1 00:00:02,102 --> 00:00:12,102 Subtitles by MemoryOnSmells http://UKsubtitles.ru. 2 00:00:33,960 --> 00:00:35,039 Ahem. 3 00:00:35,122 --> 00:00:37,042 They're ready for you. 4 00:00:39,562 --> 00:00:41,462 Gwendolyn Harris. We've met. 5 00:00:41,462 --> 00:00:42,700 Bournemouth. 6 00:00:42,701 --> 00:00:44,421 But you don't know the others. 7 00:00:44,422 --> 00:00:46,540 No, but I'm familiar with you. 8 00:00:46,541 --> 00:00:49,060 Why do you want to be an MP? 9 00:00:49,061 --> 00:00:51,539 Because I'm not satisfied with the way things are, 10 00:00:51,540 --> 00:00:54,821 and rather than sit back and moan I'd prefer to do something about it. 11 00:00:55,861 --> 00:00:57,139 Go again from the top. 12 00:00:57,140 --> 00:01:00,659 I don't know why anyone's surprised the world's number one teen idol 13 00:01:00,660 --> 00:01:02,219 has become a Scientologist. 14 00:01:02,220 --> 00:01:03,779 Speed up the autocue, please. 15 00:01:03,780 --> 00:01:05,939 Pop stars do believe in weird things. 16 00:01:05,940 --> 00:01:09,339 'Abba believed in angels. R Kelly believed he could fly...' 17 00:01:09,340 --> 00:01:10,579 They said show you this. 18 00:01:10,580 --> 00:01:12,061 This happened just now? 19 00:01:12,062 --> 00:01:12,740 Mm-hmm. 20 00:01:12,741 --> 00:01:14,220 Gladwell? 21 00:01:14,221 --> 00:01:16,939 "Shamed Tory Jason Gladwell resigns," - capitals - 22 00:01:16,940 --> 00:01:18,859 "over Twitter porn pics scandal." 23 00:01:18,860 --> 00:01:20,379 Oh, so he wasn't hacked after all. 24 00:01:20,380 --> 00:01:22,659 "Originally claimed his account had been hacked, 25 00:01:22,660 --> 00:01:25,659 "resignation statement admits inappropriate correspondence 26 00:01:25,660 --> 00:01:26,859 "with a 15-year-old girl." 27 00:01:26,860 --> 00:01:29,859 So tweeting dick photos is correspondence now, is it? 28 00:01:29,860 --> 00:01:31,779 "Departure triggers a by-election 29 00:01:31,780 --> 00:01:34,219 "in his Stentonford and Hersham constituency." 30 00:01:34,220 --> 00:01:35,741 Well, you get to use the Gladwell stuff. 31 00:01:35,742 --> 00:01:36,780 Mm-hmm. 32 00:01:36,781 --> 00:01:39,021 Bump it all up to the top of the monologue. 33 00:01:39,022 --> 00:01:40,701 Anyone seen Jamie? 34 00:01:46,501 --> 00:01:47,580 Rach? 35 00:01:47,581 --> 00:01:49,859 'You really shouldn't be calling me any more. 36 00:01:49,860 --> 00:01:51,581 'You need to sort yourself out.' 37 00:01:51,582 --> 00:01:53,100 I am. 38 00:01:53,101 --> 00:01:55,581 'Focus on Waldo, that's going well for you.' 39 00:01:55,582 --> 00:01:56,860 But it is not... 40 00:01:56,861 --> 00:01:58,740 'He's a hit, Jamie.' 41 00:01:58,741 --> 00:02:01,220 "He." Not me, "he". 42 00:02:01,221 --> 00:02:02,860 'Just do your show.' 43 00:02:02,861 --> 00:02:04,701 I will. I mean, hon, if you'd just... 44 00:02:05,941 --> 00:02:07,501 Jamie? 45 00:02:08,661 --> 00:02:10,261 Jamie, hurry up. 46 00:02:11,301 --> 00:02:13,781 What do you know about Stentonford and Hersham? 47 00:02:13,782 --> 00:02:15,500 Safe Tory seat. 48 00:02:15,501 --> 00:02:18,941 So, realistically, I know there's not much of a chance, but... 49 00:02:18,942 --> 00:02:21,780 So, it's a stepping stone for you? 50 00:02:21,781 --> 00:02:23,341 Yes. 51 00:02:24,781 --> 00:02:27,939 Obviously, I wouldn't say that outside of this room, 52 00:02:27,940 --> 00:02:30,019 but, well, you want me to be honest. 53 00:02:30,020 --> 00:02:31,739 There's no point in pretending. 54 00:02:31,740 --> 00:02:36,141 Is there anything in your past that might conceivably cause problems? 55 00:02:36,142 --> 00:02:37,541 No. 56 00:02:38,781 --> 00:02:40,381 Except... 57 00:02:41,501 --> 00:02:44,141 I did commit a series of murders in Huddersfield 58 00:02:44,142 --> 00:02:46,140 between 1999 and 2003. 59 00:02:46,141 --> 00:02:47,741 But apart from that... 60 00:02:51,581 --> 00:02:54,020 Well, thank you, Gwendolyn. 61 00:02:54,021 --> 00:02:55,941 If you could leave via that door. 62 00:02:55,942 --> 00:02:57,700 Oh, that door? 63 00:02:57,701 --> 00:02:59,741 We like to keep the candidates separate. 64 00:03:00,781 --> 00:03:02,301 Right, yes. 65 00:03:13,221 --> 00:03:16,501 Idiot. Idiot! 66 00:03:18,061 --> 00:03:21,581 Shamed super groomer and all-round pillock of the community 67 00:03:21,582 --> 00:03:24,700 Jason Gladwell has resigned as an MP, 68 00:03:24,701 --> 00:03:28,380 saying he could no longer maintain his position. 69 00:03:28,381 --> 00:03:30,661 That position, presumably, being hunched over 70 00:03:30,662 --> 00:03:32,860 wanking madly at school kids. 71 00:03:32,861 --> 00:03:34,381 'A pal of Gladwell said...' 72 00:03:34,382 --> 00:03:35,300 You ready? 73 00:03:35,301 --> 00:03:36,580 Uh-huh. 74 00:03:36,581 --> 00:03:38,700 How old the girl wasn't. 75 00:03:38,701 --> 00:03:40,339 That's the sort of feeble excuse 76 00:03:40,340 --> 00:03:43,059 'only a naive school kid would swallow - 77 00:03:43,060 --> 00:03:44,941 'which, presumably, was the idea. 78 00:03:46,221 --> 00:03:48,979 'Anyway, the bad news is he's resigned in disgrace.' 79 00:03:48,980 --> 00:03:52,221 The good news is he's now free to pursue a full-time career 80 00:03:52,222 --> 00:03:54,901 in the disgraced paedophile industry. 81 00:03:56,501 --> 00:03:59,061 Personally, I don't understand why anyone's surprised... 82 00:03:59,062 --> 00:04:01,340 Um, small change to the intro. 83 00:04:01,341 --> 00:04:02,420 What? 84 00:04:02,421 --> 00:04:05,499 - Nothing huge, Conor wanted the Jacko gag for the monologue, so... - That was my bit. 85 00:04:05,500 --> 00:04:08,219 - There is the Chancellor stuff, you could use that. - Bit politics. 86 00:04:08,220 --> 00:04:09,101 You can do politics. 87 00:04:09,102 --> 00:04:10,620 I do piss-taking. 88 00:04:10,621 --> 00:04:11,740 Go be Waldo. 89 00:04:11,741 --> 00:04:12,940 Yes, commander. 90 00:04:12,941 --> 00:04:14,859 'R Kelly believed he could fly, 91 00:04:14,860 --> 00:04:18,181 'and Michael Jackson believed that his doctor was qualified...' 92 00:04:18,182 --> 00:04:20,260 Big ball blue bear bollocks. 93 00:04:20,261 --> 00:04:22,059 And now it's time for our final visit 94 00:04:22,060 --> 00:04:24,499 to the world of educational children's programming 95 00:04:24,500 --> 00:04:26,099 courtesy of everyone's favourite, 96 00:04:26,100 --> 00:04:29,501 and only occasionally inappropriate cool kids' TV character, 97 00:04:29,502 --> 00:04:30,861 Waldo. 98 00:04:33,781 --> 00:04:36,380 Whose mum's in tonight, apparently. 99 00:04:36,381 --> 00:04:39,141 Waldo, who have you had in your cave this week? 100 00:04:39,142 --> 00:04:42,500 Well, Conor, in my big pink cave this week 101 00:04:42,501 --> 00:04:45,499 I had former Minister for Culture Liam Monroe. 102 00:04:45,500 --> 00:04:47,421 Oh, he's quite handsome, isn't he? 103 00:04:47,422 --> 00:04:49,700 I was hoping he'd nosh me off! 104 00:04:49,701 --> 00:04:51,501 Want to see how it panned out? 105 00:04:51,502 --> 00:04:53,140 I think we should. 106 00:04:53,141 --> 00:04:54,501 Run VT! 107 00:05:07,381 --> 00:05:08,820 Hey, everybody! 108 00:05:08,821 --> 00:05:10,780 It's Waldo time! 109 00:05:10,781 --> 00:05:12,260 Yeah! 110 00:05:12,261 --> 00:05:13,820 Cool! Cool! 111 00:05:13,821 --> 00:05:16,780 Waldo-rrific! 112 00:05:16,781 --> 00:05:18,180 Ha-ha-ha! 113 00:05:18,181 --> 00:05:21,660 Hey, kids, my guest this week is Mr Monroe. 114 00:05:21,661 --> 00:05:23,260 Hello, Mr Monroe. 115 00:05:23,261 --> 00:05:24,540 Hello, Waldo. 116 00:05:24,541 --> 00:05:27,701 Mr Monroe is a politician. 117 00:05:31,861 --> 00:05:34,340 So, what is a politician, Mr Monroe? 118 00:05:34,341 --> 00:05:36,259 Well, a politician is someone 119 00:05:36,260 --> 00:05:38,941 who tries to make the world a fairer place. 120 00:05:38,942 --> 00:05:40,500 Like Batman. 121 00:05:40,501 --> 00:05:42,460 Not exactly like Batman. 122 00:05:42,461 --> 00:05:44,300 Do you beat people up? 123 00:05:44,301 --> 00:05:45,739 No, I don't beat people up. 124 00:05:45,740 --> 00:05:47,261 Oh, you're a pussy then? 125 00:05:49,101 --> 00:05:51,061 Well, I'm not sure I know exactly what... 126 00:05:51,062 --> 00:05:53,621 You don't know what pussy is? 127 00:05:56,341 --> 00:05:58,901 OK, this is clearly some kind of joke. 128 00:05:58,902 --> 00:06:01,500 No joke, sorry, let's move on. 129 00:06:01,501 --> 00:06:02,781 Friends again? 130 00:06:12,541 --> 00:06:14,860 Oh, hello, mate, great show. 131 00:06:14,861 --> 00:06:16,019 Well done, really good. 132 00:06:16,020 --> 00:06:17,259 So, we'll bring him over. 133 00:06:17,260 --> 00:06:19,099 You go and get him, I'll explain about... 134 00:06:19,100 --> 00:06:20,701 'Now, he comes across...' 135 00:06:20,702 --> 00:06:22,220 Jamie! 136 00:06:22,221 --> 00:06:24,260 What you want, Miss Tamsin? 137 00:06:24,261 --> 00:06:26,419 Behind me, man in glasses talking to Jack Napier. 138 00:06:26,420 --> 00:06:28,499 - Jack freaks me out. - Yeah, ditto, 139 00:06:28,500 --> 00:06:31,820 but he owns the company and the man he's with is important and wants to talk to you. 140 00:06:32,781 --> 00:06:34,340 He's from the channel. 141 00:06:34,341 --> 00:06:35,900 Go on. 142 00:06:35,901 --> 00:06:38,059 - 'Honestly, all I'm saying...' - 'Is he shy?' 143 00:06:38,060 --> 00:06:40,299 'No, all I'm saying is he's a terrific guy...' 144 00:06:40,300 --> 00:06:41,541 Jim, Jamie, Jamie, Jim. 145 00:06:41,542 --> 00:06:42,660 How do you do? 146 00:06:42,661 --> 00:06:43,860 Jim, Jack, James. 147 00:06:43,861 --> 00:06:45,180 Jamie. 148 00:06:45,181 --> 00:06:47,620 Jim was just talking about Waldo. 149 00:06:47,621 --> 00:06:50,621 Yeah. Liam Monroe has lodged a complaint. 150 00:06:51,741 --> 00:06:53,100 Toys out the pram. 151 00:06:53,101 --> 00:06:54,460 And that's...? 152 00:06:54,461 --> 00:06:55,820 Good press. 153 00:06:55,821 --> 00:06:58,059 It's so tough to get a breakthrough these days, 154 00:06:58,060 --> 00:07:00,739 but when it does, well, it's just fantastic. 155 00:07:00,740 --> 00:07:03,179 It's fantastic the way Waldo puts the piss up Monroe. 156 00:07:03,180 --> 00:07:06,461 You know, all those twats, it's punk, it's... it's... 157 00:07:06,462 --> 00:07:07,820 'Jack?' 158 00:07:07,821 --> 00:07:09,181 Excuse me. 159 00:07:10,661 --> 00:07:13,941 Well, Twitter can't get enough of Waldo, loves him. 160 00:07:15,421 --> 00:07:18,461 Look, I know the show's coming back again next year, 161 00:07:18,462 --> 00:07:20,861 but we want to see more of Waldo. 162 00:07:22,941 --> 00:07:24,421 They want to do a pilot. 163 00:07:24,422 --> 00:07:25,380 A Waldo pilot? 164 00:07:25,381 --> 00:07:27,541 Yeah. I mean, how does that sound? 165 00:07:27,542 --> 00:07:29,700 Yeah. Sounds good. 166 00:07:29,701 --> 00:07:32,900 Sounds stormin' Norman, fucking stormin'. 167 00:07:32,901 --> 00:07:34,381 Going to give it to 'em. 168 00:07:54,261 --> 00:07:57,019 But look, we can't do sketches without Waldo. 169 00:07:57,020 --> 00:07:58,979 It's a Waldo pilot, it's a Waldo show, 170 00:07:58,980 --> 00:08:00,579 it's got to be Waldo, Waldo, Waldo. 171 00:08:00,580 --> 00:08:03,339 Realistically, there isn't the budget for other animations. 172 00:08:03,340 --> 00:08:05,539 I mean live action, other characters I can do. 173 00:08:05,540 --> 00:08:07,419 What about the Brown Knight? 174 00:08:07,420 --> 00:08:08,979 What, the crap crusader? 175 00:08:08,980 --> 00:08:10,819 We can look into the Brown Knight. 176 00:08:10,820 --> 00:08:13,541 But right now let's find more Waldo ideas. 177 00:08:15,141 --> 00:08:18,499 The problem is, any guests we book will be in on it. 178 00:08:18,500 --> 00:08:20,861 They know that Waldo's a joke, the surprise is gone. 179 00:08:20,862 --> 00:08:22,820 So, we think round that. 180 00:08:22,821 --> 00:08:25,301 Hey, boys and girls! It's Waldo time! 181 00:08:25,302 --> 00:08:27,461 Yeah! Ha-ha! 182 00:08:28,741 --> 00:08:30,540 He's awesome, isn't he? 183 00:08:30,541 --> 00:08:34,261 I mean, look - sod name in lights, you're an app now, my brother. 184 00:08:36,621 --> 00:08:39,539 All right, Sara? How's the think tanking going, good shit? 185 00:08:39,540 --> 00:08:41,541 Um, yeah, yeah, we're making headway. 186 00:08:41,542 --> 00:08:43,020 Good. 187 00:08:43,021 --> 00:08:45,339 I see our friend Monroe is in the news again, 188 00:08:45,340 --> 00:08:48,059 running in the Stentonford by-election. 189 00:08:48,060 --> 00:08:49,661 We should get Waldo down there. 190 00:08:50,459 --> 00:08:52,697 Hey, that's not a bad idea, actually. 191 00:08:52,698 --> 00:08:55,899 We get a van with a screen with the image of Waldo on the side. 192 00:08:55,900 --> 00:08:57,098 Like it. 193 00:08:57,099 --> 00:08:59,337 And then, when Monroe's doing a meet and greet, 194 00:08:59,338 --> 00:09:01,217 we just turn up and just get under his skin. 195 00:09:01,218 --> 00:09:02,457 I love that, I love it. 196 00:09:02,458 --> 00:09:03,297 We've done Monroe. 197 00:09:03,397 --> 00:09:04,676 But it was a great bit. 198 00:09:04,677 --> 00:09:07,196 I'm not dumb or clever enough to be political... 199 00:09:07,197 --> 00:09:10,556 Why don't we get Waldo to stand for the by-election? 200 00:09:10,557 --> 00:09:12,876 - Get people to vote for him? - He's not real. 201 00:09:12,877 --> 00:09:15,356 But people have stood as fictional characters before. 202 00:09:15,357 --> 00:09:17,676 Do you think Screaming Lord Sutch was his real name? 203 00:09:17,677 --> 00:09:19,956 We just put "commonly known as" on the ballot. 204 00:09:19,957 --> 00:09:22,256 No-one's actually going to vote for him, that's not the point. 205 00:09:22,350 --> 00:09:25,429 The point is, we get to hang around, we're there for the count. 206 00:09:25,430 --> 00:09:28,111 Well, go on then, Sara, whack it up there. 207 00:09:44,794 --> 00:09:47,193 'He's with a mum and baby group.' 208 00:09:47,194 --> 00:09:50,873 OK. Going live in five... four... three two... 209 00:09:50,874 --> 00:09:53,552 'Thank you so much for joining me this morning.' 210 00:09:53,553 --> 00:09:55,192 It's been incredibly informative 211 00:09:55,193 --> 00:09:58,394 and I think we should have a little round of applause for the children, 212 00:09:58,395 --> 00:10:00,353 who were fantastic. 213 00:10:00,354 --> 00:10:02,873 Thank you, Naomi. 214 00:10:02,874 --> 00:10:04,754 Thank you for your time. 215 00:10:07,714 --> 00:10:09,193 Hey! 216 00:10:09,194 --> 00:10:11,753 Hey, it's me Waldo. 217 00:10:11,754 --> 00:10:14,193 Oh. I like your trainers, man! 218 00:10:14,194 --> 00:10:16,712 I'd wear trainers myself but I can't cos I haven't got feet. 219 00:10:16,713 --> 00:10:17,754 I've got stumps. 220 00:10:19,234 --> 00:10:20,033 He's out. 221 00:10:20,034 --> 00:10:22,113 Hey, Mr Monroe! Mr Monroe. 222 00:10:22,114 --> 00:10:24,232 Hey! Did you get off with any of the mums? 223 00:10:24,233 --> 00:10:26,354 Where'd you look while they were breastfeeding? 224 00:10:26,355 --> 00:10:28,833 They got big milky tits, Mr Monroe! 225 00:10:28,834 --> 00:10:30,593 He said it! 226 00:10:30,594 --> 00:10:33,033 Mr Monroe, don't walk away from me! 227 00:10:33,034 --> 00:10:34,952 - I'm sorry about this, Liam. - Hey, I'm being snubbed! 228 00:10:34,953 --> 00:10:37,672 Hey, don't ignore me. Don't just get in your car. 229 00:10:37,673 --> 00:10:39,912 It's a death trap anyway, look at it! 230 00:10:39,913 --> 00:10:41,954 Let's find out what we can about the idiot inside that thing. 231 00:10:41,955 --> 00:10:42,954 Sure. 232 00:10:44,354 --> 00:10:45,954 Mr Monroe. Oi! 233 00:10:49,154 --> 00:10:51,353 'Stentonford Labour Party.' 234 00:10:51,354 --> 00:10:53,274 Right, you've got a choice of styles, 235 00:10:53,275 --> 00:10:58,593 so just choose one from there. Then you put your name in there. 236 00:10:58,594 --> 00:11:00,274 This is like bloody Moonpig. 237 00:11:01,594 --> 00:11:03,274 Don't knock the free mail out. 238 00:11:05,434 --> 00:11:08,314 Bet Liam Monroe doesn't use some Fisher-Price leaflet app. 239 00:11:08,315 --> 00:11:09,834 He doesn't have to. 240 00:11:15,714 --> 00:11:18,512 Day one of the campaign in Stentonford and Hersham, 241 00:11:18,513 --> 00:11:21,352 and Tory hopeful Liam Monroe hits the ground running. 242 00:11:21,353 --> 00:11:24,232 The license fee is something that's very close to my heart... 243 00:11:24,233 --> 00:11:26,634 'Mr Monroe, ey! Oh, oh, oh! Look at me Mr Monroe, please!' 244 00:11:26,635 --> 00:11:29,233 Hey, over here! Hey, over here... 245 00:11:29,234 --> 00:11:31,233 Look over here, Mr Monroe... 246 00:11:31,234 --> 00:11:33,032 The Conservative Party have been, er... 247 00:11:33,033 --> 00:11:36,632 Have been arguing for a reduction of the license fee for... 248 00:11:36,633 --> 00:11:38,592 - Good morning, everybody. - Pardon? 249 00:11:38,593 --> 00:11:40,034 Why you ignoring me, Mr Monroe? Mr Monroe? Why you ignoring me? 250 00:11:40,035 --> 00:11:41,273 I beg your pardon. 251 00:11:41,274 --> 00:11:43,353 I'm sorry. It's rather loud. 252 00:11:43,354 --> 00:11:44,872 We have argued for a further reduction in the license fee... 253 00:11:44,873 --> 00:11:46,792 Mr Monroe? Why you ignoring me? 254 00:11:46,793 --> 00:11:48,592 Mum with a pushchair - drag her into it. 255 00:11:48,593 --> 00:11:50,034 Hey, you. Mum with the pushchair. 256 00:11:50,035 --> 00:11:54,033 Yeah, you. Ask Mr Monroe why he's ignoring me. 257 00:11:54,034 --> 00:11:56,273 Why are you ignoring Waldo? 258 00:11:56,274 --> 00:11:59,673 'Mr Monroe, what's Waldo done to you?' 259 00:11:59,674 --> 00:12:03,234 We should probably just shift before this turns stupid. 260 00:12:04,514 --> 00:12:06,554 I'm not walking away from a cartoon. 261 00:12:08,394 --> 00:12:10,153 'I'm not ignoring you.' 262 00:12:10,154 --> 00:12:12,353 Yeah, you were, you upset me. 263 00:12:12,354 --> 00:12:14,473 You made Waldo sad. 264 00:12:14,474 --> 00:12:17,994 Wa-a-a-a-a-a-ah. 265 00:12:19,674 --> 00:12:23,354 Well, obviously, I'm absolutely devastated that you're upset... 266 00:12:23,355 --> 00:12:25,554 WA-A-A-A-A-A-A... 267 00:12:27,874 --> 00:12:30,714 Let him get a word in. 268 00:12:31,994 --> 00:12:35,473 I'm not ignoring you because there is no you. 269 00:12:35,474 --> 00:12:38,313 You are an image voiced by a comedian - 270 00:12:38,314 --> 00:12:40,192 an alleged comedian, more accurately. 271 00:12:40,193 --> 00:12:42,312 If I'm not real, why you talking to him? 272 00:12:42,313 --> 00:12:44,274 And by "him" I mean me, knobber! 273 00:12:46,634 --> 00:12:49,154 There's no point in attempting to converse with a cartoon. 274 00:12:49,155 --> 00:12:51,953 Ooh, "converse", Your Lordship! 275 00:12:51,954 --> 00:12:55,354 Thy flowery language doth give me a right throbbing bone-on! 276 00:12:55,355 --> 00:12:57,114 Uh-ha-ha-ha-huh! 277 00:12:58,634 --> 00:13:00,513 Uh-er-ha-ha! 278 00:13:00,514 --> 00:13:02,633 Ha-ha-ha-ha-uh-uh-uh! 279 00:13:02,634 --> 00:13:06,193 Uh-uh-uh-oh! Huh! 280 00:13:06,194 --> 00:13:07,594 Finished. 281 00:13:14,914 --> 00:13:16,713 Drink? 282 00:13:16,714 --> 00:13:18,314 I've got e-mails. 283 00:13:24,834 --> 00:13:27,913 You know that's Gwendolyn Harris? 284 00:13:27,914 --> 00:13:29,194 The Labour candidate. 285 00:13:31,034 --> 00:13:32,794 Did you read my background doc? 286 00:13:32,795 --> 00:13:33,954 Yes. 287 00:13:35,514 --> 00:13:37,994 Why don't you read it tonight? Alone. 288 00:13:47,634 --> 00:13:50,834 I'll swing by about nine, so have your breakfast first... 289 00:13:50,835 --> 00:13:52,873 Are you my dad? 290 00:13:52,874 --> 00:13:55,794 Apparently not. See you tomorrow. 291 00:13:57,594 --> 00:14:00,832 '.. Waldo the bear left Monroe in stunned silence. 292 00:14:00,833 --> 00:14:03,352 'The colourful Waldo launched his own campaign 293 00:14:03,353 --> 00:14:06,194 'in typically loud and crowd-pleasing style...' 294 00:14:09,434 --> 00:14:11,474 Someone's bold? Do I know you? 295 00:14:11,475 --> 00:14:13,833 Nice way to greet a voter... 296 00:14:13,834 --> 00:14:15,793 Sorry, I thought you were... 297 00:14:15,794 --> 00:14:18,793 Actually, I'm more of a rival. 298 00:14:18,794 --> 00:14:22,352 "Hey, Mr Monroe, Mr Monroe, why are you ignoring me, Mr Monroe?" 299 00:14:22,353 --> 00:14:23,592 You're good at that! 300 00:14:23,593 --> 00:14:24,712 Because I am that. 301 00:14:24,713 --> 00:14:25,834 What? You're that thing? 302 00:14:25,835 --> 00:14:29,193 Waldo's not a thing, he's a bear. 303 00:14:29,194 --> 00:14:33,553 Liam Monroe calls him worse. Nice work there, by the way. 304 00:14:33,554 --> 00:14:37,074 Yeah, well. It's dick jokes at his expense basically. 305 00:14:37,075 --> 00:14:38,193 Another one? 306 00:14:38,194 --> 00:14:39,634 OK. One. 307 00:14:43,834 --> 00:14:47,034 The way you describe it, it's like you're doing this for a showreel... 308 00:14:47,035 --> 00:14:48,073 No... 309 00:14:48,074 --> 00:14:50,794 like this place is the equivalent of a walk-on in a sketch show... 310 00:14:50,795 --> 00:14:51,833 Shh! 311 00:14:51,834 --> 00:14:54,212 But your party leader has to show up because it's a... mid-thing... 312 00:14:54,301 --> 00:14:55,500 Midterm by-election. 313 00:14:55,501 --> 00:14:56,542 Terminology tits. 314 00:14:56,543 --> 00:14:57,741 You are 12! 315 00:14:57,742 --> 00:14:59,700 So because leaderballs is there, 316 00:14:59,701 --> 00:15:02,740 suddenly it's walk-on in a Ricky Gervais sketch show 317 00:15:02,741 --> 00:15:04,100 so it's good exposure. 318 00:15:04,101 --> 00:15:06,620 - You're not going to win, you know you're not going to win... - Come on, shh. 319 00:15:06,621 --> 00:15:08,662 You're not going to win though. 320 00:15:08,663 --> 00:15:09,701 Of course not. 321 00:15:09,702 --> 00:15:10,900 So, why not be honest? 322 00:15:10,901 --> 00:15:12,940 Say, "You arseholes aren't going to vote for me, 323 00:15:12,941 --> 00:15:14,380 "so here's what I think anyway."? 324 00:15:14,381 --> 00:15:17,822 - It doesn't work like that. - Nothing does, that's why everything's bollocksed. 325 00:15:17,823 --> 00:15:21,021 You're angry, for someone who's doing well. 326 00:15:21,022 --> 00:15:24,941 I'm the voice of a blue bear... 327 00:15:24,942 --> 00:15:27,702 if that's, "doing well," then we are doomed! 328 00:15:31,822 --> 00:15:32,901 I can't see! 329 00:15:32,902 --> 00:15:34,422 Hang on, there's a thing. 330 00:15:37,702 --> 00:15:41,302 Have you had a fox in here or do you live like a 14-year-old? 331 00:15:45,742 --> 00:15:47,942 Well, don't get too excited, I'm not sleeping in it. 332 00:15:47,943 --> 00:15:49,302 Shit, really? 333 00:16:06,182 --> 00:16:07,221 You're amazing. 334 00:16:07,222 --> 00:16:08,381 Sorry? 335 00:16:08,382 --> 00:16:10,221 You're amazing? 336 00:16:10,222 --> 00:16:11,862 Oh, thank you! 337 00:16:35,582 --> 00:16:37,261 What's up? 338 00:16:37,262 --> 00:16:38,821 Nothing. 339 00:16:38,822 --> 00:16:40,142 Are you sure? 340 00:16:45,142 --> 00:16:46,582 It's just... 341 00:16:50,582 --> 00:16:53,302 I haven't been happy in a while... 342 00:16:55,302 --> 00:16:58,101 and this is good, you know? 343 00:16:58,102 --> 00:16:59,142 Hm. 344 00:17:09,302 --> 00:17:12,142 Can I... have your number? 345 00:17:16,062 --> 00:17:17,582 Yes! 346 00:17:34,782 --> 00:17:36,502 Where's our mark this morning? 347 00:17:36,503 --> 00:17:38,021 We're out on the road. 348 00:17:38,022 --> 00:17:40,142 Ooh... bien sur. 349 00:17:43,662 --> 00:17:51,421 Oh, hello, I'm Mr Monroe. Vote for me and keep things shitty. 350 00:17:51,422 --> 00:17:53,502 Ha-ha-ha-ha! 351 00:18:14,942 --> 00:18:21,782 Vote Waldo! Vote Waldo! 352 00:18:24,502 --> 00:18:26,102 'You're right. Strong Tory.' 353 00:18:26,103 --> 00:18:27,381 'I warned you.' 354 00:18:27,382 --> 00:18:30,982 You know you're on Monroe turf when they live so far apart. 355 00:18:32,862 --> 00:18:34,422 I'm voting Waldo! 356 00:18:38,062 --> 00:18:40,381 I met Waldo last night. 357 00:18:40,382 --> 00:18:42,302 Jamie, the guy who plays him. 358 00:18:42,303 --> 00:18:43,421 He's fun. 359 00:18:43,422 --> 00:18:45,021 Fun? 360 00:18:45,022 --> 00:18:46,062 Mmm-hmm. 361 00:18:48,022 --> 00:18:50,622 Did you tell him anything about our campaign? 362 00:18:50,623 --> 00:18:52,181 Not really. 363 00:18:52,182 --> 00:18:53,822 Not really or no? 364 00:18:55,342 --> 00:18:56,582 Er, not really. 365 00:18:57,546 --> 00:18:58,745 Look, he's OK. 366 00:18:58,746 --> 00:18:59,945 He's a comedian - 367 00:18:59,946 --> 00:19:02,386 he's mocking Monroe now, it'll be you next. 368 00:19:04,426 --> 00:19:07,345 His act is all f-this and penis jokes. 369 00:19:07,346 --> 00:19:08,425 But... 370 00:19:08,426 --> 00:19:10,306 Don't see him again. 371 00:19:16,986 --> 00:19:19,986 OK. Job done till the husting tomorrow. 372 00:19:21,066 --> 00:19:24,104 Some media students doing a Question Time type thing. 373 00:19:24,105 --> 00:19:26,104 They've asked Waldo to join the panel. 374 00:19:26,105 --> 00:19:29,184 Oh, come on. It's my nightmare, going on Question Time. 375 00:19:29,185 --> 00:19:30,424 It's students, you'll walk it. 376 00:19:30,425 --> 00:19:32,184 I can't answer serious questions... 377 00:19:32,185 --> 00:19:35,426 No-one wants you to! You're the comic relief, lighten up. 378 00:19:47,106 --> 00:19:50,946 Erm, just have a look. I'm sure you'll find lots in there... 379 00:19:53,466 --> 00:19:58,746 Are there any particular issues that you're concerned about at all? 380 00:20:14,226 --> 00:20:15,465 Hey. 381 00:20:15,466 --> 00:20:16,505 Oh, hi. 382 00:20:16,506 --> 00:20:18,704 - I thought we were going to...? - Sorry - I've had a tough day... 383 00:20:18,705 --> 00:20:19,946 Right. Not even one? 384 00:20:19,947 --> 00:20:21,585 Sorry. 385 00:20:21,586 --> 00:20:23,146 Well, what about tomorrow? 386 00:20:24,586 --> 00:20:27,186 - Look, I can't, when this is happening, I can't see you. - What do you mean? 387 00:20:27,187 --> 00:20:28,306 I'm sorry. 388 00:20:40,848 --> 00:20:43,368 Do they think that looks like Question Time? 389 00:20:43,369 --> 00:20:45,408 Yeah. It looks politicsy. 390 00:20:46,928 --> 00:20:48,847 Check the host. 391 00:20:48,852 --> 00:20:50,012 Jailbait Dimbleby. 392 00:20:57,572 --> 00:21:01,732 When it comes to addiction and addicts, we should sympathise, 393 00:21:01,772 --> 00:21:03,930 but we shouldn't patronise. 394 00:21:03,931 --> 00:21:07,329 You know, serious drug use is a criminal of fence, that is 395 00:21:07,330 --> 00:21:09,931 committed voluntarily and for pleasure... 396 00:21:11,131 --> 00:21:13,449 Look, I'm sorry, these are the facts. 397 00:21:13,450 --> 00:21:14,809 Waldo, what do you think? 398 00:21:14,810 --> 00:21:16,451 Mr Monroe, are you addicted? 399 00:21:16,452 --> 00:21:18,170 No. 400 00:21:18,171 --> 00:21:20,091 Sorry, I mean, are you a dickhead? 401 00:21:22,891 --> 00:21:24,409 I think we have to ask ourselves... 402 00:21:24,410 --> 00:21:27,889 I think we have to ask ourselves, what is this for? 403 00:21:27,890 --> 00:21:31,811 And why do we waste our time with animated trivialities like him? 404 00:21:33,571 --> 00:21:34,650 I mean why? 405 00:21:34,651 --> 00:21:35,810 Why? I mean why? 406 00:21:35,811 --> 00:21:37,810 I mean why? I mean why? 407 00:21:37,811 --> 00:21:39,329 I mean why? I mean why? 408 00:21:39,330 --> 00:21:42,809 This is just the kind of thing... rather than see you laugh... 409 00:21:42,810 --> 00:21:44,369 They laugh at you, Limbo. 410 00:21:44,370 --> 00:21:46,849 You laugh, you're laughing at someone who won't engage. 411 00:21:46,850 --> 00:21:51,171 Who is scared to engage, who hides behind a children's cartoon. 412 00:21:51,172 --> 00:21:53,970 Who you calling a kiddy toon, fool? 413 00:21:53,971 --> 00:21:58,810 I'm... I'm... I'm speaking about James Salter. 414 00:21:58,811 --> 00:22:00,091 Hm? 415 00:22:01,571 --> 00:22:03,850 Don't worry about it. 416 00:22:03,851 --> 00:22:05,930 That's your name, isn't it? 417 00:22:05,931 --> 00:22:08,451 James Salter, this is the man who's behind all this. 418 00:22:08,452 --> 00:22:11,370 He's 33 years old, 419 00:22:11,371 --> 00:22:15,209 a man whose career can be summed up surprisingly quickly. 420 00:22:15,210 --> 00:22:16,729 You were in a sketch troupe 421 00:22:16,730 --> 00:22:19,129 that enjoyed minor success about six years ago, 422 00:22:19,130 --> 00:22:21,209 and the others moved on to better things, 423 00:22:21,210 --> 00:22:23,969 but your main achievement seems to have been playing 424 00:22:23,970 --> 00:22:25,649 the part of a corn on the cob 425 00:22:25,650 --> 00:22:28,651 in a high-interest personal loan commercial. 426 00:22:30,091 --> 00:22:31,969 I notice you keep that pretty quiet. 427 00:22:31,970 --> 00:22:35,129 And now of course operating this sort of teddy bear thing. 428 00:22:35,130 --> 00:22:37,971 Which by the way is easier than it looks. Anyone could do it. 429 00:22:37,972 --> 00:22:44,450 See, this is... this is the thing. It's easy, what he does. 430 00:22:44,451 --> 00:22:45,970 He mocks. 431 00:22:45,971 --> 00:22:48,489 And when he can't think of an authentic joke, 432 00:22:48,490 --> 00:22:51,291 which is actually quite often, he just swears. 433 00:22:52,291 --> 00:22:56,409 I think that this puppet's inclusion on this panel debases the 434 00:22:56,410 --> 00:23:00,489 process of debate, and smothers any meaningful discussion of the issues. 435 00:23:00,490 --> 00:23:05,089 So I return to my original question, is that really what this is for? 436 00:23:05,090 --> 00:23:08,171 He has nothing to offer and he has nothing to say. 437 00:23:08,172 --> 00:23:10,970 Prove me wrong. Hm? 438 00:23:10,971 --> 00:23:13,050 Speak, Waldo. 439 00:23:13,051 --> 00:23:17,251 Please. Come on. Speak up. 440 00:23:20,411 --> 00:23:22,690 There you see, nothing. 441 00:23:22,691 --> 00:23:23,931 Oh, go fuck yourself. 442 00:23:26,051 --> 00:23:27,810 It's more swearing. 443 00:23:27,811 --> 00:23:29,090 You're a joke. 444 00:23:29,091 --> 00:23:30,369 You look less human than I do 445 00:23:30,370 --> 00:23:32,531 and I'm a made-up bear with a turquoise cock. 446 00:23:35,811 --> 00:23:39,850 What are you? You're just an old attitude with new hair. 447 00:23:39,851 --> 00:23:42,769 Assuming you're my superior because I'm not taking you seriously? 448 00:23:42,770 --> 00:23:45,129 No-one takes you seriously, that's why no-one votes. 449 00:23:45,130 --> 00:23:46,449 The vast majority do vote. 450 00:23:46,450 --> 00:23:47,289 It's bullshit. 451 00:23:47,290 --> 00:23:48,609 Surely this is enough? 452 00:23:48,610 --> 00:23:50,209 You think you deserve respect. 453 00:23:50,210 --> 00:23:51,289 Just common courtesy. 454 00:23:51,290 --> 00:23:52,769 Because you went to public school 455 00:23:52,770 --> 00:23:54,929 and believed you were entitled to everything. 456 00:23:54,930 --> 00:23:57,049 - Perhaps we could get back... - Ad hominem nonsense... 457 00:23:57,050 --> 00:23:58,129 Gwendolyn Harris... 458 00:23:58,130 --> 00:24:01,249 Something's got to change. No-one trusts you lot cos they know 459 00:24:01,250 --> 00:24:03,929 you don't give a shit about anything outside your bubble. 460 00:24:03,930 --> 00:24:06,649 What about your mate Gladwell, the kiddy-flasher? 461 00:24:06,650 --> 00:24:09,449 You knew him for 20 years, did you not know what he was like? 462 00:24:09,450 --> 00:24:10,531 No, of course not. 463 00:24:10,532 --> 00:24:14,930 Yeah, cos you're all just front, like him, sly and pretending, 464 00:24:14,931 --> 00:24:16,931 and in that way you're all the same. 465 00:24:16,932 --> 00:24:21,730 Gwendolyn Harris, is all of politics a waste of time? 466 00:24:21,731 --> 00:24:24,210 Well, of course I think no... 467 00:24:24,211 --> 00:24:27,170 Oh, shut up, you're worse! 468 00:24:27,171 --> 00:24:29,049 Seriously, she's faker than him. 469 00:24:29,050 --> 00:24:32,129 - For once I agree with Liam Monroe in that this... - Are you going to win? 470 00:24:32,130 --> 00:24:35,329 Doesn't get us anywhere and there's no point in us continuing... 471 00:24:35,330 --> 00:24:36,809 Tell them why you're here. 472 00:24:36,810 --> 00:24:38,331 If we can't have anything resembling a deba... 473 00:24:38,332 --> 00:24:40,371 Tell them why you're here. 474 00:24:43,531 --> 00:24:45,650 She's here to build a showreel. 475 00:24:45,651 --> 00:24:48,209 I'm not kidding, that's literally it. 476 00:24:48,210 --> 00:24:50,451 Knows she's not going to win. This is all experience, 477 00:24:50,452 --> 00:24:51,730 to get on telly. 478 00:24:51,731 --> 00:24:54,329 She actually gives less of a shit about anyone round here than 479 00:24:54,330 --> 00:24:56,731 he does, because he'll actually have to represent you. 480 00:24:56,732 --> 00:24:57,930 Am I wrong? 481 00:24:57,931 --> 00:25:01,930 A career politician. Someone else less real than me, 482 00:25:01,931 --> 00:25:03,211 and I can do this. 483 00:25:07,411 --> 00:25:09,291 Can I just make a couple of points? 484 00:25:09,292 --> 00:25:11,010 Oh, shut up, you pebble. 485 00:25:11,011 --> 00:25:13,729 What is this for? That's what you wanted to know, Mr Monroe. 486 00:25:13,730 --> 00:25:16,731 And the truth is, none of us know any more, thanks to you. 487 00:25:16,732 --> 00:25:19,930 What are you for? What are you for? 488 00:25:19,931 --> 00:25:21,731 Thank you and goodnight. 489 00:26:12,491 --> 00:26:14,451 Jamie. 490 00:26:16,251 --> 00:26:17,411 Jamie? 491 00:26:19,051 --> 00:26:21,371 Jack's here. He wants to see us. 492 00:26:22,771 --> 00:26:23,851 You can't avoid it. 493 00:26:29,211 --> 00:26:32,491 Get dressed, he'll meet us outside. 494 00:26:46,891 --> 00:26:49,051 'And yet accusations of vapidity aside, 495 00:26:49,052 --> 00:26:51,370 'it's clearly tapped a nerve. 496 00:26:51,371 --> 00:26:54,129 'In just three days, Waldo has gone viral. 497 00:26:54,130 --> 00:26:58,049 'The video of his clash has already been viewed over a million times 498 00:26:58,050 --> 00:27:01,371 'on YouTube. There are Facebook groups calling on Waldo 499 00:27:01,372 --> 00:27:04,170 'to form a national party.' 500 00:27:04,171 --> 00:27:05,890 'You're a joke. 501 00:27:05,891 --> 00:27:08,929 'You look less human than I do and I'm a made-up bear with 502 00:27:08,930 --> 00:27:11,129 'a turquoise What are you? 503 00:27:11,130 --> 00:27:13,809 'You're just an old attitude with new hair. 504 00:27:13,810 --> 00:27:17,771 'Assuming you're my superior because I'm not taking you seriously. 505 00:27:17,772 --> 00:27:20,571 'No-one takes you seriously.' 506 00:27:28,771 --> 00:27:30,969 Oh, look, here he is the man of the moment! 507 00:27:30,970 --> 00:27:32,691 How does it feel to be a phenomenon? 508 00:27:32,692 --> 00:27:33,691 Shitifying. 509 00:27:35,211 --> 00:27:36,809 You are everywhere, my son. 510 00:27:36,810 --> 00:27:38,931 Twitter, the news... Have you seen the poll? 511 00:27:38,932 --> 00:27:41,130 You're in third place, mate. 512 00:27:41,131 --> 00:27:42,769 You overtook that Lib Dem prick... 513 00:27:42,770 --> 00:27:45,411 - Yeah, well, he's a glass of water. - This is an opportunity, Jamie. 514 00:27:45,412 --> 00:27:47,450 He knows my name now. 515 00:27:47,451 --> 00:27:49,249 We could really do something here. 516 00:27:49,250 --> 00:27:51,609 You know, everyone's pissed with the status quo. 517 00:27:51,610 --> 00:27:53,451 And Waldo gives that a voice. 518 00:27:53,452 --> 00:27:56,210 Waldo's a bear. A blue bear. 519 00:27:56,211 --> 00:27:57,810 Tell him, Tams. 520 00:27:57,811 --> 00:28:00,050 We've been asked on Consensus. 521 00:28:00,051 --> 00:28:03,451 It's a ten-minute one-to-one interview with Phillip Crane. 522 00:28:03,452 --> 00:28:04,570 Pitbull Crane? 523 00:28:04,571 --> 00:28:05,649 Big guns for big guns. 524 00:28:05,650 --> 00:28:08,929 Hello? I'm not a politician, OK? I don't want to be a politician. 525 00:28:08,930 --> 00:28:10,289 We know that you hate politics. 526 00:28:10,290 --> 00:28:12,849 I don't hate them, I'm just not interested in them. 527 00:28:12,850 --> 00:28:14,569 You don't need to be interested in them. 528 00:28:14,570 --> 00:28:15,891 You just need to be Waldo. 529 00:28:17,331 --> 00:28:20,811 And when Crane asks something tricky and I look stupid because I don't know how to answer? 530 00:28:20,812 --> 00:28:22,890 You'll know the answer. 531 00:28:22,891 --> 00:28:24,651 Because you have a producer. 532 00:28:24,652 --> 00:28:28,130 Look, I can tell you what to say. 533 00:28:28,131 --> 00:28:31,049 I can live Google any facts, give you stats, quotes, 534 00:28:31,050 --> 00:28:32,089 whatever else you need. 535 00:28:32,090 --> 00:28:34,329 So you've got a safety net for the concrete stuff 536 00:28:34,330 --> 00:28:36,891 and the rest is Waldo and you can do that in your sleep. 537 00:28:36,892 --> 00:28:38,930 You'll piss all over Crane. 538 00:28:38,931 --> 00:28:41,009 He'll know there's a team around me, he'll see it. 539 00:28:41,010 --> 00:28:43,609 Yeah good. I hope he does. I hope he points a camera at it. 540 00:28:43,610 --> 00:28:46,691 All the other MPs have got teams, we're just more honest about it. 541 00:28:46,692 --> 00:28:49,131 Now come on. What d'you say? Eh? 542 00:28:52,192 --> 00:28:53,591 Jamie! Jamie! 543 00:28:53,592 --> 00:28:54,830 Why would I want to do this? 544 00:28:54,831 --> 00:28:57,870 Look, the world is knackered and you can do something about it. 545 00:28:57,871 --> 00:28:59,350 I don't know what you're on about. 546 00:28:59,351 --> 00:29:02,270 Waldo has got the attention of the young, and the young don't 547 00:29:02,271 --> 00:29:05,270 give a shit about anything except trainers and pirating films. 548 00:29:05,271 --> 00:29:08,030 Do you have any other astounding theories about young people? 549 00:29:08,031 --> 00:29:11,630 Yeah, yeah I do actually. Look, they care about Waldo. 550 00:29:11,631 --> 00:29:12,990 They'll vote for Waldo. 551 00:29:12,991 --> 00:29:14,470 The video was a hit for a reason. 552 00:29:14,471 --> 00:29:16,790 The video's embarrassing. I'm embarrassed by it. 553 00:29:16,791 --> 00:29:18,710 I was lashing out. I wasn't even articulate - 554 00:29:18,711 --> 00:29:20,910 Doesn't matter. Or funny, which is almost worse. 555 00:29:20,911 --> 00:29:22,190 We can build on that. 556 00:29:22,191 --> 00:29:23,270 Waldo's not real. 557 00:29:23,271 --> 00:29:27,070 Exactly! That's what you said that really hit home. He's not real, 558 00:29:27,071 --> 00:29:28,630 but he's realer than all the others. 559 00:29:28,631 --> 00:29:30,310 He doesn't stand for anything. 560 00:29:30,311 --> 00:29:32,752 Yeah, well, at least he doesn't pretend to. 561 00:29:32,753 --> 00:29:35,271 Look we... we don't need politicians, 562 00:29:35,272 --> 00:29:38,110 we've all got iPhones and computers, right? 563 00:29:38,111 --> 00:29:41,670 So any decision that has to be made, any policy, we just put it online. 564 00:29:41,671 --> 00:29:45,430 Let the people vote thumbs up, thumbs down, the majority wins. 565 00:29:45,431 --> 00:29:48,310 That's a democracy. That's a... that's an actual democracy. 566 00:29:48,311 --> 00:29:51,310 So's YouTube and I don't know if you've seen it but the most 567 00:29:51,311 --> 00:29:55,352 popular video is a dog farting the theme tune to Happy Days. 568 00:29:57,432 --> 00:29:59,271 Well, today it's Waldo. 569 00:29:59,272 --> 00:30:01,951 No. It's still the dog. 570 00:30:01,952 --> 00:30:04,590 Listen, can you imagine all the things we can change 571 00:30:04,591 --> 00:30:06,630 if we fuck the politicians out the equation? 572 00:30:06,631 --> 00:30:09,152 I've said what I've said and now I'm shutting this door. 573 00:30:15,152 --> 00:30:17,191 Do you know who owns Waldo? 574 00:30:17,192 --> 00:30:18,392 I do, I own the rights. 575 00:30:20,952 --> 00:30:22,231 He's my character. 576 00:30:22,232 --> 00:30:23,872 Yeah, written for my show. 577 00:30:24,912 --> 00:30:29,631 You're too frightened to take to the next level. Fine. I understand. 578 00:30:29,632 --> 00:30:31,511 But also, fuck off! 579 00:30:31,512 --> 00:30:32,472 And watch me fly. 580 00:30:32,473 --> 00:30:34,912 You own Waldo, you can't be Waldo. 581 00:30:37,592 --> 00:30:41,152 Eh, Jamie, Jamie, Jamie, what's 'appenin, eh? 582 00:30:43,312 --> 00:30:44,592 Pretty close, I'd say. 583 00:30:50,262 --> 00:30:52,461 What's happenin'? Ahh! 584 00:30:52,468 --> 00:30:56,187 Waldorific, yeah! Yeah! 585 00:30:56,188 --> 00:30:57,546 Why is it going off left again? 586 00:30:57,547 --> 00:30:58,266 Because the... 587 00:30:58,267 --> 00:31:00,628 - I know! I've got my... - Put your thumb in the white thing. 588 00:31:00,629 --> 00:31:02,547 I got that. In there? OK. 589 00:31:02,548 --> 00:31:04,228 That's not how that works. 590 00:31:13,188 --> 00:31:17,547 First tonight, a figure - or more accurately a character - 591 00:31:17,548 --> 00:31:21,186 who's been causing an upset in the Stentonford by-election. 592 00:31:21,187 --> 00:31:24,546 Unlike the other candidates, he has no party affiliation. 593 00:31:24,547 --> 00:31:26,426 He doesn't even have a surname. 594 00:31:26,427 --> 00:31:30,828 He is Waldo, a few weeks ago just a cult character in a comedy show. 595 00:31:30,829 --> 00:31:34,467 Today, an official mascot for protest voters. 596 00:31:34,468 --> 00:31:35,627 Vote Waldo. 597 00:31:35,628 --> 00:31:38,986 Cartoons don't play by the rules and Waldo's open disdain 598 00:31:38,987 --> 00:31:41,788 for his opponents has clearly struck a chord. 599 00:31:44,428 --> 00:31:47,106 Waldo, as a mascot for the disenfranchised, aren't you 600 00:31:47,107 --> 00:31:50,348 ultimately neutralizing seriously effective dissent? 601 00:31:51,548 --> 00:31:53,466 Can I have subtitles for Mr Crane, please? 602 00:31:53,467 --> 00:31:56,906 By encouraging people not to care, you're actively dangerous. 603 00:31:56,907 --> 00:31:58,908 Dangerous? You think the public can't be trusted? 604 00:31:58,909 --> 00:31:59,987 No. 605 00:31:59,988 --> 00:32:01,468 Isn't that basically you calling them twats? 606 00:32:01,469 --> 00:32:02,467 No, I... 607 00:32:02,468 --> 00:32:03,547 Bell-ends then? 608 00:32:03,548 --> 00:32:05,146 Did you come for a discussion or... 609 00:32:05,147 --> 00:32:08,346 You're snooty for a glorified Punch And Judy man, Phil. 610 00:32:08,347 --> 00:32:11,186 You know you're gonna get your best ratings in months cos I'm here. 611 00:32:11,187 --> 00:32:13,986 To even get close to the figures I'm gonna pull in for you tonight, 612 00:32:13,987 --> 00:32:16,826 you'd have to fuck a prawn sandwich live on air. 613 00:32:16,827 --> 00:32:18,466 Make a nice prawn cocktail. 614 00:32:18,467 --> 00:32:20,626 Could we make a serious political point that is... 615 00:32:20,627 --> 00:32:22,546 I've got one big blue point to make, fool. 616 00:32:22,547 --> 00:32:24,426 - Would you like to have a look at it? - Oh, God. Thank you. 617 00:32:24,427 --> 00:32:27,186 Great work tonight. Look at... Look at this, look at this. 618 00:32:27,187 --> 00:32:30,346 It's The Waldo polling app. Now, this can pinpoint you with GPS 619 00:32:30,347 --> 00:32:32,186 so that when you're at a polling station, 620 00:32:32,187 --> 00:32:33,748 it unlocks loads of free shit, look. 621 00:32:33,749 --> 00:32:37,747 Thanks for voting, dickhead! 622 00:32:37,748 --> 00:32:38,906 It's good, isn't it? 623 00:32:38,907 --> 00:32:40,346 Who's this guy we're meeting? 624 00:32:40,347 --> 00:32:44,268 I dunno. But he's from Washington and he's got my restricted number. 625 00:32:47,628 --> 00:32:50,347 Jeff Carter, from the agency. 626 00:32:50,348 --> 00:32:50,987 Hey. Hey. 627 00:32:50,988 --> 00:32:52,266 And I'll leap right in. 628 00:32:52,267 --> 00:32:54,868 I think what you're doing with Waldo is fascinating. 629 00:32:54,869 --> 00:32:56,187 From "the agency"? 630 00:32:56,188 --> 00:32:59,868 Yeah, listen. Waldo may be the perfect political figurehead. 631 00:32:59,869 --> 00:33:01,347 Waldo The Bear. 632 00:33:01,348 --> 00:33:04,386 The bear, people like. The fact he's a bear is an assist. 633 00:33:04,387 --> 00:33:05,906 - An assist? - It helps. 634 00:33:05,907 --> 00:33:08,146 Right. You look at human politicians, 635 00:33:08,147 --> 00:33:10,986 you're instinctively like, "brrrr" - uncanny, right? 636 00:33:10,987 --> 00:33:12,186 Like the girls in porn. 637 00:33:12,187 --> 00:33:14,706 You know something's wrong, cos why else are they doing it? 638 00:33:14,707 --> 00:33:16,386 It's usually daddy issues, eh? 639 00:33:16,387 --> 00:33:18,706 Just like politics. Waldo bypasses that. 640 00:33:18,707 --> 00:33:21,188 You already know he's not real, so no personal flaws. 641 00:33:21,189 --> 00:33:22,667 I'm a person. 642 00:33:22,668 --> 00:33:24,546 With respect, Waldo's more than you. 643 00:33:24,547 --> 00:33:28,188 He's a team, and you're open about that, which is fantastic. 644 00:33:28,189 --> 00:33:30,147 The honesty thing works. 645 00:33:30,148 --> 00:33:34,427 Waldo is a construct people not just accept but embrace. 646 00:33:34,428 --> 00:33:36,348 At the moment he's anti-politics, 647 00:33:36,349 --> 00:33:39,427 which is a political stance itself, right? 648 00:33:39,428 --> 00:33:42,346 But he could deliver any brand of political content, 649 00:33:42,347 --> 00:33:45,226 minus the potential downsides of a human messenger. 650 00:33:45,227 --> 00:33:49,106 In a debate, your team could Google every word the other guy says, 651 00:33:49,107 --> 00:33:51,106 then let Waldo hit him with debunk stats 652 00:33:51,107 --> 00:33:54,308 and spit a Twitter-ready zinger into the next sentence. 653 00:33:54,309 --> 00:33:56,627 He's the perfect assassin. 654 00:33:56,628 --> 00:33:58,348 We won't win, though. 655 00:34:02,068 --> 00:34:04,067 You guys are so British. 656 00:34:04,068 --> 00:34:08,186 No, of course he won't win. You started out too coarse off the bat. 657 00:34:08,187 --> 00:34:11,388 There's no substantial basis to what you offer, and the whole 658 00:34:11,389 --> 00:34:15,787 nihilist "democracy sucks" thing, yeah, is kind of wack-a-doo, 659 00:34:15,788 --> 00:34:20,267 but with a targeted, hopeful message, which we can provide, 660 00:34:20,268 --> 00:34:23,466 energising the disenfranchised without spooking the middle 661 00:34:23,467 --> 00:34:27,948 via your new platform... You got a global political-entertainment 662 00:34:27,949 --> 00:34:30,468 product people actually want. 663 00:34:31,988 --> 00:34:33,828 You could roll this out worldwide. 664 00:34:33,829 --> 00:34:35,747 Like Pringles. 665 00:34:35,748 --> 00:34:37,148 Absolutely. 666 00:34:41,988 --> 00:34:45,587 It's, er... It's interesting stuff though. 667 00:34:45,588 --> 00:34:47,386 When you're done with Stentonford, 668 00:34:47,387 --> 00:34:49,988 there may be an opportunity in South America. 669 00:34:49,989 --> 00:34:51,627 Se puede hablar espanol? 670 00:34:51,628 --> 00:34:54,067 Vivi en Madrid tres anos. 671 00:34:54,068 --> 00:34:55,908 Excelente. 672 00:35:14,868 --> 00:35:15,988 What? 673 00:35:17,388 --> 00:35:18,947 He's not coming. 674 00:35:18,948 --> 00:35:21,547 But he's the party leader! 675 00:35:21,548 --> 00:35:22,668 It's too toxic. 676 00:35:26,268 --> 00:35:28,666 Meanwhile, as support for Gwendolyn Harris 677 00:35:28,667 --> 00:35:29,946 appears to be dwindling, 678 00:35:29,947 --> 00:35:33,826 Labour denies the party is losing faith in their young candidate. 679 00:35:33,827 --> 00:35:36,508 But Miss Harris spent most of the day locked in crisis talks 680 00:35:36,509 --> 00:35:37,748 at party headqu... 681 00:35:41,428 --> 00:35:45,708 In the Stentonford by-election, Waldo the cartoon bear continues... 682 00:35:46,948 --> 00:35:49,426 Did you see Gwendolyn Harris yesterday? 683 00:35:49,427 --> 00:35:51,508 She looks like she's been poisoned. 684 00:35:51,509 --> 00:35:53,907 Because he's gonna overtake her. 685 00:35:53,908 --> 00:35:55,306 We're still way ahead. 686 00:35:55,307 --> 00:35:58,628 If that thing is the main opposition then the whole system looks absurd. 687 00:36:01,308 --> 00:36:03,787 Which it may well be. 688 00:36:03,788 --> 00:36:05,308 But it built these roads. 689 00:36:13,428 --> 00:36:15,268 Just come in, Roy. 690 00:36:21,508 --> 00:36:23,268 I'm sorry, OK? 691 00:36:24,748 --> 00:36:27,186 It was wrong to speak to you like that and... 692 00:36:27,187 --> 00:36:29,628 After the campaign, I would've called you. 693 00:36:30,788 --> 00:36:32,747 After the campaign! 694 00:36:32,748 --> 00:36:34,908 All you've done is strengthen Monroe. 695 00:36:36,028 --> 00:36:39,866 You won't win either, but I was at least attempting to represent... 696 00:36:39,867 --> 00:36:42,826 Well I don't know! Not just "bollocks to everything". 697 00:36:42,827 --> 00:36:45,506 If you were preaching revolution, well that'd be something, 698 00:36:45,507 --> 00:36:48,588 but you're not because that would require courage and a mindset. 699 00:36:49,828 --> 00:36:51,228 And what have you got? 700 00:36:52,788 --> 00:36:53,988 Who are you? 701 00:36:55,428 --> 00:36:57,028 What are you for? 702 00:37:03,988 --> 00:37:05,268 Morning. 703 00:37:15,188 --> 00:37:17,067 So, final push. 704 00:37:17,068 --> 00:37:18,706 You remind everyone that's got the app 705 00:37:18,707 --> 00:37:22,508 that if they recommend it to a friend it unlocks a little fez for Waldo. 706 00:37:22,509 --> 00:37:23,588 We're here. 707 00:37:26,468 --> 00:37:28,787 Attention, shoppers. 708 00:37:28,788 --> 00:37:32,188 I'm here to ask you an important favour. Gather round. 709 00:37:32,189 --> 00:37:34,348 Come over here and listen. 710 00:37:36,868 --> 00:37:39,987 Don't vote for me. I'm an insult. 711 00:37:39,988 --> 00:37:41,387 Seriously. 712 00:37:41,388 --> 00:37:44,547 Vote for Monroe or Harris or, I dunno, UKIP, 713 00:37:44,548 --> 00:37:46,427 or even that Lib Dem guy. 714 00:37:46,428 --> 00:37:48,027 He's a prick! 715 00:37:48,028 --> 00:37:51,706 Seriously, only an arsehole would actually vote for me. 716 00:37:51,707 --> 00:37:52,866 What is this? Irony? 717 00:37:52,867 --> 00:37:54,586 I'm worse than a wasted vote. 718 00:37:54,587 --> 00:37:56,306 He's from the Harris campaign. 719 00:37:56,307 --> 00:37:58,586 I mean it, you idiots! Don't vote for me! 720 00:37:58,587 --> 00:38:00,788 Don't vote for me! Don't vote for me! 721 00:38:00,789 --> 00:38:02,707 Don't vote for me! 722 00:38:02,708 --> 00:38:04,388 Don't vmmmf! 723 00:38:06,748 --> 00:38:07,907 Shut up. 724 00:38:07,908 --> 00:38:09,866 No. Don't boo him, he's right! He's right! 725 00:38:09,867 --> 00:38:11,028 What are you doing? 726 00:38:11,029 --> 00:38:12,548 - Resigning. - Jamie! 727 00:38:14,148 --> 00:38:15,947 Look! It's me, I'm Waldo. 728 00:38:15,948 --> 00:38:19,107 This guy, whoever this guy is, he's a hero. 729 00:38:19,108 --> 00:38:21,506 You should throw stuff at Waldo, he's bad bloody news. 730 00:38:21,507 --> 00:38:22,866 - He's funny! - He's not. 731 00:38:22,867 --> 00:38:25,426 Don't listen to that man, he's a lesbian. Ahh! 732 00:38:25,427 --> 00:38:29,026 So remember, the polls are open, and if you've got my app, you can 733 00:38:29,027 --> 00:38:32,388 unlock new stuff like catchphrases and a little hat 'n' that. 734 00:38:32,389 --> 00:38:36,787 Only an idiot wouldn't vote for me so question the status quo! 735 00:38:36,788 --> 00:38:38,027 Kill it! Kill it! 736 00:38:38,028 --> 00:38:39,907 Kick them where it hurts. 737 00:38:39,908 --> 00:38:42,586 The first man to hit him gets 500 quid! 738 00:38:42,587 --> 00:38:46,028 Yeah, that's right. Knock him down. Knock him down. 739 00:38:46,029 --> 00:38:47,467 Smash it! 740 00:38:47,468 --> 00:38:49,627 Yeah! Yeah! 741 00:38:49,628 --> 00:38:53,988 Yeah! Yeah! Yeah... 742 00:39:03,268 --> 00:39:04,546 I, the undersigned, 743 00:39:04,547 --> 00:39:06,666 being the returning officer for the Stentonford 744 00:39:06,667 --> 00:39:10,346 and Hersham constituency, hereby give notice that the total number 745 00:39:10,347 --> 00:39:13,788 of votes recorded for each candidate at the election is as follows. 746 00:39:14,988 --> 00:39:18,787 Finch, Simon Arthur. Liberal Democrats. 747 00:39:18,788 --> 00:39:20,948 2,449. 748 00:39:24,148 --> 00:39:27,547 Harris, Gwendolyn Jodie. Labour. 749 00:39:27,548 --> 00:39:29,828 11,237. 750 00:39:33,428 --> 00:39:37,707 Monroe, Liam George Tennyson. Conservative. 751 00:39:37,708 --> 00:39:40,148 19,161. 752 00:39:46,828 --> 00:39:48,908 Waldo, Independent. 753 00:39:52,268 --> 00:39:54,868 16,784. 754 00:39:58,548 --> 00:40:02,666 Ladies... Ladies and gentlemen, please! I declare that Liam Monroe 755 00:40:02,667 --> 00:40:05,588 is duly elected member of Parliament for the constituency. 756 00:40:07,828 --> 00:40:10,227 Hey, hey! Everyone! 757 00:40:10,228 --> 00:40:12,708 500 quid to anyone who can lob a shoe! 758 00:40:43,148 --> 00:40:45,427 Up you get, come on. 759 00:40:45,428 --> 00:40:46,708 Come on! 760 00:40:55,588 --> 00:40:57,268 Come on. Out you go. 761 00:41:53,668 --> 00:41:55,028 Oi! 762 00:41:56,388 --> 00:41:57,628 Agh! 763 00:42:25,156 --> 00:42:35,156 Subtitles by MemoryOnSmells http://UKsubtitles.ru.