1
00:00:00,324 --> 00:00:01,289
I broke up with her.

2
00:00:01,291 --> 00:00:02,389
Why?

3
00:00:02,391 --> 00:00:03,956
She said she didn't
want to see me anymore

4
00:00:03,958 --> 00:00:06,856
and I found that insulting.

5
00:00:06,858 --> 00:00:09,389
I thought things were
going well. What happened?

6
00:00:09,391 --> 00:00:11,756
I don't know, she didn't
even give me a reason.

7
00:00:11,758 --> 00:00:13,656
Oh, not a problem, we
can figure this out.

8
00:00:13,658 --> 00:00:18,055
What are the reasons
women reject Raj?

9
00:00:18,057 --> 00:00:20,689
Can we not play this game?

10
00:00:20,691 --> 00:00:24,122
Doesn't like games. That's one.

11
00:00:24,124 --> 00:00:25,389
Ignore him.

12
00:00:25,391 --> 00:00:26,923
Yeah, sorry about
the breakup.

13
00:00:26,925 --> 00:00:28,122
That's okay, I'm fine.

14
00:00:28,124 --> 00:00:29,356
Of course you're fine.

15
00:00:29,358 --> 00:00:32,055
Not every member
of a species finds a mate.

16
00:00:32,057 --> 00:00:34,055
Sir Isaac Newton died a virgin.

17
00:00:34,057 --> 00:00:36,556
Look at the
contributions he made.

18
00:00:36,558 --> 00:00:39,022
I'm not a virgin, Sheldon.

19
00:00:39,024 --> 00:00:42,856
Wha... So now you think you're
better than Isaac Newton? Oh.

20
00:00:42,858 --> 00:00:46,756
No wonder women
don't like you.

21
00:00:46,758 --> 00:00:47,956
You're not being very nice.

22
00:00:47,958 --> 00:00:49,389
What? He said he was fine.

23
00:00:49,391 --> 00:00:51,589
Sometimes people
say things they don't mean.

24
00:00:51,591 --> 00:00:53,389
Oh, that's a paradox.

25
00:00:53,391 --> 00:00:55,089
I-If you meant
what you just said,

26
00:00:55,091 --> 00:00:57,890
then that means you may not
have meant what you just said.

27
00:00:57,892 --> 00:01:00,022
Careful, I saw
this on Star Trek.

28
00:01:00,024 --> 00:01:02,256
Smoke's gonna come
out of his ears soon.

29
00:01:03,825 --> 00:01:05,856
Hey.
Hey, boys. How's it going?

30
00:01:05,858 --> 00:01:07,623
Well, I thought we were having
a nice conversation,

31
00:01:07,625 --> 00:01:10,523
but it turns out,
I was being offensive.

32
00:01:10,525 --> 00:01:12,389
So, normal.
Yeah...

33
00:01:12,391 --> 00:01:14,422
Sheldon, what did you do?

34
00:01:14,424 --> 00:01:16,890
We were discussing
Raj's recent breakup

35
00:01:16,892 --> 00:01:19,189
and apparently,
I was insensitive to him.

36
00:01:19,191 --> 00:01:20,823
It's okay, I'm fine.

37
00:01:20,825 --> 00:01:22,222
You Di...
Don't fall for it.

38
00:01:22,224 --> 00:01:24,389
He'll get you to compare him
to a dead virgin,

39
00:01:24,391 --> 00:01:26,456
and suddenly you're the bad guy.

40
00:01:27,691 --> 00:01:29,222
Sheldon, when I said I was fine,

41
00:01:29,224 --> 00:01:31,422
I meant I didn't want
to talk about it anymore.

42
00:01:31,424 --> 00:01:33,422
Then why didn't you say that?

43
00:01:33,424 --> 00:01:35,389
Because that's not
what people do.

44
00:01:35,391 --> 00:01:36,489
Well, I would prefer
if people told me

45
00:01:36,491 --> 00:01:37,823
exactly what is
on their mind.

46
00:01:37,825 --> 00:01:39,322
No. No, you don't,
you really don't.

47
00:01:39,324 --> 00:01:41,523
I actually can't
say "don't" enough.

48
00:01:41,525 --> 00:01:44,222
Well, it certainly
would be easier.

49
00:01:44,224 --> 00:01:46,089
You have no idea what it's like

50
00:01:46,091 --> 00:01:48,989
to struggle
with recognizing emotional cues.

51
00:01:48,991 --> 00:01:50,890
I'm sure it's
extremely frustrating.

52
00:01:50,892 --> 00:01:52,989
Thank you.
And also a little sad.

53
00:01:52,991 --> 00:01:55,189
O-Okay, now you're just
showing off.

54
00:01:56,324 --> 00:01:58,623
You know, I just read
that a team at MIT.

55
00:01:58,625 --> 00:02:01,823
developed a device that helps
people read human emotions.

56
00:02:01,825 --> 00:02:05,122
And you think we can get those
guys to reprogram Sheldon? Cool.

57
00:02:06,358 --> 00:02:09,155
It's supposed to be accurate,
like, 85% of the time.

58
00:02:09,157 --> 00:02:10,689
Wow, I find that
hard to believe.

59
00:02:10,691 --> 00:02:12,689
That a bunch of
awkward scientists

60
00:02:12,691 --> 00:02:14,723
with no social skills
would invent a machine

61
00:02:14,725 --> 00:02:15,955
to do it for them?

62
00:02:15,957 --> 00:02:17,489
I take it back.
I believe it.

63
00:02:18,725 --> 00:02:21,322
You ift's at MIT,
I can make some calls.

64
00:02:21,324 --> 00:02:22,989
Maybe we can
get Sheldon a prototype.

65
00:02:22,991 --> 00:02:24,823
What do you think?

66
00:02:24,825 --> 00:02:28,456
A machine that reads
emotions is intriguing.

67
00:02:28,458 --> 00:02:31,456
It could help me be a
more considerate friend.

68
00:02:31,458 --> 00:02:32,989
Wouldn't that be nice.

69
00:02:32,991 --> 00:02:34,589
It could also help me
identify my enemies,

70
00:02:34,591 --> 00:02:37,823
discover their
fears and then...

71
00:02:37,825 --> 00:02:41,389
I could use those
fears to destroy them.

72
00:02:42,591 --> 00:02:45,523
I like the first one.

73
00:03:08,401 --> 00:03:14,994
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man

74
00:03:15,049 --> 00:03:16,414
Now that Sheldon's
across the hall,

75
00:03:16,416 --> 00:03:18,281
have you decided what
you're doing with his old room?

76
00:03:18,283 --> 00:03:21,880
I was thinking maybe a
library or a gaming room.

77
00:03:21,882 --> 00:03:23,681
You could make it a train room.

78
00:03:23,683 --> 00:03:25,281
I don't like trains.
You like trains.

79
00:03:25,283 --> 00:03:28,014
I know, and Amy says
I can't have a train room.

80
00:03:29,349 --> 00:03:32,247
Sheldon, I just heard
from the guys at MIT

81
00:03:32,249 --> 00:03:33,914
about that emotion reader;
they're sending a prototype

82
00:03:33,916 --> 00:03:35,014
for you to beta test.

83
00:03:35,016 --> 00:03:36,514
Wonderful.

84
00:03:36,516 --> 00:03:37,914
Although I'm not sure
how I feel

85
00:03:37,916 --> 00:03:39,880
about being used
as a guinea pig.

86
00:03:39,882 --> 00:03:42,980
Well, when you get
the machine, you can find out.

87
00:03:42,982 --> 00:03:45,281
Maybe I could use it

88
00:03:45,283 --> 00:03:47,980
to understand why
women keep dumping me.

89
00:03:47,982 --> 00:03:50,247
Oh, you don't need a machine for
that, just send a survey card

90
00:03:50,249 --> 00:03:51,614
to all your ex-girlfriends
and tell them

91
00:03:51,616 --> 00:03:54,347
if they fill it out
they might win a prize.

92
00:03:54,349 --> 00:03:57,014
That's actually not a bad idea.
Maybe I could even

93
00:03:57,016 --> 00:03:59,947
get them all together,
sort of like a... a focus group,

94
00:03:59,949 --> 00:04:01,147
to find out
what's wrong with me.

95
00:04:01,149 --> 00:04:04,147
No, Raj,
that's a terrible idea.

96
00:04:04,149 --> 00:04:05,481
Yeah, I was joking.

97
00:04:05,483 --> 00:04:07,181
You... Really?

98
00:04:07,183 --> 00:04:09,147
Uh, little tip: jokes
are often better

99
00:04:09,149 --> 00:04:12,648
when you end them with "Wocka
Wocka" or "ha-cha-cha."

100
00:04:14,716 --> 00:04:17,347
Hey, great news. The
TV I want will fit

101
00:04:17,349 --> 00:04:19,581
in the gaming room, and if
I leave the curtains open,

102
00:04:19,583 --> 00:04:22,414
I can watch it from work.

103
00:04:22,416 --> 00:04:24,514
Hey, can you hold off
redoing the room?

104
00:04:24,516 --> 00:04:26,581
My brother's
coming out here in a few weeks.

105
00:04:26,583 --> 00:04:28,880
Oh. Yeah. Okay, sure. What's
going on with your brother?

106
00:04:28,882 --> 00:04:31,314
My dad asked if I can get him
a job interview at my work.

107
00:04:31,316 --> 00:04:33,414
Huh. Is that a good idea?

108
00:04:33,416 --> 00:04:35,247
I mean, you think
they'll consider someone

109
00:04:35,249 --> 00:04:36,947
who was in prison
for selling drugs?

110
00:04:36,949 --> 00:04:39,080
Well, I sell pharmaceuticals.

111
00:04:39,082 --> 00:04:43,147
That's just a really hard
to spell word for drugs.

112
00:04:43,149 --> 00:04:45,114
Well, I'm sure he'll appreciate

113
00:04:45,116 --> 00:04:49,447
carrying his samples in a
briefcase instead of his colon.

114
00:04:50,815 --> 00:04:52,681
How long do you think
he'll stay?

115
00:04:52,683 --> 00:04:54,847
I-I'm not sure.
Maybe a few days.

116
00:04:54,849 --> 00:04:56,980
Unless he gets the job,
then who knows?

117
00:04:56,982 --> 00:04:58,648
Hmm. "Who knows?"
That's exciting.

118
00:04:58,650 --> 00:05:00,314
I'll get to wake up
every morning

119
00:05:00,316 --> 00:05:02,381
and see if he's still here.

120
00:05:02,383 --> 00:05:05,181
You don't have a problem
with this, do you?

121
00:05:05,183 --> 00:05:07,080
Of course not. I mean,
he's your brother.

122
00:05:07,082 --> 00:05:08,947
Okay. Thank you,
you're the best. Mm.

123
00:05:08,949 --> 00:05:11,447
Remember that when the
new TV falls off the wall

124
00:05:11,449 --> 00:05:13,281
and crushes us both.

125
00:05:15,616 --> 00:05:17,381
This thing's pretty cool.

126
00:05:17,383 --> 00:05:18,681
It interprets emotions

127
00:05:18,683 --> 00:05:21,681
using a wireless signal
to analyze subtle changes

128
00:05:21,683 --> 00:05:23,281
in breathing and heart rate.

129
00:05:23,283 --> 00:05:25,047
It's amazing a machine
can do that.

130
00:05:25,049 --> 00:05:26,014
Yes.

131
00:05:26,016 --> 00:05:27,347
Now, when the robots rise up,

132
00:05:27,349 --> 00:05:28,648
they'll know that
I've been rooting

133
00:05:28,650 --> 00:05:30,747
for them the whole time.

134
00:05:31,715 --> 00:05:33,614
The display is synced
to your phone.

135
00:05:33,616 --> 00:05:35,181
Give it a try.

136
00:05:35,183 --> 00:05:36,314
All right.

137
00:05:36,316 --> 00:05:37,747
Now, I'm gonna look
at some pictures

138
00:05:37,749 --> 00:05:39,581
to prompt an emotional response,
and we'll see

139
00:05:39,583 --> 00:05:42,014
if the machine
can identify them accurately.

140
00:05:42,016 --> 00:05:43,447
Okay, remember,
it can only detect happy, sad,

141
00:05:43,449 --> 00:05:44,581
angry and excited.

142
00:05:44,583 --> 00:05:45,847
Not other things
you're feeling, like,

143
00:05:45,849 --> 00:05:48,181
"What have I done
with my life?"

144
00:05:51,349 --> 00:05:54,648
Okay, I'm looking
at the first picture.

145
00:05:54,650 --> 00:05:57,481
You are...

146
00:05:57,483 --> 00:05:58,713
happy?

147
00:05:58,715 --> 00:06:01,347
Yes. I'm looking at puppies.

148
00:06:01,349 --> 00:06:04,114
Aw. Somebody's ignoring
their tiny needle teeth,

149
00:06:04,116 --> 00:06:05,481
but all right.

150
00:06:06,449 --> 00:06:08,447
Try another one.
Okay.

151
00:06:09,316 --> 00:06:11,080
What does it say I'm feeling?

152
00:06:11,082 --> 00:06:12,780
Sad.

153
00:06:12,782 --> 00:06:15,247
Yes. I'm looking
at a picture of my grandma.

154
00:06:15,249 --> 00:06:18,481
Oh, that makes sense, 'cause
she's gone and you miss her.

155
00:06:18,483 --> 00:06:20,047
Yes.

156
00:06:20,049 --> 00:06:22,181
And you're worried that
turkey neck is in your future.

157
00:06:25,116 --> 00:06:27,780
What, now, see...
Now it says you're mad.

158
00:06:27,782 --> 00:06:30,214
Make up your mind.

159
00:06:33,216 --> 00:06:34,214
Okay, Emily.

160
00:06:34,216 --> 00:06:35,548
Yeah, sounds great.

161
00:06:35,550 --> 00:06:37,147
See you then.

162
00:06:37,149 --> 00:06:39,247
Is that Emily
your ex-girlfriend?

163
00:06:39,249 --> 00:06:40,647
Yeah. I'm getting
all my exes

164
00:06:40,649 --> 00:06:42,481
together in order to discuss

165
00:06:42,483 --> 00:06:43,581
why they broke up with me

166
00:06:43,583 --> 00:06:45,514
and how I can be
a better boyfriend.

167
00:06:45,516 --> 00:06:46,980
Oh, God. You went
through with that?

168
00:06:46,982 --> 00:06:48,581
What is wrong with you?

169
00:06:48,583 --> 00:06:50,548
We are going to find out.

170
00:06:52,216 --> 00:06:53,914
Why would you
do that, Raj?

171
00:06:53,916 --> 00:06:56,614
Well, I want information
in order to improve myself.

172
00:06:56,616 --> 00:06:58,281
You're not gonna get
information,

173
00:06:58,283 --> 00:07:01,548
you're just gonna get criticism
that hurts your feelings.

174
00:07:01,550 --> 00:07:02,747
Don't worry, I'm a grown man.

175
00:07:02,749 --> 00:07:04,347
I have a thick skin.

176
00:07:04,349 --> 00:07:05,481
You're so stupid.

177
00:07:05,483 --> 00:07:07,080
Hey!

178
00:07:09,882 --> 00:07:12,347
Hey, would you take a look
at my brother's résumé?

179
00:07:12,349 --> 00:07:13,980
I'm trying to help
him clean it up a little.

180
00:07:13,982 --> 00:07:15,347
Yeah, sure.

181
00:07:17,416 --> 00:07:20,247
He really worked with
the Drug Enforcement Agency?

182
00:07:20,249 --> 00:07:23,281
He didn't know it
till he was cuffed, but yeah.

183
00:07:24,483 --> 00:07:27,181
Hey, Leonard, if you're happy
and you know it,

184
00:07:27,183 --> 00:07:28,548
no need to clap your hands,

185
00:07:28,550 --> 00:07:32,780
because I have
an emotion detector.

186
00:07:32,782 --> 00:07:33,947
How's it working out?

187
00:07:33,949 --> 00:07:35,181
Surprisingly well.

188
00:07:35,183 --> 00:07:36,514
That's great, I'm happy for you.

189
00:07:36,516 --> 00:07:38,680
No, wait, uh, hold on.

190
00:07:38,682 --> 00:07:41,114
Oh, what, you are.
Aren't you sweet?

191
00:07:42,649 --> 00:07:43,980
What's that? Are you working
on your resume?

192
00:07:43,982 --> 00:07:45,181
No, it's my brother's.
I'm trying

193
00:07:45,183 --> 00:07:46,647
to help him get a job out here.

194
00:07:46,649 --> 00:07:49,381
Oh, ooh! And that makes
Leonard angry.

195
00:07:50,649 --> 00:07:52,281
No, it doesn't.

196
00:07:52,283 --> 00:07:55,047
What, Leonard, please. I know
an angry face when I see it.

197
00:07:55,049 --> 00:07:57,947
It's this red frowny guy
on my phone.

198
00:07:58,916 --> 00:08:01,080
What? Are you really upset
about Randall coming?

199
00:08:01,082 --> 00:08:03,680
No.
Yes.

200
00:08:03,682 --> 00:08:06,580
I said no.
I-It's like you're twins.

201
00:08:06,582 --> 00:08:09,713
Leonard, if you're mad
about this, just tell me.

202
00:08:09,715 --> 00:08:11,381
Fine.

203
00:08:11,383 --> 00:08:14,181
You invited your drug dealer
brother to stay with us

204
00:08:14,183 --> 00:08:17,214
for God knows how long and
didn't bother to ask me first.

205
00:08:17,216 --> 00:08:18,347
He's my brother!

206
00:08:18,349 --> 00:08:19,747
I didn't think
I needed your permission.

207
00:08:19,749 --> 00:08:21,713
Well, hey.
Now she's angry, too.

208
00:08:21,715 --> 00:08:24,281
This thing works
like gangbusters.

209
00:08:32,559 --> 00:08:34,792
I'm not saying you have
to ask my permission,

210
00:08:34,793 --> 00:08:36,022
but you could have talked
to me about it

211
00:08:36,023 --> 00:08:37,254
before you said it was okay.

212
00:08:37,256 --> 00:08:39,221
Like you talked to me
about your gaming room?

213
00:08:39,223 --> 00:08:40,554
Our gaming room!

214
00:08:40,556 --> 00:08:43,321
I was gonna put
a scented candle in it.

215
00:08:43,323 --> 00:08:45,654
He's still mad.

216
00:08:45,656 --> 00:08:47,554
Stop enjoying their fight.

217
00:08:48,889 --> 00:08:50,121
You first.

218
00:08:51,689 --> 00:08:52,754
If you were this upset,

219
00:08:52,756 --> 00:08:54,354
why didn't you say so
when I told you?

220
00:08:54,356 --> 00:08:56,554
Because I didn't want
to sound like a jerk.

221
00:08:56,556 --> 00:08:58,354
Well, you sound like one now.
I don't see the big deal

222
00:08:58,356 --> 00:09:00,354
if my brother comes
and stays for a while.

223
00:09:00,356 --> 00:09:02,455
If you get him a job,
he's gonna live here forever!

224
00:09:02,457 --> 00:09:04,021
He would get his own place.

225
00:09:04,023 --> 00:09:05,554
Has he ever had his own place?

226
00:09:05,556 --> 00:09:06,488
Yes!

227
00:09:06,489 --> 00:09:07,587
Did it have a metal toilet

228
00:09:07,589 --> 00:09:09,354
next to the bed?

229
00:09:10,190 --> 00:09:11,620
It still counts.

230
00:09:11,622 --> 00:09:13,554
You know, how is this
any different

231
00:09:13,556 --> 00:09:15,388
from you making me
live with Sheldon?

232
00:09:15,390 --> 00:09:16,455
You... Hey!

233
00:09:16,457 --> 00:09:19,520
I shared my Honey Nut
Cheerios with you.

234
00:09:20,489 --> 00:09:23,388
You gave me a bill
at the end of every month.

235
00:09:25,489 --> 00:09:26,687
Stay out of this.

236
00:09:26,689 --> 00:09:28,054
You and your stupid machine
started this fight!

237
00:09:28,056 --> 00:09:30,288
You are lucky
that this feelings machine

238
00:09:30,290 --> 00:09:32,354
doesn't have feelings.

239
00:09:32,356 --> 00:09:34,388
Come on, Sheldon,
let's go.

240
00:09:34,390 --> 00:09:36,654
Gladly.
Can we storm out?

241
00:09:36,656 --> 00:09:38,921
I think it loses its impact
if we're chatting about it.

242
00:09:38,923 --> 00:09:40,054
Fine.

243
00:09:40,056 --> 00:09:43,721
I'll just give them the finger.

244
00:09:45,956 --> 00:09:48,454
Okay, first off,

245
00:09:48,456 --> 00:09:51,454
I want to thank you all
so much for coming.

246
00:09:51,456 --> 00:09:53,954
Howard is here to
interpret for Emily,

247
00:09:53,956 --> 00:09:56,421
and to take notes.

248
00:09:57,589 --> 00:10:00,454
No, he doesn't
think it's stupid.

249
00:10:00,456 --> 00:10:03,987
Uh, heads up, both of
you are named Emily,

250
00:10:03,989 --> 00:10:05,321
so we'll call you

251
00:10:05,323 --> 00:10:06,587
"red-headed Emily"

252
00:10:06,589 --> 00:10:07,587
and you,

253
00:10:07,589 --> 00:10:10,987
"red-headed Emily, Junior."

254
00:10:15,090 --> 00:10:16,921
Hey, you went out
with him. I didn't.

255
00:10:18,422 --> 00:10:20,954
Okay, uh, let's get
things started.

256
00:10:20,956 --> 00:10:23,554
Um, why don't we go
around the room,

257
00:10:23,556 --> 00:10:24,821
say your name,

258
00:10:24,823 --> 00:10:26,721
and why you broke up with me.

259
00:10:26,723 --> 00:10:27,754
Want to kick it off?

260
00:10:27,756 --> 00:10:31,620
Oh, okay. Um... I'm Lucy,

261
00:10:31,622 --> 00:10:33,620
and I broke up with Raj

262
00:10:33,622 --> 00:10:35,954
because I have
severe social anxiety,

263
00:10:35,956 --> 00:10:37,121
and he kept trying
to force me

264
00:10:37,123 --> 00:10:40,254
into uncomfortable situations.

265
00:10:40,256 --> 00:10:41,921
Like this one?

266
00:10:41,923 --> 00:10:44,420
Yeah.

267
00:10:44,422 --> 00:10:45,754
I did do that.

268
00:10:45,756 --> 00:10:48,021
I can be insensitive
to other people's boundaries.

269
00:10:48,023 --> 00:10:49,088
Howard, would you
write that down?

270
00:10:49,090 --> 00:10:52,188
Oh... schmuck. Got it.

271
00:10:52,190 --> 00:10:53,487
Uh, next?

272
00:10:54,323 --> 00:10:56,221
Okay. Um...

273
00:10:56,223 --> 00:10:57,254
I'm Claire.

274
00:10:57,256 --> 00:10:59,354
And I guess
I broke up with you

275
00:10:59,356 --> 00:11:01,854
because you were just
really needy.

276
00:11:01,856 --> 00:11:03,121
Also, you were

277
00:11:03,123 --> 00:11:05,021
incredibly vain...
like, all the time you spent

278
00:11:05,023 --> 00:11:06,387
shaping your eyebrows...

279
00:11:06,389 --> 00:11:09,021
Okay, new rule...
everybody only gets one.

280
00:11:09,889 --> 00:11:11,254
Uh, next?

281
00:11:11,256 --> 00:11:13,554
Ooh, I'm not sure
I'm comfortable

282
00:11:13,556 --> 00:11:16,254
sharing details about our
relationship in front of Howard.

283
00:11:16,256 --> 00:11:18,587
Oh. He's here to support me,
so anything you have to say

284
00:11:18,589 --> 00:11:20,088
you can say in
front of him.

285
00:11:20,090 --> 00:11:23,254
Okay. Well, whenever
you and I were in bed...

286
00:11:23,256 --> 00:11:25,420
Howard, get out.

287
00:11:26,190 --> 00:11:28,154
Not a chance.

288
00:11:28,156 --> 00:11:32,188
So, you were telling us
how Raj was terrible in bed.

289
00:11:35,256 --> 00:11:37,387
Sheldon, dinner's ready.

290
00:11:37,389 --> 00:11:39,821
I made beef loaf, because
I know you're uncomfortable

291
00:11:39,823 --> 00:11:43,654
with the non-specificity
of meat loaf.

292
00:11:43,656 --> 00:11:45,121
Sheldon?

293
00:11:49,256 --> 00:11:51,088
Hey, are you okay?

294
00:11:51,090 --> 00:11:52,587
Not really.

295
00:11:52,589 --> 00:11:53,987
What's going on?

296
00:11:53,989 --> 00:11:56,088
I wish I never tried
that device.

297
00:11:56,090 --> 00:11:57,288
And I know I said

298
00:11:57,290 --> 00:11:58,687
the same thing
after the massage chair,

299
00:11:58,689 --> 00:12:00,721
but this time I mean it.

300
00:12:01,789 --> 00:12:02,987
I'm sorry Leonard and Penny

301
00:12:02,989 --> 00:12:04,353
hurt your feelings.

302
00:12:04,355 --> 00:12:06,188
It's more than that.

303
00:12:06,190 --> 00:12:07,487
It's me.

304
00:12:07,489 --> 00:12:08,921
I always knew

305
00:12:08,923 --> 00:12:11,021
I had trouble recognizing
other people's emotions,

306
00:12:11,023 --> 00:12:14,121
but that machine
just made it so real.

307
00:12:15,056 --> 00:12:16,254
Well, everybody has things

308
00:12:16,256 --> 00:12:17,554
that they need help with.

309
00:12:17,556 --> 00:12:20,088
Like me... I can't see
without my glasses.

310
00:12:20,090 --> 00:12:23,221
And right now you're just a,
a cute, pink smudge wearing

311
00:12:23,223 --> 00:12:25,520
a childish green smudge.

312
00:12:25,522 --> 00:12:29,188
I thought I was getting better
at it, but clearly I'm not.

313
00:12:29,989 --> 00:12:31,687
Yes, you are.

314
00:12:31,689 --> 00:12:33,387
There have definitely been days

315
00:12:33,389 --> 00:12:35,921
when I was sad
and you could tell.

316
00:12:35,923 --> 00:12:37,987
Yeah, but that's
shooting fish in a barrel.

317
00:12:37,989 --> 00:12:39,721
You're kind of a sad sack.

318
00:12:42,223 --> 00:12:44,320
I'm sorry,
I shouldn't have said that.

319
00:12:44,322 --> 00:12:45,620
I'm just upset.

320
00:12:45,622 --> 00:12:47,854
No, see, right there,

321
00:12:47,856 --> 00:12:49,654
you knew you hurt my feelings.

322
00:12:49,656 --> 00:12:51,154
And I'm proud of you...

323
00:12:51,156 --> 00:12:54,787
for reasons I'm sure have
something to do with my father.

324
00:12:54,789 --> 00:12:56,954
And if you don't like

325
00:12:56,956 --> 00:13:00,054
that machine, get rid of it.

326
00:13:00,056 --> 00:13:02,821
Because I love you
exactly the way you are.

327
00:13:10,556 --> 00:13:12,987
I feel the same way about you.

328
00:13:14,622 --> 00:13:16,154
Now, put your glasses back on.

329
00:13:16,156 --> 00:13:17,353
You look weird.

330
00:13:21,589 --> 00:13:23,787
I thought you
were great,

331
00:13:23,789 --> 00:13:26,054
but, oh, my God,
you were

332
00:13:26,056 --> 00:13:27,487
so dominated
by your parents.

333
00:13:27,489 --> 00:13:28,954
Oh, yeah, and that used

334
00:13:28,956 --> 00:13:30,121
to drive me nuts.

335
00:13:30,123 --> 00:13:31,387
He's kind of
a mama's boy.

336
00:13:31,389 --> 00:13:32,887
- Kind of?
- Whoa, okay!

337
00:13:32,889 --> 00:13:34,454
That's enough.

338
00:13:34,456 --> 00:13:37,387
Write down "loving son."

339
00:13:38,556 --> 00:13:40,554
Can I just say something?

340
00:13:40,556 --> 00:13:42,021
Going out with Raj

341
00:13:42,023 --> 00:13:45,154
was one of the best things
that ever happened to me.

342
00:13:45,156 --> 00:13:47,387
Yes, I'll take you back.

343
00:13:49,823 --> 00:13:51,554
Let me finish.

344
00:13:51,556 --> 00:13:54,121
It's like I needed
to go through that experience

345
00:13:54,123 --> 00:13:57,454
to know what exactly
I don't want in a man.

346
00:13:57,456 --> 00:14:01,154
Well, that's hard to hear,
but I'll still take you back.

347
00:14:02,056 --> 00:14:04,054
You know, the same
thing happened to me.

348
00:14:04,056 --> 00:14:06,821
After I broke up
with Raj, I met Gary,

349
00:14:06,823 --> 00:14:08,854
who's just amazing.

350
00:14:08,856 --> 00:14:10,587
Sorry, is that "Gary"
with one R or two?

351
00:14:10,589 --> 00:14:12,554
Would you stop writing?

352
00:14:12,556 --> 00:14:15,121
Just wait. So...
did all of you

353
00:14:15,123 --> 00:14:17,654
go on to better
relationships after me?

354
00:14:17,656 --> 00:14:18,320
Oh, yeah.

355
00:14:18,322 --> 00:14:19,353
Without question.

356
00:14:19,355 --> 00:14:21,554
Little before, actually.

357
00:14:24,923 --> 00:14:26,821
Oh, wow.

358
00:14:26,823 --> 00:14:28,320
Don't let him get away.

359
00:14:28,322 --> 00:14:29,454
Wait.

360
00:14:29,456 --> 00:14:30,554
What did she say?

361
00:14:30,556 --> 00:14:32,587
Uh, basically,
she traded you

362
00:14:32,589 --> 00:14:34,287
for Bruce Wayne.

363
00:14:35,289 --> 00:14:38,220
Okay, maybe we
should just end this.

364
00:14:38,222 --> 00:14:39,854
Wait, hang on.

365
00:14:39,856 --> 00:14:42,520
I just want to point out
to everyone here,

366
00:14:42,522 --> 00:14:45,954
this is a man who
is going to great lengths

367
00:14:45,956 --> 00:14:47,387
to better himself.

368
00:14:47,389 --> 00:14:49,487
Even at the
risk of...

369
00:14:49,489 --> 00:14:50,921
being humiliated.

370
00:14:50,923 --> 00:14:53,520
And I, for one,
think that's very brave.

371
00:14:53,522 --> 00:14:55,088
Thank you, Howard.

372
00:14:55,090 --> 00:14:58,821
Honestly, I'm surprised
you two didn't wind up together.

373
00:15:01,090 --> 00:15:04,088
Well, like you gals,
I had to suffer through him

374
00:15:04,090 --> 00:15:05,887
to find Bernadette.

375
00:15:06,723 --> 00:15:08,921
With it were you.

376
00:15:11,422 --> 00:15:13,487
Yes?

377
00:15:13,489 --> 00:15:15,554
We owe you an apology.

378
00:15:15,556 --> 00:15:18,220
Oh, it's fine.
You needed a suitcase,

379
00:15:18,222 --> 00:15:20,721
I wasn't home,
you borrowed a suitcase.

380
00:15:20,723 --> 00:15:24,120
That was six years ago.
I'm talking about tonight.

381
00:15:24,122 --> 00:15:25,320
Oh.

382
00:15:25,322 --> 00:15:28,054
Well, I thought
we were going in order.

383
00:15:30,056 --> 00:15:31,387
Look, we got really angry
at each other, and you

384
00:15:31,389 --> 00:15:32,787
just got caught in
the middle of it.

385
00:15:32,789 --> 00:15:33,620
And...

386
00:15:33,622 --> 00:15:35,187
sorry about the suitcase.

387
00:15:35,189 --> 00:15:36,187
Yeah, well, you should be.

388
00:15:36,189 --> 00:15:37,253
Your socks were still in it.

389
00:15:37,255 --> 00:15:38,754
I had to throw it away.

390
00:15:38,756 --> 00:15:40,587
Anyway,

391
00:15:40,589 --> 00:15:42,120
I, uh, trust that you've
resolved your conflict.

392
00:15:42,122 --> 00:15:44,054
Yes, we're fine.

393
00:15:44,056 --> 00:15:45,554
Mm, Penny's gonna call her dad
and tell him it's not

394
00:15:45,556 --> 00:15:46,954
a good time
for Randall to visit.

395
00:15:46,956 --> 00:15:48,487
Hopefully, he won't
be too upset.

396
00:15:48,489 --> 00:15:51,253
Oh, you're his little girl...
he can't stay mad at you.

397
00:15:51,255 --> 00:15:53,654
He won't be mad at me.
I mean, you're the one

398
00:15:53,656 --> 00:15:55,954
who doesn't want my
brother to come, so...

399
00:15:55,956 --> 00:15:58,954
So you're gonna throw me
under the bus?

400
00:15:58,956 --> 00:16:00,587
Oh, I'm gonna
throw you so hard,

401
00:16:00,589 --> 00:16:03,620
I might actually win
a stuffed animal.

402
00:16:05,556 --> 00:16:08,554
Uh, guys, it sounds like
you're getting angry again.

403
00:16:08,556 --> 00:16:09,721
That's because we are.

404
00:16:09,723 --> 00:16:10,787
Yes!

405
00:16:10,789 --> 00:16:12,054
I don't need
an emotion machine!

406
00:16:12,056 --> 00:16:13,487
I am one!

407
00:16:17,622 --> 00:16:19,454
Thanks, ladies!
This was fun!

408
00:16:19,456 --> 00:16:23,387
Let's not wait so long for
another bizarre, awkward night.

409
00:16:24,289 --> 00:16:26,253
Well, that was a waste of time.

410
00:16:26,255 --> 00:16:27,654
I'm such an idiot.

411
00:16:27,656 --> 00:16:28,821
Don't beat yourself up.

412
00:16:28,823 --> 00:16:30,654
That's what I'm here for.

413
00:16:30,656 --> 00:16:31,921
Maybe I won't settle down.

414
00:16:31,923 --> 00:16:33,554
Maybe I'll just
play the field.

415
00:16:33,556 --> 00:16:35,187
Yeah, the field
was just here.

416
00:16:35,189 --> 00:16:37,120
The field said no.

417
00:16:38,489 --> 00:16:40,253
Dude, come on.

418
00:16:40,255 --> 00:16:41,821
Okay, I'll tell you what.

419
00:16:41,823 --> 00:16:43,053
I'll make you a deal.

420
00:16:43,055 --> 00:16:45,053
30 years from now,
if you're still single

421
00:16:45,055 --> 00:16:47,387
and things don't work out
with me and Bernadette...

422
00:16:47,389 --> 00:16:50,387
you and I can give it a go.

423
00:16:50,389 --> 00:16:52,587
I appreciate the offer,
but if things don't work out

424
00:16:52,589 --> 00:16:55,220
with you two, I'm swooping in
on her like a vulture.

425
00:16:56,055 --> 00:16:58,921
Too late.
Stuart called dibs.

426
00:16:58,923 --> 00:17:01,954
But theoretically,
if you and I

427
00:17:01,956 --> 00:17:04,053
were in a gay relationship,

428
00:17:04,055 --> 00:17:05,754
how would we tell people?

429
00:17:05,756 --> 00:17:07,987
Like, print up announcements?

430
00:17:07,989 --> 00:17:10,787
I don't know.
What difference does it make?

431
00:17:10,789 --> 00:17:13,353
Well, I want to make sure we
get invited to all the parades.

432
00:17:13,355 --> 00:17:15,754
Those do look fun.

433
00:17:15,756 --> 00:17:18,654
Yeah. Well, if you want
to march in a fishnet crop top,

434
00:17:18,656 --> 00:17:20,954
you better lay off
that dip.

435
00:17:20,956 --> 00:17:22,320
If you didn't want me to eat it,

436
00:17:22,322 --> 00:17:24,053
why'd you put it out?
It was for the girls.

437
00:17:24,055 --> 00:17:26,654
They broke up with me...
I don't care if they get fat.

438
00:17:27,622 --> 00:17:29,287
I'm not gonna get fat.

439
00:17:29,289 --> 00:17:32,554
Oh, you want to bet?
You never exercise.

440
00:17:32,556 --> 00:17:35,554
Fine. Look, I'll
exercise right now.

441
00:17:35,556 --> 00:17:38,420
One...

442
00:17:38,422 --> 00:17:40,320
two...

443
00:17:41,756 --> 00:17:42,986
These are crunches, by the way.

444
00:17:42,988 --> 00:17:44,153
Very mature.

445
00:17:44,155 --> 00:17:45,187
Keep eating like that.

446
00:17:45,189 --> 00:17:46,153
You're gonna have
a heart attack.

447
00:17:46,155 --> 00:17:48,887
Okay. How about
if I eat like this?

448
00:17:50,456 --> 00:17:52,020
Mmm...

449
00:17:52,022 --> 00:17:54,487
You're such a child.

450
00:17:54,489 --> 00:17:57,487
Hey, is that any way to talk
to your future husband?

451
00:17:57,489 --> 00:17:58,887
Hey, I was being
hypothetical, okay?

452
00:17:58,889 --> 00:18:01,053
I would never marry you.
Please.

453
00:18:01,055 --> 00:18:02,754
When you see the ring I pick
out, you're gonna melt.

454
00:18:02,756 --> 00:18:03,754
Yeah, right.

455
00:18:03,756 --> 00:18:05,120
Wait, is it rose gold?

456
00:18:05,122 --> 00:18:07,654
Actually, don't tell me.
I want to be surprised.

457
00:18:17,352 --> 00:18:19,683
So, did you wind up sending
that machine back?

458
00:18:19,686 --> 00:18:22,283
I did. You know, I'm not
even sure how accurate it was.

459
00:18:22,285 --> 00:18:25,949
I took it to the train store...
it said everyone was sad.

460
00:18:28,218 --> 00:18:29,750
I finally
got Halley to sleep.

461
00:18:29,752 --> 00:18:31,949
You know, I just read
a study that suggests

462
00:18:31,951 --> 00:18:34,049
new mothers are better
at sensing emotions

463
00:18:34,051 --> 00:18:35,350
for up to two years.

464
00:18:35,352 --> 00:18:36,283
It's true.

465
00:18:36,285 --> 00:18:38,149
Pregnancy causes
physiological changes

466
00:18:38,151 --> 00:18:40,483
in the brain that result
in increased empathy.

467
00:18:40,485 --> 00:18:42,783
all we need to do
is get Sheldon knocked up.

468
00:18:44,218 --> 00:18:47,316
We can't. He was already fixed
when I found him at the shelter.

469
00:18:48,385 --> 00:18:50,350
Hey, uh, Bernadette,
let's test this theory.

470
00:18:50,352 --> 00:18:52,783
What do you think
I'm feeling right now?

471
00:18:52,785 --> 00:18:54,283
Let's see.

472
00:18:54,285 --> 00:18:57,316
You're better than us,
a little bit sorry for us,

473
00:18:57,318 --> 00:19:01,383
but mostly glad
you don't have to be us.

474
00:19:03,385 --> 00:19:05,183
Keep filling this one
with babies. She's good.

475
00:19:07,991 --> 00:19:14,785
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man