- Nicky. - What?
Everyone's dead.
I know that.
Well, why didn't they kill us?
I don't care. We've got to go.
But it could mean something. We should call someone.
- Like who? The police? - Uh…
"Hi, this crazy thing happened at the hotel that we're at,
and we're the only ones left alive."
"By the way, don't you dare ask a single follow-up question"?
- What the fuck? - Okay, I'm sorry.
I had one reactive thought to witnessing a massacre. I'm sorry.
We have to go. We have to start moving.
Watch where you're stepping! There is blood everywhere!
I am. I am.
You should go home.
Okay.
Nicky, Nicky, I don't think those guys work at the hotel.
No shit, Morgan.
I don't understand what's taking so long.
They should've called with the election results half an hour ago.
Clearly, it wasn't a landslide,
which frankly, says more about the people of this town
than it does our campaign.
You know, Susan Gopnik stopped me in the grocery store
to say that she voted for me. I could tell that she was lying.
Her mother was arrested for shoplifting when we were in high school.
Woman is a sociopath.
Natalie!
Did you call me?
Honey, blender's a little loud. I can't hear myself think.
- Copy-copy. - What are you two so quiet about?
Oh, should we be talking about something while we wait?
I'm nervous… for you.
Well, that's hardly a useful way to spend your time.
You go down to Miami, the both of you, on a church retreat,
come back looking like fresh death.
That's kind of you, Ma.
Natalie! Honey!
I'm begging you, if you love me,
you will make that smoothie any other time but now!
- Here you are. - Thank you, hon.
- Yeah. - Mmm. Mm-mm-mm.
So I just want to tell you all how much these past couple of months
have meant to me.
Natalie, you have steered me through this election
with a poise and a maturity well beyond your years.
And watching the two of you,
uh, find your way back to each other.
I just want to say, no matter what happens today,
this family will always be my guiding light.
Mm.
It's an unlisted number.
Answer it!
Linda Morelli.
Mm-hmm.
Okay. Okay.
Right.
I understand. Thank you.
What?
Hm.
We lost, didn't we?
We tied.
Tied?
- Well… - What?
No, now, don't second-guess yourself. We did everything that we could.
Okay. Mm-hmm. So, n... now what? What do we do?
Well, according to the council, it comes down to a game of chance.
- No! Mom! Oh my God! - Honey. Natalie. Natalie.
Stop.
What, it's like, being decided by drawing straws?
- Mom! No! No! - Honey.
Oh my God, this is insane!
Three days checking the news, nothing.
Whole room of people gets killed, nobody's talking about it.
Well, it's clearly been covered up.
I'm well aware of that, okay?
But I have a very bad feeling that they're coming for us.
We were forced into this, you know?
Two upstanding citizens going missing is probably not worth the hassle for them.
- Yeah. - You know, if they wanted us dead,
they had their chance. They let us go.
That is what I'm choosing to believe, okay?
What's the alternative?
They kill us some other time.
That's an upper. That's a good... That's good.
It's over. We tied.
How is that possible?
Susan fucking Gopnik, that's how.
- Hi. - Hi.
I hope I'm not interrupting your flow with God.
I think he's thrilled that I'm leaving, to be honest.
So it's official?
Uh, yeah. It was a joint decision.
- Wow. - It's nice to see you.
Yeah.
I think…
- Can I go first? - Uh-huh.
I owe you a thank-you.
I don't know who those kids were,
but they managed to get most of the money back.
Sorry, what kids?
Those hacker kids in your Sunday school who found Tegan.
- Oh. That's right. The hackers… - The Hackers for Christ or whatever.
Yeah, I don't want to know how they did it, but…
They restored my faith in Gen Alpha.
Happy to help.
Yeah, you helped, despite me blaming you, which you shouldn't have had to do.
Hmm.
I would really like a fresh start.
Everything out in the open.
No more hiding.
There's something that I want to tell you.
Of course.
I'm here.
You can tell me anything.
Mm.
Let's go for a walk.
Yeah?
- Okay. Yeah. - Okay.
Are we going to party? Three handles of whiskey?
If we wanted this much, we should've gone to Costco.
Okay, I didn't say anything when you put Lucky Charms and juice boxes in.
Feels like I'm shopping with a six-year-old.
My juice boxes are for after my workouts, and you also eat Lucky Charms.
God, you've been such, like, a grumpy old witch lately.
Oh, no, don't worry, I got it. I got these.
Fuck, Max!
Fuck.
Morgan!
Oh my God, oh my God. Fuck.
- I'm so sorry. Are you okay? - You fucking ran me over!
I know. It was a mistake. Okay, do you need an ambulance?
No, I'm fine.
- I'm stuck, okay? Just pull me out. - Give me your hands. Come on.
- Pull. Pull. - Ah, give it a little kick.
- Okay. - Pull.
- Ow. Fuck. Ow, ow, ow. - Oh my God. Okay.
- There's, like, an undercarriage on me. - The carriage is on you?
- Yeah, it's on my femur muscle. - Fuck. Okay.
- Okay, I'm going to ask someone for help. - No, Morgan, fuck!
- What? - This is really fucking embarrassing.
Oh my God. People are getting out of their fucking cars!
- Okay, hey. Gu... guys, he is okay. - Tell them to go away.
Please go away.
I'm so fucking mad at you, it's giving me a headache.
Seriously? You're filming?
He said it was hiding in plain sight.
He left the key in the lock.
I don't know. I don't run an illegal import-export business.
And that led to a room of people being murdered?
No, that led to us getting involved. I think the… the murders
had more to do with the hundreds of thousands of dollars' worth of cocaine
that were being illegally imported in a cow's testicles.
- Okay, do you hear yourself right now? - Yeah, of course I hear myself.
Okay, what now then? Are people out there looking for you?
I don't know. I don't...
- I don't... I don't think so. - You don't think so?
Well, that feels like a pretty important thing to know,
considering I'm standing right beside you, Nick.
- I'm sleeping at your house. - You told me to open up to you.
And… and to tell you the truth. That's what I've done. This is the truth.
Well, of course I wanted the truth.
I just wasn't necessarily expecting to hear that my boyfriend
was at the center of a mass murder.
God. I did it for us.
How does this have anything to do with us?
How do you think you got your money back?
The Hackers for Christ.
- Okay. - There are no Hackers for Christ.
Of course there aren't any "Hackers for Christ."
I had to do a favor in exchange for a favor.
Are you seriously putting the murder of 15 people on me?
Are you seriously thinking
that I'm putting the murder of 15 people on you?
Do I look like I know what to think?
Take it. I'll keep walking.
- I can't really talk right now. - Did your flip phone ring?
What? Uh, I don't know.
I haven't looked at it since Miami.
Because mine did.
Wh… How?
- I don't know. I didn't pick up. - Well, don't!
Throw it in the fucking ocean. I don't care. Just get rid of it.
Dr. Flores…
What is that? Where are you?
Urgent care.
Why? Are you okay?
Yeah, I'm okay.
I ran over Max by accident.
What even is that?
- Rock, paper, scissors? - Yes.
It... it's that stupid hand game
Nicky and Morgan used to play to decide who didn't have to take out the trash.
Well, you want to know who feels like trash now?
This grown woman who's reduced to playing a children's game
with that local slime bucket.
Well, you know, at least it's better than whatever Tom suggested.
Chess isn't even a game of chance. It's fully strategic.
And misogynistic.
Name a woman who has time for chess.
Natalie, this whole thing is just so humiliating.
Ugh! I know. I'm pissed off too.
But I think we owe it to ourselves to show people that
unlike Tom, this isn't just about power.
No, it is about power, Natalie.
It's always about power when you've never had any.
When I was your age, I was working in the shop.
Not because I wanted to,
but because it was just what everybody did.
I didn't have the luxury of going to grad school
or trying bangs like you, hon.
And then I fell in love with your father, and that was a wonderful thing
until we wanted kids,
and I found out that I couldn't have any on my own.
So we adopted your brother and loved him so much,
and then all of a sudden, I was pregnant with Morgan.
A miracle, everybody said.
And then eight years later, you came along, another little miracle.
But the truth is, honey, you two weren't planned.
You were gifts from God, so how could I not keep you?
But you weren't planned.
And I love you to death, honey, but you weren't planned.
- You were a mistake. - Right, ye... yeah.
And so even when my body eventually gave me everything I wanted,
it wasn't on my terms.
And your father and I were not in a good enough place.
We got divorced, and even that wasn't what I wanted.
So when I knew that the day would come when your nonna would be gone,
and there wasn't anybody else I needed to take care of,
I just thought, well, why not
reach for a little power…
…before you kids have to wipe my ass in some hospital room?
Well,
then let's prep you to win that stupid game.
Hello?
If there is anybody here, I'm not gonna scream. I'm not gonna run.
It's just not who I am, okay? So let's just get it over with.
I'm telling you, I will go wherever you want.
I'm just asking that you say it nicely.
- Nicky, Nicky! - Morgan?
- What the fuck is going on? - I don't know.
- What's going on? - You tell me. I can't see!
- I also can't see. - Are we gonna die?
- Uh… - Help! Someone help!
- Fire! - Help!
- Fire! - Why are you yelling "fire"?
I read an article that said people respond better to "fire"
because "help" doesn't directly pertain to them.
- It's selfish. - Fine! Fine, fine, fine!
- Fire! - Fire! Fire! Fire!
- Fire! - Will you both shut the fuck up?
- Yusuf? - Oh my God.
- Are you fucking kidding me? - Oh my God.
This is how I hear from you after you fucking disappear?
I tried calling, but you didn't answer, so this is your fucking fault, okay?
Oh my God.
Okay, I knew it.
I knew you two hooked up.
- That's fucking gross. That's gross. - Okay.
If you would have answered my call, I would have said thank you.
Why? Why would you have said thank you?
I took my power back. I got a promotion.
Hm. Who did you get a promotion from? 'Cause Ivan's dead.
What the fuck are you two talking about?
Ivan had no power, okay? I went to his boss.
Who's his fucking boss?
The Italians.
Until he tried to fuck them over,
so I told them what the fuck was happening in Miami.
Ivan was working for the Mob?
You almost had us fucking killed!
How did I do that?
- How? - Oh my God.
You being a little tattletale resulted in a literal massacre, okay?
The Italians killed, like, 15 people. You're a fucking tattletale!
Mm-hmm.
I'm not a fucking tattletale.
Yeah, you are. You're a little tattletale snitch, okay?
- And a murderer. - I'm not a fucking snitch.
- Yes, you are. - What are you talking about?
- They said just Ivan and Andrei. - Well, they fucking lied to you, okay?
Because I watched a cartel member get a bullet in the eye.
Do you know what that sounds like?
They shot up the whole room, Yusuf. Wake up!
What the fuck.
Both of them here?
Yeah, they're here.
Yusuf, you gonna introduce us?
Yeah, that's Nicky and Morgan.
That's the intro?
Not gonna lie. Needs some work.
We have a question about Miami.
We didn't, um…
- We didn't do anything wrong. - You didn't do anything wrong?
You helped broker a deal for 100 kilos of coke.
Hm.
We had eyes on that stupid Russian fuck's entire Miami circus from start to finish.
Except for a five-minute period in the bathroom
with the son of the leader of the Brazilian cartel.
And you.
Nicky. Nicky?
- What are they talking about? - I… I… I don't know. It was nothing.
He was having a personal crisis.
What crisis required a private audience?
I know it sounds suspicious, okay?
But it has nothing to do with the cartel.
I am a pastor, okay?
He was coming to me for sp... spiritual help.
What am I supposed to do with this?
Point it at this well-respected pastor,
and if he doesn't answer our questions to our satisfaction,
by the time we count from ten, shoot him.
Wait, no, okay.
- Can we just talk about this? - Ten.
What did you and Filipe speak about?
His life. It was… it was personal. It had nothing to do with his family.
- Nine. - Will he be taking over for his father?
- I don't know. We didn't talk about that. - Seven.
I would tell you if any of this had anything to do with you or his father
or any of this.
I… I swear to God.
- I am a pastor swearing to God. - Is he telling the truth?
- Are you telling the truth? - Five.
Why would I not be telling the truth, Morgan?
- Four. Three. - What the fuck?
Either put a bullet in my head or believe me.
- But I… I don't know what else to say. - One.
Fuck it, shoot him.
Are you serious?
Shoot him.
Guys, I can't.
No, no, no, no, no!
Okay, I believe you.
Although if it was up to us, we'd have loaded the fucking gun just for fun.
I… I'm going on a cruise for six months with my boyfriend, okay?
You won't... won't have to worry about me.
I don't think our boss would be too thrilled to know
that there's some liability out there cartwheeling onto a cruise ship
with a stranger for the next six months.
You didn't mention any of this to your little boyfriend…
Tareq.
Tareq, before you booked that cruise, did you?
I hope you're telling the truth. Because if you're not,
we'll find you.
We always do.
You'll be hearing from us sooner than you'd like.
Thank you for not shooting my brother.
Are you fucking kidding me?
He literally kidnapped us, tied us up, held a gun to my head,
and set up a room full of people to be slaughtered.
- Okay! Okay! I thought it was nice. - What is wrong with you?
- I thought it was nice. - Is this your relationship with men?
- Stop! Are you fucking... - Constantly letting them off the hook?
- They're all on the hook! - This makes a lot of sense, Morgan.
It makes sense. You're on the hook. You're on the hook.
I'm not on the hook. Shut your goddamn mouth!
Untie me now!
Don't.
Hi.
Nick, you've put me in an impossible situation here.
I know that. I… I know.
I'm… I'm sorry.
What do we do?
I don't know.
Nick, we're so fucking close. In a month and a half,
there's a cruise that can take us out for six months. We'll be...
I can't go on that cruise.
What are you talking about?
I was abducted last night, and I cannot go on the cruise.
- What? - I know the guy. It wasn't his fault.
Okay, Nick, I'm sorry. I can't do this.
- I'm sorry, uh... - You shouldn't have to do this.
There's nothing to do. There is… nothing to do anymore.
Are you okay?
Yeah, I'm fine.
I… I think you should still go on the cruise.
I'm not going on the cruise without you. That's fucking cruel.
It's not cruel. You were planning on going with or without me.
I… I think you should still go.
You think I should go on the cruise?
Or you're telling me to go on the cruise?
I am telling you
that I think you should go on the cruise.
Nicky, what have you done?
I mean, the fucked-up thing is
I… I… I d... I don't know exactly what I've done.
I'd argue I haven't done much.
Well, you've lied, Nick.
And the scary part is it seems to come so easy to you.
I'm sorry.
Yeah, me too.
Rock, paper, scissors. Win!
Rock, paper, scissors. Yeah!
Rock, paper, scissors. Win!
Morgan, you've thrown rock five times in a row.
- Yeah. - You're not even trying.
Rock, paper, scissors. Wi...
You know what? This is ridiculous. I don't want to do this with that man.
This is all about tricking people. I have no interest in that.
That's kind of the point of the game.
It always helps to consider your opponent's perspective, Mrs. Morelli.
Thank you for that, Kevin.
- Mm, Kevin? - Yes, honey bear?
I got it. Yeah, over there. Back away.
You know, the great thing about flowers
is they work if you win, and they work if you lose.
Annette, bless you. Thank you so much for coming. Aw.
- How are you holding up? - I'm okay, I'm okay.
- Morgan. - Hello.
- We just have to wait… - Oh, look.
- Is Tom ready? - Actually, no, he's not.
I just got off the phone with Mr. Donaldson,
who informed me he has decided to concede.
With Tom's concession,
the electoral board hereby declares Linda Morelli our new mayor.
- I'm the… - Guys!
Oh my God!
Congratulations!
Linda, see, the best person always wins.
- Oh my God. - How about a drink? Or six?
Or six.
Honey!
Oh my God.
Hey.
- Congratulations, Linda. - Oh, thank you.
- I didn't expect to see you here. - Wouldn't miss it.
- Everything okay? - Yeah, I'm just happy for you.
Oh, that's really kind of you, honey.
You know, Natalie might appreciate a hug like that as well.
- Mm. Uh… Yeah. - Okay.
- Are we close like that? I can't tell. - Well, let's just get it. Okay.
Oh, what's that? Oh.
The doctor said you didn't have to wear that all day.
Yeah, Morgan. I'm trying to get back in the gym,
and the doctors don't have whiplash, so…
Jesus. Next church retreat should be an AA meeting.
Oh, my one and only child.
Is that really necessary?
- Yes. - Okay.
- How are you feeling? - Better.
It only really hurts, like, when I move my neck.
Aw. Look at the two of you.
If you can get through running over your partner,
well, you can get through almost anything.
- Am I right? - Cheers to that, yeah.
You know, when Max was a baby,
his father forgot him in his carrier on the roof of the car.
Drove halfway down the block before he realized it.
Oh my God.
We miss your daddy every day.
- Don't we, baby? - Yeah, we do.
Hey, can I grab you for a minute?
I have a little something upstairs I need your help with.
- Yeah. - Of course, yeah.
- Oh, sorry. Thank you. - Yeah.
Hm.
Wow.
I can't believe I've never been in here before.
Neither can I.
I'm so proud of your mother.
Ah, all that hard work.
And I am very happy that we're going to be in-laws.
Yeah, I'm so happy.
Look.
I know that you're not in love with my son anymore.
The problem is, he's very much in love with you.
And I just wanted you to know that if you had any thoughts about leaving him,
that won't be happening.
Excuse me?
I am telling you
that you will be marrying my son.
Oh, you know, I forgot to ask you, how was your church trip?
I heard it didn't go as planned.
You know, Max would be devastated if anything should happen to you.
One might go so far as to say that,
well, your engagement to my son
is the only reason you made it back home at all.
- What the fuck are you doing here? - Lower your fucking voice.
I don't know what you want from us, but now is not the time, okay?
Please, leave my family out of this.
We were invited, you fucking idiot.
Open it.
Yeah.
I heard you had to jump through hoops
to get that thing back to me, and I thought…
"What a perfect engagement gift." Am I right?
Yeah.
Welcome to the family.
I'll take that.
Salute.
Oh, right there.
Too tight?
- Yeah, a little bit. - Oh…
You'll get used to it.
There.
I thought you worked in real estate.
Mm, I do.
Among other things, obviously.
Mm. Aw.
Look at that.
Oh. Keep it safe.
Don't want it ending up in another grave.
Okay.
And if you run over my son again,
then I will fucking kill you myself.
Shall we?
Big smiles, everyone.
- Morgan. - I need to talk to you.
The Italians are here.
Um, that makes a lot of sense, because Annette is their boss.
What are you talking about?
Ivan and Andrei work for the Italians. The Italians work for Annette.
It was for her.
It has all been for her.
Everybody!
Our mayor, Linda Morelli!
Everybody, thank you. It's amazing where life can take you.
Now, I know that only half of the people in the town voted for me,
but trust me when I say that I will work to make this whole town proud.
Um, I want to thank my daughter, Natalie,
who's been by my side throughout everything,
and Nicky and Morgan for doing all that you do,
and a very special thank-you to Annette Zofrea
for making tonight's event possible.
Annette, you are a lifesaver.
She is my good luck charm,
and I cannot wait for our families to come together officially very soon.
I think we're in hell. I… I think this is hell.
- Hey, babe. - Hey.
Um, I need, uh, two triple vodka sodas. What do you want?
I don't want anything. Morgan, what are we gonna do?
I forgot to vote.
Too much on my plate. Forgot to vote.
My mommy almost lost because of me.
Okay, well, she didn't, okay? So everything's fine.
Just go party with Kev. Whatever.
Kev.
- Morgan. - Mm-hmm.
Natalie, can we have five minutes?
Stop it, stop!
- You guys are always interrupting me. - Oh my God.
Stop it. I am talking to my sister.
Morgan, do not fucking do it.
Do what?
Marry Max, Morgan, don't.
- Excuse me? - Oh my God.
Kevin is so fucking boring, he makes me want to die.
Natalie, I think you've had a lot to drink, okay?
Die, die, die. Like, I go home every night, and he is just there,
like, sitting at his computer with his erectile dysfunction
and his familial enmeshment issues and…
- Jesus Christ, Natalie. - I know, I know.
But there comes a point, Morgan,
when being in a situation that you do not like
starts to hurt.
If I were you,
I would get the fuck out while you still can.
Excuse me.
Not to be overly sentimental,
but I do think this is a moment that needs to be celebrated. Son?
- Gio, photo? - Yeah, sure.
Everyone, let's gather on the stairs.
Linda?
You, here.
Bring it in a little tighter.
All right.
To family.
Three, two, one.
I forgot it.