What did she look like?
You know, for a second I thought, "Is she gonna do the right thing
and not bring this up?"
It's fucked-up. Right? Was it? It was fucked-up?
Was cracking open a casket and stealing a necklace off a dead body fucked-up?
You know what, Morgan? I'm gonna leave that one with you. Okay?
Sorry, I just could not do it.
- Like, I couldn't bring myself. - I… I remember.
I was there as the sun was coming up.
Okay?
Okay.
Got it?
Here.
Take it.
- Why are you giving this to me for? - What are you talking about?
You wanted us to give it back. We're giving it back.
You're gonna give it back to the person you stole it from.
- What? - Get in the truck.
No, I'm not doing that again.
- Oh, Nicky, get in the truck. - Get in the truck.
I'm so tired. Just get in.
Get out.
- Get out! - Okay.
- Go. - Okay.
- Get off of me. - Please.
What?
Have you never been to a house before?
- Ring the fucking bell! - I don't know this person.
- Ring the bell! - Okay.
Stop.
God, in the same time you could've rang the bell.
Come in.
So…
You dug up a grave.
- Mm-hmm. - Two, actually.
Incredible.
Where is it?
- Mmm. - Psst!
Give him the fucking necklace.
- Okay. - All right.
Eh, eh, eh, eh! I'm… I'm not touching that.
It's been on a dead woman.
Did you clean it, Yusuf?
Well, we came straight from...
Then fucking clean it. I don't want to touch a dead woman's germs.
Okay.
You've caused quite a bit of trouble with this.
I think the important thing here is that you got the necklace back,
and it's… it's very late, and I would love to go home
and shower off the smell of an open casket before work, so I just…
Still… to steal a necklace out of a locked case.
Oh, well, the key was in the lock, so it's not like the case was technically locked.
You didn't tell me the key was in the lock, Yusuf.
She still broke in, so, um…
Well, did she break in
or did she simply turn a key
and take a $75,000 necklace
out of a case you were supposed to have your eyes on?
- That's what I've been saying. - Let it go.
Well, either way, she… broke in.
Put the fucking kettle on.
Okay.
Come.
Let's have a drink.
There we go.
Is this... Is this alcohol at 6:15 in the morning?
A reverend and a teacher,
such upstanding members of the community,
stealing jewels and digging up their own grandmother.
That's... That's impressive.
Okay.
Huh.
Oh, okay!
I'd like to be friends.
You know, you... You seem like you have enough friends. I...
Here.
A gift of gratitude.
- Uh, that's not necessary. - Uh-uh-uh.
I insist.
Wow. Okay.
- Is this a flip phone? - Flip phones.
This is really thoughtful. Thank you.
So, now that we're friends,
I might need a favor at some point.
And friends do this for friends, right?
Okay.
Well, I guess that's that.
Friends.
When the phone rings, you answer it.
It is in these trying times that I often find myself
…thinking about the… the effects of fear.
You know, fear has this ability to… to call upon us
out of the blue
and… and coerce us into doing things we never envisioned ourselves doing.
In Proverbs, it is said, "The fear of man lays a snare,
but whoever trusts in the Lord is safe."
Are we really, though?
You know, if… if you… if you… if you think about it,
it does beg the question,
"What are we doing?" You know?
Is… is God punishing us for something? Is this a test?
What are we actually supposed to do
in the face of, you know, I don't know, let's go with "paralyzing terror"?
You know, when the fear has… has taken over our bodies,
and we are just lying there at night wondering what's happening next.
We're waking up with hot sweats.
We're not eating.
What do we do?
Hmm?
Genuine question.
May the grace of Lord Jesus Christ and the love of God
and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with all of you today.
Okay.
It's ten o'clock. You might want to get out of bed. Max is on his way over.
I swear to God, the two of you, the drama.
It's like Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton over here
if they both slept a lot.
Why is he on his way over?
He called me. Apparently, your phone is dead.
Honey, have you seen my blouse with the little ties?
It was in the laundry room, then you did a wash and now it's gone.
I have a lot going on today.
I'm declaring my candidacy.
There's a photo that needs to be taken, and now I have nothing to wear.
Mom, you have no idea. The last couple of days have been really intense for me.
Yes, I'm sure that they have, honey. Oh, there it is!
Oh, thank God.
All right, I think that you need to put on your big-girl pants
and make up with your fiancé.
Okay, so you're declaring your candidacy?
That's what, you're, like, shouting it to a roomful of people?
It's too early for sarcasm, Morgan. It's unattractive before noon.
Be kind to him, honey. He's a low-functioning person.
- Morgan? - Hey, Linda, I'm here with Max.
Hope you have decaf, because I've sworn off caffeine.
Annette, I didn't know you were coming. I'm sure that I do.
We'll be down in one second.
I don't have decaf. Who has decaf?
Why the fuck would he bring his mom with him?
Well, that's a really good question, Morgan.
Annette, I am so sorry.
Max didn't mention that you were coming,
or I would have got a coffee cake.
Well, I hope this wasn't too much of a surprise to you.
No, not at all.
Let's just hope that this chat doesn't require coffee cake.
Max, I really don't think having this conversation
in front of our mothers is gonna get us through this.
Okay, well, since you won't go to therapy with me,
I just think that them being here will make us a lot nicer to each other.
So, Linda, I... I don't know about you,
but if there's gonna be a marriage between our families,
and I'm gonna be dumping some money into this thing,
I want to know that I'm not shoveling cash into a fire.
Exactly. Ex... Yeah, I've said that almost every day.
This plate makes me want to walk into traffic.
Today was grocery day, so please excuse whatever that is.
No, seriously, it's more than enough.
Max, baby, we've all got things to do.
Yeah, okay, Mom. Um…
Okay.
Morgan, I'm sorry for calling you names.
That wasn't kind.
Yeah.
Um…
Yeah. So, obviously, I am sorry. That's a given. Um…
See? You can't even give me, like, a nice apology.
Okay, well... And then I'm gonna say sorry now. I am sorry.
Okay, kids, if we're gonna be useful in this conversation,
I think maybe a little bit of context would be helpful.
- I cheated on you too. There! - Cheated?
- What? - You cheated?
Well, to be fair, it sounded like they both cheated.
- Well, I kind... I kind of cheated. - What is "kind of cheated"?
We didn't do, like, the whole thing. It was like, we just did finger stuff.
- Oh, Massimo! - Oh my God!
It's not better.
Oh, it's better than doing full penis.
Do not say "penis" in front of Linda.
- Morgan, what is he talking about? - Just tell me how many times.
Okay, well, how many times were you using your fingers with some random person?
All right, if we can't have this conversation
without referring to "fingers" and "penises,"
then, frankly, we don't need to be here.
- Annette, I want to extend an apology… - No. You don't need to.
…to you on behalf of my daughter.
No need. Max, I raised you better than this.
This is not going how Dr. Costa told me that it would, Mom. I just… Morgan.
You know how I feel about you, okay? So I'm gonna go home,
and just know that I'll be more than happy to hear your key in that door,
if that's what you still want.
- Mama? - No.
Um, I'm sorry again about the peanut butter.
I hate peanut butter.
I don't know if Max mentioned to you,
but I decided to run for mayor since my mom passed.
- I just have felt the need… - What?
…to be of use in a bigger way,
but as you can see, it's made things really hectic around here.
Oh, come on. Now you're making me want to walk into traffic.
I just, just backed Tom Donaldson.
Tom Donaldson? The Jimmy John's guy?
Yeah, leases out a bunch of storefronts from me.
- He just asked me last week. - Yeah.
- So Tom's running for mayor? - Yeah.
Because I wouldn't have thought he had the time.
He just seems so busy buying boats.
- The man does have a lot of boats. - Uh-huh.
You know, can I just say, though, I think this is really good for you.
- Oh, thank you, Annette. Thank you. - I do.
Appreciate that.
Morgan.
I know trying on rental suits isn't your favorite thing to do,
but I dare you to look more miserable.
Well, you're in luck. I managed to find a 40 for your, um…
- Cousin. Yeah. - Oh.
- Cousin? - Yeah. He's, uh…
- Yeah. - We're close.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, I can see that.
- He's my date to an event next week. - Mm-hmm.
- I'm being honored for my queer activism. - Oh.
- Yeah. - I was at Stonewall for the riots.
- Oh, wow. - Wow.
Uh… Thank you for your service.
I was a closeted cop at the time.
I'm convinced the shame gave me lupus.
Anyway, shirts and ties are in the changing room.
- Okay. - Excuse me.
- Yeah, thanks. - Of course.
- Am I him? - What?
Is that who I am to you? Like some bad gay?
Well, he has a wedding ring on, so…
- Don't do that. That's not nice. - You're worse. I'm kidding.
No, I don't... I don't find this funny,
and it's not fun, and I don't like lying to people,
and I don't want to cosplay incest cousins in some suit rental place.
I don't want to get lupus.
Then stop lying for a day.
I understand you not wanting me to stay at your place
or hold hands in a restaurant, but we are two towns away.
Brent doesn't give a fuck. We don't know this person.
- Please stop. - Jesus, are these hives?
- Nick, what is going on? - Just grab me the shirt, please.
- It's all over your chest. - I know it is. It's a stress rash.
All right?
Okay, I'm sorry.
- What can I do to help you relax? - Absolutely nothing.
Doesn't look like the two of you need my help.
But if you do, I'll be waiting right here.
Okay.
- That's not funny. - Okay.
- Please just go deal with him. Please. - Okay.
- Brent, I think he needs a larger size. - Yeah. This way.
- Fuck. - Everything okay?
Uh-huh. Yeah, I'm just looking for my phone.
Hello.
Yeah, this is he.
I can't hear you.
I think there's... There's bad reception. You've given me a flip phone!
What happened to your hand?
What happened to your face, you fucking bitch?
Jesus, what the fuck is wrong with you?
You are what's wrong.
Like I have nothing else to deal with in my life,
now I have you two clowns tied around my leg like a crime ball.
- A what? - A crime ball!
The balls they tie to the legs of criminals so they can't escape.
The metal ball.
Oh, a ball and chain.
Whatever it is in English. I don't know.
It's a ball and chain in English.
- Where are we going? - Shut up!
I'm sorry, but I need to know what we're being asked to do.
I hold a certain standing in this community.
And there are limitations on what I can participate in.
Yeah? Tell that to your dead grandma. Stupid.
Okay.
Take this. Go inside. There's a man who's waiting for you.
And don't fuck this up.
Why can't you do it?
Because you two are like pieces of white bread.
Like dry vanilla cake they feed the pigeons.
That's why Ivan likes you. You can get away with anything in this country.
Okay, so what…
…what kind of man are we meeting inside?
A man, okay?
Expecting you. Just give him the cash and do the deal.
- Okay. - Wow.
I don't know what deal he's talking about.
Can you let me out please?
- I am suffocating… in there. - Crazy mood today.
Give me that.
- Ugh! - Okay, yeah, I knew it was drugs.
Drugs?
Yeah, it's a drug deal. Hilare.
How do you know it's a drug deal?
Uh, because I was a struggling actress in New York City for five years.
- Yeah, it runs expensive. - I didn't like a single word you said.
What if we went in there and just left out the back?
Can you chill the fuck out?
This is simple as long as you don't act like a narc having an anxiety attack.
- I'm not. - You're quivering like a small dog.
- I'm not quivering! - You are.
- There's a vibration coming off of you. - So what if there's a vibration, okay?
This isn't a natural thing for me.
Could you try to center yourself for 20 minutes?
- That's a dumb thing to say. - Maybe 20 minutes. Not even.
Hey.
Been waiting half an hour.
- Oh. No, sorry about that. - No…
Our driver's an idiot.
Are we gonna do this?
- Yeah. - I...
- Mm-hmm. - Let's go.
Oh God.
Uh… We're sure that there's, like, no way we could do this above ground?
- Get in. - Okay. Okay.
So?
You good?
Am…
Am I good?
I don't... I don't... I don't know. Morgan, am I... Am I good?
Like, I'm good. Are you good?
- As good as I can be. - Good. Good.
Okay. Uh…
Am I...
Am I missing something?
Yeah.
All right. I have to take this.
- Sure, of... of course. - No worries. Work comes first.
- What is going on, Morgan? - I have no idea.
- He's playing games. It's not cool. - Aren't there supposed to be drugs?
- Yeah, usually. - Where are they?
I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Just… Let me…
Is this a hit?
- Huh? - Is this a hit?
- Have we seen too much? - No.
Because I don't want this basement apartment
to be the last thing I see before I die.
- I'm being dead serious. - Can I think for one second?
- I've given you ten seconds. - This needs to be said.
- You would not last one day on Survivor. - I don't watch Surviv...
Okay, listen. Are we buying drugs from you or not?
Excuse me?
Is this a fucking joke?
No. No, it's fucking not.
You think I sell drugs?
Morgan?
Why would you think that? Because of the way I look?
- No. - I have never said that.
You look at me and think, "He has tattoos. He scares me."
- "He must sell fucking drugs." - No. No.
We were told to come to...
Told what? Wait, wait, wait, wait. Someone told you I sell drugs?
- Was it fucking Carmela, up in 2B? - Was it Carmela?
- Because she actually sells drugs. - What?
- I don't sell drugs… anymore. - Okay.
Hey, I'm a legitimate landlord that takes pride in the apartments I rent.
- All right? - Right.
Right, yeah. Um…
- He's a landlord, Morgan. - Okay…
He's renting us an apartment.
Gotcha. Got it. There's been a major misunderstanding here.
When I was saying, "We're gonna buy the drugs,"
I was talking about, like, "Oh, the drugs."
I was being like, "Oh, like, the drugs."
Like, the goods, the property, the… you know,
like, let's make a deal type of, like, "Show me the money."
Show me the money.
Yes, like, when you are making a deal... It doesn't matter... We will take it.
- We'll take it? - We'll take the place.
That's cute. If you think I'm renting you this apartment, you're fucking crazy.
Oh God.
Uh, I, for one, think that you have done a wonderful job with this space.
I think you're really gonna like the design for the campaign website.
We just might need to hire a freelance web designer,
but I have a clear design aesthetic, so it shouldn't take that long.
I don't know, hon, it sounds expensive.
- Also, lawn signs have been ordered. - Mmm.
Yeah! And I know you thought the pins were cheesy.
- But I think they could go a long way. - Hi, Kurt.
Kids putting them on their backpacks, et cetera.
Speaking of kids, I do think we should be getting involved
with the PTA organizations at our local elementary schools.
Well…
Just considering our focus is on community and family,
that could be a great place to start meeting folks.
Yeah.
I was wondering if maybe we should hit pause.
On what?
On the campaign. Take a minute to risk assess.
Hm. I'm sorry, what... What are you talking about?
Well, honey, it's just that I have a really busy few months coming up,
what, with wrapping up Nonna's estate and the store.
Do I really have the time to service the town
in the way that they would want from me?
Is this about Tom Donaldson?
He's a millionaire.
He has an Ivy League degree. I'm a college dropout.
Honey, I sell shovels.
He'll obliterate us in front of the whole town,
and I don't think that I have a thick enough skin right now
for that kind of humiliation.
I see.
Okay.
Honey.
Now, what is going on?
Oh, nothing. You are just, um, really demonstrating
how a strong woman should act
when faced with the slightest bit of intimidation.
Are you talking to me…
…about what constitutes a strong woman?
No, I'm not. I just, um, I just find it a bit offensive.
Natalie, let me ask you a question.
How can your generation be offended by anything
when you're offended by everything?
I never had the time to be offended.
I was too busy shielding three kids from the fallout of a divorce,
not to mention a store to run, a house to manage, lunches to pack,
principals to call back based on whatever Morgan had done that week.
There was no such thing as self-care back then.
A strong woman was every woman who got the job done
and had a minute to spare at the end of the day for a glass of red wine.
So, when did that change?
It didn't change, Natalie. I still get calls about Morgan.
And yet, you seem to have plenty of time to let Tom Donaldson
stand in the way of you getting the job done.
I should never have weaponized you with an education.
Show me the website.
Seriously, there's nothing we can do to change your mind?
Nothing. And you, next time,
don't have your wife do your business for you.
I… know. I know.
She just…
She won't listen to me and…
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Um, okay.
I… I'm… I'm sorry. I should not have taken my frustration out on you.
But, uh, my husband and I have…
We have fallen on some hard times.
He has run us into the ground financially.
I'm talking gambling addiction, sexaholic.
And I know… I know that this man looks like hell,
but he has pulled his life together.
Addiction is a hell of a disease.
- I… - I know.
My uncle lost everything in Atlantic City.
Oh… It's… bullshit.
So then, you know, you… you must understand.
And with her being pregnant, it's…
- Congrats. - Thank you. I'm pregnant.
Yeah, it's... We're just trying to find a place to… to grow our family.
Mm-hmm.
- All right. - Thank you.
I'll need your driver's license, social. The usual.
- Of course. Yeah, absolutely, absolutely. - Well… But…
Is there any way to do it without any of those things? Just...
- What? What the fuck, man? - I'm…
- Your wife just asked me for drugs. - I did.
You know what? Let's go. I'm not renting an apartment without a credit check.
All cash. Six months. Security.
Prob... probably a tip.
All right.
Don't make me regret this.
- I won't. - Of course. Okay.
I'm taking the keys.
- That's… - Thank you very much.
- You're welcome. - …really sexist.
I assume that you'll be repainting.
- Just get out the door. - Okay.
Fucking crackheads.
Okay. Here.
- Thank you. - And here.
- What's this? What are you doing? - We did what you asked.
Huh. So you want me to tell Ivan you want to end the friendship?
I think something's getting lost in translation.
No, he gave us the phones to do him a favor. We did the favor.
Okay. I'll tell him.
Okay, just so we're on the same page, what exactly will you be telling him?
Uh, I will be telling him that you're giving back his gifts…
- Uh-huh. - …and you want to kill the friendship.
That… that is not the right word. "Kill" is not the right word.
It… it puts a negative spin on things.
Yeah. Wait... And also, I'm confused. There... So there will be more favors?
No, there will be no more favors. We're giving the phone back.
- I wouldn't give the phones back. - Oh, my... I can't keep doing this.
I can't do this one more day, okay?
I… I am a good person.
I deserve peace and… and calm.
You deserve, like, a big fat fucking dick in your mouth, honestly.
All this religious celibacy has made you such a tight-ass.
You deserve to loosen up.
Well, you deserve order in your life, Morgan.
You deserve a… a clean, mess-free, ordered life.
You don't think I know that?
You don't have to tell people with messy lives that their lives are messy.
It doesn't help. Like, we already know.
Like, we'd already do something if we could.
- Why is your neck all red? - Because I have a rash!
I don't give a fuck what either of you deserve,
especially your fucking disgusting skin problems.
- Okay. - Okay.
- That's unkind. - Keep the phone.
And he'll let you know when you're no longer needed.
Got it.
- It's all up your neck. - I know it is.
It's disgusting.
Ooh.
Natalie. Natalie.
Uh, ballpoint or felt?
- What? - To sign the paperwork.
Oh. Oh, no, no. No, we're just handing in the petition. Yeah.
Honey, this is information that I need. I can't be blindsided at the last moment.
Mom… everything is good.
- You are good. - Oh my God.
Okay, wow. That looks perfect. Okay, do you remember what I…
Thank you for coming with me.
Well, thank you for finally admitting that you were wrong.
- I'm working on myself. - Good.
And while we're on the topic, it's, like, we were both wrong.
- Oh, yay! Morgan. Oh, my… - Oh!
Wow, I was not... I wasn't expecting the two of you.
Oh, well, we just wanted to come show our support.
Oh, Morgan. I can't tell you how happy this makes me,
seeing the two of you together.
Oh my God, there's Tom.
Well…
Looks like some people have kissed and made up.
Okay, Ma, you don't have to make it a whole dramatic thing.
Well, I want to introduce you to Tom Donaldson.
- All right. - Go.
- Tom Donaldson. Linda Morelli. - Hi.
- Hi, there. Tom Donaldson. Hi. - Hi.
You run that, uh, that little pharmacy in town, right?
You know, I love that place. Great tchotchkes.
Hardware store, Tom.
It's Morelli's Hardware. Been in town for 70-plus years.
- Kind of hard to miss. - All right.
Well, uh, I look forward to an exciting campaign.
- Mr. Donaldson? - Yes, I do too. Hi.
Nice to meet you, Lana. This should be fun.
- Men. He's, um… - Yeah. Mmm.
I refuse to let this man win.
He is such an asshole.
Who matches their tie to their shirt?
Hi.
Since when do I get to stay over?
It's for my mental health, so we're just gonna go with it, okay?
Okay.