I made your favorite:
pizza bagels!

23
00:01:06,402 --> 00:01:09,106
Pink wine and pizza bagels?

24
00:01:09,108 --> 00:01:11,744
It's like eighth grade
all over again.

25
00:01:11,746 --> 00:01:14,951
I am so lucky to have you.

26
00:01:14,953 --> 00:01:16,153
Well, now be careful,
these are hot.

27
00:01:16,155 --> 00:01:17,756
I-I could explain
the thermodynamics

28
00:01:17,758 --> 00:01:20,028
of why the cheese seems
hotter than the crust,

29
00:01:20,030 --> 00:01:21,831
but instead, I'm gonna
keep it to myself.

30
00:01:21,833 --> 00:01:22,867
Oh.

31
00:01:22,869 --> 00:01:25,806
You always know what not to say.

32
00:01:25,808 --> 00:01:28,511
I just, I can't believe
you did all this.

33
00:01:28,513 --> 00:01:29,814
Well, you know,

34
00:01:29,816 --> 00:01:32,652
it's easy to take each
other for granted and

35
00:01:32,654 --> 00:01:35,325
I never want to do
that to you, because

36
00:01:35,327 --> 00:01:37,897
your love,

37
00:01:37,899 --> 00:01:40,034
it's like a river.

38
00:01:40,036 --> 00:01:42,807
It's peaceful and deep.

39
00:01:42,809 --> 00:01:45,245
Your soul is,
it's like a secret

40
00:01:45,247 --> 00:01:48,317
that I never could keep.

41
00:01:48,319 --> 00:01:51,590
You did not just
quote an NSYNC song.

42
00:01:53,062 --> 00:01:55,331
I quoted your favorite
NSYNC song.

43
00:01:56,435 --> 00:01:58,137
Oh...

44
00:01:59,308 --> 00:02:00,375
Mm.

45
00:02:06,722 --> 00:02:08,591
Damn.

46
00:02:08,593 --> 00:02:10,896
I burped so hard,
I died in my game.

47
00:02:36,179 --> 00:02:37,715
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man

48
00:02:38,918 --> 00:02:41,287
Leonard, I've been
meaning to ask you:

49
00:02:41,288 --> 00:02:43,357
what size shoe
do you wear?

50
00:02:43,359 --> 00:02:44,493
Why?

51
00:02:44,495 --> 00:02:45,963
I'm trying to take
more of an interest

52
00:02:45,965 --> 00:02:47,900
in other
people's lives.

53
00:02:50,240 --> 00:02:51,073
That's nice.

54
00:02:51,075 --> 00:02:52,442
I wear a size
eight and a half.

55
00:02:52,444 --> 00:02:54,780
That's small.

56
00:02:55,818 --> 00:02:59,924
So, tell me, do you have
any plans for the weekend?

57
00:02:59,926 --> 00:03:01,560
Are you gonna laugh
at the answer?

58
00:03:01,562 --> 00:03:05,434
Only if the answer is
"shopping for baby shoes."

59
00:03:07,207 --> 00:03:08,340
If you must know,

60
00:03:08,342 --> 00:03:10,178
Penny won a spa weekend
from work

61
00:03:10,180 --> 00:03:11,580
and she's taking me.

62
00:03:11,582 --> 00:03:13,517
Oh, well you know,
that is interesting.

63
00:03:13,519 --> 00:03:16,423
I wonder what kind of infection
you'll come home with.

64
00:03:18,262 --> 00:03:20,498
My money's on fungal.

65
00:03:20,500 --> 00:03:25,041
They're still having girl"
night across the hall.

66
00:03:25,043 --> 00:03:27,579
Oh, so, hang out with me
and we'll have boys' night.

67
00:03:27,581 --> 00:03:29,583
At our age,

68
00:03:29,585 --> 00:03:31,620
why don't we call it
man's night?

69
00:03:31,622 --> 00:03:35,428
Because we just spent our
allowance on comic books.

70
00:03:38,135 --> 00:03:41,573
Penny, is it weird that
we're having girls' night here,

71
00:03:41,575 --> 00:03:42,877
but you don't
live here anymore,

72
00:03:42,879 --> 00:03:44,379
so it's basically
my girls' night?

73
00:03:44,381 --> 00:03:45,916
I hadn't really
thought about it.

74
00:03:45,918 --> 00:03:47,853
But now you're thinking about it
and it bothers you?

75
00:03:47,855 --> 00:03:49,623
I get that.

76
00:03:51,562 --> 00:03:54,566
Things going well with you
and Sheldon living together?

77
00:03:54,568 --> 00:03:55,836
Better than ever.

78
00:03:55,838 --> 00:03:58,674
He asks about my day,
takes an interest in my life.

79
00:03:58,676 --> 00:04:00,278
He's like my boyfriend
in college,

80
00:04:00,280 --> 00:04:03,183
except he's real,
so people can see him.

81
00:04:05,189 --> 00:04:06,657
I've been seeing him for years,

82
00:04:06,659 --> 00:04:08,929
I'm still not convinced
he's real.

83
00:04:10,300 --> 00:04:12,302
Hey, can I
ask you a question?

84
00:04:12,304 --> 00:04:13,771
You've been married
for a while.

85
00:04:13,773 --> 00:04:15,207
Is it normal
for the husband

86
00:04:15,209 --> 00:04:18,514
to kind of completely stop
giving a crap?

87
00:04:18,516 --> 00:04:21,053
Uh-oh, what's going on?

88
00:04:21,055 --> 00:04:23,023
Well, Leonard used to
do all these things,

89
00:04:23,025 --> 00:04:24,559
like bring me flowers

90
00:04:24,561 --> 00:04:27,165
and wear pants.

91
00:04:27,167 --> 00:04:30,237
It's okay,
Howie never has on pants.

92
00:04:30,239 --> 00:04:33,979
The Domino's guy brings
the pizza like this now.

93
00:04:33,981 --> 00:04:36,216
Well,
Sheldon always has his pants on.

94
00:04:36,218 --> 00:04:38,888
I don't think I could
pick his knees out of a lineup.

95
00:04:40,093 --> 00:04:41,226
Well, it's not
just the pants.

96
00:04:41,228 --> 00:04:42,595
Just, it's like since
we got married,

97
00:04:42,597 --> 00:04:44,299
he doesn't really
try anymore.

98
00:04:44,301 --> 00:04:45,768
Uh, Penny?

99
00:04:45,770 --> 00:04:47,038
I don't know how to say this,

100
00:04:47,040 --> 00:04:48,975
but this is
my first girls' night

101
00:04:48,977 --> 00:04:51,113
and you're kind of
bumming everybody out.

102
00:04:54,989 --> 00:04:57,392
All right, got Halley to sleep.

103
00:04:57,394 --> 00:04:59,095
Yeah, I heard you
on the baby monitor.

104
00:04:59,097 --> 00:05:01,366
Didn't think you could
turn the theme from Walking Dead

105
00:05:01,368 --> 00:05:03,303
into a lullaby.

106
00:05:04,408 --> 00:05:06,543
Yeah, got to get her
hooked on TV,

107
00:05:06,545 --> 00:05:09,249
or someday,
she'll want me to play outside.

108
00:05:10,053 --> 00:05:12,755
Boy, that floor is so squeaky.

109
00:05:12,757 --> 00:05:15,761
I'm surprised I didn't wake
her up walking out of the room.

110
00:05:15,763 --> 00:05:17,465
Have you tried anything
to fix it?

111
00:05:17,467 --> 00:05:19,302
Well, I put the rug down.

112
00:05:19,304 --> 00:05:20,404
It didn't help.

113
00:05:20,406 --> 00:05:23,110
I know. Blue shag.
What were you thinking?

114
00:05:24,781 --> 00:05:28,554
Did try nailing a couple
of the boards down.

115
00:05:28,556 --> 00:05:29,622
Did that do anything?

116
00:05:29,624 --> 00:05:31,259
Yeah, it left little
holes in the floor,

117
00:05:31,261 --> 00:05:32,662
that's why I
bought the rug.

118
00:05:41,048 --> 00:05:44,385
If you do that,
I'll win in eight moves.

119
00:05:51,768 --> 00:05:53,604
I'll win in five moves.

120
00:06:00,052 --> 00:06:02,121
I'll win in one move.

121
00:06:04,327 --> 00:06:06,530
Oh, no. Good game.

122
00:06:08,736 --> 00:06:10,070
Hey.

123
00:06:10,072 --> 00:06:11,239
Hey.

124
00:06:11,241 --> 00:06:12,608
Oh, Penny,
I'm trying

125
00:06:12,610 --> 00:06:14,445
to take an interest
in other people.

126
00:06:14,447 --> 00:06:16,183
Uh, how was
your girls' night?

127
00:06:16,185 --> 00:06:17,485
Oh, it was fine.

128
00:06:17,487 --> 00:06:19,756
Hmm. Did you have
anything to eat?

129
00:06:19,758 --> 00:06:21,293
Uh, chips.

130
00:06:21,295 --> 00:06:23,197
Anything to drink?

131
00:06:23,199 --> 00:06:24,599
Some wine.

132
00:06:24,601 --> 00:06:29,342
Well, I'm just playing tennis
against the drapes here.

133
00:06:29,344 --> 00:06:31,012
Just ignore him.

134
00:06:31,014 --> 00:06:32,816
Hmm. At least he took
an interest.

135
00:06:32,818 --> 00:06:35,054
What's that supposed to mean?

136
00:06:35,056 --> 00:06:36,156
Nothing.

137
00:06:36,158 --> 00:06:37,458
Hey, what's going on with you?

138
00:06:37,460 --> 00:06:39,062
I don't want to
talk about it.

139
00:06:39,064 --> 00:06:40,798
Well, hey,
come on, just tell me.

140
00:06:40,801 --> 00:06:43,337
Fine.

141
00:06:43,339 --> 00:06:44,974
Lately, I kind
of feel like

142
00:06:44,976 --> 00:06:46,276
you've been taking
me for granted.

143
00:06:46,278 --> 00:06:48,614
Wh-what? Where is this
coming from?

144
00:06:48,616 --> 00:06:49,782
Leonard.

145
00:06:49,784 --> 00:06:50,784
She might be drunk.

146
00:06:50,786 --> 00:06:53,523
All she had was chips.

147
00:06:53,525 --> 00:06:55,361
It's just, since we got married
you seem to think

148
00:06:55,363 --> 00:06:57,164
you don't have to try anymore.

149
00:06:57,166 --> 00:06:59,402
That is ridiculous.

150
00:06:59,404 --> 00:07:01,006
This is exactly why I didn't
want to talk about it.

151
00:07:01,008 --> 00:07:02,441
No, No, no, no.
Let's talk about it.

152
00:07:02,443 --> 00:07:03,978
I'm the one who's made
all the effort

153
00:07:03,980 --> 00:07:05,815
in this relationship
since day one.

154
00:07:05,817 --> 00:07:07,785
Please tell me
what more I could do.

155
00:07:07,787 --> 00:07:10,157
Okay. You know what?
Maybe I'll take Amy with me

156
00:07:10,159 --> 00:07:11,961
to the spa this weekend instead.

157
00:07:11,963 --> 00:07:14,098
Fine, go ahead.

158
00:07:17,674 --> 00:07:21,012
Amy is free.

159
00:07:22,417 --> 00:07:24,419
She had a harp lesson
on Saturday,

160
00:07:24,421 --> 00:07:26,156
but it got canceled...

161
00:07:26,158 --> 00:07:28,727
Boy, when you take an interest
in people,

162
00:07:28,729 --> 00:07:31,867
you really uncork
a geyser of nonsense.

163
00:07:34,809 --> 00:07:37,178
Okay.
Thanks, Daddy.

164
00:07:37,180 --> 00:07:40,384
He said the only way to really
fix an old floor like that

165
00:07:40,386 --> 00:07:42,722
is to tear it up
and replace the whole thing.

166
00:07:42,724 --> 00:07:44,659
That sounds expensive.
Hang on.

167
00:07:44,661 --> 00:07:46,229
No offense to her father,

168
00:07:46,231 --> 00:07:48,467
but he's not an
MIT-trained engineer.

169
00:07:48,469 --> 00:07:50,404
Thinking and building
is what you do.

170
00:07:50,406 --> 00:07:52,575
MIT's motto is
"Mind and hand,"

171
00:07:52,577 --> 00:07:56,316
which just so happens was also
my motto as a lonely teenager.

172
00:07:57,687 --> 00:08:00,657
Oh, come on. We just need
to be more creative.

173
00:08:00,659 --> 00:08:04,298
What if you didn't step
on the floor at all?

174
00:08:04,300 --> 00:08:05,567
Like, what if you...

175
00:08:05,569 --> 00:08:08,941
swung on a rope
from the ceiling?

176
00:08:16,091 --> 00:08:18,059
No.

177
00:08:18,061 --> 00:08:19,595
Okay. Um...

178
00:08:19,597 --> 00:08:22,001
Okay. What if you rig up
a pulley system

179
00:08:22,003 --> 00:08:24,605
and move yourself across
the room in a harness?

180
00:08:37,166 --> 00:08:39,035
No.

181
00:08:39,872 --> 00:08:41,172
I have one.

182
00:08:41,174 --> 00:08:43,043
What if you got
a giant slingshot

183
00:08:43,045 --> 00:08:45,214
and flung yourself
into the wall?

184
00:08:46,919 --> 00:08:48,520
Is that supposed
to be funny?

185
00:08:48,522 --> 00:08:50,057
Hold on.

186
00:08:56,806 --> 00:08:58,673
Yeah, that's funny.

187
00:09:00,881 --> 00:09:03,116
- All right, we're heading out.
- Mm-hmm.

188
00:09:03,118 --> 00:09:05,654
I'll call you when
we get to the hotel.

189
00:09:05,656 --> 00:09:08,260
And if they have any of those
tiny bottles of shampoo?

190
00:09:08,262 --> 00:09:09,997
I will bring them home
so you can show me

191
00:09:09,999 --> 00:09:11,332
how Godzilla takes a shower.

192
00:09:12,971 --> 00:09:14,272
Have fun.
Thanks.

193
00:09:14,274 --> 00:09:15,307
Are you ready?

194
00:09:15,309 --> 00:09:16,709
Uh-huh.

195
00:09:16,711 --> 00:09:18,113
Bye, Sheldon.

196
00:09:18,115 --> 00:09:19,515
You know what?

197
00:09:19,517 --> 00:09:21,887
I feel uncomfortable engaging
in a public display of affection

198
00:09:21,889 --> 00:09:24,525
while their relationship
is strained.

199
00:09:24,527 --> 00:09:27,298
Go ahead, it's fine.

200
00:09:27,300 --> 00:09:29,535
Bye.
Bye.

201
00:09:35,817 --> 00:09:37,618
Okay!
Let's go!

202
00:09:40,759 --> 00:09:41,759
Bye.

203
00:09:41,761 --> 00:09:43,029
Bye.

204
00:09:43,031 --> 00:09:44,332
I'll miss you.

205
00:09:44,334 --> 00:09:45,634
Yeah, I'll miss you, too.

206
00:09:45,636 --> 00:09:46,971
I'll miss you more.

207
00:09:46,973 --> 00:09:49,075
Well, if X equals the amount
that you'll miss me,

208
00:09:49,077 --> 00:09:50,711
then I'll miss you X plus one.

209
00:09:50,713 --> 00:09:53,683
If you miss me X plus one,
I'll miss you

210
00:09:53,685 --> 00:09:56,255
open paren X plus one,
close paren to the second...

211
00:09:59,130 --> 00:10:01,332
Thank you.

212
00:10:06,842 --> 00:10:08,811
You're sad, so I made you tea.

213
00:10:09,815 --> 00:10:11,416
Thanks.

214
00:10:11,959 --> 00:10:13,280
And it's just the way
you like it.

215
00:10:13,658 --> 00:10:15,126
Earl Grey?
Yes.

216
00:10:15,128 --> 00:10:16,128
Honey?
Yes.

217
00:10:16,130 --> 00:10:17,063
Unsweetened almond...
Good Lord!

218
00:10:17,065 --> 00:10:19,734
I made you tea.
Just drink it!

219
00:10:21,574 --> 00:10:23,442
Sorry, thank you.

220
00:10:23,444 --> 00:10:27,217
Well, what can we do
to cheer you up?

221
00:10:27,219 --> 00:10:29,187
I really don't know.

222
00:10:29,189 --> 00:10:31,258
You want to play Jenga?

223
00:10:31,260 --> 00:10:32,962
Or, uh, Ticket to Ride?

224
00:10:32,964 --> 00:10:34,064
Hearthstone?

225
00:10:34,066 --> 00:10:38,874
I... what would you be
the happiest losing at?

226
00:10:40,678 --> 00:10:42,514
I don't want to
play a game, Sheldon.

227
00:10:42,516 --> 00:10:47,457
Wow, and I remember when you
loved playing games with me.

228
00:10:47,459 --> 00:10:50,263
Maybe Penny isn't the only
relationship you're phoning in.

229
00:10:52,669 --> 00:10:54,504
It's not that I'd
stopped trying,

230
00:10:54,506 --> 00:10:57,510
it's just how
relationships progress.

231
00:10:57,512 --> 00:10:59,414
They start with infatuation,

232
00:10:59,416 --> 00:11:02,922
but over time mellow into
something more comfortable.

233
00:11:02,924 --> 00:11:05,026
Hmm. Yeah, you're right.

234
00:11:05,028 --> 00:11:06,628
It's like when
I first encountered

235
00:11:06,630 --> 00:11:08,199
the Pythagorean Theorem.

236
00:11:08,201 --> 00:11:09,668
You know,
I was blown away

237
00:11:09,670 --> 00:11:11,672
that the square
of the hypotenuse

238
00:11:11,674 --> 00:11:14,511
was the sum of the squares
of the opposite sides.

239
00:11:14,513 --> 00:11:17,217
Yeah, but now
I'm just like "eh."

240
00:11:20,926 --> 00:11:24,231
Okay, this grid
represents the room.

241
00:11:24,233 --> 00:11:28,405
All we need to do is plot out
where each squeak is

242
00:11:28,407 --> 00:11:30,811
and we can find a quiet
path to the crib.

243
00:11:33,417 --> 00:11:35,753
It looks like a map
from Dungeons & Dragons.

244
00:11:35,755 --> 00:11:37,223
Mm.

245
00:11:37,225 --> 00:11:40,696
Except the creature in the crib
is a level-nine poop monster.

246
00:11:40,698 --> 00:11:43,602
Okay, uh, you check
for squeaks,

247
00:11:43,604 --> 00:11:45,072
and I will
mark them down.

248
00:11:45,074 --> 00:11:46,375
Okay.

249
00:11:46,377 --> 00:11:49,447
Space A-3, here we go.

250
00:11:52,656 --> 00:11:55,026
It's squeaking. Mark it.

251
00:11:55,028 --> 00:11:57,865
It's nice to think that
you grew up in this room

252
00:11:57,867 --> 00:11:59,501
and now your daughter's
going to as well.

253
00:11:59,503 --> 00:12:03,342
Mm. I hope she has the same
amount of sex in it I did.

254
00:12:03,344 --> 00:12:04,879
None. Next square.

255
00:12:08,421 --> 00:12:10,589
Why do you bounce with your
hands in the air like that?

256
00:12:10,591 --> 00:12:13,362
It's a tradition of my people.

257
00:12:19,476 --> 00:12:21,111
"Material Girl"
needs to be retired.

258
00:12:21,113 --> 00:12:23,649
That is your karaoke song.

259
00:12:26,590 --> 00:12:30,496
Would you like to play
a driving game I invented?

260
00:12:30,498 --> 00:12:33,736
Is it about the failing state
of my relationship with Penny?

261
00:12:34,573 --> 00:12:36,608
Never mind.

262
00:12:38,414 --> 00:12:41,151
You know, Penny went to this spa
to be away from you.

263
00:12:41,153 --> 00:12:42,921
Are you sure
you should be going there?

264
00:12:42,923 --> 00:12:45,693
I don't want to wait two days
for us to work this out.

265
00:12:45,695 --> 00:12:47,697
Very well.

266
00:12:47,699 --> 00:12:49,434
You got married
spur of the moment.

267
00:12:49,436 --> 00:12:52,273
I don't see why your
divorce should be any different.

268
00:12:53,477 --> 00:12:55,379
I would pull this car over
and kick you out,

269
00:12:55,381 --> 00:12:59,487
but... if Penny dumps me,
you're all I got.

270
00:13:02,629 --> 00:13:05,466
When was the last time
you got a massage?

271
00:13:05,468 --> 00:13:07,370
Sheldon walked on my back
two weeks ago,

272
00:13:07,372 --> 00:13:09,474
but that was just 'cause
there was a spider on his pillow

273
00:13:09,476 --> 00:13:11,745
and he was trying to get away.

274
00:13:11,747 --> 00:13:13,950
Leonard stood on me once, too,

275
00:13:13,952 --> 00:13:17,557
but he was just trying
to see the Rose Parade.

276
00:13:18,929 --> 00:13:20,029
I don't know the protocol,

277
00:13:20,031 --> 00:13:22,233
are you gonna be naked
for your massage?

278
00:13:22,235 --> 00:13:23,402
Well. Yeah.

279
00:13:23,404 --> 00:13:27,009
Hmm. Then this is probably
too many clothes.

280
00:13:28,614 --> 00:13:29,882
Hey.

281
00:13:29,884 --> 00:13:31,351
What are you doing here?

282
00:13:31,353 --> 00:13:32,821
I came here to apologize.

283
00:13:32,823 --> 00:13:34,224
Okay. Leonard,
I really appreciate that,

284
00:13:34,226 --> 00:13:36,929
but I need a little time
to myself.

285
00:13:36,931 --> 00:13:38,432
Wha... Okay. I don't get it.

286
00:13:38,434 --> 00:13:39,869
You said make an effort.

287
00:13:39,871 --> 00:13:41,806
Here I am, making an effort.

288
00:13:41,808 --> 00:13:43,775
Hello, Amy. It's
nice to see you.

289
00:13:43,777 --> 00:13:47,550
Nice to see you, too.

290
00:13:47,552 --> 00:13:51,157
And that's how you make
effort look effortless.

291
00:13:51,159 --> 00:13:52,360
All right.
Can you please just go

292
00:13:52,362 --> 00:13:53,595
and we'll talk
about this tomorrow?

293
00:13:53,597 --> 00:13:54,597
I don't understand
what you want!

294
00:13:54,599 --> 00:13:56,301
I'm trying to figure it out!

295
00:13:56,303 --> 00:13:57,436
You know what? If you'd like,

296
00:13:57,438 --> 00:14:00,276
I could whip up a quick
Relationship Agreement.

297
00:14:01,380 --> 00:14:02,413
Well, I'm at a spa,

298
00:14:02,415 --> 00:14:05,085
might as well do
something relaxing.

299
00:14:05,087 --> 00:14:07,223
Sheldon, why don't
we give them some privacy?

300
00:14:07,225 --> 00:14:09,527
Very well.

301
00:14:09,529 --> 00:14:10,964
Hey. Later, we'll check
out the minibar?

302
00:14:10,966 --> 00:14:14,203
I'll show you
how Godzilla gets drunk.

303
00:14:16,743 --> 00:14:20,215
So what we did was map
out the entire room

304
00:14:20,217 --> 00:14:23,255
to identify every squeak.

305
00:14:23,257 --> 00:14:25,593
Watch. It's easy,
once you get the hang of it.

306
00:14:27,833 --> 00:14:30,536
Step.

307
00:14:30,538 --> 00:14:33,508
Step.

308
00:14:33,510 --> 00:14:36,147
Hop onto ottoman.

309
00:14:36,149 --> 00:14:40,089
Don't do that in socks,
I almost broke my neck.

310
00:14:40,091 --> 00:14:42,093
Then simply sit,

311
00:14:42,095 --> 00:14:44,497
spin, stand,

312
00:14:44,499 --> 00:14:46,701
stretch...

313
00:14:50,378 --> 00:14:52,513
Maybe unloosen your pants.

314
00:14:53,852 --> 00:14:56,087
And... step,

315
00:14:56,089 --> 00:14:57,891
grab, tiny pivot,

316
00:14:57,893 --> 00:15:00,029
pull, and you're there.

317
00:15:01,099 --> 00:15:02,934
Easy, peasy, mac and...

318
00:15:02,936 --> 00:15:05,439
You get the idea.

319
00:15:05,441 --> 00:15:07,944
You actually expect me
to do this

320
00:15:07,946 --> 00:15:10,115
while holding a baby
in the dark?

321
00:15:10,117 --> 00:15:12,787
Hold on...

322
00:15:18,902 --> 00:15:20,369
I don't think she was impressed.

323
00:15:20,371 --> 00:15:21,906
Bigger problems.

324
00:15:21,908 --> 00:15:25,012
I felt something pop.

325
00:15:27,151 --> 00:15:30,389
There's a cucumber
in my water.

326
00:15:30,391 --> 00:15:31,691
Uh-huh.

327
00:15:33,263 --> 00:15:34,397
Do they know it's there?

328
00:15:34,399 --> 00:15:36,501
Um, sh-should I tell somebody?

329
00:15:36,503 --> 00:15:38,405
It's there on purpose.

330
00:15:38,407 --> 00:15:40,375
It's refreshing.

331
00:15:44,887 --> 00:15:46,421
Interesting.

332
00:15:46,423 --> 00:15:47,991
The world's most boring liquid

333
00:15:47,993 --> 00:15:49,761
and the world's
most boring vegetable.

334
00:15:49,763 --> 00:15:52,333
But you put 'em together,
and bleh.

335
00:15:54,272 --> 00:15:55,773
Hey.
Hi.

336
00:15:55,775 --> 00:15:58,011
Oh! Good, you're here.
Are you still fighting?

337
00:15:58,013 --> 00:16:00,582
If you get divorced,
do I get two Christmases?

338
00:16:00,584 --> 00:16:03,088
We're not getting divorced.

339
00:16:03,090 --> 00:16:05,526
Listen, we realized, that, uh...

340
00:16:05,528 --> 00:16:07,696
we're facing some new challenges

341
00:16:07,698 --> 00:16:08,900
as a married couple.

342
00:16:08,902 --> 00:16:10,002
Yeah. And there are a few things

343
00:16:10,004 --> 00:16:11,839
we need to stay on top of.
So we thought

344
00:16:11,841 --> 00:16:13,876
it would useful...

345
00:16:13,878 --> 00:16:16,080
and I can't believe
I am about to say this...

346
00:16:16,082 --> 00:16:17,516
um...

347
00:16:17,518 --> 00:16:20,088
Would you please help us
make a Relationship Agreement?

348
00:16:22,495 --> 00:16:24,898
But one that's tailored to us.

349
00:16:24,900 --> 00:16:26,902
Okay? We don't need
a bathroom schedule.

350
00:16:26,904 --> 00:16:29,540
Although a rule about him
texting me from in there

351
00:16:29,542 --> 00:16:32,279
might help with the romance.

352
00:16:33,584 --> 00:16:34,617
What do you say?

353
00:16:34,619 --> 00:16:36,922
I get to write a contract?

354
00:16:36,924 --> 00:16:39,293
I say, let's get this party
of the first part started!

355
00:16:46,109 --> 00:16:48,211
Do you really think
that's funny?

356
00:16:48,213 --> 00:16:50,315
It's in our agreement.
I have to laugh.

357
00:16:55,774 --> 00:16:57,977
If you find this
draft acceptable,

358
00:16:57,979 --> 00:17:01,083
then I believe your new
Relationship Agreement

359
00:17:01,085 --> 00:17:02,853
is ready to be signed.

360
00:17:02,855 --> 00:17:04,623
Article 8, subsection B:

361
00:17:04,625 --> 00:17:07,028
Leonard will restrict
video-gaming in underpants

362
00:17:07,030 --> 00:17:08,932
to hours Penny is not home.

363
00:17:08,934 --> 00:17:11,337
This includes boxers,
briefs, thongs, G-strings

364
00:17:11,339 --> 00:17:13,074
or anything else
that calls attention

365
00:17:13,076 --> 00:17:14,877
to his pasty little thighs.

366
00:17:19,221 --> 00:17:20,655
Does it really need to say that?

367
00:17:20,657 --> 00:17:24,096
I did this for free,
let me get a little something.

368
00:17:25,367 --> 00:17:27,669
Article 10, subsection C:

369
00:17:27,671 --> 00:17:30,274
If questioned, Penny
may not say that everything

370
00:17:30,276 --> 00:17:32,078
is fine if it isn't.

371
00:17:32,080 --> 00:17:34,649
Other unacceptable responses
"It's nothing,"

372
00:17:34,651 --> 00:17:37,255
"Don't worry about it,"
and "I said it's nothing,

373
00:17:37,257 --> 00:17:40,094
don't worry about it."

374
00:17:40,096 --> 00:17:42,098
I think this all looks good.

375
00:17:42,100 --> 00:17:43,567
Me, too.

376
00:17:43,569 --> 00:17:44,770
Oh, well. Great,
then. Here.

377
00:17:44,772 --> 00:17:47,810
You sign here, date here.

378
00:17:47,812 --> 00:17:49,914
And, Penny, if you could
initial here to indicate

379
00:17:49,916 --> 00:17:52,920
that you're accepting Leonard
in "as is" condition.

380
00:17:59,869 --> 00:18:02,739
Aw. I remember signing our first
Relationship Agreement.

381
00:18:02,741 --> 00:18:05,445
Mm. You seem to be forgetting
the "no nostalgia" clause.

382
00:18:05,447 --> 00:18:06,915
Right, right. Got it.

383
00:18:08,657 --> 00:18:15,464
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man